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Downloaded from
YTS.MX
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[hip-hop music playing]
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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
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[indistinct chatter]
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[hip-hop music continues playing]
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[announcer]
Live from Inglewood, California,
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you're about to witness
the king of underground comedy,
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Mr. Katt
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Williams!
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[audience cheers and applauds]
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[hip-hop music continues playing]
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[audience cheers]
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[Katt] Okay.
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Okay, stop.
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- [hip-hop music stops]
- [Katt imitates trumpet sound]
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- Okay. Okay, uh...
- [air horn blares]
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[audience cheers]
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Yeah, uh...
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[Katt laughs]
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[audience cheers]
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You bitch, you.
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- [air horn blares]
- Uh...
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- [man 1] Let's go!
- [woman 1] I love you, Katt!
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I think...
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- I think everybody knows that, uh...
- [woman 1] I love you!
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...I only do my specials in places
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that's motherfucking special to me,
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and should be special
to the world, and, uh...
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[audience cheers and applauds]
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It was '99 and the 2000s,
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and I was in this Inglewood
at the Hollywood Park Casino
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for $100 a week.
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And God brought me, 24 Kobe years later,
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bam, live, right here
in motherfucking Inglewood.
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[crashing]
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God really is the greatest.
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Okay. All right.
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[woman 1] I love you, Katt!
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Thank you, nice lady.
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[audience laughs]
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I can hear good pussy
through a whole crowd.
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You hear how I did that?
I didn't even stop.
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I know it's live,
but the truth is the truth.
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[audience laughs]
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So glad we got everybody here.
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Where's all the white people?
Make some noise.
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White people?
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- [audience cheers]
- Oh.
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Thank y'all so much.
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Where's all the Hispanics?
Where's mi familia in the building?
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- [air horn blares]
- [audience cheers]
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[Katt] Mmm-hm.
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[audience laughs]
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That is tasty. Buenos noches.
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[audience laughs]
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Where's all the Black people
in the building?
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Make some noise, Black people.
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- [audience cheers]
- [banging]
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[crashing]
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I am not worthy, niggas.
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- I appreciate you.
- [woman 1] Yeah!
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What a blessing.
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That's the best part of this whole thing,
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is the fact that the people that like me
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happen to be some
of the smartest, best-looking,
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funniest people in the whole world.
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And there's nothing I could do
to say thank you enough.
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Okay.
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- Let's get right to it.
- [woman 1] Okay.
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[audience laughs]
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I tried to be incognegro,
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but thanks to Shannon Sharpe's
loudmouth ass...
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[audience cheers]
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...the gig is up.
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Everybody knows I'll tell.
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But I don't do no snitching.
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[audience laughs]
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Y'all know my job.
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In my spare time,
I infiltrate the Illuminati.
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[audience laughs]
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Look for they secrets, run back...
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[audience laughs]
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...tell y'all.
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[audience laughs]
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And they'll kill me if they could,
but I'm too fast,
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and the Lord keep blessing me.
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Yep. Mm-hm.
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That's the truth.
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So, now understand
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that sometimes, when you hear me talk,
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I'm telling real secrets
that should not be out there.
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[woman 1] That's right.
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But that's just what the fuck I gotta do.
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[audience cheers]
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Sometimes, when I find out a secret,
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it ain't even for the rest of the world.
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It's just for me.
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For example...
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[audience laughs]
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Look at the people that love me.
"Don't do it, Katt. It's live."
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- [man 2] Do it, Katt!
- [woman 2] Do it!
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My whole life,
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I knew pussy was one
of the greatest things...
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- [man 3] Yeah!
- ...in the whole universe.
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Because every group of people agrees.
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On everybody's list,
"pussy" is way the fuck up here.
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All over the globe.
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What I wanted to know...
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[man 4] Not in Georgia.
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[audience laughs]
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That nigga said, "Not in Georgia."
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[audience laughs]
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Yikes!
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Sir, this is live.
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[audience laughs]
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You could've just said a southern state.
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[audience laughs]
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I already told them
they're the best audience
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'cause we the smartest.
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And I gotta share the information.
Don't let the devil distract you.
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I was telling you how good pussy is
in the whole universe.
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I wanted to know how did blowjobs
get to be number two
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in the whole universe?
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Everybody agrees.
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This is what I found out.
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You ain't gonna believe this shit.
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And you ain't gotta take my word for it.
You can test it out yourself.
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I found out the reason blowjobs
is number two across the whole universe
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is there is a God,
and he love you so much,
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he put pussy skin inside your mouth.
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[audience laughs]
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You don't believe me?
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[in high-pitched voice]
Test it out for yourself.
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[audience laughs]
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[in normal voice]
That damn sure is pussy skin.
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[audience continues laughing]
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Ladies, whatever it feel like
in there, that's you.
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[audience laughs]
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Was it wet and delicious in there?
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That's you.
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But if it was dry and crusty in there...
[imitates gagging]
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...almost cut your tongue,
that's what it is.
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I'm just telling you, I know the secrets.
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I could tell them
when I can fucking tell them.
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But I needed my people to know
it was some shit going on
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that people was not fucking talking about.
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And we need to talk about this shit.
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They can't threaten me.
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I'm already scared.
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- The fuck?
- [audience laughs]
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I'm just saying there's a whole
new world out there right now.
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They doing some shit right now today
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they have never been able
to do in history.
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They changing up our words
while we still using the words.
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They just change them.
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Twenty years ago,
"washed" meant you was fresh and clean.
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Today, if they say you are washed,
nigga, you are out of there.
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[audience laughs]
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It is not the same.
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Some words they just say
and don't have no explanation.
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All the women in the world
know what toxic masculinity is.
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[woman 2] Whoo!
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They'll tell you about it.
"See, that's toxic masc..."
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Hey, you shut the fuck up, bitch.
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[audience laughs]
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You don't know nothing about masculinity.
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First of all, there ain't a bunch
of masculinities, bitch.
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- It's just one, and it's toxic.
- [audience laughs]
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The opposite of toxic masculinity
is femininity, motherfucker.
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What the fuck?
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They'll just change words.
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They want me to be mad at "woke."
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I'm not finna change woke.
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You not gonna act like that's a bad word.
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What the fuck you mean?
"It's so political."
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It is not fucking political, bitch.
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The fuck? The last time I checked,
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"woke" was the opposite
of "sleep," motherfucker.
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- Look it up!
- [audience laughs and cheers]
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You not finna change the words for me.
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It's a whole new world out there.
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There's some shit going on
they won't tell you about,
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'cause they don't know
how the fuck you'll respond.
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I'll fucking tell you.
Here's the fucking truth.
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Some of y'all not gonna believe this shit.
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This is the greatest time
to be alive in all of human history.
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And you are living in it.
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- [audience cheers]
- Look at the people with depression.
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-"What?"
- [audience laughs]
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That's right.
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If you got depression or anxiety,
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tell your depression
to "shut the fuck up, bitch."
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[audience laughs]
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"This is not the time for that."
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This is the greatest time to be alive,
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wherever you are right now.
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Not a hundred years ago,
not a thousand years ago.
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Right now. For the first time in history,
you can change some shit.
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You can fix some shit.
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You ain't got to take
nobody's word for nothing.
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Not even God's word. Yeah.
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God made you.
He thought you was beautiful.
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- But you think you ugly.
- [audience laughs]
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Well, guess what?
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- You win, bitch!
- [audience laughs]
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You can take your whole nose off
and put another nose on there.
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You still gonna be ugly.
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[audience laughs]
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It's a new day and age.
You can fix some shit.
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Are you a short, fat man?
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- You don't have to be.
- [audience laughs]
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You got enough money, you could be a tall,
ugly bitch in three-and-a-half weeks.
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[audience laughs]
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If you go to the right islands
and get the right procedures.
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It's a new day and age.
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You can do anything.
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You could do something
even if it's a bad idea.
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Like playing blind football.
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[boy] We already know we're gonna win.
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[reporter] It's that kind of confidence
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that continues to amaze people
who watch Dylan play
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because he's doing all of this blind.
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[Dylan] You know, I can't see,
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and a lot of people think
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that a blind person can't play football.
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[reporter] But this courageous youngster
has proven those people wrong.
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[heavy metal music playing]
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♪ What the fuck is going on? ♪
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♪ What's going on? ♪
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♪ What's going... ♪
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[music stops, audience laughs]
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I just wanted y'all to see that with me.
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Uh...
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[woman 3] Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
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I am so conflicted.
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00:11:38,338 --> 00:11:40,405
[audience laughs]
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I'm conflicted. First of all...
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let me make this very clear.
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I hope none of my blind fans see this...
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[audience laughs]
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...and take it out of context.
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It's not what it looks like.
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I'm conflicted.
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'Cause number one,
I am for blind people's rights.
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Blind people should be able to do
whatever the fuck they want to do.
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00:12:16,738 --> 00:12:18,105
But I'm conflicted.
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I mean, can you play blind football?
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You goddamn right you can.
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But should you play blind?
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Hell, fuck, no!
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[audience laughs]
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I don't like it.
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I don't like it for him.
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He can't win.
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[audience laughs]
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[man 5] Oh, my God. [laughs]
257
00:12:50,971 --> 00:12:54,071
Do you understand that he don't even know...
258
00:12:57,204 --> 00:12:59,338
if he on the field or not?
259
00:12:59,338 --> 00:13:00,905
Do you understand that?
260
00:13:00,905 --> 00:13:05,704
That sometimes in his regular life,
people just knock the shit out of him?
261
00:13:06,204 --> 00:13:08,738
Don't nobody say sorry or nothing.
262
00:13:13,038 --> 00:13:14,438
I'm saying, maybe...
263
00:13:15,438 --> 00:13:17,105
if they let him play one game.
264
00:13:17,105 --> 00:13:19,471
[audience laughs]
265
00:13:19,471 --> 00:13:22,505
They had him out there playing
the whole goddamn season.
266
00:13:22,505 --> 00:13:23,505
[audience laughs]
267
00:13:23,505 --> 00:13:25,138
It was terrible.
268
00:13:27,171 --> 00:13:29,005
They was playing Black schools.
269
00:13:29,005 --> 00:13:30,971
[man 5] Oh, damn! [laughs]
270
00:13:30,971 --> 00:13:32,471
It was awful.
271
00:13:33,638 --> 00:13:37,438
He out there on defense
trying to listen for niggas.
272
00:13:37,438 --> 00:13:39,738
[audience laughs]
273
00:13:43,838 --> 00:13:45,138
These niggas ain't shit.
274
00:13:45,138 --> 00:13:48,638
They played the whole game.
They didn't make no noise at all.
275
00:13:48,638 --> 00:13:50,704
[audience laughs]
276
00:13:53,138 --> 00:13:55,704
They using hand signals and shit.
277
00:13:55,704 --> 00:13:57,771
[audience laughs]
278
00:13:58,405 --> 00:13:59,738
It was fucked up.
279
00:13:59,738 --> 00:14:02,905
Ain't run no plays for him.
They just hand him the ball.
280
00:14:02,905 --> 00:14:05,171
Send him in the parking lot.
281
00:14:05,171 --> 00:14:07,238
[triumphant music plays]
282
00:14:09,005 --> 00:14:10,005
[music stops]
283
00:14:11,438 --> 00:14:14,805
All I'm saying, it's a new day and age.
