1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:01:41,079 --> 00:01:43,199 Nice shirt. 4 00:02:09,959 --> 00:02:11,639 How am I being unpleasant? 5 00:02:12,279 --> 00:02:13,839 Well, you're not being unpleasant, 6 00:02:14,039 --> 00:02:15,559 but you are making this an unpleasant situation, 7 00:02:15,759 --> 00:02:17,279 instead of making it an erotic one like I am. 8 00:02:17,999 --> 00:02:19,599 Yeah, really erotic, Colin. 9 00:02:20,439 --> 00:02:21,839 I mean, again, you don't seem to grasp 10 00:02:22,039 --> 00:02:25,039 that we could be talking about forty-eight, maybe seventy-two hours 11 00:02:25,239 --> 00:02:26,439 without me here. 12 00:02:27,599 --> 00:02:29,639 So, you might want to, want to think about some passion occurring. 13 00:02:29,999 --> 00:02:31,039 Like, immediately. 14 00:02:37,719 --> 00:02:39,199 Why are you even helping your sister? 15 00:02:39,559 --> 00:02:41,239 I thought you and your parents hated JR. 16 00:02:41,879 --> 00:02:43,199 We do, but, you know, 17 00:02:43,399 --> 00:02:45,239 she asked for a favor and I said yes. 18 00:02:45,839 --> 00:02:46,999 You know, you don't have any siblings 19 00:02:47,159 --> 00:02:48,679 so you have no frame of reference for what it's like 20 00:02:48,839 --> 00:02:50,199 when one of them asks for a favor. 21 00:02:54,399 --> 00:02:57,439 Like I said, two maybe even three days so this is definitely 22 00:02:57,599 --> 00:03:00,679 a great opportunity for us to share something wonderful. 23 00:03:01,279 --> 00:03:03,079 Now come on, can we please stop arguing 24 00:03:03,279 --> 00:03:07,279 and start enjoying one another's company in a very real way? 25 00:03:09,639 --> 00:03:11,439 We can't even negotiate for a handjob or something? 26 00:03:11,639 --> 00:03:13,359 What do you suggest I do with this massive black man sized erection 27 00:03:13,559 --> 00:03:14,999 I made special just for you? 28 00:03:15,199 --> 00:03:16,079 That's racist. 29 00:03:16,279 --> 00:03:18,039 What did we talk about with you saying racist jokes? 30 00:03:18,359 --> 00:03:19,399 That you love it. 31 00:03:19,639 --> 00:03:22,119 By the way, that was a compliment to any black man with a large penis. 32 00:03:22,319 --> 00:03:23,399 Which is all of them, so... 33 00:03:23,639 --> 00:03:26,759 Colin, you should change your pants. Those are dirty and ugly. 34 00:03:34,559 --> 00:03:38,119 - Colin! - Is your sister here already? 35 00:03:38,519 --> 00:03:41,679 What? No. You didn't just hear her yell my name. 36 00:03:41,999 --> 00:03:44,959 Which is actually what I would like you to be doing, 37 00:03:45,399 --> 00:03:48,159 during the passion we'll be sharing momentarily. 38 00:03:48,519 --> 00:03:51,439 I'll walk you out. 39 00:04:02,359 --> 00:04:10,639 - Colin! Let's go. - Oh, don't you look like a movie star. 40 00:04:11,319 --> 00:04:13,399 Oh, thanks, so do you. 41 00:04:14,399 --> 00:04:16,919 So, this must be important for you to drag your brother into it. 42 00:04:17,519 --> 00:04:20,319 It is actually, it's college related. You probably wouldn't understand. 43 00:04:21,199 --> 00:04:22,959 I heard you were living with your professor and dating him 44 00:04:23,159 --> 00:04:24,559 and then he threw you out. 45 00:04:30,239 --> 00:04:33,199 Goodbye Colin. Goodbye JR. It's been a pleasure. 46 00:04:33,679 --> 00:04:36,039 Yeah, the movie star I meant was the bathtub monster in The Shining. 47 00:04:36,199 --> 00:04:37,199 Have a nice day. 48 00:04:37,399 --> 00:04:38,959 - Blow me, JR. - Done. 49 00:04:41,559 --> 00:04:43,679 Goodbye, my sweetness. 50 00:04:44,279 --> 00:04:46,479 I'll call you. She gave me the finger. 51 00:04:46,839 --> 00:04:48,079 - Or me. - Gave us the finger. 52 00:04:48,279 --> 00:04:51,319 No maybe it was you. Probably you. How long have you guys been together? 53 00:04:52,079 --> 00:04:55,079 - Like three and a half... - Months? 54 00:04:55,639 --> 00:04:56,959 - Years. - Ugh! 55 00:04:57,359 --> 00:05:00,039 - But it feels like at least four. - Here, you drive. Please. 56 00:05:00,279 --> 00:05:01,879 - What? - Please. 57 00:05:05,479 --> 00:05:07,399 - What the hell is all this crap? - This isn't crap. 58 00:05:07,919 --> 00:05:09,639 How am I supposed to enjoy driving on this trip 59 00:05:09,839 --> 00:05:12,359 if this car is full of all this garbage? 60 00:05:12,559 --> 00:05:14,359 What the fuck is this thing, why is this in the driver's seat? 61 00:05:14,559 --> 00:05:16,439 Oh my god, give that back. Colin, give that back. 62 00:05:16,679 --> 00:05:17,839 What is this? 63 00:05:18,039 --> 00:05:20,119 Stop it. You're so annoying. Give it. 64 00:05:21,039 --> 00:05:23,479 What do you mean what is this, this is my vision board? 65 00:05:23,679 --> 00:05:24,959 What the fuck is a vision board? 66 00:05:25,159 --> 00:05:26,599 What is this giant piece of shit covered in pictures of you? 67 00:05:26,799 --> 00:05:28,279 They say if you put your hopes and dreams out on paper 68 00:05:28,479 --> 00:05:29,399 they're more likely to come true. 69 00:05:29,559 --> 00:05:30,599 - Who says? - Experts. 70 00:05:30,799 --> 00:05:31,879 Jesus Christ. 71 00:05:32,079 --> 00:05:33,439 Why does it say the word Moses next to a drawing? 72 00:05:33,879 --> 00:05:36,079 - That's my celebrity crush. - Look, I got an idea. 73 00:05:36,239 --> 00:05:37,999 You wouldn't understand, you have no hopes and dreams. 74 00:05:38,159 --> 00:05:39,679 How about we forget about all of this, we can just stay here tonight, 75 00:05:39,879 --> 00:05:41,519 have dinner with mom and dad, we can first thing in the morning. 76 00:05:41,719 --> 00:05:43,799 That way we don't need to drive when it's, when it's dark out. 77 00:05:43,999 --> 00:05:46,319 - Colin, what do you think I want to do? - I think we should stick – 78 00:05:46,599 --> 00:05:47,679 Leave right now. 79 00:05:47,839 --> 00:05:50,159 Leave right now, that's what I was going to say. 80 00:05:55,919 --> 00:05:58,359 No! 81 00:07:55,039 --> 00:07:56,039 I have to pee. 82 00:07:56,279 --> 00:08:00,679 - Can I help you? - Hello, kind sir and God bless. 83 00:08:01,399 --> 00:08:03,519 We are gonna need one room for the night, 84 00:08:03,759 --> 00:08:05,159 the cheapest room you've got please. 85 00:08:05,959 --> 00:08:10,199 The cheapest room we have is a smallest. It's a single. 86 00:08:10,919 --> 00:08:14,039 And we don't allow co-eds to cohabitate 87 00:08:14,319 --> 00:08:16,119 unless they are married. 88 00:08:17,039 --> 00:08:18,879 That shouldn't be a problem. We're brother and sister. 89 00:08:19,119 --> 00:08:20,879 No funny business here. 90 00:08:21,159 --> 00:08:23,999 Brother and sister? That's foul. 91 00:08:24,519 --> 00:08:26,719 And in a way that's even worse than if you were a couple 92 00:08:26,919 --> 00:08:30,279 sinful, sinful kids up to no good. 93 00:08:30,639 --> 00:08:32,279 Um, ha well, actually we are married. 94 00:08:32,519 --> 00:08:34,319 We have the same last name because we are married. 95 00:08:34,599 --> 00:08:35,519 Yeah, ha ha. 96 00:08:35,759 --> 00:08:37,679 We're just aspiring comedians and like to make jokes. 97 00:08:38,679 --> 00:08:40,119 Taking our act on the road here. 98 00:08:40,319 --> 00:08:41,439 In public places. Look at us now. 99 00:08:41,719 --> 00:08:44,399 Uh, yeah, take out your ID my precious husband. 100 00:08:44,599 --> 00:08:47,639 - Yeah, let me see some ID. - Yeah, we have a wonderful marriage. 101 00:08:48,319 --> 00:08:50,039 - Sometimes I... - So happy. 102 00:08:50,279 --> 00:08:53,159 So happy. I can't stop smiling. Most of the time, my face hurts. 103 00:08:58,639 --> 00:09:00,479 Oh my God, he's such...do you think he's fooled? 104 00:09:00,799 --> 00:09:01,759 Of course he's not fooled. 105 00:09:01,959 --> 00:09:03,359 Just shut up and let me do the rest of the talking. 106 00:09:03,599 --> 00:09:05,079 - Are we in, like, the... - Don't say anything else! 107 00:09:08,479 --> 00:09:09,599 How come you ain't got wedding rings? 108 00:09:09,759 --> 00:09:11,119 This actually is a wedding ring. 109 00:09:11,359 --> 00:09:13,679 - And I sold mine, to buy... - He sold his to buy drugs for kids. 110 00:09:13,919 --> 00:09:16,639 - Medicine. For sick children. - In Chernobyl. 111 00:09:16,879 --> 00:09:17,959 In some other country. 112 00:09:18,199 --> 00:09:19,559 There's a lot of sick kids that are, we've given them so much 113 00:09:19,799 --> 00:09:21,519 they're pretty much ungrateful at this point. 114 00:09:21,839 --> 00:09:25,239 You kids look an awful lot alike. You sure you're married? 115 00:09:25,519 --> 00:09:28,199 Who wouldn't want to marry and live with this person, 116 00:09:28,399 --> 00:09:30,599 the rest of their God given life? 117 00:09:30,879 --> 00:09:33,999 I remember when my wife and I we got married. 118 00:09:34,479 --> 00:09:37,399 I was fifteen, she was fourteen. 119 00:09:38,039 --> 00:09:42,239 Had our first child seventeen, and sixteen. 120 00:09:42,999 --> 00:09:49,839 And, sixteen is a, uh, good age for a girl to have a baby. 121 00:09:50,279 --> 00:09:51,799 That's what I hear. 122 00:09:52,039 --> 00:09:54,399 But, you don't need to hear about my life story. 123 00:09:54,639 --> 00:09:56,679 No, we don't. 124 00:09:57,359 --> 00:09:59,279 Yes, we would love to hear your life story 125 00:09:59,479 --> 00:10:01,319 as soon as we get some rest. 126 00:10:05,439 --> 00:10:09,719 Alright. Well, you pay the door at the end. 127 00:10:09,999 --> 00:10:11,759 You need to leave a twenty dollar deposit. 128 00:10:11,999 --> 00:10:13,399 I don't have any cash. 129 00:10:13,719 --> 00:10:16,879 You better make it forty. 130 00:10:19,919 --> 00:10:24,239 Wait a minute. Let me see you two lovebirds kiss. 131 00:10:24,519 --> 00:10:29,159 - Why would we have to kiss? - Because, our policy. 132 00:10:29,439 --> 00:10:33,239 - I need to see married couples kiss. - Is that an actual sign that you use? 133 00:10:34,359 --> 00:10:35,199 Yes. 134 00:10:35,439 --> 00:10:37,319 Did you make that sign by hand just before we got here? 135 00:10:38,519 --> 00:10:41,119 - No. - What would Jesus do? 136 00:10:41,959 --> 00:10:43,719 - He would sleep in the car. - No, He wouldn't. 137 00:10:44,079 --> 00:10:49,679 Sure, uh, why would we do anything other than express our love and devotion. 138 00:10:50,119 --> 00:10:52,279 Bless you, and keep you. 139 00:10:52,839 --> 00:10:54,039 Very nice. 140 00:10:54,519 --> 00:10:57,279 How do you feel about that? I get to do that every night of my life, 141 00:10:57,799 --> 00:10:59,799 and possibly after death, if you believe in that, 142 00:11:00,079 --> 00:11:01,199 which I do, of course. 143 00:11:01,479 --> 00:11:07,199 - Very nice. Have a good night. - Thanks. God bless. 144 00:11:07,439 --> 00:11:08,799 And God bless. 145 00:11:21,799 --> 00:11:24,159 Was it really that bad pretending to kiss me? 146 00:11:27,439 --> 00:11:29,439 The sad thing is you're not the first boy to throw up 147 00:11:29,679 --> 00:11:31,839 after kissing me. 148 00:11:32,279 --> 00:11:36,559 It's something that I ate. Something awful, awful that I ate. 149 00:11:36,759 --> 00:11:39,479 I don't think I've thrown up in like, twelve years. 150 00:11:39,839 --> 00:11:42,159 Isn't that kind of an impressive record? 151 00:11:44,319 --> 00:11:47,239 What is that, like something you have to brag about. 152 00:11:47,439 --> 00:11:48,879 Like that's a skill? 153 00:11:49,119 --> 00:11:50,919 Like, oh, I have a superior digestive system. 154 00:11:51,159 --> 00:11:53,279 Reward me please. Oh, I have good hearing. 155 00:11:53,719 --> 00:11:56,159 I taught myself to have good hearing. Ridiculous. 156 00:11:56,519 --> 00:11:58,279 Can you smell this Bible? 157 00:11:58,479 --> 00:12:01,039 Get that out of my face I just threw up. 158 00:12:01,999 --> 00:12:03,679 Wait a minute. 159 00:12:03,919 --> 00:12:07,359 "If a man mates with an animal he shall surely be put to death 160 00:12:07,559 --> 00:12:08,999 and you shall kill the animal." 161 00:12:09,199 --> 00:12:10,479 That doesn't seem fair to the animal. 162 00:12:10,639 --> 00:12:12,519 Wha – did you bring all those gargoyles here? 163 00:12:12,719 --> 00:12:14,319 You couldn't be away from them for three days? 164 00:12:15,119 --> 00:12:18,239 Well, I'm not permitted to display them when Zoe is around. 165 00:12:18,639 --> 00:12:19,999 She thinks they watch her sleep. 166 00:12:20,279 --> 00:12:21,879 Gross. Who would want to watch her sleep? 167 00:12:22,319 --> 00:12:26,519 I just this one my trip to Puerto Rico and I've been excited to display it. 168 00:12:26,719 --> 00:12:29,199 Wait, why were you in Puerto Rico? Were you deported? 169 00:12:29,479 --> 00:12:31,799 Mom and dad got a family vacation package 170 00:12:31,999 --> 00:12:34,679 and they took me and Zoe on this really nice all expenses paid vacation. 171 00:12:34,919 --> 00:12:36,399 Why didn't they bring me? I totally could have come. 172 00:12:36,639 --> 00:12:40,239 Because they don't like you. And I think the exact words were: 173 00:12:40,439 --> 00:12:43,799 "I want this vacation to be relaxing and pleasant," 174 00:12:44,239 --> 00:12:47,319 "not a humungous pain in the ass like it will be if JR is around." 