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Downloaded from
YTS.MX

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- [man] What do we want?
- [all] Peace!

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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

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- [man] When do we want it?
- [all] Now!

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- [man] What do we want?
- [all] Peace!

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- [man] When do we want it?
- [all] Now!

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Heavenly father, we thank you
for the opportunity

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to greet you in prayer,
and we thank you for this moment

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for brother Nick, and all
the production, Father God,

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and we just ask that you allow
your spirit to be upon him,

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shower the favor upon him,

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shower it upon
the room tonight,

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Father God,
let the laughter flow.

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In Jesus' name, Amen.

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[all] It's your neighborhood!

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- [man] What do we want?
- [all] Peace!

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- [man] When do we want it?
- [all] Now!

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Now, let me tell you
about comics.

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See, if you look up
Redd Foxx and them,

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ain't no record of 'em.

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- Hmm.
- They worked black nightclubs.

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And what's funny? Why?

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Because it's a rhythm they had
for the suffering.

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- Hmm. Rhythm for the suffering.
- You see? You hear me?

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See, Queen Elizabeth one of
the richest women in the world.

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- Mm-hmm.
- So--and beautiful.

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You see that gorgeous ho when
she was a little girl?

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- [laughing]
- Listen to this.

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I'm sorry, bitch,
I called you a ho,

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but you know you one.

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- Hmm?
- [laughing]

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All the king's horses
and all the king's men,

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couldn't put your ass
back together again.

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Now, that's who you
fuckin' with now.

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What should I do,
I mean, as a comic,

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getting ready for
this next special?

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And I'm talking
about everything.

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I'm talking about all the stuff they probably

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don't even want me
to talk about.

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[Dick] Here's what you do.

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For Nick Cannon
to come on the road, man.

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it's showing a lot of young kids
that, you feel me?

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You ain't got to be a superstar.
You ain't gotta--

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you know what I'm saying?
You can come to the hood

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and still do things,
you can look out for--

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Out here in Houston with the one
and only Nick Cannon.

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- [Nick] Making it happen.
- [man] Big fan of yours.

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I'm a big fan of yours, man.

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Everything you do
for the communities.

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- Beautiful.
- Thank you so much.

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See, I tell people, "Don't ever
say you going to work."

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I'm going to make people happy.

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That's all.
Work is a negative.

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- Yeah.
- That's what the slaves did.

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- [Dick] Huh?
- [Nick] Yeah.

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[Dick] Now here's what you do.

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I--I stand on club every night,
in the theater,

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"Let me tell you niggas
something."

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They told you, "Don't use
the word nigga."

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- The N-word.
- Right.

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Wasn't one black person sitting
in the room

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when that decision was made.

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Hmm? Did you hear me?

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- Not one.
- Y'all hear that?

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Not one.

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It's going down.
See if Trump--you up in there?

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We gonna holla at you.

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We got some things
we got to say.

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- Well, I appreciate the advice.
- Thank you.

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And about to go--
go get to it.

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- Just walk through it, man.
- Yeah.

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- Don't get scared.
- Right.

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- [Nick] Never scared.
- [Dick] Never.

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Stand Up, Don't Shoot.
Let's get it.

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Now, if they shoot your ass,
then you should call me.

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Make me--call,
"Greg, the shit don't work."

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[man]
Give it up for Nick Cannon!

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♪ It's time to tell the truth
in the streets ♪

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♪♪

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[cheers and applause]

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♪♪

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LA, how y'all doing?

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[cheers and applause]

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Y'all good?

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Y'all came out to see
a brother too.

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Y'all came all the way
to the hood too, shit.

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Looking fresh too.
It--it's going down.

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Oh, got a player in the front.
I see.

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He out here looking
like No-dell Beckham.

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I see you, boy.

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He got all--oh, it's just
all ladies in--and you!

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Hey, hey, either you a pimp
or a hair dresser.

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One of 'em.

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He's like, "Hey, nigga,
I'm both.

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I'm both. Shoot. All right.

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Gots to fix 'em up
before I dicks 'em up."

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I understand. I see you.
[laughs]

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I see you. I see you.

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Else we got here.
You got...

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How you doing, Officer?
I see you.

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You can always--I know the
police when I see one.

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Bald white man with glasses?
He got--

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That's an undercover cop body.

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He got his chest
all high and shit.

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He's onto us. He's onto us.

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Good to see you, Officer.

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Oh, shit! We got Too $hort
in the house, y'all.

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- I see.
- [cheering and applause]

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The O...what's happening?

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This a--this is a room
full of pimps and players.

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I see Mister--oh, shit.

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This is a player's ball
up in here tonight, y'all.

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Tell 'em--go ahead, $hort.
I know you doing your drinking.

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Tell--what's your favorite word?

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[all] Bitch!

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Now that's real pimpin'!

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He ain't even have to say it
no more.

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I asked him, he said...

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Bitch!

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He got other bitches saying
his catchphrases for him.

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Pimpin'.
I learned from the best, y'all.

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And I--I--
I apologize, white people.

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We over here talking about
bitches and players and stuff,

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and you think this is
"America's Got Talent."

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Gon' be a little different
tonight.

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"America's Got Talent,"

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but America's got niggas too,
so...

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And you staring at
a real one on stage.

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It's going down.

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You know you thought
you was gonna get the--

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the tight suits
with the shiny shoes.

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Ah, shoot, not tonight.
We off Crenshaw.

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This the fuck you gonna get
right here.

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They ain't got that type
budget down here.

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But don't worry.
Don't worry.

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Y'all are safe.
I got you.

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I'm still "Friendly Nick."

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Just give me a wink
if you need anything.

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The officer'll help you out.

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Because, I mean--
and that's what it is.

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I'ma use some different
language than you're used

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to seeing on
"America's Got Talent."

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You know, I mean,
you gonna hear a few

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"Niggas" sprinkled here
throughout my show.

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Matter of fact, that's what
"NBC" gonna stand for tonight.

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"Nigga Betta Come on."
Shit.

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'Cause Niggas Be Cussin'.

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So Nigga, Be Careful.

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'Cause y'all see me
on the show, man.

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Sometimes I wish I could
say the stuff

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that I really want to say
that I be really thinking.

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'Cause y'all see my face
on "America's Got Talent."

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Man...

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Like, this next crazy
motherfucker coming to the stage

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gon' be juggling blindfolded
with knives and shit.

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So niggas, be careful.

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But I can't say that.
I can't talk like that.

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'Cause that'd mess up
the white money.

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It will--shit, I almost
fucked it up too, y'all.

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On the finale,
did y'all see that?

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I wore a turban
on that motherfucker.

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Oh, yeah, it was all
sparkly and shit.

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We--we got all type of calls

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00:07:03,205 --> 00:07:05,686
and complaints and shit
like that, y'all.

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Like, why is Nick Cannon dressed
like Blanche

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from "The Golden Girls"?

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Shit, it is my constitutional
right

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to dress like an old white lady
if I want to.

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Shit.

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Tell you. And ma'am?
Ma'am, what's your name?

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Tree? Tr--your--

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Treat?

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Treat sound like a freak.
I like that.

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Hey--hey--hey, you know I likes
'em older, Treat.

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You know--trick or Treat.
Don't play with me!

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Don't--don't play--don't...

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[cheers and applause]

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I...

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Oh, shit.

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I done kissed an old white lady
on the mouth on TV.

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She put some tongue in there
too, girl, you...

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I see what you're talking about,
Treat.

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We about to be off the hook
tonight, y'all.

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Telling you, y'all.
'Cause it's--

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That's what I love too,
the forums like this

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00:08:16,321 --> 00:08:17,845
where we can just laugh
and just talk it up,

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'cause I--ain't shit off-limits.

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And I know what y'all thinking.
It's--it's a--

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it's a few different
Nick Cannons that you can get.

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You know what I mean? I just--
I'ma just be honest.

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You know, 'cause we switch it
all the way up.

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00:08:30,074 --> 00:08:31,554
You know, like this--this--
this is a different

193
00:08:31,598 --> 00:08:34,078
Nick Cannon, you know?
So--it is.

194
00:08:34,122 --> 00:08:37,560
Like, sometimes you--you can get
the "Drumline" Nick Cannon.

195
00:08:39,562 --> 00:08:41,782
Get the "Wild 'N Out"
Nick Cannon.

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00:08:41,825 --> 00:08:45,960
Yeah, you get the activist
Nick Cannon.

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00:08:46,003 --> 00:08:48,179
You get the rapper Nick Cannon.

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00:08:48,223 --> 00:08:52,401
Fuck is y'all laughing at?
That ain't the joke!

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Y'all gonna respect me
in here tonight!

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I got hits!
♪ Gigolo

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00:08:56,448 --> 00:08:58,712
Y'all know the shit
I'm talking about.

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Because times has changed, and
you got to switch it up, y'all.

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00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:04,674
Look, y'all, I'm like an action
figure: I do it all.

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00:09:04,718 --> 00:09:07,808
I come with accessories.

205
00:09:07,851 --> 00:09:09,679
Baby mama sold separately.

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00:09:09,723 --> 00:09:11,638
[laughing]

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00:09:13,814 --> 00:09:15,467
Times is changing.

208
00:09:15,511 --> 00:09:17,382
Shoot, Trump in office.

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00:09:17,426 --> 00:09:19,167
Shoot, you might--you might
have to switch that shit up.

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00:09:19,210 --> 00:09:21,299
I might have to go from
"America's Got Talent"

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00:09:21,343 --> 00:09:24,564
to "America's Most Wanted"
in this motherfucker.

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Come on, Treat.
Get your ass in the car.

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00:09:29,525 --> 00:09:32,789
He was so friendly!

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00:09:32,833 --> 00:09:34,617
What happened?

215
00:09:34,661 --> 00:09:36,532
No, 'cause--
and I--I said that.

216
00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:38,534
Did you--I said, "Trump in
office," and...

217
00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:42,146
You heard the white people
in the back--"Whoo!"

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00:09:42,190 --> 00:09:43,713
White people bold as shit

219
00:09:43,757 --> 00:09:45,236
now that Trump in office,
ain't they?

220
00:09:45,280 --> 00:09:46,890
Embrace that bold shit.
I don't care.

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00:09:46,934 --> 00:09:48,283
Shit, yeah, hell, yeah.

222
00:09:48,326 --> 00:09:50,981
Be proud of that shit.
Oh, so what?

223
00:09:51,025 --> 00:09:53,288
They just--but they just done
got a little too rude now.

224
00:09:53,331 --> 00:09:55,333
They used to say "Excuse me"
and shit.

225
00:09:55,377 --> 00:09:58,380
They're like, "Move, boy,
we're back!

226
00:09:58,423 --> 00:10:01,775
We're back! Fuck yeah!
We're back!

227
00:10:01,818 --> 00:10:06,693
Fuck yeah! Feelin' great!
Great again! Fuck yeah!"

228
00:10:06,736 --> 00:10:08,695
They just--
they just be using words

229
00:10:08,738 --> 00:10:12,655
we don't even use no more, like,
"Scram, boy, we're back!

230
00:10:12,699 --> 00:10:16,311
Scram!"

231
00:10:16,354 --> 00:10:18,139
Ask 'em how you doing--
hey, sir, how you doing?

232
00:10:18,182 --> 00:10:22,360
"I'm great!
Again."

233
00:10:22,404 --> 00:10:24,275
Embrace that shit.

234
00:10:24,319 --> 00:10:26,538
Damn right.
You better embrace that shit.

235
00:10:26,582 --> 00:10:30,281
Because the same country that
elected Donald Trump

236
00:10:30,325 --> 00:10:34,546
elected Barack Obama, so
I'm proud to be an American.

237
00:10:34,590 --> 00:10:37,288
Absolutely.

238
00:10:37,332 --> 00:10:40,074
Shit, 'cause black people?

239
00:10:40,117 --> 00:10:41,902
Y'all know when
Obama got elected,

240
00:10:41,945 --> 00:10:44,469
we was partying like
a motherfucker, weren't we?

241
00:10:44,513 --> 00:10:47,516
There was "Soul Train"
lines and shit.

242
00:10:47,559 --> 00:10:50,084
Obama waffles.
Seriously.

243
00:10:50,127 --> 00:10:53,391
Obama waffles.

244
00:10:53,435 --> 00:10:55,611
We was doing that shit.

245
00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:58,309
So hey, shit, white people,
y'all party, celebrate.

246
00:10:58,353 --> 00:11:01,443
Do y'all shit.

247
00:11:01,486 --> 00:11:03,924
What's that new shit
y'all be doing?

248
00:11:07,449 --> 00:11:08,929
Fuck yeah!

249
00:11:08,972 --> 00:11:13,150
We're back!

250
00:11:13,194 --> 00:11:15,109
Like, y'all just got to get
y'all food.

251
00:11:15,152 --> 00:11:16,632
What's a white food?

252
00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:20,331
Fuck it, truffles.
Trump truffle!

253
00:11:20,375 --> 00:11:22,594
Fuck yeah! We're back!

254
00:11:22,638 --> 00:11:25,641
Trump truffles.

255
00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:27,251
Enjoy that shit.

256
00:11:27,295 --> 00:11:30,820
Celebrate your president.
Do all that. Shit.

257
00:11:30,864 --> 00:11:33,910
But keep that shit
in y'all own neighborhoods.

258
00:11:33,954 --> 00:11:35,390
Right?

259
00:11:35,433 --> 00:11:39,089
Don't let your president
get you fucked up.

260
00:11:40,438 --> 00:11:41,962
Come around here if you want to.

261
00:11:42,005 --> 00:11:43,703
All that Trump truffles shit'll
work real good

262
00:11:43,746 --> 00:11:45,269
up in Hollywood.

263
00:11:45,313 --> 00:11:48,142
You take that shit
to Inglewood...

264
00:11:48,185 --> 00:11:49,839
It's a different story.

