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Downloaded from
YTS.MX

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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

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Ladies and gentlemen,

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it is often said that applause
is meat and drink to an actor.

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Thank you for a lovely meal.

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You're a wonderful audience

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and I've enjoyed my six months
with you immensely.

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Now, as most of you know,

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tonight is my last appearance.

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I've been fired.

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And the reason I've been fired is not
because I do my job badly, which may be,

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or that I've been drunk and disorderly,

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which I sometimes am.

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But because I've slept
with our leading lady.

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Who also happens
to be the producer's wife.

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Bring down the curtain!

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00:02:06,167 --> 00:02:08,792
And you know something?
It wasn't worth it!

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<i>Platform three, calling at Leicester,</i>

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<i>train to Chesterfield, Sheffield...</i>

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Taxi!

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- He's here!
- Yoo-hoo!

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Stand by for a boarder!

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Gaze on him, friends,
the working man's Orson Welles!

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The oldest juvenile in the business!

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00:04:48,376 --> 00:04:50,959
What about a helping hand or two?

26
00:04:51,042 --> 00:04:53,584
My doctor told me
to lift nothing heavier than a pint.

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00:04:58,709 --> 00:05:00,459
- Welcome to the darkest Camden Town!
- A-ha!

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00:05:00,542 --> 00:05:02,792
- The agent Prout!
- Ta-da!

29
00:05:02,876 --> 00:05:04,959
- How are you, Chick?
- Fine! Grab the heavy stuff.

30
00:05:05,042 --> 00:05:07,292
I wouldn't carry that,
not for Peter Sellers. I'll have that.

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00:05:07,376 --> 00:05:09,042
You live here? How do we all fit in?

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00:05:09,126 --> 00:05:11,251
Oh, well, I was moving anyway,
just for you.

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Julian!

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Don't let him fool you. He's setting up
house with those identical charmers.

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00:05:16,167 --> 00:05:18,334
- How are you, my old mate?
- It's great to see you.

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00:05:18,417 --> 00:05:20,542
How does he tell them apart?

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00:05:20,626 --> 00:05:22,917
That's what makes it interesting.

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Lead on, Macduff!

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Hello, tea leaf! Never speak to that girl.

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Just covers the seat with tea leaves,
four times a day.

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00:05:38,959 --> 00:05:42,167
Oh, uh, remember to do that.
It gives the place character.

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Looks as though it needs it.

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Tea leaf strikes again!

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Chick, meet Yvonne and Pauline.

45
00:05:51,292 --> 00:05:52,251
Hello, Yvonne.

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- I'm Pauline.
- I'm Yvonne.

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00:05:54,042 --> 00:05:56,709
Enough of this love talk!
Slaves, finish my packing.

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Chick!

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00:06:00,792 --> 00:06:02,251
Come and see our humble abode!

50
00:06:02,334 --> 00:06:04,292
Where are my socks?
Who's moved my socks?

51
00:06:04,376 --> 00:06:05,959
You put a pair of socks down
and they vanish.

52
00:06:08,167 --> 00:06:11,417
- You're a lazy devil, Prout!
- It's nasty, but it's home.

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00:06:11,501 --> 00:06:13,042
It's nasty, all right!

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- Now prove to me it's home.
- Huh-uh. Over there.

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Voila!

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Brilliant.

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There's a marvellous view,
the treetops of Regent's Park

58
00:06:33,876 --> 00:06:36,292
- and seven dustbins.
- Ah! I can see the dustbins.

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00:06:36,376 --> 00:06:38,959
Two pounds a week is your share
of the rent, if you're staying.

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I'm staying, mate.

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I thought you liked it
as king of the repertory theatres.

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I abdicated. Overthrown by the queen.

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- That's a story I have to hear more of!
- You will!

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Where do I hang my suit?

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You mean, the grey flannel suit
that we know and love so well?

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- Yes.
- Over there.

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Right.

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00:06:59,126 --> 00:07:02,167
Julian, I decided to move on.

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- While I still have my own teeth.
- I told you that years ago.

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00:07:05,292 --> 00:07:08,959
The only thing that matters is
a fat film contract and a full, rich life.

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00:07:09,042 --> 00:07:11,251
Well, you're not exactly there yet,
old darling.

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00:07:11,334 --> 00:07:13,459
I like this place. It's lucky.

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What the hell's that?

74
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Help! Help!

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- So heavy!
- Mind the step!

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- Careful!
- Okay!

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Can you give us some help?

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Thank you.

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Don't play about with it, girls!
Get it in the taxi!

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Shut up, Prout!

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Go on! Get on with it!

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Who's gonna take these?
I carried them all the way downstairs.

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Hey, me boots! I forgot me boots.

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Hey! Throw me boots down, will ya?

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Ugh!

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They smell like ripe stilton!

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Hey! Watch it!

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I like ripe stilton!

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You would!

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Whoops!

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Cheerio!
Don't bother to change the sheets.

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We never did!

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00:08:08,917 --> 00:08:10,751
Julian,

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00:08:10,834 --> 00:08:12,209
it begins to feel like home.

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00:08:12,292 --> 00:08:14,542
It isn't Park Lane, Chick,
but it's a roof.

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Only just.

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00:08:33,751 --> 00:08:34,792
Oh!

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00:08:35,667 --> 00:08:37,209
Julian! Oh!

99
00:08:41,209 --> 00:08:43,334
- Flipping Ada!
- Come on.

100
00:08:43,417 --> 00:08:46,834
- Man the pumps, Mr Christian!
- Oh, God!

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Whoo! Goosed!

102
00:08:49,834 --> 00:08:51,667
Hey, they don't build houses
like they used to!

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Give us a hand, will ya?

104
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Ah! Enter the landlord!

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The landlord?
You mean the ghost of Hamlet's father!

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Okey-dokey.

107
00:09:02,501 --> 00:09:05,001
Tonight, it should have been
the death of me!

108
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Lots of rain. They're complaining.

109
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Good evening, tenants.

110
00:09:17,792 --> 00:09:21,084
Only a couple of broken tiles.
I'll fix it in a minute.

111
00:09:21,167 --> 00:09:25,084
Well, come on, mate! Come on! Come on!
I can't do this flamin' lot on me tod!

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Whoa!

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Residue.

114
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- Get me some patches!
- Patches.

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Patches, he wants.

116
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Oh, dear...! Sufferin' dear...!

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- Oh, God!
- Hey!

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- That was our breakfast!
- Well, it belongs to the ages now.

119
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Thanks.

120
00:10:08,709 --> 00:10:10,626
This is beyond a joke!

121
00:10:10,709 --> 00:10:13,459
Gladys is with me
and the sheets are sopping wet!

122
00:10:13,542 --> 00:10:16,209
Gladys, Mary, Joan.

123
00:10:16,292 --> 00:10:18,876
He never puts off till tomorrow
anyone he can do today!

124
00:10:18,959 --> 00:10:21,501
Chick, meet Theodore Littleton.
Otherwise known as...

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00:10:22,376 --> 00:10:24,501
- Theodore Littleton.
- Hello, Theodore Littleton.

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00:10:24,584 --> 00:10:26,376
- How do you do?
- He's a salesman.

127
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:28,417
He travels in ladies' underwear!

128
00:10:28,501 --> 00:10:29,709
That must be nice for him.

129
00:10:29,792 --> 00:10:33,251
A chap doesn't expect rain on the back
of his neck at a time like this.

130
00:10:34,376 --> 00:10:37,042
Player may look like a moron,
but don't let that fool you.

131
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He is a moron.

132
00:10:41,834 --> 00:10:43,042
Got it.

133
00:10:47,001 --> 00:10:48,751
I'll get the builders up in the spring.

134
00:10:48,834 --> 00:10:50,667
It's gonna be a long winter!

135
00:10:50,751 --> 00:10:52,917
Oh, sufferin'...!

136
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Exit the landlord.

137
00:11:04,334 --> 00:11:06,792
Every bloody bone in me body's broke.

138
00:11:06,876 --> 00:11:09,959
Hey, Gus.
Have you finished with the ladder?

139
00:11:17,001 --> 00:11:19,334
We look like
a couple of method actors.

140
00:11:19,417 --> 00:11:22,751
- Julian, if you please!
- I'm going out of my tiny mind.

141
00:11:22,834 --> 00:11:24,334
This ruins the schedule.

142
00:11:24,417 --> 00:11:26,917
You mean, you've got a schedule
and a tiny mind?

143
00:11:27,001 --> 00:11:29,501
Don't scoff too soon, old thing. Here.

144
00:11:30,084 --> 00:11:32,584
Voila! The Baxter report,

145
00:11:32,667 --> 00:11:35,084
on the behaviour of producers,
casting directors,

146
00:11:35,167 --> 00:11:36,584
and other influential people.

147
00:11:36,667 --> 00:11:38,792
Well! Did they know
they were being followed?

148
00:11:39,709 --> 00:11:42,209
Chick, while we're standing around here
waiting to get dried out,

149
00:11:42,292 --> 00:11:44,792
we've already missed
the casting director at ATV

150
00:11:44,876 --> 00:11:47,459
and Alfie Durand.
He goes over to the pub at 11.

151
00:11:47,542 --> 00:11:49,751
So, it looks like Tommy Morris at 11:30.

152
00:11:49,834 --> 00:11:52,209
- Which of these ties goes with this shirt?
- The dry one.

153
00:11:52,959 --> 00:11:55,584
Come on, get cracking.
We mustn't miss Tommy Morris.

154
00:11:56,084 --> 00:11:58,459
Let's see.
He'll get to his office at 11 o'clock.

155
00:11:58,542 --> 00:12:02,001
Half an hour to go through his mail, etc.,
and then, at 11:30...

156
00:12:02,084 --> 00:12:03,501
<i>he has a cup of tea,</i>

157
00:12:04,251 --> 00:12:05,626
<i>pats his secretary's bottom.</i>

158
00:12:08,709 --> 00:12:09,959
We made it.

159
00:12:10,042 --> 00:12:11,167
Right on cue.

160
00:12:14,251 --> 00:12:15,834
Tommy Morris's office.

161
00:12:16,376 --> 00:12:17,542
One moment.

162
00:12:18,417 --> 00:12:19,417
Hello?

163
00:12:19,501 --> 00:12:22,126
- Christine, darling!
- Julian, darling!

164
00:12:22,209 --> 00:12:24,167
- Meet Chick, darling.
- Hello, darling.

165
00:12:24,251 --> 00:12:25,667
Don't be familiar.

166
00:12:26,709 --> 00:12:28,501
All right. I'll go to 40.

167
00:12:29,042 --> 00:12:32,417
But if you keep on putting up his money,
it'd be cheaper to get Dickie Burton.

168
00:12:33,001 --> 00:12:34,126
Okay.

169
00:12:36,209 --> 00:12:37,501
Agents!

170
00:12:38,084 --> 00:12:39,626
Oh, Christine.
Get me the studio, will you?

171
00:12:40,376 --> 00:12:43,501
Oh, I want you, Julian.
Yes. Friday, car park attendant.

172
00:12:43,584 --> 00:12:44,959
Nice little cameo.

173
00:12:45,042 --> 00:12:47,501
- Who's playing the lead?
- Do me a favour.

174
00:12:49,584 --> 00:12:50,917
Nothing for you today, old man.

175
00:12:51,001 --> 00:12:53,626
My friend might be old,
but he's still got his own teeth.

176
00:12:53,709 --> 00:12:57,126
- Any other qualifications?
- One. I'm an actor, Mr Morris.

177
00:12:58,584 --> 00:13:00,459
With a flair for curtain speeches.

178
00:13:02,084 --> 00:13:03,709
We'll send you the contract, Julian.

179
00:13:05,417 --> 00:13:06,501
Goodbye, darling.

180
00:13:10,251 --> 00:13:13,376
- Charming people you introduced me to.
- Car park attendant!

181
00:13:13,459 --> 00:13:15,376
Ha! It's always the same story.

182
00:13:15,459 --> 00:13:17,001
How much talent do you need to park a car?

183
00:13:17,084 --> 00:13:18,876
Well, it's work, mate.

184
00:13:18,959 --> 00:13:21,459
I tell you, all I need is one good part.

185
00:13:22,126 --> 00:13:25,209
- Take me to lunch and cry on my shoulder.
- Ha, ha, ha.

186
00:13:28,751 --> 00:13:31,251
Julian, come here!
Look, I've been searching town for you.

187
00:13:31,334 --> 00:13:33,042
Um, a large gin and tonic, if you insist.

188
00:13:33,126 --> 00:13:35,292
- No, we don't.
- Frugalness will get you nowhere.

189
00:13:35,376 --> 00:13:36,542
Gerry, five halves...

190
00:13:36,626 --> 00:13:39,626
I fixed a very nice commercial television
for you on Friday.

191
00:13:39,709 --> 00:13:41,626
- No, Friday I'm filming.
- Now he tells me!

192
00:13:41,709 --> 00:13:44,959
There's no money in actors. I work
like a slave, they take 90 per cent.

193
00:13:45,042 --> 00:13:46,751
Cretin! What about my dad here?

194
00:13:46,834 --> 00:13:48,501
- Chick! Chick, come here. Come on.
- Yup.

195
00:13:48,584 --> 00:13:51,251
- Look, can you do a job on Friday?
- Friday or any day.

196
00:13:51,334 --> 00:13:52,917
Marvellous! I'll fix it.

197
00:13:53,001 --> 00:13:55,709
- Your career is in safe hands.
- I hope so.

198
00:14:03,709 --> 00:14:05,001
Oh, that's a great reaction, Chick!

199
00:14:05,084 --> 00:14:07,209
Hold it just like that
while I get us set up.

200
00:14:08,126 --> 00:14:11,167
Yes! Oh, that's beautiful. Wide screen.

201
00:14:11,251 --> 00:14:12,417
Now, Judy.

202
00:14:12,501 --> 00:14:14,709
We go in on a close-up on you,
right in on the eyes.

203
00:14:14,792 --> 00:14:18,292
Now, kids, dialogue.
Chick, you say, "Hello, Judy."

204
00:14:18,376 --> 00:14:19,626
Hello, Judy.

205
00:14:20,626 --> 00:14:21,501
Hello, Byrd.

206
00:14:21,584 --> 00:14:23,501
- Now wait for the director, will you?
- Julian, get lost!

207
00:14:23,584 --> 00:14:25,084
- What?
- Get lost.

208
00:14:29,334 --> 00:14:30,834
Nobody told me you were back.

209
00:14:30,917 --> 00:14:32,959
I thought you were at the playhouse
in York.

210
00:14:33,042 --> 00:14:34,834
- What are you doing here?
- Resting.

211
00:14:34,917 --> 00:14:36,542
What, by walking your feet off all day?

212
00:14:36,626 --> 00:14:38,292
I haven't been in a show for months, Byrd.

213
00:14:39,001 --> 00:14:41,001
Oh, this pays the rent,
and the meals are free.

214
00:14:42,501 --> 00:14:44,876
I like it. You're looking marvellous.

215
00:14:46,792 --> 00:14:48,084
Flattery will get you...

216
00:14:49,542 --> 00:14:51,042
spaghetti. Come on.

217
00:14:52,459 --> 00:14:55,834
- Where are you living?
- Paddington, Renly Terrace, Number 23.

218
00:14:57,167 --> 00:14:59,376
- Come and have tea with me.
- Love to.

219
00:14:59,917 --> 00:15:01,751
It's a nice room with a kitchen.

220
00:15:01,834 --> 00:15:03,834
- I get off about five.
- All fixed, all fixed!