175 00:12:47,719 --> 00:12:48,879 And I can honestly say at no point 176 00:12:49,119 --> 00:12:50,799 did anyone ever say it would have been more fun had you been there. 177 00:12:52,039 --> 00:12:53,879 You know what, I'm sure mom and dad probably just didn't invite me 178 00:12:54,039 --> 00:12:55,519 because they know I don't like the ocean. 179 00:12:55,759 --> 00:12:56,919 Yeah, I'm sure that's it. 180 00:12:57,079 --> 00:12:58,439 Of course I wouldn't want to have fun on a cruise. 181 00:12:58,679 --> 00:12:59,839 Yeah 'm sure that's it. It wasn't a cruise, by the way. 182 00:13:00,039 --> 00:13:02,079 It was a beachside resort with a pool. 183 00:13:02,319 --> 00:13:04,239 Have you ever sat in a pool and looked at the ocean? It's lovely. 184 00:13:04,439 --> 00:13:05,599 Why wouldn't they want me there? 185 00:13:05,839 --> 00:13:07,119 I have so many wonderful things going on. 186 00:13:07,319 --> 00:13:09,999 First of all, I'm their only child, I've got that over you. 187 00:13:10,319 --> 00:13:13,519 Second of all I'm a wonderful person. Third of all.... 188 00:13:13,759 --> 00:13:15,639 That is so nonsensically untrue I don't even know where to begin. 189 00:13:15,999 --> 00:13:18,399 The oldest, the first child is always the favorite. 190 00:13:18,679 --> 00:13:20,439 Right but the first child's not the only child. 191 00:13:20,639 --> 00:13:21,759 Only child means only child. 192 00:13:21,999 --> 00:13:25,039 Number two I'm a wonderful person, number three I'm an aspiring actress. 193 00:13:25,239 --> 00:13:26,279 Yeah fourth of all, you know what I think it is? 194 00:13:26,479 --> 00:13:27,319 That nobody wanted to listen to you 195 00:13:27,559 --> 00:13:29,359 talk about living with your professor in a den of sin. 196 00:13:31,359 --> 00:13:32,839 I don't think anybody wanted to hear about that. 197 00:13:33,079 --> 00:13:34,079 I think we wanted to go down there 198 00:13:34,319 --> 00:13:36,039 and concentrate on the breeze and the pina coladas 199 00:13:36,239 --> 00:13:39,239 and not your emotional turmoil and your pathetic shambled life. 200 00:13:42,999 --> 00:13:44,399 You are such a jerk. 201 00:13:44,599 --> 00:13:47,519 You know, I should have thrown up all over this floor 202 00:13:47,759 --> 00:13:49,879 to prove my point that Jesus freak clerk. 203 00:13:50,159 --> 00:13:52,279 And what point might that be? That you love him? 204 00:13:52,479 --> 00:13:53,839 That I think his policies are bullshit 205 00:13:54,039 --> 00:13:56,919 and this pile of vomit on the floor is a representation of my feelings. 206 00:13:57,159 --> 00:13:58,359 Well if you'd thrown up all over the floor, 207 00:13:58,559 --> 00:14:00,399 we'd have to sleep in a room with vomit all over the floor. 208 00:14:00,599 --> 00:14:02,599 Did you ever think about that, Einstein? 209 00:14:03,279 --> 00:14:07,159 No. No buddy, I didn't. But if I have to do it again, 210 00:14:07,439 --> 00:14:10,759 I'm going to throw up all over the floor in the morning. 211 00:14:10,959 --> 00:14:12,919 You're throwing up all over the floor, not just in one spot? 212 00:14:13,239 --> 00:14:14,639 - Yes, absolutely. - That's pretty impressive. 213 00:14:14,839 --> 00:14:16,879 I am going to stand on the bed and spin around. 214 00:14:17,079 --> 00:14:19,599 It's going to be like a lawn sprinkler, but with puke. Just, everywhere. 215 00:14:19,799 --> 00:14:25,559 - Shhhh. Oh my god. Do you hear that? - Hear what? I don't hear anything? 216 00:14:25,839 --> 00:14:28,239 - Is that what I think it is? - Maybe you do have better hearing. 217 00:14:28,799 --> 00:14:34,039 Shhh. Having loud sex in a motel room. So cliché. I bet they're fat. 218 00:14:35,119 --> 00:14:36,879 I should go tell the, tell the manager. 219 00:14:37,079 --> 00:14:39,119 It's probably him having some gross sex with a blonde woman. 220 00:14:39,319 --> 00:14:41,559 This has got to be against the policies of this Christian establishment. 221 00:14:41,799 --> 00:14:44,079 A minute ago you said you wanted to throw up all over the room 222 00:14:44,319 --> 00:14:46,559 in response to his hateful policies, now you want to snitch? 223 00:14:46,839 --> 00:14:48,319 - Well this is different. - How is this different? 224 00:14:49,119 --> 00:14:51,319 - Because this affects me. Me! - Me. 225 00:14:51,519 --> 00:14:52,439 I'm tired. 226 00:14:52,679 --> 00:14:54,999 I'm not going to be able to sleep with this noise. 227 00:14:55,559 --> 00:14:57,679 Well lucky for you, I think it just ended. 228 00:14:58,439 --> 00:15:01,199 - How sad. - He was quick. Quick to cum. 229 00:15:06,519 --> 00:15:08,599 - Colin. - What? 230 00:15:08,759 --> 00:15:11,799 - Do you believe in ghosts? - I don't know. No. 231 00:15:12,239 --> 00:15:14,039 I wonder if there's, like, gay ghosts. 232 00:15:14,279 --> 00:15:16,799 And if there's gay ghosts, do you think they go booooo! 233 00:15:17,519 --> 00:15:20,999 - I'm going to say goodnight now. - Is that seductive? 234 00:15:46,839 --> 00:15:48,199 You missed quite the continental breakfast. 235 00:15:48,399 --> 00:15:49,879 Shhhh. 236 00:15:50,359 --> 00:15:52,119 I burned the roof of my mouth on a piece of toast. 237 00:15:52,319 --> 00:15:53,719 I didn't even know that was possible. 238 00:15:54,159 --> 00:16:00,279 Colin, just stop it. Alright, alright I'm up. Stop. 239 00:16:01,119 --> 00:16:03,479 You are so annoying. 240 00:16:07,239 --> 00:16:11,239 You and Zoe didn't tell mom or dad why I needed you this weekend, did you? 241 00:16:11,799 --> 00:16:13,279 - No. - Okay, good. 242 00:16:13,479 --> 00:16:16,599 - They don't care about you anyway. - Yes they do, stop it with that. 243 00:16:16,879 --> 00:16:18,839 Why wouldn't they care about me I'm a wonderful person. 244 00:16:18,999 --> 00:16:19,999 Oh, I don't know. 245 00:16:20,199 --> 00:16:21,519 The fact that you were living with some creepy gross professor man 246 00:16:21,719 --> 00:16:22,879 nearly twice your age, and he threw you out, 247 00:16:23,079 --> 00:16:24,479 and you dropped out of school, and now you have nowhere to go, 248 00:16:24,679 --> 00:16:25,559 and you're picking me up, and it's just everything at the same time. 249 00:16:25,799 --> 00:16:26,759 Alright, alright. I'll have you know 250 00:16:26,999 --> 00:16:28,599 that that creepy professor man that you're referring to 251 00:16:28,839 --> 00:16:30,479 is one of the top broadcast journalism professors 252 00:16:30,679 --> 00:16:32,959 in the entire state, so I am clearly on a fast track to a career 253 00:16:33,199 --> 00:16:34,399 in broadcasting. 254 00:16:34,679 --> 00:16:35,879 Yeah, he's such a, such a great professor. 255 00:16:36,159 --> 00:16:37,239 That's why he got you 256 00:16:37,479 --> 00:16:38,399 all those great jobs, all those wonderful auditions, 257 00:16:38,679 --> 00:16:39,759 all those pathetic events you're always going to 258 00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:41,079 with your dumb little headshot. 259 00:16:41,319 --> 00:16:42,439 Yeah, you have so many jobs now because of him. 260 00:16:42,679 --> 00:16:43,759 That's why nobody likes you, 261 00:16:43,959 --> 00:16:44,879 because you are too successful to hang out with us. 262 00:16:45,159 --> 00:16:46,079 You're so successful. I forget. 263 00:16:46,359 --> 00:16:47,159 I forget sometimes how successful you are 264 00:16:47,319 --> 00:16:48,479 because that's all we can talk about 265 00:16:48,679 --> 00:16:49,879 when we're sitting around the dinner table at night is what a success you are. 266 00:16:50,199 --> 00:16:51,319 Wah wah, you're so funny Colin. 267 00:16:51,559 --> 00:16:53,119 You know, I don't understand. Of anyone you could have asked, why me? 268 00:16:53,359 --> 00:16:54,719 You must know two dozen people. 269 00:16:55,039 --> 00:16:56,679 I don't want to involve more people than is necessary. 270 00:16:56,919 --> 00:16:58,279 I don't need a million people to help me carry a few stupid boxes, 271 00:16:58,479 --> 00:17:00,519 I just need one person. 272 00:17:00,719 --> 00:17:01,879 Yeah, is that because you want to keep it hush hush 273 00:17:02,119 --> 00:17:03,719 or because you're ashamed and embarrassed at how this is ending? 274 00:17:03,919 --> 00:17:05,039 Fuck you, if you really didn't want to come 275 00:17:05,239 --> 00:17:06,239 you could have stayed at home with your gross girlfriend. 276 00:17:06,439 --> 00:17:07,679 No, I'm here. I do want to come. Look, I'm here. 277 00:17:07,959 --> 00:17:09,319 I'm having a great time. I'm trying to bring you on a fun trip. 278 00:17:09,559 --> 00:17:10,639 I am having a great time, this is a fun trip. 279 00:17:10,879 --> 00:17:12,079 - I'm having a lovely time. - Oh yeah, I'm sure. 280 00:17:12,279 --> 00:17:13,959 You just threw up the first, five minutes on it. 281 00:17:14,359 --> 00:17:15,399 Well, that's your fault. 282 00:17:15,639 --> 00:17:17,839 I just, you know, of anyone, I'm just shocked that you asked me. 283 00:17:18,079 --> 00:17:19,679 My fault. I thought you said it was food poisoning. 284 00:17:19,919 --> 00:17:22,319 Whatever. There must be, there must be a reason you asked me 285 00:17:22,519 --> 00:17:23,319 and I don't know what it is yet. 286 00:17:23,519 --> 00:17:25,399 Colin, I asked you because I trust you with my stuff. 287 00:17:26,079 --> 00:17:27,839 And mainly because you have nobody important to tell. 288 00:17:29,479 --> 00:17:32,319 - How was the room? - Oh it was great. 289 00:17:32,519 --> 00:17:34,039 I'm sure if all goes according to plan we'll be naming a child 290 00:17:34,239 --> 00:17:37,439 after the Avalanche Express Lodge in about nine months. 291 00:17:38,839 --> 00:17:39,999 God bless you. 292 00:17:46,239 --> 00:17:47,639 Hello, I heard somebody 293 00:17:47,839 --> 00:17:50,439 having a good night last night, if you know what I mean. 294 00:17:51,039 --> 00:17:52,879 I'm a wholesome blond woman, 295 00:17:53,199 --> 00:17:57,839 beautiful blond woman by day, and an Aryan sex machine by night. 296 00:17:58,559 --> 00:18:02,559 Walkin' and talkin', sashaying out of the parking lot, 297 00:18:02,799 --> 00:18:05,359 because I didn't have multiple orgasms, I only had one. 298 00:18:09,239 --> 00:18:11,559 - What's this all about? - Oh, uh, nothing. 299 00:18:11,919 --> 00:18:15,039 - Just making small talk with the locals. - Can we go now? 300 00:18:15,719 --> 00:18:18,599 Yes, but can you drive this time? I'm like, so tired. 301 00:18:18,839 --> 00:18:21,119 - I'm not used to getting up this early. - It's eleven o clock. 302 00:18:21,519 --> 00:18:22,799 That's early. 303 00:18:23,039 --> 00:18:25,719 Fine, but just stay awake so I don't have to drive by myself. 304 00:18:25,959 --> 00:18:26,879 Yeah, I'll stay awake. 305 00:18:27,119 --> 00:18:30,519 I'll entertain you with my wit and charm the entire ride. I promise. 306 00:18:46,919 --> 00:18:48,399 - I am going to go use the bathroom. - Gross. 307 00:19:02,119 --> 00:19:04,119 It's not that I've given up, 308 00:19:04,359 --> 00:19:05,639 there's just more important things to me right now 309 00:19:05,919 --> 00:19:07,639 than doing whatever I feel like every day, like you do. 310 00:19:07,839 --> 00:19:08,879 Oh, so you're just going to live with mom and dad 311 00:19:09,119 --> 00:19:10,919 and your gross girlfriend in an attic the rest of your life. 312 00:19:11,199 --> 00:19:12,359 Is that your idea of success? 313 00:19:12,599 --> 00:19:13,639 I have a low cost of living, it's called smart business. 314 00:19:13,879 --> 00:19:14,919 It's not smart business. It's pathetic and boring. 315 00:19:15,159 --> 00:19:16,159 - Why do you care? - Why do I care? 316 00:19:16,399 --> 00:19:17,759 Because you could be doing something fun with you life. 317 00:19:17,959 --> 00:19:18,879 I am doing something fun. 318 00:19:19,119 --> 00:19:20,119 Living somewhere interesting and not in mom and dad's attic. 319 00:19:20,359 --> 00:19:21,239 I am doing something interesting. 320 00:19:21,479 --> 00:19:22,839 No you're not. You're doing something you're okay with doing. 321 00:19:23,079 --> 00:19:24,479 That's so sad, that's like the worst existence. 322 00:19:24,719 --> 00:19:25,439 Wait, what? 323 00:19:25,679 --> 00:19:26,559 I've known you your entire life 324 00:19:26,799 --> 00:19:28,479 and you never, ever said that you wanted to work, 325 00:19:28,679 --> 00:19:30,319 wait, what exactly do you even do? 326 00:19:30,559 --> 00:19:31,319 You see, you don't even know. 327 00:19:31,559 --> 00:19:32,839 I write the copy for focus group presentations. 328 00:19:33,079 --> 00:19:34,159 It's actually really fun and cool. 329 00:19:34,359 --> 00:19:35,319 Focus groups. Oh my god, I'm bored already. 330 00:19:35,559 --> 00:19:36,439 Whatever happened to being a writer, 331 00:19:36,679 --> 00:19:37,839 isn't that what you went to school for, Colin? 332 00:19:38,039 --> 00:19:39,759 No, no. You can't just be a writer. 333 00:19:39,959 --> 00:19:41,279 It's too pathetic to be an aspiring writer. 