265
00:11:49,883 --> 00:11:51,972
Y'all go down the street
over there to Roscoe's?

266
00:11:52,015 --> 00:11:53,930
Do it if you want to.

267
00:11:53,974 --> 00:11:56,237
Move! Scram! Get out the way
with your chicken.

268
00:11:56,280 --> 00:11:57,194
Let me get two Trump--

269
00:12:01,808 --> 00:12:04,462
Did--did we get the truffles?

270
00:12:07,596 --> 00:12:09,032
But we got to laugh
about it, y'all.

271
00:12:09,076 --> 00:12:10,860
That's all we can do.
Embrace it.

272
00:12:10,904 --> 00:12:13,297
Talk about it, have these type
of conversations, right?

273
00:12:13,341 --> 00:12:15,865
Shoot, Barack Obama embraced it.

274
00:12:15,909 --> 00:12:19,216
Y'all saw that. First day.
First day the election happened.

275
00:12:19,260 --> 00:12:22,306
What Barack do? He invited Trump
over to the house.

276
00:12:22,350 --> 00:12:25,005
You saw that.
But he held it down, didn't he?

277
00:12:25,048 --> 00:12:27,485
Yeah, you saw.
He got over there.

278
00:12:27,529 --> 00:12:32,099
Man, he put a statue right--
of Martin Luther King--

279
00:12:32,142 --> 00:12:35,450
right behind Donald Trump,
you saw that?

280
00:12:35,493 --> 00:12:39,802
Just to let you know
some niggas was here.

281
00:12:39,846 --> 00:12:42,631
You in a black man's house.

282
00:12:42,674 --> 00:12:44,633
Yo, I bet you--I bet you
Obama just left

283
00:12:44,676 --> 00:12:48,506
all type of black shit
in the White House, right?

284
00:12:48,550 --> 00:12:52,075
Be old "Jet" magazines
in the bathroom.

285
00:12:54,034 --> 00:12:55,775
Trump gonna be sniffing
the Beauty of the Week.

286
00:12:55,818 --> 00:13:00,127
Like...
[laughing]

287
00:13:00,170 --> 00:13:05,088
Oh, Michelle Obama's hot combs
gonna be on the stove.

288
00:13:05,132 --> 00:13:06,786
Melania, she gonna--
she gonna find

289
00:13:06,829 --> 00:13:09,658
some Magnum condoms
up under the pillow.

290
00:13:09,701 --> 00:13:11,791
Like, "Donald, what is this?
It can't be yours.

291
00:13:11,834 --> 00:13:16,099
It's way too big."

292
00:13:16,143 --> 00:13:17,927
I ain't gonna lie, though.

293
00:13:17,971 --> 00:13:20,582
Eight years the Obamas
held it down.

294
00:13:20,625 --> 00:13:22,889
I salute Barack Obama.

295
00:13:22,932 --> 00:13:25,979
I miss him already.

296
00:13:26,022 --> 00:13:29,330
Oh!

297
00:13:29,373 --> 00:13:31,898
I didn't want to see him go,
y'all.

298
00:13:31,941 --> 00:13:33,334
And you know, think about that.

299
00:13:33,377 --> 00:13:34,857
You got to leave a house that
you've been

300
00:13:34,901 --> 00:13:36,990
living in for eight years?

301
00:13:37,033 --> 00:13:40,123
You--you can't just kick a nigga
out like that!

302
00:13:40,167 --> 00:13:42,473
You gonna need some sheriffs,
some hearings,

303
00:13:42,517 --> 00:13:44,736
some marshals.

304
00:13:44,780 --> 00:13:47,348
You gonna just try to evict
a black man?

305
00:13:47,391 --> 00:13:52,135
Shoot, that's
government housing.

306
00:13:52,179 --> 00:13:53,876
But you know
Barack a real nigga,

307
00:13:53,920 --> 00:13:57,532
so you know he got
a spare key, right?

308
00:13:57,575 --> 00:13:59,795
You know he ain't give
all them keys back.

309
00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:03,407
Like, I got keys, keys, keys.
You know what it is.

310
00:14:03,451 --> 00:14:05,540
'Cause it's gonna be--
it's gonna be

311
00:14:05,583 --> 00:14:07,890
one of them press conferences
Donald Trump gonna be having,

312
00:14:07,934 --> 00:14:09,892
and y'all just gonna see
Barack Obama walk by

313
00:14:09,936 --> 00:14:11,154
in his drawers in a do-rag,

314
00:14:11,198 --> 00:14:13,548
like, "Go ahead,
do your shit, nigga.

315
00:14:13,591 --> 00:14:16,464
I'ma be in the kitchen making me
a sandwich and shit.

316
00:14:16,507 --> 00:14:17,813
Who the fuck
put all this mayonnaise

317
00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:20,468
in this motherfucker?

318
00:14:20,511 --> 00:14:22,165
Nah, nigga, go ahead.
Do your shit, man.

319
00:14:22,209 --> 00:14:23,863
I've been there, done that
shit, man, shit.

320
00:14:23,906 --> 00:14:26,169
No, I'm doing--hey, nigga,
we went from Obamacare

321
00:14:26,213 --> 00:14:29,869
to 'Obama don't care,' nigga."

322
00:14:31,696 --> 00:14:33,437
Secret Service gonna
have to escort

323
00:14:33,481 --> 00:14:35,526
Barack Obama out
the White House.

324
00:14:35,570 --> 00:14:37,833
That's when the real nigga
really gonna come out, right?

325
00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:39,617
He'll be, "Oh, oh!
Oh, it's like that?

326
00:14:39,661 --> 00:14:41,271
It's like that, Larry? Oh, okay.

327
00:14:41,315 --> 00:14:42,969
Nigga, I'm the one
that go you this job!

328
00:14:43,012 --> 00:14:45,580
Fuck off me, Steve!
Okay, y'all gonna gang up on me.

329
00:14:45,623 --> 00:14:48,061
Okay, okay, all them damn loose
cigarettes I gave y'all?

330
00:14:48,104 --> 00:14:50,759
Okay!
Nah, it's all good.

331
00:14:50,802 --> 00:14:52,761
I leave. I leave.

332
00:14:52,804 --> 00:14:54,284
But I'll be back.

333
00:14:54,328 --> 00:14:57,984
Michelle 2020, nigga."

334
00:15:02,597 --> 00:15:04,294
Barack, that's a real nigga
right there.

335
00:15:04,338 --> 00:15:06,079
And I always like to do this
in my shows,

336
00:15:06,122 --> 00:15:08,037
just to see who's--
who's in the audience.

337
00:15:08,081 --> 00:15:09,865
You know, take a little census.

338
00:15:09,909 --> 00:15:11,693
Where all my real niggas at?
Make some noise.

339
00:15:11,736 --> 00:15:14,478
[cheers and applause]

340
00:15:14,522 --> 00:15:17,960
Trick question. Security.
Where--what they doing?

341
00:15:18,004 --> 00:15:20,223
Officer.
[laughing]

342
00:15:20,267 --> 00:15:22,878
Do your job.

343
00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:26,403
Nah--you know what?
I am--I just--

344
00:15:26,447 --> 00:15:28,101
it's a trick question when you
ask where real niggas at,

345
00:15:28,144 --> 00:15:29,537
'cause $hort know,
first of all,

346
00:15:29,580 --> 00:15:33,367
real niggas don't
raise they hand.

347
00:15:33,410 --> 00:15:35,847
Unless they get pulled over
by the police.

348
00:15:35,891 --> 00:15:37,284
Then you better raise your hand.

349
00:15:37,327 --> 00:15:39,025
Make sure them shits is visible.

350
00:15:39,068 --> 00:15:40,852
Damn right.

351
00:15:40,896 --> 00:15:43,072
Shit, what are we gonna do about
the police situation

352
00:15:43,116 --> 00:15:45,074
and get--you know what?
Fuck it. You know what?

353
00:15:45,118 --> 00:15:46,423
I'ma just start
driving handcuffed.

354
00:15:46,467 --> 00:15:48,904
Fuck it. Just...

355
00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:51,124
Whoo whoo, you got me, nigga.
I'm down, nigga. I'm down.

356
00:15:51,167 --> 00:15:53,735
I don't resist. I assist.

357
00:15:53,778 --> 00:15:57,739
Just tryin' to make America
great again.

358
00:15:57,782 --> 00:15:59,828
Shit.
But I think I can.

359
00:15:59,871 --> 00:16:01,656
I--I could fix it.
I got the idea.

360
00:16:01,699 --> 00:16:04,441
I know how we can fix
the police problem, man.

361
00:16:04,485 --> 00:16:08,837
It's simple: all they got to do
is let us police ourselves.

362
00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:11,013
Autonomously.

363
00:16:11,057 --> 00:16:13,842
They do that all over the world,
in different countries.

364
00:16:13,885 --> 00:16:15,757
If you just let us police
ourselves, because

365
00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:17,585
right now, they got people
policing us

366
00:16:17,628 --> 00:16:19,413
that have never been to our
community.

367
00:16:19,456 --> 00:16:23,243
Know nothing about us.
They don't care about us.

368
00:16:23,286 --> 00:16:25,506
We got people who don't care,
don't give a damn about you,

369
00:16:25,549 --> 00:16:27,899
overseeing you?

370
00:16:27,943 --> 00:16:31,164
Shit, that's like Ike Turner
running a women's shelter.

371
00:16:31,207 --> 00:16:33,949
Somebody bound to get
they ass whooped.

372
00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:35,559
Like, "Eat the cake, bitch!"
"I thought this was

373
00:16:35,603 --> 00:16:40,086
supposed to be a safe place!"

374
00:16:40,129 --> 00:16:42,175
Can't have that!

375
00:16:42,218 --> 00:16:44,220
You got to have people
who care about you,

376
00:16:44,264 --> 00:16:46,179
who know the community,
you know what I mean?

377
00:16:46,222 --> 00:16:48,746
Who from the community.

378
00:16:48,790 --> 00:16:52,750
People who know us better than
we know ourselves.

379
00:16:52,794 --> 00:16:55,666
You know who they should let
be the police?

380
00:16:55,710 --> 00:16:59,366
Baby mamas.

381
00:16:59,409 --> 00:17:01,672
Shit, I got a couple of them.
Shit, they...

382
00:17:01,716 --> 00:17:03,848
You know how the--shit, they
some investigators

383
00:17:03,892 --> 00:17:06,112
for your ass, ain't they?

384
00:17:06,155 --> 00:17:07,896
Ain't they?
Like, could you imagine

385
00:17:07,939 --> 00:17:11,291
if the BMPD rolled in your spot?

386
00:17:11,334 --> 00:17:13,423
It'd be like, "Everybody,
get on the ground,

387
00:17:13,467 --> 00:17:17,645
put down the drugs, and spend
some time with your son."

388
00:17:19,777 --> 00:17:23,694
Like, shit, I didn't know
it was my weekend.

389
00:17:23,738 --> 00:17:28,090
Officer Carey.

390
00:17:28,134 --> 00:17:30,049
You got it. We shooting tonight.
I told you.

391
00:17:30,092 --> 00:17:32,094
We talkin' about everything.

392
00:17:32,138 --> 00:17:34,531
Shit, 'cause real niggas know
about that visitation.

393
00:17:34,575 --> 00:17:37,012
Shoot, y'all know.
$hort, how many kids you got?

394
00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:41,886
He's like, "Nigga, we on TV.

395
00:17:41,930 --> 00:17:44,889
You talkin' about in state?"

396
00:17:44,933 --> 00:17:46,674
[laughing]

397
00:17:46,717 --> 00:17:48,241
Nah, but you--you do.

398
00:17:48,284 --> 00:17:50,504
Real niggas, we just go through
real nigga stuff.

399
00:17:50,547 --> 00:17:53,507
Like, and--and it makes you--
it makes you stronger.

400
00:17:53,550 --> 00:17:55,770
You know what I'm saying?
Like, I'ma be honest.

401
00:17:55,813 --> 00:17:57,946
I'm a real nigga.

402
00:17:57,989 --> 00:18:00,775
Fuck y'all laughing at?

403
00:18:00,818 --> 00:18:02,255
I am!

404
00:18:02,298 --> 00:18:04,735
I'm a real nigga.

405
00:18:04,779 --> 00:18:08,130
Till some real niggas show up.

406
00:18:08,174 --> 00:18:10,567
I'm a real--
I'm like a substitute nigga.

407
00:18:10,611 --> 00:18:12,352
Here, I was just keeping
your real nigga spot warm.

408
00:18:12,395 --> 00:18:16,051
Go ahead and do
your real nigga shit.

409
00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:18,401
'Cause I'ma be honest.
I'ma be dead--

410
00:18:18,445 --> 00:18:20,882
real niggas, they intimidate me.

411
00:18:20,925 --> 00:18:22,927
Just be like--y'all know I'm
talking--them just straight--

412
00:18:22,971 --> 00:18:24,842
just real, real niggas?

413
00:18:24,886 --> 00:18:27,976
Like, you--you can smell a real
nigga when he walk in the room.

414
00:18:28,019 --> 00:18:30,587
It smell like Hennessy, weed,
and back child support.

415
00:18:30,631 --> 00:18:32,676
It just...

416
00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:35,636
What is that, struggle?

417
00:18:38,552 --> 00:18:41,250
By Mennen.
[laughing]

418
00:18:41,294 --> 00:18:43,513
No!

419
00:18:43,557 --> 00:18:45,515
But I'ma--I think this is what
happened to my life.

420
00:18:45,559 --> 00:18:47,169
Because, you know, I grew up
like a real nigga,

421
00:18:47,213 --> 00:18:49,345
all that stuff,
but I honestly believe

422
00:18:49,389 --> 00:18:51,782
once I started doing
"America's Got Talent,"

423
00:18:51,826 --> 00:18:55,438
they took my real nigga card.