221
00:15:03,917 --> 00:15:06,251
- You'll see them at 2:30, audition.
- Right, right. Thank you.

222
00:15:08,376 --> 00:15:10,959
That's very good! I must remember that.

223
00:15:12,042 --> 00:15:13,584
I don't want to be disloyal to a friend,

224
00:15:13,667 --> 00:15:16,209
but old Julian can hustle all he likes,
he'll never make it.

225
00:15:16,292 --> 00:15:19,292
He'll never be a star.
Hasn't got what it takes.

226
00:15:19,376 --> 00:15:20,667
Why don't you tell him that?

227
00:15:21,292 --> 00:15:22,959
Oh, oh, oh!

228
00:15:24,209 --> 00:15:26,042
- Hello, mate!
- Oh, hello.

229
00:15:26,584 --> 00:15:28,209
- Dullest actor in the business.
- Oh.

230
00:15:28,292 --> 00:15:30,542
That's a very pretty girl
with the dullest actor in the business.

231
00:15:30,626 --> 00:15:32,376
Oh, Genevieve?
She only goes to bed with stars.

232
00:15:32,459 --> 00:15:35,167
- Another reason why I have to make it.
- That's fair enough.

233
00:15:35,251 --> 00:15:37,917
- I'll have the steak, darling.
- You have to pay for the steak, darling.

234
00:15:38,001 --> 00:15:40,501
Oh! I bring back
the great love of her life

235
00:15:40,584 --> 00:15:42,376
and what's my reward? Spaghetti.

236
00:15:45,167 --> 00:15:47,292
Julian, do you know something?

237
00:15:48,209 --> 00:15:51,126
You may look like a bastard,
but you don't fool me.

238
00:15:51,876 --> 00:15:53,126
You are a bastard.

239
00:15:58,917 --> 00:16:00,959
- Would you read?
- Any time.

240
00:16:02,292 --> 00:16:03,917
- Mr Byrd.
- Hmm?

241
00:16:04,001 --> 00:16:05,417
Perhaps you'd be kind enough to read this?

242
00:16:05,501 --> 00:16:06,501
I'm sorry.

243
00:16:07,626 --> 00:16:09,001
- "Success comes..."
- On cue.

244
00:16:09,084 --> 00:16:09,917
Oh.

245
00:16:10,001 --> 00:16:12,251
"Success comes with confidence,

246
00:16:12,334 --> 00:16:15,292
and successful men
use the new White Wave razor,

247
00:16:15,376 --> 00:16:17,542
a sign of prestige and confidence.

248
00:16:17,626 --> 00:16:20,251
I like my shave to be with White Wave."

249
00:16:20,917 --> 00:16:23,126
Oh. Oh, dear.

250
00:16:24,167 --> 00:16:26,584
My feeling is that your reading
lacked conviction.

251
00:16:27,459 --> 00:16:30,292
Conviction is everything.
Without it, we're lost.

252
00:16:31,167 --> 00:16:32,251
Who writes this muck?

253
00:16:32,834 --> 00:16:34,209
I do, Mr Byrd!

254
00:16:34,792 --> 00:16:37,834
- I write this "muck"!
- Well...

255
00:16:38,834 --> 00:16:40,084
Good morning, sir.

256
00:16:51,042 --> 00:16:53,459
- Chick!
- Jack!

257
00:16:53,542 --> 00:16:54,751
Hello, my old love!

258
00:16:54,834 --> 00:16:56,709
- Mr Lavery, please?
- What are you up to, then?

259
00:16:56,792 --> 00:16:58,376
- Chick, wait for me, will you?
- Right!

260
00:16:58,459 --> 00:17:00,959
Hey! Psst! He writes it himself.

261
00:17:02,917 --> 00:17:03,959
Good luck.

262
00:17:12,501 --> 00:17:14,792
He said I convinced him.
He said conviction is everything.

263
00:17:14,876 --> 00:17:17,667
Pfft! Ten thousand years of civilisation,

264
00:17:17,751 --> 00:17:19,584
and what have we got to show for it?
White Wave!

265
00:17:19,667 --> 00:17:21,709
Did you get the work, Mr Lavery?

266
00:17:21,792 --> 00:17:23,001
Not today, Mrs Mattoni.

267
00:17:23,792 --> 00:17:26,376
Today I was... too tall.

268
00:17:30,876 --> 00:17:31,917
Sandy!

269
00:17:32,876 --> 00:17:34,001
Sandy!

270
00:17:35,001 --> 00:17:36,376
Look who's here!

271
00:17:36,459 --> 00:17:37,542
Hello, Sandy, love!

272
00:17:38,209 --> 00:17:40,292
- Hello, Chick.
- For you, madame!

273
00:17:41,334 --> 00:17:43,084
How much did you waste on these?

274
00:17:44,001 --> 00:17:46,167
Oh, only a bob or two.

275
00:17:47,459 --> 00:17:48,459
Thanks.

276
00:17:49,251 --> 00:17:50,126
Sorry.

277
00:17:50,209 --> 00:17:53,251
We had another row. She'll come round.
And the kid's been kicking.

278
00:17:53,334 --> 00:17:55,376
- Yeah. How long to go?
- A month.

279
00:17:55,459 --> 00:17:56,584
Hmm.

280
00:17:56,667 --> 00:17:58,417
- Well, sit down, Chick!
- Right!

281
00:17:58,501 --> 00:18:00,292
- Hey!
- Oh, not this one!

282
00:18:00,376 --> 00:18:02,376
- That'll give you a high-pitched voice.
- Do you mind?

283
00:18:03,376 --> 00:18:04,459
So, things are quiet, eh?

284
00:18:04,542 --> 00:18:07,876
- But there must be some work about.
- You're joking, of course.

285
00:18:07,959 --> 00:18:09,709
Don't bother Chick
with our problems now, love.

286
00:18:09,792 --> 00:18:11,417
- It's marvellous to see you, mate!
- Yeah.

287
00:18:11,501 --> 00:18:14,084
Did you tell him that you haven't
worked for three months?

288
00:18:14,167 --> 00:18:17,626
- Since your walk-on in a television play?
- I told him it's been bad.

289
00:18:20,584 --> 00:18:22,084
I've tried everything, Chick.

290
00:18:23,084 --> 00:18:24,751
Except getting a proper job.

291
00:18:26,126 --> 00:18:27,584
Oh, come on, Sandy.

292
00:18:27,667 --> 00:18:30,501
He doesn't know any other job.
He's an actor, it's his trade!

293
00:18:30,584 --> 00:18:32,501
I know all the arguments.

294
00:18:33,251 --> 00:18:36,001
But if he's an actor, why doesn't he act
and bring home some money?

295
00:18:36,084 --> 00:18:37,417
Not now, Sandy, please.

296
00:18:38,459 --> 00:18:40,126
I've got a case too, you know.

297
00:18:41,376 --> 00:18:44,084
We're having a baby
and I can't afford a maternity dress.

298
00:18:44,959 --> 00:18:47,959
The butcher saves me the cheap cuts
of mutton that other women won't buy.

299
00:18:48,626 --> 00:18:50,501
Oh, Sandy, please.

300
00:18:51,251 --> 00:18:53,917
Oh, you actors are a race apart!

301
00:18:55,876 --> 00:18:57,626
You're supposed to be a friend of his.

302
00:18:59,167 --> 00:19:02,584
Why don't you tell him it's a sad,
stupid joke and it's time he gave up?

303
00:19:07,209 --> 00:19:08,251
Chick!

304
00:19:08,959 --> 00:19:10,917
- Where can I call you?
- Hmm.

305
00:19:11,417 --> 00:19:13,334
Julian Baxter's. He's putting me up.

306
00:19:13,876 --> 00:19:14,959
Well...

307
00:19:16,167 --> 00:19:17,417
Well, goodbye, Sandy.

308
00:19:17,959 --> 00:19:20,584
Well, aren't you gonna stay
and talk about old times?

309
00:19:20,667 --> 00:19:22,084
Right, Sandy, that's enough. Now, stop it.

310
00:19:22,167 --> 00:19:23,709
- Well, you've got nothing else to do.
- All right!

311
00:19:23,792 --> 00:19:25,584
I'll go out and get
a pick and shovel job in the morning!

312
00:19:25,667 --> 00:19:27,292
I've heard that one before!

313
00:19:27,376 --> 00:19:29,334
Look, I said I'd do it and I will!

314
00:20:03,084 --> 00:20:05,584
Is it a naughty night to swim in?

315
00:20:05,667 --> 00:20:07,501
Put on the coals!

316
00:20:11,667 --> 00:20:12,709
Bastard.

317
00:20:16,292 --> 00:20:18,834
With fairest flowers while summer lasts,

318
00:20:18,917 --> 00:20:21,417
I'll sweeten thy sad grave.

319
00:20:21,501 --> 00:20:24,251
See how she comes,
apparell'd like the spring.

320
00:20:24,792 --> 00:20:27,292
- You must be stinking.
- Guilty, my love, before the bar.

321
00:20:27,376 --> 00:20:28,251
How many bars?

322
00:20:28,334 --> 00:20:31,417
Oh, Salisbury, Bunch o' Grapes,
Wellington.

323
00:20:31,501 --> 00:20:34,001
Sure. Give me your coat. You're wet.

324
00:20:34,084 --> 00:20:36,626
This is no time to discuss my personality.

325
00:20:36,709 --> 00:20:39,584
Coffee, black, two sugars.

326
00:20:41,209 --> 00:20:43,501
- And don't ask me how I remember.
- Ah.

327
00:20:46,126 --> 00:20:47,584
Same old Judy.

328
00:20:51,667 --> 00:20:54,251
- Same old Byrd.
- We're getting older.

329
00:20:54,834 --> 00:20:56,584
Yes, it's beginning to show!

330
00:20:57,084 --> 00:20:59,417
A line here, a sag there.

331
00:21:01,751 --> 00:21:03,167
Same old Judy.

332
00:21:09,334 --> 00:21:10,876
How did the audition go?

333
00:21:10,959 --> 00:21:13,417
Oh, it turned out to be a commercial
for the telly.

334
00:21:14,042 --> 00:21:18,001
"A White Wave shave is a white
good shave," or some bloody rubbish.

335
00:21:18,751 --> 00:21:21,667
- And you weren't what they had in mind?
- You're so right!

336
00:21:24,126 --> 00:21:25,376
I've missed you, love.

337
00:21:29,334 --> 00:21:30,751
Dear Judy.

338
00:21:33,751 --> 00:21:36,542
- Do you remember...
- All sorts of things.

339
00:21:38,167 --> 00:21:39,292
Like, um...

340
00:21:40,959 --> 00:21:43,167
Once upon a time, there were three bears.

341
00:21:44,501 --> 00:21:46,292
And now the bastards are everywhere.

342
00:22:00,084 --> 00:22:02,126
- Dare me.
- Hmm?

343
00:22:05,209 --> 00:22:07,459
- Dare me.
- Why?

344
00:22:12,042 --> 00:22:13,751
I've always been a pushover
with you, haven't I?

345
00:22:13,834 --> 00:22:17,334
- It isn't so.
- It isn't?

346
00:22:21,917 --> 00:22:26,042
Ever since a certain Sunday
that you won't even remember.

347
00:22:27,251 --> 00:22:28,667
We were in Halifax.

348
00:22:29,501 --> 00:22:30,792
We were doing "Pygmalion",

349
00:22:30,876 --> 00:22:33,751
and you were a very, very pretty Eliza.

350
00:22:36,251 --> 00:22:39,751
Swine! And full of tricks!

351
00:22:39,834 --> 00:22:41,042
Hmm.

352
00:22:43,834 --> 00:22:47,001
That was the season that Jack Lavery
joined the company, remember?

353
00:22:48,042 --> 00:22:49,334
- You've seen him, have you?
- Mm.

354
00:22:50,417 --> 00:22:52,001
My God, what a mess.

355
00:22:53,084 --> 00:22:55,376
Those two ought never to have got married.

356
00:22:58,709 --> 00:23:01,251
We all know your views
on actors and marriage.

357
00:23:01,334 --> 00:23:03,376
Well, I'm consistent.

358
00:23:03,459 --> 00:23:05,334
Yes, in some things.

359
00:23:05,417 --> 00:23:08,001
I've been consistently
telling you for years.

360
00:23:08,084 --> 00:23:10,001
You find yourself a nice-looking fella

361
00:23:10,084 --> 00:23:11,667
and let him father your children.

362
00:23:12,501 --> 00:23:14,292
We were talking about you.

363
00:23:14,834 --> 00:23:17,334
Stop exposing yourself.
You'll make the neighbours randy.

364
00:23:20,001 --> 00:23:21,876
Why don't you stop fooling around

365
00:23:21,959 --> 00:23:25,042
and stop trying to dodge
a few home truths?

366
00:23:25,126 --> 00:23:26,667
Oh!

367
00:23:26,751 --> 00:23:28,751
It's gonna be that kind of a night, is it?

368
00:23:31,584 --> 00:23:33,959
Well, is it?

369
00:23:34,792 --> 00:23:36,209
Oh, no.

370
00:23:37,001 --> 00:23:39,626
No, it's not gonna be
that kind of a night.

371
00:23:39,709 --> 00:23:42,751
Come on, then, Judy, girl. Come on.

372
00:23:42,834 --> 00:23:44,042
Out with it.

373
00:23:44,626 --> 00:23:47,209
You were the actor that was going
to play all the real parts, remember,

374
00:23:47,292 --> 00:23:48,834
for real actors.

375
00:23:48,917 --> 00:23:51,334
"Merchant of Venice",
"Death of a Salesman".

376
00:23:51,417 --> 00:23:53,834
Oh, that kind of a night.

377
00:23:54,584 --> 00:23:58,251
Well, look, you said those things
once to me and I believed you.

378
00:23:59,709 --> 00:24:01,459
You could've been something in those days.

379
00:24:01,542 --> 00:24:03,126
Pause for laugh.

380
00:24:03,667 --> 00:24:05,209
- No laugh.
- Oh.

381
00:24:06,167 --> 00:24:07,376
Let me.

382
00:24:09,042 --> 00:24:11,917
Instead, you wasted years
racketing around.

383
00:24:12,917 --> 00:24:15,001
As long as you had a drink
and somebody to go to bed with.

384
00:24:15,959 --> 00:24:17,292
I like girls!

385
00:24:17,376 --> 00:24:19,501
Let's face it,
there are very few of us left!

386
00:24:20,751 --> 00:24:22,751
You'll play the funny man till the end.

387
00:24:23,626 --> 00:24:26,167
Well, right now, I'm working
on a good exit line for my death scene.

388
00:24:27,334 --> 00:24:30,251
- Come to think of it, for this scene, too.
- "Goodnight" would do.

389
00:24:30,334 --> 00:24:31,792
"Sorry I called" might be better!

390
00:24:31,876 --> 00:24:34,001
You bloody fool!
Stop acting as if you were 25!

391
00:24:34,084 --> 00:24:35,584
It's my favourite age!

392
00:24:36,292 --> 00:24:38,917
Some of us try to play
25-year-old bloody fools all our lives!

393
00:24:39,876 --> 00:24:41,126
Don't try and change me, Judy!

394
00:24:52,959 --> 00:24:54,001
Oop!

395
00:24:58,209 --> 00:24:59,334
Hello, darling!

396
00:25:02,834 --> 00:25:03,959
Hello there!

397
00:25:05,917 --> 00:25:07,209
Ah!