334 00:19:41,519 --> 00:19:43,599 It has a negative connotation to it. But you're so witty. 335 00:19:43,799 --> 00:19:44,799 I'd rather 336 00:19:44,999 --> 00:19:45,959 be a successful tollbooth operator than an aspiring anything. 337 00:19:46,159 --> 00:19:47,199 That's so bleak and pathetic. 338 00:19:47,399 --> 00:19:48,559 Yeah, I guess maybe a better idea is to do what you do, sleep until noon, 339 00:19:48,759 --> 00:19:50,279 leave the house three days a week, deplete your savings 340 00:19:50,479 --> 00:19:51,599 while you chase down pathetic weather girl jobs. 341 00:19:51,839 --> 00:19:52,919 What are you talking about? It's my money. 342 00:19:53,119 --> 00:19:54,279 It's my money and I can do whatever I want with it. 343 00:19:54,479 --> 00:19:55,359 Yeah your money and it's never coming back. 344 00:19:55,599 --> 00:19:56,759 Just spend it, it's never going to come back. 345 00:19:56,959 --> 00:19:57,959 Auditions take a lot of time. It's not like I'm doing nothing. 346 00:19:58,159 --> 00:19:59,159 Yeah, a lot of time. A couple of hours a day 347 00:19:59,759 --> 00:20:00,599 in between all the day dreaming and the napping. 348 00:20:00,799 --> 00:20:01,719 You leave the house three days a week, I got news for you. 349 00:20:01,999 --> 00:20:03,239 I don't know why you think you're so special. 350 00:20:03,479 --> 00:20:04,479 - Because I am special. - I don't know why... 351 00:20:04,759 --> 00:20:05,839 you think you're special that you don't have to work 352 00:20:06,039 --> 00:20:07,119 and everybody else does. 353 00:20:07,399 --> 00:20:09,519 You make me, mom, dad and my girlfriend sick to our stomachs 354 00:20:09,759 --> 00:20:11,079 every single time you come up in conversation. 355 00:20:11,559 --> 00:20:17,079 He's a jolly good patron, he's a jolly good patron, 356 00:20:17,319 --> 00:20:25,279 He's a jolly good patron, A special birthday guy. 357 00:20:26,039 --> 00:20:32,319 A special birthday guy! 358 00:20:39,159 --> 00:20:41,119 I'm going to eat this. 359 00:20:41,359 --> 00:20:44,279 But only because I am very hungry and it looks delicious. 360 00:20:51,799 --> 00:20:53,839 I have to go somewhere and change this, I am not wearing this. 361 00:20:54,599 --> 00:20:56,199 Why? It's a perfectly nice shirt. You look lovely. 362 00:20:57,239 --> 00:20:59,679 Colin, I look like I had an abortion on my shirt. I can't wear this. 363 00:21:01,919 --> 00:21:03,879 Oh, yeah. It does kind of look like that. 364 00:21:08,719 --> 00:21:10,959 - Is anybody out there? - Just me. 365 00:21:12,159 --> 00:21:13,879 Ok, how does this look? Does this look better? 366 00:21:16,399 --> 00:21:18,999 Well, it has less food on it, if that's what you're going for. 367 00:21:19,879 --> 00:21:20,799 Could you just get me 368 00:21:20,999 --> 00:21:22,079 the grey one with the collar from the car please. 369 00:21:22,279 --> 00:21:23,439 I thought I was watching the door because it won't lock. 370 00:21:23,639 --> 00:21:26,639 Colin, go, please. 371 00:21:42,679 --> 00:21:43,599 Thank God. 372 00:21:43,799 --> 00:21:45,599 - Hey, I got - ugh! - Just get in here. 373 00:21:49,159 --> 00:21:51,479 What, haven't you ever seen a pair of beautiful bosoms before? 374 00:21:51,719 --> 00:21:53,119 Yeah, not your. Jesus Christ, no thanks. 375 00:21:55,159 --> 00:21:56,959 Don't be modest. 376 00:21:57,279 --> 00:21:59,639 - You should learn modesty, a little bit. - You should learn modesty. 377 00:22:00,159 --> 00:22:02,439 Took you long enough to come back here, what were you doing out there? 378 00:22:02,719 --> 00:22:04,279 I'm going to throw up if you keep talking. 379 00:22:04,519 --> 00:22:07,159 Buying a slurpee? Fasten this for me, please. 380 00:22:09,439 --> 00:22:12,239 I can't reach it. Fasten my shirt, asshole. 381 00:22:12,639 --> 00:22:13,879 Stop it, goddamnit. 382 00:22:20,319 --> 00:22:22,479 God, I hope I gave the professor the clap. 383 00:22:24,159 --> 00:22:26,279 - I hope you didn't. - I probably didn't. 384 00:22:26,519 --> 00:22:27,879 I don't actually know what the clap is. 385 00:22:28,079 --> 00:22:29,959 It just sounds old timey and itchy. 386 00:22:36,279 --> 00:22:39,479 Sorry... does this collar look weird, Peter Pan-y or good? 387 00:22:40,759 --> 00:22:43,319 I don't get the reference. 388 00:22:44,599 --> 00:22:45,479 Okay, there. 389 00:22:45,639 --> 00:22:47,279 - Okay, does this look better? - I don't know. Whatever. 390 00:22:47,479 --> 00:22:49,999 Do I look barely legal, in a mature way? 391 00:22:50,279 --> 00:22:52,599 I don't know, who cares. This isn't , isn't even worth it. 392 00:22:52,839 --> 00:22:55,119 Yes it is. I want to look good. I want him to see what he is missing. 393 00:22:55,319 --> 00:22:56,239 You're going to move a bunch of your shit out, 394 00:22:56,439 --> 00:22:57,399 you shouldn't be dressed in sexy heels and shorts. 395 00:22:57,759 --> 00:22:59,159 Oh, so I do look sexy. Okay good. 396 00:22:59,399 --> 00:23:00,679 You should be wearing jeans and one of those moving belts, 397 00:23:00,879 --> 00:23:02,159 with the... guys wrap around their abdomen. 398 00:23:02,359 --> 00:23:03,159 You think I should be 399 00:23:03,359 --> 00:23:04,159 wearing a tool belt to go to the professor's house? 400 00:23:04,399 --> 00:23:05,319 You think that's really necessary? 401 00:23:05,559 --> 00:23:06,519 No, not a tool belt. 402 00:23:06,719 --> 00:23:08,039 Those things with the suspenders that are made of leather 403 00:23:08,279 --> 00:23:09,959 that you see people wearing when they're moving furniture 404 00:23:10,159 --> 00:23:11,439 so they don't throw their back out. 405 00:23:11,639 --> 00:23:13,279 I can't imagine you being less helpful right now. You can go. 406 00:23:14,279 --> 00:23:17,679 Fine, I'm going. Have fun in there, doing whatever you're gonna do. 407 00:23:24,319 --> 00:23:28,079 Do you remember that babysitter we had, when we were like, seven and nine? 408 00:23:28,399 --> 00:23:30,199 We had a few, you mean the one that talked like this 409 00:23:30,399 --> 00:23:33,319 or the one that would pull our earlobes really creepily seductively. 410 00:23:33,519 --> 00:23:34,639 The earlobe one. 411 00:23:34,879 --> 00:23:36,319 Why, did she like, molest you or something? 412 00:23:36,639 --> 00:23:38,559 I don't think so. I mean I think 413 00:23:38,759 --> 00:23:40,319 I would have remembered if I had been molested. 414 00:23:40,879 --> 00:23:42,159 Not necessarily. I mean, 415 00:23:42,359 --> 00:23:44,159 most children usually repress it until they're much older 416 00:23:44,399 --> 00:23:45,759 and in therapy, you know? 417 00:23:45,959 --> 00:23:47,359 If I was molested, then you were definitely molested. 418 00:23:47,599 --> 00:23:49,279 You've always been a hot commodity in the world of perverts. 419 00:23:49,599 --> 00:23:50,279 Thanks. 420 00:23:50,519 --> 00:23:51,799 Remember that guy with the handlebar moustache, 421 00:23:52,239 --> 00:23:54,319 who worked with dad? 422 00:23:55,119 --> 00:23:56,919 Oh yeah, you mean Uncle Randy? Why, what about him? 423 00:23:57,159 --> 00:23:59,239 - That guy wasn't our uncle. - What? Yes he was. 424 00:23:59,479 --> 00:24:01,239 See, you're a hot commodity in the world of perverts. 425 00:24:01,479 --> 00:24:02,439 You know what, that's probably the nicest thing 426 00:24:02,639 --> 00:24:03,719 you've ever said to me Colin, thank you. 427 00:24:03,999 --> 00:24:06,719 Anyway, my point is, I've been thinking about this woman a lot lately. 428 00:24:06,919 --> 00:24:09,479 I feel like, she might have given me my first erection. 429 00:24:09,719 --> 00:24:10,839 Is that a weird thing to have remembered now? 430 00:24:11,039 --> 00:24:12,479 Oooh, boner appétit. 431 00:24:13,239 --> 00:24:16,039 Not really, I'm just surprised it wasn't the one that talked like this 432 00:24:16,239 --> 00:24:17,719 that gave you your first erection. 433 00:24:17,959 --> 00:24:19,279 That's kind of... she would have been mine. 434 00:24:19,479 --> 00:24:20,919 - Do you have a point? - Yeah, I do have a point. 435 00:24:21,159 --> 00:24:22,439 My point is you were definitely molested. 436 00:24:22,839 --> 00:24:24,039 You just seem like the type. 437 00:24:24,279 --> 00:24:25,359 Don't look at my crotch when you say molested. 438 00:24:25,599 --> 00:24:26,839 I'm gonna look at your crotch and say that. 439 00:24:27,359 --> 00:24:28,319 Molested. 440 00:26:03,679 --> 00:26:07,439 Hey, it's me. JR? 441 00:26:08,919 --> 00:26:10,679 It's JR, hello? 442 00:26:12,679 --> 00:26:15,039 We're like about twenty minutes away. 443 00:26:15,399 --> 00:26:17,399 We'll be there in a little bit, okay? 444 00:26:17,639 --> 00:26:20,679 I mean, I guess we can wait an hour, but that's kind of annoying. 445 00:27:44,119 --> 00:27:45,679 Alright, look. When we get inside 446 00:27:45,919 --> 00:27:47,399 I'm probably going to need a minute with my professor alone 447 00:27:47,639 --> 00:27:48,719 so if you can just hang out in his... 448 00:27:48,919 --> 00:27:49,919 Why are you still calling him your professor? 449 00:27:50,119 --> 00:27:51,039 It's not like you're walking into office hours. 450 00:27:51,279 --> 00:27:52,199 Just call him your ex-boyfriend at this point. 451 00:27:52,439 --> 00:27:53,359 Are you really starting this now? 452 00:27:53,599 --> 00:27:55,519 Well, no, I just think it's weird that you still refer to 453 00:27:55,679 --> 00:27:57,199 like he's in some position of esteem even though the guy 454 00:27:57,399 --> 00:27:59,279 has revealed himself to be nothing but a creep. 455 00:28:00,439 --> 00:28:02,159 Okay, fine. Neil. I'll call him Neil. 456 00:28:02,399 --> 00:28:05,359 Just, alright, when we get in there, don't say anything, don't do anything, 457 00:28:05,599 --> 00:28:07,279 your job is to be silent as a mime. 458 00:28:07,519 --> 00:28:09,439 Just hang out in the guestroom and pretend you're invisible, okay? 459 00:28:20,279 --> 00:28:24,439 - Oh, son of a bitch. - I, uh, I told you to wait. 460 00:28:32,799 --> 00:28:35,719 So what, are you, dating the guy now? The guy out there? 461 00:28:36,839 --> 00:28:39,479 - Yeah. - It must be going well. 462 00:28:39,719 --> 00:28:41,759 He seems like a really charming, upstanding individual. 463 00:28:42,839 --> 00:28:46,119 He's really smart actually. And a great listener. 464 00:28:47,879 --> 00:28:49,839 Is that Colin, I guess? I, uh, I see the resemblance. 465 00:28:50,039 --> 00:28:51,159 Please, let's not bring him into this. 466 00:28:51,399 --> 00:28:54,999 Okay. It seems like maybe you brought him into this, right? 467 00:28:56,159 --> 00:28:57,879 You want to talk, I mean, talk. 468 00:28:58,199 --> 00:29:02,519 I mean, I don't need to be reminded how much being around you 469 00:29:02,679 --> 00:29:03,559 is like babysitting. 470 00:29:03,799 --> 00:29:04,719 Yeah, I don't need to be reminded 471 00:29:04,959 --> 00:29:06,799 how much hanging out with you feels like I'm in a geriatric facility. 472 00:29:06,999 --> 00:29:09,879 Let's not do he said, she said. Okay? I don't want to play that. 473 00:29:10,159 --> 00:29:11,199 I'd rather this experience 474 00:29:11,359 --> 00:29:14,479 sort of end on a positive note so I can harbor some sort of nostalgia 475 00:29:14,719 --> 00:29:16,199 for our situation. 476 00:29:16,439 --> 00:29:18,199 Our situation? Is that really what you'd call it? 477 00:29:18,399 --> 00:29:20,559 - Really? Can you... - Oh, sorry. 478 00:29:20,879 --> 00:29:22,839 Sorry, you can't handle me being on your level, can you? 479 00:29:23,039 --> 00:29:24,559 I'd hardly call it a relationship, would you? 480 00:29:24,799 --> 00:29:26,039 I thought so, at the time, yeah. 481 00:29:26,239 --> 00:29:30,039 Really? I sort of thought of it as like a continuation of our sort 482 00:29:30,239 --> 00:29:34,479 of mentor pupil thing we had during the enrollment in our class. 483 00:29:34,679 --> 00:29:36,919 Yeah, you're such a great broadcasting professor, by the way. 484 00:29:37,119 --> 00:29:39,439 Thanks for getting me all those jobs that you seem to promise me. 485 00:29:39,999 --> 00:29:41,279 - Thanks. - No problem. 486 00:29:42,519 --> 00:29:43,919 I could tell you needed a strong male figure 487 00:29:44,159 --> 00:29:45,719 the minute we met and I'm not going to deny you that. 488 00:29:45,919 --> 00:29:47,799 Does your daughter have a strong male figure in her life? 489 00:29:48,039 --> 00:29:49,439 We don't talk about my family, remember? 490 00:29:49,719 --> 00:29:50,999 Oh yeah, yeah. I'm sorry. 491 00:29:51,239 --> 00:29:54,039 Why are we not allowed to talk about your family again? 492 00:29:54,279 --> 00:29:57,239 Is that because you're too ashamed to admit what a loser you are 493 00:29:57,479 --> 00:29:59,799 when you remove yourself from a room full of students half your age? 494 00:29:59,999 --> 00:30:01,239 I'm starting to think we're not going to have 495 00:30:01,479 --> 00:30:03,559 that one last conversation I was hoping for. 496 00:30:04,319 --> 00:30:05,479 I don't even know what to say. 497 00:30:05,719 --> 00:30:08,399 You want to eradicate any kind of, like, hope I would have to maybe, 498 00:30:08,559 --> 00:30:10,439 like, go out smiling with this thing we had? 499 00:30:10,639 --> 00:30:12,039 I'm not, I'm not being dramatic. 