424
00:18:55,482 --> 00:18:57,179
They did, because then, like
these type of people

425
00:18:57,223 --> 00:18:59,877
started showing up to my shows.

426
00:18:59,921 --> 00:19:02,141
And I--hey!

427
00:19:02,184 --> 00:19:05,187
Treat, I love it.
We gonna kiss later.

428
00:19:05,231 --> 00:19:07,581
I appreciate that, but I just--
it's just--I--

429
00:19:07,624 --> 00:19:10,018
I grew up with real niggas.
I kept real niggas all--

430
00:19:10,061 --> 00:19:12,847
but I can't do the real nigga
stuff no more.

431
00:19:12,890 --> 00:19:16,851
'Cause then they'll put me
on TMZ.

432
00:19:16,894 --> 00:19:18,418
But I figured out
a way around it.

433
00:19:18,461 --> 00:19:19,593
You know what?

434
00:19:19,636 --> 00:19:21,682
I just keep real niggas
around me.

435
00:19:21,725 --> 00:19:23,423
And that's how you get--
that's how you get rid

436
00:19:23,466 --> 00:19:25,468
of all of that Hollywood shit,
you stay grounded.

437
00:19:25,512 --> 00:19:29,385
You stay real, you keep some
real niggas around you.

438
00:19:29,429 --> 00:19:31,387
Like my man $hort.

439
00:19:31,431 --> 00:19:33,563
All that--you got to!

440
00:19:33,607 --> 00:19:36,218
It's like, they block out
all the bullshit!

441
00:19:36,262 --> 00:19:37,915
It's like a real nigga
force field.

442
00:19:37,959 --> 00:19:40,744
Like, I got you, nigga.
I got you.

443
00:19:40,788 --> 00:19:42,442
Nah, 'cause it's just certain
things, you know,

444
00:19:42,485 --> 00:19:43,704
'cause of "America's Got
Talent."

445
00:19:43,747 --> 00:19:46,010
Hey, America!
I got...

446
00:19:46,054 --> 00:19:47,447
They don't expect me to do,
but I just--

447
00:19:47,490 --> 00:19:49,449
it's certain things
I want to do,

448
00:19:49,492 --> 00:19:51,015
but I can't.

449
00:19:51,059 --> 00:19:54,410
But my real niggas can.

450
00:19:54,454 --> 00:19:55,759
Real, like we gon' keep it
all the way honest.

451
00:19:55,803 --> 00:19:57,848
We gonna put it out there.

452
00:19:57,892 --> 00:19:59,241
Where all my weed smokers at?

453
00:19:59,285 --> 00:20:01,417
Anybody smoking? Anybody?

454
00:20:01,461 --> 00:20:04,333
I know the police here.
Medicinally. Medicinally.

455
00:20:04,377 --> 00:20:07,597
I--I got a prescription.
Glaucoma, Officer.

456
00:20:07,641 --> 00:20:09,338
But that shit,
it's legal now, though, right?

457
00:20:09,382 --> 00:20:12,036
We--we good?
Legal-ish. Ish.

458
00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:13,647
See that--I feel like
that's the setup too.

459
00:20:13,690 --> 00:20:17,346
They be like, "Not over here,
nigger, get in the car."

460
00:20:19,696 --> 00:20:21,611
But no, I do.
I'ma put it all out there.

461
00:20:21,655 --> 00:20:23,874
Yes. I smoke weed.

462
00:20:23,918 --> 00:20:26,442
[cheers and applause]

463
00:20:26,486 --> 00:20:29,880
But I don't know
how to roll a blunt.

464
00:20:29,924 --> 00:20:31,404
But my real niggas do.

465
00:20:31,447 --> 00:20:33,144
[laughing]

466
00:20:33,188 --> 00:20:34,624
And that's a talent right there.

467
00:20:34,668 --> 00:20:36,191
They should put them
on the show.

468
00:20:36,235 --> 00:20:38,672
Shit, for real.
Shoot, a real nigga?

469
00:20:38,715 --> 00:20:40,804
He know how to roll a blunt
one-handed, riding a bicycle,

470
00:20:40,848 --> 00:20:43,329
in a snowstorm, like...

471
00:20:43,372 --> 00:20:45,156
I got you, my nigga.

472
00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:47,898
I got you.

473
00:20:59,475 --> 00:21:02,261
[sighs]

474
00:21:02,304 --> 00:21:05,176
I don't carry a gun on me.

475
00:21:05,220 --> 00:21:08,005
But my real niggas do.

476
00:21:08,049 --> 00:21:10,312
But see, the problem,
the real niggas I roll with,

477
00:21:10,356 --> 00:21:12,836
they just carry the gun
at all the inopportune times.

478
00:21:12,880 --> 00:21:15,317
Just wrong places, wrong times.

479
00:21:15,361 --> 00:21:17,276
I'll be out hanging out
with my kids,

480
00:21:17,319 --> 00:21:19,930
like, "Nigga, we are at
Chuck E. Cheese!"

481
00:21:19,974 --> 00:21:24,195
Like, "Hey, Nigga, Chuck E. be
trippin', nigga, trust.

482
00:21:24,239 --> 00:21:25,893
Get your tokens, nigga,
we gon' get out of here

483
00:21:25,936 --> 00:21:30,071
one way or another.

484
00:21:30,114 --> 00:21:33,553
Shit.
I don't do time.

485
00:21:33,596 --> 00:21:35,859
But my real niggas do.

486
00:21:35,903 --> 00:21:38,732
And they doing time like a mofo.
Shit, I can't do that.

487
00:21:38,775 --> 00:21:41,212
Nah, that's what I got
my white friends for.

488
00:21:41,256 --> 00:21:42,692
Treat and all them,
them's some good

489
00:21:42,736 --> 00:21:44,128
alibis and character witnesses.

490
00:21:44,172 --> 00:21:46,479
"He's so friendly!"

491
00:21:46,522 --> 00:21:48,655
Fuck that.
I can't do that.

492
00:21:48,698 --> 00:21:51,005
'Cause now time is too--
I don't even have enough

493
00:21:51,048 --> 00:21:53,660
time to go visit all my niggas
that's locked up.

494
00:21:53,703 --> 00:21:55,618
Shit, because all these
privatized prisons

495
00:21:55,662 --> 00:21:57,881
and all that shit, they giving
niggas football numbers

496
00:21:57,925 --> 00:22:00,188
for bullshit, for real.

497
00:22:00,231 --> 00:22:02,321
Like, I went to visit one of my
friends the other day.

498
00:22:02,364 --> 00:22:04,932
Say, man, what they got you
in here for?

499
00:22:04,975 --> 00:22:08,762
"Oh, some old bullshit.

500
00:22:08,805 --> 00:22:10,372
Ain't nobody tell me you
couldn't carry

501
00:22:10,416 --> 00:22:12,679
a gun up at Chuck E. Cheese."

502
00:22:12,722 --> 00:22:15,986
Like, nigga, I did!

503
00:22:16,030 --> 00:22:17,988
Shit.

504
00:22:18,032 --> 00:22:22,428
You knew Chucky was gon' rat.

505
00:22:22,471 --> 00:22:24,212
[laughing]

506
00:22:24,255 --> 00:22:27,998
I don't eat vagina.

507
00:22:28,042 --> 00:22:30,044
But I'm bullshittin'!

508
00:22:30,087 --> 00:22:32,351
I'm bullshittin', Treat!

509
00:22:32,394 --> 00:22:35,745
'Cause I'm a real nigga!

510
00:22:35,789 --> 00:22:39,836
Treat was like, "Oh, you don't?

511
00:22:39,880 --> 00:22:43,187
I thought you was a real nigga!"

512
00:22:43,231 --> 00:22:45,929
I am.
Damn right I eat vagina.

513
00:22:45,973 --> 00:22:49,629
Shit, all the minerals and
vitamins and all...

514
00:22:49,672 --> 00:22:52,414
nutrients, and that's where
life come from.

515
00:22:52,458 --> 00:22:56,897
Shit, eating coochie
cured my lupus.

516
00:22:56,940 --> 00:22:59,116
That's the nighttime, sneezy,
stuffy head, fever,

517
00:22:59,160 --> 00:23:01,467
so you can get some rest
medicine, shit.

518
00:23:01,510 --> 00:23:05,166
I got me a pussy prescription.

519
00:23:05,209 --> 00:23:08,038
Right next to my weed
prescription.

520
00:23:08,082 --> 00:23:09,779
'Cause you know
all a real nigga need

521
00:23:09,823 --> 00:23:11,433
is some pussy and some weed.

522
00:23:11,477 --> 00:23:13,435
$hort know!

523
00:23:13,479 --> 00:23:16,090
Bitch!

524
00:23:18,266 --> 00:23:20,050
She said, "That's real."

525
00:23:20,094 --> 00:23:23,227
Grandmama said, "That's real."

526
00:23:23,271 --> 00:23:25,447
Somebody eating your coochie,
Grandma?

527
00:23:25,491 --> 00:23:27,710
Hey, do--hey!
I ain't mad at you!

528
00:23:27,754 --> 00:23:30,452
She's like, "Hey, older the
berry, the sweeter the juice."

529
00:23:30,496 --> 00:23:32,976
I heard that.
That's--hey, ain't nothing--

530
00:23:33,020 --> 00:23:35,370
'cause nowadays, shit--

531
00:23:35,414 --> 00:23:38,852
she said, "That's how
you keep 'em"?

532
00:23:42,725 --> 00:23:44,814
Look at that shit!

533
00:23:44,858 --> 00:23:48,731
Look at--look at 'em,
look at 'em, look at 'em!

534
00:23:50,907 --> 00:23:52,735
They--they gave each other

535
00:23:52,779 --> 00:23:56,304
an old pussy high five!

536
00:24:00,613 --> 00:24:03,311
I don't know about this
old pussy.

537
00:24:08,751 --> 00:24:10,971
Hey, I love--hey, I love it.
You got to.

538
00:24:11,014 --> 00:24:12,929
Shit, 'cause women, that's
they--it's empowerment now.

539
00:24:12,973 --> 00:24:15,105
They want you to do all type
of shit now.

540
00:24:15,149 --> 00:24:18,326
Eat the booty like groceries.

541
00:24:18,369 --> 00:24:22,504
Bitch, I need to know
what's in the bag.

542
00:24:22,548 --> 00:24:26,508
Shit, clean up in aisle six,
shit.

543
00:24:26,552 --> 00:24:28,902
And I'ma--I'ma be honest,
I got to keep up with the times.

544
00:24:28,945 --> 00:24:32,253
Shit, 'cause I'm single again,
I'm single, so I--

545
00:24:32,296 --> 00:24:33,863
oh, hey, shit, I'm trying
to find somebody

546
00:24:33,907 --> 00:24:38,651
to spend this alimony on, shit.

547
00:24:38,694 --> 00:24:41,915
Hey, for real, shit, 'cause I'm
looking everywhere too.

548
00:24:41,958 --> 00:24:43,699
I got to, 'cause I don't even
know if y'all know,

549
00:24:43,743 --> 00:24:45,527
I enrolled back in college,
shit, y'all,

550
00:24:45,571 --> 00:24:48,574
I'm out there,
Howard University, HU.

551
00:24:48,617 --> 00:24:50,358
Real shit.

552
00:24:50,401 --> 00:24:51,925
Y'all thought I was going
for an education.

553
00:24:51,968 --> 00:24:55,711
I was looking for a situation.

554
00:24:55,755 --> 00:24:57,670
Shit.

555
00:24:57,713 --> 00:25:00,499
Nah, 'cause--and do we have any
college girls in here tonight?

556
00:25:00,542 --> 00:25:04,198
College girls? Oh.
Whoa. Oh, shit. Hey.

557
00:25:04,241 --> 00:25:06,461
Let me put something
on your books, baby.

558
00:25:06,505 --> 00:25:09,464
Financial aid. Hey.

559
00:25:09,508 --> 00:25:12,598
Call me Mr. Tuition. Shit.

560
00:25:12,641 --> 00:25:15,078
We can get it pop--but I don't
know, 'cause

561
00:25:15,122 --> 00:25:17,994
college girls, y'all might be--
young girls,

562
00:25:18,038 --> 00:25:19,866
y'all doing too much nowadays.

563
00:25:19,909 --> 00:25:22,346
I ain't ready for it.
'Cause it's different.

564
00:25:22,390 --> 00:25:24,000
'Cause, like, the first time
I was single,

565
00:25:24,044 --> 00:25:25,436
it was a little easier, y'all.

566
00:25:25,480 --> 00:25:28,091
Now, I'm confused out here
single again.

567
00:25:28,135 --> 00:25:30,224
Like, even in the nightclubs
and shit.

568
00:25:30,267 --> 00:25:32,139
I don't even know what to do
no more, 'cause like,

569
00:25:32,182 --> 00:25:34,533
early 2000s, first time
I was single,

570
00:25:34,576 --> 00:25:36,970
like we was--we was even
dancing different, y'all.

571
00:25:37,013 --> 00:25:38,841
Like dudes, we was dancing
like dudes.

572
00:25:38,885 --> 00:25:42,541
We was tough.
We was doing this shit here.

573
00:25:47,850 --> 00:25:51,245
Shit, the west coast, you might
do some shit like this.

574
00:25:51,288 --> 00:25:52,942
Right?

575
00:25:52,986 --> 00:25:55,336
You see the thugs
in the club today?

576
00:25:55,379 --> 00:25:56,816
You see when a
gangsta song come on?

577
00:25:56,859 --> 00:25:59,775
He be like...

578
00:26:04,780 --> 00:26:07,348
Juju on that beat.

579
00:26:07,391 --> 00:26:11,134
Like, nigga, you gonna drop your
gun Jujuing on the beat.

580
00:26:15,486 --> 00:26:17,619
'Cause fellas, y'all remember.

581
00:26:17,663 --> 00:26:19,926
Shit, we--we didn't even
dance in the club.