284
00:14:15,371 --> 00:14:20,038
Superhero shit happens every fucking day.
285
00:14:20,038 --> 00:14:22,405
You don't have to take no excuse.
286
00:14:22,405 --> 00:14:24,505
Are you a weak, fragile man?
287
00:14:24,505 --> 00:14:25,938
[man 6] Hell, no!
288
00:14:25,938 --> 00:14:27,871
[audience laughs]
289
00:14:27,871 --> 00:14:31,371
See, that man's testosterone level's
through the roof.
290
00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:33,771
He couldn't wait to tell you that.
291
00:14:34,838 --> 00:14:36,204
"Hell, no!"
292
00:14:36,204 --> 00:14:38,271
[audience laughs]
293
00:14:38,271 --> 00:14:40,238
And we don't mean to shame
294
00:14:41,138 --> 00:14:44,604
if there are any weak or fragile men.
295
00:14:45,138 --> 00:14:46,671
We don't mean to shame you.
296
00:14:47,305 --> 00:14:50,171
But understand, you don't have
to take no for an answer.
297
00:14:51,071 --> 00:14:52,938
You could tuck your penis
298
00:14:53,838 --> 00:14:56,505
and go in the game with some real women
299
00:14:56,505 --> 00:14:59,838
and whoop the shit out of them
if you want to.
300
00:14:59,838 --> 00:15:01,138
[audience laughs and groans]
301
00:15:01,138 --> 00:15:03,405
It's in the real news.
302
00:15:05,438 --> 00:15:08,838
{\an8}Take that down before they try
to cancel me for telling the truth.
303
00:15:08,838 --> 00:15:11,871
{\an8}[audience laughs and applauds]
304
00:15:11,871 --> 00:15:14,738
That's right. They talk about
the transgenders foul too hard.
305
00:15:14,738 --> 00:15:16,171
That's fucked up.
306
00:15:17,538 --> 00:15:21,738
It's so politically correct,
it ain't even correct no more.
307
00:15:22,571 --> 00:15:25,471
The poor ref don't know
what the fuck to say.
308
00:15:26,104 --> 00:15:28,471
He got all the ladies in a circle.
309
00:15:29,005 --> 00:15:33,405
Anything he say wrong
gonna get him fired and canceled.
310
00:15:34,038 --> 00:15:35,171
He just...
311
00:15:35,171 --> 00:15:36,905
"Now, listen here, ladies."
312
00:15:39,738 --> 00:15:41,738
[audience laughs]
313
00:15:43,538 --> 00:15:45,571
"Y'all with the penises"?
314
00:15:46,338 --> 00:15:47,971
No, I can't say that.
315
00:15:50,171 --> 00:15:52,005
"Y'all with the penginas"?
316
00:15:52,005 --> 00:15:55,138
No. I can't say that.
No, of course not. I can't--
317
00:15:56,371 --> 00:15:58,071
"I don't give a fuck what you got.
318
00:15:58,071 --> 00:16:00,038
Clitoris dickoris dock."
319
00:16:00,038 --> 00:16:01,871
[audience laughs]
320
00:16:01,871 --> 00:16:04,338
"All your fouls are flagrant."
321
00:16:06,238 --> 00:16:08,338
Just saying, it's a new day and age.
322
00:16:09,171 --> 00:16:10,771
This is how I can prove it to you.
323
00:16:11,838 --> 00:16:14,738
The world is so crazy
right now in real life.
324
00:16:15,338 --> 00:16:18,871
In Hollywood, they don't even
make science fiction no more
325
00:16:18,871 --> 00:16:22,338
if it ain't Marvel or Disney
or some shit like that.
326
00:16:22,338 --> 00:16:27,704
Because you cannot make up shit
that's crazier than our real news
327
00:16:27,704 --> 00:16:30,138
every day in this country.
328
00:16:30,138 --> 00:16:31,771
It is crazy.
329
00:16:32,471 --> 00:16:34,071
Unbelievable.
330
00:16:35,005 --> 00:16:39,171
Nick Cannon got 136 children, Jesus.
331
00:16:39,171 --> 00:16:40,971
Did you know that?
332
00:16:42,138 --> 00:16:44,871
Did you know Nick was fucking like that?
333
00:16:45,905 --> 00:16:48,838
He deserved a Nobel Penis Prize.
334
00:16:49,338 --> 00:16:50,738
He is working.
335
00:16:52,405 --> 00:16:55,638
You can laugh at Nick Cannon
right now if you want to.
336
00:16:56,471 --> 00:16:59,505
They're not gonna be laughing
at Nick Cannon 100 years from now.
337
00:16:59,505 --> 00:17:00,604
[audience laughs]
338
00:17:00,604 --> 00:17:02,905
One hundred years from now,
Nick Cannon is gonna be
339
00:17:02,905 --> 00:17:07,704
one of the greatest niggas
that ever lived.
340
00:17:08,471 --> 00:17:11,471
He got the same amount
of kids as Abraham, bitch.
341
00:17:11,471 --> 00:17:14,738
Do you understand
what that means biblically?
342
00:17:14,738 --> 00:17:15,938
[audience laughs]
343
00:17:15,938 --> 00:17:19,071
There's gonna be whole cities of niggas
related to Nick Cannon.
344
00:17:19,071 --> 00:17:21,405
That's the Ben Cannons over there.
345
00:17:21,405 --> 00:17:23,438
[audience laughs]
346
00:17:23,438 --> 00:17:25,204
This is our real news.
347
00:17:27,871 --> 00:17:30,538
Da Brat and Ms. Big Booty Judy...
348
00:17:30,538 --> 00:17:32,104
[audience laughs]
349
00:17:32,104 --> 00:17:34,638
...just had a brand new baby.
350
00:17:34,638 --> 00:17:39,004
And not just any baby.
We celebrate any baby.
351
00:17:39,638 --> 00:17:42,138
This ain't gonna be just any baby.
352
00:17:42,138 --> 00:17:44,138
Keep your eye on this one.
353
00:17:44,705 --> 00:17:49,438
This gonna be one of the greatest
babies that was ever born.
354
00:17:49,438 --> 00:17:51,638
You ain't never seen a baby like this.
355
00:17:52,171 --> 00:17:55,771
You talking about
a hundred percent white man...
356
00:17:55,771 --> 00:17:57,338
[audience laughs]
357
00:17:57,338 --> 00:18:01,538
...with a strong Black woman as a mama
358
00:18:02,138 --> 00:18:06,305
and a strong Black woman as a daddy.
359
00:18:06,305 --> 00:18:07,805
[audience laughs]
360
00:18:07,805 --> 00:18:12,071
You ain't gonna be able
to tell this white nigga shit.
361
00:18:12,071 --> 00:18:13,438
Do you hear me?
362
00:18:13,438 --> 00:18:15,305
[audience laughs and applauds]
363
00:18:15,305 --> 00:18:18,905
He gonna be showing up
at the cookout unannounced.
364
00:18:20,004 --> 00:18:23,605
Knocking over potato salad
and trying ribs.
365
00:18:23,605 --> 00:18:27,304
He's a gang member at night,
and by day he owns a credit union.
366
00:18:27,304 --> 00:18:29,138
[audience laughs]
367
00:18:30,871 --> 00:18:32,471
It's our real news.
368
00:18:33,738 --> 00:18:36,571
Superhero motivation in the real news.
369
00:18:36,571 --> 00:18:41,138
One of our finest,
greatest living actors, Robert De Niro.
370
00:18:42,105 --> 00:18:43,838
Eighty years old.
371
00:18:44,571 --> 00:18:48,838
Just had a brand new goddamn baby.
372
00:18:48,838 --> 00:18:50,871
Look at the men. "What?"
373
00:18:51,471 --> 00:18:55,638
Yes. What are you doing with your nuts?
Just sitting on them?
374
00:18:55,638 --> 00:18:57,804
[audience laughs]
375
00:18:57,804 --> 00:19:00,105
Not our boy De Niro.
376
00:19:01,871 --> 00:19:04,738
You 80 with a baby,
can't nobody tell you shit.
377
00:19:06,038 --> 00:19:08,405
Not in this life or the next.
378
00:19:09,105 --> 00:19:10,105
The fuck?
379
00:19:10,571 --> 00:19:12,071
You seeing a miracle.
380
00:19:12,638 --> 00:19:14,905
If you a man 20, 30, 40,
381
00:19:15,371 --> 00:19:18,504
you shoot off
ten million sperm at one time.
382
00:19:19,438 --> 00:19:21,105
Not our boy De Niro.
383
00:19:21,105 --> 00:19:22,738
[audience laughs]
384
00:19:22,738 --> 00:19:24,705
He shot off one sperm.
385
00:19:24,705 --> 00:19:26,938
[audience laughs]
386
00:19:26,938 --> 00:19:28,871
His last sperm.
387
00:19:30,405 --> 00:19:33,304
He wasn't even racing nobody.
It was just him.
388
00:19:33,304 --> 00:19:35,371
[audience laughs]
389
00:19:39,705 --> 00:19:42,504
The first great grandbaby daddy.
390
00:19:42,504 --> 00:19:44,571
[audience laughs]
391
00:19:45,838 --> 00:19:49,571
All I'm saying is believe in yourself.
392
00:19:50,705 --> 00:19:53,238
It's a brand new day
if I'm telling you the truth.
393
00:19:54,105 --> 00:19:58,571
You can do shit today
that was only available on The Jetsons.
394
00:19:58,571 --> 00:20:01,105
[audience laughs]
395
00:20:01,105 --> 00:20:02,871
You can drive a car, don't need no gas,
396
00:20:02,871 --> 00:20:05,338
take that to a house,
don't need no electricity.
397
00:20:05,338 --> 00:20:06,738
You can talk to a AI,
398
00:20:06,738 --> 00:20:08,571
write a letter to your plastic wife
399
00:20:08,571 --> 00:20:12,605
and your Styrofoam kids,
all in the same day.
400
00:20:13,405 --> 00:20:15,238
You can do some wonderful shit.
401
00:20:16,938 --> 00:20:18,971
You could play games for a living.
402
00:20:19,671 --> 00:20:21,171
You could be a gamer.
403
00:20:22,205 --> 00:20:25,171
Hold on. You could be a influencer.
404
00:20:25,171 --> 00:20:29,571
And get this, you could be a influencer
405
00:20:29,571 --> 00:20:35,438
and not influence a motherfucker
to do a goddamn thing.
406
00:20:36,205 --> 00:20:38,938
You could be a influenceless influencer.
407
00:20:38,938 --> 00:20:40,605
[audience laughs]
408
00:20:40,605 --> 00:20:42,405
Believe in yourself.
409
00:20:43,871 --> 00:20:46,804
Right. There's so many things
that you can do.
410
00:20:47,504 --> 00:20:51,338
The only thing you cannot afford to do
is fucking quit.
411
00:20:51,338 --> 00:20:53,871
Just don't fucking quit.
412
00:20:53,871 --> 00:20:56,171
If you don't take nothing else from this...
413
00:20:56,171 --> 00:20:58,271
[audience cheers and applauds]
414
00:20:58,271 --> 00:20:59,838
...this is America.
415
00:21:00,338 --> 00:21:02,738
This is the greatest country in the world.
416
00:21:02,738 --> 00:21:07,705
Not 'cause some people say it.
'Cause it really the fuck is.
417
00:21:07,705 --> 00:21:10,405
If you traveled, you'd know that.
