1
00:00:00,519 --> 00:00:03,602
(playful jazz music)

2
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000
Downloaded from
YTS.MX

3
00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000
Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

4
00:01:02,390 --> 00:01:04,683
- Dear Xxlovemykitty69xX,

5
00:01:10,140 --> 00:01:14,000
it's known as paraphilic infantilism

6
00:01:15,210 --> 00:01:16,610
but I'm at least pretty sure by now

7
00:01:16,650 --> 00:01:19,143
you know he prefers the term adult baby.

8
00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:25,083
Oh yes, I found you out.

9
00:01:25,940 --> 00:01:28,840
No, he never locks his phone.

10
00:01:28,890 --> 00:01:31,490
And yes, I find your screen name

11
00:01:31,540 --> 00:01:34,463
to be in extremely poor taste.

12
00:01:36,630 --> 00:01:41,160
Now, you might remember me from chatting.

13
00:01:41,210 --> 00:01:45,883
You sent him, me, a message saying,

14
00:01:46,757 --> 00:01:49,760
"Are we meeting tonight at the houseboat?"

15
00:01:49,810 --> 00:01:53,627
And he, I, said, "Yeah, what time?"

16
00:01:55,089 --> 00:02:00,089
And you said, "Whenever you're
ready to come by, baby man."

17
00:02:04,870 --> 00:02:05,870
Baby man?

18
00:02:07,990 --> 00:02:09,003
Baby man?

19
00:02:12,500 --> 00:02:13,500
You know?

20
00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:17,510
I cringe.

21
00:02:17,560 --> 00:02:19,133
Someone else knows?

22
00:02:22,920 --> 00:02:25,510
Then, I reread the message
and cringe all over again,

23
00:02:25,560 --> 00:02:27,960
because I can't help but
notice your spelling.

24
00:02:28,010 --> 00:02:30,070
C-U-M by.

25
00:02:30,120 --> 00:02:31,050
That's fucking disgusting.

26
00:02:31,100 --> 00:02:33,130
Who spells come like that?

27
00:02:33,180 --> 00:02:34,530
Something else I noticed

28
00:02:34,580 --> 00:02:36,880
is that your grammar is pretty bad.

29
00:02:36,930 --> 00:02:39,550
I mean you didn't capitalize anything.

30
00:02:39,600 --> 00:02:42,090
You spelled an entire
sentence with five vowels,

31
00:02:42,140 --> 00:02:45,890
and I'm pretty sure night has a G in it.

32
00:02:45,940 --> 00:02:47,193
Come on now, really?

33
00:02:51,840 --> 00:02:55,733
Look, Xxlovemykitty69xX,

34
00:02:56,940 --> 00:02:59,530
I'm not saying you're a bad person.

35
00:02:59,580 --> 00:03:01,590
Hell, I'm not even saying

36
00:03:01,640 --> 00:03:05,633
I haven't done some kinky shit myself.

37
00:03:06,670 --> 00:03:10,330
I spent at least one year
as an internet dominatrix.

38
00:03:10,380 --> 00:03:14,698
I enjoy light bondage and
an occasional spanking.

39
00:03:14,748 --> 00:03:15,531
(hand smacks)

40
00:03:15,581 --> 00:03:16,470
(laughs)

41
00:03:16,520 --> 00:03:18,920
Sometimes in my weaker moments,

42
00:03:18,970 --> 00:03:21,200
I'm even willing to
strap on a set of udders

43
00:03:21,250 --> 00:03:22,773
and engage in cow play.

44
00:03:23,640 --> 00:03:25,250
But this whole situation

45
00:03:26,150 --> 00:03:28,300
begs the question,
"What's wrong with you?"

46
00:03:29,290 --> 00:03:31,273
Because I'm assuming you know about me.

47
00:03:32,290 --> 00:03:34,493
Because he had to tell
you about me, right?

48
00:03:35,430 --> 00:03:36,753
There had to be one time,

49
00:03:36,803 --> 00:03:39,090
one time maybe when he looked up at you,

50
00:03:39,140 --> 00:03:40,450
his other surrogate mommy

51
00:03:40,500 --> 00:03:42,160
suckling at a bottle of warm formula

52
00:03:42,210 --> 00:03:44,590
that he mentioned my name,

53
00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:46,270
the name of his girlfriend

54
00:03:46,320 --> 00:03:49,810
and life partner of four years.

55
00:03:49,860 --> 00:03:51,960
There had to be, had to be one time

56
00:03:52,010 --> 00:03:54,067
when he whispered the name Zoe.

57
00:03:56,610 --> 00:03:58,390
'Cause he loves me.

58
00:03:58,440 --> 00:03:59,223
How could he not?

59
00:03:59,273 --> 00:04:00,273
I'm fucking adorable.

60
00:04:02,148 --> 00:04:03,148
Look,

61
00:04:03,990 --> 00:04:06,320
I find all this highly disturbing,

62
00:04:06,370 --> 00:04:07,400
and not

63
00:04:08,770 --> 00:04:10,900
because I got a text message

64
00:04:10,950 --> 00:04:13,700
from a girl named Xxlovemykitty69xX

65
00:04:13,750 --> 00:04:15,743
who's apparently fucking my boyfriend.

66
00:04:19,200 --> 00:04:20,810
But also, because maybe
that same boyfriend

67
00:04:20,860 --> 00:04:22,810
doesn't love me as much as he promised.

68
00:04:23,940 --> 00:04:26,420
And also because I'm baffled

69
00:04:26,470 --> 00:04:29,853
that our society allows people
to be as D-U-M-B as you are.

70
00:04:31,410 --> 00:04:32,410
But, I'm

71
00:04:35,560 --> 00:04:36,560
disturbed,

72
00:04:37,530 --> 00:04:38,530
shocked really

73
00:04:39,560 --> 00:04:41,840
that there are at least two girls

74
00:04:41,890 --> 00:04:44,770
in this town willing
to pretend my boyfriend

75
00:04:44,820 --> 00:04:49,820
is a five foot, nine inch, 178-pound baby.

76
00:04:51,150 --> 00:04:54,120
Two girls are willing to go
to a medical supply store

77
00:04:54,170 --> 00:04:55,310
on the outskirts of town

78
00:04:55,360 --> 00:04:57,533
and pick up extra large diapers.

79
00:04:58,370 --> 00:05:01,070
Two girls are willing to
lie to the sales clerk

80
00:05:01,120 --> 00:05:03,697
and say, "Oh yeah, Grandma's
not doing too well."

81
00:05:03,747 --> 00:05:07,230
"Her Crohn's disease is actin'
somethin' awful this week."

82
00:05:07,280 --> 00:05:09,640
Two girls are willing to
mix formula in a microwave,

83
00:05:09,690 --> 00:05:11,490
put it in a bottle and feed it to him.

84
00:05:11,540 --> 00:05:12,990
And at least one of those two girls

85
00:05:13,040 --> 00:05:14,450
are willing to powder his nether regions

86
00:05:14,500 --> 00:05:16,570
before doing it froggy
style at a houseboat.

87
00:05:16,620 --> 00:05:19,930
Oh yes, yes, Xxlovemykitty69xX,

88
00:05:19,980 --> 00:05:21,913
I saw the email about froggy style.

89
00:05:23,560 --> 00:05:25,600
What kinda hell of a town is this?

90
00:05:25,650 --> 00:05:28,040
I mean, who's reality am I living in?

91
00:05:28,090 --> 00:05:29,730
Why do you have a houseboat?

92
00:05:29,780 --> 00:05:32,130
And shit, why don't I
have a fucking houseboat?

93
00:05:33,240 --> 00:05:35,470
Are the men in this town
really that unattractive

94
00:05:35,520 --> 00:05:38,570
that my adult baby boyfriend is a catch?

95
00:05:38,620 --> 00:05:39,700
Christ, seriously?

96
00:05:39,750 --> 00:05:41,050
How is that even possible?

97
00:05:44,300 --> 00:05:47,173
How did he find someone willing
to do for him what I do?

98
00:05:48,305 --> 00:05:49,905
And even so, why was he looking?

99
00:05:52,350 --> 00:05:54,420
Why would he keep coming to you

100
00:05:54,470 --> 00:05:57,053
knowing I was willing
to do anything for him?

101
00:05:59,090 --> 00:06:01,080
Even if you do what I do,

102
00:06:01,130 --> 00:06:02,583
even if you do it better,

103
00:06:05,424 --> 00:06:07,033
how could he do this to me?

104
00:06:10,360 --> 00:06:12,110
What do you have that I don't have?

105
00:06:14,482 --> 00:06:15,482
Huh?

106
00:06:17,040 --> 00:06:18,040
What?

107
00:06:37,173 --> 00:06:40,173
(upbeat jazz music)

108
00:06:48,053 --> 00:06:49,950
- Miss Kathleen Sullivan,

109
00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:51,020
you may not know this,

110
00:06:51,070 --> 00:06:54,360
but Passover is a very sacred
time of year for the Jews.

111
00:06:54,410 --> 00:06:55,410
It's a time of year

112
00:06:55,450 --> 00:06:57,250
when family and friends
are joined together

113
00:06:57,300 --> 00:07:00,510
to celebrate when we
as a people were freed

114
00:07:00,560 --> 00:07:01,983
by the goodness of God.

115
00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:04,240
It is a time of year

116
00:07:04,290 --> 00:07:07,630
when we make and eat the
spiritual and symbolic food

117
00:07:07,680 --> 00:07:09,250
which sustained us in the desert

118
00:07:09,300 --> 00:07:11,560
as we wandered 40 long years

119
00:07:11,610 --> 00:07:14,203
desperate and yearning
for our promised land,

120
00:07:15,620 --> 00:07:18,230
the homeland from which we were exiled,

121
00:07:18,280 --> 00:07:19,430
only to be enslaved

122
00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:21,413
by the cruelest of pharaohs.

123
00:07:29,772 --> 00:07:32,355
(Miriam sighs)

124
00:07:34,057 --> 00:07:36,510
It is a time of year when we give thanks

125
00:07:36,560 --> 00:07:38,810
that we are oppressed no longer,

126
00:07:38,860 --> 00:07:40,820
that we are now a free people,

127
00:07:40,870 --> 00:07:43,870
that we are a people
strengthened by our diaspora.

128
00:07:43,920 --> 00:07:45,770
That we are a people made to absorb

129
00:07:45,820 --> 00:07:48,130
and to change the culture of the lands

130
00:07:48,180 --> 00:07:50,550
all the while never losing ourselves,

131
00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:53,593
our God, our culture, our traditions.

132
00:07:55,170 --> 00:07:56,820
Maybe the reason you don't understand this

133
00:07:56,870 --> 00:07:58,680
is because your people
have never been enslaved,

134
00:07:58,730 --> 00:07:59,663
have they, Kathleen?

135
00:07:59,713 --> 00:08:01,190
Hmm?

136
00:08:01,240 --> 00:08:02,758
Catholic people?

137
00:08:02,808 --> 00:08:05,020
Have they been scattered across the globe?

138
00:08:05,070 --> 00:08:07,082
Or systematically killed by the thousands?

139
00:08:07,132 --> 00:08:08,670
Hmm?

140
00:08:08,720 --> 00:08:10,660
Or what about the Irish people?

141
00:08:10,710 --> 00:08:11,790
Have they been starved

142
00:08:11,840 --> 00:08:14,733
or driven out of their
beloved countryside?

143
00:08:15,830 --> 00:08:19,000
Have they been forced to move
to a harsher and new land,

144
00:08:19,050 --> 00:08:21,980
discriminated against,
called terrible things,

145
00:08:22,030 --> 00:08:24,240
made to work horrible, back-breaking jobs

146
00:08:24,290 --> 00:08:26,143
just in order to feed their families?

147
00:08:27,159 --> 00:08:29,820
Now, I'm no history buff,

148
00:08:29,870 --> 00:08:32,010
but I pretty sure the
answer to that question

149
00:08:32,060 --> 00:08:33,620
is a resounding no.

150
00:08:33,670 --> 00:08:35,630
Everybody loves the Irish.

151
00:08:35,680 --> 00:08:37,180
They always have.

152
00:08:37,230 --> 00:08:38,793
I think it's their accents.

153
00:08:42,370 --> 00:08:45,700
Anyway, my point is, I
almost can't blame you

154
00:08:45,750 --> 00:08:48,293
for ruining the Seder
I took days preparing,

155
00:08:49,185 --> 00:08:52,140
the one I slave over

156
00:08:52,190 --> 00:08:54,790
so I can celebrate the joy
of triumphant liberation

157
00:08:54,840 --> 00:08:56,490
with my grandchildren.

158
00:08:56,540 --> 00:08:57,740
The one where my husband reads

159
00:08:57,790 --> 00:08:58,790
from the same haggadah

160
00:08:58,840 --> 00:09:01,520
that my mother gave us for a wedding gift.

161
00:09:01,570 --> 00:09:02,683
God rest her soul.

162
00:09:04,334 --> 00:09:05,850
I almost can't blame you,

163
00:09:05,900 --> 00:09:07,410
because you probably didn't know

164
00:09:07,460 --> 00:09:09,460
how important it was to me.

165
00:09:09,510 --> 00:09:10,293
I mean, how could you?

166
00:09:10,343 --> 00:09:11,130
Looking at you,

167
00:09:11,180 --> 00:09:13,093
you seem to be what 15 years old?

168
00:09:14,420 --> 00:09:18,105
You probably don't even
know how to spell haggadah.

169
00:09:18,155 --> 00:09:19,770
I bet you don't even know what a Seder is.

170
00:09:19,820 --> 00:09:21,350
You're used to Easter

171
00:09:21,400 --> 00:09:24,510
with pastels and giant rabbits,

172
00:09:24,560 --> 00:09:26,423
which I never understood personally.

173
00:09:29,807 --> 00:09:30,590
The thing is,

174
00:09:30,640 --> 00:09:31,660
how were you to know

175
00:09:32,690 --> 00:09:34,730
that my husband was gonna tell everyone

176
00:09:34,780 --> 00:09:37,300
about you at my Seder,

177
00:09:37,350 --> 00:09:40,103
as opposed to waiting for any other time?

178
00:09:43,012 --> 00:09:46,180
How could you have controlled
the clinking of his fork

179
00:09:46,230 --> 00:09:47,830
against the copper wine goblet

180
00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:49,650
that came over with my grandfather

181
00:09:49,700 --> 00:09:51,523
when he first came to America?

182
00:09:53,320 --> 00:09:54,130
What could you have done

183
00:09:54,180 --> 00:09:56,000
to stop him from raising a toast

184
00:09:56,050 --> 00:09:58,000
to the love of his life,

185
00:09:58,050 --> 00:09:59,784
whom he recently met on Staten Island

186
00:09:59,834 --> 00:10:02,630
at a dental hygienist job fair?

187
00:10:02,680 --> 00:10:03,510
What could you have done

188
00:10:03,560 --> 00:10:05,234
to stop him from telling everyone

189
00:10:05,284 --> 00:10:07,800
including my children,

190
00:10:07,850 --> 00:10:09,310
my grandchildren

191
00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:11,570
and even that terrible girl
my grandson brought home

192
00:10:11,620 --> 00:10:14,923
from college that you were his b'sheirt?