398
00:25:07,292 --> 00:25:10,876
Come with me to the casbah,
you strange, exotic thing!

399
00:25:14,959 --> 00:25:16,042
Sixth time lucky.

400
00:25:16,834 --> 00:25:19,376
- Gus! How's the leg?
- It's broke.

401
00:25:19,459 --> 00:25:22,209
- Broke?
- No! The doctor say it's not,

402
00:25:22,292 --> 00:25:24,084
but they haven't to flamin' well
walk on it!

403
00:25:24,167 --> 00:25:25,459
I'll buy you a new one!

404
00:25:26,709 --> 00:25:29,667
Theodore! What are you doing?
Making us biscuits and tea?

405
00:25:29,751 --> 00:25:32,084
Oh, don't mess about, Julian.
I've got Patricia down there.

406
00:25:32,167 --> 00:25:33,209
You have?

407
00:25:34,542 --> 00:25:35,959
Patricia!

408
00:25:36,042 --> 00:25:37,584
- Yoo-hoo!
- Oh!

409
00:25:38,126 --> 00:25:40,709
Shh! You idiot!

410
00:25:42,667 --> 00:25:44,126
Chick, me old love!

411
00:25:44,209 --> 00:25:46,459
How do you sell yourself
when you write to producers?

412
00:25:46,542 --> 00:25:48,751
Oh, don't bother. They can't read.

413
00:25:53,542 --> 00:25:55,459
Hold it! Tuck at your prayer mat.

414
00:25:55,542 --> 00:25:57,542
Oh, don't knock it! Don't knock it!

415
00:25:57,626 --> 00:25:59,959
- I've just had a screen test.
- What?

416
00:26:00,042 --> 00:26:01,584
- What for?
- The African picture.

417
00:26:01,667 --> 00:26:03,167
Alfie fixed it for me.

418
00:26:03,251 --> 00:26:05,376
Alfie? Alfie and my quid!

419
00:26:05,459 --> 00:26:08,667
Oh, really! At a time like this,
you have to talk about money!

420
00:26:10,834 --> 00:26:12,751
- I need a drink.
- You'd better take it easy.

421
00:26:12,834 --> 00:26:13,667
Easy?

422
00:26:13,751 --> 00:26:16,959
It's between me and one other chap.
That very dull actor Vick.

423
00:26:17,542 --> 00:26:19,084
Chick, this role could make me.

424
00:26:19,167 --> 00:26:21,751
Well, were you any good?

425
00:26:23,584 --> 00:26:24,876
I was lousy.

426
00:26:24,959 --> 00:26:27,376
Well, let's face it.
I was... I was scared!

427
00:26:28,001 --> 00:26:29,042
No, I was terrible.

428
00:26:29,126 --> 00:26:31,251
I fluffed a couple of lines,
and I had to light a cigarette,

429
00:26:31,334 --> 00:26:33,251
the matches were wet,
and the door got stuck...

430
00:26:33,334 --> 00:26:35,376
You really need that drink. Come on.

431
00:26:35,459 --> 00:26:38,542
Are you crazy? I can't leave this place!
He said he'd call me back!

432
00:26:38,626 --> 00:26:41,792
Well, if you were so terrible,
old darling, why wait for bad news?

433
00:26:42,792 --> 00:26:44,501
I wasn't that terrible.

434
00:26:44,584 --> 00:26:46,834
Oh, you jealous actors slay me!

435
00:26:48,917 --> 00:26:50,501
Wait a minute! Hold it.

436
00:26:50,584 --> 00:26:51,834
Don't appear too anxious.

437
00:26:58,792 --> 00:27:00,417
Julian Baxter's residence.

438
00:27:01,334 --> 00:27:02,376
Who?

439
00:27:03,209 --> 00:27:04,334
Fred Harrison?

440
00:27:04,417 --> 00:27:06,667
No, he moved out three years ago!
Get off the phone!

441
00:27:06,751 --> 00:27:08,584
No, I'm so sorry.
Freddy doesn't live here anymore.

442
00:27:08,667 --> 00:27:10,001
Can I help?

443
00:27:10,084 --> 00:27:12,001
Yes. What name?

444
00:27:12,084 --> 00:27:13,126
Oh!

445
00:27:13,209 --> 00:27:16,209
- Schuster?
- Not that idiot! Get rid of him!

446
00:27:16,292 --> 00:27:19,959
He used to do these animal impersonations
for my radio programme.

447
00:27:20,042 --> 00:27:22,001
- What is your name?
<i>- Byrd.</i>

448
00:27:22,084 --> 00:27:25,001
<i>- B-Y-R-D.</i>
- B-Y-R-D.

449
00:27:25,084 --> 00:27:27,167
- Byrd!
- Yes, Mr Schuster. Byrd!

450
00:27:27,251 --> 00:27:28,459
Maybe that's a good omen.

451
00:27:28,542 --> 00:27:30,292
I can do animal noises, too.
Now, let's see.

452
00:27:30,376 --> 00:27:33,209
I can do...
I can do a dog. Woof!

453
00:27:33,292 --> 00:27:36,167
Or an Abyssinian goose.

454
00:27:36,251 --> 00:27:37,876
Or perhaps a very old seal.

455
00:27:41,251 --> 00:27:42,917
I say! That's very good!

456
00:27:43,001 --> 00:27:45,501
Oh, no. I'm sorry, Mr Shyster.
Uh, Mr Schuster.

457
00:27:45,584 --> 00:27:47,126
That one's booked for a zoo in Nairobi.

458
00:27:47,209 --> 00:27:50,042
What are you trying to do to me?

459
00:27:50,542 --> 00:27:53,001
Oh, right. Yes.
Well, goodbye, Mr Schuster.

460
00:27:53,084 --> 00:27:55,001
That was Mr Schuster.

461
00:27:55,084 --> 00:27:56,917
He wants a mid-Atlantic seal.

462
00:27:57,001 --> 00:27:58,917
Wait!

463
00:28:01,792 --> 00:28:04,792
Hello? Hello, Mr Durand.

464
00:28:05,501 --> 00:28:06,459
Yes.

465
00:28:07,459 --> 00:28:08,292
Oh, yes.

466
00:28:10,376 --> 00:28:11,209
Yes, I could.

467
00:28:13,167 --> 00:28:16,126
Well, sure. Thanks, Alfie.

468
00:28:20,209 --> 00:28:21,251
I got it.

469
00:28:22,542 --> 00:28:23,751
I got it.

470
00:28:25,084 --> 00:28:26,667
I leave for Africa on Monday.

471
00:28:27,417 --> 00:28:28,751
Flippin' Ada!

472
00:28:57,376 --> 00:28:59,709
Shh! Quiet, chaps.
I've got Griselda with me.

473
00:29:02,167 --> 00:29:03,334
Business.

474
00:29:10,709 --> 00:29:11,792
Boots.

475
00:29:13,376 --> 00:29:14,376
Camera.

476
00:29:15,417 --> 00:29:16,626
And watch.

477
00:29:18,209 --> 00:29:20,876
Well, friendly pawnbroker, eh?

478
00:29:20,959 --> 00:29:23,751
I'm surprised you haven't got
three balls hanging outside.

479
00:29:24,334 --> 00:29:25,709
I don't like to advertise.

480
00:29:27,542 --> 00:29:30,084
- Have a good trip!
- You, too!

481
00:29:30,167 --> 00:29:32,459
Hey, send me a photograph
of your leading lady.

482
00:29:32,542 --> 00:29:34,501
- In the altogether.
- The altogether what?

483
00:29:34,584 --> 00:29:37,209
Oh, you know what I mean! Bye!

484
00:29:47,667 --> 00:29:50,667
Goodbye, tea leaf! <i>Arrivederci!</i>

485
00:30:00,876 --> 00:30:02,959
Don't get too big-headed, mate!

486
00:30:03,042 --> 00:30:05,334
I'll send you back a mud hut!

487
00:30:05,417 --> 00:30:07,334
Then you can move out of here
and live in comfort!

488
00:30:07,417 --> 00:30:09,459
Yeah!

489
00:30:09,542 --> 00:30:10,542
Well...

490
00:30:11,876 --> 00:30:13,376
Bring me back a leopard skin jockstrap.

491
00:30:13,459 --> 00:30:15,001
Oh, and don't forget,
if you make Hollywood,

492
00:30:15,084 --> 00:30:17,876
English butlers, I'm told,
are very fashionable, sir.

493
00:30:17,959 --> 00:30:20,209
Stop sending me up, you bastard!

494
00:30:20,751 --> 00:30:22,626
- Good luck, old love.
- Good luck, Chick.

495
00:30:23,167 --> 00:30:24,584
God bless.

496
00:30:24,667 --> 00:30:26,584
- Here.
- Huh? Oh, thanks.

497
00:30:26,667 --> 00:30:27,876
You won't need that.

498
00:30:34,084 --> 00:30:37,417
- I say, thespian! Your phone's ringing!
- Well, answer it!

499
00:30:37,501 --> 00:30:40,167
I can't! Griselda! Phwoar!

500
00:30:40,251 --> 00:30:42,126
Oh, my. See ya!

501
00:30:55,667 --> 00:30:57,334
Hello? Yes?

502
00:30:57,417 --> 00:31:00,709
Hey! What's all the heavy breathing?
Have you got a woman in there?

503
00:31:03,126 --> 00:31:04,834
Oh, language!

504
00:31:04,917 --> 00:31:08,167
Now, look. I can get you a day's filming
next week. Are you available?

505
00:31:08,251 --> 00:31:11,084
I'm entirely available! What is it?

506
00:31:11,167 --> 00:31:14,001
A nice little cameo. Character part.

507
00:31:17,792 --> 00:31:21,251
Now, come on, fellas! Come on!
We haven't got much time! Come up here.

508
00:31:21,334 --> 00:31:23,917
Here, put that one over there!

509
00:31:28,334 --> 00:31:29,751
Now, come on!

510
00:31:29,834 --> 00:31:32,751
All out! Come on, crowd!
We haven't got all day! Come on!

511
00:31:32,834 --> 00:31:35,292
Come on! Hurry up, please!
Come on, please!

512
00:31:35,376 --> 00:31:37,334
And take all your watches
and your rings off, please.

513
00:31:37,417 --> 00:31:38,792
Come on. Hurry up!

514
00:31:41,376 --> 00:31:42,834
Mind the step, Minnehaha.

515
00:31:43,417 --> 00:31:44,667
Thank you, Hiawatha.

516
00:31:45,251 --> 00:31:48,167
Come on, girls! Please, hurry up!
We haven't got all day!

517
00:31:48,251 --> 00:31:49,542
Come. It's gonna rain soon!

518
00:31:52,417 --> 00:31:53,542
Take that watch off!

519
00:31:56,126 --> 00:31:57,209
Ken Hodges.

520
00:31:59,417 --> 00:32:00,584
Bradley Smith.

521
00:32:00,667 --> 00:32:02,334
What are you doing? Come on.

522
00:32:02,417 --> 00:32:03,459
Ernie Dave.

523
00:32:04,917 --> 00:32:06,334
Fay Trubshaw.

524
00:32:06,876 --> 00:32:08,709
- Hey.
- Charles Byrd.

525
00:32:09,376 --> 00:32:11,042
I ain't seen you around the studios.

526
00:32:11,792 --> 00:32:13,584
You a registered crowd artist, mate?

527
00:32:13,667 --> 00:32:15,584
No. Undertaker's assistant.

528
00:32:15,667 --> 00:32:17,084
A day like this is worth a fortune to us.

529
00:32:17,959 --> 00:32:19,417
Jack Smith.

530
00:32:19,501 --> 00:32:21,126
Hold this.

531
00:32:21,209 --> 00:32:24,001
All right, now!
Come on, crowd! In by the wigwams!

532
00:32:24,084 --> 00:32:26,042
Now, two to a wigwam! Come on!

533
00:32:32,209 --> 00:32:35,334
Madness! Madness!

534
00:32:36,292 --> 00:32:37,584
Ooh!

535
00:32:37,667 --> 00:32:39,042
- Come on. Turn around, dear.
- Sorry.

536
00:32:39,126 --> 00:32:40,251
Hold that.

537
00:32:45,084 --> 00:32:47,292
We're doing our best!
Come on, crowd. Come on.

538
00:32:47,376 --> 00:32:49,667
- Share my wigwam.
- Ooh!

539
00:32:49,751 --> 00:32:51,376
Is this an overture, Hiawatha?

540
00:32:51,459 --> 00:32:54,334
- Fatherly gesture. Old Indian brave.
- Oh!

541
00:32:54,417 --> 00:32:56,209
Indian brave isn't that old.

542
00:32:59,459 --> 00:33:02,834
- Here. You're a bleedin' actor.
- Naturally. What are you?

543
00:33:02,917 --> 00:33:05,417
I'm the shop steward
of the crowd artists.

544
00:33:05,501 --> 00:33:07,667
- How.
- We'll have to look into this.

545
00:33:07,751 --> 00:33:11,209
We don't want any bleedin' actors knockin'
about. You're in the wrong union, mate.

546
00:33:11,292 --> 00:33:13,417
Now, come on, Indians!
Get in your positions!

547
00:33:13,501 --> 00:33:16,334
- Go on! Over there! Go on!
- Not me! We don't work with him!

548
00:33:17,001 --> 00:33:18,751
- Why not?
- Well, why the hell not?

549
00:33:18,834 --> 00:33:20,334
I'm from an enemy tribe.

550
00:33:20,417 --> 00:33:22,792
Actors can't come in here
and take our bread and butter!

551
00:33:22,876 --> 00:33:25,292
- This is crowd work!
- Now, look. We're not making Cleopatra.

552
00:33:25,376 --> 00:33:28,792
- This is a TV film! Get back in position!
- This is a union matter!

553
00:33:28,876 --> 00:33:31,709
If you don't get the shot soon,
you'll lose your light.

554
00:33:31,792 --> 00:33:35,042
You've already lost your Indians!
All out, fellas! This set's black!

555
00:33:35,126 --> 00:33:37,417
- Hey, no! Wait! Come back!
- What do you mean we've lost our Indians?

556
00:33:41,542 --> 00:33:43,042
Somebody tell me what's going on!

557
00:33:43,126 --> 00:33:45,834
All right, that horse
is on strike too. Bring it here.

558
00:33:49,001 --> 00:33:50,376
Hey, fellas!

559
00:33:50,459 --> 00:33:52,167
Come on, fellas!
We're all in the same industry!

560
00:33:52,251 --> 00:33:54,542
Now, come on, lads!
We've got work to do!

561
00:33:54,626 --> 00:33:57,001
What are you doing in this soap opera?

562
00:33:57,084 --> 00:33:59,751
- Trying to be an actress.
- This isn't acting.

563
00:33:59,834 --> 00:34:01,042
This is paying the rent.

564
00:34:01,126 --> 00:34:02,501
Come on now!

565
00:34:03,501 --> 00:34:06,876
- Well, why do you do it?
- I'm an aging actor. I need the work.

566
00:34:07,626 --> 00:34:10,209
- You're deprecating yourself.
- Depre...

567
00:34:10,292 --> 00:34:11,876
I see money's been spent
on your education.

568
00:34:11,959 --> 00:34:13,834
Lads, lads, lads, let's be friendly now!

569
00:34:13,917 --> 00:34:16,209
- Let's all pull together!
- Let's all pull together.

570
00:34:16,292 --> 00:34:17,542
Mike!

571
00:34:17,626 --> 00:34:20,667
- We'll sort this out later.
- We'll sort this out later.