418
00:21:11,038 --> 00:21:13,371
No matter how beautiful
the place you visit,
419
00:21:14,038 --> 00:21:17,705
you still be happier than a motherfucker
to get the fuck back here...
420
00:21:17,705 --> 00:21:18,638
[audience laughs]
421
00:21:18,638 --> 00:21:21,405
...to America's stinking ass.
422
00:21:21,405 --> 00:21:22,905
'Cause we're number one.
423
00:21:24,171 --> 00:21:27,605
But in the greatest country in the world,
424
00:21:28,071 --> 00:21:33,238
in one year,
50,000 people committed suicide.
425
00:21:33,938 --> 00:21:35,171
The fuck?
426
00:21:35,771 --> 00:21:39,138
That's a city's worth of people
that gave the fuck up.
427
00:21:40,004 --> 00:21:44,171
And think about it.
None of them was the right one.
428
00:21:45,271 --> 00:21:47,271
[audience laughs]
429
00:21:49,004 --> 00:21:50,771
All them people killed they self.
430
00:21:50,771 --> 00:21:52,638
Ain't shit get better the next day.
431
00:21:52,638 --> 00:21:55,438
[in high-pitched voice]
You could've stayed, bitch.
432
00:21:56,638 --> 00:21:58,304
[in normal voice] You was not the problem.
433
00:21:58,304 --> 00:22:00,405
[audience laughs]
434
00:22:00,405 --> 00:22:02,105
Believe in yourself.
435
00:22:04,371 --> 00:22:07,738
Believe in yourself even if you ugly.
436
00:22:08,171 --> 00:22:09,671
[audience laughs]
437
00:22:09,671 --> 00:22:11,971
[in deep voice] Let me say it again
for the people at home.
438
00:22:11,971 --> 00:22:14,371
[in high-pitched voice] Even if you ugly.
439
00:22:15,205 --> 00:22:17,238
[in normal voice]
Look at the ugly people acting like
440
00:22:17,238 --> 00:22:19,004
they don't know
who the fuck I'm talking to.
441
00:22:19,004 --> 00:22:21,071
[audience laughs]
442
00:22:26,038 --> 00:22:28,371
Yeah, for the first time in history,
443
00:22:28,371 --> 00:22:30,471
it don't matter
what the fuck you look like.
444
00:22:31,105 --> 00:22:32,804
You can fucking make it too.
445
00:22:34,938 --> 00:22:37,538
Look at the ugly people.
They wanna believe, but they can't.
446
00:22:37,538 --> 00:22:39,304
[audience laughs]
447
00:22:39,304 --> 00:22:42,038
It's true. Don't let nothing stop you.
448
00:22:42,504 --> 00:22:44,871
Trick Daddy is rich and famous.
449
00:22:44,871 --> 00:22:46,605
Do you hear me?
450
00:22:47,105 --> 00:22:49,338
[in high-pitched voice]
You can do anything.
451
00:22:49,338 --> 00:22:50,804
[audience laughs]
452
00:22:50,804 --> 00:22:54,338
[in normal voice] Take that down. You know
we ain't got that type of insurance.
453
00:22:54,338 --> 00:22:56,004
[audience laughs]
454
00:22:56,004 --> 00:22:58,071
[as Trick Daddy]
If he can make it, you can make it.
455
00:22:58,071 --> 00:23:00,271
Shut the fuck up, bitch.
456
00:23:00,271 --> 00:23:02,338
[audience cheers]
457
00:23:07,738 --> 00:23:09,238
[in normal voice] Believe in yourself.
458
00:23:10,171 --> 00:23:11,471
That's all I'm saying.
459
00:23:12,038 --> 00:23:13,871
Don't let nothing fucking stop you.
460
00:23:14,338 --> 00:23:16,471
Unless you in the motherfucking streets.
461
00:23:17,171 --> 00:23:19,838
If you in the streets,
you gotta keep your head on a swivel.
462
00:23:20,504 --> 00:23:22,671
They are not playing fair out there.
463
00:23:23,338 --> 00:23:26,004
If they catch you,
they'll make an example out of you.
464
00:23:26,004 --> 00:23:28,338
And they don't give a fuck who you is.
465
00:23:29,171 --> 00:23:30,504
They'll do anything.
466
00:23:31,171 --> 00:23:33,571
You see what the fuck
they did to Tory Lanez?
467
00:23:33,571 --> 00:23:34,804
[audience laughs]
468
00:23:34,804 --> 00:23:38,738
They took his freedom
and his hairline in the same sentence.
469
00:23:38,738 --> 00:23:41,304
"Give it all back." What?
470
00:23:42,038 --> 00:23:44,171
He was just standing
there bald and guilty.
471
00:23:44,171 --> 00:23:46,571
That's a terrible combination.
472
00:23:46,571 --> 00:23:48,738
[audience laughs]
473
00:23:48,738 --> 00:23:53,338
I felt sorry for him
'cause he ain't even from this country.
474
00:23:54,171 --> 00:23:57,304
He don't know how we get down.
It was just the pinky toe.
475
00:23:57,304 --> 00:23:58,971
[audience laughs]
476
00:23:58,971 --> 00:24:01,638
Well, that's ten years
for some pinky toes.
477
00:24:02,738 --> 00:24:04,405
They don't give a fuck who you is.
478
00:24:04,871 --> 00:24:05,971
It's a line.
479
00:24:06,738 --> 00:24:10,105
If you cross it,
that's your motherfucking ass.
480
00:24:10,738 --> 00:24:14,471
They came after Lizzo,
and she is unproblematic.
481
00:24:15,004 --> 00:24:16,471
They don't give a fuck.
482
00:24:17,205 --> 00:24:18,271
It's a line.
483
00:24:19,071 --> 00:24:20,238
You can be fat.
484
00:24:21,038 --> 00:24:22,371
[audience laughs]
485
00:24:22,371 --> 00:24:23,938
You can be Black.
486
00:24:25,538 --> 00:24:27,405
You can't be no fat Black bitch.
487
00:24:27,405 --> 00:24:30,271
[in high-pitched voice]
Now, that's where they draw the line.
488
00:24:30,905 --> 00:24:33,205
[in normal voice] You supposed
to be happy and jolly, bitch.
489
00:24:33,205 --> 00:24:35,138
[in high-pitched voice]
Where's your flute?
490
00:24:35,138 --> 00:24:37,205
[audience laughs]
491
00:24:41,304 --> 00:24:43,304
[audience continues laughing]
492
00:24:43,771 --> 00:24:45,004
[in normal voice] The truth is,
493
00:24:45,838 --> 00:24:47,871
I'm telling you, you can do
whatever you wanna do.
494
00:24:48,338 --> 00:24:50,205
But there's still consequences.
495
00:24:50,838 --> 00:24:53,004
Hollywood is finding that out right now.
496
00:24:54,338 --> 00:24:57,004
There's a drug problem in Hollywood.
497
00:24:57,004 --> 00:24:59,371
They can't even tell you about it.
498
00:24:59,371 --> 00:25:02,038
It's whooping them so motherfucking bad.
499
00:25:03,071 --> 00:25:04,571
But y'all know I'll tell.
500
00:25:04,571 --> 00:25:06,705
[audience laughs]
501
00:25:11,171 --> 00:25:13,171
I'm supposed to tell the truth.
502
00:25:13,171 --> 00:25:15,438
Here's the truth won't nobody say.
503
00:25:15,905 --> 00:25:17,105
[woman 1] Tell the truth, Katt.
504
00:25:17,638 --> 00:25:23,004
That motherfucking Ozempic
is whooping Hollywood's ass.
505
00:25:23,004 --> 00:25:24,504
Do you hear me?
506
00:25:25,205 --> 00:25:26,071
Whoo!
507
00:25:26,705 --> 00:25:28,271
That's the truth.
508
00:25:28,938 --> 00:25:32,705
That Ozempic is too fucked up,
and it's too strong.
509
00:25:33,804 --> 00:25:35,338
They know it's too strong.
510
00:25:36,071 --> 00:25:38,738
Ain't nothing they can do.
It's too strong.
511
00:25:40,038 --> 00:25:41,238
I done seen the paperwork.
512
00:25:41,238 --> 00:25:42,671
[audience laughs]
513
00:25:42,671 --> 00:25:44,004
It's too strong.
514
00:25:44,004 --> 00:25:46,138
[audience laughs]
515
00:25:46,138 --> 00:25:50,071
They said Oprah took so much
that Gayle lost 12 pounds.
516
00:25:50,071 --> 00:25:53,038
Do you understand what I said?
517
00:25:53,038 --> 00:25:54,271
It's too strong.
518
00:25:54,271 --> 00:25:56,138
[audience laughs]
519
00:25:57,838 --> 00:26:00,705
People are shitting themselves to death.
520
00:26:00,705 --> 00:26:01,971
[audience laughs]
521
00:26:01,971 --> 00:26:03,405
It's too strong.
522
00:26:05,771 --> 00:26:08,538
I done seen the numbers.
I was flabbergasted.
523
00:26:10,138 --> 00:26:14,338
I know a woman that weighed 126 pounds.
524
00:26:14,905 --> 00:26:18,771
She lost 131 pounds.
525
00:26:18,771 --> 00:26:20,838
[audience laughs]
526
00:26:20,838 --> 00:26:26,271
Did you just do that math in your head,
that she had to borrow a few pounds
527
00:26:26,271 --> 00:26:28,504
from her friends and family?
528
00:26:28,504 --> 00:26:30,405
[audience laughs]
529
00:26:31,605 --> 00:26:32,804
It's too strong.
530
00:26:32,804 --> 00:26:34,938
[audience laughs]
531
00:26:34,938 --> 00:26:36,605
Only person that had the guts to come out
532
00:26:36,605 --> 00:26:40,171
and say this is fucked up
is Sharon Osbourne.
533
00:26:40,938 --> 00:26:42,738
God bless her.
534
00:26:42,738 --> 00:26:44,571
She ain't been on it for two weeks.
535
00:26:44,571 --> 00:26:47,905
Take her picture down.
She is trying to get better.
536
00:26:47,905 --> 00:26:49,504
[audience laughs]
537
00:26:49,504 --> 00:26:52,771
She eating collard greens
and cornbread right now.
538
00:26:52,771 --> 00:26:55,405
[audience laughs]
539
00:26:55,405 --> 00:26:57,405
It's bad news sometimes...
540
00:26:58,371 --> 00:26:59,905
but it be good news too.
541
00:27:00,638 --> 00:27:02,905
And you got to celebrate the good news.
542
00:27:04,071 --> 00:27:06,238
For the first time in history,
543
00:27:06,238 --> 00:27:09,838
you can love
whoever the fuck you wanna love
544
00:27:09,838 --> 00:27:13,138
with no shame and no judgment.
545
00:27:13,138 --> 00:27:14,171
[audience applauds]
546
00:27:14,171 --> 00:27:16,804
That's right. You should be proud of that.
547
00:27:17,471 --> 00:27:22,071
Yes. It shouldn't be nobody
left in the closet at all.
548
00:27:22,071 --> 00:27:23,238
[audience laughs]
549
00:27:23,238 --> 00:27:24,804
Come on out of there.
550
00:27:24,804 --> 00:27:26,105
[audience laughs]
551
00:27:26,105 --> 00:27:29,771
Ain't nobody finna judge you.