582
00:26:19,969 --> 00:26:22,276
Remember, we just stand back
on the wall,

583
00:26:22,319 --> 00:26:24,713
chill, and let our girl dance,
remember that?

584
00:26:24,757 --> 00:26:27,237
Now the roles
have been reversed.

585
00:26:27,281 --> 00:26:29,065
The girls standing on the wall,
talking about,

586
00:26:29,109 --> 00:26:31,764
"Look at my nigga.
Look at my nigga."

587
00:26:35,115 --> 00:26:37,857
Hey, somebody get this nigga
a drink.

588
00:26:37,900 --> 00:26:40,903
He killin' this shit.

589
00:26:40,947 --> 00:26:44,646
Ooh.

590
00:26:44,690 --> 00:26:49,651
You call him Stephanie.

591
00:26:49,695 --> 00:26:51,566
But fellas, if we gon' be
out here dating,

592
00:26:51,610 --> 00:26:53,350
we gon' be out--
we got to stand up--we got to--

593
00:26:53,394 --> 00:26:55,744
we got to be a little more
masculine with our shit.

594
00:26:55,788 --> 00:26:58,268
We do.

595
00:27:01,620 --> 00:27:04,535
We got niggas out here
taking selfies.

596
00:27:04,579 --> 00:27:06,581
What the--
and since we all family,

597
00:27:06,625 --> 00:27:08,583
we talkin' 'bout everything
tonight, right?

598
00:27:08,627 --> 00:27:11,151
When--ho, I don't know when
this shit started,

599
00:27:11,194 --> 00:27:14,415
but I do not subscribe to it.

600
00:27:14,458 --> 00:27:17,461
Dick pics.

601
00:27:17,505 --> 00:27:19,725
You see how awkward it got
in this motherfucker?

602
00:27:19,768 --> 00:27:22,205
When did this shit start?

603
00:27:22,249 --> 00:27:23,990
See, but watch this, we gonna
take a little test.

604
00:27:24,033 --> 00:27:26,427
Watch this:
all the fellas

605
00:27:26,470 --> 00:27:28,559
sending dick pics,
make some noise.

606
00:27:28,603 --> 00:27:30,126
[man] Hey!

607
00:27:30,170 --> 00:27:33,086
[cheers and applause]

608
00:27:35,218 --> 00:27:38,134
One brave, lonely
Trump supporter.

609
00:27:38,178 --> 00:27:40,180
He's like, "Damn right,

610
00:27:40,223 --> 00:27:44,401
send it out on election night.
Dick!"

611
00:27:44,445 --> 00:27:46,055
I--hey, I salute--
that's fucked up.

612
00:27:46,099 --> 00:27:48,188
Y'all gonna let my man be out
there all by himself?

613
00:27:48,231 --> 00:27:49,972
Watch this--it's okay, it's
okay, 'cause watch this.

614
00:27:50,016 --> 00:27:53,672
All the ladies that have ever
received a dick pic,

615
00:27:53,715 --> 00:27:54,977
make some noise.

616
00:27:55,021 --> 00:27:57,806
[cheers and applause]

617
00:27:57,850 --> 00:28:00,504
That's somebody dick!

618
00:28:00,548 --> 00:28:03,159
Whose dick is this?

619
00:28:03,203 --> 00:28:07,163
It can't be lonely
Billy-Bob up there.

620
00:28:07,207 --> 00:28:08,730
See--did you see--I--
I'm telling you, see,

621
00:28:08,774 --> 00:28:10,645
that's--hey, sir,

622
00:28:10,689 --> 00:28:12,473
you are way more brave than me.

623
00:28:12,516 --> 00:28:17,260
You stood up, you said
your dick was out there.

624
00:28:17,304 --> 00:28:19,045
I'ma be honest,
we all family in here tonight,

625
00:28:19,088 --> 00:28:20,960
I just got to tell
y'all the truth.

626
00:28:21,003 --> 00:28:23,658
My dick is not photogenic.

627
00:28:23,702 --> 00:28:25,312
I--hey, I got
an in-person penis.

628
00:28:25,355 --> 00:28:29,011
I got some shit
I got to explain.

629
00:28:29,055 --> 00:28:30,883
It hang to the left
'cause I slammed it

630
00:28:30,926 --> 00:28:33,668
in the door when I was 12.

631
00:28:33,712 --> 00:28:35,017
Don't mind that bump, baby.
Turn off the light.

632
00:28:35,061 --> 00:28:38,020
Stop judging me.

633
00:28:38,064 --> 00:28:40,196
Shit, she like, "Ugh.

634
00:28:40,240 --> 00:28:42,721
Nick Cannon got a--ugh,
you got STDs?

635
00:28:42,764 --> 00:28:44,679
Keep that alimony, nigga.
I don't want that."

636
00:28:44,723 --> 00:28:46,507
It was a joke!

637
00:28:46,550 --> 00:28:50,119
I ain't got no bumps
on my dick.

638
00:28:50,163 --> 00:28:54,210
Shit, we can have a meet and
greet after the show.

639
00:28:54,254 --> 00:28:57,170
I'll prove it to you.
You can greet the meat.

640
00:28:57,213 --> 00:29:00,782
[laughing]

641
00:29:00,826 --> 00:29:02,697
'Cause I don't--I don't do
no dick pics.

642
00:29:02,741 --> 00:29:05,526
Shoot, I do dick drop-off.

643
00:29:05,569 --> 00:29:07,528
Dick delivery,
right to your doorstep.

644
00:29:07,571 --> 00:29:11,097
Ding-dong.

645
00:29:11,140 --> 00:29:13,142
'Cause I--'cause dick pics--
I don't get it.

646
00:29:13,186 --> 00:29:15,536
That--you take the wrong
dick pic,

647
00:29:15,579 --> 00:29:19,453
and that shit'll fuck up
your career.

648
00:29:19,496 --> 00:29:21,324
Think about it: you be like,
end up a meme

649
00:29:21,368 --> 00:29:23,326
out there, motherfucker.

650
00:29:23,370 --> 00:29:26,460
Be on the mannequin challenge
with your dick out, like...

651
00:29:28,984 --> 00:29:31,291
Nah, I can't do that, and it's
all about the angles too.

652
00:29:31,334 --> 00:29:34,642
I can't even mess--yo, hear what
you say, "Yup"?

653
00:29:34,685 --> 00:29:36,383
He's like, "Yeah, you got to
start two inches

654
00:29:36,426 --> 00:29:39,603
from the balls, get you an extra
two inches from the top."

655
00:29:39,647 --> 00:29:41,040
Well, see, I didn't know that.

656
00:29:41,083 --> 00:29:42,519
And it can mess--
man, I tell you,

657
00:29:42,563 --> 00:29:44,870
it can ruin your whole shit.

658
00:29:44,913 --> 00:29:47,916
Happened to one of my friends.

659
00:29:47,960 --> 00:29:51,441
Usher.

660
00:29:51,485 --> 00:29:54,444
Y'all saw the shit. Ooh, shit.
Y'all saw that shit.

661
00:29:54,488 --> 00:29:58,187
And--and it wasn't even about
Usher's manhood,

662
00:29:58,231 --> 00:29:59,928
'cause they covered that up
with one of them

663
00:29:59,972 --> 00:30:02,365
little yellow emojis.

664
00:30:02,409 --> 00:30:03,976
It was the angry emoji too,
like, why you got me

665
00:30:04,019 --> 00:30:05,978
on your dick like this?

666
00:30:06,021 --> 00:30:08,023
Get me off the dick.

667
00:30:08,067 --> 00:30:10,721
But they covered Usher's whole
situation up.

668
00:30:10,765 --> 00:30:13,768
And--but from the angle,

669
00:30:13,812 --> 00:30:17,641
did y'all see Usher's legs
in this picture?

670
00:30:17,685 --> 00:30:21,210
Oh, man, he had them little
Kermit the Frog joints.

671
00:30:21,254 --> 00:30:24,561
Apparently, Usher done danced
his little legs off.

672
00:30:24,605 --> 00:30:26,302
'Cause he had
the "Boyz n the Hood,"

673
00:30:26,346 --> 00:30:29,088
paraplegic, drive-by legs.

674
00:30:29,131 --> 00:30:32,787
Oh, my ass, he had the Tiny Tim
joints, y'all.

675
00:30:32,831 --> 00:30:35,703
And--and I felt so bad
for my friend Usher too,

676
00:30:35,746 --> 00:30:36,965
'cause that's my friend!

677
00:30:37,009 --> 00:30:38,837
And not only is he a friend,

678
00:30:38,880 --> 00:30:41,230
I'm a fan of Usher.

679
00:30:41,274 --> 00:30:43,363
I am, so it broke my heart,
because

680
00:30:43,406 --> 00:30:45,756
I'm such a fan 'cause
Usher is probably

681
00:30:45,800 --> 00:30:48,455
one of the only few R&B artists
still working today

682
00:30:48,498 --> 00:30:53,025
that still makes great, solid,
meaningful music.

683
00:30:53,068 --> 00:30:56,289
Right?
His stuff is respectful.

684
00:30:56,332 --> 00:30:58,334
Got substance to it.

685
00:30:58,378 --> 00:31:00,641
So--so respectful,
Usher'll let you know

686
00:31:00,684 --> 00:31:03,078
what time he coming over
in the song, won't he?

687
00:31:03,122 --> 00:31:04,819
You know how it goes.
Sing with me.

688
00:31:04,863 --> 00:31:07,039
♪ It's seven o'clock,
on the dot ♪

689
00:31:07,082 --> 00:31:09,955
♪ I'm in my drop top,
cruising the streets ♪

690
00:31:09,998 --> 00:31:11,957
Bang, bang, bang, bang.

691
00:31:12,000 --> 00:31:15,699
Little legs. Just flailing.

692
00:31:15,743 --> 00:31:19,094
♪ I got a real, pretty, pretty
little thing that's ♪

693
00:31:19,138 --> 00:31:21,575
[all]
♪ Waiting for me

694
00:31:21,618 --> 00:31:24,970
Uh!
♪ I roll up

695
00:31:28,321 --> 00:31:30,192
Get your legs together, Usher.

696
00:31:30,236 --> 00:31:33,195
But that was real music.
That's the stuff we came up on.

697
00:31:33,239 --> 00:31:35,850
Not this stuff that
they singing today.

698
00:31:35,894 --> 00:31:38,200
With the mus--these kids,
they don't give a damn.

699
00:31:38,244 --> 00:31:40,681
They don't care.
Shoot, just like--one of--oh.

700
00:31:40,724 --> 00:31:42,770
This my little brother,
I love him,

701
00:31:42,813 --> 00:31:45,599
but shit, Chris Brown?

702
00:31:45,642 --> 00:31:47,906
This nigga don't give a shit.

703
00:31:47,949 --> 00:31:50,125
He will sing about anything
in a song.

704
00:31:50,169 --> 00:31:51,953
You heard one of his
latest songs?

705
00:31:51,997 --> 00:31:53,737
This is the real hook
to his song.

706
00:31:53,781 --> 00:31:55,957
No joke, the chorus goes
just like this.

707
00:31:56,001 --> 00:32:00,179
♪ I want to fuck you back
to sleep, girl ♪

708
00:32:02,529 --> 00:32:05,488
You want to fuck her
back to sleep?

709
00:32:05,532 --> 00:32:09,101
You want to fuck her
unconscious, Chris?

710
00:32:09,144 --> 00:32:13,279
Nigga, don't you got
enough problems?

711
00:32:13,322 --> 00:32:16,412
There's news helicopters and
police outside your house.

712
00:32:16,456 --> 00:32:20,460
Somebody better wake up and
answer the God damn door.

713
00:32:20,503 --> 00:32:22,853
You want to fuck her
back to sleep.

714
00:32:22,897 --> 00:32:25,900
Fuck her unconscious?

715
00:32:25,944 --> 00:32:28,207
Like, who are you gonna put
on the remix?

716
00:32:28,250 --> 00:32:32,472
Bill Cosby?

717
00:32:32,515 --> 00:32:36,041
♪ Oh, there's something
in this liquor ♪

718
00:32:38,391 --> 00:32:41,002
Hey, we shooting tonight, y'all.
Telling you.

719
00:32:41,046 --> 00:32:45,354
We--hey, shit, y'all know
Dr. Huxtable ain't shit.

720
00:32:45,398 --> 00:32:47,052
Y'all know--hey, he been--
he been trying to tell y'all

721
00:32:47,095 --> 00:32:49,184
he wasn't shit
the whole time.

722
00:32:49,228 --> 00:32:51,143
If you ever watched "The Cosby
Show," he gave you

723
00:32:51,186 --> 00:32:53,232
them little messages, he was
telling y'all the whole time.

724
00:32:53,275 --> 00:32:54,842
Y'all just didn't realize it
'cause y'all was hypnotized

725
00:32:54,885 --> 00:32:58,672
by them fuckin' sweaters.

726
00:32:58,715 --> 00:33:01,588
No, it was subliminal shit.
You had to pay attention.

727
00:33:01,631 --> 00:33:05,331
Like, think about it.
What was his occupation?

728
00:33:05,374 --> 00:33:07,637
Doc--what kind of doctor?

729
00:33:07,681 --> 00:33:10,553
A gynecologist.

730
00:33:10,597 --> 00:33:12,991
Where was his office?

731
00:33:13,034 --> 00:33:15,602
In his basement!

732
00:33:15,645 --> 00:33:18,692
In a Brooklyn basement!

733
00:33:18,735 --> 00:33:22,435
You know don't shit good go down
in a Brooklyn basement.

734
00:33:22,478 --> 00:33:25,177
Shit, Biggie Smalls
told us that.

735
00:33:25,220 --> 00:33:27,353
Think about it.
Like, let me find out that

736
00:33:27,396 --> 00:33:30,225
Bill Cosby was ghostwriting
for Biggie.