572
00:34:20,751 --> 00:34:22,751
Looks like a scalping party.

573
00:34:23,417 --> 00:34:25,292
Well? Enjoy your powwow?

574
00:34:25,376 --> 00:34:27,001
We'll see to you later, mate.

575
00:34:27,084 --> 00:34:29,126
Let's go. Let's get this shot!

576
00:34:29,209 --> 00:34:30,792
Everyone in their positions now!

577
00:34:30,876 --> 00:34:34,084
- Everyone quiet for rehearsal!
- Everyone quiet for rehearsal!

578
00:34:34,167 --> 00:34:36,126
- Now we'll try a take.
- Now we'll try a take.

579
00:34:36,209 --> 00:34:38,084
- Okay. Stand by for a take.
- Okay. Stand by for a take.

580
00:34:38,167 --> 00:34:39,751
- Kip. Herbie?
- Kip. Herbie.

581
00:34:39,834 --> 00:34:40,834
- Turn over.
- Turn over.

582
00:34:40,917 --> 00:34:42,001
- Shut up!
- Shut...

583
00:34:42,084 --> 00:34:45,251
Indians on set, 37th take.

584
00:34:48,792 --> 00:34:51,042
Go! Go!

585
00:34:52,334 --> 00:34:53,626
Hey, fellas!

586
00:34:54,251 --> 00:34:56,167
- Fellas!
- Come back!

587
00:34:56,251 --> 00:34:58,251
- Come back!
- Come back, fellas!

588
00:35:01,417 --> 00:35:03,042
I've never been here before.

589
00:35:03,834 --> 00:35:05,334
Are they all actors?

590
00:35:05,417 --> 00:35:08,834
Pick out the ones making their pint last
the whole evening. They're the actors.

591
00:35:08,917 --> 00:35:10,876
Don't drink it, love. Sip it.

592
00:35:13,209 --> 00:35:16,709
- Am I a love?
- Most definitely.

593
00:35:17,876 --> 00:35:19,959
Do you think I have
a go-to-bed look about me?

594
00:35:20,042 --> 00:35:22,084
Is that why you asked me
to have a drink with you?

595
00:35:23,959 --> 00:35:26,792
Oh, my... my dear boy.

596
00:35:27,417 --> 00:35:29,417
It is, uh, Chick Byrd, isn't it?

597
00:35:29,501 --> 00:35:31,959
You may remember me. Rutherford Thomas.

598
00:35:32,042 --> 00:35:34,709
- It must be, what, five years?
- Ruthy Thomas, yes. How are you?

599
00:35:34,792 --> 00:35:36,501
Miss Fay Trubshaw,
this is Rutherford Thomas.

600
00:35:36,584 --> 00:35:38,959
- How do you do?
- Delighted. Well, I shan't interrupt.

601
00:35:39,042 --> 00:35:40,959
- Oh, goodnight, Ruthy.
- Goodnight.

602
00:35:41,959 --> 00:35:43,042
- Are you working, dear boy?
- No.

603
00:35:43,126 --> 00:35:45,459
- We've just done a day's filming.
- Oh. Fortunate people!

604
00:35:45,542 --> 00:35:47,292
Mine is a Guinness.

605
00:35:48,542 --> 00:35:50,209
What are you, staying with friends
in town, dear boy?

606
00:35:50,292 --> 00:35:52,584
No, I'm in a sort of flat.

607
00:35:53,376 --> 00:35:56,042
Oh. Hm-mm. I, uh...

608
00:35:56,126 --> 00:36:00,167
I seem to remember that
I'm in your debt for a trifling amount.

609
00:36:00,251 --> 00:36:03,459
If you'll give me your address,
I'll send you a postal order next week.

610
00:36:03,542 --> 00:36:06,459
- Well, Prout will always find me.
- Oh.

611
00:36:06,542 --> 00:36:08,167
One and a penny, please.

612
00:36:08,834 --> 00:36:10,251
- One and a penny.
- Hmm?

613
00:36:10,334 --> 00:36:12,042
- Oh, yes.
- Oh, I'll get it.

614
00:36:12,126 --> 00:36:13,709
You know, you got the last round.

615
00:36:13,792 --> 00:36:15,626
- Here you are.
- Thank you, dear.

616
00:36:16,751 --> 00:36:19,084
That's very
kind of you, dear child.

617
00:36:19,167 --> 00:36:21,126
- You're very welcome.
- Cheers.

618
00:36:25,334 --> 00:36:28,459
- Someone you know?
- Vaguely.

619
00:36:28,542 --> 00:36:30,501
I'll attend to that small matter,
dear boy.

620
00:36:30,584 --> 00:36:32,167
Oh, that's all right, Ruthy.

621
00:36:35,917 --> 00:36:37,001
Someone you know?

622
00:36:43,334 --> 00:36:45,126
Is she one of your go-to-bed loves?

623
00:36:46,292 --> 00:36:48,917
Trubshaw, your mind
is in need of an airing.

624
00:36:50,376 --> 00:36:52,501
Indian brave who looks
down front of squaw's blouse

625
00:36:52,584 --> 00:36:54,501
shouldn't talk about other people's minds.

626
00:36:54,584 --> 00:36:56,376
An old habit I picked up in my youth.

627
00:36:56,459 --> 00:36:57,542
- I apologise.
- Noted.

628
00:36:59,917 --> 00:37:01,959
Hey! Put that girl down!

629
00:37:02,042 --> 00:37:03,251
She may be a virgin!

630
00:37:03,334 --> 00:37:06,834
Suddenly, the beer tastes of agents.
The black at midnight ten-percenters.

631
00:37:09,959 --> 00:37:12,792
- Thanks for the cameo.
- What are you moaning about? It was work.

632
00:37:12,876 --> 00:37:14,251
- Where's my commission?
- Erm...

633
00:37:15,417 --> 00:37:17,167
Voila.

634
00:37:17,251 --> 00:37:19,709
You can't insult me, Chick.
I'm too ignorant!

635
00:37:19,792 --> 00:37:21,626
Anyway, I brought friends.

636
00:37:21,709 --> 00:37:24,084
- Jack! Come out!
- Jack?

637
00:37:24,792 --> 00:37:26,626
- Jack, me old mate!
- Chick!

638
00:37:26,709 --> 00:37:28,792
How are you?

639
00:37:28,876 --> 00:37:31,334
- It's a great night for a son!
- It's a boy?

640
00:37:31,417 --> 00:37:33,876
Goddamn right, it's a boy!

641
00:37:33,959 --> 00:37:37,042
Just a minute.

642
00:37:37,126 --> 00:37:38,876
Excuse me, all you fellows!

643
00:37:39,917 --> 00:37:40,709
Hey!

644
00:37:40,792 --> 00:37:42,917
Stop talking about yourselves
for a minute!

645
00:37:43,001 --> 00:37:44,292
Quiet!

646
00:37:47,292 --> 00:37:49,126
I have just become a father.

647
00:37:51,292 --> 00:37:53,626
- And... And...
- Now then, gentlemen, please!

648
00:37:53,709 --> 00:37:56,501
And tomorrow, I'm going to go out
and get a job.

649
00:37:56,584 --> 00:37:58,876
And to hell with this lousy profession!

650
00:38:01,584 --> 00:38:02,876
Come on, old chum. I'll buy you a drink.

651
00:38:04,667 --> 00:38:05,959
Come on.

652
00:38:06,876 --> 00:38:08,376
Whoa!

653
00:38:08,959 --> 00:38:10,417
We'll take him out to the car.

654
00:38:10,501 --> 00:38:13,876
My Chick Byrd connects to the public
with a poetical backside, eh?

655
00:38:13,959 --> 00:38:16,626
Prout, you're from the positive
lower depths!

656
00:38:16,709 --> 00:38:18,667
Every man to his own cut of the joint, eh?

657
00:38:18,751 --> 00:38:20,792
Watch it! Watch it!

658
00:38:20,876 --> 00:38:22,126
Hey, Chick.

659
00:38:22,959 --> 00:38:25,084
- Are we going to a party?
- Oh, not you, my love.

660
00:38:25,167 --> 00:38:26,667
I've got to go look after dad.

661
00:38:26,751 --> 00:38:29,542
- Hey, Chick!
- All right, I'm coming!

662
00:38:30,334 --> 00:38:32,376
Good luck in that rep, little shrimp.
Keep your eyes open

663
00:38:32,459 --> 00:38:34,667
and your blouse buttoned, okay?
See you sometime.

664
00:38:35,209 --> 00:38:37,417
Goodbye.

665
00:38:37,501 --> 00:38:38,626
Okay.

666
00:38:51,792 --> 00:38:53,334
Go on! Get out of the way!

667
00:38:53,417 --> 00:38:56,084
- Ow!
- Hey, go on.

668
00:38:56,167 --> 00:38:58,876
Hey, I live down the flippin' road!
What about this door-to-door stuff?

669
00:38:58,959 --> 00:39:00,834
You've got to walk it,
you lazy, old bum!

670
00:39:00,917 --> 00:39:02,667
- All right. Thanks for the ride!
- Bye!

671
00:39:02,751 --> 00:39:04,626
God bless. Lovely party!

672
00:39:32,751 --> 00:39:33,792
Hello?

673
00:39:37,292 --> 00:39:39,501
This is the early bird,
lately known as the worm.

674
00:39:41,917 --> 00:39:44,251
- You're drunk.
- It's the drunk call.

675
00:39:44,917 --> 00:39:46,417
Who was that man I saw you with tonight?

676
00:39:46,501 --> 00:39:48,501
No, don't tell me now.
Tell me when I get there.

677
00:39:49,542 --> 00:39:52,626
If you're feeling amorous, Byrd,
try some other number.

678
00:39:54,876 --> 00:39:56,084
I've got company.

679
00:39:57,084 --> 00:39:59,334
Oh. It's like that, is it?

680
00:39:59,917 --> 00:40:01,126
Go to hell.

681
00:40:20,376 --> 00:40:22,626
Not my night.

682
00:40:32,042 --> 00:40:33,376
But I wrote, twice.

683
00:40:34,334 --> 00:40:35,376
Yes, Byrd.

684
00:40:35,959 --> 00:40:37,209
B-Y-R-D.

685
00:40:46,376 --> 00:40:47,626
What? Oh.

686
00:40:48,334 --> 00:40:50,376
All right. Well, never mind.
Just tell him I called.

687
00:40:51,001 --> 00:40:52,792
Yes. Thank you kindly.

688
00:40:54,751 --> 00:40:57,042
Those damn stairs!

689
00:40:57,959 --> 00:40:59,042
Well, Ruthy.

690
00:40:59,626 --> 00:41:01,084
It looks as though you're in transit.

691
00:41:01,167 --> 00:41:06,001
Well, it, uh, it occurred to me
that you might be glad of company.

692
00:41:06,084 --> 00:41:06,917
Did it?

693
00:41:07,001 --> 00:41:09,751
Only two or three days at the outside,

694
00:41:09,834 --> 00:41:14,042
as a dear friend of mine has asked me
to stay with him in Brighton.

695
00:41:16,834 --> 00:41:19,542
- Does the ceiling leak?
- Only when it rains.

696
00:41:23,084 --> 00:41:25,167
Put the kettle on, there's a dear boy.

697
00:41:25,251 --> 00:41:26,709
Dear boy, perhaps.

698
00:41:26,792 --> 00:41:29,376
Slave, never. The kettle's that-a-way.

699
00:41:29,459 --> 00:41:31,792
Oh. And the meter needs a shilling.

700
00:41:41,292 --> 00:41:43,167
It's positively Siberian.

701
00:41:43,251 --> 00:41:45,459
Something should be done about that draft.

702
00:41:47,751 --> 00:41:50,751
It's a filthy day.
I shouldn't venture out.

703
00:41:50,834 --> 00:41:51,917
I have to.

704
00:41:52,001 --> 00:41:54,376
The roof may leak,
but I'd like to keep it over my head.

705
00:41:54,459 --> 00:41:57,292
Dear boy,
I thought you were doing famously.

706
00:41:57,917 --> 00:42:00,834
Two days' work in two months,
if you can call that a success.

707
00:42:00,917 --> 00:42:03,626
Oh, well. These things are sent to try us.

708
00:42:04,584 --> 00:42:05,667
Yes.

709
00:42:14,459 --> 00:42:16,001
And Ruthy?

710
00:42:16,084 --> 00:42:17,501
Remember the old proverb.

711
00:42:17,584 --> 00:42:21,834
"After three days, guests, like fish,
begin to stink."

712
00:42:27,626 --> 00:42:29,834
Hey, Chick! I've saved a place for you.

713
00:42:29,917 --> 00:42:31,167
Ah! Splendid, splendid.

714
00:42:36,459 --> 00:42:37,792
I've been telling this ignorant lot

715
00:42:37,876 --> 00:42:39,459
they can't make us
take jobs we don't want.

716
00:42:39,542 --> 00:42:41,417
I mean, we are actors.
They've got to give us acting jobs.

717
00:42:41,501 --> 00:42:43,417
Quite right too, Skippy.
You leave it to me.

718
00:42:43,501 --> 00:42:44,751
- Next, please.
- Good morning, sir!

719
00:42:44,834 --> 00:42:47,292
- Are we keeping well?
- Oh, Mr Byrd.

720
00:42:47,376 --> 00:42:49,667
- How are we?
- We're very well indeed, thank you.

721
00:42:49,751 --> 00:42:51,667
And we're going to be a lot better
in a moment, aren't we?

722
00:42:51,751 --> 00:42:54,667
Yes. They want boilermakers
in Shepherd's Bush.

723
00:42:54,751 --> 00:42:57,917
And lumberjacks in St. John's Wood.
Sixty-seven and sixpence, please.

724
00:42:58,001 --> 00:42:59,751
They want thatched roofs in Swiss Cottage.

725
00:42:59,834 --> 00:43:01,501
And lawn mowers at Holland Park.

726
00:43:01,584 --> 00:43:04,584
- Dog walker's assistant?
- Sixty-seven and sixpence.

727
00:43:04,667 --> 00:43:07,334
- Factory worker.
- Albert Finney's done it already.

728
00:43:07,417 --> 00:43:09,459
Don't bother to open the box.
I'll take the money.

729
00:43:14,209 --> 00:43:17,292
A word of advice, if I may, Mr Byrd.

730
00:43:17,376 --> 00:43:20,042
You would do well to think of tomorrow.

731
00:43:20,959 --> 00:43:24,917
Mr Merryweather, I promise
I'll think about it... tomorrow.

732
00:43:27,709 --> 00:43:29,126
Sixty-seven and six, please.

733
00:43:29,209 --> 00:43:30,709
Taxi!

734
00:43:37,542 --> 00:43:39,542
Sixty-seven and six, please.

735
00:43:40,292 --> 00:43:42,167
Ah, Mr Skippy.

736
00:43:42,251 --> 00:43:44,251
Now, I have got something for you, sir.

737
00:43:44,334 --> 00:43:46,292
Uh... There we are.

738
00:43:52,334 --> 00:43:53,584
Right. Here.

739
00:43:54,834 --> 00:43:57,001
Jack! How are you, mate?
I was gonna call you.

740
00:43:57,084 --> 00:43:59,626
He wants a Scouser for a small part
in a picture next week.

741
00:43:59,709 --> 00:44:02,376
- Try your luck.
- Right. Well, wait for me.

742
00:44:05,542 --> 00:44:07,209
Sure something could be arranged.

743
00:44:07,292 --> 00:44:09,876
I'm afraid I haven't had very much
experience, Mr Morris.