Just say what you is.
552
00:27:29,771 --> 00:27:32,038
[audience laughs]
553
00:27:32,038 --> 00:27:33,338
That's right.
554
00:27:34,038 --> 00:27:37,138
For the first time in history,
you just got to claim your category.
555
00:27:38,738 --> 00:27:40,671
And they got a category for everybody.
556
00:27:40,671 --> 00:27:41,771
[audience laughs]
557
00:27:41,771 --> 00:27:42,838
Even you.
558
00:27:42,838 --> 00:27:44,738
[audience laughs]
559
00:27:44,738 --> 00:27:46,538
You don't wanna fuck nobody?
560
00:27:47,071 --> 00:27:49,038
You could be a asexual.
561
00:27:50,205 --> 00:27:55,471
That means they asked you who you fuck,
and you said, "Not a person."
562
00:27:55,471 --> 00:27:56,738
[audience laughs]
563
00:27:56,738 --> 00:27:58,804
You are asexual.
564
00:28:00,238 --> 00:28:02,571
Whatever you like, you can just say it.
565
00:28:03,638 --> 00:28:05,538
You like pots and pans?
566
00:28:05,538 --> 00:28:08,504
- [woman 3] Pansexual.
- You could be a pansexual.
567
00:28:08,504 --> 00:28:10,038
[audience laughs]
568
00:28:12,671 --> 00:28:14,304
[audience whooping]
569
00:28:17,271 --> 00:28:18,905
Everybody laughing but the white people.
570
00:28:18,905 --> 00:28:20,838
[imitates white people]
"That's not right, Katt.
571
00:28:21,304 --> 00:28:22,938
You know better than that."
572
00:28:23,571 --> 00:28:25,905
[in normal voice] Take that picture down.
I shouldn't have...
573
00:28:26,938 --> 00:28:28,538
I shouldn't have made fun.
574
00:28:29,638 --> 00:28:31,871
There's no shame. We just all laughing.
575
00:28:31,871 --> 00:28:33,004
[audience laughs]
576
00:28:33,004 --> 00:28:36,571
Pansexual don't have nothing
to do with pots and pans,
577
00:28:36,571 --> 00:28:40,071
or crock pots or sizzling fajitas,
or none of that shit.
578
00:28:40,071 --> 00:28:41,238
I looked it up.
579
00:28:43,671 --> 00:28:45,838
Pansexual means you'll fuck...
580
00:28:48,238 --> 00:28:49,738
[audience laughs]
581
00:28:49,738 --> 00:28:51,638
...whatever you looking at.
582
00:28:51,638 --> 00:28:53,371
[audience laughs]
583
00:28:53,371 --> 00:28:55,205
That mean you could be like P. Diddy.
584
00:28:55,205 --> 00:28:57,738
You could just go
in the party with your eyes closed.
585
00:28:57,738 --> 00:29:00,171
Take that, take that,
take that, take that.
586
00:29:00,171 --> 00:29:01,304
[audience cheers]
587
00:29:01,804 --> 00:29:03,938
There are no wrong answers.
588
00:29:03,938 --> 00:29:06,371
[audience laughs]
589
00:29:07,105 --> 00:29:08,738
But if you pansexual,
590
00:29:09,438 --> 00:29:11,105
ain't nobody finna judge you.
591
00:29:12,638 --> 00:29:16,271
Wayne Brady came right out and said,
"I am pansexual."
592
00:29:16,804 --> 00:29:18,605
Everybody was okay.
593
00:29:19,605 --> 00:29:21,471
It's what he said after that...
594
00:29:21,471 --> 00:29:23,771
[audience laughs]
595
00:29:23,771 --> 00:29:25,438
...that scared me.
596
00:29:26,171 --> 00:29:29,905
Wayne Brady said, "I am pansexual,
597
00:29:31,205 --> 00:29:34,504
and I'm single."
598
00:29:34,504 --> 00:29:36,038
[audience laughs]
599
00:29:36,638 --> 00:29:38,004
What?
600
00:29:38,938 --> 00:29:41,571
I'd have never told nobody that shit.
601
00:29:42,271 --> 00:29:46,905
You mean you'll fuck anything
and nothing wants to fuck you?
602
00:29:46,905 --> 00:29:49,004
I wouldn't have made
that press announcement.
603
00:29:49,004 --> 00:29:50,938
You can kiss my ass.
604
00:29:51,671 --> 00:29:53,671
I'm gonna wait
till somebody like me first.
605
00:29:53,671 --> 00:29:56,571
[audience laughs]
606
00:29:58,605 --> 00:30:00,504
It's just a new day and age.
607
00:30:01,571 --> 00:30:03,105
It's a new day and age.
608
00:30:03,671 --> 00:30:07,905
It's a day and age now
where the truth is all you need to have.
609
00:30:08,438 --> 00:30:11,804
If you got some of the truth
on your motherfucking side,
610
00:30:11,804 --> 00:30:13,605
you ain't got nothing to worry about.
611
00:30:14,138 --> 00:30:15,938
But if you got a lie,
612
00:30:15,938 --> 00:30:20,971
oh, lies is catching hell
right now, today.
613
00:30:20,971 --> 00:30:23,171
Yes. In real life.
614
00:30:23,638 --> 00:30:28,138
Because there's too many great detectives
in the world right now.
615
00:30:28,971 --> 00:30:31,004
White detectives, Black detectives,
616
00:30:31,004 --> 00:30:35,371
Hispanic detectives,
Indian detectives, Asian detectives.
617
00:30:35,371 --> 00:30:38,304
Just great detectives.
618
00:30:39,205 --> 00:30:41,871
I wish all the detectives
could talk to one another.
619
00:30:43,538 --> 00:30:46,371
So Black detectives
could tell white people
620
00:30:47,405 --> 00:30:49,671
when something is fucked up on our end.
621
00:30:51,471 --> 00:30:53,838
I think the last time we saw it as a group
622
00:30:55,405 --> 00:30:58,405
was when that Black lady
said she saw that baby
623
00:30:59,705 --> 00:31:02,205
on the side of the highway.
624
00:31:02,205 --> 00:31:04,038
[audience laughs]
625
00:31:04,038 --> 00:31:06,371
White people, I want you to know,
626
00:31:06,371 --> 00:31:11,105
as niggas we were so ashamed.
627
00:31:11,504 --> 00:31:13,838
You lying-ass bitch!
628
00:31:13,838 --> 00:31:15,471
[audience laughs]
629
00:31:15,471 --> 00:31:18,538
Niggas had a perfect track record.
630
00:31:22,004 --> 00:31:23,238
It was fucked up.
631
00:31:24,438 --> 00:31:27,971
Clearly, she didn't have
not one white friend.
632
00:31:27,971 --> 00:31:29,605
[audience laughs]
633
00:31:30,605 --> 00:31:33,771
All niggas know you don't call
no motherfucking highway freeway line
634
00:31:33,771 --> 00:31:35,271
and say you a nigga.
635
00:31:36,171 --> 00:31:41,004
Saw some shit that no white person
has seen all day, bitch.
636
00:31:42,705 --> 00:31:45,071
I knew she was lying 30 seconds in.
637
00:31:47,171 --> 00:31:51,571
She said something
that was embarrassing to kidnappers.
638
00:31:53,804 --> 00:31:56,804
She said the kidnappers
639
00:31:57,738 --> 00:31:59,738
took her wig off...
640
00:31:59,738 --> 00:32:01,705
[audience laughs]
641
00:32:01,705 --> 00:32:03,038
and put it in the car.
642
00:32:03,038 --> 00:32:06,705
[in high-pitched voice]
If you don't shut the fuck up, bitch...
643
00:32:10,538 --> 00:32:12,771
[in normal voice]
There's not a kidnapper in the world,
644
00:32:12,771 --> 00:32:16,205
not al Qaeda, not ISIS, not nobody,
645
00:32:16,804 --> 00:32:20,504
that would rather deal with a Black woman
without her motherfucking wig.
646
00:32:20,504 --> 00:32:23,105
Is you out your rabbit-ass mind?
647
00:32:24,105 --> 00:32:25,571
You'll have to kill her.
648
00:32:26,705 --> 00:32:28,438
She'll tell you that right by the car.
649
00:32:28,438 --> 00:32:31,105
"You'll have to kill me.
This is glued on."
650
00:32:31,105 --> 00:32:33,171
[audience laughs]
651
00:32:36,738 --> 00:32:38,705
It's a crazy world out there.
652
00:32:40,738 --> 00:32:42,205
If you really are woke,
653
00:32:43,271 --> 00:32:46,471
you'll hear some shit in real news
654
00:32:47,171 --> 00:32:50,905
that your brain can't even understand.
655
00:32:53,304 --> 00:32:55,504
If the person is powerful enough,
656
00:32:56,338 --> 00:32:58,238
they can fuck with your brain
657
00:32:59,138 --> 00:33:02,838
and make you believe something
you've never heard before.
658
00:33:09,705 --> 00:33:10,638
Look at everybody.
659
00:33:10,638 --> 00:33:11,871
"Like who, nigga?"
660
00:33:11,871 --> 00:33:13,438
[audience laughs]
661
00:33:15,338 --> 00:33:18,504
[chuckles] I don't want to name no names.
662
00:33:18,504 --> 00:33:19,871
I'm just saying.
663
00:33:21,705 --> 00:33:24,471
Jamie Foxx is a powerful motherfucker.
664
00:33:24,471 --> 00:33:26,471
Do you hear me? That nigga's--
665
00:33:28,338 --> 00:33:29,171
[man 5] Here we go!
666
00:33:29,171 --> 00:33:30,871
That nigga say some shit...
667
00:33:32,738 --> 00:33:34,571
you never even heard in your brain.
668
00:33:36,171 --> 00:33:38,004
They said on the news,
669
00:33:39,405 --> 00:33:46,071
Jamie Foxx has a mystery illness.
670
00:33:48,438 --> 00:33:50,438
[audience laughs]
671
00:33:54,438 --> 00:33:59,004
What the fuck is a mystery illness, bitch?
672
00:34:00,205 --> 00:34:01,671
Look at all the people.
673
00:34:01,671 --> 00:34:04,138
"Katt don't get canceled."
674
00:34:06,238 --> 00:34:07,304
No.
675
00:34:08,005 --> 00:34:10,338
No. Never in the history of medicine...
676
00:34:10,338 --> 00:34:11,904
[audience laughs]
677
00:34:13,171 --> 00:34:16,005
has there been a mystery illness.
678
00:34:17,404 --> 00:34:19,904
In the real world,
if you got a mystery illness, bitch,
679
00:34:19,904 --> 00:34:21,605
it means you are fine.
680
00:34:24,704 --> 00:34:29,038
Right when you believe something
you not supposed to believe,
681
00:34:30,038 --> 00:34:31,904
they hit your ass again.
682
00:34:32,704 --> 00:34:36,971
Right after they said
the nigga had a mystery illness,
683
00:34:37,438 --> 00:34:40,238
the next news flash, they said:
684
00:34:42,204 --> 00:34:43,804
"We just cured it."
685
00:34:43,804 --> 00:34:45,871
[audience laughs]
686
00:34:51,404 --> 00:34:54,738
[in high-pitched voice]
You just cured what? A mystery, bitch?
687
00:34:54,738 --> 00:34:57,805
You can't cure a mystery.