193
00:10:17,380 --> 00:10:22,040
Or soulmate, because I'm
sure you don't speak Yiddish.

194
00:10:22,090 --> 00:10:23,310
And that he was divorcing me

195
00:10:23,360 --> 00:10:24,460
so he could marry you.

196
00:10:25,830 --> 00:10:27,080
What could you have done?

197
00:10:28,380 --> 00:10:29,380
Nothing.

198
00:10:30,140 --> 00:10:31,373
Not a thing, Kathleen.

199
00:10:34,930 --> 00:10:36,990
I don't remember much

200
00:10:37,040 --> 00:10:39,660
about that last conversation
with my husband.

201
00:10:39,710 --> 00:10:41,820
My daughter said I fainted after he left.

202
00:10:41,870 --> 00:10:42,970
But what I do remember

203
00:10:43,020 --> 00:10:44,380
is that when I came to

204
00:10:44,430 --> 00:10:46,520
I was surrounded by people.

205
00:10:46,570 --> 00:10:48,050
My family.

206
00:10:48,100 --> 00:10:51,050
It was in that moment of utter humiliation

207
00:10:51,100 --> 00:10:54,340
that I realized the only
one who abandoned me

208
00:10:54,390 --> 00:10:57,150
was my husband, not my children,

209
00:10:57,200 --> 00:10:58,380
not my grandchildren,

210
00:10:58,430 --> 00:11:00,373
not even that terrible girl.

211
00:11:01,450 --> 00:11:02,270
Even though I was alone

212
00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:04,520
for the first time in 30 years,

213
00:11:04,570 --> 00:11:06,303
I wasn't by myself.

214
00:11:07,410 --> 00:11:10,320
So I got up and we
continued on with dinner

215
00:11:10,370 --> 00:11:13,543
as if nothing happened,
nothing had changed.

216
00:11:14,420 --> 00:11:15,630
And then after dinner,

217
00:11:15,680 --> 00:11:18,004
we got drunk as families sometimes do,

218
00:11:18,054 --> 00:11:20,600
and we talked about what
a little tramp you must be

219
00:11:20,650 --> 00:11:23,690
and what an ass my husband is.

220
00:11:23,740 --> 00:11:25,220
Because he is.

221
00:11:25,270 --> 00:11:28,790
One giant ass. (Laughs)

222
00:11:28,840 --> 00:11:32,270
But he's your ass now, Kathleen Sullivan.

223
00:11:32,320 --> 00:11:33,743
Mazel tov.

224
00:11:34,656 --> 00:11:37,489
(audience cheers)

225
00:11:42,278 --> 00:11:45,278
(upbeat jazz music)

226
00:12:02,210 --> 00:12:03,210
- Dear Trevor,

227
00:12:03,930 --> 00:12:07,220
I am a good Christian girl.

228
00:12:07,270 --> 00:12:08,590
I am.

229
00:12:08,640 --> 00:12:09,504
I promise.

230
00:12:09,554 --> 00:12:10,337
(organ music)

231
00:12:10,387 --> 00:12:11,410
I read the Bible,

232
00:12:11,460 --> 00:12:12,990
I pray for the sick,

233
00:12:13,040 --> 00:12:14,380
I vote Republican

234
00:12:14,430 --> 00:12:16,783
and I go to Church every Sunday.

235
00:12:17,720 --> 00:12:21,490
Sometimes I even go on Wednesdays
when I'm not at the gym.

236
00:12:21,540 --> 00:12:25,963
I am so Christian, in fact,
that I married a TV preacher,

237
00:12:27,130 --> 00:12:29,520
a hot TV preacher

238
00:12:29,570 --> 00:12:34,510
with his thick, wavy, dark hair.

239
00:12:34,560 --> 00:12:38,320
Blue eyes, dashing smile.

240
00:12:38,370 --> 00:12:41,100
I sometimes imagine if
I could go back in time

241
00:12:41,150 --> 00:12:43,140
and look in on the Garden of Eden,

242
00:12:43,190 --> 00:12:45,873
I would see his likeness
reflected in Adam,

243
00:12:46,820 --> 00:12:48,620
the first man.

244
00:12:48,670 --> 00:12:51,173
The one made in God's own image.

245
00:12:52,174 --> 00:12:54,490
Now, all the women in the congregation,

246
00:12:54,540 --> 00:12:56,350
they seem to agree with me.

247
00:12:56,400 --> 00:12:57,400
They come up to me,

248
00:12:57,440 --> 00:12:59,467
take my hands and say,

249
00:12:59,517 --> 00:13:02,687
"Bethany, you are so lucky."

250
00:13:03,620 --> 00:13:06,152
And I just smile, gently correcting them,

251
00:13:06,202 --> 00:13:10,587
"No, dear, I'm blessed, just blessed."

252
00:13:12,250 --> 00:13:15,490
Lord, he is such a handsome man

253
00:13:15,540 --> 00:13:17,890
and a good one on top of that.

254
00:13:17,940 --> 00:13:19,250
In fact, just last year

255
00:13:19,300 --> 00:13:21,000
we went on a mission trip to Africa,

256
00:13:21,050 --> 00:13:24,833
where he literally built a
mud hut with his bare hands.

257
00:13:25,830 --> 00:13:26,903
And bare chest.

258
00:13:28,300 --> 00:13:31,803
Muscles, rippling in the sun.

259
00:13:33,100 --> 00:13:35,770
Tan skin dripping

260
00:13:35,820 --> 00:13:38,803
with earthy, salty sweat.

261
00:13:40,650 --> 00:13:44,463
Now, I know it's not
right for a woman to lust,

262
00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:46,480
but I did.

263
00:13:46,530 --> 00:13:48,400
I lusted mightily for my husband.

264
00:13:48,450 --> 00:13:49,960
I simply couldn't help myself.

265
00:13:50,010 --> 00:13:52,903
All he had to do was look
at me and I was a goner.

266
00:13:55,450 --> 00:13:59,897
Lately though, he seemed a
little bit less interested in me.

267
00:13:59,947 --> 00:14:01,430
(playful orchestral music)

268
00:14:01,480 --> 00:14:02,560
He'd get home from work

269
00:14:02,610 --> 00:14:03,560
and kiss me on the cheek,

270
00:14:03,610 --> 00:14:05,950
whereas before he would
kiss me firmly on the mouth,

271
00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:08,750
letting me know that I was his woman.

272
00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:11,540
I guess bedtime also became
something of a chore for him,

273
00:14:11,590 --> 00:14:14,360
because lace teddies and
ruffled purple undies

274
00:14:14,410 --> 00:14:17,113
seemed sorta, well, overdone.

275
00:14:17,950 --> 00:14:20,340
And although he was always nice about it,

276
00:14:20,390 --> 00:14:23,863
I just wasn't gettin' what
my heart was desirin'.

277
00:14:25,276 --> 00:14:26,440
Then one night,

278
00:14:26,490 --> 00:14:29,360
just as I was about to
demand physical satisfaction,

279
00:14:29,410 --> 00:14:33,063
he turned and asked me if I wouldn't mind.

280
00:14:34,190 --> 00:14:35,190
You know.

281
00:14:36,090 --> 00:14:38,160
Believe me, I minded.

282
00:14:38,210 --> 00:14:39,967
I looked him square in the eye and I said,

283
00:14:40,017 --> 00:14:42,507
"Now Andrew, I love you."

284
00:14:42,557 --> 00:14:44,267
"I would do anything for you."

285
00:14:44,317 --> 00:14:47,077
"But what you are askin'
is just plain sodomy,"

286
00:14:47,127 --> 00:14:49,210
"and we don't sodomize in this house."

287
00:14:49,260 --> 00:14:50,043
I rolled over.

288
00:14:50,093 --> 00:14:51,093
I turned out the lights

289
00:14:51,120 --> 00:14:54,713
as I felt my needs deflate
like a birthday balloon.

290
00:14:58,130 --> 00:14:59,410
It wasn't too long after that

291
00:14:59,460 --> 00:15:01,510
that I first found out about you, Trevor,

292
00:15:03,750 --> 00:15:06,123
and at first it was hard.

293
00:15:07,620 --> 00:15:09,733
He told me that he loved you,

294
00:15:09,783 --> 00:15:11,080
(organ music)

295
00:15:11,130 --> 00:15:13,280
but that he wanted me
to stand by his side,

296
00:15:14,740 --> 00:15:16,553
to be his wife and his partner.

297
00:15:17,880 --> 00:15:20,610
To love him in spite of his wretchedness,

298
00:15:20,660 --> 00:15:23,460
to help him protect what he
had worked so hard to build.

299
00:15:25,340 --> 00:15:27,703
He begged me for my
silence and my fidelity.

300
00:15:29,650 --> 00:15:31,193
I told him I needed more time.

301
00:15:33,430 --> 00:15:35,670
I spent all that afternoon
trying desperately trying

302
00:15:35,720 --> 00:15:37,530
to come to terms with
my husband's sinfulness

303
00:15:37,580 --> 00:15:40,310
by vomiting in the second master bathroom.

304
00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:43,690
And as I lay on that cool tile floor

305
00:15:43,740 --> 00:15:46,330
staring up at the fresco we had painted

306
00:15:46,380 --> 00:15:48,930
as the two of us as angels in heaven,

307
00:15:48,980 --> 00:15:51,063
I actually thought about leaving.

308
00:15:52,430 --> 00:15:53,993
I was gonna leave him, Trevor.

309
00:15:55,097 --> 00:15:58,410
Then I did what any girl
in my position would do,

310
00:15:58,460 --> 00:16:00,269
I drank a box of wine.

311
00:16:00,319 --> 00:16:01,440
And when I finally sobered up,

312
00:16:01,490 --> 00:16:03,580
I went home to my mother.

313
00:16:03,630 --> 00:16:07,420
Now my mama, she doesn't
mince words too much.

314
00:16:07,470 --> 00:16:08,823
So she just said,

315
00:16:10,447 --> 00:16:12,907
"I coulda told you that man was a homo."

316
00:16:12,957 --> 00:16:13,740
"Ain't you ain't never seen"

317
00:16:13,790 --> 00:16:15,767
"those ice cream colored clothes of his?"

318
00:16:17,655 --> 00:16:18,620
I paused.

319
00:16:18,670 --> 00:16:22,297
Well, I thought they were dapper.

320
00:16:22,347 --> 00:16:25,247
"Well, you've always had bad taste in men"

321
00:16:25,297 --> 00:16:27,917
"and in clothes, apparently."

322
00:16:30,070 --> 00:16:34,441
So I asked her, I said, "What do I do?"

323
00:16:34,491 --> 00:16:37,227
And she said, "Well, I
reckon you got two options."

324
00:16:37,277 --> 00:16:39,300
"You can stay, or you can go."

325
00:16:39,350 --> 00:16:41,027
And I said, "Well I know that, mama",

326
00:16:41,077 --> 00:16:43,420
"but what do you think I should do?"

327
00:16:43,470 --> 00:16:47,737
And she said, "Honestly, you should do"

328
00:16:47,787 --> 00:16:50,247
"whatever gets you the
most money, sweetheart."

329
00:16:52,460 --> 00:16:54,930
I decided then and there
to take my mother's advice.

330
00:16:54,980 --> 00:16:58,320
I was gonna do whatever
got me the most money.

331
00:16:58,370 --> 00:17:00,290
I had an A in accounting
at junior college,

332
00:17:00,340 --> 00:17:04,150
so I just knew that my math
was going to be accurate.

333
00:17:04,200 --> 00:17:06,000
I took into account the following factors,

334
00:17:06,050 --> 00:17:07,750
the TV show, the book deal,

335
00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:09,460
the public speaking engagements,

336
00:17:09,510 --> 00:17:12,340
not to mention our yearly
stipend from the church.

337
00:17:12,390 --> 00:17:14,680
I also took into account
future book deals,

338
00:17:14,730 --> 00:17:16,130
television specials, and retreats

339
00:17:16,180 --> 00:17:17,600
with us as special guests.

340
00:17:17,650 --> 00:17:18,963
As it turns out,

341
00:17:19,860 --> 00:17:24,430
my husband as a corporation
was worth millions to me,

342
00:17:24,480 --> 00:17:28,210
whereas leaving him and
potentially destroying his fortune

343
00:17:28,260 --> 00:17:30,903
was not quite so lucrative.

344
00:17:32,530 --> 00:17:36,410
Besides, I also figure, if
you two are eventually caught,

345
00:17:36,460 --> 00:17:38,943
I'll still probably come
out of it all right.

346
00:17:40,220 --> 00:17:44,513
I'm the scorned wife of a
closeted homosexual TV preacher.

347
00:17:45,380 --> 00:17:48,773
Now, that has book deal
written all over it.

348
00:17:50,500 --> 00:17:53,400
Besides, Andrew already
promised me a new boat

349
00:17:53,450 --> 00:17:55,203
and a baby if I stay.

350
00:17:56,080 --> 00:17:58,751
As it turns out staying with Andrew

351
00:17:58,801 --> 00:18:00,560
and with you, Trevor,

352
00:18:00,610 --> 00:18:03,370
is going to be our best option.

353
00:18:03,420 --> 00:18:04,740
But if we're going to share him,

354
00:18:04,790 --> 00:18:06,883
we need to work out some kinks first.

355
00:18:15,550 --> 00:18:19,070
To start, I get him on
all of major holidays,

356
00:18:19,120 --> 00:18:21,600
especially once the new baby comes.

357
00:18:21,650 --> 00:18:23,430
These include Thanksgiving,

358
00:18:23,480 --> 00:18:25,839
Christmas, Easter and Independence Day.

359
00:18:25,889 --> 00:18:26,672
(soft doo-wop music)

360
00:18:26,722 --> 00:18:29,420
You can have him on all the
ones where there's dress up,

361
00:18:29,470 --> 00:18:31,850
like Halloween and Mardi Gras.

362
00:18:31,900 --> 00:18:34,510
I know your people like that sorta thing.

363
00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:37,673
I also concede Valentine's
if you so desire.

364
00:18:38,650 --> 00:18:41,070
I'm just not into it anymore.

365
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:43,900
Next, you're not to be
seen in public together

366
00:18:43,950 --> 00:18:46,670
at any time except for on Halloween

367
00:18:46,720 --> 00:18:48,440
or at a masquerade ball, see above,

368
00:18:48,490 --> 00:18:51,563
as to not arouse suspicion from the media.

369
00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:55,460
You can come to church, if you'd like.

370
00:18:56,360 --> 00:18:57,890
I'm not gonna keep you from the Lord,

371
00:18:57,940 --> 00:19:00,060
and the way that man preaches,

372
00:19:00,110 --> 00:19:02,410
well I imagine it'd be
damn near impossible

373
00:19:02,460 --> 00:19:03,837
to keep you from comin'.

374
00:19:05,169 --> 00:19:08,590
The word of God drips from
his tongue like honey.

375
00:19:09,430 --> 00:19:12,763
Next, he can't spend more money
on you than he does on me.