500 00:30:12,199 --> 00:30:13,519 It's no big deal, you came in here all amped up. 501 00:30:13,759 --> 00:30:14,679 I wasn't expecting to come in here 502 00:30:14,919 --> 00:30:16,359 and see you with some random girl that you... 503 00:30:16,559 --> 00:30:19,199 - I don't even... - Fair. Well, you will be missed. 504 00:30:19,399 --> 00:30:22,759 Yeah, I'll miss you. I'll really miss you. 505 00:30:23,479 --> 00:30:26,199 I'll miss your insecurities, no question about that. 506 00:30:27,079 --> 00:30:30,199 Sort of suitable for a fourteen, twelve year old, fourteen year old. 507 00:30:30,479 --> 00:30:32,559 - Yeah. That two year age difference. - I'll miss that. 508 00:30:33,279 --> 00:30:35,079 I'll miss having to hold my breath while we have sex. 509 00:30:35,319 --> 00:30:36,919 - I gave you dozens of orgasms. - Dozens of orgasms? 510 00:30:37,479 --> 00:30:38,679 I feel like I could 511 00:30:38,919 --> 00:30:40,599 use that stupid sex tape we made on your digital camera as like, 512 00:30:40,799 --> 00:30:42,079 part of my acting reel. 513 00:30:42,319 --> 00:30:43,759 - That's how fake it was. - You have an acting reel? 514 00:30:44,279 --> 00:30:45,319 Yeah. 515 00:30:45,519 --> 00:30:47,119 You were making that while you were watching reality TV? 516 00:30:47,359 --> 00:30:49,079 I don't know anything about that. 517 00:30:49,959 --> 00:30:51,999 I do work. It's not like I'm just sitting here. 518 00:30:52,199 --> 00:30:54,879 Maybe if you spent more time with me I wouldn't be home watching TV. 519 00:30:55,079 --> 00:30:56,279 I cannot believe that I... 520 00:30:56,519 --> 00:30:57,999 I have to use the bathroom, and I just, this is retarded. 521 00:30:58,199 --> 00:30:59,279 What, are you crying now? You upset? 522 00:30:59,479 --> 00:31:01,039 No, I'm not crying. I'm allergic to your stupid cat. 523 00:31:01,359 --> 00:31:03,279 Another cliché. I mean, really, like... 524 00:31:03,519 --> 00:31:05,319 - Being allergic to cats is a cliché? - Yeah, it's a huge cliché. 525 00:31:05,639 --> 00:31:07,999 No, like, girls like you always are allergic to cats. 526 00:31:08,199 --> 00:31:09,399 - That's a given. - Girls like you. 527 00:31:09,879 --> 00:31:11,119 - Yeah. - What does that even mean? 528 00:31:11,359 --> 00:31:12,319 Like, are there any girls who are, 529 00:31:12,559 --> 00:31:14,799 like, remotely, like, okay looking who aren't nuts? 530 00:31:15,039 --> 00:31:16,519 I mean, do those girls exist? Where are they? 531 00:31:16,719 --> 00:31:18,919 As are, like, faking orgasms. Speaking of clichés. 532 00:31:19,159 --> 00:31:21,679 Yeah, yeah. That's what it is. Sorry I'm not original like you. 533 00:31:21,879 --> 00:31:23,319 What if for once, like, 534 00:31:23,559 --> 00:31:25,799 instead of asking daddy to, like, take care of you, 535 00:31:25,959 --> 00:31:27,719 you actually learned to take care of yourself? 536 00:31:27,919 --> 00:31:28,879 Was that an option? 537 00:31:29,079 --> 00:31:30,679 You definitely didn't take care of me. How did you take care of me? 538 00:31:30,959 --> 00:31:32,239 I don't know. 539 00:31:32,479 --> 00:31:34,839 Did you ever, like, reach for a check when it came? 540 00:31:35,039 --> 00:31:36,279 Did that ever happen, even once? 541 00:31:36,479 --> 00:31:37,319 You never took me to a restaurant 542 00:31:37,519 --> 00:31:38,639 that was over twelve dollars so 543 00:31:38,839 --> 00:31:40,399 I don't think I should feel obligated to pay the check. 544 00:31:40,719 --> 00:31:42,359 You're a full time professor. 545 00:31:42,599 --> 00:31:44,079 No, seriously. Seriously, answer the question, first. 546 00:31:44,439 --> 00:31:46,159 Answer that question, and then we'll just go on. 547 00:31:46,399 --> 00:31:48,439 - Did you ever reach for a check? - No. I never did. 548 00:31:48,679 --> 00:31:51,239 Okay. That's what I'm talking about when I say 'I took care of you.' 549 00:31:51,479 --> 00:31:53,399 I have to use the bathroom, excuse me. 550 00:32:37,919 --> 00:32:39,359 Bitch. 551 00:32:47,559 --> 00:32:50,119 I can't believe I allowed you to, like, have this freaking fantasy 552 00:32:50,359 --> 00:32:52,479 that we were dating and like a couple or something. 553 00:32:52,719 --> 00:32:55,759 - Its just ridiculous. Can you please... - Yeah, yeah. 554 00:32:55,959 --> 00:32:57,959 - What am I making you uncomfortable? - Can you get your things? 555 00:32:58,519 --> 00:33:00,159 Oh yeah, like I have so much stuff. 556 00:33:00,399 --> 00:33:01,759 It's really taking up so much room in your house. 557 00:33:01,959 --> 00:33:03,959 It's like, yeah, it's taking up psychic energy in my house. 558 00:33:04,159 --> 00:33:05,679 - Oooh, psychic energy. - Yeah. 559 00:33:05,879 --> 00:33:07,639 You have to do an exorcism. Why don't you burn sage when I leave. 560 00:33:07,839 --> 00:33:10,759 Why don't you have your blonde whatever burn sage... purge. 561 00:33:10,919 --> 00:33:13,199 Anyway, do you want to sit back down? 562 00:33:13,399 --> 00:33:15,639 I mean, you're just kind of taking up a lot of space there. 563 00:33:15,879 --> 00:33:16,879 Yeah, I'm sorry I'm making you uncomfortable. 564 00:33:17,119 --> 00:33:18,079 A little bit. I don't know. 565 00:33:18,279 --> 00:33:19,759 When I think back on what we had, all I think about is you, 566 00:33:19,959 --> 00:33:24,039 like, wasting time, spending my money, eating my food, etcetera. 567 00:33:24,239 --> 00:33:26,119 Fuck you. Look, I don't have to deal with this. 568 00:33:26,359 --> 00:33:30,079 - I'm just here to get my stuff. - That's all I think. 569 00:33:30,359 --> 00:33:31,879 When I think of you, I think of etcetera. 570 00:33:32,079 --> 00:33:34,639 - You're just a huge waste of my time. - You're a huge waste of my time. 571 00:33:34,959 --> 00:33:37,679 Did you ever get me any jobs relating to broadcasting? 572 00:33:37,919 --> 00:33:40,039 All these things that you promised? Never came to life. 573 00:33:40,239 --> 00:33:41,119 Ever. 574 00:33:41,319 --> 00:33:43,639 - Everything you've said is true. So... - Thanks. Thanks for validating me. 575 00:33:43,839 --> 00:33:45,759 So maybe we could... tie a bow around this thing, and, uh... 576 00:33:45,919 --> 00:33:47,039 Fuck you! 577 00:33:47,279 --> 00:33:49,599 What the fuck is this thing? 578 00:33:50,319 --> 00:33:51,519 Fuck you! 579 00:33:51,719 --> 00:33:52,719 Did you hear something? 580 00:33:53,039 --> 00:33:55,159 No, I'm fine, I'm happy to leave. This is retarded. 581 00:33:55,439 --> 00:33:56,879 I can't believe that you ever... Whoa, whoa. 582 00:33:57,919 --> 00:34:03,039 - Oh my god. Colin... - He tripped. Jesus! 583 00:34:03,319 --> 00:34:04,879 - Are we about through here? - This is a comedy of errors. 584 00:34:05,079 --> 00:34:07,159 Because it's not that I'm not having a fun time, because I am. 585 00:34:07,399 --> 00:34:08,279 Well maybe it's a lesson, 586 00:34:08,479 --> 00:34:09,999 not to come where you're, like, unwanted. 587 00:34:10,599 --> 00:34:13,159 Get away from me, stop it. Yeah, I'll keep that in mind. 588 00:34:13,399 --> 00:34:14,719 Watch out for my vase. 589 00:34:14,959 --> 00:34:16,559 You care more about the vase than helping him up? 590 00:34:17,359 --> 00:34:20,119 No, you guys maybe should hit the road, I don't know. Don't you think? 591 00:34:20,999 --> 00:34:21,879 Fine. We'll leave. 592 00:34:22,079 --> 00:34:23,239 We'll leave you here alone, with you girl. 593 00:34:23,479 --> 00:34:25,599 And your surprisingly tastefully decorated apartment. 594 00:34:25,799 --> 00:34:26,799 It's nice of you to come help your sister. 595 00:34:26,999 --> 00:34:27,799 I mean, 596 00:34:27,999 --> 00:34:29,599 seeing your apparent reconciliation is intriguing. 597 00:34:29,799 --> 00:34:31,159 I don't know. Based on what she said I assumed 598 00:34:31,359 --> 00:34:32,759 you two didn't have a very good relationship. 599 00:34:33,159 --> 00:34:34,679 Don't listen to him, he's just trying to upset you. 600 00:34:34,919 --> 00:34:36,359 Some of the things she would say are just awful. 601 00:34:36,559 --> 00:34:37,439 It's not even true. Stop it. 602 00:34:37,679 --> 00:34:38,919 Someone should write a case study about you guys. 603 00:34:39,159 --> 00:34:41,559 Like you, the victim of circumstance, you the victim of yourself. 604 00:34:41,959 --> 00:34:43,319 I don't know. I don't know. 605 00:34:43,479 --> 00:34:44,399 Yeah, exactly. 606 00:34:44,639 --> 00:34:45,679 You don't know because you're a child psychologist. 607 00:34:45,919 --> 00:34:46,839 You're a journalism professor. 608 00:34:47,079 --> 00:34:48,839 So your case study would be a piece of garbage. 609 00:34:49,119 --> 00:34:49,879 Anyway. 610 00:34:50,119 --> 00:34:51,799 Your difficulty would come from your overwhelming lack of experience 611 00:34:51,999 --> 00:34:53,279 with child psychology 612 00:34:53,519 --> 00:34:56,879 and your relative slight experience in journalism and broadcast. 613 00:34:57,279 --> 00:34:58,759 - Asshole. - You guys make quite the couple. 614 00:34:59,039 --> 00:35:02,559 Like one, barely able to seek and maintain the attention of a male, 615 00:35:02,839 --> 00:35:05,479 the other a pathetic wreck of post-graduate stereotyping. 616 00:35:05,759 --> 00:35:06,559 What did I do? 617 00:35:06,759 --> 00:35:10,399 You seem unaware of how little respect your sister has for you, for starters. 618 00:35:10,599 --> 00:35:11,439 Yeah well, you know what? 619 00:35:11,639 --> 00:35:14,599 I might not be some cool journalism professor, student, whatever, 620 00:35:14,799 --> 00:35:17,359 but I am well aware of how little respect everyone has for me. 621 00:35:20,679 --> 00:35:23,559 That was even more fun than I anticipated. 622 00:35:23,839 --> 00:35:26,159 What's next on this exciting tour? Abortion clinic? 623 00:35:26,359 --> 00:35:27,959 Do you need an abortion? Rape factory? 624 00:35:28,319 --> 00:35:29,839 Children' swing of the local leper colony? 625 00:35:30,399 --> 00:35:31,159 I've got a better idea. 626 00:35:31,359 --> 00:35:33,879 Why don't we go to the local soup kitchen 627 00:35:34,079 --> 00:35:36,079 and we can feed the hungry while listening to their sob stories. 628 00:35:36,279 --> 00:35:37,359 I think that's probably 629 00:35:37,599 --> 00:35:39,199 the next fun thing we can do after what just happened. 630 00:35:56,399 --> 00:35:58,199 Alright, I just need a minute. Can you just wait right here? 631 00:35:58,359 --> 00:35:59,479 What? No. Can't we just leave now? 632 00:35:59,679 --> 00:36:04,799 Colin! Please. 633 00:36:14,919 --> 00:36:16,039 Fuck. 634 00:37:56,759 --> 00:37:58,799 Excuse me, Ms. Wagner? How is everything? 635 00:37:59,839 --> 00:38:02,159 - A bit salty. - Oh, I'm so sorry. 636 00:38:02,679 --> 00:38:04,999 May I say that you are our favorite, favorite newswoman, 637 00:38:05,239 --> 00:38:07,959 and could you please sign this for me? 638 00:38:08,439 --> 00:38:12,559 The whole town would be thrilled if we could hang that for our restaurant. 639 00:38:13,039 --> 00:38:14,599 Thank you. 640 00:38:22,239 --> 00:38:24,079 Excuse me. Ms Wagner? 641 00:38:24,279 --> 00:38:25,839 Hi. Don't be alarmed, I'm not like, a creepy stalker or anything, 642 00:38:26,359 --> 00:38:27,839 I just wanted to come over and introduce myself. 643 00:38:28,119 --> 00:38:31,919 My name is JR, I too am a news anchor. 644 00:38:32,119 --> 00:38:33,239 Or I'm, I should say... 645 00:38:33,479 --> 00:38:35,479 I'm a perspiring, uh, an aspiring news anchor, like you. 646 00:38:35,679 --> 00:38:37,519 I just wanted to let you know that you are the whole reason 647 00:38:37,719 --> 00:38:41,479 I watch WORM every night. You so good on TV. You are amazing. 648 00:38:41,839 --> 00:38:43,959 Like, you help me fall asleep at night, but you know, your voice, 649 00:38:44,199 --> 00:38:45,199 watching you on TV. 650 00:38:45,399 --> 00:38:47,319 Not that you're helping me fall asleep. That's creepy. 651 00:38:50,479 --> 00:38:54,679 I just, the reason why I came over here is cause I was just curious if you have 652 00:38:54,919 --> 00:39:00,119 any advice for somebody like myself trying to break into the biz. 653 00:39:00,359 --> 00:39:03,719 You know, and be on TV. And... anything? 654 00:39:06,439 --> 00:39:08,119 You know, off the top of my head: 655 00:39:08,359 --> 00:39:10,199 don't interrupt people while they're eating. 656 00:39:11,759 --> 00:39:18,479 Okay. Anything else? 657 00:39:18,999 --> 00:39:21,639 Ok, well, thank you. 658 00:39:21,879 --> 00:39:23,999 I'm taking you off my vision board Ms. Wagner. 659 00:39:24,519 --> 00:39:27,239 - It's like, Mexican style brunch. - I know. 660 00:39:31,719 --> 00:39:33,719 - JR? - Julia? 661 00:39:33,959 --> 00:39:35,719 - Julia. Hey. - Hey. 662 00:39:37,599 --> 00:39:40,119 - So nice to see you. - It's nice to see you, sort of. 663 00:39:40,319 --> 00:39:42,959 - You look so funky and cool. - Kim? 664 00:39:43,199 --> 00:39:45,279 - Hey JR. - Kim. Oh my God, hey. 665 00:39:46,639 --> 00:39:50,679 Nice to see you. It's been a long time. How's it going? 