688
00:35:01,238 --> 00:35:03,105
[in normal voice]
The fuck did you cure him with?
689
00:35:06,638 --> 00:35:08,071
You just gave him all the pills.
690
00:35:08,071 --> 00:35:10,505
"Here you go, here you go, here you go."
691
00:35:12,071 --> 00:35:15,571
Look at everybody looking like,
"This is it, Katt. You're out of here."
692
00:35:17,538 --> 00:35:19,038
No, you ain't gotta worry
693
00:35:19,938 --> 00:35:21,838
because all you got to do
is tell the truth.
694
00:35:22,471 --> 00:35:26,904
The truth is crazy enough,
you ain't got to make up no shit.
695
00:35:27,771 --> 00:35:32,038
I'm gonna say something to you that sounds
like a motherfucker made it up
696
00:35:32,038 --> 00:35:34,771
and it's really in the news.
697
00:35:35,438 --> 00:35:38,771
The FBI, our FBI,
698
00:35:39,271 --> 00:35:42,705
the Federal Bureau of Investigation...
699
00:35:43,971 --> 00:35:47,271
said they don't know whose cocaine...
700
00:35:47,805 --> 00:35:49,805
[audience laughs]
701
00:35:51,105 --> 00:35:52,771
was at the White House.
702
00:35:52,771 --> 00:35:54,404
[audience laughs]
703
00:35:54,404 --> 00:35:55,705
[in high-pitched voice] What?
704
00:36:01,371 --> 00:36:04,805
[in normal voice]
What type of investigation did you do?
705
00:36:07,505 --> 00:36:09,705
I don't know what the fuck is going on.
706
00:36:10,671 --> 00:36:14,238
"We don't know whose it is."
It was in Hunter Biden's room.
707
00:36:14,238 --> 00:36:16,338
[audience laughs and applauds]
708
00:36:16,338 --> 00:36:19,071
It said "Hunter's blow" on the bag.
709
00:36:19,071 --> 00:36:21,605
[audience laughs]
710
00:36:22,971 --> 00:36:25,404
What do you mean "whose cocaine"?
711
00:36:25,771 --> 00:36:27,971
[man 3] Oh, Katt, no!
712
00:36:30,138 --> 00:36:31,438
Katt, no!
713
00:36:31,438 --> 00:36:32,505
It's crazy.
714
00:36:34,671 --> 00:36:35,671
Hunter on crack.
715
00:36:37,871 --> 00:36:39,105
Joe is...
716
00:36:41,971 --> 00:36:45,771
Joe is doing the best
he motherfucking can. [chuckles]
717
00:36:45,771 --> 00:36:47,038
[audience laughs]
718
00:36:47,638 --> 00:36:50,705
We done lowered the bar so low for Joe.
719
00:36:53,005 --> 00:36:55,671
As long as Joe don't fall, we be fine.
720
00:36:55,671 --> 00:36:57,938
"Go on and get up them stairs, Joe.
721
00:36:57,938 --> 00:37:00,471
There you go. That's a boy."
722
00:37:00,471 --> 00:37:02,538
[audience laughs]
723
00:37:05,971 --> 00:37:07,105
Hunter on crack.
724
00:37:08,805 --> 00:37:09,938
Joe asleep.
725
00:37:11,638 --> 00:37:14,438
The only person really working
at the White House,
726
00:37:15,238 --> 00:37:16,671
behind the scenes,
727
00:37:17,638 --> 00:37:21,371
is Joe Biden's German Shepherd
named Commander.
728
00:37:21,371 --> 00:37:23,438
[audience laughs]
729
00:37:24,038 --> 00:37:29,505
Commander has bit 13 motherfuckers
at the White House to this day.
730
00:37:29,505 --> 00:37:31,071
[audience laughs]
731
00:37:32,438 --> 00:37:35,904
Commander is standing on business, bitch.
732
00:37:35,904 --> 00:37:37,138
[audience laughs]
733
00:37:37,138 --> 00:37:39,238
Take his picture down, if you would.
734
00:37:42,305 --> 00:37:44,538
In case you're wondering
why you don't see Kamala Harris,
735
00:37:44,538 --> 00:37:46,005
she scared of dogs.
736
00:37:46,005 --> 00:37:48,071
[audience laughs]
737
00:37:50,238 --> 00:37:51,805
It's a crazy world.
738
00:37:55,138 --> 00:37:58,238
Everything's going crazy.
It ain't just on the human side.
739
00:37:59,338 --> 00:38:02,138
Even in the animal world,
shit has changed.
740
00:38:03,238 --> 00:38:05,238
They know it.
They don't know how to tell you.
741
00:38:06,238 --> 00:38:09,838
In the ocean, all the creatures
of the ocean done got together.
742
00:38:10,705 --> 00:38:13,571
And they are not about
no more foolishness.
743
00:38:13,571 --> 00:38:14,938
[audience laughs]
744
00:38:15,271 --> 00:38:17,138
It's whole groups of sharks,
745
00:38:17,138 --> 00:38:19,838
swimming around in motherfucking packs,
746
00:38:19,838 --> 00:38:22,071
looking for motherfucking surfers.
747
00:38:22,071 --> 00:38:23,605
[audience laughs]
748
00:38:24,438 --> 00:38:28,538
It's dolphins and orcas
that have got together sinking ships.
749
00:38:29,438 --> 00:38:31,305
And they know what the fuck going on.
750
00:38:32,005 --> 00:38:35,171
They tested the water
outside of Florida this summer.
751
00:38:35,738 --> 00:38:38,205
They found out that a mile down,
752
00:38:38,205 --> 00:38:42,738
it was 101 degrees in the ocean.
753
00:38:42,738 --> 00:38:44,038
The fuck?
754
00:38:45,071 --> 00:38:47,571
That's jacuzzi numbers, bitch.
755
00:38:47,571 --> 00:38:49,205
[audience laughs]
756
00:38:49,971 --> 00:38:54,805
And that's where all the cocaine
of the world come through.
757
00:38:55,871 --> 00:38:58,471
They know them sharks
is higher than a motherfucker.
758
00:38:58,471 --> 00:38:59,605
[audience laughs]
759
00:38:59,605 --> 00:39:02,938
And that's the same water
they saw Jamie Foxx coming out of.
760
00:39:02,938 --> 00:39:04,971
I'm gonna make you do what it do, baby.
761
00:39:05,105 --> 00:39:07,138
[audience laughs]
762
00:39:08,438 --> 00:39:09,971
Y'all know I'm just playing.
763
00:39:11,238 --> 00:39:12,505
[man 5] What you got, nigga?
764
00:39:13,538 --> 00:39:15,038
The world is so crazy,
765
00:39:15,904 --> 00:39:19,038
even as a Black person
in the greatest country in the world,
766
00:39:19,471 --> 00:39:21,971
we still be going through shit sometimes.
767
00:39:22,571 --> 00:39:24,838
And when something happen
to a Black person,
768
00:39:24,838 --> 00:39:27,105
we don't have nobody to help us.
769
00:39:28,105 --> 00:39:32,305
Only God can come
out of nowhere and uplift us,
770
00:39:32,305 --> 00:39:33,838
and we know that for a fact.
771
00:39:33,838 --> 00:39:35,571
- [audience applauds]
- [man 3] That's right!
772
00:39:35,571 --> 00:39:37,904
We don't know where
the uplifting gonna come from,
773
00:39:38,938 --> 00:39:40,705
but we be happy to get it.
774
00:39:40,705 --> 00:39:41,938
[man 3] Yeah.
775
00:39:41,938 --> 00:39:44,205
I can testify for my own life.
776
00:39:45,238 --> 00:39:50,605
When I'm feeling low, there's a song
that go right to the core of my soul.
777
00:39:50,605 --> 00:39:53,671
[young girl singing in the background]
♪ Nationwide ♪
778
00:39:53,671 --> 00:40:00,371
♪ Is on your side ♪
779
00:40:00,371 --> 00:40:02,005
God bless that baby girl.
780
00:40:02,005 --> 00:40:03,938
I did not know I needed that.
781
00:40:03,938 --> 00:40:05,404
I needed that shit.
782
00:40:05,404 --> 00:40:06,771
[audience applauds]
783
00:40:07,971 --> 00:40:09,205
That's right. As a Black person,
784
00:40:09,205 --> 00:40:11,671
you don't know where
the uplifting gonna come from,
785
00:40:12,538 --> 00:40:14,971
but you be happier than a motherfucker
to see it.
786
00:40:16,238 --> 00:40:18,771
I think the last time
we all saw it as a group
787
00:40:20,338 --> 00:40:23,271
was that motherfucking
Alabama riverboat brawl.
788
00:40:23,271 --> 00:40:25,338
[audience cheers]
789
00:40:25,338 --> 00:40:30,305
That is one of the greatest things
I ever saw in my life.
790
00:40:30,305 --> 00:40:32,071
Are you kidding me?
791
00:40:32,571 --> 00:40:34,505
I did not know I needed that.
792
00:40:34,505 --> 00:40:35,838
I needed that.
793
00:40:38,871 --> 00:40:40,438
I couldn't believe it.
794
00:40:41,871 --> 00:40:43,904
I never seen anything like that.
795
00:40:44,771 --> 00:40:45,871
And white people,
796
00:40:46,371 --> 00:40:48,671
Black people can't tell you this,
but I'll say it.
797
00:40:50,638 --> 00:40:53,971
As a nigga, I never been so proud
798
00:40:53,971 --> 00:40:57,671
[in high-pitched voice]
to see a nigga swim in my life!
799
00:40:57,671 --> 00:40:59,238
[audience laughs and applauds]
800
00:40:59,238 --> 00:41:02,038
[in normal voice] You'd have thought
I was watching the Olympics, bitch.
801
00:41:02,038 --> 00:41:04,271
[high-pitched yell] "Yes!"
802
00:41:05,971 --> 00:41:06,938
[woman 1] Yeah!
803
00:41:07,671 --> 00:41:09,305
Everything was perfect.
804
00:41:09,305 --> 00:41:10,705
[audience laughs]
805
00:41:11,771 --> 00:41:15,705
Right when you thought there was no hope,
there was hope.
806
00:41:15,705 --> 00:41:17,138
[audience laughs]
807
00:41:17,371 --> 00:41:20,838
And that nigga understood the assignment.
808
00:41:20,838 --> 00:41:22,005
[audience laughs]
809
00:41:22,971 --> 00:41:28,138
He knew that every Black person
was counting on him.
810
00:41:28,138 --> 00:41:29,971
[audience laughs]
811
00:41:29,971 --> 00:41:32,771
If that nigga had have drowned,
niggas would have died.
812
00:41:32,771 --> 00:41:34,271
Ah!
813
00:41:34,271 --> 00:41:35,571
[audience laughs]
814
00:41:38,438 --> 00:41:41,404
That nigga understood the assignment.
815
00:41:43,771 --> 00:41:49,105
He swam like every Black person
was counting on him.
816
00:41:51,271 --> 00:41:54,538
[young girl singing in the background]
♪ Nationwide ♪
817
00:41:54,538 --> 00:42:01,138
♪ Is on your side ♪
818
00:42:01,138 --> 00:42:03,105
[audience laughs and applauds]
819
00:42:03,105 --> 00:42:04,838
He got over there, they threw the hat up,
820
00:42:04,838 --> 00:42:06,971
I said, "Ahhhh!"