737
00:33:30,269 --> 00:33:32,184
He's like,
"Your daughter's tied up

738
00:33:32,227 --> 00:33:35,926
in a Brooklyn basement,
face it, not guilty."

739
00:33:37,580 --> 00:33:40,801
♪ Biggie, Biggie, Biggie

740
00:33:40,844 --> 00:33:43,369
Dude, that's the Notorious
B.I.L. right there.

741
00:33:43,412 --> 00:33:45,545
He wrote all that shit.

742
00:33:45,588 --> 00:33:48,678
"To all the ladies in the place
with style and grace,

743
00:33:48,722 --> 00:33:52,160
allow me to lace...

744
00:33:52,204 --> 00:33:56,425
these lyrical duches
in your bushes."

745
00:33:56,469 --> 00:33:59,907
Oh, y'all ain't shit
for laughing at that.

746
00:33:59,950 --> 00:34:02,692
But no, that's--that's what
these forums are about, y'all.

747
00:34:02,736 --> 00:34:04,781
We can come in here and talk
about controversial stuff,

748
00:34:04,825 --> 00:34:06,174
stuff that puts people on edge,

749
00:34:06,218 --> 00:34:08,698
and laugh, and have a good time,
right?

750
00:34:08,742 --> 00:34:11,484
Look at us in here, we all in
here enjoying each other.

751
00:34:11,527 --> 00:34:14,095
White, black--in the hood.

752
00:34:14,139 --> 00:34:18,621
Sitting next--Mexican, Chinese--
everybody in here!

753
00:34:20,232 --> 00:34:22,495
Ain't nobody protesting.
None of that.

754
00:34:22,538 --> 00:34:24,845
We in here enj--this is what
America looks like, y'all.

755
00:34:24,888 --> 00:34:28,588
This is it. Yeah!

756
00:34:30,894 --> 00:34:33,158
For real, y'all, 'cause I--
honestly, I wish we could

757
00:34:33,201 --> 00:34:34,811
get over all of that white,
black shit.

758
00:34:34,855 --> 00:34:36,552
I've been doing this shit
way too long.

759
00:34:36,596 --> 00:34:38,946
White people do this, black--
man, fuck all that.

760
00:34:38,989 --> 00:34:41,296
That ain't even our skin color.
That ain't even what we are.

761
00:34:41,340 --> 00:34:46,084
Shit, I'm more like
a peanut butter.

762
00:34:46,127 --> 00:34:49,957
Old Kentucky-fried negro.

763
00:34:50,000 --> 00:34:52,612
No, it's true because we--
we got all of this stuff, man,

764
00:34:52,655 --> 00:34:54,962
and we--if we just get a little
bit more descriptive

765
00:34:55,005 --> 00:34:56,964
with our skin tones,
I think it'd move things

766
00:34:57,007 --> 00:34:58,444
so much further.

767
00:34:58,487 --> 00:35:01,011
Like, Treat,

768
00:35:01,055 --> 00:35:02,752
you ain't white.

769
00:35:02,796 --> 00:35:06,278
You more like an off-pink.

770
00:35:06,321 --> 00:35:08,062
You--it is.

771
00:35:08,106 --> 00:35:11,500
And the--and--and--but society
wants you to choose

772
00:35:11,544 --> 00:35:13,546
either white or black,
white or black.

773
00:35:13,589 --> 00:35:16,549
You can't do that.
But that's how they control you.

774
00:35:16,592 --> 00:35:19,682
They want to separate us so they
can control you the entire time.

775
00:35:19,726 --> 00:35:21,467
And it's society--watch,
I'll show it to you, watch.

776
00:35:21,510 --> 00:35:23,773
This is very ironic.
The--the fuckin'

777
00:35:23,817 --> 00:35:26,950
Crayola box got 64 colors,
a job application got three.

778
00:35:26,994 --> 00:35:29,083
Ain't that some bullshit?

779
00:35:29,127 --> 00:35:31,172
That's society.

780
00:35:31,216 --> 00:35:34,958
See, if--if it was up to me,
you know what I would do?

781
00:35:35,002 --> 00:35:37,135
I would make sure that
we were just a little bit

782
00:35:37,178 --> 00:35:39,920
more descriptive with our--
with our skin tone descriptions.

783
00:35:39,963 --> 00:35:42,749
Like, it should be like
when you go shopping

784
00:35:42,792 --> 00:35:44,751
for paint at Home Depot.

785
00:35:44,794 --> 00:35:46,970
You ever see
them paint descriptions?

786
00:35:47,014 --> 00:35:49,843
Them shits be eloquent
as hell, don't they?

787
00:35:49,886 --> 00:35:53,412
Be all fancy and shit, like,
just try it out, uh...

788
00:35:53,455 --> 00:35:56,328
Sir, you not white.

789
00:35:56,371 --> 00:36:01,202
You more like a
eggshell alabaster.

790
00:36:01,246 --> 00:36:02,856
That sounds better than white,
right?

791
00:36:02,899 --> 00:36:04,597
You got, you got a...

792
00:36:04,640 --> 00:36:06,686
a mocha brother
sitting next to you.

793
00:36:06,729 --> 00:36:11,212
You got, uh, uh, some Irish
cream right here.

794
00:36:11,256 --> 00:36:13,736
You know what I mean?
Sure, we got, uh,

795
00:36:13,780 --> 00:36:17,262
Latina leche, hey.

796
00:36:17,305 --> 00:36:19,481
See that? We got--we got--
we got some--

797
00:36:19,525 --> 00:36:21,091
what else we got over here?
I see--

798
00:36:21,135 --> 00:36:23,790
We got, uh--
white dude in the back.

799
00:36:23,833 --> 00:36:28,403
Shit, um, you more like drywall.

800
00:36:28,447 --> 00:36:30,275
Man, they ain't even
painted you yet.

801
00:36:30,318 --> 00:36:34,366
You primer, base color.

802
00:36:34,409 --> 00:36:36,237
Don't believe the rumors.
White people need lotion too.

803
00:36:36,281 --> 00:36:37,760
Shit.

804
00:36:37,804 --> 00:36:39,458
Couple dudes over there
sitting together

805
00:36:39,501 --> 00:36:42,461
with each other, fuchsia, hey,
I understand.

806
00:36:42,504 --> 00:36:44,941
Just different colors. I see.
I love all the colors.

807
00:36:44,985 --> 00:36:48,031
Some oriental ivory over there.

808
00:36:48,075 --> 00:36:49,685
I love--I love it all.

809
00:36:49,729 --> 00:36:51,861
Shoot, and
my man right here.

810
00:36:51,905 --> 00:36:55,082
He got a little Taliban tan.

811
00:36:55,125 --> 00:36:57,345
That's...

812
00:36:57,389 --> 00:37:01,654
It's explosive.
[laughing]

813
00:37:01,697 --> 00:37:04,134
But shit, what else we got?
Shit.

814
00:37:04,178 --> 00:37:08,226
We got--ooh, shit, now,
then you just black.

815
00:37:08,269 --> 00:37:09,923
Damn, I didn't even see--
shit--

816
00:37:09,966 --> 00:37:12,926
smile, nigga,
so everybody can see you.

817
00:37:12,969 --> 00:37:14,754
That--but see, that's a--
that's a beautiful black.

818
00:37:14,797 --> 00:37:17,713
That's that strong--yeah, that's
that strong black.

819
00:37:17,757 --> 00:37:21,282
Yeah, he know.
Yeah, that's that beautiful...

820
00:37:21,326 --> 00:37:23,284
Sir.

821
00:37:23,328 --> 00:37:24,938
Shit, I bet you get
a part-time job

822
00:37:24,981 --> 00:37:26,461
following niggas around
as they shadow, huh?

823
00:37:26,505 --> 00:37:28,681
Like, I got you, nigga.
I got you. Just stay...

824
00:37:28,724 --> 00:37:30,639
Keep walking.

825
00:37:30,683 --> 00:37:33,425
That's black is beautiful.
I love that black. Shit.

826
00:37:33,468 --> 00:37:35,253
Black lives matter.

827
00:37:35,296 --> 00:37:38,952
So nigga, you really important.

828
00:37:40,910 --> 00:37:42,303
See, think about that:
we can say that,

829
00:37:42,347 --> 00:37:44,305
and everybody cracks up
and laughs.

830
00:37:44,349 --> 00:37:46,307
But see, when we said
"Black lives matter,"

831
00:37:46,351 --> 00:37:47,656
we made that statement,

832
00:37:47,700 --> 00:37:49,745
and it divided
the entire country,

833
00:37:49,789 --> 00:37:52,052
when it was supposed to bring us
all closer together,

834
00:37:52,095 --> 00:37:54,620
over a little misunderstanding.

835
00:37:54,663 --> 00:37:56,274
That's--that's all it was,
because what?

836
00:37:56,317 --> 00:37:58,363
Every time we said,
"Black lives matter,"

837
00:37:58,406 --> 00:38:00,190
what'd somebody else say?
[man] All lives matter!

838
00:38:00,234 --> 00:38:03,716
All lives--motherfucker, we
wasn't even talking to you!

839
00:38:03,759 --> 00:38:06,545
Always want to be included
in some shit!

840
00:38:06,588 --> 00:38:09,069
"All lives matter!"

841
00:38:09,112 --> 00:38:10,418
'Cause it wasn't like
we were saying

842
00:38:10,462 --> 00:38:13,203
only black lives matter.

843
00:38:13,247 --> 00:38:16,206
We're just saying black lives
matter too.

844
00:38:16,250 --> 00:38:18,905
It's simple!

845
00:38:18,948 --> 00:38:21,429
Very simple.

846
00:38:21,473 --> 00:38:23,257
And I had a great conversation

847
00:38:23,301 --> 00:38:25,433
with one of my close friends,
Howard Stern.

848
00:38:25,477 --> 00:38:27,696
He got it. He got it.
Everybody else didn't get it,

849
00:38:27,740 --> 00:38:29,568
but Howard didn't get it, and I
think after our conversation--

850
00:38:29,611 --> 00:38:33,833
I explained it.
I had to put it in Caucasian.

851
00:38:33,876 --> 00:38:36,270
I did, but it was real simple.
I said, it's like,

852
00:38:36,314 --> 00:38:39,273
when y'all say,
"Save the whales,"

853
00:38:39,317 --> 00:38:43,843
that don't mean "fuck all the
other fish in the ocean!"

854
00:38:49,196 --> 00:38:52,634
It just mean
the whales need saving.

855
00:38:52,678 --> 00:38:54,810
They are endangered.

856
00:38:54,854 --> 00:38:58,031
Just like niggas.

857
00:38:58,074 --> 00:38:59,337
So there y'all go, y'all.
There it is.

858
00:38:59,380 --> 00:39:01,121
You can--you can take something
home with you.

859
00:39:01,164 --> 00:39:03,471
You done learned something
at the Nick Cannon show.

860
00:39:03,515 --> 00:39:07,475
Whales are the niggas
of the ocean.

861
00:39:07,519 --> 00:39:11,349
That's why they call 'em
killers.

862
00:39:11,392 --> 00:39:14,874
Yeah. Hey, for real.
They documented the shit.

863
00:39:14,917 --> 00:39:17,964
They made a documentary
about the nigga whales.

864
00:39:18,007 --> 00:39:20,793
They did. On CNN. Y'all saw.
What was it called?

865
00:39:20,836 --> 00:39:23,012
"Blackfish." Exactly!

866
00:39:23,056 --> 00:39:24,797
I ain't making this shit up!

867
00:39:24,840 --> 00:39:26,842
Did you--did you see black--
"Blackfish."

868
00:39:26,886 --> 00:39:30,716
And I'ma be honest: after I saw
this documentary on CNN,

869
00:39:30,759 --> 00:39:33,283
I would never, ever, ever
go to another

870
00:39:33,327 --> 00:39:37,287
SeaWorld or any other place
like that again,

871
00:39:37,331 --> 00:39:39,855
because of the way they mistreat
these animals.

872
00:39:39,899 --> 00:39:42,380
They keep 'em in captivity
they whole life.

873
00:39:42,423 --> 00:39:45,121
They brainwash 'em, keep 'em
in these little containers.

874
00:39:45,165 --> 00:39:48,342
It's horrible, and--and
if you saw the documentary,

875
00:39:48,386 --> 00:39:52,433
it stars, uh, a whale by
the name of Tilikum.

876
00:39:52,477 --> 00:39:55,654
But you know, I had to give him
a black name.

877
00:39:55,697 --> 00:39:59,266
So I called him
O.G. Tilla the Killa.

878
00:39:59,309 --> 00:40:01,311
And--and it starts off,
if you've seen this,

879
00:40:01,355 --> 00:40:04,880
they put him in this prison--
I mean, SeaWorld.

880
00:40:04,924 --> 00:40:07,317
Up--up in Canada.

881
00:40:07,361 --> 00:40:10,016
And he has a white trainer,
young lady,

882
00:40:10,059 --> 00:40:11,931
and she loves him,
she's riding on him,

883
00:40:11,974 --> 00:40:13,672
kissing him in the mouth.
"Ah!"

884
00:40:13,715 --> 00:40:16,239
And he ate her!

885
00:40:16,283 --> 00:40:18,459
She start clapping.

886
00:40:18,503 --> 00:40:20,026
"Damn right, the bitch
should have got ate."

887
00:40:20,069 --> 00:40:21,680
No, that's--and this--
and we'll take a--

888
00:40:21,723 --> 00:40:24,683
a small public service
announcement just for a second.

889
00:40:24,726 --> 00:40:27,425
White people, why the fuck y'all
think y'all can ride

890
00:40:27,468 --> 00:40:32,038
on killer whales and not get
ate the fuck up?

891
00:40:32,081 --> 00:40:35,345
It's called a killer whale!

892
00:40:35,389 --> 00:40:37,435
I know some niggas named Killer
in my neighborhood.

893
00:40:37,478 --> 00:40:41,090
You don't want no piggyback
rides from them.