744
00:44:09,959 --> 00:44:13,292
With a figure like that, dear,
you don't need experience.

745
00:44:13,792 --> 00:44:15,584
Why don't you wait in there, hmm?

746
00:44:17,001 --> 00:44:18,584
There's nothing today, old man.

747
00:44:18,667 --> 00:44:21,667
Well, the grapevine has it that
you're looking for a Scouser, Mr Morris.

748
00:44:21,751 --> 00:44:23,834
So? You weren't born in Liverpool.

749
00:44:23,917 --> 00:44:25,959
What's that got to do with it?
I know the accent.

750
00:44:26,042 --> 00:44:28,251
Sorry, old man. I like the real thing.

751
00:44:29,042 --> 00:44:31,959
I wanted a Mongolian last week.
I found one.

752
00:44:32,042 --> 00:44:33,834
In the gents' in Leicester Square.

753
00:44:35,626 --> 00:44:36,959
Don't keep her waiting, old man.

754
00:44:47,126 --> 00:44:49,001
Somebody'll swing for that berk one day.

755
00:44:49,876 --> 00:44:51,876
- Where are you going?
- Shaftesbury Avenue.

756
00:44:51,959 --> 00:44:54,292
Interview for a film part
I'm not going to get.

757
00:44:55,376 --> 00:44:56,542
How's Sandy?

758
00:44:57,126 --> 00:44:59,709
- Well, you know.
- And the baby?

759
00:45:00,417 --> 00:45:01,792
Bloody marvellous pair of lungs.

760
00:45:03,334 --> 00:45:05,417
Hey, you look dead beat.
What have you been up to?

761
00:45:06,584 --> 00:45:08,626
Working as a night porter
at Paddington Station.

762
00:45:09,542 --> 00:45:12,292
If Tommy Morris was casting porters,
I'd be the real thing.

763
00:45:14,459 --> 00:45:15,417
Here, look.

764
00:45:16,167 --> 00:45:18,917
For the boy. I never did get round
to buying him a bonnet.

765
00:45:20,417 --> 00:45:22,459
Come on. Take it!
Don't be so bloody difficult!

766
00:45:23,876 --> 00:45:24,917
Where's your watch?

767
00:45:25,542 --> 00:45:27,667
- Being mended.
- So, put it away.

768
00:45:30,501 --> 00:45:31,751
Look, Jack,

769
00:45:31,834 --> 00:45:34,626
we've both been actors
all our working lives.

770
00:45:36,084 --> 00:45:38,209
You're looking at 40. I've seen it.
And we're skint.

771
00:45:38,292 --> 00:45:40,126
But that's the way it's always been!

772
00:45:40,209 --> 00:45:43,292
We didn't join this business
for chequebooks and suburban gardens.

773
00:45:43,376 --> 00:45:45,501
And a year from now,
we'll have our names up in lights.

774
00:45:47,167 --> 00:45:49,251
You're a good actor. You'll make it.

775
00:45:49,334 --> 00:45:51,376
Don't you give me that crap.

776
00:45:53,959 --> 00:45:55,417
Hey, come on!

777
00:46:17,126 --> 00:46:19,626
Alas, poor Yorick.

778
00:46:28,084 --> 00:46:29,167
Comfortable?

779
00:46:31,459 --> 00:46:33,042
It's a bit rowdy here, boy.

780
00:46:33,751 --> 00:46:36,417
Yes. The radio prophesies
a white Christmas.

781
00:46:37,876 --> 00:46:41,126
Things are a bit tight at the moment.

782
00:46:41,667 --> 00:46:44,251
At the, uh, Public Assistance,
I was obliged to say

783
00:46:44,334 --> 00:46:47,917
that you were charging me rent.
Oh, well, two guineas a week.

784
00:46:48,001 --> 00:46:50,001
Thanks for letting me know.

785
00:46:50,084 --> 00:46:52,959
Oh, I nearly forgot.
Uh, there was a message.

786
00:46:53,042 --> 00:46:54,584
Your friend Prout

787
00:46:54,667 --> 00:46:56,834
wants to know if you'll be free
Christmas week.

788
00:46:58,126 --> 00:47:00,209
Sounds like work, dear boy!

789
00:47:01,001 --> 00:47:05,209
Don't forget to visit the third floor!
Toy fair on the third floor!

790
00:47:05,876 --> 00:47:07,751
Visit the toy fair on the third floor!

791
00:47:08,584 --> 00:47:11,126
That'll do. That'll do. That'll do.

792
00:47:12,251 --> 00:47:13,626
That'll do, yes. That'll do.

793
00:47:14,459 --> 00:47:15,959
Now, watch it! Watch it!

794
00:47:20,626 --> 00:47:22,126
Careful now.

795
00:47:22,667 --> 00:47:23,876
Okay, mate. Clear out.

796
00:47:23,959 --> 00:47:25,626
Watch the little bastards. It's murder.

797
00:47:36,001 --> 00:47:37,542
Cuts through me like a knife!

798
00:47:38,251 --> 00:47:41,501
This mania of yours for fresh air
will be the death of me!

799
00:47:52,167 --> 00:47:54,626
Oh, I'm not complaining, dear boy,

800
00:47:54,709 --> 00:47:56,084
but eggs and bacon

801
00:47:56,167 --> 00:47:58,709
is strange Christmas fare,
wouldn't you say?

802
00:47:59,459 --> 00:48:00,667
Not what you've been used to.

803
00:48:02,042 --> 00:48:03,876
In my great days,

804
00:48:03,959 --> 00:48:08,042
I had as many as 50 guests
to spend the Yuletide season.

805
00:48:10,001 --> 00:48:12,667
Now, I'm an old man.

806
00:48:13,917 --> 00:48:16,751
Outside, the world is celebrating,

807
00:48:17,501 --> 00:48:19,792
and you and I are garreted

808
00:48:19,876 --> 00:48:22,459
in this third-floor stable.

809
00:48:22,542 --> 00:48:23,626
Well, I like this place.

810
00:48:24,376 --> 00:48:27,084
It's a sieve that lets in the wind
and the rain.

811
00:48:28,042 --> 00:48:29,959
I've just about had
a bellyful of you, Ruthy.

812
00:48:30,751 --> 00:48:32,584
Goodwill to all men.

813
00:48:32,667 --> 00:48:34,626
I know. It comes but once a year.

814
00:48:35,959 --> 00:48:38,417
I suppose I ought to wait
till tomorrow to say this.

815
00:48:38,501 --> 00:48:40,876
I'm just about sick to death
of you lying in bed,

816
00:48:40,959 --> 00:48:43,001
your complaints, and this room
looking like a junk shop!

817
00:48:43,084 --> 00:48:45,292
So much for friendship.

818
00:48:45,376 --> 00:48:47,626
You were never a friend of mine, Ruthy.

819
00:48:47,709 --> 00:48:48,876
You're an acquaintance,

820
00:48:48,959 --> 00:48:51,251
who's done nothing to find a job
since he's been here.

821
00:48:51,917 --> 00:48:54,084
We've all got to stand
on our own two feet,

822
00:48:54,709 --> 00:48:57,417
and if a man can't win,
at least he can have a bloody good go.

823
00:48:58,126 --> 00:49:00,126
It comes as no surprise, dear boy.

824
00:49:01,459 --> 00:49:04,751
I felt the chill wind of discontent

825
00:49:04,834 --> 00:49:06,626
for some days.

826
00:49:06,709 --> 00:49:08,792
You better leave here shortly.

827
00:49:08,876 --> 00:49:12,042
Because if you call me
dear boy just once more,

828
00:49:12,126 --> 00:49:13,084
so help me,

829
00:49:13,167 --> 00:49:16,709
I'll crack you across your venerable
old head with a coke hammer.

830
00:49:25,084 --> 00:49:26,376
I put him in pictures,

831
00:49:26,459 --> 00:49:28,459
told the world he'd be a star.

832
00:49:28,542 --> 00:49:31,167
- Yes, I remember.
- Does he call me now he's back?

833
00:49:31,251 --> 00:49:33,584
Oh, I despise actors!

834
00:49:34,209 --> 00:49:36,334
Prout, look. I need work badly.

835
00:49:37,042 --> 00:49:39,376
Isn't there any chance of a job?
A real job, anywhere?

836
00:49:39,459 --> 00:49:41,751
Well, what about a temporary job?

837
00:49:41,834 --> 00:49:45,167
You know, I've got some very good
connections outside of the profession.

838
00:49:45,251 --> 00:49:46,959
It's a pity you haven't got
a few more inside.

839
00:49:47,042 --> 00:49:50,126
No more temporary jobs.
No more feathers or beards. They're out!

840
00:49:50,959 --> 00:49:53,959
The only thing I have to sell is whatever
small talent I may have as an actor.

841
00:49:54,751 --> 00:49:57,501
But Gus Sloppitt's crying for his rent.
After all, the man has a case.

842
00:49:57,584 --> 00:50:00,292
In my day, Gus had to wait his turn.
Don't spoil him.

843
00:50:00,959 --> 00:50:02,834
Thanks, Prout.

844
00:50:02,917 --> 00:50:04,042
You've been a great help.

845
00:50:04,834 --> 00:50:06,167
I didn't have to be in this racket!

846
00:50:06,251 --> 00:50:08,376
I could've owned a sweet shop
in Streatham.

847
00:50:09,042 --> 00:50:10,084
No comment.

848
00:50:12,626 --> 00:50:14,626
I don't know how you live, Mr Byrd,
really, I don't.

849
00:50:14,709 --> 00:50:16,084
That makes two of us.

850
00:50:16,167 --> 00:50:19,376
Never do for me, your sort of life.

851
00:50:20,292 --> 00:50:21,667
How long is it since you've worked?

852
00:50:22,417 --> 00:50:24,959
Christmas.

853
00:50:25,959 --> 00:50:27,251
I couldn't do it, Mr Byrd.

854
00:50:27,334 --> 00:50:30,667
I like things regular.
I like to know where I stand.

855
00:50:31,292 --> 00:50:35,292
Steady pay packet, pension scheme,
nice little house.

856
00:50:35,917 --> 00:50:38,042
- Semi-detached.
- Mortgaged?

857
00:50:38,126 --> 00:50:39,751
Be paid off by the time I leave here.

858
00:50:40,667 --> 00:50:42,792
That's what I call achievement, Mr Byrd.

859
00:50:43,459 --> 00:50:45,292
Something to be proud of, in my opinion.

860
00:50:46,209 --> 00:50:47,459
Summer holidays, regular.

861
00:50:49,417 --> 00:50:51,251
I always go to Bournemouth,

862
00:50:51,334 --> 00:50:54,042
fourth week of July, rain or fine.

863
00:50:54,126 --> 00:50:56,126
And it's usually fine in Bournemouth.

864
00:50:57,334 --> 00:51:01,417
If I worked a week here and a week there,
I'd never get to Bournemouth.

865
00:51:02,167 --> 00:51:05,501
And I regard that time
as the highlight of the year, Mr Byrd.

866
00:51:06,792 --> 00:51:09,126
Well, if we all thought like you did,
Mr Merryweather,

867
00:51:09,209 --> 00:51:10,751
you'd never get into Bournemouth,
would you?

868
00:51:14,709 --> 00:51:17,876
It's a nice place, Bournemouth.
The air's so invigorating.

869
00:51:36,709 --> 00:51:38,417
I put me back out!

870
00:51:39,584 --> 00:51:41,001
You put yourself out too, I see!

871
00:51:41,751 --> 00:51:43,917
It wasn't that I was absconding, dear boy,

872
00:51:44,001 --> 00:51:46,001
and the matter of the rent
will be attended to.

873
00:51:46,584 --> 00:51:47,709
Shall I hold the taxi for you?

874
00:51:47,792 --> 00:51:51,042
No. No, thank you.
I have my own mode of transport.

875
00:51:51,667 --> 00:51:53,209
Thank you, dear boy.

876
00:52:06,501 --> 00:52:07,501
Tut, tut!

877
00:52:08,042 --> 00:52:09,042
Thank you.

878
00:52:13,501 --> 00:52:14,959
Hurry, dear boy!

879
00:52:15,542 --> 00:52:17,751
Conductor, would you stow
my traps, please?

880
00:52:17,834 --> 00:52:20,501
- Ruthy, if you've nowhere to go...
- But I have, dear boy.

881
00:52:20,584 --> 00:52:22,126
Train's at St. John's Wood.

882
00:52:22,209 --> 00:52:24,417
In the summer, I shall go to Brighton.

883
00:52:24,917 --> 00:52:25,834
Thank you. Take that.

884
00:52:28,126 --> 00:52:32,584
My final advice to you is to get out
of that death trap as soon as possible.

885
00:52:32,667 --> 00:52:35,001
- All finished now, guv.
- Thank you, conductor.

886
00:52:35,876 --> 00:52:37,626
Afond farewell.

887
00:53:39,584 --> 00:53:42,959
- Gus?
- Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello!

888
00:53:43,042 --> 00:53:44,292
Hello!

889
00:53:44,376 --> 00:53:46,334
Haven't you paid the electric light bill?

890
00:53:46,417 --> 00:53:49,792
I owe them 20 quid
and they can't get blood out of a stone.

891
00:53:49,876 --> 00:53:53,209
But why don't you cough up?
You owe me four weeks Saturday.

892
00:53:53,292 --> 00:53:56,667
Because I'm skint through feeding
that nymphomaniac gas meter of yours!

893
00:53:56,751 --> 00:53:59,126
- It's insatiable!
- Who's insatiable?

894
00:53:59,209 --> 00:54:00,584
Hello?

895
00:54:00,667 --> 00:54:02,126
Take care of your own meter.

896
00:54:02,209 --> 00:54:03,876
Why don't you give up
this acting lark

897
00:54:03,959 --> 00:54:06,167
before you end up permanent
in that poor house?

898
00:54:06,251 --> 00:54:07,376
Oh, get lost!

899
00:54:49,959 --> 00:54:51,626
Not yet old enough for a man

900
00:54:53,376 --> 00:54:54,917
nor young enough for a boy.

901
00:55:24,917 --> 00:55:27,292
Ring, you bastard, ring!

902
00:55:55,417 --> 00:55:58,334
I'm sorry. I don't want
any encyclopaedias today.

903
00:55:59,417 --> 00:56:01,792
It's obviously late
and inconvenient, madam.

904
00:56:01,876 --> 00:56:05,126
- I'll call again tomorrow.
- Don't be a fool. Come in.

905
00:56:15,001 --> 00:56:17,626
- Silly question. Have you eaten?
- Breakfast.

906
00:56:17,709 --> 00:56:19,376
- Three days ago.
- All right.

907
00:56:19,459 --> 00:56:21,501
Pour us both out a sherry
if you can stand it.

908
00:56:21,584 --> 00:56:25,209
- You're in luck. I'm cooking a steak.
- Hey, what about that?

909
00:56:27,917 --> 00:56:29,792
There's a lot of room at the bottom,
isn't there?

910
00:56:31,084 --> 00:56:33,167
I have 142 letters to prove it.

911
00:56:34,459 --> 00:56:36,751
You've spent too many years
in small companies

912
00:56:36,834 --> 00:56:38,751
choosing the parts you wanted to play.

913
00:56:38,834 --> 00:56:39,876
Maybe.

914
00:56:40,417 --> 00:56:43,251
It's enough of a jungle down here
when you're 20 or 30.

915
00:56:44,042 --> 00:56:45,834
At 40, it gets to be something else,
doesn't it?