821
00:42:07,871 --> 00:42:10,138
I never seen no shit like that.
822
00:42:11,305 --> 00:42:13,071
Right when you thought it was over,
823
00:42:13,971 --> 00:42:15,505
it was not over.
824
00:42:16,738 --> 00:42:20,271
That nigga picked up
that folding chair and said,
825
00:42:20,838 --> 00:42:24,038
"This shit right here, nigga!"
826
00:42:24,038 --> 00:42:25,638
[audience laughs and applauds]
827
00:42:25,638 --> 00:42:26,538
[grunts]
828
00:42:27,338 --> 00:42:28,871
I almost went to heaven.
829
00:42:28,871 --> 00:42:30,771
[audience laughs]
830
00:42:33,138 --> 00:42:34,771
White people, let me say this.
831
00:42:35,871 --> 00:42:37,705
In front of all these minorities...
832
00:42:39,571 --> 00:42:41,338
that was not racial.
833
00:42:42,505 --> 00:42:45,971
Let me repeat, that was not racial.
834
00:42:46,771 --> 00:42:48,404
That was equality.
835
00:42:48,404 --> 00:42:50,371
[audience laughs and applauds]
836
00:42:50,371 --> 00:42:53,805
Some people needed their ass whooped,
some people got their ass whooped.
837
00:42:53,805 --> 00:42:56,105
That's it. No harm, no foul.
838
00:42:56,105 --> 00:42:58,171
[audience applauds]
839
00:42:59,038 --> 00:43:02,438
That wasn't even Black people moves.
That was World Wrestling moves.
840
00:43:02,438 --> 00:43:04,505
[audience laughs]
841
00:43:09,738 --> 00:43:11,338
I know earlier I said:
842
00:43:11,338 --> 00:43:12,805
[man 5] Take that, take that!
843
00:43:12,805 --> 00:43:15,071
"This is the greatest time
to be alive ever."
844
00:43:15,071 --> 00:43:16,138
[man 1] Whoo!
845
00:43:16,138 --> 00:43:19,271
But not for everybody.
846
00:43:19,271 --> 00:43:21,105
[audience laughs]
847
00:43:21,105 --> 00:43:25,404
For some people,
it's the worst time to be alive
848
00:43:25,404 --> 00:43:27,205
that ever existed.
849
00:43:28,505 --> 00:43:33,004
If you a racist in 2024,
850
00:43:33,938 --> 00:43:38,504
understand you are one of
the stupidest motherfuckers
851
00:43:38,504 --> 00:43:40,638
that ever lived.
852
00:43:40,638 --> 00:43:42,838
[audience cheers and applauds]
853
00:43:42,838 --> 00:43:43,738
Yeah.
854
00:43:44,504 --> 00:43:46,504
It mean even the caveman is like:
855
00:43:46,504 --> 00:43:48,805
[mimics caveman] "Ooga booga stupid."
856
00:43:48,805 --> 00:43:50,271
[audience laughs]
857
00:43:52,371 --> 00:43:55,004
[in normal voice] If you a racist in 2024,
858
00:43:55,871 --> 00:43:58,938
it mean you believe some stupid shit.
859
00:43:59,571 --> 00:44:01,805
It don't matter
who the fuck you don't like,
860
00:44:02,404 --> 00:44:05,105
it all sounds ridiculous.
861
00:44:05,805 --> 00:44:08,238
What you mean you don't like Black people?
862
00:44:08,605 --> 00:44:09,771
[in high-pitched voice] What?!
863
00:44:09,771 --> 00:44:11,004
[audience laughs]
864
00:44:11,004 --> 00:44:13,571
Bitch, Google us!
865
00:44:14,004 --> 00:44:16,205
We are magnificent, bitch.
866
00:44:16,205 --> 00:44:17,805
[audience cheers and applauds]
867
00:44:17,805 --> 00:44:21,438
All across the universe!
868
00:44:25,438 --> 00:44:27,271
And we're delicious.
869
00:44:27,271 --> 00:44:29,205
[audience laughs]
870
00:44:29,205 --> 00:44:31,805
All the cannibals swear by nigga meat.
871
00:44:31,805 --> 00:44:33,771
[audience laughs]
872
00:44:34,671 --> 00:44:36,571
Fuck you mean you don't like Black people?
873
00:44:37,305 --> 00:44:39,138
- [woman 1] Here he is!
- Impossible.
874
00:44:40,404 --> 00:44:42,805
It mean you gotta believe
some stupid shit.
875
00:44:44,038 --> 00:44:45,671
It mean you gotta believe
876
00:44:46,605 --> 00:44:50,538
that God cursed Black people
with this skin.
877
00:44:51,305 --> 00:44:52,138
What?!
878
00:44:52,805 --> 00:44:57,504
You mean the best skin
in the skin business, bitch?
879
00:44:57,504 --> 00:44:58,638
[audience cheering]
880
00:44:58,638 --> 00:45:00,971
How could that be a curse?
881
00:45:01,971 --> 00:45:09,004
Nobody in Africa got a dermatologist
or a skin regimen.
882
00:45:09,004 --> 00:45:11,105
It's just sunshine and dirt.
883
00:45:11,105 --> 00:45:12,504
[audience laughs]
884
00:45:12,504 --> 00:45:14,404
Skin flawless.
885
00:45:16,071 --> 00:45:18,504
Fuck you mean you don't like Black people.
886
00:45:18,971 --> 00:45:20,004
The fuck?
887
00:45:20,404 --> 00:45:22,771
Our women are some of the most voluptuous.
888
00:45:22,771 --> 00:45:26,838
[audience cheers]
889
00:45:27,238 --> 00:45:29,971
Our men are some of the most well-endowed.
890
00:45:30,504 --> 00:45:33,938
I'm not speaking for all niggas, just me.
891
00:45:33,938 --> 00:45:36,571
[audience laughs]
892
00:45:37,705 --> 00:45:40,438
That's why I thought
I was gonna be 6'1", or 6'2".
893
00:45:40,438 --> 00:45:43,538
This is too much penis for 5'5".
894
00:45:43,538 --> 00:45:45,305
[audience cheers]
895
00:45:45,305 --> 00:45:47,238
But the Lord is my shepherd,
896
00:45:47,238 --> 00:45:48,671
[audience laughs]
897
00:45:48,671 --> 00:45:50,504
I shall not want.
898
00:45:52,805 --> 00:45:53,805
[man 3] I want it!
899
00:45:54,338 --> 00:45:56,004
Just saying, it's a crazy time.
900
00:45:57,771 --> 00:45:59,871
You can't afford not to like Black people.
901
00:46:00,438 --> 00:46:03,738
You don't like Black people enough,
you could become one yourself.
902
00:46:03,738 --> 00:46:04,871
[audience laughs]
903
00:46:04,871 --> 00:46:07,371
I'm not the only Black man
with a bunch of mug shots.
904
00:46:07,371 --> 00:46:08,471
Show another one.
905
00:46:10,004 --> 00:46:12,338
[audience laughs and groans]
906
00:46:12,338 --> 00:46:14,671
[in a deep voice]
What you see, two niggas.
907
00:46:16,205 --> 00:46:18,371
[in a normal voice]
Take that down, he looks angry.
908
00:46:18,371 --> 00:46:20,771
[audience laughs]
909
00:46:21,738 --> 00:46:23,105
World is crazy.
910
00:46:24,871 --> 00:46:26,271
World is crazy.
911
00:46:27,938 --> 00:46:30,738
Trump finally decided to reach out
to Black people.
912
00:46:32,105 --> 00:46:34,805
He decided to do it
with a motherfucking shoe.
913
00:46:35,938 --> 00:46:39,771
'Cause he heard niggas love sneakers.
914
00:46:40,238 --> 00:46:42,738
[in high-pitched voice]
If you don't get the fuck out of here!
915
00:46:43,471 --> 00:46:45,638
[in a normal voice] Those are $400.
916
00:46:46,904 --> 00:46:48,504
Only a white man...
917
00:46:49,805 --> 00:46:53,071
would make something for niggas
that no Black people can match.
918
00:46:53,071 --> 00:46:54,338
[audience laughs]
919
00:46:54,338 --> 00:46:58,904
Who got a red, white, blue,
and gold outfit they been waiting to rock?
920
00:46:59,438 --> 00:47:02,438
Take that picture down.
We not trying to sell those.
921
00:47:02,438 --> 00:47:04,771
[audience laughs]
922
00:47:06,238 --> 00:47:08,404
I don't wanna talk about the man's shoes.
923
00:47:09,438 --> 00:47:13,338
I tried Joe Biden's shoes,
but I didn't like them.
924
00:47:13,338 --> 00:47:16,471
I put on one shoe,
and both my feet fell asleep.
925
00:47:16,471 --> 00:47:19,038
[in high-pitched voice] God damn it, Joe!
926
00:47:19,771 --> 00:47:21,471
[in normal voice] The air tingles.
927
00:47:21,471 --> 00:47:23,838
[audience laughs]
928
00:47:24,471 --> 00:47:26,105
The world is so crazy.
929
00:47:27,171 --> 00:47:33,371
Donald Trump is not even
the craziest person in politics.
930
00:47:34,504 --> 00:47:39,171
The craziest person in politics
is Ron DeSantis.
931
00:47:39,171 --> 00:47:41,504
[audience groans and applauds]
932
00:47:41,504 --> 00:47:45,038
That is a scary motherfucker.
933
00:47:46,238 --> 00:47:47,971
Ron DeSantis.
934
00:47:49,238 --> 00:47:51,371
He say some evil shit.
935
00:47:52,971 --> 00:47:56,371
Ron say some shit
even make Hitler go, "What?"
936
00:47:56,371 --> 00:47:58,105
[audience laughs]
937
00:48:00,638 --> 00:48:06,238
Ron DeSantis said, "Black people
don't get no credit for slavery...
938
00:48:08,838 --> 00:48:11,071
...because y'all learned something."
939
00:48:11,071 --> 00:48:13,071
[audience laughs]
940
00:48:13,805 --> 00:48:15,105
What?
941
00:48:16,238 --> 00:48:19,738
We learned we should have
whooped your motherfucking ass
942
00:48:19,738 --> 00:48:21,904
when we had the chance, Ron!
943
00:48:21,904 --> 00:48:22,971
[audience applauds]
944
00:48:22,971 --> 00:48:25,205
The fuck is he talking about?
945
00:48:27,738 --> 00:48:29,538
That's why you gotta be so careful.
946
00:48:30,805 --> 00:48:34,138
Because they'll try to erase history
while you looking at it.
947
00:48:35,904 --> 00:48:38,238
They don't even talk
about slavery in America.
948
00:48:38,238 --> 00:48:39,238
You know why?
949
00:48:39,838 --> 00:48:41,871
Because they don't wanna give no credit
950
00:48:41,871 --> 00:48:47,105
to the people that got Black people
out of slavery in the first place.
951
00:48:47,771 --> 00:48:49,838
They don't want them to get no shine.
952
00:48:50,371 --> 00:48:52,471
So they erased it from history.
953
00:48:53,038 --> 00:48:55,605
But I'll say it right here
in front of the world.
954
00:48:58,004 --> 00:49:01,871
Black women got
Black people out of slavery...
955
00:49:01,871 --> 00:49:03,638
- [audience cheers and applauds]
- ...in America.