894
00:40:41,134 --> 00:40:42,657
You want to ride a killer whale,

895
00:40:42,701 --> 00:40:43,919
but won't get a ride
from Killer Mike.

896
00:40:43,963 --> 00:40:46,095
That's some bullshit.

897
00:40:46,139 --> 00:40:47,619
And--and I know some white
people, y'all getting

898
00:40:47,662 --> 00:40:49,969
a little uncomfortable when I
say "White people."

899
00:40:50,012 --> 00:40:52,101
When I say "White people,"

900
00:40:52,145 --> 00:40:55,191
I'm not talkin' about y'all.

901
00:40:55,235 --> 00:40:58,238
Y'all my friends.

902
00:40:58,281 --> 00:40:59,805
When I say "White people,"
I'm talking about

903
00:40:59,848 --> 00:41:01,502
the people who run everything.

904
00:41:01,546 --> 00:41:04,113
You know, them--the Rothschilds,
the Bilderberg Group.

905
00:41:04,157 --> 00:41:07,377
Them people who control
everything.

906
00:41:07,421 --> 00:41:09,554
White.
It's like an acronym.

907
00:41:09,597 --> 00:41:12,731
When Having Inheritance
To Everything.

908
00:41:12,774 --> 00:41:14,384
You know who I'm talking about,
when they came over here

909
00:41:14,428 --> 00:41:16,430
400 years ago
and just claiming everything.

910
00:41:16,474 --> 00:41:19,433
That's mine. That's mine.
He's mine. He's mine.

911
00:41:19,477 --> 00:41:23,524
I have the receipt.
Come on, Shadow, follow me.

912
00:41:23,568 --> 00:41:25,700
Them white people.
That's who I'm talking about.

913
00:41:25,744 --> 00:41:27,702
'Cause I'm talking--
'cause the great James Baldwin

914
00:41:27,746 --> 00:41:29,487
said it the best:
he said,

915
00:41:29,530 --> 00:41:32,359
"White is just society's
metaphor

916
00:41:32,402 --> 00:41:34,579
for systemic power."

917
00:41:34,622 --> 00:41:38,147
So I'm not talking about white
the people.

918
00:41:38,191 --> 00:41:40,149
I'm talking about
white the power.

919
00:41:40,193 --> 00:41:43,762
So you ain't got no power.
Shit.

920
00:41:43,805 --> 00:41:47,766
You just an old eggshell
alabaster nigga.

921
00:41:47,809 --> 00:41:50,769
We in this shit together!

922
00:41:50,812 --> 00:41:52,814
My nigga right there! Shit!

923
00:41:52,858 --> 00:41:54,468
Say, "Fuck them white people!"

924
00:41:54,512 --> 00:41:56,165
Fuck them white people!

925
00:41:56,209 --> 00:41:59,081
[cheers and applause]

926
00:41:59,125 --> 00:42:01,562
Somebody get this nigga some
Hennessy!

927
00:42:01,606 --> 00:42:05,131
Get him some Hennessy!

928
00:42:05,174 --> 00:42:09,788
Yo, that's what I'm talking
about, my nigga!

929
00:42:09,831 --> 00:42:13,531
We going to the strip club
after this, shit.

930
00:42:15,228 --> 00:42:18,187
So back to the nigga whales.

931
00:42:18,231 --> 00:42:19,841
So no, this is how
the story goes.

932
00:42:19,885 --> 00:42:22,627
He ate his trainer,
so they shipped him

933
00:42:22,670 --> 00:42:25,673
down to another pris--
SeaWorld.

934
00:42:25,717 --> 00:42:27,283
In Orlando this time.

935
00:42:27,327 --> 00:42:29,068
And this time, you know,
he trying to get

936
00:42:29,111 --> 00:42:31,592
some time knocked off,
he be on his best behavior,

937
00:42:31,636 --> 00:42:35,422
swimming around, working out,
doing push-ups and shit.

938
00:42:35,465 --> 00:42:36,902
You know what I mean?
Reading the Quran.

939
00:42:36,945 --> 00:42:39,600
Trying to get knowledge of self.

940
00:42:39,644 --> 00:42:42,385
Making collect calls
to the ocean.

941
00:42:42,429 --> 00:42:44,039
Trying to keep niggas
off his blowhole.

942
00:42:44,083 --> 00:42:45,432
You know, right?

943
00:42:45,475 --> 00:42:47,913
Go ahead with the bullshit,
Moby.

944
00:42:47,956 --> 00:42:49,828
But he--and if you saw
the documentary,

945
00:42:49,871 --> 00:42:53,527
this is no joke, this is exactly
how it happened.

946
00:42:53,571 --> 00:42:55,703
Late one night,

947
00:42:55,747 --> 00:42:58,488
a drunk, naked white man

948
00:42:58,532 --> 00:43:01,709
jumps in the aquarium

949
00:43:01,753 --> 00:43:04,320
with O.G. Tilla the Killa.

950
00:43:04,364 --> 00:43:07,497
That sound like a setup for your
ass, don't it?

951
00:43:07,541 --> 00:43:09,935
Man, and you know, they--
they had to process him.

952
00:43:09,978 --> 00:43:11,632
They had to put O.G. Tilla the
Killa in court

953
00:43:11,676 --> 00:43:13,286
and all that shit--
you know, my--

954
00:43:13,329 --> 00:43:15,680
my imagination just took off.

955
00:43:15,723 --> 00:43:17,507
You could see him trying to
explain his self to the judge.

956
00:43:17,551 --> 00:43:19,292
This some bullshit, your honor!

957
00:43:19,335 --> 00:43:20,859
This--oh, oh, oh,
but you let Willy go!

958
00:43:20,902 --> 00:43:23,078
You let Willy go!

959
00:43:23,122 --> 00:43:24,558
You got me on
these trumped-up charges,

960
00:43:24,602 --> 00:43:27,343
but you free Willy,
this some bullshit!

961
00:43:27,387 --> 00:43:29,128
I didn't do shit!
So you got--

962
00:43:29,171 --> 00:43:30,564
you gonna let a drunk nigga,
white man jump--

963
00:43:30,608 --> 00:43:34,133
I thought it was feed time!

964
00:43:34,176 --> 00:43:37,876
Shit, thought he was
Albuquerque tuna.

965
00:43:37,919 --> 00:43:40,574
Albuquerque.

966
00:43:40,618 --> 00:43:43,446
Al-bu-querque.

967
00:43:43,490 --> 00:43:45,144
I know it's albacore,
motherfucker,

968
00:43:45,187 --> 00:43:47,537
but this nigga
was from Albuquerque.

969
00:43:47,581 --> 00:43:50,976
White people always want
to correct you on some shit.

970
00:43:51,019 --> 00:43:54,980
[stammers] Albacore.

971
00:43:55,023 --> 00:43:58,592
Don't mean to interrupt
the show, Nick Cannon.

972
00:43:58,636 --> 00:44:01,769
Just trying to make America
great again.

973
00:44:01,813 --> 00:44:05,599
He's a comic, he's not as smart
as he thinks he is.

974
00:44:05,643 --> 00:44:08,428
Now what fucking--always want to
correct you on some shit.

975
00:44:08,471 --> 00:44:11,170
Don't they?
That's some bullshit.

976
00:44:11,213 --> 00:44:13,041
"Uh, uh, hold on, wait a minute,
Nick Cannon.

977
00:44:13,085 --> 00:44:13,955
That's an illegal left turn."

978
00:44:13,999 --> 00:44:17,002
Bitch, this ain't even my car!

979
00:44:17,045 --> 00:44:19,744
Stole this shit.

980
00:44:19,787 --> 00:44:22,572
But see, the media always want
to jump in and correct you.

981
00:44:22,616 --> 00:44:24,705
Wait a minute, you can't--
no, wait a minute.

982
00:44:24,749 --> 00:44:26,968
Like when we was doing all
the Black Lives Matter stuff.

983
00:44:27,012 --> 00:44:31,103
Wait a minute, no, what about
black on black crime?

984
00:44:31,146 --> 00:44:33,627
Exactly.

985
00:44:33,671 --> 00:44:35,368
Black on black crime--
ain't that some shit?

986
00:44:35,411 --> 00:44:37,544
That's some old separating,

987
00:44:37,587 --> 00:44:38,893
just trying to divide us,

988
00:44:38,937 --> 00:44:40,678
bullshit term they done made up.

989
00:44:40,721 --> 00:44:43,550
There is no such thing
as black on black crime.

990
00:44:43,593 --> 00:44:46,988
You commit crimes in which
the areas that you cohabitate.

991
00:44:47,032 --> 00:44:49,077
You have conflicts
in where you live.

992
00:44:49,121 --> 00:44:50,818
It's just like if you
over there in China.

993
00:44:50,862 --> 00:44:52,559
When they over there
in China fighting,

994
00:44:52,602 --> 00:44:57,085
you don't call that shit
Chinese on Chinese crime.

995
00:45:01,394 --> 00:45:04,658
You call that shit a good-ass
Kung Fu movie, shit.

996
00:45:04,702 --> 00:45:06,791
[imitating impacts]

997
00:45:06,834 --> 00:45:08,836
My shit right there.

998
00:45:08,880 --> 00:45:11,012
[laughs]

999
00:45:11,056 --> 00:45:13,623
But that's--they just use
these terms to separate us.

1000
00:45:13,667 --> 00:45:16,452
It's the media.
It happens all the time.

1001
00:45:16,496 --> 00:45:18,063
When you think--
when you think about it, like,

1002
00:45:18,106 --> 00:45:20,326
y'all saw it,
Michelle Obama gave such

1003
00:45:20,369 --> 00:45:22,807
an amazing speech, y'all.

1004
00:45:22,850 --> 00:45:26,071
She said some powerful stuff.

1005
00:45:26,114 --> 00:45:29,509
She said,
"I was blessed enough

1006
00:45:29,552 --> 00:45:33,513
to live in a house
that was built by slaves."

1007
00:45:33,556 --> 00:45:36,429
But the media:
"Wait a minute!"

1008
00:45:36,472 --> 00:45:39,475
Hold on, Bill O'Reilly
actually said this shit.

1009
00:45:39,519 --> 00:45:42,827
"But we fed them!"

1010
00:45:42,870 --> 00:45:45,481
What? You fed--
of course you fed 'em!

1011
00:45:45,525 --> 00:45:47,092
Shit, you got to put
gas in a car

1012
00:45:47,135 --> 00:45:51,096
for the motherfucker to run!

1013
00:45:51,139 --> 00:45:52,706
And we out here
building mansions.

1014
00:45:52,750 --> 00:45:56,362
The least you could do is give a
nigga a Scooby Snack.

1015
00:45:56,405 --> 00:45:58,756
Shit, a Capri Sun. Something.

1016
00:45:58,799 --> 00:46:02,107
Stab your ass with this straw.

1017
00:46:02,150 --> 00:46:03,804
Shit, we out there
working our ass off.

1018
00:46:03,848 --> 00:46:06,807
Let a nigga get a slave
Lunchable or something, shit.

1019
00:46:06,851 --> 00:46:10,985
An un-happy meal
out this motherfucker.

1020
00:46:11,029 --> 00:46:13,161
"But we fed them!"

1021
00:46:13,205 --> 00:46:14,989
You fed them.
Yeah, you fed 'em.

1022
00:46:15,033 --> 00:46:17,687
But did you feed 'em freedom?

1023
00:46:17,731 --> 00:46:19,602
Yeah.

1024
00:46:19,646 --> 00:46:22,257
That's what we've been starving
for to this day.

1025
00:46:22,301 --> 00:46:23,911
Y'all know what we talking
about,

1026
00:46:23,955 --> 00:46:26,609
but they gave us the scraps
to survive off of.

1027
00:46:26,653 --> 00:46:28,611
That's all we--hey, that's all
we wanted was some freedom,

1028
00:46:28,655 --> 00:46:31,310
but y'all gave us all this
little nasty junk food.

1029
00:46:31,353 --> 00:46:34,269
These nigga nachos.

1030
00:46:34,313 --> 00:46:36,445
Nigga, that's not yours.

1031
00:46:36,489 --> 00:46:38,883
Nigga, that's not yours.
That's not yours.

1032
00:46:38,926 --> 00:46:41,494
It's mine!

1033
00:46:41,537 --> 00:46:43,539
But no, y'all know
the ingredients

1034
00:46:43,583 --> 00:46:46,151
we've been asking for
for over 400 years.

1035
00:46:46,194 --> 00:46:48,022
Y'all know the recipe.
Come on, somebody.

1036
00:46:48,066 --> 00:46:50,459
- Church say amen in here.
- [all] Amen!

1037
00:46:50,503 --> 00:46:54,942
Shoot, all we want is a little
inch of equality, ha!

1038
00:46:54,986 --> 00:46:57,423
Two cups of justice.

1039
00:46:57,466 --> 00:47:00,687
A little ounce of opportunity!

1040
00:47:00,730 --> 00:47:04,691
Mmm-mmm, sounds like some
freedom pot pie to me, church!

1041
00:47:04,734 --> 00:47:09,609
The white people are like,
"What the fuck is going on?"

1042
00:47:09,652 --> 00:47:12,830
Honestly, it's a beautiful thing
that we can come in here

1043
00:47:12,873 --> 00:47:14,657
and discuss all of these things.

1044
00:47:14,701 --> 00:47:16,790
And--and know that it doesn't
have to be about

1045
00:47:16,834 --> 00:47:18,487
separating communities.

1046
00:47:18,531 --> 00:47:20,315
We can bring you close
together because

1047
00:47:20,359 --> 00:47:22,448
this is the purpose--
there's only one race,

1048
00:47:22,491 --> 00:47:24,015
and that's the human race,
y'all.

1049
00:47:24,058 --> 00:47:27,627
Simple.

1050
00:47:27,670 --> 00:47:30,151
It's simple.