916
00:56:45,917 --> 00:56:47,709
I'll tell you what it gets to be.

917
00:56:47,792 --> 00:56:50,667
A fatal time when you have to get a job,
and it shows.

918
00:56:52,792 --> 00:56:56,251
You carry your failure around with you,
here, on your shoulder,

919
00:56:56,334 --> 00:56:58,042
like a small black ape.

920
00:56:58,126 --> 00:57:01,626
You try to pretend it isn't there.
But they know and you know.

921
00:57:02,584 --> 00:57:04,084
In the end, it defeats you.

922
00:57:05,209 --> 00:57:08,292
And you go after work,
knowing you're not going to get it.

923
00:57:10,542 --> 00:57:12,292
Nothing feigns like faith.

924
00:57:12,376 --> 00:57:14,959
I could even say White Wave razor
with conviction now.

925
00:57:15,042 --> 00:57:16,792
But nobody's asking.

926
00:57:20,209 --> 00:57:23,167
- It's been a long winter, Chick.
- Aye.

927
00:57:24,334 --> 00:57:26,084
Winter of my discontent.

928
00:57:27,626 --> 00:57:28,917
You're slipping, chum.

929
00:57:29,917 --> 00:57:31,834
Your quotes aren't even funny anymore.

930
00:57:33,501 --> 00:57:34,501
Come on.

931
00:57:39,001 --> 00:57:41,251
- Ah!
- All right?

932
00:57:41,751 --> 00:57:43,417
I should have married you years ago.

933
00:57:44,001 --> 00:57:45,876
Correction.

934
00:57:45,959 --> 00:57:47,709
Still the comedy man.

935
00:57:53,042 --> 00:57:54,667
Silly question number two.

936
00:57:55,667 --> 00:57:58,334
- Have you got any money?
- Well, that is a bloody silly question.

937
00:57:59,417 --> 00:58:01,376
- Then, will you do something for me?
- Like what?

938
00:58:02,834 --> 00:58:04,251
Like let me lend you some.

939
00:58:06,042 --> 00:58:09,292
Laugh line coming up.
I never take money from a woman.

940
00:58:12,751 --> 00:58:14,209
I'm Judy, remember?

941
00:58:15,834 --> 00:58:17,042
I...

942
00:58:18,792 --> 00:58:20,376
I ought to be protesting.

943
00:58:24,959 --> 00:58:26,751
Do you still take a lot of blankets?

944
00:58:28,167 --> 00:58:29,209
Blanket!

945
00:58:32,959 --> 00:58:34,251
Those were the days.

946
00:59:24,292 --> 00:59:25,459
Jack.

947
00:59:27,251 --> 00:59:28,584
Why...

948
00:59:30,542 --> 00:59:32,167
Go away, Chick.

949
00:59:32,251 --> 00:59:33,126
Sandy.

950
00:59:36,167 --> 00:59:38,334
I came round to see if there was
anything I could do to help.

951
00:59:38,417 --> 00:59:39,542
You've done enough.

952
00:59:40,459 --> 00:59:42,084
You and all the others like you.

953
00:59:45,376 --> 00:59:48,792
If he'd taken a proper job years ago,
this would never have happened.

954
00:59:48,876 --> 00:59:50,667
He was an actor, Sandy!

955
00:59:50,751 --> 00:59:52,709
So you always told him.

956
00:59:54,126 --> 00:59:56,001
And you were the one he listened to.

957
00:59:58,917 --> 01:00:00,501
Look...

958
01:00:00,584 --> 01:00:03,584
- Sandy, I've got a few quid.
- Go away, will you?

959
01:00:04,417 --> 01:00:06,334
For the boy.

960
01:00:09,334 --> 01:00:10,376
I'm...

961
01:00:10,459 --> 01:00:12,584
I'm gonna take him to my parents and...

962
01:00:13,917 --> 01:00:15,917
bring him up to lead a normal life.

963
01:00:17,876 --> 01:00:18,876
We'll be all right.

964
01:00:21,126 --> 01:00:23,167
Well, is there anything I can do to help?

965
01:00:25,042 --> 01:00:27,667
You and Tommy Morris.

966
01:00:32,042 --> 01:00:34,834
Everyone wants to help now!

967
01:00:53,167 --> 01:00:57,334
She don't cry until that man ring up
and have a job for Mr Lavery.

968
01:00:58,209 --> 01:00:59,417
God. When?

969
01:00:59,501 --> 01:01:01,001
Couple of hours ago.

970
01:01:01,792 --> 01:01:03,751
She don't cry until then.

971
01:01:05,167 --> 01:01:07,459
Please, you go now.

972
01:01:36,542 --> 01:01:38,167
Where do you think you're going?

973
01:01:41,167 --> 01:01:42,334
Yes, old man?

974
01:01:43,834 --> 01:01:45,834
You offered Jack Lavery
a job this morning.

975
01:01:46,876 --> 01:01:49,417
Terrible thing, that. Sad for his wife.

976
01:01:49,501 --> 01:01:50,876
Has the part been taken yet?

977
01:01:51,501 --> 01:01:53,167
You're quick off the mark.

978
01:01:53,251 --> 01:01:55,084
Somebody's going to get the job.
Why not me?

979
01:01:55,167 --> 01:01:57,751
You don't even know yet
what the job is, old man.

980
01:01:58,501 --> 01:02:02,042
I may not be a genuine Mongolian
from the lavatory in Leicester Square,

981
01:02:02,709 --> 01:02:05,167
but I'll play anything else
you have to offer.

982
01:02:05,251 --> 01:02:06,334
Anything?

983
01:02:07,709 --> 01:02:09,917
I'll take the part you had for Jack.

984
01:02:10,001 --> 01:02:13,917
What I had for Jack
was a commercial.

985
01:02:15,251 --> 01:02:17,167
- Have you got Tony Robbins yet?
- Not yet, Mr Morris.

986
01:02:17,251 --> 01:02:19,001
- Shall I try him?
- No. Hang on a moment.

987
01:02:19,834 --> 01:02:23,667
I seem to remember that you used to
throw up at the idea of commercials.

988
01:02:25,084 --> 01:02:26,626
I've got a stronger stomach now.

989
01:02:27,417 --> 01:02:30,417
Running into a storm front, skipper!

990
01:02:30,501 --> 01:02:33,584
- We'll have to lose height!
- No, Tom. We're going up and over.

991
01:02:33,667 --> 01:02:35,709
Full revs and boost. Sylvia?

992
01:02:35,792 --> 01:02:37,542
Warn the passengers.
We're going to ride it out.

993
01:02:37,626 --> 01:02:38,834
Right, skipper.

994
01:02:42,709 --> 01:02:43,751
Here we go.

995
01:02:56,917 --> 01:02:58,251
Well, we're over.

996
01:02:58,792 --> 01:03:01,459
- Your controls, Tom.
- Nice work, skipper.

997
01:03:02,209 --> 01:03:04,084
- Honey Breath?
- Ah!

998
01:03:04,709 --> 01:03:05,876
Thanks, Sylvia.

999
01:03:06,751 --> 01:03:08,251
My crew agrees with me.

1000
01:03:08,334 --> 01:03:12,209
Honey Breath is the new taste sensation
that keeps your breath sweet and pure.

1001
01:03:12,792 --> 01:03:14,334
I've got a date in New York,

1002
01:03:15,209 --> 01:03:16,876
thanks to Honey Breath.

1003
01:03:17,584 --> 01:03:19,334
Cut! Print it.

1004
01:03:20,042 --> 01:03:21,792
Print it! Save the rain.

1005
01:03:28,459 --> 01:03:29,792
I'm sorry, Jack.

1006
01:03:32,126 --> 01:03:33,542
Well, that's it, then.

1007
01:03:36,417 --> 01:03:38,584
- All right. See you then. Goodnight.
- Goodnight.

1008
01:03:38,667 --> 01:03:40,417
Ah, spot on, Chick. I liked it.

1009
01:03:40,501 --> 01:03:43,417
Nice to have a real actor on one of these.
Makes a change.

1010
01:03:43,501 --> 01:03:44,626
Thank you.

1011
01:03:59,334 --> 01:04:01,626
- One watch, one ring.
- Oh.

1012
01:04:05,292 --> 01:04:06,834
One watch, one ring.

1013
01:04:06,917 --> 01:04:08,459
- Two pounds.
- Thank you.

1014
01:04:09,459 --> 01:04:11,459
- Uh, say, thespian.
- Hm?

1015
01:04:11,542 --> 01:04:14,209
- Who's the smasher you've got upstairs?
- What?

1016
01:04:14,292 --> 01:04:15,376
Whoa!

1017
01:04:24,417 --> 01:04:26,292
What are you doing here?

1018
01:04:28,001 --> 01:04:29,167
You're supposed to say hello.

1019
01:04:30,209 --> 01:04:32,584
All right. Hello.

1020
01:04:33,167 --> 01:04:34,334
Hello.

1021
01:04:34,417 --> 01:04:36,917
Well, having got that over with,
what are you doing here?

1022
01:04:40,459 --> 01:04:42,959
- Sorry. I thought that...
- Now wait a minute, shrimp.

1023
01:04:43,042 --> 01:04:45,209
You just can't walk into
an Englishman's castle

1024
01:04:45,292 --> 01:04:47,459
and expect him to greet you
with open arms, now, can you?

1025
01:04:48,084 --> 01:04:49,417
Can't I?

1026
01:04:49,501 --> 01:04:51,209
At least we could talk about it
over a cup of tea,

1027
01:04:51,292 --> 01:04:52,959
if this is an Englishman's castle.

1028
01:04:53,584 --> 01:04:55,126
Are you sure you can make a cup of tea?

1029
01:04:56,459 --> 01:04:57,667
Beautifully.

1030
01:05:01,917 --> 01:05:04,876
- Hello.
- Hm? Oh, my dear boy!

1031
01:05:04,959 --> 01:05:06,792
And Miss Trubshaw, isn't it?

1032
01:05:06,876 --> 01:05:08,834
- That's right.
- Hello, Ruthy. How are things?

1033
01:05:08,917 --> 01:05:12,501
Oh, infinitely better.
I'm with the BBC Repertory.

1034
01:05:12,584 --> 01:05:14,501
- Allow me to buy you a drink.
- Eh?

1035
01:05:14,584 --> 01:05:17,459
I believe you prefer brandy, my boy?

1036
01:05:17,542 --> 01:05:19,751
- Well, yes. Brandy.
- You, my dear?

1037
01:05:19,834 --> 01:05:21,876
Oh.
I'll have a gin and tonic, please.

1038
01:05:21,959 --> 01:05:23,001
Gin and tonic.

1039
01:05:23,084 --> 01:05:25,542
Oh, yes. There's just one other matter.

1040
01:05:26,084 --> 01:05:27,084
The rest will follow.

1041
01:05:27,667 --> 01:05:29,251
That's two long shots in one day.

1042
01:05:29,334 --> 01:05:31,626
- The day isn't over yet.
- Eh?

1043
01:05:33,834 --> 01:05:35,459
Good grief! Will you put that away?

1044
01:05:35,542 --> 01:05:37,042
Keep the change.

1045
01:05:37,667 --> 01:05:39,584
God bless, my dears.

1046
01:05:39,667 --> 01:05:41,251
Well, I must away
to my chums in the corner.

1047
01:05:41,334 --> 01:05:43,126
Thank you very much for the drink,
Mr Thomas.

1048
01:05:44,334 --> 01:05:47,584
Uh, yes. Good health, Ruthy.
And about the rest of the money,

1049
01:05:47,667 --> 01:05:48,959
well, we'll call it square.

1050
01:05:49,709 --> 01:05:51,959
Dear boy! You're too kind.

1051
01:05:53,084 --> 01:05:54,542
This is ridiculous, shrimp!

1052
01:05:54,626 --> 01:05:57,126
- Do you always travel with a toothbrush?
- No.

1053
01:05:57,626 --> 01:05:59,001
Never before.

1054
01:05:59,084 --> 01:06:00,626
That's what I thought.

1055
01:06:01,542 --> 01:06:03,501
Are you embarrassed because I'm a virgin?

1056
01:06:03,584 --> 01:06:05,292
Will you shut up?

1057
01:06:05,376 --> 01:06:08,209
Well, Joan of Arc was a virgin,
and look what happened to her.

1058
01:06:08,292 --> 01:06:11,209
I can't make up my mind
whether you're an innocent abroad

1059
01:06:11,292 --> 01:06:13,209
or a thousand years old.

1060
01:06:13,292 --> 01:06:14,917
I'm a thousand years old.

1061
01:06:15,001 --> 01:06:16,709
I haven't had the initiative taken from me

1062
01:06:16,792 --> 01:06:20,334
since I was wrestled onto the sofa
by a leading lady at the age of 15.

1063
01:06:21,084 --> 01:06:23,001
- Well, how old are you now?
- 30...

1064
01:06:24,834 --> 01:06:27,251
- 41.
- Well...

1065
01:06:27,334 --> 01:06:29,959
when you're 81, I'll be 60.

1066
01:06:30,917 --> 01:06:32,251
I'll drink to that.

1067
01:06:42,501 --> 01:06:43,751
Are we going?

1068
01:06:44,709 --> 01:06:45,917
Out of here.

1069
01:06:46,917 --> 01:06:48,376
Are you taking me to bed and breakfast?

1070
01:06:48,459 --> 01:06:50,501
Speak up, they didn't hear you
at the back of the pub.

1071
01:06:50,584 --> 01:06:53,001
- Oh. Are you taking me--
- Come on.

1072
01:06:58,292 --> 01:06:59,834
- Chick?
- Mmm?

1073
01:07:00,834 --> 01:07:02,834
We ought to start learning things
about one another.

1074
01:07:03,376 --> 01:07:04,542
Oh. Okay, rapidly...

1075
01:07:04,626 --> 01:07:07,001
That's not what I meant.

1076
01:07:07,084 --> 01:07:09,542
Stop that! I'm ticklish!

1077
01:07:09,626 --> 01:07:11,834
You see? One thing I've found out already.

1078
01:07:12,626 --> 01:07:15,751
Seriously,
have you any strong political views

1079
01:07:15,834 --> 01:07:17,584
or strange religious beliefs?

1080
01:07:18,626 --> 01:07:23,001
Only belief that we live and work
in a skittle alley world, little shrimp,

1081
01:07:23,084 --> 01:07:24,667
peopled by lunatics.

1082
01:07:25,459 --> 01:07:28,626
Well, they're not so lunatic
if they want you to work for them.

1083
01:07:29,501 --> 01:07:30,584
I've read your press cuttings.

1084
01:07:30,667 --> 01:07:33,584
Any man who believes
his own press cuttings is an idiot.

1085
01:07:34,251 --> 01:07:36,542
I'll bet even you
had good notices in that rep.

1086
01:07:36,626 --> 01:07:38,917
- But I deserved them!
- Oh...

1087
01:07:40,251 --> 01:07:41,667
You always been an actor?

1088
01:07:42,917 --> 01:07:45,917
Ever since
I walked in the rain as a boy,

1089
01:07:46,459 --> 01:07:49,667
spouting Henry V to get rid
of a Norfolk dialect.

1090
01:07:50,334 --> 01:07:51,626
But why?

1091
01:07:52,751 --> 01:07:54,626
That's the big question.

1092
01:07:54,709 --> 01:07:56,042
Don't you know the answer?

1093
01:07:58,251 --> 01:08:00,001
There are hundreds of answers.