376
00:19:13,840 --> 00:19:15,730
Also, you need to satisfy him sexually

377
00:19:15,780 --> 00:19:17,460
in that way that he likes to be satisfied.

378
00:19:17,500 --> 00:19:18,800
I can't satisfy him that way,

379
00:19:18,850 --> 00:19:20,513
and I am not even gonna try it.

380
00:19:22,240 --> 00:19:23,730
I imagine in time, he'll be able

381
00:19:23,780 --> 00:19:25,203
to make love to me again,

382
00:19:26,510 --> 00:19:29,240
even if he thinks about
you while he's doing it.

383
00:19:30,630 --> 00:19:32,630
That will have to be good enough for me.

384
00:19:34,080 --> 00:19:37,770
And finally, if you decide
that you no longer love him

385
00:19:37,820 --> 00:19:39,910
or can't live this way,

386
00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:42,607
we'll pay you a lump
sum for your discretion.

387
00:19:49,520 --> 00:19:53,250
I hope that you appreciate
that my husband is a good man

388
00:19:53,300 --> 00:19:55,840
and a hero to many people.

389
00:19:55,890 --> 00:19:57,810
We can't have him going
and losing everything

390
00:19:57,860 --> 00:19:59,960
just because of where he likes to put his.

391
00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:09,060
I hope that this agreement
is good enough for you.

392
00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:14,000
I pray that it satisfies
you as much as possible.

393
00:20:14,050 --> 00:20:16,760
That it keeps you quiet and mindful

394
00:20:16,810 --> 00:20:19,283
of the work that my husband
has done for America.

395
00:20:21,990 --> 00:20:23,283
And that on some level,

396
00:20:25,320 --> 00:20:26,823
it makes you happy even.

397
00:20:29,110 --> 00:20:29,930
Because I'd like to think

398
00:20:29,980 --> 00:20:32,030
at least one of us is a little bit happy.

399
00:20:41,895 --> 00:20:44,312
(jazz music)

400
00:20:49,870 --> 00:20:53,663
- Stephanie, Stephanie, Stephanie.

401
00:20:54,980 --> 00:20:57,130
Sometimes, I'll be watching the news

402
00:20:57,180 --> 00:20:59,830
or reading a book and
someone, usually a man,

403
00:20:59,880 --> 00:21:01,067
will say something like,

404
00:21:01,117 --> 00:21:02,977
"We attempted to besiege the castle, sir,"

405
00:21:03,027 --> 00:21:05,000
"but their fortress was impregnable,"

406
00:21:05,050 --> 00:21:07,867
or "We tried to convert the people, sir",

407
00:21:07,917 --> 00:21:10,370
"but the beliefs of the
natives is impregnable."

408
00:21:10,420 --> 00:21:14,017
Or my favorite, "True courage
is a result of reasoning",

409
00:21:14,067 --> 00:21:17,700
"but a brave mind is always impregnable,"

410
00:21:17,750 --> 00:21:19,570
like they know what impregnable is.

411
00:21:19,620 --> 00:21:21,730
Like you know what impregnable is.

412
00:21:21,780 --> 00:21:23,450
You know what's impregnable, Stephanie?

413
00:21:23,500 --> 00:21:24,420
Me.

414
00:21:24,470 --> 00:21:26,240
I'm fucking impregnable.

415
00:21:26,290 --> 00:21:29,060
In fact, let me tell you just
how fucking impregnable I am.

416
00:21:29,110 --> 00:21:30,240
Three miscarriages,

417
00:21:30,290 --> 00:21:31,340
two ectopic pregnancies,

418
00:21:31,390 --> 00:21:34,870
followed by the cauterization
of my fallopian tubes.

419
00:21:34,920 --> 00:21:36,980
Yes, they had to burn my tubes shut.

420
00:21:37,030 --> 00:21:38,830
That's how fucking impregnable I am.

421
00:21:40,220 --> 00:21:42,030
Now I come from a huge family,

422
00:21:42,080 --> 00:21:44,380
and I'm not talking about 2.5 kids,

423
00:21:44,430 --> 00:21:45,430
suburban bullshit huge.

424
00:21:45,470 --> 00:21:47,240
I'm talking about huge.

425
00:21:47,290 --> 00:21:48,850
I'm talking about family reunions

426
00:21:48,900 --> 00:21:50,210
where you didn't know everybody.

427
00:21:50,260 --> 00:21:52,330
I'm talking about eight different shades

428
00:21:52,380 --> 00:21:53,690
of lipstick on your cheeks

429
00:21:53,740 --> 00:21:54,680
from your aunts kissing you

430
00:21:54,730 --> 00:21:57,100
when you visited grandma's
house for Christmas huge.

431
00:21:57,150 --> 00:21:59,270
I'm talking two full roster teams

432
00:21:59,320 --> 00:22:02,610
when we had our annual Thanksgiving
Day flag football game.

433
00:22:02,660 --> 00:22:03,590
Get it, Stephanie?

434
00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:05,040
Huge.

435
00:22:05,090 --> 00:22:07,170
The women in my family
were built for babies,

436
00:22:07,220 --> 00:22:09,140
and I didn't think I was any different.

437
00:22:09,190 --> 00:22:10,900
Why would I be different?

438
00:22:10,950 --> 00:22:12,823
Why would God make me different?

439
00:22:13,970 --> 00:22:16,660
But after enough trial and error,

440
00:22:16,710 --> 00:22:18,530
after enough loss,

441
00:22:18,580 --> 00:22:19,823
I knew I was different.

442
00:22:20,990 --> 00:22:23,430
I knew that it was gonna
be difficult for me

443
00:22:23,480 --> 00:22:24,610
to even get pregnant,

444
00:22:24,660 --> 00:22:27,130
let alone carry a baby to term.

445
00:22:27,180 --> 00:22:29,080
So I did what anybody
in my family would do

446
00:22:29,130 --> 00:22:31,330
if they found out they
couldn't have a baby.

447
00:22:32,540 --> 00:22:33,960
I prayed.

448
00:22:34,010 --> 00:22:36,240
And I'm not talking going
to church on Sundays,

449
00:22:36,290 --> 00:22:38,130
nibbling on a wafer asking God

450
00:22:38,180 --> 00:22:40,180
if he wouldn't mind
giving me a baby praying.

451
00:22:40,230 --> 00:22:41,860
I'm talking about praying.

452
00:22:41,910 --> 00:22:44,080
I'm talking about having people lay hands

453
00:22:44,130 --> 00:22:46,040
on my empty belly praying.

454
00:22:46,090 --> 00:22:48,620
I'm talking about joining
an infertility group

455
00:22:48,670 --> 00:22:50,790
and prayer circle that met at Denny's

456
00:22:50,840 --> 00:22:52,730
on Tuesday nights praying.

457
00:22:52,780 --> 00:22:56,140
I'm talking about rededicating
myself every month,

458
00:22:56,190 --> 00:22:59,340
just in case God didn't think
I was praying enough praying.

459
00:22:59,390 --> 00:23:02,773
I prayed so much that every
breath I took was a prayer.

460
00:23:04,120 --> 00:23:05,290
My God was vast.

461
00:23:05,340 --> 00:23:06,610
Infinite.

462
00:23:06,660 --> 00:23:10,190
I saw God in a badly designed waiting room

463
00:23:10,240 --> 00:23:12,260
with uncomfortable chairs,

464
00:23:12,310 --> 00:23:14,252
or in an ugly exam room,

465
00:23:14,302 --> 00:23:18,673
even in a pipette holding
my most precious assets.

466
00:23:19,540 --> 00:23:22,480
I put my all my hopes into medicine,

467
00:23:22,530 --> 00:23:25,323
because I had seen real miracles there.

468
00:23:26,950 --> 00:23:28,743
But my miracle didn't happen,

469
00:23:30,520 --> 00:23:31,743
and now it never will.

470
00:23:33,170 --> 00:23:34,480
Ever since the day I was wheeled

471
00:23:34,530 --> 00:23:37,970
newly sterilized from the hospital,

472
00:23:38,020 --> 00:23:40,193
I've tried to reconcile my belief in God,

473
00:23:41,948 --> 00:23:43,233
and my belief in prayer,

474
00:23:45,568 --> 00:23:47,490
and in the power of medicine

475
00:23:48,670 --> 00:23:50,863
with this gaping hole in my existence.

476
00:23:52,020 --> 00:23:53,600
My childless existence.

477
00:23:53,650 --> 00:23:57,600
And let me tell you, Stephanie,
it has not been easy.

478
00:23:57,650 --> 00:23:59,100
Nights awake,

479
00:23:59,150 --> 00:24:02,190
crying on my husband's strong shoulders.

480
00:24:02,240 --> 00:24:03,800
Sitting in an empty room,

481
00:24:03,850 --> 00:24:05,450
now an office,

482
00:24:05,500 --> 00:24:07,440
where during my first cautionary pregnancy

483
00:24:07,490 --> 00:24:10,383
I had the walls painted a sky blue,

484
00:24:11,780 --> 00:24:13,255
good for a boy or a girl.

485
00:24:13,305 --> 00:24:14,810
(somber music)

486
00:24:14,860 --> 00:24:17,340
I became so focused on what I was missing

487
00:24:17,390 --> 00:24:20,400
that I didn't see what I
had done to my marriage

488
00:24:21,690 --> 00:24:23,690
and what you were doing with my husband.

489
00:24:24,530 --> 00:24:26,980
Did he ever tell you how
he told me, Stephanie?

490
00:24:27,030 --> 00:24:28,490
How he sat me down at dinner

491
00:24:28,540 --> 00:24:30,807
at our restaurant and whispered,

492
00:24:30,857 --> 00:24:32,407
"I have something to tell you."

493
00:24:33,518 --> 00:24:35,493
And I knew he was leaving me.

494
00:24:37,307 --> 00:24:39,487
He whispered, "You're gonna hate me."

495
00:24:39,537 --> 00:24:41,467
"No," I said, "no."

496
00:24:41,517 --> 00:24:42,467
"You won't forgive me."

497
00:24:42,517 --> 00:24:44,017
"No," I said, "No."

498
00:24:44,067 --> 00:24:44,850
"I have to."

499
00:24:44,900 --> 00:24:46,557
"Stop, stop."

500
00:24:46,607 --> 00:24:48,057
"I'm gonna be a father."

501
00:24:49,883 --> 00:24:52,423
Ooh, I didn't see that one coming.

502
00:24:53,867 --> 00:24:54,987
"Did you hear me?" he said.

503
00:24:55,037 --> 00:24:57,707
"Sheila, I'm gonna be a father."

504
00:24:57,757 --> 00:24:59,040
"I'm sorry."

505
00:24:59,090 --> 00:25:00,950
But I had heard him very clearly.

506
00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:02,543
And I'd already begun to pray.

507
00:25:04,260 --> 00:25:05,730
I couldn't pray for you to lose the baby

508
00:25:05,780 --> 00:25:07,780
or for my husband wanna come back to me.

509
00:25:08,740 --> 00:25:12,680
Instead, I prayed that
the baby you were to bear

510
00:25:12,730 --> 00:25:15,140
would be the size of a watermelon.

511
00:25:15,190 --> 00:25:18,480
And I'm not talking about
a sweet, dainty, seedless

512
00:25:18,530 --> 00:25:19,620
little watermelon that you buy

513
00:25:19,670 --> 00:25:21,020
at the grocery store watermelon.

514
00:25:21,070 --> 00:25:24,800
I'm talking about at least
10 pounds, 25 inches,

515
00:25:24,850 --> 00:25:27,720
making you about as fat
as Oprah in the 90s,

516
00:25:27,770 --> 00:25:30,640
only to have you push it
out of your exhausted body

517
00:25:30,690 --> 00:25:33,590
making your lips the size of dog ears.

518
00:25:33,640 --> 00:25:36,710
Making you wide enough
for a mack truck through.

519
00:25:36,760 --> 00:25:39,243
Then, I stopped for a moment,

520
00:25:40,350 --> 00:25:44,743
and I prayed that its size
would reflect its health,

521
00:25:45,830 --> 00:25:49,210
that this baby would have
the healthiest set of lungs

522
00:25:49,260 --> 00:25:51,270
to scream for you,

523
00:25:51,320 --> 00:25:54,300
oh and a healthy sense of defiance

524
00:25:54,350 --> 00:25:56,670
to make its childhood and adolescence

525
00:25:56,720 --> 00:25:59,230
extra hard for you both.

526
00:25:59,280 --> 00:26:02,440
And I looked up at him through my tears

527
00:26:02,490 --> 00:26:05,097
and the beating of my broken heart.

528
00:26:05,147 --> 00:26:07,370
"Sheila," he said, "Are you all right?"

529
00:26:07,420 --> 00:26:10,073
I said I was and I was praying.

530
00:26:10,950 --> 00:26:12,263
He rolled his eyes.

531
00:26:14,350 --> 00:26:16,420
I said, "I'm praying for your baby."

532
00:26:16,470 --> 00:26:18,077
His face softened.

533
00:26:18,127 --> 00:26:19,437
"Thank you," he said.

534
00:26:19,487 --> 00:26:20,687
"Thank you."

535
00:26:20,737 --> 00:26:22,300
And then he grasped my hands

536
00:26:22,350 --> 00:26:25,223
and started softly sobbing.

537
00:26:26,387 --> 00:26:31,387
"Thank you, thank you, thank you."

538
00:26:31,780 --> 00:26:33,130
The next few days came and went.

539
00:26:33,180 --> 00:26:35,453
And most of the time,
I prayed for your baby.

540
00:26:37,700 --> 00:26:40,710
And then finally I stopped praying for you

541
00:26:40,760 --> 00:26:44,570
and started praying for me, for strength,

542
00:26:44,620 --> 00:26:48,140
for courage, for an impregnable spirit

543
00:26:48,190 --> 00:26:50,963
to support this impregnable body.

544
00:26:52,320 --> 00:26:55,170
After all these years
of unanswered prayers,

545
00:26:55,220 --> 00:26:57,610
miraculously, amazingly,

546
00:26:57,660 --> 00:27:00,740
I feel strong and brave

547
00:27:02,270 --> 00:27:04,643
and completely unbreakable.

548
00:27:07,020 --> 00:27:10,440
And finally, my miracle came in the form

549
00:27:10,490 --> 00:27:13,360
of a phone call from our
mutual mother-in-law.

550
00:27:13,410 --> 00:27:16,745
She told me that you had twins.

551
00:27:16,795 --> 00:27:20,626
(Sheila laughs)
(playful music)

552
00:27:20,676 --> 00:27:22,470
And that they were very big

553
00:27:22,520 --> 00:27:24,800
and very healthy,

554
00:27:24,850 --> 00:27:27,113
and you were very, very tired.

555
00:27:28,360 --> 00:27:30,310
But not as tired as you're going to be.

556
00:27:31,880 --> 00:27:35,553
Maybe God was listening
after all. (Laughs)

557
00:27:36,847 --> 00:27:37,847
Ah, yes!