1051
00:47:30,195 --> 00:47:32,197
And you know when
I figured it out?

1052
00:47:32,240 --> 00:47:33,851
I'ma be honest,
you know when I figured out?

1053
00:47:33,894 --> 00:47:36,027
When I had kids.
When I first had kids.

1054
00:47:36,070 --> 00:47:38,725
Because I had my children,
and I would see--

1055
00:47:38,768 --> 00:47:40,727
I would take them to the nursery
and everything,

1056
00:47:40,770 --> 00:47:42,685
and I would just see
all of these different kids,

1057
00:47:42,729 --> 00:47:45,210
just--just crawling, and
playing, and eating,

1058
00:47:45,253 --> 00:47:46,820
and pissing and shitting
on each other.

1059
00:47:46,864 --> 00:47:48,909
They--they didn't care!

1060
00:47:48,953 --> 00:47:51,042
They didn't know the different
races or none of that shit.

1061
00:47:51,085 --> 00:47:53,305
They were just having fun,
having a good time.

1062
00:47:53,348 --> 00:47:55,655
But when we take them home,

1063
00:47:55,698 --> 00:47:57,787
and instill our bullshit in 'em,
and tell 'em, oh,

1064
00:47:57,831 --> 00:47:58,876
if you live over here,
you're better than

1065
00:47:58,919 --> 00:47:59,877
those people over here.

1066
00:47:59,920 --> 00:48:01,704
If your hair looks this way,

1067
00:48:01,748 --> 00:48:03,141
if your eye color is this way,
then you're be--

1068
00:48:03,184 --> 00:48:05,143
no, we got to let
that bullshit go, y'all.

1069
00:48:05,186 --> 00:48:07,145
And then that's when
I honestly realized.

1070
00:48:07,188 --> 00:48:10,235
I said, you know what?
I got--I got one job.

1071
00:48:10,278 --> 00:48:13,847
It's to show my children
unconditional love.

1072
00:48:13,891 --> 00:48:16,937
That's all it is.

1073
00:48:16,981 --> 00:48:20,810
All I want to do
is establish normalcy.

1074
00:48:20,854 --> 00:48:22,943
I just want my kids to have
a fair shot.

1075
00:48:22,987 --> 00:48:25,511
Just want to be normal kids.

1076
00:48:25,554 --> 00:48:27,252
And that shit is hard as hell

1077
00:48:27,295 --> 00:48:31,473
when Mariah Carey is your mama.

1078
00:48:31,517 --> 00:48:33,040
For real, y'all know
what I'm talking about.

1079
00:48:33,084 --> 00:48:35,260
Be fuckin' diamonds,
and butterflies,

1080
00:48:35,303 --> 00:48:38,959
and gumdrops and shit floating
all through the house.

1081
00:48:39,003 --> 00:48:42,310
Like, put the damn butterflies
away now, shit, it's bedtime!

1082
00:48:42,354 --> 00:48:44,922
Shit!
Butterflies and shit!

1083
00:48:44,965 --> 00:48:46,271
I'ma go get me some Raid
and a net.

1084
00:48:46,314 --> 00:48:49,665
Put the shit away!

1085
00:48:49,709 --> 00:48:52,930
Fucking butterflies everywhere.

1086
00:48:52,973 --> 00:48:56,194
I want normal kids, y'all.

1087
00:48:56,237 --> 00:48:58,544
Shit--but no--but see, 'cause
I'ma be honest, y'all.

1088
00:48:58,587 --> 00:49:01,155
I'm a little tense because
my kids grew up with stuff

1089
00:49:01,199 --> 00:49:03,244
that I just didn't have.

1090
00:49:03,288 --> 00:49:06,944
They got shit like nannies.

1091
00:49:06,987 --> 00:49:11,165
I didn't have a daddy!

1092
00:49:11,209 --> 00:49:15,169
You mean it's gonna be a extra
motherfucker coming over?

1093
00:49:15,213 --> 00:49:18,564
My mama did this shit
on her own.

1094
00:49:18,607 --> 00:49:21,001
But--and it is, man,
and I make fun of 'em,

1095
00:49:21,045 --> 00:49:23,351
but I'ma be honest, I do,
I love our nanny.

1096
00:49:23,395 --> 00:49:26,441
Our nanny is amazing.
Consuelo, bless her heart.

1097
00:49:26,485 --> 00:49:29,314
She is...
What you laughing at?

1098
00:49:29,357 --> 00:49:31,446
That's--that's her name.
Consuelo.

1099
00:49:31,490 --> 00:49:33,448
And she's--Consuelo is amazing.
Her whole family.

1100
00:49:33,492 --> 00:49:35,320
Like, my kids go and play
with their family,

1101
00:49:35,363 --> 00:49:37,235
and they have a good time,
and they come home,

1102
00:49:37,278 --> 00:49:38,801
and sometimes I even be
getting a little jealous,

1103
00:49:38,845 --> 00:49:40,542
'cause they spend so much
time with the nanny,

1104
00:49:40,586 --> 00:49:42,414
and you know, my kids' about to
turn six years old,

1105
00:49:42,457 --> 00:49:44,242
so they're real impressionable.

1106
00:49:44,285 --> 00:49:46,157
So they like sponges.
They picking up everything.

1107
00:49:46,200 --> 00:49:47,985
They be over with
Consuelo and them,

1108
00:49:48,028 --> 00:49:50,030
and this--this really happened.

1109
00:49:50,074 --> 00:49:53,164
The other day, my son--I know
he broke the refrigerator.

1110
00:49:53,207 --> 00:49:54,643
He broke the refrigerator,
I was like, "Rocc!

1111
00:49:54,687 --> 00:49:56,602
Get in here, man!
Who broke this refrigerator!"

1112
00:49:56,645 --> 00:49:57,820
He came in, he was like, "Don't
worry, Daddy, I fix for you.

1113
00:49:57,864 --> 00:49:59,561
Give me two--two minutes, Daddy.
Two minutes.

1114
00:49:59,605 --> 00:50:02,042
One probably. I fix for you,
Daddy, no problem.

1115
00:50:02,086 --> 00:50:03,826
I got it for you."
This nigga had a big-ass

1116
00:50:03,870 --> 00:50:06,916
tape measure and shit.

1117
00:50:06,960 --> 00:50:08,222
"Two minutes."

1118
00:50:08,266 --> 00:50:12,052
Had keys and shit.

1119
00:50:12,096 --> 00:50:15,838
Nigga want to take field trips
to Home Depot and shit.

1120
00:50:15,882 --> 00:50:18,363
"Give me two eggshell
alabasters."

1121
00:50:18,406 --> 00:50:20,713
Nigga jumping out of the car
at the stoplight,

1122
00:50:20,756 --> 00:50:24,412
selling oranges and shit--
get your ass back in the car!

1123
00:50:24,456 --> 00:50:27,459
You ain't going over to Consuelo
house no more.

1124
00:50:29,461 --> 00:50:31,463
He's been picking up
all type of shit.

1125
00:50:31,506 --> 00:50:33,160
And black people, it's the same
way, 'cause you know,

1126
00:50:33,204 --> 00:50:35,380
holidays just passed,
all of that stuff.

1127
00:50:35,423 --> 00:50:36,816
When we get together, black
folks, what do we do?

1128
00:50:36,859 --> 00:50:38,948
We entertain each other
in the family, right?

1129
00:50:38,992 --> 00:50:41,342
We got to dance for company and
all that stuff, right?

1130
00:50:41,386 --> 00:50:44,563
You do the Electric Slide.
Obama waffles, you know?

1131
00:50:44,606 --> 00:50:46,086
We do that.
They show off.

1132
00:50:46,130 --> 00:50:47,957
And my daughter's talented.

1133
00:50:48,001 --> 00:50:50,221
So the family was over, I was
like, "Go on, Monroe.

1134
00:50:50,264 --> 00:50:51,700
Get out there, show 'em
what you been doing."

1135
00:50:51,744 --> 00:50:54,051
She's like, ♪ Suavemente

1136
00:50:54,094 --> 00:50:55,487
♪ Bésame

1137
00:50:55,530 --> 00:50:58,794
Sit your ass down!

1138
00:51:01,145 --> 00:51:04,757
This ain't no damn quinceañera!

1139
00:51:04,800 --> 00:51:08,456
Take off the fucking
wedding dress!

1140
00:51:14,114 --> 00:51:16,638
It's--but they--they pick shit
up, you know?

1141
00:51:16,682 --> 00:51:19,250
They honestly do, and you know
what they pick up the most?

1142
00:51:19,293 --> 00:51:21,252
And I realize this, and anybody
in here with kids,

1143
00:51:21,295 --> 00:51:25,038
they understand,
they pick up fear.

1144
00:51:25,082 --> 00:51:27,301
Fear is taught.
You ever notice that?

1145
00:51:27,345 --> 00:51:28,955
Like if you see your kid fall,

1146
00:51:28,998 --> 00:51:30,087
and you don't pay
no attention to it,

1147
00:51:30,130 --> 00:51:31,392
they'll get right back up.

1148
00:51:31,436 --> 00:51:34,134
But if they fall
and they see you react,

1149
00:51:34,178 --> 00:51:36,702
they start crying, 'cause they
see you scared,

1150
00:51:36,745 --> 00:51:38,443
so therefore, they get scared.

1151
00:51:38,486 --> 00:51:40,140
And that's when I realized,
I was like, yo,

1152
00:51:40,184 --> 00:51:42,360
I got to check the way that
I react around my kids.

1153
00:51:42,403 --> 00:51:44,101
I can't let 'em know
that I'm scared.

1154
00:51:44,144 --> 00:51:45,406
Because I'm--I'ma share
something with y'all,

1155
00:51:45,450 --> 00:51:46,886
and this is the honest
to God truth.

1156
00:51:46,929 --> 00:51:48,279
This is when I realized it.

1157
00:51:48,322 --> 00:51:49,976
This is a true story.

1158
00:51:50,019 --> 00:51:52,283
For their second birthday,

1159
00:51:52,326 --> 00:51:54,067
we went all the way

1160
00:51:54,111 --> 00:51:57,114
to an Australian zoo.

1161
00:51:57,157 --> 00:52:01,161
Some Mariah Carey shit.

1162
00:52:01,205 --> 00:52:05,122
All my birthday parties
be at McDonald's.

1163
00:52:05,165 --> 00:52:07,254
With the bootleg
Ronald McDonald.

1164
00:52:07,298 --> 00:52:08,951
Ronaldo?

1165
00:52:08,995 --> 00:52:10,779
The keg of orange Hi-C.

1166
00:52:10,823 --> 00:52:13,478
Un-happy meals, that's my shit.

1167
00:52:13,521 --> 00:52:15,523
But I went along with this.

1168
00:52:15,567 --> 00:52:17,482
I did, I went along with it
'cause I was interested.

1169
00:52:17,525 --> 00:52:19,832
Shit, I'll go to Australia.

1170
00:52:19,875 --> 00:52:22,182
'Cause I'm used to shit
in American zoos,

1171
00:52:22,226 --> 00:52:25,968
like cages.

1172
00:52:26,012 --> 00:52:28,493
Like, 'cause hey, for real,
like, if you go to Australia,

1173
00:52:28,536 --> 00:52:30,930
it's wild--it's the outback
for your ass.

1174
00:52:30,973 --> 00:52:33,759
They be out there.
And--and--you know--

1175
00:52:33,802 --> 00:52:35,239
I'ma paint the picture for you
'cause this is how

1176
00:52:35,282 --> 00:52:37,458
it happened, y'all,
so they put you

1177
00:52:37,502 --> 00:52:39,982
in this little choo-choo train.

1178
00:52:40,026 --> 00:52:42,594
And this--you know,
my son is in my lap.

1179
00:52:42,637 --> 00:52:45,205
He got on a birthday hat.
I got on a birthday hat.

1180
00:52:45,249 --> 00:52:47,512
Mariah had my daughter in
her lap, birthday hat,

1181
00:52:47,555 --> 00:52:51,211
butterflies and shit--
y'all get the picture.

1182
00:52:51,255 --> 00:52:55,084
So we in the choo-choo train,
and we see a sign

1183
00:52:55,128 --> 00:52:58,784
that says kangaroos
to the left.

1184
00:52:58,827 --> 00:53:01,613
I'm like, shit, I want to see
some kangaroos.

1185
00:53:01,656 --> 00:53:04,790
Yo, that choo-choo train
busted a left,

1186
00:53:04,833 --> 00:53:08,228
and we got surrounded
by like 200 kangaroos!

1187
00:53:08,272 --> 00:53:11,492
We pulled up in a kanga-hood!

1188
00:53:11,536 --> 00:53:13,059
Oh, and they was just
chilling on the block

1189
00:53:13,102 --> 00:53:14,278
like Puerto Ricans too.

1190
00:53:14,321 --> 00:53:16,976
They was doing pull-ups
on the trees.

1191
00:53:17,019 --> 00:53:19,631
Slap boxing, smoking Newports.

1192
00:53:19,674 --> 00:53:22,024
Fixing old Oldsmobiles.

1193
00:53:22,068 --> 00:53:24,897
Drinking 40 ounces
of Foster's beer.

1194
00:53:24,940 --> 00:53:26,203
They saw us, they start
throwing up

1195
00:53:26,246 --> 00:53:29,249
kang signs and shit.

1196
00:53:29,293 --> 00:53:33,122
Niggas start kang-banging
on me and shit.

1197
00:53:35,212 --> 00:53:38,084
And...
I am not gonna lie.

1198
00:53:38,127 --> 00:53:41,392
I was terrified.

1199
00:53:41,435 --> 00:53:45,222
Scared--I have never been
this scared in my life.

1200
00:53:45,265 --> 00:53:47,354
But this is how
it actually happened.

1201
00:53:47,398 --> 00:53:50,139
My son--fearless--

1202
00:53:50,183 --> 00:53:52,881
leaps out of my lap
and heads

1203
00:53:52,925 --> 00:53:55,188
straight for the kangaroos!