956
00:49:03,638 --> 00:49:05,571
That's the facts.
957
00:49:06,471 --> 00:49:07,938
As a group.
958
00:49:08,771 --> 00:49:10,071
[woman 1] Yo!
959
00:49:10,805 --> 00:49:12,538
Black women did that
960
00:49:13,305 --> 00:49:15,038
without assistance.
961
00:49:16,971 --> 00:49:21,438
There was no group
of Black men that got together,
962
00:49:22,504 --> 00:49:25,238
said, "Fuck this shit, nigga,
we not feeling this.
963
00:49:25,238 --> 00:49:27,271
Slave no motherfucking more."
964
00:49:28,305 --> 00:49:30,638
Because they killed
all them niggas that day.
965
00:49:30,638 --> 00:49:32,838
[audience laughs]
966
00:49:32,838 --> 00:49:34,371
No. It was Black women.
967
00:49:36,205 --> 00:49:38,171
Our great, great grandmama and them.
968
00:49:39,371 --> 00:49:42,805
That just so happened to be blessed
969
00:49:43,638 --> 00:49:48,404
with some of the sweetest,
most delicious pussy
970
00:49:48,404 --> 00:49:52,138
that God has ever created.
971
00:49:52,138 --> 00:49:53,238
[audience laughs]
972
00:49:53,238 --> 00:49:54,838
Oh, yes.
973
00:49:56,305 --> 00:49:58,738
Black women doing what was necessary.
974
00:49:58,738 --> 00:50:00,271
[woman 3] Come on, man!
975
00:50:00,671 --> 00:50:03,371
Great grandmama
wasn't just in there making cornbread.
976
00:50:03,371 --> 00:50:04,538
[audience laughs]
977
00:50:04,538 --> 00:50:05,838
Oh, no.
978
00:50:06,838 --> 00:50:10,105
She was also slinging
some of the greatest pussy
979
00:50:10,105 --> 00:50:13,071
that master had ever seen.
980
00:50:14,904 --> 00:50:17,338
She is not going back in the field.
981
00:50:18,771 --> 00:50:20,605
She lives in the house now.
982
00:50:21,738 --> 00:50:25,471
"What do you mean
'what house', Rebecca? This house."
983
00:50:25,471 --> 00:50:27,805
[audience laughs]
984
00:50:29,471 --> 00:50:34,004
Doing what the fuck was necessary.
985
00:50:36,238 --> 00:50:39,105
That's right. They erased all of it.
986
00:50:40,071 --> 00:50:41,971
You know who suck a mean dick?
987
00:50:43,004 --> 00:50:44,738
Miss Butterworth.
988
00:50:44,738 --> 00:50:46,371
[audience laughs]
989
00:50:47,205 --> 00:50:49,404
You know how good your pussy gotta be
990
00:50:49,404 --> 00:50:52,605
for you to get a syrup
named after you, bitch?
991
00:50:52,605 --> 00:50:58,371
It say "thick and rich and delicious"
on the bottle to this day.
992
00:50:58,371 --> 00:51:00,938
[audience laughs]
993
00:51:04,338 --> 00:51:06,605
Her and her girlfriend Aunt Jemima
994
00:51:07,971 --> 00:51:10,271
doing threesomes for freedom.
995
00:51:10,271 --> 00:51:12,471
[audience laughs]
996
00:51:15,538 --> 00:51:16,638
[man 1] Whoo!
997
00:51:17,671 --> 00:51:18,971
I'm just saying.
998
00:51:21,105 --> 00:51:24,605
I believe that we are all family.
999
00:51:26,238 --> 00:51:30,371
Black, white, whatever. All family.
1000
00:51:30,371 --> 00:51:34,171
And I don't just tell Black secrets.
1001
00:51:34,171 --> 00:51:36,105
[audience laughs and applauds]
1002
00:51:38,738 --> 00:51:41,038
I tell white secrets too.
1003
00:51:42,538 --> 00:51:44,838
- Because we all family.
- [man 2] Yeah.
1004
00:51:44,838 --> 00:51:47,638
They don't lie to some of us,
they lie to all of us.
1005
00:51:49,138 --> 00:51:51,238
White people, they even lie to y'all.
1006
00:51:53,338 --> 00:51:56,038
Look at the white people.
"Who the fuck is 'they'?"
1007
00:51:56,471 --> 00:51:59,238
[audience laughs]
1008
00:52:00,471 --> 00:52:03,071
Black people, you don't have
to take my word for it.
1009
00:52:03,738 --> 00:52:05,871
Look to a white person near you...
1010
00:52:07,205 --> 00:52:09,705
and you will see this secret is true.
1011
00:52:09,705 --> 00:52:11,205
[audience laughs]
1012
00:52:13,004 --> 00:52:14,638
[man 2] No one's turning around!
1013
00:52:15,738 --> 00:52:18,404
Look at the white people
looking to see if niggas is looking.
1014
00:52:18,404 --> 00:52:21,338
[audience laughs]
1015
00:52:23,638 --> 00:52:25,471
Even the people at home is looking.
1016
00:52:25,471 --> 00:52:27,238
[audience laughs]
1017
00:52:28,805 --> 00:52:30,071
Okay, here it goes.
1018
00:52:31,904 --> 00:52:33,105
White secret.
1019
00:52:35,605 --> 00:52:36,971
My whole life...
1020
00:52:38,004 --> 00:52:42,138
I wondered why white people
weren't more empathetic
1021
00:52:42,938 --> 00:52:45,671
to what Black people
went through in this country.
1022
00:52:45,671 --> 00:52:49,305
It's truly a superhero story.
1023
00:52:49,305 --> 00:52:52,071
Like people that was killed
and whooped on,
1024
00:52:52,071 --> 00:52:54,305
and wasn't allowed to read and shit,
1025
00:52:54,305 --> 00:52:58,371
and treated like animals
and put in a hole for 500 years
1026
00:52:58,371 --> 00:53:00,605
and had to drag their way the fuck out.
1027
00:53:00,605 --> 00:53:03,571
Look at white people,
"When did we say any of this?"
1028
00:53:03,571 --> 00:53:05,738
[audience laughs]
1029
00:53:05,738 --> 00:53:09,771
I just wanna know why white people
are not more empathetic
1030
00:53:10,671 --> 00:53:13,605
to what Black people
went through in this country
1031
00:53:13,605 --> 00:53:16,838
to build a country for free
1032
00:53:16,838 --> 00:53:20,471
and then have them say,
"You niggas is lazy."
1033
00:53:20,471 --> 00:53:21,904
[in high-pitched voice] What?
1034
00:53:21,904 --> 00:53:25,171
[audience applauds]
1035
00:53:26,071 --> 00:53:29,938
[in normal voice] I just wanna know
why white people are not more empathetic.
1036
00:53:30,938 --> 00:53:32,438
This what I found out.
1037
00:53:33,105 --> 00:53:34,838
You ain't gonna believe this shit.
1038
00:53:34,838 --> 00:53:36,904
[audience laughs]
1039
00:53:36,904 --> 00:53:39,338
I found out if you look through history,
1040
00:53:40,205 --> 00:53:42,038
all through humankind,
1041
00:53:43,071 --> 00:53:45,338
at one point in history,
1042
00:53:45,938 --> 00:53:48,871
every group of people
1043
00:53:49,404 --> 00:53:53,004
has been slaves at least one time.
1044
00:53:53,004 --> 00:53:53,904
[man 1] Right.
1045
00:53:53,904 --> 00:53:56,504
Even white people.
1046
00:53:57,371 --> 00:54:02,338
And white people,
they erased yours from history.
1047
00:54:03,605 --> 00:54:05,404
But I'm here to tell you,
1048
00:54:06,605 --> 00:54:09,305
in front of all these minorities,
1049
00:54:09,305 --> 00:54:11,071
[audience laughs]
1050
00:54:12,038 --> 00:54:14,138
here's the truth, white friends.
1051
00:54:16,038 --> 00:54:21,105
Y'all were some of the worst slaves
1052
00:54:21,105 --> 00:54:23,404
that ever existed.
1053
00:54:23,404 --> 00:54:26,171
- Ah!
- [audience laughs]
1054
00:54:26,171 --> 00:54:28,605
Y'all was terrible white slaves.
1055
00:54:28,605 --> 00:54:29,871
[audience laughs]
1056
00:54:29,871 --> 00:54:33,071
You couldn't make no money
with a white slave.
1057
00:54:33,671 --> 00:54:36,205
All they do is complain.
1058
00:54:37,471 --> 00:54:42,305
"I want to see the manager."
We don't have a manager, Rebecca!
1059
00:54:42,305 --> 00:54:43,271
[audience laughs]
1060
00:54:43,271 --> 00:54:45,705
This is slavery, bitch.
1061
00:54:46,538 --> 00:54:48,438
I am the overseer.
1062
00:54:50,471 --> 00:54:51,504
It's terrible.
1063
00:54:52,738 --> 00:54:55,538
They couldn't be in the field
for 45 minutes.
1064
00:54:56,838 --> 00:55:01,738
Then they got to come in and get sunscreen
that we have not invented yet.
1065
00:55:01,738 --> 00:55:03,238
[audience laughs]
1066
00:55:03,838 --> 00:55:08,805
They growing all the wrong crops,
wheatgrass and romaine lettuce.
1067
00:55:09,771 --> 00:55:11,071
It's sad.
1068
00:55:11,071 --> 00:55:12,838
[audience laughs]
1069
00:55:13,071 --> 00:55:14,171
They ain't...
1070
00:55:15,571 --> 00:55:17,671
ain't even had no Negro spirituals.
1071
00:55:17,671 --> 00:55:18,738
They just...
1072
00:55:18,738 --> 00:55:20,504
[audience laughs]
1073
00:55:20,504 --> 00:55:23,671
out there listening
to terrible country shit.
1074
00:55:23,671 --> 00:55:27,605
[instrumental country music plays]
1075
00:55:30,504 --> 00:55:32,138
[instrumental country music stops]
1076
00:55:32,138 --> 00:55:34,904
Pick no cotton like that, white people.
1077
00:55:36,038 --> 00:55:39,238
Y'all see that was live?
I almost bust my ass.
1078
00:55:39,238 --> 00:55:40,938
[audience laughs]
1079
00:55:40,938 --> 00:55:44,938
I'm just here to say,
we gotta not be separated
1080
00:55:44,938 --> 00:55:48,038
when we can all be
the motherfucker together.
1081
00:55:48,038 --> 00:55:49,305
[audience cheers]
1082
00:55:49,305 --> 00:55:53,004
2024, not the time for separation.
1083
00:55:53,004 --> 00:55:54,338
[man 3] Yeah!
1084
00:55:54,338 --> 00:55:57,971
They don't wanna talk about the shit,
but the shit is real.
1085
00:55:58,438 --> 00:56:00,805
And we are family and
we should not be fighting.
1086
00:56:01,705 --> 00:56:03,838
And white friends, let me tell you this.
1087
00:56:04,471 --> 00:56:07,438
Since we all family,
I wouldn't let some shit happen
1088
00:56:07,871 --> 00:56:12,838
without letting my white family know
something is getting ready to happen.
1089
00:56:12,838 --> 00:56:14,071
[audience laughs]
1090
00:56:14,071 --> 00:56:15,771
So let me just make this announcement
1091
00:56:15,771 --> 00:56:20,138
and white friends, please take this
back to your communities.