1094
01:08:01,459 --> 01:08:04,876
I love the power one has
to control people's emotions.

1095
01:08:07,042 --> 01:08:10,751
I love the courage of actors,

1096
01:08:10,834 --> 01:08:13,792
the fear they hide
with ridiculous conceits.

1097
01:08:13,876 --> 01:08:16,209
I love the comradeship, the humour.

1098
01:08:16,292 --> 01:08:19,917
Oh, my God! How I love that humour.

1099
01:08:20,792 --> 01:08:22,876
We're a wicked bunch of bastards,

1100
01:08:22,959 --> 01:08:24,167
but we're not smug,

1101
01:08:25,251 --> 01:08:27,126
and not many of us are hypocrites.

1102
01:08:29,042 --> 01:08:30,584
Cue for violins.

1103
01:08:31,376 --> 01:08:33,042
Oh? No violins?

1104
01:08:39,667 --> 01:08:41,292
All right. I'll change the subject.

1105
01:08:42,584 --> 01:08:43,709
What books do you read?

1106
01:08:43,792 --> 01:08:46,251
Hey! You're a right little interrogator!

1107
01:08:46,917 --> 01:08:49,167
No books. Playboy magazine.

1108
01:08:50,001 --> 01:08:51,584
What about music?

1109
01:08:51,667 --> 01:08:55,042
- Underneath the Arches, Flanagan & Allen.
- Ah. Art?

1110
01:08:55,834 --> 01:08:58,209
Uh... Picasso's Blue Period.

1111
01:08:58,292 --> 01:09:02,084
It's, uh, more surrealistic
than his later Cubist work.

1112
01:09:03,001 --> 01:09:05,292
Eh? Eh?

1113
01:09:05,376 --> 01:09:08,542
Don't worry, shrimp. This isn't going
to be an intellectual relationship.

1114
01:09:09,251 --> 01:09:10,501
That's good.

1115
01:09:19,459 --> 01:09:20,834
Morning, thespian.

1116
01:09:25,209 --> 01:09:28,751
Oh, really, thespian?
Look at the state of this place!

1117
01:09:28,834 --> 01:09:30,459
If we're both gonna
share this kitchen amicably,

1118
01:09:30,542 --> 01:09:32,709
you must do your share
of the washing-up as well.

1119
01:09:32,792 --> 01:09:34,376
And you've been at my tea again!

1120
01:09:35,334 --> 01:09:36,876
Actors.

1121
01:09:36,959 --> 01:09:39,126
Vagabonds, more like.

1122
01:09:39,209 --> 01:09:40,626
Good morning.

1123
01:09:50,251 --> 01:09:53,876
...God and the fellowship
of the Holy Ghost

1124
01:09:53,959 --> 01:09:56,542
be with us all evermore.

1125
01:09:57,584 --> 01:09:58,959
Amen.

1126
01:10:23,417 --> 01:10:24,584
Chick.

1127
01:10:26,584 --> 01:10:27,709
Thank you for coming.

1128
01:10:54,209 --> 01:10:56,126
Out...

1129
01:10:56,209 --> 01:10:58,417
Out, brief candle.

1130
01:10:59,334 --> 01:11:01,792
Life's but a walking shadow,

1131
01:11:02,584 --> 01:11:07,542
a poor player that struts and frets
his hour upon the stage

1132
01:11:07,626 --> 01:11:10,417
and then is heard no more.

1133
01:11:11,542 --> 01:11:14,876
It is a tale told by an idiot,

1134
01:11:14,959 --> 01:11:17,626
full of sound and fury,

1135
01:11:19,542 --> 01:11:22,459
signifying nothing.

1136
01:11:23,667 --> 01:11:26,917
Thank you. We'll let you know.
Next, please!

1137
01:11:27,709 --> 01:11:30,626
I would like to do an abbreviated
speech from Cyrano de Bergerac.

1138
01:11:30,709 --> 01:11:33,084
Your secretary telephoned.
She said you wanted to see me.

1139
01:11:33,167 --> 01:11:36,126
- Are you casting for a play?
- I'm just helping out, old man.

1140
01:11:36,209 --> 01:11:37,376
No.

1141
01:11:37,459 --> 01:11:38,876
The agency called.

1142
01:11:39,459 --> 01:11:41,001
They have exciting news for you.

1143
01:11:41,084 --> 01:11:42,917
They've offered 26 Honey Breath
commercials.

1144
01:11:43,792 --> 01:11:44,626
Commercials?

1145
01:11:44,709 --> 01:11:47,251
Honey Breath. They pay very good money,
my dear Chick.

1146
01:11:49,626 --> 01:11:52,792
Oh, not this, old man. It's not for you.

1147
01:11:52,876 --> 01:11:54,917
Call round at the office after lunch.

1148
01:11:55,584 --> 01:11:56,751
Have a look at those, won't you?

1149
01:11:58,126 --> 01:12:01,209
Shall I scratch the back
of every swine that puts up gold for me,

1150
01:12:02,792 --> 01:12:04,959
tickle the horns of Mammon
with my left hand

1151
01:12:05,042 --> 01:12:08,501
whilst the right, too proud
to know his owner's doing,

1152
01:12:08,584 --> 01:12:09,501
takes in the fee?

1153
01:12:10,751 --> 01:12:12,001
No, thank you.

1154
01:12:12,876 --> 01:12:15,876
Shall I use the fire God has given me
to burn incense all day long

1155
01:12:15,959 --> 01:12:17,917
under the nose of wood and stone?

1156
01:12:19,376 --> 01:12:20,917
No, thank you.

1157
01:12:21,001 --> 01:12:24,751
Calculate, scheme, be afraid,

1158
01:12:26,376 --> 01:12:29,876
seek introductions, favours, influences?

1159
01:12:29,959 --> 01:12:32,584
No, I thank you, and again, I thank you!

1160
01:12:34,251 --> 01:12:36,042
But...

1161
01:12:36,126 --> 01:12:38,001
to sing, to laugh...

1162
01:12:40,876 --> 01:12:43,876
- I'm sorry. I've dried.
- That's all right. Carry on.

1163
01:12:43,959 --> 01:12:48,709
- To sing, to laugh, to dream...
- To sing, to laugh...

1164
01:12:48,792 --> 01:12:50,542
To walk in my own way and be alone.

1165
01:12:50,626 --> 01:12:52,251
To walk in my own way
and be alone.

1166
01:12:52,334 --> 01:12:53,834
- Free...
- Free...

1167
01:12:53,917 --> 01:12:56,251
...with an eye to see
things as they really are.

1168
01:12:57,126 --> 01:12:58,584
Yet...

1169
01:12:58,667 --> 01:13:00,834
- ...with all modesty to say...
- Yet with all modesty...

1170
01:13:00,917 --> 01:13:04,334
- ...my soul be satisfied with flowers...
- ...to say my soul...

1171
01:13:04,417 --> 01:13:08,417
- ...with fruit, with weeds, even.
- ...satisfied with flowers, with fruit...

1172
01:13:10,084 --> 01:13:12,626
But gather them in the one garden

1173
01:13:12,709 --> 01:13:14,376
you may call your own.

1174
01:13:15,834 --> 01:13:17,584
The Water Skier, take one!

1175
01:13:28,376 --> 01:13:29,459
Cut!

1176
01:13:29,542 --> 01:13:31,292
All right. Print it!

1177
01:13:31,959 --> 01:13:32,876
Thanks, chaps.

1178
01:13:33,792 --> 01:13:35,626
One of these days,
I'll take up this flipping sport.

1179
01:13:44,292 --> 01:13:45,417
Oh!

1180
01:13:45,501 --> 01:13:47,001
Saboteur!

1181
01:13:47,084 --> 01:13:48,834
You shouldn't come
sneaking up on me like that.

1182
01:13:49,501 --> 01:13:51,542
- Mmm! Do you like it?
- Smashing.

1183
01:13:51,626 --> 01:13:53,417
- Have you had a good day?
- Big day.

1184
01:13:53,501 --> 01:13:56,084
I've just signed to do
26 Honey Breath commercials.

1185
01:13:56,959 --> 01:13:59,917
Chick! How marvellous!

1186
01:14:00,584 --> 01:14:04,417
Uh, you know, when Tommy Morris rang,
I knew it was something special.

1187
01:14:04,501 --> 01:14:05,626
Special?

1188
01:14:06,167 --> 01:14:08,209
They pay fabulously!

1189
01:14:08,292 --> 01:14:09,584
You're pleased, aren't you?

1190
01:14:10,292 --> 01:14:12,292
Yes, I'm pleased.

1191
01:14:18,626 --> 01:14:19,542
Oh, uh...

1192
01:14:19,626 --> 01:14:21,626
I was wondering
if you were home, thespian.

1193
01:14:21,709 --> 01:14:23,501
Could I borrow a cup of sugar?

1194
01:14:23,584 --> 01:14:25,001
Help yourself.

1195
01:14:25,542 --> 01:14:27,876
You actors have a marvellous time,
don't you? Still resting, are you?

1196
01:14:27,959 --> 01:14:29,501
No, I'm working.

1197
01:14:29,584 --> 01:14:31,042
Oh? Comedy or drama?

1198
01:14:31,126 --> 01:14:32,459
Farce.

1199
01:14:33,667 --> 01:14:36,084
Honey Breath number six,
The Compartment, take one!

1200
01:14:49,542 --> 01:14:51,084
I say, is that a Honey Breath?

1201
01:14:52,209 --> 01:14:53,459
Mind if I take two?

1202
01:14:54,251 --> 01:14:55,292
One for later.

1203
01:14:59,959 --> 01:15:03,542
Nowadays, people on my train talk to me,
thanks to Honey Breath.

1204
01:15:05,209 --> 01:15:07,209
Cut! Chick, what's wrong?

1205
01:15:07,292 --> 01:15:09,126
I've swallowed the bloody thing!

1206
01:15:16,209 --> 01:15:17,542
<i>En garde!</i>

1207
01:15:21,126 --> 01:15:22,459
<i>Touché,</i> for Honey Breath!

1208
01:15:24,251 --> 01:15:26,584
<i>En garde!! ?</i>

1209
01:15:28,751 --> 01:15:30,167
Thanks, Mr Honey Breath.

1210
01:15:31,751 --> 01:15:33,251
Thanks, Wally.

1211
01:15:39,417 --> 01:15:41,459
- There's fame for you.
- Eh?

1212
01:15:42,626 --> 01:15:45,084
Oh.

1213
01:15:45,167 --> 01:15:47,292
One gambling debt, repaid.

1214
01:15:48,209 --> 01:15:49,667
Gambling debt?

1215
01:15:49,751 --> 01:15:52,417
Well, it was a gamble
if you'd ever get it back or not.

1216
01:15:52,501 --> 01:15:53,917
Oh.

1217
01:15:56,042 --> 01:15:58,334
This has an air of finality about it.

1218
01:15:58,876 --> 01:16:00,209
Judy.

1219
01:16:01,209 --> 01:16:02,542
I've decided to do you a favour.

1220
01:16:03,834 --> 01:16:05,376
I'm not going to call you anymore.

1221
01:16:06,917 --> 01:16:08,334
You'd have to call long distance.

1222
01:16:08,417 --> 01:16:09,626
Hmm?

1223
01:16:11,417 --> 01:16:13,501
I'm joining the rep in Wolverhampton.

1224
01:16:17,834 --> 01:16:22,251
Wasn't it you who once said it's better
to be on a stage, no matter how small,

1225
01:16:22,334 --> 01:16:24,959
than sitting around coffee bars in London?

1226
01:16:27,251 --> 01:16:29,459
You think I've made a right old mess
of things, don't you?

1227
01:16:31,417 --> 01:16:32,626
Yes.

1228
01:16:34,751 --> 01:16:36,292
Same old Judy.

1229
01:16:38,084 --> 01:16:39,792
Not the same old Byrd.

1230
01:16:42,417 --> 01:16:45,251
Hey, Chick. You want me
to bring a bottle on Saturday?

1231
01:16:45,334 --> 01:16:47,667
No, Skippy, old love.
Just your illustrious company.

1232
01:16:47,751 --> 01:16:49,001
Honey Breath will supply the liquor.

1233
01:16:49,084 --> 01:16:51,126
Well, I'll drink heartily!

1234
01:16:51,209 --> 01:16:54,084
- See you at Chick's party, Judy?
- I haven't been asked.

1235
01:16:54,167 --> 01:16:56,417
- I'm asking you.
- Don't, love.

1236
01:16:57,501 --> 01:16:58,751
Excuse me.

1237
01:17:02,917 --> 01:17:05,542
In all the goodbye scenes
I've ever played,

1238
01:17:05,626 --> 01:17:07,042
somebody always mentions the word "love".

1239
01:17:07,126 --> 01:17:09,209
All right. You've just mentioned it.

1240
01:17:09,292 --> 01:17:10,334
Damn you, Judy!

1241
01:17:12,667 --> 01:17:14,834
What do you want me to say?
That you finally made it?

1242
01:17:14,917 --> 01:17:17,334
For heaven's sake!
For years, I was a first-rate failure!

1243
01:17:17,417 --> 01:17:18,501
Yeah.

1244
01:17:19,417 --> 01:17:21,376
And now you're a second-rate success.

1245
01:17:35,251 --> 01:17:36,667
Did you ever play the rear part of a horse

1246
01:17:36,751 --> 01:17:39,417
with a character up front
who never stops eating onions?

1247
01:17:39,501 --> 01:17:43,001
If the fellow up front eats onions, you
can imagine what it's like in the back!

1248
01:17:44,042 --> 01:17:46,417
You're welcome, Bob.
You're welcome, old love.

1249
01:17:46,501 --> 01:17:47,751
Hi, Jenny.

1250
01:17:50,959 --> 01:17:53,167
I say, thespian. How do I look?

1251
01:17:53,834 --> 01:17:55,834
Theo, you'll slay 'em!

1252
01:17:56,709 --> 01:17:58,167
Cary Grant, move over!

1253
01:17:58,751 --> 01:17:59,917
Here I come!

1254
01:18:00,001 --> 01:18:01,334
What about that man?

1255
01:18:01,417 --> 01:18:04,084
- He said, "I don't care what..."
- Don't you see, my lovely,

1256
01:18:04,167 --> 01:18:06,501
- I could do so much for Chick!
- And you did.

1257
01:18:06,584 --> 01:18:07,584
I remember.

1258
01:18:07,667 --> 01:18:09,751
They get into the money
and abandon their friends.

1259
01:18:09,834 --> 01:18:11,126
I despise actors!

1260
01:18:11,209 --> 01:18:13,917
Well, your favourite despicable actor
will be here tonight, in person.

1261
01:18:14,001 --> 01:18:15,167
If you mean Julian,

1262
01:18:15,251 --> 01:18:17,376
I don't want to be bitchy,
but he doesn't screen well.

1263
01:18:17,459 --> 01:18:18,667
His nose is bent.

1264
01:18:18,751 --> 01:18:20,917
- Why don't you tell him that?
- Oh, oh, oh, oh!

1265
01:18:21,001 --> 01:18:22,292
Come on!

1266
01:18:40,209 --> 01:18:41,376
Hey.

1267
01:18:41,459 --> 01:18:43,792
I say, did you hear what one
Chinese stamp collector

1268
01:18:43,876 --> 01:18:46,251
said to the other Chinese stamp collector?

1269
01:18:46,334 --> 01:18:47,376
No. Did you?

1270
01:18:47,459 --> 01:18:50,542
He said, "You are the greatest
Chinese stamp collector in the world!"