558
00:27:43,223 --> 00:27:45,640
(jazz music)

559
00:27:57,090 --> 00:27:59,883
- Looking back, Patricia,

560
00:28:02,230 --> 00:28:03,190
I think my first clue

561
00:28:03,240 --> 00:28:04,630
that our marriage wasn't going to work

562
00:28:04,680 --> 00:28:07,280
probably should have been
his rampant cocaine habit.

563
00:28:09,654 --> 00:28:11,380
It might have been that, I don't know.

564
00:28:11,430 --> 00:28:13,910
I guess it coulda been the DUls too

565
00:28:13,960 --> 00:28:16,890
or maybe the lack of a driver's license,

566
00:28:16,940 --> 00:28:19,220
or decent credit,

567
00:28:19,270 --> 00:28:20,313
or a job.

568
00:28:23,060 --> 00:28:24,610
Mighta been the felony charges.

569
00:28:26,440 --> 00:28:27,553
It's hard to say.

570
00:28:29,040 --> 00:28:30,040
All I know is

571
00:28:31,870 --> 00:28:33,653
these are easy things to overlook.

572
00:28:35,090 --> 00:28:37,530
I mean, what did I know about cocaine?

573
00:28:37,580 --> 00:28:40,563
I always thought this town was
too small for street drugs.

574
00:28:41,970 --> 00:28:43,060
And as for the DUls,

575
00:28:43,110 --> 00:28:45,143
well those were a mistake.

576
00:28:46,147 --> 00:28:48,183
"Youthful Indiscretion," he said.

577
00:28:49,400 --> 00:28:52,230
Besides, he was already
in AA when I met him.

578
00:28:52,280 --> 00:28:54,653
So I thought that was a good sign.

579
00:28:56,760 --> 00:28:58,123
Showed real promise.

580
00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:02,770
The lack of a driver's license
had to do with the DUls.

581
00:29:02,820 --> 00:29:06,073
So I couldn't really hold
that against him twice.

582
00:29:07,130 --> 00:29:09,050
Bad credit was a result of no credit.

583
00:29:09,100 --> 00:29:11,590
I mean, who was gonna give
this guy a credit card, right?

584
00:29:11,640 --> 00:29:13,143
Especially with no job?

585
00:29:15,070 --> 00:29:17,193
And as for the felony charges, well,

586
00:29:19,563 --> 00:29:22,273
those were a surprise up
until after the wedding.

587
00:29:24,590 --> 00:29:25,590
Yep.

588
00:29:26,380 --> 00:29:30,453
Pete was just one a those
guys trouble followed.

589
00:29:31,855 --> 00:29:34,155
And I'm one a those girls
who follows trouble.

590
00:29:34,990 --> 00:29:38,360
So I spent long days and nights

591
00:29:38,410 --> 00:29:39,580
trying to get him to come around

592
00:29:39,630 --> 00:29:40,590
to being the marrying kind,

593
00:29:40,640 --> 00:29:43,280
to be the man who spends
his days looking for a job

594
00:29:43,330 --> 00:29:45,808
instead of drinking away
his unemployment check.

595
00:29:45,858 --> 00:29:46,641
(soft jazz music)

596
00:29:46,691 --> 00:29:49,700
To be the man who helps with the dishes

597
00:29:49,750 --> 00:29:52,213
instead of passing out on the toilet.

598
00:29:54,320 --> 00:29:57,000
The man who shows up
when his daughter is born

599
00:29:57,050 --> 00:30:01,193
instead of skipping town
with his junkie girlfriend.

600
00:30:02,060 --> 00:30:03,590
I don't think it's that hard.

601
00:30:03,640 --> 00:30:04,960
Not in the grand scheme of things,

602
00:30:05,010 --> 00:30:06,913
Not after all he's put us through.

603
00:30:09,770 --> 00:30:12,033
It's funny but,

604
00:30:13,470 --> 00:30:16,580
before I knew for sure that
Caroline was conceived,

605
00:30:16,630 --> 00:30:18,450
I thought about leaving him, Patricia.

606
00:30:18,500 --> 00:30:22,460
I imagined throwing him to the wolves,

607
00:30:22,510 --> 00:30:26,120
or in his case, the county cops,

608
00:30:26,170 --> 00:30:28,783
just to see if he could
make it without me.

609
00:30:29,920 --> 00:30:33,070
But before he even knew I'd
considered evicting him,

610
00:30:33,120 --> 00:30:35,420
I took that pregnancy test,

611
00:30:35,470 --> 00:30:39,763
which came up positive, obviously.

612
00:30:41,170 --> 00:30:41,953
So when he got home,

613
00:30:42,003 --> 00:30:43,770
I told him what was what.

614
00:30:43,820 --> 00:30:46,030
I told him things just had to get better.

615
00:30:46,080 --> 00:30:47,960
It wasn't just about me and him anymore.

616
00:30:48,010 --> 00:30:49,083
We were a family.

617
00:30:52,290 --> 00:30:54,670
And then, amazingly,

618
00:30:54,720 --> 00:30:56,514
things got better.

619
00:30:56,564 --> 00:30:57,713
They really did.

620
00:30:59,660 --> 00:31:03,113
For about 16 hours.

621
00:31:05,580 --> 00:31:07,920
Then came the infamous
Conception Reception

622
00:31:07,970 --> 00:31:09,270
the guys threw for him downtown

623
00:31:09,320 --> 00:31:11,799
after they heard the news.

624
00:31:11,849 --> 00:31:12,970
I heard it was quite a rager.

625
00:31:13,020 --> 00:31:15,960
I probably would've gone if
I'd known there was a party

626
00:31:16,010 --> 00:31:17,490
to celebrate my pregnancy,

627
00:31:17,540 --> 00:31:20,293
or if I'd known he'd meet you there.

628
00:31:22,050 --> 00:31:23,950
Leave it to Pete

629
00:31:24,000 --> 00:31:26,350
to pick up a girl at his own baby shower.

630
00:31:26,400 --> 00:31:28,790
Now Patricia,

631
00:31:28,840 --> 00:31:31,300
you might be wondering
why I'm writing you.

632
00:31:31,350 --> 00:31:34,030
And what I'm writing to ask
you is pretty reasonable.

633
00:31:34,080 --> 00:31:36,513
So before you get all
huffy and up in arms,

634
00:31:38,192 --> 00:31:39,570
I want you to know

635
00:31:39,620 --> 00:31:42,350
that I am not trying to win him back.

636
00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:44,700
Hell, I'm not even trying to
get him to pay child support

637
00:31:44,750 --> 00:31:47,100
because I think collecting
it'd be more trouble

638
00:31:47,150 --> 00:31:48,400
than it's actually worth.

639
00:31:51,718 --> 00:31:53,620
What I really want from you,

640
00:31:53,670 --> 00:31:55,093
and I guess from Pete,

641
00:31:55,990 --> 00:31:57,173
is my ring back.

642
00:31:58,690 --> 00:31:59,577
It's kind of important that I get it,

643
00:31:59,627 --> 00:32:01,500
and I know he took it when he left,

644
00:32:01,550 --> 00:32:04,450
because he threatened to stab
me if I didn't hand it over.

645
00:32:05,520 --> 00:32:06,750
I'm pretty sure he probably gave it to you

646
00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:09,093
as a promise of his love and fidelity,

647
00:32:10,260 --> 00:32:11,210
or he sold it for crack,

648
00:32:11,260 --> 00:32:13,280
whatever one seemed like
a better idea at the time.

649
00:32:13,330 --> 00:32:15,000
I don't know what happened to it,

650
00:32:15,050 --> 00:32:17,430
but I think I'd like to have it back.

651
00:32:17,480 --> 00:32:19,050
It isn't so much that it's worth anything.

652
00:32:19,100 --> 00:32:21,390
I mean, it's a little scrap of a diamond

653
00:32:21,440 --> 00:32:22,950
in a yellow gold setting,

654
00:32:23,000 --> 00:32:27,310
but I bought it for myself

655
00:32:27,360 --> 00:32:29,190
with the money I made
working at the grocery store,

656
00:32:29,240 --> 00:32:31,720
because I wanted people to stop asking me

657
00:32:31,770 --> 00:32:34,133
if I knew where Caroline's dad was.

658
00:32:35,810 --> 00:32:38,780
See, he never actually
got me a wedding band,

659
00:32:38,830 --> 00:32:41,260
even when we got married, which was fine.

660
00:32:41,310 --> 00:32:42,093
I don't feel the need

661
00:32:42,143 --> 00:32:44,200
to justify my relationships in jewelry,

662
00:32:44,250 --> 00:32:48,100
but eventually walking
around in my fat stomach

663
00:32:49,690 --> 00:32:52,480
felt a little embarrassing
without the ring.

664
00:32:52,530 --> 00:32:55,230
It's not so much that
I was ashamed of myself

665
00:32:55,280 --> 00:32:56,423
or of my daughter,

666
00:32:58,670 --> 00:32:59,670
but of Pete

667
00:33:00,740 --> 00:33:04,070
for not loving us enough to get sober,

668
00:33:04,120 --> 00:33:07,183
get a job, get a house
in a good part of town.

669
00:33:08,020 --> 00:33:09,173
I bought the ring,

670
00:33:10,170 --> 00:33:11,780
because I was tired of making excuses

671
00:33:11,830 --> 00:33:14,853
for a man that wasn't
worth making excuses for.

672
00:33:17,650 --> 00:33:20,180
Someday I want to give
that ring to my daughter,

673
00:33:20,230 --> 00:33:21,770
so I can lie to her.

674
00:33:21,820 --> 00:33:23,240
So I can tell her that
her father was a good man

675
00:33:23,290 --> 00:33:24,900
who made a mistake,

676
00:33:24,950 --> 00:33:26,000
that he loved her enough,

677
00:33:26,050 --> 00:33:28,300
loved us enough to promise us forever.

678
00:33:28,350 --> 00:33:30,950
And even if he was too sick to keep it,

679
00:33:31,000 --> 00:33:33,773
he gave us this ring to
remember a promise by.

680
00:33:34,860 --> 00:33:36,330
I think she deserves at least that

681
00:33:36,380 --> 00:33:38,730
considering she'll probably
never know the man.

682
00:33:40,685 --> 00:33:42,723
If you don't send the ring back,

683
00:33:43,654 --> 00:33:45,420
I'll assume you sold it for blow

684
00:33:45,470 --> 00:33:47,230
which would be pretty standard for Pete.

685
00:33:47,280 --> 00:33:50,240
But I want you to know

686
00:33:50,290 --> 00:33:52,933
that it'd be too bad
really if you'd done that.

687
00:33:54,170 --> 00:33:55,100
Some guys around town

688
00:33:55,150 --> 00:33:58,120
have been asking lots of
questions about you two,

689
00:33:58,170 --> 00:33:59,380
and if you're gettin' this letter,

690
00:33:59,430 --> 00:34:00,580
I know where you are.

691
00:34:00,630 --> 00:34:04,190
I know because the last time
Pete and I took a vacation,

692
00:34:04,240 --> 00:34:07,113
we were secretly laying low
where you folks are now.

693
00:34:09,470 --> 00:34:10,450
So far, you've been lucky.

694
00:34:10,500 --> 00:34:14,060
My delicate condition has
made me a bit forgetful

695
00:34:14,110 --> 00:34:16,650
when say approached by a scary guy

696
00:34:16,700 --> 00:34:18,843
in a hoodie who hangs out by the 7-Eleven.

697
00:34:21,190 --> 00:34:25,250
But my guess is if that
ring doesn't show up

698
00:34:25,300 --> 00:34:26,423
in about a week,

699
00:34:29,860 --> 00:34:32,851
my memory's gonna start
getting real clear,

700
00:34:32,901 --> 00:34:34,253
if you know what I mean.

701
00:34:35,920 --> 00:34:37,970
Hopefully you know what I mean, Patricia.

702
00:34:47,869 --> 00:34:50,869
(upbeat jazz music)

703
00:35:12,760 --> 00:35:13,839
- Oh Pilar,

704
00:35:13,889 --> 00:35:15,490
(soft music)

705
00:35:15,540 --> 00:35:18,310
I know your English leaves
something to be desired,

706
00:35:18,360 --> 00:35:20,173
so just try to stay with me, okay?

707
00:35:21,500 --> 00:35:23,100
Wonderful.

708
00:35:23,150 --> 00:35:25,150
Now, I've given this a lot of thought,

709
00:35:25,200 --> 00:35:26,790
and I have decided that I don't care

710
00:35:26,840 --> 00:35:29,600
if she calls you momma
every once in a while.

711
00:35:29,650 --> 00:35:32,510
In fact, the women from my mother's group

712
00:35:32,560 --> 00:35:34,730
say that it's normal for children

713
00:35:34,780 --> 00:35:36,840
to attach to people like you,

714
00:35:36,890 --> 00:35:40,091
the people who provide for
their most basic needs,

715
00:35:40,141 --> 00:35:43,213
the feeding, the
diapering, the comforting.

716
00:35:44,540 --> 00:35:45,544
But as children get older

717
00:35:45,594 --> 00:35:48,010
and their need for physical comfort

718
00:35:48,060 --> 00:35:49,579
gives way to the need for emotional

719
00:35:49,629 --> 00:35:52,270
and financial support,

720
00:35:52,320 --> 00:35:54,070
the one they cling to,

721
00:35:54,120 --> 00:35:55,720
the one they rely on,

722
00:35:55,770 --> 00:35:57,180
is their real mother,

723
00:35:57,230 --> 00:35:59,700
as nannies fade into their memories

724
00:35:59,750 --> 00:36:02,523
like wallpaper on childhood bedrooms.

725
00:36:03,380 --> 00:36:05,100
When Rebecca's old enough,

726
00:36:05,150 --> 00:36:07,810
she will see that you
are not a mother to her.

727
00:36:07,860 --> 00:36:09,773
You are a servant to her family.

728
00:36:11,820 --> 00:36:13,770
One unwashed window,

729
00:36:13,820 --> 00:36:16,490
one missed soccer practice,

730
00:36:16,540 --> 00:36:20,023
one missing piece of silverware
away from deportation.

731
00:36:21,730 --> 00:36:23,240
So you see,

732
00:36:23,290 --> 00:36:26,310
it's totally fine with
me if she calls you that.

733
00:36:26,360 --> 00:36:29,299
Totalmente bien even,

734
00:36:29,349 --> 00:36:31,523
because you are not her mother.

735
00:36:32,530 --> 00:36:34,170
You are her nanny.

736
00:36:34,220 --> 00:36:35,543
You work for momma.

737
00:36:37,362 --> 00:36:41,573
Pilar, I'd like to think
that we've welcomed you in,

738
00:36:42,910 --> 00:36:44,280
accepted you into our home,

739
00:36:44,330 --> 00:36:45,973
allowed you to stay with us.

740
00:36:47,000 --> 00:36:48,910
We've given you a room,

741
00:36:48,960 --> 00:36:52,490
Sundays off, Christmas bonuses, sick days.

742
00:36:52,540 --> 00:36:55,540
We've even let you relax
poolside when we're not home.

743
00:36:55,590 --> 00:36:57,850
Now, we don't let the gardener do that.

744
00:36:57,900 --> 00:37:00,223
All we ask is that you do as you're told.