666 00:39:51,559 --> 00:39:53,199 Good. We just got brunch. It was really good. 667 00:39:53,399 --> 00:39:54,239 That's cool. 668 00:39:54,479 --> 00:39:55,279 Are you still trying to be, like, 669 00:39:55,519 --> 00:39:56,639 a weather girl on television or something? 670 00:39:56,839 --> 00:39:57,719 You mean a news anchor? 671 00:39:57,999 --> 00:39:59,199 Yeah, yeah, I still do want to be a news anchor. 672 00:39:59,439 --> 00:40:00,439 Actually that's why I was in town. 673 00:40:00,679 --> 00:40:04,919 I just had a meeting with Ms. Wagner, the broadcaster on TV. 674 00:40:05,119 --> 00:40:06,599 I don't know if you know her. She's my hero. 675 00:40:07,159 --> 00:40:08,839 And a personal friend. I mean, I think it went well. 676 00:40:09,039 --> 00:40:10,919 I don't know. We'll see. Fingers crossed. 677 00:40:11,159 --> 00:40:12,399 It's really weird that we're running into you 678 00:40:12,559 --> 00:40:14,599 because we were just talking at lunch about how we don't really see 679 00:40:14,759 --> 00:40:16,119 people from high school any more. 680 00:40:16,359 --> 00:40:18,879 Really? Were you talking about how you ignore people from high school 681 00:40:19,119 --> 00:40:21,319 who you used to be best friends with until something happened? 682 00:40:21,519 --> 00:40:22,799 I still feel really bad about the way our friendship 683 00:40:22,999 --> 00:40:24,599 deteriorated so abruptly. 684 00:40:24,839 --> 00:40:29,639 Do you? I know what caused it and so do you. This one! 685 00:40:29,879 --> 00:40:31,919 I'm having a party tonight. You should totally come. 686 00:40:32,279 --> 00:40:34,599 No, that would be awkward. Why would you want me to come? 687 00:40:34,999 --> 00:40:37,799 - I don't know. Erik's going to be there. - Erik who? 688 00:40:38,759 --> 00:40:40,559 Kim's cousin is coming and he's an agent. 689 00:40:41,479 --> 00:40:43,039 Like a TV agent? 690 00:40:44,439 --> 00:40:47,959 Yeah, he's, um, Teddy is an agent in Los Angeles 691 00:40:48,199 --> 00:40:49,759 and he's going to be at the party. 692 00:40:50,039 --> 00:40:54,999 And, I might be able to hook you with something through him. 693 00:40:55,399 --> 00:40:56,359 Really? 694 00:40:56,639 --> 00:41:01,159 Like, news, news anchor roles. If I remember to introduce you. 695 00:41:01,639 --> 00:41:02,599 Oh my God, yeah, 696 00:41:02,839 --> 00:41:04,199 if you could introduce me that would be amazing. 697 00:41:04,479 --> 00:41:06,799 I mean, uh, I mean, maybe. I don't know. I mean, 698 00:41:06,999 --> 00:41:09,399 I'm here with my brother so I don't know if we'll have time, but... 699 00:41:09,599 --> 00:41:11,199 - You're here with Colin? - Yeah. 700 00:41:11,399 --> 00:41:12,759 He should totally come. Bring Colin, that would be great. 701 00:41:12,999 --> 00:41:15,319 - No, really? - Yeah. Is he still kind of fat? 702 00:41:16,039 --> 00:41:18,319 No, no. He is not fat anymore. 703 00:41:18,759 --> 00:41:20,239 He went a bunch of, 704 00:41:20,519 --> 00:41:22,079 he tried a lot of diets and it finally worked for him. 705 00:41:22,319 --> 00:41:25,239 - Is he cute? - I guess. I mean, he's my brother. 706 00:41:25,799 --> 00:41:28,279 - I guess... my brother. - Oh my God. Where is he? 707 00:41:28,559 --> 00:41:31,439 Colin is back at... shit! 708 00:41:31,639 --> 00:41:32,919 I have to go. I'm sorry. I'll see you later. 709 00:41:37,839 --> 00:41:39,119 I'm still kind of hungry. 710 00:41:39,439 --> 00:41:40,959 I don't want to go to any party. I want to go home. 711 00:41:41,199 --> 00:41:42,079 That was my opinion too 712 00:41:42,319 --> 00:41:44,079 before I realized that I'm practically homeless so I figured, 713 00:41:44,279 --> 00:41:45,199 what's the rush. 714 00:41:45,559 --> 00:41:47,399 Besides, you didn't give me a chance to finish. 715 00:41:47,599 --> 00:41:49,199 The person who invited us to this horrible party is not other 716 00:41:49,399 --> 00:41:51,999 than your childhood crush... 717 00:41:52,159 --> 00:41:53,839 - Kim Thompson. - Kim Thompson? 718 00:41:54,079 --> 00:41:57,999 Yup. Hottest girl in school. Besides me. Come on. It'll be fun. 719 00:41:58,239 --> 00:41:59,519 Why do you even want to go to this party? 720 00:41:59,719 --> 00:42:00,639 You've been moving for years to get away from these people. 721 00:42:00,839 --> 00:42:02,439 I don't know. I just feel like it'll be cathartic, you know? 722 00:42:02,599 --> 00:42:03,519 How? 723 00:42:03,719 --> 00:42:05,279 Maybe not cathartic but at least interesting. 724 00:42:05,439 --> 00:42:06,599 Those are two completely separate adjectives. 725 00:42:06,799 --> 00:42:08,319 No party I've ever been to or heard of 726 00:42:08,519 --> 00:42:10,599 has been anything remotely resembling cathartic. 727 00:42:10,799 --> 00:42:12,279 You want catharsis, you have a near death experience. 728 00:42:12,479 --> 00:42:13,679 Alright, can you just stop saying cathartic? 729 00:42:13,879 --> 00:42:15,239 - You said cathartic first! - Alright, just stop. 730 00:42:15,439 --> 00:42:17,999 Colin, you're being so annoying. It's my car, it's my rules, 731 00:42:18,479 --> 00:42:20,199 and we're buying you a completely new outfit 732 00:42:20,359 --> 00:42:21,799 because you cannot go to a party dressed like that. 733 00:42:22,599 --> 00:42:23,359 What's wrong with my clothes? 734 00:42:23,599 --> 00:42:24,599 What do you mean what's wrong with your clothes? 735 00:42:24,799 --> 00:42:27,239 You look a boy that would own a blow up doll. I'm sorry but it's true. 736 00:42:27,519 --> 00:42:30,999 Well these clothes are not built for style. They're built for comfort 737 00:42:31,199 --> 00:42:32,039 and also for durability. 738 00:42:32,239 --> 00:42:33,279 I've been wearing these jeans for years. 739 00:42:33,519 --> 00:42:35,799 Exactly. Yeah, that stain indicates as much. 740 00:42:36,359 --> 00:42:37,559 - Ooh la la. - Well, so what? 741 00:42:37,839 --> 00:42:38,879 I don't even want to go to this stupid party. 742 00:42:39,079 --> 00:42:40,159 Just drop me off at a movie or something. 743 00:42:40,359 --> 00:42:43,879 - No, please. Kim Thompson. - Okay, fine. 744 00:42:45,039 --> 00:42:46,439 But under one condition and one condition only. 745 00:42:46,639 --> 00:42:48,439 You're not buying me new clothes, not now not ever. 746 00:42:48,639 --> 00:42:51,279 I'm only going to go to this party if I can go wearing my current clothes. 747 00:42:53,439 --> 00:42:57,119 Okay. 748 00:42:59,759 --> 00:43:01,279 I think that's good enough, right? 749 00:43:02,599 --> 00:43:03,839 Colin, just please come out. 750 00:43:04,039 --> 00:43:05,519 You've been in there for like, forty five minutes. 751 00:43:05,839 --> 00:43:08,679 No way. I feel ridiculous. These pants are so tight. 752 00:43:09,119 --> 00:43:11,359 How can any man enjoy this? I have no breathing room. 753 00:43:11,959 --> 00:43:13,719 I can feel my sperm count just disappearing every second 754 00:43:13,879 --> 00:43:14,719 I'm standing here. 755 00:43:14,919 --> 00:43:16,239 "I feel my sperm count disappearing." 756 00:43:16,519 --> 00:43:19,399 Just think of these pants as like, stylish birth control or something. 757 00:43:19,599 --> 00:43:20,679 I don't even know what the point of this is. 758 00:43:20,879 --> 00:43:22,239 There was nothing wrong with my initial pants. 759 00:43:22,439 --> 00:43:24,839 Your pants are a nightmare, Colin. That's the whole reason we're here. 760 00:43:25,119 --> 00:43:26,479 - Pants are pants! - Pants are not all created equally. 761 00:43:28,439 --> 00:43:31,159 Please, just come out. I'm not going to judge you. 762 00:43:31,359 --> 00:43:33,719 No. I feel ridiculous. Alright, look. We're on a schedule. 763 00:43:33,879 --> 00:43:35,519 I just can't... what are you doing in there? 764 00:43:36,079 --> 00:43:38,399 - Why aren't you wearing a shirt? - What are you doing? Stop it. 765 00:43:46,959 --> 00:43:52,399 Colin. Can you come here? Please? 766 00:43:53,479 --> 00:43:54,959 Okay. Okay. 767 00:43:55,159 --> 00:43:57,199 Do you think I should grow my bangs out or leave them 768 00:43:57,399 --> 00:43:59,399 the length they are, like, short. 769 00:44:00,599 --> 00:44:03,159 I don't care at all. Not even a tiny bit. I promise. 770 00:44:03,559 --> 00:44:05,639 I just feel like, I don't know, without these like, 771 00:44:05,839 --> 00:44:08,839 funky bangs how are casting directors going to know 772 00:44:09,039 --> 00:44:11,679 I'm the type of girl that likes music and art and cultural stuff, 773 00:44:11,879 --> 00:44:12,839 you know? 774 00:44:13,039 --> 00:44:14,399 No, I don't. 775 00:44:14,639 --> 00:44:17,479 That's not actually that bad. This shirt isn't a nightmare. 776 00:44:17,679 --> 00:44:18,959 No. The sleeves aren't long enough. 777 00:44:19,159 --> 00:44:20,759 I have long arms, I need adequate coverage. 778 00:44:20,959 --> 00:44:22,399 - What are you doing? Stop. - No, this is the look. 779 00:44:22,959 --> 00:44:24,039 This is how its supposed to look. 780 00:44:24,239 --> 00:44:25,799 Now I'm going to get all cold. My wrists are exposed. 781 00:44:26,679 --> 00:44:28,479 Do you remember what dad always said, Colin? 782 00:44:28,919 --> 00:44:31,399 The person who exposes himself is always the life of the party. 783 00:44:31,599 --> 00:44:32,759 This is a win-win situation. 784 00:44:43,039 --> 00:44:44,159 - Are you coming? - What? 785 00:44:44,319 --> 00:44:46,039 - Are you coming? - No. 786 00:45:07,359 --> 00:45:08,839 - My clothes are all dirty. - Oh, are they? 787 00:45:08,999 --> 00:45:09,999 Yeah, 788 00:45:10,199 --> 00:45:11,839 my favorite pair of pants in the world are filthy now because of you. 789 00:45:15,239 --> 00:45:16,839 - You're having fun? - Yeah. 790 00:45:17,079 --> 00:45:18,119 - You're proud of yourself? - Yeah. 791 00:45:18,319 --> 00:45:19,519 - You're okay with your life? - Yeah, are you? 792 00:45:19,919 --> 00:45:21,079 With yours? 793 00:45:21,319 --> 00:45:22,879 I'm okay with it. I have a great life. 794 00:45:23,039 --> 00:45:25,239 - Yeah? I don't think so. - Oh, look at this dog. 795 00:45:25,519 --> 00:45:27,599 - It's so cute. Look. - Is this dog going to bite her? 796 00:45:28,319 --> 00:45:30,239 - No. - So cute. 797 00:45:30,439 --> 00:45:31,959 There's no chance it's going to bite her? 798 00:45:33,879 --> 00:45:36,399 - You excited for this party tonight? - No. 799 00:45:37,519 --> 00:45:39,359 What about slutty time with Kim Thompson? 800 00:45:39,799 --> 00:45:41,079 What about it? 801 00:45:42,879 --> 00:45:44,759 She said that her cousin would be there. 802 00:45:44,999 --> 00:45:49,399 He's like an agent. That's a good look for you. 803 00:45:50,199 --> 00:45:51,439 This is he best you've ever looked. 804 00:45:51,639 --> 00:45:52,879 This is how much I want to go to the party. 805 00:45:53,119 --> 00:45:56,119 Oh really? That doesn't make any sense. 806 00:45:56,639 --> 00:45:57,999 - Have one. - I don't want one. 807 00:45:58,199 --> 00:45:59,319 - Come on. - No. I don't want one. 808 00:45:59,519 --> 00:46:01,039 - They're so good. - I don't want to eat anything. 809 00:46:04,479 --> 00:46:08,479 - Your shirt, your outfit looks good. - Christ, it still all sugary. 810 00:46:08,879 --> 00:46:10,079 What the hell is that thing made out of? 811 00:46:10,279 --> 00:46:12,519 Colin, do you know how rare these offensive figurines are? 812 00:46:12,999 --> 00:46:14,719 I wish real black people were as rare as this. 813 00:46:15,039 --> 00:46:17,439 - Colin, don't say that out loud. - I knew I would love Boston. 814 00:46:17,799 --> 00:46:19,799 - Then don't judge them. - I don't judge them. 815 00:46:20,039 --> 00:46:23,519 I look at a good looking black, good looking Asian woman 816 00:46:23,719 --> 00:46:26,519 the same way I look at a good looking man. 817 00:46:27,279 --> 00:46:28,039 What does that mean? 818 00:46:28,279 --> 00:46:30,599 I could see how a gay man or a woman 819 00:46:30,759 --> 00:46:32,799 would find this guy attractive, but for me, I have nothing. 820 00:46:33,239 --> 00:46:34,559 My sexual preference is for white women 821 00:46:34,759 --> 00:46:36,399 and I don't expect to be discriminated against. 822 00:46:36,639 --> 00:46:38,039 Ooh, sorry. 823 00:46:42,039 --> 00:46:44,079 Did you ever find any weird sex stuff growing up? 824 00:46:46,839 --> 00:46:48,839 I think I'm going to purchase this bedpan. 825 00:46:49,039 --> 00:46:50,119 It seems like it might be useful. 826 00:46:50,279 --> 00:46:51,879 Colin, did you just hear what I asked you? 827 00:46:52,479 --> 00:46:55,399 I did, but I'm ignoring you so I won't be responding. 828 00:46:56,279 --> 00:46:57,799 Now can we please get out of here before you break something? 829 00:46:59,759 --> 00:47:01,959 - I'm not going to break any... - Colin! Jesus Christ! 830 00:47:02,159 --> 00:47:03,359 - What are we going to do? - Let's just go. 831 00:47:03,559 --> 00:47:05,519 - We can't just go. - Why not? The car's right outside. 