1204
00:53:55,232 --> 00:53:58,887
I'm like, "No!"

1205
00:53:58,931 --> 00:54:02,717
[clicking]
Nigga, you on your own.

1206
00:54:02,761 --> 00:54:05,154
Mm-mm!

1207
00:54:05,198 --> 00:54:07,287
Shit.

1208
00:54:07,331 --> 00:54:10,072
I can protect you from humans,
but I don't do marsupials.

1209
00:54:10,116 --> 00:54:11,683
Mm-mm!

1210
00:54:11,726 --> 00:54:13,250
Uh-uh, nigga. Mm.

1211
00:54:13,293 --> 00:54:17,297
I'll make another one.

1212
00:54:17,341 --> 00:54:19,081
For real, 'cause that's
how scared I was!

1213
00:54:19,125 --> 00:54:21,127
I wasn't going nowhere!

1214
00:54:21,170 --> 00:54:22,650
But everybody else
in the choo-choo train,

1215
00:54:22,694 --> 00:54:24,130
they just jumped out and
followed.

1216
00:54:24,173 --> 00:54:26,480
Mariah, my daugh--everybody.

1217
00:54:26,524 --> 00:54:29,222
And they was all over there,
just with the kangaroos,

1218
00:54:29,266 --> 00:54:31,964
playing, having fun,
taking selfies and shit.

1219
00:54:32,007 --> 00:54:35,794
One took a dick pic.
I was like, "What the fuck?"

1220
00:54:35,837 --> 00:54:39,711
They was enjoying, and--
and guess where my ass was.

1221
00:54:39,754 --> 00:54:42,409
In that God damn
choo-choo train!

1222
00:54:42,453 --> 00:54:45,282
Reflecting.

1223
00:54:45,325 --> 00:54:47,196
And I was sitting there
because, you know,

1224
00:54:47,240 --> 00:54:50,112
I looked out and saw
that sea of white people,

1225
00:54:50,156 --> 00:54:53,551
and all those wild kangaroos,

1226
00:54:53,594 --> 00:54:57,163
and my bravely beige family.

1227
00:55:02,211 --> 00:55:05,519
And a couple of things just
started going through my head.

1228
00:55:05,563 --> 00:55:07,565
First thing, I was like,

1229
00:55:07,608 --> 00:55:11,743
that got to be Mariah's
white side of the family.

1230
00:55:11,786 --> 00:55:13,571
And the second thing was,

1231
00:55:13,614 --> 00:55:17,662
this shit ain't gonna last.

1232
00:55:17,705 --> 00:55:20,273
It's true, because it
had nothing

1233
00:55:20,317 --> 00:55:21,970
to do with her, or them.

1234
00:55:22,014 --> 00:55:23,102
They was enjoying themselves.

1235
00:55:23,145 --> 00:55:24,799
They was having a great time.

1236
00:55:24,843 --> 00:55:27,280
It was all my insecurities
that was bothering me

1237
00:55:27,324 --> 00:55:29,282
that was keeping me from
hanging out with my family.

1238
00:55:29,326 --> 00:55:31,240
It was all my built-up shit,
and black people,

1239
00:55:31,284 --> 00:55:32,590
y'all got to rock
with me on this.

1240
00:55:32,633 --> 00:55:33,765
Y'all know, it's just--

1241
00:55:33,808 --> 00:55:35,114
it's just certain shit

1242
00:55:35,157 --> 00:55:37,116
we don't fuck with.

1243
00:55:37,159 --> 00:55:38,770
Right?
Like black people,

1244
00:55:38,813 --> 00:55:40,380
we do not mess with nothing

1245
00:55:40,424 --> 00:55:45,254
that start with the letter K.

1246
00:55:45,298 --> 00:55:47,256
Y'all know what I'm talking
'bout!

1247
00:55:47,300 --> 00:55:50,825
Shit, just ask the Kardashians.

1248
00:55:50,869 --> 00:55:52,827
Oh, my ass.

1249
00:55:52,871 --> 00:55:57,049
NBA players make it in, but they
don't make it out, shit.

1250
00:55:57,092 --> 00:55:59,660
Hey, it's three of them too.
K, K, K.

1251
00:55:59,704 --> 00:56:01,227
Y'all know what
I'm talking about.

1252
00:56:01,270 --> 00:56:03,534
Shoot, Kim, Khloe,

1253
00:56:03,577 --> 00:56:06,188
and Kanye.

1254
00:56:08,495 --> 00:56:11,193
We shootin' tonight, y'all!

1255
00:56:13,326 --> 00:56:15,415
No, but it's just--
it's just certain

1256
00:56:15,459 --> 00:56:17,896
K shit that we don't do, y'all.

1257
00:56:17,939 --> 00:56:20,159
We don't do no kangaroos.

1258
00:56:20,202 --> 00:56:22,335
I don't fuck with kanga--shit--
and I think

1259
00:56:22,379 --> 00:56:25,077
the kangaroos, they--
they even sensed it.

1260
00:56:25,120 --> 00:56:28,776
They did, 'cause I saw one
kangaroo hop over to Mariah.

1261
00:56:28,820 --> 00:56:32,214
He was like...

1262
00:56:32,258 --> 00:56:36,262
"You know your husband's
a bitch, right?

1263
00:56:36,305 --> 00:56:39,221
Hop in me pouch. Let's go."

1264
00:56:39,265 --> 00:56:41,441
He hopped off with my family.

1265
00:56:41,485 --> 00:56:43,443
So there you have it,
Los Angeles.

1266
00:56:43,487 --> 00:56:46,011
You heard it from
the horse's mouth.

1267
00:56:46,054 --> 00:56:47,621
That's why the divorce happened.

1268
00:56:47,665 --> 00:56:51,408
Mariah left me for
an Australian kangaroo.

1269
00:56:57,196 --> 00:57:00,634
Now you ain't got to hear the
shit on Wendy Williams.

1270
00:57:00,678 --> 00:57:04,551
With her big ass, shit.

1271
00:57:04,595 --> 00:57:06,292
What you mean, "Oh?"
Like y'all just found out

1272
00:57:06,335 --> 00:57:07,641
Wendy was big!

1273
00:57:07,685 --> 00:57:09,251
Shit, Wendy been big!

1274
00:57:09,295 --> 00:57:10,905
I love how she wear
that big shit!

1275
00:57:10,949 --> 00:57:15,040
Shit, y'all remember when Wendy
used to play for the Jets.

1276
00:57:15,083 --> 00:57:16,911
Shit, she still be coming out
on the show

1277
00:57:16,955 --> 00:57:17,869
with the shoulder pads and shit.

1278
00:57:17,912 --> 00:57:22,177
One, two, three,
"How you doing?"

1279
00:57:22,221 --> 00:57:25,442
Wendy be wearing that big shit.
I love that shit.

1280
00:57:25,485 --> 00:57:28,140
Shit, that's my man.

1281
00:57:34,842 --> 00:57:37,454
But I guess--that's funny,
I guess the joke is kind of

1282
00:57:37,497 --> 00:57:39,020
on me, though, when you think
about it, because

1283
00:57:39,064 --> 00:57:41,980
that whole Australian
trip to the zoo?

1284
00:57:42,023 --> 00:57:43,285
All of that, that actually
really happened.

1285
00:57:43,329 --> 00:57:44,765
Kangaroos and everything.

1286
00:57:44,809 --> 00:57:47,551
I--I fabricated a little bit
at the end.

1287
00:57:47,594 --> 00:57:50,597
But Mariah's ass didn't.

1288
00:57:50,641 --> 00:57:54,383
Shit, she really left
with an Australian.

1289
00:57:54,427 --> 00:57:57,474
But that kangaroo
had a billion dollars.

1290
00:57:57,517 --> 00:58:01,303
I would've hopped off with
his ass too, shit.

1291
00:58:01,347 --> 00:58:05,482
Like, nigga, when we goin'
to the yacht? Shit.

1292
00:58:05,525 --> 00:58:08,049
But since we all family in here
and we talking about it,

1293
00:58:08,093 --> 00:58:10,269
we in here talking about the
shit, shit,

1294
00:58:10,312 --> 00:58:12,750
would you leave your
significant other

1295
00:58:12,793 --> 00:58:15,448
for a billionaire?

1296
00:58:15,492 --> 00:58:17,711
Shit, somebody said, "Shit,
hell, I'll leave the nigga

1297
00:58:17,755 --> 00:58:20,758
for a bus pass if it's going
in the right direction.

1298
00:58:20,801 --> 00:58:23,108
Get my shit straight."

1299
00:58:23,151 --> 00:58:24,370
I heard a couple of no's,
though.

1300
00:58:24,413 --> 00:58:26,459
Who said that they wouldn't
leave?

1301
00:58:26,503 --> 00:58:28,809
You--you wouldn't--
that's--that's love.

1302
00:58:28,853 --> 00:58:32,509
Who--who would stay?
Who would stay? You would stay?

1303
00:58:32,552 --> 00:58:37,122
Yo, shit, you--you adding
stipulations to the shit.

1304
00:58:37,165 --> 00:58:38,689
But no, that's--
that's beautiful.

1305
00:58:38,732 --> 00:58:40,429
She said she would stay.
Now, y'all give it up.

1306
00:58:40,473 --> 00:58:41,735
That's--that's love right there.

1307
00:58:41,779 --> 00:58:44,346
Queen, I appreciate that.

1308
00:58:44,390 --> 00:58:47,436
She--that's--she's rubbing on
his leg and shit.

1309
00:58:47,480 --> 00:58:49,613
See, I know what it is.
See, 'cause it has--

1310
00:58:49,656 --> 00:58:51,658
it has nothing to do
with money, right?

1311
00:58:51,702 --> 00:58:54,487
You can get anybody with money.

1312
00:58:54,531 --> 00:58:56,750
But good dick is hard
to find, ain't it?

1313
00:58:56,794 --> 00:59:00,058
Hey, she--she gave me the fist
bump and everything.

1314
00:59:00,101 --> 00:59:03,627
Hey, dude, you putting it down.
That's a real nigga right there.

1315
00:59:03,670 --> 00:59:06,412
See, look how she cheesin'
all hard, shoot.

1316
00:59:06,455 --> 00:59:08,066
'Cause--hey--
'cause it's simple.

1317
00:59:08,109 --> 00:59:11,025
'Cause you can get you a man
with a good job.

1318
00:59:11,069 --> 00:59:14,507
But do he got good dick, though?

1319
00:59:14,551 --> 00:59:17,858
You can get you a man
with some good credit.

1320
00:59:17,902 --> 00:59:20,731
But do he got good dick, though?

1321
00:59:20,774 --> 00:59:23,690
Shoot, you can get you
a good Christian.

1322
00:59:23,734 --> 00:59:27,564
But do he got good dick, though?

1323
00:59:27,607 --> 00:59:29,174
Shoot, you could be
a preacher in them streets,

1324
00:59:29,217 --> 00:59:33,308
but you better be a sinner
in them sheets.

1325
00:59:33,352 --> 00:59:35,615
You know what I'm talkin' 'bout!

1326
00:59:35,659 --> 00:59:37,748
Shoot, 'cause so--lad--that's a
lot of ladies in here tonight.

1327
00:59:37,791 --> 00:59:40,141
All together, y'all all got
that one friend.

1328
00:59:40,185 --> 00:59:43,623
That got a man who ain't shit.

1329
00:59:43,667 --> 00:59:47,061
She always crying
and complaining.

1330
00:59:47,105 --> 00:59:49,934
He ain't got no job!

1331
00:59:49,977 --> 00:59:52,153
He ain't got no car!

1332
00:59:52,197 --> 00:59:55,766
He ain't got no money!

1333
00:59:55,809 --> 01:00:00,335
But he got good dick, though.

1334
01:00:00,379 --> 01:00:02,337
That'll make 'em stay!

1335
01:00:02,381 --> 01:00:04,513
It will! Shoot, look, look.
Just look.

1336
01:00:04,557 --> 01:00:08,387
Just--Treat moving all
in her seat and shit.

1337
01:00:08,430 --> 01:00:11,869
She's like, "I know exactly what
he talking 'bout."

1338
01:00:13,479 --> 01:00:15,089
It's the truth!

1339
01:00:15,133 --> 01:00:17,526
Because--and don't let it
be the reverse.

1340
01:00:17,570 --> 01:00:19,833
Don't let it--
you can have everything.

1341
01:00:19,877 --> 01:00:22,096
Shoot, you could be Willy Wonka
out there, motherfucker,

1342
01:00:22,140 --> 01:00:24,446
but if you ain't putting it
down in the bedroom,

1343
01:00:24,490 --> 01:00:27,711
a woman will leave your ass
fast as shit.

1344
01:00:27,754 --> 01:00:31,715
The sheets'll still be
smoking, won't they?

1345
01:00:31,758 --> 01:00:33,978
If you are not pleasing a woman
in the bedroom,

1346
01:00:34,021 --> 01:00:36,067
she gon' be out faster than
Sonic the Hedgehog.

1347
01:00:36,110 --> 01:00:39,853
SEGA!

1348
01:00:39,897 --> 01:00:42,464
'Cause you have officially
wasted her time.

1349
01:00:42,508 --> 01:00:46,947
And a real woman ain't got time
to be wastin' time!

1350
01:00:49,297 --> 01:00:51,865
Shit, that's why Mariah

1351
01:00:51,909 --> 01:00:54,607
ain't with the billionaire now.

1352
01:00:58,872 --> 01:01:03,790
But me and her still cool.

1353
01:01:03,834 --> 01:01:07,185
'Cause I got good dick, though!

1354
01:01:07,228 --> 01:01:10,188
♪ hip-hop music

1355
01:01:10,231 --> 01:01:14,888
♪♪

1356
01:01:54,145 --> 01:01:56,364
[Nick]
It's Ncredible!