745
00:37:01,864 --> 00:37:03,250
Is that too much?

746
00:37:03,300 --> 00:37:04,120
Because apparently,

747
00:37:04,170 --> 00:37:06,370
it has become something
of a hassle for you.

748
00:37:11,170 --> 00:37:14,350
When you came to me the
other night in tears

749
00:37:15,230 --> 00:37:16,860
covered in those bruises

750
00:37:16,910 --> 00:37:19,453
telling me that my husband
had been touching you,

751
00:37:20,410 --> 00:37:21,760
what was I supposed to say?

752
00:37:23,810 --> 00:37:25,520
My husband touches you.

753
00:37:25,570 --> 00:37:27,270
What am I supposed to do about it?

754
00:37:28,300 --> 00:37:30,430
I can't control my husband.

755
00:37:30,480 --> 00:37:34,313
I can't quell his desire for
the tenderness of a woman.

756
00:37:35,706 --> 00:37:37,760
I don't get to determine

757
00:37:37,810 --> 00:37:38,890
as the years go by,

758
00:37:38,940 --> 00:37:42,373
who he loves or for whom he lusts.

759
00:37:43,330 --> 00:37:46,260
I merely accept the fact
that sometimes the woman

760
00:37:46,310 --> 00:37:48,693
that fills that void is someone like you,

761
00:37:49,540 --> 00:37:51,500
a sad, doe-eyed thing

762
00:37:51,550 --> 00:37:54,053
with a convenient proximity to his penis.

763
00:37:55,380 --> 00:37:57,610
Perhaps you should feel flattered.

764
00:37:57,660 --> 00:37:59,830
The way he looks at you,

765
00:37:59,880 --> 00:38:01,400
I practically feel him harden

766
00:38:01,450 --> 00:38:03,033
in the dead air between us.

767
00:38:03,870 --> 00:38:06,920
And while he admires your distant,

768
00:38:06,970 --> 00:38:08,853
unattainable sexualidad,

769
00:38:10,330 --> 00:38:14,670
I am left completely and utterly alone.

770
00:38:14,720 --> 00:38:17,860
So there, he's touching you.

771
00:38:17,910 --> 00:38:19,120
He's touching you.

772
00:38:19,170 --> 00:38:21,090
Of course he's touching you.

773
00:38:21,140 --> 00:38:23,240
He's touched everyone except for me

774
00:38:23,290 --> 00:38:24,713
since Rebecca was born.

775
00:38:26,920 --> 00:38:30,890
Now, I'll admit I haven't
been the same since,

776
00:38:30,940 --> 00:38:32,850
not in body anyway,

777
00:38:32,900 --> 00:38:36,280
and parts of me that were
once beautiful to the eye,

778
00:38:36,330 --> 00:38:38,243
to the fingers, to the mouth,

779
00:38:40,910 --> 00:38:44,943
are now only vaguely
recognizable to myself.

780
00:38:46,910 --> 00:38:49,160
It's natural that over time,

781
00:38:49,210 --> 00:38:51,330
he had to find other bodies

782
00:38:51,380 --> 00:38:55,253
to seek those softest of womanly places.

783
00:38:57,180 --> 00:38:58,180
So you see,

784
00:38:59,060 --> 00:39:00,103
it's not his fault.

785
00:39:01,430 --> 00:39:02,520
It's mine.

786
00:39:02,570 --> 00:39:05,053
I haven't looked right
in my own body in years.

787
00:39:06,134 --> 00:39:08,900
This is something you wouldn't understand,

788
00:39:08,950 --> 00:39:11,440
even if I said it in Spanish.

789
00:39:11,490 --> 00:39:15,180
Right now you are young
and you are beautiful,

790
00:39:15,230 --> 00:39:17,690
not like I was not 10 years ago

791
00:39:17,740 --> 00:39:20,673
when my husband left his first
wife to make me his bride.

792
00:39:25,690 --> 00:39:30,100
Now, I can imagine that you're
still quite uncomfortable

793
00:39:30,150 --> 00:39:33,603
and that this place does
not feel like home to you.

794
00:39:35,750 --> 00:39:36,823
Perhaps it never did.

795
00:39:37,970 --> 00:39:40,070
Now you're telling me that you're leaving.

796
00:39:42,720 --> 00:39:45,070
What could I possibly do
to make things better?

797
00:39:46,800 --> 00:39:49,033
Should I say that I sympathize with you?

798
00:39:49,980 --> 00:39:51,193
That I should leave too?

799
00:39:52,750 --> 00:39:54,113
That my husband's a dog?

800
00:39:56,989 --> 00:39:58,423
How about this,

801
00:39:59,620 --> 00:40:01,200
it might make you feel better to know

802
00:40:01,250 --> 00:40:03,293
that he does not love you.

803
00:40:04,360 --> 00:40:06,930
He does not want to make you his new wife.

804
00:40:06,980 --> 00:40:10,060
He does not wanna make you
a real part of this family.

805
00:40:10,110 --> 00:40:12,590
And though things are hard right now,

806
00:40:12,640 --> 00:40:17,400
I promise, it won't last beyond
his next romantic conquest.

807
00:40:17,450 --> 00:40:20,350
Someday and probably very soon,

808
00:40:20,400 --> 00:40:21,563
you'll be just like me,

809
00:40:22,540 --> 00:40:23,723
completely ignored.

810
00:40:25,670 --> 00:40:28,500
So maybe you can consider
staying for Rebecca.

811
00:40:28,550 --> 00:40:31,180
I think, and I could be very, very wrong

812
00:40:31,230 --> 00:40:33,133
that she might love you,

813
00:40:34,600 --> 00:40:36,960
the way that children love their mothers.

814
00:40:37,010 --> 00:40:39,730
You know, that unconditional,

815
00:40:39,780 --> 00:40:44,733
heartsick way that children
love their mothers.

816
00:40:47,140 --> 00:40:52,140
And because of that, I have
to ask you to consider this.

817
00:40:54,810 --> 00:40:56,913
I know dignity has no price,

818
00:40:58,090 --> 00:41:00,290
but maybe the happiness
of my daughter does.

819
00:41:02,010 --> 00:41:03,373
And hopefully this is it.

820
00:41:07,129 --> 00:41:10,129
(upbeat jazz music)

821
00:41:18,740 --> 00:41:20,303
- Maureen Pender,

822
00:41:21,560 --> 00:41:24,230
what the fuck are you doing in my house?

823
00:41:24,280 --> 00:41:27,320
I leave town for one week, one week,

824
00:41:27,370 --> 00:41:31,913
and I come home to find
your underwear in my hamper,

825
00:41:33,130 --> 00:41:34,760
your soap in my shower,

826
00:41:34,810 --> 00:41:36,310
your boots in my closet,

827
00:41:36,360 --> 00:41:39,493
and your crappy country
music on my coffee table.

828
00:41:40,450 --> 00:41:42,780
You creepily cleaned the fridge.

829
00:41:42,830 --> 00:41:44,840
You did my laundry.

830
00:41:44,890 --> 00:41:47,090
It looks like you may
have vacuumed the rugs

831
00:41:47,140 --> 00:41:48,793
and dusted the mantle.

832
00:41:49,680 --> 00:41:52,060
If I didn't find this so fucking weird,

833
00:41:52,110 --> 00:41:54,570
I would say you were Martha Stewart,

834
00:41:54,620 --> 00:41:56,883
a picture of domestic goddess-ness.

835
00:41:57,890 --> 00:41:59,540
But it is fucking weird,

836
00:41:59,590 --> 00:42:03,108
because you are 18 years old.

837
00:42:03,158 --> 00:42:06,590
Shouldn't you be out seeing
a movie with your friends?

838
00:42:06,640 --> 00:42:10,330
Or planning what you're
going to take in college?

839
00:42:10,380 --> 00:42:13,660
Or I don't know, doing
your goddamn homework

840
00:42:13,710 --> 00:42:14,943
for once in your life?

841
00:42:15,920 --> 00:42:18,950
Because that's what I would be doing,

842
00:42:19,000 --> 00:42:23,533
if I were, I don't know,
say a high school senior.

843
00:42:26,106 --> 00:42:27,313
Look.

844
00:42:28,920 --> 00:42:33,150
I let you walk our dog,
because as your teacher,

845
00:42:33,200 --> 00:42:35,470
I wanted to help you out.

846
00:42:35,520 --> 00:42:37,210
Let you earn a little extra cash

847
00:42:37,260 --> 00:42:38,500
before you went off to college.

848
00:42:38,530 --> 00:42:41,360
I mean, God knows no
one else would hire you.

849
00:42:41,410 --> 00:42:43,440
You're a sweet girl

850
00:42:44,460 --> 00:42:46,900
but not motivated.

851
00:42:46,950 --> 00:42:49,490
Pretty, not popular.

852
00:42:49,540 --> 00:42:50,390
And from what I can tell,

853
00:42:50,440 --> 00:42:51,960
your parents are assholes.

854
00:42:52,010 --> 00:42:56,490
So I thought, I could
provide a positive influence

855
00:42:56,540 --> 00:42:59,960
in what I am sure was a formative

856
00:43:00,010 --> 00:43:03,900
and probably tumultuous time for you.

857
00:43:03,950 --> 00:43:05,300
And you know what?

858
00:43:05,350 --> 00:43:06,350
Maybe I did.

859
00:43:08,020 --> 00:43:11,253
Of course this was all before,

860
00:43:13,400 --> 00:43:15,400
before you came to know Malcolm

861
00:43:17,230 --> 00:43:20,690
in all the ways you came to
know him both behind my back

862
00:43:20,740 --> 00:43:22,533
and in front of my nose,

863
00:43:23,680 --> 00:43:26,270
which shouldn't have shocked me, really.

864
00:43:26,320 --> 00:43:31,320
I mean, what could be more
attractive to a selfish man

865
00:43:31,640 --> 00:43:33,930
than a beautiful girl

866
00:43:33,980 --> 00:43:35,330
with everything to lose

867
00:43:35,380 --> 00:43:37,833
and no self-esteem whatsoever?

868
00:43:38,800 --> 00:43:40,483
No big surprises there.

869
00:43:42,329 --> 00:43:46,140
What is surprising, even to me,

870
00:43:46,190 --> 00:43:50,223
is that now you're telling
me you love each other?

871
00:43:51,380 --> 00:43:52,380
Really?

872
00:43:54,300 --> 00:43:55,327
Fine, you know what?

873
00:43:55,377 --> 00:43:58,000
You want him, you can have him.

874
00:43:58,050 --> 00:44:00,680
I do have one last lesson
to teach you though

875
00:44:00,730 --> 00:44:03,090
before I am out of your life forever.

876
00:44:03,140 --> 00:44:06,580
Before my name is just a
faraway murmur on your lips

877
00:44:06,630 --> 00:44:09,893
before the time before you, plural.

878
00:44:12,660 --> 00:44:15,090
I want to teach you one last lesson,

879
00:44:15,140 --> 00:44:16,620
and given the circumstances,

880
00:44:16,670 --> 00:44:19,483
it may be the only thing I
ever taught you worth a damn.

881
00:44:20,690 --> 00:44:24,830
So I should tell you
before you get too involved

882
00:44:24,880 --> 00:44:26,670
in this affair of yours,

883
00:44:26,720 --> 00:44:29,490
that no matter how much
you clean the house

884
00:44:29,540 --> 00:44:32,190
or make yourself a soft
pillow for his body

885
00:44:32,240 --> 00:44:34,100
or handkerchief for his tears,

886
00:44:34,150 --> 00:44:37,910
soon you will only be good for one thing.

887
00:44:37,960 --> 00:44:39,680
And that one thing

888
00:44:40,970 --> 00:44:42,843
is pork chops.

889
00:44:43,950 --> 00:44:47,740
Now, my pork chops are something
I kinda pride myself on,

890
00:44:47,790 --> 00:44:51,190
and I wouldn't give this
recipe to just about anyone,

891
00:44:51,240 --> 00:44:56,040
but he is sort of fond
of them, so to speak.

892
00:44:56,090 --> 00:45:01,023
Or shall I say, he requires them, often.

893
00:45:01,990 --> 00:45:04,290
So I am going to do you a massive favor,

894
00:45:04,340 --> 00:45:06,390
and I'm gonna tell you how to make them,

895
00:45:06,440 --> 00:45:10,830
so that when you have
nothing left to talk about

896
00:45:10,880 --> 00:45:14,210
and no physical chemistry left whatsoever,

897
00:45:14,260 --> 00:45:17,600
and you're sitting on the
couch looking into his eyes

898
00:45:17,650 --> 00:45:19,390
and you can feel him slipping

899
00:45:19,440 --> 00:45:21,190
from your tenuous grasp,

900
00:45:21,240 --> 00:45:23,573
you can make these and he'll smile.

901
00:45:24,940 --> 00:45:27,430
And he'll remember why
he fell in love with me

902
00:45:28,540 --> 00:45:31,380
and translate that to you.

903
00:45:31,430 --> 00:45:34,363
So here's how you do it.

904
00:45:35,580 --> 00:45:39,940
You take pork chops, raw ones,

905
00:45:39,990 --> 00:45:42,170
and you put them on a plate.

906
00:45:42,220 --> 00:45:44,780
You add salt and pepper,

907
00:45:44,830 --> 00:45:47,640
and then you fry them in butter.

908
00:45:47,690 --> 00:45:48,910
Three minutes on each side,

909
00:45:48,960 --> 00:45:51,913
maybe four, depending on the thickness.

910
00:45:53,420 --> 00:45:54,320
That's it.

911
00:45:54,370 --> 00:45:55,623
Nothing to it.

912
00:45:57,000 --> 00:45:59,820
But if you're feeling really ambitious,

913
00:45:59,870 --> 00:46:01,220
and you feel like making a meal

914
00:46:01,270 --> 00:46:04,120
that might warrant a marriage proposal,

915
00:46:04,170 --> 00:46:05,120
I wouldn't recommend it.

916
00:46:05,170 --> 00:46:06,915
He's not good at them.

917
00:46:06,965 --> 00:46:11,965
You might try making fettuccine
Alfredo as a side dish.

918
00:46:12,600 --> 00:46:17,600
Now fettuccine is a bit harder
as it involves boiling water.

919
00:46:18,350 --> 00:46:20,930
So what you do is you take some water,

920
00:46:20,980 --> 00:46:24,520
and you put it on a stove top in a pot

921
00:46:24,570 --> 00:46:26,570
until it boils.

922
00:46:26,620 --> 00:46:28,973
Then you add in the noodles.

923
00:46:29,860 --> 00:46:31,000
While their doing their noodle thing,

924
00:46:31,050 --> 00:46:34,410
it's about nine to 10 noodle minutes,

925
00:46:34,460 --> 00:46:39,460
you saute, fry, some garlic
and shallots in a pan.

926
00:46:40,890 --> 00:46:42,040
When that's about done,

927
00:46:42,090 --> 00:46:43,900
the noodles should be ready,

928
00:46:43,950 --> 00:46:47,060
and you take them out, strain them,

929
00:46:47,110 --> 00:46:49,040
and put 'em to the side.