832 00:47:05,719 --> 00:47:07,199 - No, we have to pay for this. - No come on, let's get out of here. 833 00:47:07,559 --> 00:47:09,119 - I think we've got a problem here. - Well, she did it. 834 00:47:09,399 --> 00:47:12,599 - No I didn't. He broke it. I'm sorry. - You break it, you buy it. 835 00:47:13,159 --> 00:47:16,359 Okay. Well, how much, um, how much could it possibly be? 836 00:47:16,599 --> 00:47:19,079 - It's five hundred dollars for the vase. - Colin. 837 00:47:19,799 --> 00:47:22,599 - No, seriously. - I'm serious. 838 00:47:23,399 --> 00:47:29,199 - Do you have five hundred dollars? - Guess I can't get this bedpan now. 839 00:47:29,879 --> 00:47:30,879 I can't believe we're actually 840 00:47:31,119 --> 00:47:32,199 going to a party with your friends from high school. 841 00:47:32,439 --> 00:47:34,319 I can't believe I actually got you to wear those skinny jeans. 842 00:47:34,559 --> 00:47:35,439 Yeah great, I feel really cool. 843 00:47:35,639 --> 00:47:36,399 Alright, look. 844 00:47:36,639 --> 00:47:38,159 Theres a few things we need to go over before we go in, okay? 845 00:47:38,439 --> 00:47:40,479 Number one: nobody can know I was living with my professor. 846 00:47:40,759 --> 00:47:41,559 Why? 847 00:47:41,799 --> 00:47:45,079 Number two: just listen. Number two, if anybody asks 848 00:47:45,279 --> 00:47:46,639 the only reason why I'm not on TV yet being a news anchor is because 849 00:47:46,839 --> 00:47:47,839 I'm not settling. 850 00:47:48,039 --> 00:47:49,079 I'm not settling for local stuff. 851 00:47:49,279 --> 00:47:50,639 I'm only holding out for major markets, okay? 852 00:47:51,039 --> 00:47:53,119 - What constitutes a major market? - Nobody's going to ask you that. 853 00:47:53,479 --> 00:47:55,559 - What if they do? - Oh my God, you just spit in my eye. 854 00:47:55,919 --> 00:47:57,399 Look, if somebody said major markets to me, 855 00:47:57,639 --> 00:47:58,839 the first thing I would say back to them is, 856 00:47:58,999 --> 00:48:00,239 "what constitutes a major market?" 857 00:48:00,439 --> 00:48:01,719 So if someone asks me that, I want to be prepared. 858 00:48:01,999 --> 00:48:06,919 Alright, fine. New York, Philadelphia, Hollywood, Los Angeles. 859 00:48:07,119 --> 00:48:08,479 Hang on, I have to write this down. 860 00:48:08,719 --> 00:48:09,839 What are you...you don't need to write this down. It's not a big deal. 861 00:48:10,079 --> 00:48:11,479 Well I'm not going to remember otherwise. 862 00:48:11,679 --> 00:48:12,999 I didn't know I was going to have to memorize material tonight. 863 00:48:13,199 --> 00:48:16,079 - This is really stressful for me. - Boston, Newark. 864 00:48:16,639 --> 00:48:18,879 - Delaware or New Jersey? - Delaware. 865 00:48:19,839 --> 00:48:21,559 I hardly think that constitutes a major market. 866 00:48:21,959 --> 00:48:23,159 It doesn't matter because nobody's going to ask you. 867 00:48:23,359 --> 00:48:25,439 Just promise me that once we get inside, you're not going to disappear, 868 00:48:25,599 --> 00:48:27,079 leaving me alone with people I don't know all night. 869 00:48:27,279 --> 00:48:28,079 I can't handle that right now. 870 00:48:28,319 --> 00:48:30,279 Colin, I promise you I will not leave you alone at this party. 871 00:48:30,559 --> 00:48:32,519 I'll even pinky swear with you that I won't leave you alone. 872 00:48:32,719 --> 00:48:35,039 - That's how honest and genuine I am. - No, I don't pinky swear. 873 00:48:35,399 --> 00:48:36,719 You know that. It's a barbaric practice. 874 00:48:36,959 --> 00:48:38,119 Well then I can't guarantee that I'm telling the truth. 875 00:48:38,319 --> 00:48:39,959 Well then tough shit, I'm going to go home. 876 00:48:40,159 --> 00:48:43,519 Wait a minute, is that Harriet Tubman? Gotcha. 877 00:48:45,719 --> 00:48:48,759 I'll be right back. 878 00:48:53,359 --> 00:49:00,399 So, who invited you? Oh! My bad. 879 00:49:02,079 --> 00:49:04,399 - So how's your mom doing? - She's good. You know. 880 00:49:07,239 --> 00:49:10,519 She's been a little sick the last couple weeks, but, 881 00:49:10,759 --> 00:49:12,119 I think I'm going to have to get out of here in a minute. 882 00:49:12,559 --> 00:49:14,759 Oh, really? Oh, that's too bad. 883 00:49:15,239 --> 00:49:17,119 I wanted to ask you more about your family. 884 00:49:18,079 --> 00:49:20,359 - We haven't caught up in a long time. - Yeah. I'll see you tomorrow. 885 00:49:20,679 --> 00:49:23,479 - Oh yeah. That's true. - Kim, can you believe I really made it? 886 00:49:24,159 --> 00:49:25,679 Oh, yeah, hi. 887 00:49:26,079 --> 00:49:28,519 Well, my cousin actually just had to leave for Los Angeles. 888 00:49:28,919 --> 00:49:31,239 I'm really sorry. 889 00:49:32,279 --> 00:49:35,199 Oh, I completely forgot about that. Um, it's all good. 890 00:49:35,599 --> 00:49:36,999 I mean, my manager probably wouldn't want me 891 00:49:37,199 --> 00:49:38,919 meeting with random agents anyway. 892 00:49:39,159 --> 00:49:41,439 You know, he'd want a commission through your cousin or whatever. 893 00:49:41,959 --> 00:49:43,879 What kind of roles are you looking for? 894 00:49:44,599 --> 00:49:48,479 Oh, I don't know. I mean, I'll, I can do all sort of stuff. 895 00:49:48,719 --> 00:49:51,919 I have the diversity of a young Robert Redford. 896 00:49:55,119 --> 00:49:59,199 Well, if you see your cousin again I guess just give him my resume. 897 00:49:59,639 --> 00:50:04,239 It will probably tell him, you know, my range. So, thanks. 898 00:50:05,399 --> 00:50:06,879 Looks like you had a little accident there. 899 00:50:07,119 --> 00:50:12,639 Oh, yeah. This. Some gentleman spilled some red wine on me earlier. 900 00:50:13,879 --> 00:50:15,999 It was, it wasn't on purpose. 901 00:50:16,279 --> 00:50:17,399 You know. Just one of those things that happens. 902 00:50:19,519 --> 00:50:21,079 Would you like a slice of pineapple? 903 00:50:21,719 --> 00:50:24,639 No thanks. Yeah, who's the idiot who brought that, anyway? 904 00:50:24,959 --> 00:50:28,239 Oh. Yeah, boy what an idiot would bring this. 905 00:50:28,519 --> 00:50:30,839 Actually, you know, pineapple is a sign of hospitality. 906 00:50:31,159 --> 00:50:32,919 So maybe it's not such an idiot who brought this after all. 907 00:50:33,799 --> 00:50:34,919 Perhaps the person who provided this 908 00:50:35,159 --> 00:50:37,439 just wanted everyone at the party to have a nice nutritious snack. 909 00:50:38,639 --> 00:50:41,199 You know, I've heard that pineapple, actually, if you eat a lot of it, 910 00:50:41,399 --> 00:50:43,479 it reduces swelling if you get your wisdom teeth taken out. 911 00:50:44,239 --> 00:50:46,359 Well, I still have mine so I'll keep that in mind, thank you. 912 00:50:46,719 --> 00:50:48,879 Well, I've also heard that if a man eats a lot of pineapple 913 00:50:49,119 --> 00:50:50,999 it will make his ejaculate taste delicious. 914 00:50:51,519 --> 00:50:54,599 - Why are you telling me this? - I don't know. 915 00:50:54,799 --> 00:50:55,839 I figured maybe I could eat this entire thing 916 00:50:56,039 --> 00:50:57,439 and we could all see what happens. 917 00:50:57,639 --> 00:50:59,039 - I going to go now. - Okay, that's great. 918 00:50:59,239 --> 00:51:00,959 I'm just going to stay here and cut this pineapple up 919 00:51:01,159 --> 00:51:02,239 and eat it a little bit myself. 920 00:51:03,719 --> 00:51:06,119 You know, broadcasting is just such a hard thing to break into. 921 00:51:06,399 --> 00:51:07,999 It's like, these people get these on camera jobs 922 00:51:08,239 --> 00:51:10,199 and they don't ever want to leave. 923 00:51:10,399 --> 00:51:11,799 It's like they hold on for dear life. 924 00:51:11,999 --> 00:51:14,319 Even if there's people out there who are way more talented. 925 00:51:14,559 --> 00:51:16,679 You know? But, it'll happen eventually. 926 00:51:16,879 --> 00:51:20,479 I mean, me and my manager are setting up jobs in major markets. 927 00:51:20,919 --> 00:51:25,519 - Nothing local. - What are major markets? 928 00:51:27,439 --> 00:51:31,319 Oh, hey bro. I forgot to mention. There's a dress code for men. 929 00:51:31,839 --> 00:51:35,159 Yeah, men have to wear jackets. I got this one special for you. 930 00:51:37,639 --> 00:51:40,919 Put it on. Now. I insist. 931 00:51:41,159 --> 00:51:43,079 Good evening. I'm your nightly correspondent JR. 932 00:51:43,279 --> 00:51:44,639 In other news, multiple school children 933 00:51:44,839 --> 00:51:47,839 were found bludgeoned to deaf, bludgeoned to death. 934 00:51:48,479 --> 00:51:50,879 Wait, let me start over. Okay. Good evening. 935 00:51:51,079 --> 00:51:53,319 In other news, multiple school children were found bludgeoned to death, 936 00:51:53,479 --> 00:51:55,279 their bodies stuffed in a garbage disposer. 937 00:51:55,639 --> 00:51:59,999 Garbage chute. Garbage shoot. This always happens in auditions. 938 00:52:00,959 --> 00:52:03,239 Whatever, it's way harder than it looks on TV. You know that. 939 00:52:05,039 --> 00:52:07,599 Where are you going? 940 00:52:09,199 --> 00:52:10,919 - How is that? - It's really good. 941 00:52:12,039 --> 00:52:14,239 - Can we go home now? - Why? We just got here. 942 00:52:15,639 --> 00:52:19,479 I'm having a horrible time. Somebody spilled drink on me on purpose. 943 00:52:19,639 --> 00:52:20,599 You don't even notice. 944 00:52:20,799 --> 00:52:22,119 None of the girls want to eat any of my pineapple. 945 00:52:22,439 --> 00:52:23,599 Oh, you owe me for that pineapple by the way. 946 00:52:23,839 --> 00:52:25,039 I don't understand why we're still talking about this. 947 00:52:25,199 --> 00:52:26,359 Who's your friend? 948 00:52:26,559 --> 00:52:28,399 No, no. This is my brother Colin. You remember. 949 00:52:29,159 --> 00:52:30,879 - Colin? - Hi Kim. 950 00:52:31,119 --> 00:52:33,879 - I didn't even recognize you. - You've known me since I was six. 951 00:52:34,559 --> 00:52:38,599 Yeah, but you used to be so... I mean, you look so different now. 952 00:52:39,119 --> 00:52:42,079 Do I? I didn't used to have all this drink spilled on me. 953 00:52:43,759 --> 00:52:44,999 That must be it. 954 00:52:45,279 --> 00:52:46,439 You know, Colin used to have 955 00:52:46,679 --> 00:52:48,519 the biggest crushes on you guys growing up. 956 00:52:48,679 --> 00:52:49,679 I don't know if you knew that. 957 00:52:49,879 --> 00:52:50,799 - What the fuck? - Yeah, it's true. 958 00:52:51,039 --> 00:52:52,279 Do you remember in tenth grade when we took those photos 959 00:52:52,439 --> 00:52:53,919 in our bathing suits? 960 00:52:54,239 --> 00:52:56,079 He saved all of them. Even the ones of me. 961 00:52:56,279 --> 00:52:58,239 - Isn't that kind of weird? - I don't mind. 962 00:52:58,599 --> 00:52:59,799 Yeah, Colin, we're flattered. 963 00:53:00,399 --> 00:53:01,439 Yeah, well, uh, 964 00:53:01,639 --> 00:53:02,919 JR didn't know how to read until she was ten. 965 00:53:03,199 --> 00:53:04,999 Isn't that hilarious? I had to teach her and I'm younger. 966 00:53:05,359 --> 00:53:07,799 That's not true. You're so funny Colin. 967 00:53:08,079 --> 00:53:09,039 I mean, I am but it's not as funny 968 00:53:09,239 --> 00:53:10,839 as you not knowing how to read until you were in fourth grade. 969 00:53:11,079 --> 00:53:12,239 Excuse me. I should probably 970 00:53:12,439 --> 00:53:14,879 go call my manager and see if any casting people called me. 971 00:53:15,159 --> 00:53:18,759 - Excuse me. - Hi. I'm Colin. 972 00:53:21,679 --> 00:53:23,159 You know, it's just hard. 973 00:53:23,359 --> 00:53:24,959 Because you still want to go out, you know? 974 00:53:25,159 --> 00:53:28,079 I mean, I'm only twenty six but I have a husband and a kid. 975 00:53:28,719 --> 00:53:31,159 Oh, you got married and had a kid already? 976 00:53:31,719 --> 00:53:32,879 Well of course I did. 977 00:53:33,079 --> 00:53:35,399 I mean how else do you think I get to be here tonight? 978 00:53:35,639 --> 00:53:38,439 Let me tell you, the only thing better than having a live in babysitter 979 00:53:38,639 --> 00:53:40,399 is having a husband in a back brace. 980 00:53:40,799 --> 00:53:45,039 Ooh la la, sounds romantic. 981 00:53:46,639 --> 00:53:47,639 Can I talk to you? 982 00:53:47,879 --> 00:53:49,559 This is way less fun than I thought it was going to be. 983 00:53:49,759 --> 00:53:50,879 Hey, do you think I have a shot at Kim tonight? 984 00:53:51,079 --> 00:53:52,119 I think things are going well with us. 985 00:53:52,359 --> 00:53:54,919 Oh my god, yes. Totally. That's the only thing good in the party. 986 00:53:55,159 --> 00:53:57,199 I feel like Kim is giving you really slutty eyes. 987 00:53:57,439 --> 00:53:58,319 I feel like you should go for it. 988 00:53:58,519 --> 00:53:59,239 I know, it's surprising. 989 00:53:59,439 --> 00:54:01,159 I didn't bring my A-game, I didn't prepare any jokes, nothing, 990 00:54:01,359 --> 00:54:02,599 but here she is, giving everything to me. 991 00:54:03,879 --> 00:54:08,399 Now JR, you are very bohemian, to me. 992 00:54:08,679 --> 00:54:10,399 Is that the word I'm looking for? It is. 993 00:54:11,039 --> 00:54:14,199 So you choose to express yourself in a very different way 994 00:54:14,479 --> 00:54:16,599 and I respect that. 995 00:54:16,839 --> 00:54:21,319 I'm just wondering, how you can get a job looking the way that you do. 996 00:54:21,519 --> 00:54:23,599 I mean, what's your secret? 