1092
00:56:20,138 --> 00:56:21,805
[audience laughs]
1093
00:56:21,805 --> 00:56:22,738
Okay.
1094
00:56:27,504 --> 00:56:31,071
It is now time for Black people in America
1095
00:56:31,071 --> 00:56:34,538
to get paid reparations for everything
1096
00:56:34,538 --> 00:56:35,904
[air horn blares]
1097
00:56:35,904 --> 00:56:40,971
that them and their ancestors
have been through in American history.
1098
00:56:40,971 --> 00:56:43,771
[audience cheers]
1099
00:56:43,771 --> 00:56:45,571
Look at the white people. "What?
1100
00:56:45,571 --> 00:56:47,571
[audience laughs]
1101
00:56:47,571 --> 00:56:49,571
Why now, Katt?"
1102
00:56:51,205 --> 00:56:53,404
Thanks for asking, white friends.
1103
00:56:54,371 --> 00:56:56,971
I'll tell you why now.
1104
00:56:57,938 --> 00:57:01,271
And understand, white friends,
I don't speak for all Black people.
1105
00:57:02,271 --> 00:57:04,638
But I do speak for all niggas.
1106
00:57:04,638 --> 00:57:05,805
[audience laughs]
1107
00:57:05,805 --> 00:57:08,271
And you are not supposed
to know the difference.
1108
00:57:09,038 --> 00:57:11,904
Okay, this is so you
don't think I'm playing.
1109
00:57:13,004 --> 00:57:15,938
Black people, it's our money.
And when do we need it?
1110
00:57:15,938 --> 00:57:17,338
[audience] Now!
1111
00:57:17,338 --> 00:57:19,938
You see that, white people?
We didn't even rehearse that.
1112
00:57:19,938 --> 00:57:23,938
You see that? This is live, bitch.
Do you understand?
1113
00:57:24,904 --> 00:57:28,705
That's how bad Black people need it.
That came from our core.
1114
00:57:28,705 --> 00:57:31,538
[audience laughs]
1115
00:57:31,538 --> 00:57:34,605
Even some of
our Hispanic friends said, "Now!"
1116
00:57:34,605 --> 00:57:35,771
[audience laughs]
1117
00:57:35,771 --> 00:57:37,305
Ándale!
1118
00:57:41,805 --> 00:57:44,205
- The time is now.
- [man 1] Yeah!
1119
00:57:44,205 --> 00:57:46,271
And understand, white friends,
1120
00:57:47,105 --> 00:57:50,805
I know you thinking,
"No, seriously, Katt, why now?"
1121
00:57:50,805 --> 00:57:52,138
I'll tell you why.
1122
00:57:52,571 --> 00:57:53,871
And these are the facts.
1123
00:57:54,838 --> 00:57:59,838
We just gave $100 billion to the Ukraine.
1124
00:57:59,838 --> 00:58:01,205
[audience cheers]
1125
00:58:01,205 --> 00:58:03,404
And God bless the Ukrainians.
1126
00:58:03,404 --> 00:58:05,271
[man 1] Yeah, yeah.
1127
00:58:05,271 --> 00:58:06,971
But off the record?
1128
00:58:06,971 --> 00:58:09,004
[audience laughs]
1129
00:58:10,671 --> 00:58:13,871
[in high-pitched voice]
We don't know them niggas like that.
1130
00:58:13,871 --> 00:58:16,671
[audience laughs and applauds]
1131
00:58:16,671 --> 00:58:19,205
[in normal voice] You could have gave
that money to Black people.
1132
00:58:19,205 --> 00:58:20,504
The fuck?
1133
00:58:21,671 --> 00:58:23,938
[woman 1] Right, Katt! Gotta say it!
1134
00:58:23,938 --> 00:58:25,871
We done gave them all that money.
1135
00:58:25,871 --> 00:58:29,605
The truth is, they over there getting
they ass whooped over there.
1136
00:58:30,538 --> 00:58:33,738
You could have gave that money
to the Black people of Los Angeles
1137
00:58:33,738 --> 00:58:37,471
and they'd have went over there
and whooped their ass in two weeks.
1138
00:58:37,471 --> 00:58:39,838
[audience laughs and applauds]
1139
00:58:41,271 --> 00:58:47,038
Look, it looks like reparations
is for Black people, but it's not.
1140
00:58:47,671 --> 00:58:49,105
It's for you, white friend.
1141
00:58:49,671 --> 00:58:50,671
It's for you.
1142
00:58:51,338 --> 00:58:53,638
It's gonna help us, but it's for you.
1143
00:58:54,771 --> 00:59:00,004
Sure, every Black person gonna wake up
with $20 million in the bank.
1144
00:59:00,705 --> 00:59:02,904
So the fuck what?
1145
00:59:02,904 --> 00:59:04,538
[audience laughs]
1146
00:59:04,538 --> 00:59:06,338
It's for you, white friends.
1147
00:59:06,805 --> 00:59:09,271
You think America been great before?
1148
00:59:09,271 --> 00:59:10,504
[man 5] Come on!
1149
00:59:10,504 --> 00:59:15,338
Wait till we got a country
full of rich niggas.
1150
00:59:15,338 --> 00:59:16,538
[audience cheers]
1151
00:59:16,538 --> 00:59:21,471
This finna be the greatest country
in the world, bitch.
1152
00:59:21,471 --> 00:59:22,538
[woman 1] Hell, yeah!
1153
00:59:22,538 --> 00:59:25,404
It's gonna be free barbecue
and dance lessons
1154
00:59:25,404 --> 00:59:29,138
on Mondays and Wednesdays and Fridays.
1155
00:59:29,138 --> 00:59:31,371
[audience cheers]
1156
00:59:32,705 --> 00:59:34,404
It's for you, white friend.
1157
00:59:36,205 --> 00:59:39,471
White friend, don't you want
to get slavery behind you?
1158
00:59:40,438 --> 00:59:43,971
You ain't never had a slave
in your motherfucking life.
1159
00:59:44,871 --> 00:59:46,371
Get this past you.
1160
00:59:47,538 --> 00:59:50,971
You pay them reparations, racism is dead.
1161
00:59:50,971 --> 00:59:52,205
[audience laughs]
1162
00:59:52,738 --> 00:59:55,771
- [woman 1] Yeah.
- Get it past you, white friends.
1163
00:59:56,871 --> 00:59:59,205
Here's what they won't tell you,
white friends.
1164
01:00:00,404 --> 01:00:02,671
You pay them reparations...
1165
01:00:03,404 --> 01:00:10,105
you can say "nigga"
anytime you want to, do you hear?
1166
01:00:10,105 --> 01:00:11,638
[audience laughs]
1167
01:00:11,638 --> 01:00:15,205
Look at the white people trying to act
like they not thinking about it.
1168
01:00:15,205 --> 01:00:16,871
[audience laughs]
1169
01:00:21,938 --> 01:00:23,705
That's right, white friends.
1170
01:00:25,138 --> 01:00:26,004
Think about it.
1171
01:00:26,471 --> 01:00:27,871
For the first time in history,
1172
01:00:27,871 --> 01:00:33,471
you can sing along to your favorite
rap song at the top of your goddamn lungs.
1173
01:00:33,471 --> 01:00:34,605
[audience laughs]
1174
01:00:34,605 --> 01:00:36,605
You pay them reparations,
1175
01:00:37,338 --> 01:00:40,338
the next day,
you can walk outside your house,
1176
01:00:41,338 --> 01:00:44,971
look for the biggest,
blackest thing you can find and say,
1177
01:00:44,971 --> 01:00:47,805
"Nigga, did you get your money yet?"
1178
01:00:47,805 --> 01:00:49,771
You goddamn right I did.
1179
01:00:49,771 --> 01:00:52,138
Can I have that "God bless America"?
1180
01:00:52,571 --> 01:00:57,571
Thank you all so much. I'm Katt Williams.
And you keep me alive. Thank you.
1181
01:00:57,571 --> 01:01:00,504
♪ Light nigga, dark nigga,
faux nigga, real nigga ♪
1182
01:01:00,504 --> 01:01:03,471
♪ Rich nigga, poor nigga
House nigga, field nigga ♪
1183
01:01:04,038 --> 01:01:08,138
- ♪ Still nigga. Still nigga ♪
- ♪ My name isn't nigga ♪
1184
01:01:08,138 --> 01:01:11,305
♪ Only one to buy ♪
1185
01:01:11,305 --> 01:01:12,838
♪ I like that second one ♪
1186
01:01:14,671 --> 01:01:17,504
♪ Light or dark, dark nigga
Faux or real, real nigga ♪
1187
01:01:17,504 --> 01:01:20,805
♪ Real poor, poor nigga,
House nigga, field nigga ♪
1188
01:01:20,805 --> 01:01:22,171
♪ Still, still nigga ♪
1189
01:01:23,404 --> 01:01:24,771
♪ Still, still nigga ♪
1190
01:01:25,238 --> 01:01:28,738
♪ OJ like,
"I'm not black, I'm OJ" ♪
1191
01:01:30,605 --> 01:01:31,904
♪ O-okay ♪
1192
01:01:31,904 --> 01:01:36,904
♪ House nigga, don't fuck with me
I'm a field nigga, go shine cutlery ♪
1193
01:01:36,904 --> 01:01:39,771
- ♪ DJ Ope-Ski ♪
- ♪ Where the butlers be ♪
1194
01:01:39,771 --> 01:01:42,371
♪ I'ma play the corners
Where the hustlers be ♪
1195
01:01:42,371 --> 01:01:45,671
♪ I told him, "Please don't die
Over the neighborhood ♪
1196
01:01:45,671 --> 01:01:47,705
♪ That, that your mama rentin' ♪
1197
01:01:48,871 --> 01:01:51,504
♪ Your, your drug money
And buy the neighborhood ♪
1198
01:01:51,504 --> 01:01:53,138
♪ That's how you rinse it" ♪
1199
01:01:53,138 --> 01:01:54,771
[air horn blares]
1200
01:01:54,771 --> 01:01:56,838
♪ I bought every V12 engine ♪
1201
01:01:56,838 --> 01:01:59,238
♪ Wish I could take it
Back to the... ♪
1202
01:01:59,238 --> 01:02:00,338
[disk scratches]
1203
01:02:00,338 --> 01:02:02,838
♪ I coulda bought a place in DUMBO
Before it was DUMBO ♪
1204
01:02:02,838 --> 01:02:04,305
♪ For like 2 million ♪
1205
01:02:05,771 --> 01:02:08,471
♪ That same building today
Is worth 25 million ♪
1206
01:02:08,471 --> 01:02:10,438
- ♪ Guess how I'm feelin'? ♪
- ♪ DJ Ope-Ski ♪
1207
01:02:10,438 --> 01:02:11,338
♪ Dumbo ♪
1208
01:02:11,338 --> 01:02:14,071
♪ Light nigga, dark nigga
Faux nigga, real nigga ♪
1209
01:02:14,071 --> 01:02:16,771
♪ Rich nigga, poor nigga
House nigga, field nigga ♪
1210
01:02:17,571 --> 01:02:18,771
♪ Still nigga ♪
1211
01:02:18,771 --> 01:02:20,871
- ♪ My skin is black ♪
- ♪ Still nigga ♪
1212
01:02:20,871 --> 01:02:21,971
[music fades]