930
00:46:49,090 --> 00:46:52,200
Now, in the pot where you
originally cooked the noodles,

931
00:46:52,250 --> 00:46:55,390
you are going to add two parts cream

932
00:46:55,440 --> 00:46:57,470
to one part Parmesan cheese

933
00:46:57,520 --> 00:46:58,640
and some more butter,

934
00:46:58,690 --> 00:46:59,700
and then you mix it all up

935
00:46:59,750 --> 00:47:01,253
until it's a nice sauce.

936
00:47:02,920 --> 00:47:06,890
Then, you add in the
shallots and the garlic.

937
00:47:06,940 --> 00:47:10,513
Some salt, some pepper,
little bit of nutmeg.

938
00:47:11,520 --> 00:47:12,760
Come to think of it,

939
00:47:12,810 --> 00:47:14,760
I don't know if he likes nutmeg or not.

940
00:47:16,170 --> 00:47:18,560
But if you do, and you might,

941
00:47:18,610 --> 00:47:21,430
go ahead and add some for yourself.

942
00:47:21,480 --> 00:47:23,983
You are after all the one cooking dinner.

943
00:47:25,330 --> 00:47:27,880
Now, when that's a nice cheesy blend,

944
00:47:27,930 --> 00:47:30,760
go ahead and add back in the noodles.

945
00:47:30,810 --> 00:47:32,760
Mix it all up,

946
00:47:32,810 --> 00:47:35,690
and then put it on a plate

947
00:47:36,610 --> 00:47:38,313
next to a pork chops.

948
00:47:39,330 --> 00:47:43,710
And I promise you, he
will promise to love you

949
00:47:45,200 --> 00:47:47,573
until the world runs out of pigs.

950
00:48:01,595 --> 00:48:05,095
(upbeat percussion music)

951
00:48:11,390 --> 00:48:14,003
- Tiffanie Renee Hoyt,

952
00:48:17,050 --> 00:48:19,050
if I ever see you,

953
00:48:19,100 --> 00:48:20,280
I'm gonna put a meat cleaver

954
00:48:20,330 --> 00:48:24,523
right between your eyes.

955
00:48:30,862 --> 00:48:33,633
Not really. (Laughs)

956
00:48:36,380 --> 00:48:37,730
Because I'm actually gonna rip

957
00:48:37,780 --> 00:48:39,790
into your stomach with my bare hands,

958
00:48:39,840 --> 00:48:42,470
twisting my fingers around your intestines

959
00:48:42,520 --> 00:48:44,020
and pulling them out

960
00:48:44,070 --> 00:48:46,523
and wrapping them around your throat.

961
00:48:47,460 --> 00:48:50,670
Maybe then if you're
still gasping for air,

962
00:48:50,720 --> 00:48:54,190
I'll put what's left of
your insides in your mouth.

963
00:48:54,240 --> 00:48:56,423
So you can taste your own shit.

964
00:48:57,750 --> 00:49:00,520
I don't reckon you've ever eaten shit.

965
00:49:00,570 --> 00:49:02,853
Have you, Tiffanie Renee?

966
00:49:04,300 --> 00:49:06,320
You see, there was this one time,

967
00:49:06,370 --> 00:49:07,493
just this one time,

968
00:49:08,770 --> 00:49:11,380
the dog had an accident in the house

969
00:49:11,430 --> 00:49:14,660
on the carpet, beige carpet,

970
00:49:14,710 --> 00:49:16,990
new beige carpet,

971
00:49:17,040 --> 00:49:18,917
after I begged Chris for hardwood.

972
00:49:18,967 --> 00:49:22,910
"Hardwood's too expensive"
is what Chris told me.

973
00:49:22,960 --> 00:49:24,500
The dog got in the garbage,

974
00:49:24,550 --> 00:49:27,270
ate half a dozen raw eggs post-dated,

975
00:49:27,320 --> 00:49:28,220
some coffee grounds,

976
00:49:28,270 --> 00:49:29,810
maybe some paper, and he shit

977
00:49:29,860 --> 00:49:32,500
all over that new beige carpet

978
00:49:33,370 --> 00:49:35,700
before I even remembered that
I'd left the garbage pail

979
00:49:35,750 --> 00:49:36,870
on the kitchen floor.

980
00:49:36,920 --> 00:49:37,950
So I get home from work.

981
00:49:38,000 --> 00:49:38,783
I park the car.

982
00:49:38,833 --> 00:49:41,230
I put my key in the door, open it,

983
00:49:41,280 --> 00:49:43,250
pushin' it open with my knee,

984
00:49:43,300 --> 00:49:45,610
holding a small bag of groceries,

985
00:49:45,660 --> 00:49:47,903
new eggs, a purse.

986
00:49:51,310 --> 00:49:53,323
And then the smell hit me.

987
00:49:54,610 --> 00:49:56,503
Like a ton of bricks it hit me.

988
00:49:57,490 --> 00:49:58,800
I looked down,

989
00:49:58,850 --> 00:50:01,333
and there was shit everywhere.

990
00:50:03,180 --> 00:50:05,690
I found the dog under
the dining room table,

991
00:50:05,740 --> 00:50:07,800
and I wail on him for awhile,

992
00:50:07,850 --> 00:50:09,913
mostly out of fear.

993
00:50:11,310 --> 00:50:13,910
He knows what I'm in
for, so he forgives me,

994
00:50:13,960 --> 00:50:17,620
for leavin' the garbage pail on the floor,

995
00:50:17,670 --> 00:50:19,420
for makin' him so sick

996
00:50:19,470 --> 00:50:21,270
that he couldn't wait
for me to let him out,

997
00:50:21,320 --> 00:50:24,103
for beatin' him so bad
that he couldn't stand.

998
00:50:26,800 --> 00:50:27,833
But I had to stop,

999
00:50:28,730 --> 00:50:30,470
because I gotta think.

1000
00:50:30,520 --> 00:50:32,690
So before I get real scared,

1001
00:50:32,740 --> 00:50:33,770
I go under the kitchen sink.

1002
00:50:33,820 --> 00:50:35,430
I get a bucket, I get some water,

1003
00:50:35,480 --> 00:50:36,360
and I start scrubbin'.

1004
00:50:36,410 --> 00:50:39,290
I scrub until my hands are raw with blood

1005
00:50:39,340 --> 00:50:41,410
and lye soap that I made myself.

1006
00:50:41,460 --> 00:50:44,190
And hardly any time has
passed before I hear a click

1007
00:50:45,710 --> 00:50:46,710
and the door open

1008
00:50:48,660 --> 00:50:49,860
and a creak.

1009
00:50:49,910 --> 00:50:51,793
And the creak sounds like a gunshot.

1010
00:50:52,850 --> 00:50:53,850
I freeze.

1011
00:50:54,690 --> 00:50:55,690
I stop

1012
00:50:56,970 --> 00:50:57,970
breathin'.

1013
00:50:59,560 --> 00:51:04,377
I stop hearing the footsteps
on the new beige carpet.

1014
00:51:08,520 --> 00:51:12,530
You see, Tiffanie Renee, there
wasn't enough time to clean.

1015
00:51:12,580 --> 00:51:14,680
There wasn't enough time to
get the mess up off the floor,

1016
00:51:14,730 --> 00:51:15,710
and that was the first time,

1017
00:51:15,760 --> 00:51:18,780
the only time that I ever tasted shit.

1018
00:51:18,830 --> 00:51:20,400
And that shit was mixed with blood

1019
00:51:20,450 --> 00:51:22,153
in my mouth from coughing.

1020
00:51:23,290 --> 00:51:27,250
And salt from the tears and
sweat falling down my face,

1021
00:51:27,300 --> 00:51:28,980
the kind of sweat you only sweat

1022
00:51:29,030 --> 00:51:31,170
when you know the last taste you'll have

1023
00:51:31,220 --> 00:51:32,430
in your mouth is waste.

1024
00:51:32,480 --> 00:51:35,415
And the tears you only cry
when you are begging Jesus

1025
00:51:35,465 --> 00:51:38,333
to forgive you for beating the dog so bad.

1026
00:51:39,890 --> 00:51:42,473
It was only other time
it was ever worse for me.

1027
00:51:44,033 --> 00:51:46,983
And that was the time that he
got home from being with you.

1028
00:51:48,190 --> 00:51:51,140
He never did hide you
like a decent man might.

1029
00:51:51,190 --> 00:51:54,350
He would wave you around in front of me

1030
00:51:54,400 --> 00:51:56,520
like an American flag on Independence Day.

1031
00:51:56,570 --> 00:51:58,890
There was pictures of
you in his desk drawer,

1032
00:51:58,940 --> 00:52:01,690
notes from you in his wallet,

1033
00:52:01,740 --> 00:52:03,130
and after a night of being with you,

1034
00:52:03,180 --> 00:52:05,400
he'd come in the front
door smelling like you

1035
00:52:05,450 --> 00:52:07,110
with the mark of your kiss on his neck

1036
00:52:07,160 --> 00:52:08,630
and your name on his lips.

1037
00:52:08,680 --> 00:52:11,247
And he'd look at me disappointed.

1038
00:52:12,878 --> 00:52:15,295
(soft music)

1039
00:52:16,310 --> 00:52:19,073
I'd have dinner waiting
for him in the oven,

1040
00:52:20,000 --> 00:52:22,300
and the house would be mostly spotless.

1041
00:52:22,350 --> 00:52:27,350
And sometimes, I'd do my
hair and put on lip gloss.

1042
00:52:28,240 --> 00:52:32,873
And he'd still look at me disappointed.

1043
00:52:36,780 --> 00:52:38,813
I felt like dying, Tiffanie Renee.

1044
00:52:40,831 --> 00:52:41,831
I really did.

1045
00:52:42,720 --> 00:52:46,530
I think I died once every minute

1046
00:52:46,580 --> 00:52:48,203
on every day I was with him,

1047
00:52:49,093 --> 00:52:51,893
and probably twice a minute
on the days he was with you.

1048
00:52:52,970 --> 00:52:54,450
And after all I've been through

1049
00:52:54,500 --> 00:52:56,023
and after all he's done,

1050
00:52:56,970 --> 00:53:01,310
for him to look at me
disgusted after being with you

1051
00:53:01,360 --> 00:53:03,413
is more than any woman can bear.

1052
00:53:04,420 --> 00:53:08,050
So I don't suppose

1053
00:53:08,100 --> 00:53:10,070
I can be any clearer

1054
00:53:10,120 --> 00:53:11,870
or any more up front

1055
00:53:11,920 --> 00:53:14,200
when I tell you that if I see you,

1056
00:53:14,250 --> 00:53:18,090
the things I'm gonna do to
you ain't gonna be pleasant.

1057
00:53:18,140 --> 00:53:19,760
They're gonna hurt you.

1058
00:53:19,810 --> 00:53:21,910
They're gonna make you wish you were dead.

1059
00:53:24,410 --> 00:53:28,263
And then I'm gonna do you
the biggest favor of all.

1060
00:53:30,647 --> 00:53:33,266
I'm gonna kill you.

1061
00:53:33,316 --> 00:53:37,663
I'm gonna kill you, Tiffanie Renee,

1062
00:53:39,130 --> 00:53:42,953
in the most painful way I can think of.

1063
00:53:45,290 --> 00:53:46,590
But I want you to remember

1064
00:53:47,560 --> 00:53:50,060
through your pained and bloody screams

1065
00:53:50,110 --> 00:53:51,320
and your tearful pleas

1066
00:53:51,370 --> 00:53:52,900
and your broken sobs

1067
00:53:53,950 --> 00:53:56,673
that what I'm doing for you is a favor.

1068
00:53:58,430 --> 00:54:00,933
Because if you stay with him,

1069
00:54:01,860 --> 00:54:03,373
if you replace me,

1070
00:54:07,670 --> 00:54:10,163
you'll die a lot more often than that.

1071
00:54:24,548 --> 00:54:27,548
(upbeat jazz music)

1072
00:54:32,420 --> 00:54:35,090
- I was going to go more traditional,

1073
00:54:35,140 --> 00:54:37,230
but I decided as usual

1074
00:54:37,280 --> 00:54:38,363
to follow my heart.

1075
00:54:39,550 --> 00:54:41,640
So I picked this one.

1076
00:54:41,690 --> 00:54:43,080
It's not quite white,

1077
00:54:43,130 --> 00:54:47,500
but I always thought white made me look

1078
00:54:47,550 --> 00:54:48,960
sick or pale

1079
00:54:49,010 --> 00:54:50,844
or just generally yucky.

1080
00:54:50,894 --> 00:54:53,977
(soft doo-wop music)

1081
00:54:55,260 --> 00:54:58,810
He liked it, Lila, he did.

1082
00:54:58,860 --> 00:55:01,410
He liked the way it hugged
the curves of my figure,

1083
00:55:02,420 --> 00:55:05,523
the way the sparkly things, the beading,

1084
00:55:06,780 --> 00:55:09,530
the way it sparkled in the
light at the reception hall.

1085
00:55:11,730 --> 00:55:14,700
And I'm pretty sure he liked it best,

1086
00:55:14,750 --> 00:55:17,640
at least I think he liked it best,

1087
00:55:17,690 --> 00:55:18,870
when he unbuttoned it

1088
00:55:18,920 --> 00:55:21,030
button by button

1089
00:55:21,080 --> 00:55:23,330
down the back of my trembling body

1090
00:55:23,380 --> 00:55:25,340
in the honeymoon suite,

1091
00:55:25,390 --> 00:55:28,720
while our guests downstairs
danced the night away.

1092
00:55:28,770 --> 00:55:30,640
I think he liked this dress best

1093
00:55:30,690 --> 00:55:32,680
as a billowing pile of lace

1094
00:55:32,730 --> 00:55:34,280
and light and beauty

1095
00:55:35,820 --> 00:55:37,863
just gently lain on a hardwood floor.

1096
00:55:40,590 --> 00:55:43,130
We heard the music
playing softly downstairs

1097
00:55:43,180 --> 00:55:45,157
as we climbed into bed.

1098
00:55:45,207 --> 00:55:47,170
And he held my cold hands

1099
00:55:48,306 --> 00:55:51,147
and pressing his lips to my neck.

1100
00:55:51,197 --> 00:55:52,713
"It's okay," he said.

1101
00:55:53,982 --> 00:55:55,065
"I love you."

1102
00:55:57,088 --> 00:55:58,620
He tried to comfort his nervous bride

1103
00:55:58,670 --> 00:56:01,103
as I lie beneath him
for the very first time.

1104
00:56:03,790 --> 00:56:04,640
Looking back on it,

1105
00:56:04,690 --> 00:56:06,490
nervous isn't the word
I would use for someone

1106
00:56:06,530 --> 00:56:08,380
who waited until their wedding night.

1107
00:56:09,330 --> 00:56:10,873
Stupid might be the word.

1108
00:56:12,430 --> 00:56:14,383
Naive is another good choice.

1109
00:56:16,150 --> 00:56:17,223
Bleeding maybe.

1110
00:56:19,600 --> 00:56:23,033
I wasn't nervous, I was in awe.