997 00:54:24,679 --> 00:54:26,999 But you know it's more than just gainful employment. 998 00:54:27,199 --> 00:54:28,639 It's about finding a job that matters. 999 00:54:28,959 --> 00:54:30,959 Always working towards being the best in your field. 1000 00:54:31,319 --> 00:54:36,919 - Making good career choices. - Good career choices. Like what? 1001 00:54:37,199 --> 00:54:38,239 Well, I'm a junior accountant 1002 00:54:38,439 --> 00:54:40,759 at one of the biggest telecommunication firms in the city. 1003 00:54:41,319 --> 00:54:44,039 Pretty soon, that's going to be senior accountant. 1004 00:54:45,759 --> 00:54:46,759 I am assistant to the head 1005 00:54:46,959 --> 00:54:49,559 of client management at an artist's union. 1006 00:54:51,479 --> 00:54:54,599 - I work for a temp agency. - Oh my God. I tempted before. 1007 00:54:54,879 --> 00:54:56,439 It's so boring. 1008 00:54:56,679 --> 00:54:58,559 I was entering data like, for two weeks straight. 1009 00:54:58,759 --> 00:55:00,279 I felt like a robot. I totally know what that's like. 1010 00:55:00,479 --> 00:55:03,879 No, no. I'm not a temp. That's sort of ridiculous. 1011 00:55:04,599 --> 00:55:07,439 I work for the temp agency. I place people in positions. 1012 00:55:07,679 --> 00:55:10,679 JR, how do you have time for all your little auditions? 1013 00:55:11,039 --> 00:55:15,719 I mean, do you do them after work, or do you have a flexible job? 1014 00:55:16,039 --> 00:55:17,519 I can't imagine what kind of job you have, 1015 00:55:17,759 --> 00:55:19,719 you have such a kooky sense of humor. 1016 00:55:22,159 --> 00:55:24,559 No, no. Let's keep talking about you. 1017 00:55:24,919 --> 00:55:26,359 I'm just a fly on the wall at this party. 1018 00:55:26,839 --> 00:55:29,679 JR, don't be so modest. Even if it is just a day job, 1019 00:55:29,879 --> 00:55:31,519 it's still a really big part of your life. 1020 00:55:31,719 --> 00:55:32,879 Uh, no. 1021 00:55:33,079 --> 00:55:34,759 It's not like you're just sitting around doing nothing, 1022 00:55:34,999 --> 00:55:37,839 waiting for a phone call asking you to be a weather girl 1023 00:55:38,039 --> 00:55:39,879 like you were in high school. 1024 00:55:40,679 --> 00:55:44,119 No, that would be weird and pathetic, right? 1025 00:55:44,639 --> 00:55:48,519 - Yeah. So what is it? - No, no. 1026 00:55:49,319 --> 00:55:56,679 - No what? - No... nurse. I am a nurse. 1027 00:55:56,879 --> 00:55:57,839 Well there you go. 1028 00:55:58,079 --> 00:55:59,559 For a minute there, we thought you didn't do anything. 1029 00:55:59,759 --> 00:56:01,159 How silly would that be? 1030 00:56:03,319 --> 00:56:07,719 That would be sickening. See that's nurse talk. Sick. 1031 00:56:09,679 --> 00:56:15,919 It's just such a beautiful, noble profession. 1032 00:56:16,199 --> 00:56:22,039 God bless you, JR. God bless you and the American Nursing Association. 1033 00:56:30,799 --> 00:56:36,119 No, no. That's okay. No, no, that's fine. 1034 00:56:45,519 --> 00:56:47,159 Look, you've got a choice to make, buddy. 1035 00:56:47,399 --> 00:56:48,839 You can go on and get out of here, 1036 00:56:49,079 --> 00:56:51,319 and we can wait for that girl I hear is your hot sister 1037 00:56:51,519 --> 00:56:54,279 to get drunk enough so we could audition her ourselves. 1038 00:56:56,839 --> 00:56:59,319 That is tempting. But, what's my other choice? 1039 00:56:59,919 --> 00:57:01,559 Or you could take your gauche ass out of here 1040 00:57:01,719 --> 00:57:03,119 and replenish our supplies? 1041 00:57:03,799 --> 00:57:05,239 Supplies? What, like cleaning supplies? 1042 00:57:05,519 --> 00:57:07,159 - What do you need? - Party supplies, asshole. 1043 00:57:07,679 --> 00:57:09,759 We need cups and shit. Store's down the street. 1044 00:57:10,879 --> 00:57:11,999 It's your choice. 1045 00:57:12,719 --> 00:57:13,959 Or we can just 1046 00:57:14,199 --> 00:57:17,159 drag your under dressed ass out of here and beat the shit out of you. 1047 00:57:23,479 --> 00:57:25,919 - Hey. - Hey. 1048 00:57:26,159 --> 00:57:28,399 I just wanted to say I'm sorry about all of that. 1049 00:57:28,839 --> 00:57:30,039 Oh, whatever. It's okay. 1050 00:57:30,239 --> 00:57:31,759 I just, I didn't realize you were a nurse. 1051 00:57:32,399 --> 00:57:34,279 Had I known, I never would have put you on the spot like that. 1052 00:57:34,839 --> 00:57:35,839 Whatever. It's fine. 1053 00:57:36,079 --> 00:57:37,959 You and that guy just seemed so uncomfortable. 1054 00:57:38,759 --> 00:57:39,959 You mean my brother? 1055 00:57:40,159 --> 00:57:42,039 Brother? Huh. 1056 00:57:42,519 --> 00:57:43,639 Anyway, I just want you to know 1057 00:57:43,879 --> 00:57:46,919 that I have great respect for everyone in the medical profession. 1058 00:57:47,359 --> 00:57:50,159 - Why is that? - Because of my crippling polio. 1059 00:57:51,199 --> 00:57:53,639 - I'm sorry, I didn't mean to... - I can't feel that. 1060 00:57:53,999 --> 00:57:59,679 I didn't mean to... sorry. Okay. 1061 00:58:00,679 --> 00:58:01,959 - Hi. - Hey. 1062 00:58:02,919 --> 00:58:04,879 Are you guys really only here for one night? 1063 00:58:05,079 --> 00:58:06,799 Oh yeah, I mean, I'm just here to help Colin 1064 00:58:06,999 --> 00:58:08,599 move his stuff out of his girlfriend's house. 1065 00:58:08,799 --> 00:58:10,119 They just broke up. 1066 00:58:10,359 --> 00:58:11,959 So, that's kind of why I took him out to this party. 1067 00:58:12,159 --> 00:58:14,519 - Because he's so down in the dumps. - That's really sweet of you. 1068 00:58:14,799 --> 00:58:16,399 I don't think I would ever do that for my brother. 1069 00:58:16,919 --> 00:58:19,479 Yeah, neither would I. Supplies! 1070 00:58:20,999 --> 00:58:24,759 Colin! Oh my God, are you okay? You guys are such assholes! 1071 00:58:31,999 --> 00:58:33,999 Thank God we have a nurse on the premises. 1072 00:58:38,639 --> 00:58:43,839 Alright. Just take your time. Slow, slow. Easy, easy. Alright. 1073 00:58:44,999 --> 00:58:47,479 Just stay right there. I'll be right back. 1074 00:58:57,879 --> 00:59:00,439 Oh my God. I can't believe that just happened. 1075 00:59:03,319 --> 00:59:05,999 Should I disrobe for the remainder of my physical? 1076 00:59:07,479 --> 00:59:10,679 Yeah, sure. Let nurse JR go and get you a paper robe. 1077 00:59:12,679 --> 00:59:19,039 Colin, I am so sorry about this trip. This has been a nightmare. Thanks. 1078 00:59:19,399 --> 00:59:22,879 It's no problem. I'm having a great time. 1079 00:59:23,079 --> 00:59:26,199 It's definitely not as cathartic as I thought it was going to be. 1080 00:59:26,719 --> 00:59:28,559 - I think it's pretty nice. - Yeah, right. 1081 00:59:30,039 --> 00:59:34,359 - Am I interrupting something? - No. I'll be right back. 1082 00:59:43,359 --> 00:59:46,839 - Hey. I got that for you. - Oh, thanks. This is just what I need. 1083 01:00:13,439 --> 01:00:15,719 I've wanted to do that since I was eleven. 1084 01:00:16,879 --> 01:00:17,759 I've been wanting to do it 1085 01:00:17,999 --> 01:00:19,559 since you walked in the door this evening. 1086 01:00:22,599 --> 01:00:25,919 - What's going on in here? - Nothing. 1087 01:00:26,479 --> 01:00:30,599 We were just making out. But we're finished now. 1088 01:00:32,439 --> 01:00:33,959 I'm gonna to go. 1089 01:00:39,759 --> 01:00:41,719 Thanks, Kim, my brother really needed that. 1090 01:00:42,079 --> 01:00:44,799 Fuck you. And your stupid weather girl career. 1091 01:00:45,199 --> 01:00:47,999 We were only ever friends with you because your family had a trampoline. 1092 01:00:48,199 --> 01:00:49,119 I'm sorry. Fuck you. 1093 01:00:49,359 --> 01:00:52,439 Fuck you. Is what I mean. Fuck you. 1094 01:00:52,879 --> 01:00:54,239 I'm going to go throw up before we leave. 1095 01:00:58,079 --> 01:01:00,519 Let's just keep this between us, alright? 1096 01:01:09,759 --> 01:01:11,959 That was really cathartic, actually. 1097 01:01:12,279 --> 01:01:14,599 Thanks for including me in this fun, fun party. 1098 01:01:14,879 --> 01:01:17,119 Thank... whoops... thank. 1099 01:01:21,959 --> 01:01:25,639 Now? No, you are so drunk, Colin. We're not driving all the way home. 1100 01:01:26,079 --> 01:01:27,159 I don't want to spend another night in a hotel. 1101 01:01:27,359 --> 01:01:28,239 No more anywhere, 1102 01:01:28,479 --> 01:01:30,279 I just want to go home, get in my own bed. 1103 01:01:32,359 --> 01:01:33,719 Let's just go to grandma an grandpa's cabin. 1104 01:01:33,919 --> 01:01:34,759 It's like, so close. 1105 01:01:34,999 --> 01:01:36,519 What? That's like twelve hours away from here. 1106 01:01:36,839 --> 01:01:37,879 It's less than an hour. 1107 01:01:38,119 --> 01:01:39,599 I used to make the drive with Neil all the time. 1108 01:01:39,799 --> 01:01:41,879 - What? No. Really? - It's really not that far. 1109 01:01:43,559 --> 01:01:44,439 Tell you what. 1110 01:01:44,679 --> 01:01:46,439 I'll go to the cabin but you go get the car, 1111 01:01:46,639 --> 01:01:47,679 I'm just going to lay down here on the sidewalk 1112 01:01:47,879 --> 01:01:48,719 and take a nice little nap. 1113 01:01:48,919 --> 01:01:51,199 Oh, that sounds like a good plan. 1114 01:02:25,719 --> 01:02:28,039 Colin, what the hell is this? 1115 01:02:28,559 --> 01:02:30,639 Looks like something from Aunt Connie's funeral. 1116 01:02:30,879 --> 01:02:32,959 What? Aunt Connie is dead? What are you talking about? 1117 01:02:33,159 --> 01:02:35,679 - Yeah, Aunt Connie died. - I just saw her ten months ago. 1118 01:02:36,079 --> 01:02:38,839 - Yeah, she died, like, six months ago. - Why didn't anybody tell me? 1119 01:02:39,759 --> 01:02:42,239 I think mom and dad kind of decided not to invite you 1120 01:02:42,439 --> 01:02:44,079 because they thought you'd be a little bit of a downer 1121 01:02:44,279 --> 01:02:45,719 at the funeral. 1122 01:02:45,919 --> 01:02:48,519 I'd be a downer at a funeral? Isn't that kind of harsh? 1123 01:02:48,719 --> 01:02:49,759 Well, I don't know. 1124 01:02:49,959 --> 01:02:51,599 Just the whole unemployment, professor thing. 1125 01:02:51,999 --> 01:02:54,279 You just kind of weren't invited. But it was a lovely service. 1126 01:02:54,879 --> 01:02:57,959 Oh. I'm sure. You really think I would have been 1127 01:02:58,159 --> 01:02:59,959 that much of a downer at a funeral? 1128 01:03:00,159 --> 01:03:02,799 Well it wasn't my decision. 1129 01:03:04,959 --> 01:03:09,519 I'm sleeping over there. Goodnight. 1130 01:03:16,039 --> 01:03:19,399 Come in. Colin we're the only ones here. 1131 01:03:19,599 --> 01:03:21,679 - You don't have to knock. - Sorry. 1132 01:03:21,919 --> 01:03:27,159 - It's okay. What's up? - Can I put something to you? 1133 01:03:28,159 --> 01:03:31,039 - What do you mean put something to me? - Ask you something? 1134 01:03:31,759 --> 01:03:33,479 Why don't you just say can I ask you something? 1135 01:03:33,679 --> 01:03:35,119 - I don't know, what does it matter? - Alright. What is it? 1136 01:03:35,439 --> 01:03:38,559 - No. I don't want to say it. - Colin, what? What is it? 1137 01:03:38,839 --> 01:03:44,319 Okay. Tonight at the party, did I seem at all, 1138 01:03:44,519 --> 01:03:46,239 like any of those people? 1139 01:03:47,959 --> 01:03:49,559 No. Not really. 1140 01:03:50,159 --> 01:03:53,599 I just feel like, I don't know, the way you looked at them. 1141 01:03:53,799 --> 01:03:56,599 I just saw so much hatred. I would never feel comfortable 1142 01:03:56,799 --> 01:03:58,279 with anyone looking at me like that. 1143 01:04:00,359 --> 01:04:02,519 I mean, you annoy me but I could never look at you like that. 1144 01:04:02,959 --> 01:04:06,759 - Those people are losers. - Yeah. I guess. 1145 01:04:07,399 --> 01:04:09,279 I just feel like there's so much pressure put on 1146 01:04:09,439 --> 01:04:12,879 having an interesting or exciting and unpredictable life. 1147 01:04:15,479 --> 01:04:17,559 I thought so to, but I'm kind of 1148 01:04:17,719 --> 01:04:20,439 realizing having an unpredictable life is sort of overrated. 1149 01:04:21,199 --> 01:04:27,959 Oh yeah? I don't know, I mean, just the way you've talked to me 1150 01:04:28,199 --> 01:04:32,919 and what you said about, you know, people with these pathetic jobs. 1151 01:04:33,839 --> 01:04:37,119 I don't know, I would never want you to look at me like that. 1152 01:04:37,359 --> 01:04:41,559 I could never look at you like that. Those people are fails. 1153 01:04:42,479 --> 01:04:46,679 - We're special. They're like normal. - Yeah. 1154 01:04:47,279 --> 01:04:50,079 Wait, but you wanted to make out with Kim, right? 1155 01:04:50,439 --> 01:04:54,079 Yeah. I mean, I had to. I owed it to myself. My younger self. 1156 01:04:54,439 --> 01:04:56,439 I guess. 1157 01:04:56,719 --> 01:04:59,159 I wonder what she's doing now. Do you think she hates us? 1158 01:05:00,239 --> 01:05:04,719 - I don't know. Probably. - It's weird. 