1271
01:18:50,626 --> 01:18:52,626
And the other
Chinese stamp collector said,

1272
01:18:52,709 --> 01:18:55,167
"Philately will get you nowhere."

1273
01:18:55,834 --> 01:18:58,001
Tommy, darling!

1274
01:19:05,792 --> 01:19:07,667
Well, how would I know? Don't ask me!

1275
01:19:07,751 --> 01:19:10,751
How are your glasses, twins?
Come on, my lovelies.

1276
01:19:10,834 --> 01:19:12,584
Get your champagne here.

1277
01:19:14,501 --> 01:19:17,584
I tell you, it's the new sliced bread...

1278
01:19:38,667 --> 01:19:40,792
All right, you old girl? Flying tonight?

1279
01:19:40,876 --> 01:19:42,584
- Full revs and boost!
- My girl!

1280
01:19:50,209 --> 01:19:51,542
I want to talk to you, Chick.

1281
01:19:51,626 --> 01:19:52,834
All right, see you in a moment, Tommy.

1282
01:19:52,917 --> 01:19:54,501
Oh, hello!

1283
01:19:54,584 --> 01:19:57,709
- Whose little girl are you?
- I'm Chick's little girl.

1284
01:20:00,209 --> 01:20:01,834
With a figure like yours, dear,

1285
01:20:01,917 --> 01:20:03,751
- you don't need experience.
- Really?

1286
01:20:03,834 --> 01:20:06,042
Why don't you come around
to the office and see me sometime?

1287
01:20:06,126 --> 01:20:07,542
Oh, Mr Morris, I'd just love to!

1288
01:20:07,626 --> 01:20:09,167
- Would you like to dance?
- Oh, yes, please.

1289
01:20:14,792 --> 01:20:16,584
- Two.
- So sorry, sir.

1290
01:20:16,667 --> 01:20:17,959
Thank you.

1291
01:20:24,209 --> 01:20:25,459
Two great big gins, please.

1292
01:20:25,542 --> 01:20:27,709
Four great big gins, yes.

1293
01:20:34,084 --> 01:20:35,834
What kind of a party is this, honey?

1294
01:20:35,917 --> 01:20:37,376
An old pal's party, honey.

1295
01:20:38,376 --> 01:20:40,417
- Do we have to stay long?
- No.

1296
01:20:40,501 --> 01:20:42,334
There's only one old pal I have to see.

1297
01:20:46,209 --> 01:20:48,376
This here is a rock!

1298
01:20:48,459 --> 01:20:51,751
You see?
You're surrounded by the raging ocean!

1299
01:20:51,834 --> 01:20:53,501
Come on up.

1300
01:20:53,584 --> 01:20:54,751
There we are!

1301
01:20:54,834 --> 01:20:56,876
Oh! Beg your pardon!

1302
01:20:56,959 --> 01:21:00,376
Now then. It's a matter of life and death
and you're terrified!

1303
01:21:00,459 --> 01:21:02,459
Oh, I'm feeling it, darling!

1304
01:21:02,542 --> 01:21:03,376
Show it!

1305
01:21:03,459 --> 01:21:06,584
Show it, darling! The water's rising!

1306
01:21:06,667 --> 01:21:09,501
- Motivate!
- Oh!

1307
01:21:14,459 --> 01:21:17,501
That girl has a real compulsion
to take her clothes off.

1308
01:21:18,501 --> 01:21:19,626
What's that for, baby?

1309
01:21:19,709 --> 01:21:21,792
The water's rising, darling.

1310
01:21:21,876 --> 01:21:24,167
This is a new dress.
I don't want to get it soaked, do I?

1311
01:21:25,334 --> 01:21:27,792
- My God! There's Julian!
- I'm being realistic.

1312
01:21:27,876 --> 01:21:29,917
- Julian!
- Well! Hi, kids!

1313
01:21:31,459 --> 01:21:34,417
My favourite actor!

1314
01:21:34,501 --> 01:21:36,209
- How's business?
- Terrible!

1315
01:21:36,292 --> 01:21:37,959
- Chick!
- Hello, Julian.

1316
01:21:38,792 --> 01:21:40,792
Hi, Chick. It's great to see you again.

1317
01:21:40,876 --> 01:21:43,334
<i>- Kwaheri, bwana.</i>
- Yeah!

1318
01:21:43,417 --> 01:21:46,376
What have you done to this place?
You'll have Sloppitt raising your rent.

1319
01:21:46,459 --> 01:21:47,959
I can afford it.

1320
01:21:48,042 --> 01:21:50,042
- See? I told you this place was lucky.
- Hm.

1321
01:21:50,834 --> 01:21:51,876
Come and have a drink.

1322
01:21:54,751 --> 01:21:56,501
You're his co-star,
aren't you, Miss Kennedy?

1323
01:21:57,209 --> 01:21:59,834
He used to live here, you know.
We were great friends.

1324
01:21:59,917 --> 01:22:01,917
I used to be his pawnbroker!

1325
01:22:02,834 --> 01:22:04,292
Oh, blow.

1326
01:22:08,834 --> 01:22:10,667
I, uh...

1327
01:22:10,751 --> 01:22:13,167
I would've called you, Chick,
but so much has been happening.

1328
01:22:13,251 --> 01:22:15,584
Fabulous!
I have a film next year in Greece.

1329
01:22:16,626 --> 01:22:20,042
Hi. Oh, and a fabulous offer
from the States.

1330
01:22:20,126 --> 01:22:22,084
Chick, we never knew
what it was all about.

1331
01:22:22,167 --> 01:22:24,209
- It's... Really, it's... it's...
- Fabulous.

1332
01:22:24,292 --> 01:22:27,959
Darling, thousands of years ago,
you asked for my telephone number.

1333
01:22:28,751 --> 01:22:30,667
Well, come and tell me
your telephone number.

1334
01:22:32,751 --> 01:22:35,501
Marvellous party, Chick!

1335
01:22:35,584 --> 01:22:37,667
I think I must be getting tight!

1336
01:22:37,751 --> 01:22:41,209
- Do you want to dance?
- Do you get amorous when you're tight?

1337
01:22:45,751 --> 01:22:47,792
Did you ever play
the rear half of an elephant

1338
01:22:47,876 --> 01:22:49,584
when the other fellow keeps eating onions?

1339
01:22:50,459 --> 01:22:53,376
I rather fancy that poppet with Julian,
old man. I think it can be arranged.

1340
01:22:53,459 --> 01:22:55,834
- You wanted to talk to me, Tommy?
- Oh, yes, I've got good news for you.

1341
01:22:55,917 --> 01:22:57,167
- What?
- But I kept it till the party.

1342
01:22:57,251 --> 01:22:59,042
The Honey Breath people want another 26,

1343
01:22:59,126 --> 01:23:01,084
and I told them okay, at double the money!

1344
01:23:01,167 --> 01:23:03,292
- Oh, no!
- Well, how does that sound?

1345
01:23:03,376 --> 01:23:04,792
Absolutely marvellous!

1346
01:23:04,876 --> 01:23:06,959
Chick, why didn't you bring her
round before? I like this girl!

1347
01:23:07,042 --> 01:23:09,542
Tommy, for pity's sake,
I want to work as an actor!

1348
01:23:09,626 --> 01:23:11,001
Can't you get me a play?

1349
01:23:11,084 --> 01:23:12,917
Aren't tenants auditioning
or Sherrick or something?

1350
01:23:13,001 --> 01:23:15,084
Oh, everybody wants to play King Lear.

1351
01:23:15,167 --> 01:23:17,542
- But that's peanuts.
- No more peanuts for my Chick.

1352
01:23:17,626 --> 01:23:19,917
Yes, you listen to her, old man.
She's smart.

1353
01:23:20,001 --> 01:23:22,709
Come on, darling. Smile! It's a party!

1354
01:23:22,792 --> 01:23:24,459
Now, come on!

1355
01:23:27,584 --> 01:23:29,959
Did you hear what one black bird said
to the other black bird?

1356
01:23:30,042 --> 01:23:33,792
- No. Did you?
- "Read any good rooks lately?"

1357
01:23:40,376 --> 01:23:42,417
Did you hear about the cruel farmer
who milked his cows

1358
01:23:42,501 --> 01:23:44,292
without cutting his fingernails?

1359
01:23:44,376 --> 01:23:46,126
Had no thought for udders.

1360
01:23:47,542 --> 01:23:48,751
Of course I'd love to audition.

1361
01:23:48,834 --> 01:23:51,459
I think every young actress should
be prepared to do almost anything.

1362
01:23:53,084 --> 01:23:56,001
- Oh! Sorry, Chick.
- My fault, Jerry.

1363
01:23:57,376 --> 01:23:58,834
I was in the way.

1364
01:24:04,376 --> 01:24:05,501
I'll call you.

1365
01:24:09,376 --> 01:24:10,626
Don't forget.

1366
01:24:10,709 --> 01:24:12,459
It's under my husband's name.

1367
01:24:13,709 --> 01:24:15,334
Ambitious young actresses.

1368
01:24:15,417 --> 01:24:17,167
Well, that's show business.

1369
01:24:18,084 --> 01:24:20,209
What's it feel like
to be treated like royalty?

1370
01:24:20,292 --> 01:24:21,792
You know something?

1371
01:24:21,876 --> 01:24:23,167
I like it!

1372
01:24:25,084 --> 01:24:26,251
Do you need a drink, sir?

1373
01:24:26,334 --> 01:24:28,292
No, thanks. I have one.

1374
01:24:28,376 --> 01:24:30,126
You need a great, big drink.

1375
01:24:36,042 --> 01:24:38,251
- Cheers.
- Cheers.

1376
01:24:41,584 --> 01:24:43,042
- Are you having fun?
- Hello, Byrd.

1377
01:24:45,209 --> 01:24:47,084
Hello!

1378
01:24:47,917 --> 01:24:49,126
That's showbiz.

1379
01:24:50,126 --> 01:24:51,584
You said that before.

1380
01:24:51,667 --> 01:24:54,126
Actors and actresses!
Everybody!

1381
01:24:54,209 --> 01:24:56,834
For that dramatic piece
The Death of Nelson!

1382
01:24:56,917 --> 01:24:59,626
- My God, he's away!
- I should play Hardy. Harry!

1383
01:24:59,709 --> 01:25:02,459
Harry, you're the admirable.
You're... You're Nelson.

1384
01:25:02,542 --> 01:25:05,084
Right. Now, then. The scene...

1385
01:25:05,167 --> 01:25:07,334
That's Napoleon, you big nit!

1386
01:25:07,417 --> 01:25:09,917
Now the scene is the deck of the Victory

1387
01:25:10,001 --> 01:25:12,001
during the Battle of Trafalgar.

1388
01:25:12,084 --> 01:25:14,126
Nelson is fatally wounded,

1389
01:25:14,209 --> 01:25:16,834
hit by a musket ball.

1390
01:25:17,542 --> 01:25:20,792
I shall make the sound
of the bullet that hit Nelson, Harry,

1391
01:25:20,876 --> 01:25:23,709
and you sink to the deck
and speak your line.

1392
01:25:23,792 --> 01:25:25,251
- Kiss me, Hardy...
- Wait for the cue, Harry!

1393
01:25:26,709 --> 01:25:28,209
Right. Now...

1394
01:25:28,792 --> 01:25:30,167
And cue!

1395
01:25:30,251 --> 01:25:33,501
Wind! Rigging! Terror! Brace!

1396
01:25:33,584 --> 01:25:36,667
Wind! Rigging! Terror! Brace!

1397
01:25:36,751 --> 01:25:39,001
Wind! Wind! Terror! Brace!

1398
01:25:39,084 --> 01:25:41,751
Wind! Wind! Terror! Brace! Stop!

1399
01:25:42,959 --> 01:25:45,626
Boom!

1400
01:25:45,709 --> 01:25:47,459
Boom.

1401
01:25:48,292 --> 01:25:49,334
Shh!

1402
01:26:06,001 --> 01:26:07,251
Kiss me, Hardy.

1403
01:26:08,167 --> 01:26:10,626
Kiss my arse.
I'm next in line for Admiral!

1404
01:26:27,042 --> 01:26:28,334
I'm ready to go now.

1405
01:26:29,584 --> 01:26:33,042
- So am I.
- Well, goodbye, old pal.

1406
01:26:36,501 --> 01:26:38,667
Goodbye, old pal.

1407
01:26:42,626 --> 01:26:44,167
Oh, uh, Chick.

1408
01:26:44,917 --> 01:26:47,584
I may look like a phony,
but don't let that fool you.

1409
01:26:47,667 --> 01:26:49,126
I am a phony.

1410
01:26:50,251 --> 01:26:51,792
You're about to be a big star.

1411
01:26:51,876 --> 01:26:54,626
That's what you wanted.
That's what you got.

1412
01:26:54,709 --> 01:26:55,959
What have you got?

1413
01:26:58,542 --> 01:26:59,876
Welcome to the club.

1414
01:28:28,126 --> 01:28:29,834
I'll get you!

1415
01:29:01,376 --> 01:29:03,876
Excuse me.

1416
01:29:03,959 --> 01:29:06,501
No, I think Henrietta's a lovely name.

1417
01:29:09,001 --> 01:29:10,334
Darling!

1418
01:29:14,667 --> 01:29:16,209
Here you are, old timer.

1419
01:29:16,292 --> 01:29:18,376
- Three months' rent in advance.
- Thank you, Chick.

1420
01:29:19,209 --> 01:29:21,459
I always knew you were a payer, mate.

1421
01:29:22,709 --> 01:29:25,042
When are you gonna break up that party?

1422
01:29:27,334 --> 01:29:28,501
The party's over, Gus.

1423
01:29:33,209 --> 01:29:34,334
Chick?

1424
01:29:45,667 --> 01:29:47,751
Oh, no.

1425
01:29:47,834 --> 01:29:48,834
Chick!

1426
01:29:49,542 --> 01:29:50,709
Euston.

1427
01:29:56,126 --> 01:29:57,251
Chick!

1428
01:30:01,501 --> 01:30:02,959
Chick, where are you going?

1429
01:30:04,251 --> 01:30:07,251
There's a small rep company in the North
looking for a leading man.

1430
01:30:08,042 --> 01:30:10,292
- Which one?
- I don't know.

1431
01:30:10,376 --> 01:30:13,001
There's always a small rep company
in the North looking for a leading man.

1432
01:30:13,667 --> 01:30:15,209
Do you usually say goodbye like this?

1433
01:30:16,542 --> 01:30:18,334
Only when the dialogue's
going to be difficult.

1434
01:30:19,542 --> 01:30:21,001
Please, don't go.

1435
01:30:21,084 --> 01:30:24,209
You know the rules, shrimp.
Always exit laughing!

1436
01:30:25,292 --> 01:30:26,917
Who's laughing?

1437
01:30:27,001 --> 01:30:28,001
I love you.

1438
01:30:29,292 --> 01:30:32,001
In a goodbye scene, nobody should
ever mention the word "love".

1439
01:30:34,167 --> 01:30:36,084
What should they say?

1440
01:30:36,167 --> 01:30:37,251
"Goodbye."

1441
01:30:38,709 --> 01:30:39,876
Goodbye.

1442
01:30:47,042 --> 01:30:48,001
Chick.

1443
01:30:50,751 --> 01:30:53,959
I'll be thinking of you when...
I'm 60 and you're 81.

1444
01:30:54,834 --> 01:30:57,959
I'll drink to that, little shrimp.
Let's hope we both make it.