1111
00:56:23,920 --> 00:56:26,860
I had waited my whole
life for that moment,

1112
00:56:26,910 --> 00:56:29,290
a moment that intensified our relationship

1113
00:56:29,340 --> 00:56:31,840
solidifying our commitment to one another

1114
00:56:33,220 --> 00:56:37,543
in an indelicate exchange
of bodily fluids.

1115
00:56:40,090 --> 00:56:41,803
It was supposed to be magic.

1116
00:56:43,340 --> 00:56:47,153
I personally envisioned
rose petals and fireworks,

1117
00:56:49,390 --> 00:56:51,300
but instead as everyone said it might be,

1118
00:56:51,350 --> 00:56:53,050
it wound up being sort of awkward,

1119
00:56:54,610 --> 00:56:56,290
which was fine.

1120
00:56:56,340 --> 00:56:57,380
In the months that followed

1121
00:56:57,430 --> 00:56:59,260
that silly awkwardness was replaced

1122
00:56:59,310 --> 00:57:01,193
with tender affections.

1123
00:57:03,760 --> 00:57:07,460
Evenings spent trying to
figure out the other's body

1124
00:57:07,510 --> 00:57:11,510
turned into mornings relaxing comfortably

1125
00:57:12,620 --> 00:57:14,893
with entwined fingers and legs.

1126
00:57:16,730 --> 00:57:20,050
Wasteful, dewy kisses matured

1127
00:57:21,803 --> 00:57:24,670
into the deep, passionate embrace

1128
00:57:24,720 --> 00:57:28,420
of tongue and breath and lips

1129
00:57:29,900 --> 00:57:34,543
that led once more to
un-awkward, tender affecting.

1130
00:57:37,330 --> 00:57:39,230
Our bed was our own private fort

1131
00:57:39,280 --> 00:57:42,163
that became a sanctuary of body and mind.

1132
00:57:43,230 --> 00:57:45,220
I told him my secrets

1133
00:57:45,270 --> 00:57:46,473
and my fears,

1134
00:57:47,550 --> 00:57:50,593
and he named our first
three unborn children.

1135
00:57:54,040 --> 00:57:56,000
I spent many lazy hours

1136
00:57:56,050 --> 00:57:59,530
with my head on his chest
listening contentedly

1137
00:58:00,853 --> 00:58:03,023
to the sound of his softly beating heart.

1138
00:58:05,120 --> 00:58:08,187
I was never happier in my whole life

1139
00:58:09,670 --> 00:58:12,380
than I was in the moments
that we wasted there

1140
00:58:13,430 --> 00:58:15,280
in the feminine bed that I adorned

1141
00:58:15,330 --> 00:58:17,313
with soft, pink sheets,

1142
00:58:19,470 --> 00:58:21,720
for it was between them
that we forged a bond

1143
00:58:22,970 --> 00:58:23,970
wrought of iron.

1144
00:58:29,240 --> 00:58:30,023
You might ask then

1145
00:58:30,073 --> 00:58:31,593
why I'm writing you this letter.

1146
00:58:33,570 --> 00:58:36,302
Why I'm not ensconced in
the arms of my beloved

1147
00:58:36,352 --> 00:58:39,713
courting his fantasies of wife and lover.

1148
00:58:42,570 --> 00:58:44,550
Why the bond of iron has become

1149
00:58:45,900 --> 00:58:48,170
like the soft gold of our wedding bands

1150
00:58:49,010 --> 00:58:51,053
worn away by brutal time.

1151
00:58:52,840 --> 00:58:55,970
Lila, at this reunion of yours,

1152
00:58:56,020 --> 00:58:57,880
he saw you dance

1153
00:58:57,930 --> 00:59:00,050
as though time had stopped,

1154
00:59:00,100 --> 00:59:05,050
crystallizing you at 16
and himself barely 17.

1155
00:59:05,100 --> 00:59:08,360
And in a moment of nostalgic bliss,

1156
00:59:08,410 --> 00:59:10,150
he took your cool, dry hands

1157
00:59:10,200 --> 00:59:11,530
and remembered how good it felt

1158
00:59:11,580 --> 00:59:13,243
to twirl you in his arms.

1159
00:59:14,805 --> 00:59:17,960
And though he's only admitted
to one shameful kiss,

1160
00:59:20,220 --> 00:59:24,059
one moment of lapsed
character or judgment,

1161
00:59:24,109 --> 00:59:26,013
(somber music)

1162
00:59:26,063 --> 00:59:30,800
I know that it gave way
to painful fantasies

1163
00:59:30,850 --> 00:59:32,470
of alternate lives,

1164
00:59:32,520 --> 00:59:37,003
alternate realities in which
you were his loving spouse,

1165
00:59:38,170 --> 00:59:39,170
and I was merely

1166
00:59:39,989 --> 00:59:43,113
a pretty girl he saw in a
grocery store that one time.

1167
00:59:48,930 --> 00:59:50,200
The tears stung

1168
00:59:51,670 --> 00:59:54,993
like shards of glass cutting
through my watery eyes

1169
00:59:55,043 --> 00:59:57,473
as I asked him what he'd done.

1170
01:00:00,977 --> 01:00:02,830
And wickedly he said,

1171
01:00:02,880 --> 01:00:05,510
he thought maybe and only for a moment

1172
01:00:07,044 --> 01:00:09,163
that he'd made a mistake,

1173
01:00:10,870 --> 01:00:13,393
that he'd chosen the
wrong woman for his bride.

1174
01:00:15,650 --> 01:00:17,367
But he regretted it.

1175
01:00:17,417 --> 01:00:19,363
"Can't you see?" he said.

1176
01:00:21,107 --> 01:00:23,027
"You're all I only ever wanted."

1177
01:00:23,077 --> 01:00:25,107
"It's natural to doubt and to question."

1178
01:00:27,367 --> 01:00:28,753
"I love you," he said.

1179
01:00:31,057 --> 01:00:33,043
"You're all I've ever wanted."

1180
01:00:37,227 --> 01:00:39,073
But by then it was too late.

1181
01:00:40,530 --> 01:00:42,173
The damage had been done.

1182
01:00:45,540 --> 01:00:48,490
As I crawled into bed that night,

1183
01:00:48,540 --> 01:00:51,053
lost in a sea of blankets,

1184
01:00:52,120 --> 01:00:53,323
I waited for him.

1185
01:00:54,980 --> 01:00:57,973
I waited for him to join
me in our safest place.

1186
01:00:59,490 --> 01:01:02,870
I waited for him to fill
the space between my body

1187
01:01:02,920 --> 01:01:05,123
and the emptiness that surrounded it.

1188
01:01:09,400 --> 01:01:11,483
But he slept on the couch that night,

1189
01:01:13,369 --> 01:01:15,537
and in the morning, he was gone.

1190
01:01:21,040 --> 01:01:22,337
He left a note.

1191
01:01:24,990 --> 01:01:26,303
Call me when you're ready.

1192
01:01:30,380 --> 01:01:31,380
I never did.

1193
01:01:35,750 --> 01:01:36,870
Living with knowing

1194
01:01:36,920 --> 01:01:39,880
that after all we'd been through together,

1195
01:01:39,930 --> 01:01:44,570
after the time spent lying
helplessly in his loving arms

1196
01:01:44,620 --> 01:01:47,460
planning a life and a future

1197
01:01:47,510 --> 01:01:50,740
that did not involve him ever
questioning the choice he made

1198
01:01:50,790 --> 01:01:52,773
when he chose me for his mate.

1199
01:01:59,460 --> 01:02:01,690
Knowing that he ever thought of leaving me

1200
01:02:03,650 --> 01:02:05,960
or that he'd made some terrible mistake

1201
01:02:09,310 --> 01:02:12,750
makes me unable to continue.

1202
01:02:12,800 --> 01:02:14,423
Tuesday, Lila,

1203
01:02:15,940 --> 01:02:18,340
is mine and Charlie's
fifth wedding anniversary.

1204
01:02:20,940 --> 01:02:22,977
I will not be there to celebrate it.

1205
01:02:37,690 --> 01:02:39,658
- My dearest June,

1206
01:02:39,708 --> 01:02:40,580
(soft rockabilly music)

1207
01:02:40,630 --> 01:02:43,190
I met Harold for the first
time on a Friday evening

1208
01:02:43,240 --> 01:02:46,370
in 1951 at a USO dance

1209
01:02:46,420 --> 01:02:48,513
organized by my big sister, Clara.

1210
01:02:49,380 --> 01:02:51,840
Her husband Edward was
a career Naval Airman,

1211
01:02:51,890 --> 01:02:55,710
and she'd roped me in to a
hostessing a canteen dance

1212
01:02:55,760 --> 01:02:57,563
for a group of boys going to Korea.

1213
01:02:59,090 --> 01:03:01,290
I was only 16 at the time,

1214
01:03:01,340 --> 01:03:03,100
much more interested in baseball

1215
01:03:03,150 --> 01:03:06,753
than a bunch of rowdy,
desperate teenagers in uniform,

1216
01:03:08,230 --> 01:03:11,120
but my mother figured it
might be a good chance

1217
01:03:11,170 --> 01:03:14,533
for her peculiar daughter
to get out of the house.

1218
01:03:15,430 --> 01:03:18,750
Usually on Fridays, I'd listen
to baseball on the radio

1219
01:03:18,800 --> 01:03:20,730
with my dad. (Laughs)

1220
01:03:20,780 --> 01:03:24,060
We were lifelong Brooklyn Dodgers fans,

1221
01:03:24,110 --> 01:03:25,823
which wound up breaking our hearts

1222
01:03:25,873 --> 01:03:27,903
a few short years later.

1223
01:03:29,200 --> 01:03:31,120
So when we couldn't be at the park,

1224
01:03:31,170 --> 01:03:33,400
we were at the kitchen
table listening intently

1225
01:03:33,450 --> 01:03:35,050
to every broadcast.

1226
01:03:35,100 --> 01:03:37,533
I knew all the stats and I oughta.

1227
01:03:38,403 --> 01:03:41,810
After all, my dad had been
quizzing me since I was six,

1228
01:03:41,860 --> 01:03:43,950
and by the time I was 12,

1229
01:03:44,000 --> 01:03:46,700
I knew everything there was
to know about the Dodgers.

1230
01:03:47,950 --> 01:03:50,480
We'd be at a game, or a party,

1231
01:03:50,530 --> 01:03:53,560
or even at the coffee
reception after Mass,

1232
01:03:53,610 --> 01:03:56,563
and he'd say something like, "Hey Peaches",

1233
01:03:57,637 --> 01:04:01,447
"what was the batting average
of Pee Wee Reese in 1947?"

1234
01:04:02,340 --> 01:04:03,647
And I'd think for a minute.

1235
01:04:03,697 --> 01:04:05,870
"284." (laughs)

1236
01:04:05,920 --> 01:04:09,320
The crowd of guys he called
over would hoot and cheer,

1237
01:04:09,370 --> 01:04:11,163
and my dad would laugh.

1238
01:04:13,280 --> 01:04:16,693
After six girls, my dad
finally had a buddy.

1239
01:04:18,210 --> 01:04:20,920
Lost in a sea of ribbons and curls,

1240
01:04:20,970 --> 01:04:24,473
high heels and lipstick, he
had someone to relate to.

1241
01:04:26,340 --> 01:04:29,930
Though he loved us all, he
spent lots of time with me.

1242
01:04:29,980 --> 01:04:33,490
One summer, he taught me
to throw and to catch.

1243
01:04:33,540 --> 01:04:34,920
And he even taught me how to hit

1244
01:04:34,970 --> 01:04:36,823
my cousin Mikey's tough curve ball.

1245
01:04:38,800 --> 01:04:41,250
The dance was nothing
special to say the least.

1246
01:04:41,300 --> 01:04:42,770
With the schmaltzy music,

1247
01:04:42,820 --> 01:04:45,669
stars and stripes crepe paper decorations

1248
01:04:45,719 --> 01:04:48,063
and crumbly cookies,

1249
01:04:48,970 --> 01:04:50,190
it was certainly not something

1250
01:04:50,240 --> 01:04:51,640
I would have missed my weekly date

1251
01:04:51,690 --> 01:04:53,553
with my dad and the Dodgers for.

1252
01:04:55,160 --> 01:05:00,160
Content to ladle punch into
cups and stare at the clock,

1253
01:05:00,650 --> 01:05:01,900
I passed the time wondering

1254
01:05:01,950 --> 01:05:05,300
if Newcombe was gonna pitch
a no-hitter that night.

1255
01:05:05,350 --> 01:05:07,240
He'd had a good year so far,

1256
01:05:07,290 --> 01:05:09,940
one that wound up being his best ever

1257
01:05:09,990 --> 01:05:12,763
with 164 strikeouts.

1258
01:05:14,200 --> 01:05:16,220
I didn't even notice Harold looking at me

1259
01:05:16,270 --> 01:05:17,923
until he came up to the table.

1260
01:05:19,537 --> 01:05:24,307
"You wanna dance, Harriet?"
he asked, reading my name tag.

1261
01:05:24,357 --> 01:05:26,657
"No," I told him.

1262
01:05:26,707 --> 01:05:28,717
"Come on, sweetheart, I'm goin' to war."

1263
01:05:28,767 --> 01:05:29,937
"I might die."

1264
01:05:31,230 --> 01:05:32,733
I stared him down.

1265
01:05:35,237 --> 01:05:37,357
"Fine," I said.

1266
01:05:37,407 --> 01:05:40,610
"But that excuse only works once."

1267
01:05:40,660 --> 01:05:42,157
He laughed.

1268
01:05:42,207 --> 01:05:43,863
"I'm not kidding you," I said.

1269
01:05:44,937 --> 01:05:45,720
"All right, all right.

1270
01:05:45,770 --> 01:05:49,493
"I'm not a bad guy,
you'll see," he promised.

1271
01:05:49,543 --> 01:05:51,073
That's what they all say.

1272
01:05:52,183 --> 01:05:55,120
But the two of us danced
under the dim lights

1273
01:05:55,170 --> 01:05:57,370
of the Knights of Columbus Hall,

1274
01:05:57,420 --> 01:06:00,663
my hands on his shoulders
and his on my hips.

1275
01:06:02,390 --> 01:06:04,860
He told me all about
his family in Brooklyn,

1276
01:06:04,910 --> 01:06:07,050
his dog Rex, and his big brothers

1277
01:06:07,100 --> 01:06:08,623
who fought in World War II.

1278
01:06:09,948 --> 01:06:11,970
I probably couldn't have
been less interested

1279
01:06:12,020 --> 01:06:15,023
in anything he had to say
until suddenly he goosed me,

1280
01:06:16,310 --> 01:06:18,433
just to make sure I was paying attention.

1281
01:06:19,600 --> 01:06:22,160
I squealed, and he grinned at me

1282
01:06:22,210 --> 01:06:23,923
with his Cheshire Cat teeth.

1283
01:06:25,257 --> 01:06:27,147
"You awake there, sweetheart?"

1284
01:06:28,210 --> 01:06:30,920
That was when I slapped
him across the mouth

1285
01:06:30,970 --> 01:06:31,983
and walked out.