1159 01:05:05,159 --> 01:05:07,999 I wonder if she's like, asleep. 1160 01:05:08,199 --> 01:05:10,039 Isn't it weird that everyone goes to sleep at night. 1161 01:05:10,559 --> 01:05:14,519 Like, everyone is in bed, sleeping. 1162 01:05:14,919 --> 01:05:17,159 There's not one person that doesn't sleep. 1163 01:05:17,719 --> 01:05:20,959 Except sharks. 1164 01:05:23,239 --> 01:05:26,599 I guess Zoe's probably asleep now. 1165 01:05:27,159 --> 01:05:29,119 Oh, yeah. What about Zoe? 1166 01:05:29,479 --> 01:05:31,359 You two are like, together for serious, right? 1167 01:05:31,719 --> 01:05:34,519 Yeah, what about her. I don't know. I don't know. 1168 01:05:34,679 --> 01:05:36,039 Are you going to tell her what happened? 1169 01:05:36,239 --> 01:05:39,879 No. I mean, I couldn't. The situation with her is so fucked. 1170 01:05:40,519 --> 01:05:42,399 - We haven't actually... - In what way? 1171 01:05:42,679 --> 01:05:46,919 I mean, we haven't actually had any sex for, like, weeks or months. 1172 01:05:47,319 --> 01:05:49,239 Wait, mom and dad didn't take you to Puerto Rico? 1173 01:05:49,519 --> 01:05:53,719 No, we went to Puerto Rico. I lied about how romantic it was. 1174 01:05:54,759 --> 01:05:56,399 I'm sure, you know, the way things are going 1175 01:05:56,559 --> 01:05:58,079 I'm going to be on the suburban marriage wagon 1176 01:05:58,199 --> 01:05:59,519 any day now. 1177 01:06:00,279 --> 01:06:03,359 With male pattern baldness and varicose veins. 1178 01:06:05,879 --> 01:06:07,999 It's a relief to hear that you didn't... 1179 01:06:09,599 --> 01:06:12,879 That I didn't what? I don't know. 1180 01:06:13,159 --> 01:06:16,639 It's just like, I was thinking about her but, I guess that's pretty much it. 1181 01:06:16,959 --> 01:06:18,439 I don't know. 1182 01:06:18,639 --> 01:06:21,599 You're not going to end up like a normal suburban loser. 1183 01:06:22,439 --> 01:06:23,719 Like those people. 1184 01:06:23,959 --> 01:06:27,839 I'll come whisk you and your stupid, or precious gargoyles away 1185 01:06:28,079 --> 01:06:29,719 before I'll ever let that happen. 1186 01:06:30,599 --> 01:06:32,319 I see you like, twice a year. 1187 01:06:33,239 --> 01:06:36,319 I'd be completely a lost cause before you ever got to me. 1188 01:06:36,679 --> 01:06:40,279 No. Just call me and I'll pull you, 1189 01:06:40,479 --> 01:06:44,799 I'll whisk you away to whoever my new mentor or suitor is. 1190 01:06:45,319 --> 01:06:48,279 You can live in their basement or something. 1191 01:06:48,919 --> 01:06:52,039 It's way too late for me. I'm trapped and I floated away to sea. 1192 01:06:52,239 --> 01:06:54,079 No! No, you're okay. 1193 01:06:54,399 --> 01:06:55,479 Honestly, I mean, 1194 01:06:55,679 --> 01:06:58,559 what would you rather be doing if you weren't having 1195 01:06:58,759 --> 01:07:00,279 your current life? 1196 01:07:00,759 --> 01:07:02,199 What, you mean like a Plan A? 1197 01:07:02,399 --> 01:07:04,479 Yeah. What's your Plan A? What's your dream life? 1198 01:07:05,559 --> 01:07:09,359 I don't know. I guess at some point I thought maybe I could teach. 1199 01:07:10,039 --> 01:07:11,999 Teaching? That's ironic. 1200 01:07:12,199 --> 01:07:15,279 You were always the one to say that teaching is like the biggest failure. 1201 01:07:16,079 --> 01:07:18,519 That, there's nothing worse than teaching. 1202 01:07:18,759 --> 01:07:21,239 That teaching is allowing others to fail. 1203 01:07:21,719 --> 01:07:23,799 While spinning your own wheels. 1204 01:07:24,119 --> 01:07:26,599 You really remember exactly what I said. 1205 01:07:26,799 --> 01:07:31,799 Well, yeah. It had an effect. At one point I maybe thought 1206 01:07:31,999 --> 01:07:34,519 I would pursue teaching and you talked me out of it. 1207 01:07:34,999 --> 01:07:36,959 You? Teach? 1208 01:07:37,199 --> 01:07:39,119 You're not qualified to teach. You're barely qualified to learn. 1209 01:07:39,719 --> 01:07:42,519 - Thanks, I guess. - I don't know. 1210 01:07:42,839 --> 01:07:44,319 I mean, it just felt like something that I could do. 1211 01:07:44,519 --> 01:07:47,039 It's something that I don't have to struggle at. 1212 01:07:47,399 --> 01:07:49,319 It just seemed like an option. But then what? 1213 01:07:49,519 --> 01:07:52,479 You teach for ten years and then what? 1214 01:07:52,719 --> 01:07:54,359 What are you going to do then? 1215 01:07:55,559 --> 01:07:57,439 I guess you can just fuck your young students 1216 01:07:57,639 --> 01:07:58,919 and promise them jobs. 1217 01:07:59,159 --> 01:08:00,119 Shut up. 1218 01:08:00,639 --> 01:08:03,279 I'm sorry. I'm in no position to judge. 1219 01:08:03,519 --> 01:08:07,959 I guess I could imagine you, though. What? Fucking my students? 1220 01:08:09,439 --> 01:08:11,559 - Yeah. - Or teaching. Or fucking my students? 1221 01:08:11,879 --> 01:08:13,719 - Yeah. Having sex with your students. - Thanks. 1222 01:08:13,919 --> 01:08:15,359 They way you were with Kim tonight, I can just imagine 1223 01:08:15,599 --> 01:08:18,199 all the creepy perverse stuff you're capable of that 1224 01:08:18,399 --> 01:08:19,599 I didn't think before. 1225 01:08:19,799 --> 01:08:21,639 Oh, yeah? Well, you don't know the half of it. 1226 01:08:22,159 --> 01:08:23,919 Ooh la la. I don't even want to know. 1227 01:08:24,319 --> 01:08:27,959 Oh, remember what I was saying earlier about mom's vibrator? 1228 01:08:28,359 --> 01:08:30,639 Or I started to tell you and then you cut me off at the store? 1229 01:08:30,879 --> 01:08:33,359 Yes, I've been unable to get an erection because of it. 1230 01:08:33,639 --> 01:08:35,199 It's haunted me every second since you told me. 1231 01:08:35,479 --> 01:08:36,999 Wait, Kim didn't give you a boner? 1232 01:08:38,999 --> 01:08:41,719 Um, sorry I was just thinking 1233 01:08:41,919 --> 01:08:44,319 if there's a way I could kill myself before you go on with this. 1234 01:08:44,599 --> 01:08:46,799 Don't you want to hear a story about mom's vibrator? 1235 01:08:47,039 --> 01:08:50,999 Isn't that what every, every young man wants to hear about? 1236 01:08:52,439 --> 01:08:53,919 Well since I guess I can't actually kill myself 1237 01:08:54,119 --> 01:08:55,919 before you keep talking, you might as well just go on. 1238 01:08:56,519 --> 01:09:02,719 Okay. Well don't tell anyone but when I found it, I don't know why, 1239 01:09:02,999 --> 01:09:04,479 but I felt like I should smell it. 1240 01:09:05,039 --> 01:09:06,359 Isn't that disgusting? 1241 01:09:06,719 --> 01:09:09,999 I just though, I don't know when the last time 1242 01:09:10,199 --> 01:09:11,679 she used it, or what 1243 01:09:11,879 --> 01:09:13,839 or if it was just a family heirloom or something. 1244 01:09:15,079 --> 01:09:17,319 But, I just wanted to know what it smelled like. 1245 01:09:17,799 --> 01:09:18,839 Yeah? And? 1246 01:09:19,879 --> 01:09:23,479 It didn't smell like anything. So, nothing at all. 1247 01:09:24,319 --> 01:09:27,399 Maybe that means if you ever have children, 1248 01:09:27,719 --> 01:09:32,079 mom passed on the no smell private part to your offspring. 1249 01:09:32,359 --> 01:09:34,199 Congratulations, your daughter will be a big hit 1250 01:09:34,359 --> 01:09:35,279 at parties. 1251 01:09:35,519 --> 01:09:37,119 I know. Don't tell me that 1252 01:09:37,319 --> 01:09:40,039 a scent free vagina is a great thing like I don't already know that. 1253 01:09:40,999 --> 01:09:43,279 Is there any other scene related family information 1254 01:09:43,439 --> 01:09:44,599 that you want to pass on to me? 1255 01:09:44,799 --> 01:09:47,079 Did you ever smell any, any underpants around the house? 1256 01:09:47,439 --> 01:09:48,279 Ooh la la, no. 1257 01:09:48,559 --> 01:09:50,799 Is there any ass information you can divulge to me? 1258 01:09:51,039 --> 01:09:53,239 - Alright, stop. - Sorry, I'll stop. 1259 01:09:53,559 --> 01:09:56,359 I'll stop, stop with all the butt cracks. 1260 01:09:56,879 --> 01:10:02,759 Ha ha. No, that actually was funny. So stupid. 1261 01:10:05,239 --> 01:10:09,399 I can just imagine you though. Being a teacher. 1262 01:10:10,479 --> 01:10:13,159 You'd be, I can just imagine you in front of some class. 1263 01:10:14,279 --> 01:10:18,559 You wearing your stupid marshmallow shoes and your stupid jeans 1264 01:10:18,879 --> 01:10:21,519 and some weird off the rack blazer, being like, 1265 01:10:22,359 --> 01:10:24,079 "come on class, listen to me. 1266 01:10:24,679 --> 01:10:29,919 Come, you know, I'm a serious professor, look at me, look at my gargoyles." 1267 01:10:31,399 --> 01:10:33,359 You really got me down pat there. What else is there? 1268 01:10:33,759 --> 01:10:35,919 That's it. That's all you say to the class and you walk out. 1269 01:10:37,679 --> 01:10:44,199 No, I can just imagine it though. You gathering your stuff after class. 1270 01:10:45,319 --> 01:10:49,279 Everyone leaves and you're such an awkward guy 1271 01:10:49,559 --> 01:10:53,399 and the class has like, never had a teacher like you before. 1272 01:10:53,839 --> 01:10:56,079 And they don't know what to make of you. 1273 01:10:56,319 --> 01:10:59,479 And I'm sure there is some random girl at the end of class. 1274 01:10:59,679 --> 01:11:01,519 She's like, packing up her books really slowly 1275 01:11:01,759 --> 01:11:03,159 as everybody leaves. 1276 01:11:04,199 --> 01:11:05,559 And you're like, 1277 01:11:05,799 --> 01:11:08,879 putting your books in your satchel or whatever professors carry. 1278 01:11:10,439 --> 01:11:13,919 She walks over to you and asks for a minute of your time. 1279 01:11:15,359 --> 01:11:19,839 She's wearing some sort of old fashioned angora sweater 1280 01:11:20,479 --> 01:11:24,919 and pleated shorts, or something like from the movies. 1281 01:11:26,399 --> 01:11:30,119 And like, I can just see it. 1282 01:11:30,319 --> 01:11:32,399 She's like, 1283 01:11:32,639 --> 01:11:34,919 'professor, can I talk to you, can I talk to you?' 1284 01:11:35,119 --> 01:11:37,599 And you're like, you appreciate her 1285 01:11:37,799 --> 01:11:40,159 because she's the only one in the class who laughs at your stupid jokes. 1286 01:11:42,159 --> 01:11:44,399 And nobody knows 1287 01:11:44,599 --> 01:11:48,519 but she's wearing a pin that you gave to her. 1288 01:11:51,559 --> 01:11:55,239 Because one day you were wearing it and she said she liked it, 1289 01:11:55,479 --> 01:11:59,039 and weeks later you just had one for her when you gave her back her notes. 1290 01:12:01,639 --> 01:12:06,199 I can just imagine, casually, you go to the movies. 1291 01:12:06,959 --> 01:12:09,999 And you leave a seat empty, hoping that somebody will sit there. 1292 01:12:11,359 --> 01:12:12,319 And nobody does, 1293 01:12:12,559 --> 01:12:16,919 but then right as the movie starts, right as the movie starts, she walks in. 1294 01:12:17,799 --> 01:12:21,199 She walks down the aisle and takes the seat 1295 01:12:21,399 --> 01:12:22,959 where you put your stupid blazer. 1296 01:12:23,239 --> 01:12:24,879 She sits down. 1297 01:12:25,759 --> 01:12:28,079 I can just imagine that maybe that night 1298 01:12:28,279 --> 01:12:31,399 you held each other's hand while you shared popcorn. 1299 01:12:31,759 --> 01:12:35,199 Even though she doesn't like butter, so you didn't even put butter on it, 1300 01:12:35,399 --> 01:12:37,039 just to be nice. 1301 01:12:38,079 --> 01:12:40,599 And then you don't talk again until later. 1302 01:12:41,519 --> 01:12:44,959 After the movie, another time at office hours. 1303 01:12:46,519 --> 01:12:49,199 You give her back her rough draft with notes in it. 1304 01:12:50,679 --> 01:12:52,839 And scribbled on page four is an address. 1305 01:12:53,479 --> 01:12:55,199 Your address obviously. 1306 01:12:56,079 --> 01:12:57,879 She's not a minute late, 1307 01:12:58,119 --> 01:13:00,439 and right as you open the door, she's there. 1308 01:13:00,679 --> 01:13:09,799 She looks so ready, and fun, and like a good person. 1309 01:13:10,839 --> 01:13:14,799 She'll be a success and you guys get each other. 1310 01:13:15,239 --> 01:13:20,199 Which is so rare. And it just, I don't know. 1311 01:13:20,439 --> 01:13:22,159 It just makes sense. 1312 01:13:22,679 --> 01:13:24,759 That's what it'd be like if you were a professor, I think. 1313 01:13:25,959 --> 01:13:29,479 - Sounds like your kind of guy. - I guess he is. 1314 01:14:24,199 --> 01:14:26,159 - Colin? - Yeah? 1315 01:14:26,399 --> 01:14:28,319 Can you call me Jeanette right now? Please. 1316 01:14:28,559 --> 01:14:30,199 No one's called you Jeanette since you were eleven. 1317 01:14:30,399 --> 01:14:32,479 - Just do it. - Ok, Jeanette. 1318 01:15:17,679 --> 01:15:22,039 - Goodnight, Colin. - Goodnight, Jeanette. 1319 01:15:58,199 --> 01:16:00,119 - Is that it? - That's it. 1320 01:16:01,919 --> 01:16:04,319 Do you think I'll ever make it to a major market? 1321 01:16:05,039 --> 01:16:08,959 - Not if you keep acting out like you do. - I could say the same thing to you. 1322 01:16:27,919 --> 01:16:29,839 I guess we'll just have to wait and see. 1323 01:16:30,039 --> 01:16:34,839 Yeah. We'll see. Have fun. Good luck.