1286
01:06:32,970 --> 01:06:34,733
I was a lady after all.

1287
01:06:37,040 --> 01:06:41,170
As it turned out, his
father worked with mine,

1288
01:06:41,220 --> 01:06:43,360
much to my embarrassment,

1289
01:06:43,410 --> 01:06:46,260
and the next time I laid eyes
on Harold was two years later

1290
01:06:46,310 --> 01:06:49,150
on Long Island, where my father's company

1291
01:06:49,200 --> 01:06:51,710
was hosting a Labor Day
picnic for employees

1292
01:06:51,760 --> 01:06:52,833
and their families.

1293
01:06:53,800 --> 01:06:57,713
Harold was home from Korea and
tagged along with his folks.

1294
01:06:58,740 --> 01:07:00,990
He didn't recognize me,

1295
01:07:01,040 --> 01:07:03,780
but that big mouth father of his caught me

1296
01:07:03,830 --> 01:07:06,880
out of the corner of his eye
at the goddamn punch bowl

1297
01:07:06,930 --> 01:07:10,875
and he said, "Hey, isn't
that Give 'em Hell Harriet?"

1298
01:07:10,925 --> 01:07:12,040
(playful music)

1299
01:07:12,090 --> 01:07:15,793
Give 'em Hell Harriet was
my nickname after the dance.

1300
01:07:16,650 --> 01:07:18,890
It was the height of the
Truman administration,

1301
01:07:18,940 --> 01:07:21,583
and everyone thought
that it was very clever.

1302
01:07:23,107 --> 01:07:25,243
"Yeah, that's her," he said.

1303
01:07:26,360 --> 01:07:28,283
He was dressed in his uniform.

1304
01:07:29,567 --> 01:07:31,117
"With an arm like yours," he said,

1305
01:07:31,167 --> 01:07:34,587
"You should play in the
softball game this afternoon."

1306
01:07:34,637 --> 01:07:37,907
"As a matter of fact
smart ass, I'm pitching."

1307
01:07:39,180 --> 01:07:40,960
And I did.

1308
01:07:41,010 --> 01:07:44,770
I knocked his smart ass to
the ground with the ball,

1309
01:07:44,820 --> 01:07:46,670
but immediately after I whacked him,

1310
01:07:46,720 --> 01:07:49,270
I was so overcome with
guilt I rushed to his side,

1311
01:07:49,320 --> 01:07:51,347
and yelled at him, "Goddamn it Harold",

1312
01:07:51,397 --> 01:07:53,047
"you had to crowd the plate?"

1313
01:07:55,525 --> 01:07:58,113
He fell in love with me right then, June.

1314
01:08:00,390 --> 01:08:03,910
And although I'm sure it
was because of my nerve

1315
01:08:03,960 --> 01:08:07,883
or my temper or maybe my sense of humor,

1316
01:08:08,940 --> 01:08:10,360
I bet it didn't hurt

1317
01:08:10,410 --> 01:08:13,973
that my measurements were 37, 23 and 36,

1318
01:08:15,120 --> 01:08:17,033
just like Marilyn Monroe.

1319
01:08:20,240 --> 01:08:22,203
We saw each other every day after that,

1320
01:08:23,570 --> 01:08:27,260
and eventually he asked
Give 'em Hell Harriet

1321
01:08:27,310 --> 01:08:28,423
to be his girl.

1322
01:08:29,760 --> 01:08:31,560
He had to ask four times

1323
01:08:31,610 --> 01:08:33,810
before I finally accepted.

1324
01:08:33,860 --> 01:08:37,563
And when I did, I realized I loved him.

1325
01:08:41,070 --> 01:08:43,903
I loved him with everything I had.

1326
01:08:49,290 --> 01:08:53,350
Naturally, this isn't easy for me

1327
01:08:58,690 --> 01:09:00,840
to leave him here alone.

1328
01:09:00,890 --> 01:09:03,943
I just didn't have much
choice in the matter.

1329
01:09:05,570 --> 01:09:07,380
When it all started a few years ago,

1330
01:09:07,430 --> 01:09:08,620
I thought I could take care of him.

1331
01:09:08,670 --> 01:09:11,800
It was only occasional issues,

1332
01:09:11,850 --> 01:09:15,083
nothing that couldn't be
fixed with gentle reminders.

1333
01:09:16,710 --> 01:09:19,760
I would leave sticky notes on the stove.

1334
01:09:19,810 --> 01:09:23,053
Don't forget to turn off stove.

1335
01:09:23,940 --> 01:09:27,913
And on the door, please shut door.

1336
01:09:29,080 --> 01:09:33,703
In the bathroom, please turn off faucet.

1337
01:09:37,230 --> 01:09:39,623
But soon the words stopped
making sense to him,

1338
01:09:40,783 --> 01:09:44,760
and then eventually the world
stopped making sense to him.

1339
01:09:44,810 --> 01:09:46,633
He began to lose the world,

1340
01:09:49,060 --> 01:09:53,293
and when he lost his world, I lost him.

1341
01:09:54,497 --> 01:09:57,000
(somber music)

1342
01:09:57,050 --> 01:09:59,593
That was when I found this place.

1343
01:10:00,900 --> 01:10:02,950
It's clean, it's quiet,

1344
01:10:03,000 --> 01:10:06,000
the visiting hours are
unlimited for immediate family.

1345
01:10:06,050 --> 01:10:08,490
So I've been able to join him every day

1346
01:10:08,540 --> 01:10:10,900
for as long as we wanted to.

1347
01:10:10,950 --> 01:10:14,030
We would sit, hold hands in the sun room,

1348
01:10:14,080 --> 01:10:16,370
and talk about our day.

1349
01:10:16,420 --> 01:10:18,670
His eyes would light
up when I would visit,

1350
01:10:18,720 --> 01:10:21,513
and I'd kiss him, like I still do,

1351
01:10:22,450 --> 01:10:23,913
I kiss him on the forehead.

1352
01:10:25,180 --> 01:10:28,943
Harold Angel, that's what I call him.

1353
01:10:30,720 --> 01:10:31,920
It's corny, I know.

1354
01:10:31,970 --> 01:10:34,533
So shoot me. (Laughs)

1355
01:10:37,230 --> 01:10:40,453
But lately he's been forgetting me.

1356
01:10:41,600 --> 01:10:45,713
My kisses, though welcomed,
have become foreign.

1357
01:10:46,870 --> 01:10:50,090
My visits, though frequent
are now punctuated

1358
01:10:50,140 --> 01:10:53,153
with the pain of loss and confusion.

1359
01:10:56,530 --> 01:11:00,230
And I admit, it's harder now

1360
01:11:02,820 --> 01:11:05,550
that I've been noticing
that he's become rather

1361
01:11:06,740 --> 01:11:08,143
fond of you.

1362
01:11:12,950 --> 01:11:14,120
I'll come in sometimes,

1363
01:11:14,170 --> 01:11:15,670
when you don't know I'm there,

1364
01:11:17,730 --> 01:11:19,683
and I'll watch you from another room.

1365
01:11:20,780 --> 01:11:25,330
I notice that occasionally
you'll fondly hold his hand

1366
01:11:25,380 --> 01:11:28,663
or exchange fond and loving glances.

1367
01:11:32,360 --> 01:11:37,253
The orderlies say that that's normal.

1368
01:11:38,820 --> 01:11:41,040
That he doesn't remember
that he has a wife

1369
01:11:41,090 --> 01:11:45,093
and that he's seeking the companionship.

1370
01:11:47,690 --> 01:11:50,570
The last time I was there,
I couldn't help myself.

1371
01:11:50,620 --> 01:11:52,150
I had to talk to you.

1372
01:11:52,200 --> 01:11:55,807
I had to tell you that
this was my husband,

1373
01:11:55,857 --> 01:11:58,723
and that you can't have
him, June, you can't.

1374
01:11:59,820 --> 01:12:02,173
I've loved this man for 57 years,

1375
01:12:03,900 --> 01:12:05,253
58 in August.

1376
01:12:07,080 --> 01:12:09,890
And I've cared for this
man every day of life,

1377
01:12:09,940 --> 01:12:13,333
and I don't know how not to care for him.

1378
01:12:18,690 --> 01:12:20,863
I went over to you both.

1379
01:12:22,339 --> 01:12:27,339
Harold smiled his same familiar
smile and said, "Oh June",

1380
01:12:28,207 --> 01:12:30,937
"this is, this is."

1381
01:12:33,000 --> 01:12:35,863
And he looked up at me and he said,

1382
01:12:38,437 --> 01:12:39,867
"This is my friend."

1383
01:12:41,320 --> 01:12:44,193
Reluctantly I extended my hand to you.

1384
01:12:45,790 --> 01:12:48,080
You shook it demurely

1385
01:12:48,130 --> 01:12:50,363
as I told you my name was Harriet.

1386
01:12:52,300 --> 01:12:56,043
And in a moment of recognition
that was all too brief,

1387
01:12:57,310 --> 01:13:01,357
Harold looked at me and said,
"Give 'em Hell Harriet."

1388
01:13:04,470 --> 01:13:07,783
Harold beamed with pride at
the distant memory of my name,

1389
01:13:09,700 --> 01:13:12,733
and you nodded politely.

1390
01:13:14,210 --> 01:13:16,483
I'll admit, you are very polite.

1391
01:13:18,150 --> 01:13:20,270
The two of you went right back to talking,

1392
01:13:20,320 --> 01:13:23,993
as I sat in the recliner
adjacent to your love seat.

1393
01:13:25,530 --> 01:13:27,400
You told him about your children,

1394
01:13:27,450 --> 01:13:29,320
and he told you about how his big brother

1395
01:13:29,370 --> 01:13:31,543
who got the Purple Heart at Normandy,

1396
01:13:32,460 --> 01:13:35,080
about how brave he was.

1397
01:13:35,130 --> 01:13:36,463
Your eyes glistened.

1398
01:13:37,950 --> 01:13:40,893
He was so pleased at
how interested you were.

1399
01:13:42,010 --> 01:13:44,153
And through the fog of his disease,

1400
01:13:45,120 --> 01:13:48,323
I saw a flicker of light
that was the man I married.

1401
01:13:50,250 --> 01:13:51,313
The young man,

1402
01:13:52,390 --> 01:13:54,240
handsome in his uniform,

1403
01:13:54,290 --> 01:13:57,913
so proud, so damn cheeky,

1404
01:13:57,963 --> 01:14:00,763
and so eager to impress a pretty girl.

1405
01:14:06,920 --> 01:14:10,653
That was when I realized he loved you,

1406
01:14:12,000 --> 01:14:15,890
oh, and not the same way he loved me

1407
01:14:15,940 --> 01:14:17,653
and not better than he loved me,

1408
01:14:20,169 --> 01:14:21,873
but he did love you.

1409
01:14:25,900 --> 01:14:30,900
He loved you, and he wanted
you to be his companion.

1410
01:14:39,690 --> 01:14:42,123
I resigned myself to this that day,

1411
01:14:44,290 --> 01:14:46,600
and in my resignation, I went home

1412
01:14:46,650 --> 01:14:51,090
and wrote a brief, but comprehensive list

1413
01:14:51,140 --> 01:14:53,480
that I have included for you here.

1414
01:14:53,530 --> 01:14:55,400
It has a few things on it

1415
01:14:55,450 --> 01:14:57,593
that you should know about Harold,

1416
01:14:58,800 --> 01:15:01,633
my husband of 57 years,

1417
01:15:03,960 --> 01:15:06,033
58 in August.

1418
01:15:08,060 --> 01:15:09,060
One,

1419
01:15:09,745 --> 01:15:10,528
(somber music)

1420
01:15:10,578 --> 01:15:13,132
Harold never liked to talk about his war.

1421
01:15:13,182 --> 01:15:15,870
He lost friends and unit members,

1422
01:15:15,920 --> 01:15:18,150
and I think he always secretly felt

1423
01:15:18,200 --> 01:15:21,230
like no matter what he did there,

1424
01:15:21,280 --> 01:15:23,040
it never would have been as good

1425
01:15:23,090 --> 01:15:25,592
or as brave or as heroic

1426
01:15:25,642 --> 01:15:28,523
as what his brothers did in World War II.

1427
01:15:31,000 --> 01:15:32,713
So do him a favor, June.

1428
01:15:34,120 --> 01:15:36,690
Listen to the war stories
about his brothers

1429
01:15:37,620 --> 01:15:39,703
but never make him tell you his.

1430
01:15:41,200 --> 01:15:43,680
Two, Harold, lately,

1431
01:15:43,730 --> 01:15:46,393
seems to like his meals in the afternoon.

1432
01:15:47,550 --> 01:15:49,300
Waffles are a new favorite.

1433
01:15:49,350 --> 01:15:52,380
He likes them with syrup and whipped cream

1434
01:15:53,270 --> 01:15:54,403
if you can manage it.

1435
01:15:57,170 --> 01:16:01,453
Three, Harold wakes up at night.

1436
01:16:03,420 --> 01:16:05,140
He feels lost most of the time,

1437
01:16:05,190 --> 01:16:09,193
and wants to walk until he
finds where he's supposed to go.

1438
01:16:10,190 --> 01:16:12,103
The doctors call it sun-downing.

1439
01:16:13,310 --> 01:16:14,603
I call it itchy foot.

1440
01:16:15,640 --> 01:16:17,780
The nurses will probably
have to handle this,

1441
01:16:17,830 --> 01:16:20,960
but if you do stay in the same room,

1442
01:16:21,010 --> 01:16:24,233
and one night you wake up alone,

1443
01:16:25,860 --> 01:16:27,910
I don't want you to be afraid like I was.

1444
01:16:31,229 --> 01:16:33,573
And I'm sure he's safe here

1445
01:16:36,820 --> 01:16:37,820
with you.

1446
01:16:41,480 --> 01:16:45,643
Four, he's terribly afraid of bugs,

1447
01:16:46,930 --> 01:16:50,421
palmettos especially,
but he'll never tell you.

1448
01:16:50,471 --> 01:16:51,943
He's too proud.

1449
01:16:54,350 --> 01:16:55,167
Everything else, June,

1450
01:16:55,217 --> 01:16:57,493
you'll just find out on your own.

1451
01:16:59,360 --> 01:17:01,943
You'll find out in the
times you spend talking,

1452
01:17:03,110 --> 01:17:05,910
whispering love through hearing aids,

1453
01:17:05,960 --> 01:17:09,683
gazing at each other through
thick prescription lenses.

1454
01:17:11,860 --> 01:17:15,210
All while I look on, like I do every day

1455
01:17:16,910 --> 01:17:17,910
in another room,

1456
01:17:20,780 --> 01:17:24,640
occasionally interrupting to
kiss my Harold on the forehead

1457
01:17:25,860 --> 01:17:30,403
just to let him know I was there.

1458
01:17:33,570 --> 01:17:35,703
Because I was there.

1459
01:17:41,540 --> 01:17:46,540
Sincerely, Give 'em Hell Harriet.

1460
01:17:53,830 --> 01:17:57,080
(seductive jazz music)