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Downloaded from
YTS.MX
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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
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♪ Hush now child... ♪
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I mean, I'm 30,000 feet
in the air, right?
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They're saying, Kevin,
come on, please.
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Kev, you got to put
on the parachute.
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Everybody's going,
please, please, Kev.
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At this point,
they're begging me.
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Tell me that
the story ends
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with you wearing the parachute.
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Absolutely fucking not, no! No!
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No, I wanted to be authentic.
Right?
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- It's got to be real.
- Yeah.
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You know what Tom Cruise
calls parachutes? Diapers.
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Is that because they fill up
when you're falling?
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No. Tom told me, he said, Kevin,
they put me in a parachute,
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they might as well put a diaper
on me and send me to pasture.
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Look, Kevin... you know,
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based on the success
of the first one,
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we see massive franchise
potential with The Jefferson's.
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And you know, your agent just
keeps saying that you might
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be waffling on doing a sequel.
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And I'm just here to ask,
is it about the money?
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Look, Deb, The Jefferson's
is amazing, right?
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We did amazing work there.
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But I'll be honest,
when I walk on that set,
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I feel like I'm being babysat.
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I mean, they give me
goddamn stunt coordinators.
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I have-- I have stage managers,
uh, wires, green screens.
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Yes, a-- and somehow,
you still manage to jump out
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of an airplane without a chute.
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I wasn't telling the truth
when I told you that,
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but I forgot to say I was lying.
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So let's take a pause, right?
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Put a pin in that,
so you understand
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that wasn't the truth.
I had to make that up.
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I was pretending.
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But you know why
I got to pretend?
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Because I'm not a
real action star, Deb.
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Kevin, you took a sitcom
about a dry cleaner,
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and you turned him into
motherfucking Jason Bourne.
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Okay? You are
a real action star.
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- No, not yet.
- Not yet?
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No. But I will be.
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When you fund my next project.
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Okay.
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Deb, now, look, what
I'm about to tell you is going
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to seem crazy at first,
but I promise you,
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if you give it a chance,
you'll get it.
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- Close your eyes.
- Okay.
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Deb, I want you to picture
yourself going up a mountain.
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On the ground!
Let's go!
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Alright, you rich assholes!
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Wallets, Rolexes, jewelry!
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All your fancy shit!
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- What is taking so long?
- Put it in the bag!
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Let's go!
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Just stay calm. Stay calm.
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Everything shiny!
Let's go!
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Get it in the bag!
Let's go!
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They're coming this way.
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I don't have all day here!
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Shit, shit!
Shit, shit, shit!
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Trying to hide, little man?
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The fuck did you just call me?
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Bet you got a big wallet
for such a little man.
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Now, put it in the bag!
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You want my wallet? Huh?
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Get back. I got this.
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You got what?
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- I want your gun!
- Shit!
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You believe
this fucking clown?
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Give me your gun!
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Whoa.
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You're just going to be
the first man in history
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to shoot somebody
with a safety on?
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- What?
- Huh?
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I don't like guns.
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Oh, shit!
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- Not enough.
- God damn it.
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Shit.
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Nice to beef you, motherfucker.
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Hey, it's not about me.
It's about you.
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I'm glad everybody's safe.
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It's a crazy world
that we're living in.
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- A lot of nut jobs out here.
- Oh, Kevin!
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Kevin?
What just happened?
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Real goddamn action!
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That's what just happened.
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- Okay.
- Real fucking action.
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That's the adrenaline
that I want audiences
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across the globe to feel, Deb.
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This-- this was all staged?
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Yeah! All of it.
They're actors.
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I just wanted to give you
a little taste of what
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our movie was about, right?
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This is the movie that
we're going to make.
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So what I did was,
I brought an outline, right?
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A little rough outline
to give you a little idea
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about what we're going to do.
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- Oh, boy.
- Right?
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The world of our movie lives
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in improvised action.
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It's spontaneous ass-whoopins.
That's what this is about.
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That guy spontaneously
hit you with a gun.
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You're talking
about Larry?
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Larry! Hey!
You got me good.
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- I'm gonna feel that one.
- Yeah, you are.
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You goddamn right.
Fucking Larry.
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You're not well.
Oh, no, you're not well.
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This is about me
getting a respect
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that I deserve
as an action star, Deb!
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What is it that
you want me to say here?
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What do I
want you to say?
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Deb, I want you to say,
I'll do it!
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My answer is no. Never.
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This is never going to happen,
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not at my studio
or anyone else's. No.
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Please?
- No.
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Can you just give it a--
- No, no, no, no.
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Deb, can you just--
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Can you just please
give it a-- give it a read?
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Oh.
- Okay? Here.
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There you go.
That's all-- that's all I want.
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Can you just--
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I'll read it.
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We did it! Yeah!
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Hello, Mr. Greenlight!
She loved it, right?
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I told you she was
going to love it!
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What's the budget she
gave you? $300 million?
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$400-- $500 million for this?
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Just drive.
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I am so sorry, Kevin.
That's not-- that is not fair.
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You are a king, and this town
doesn't deserve you.
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Do you hear me?
You are a king!
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You are my king! Praise!
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Praise!
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Wait a second.
Is that her right there?
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Is that her, the one
throwing away the script?
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Is that her right there?
Excuse me, ma'am!
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Excuse me, ma'am, in
the red jacket! How are you?
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Kevin Darnell Hart
is a national treasure!
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- A national treasure!
- Just drive the car!
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We're going
to drive the car!
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But honestly,
get your shit together!
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Nice to meet you!
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Drive the fucking car,
Andre!
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Today is gonna be the most
amazing day of your life.
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Your papers.
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You say the same thing
every day, Andre.
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- And every day, you're wrong.
- Oh, well, come on.
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You're just cranky,
because you haven't
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had your tofu tahini smoothie.
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I'll get that for you right now.
Sophie! His TT!
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I really hate that
you call it that.
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Here we go.
Big gulps.
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- There you go.
- No.
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I'm cranky, because the movie
of my dreams just flamed. Okay?
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Now, I don't know what
I'm going to do with my life.
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Well, I mean, come on, man.
You still have us.
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That's amazing, right?
You have us.
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What the hell does that mean?
Ooh.
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Hannah, Sophie, me,
your man TJ right over here!
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I'm talking about your village!
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I know what you need.
I know what you need.
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A massage.
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Nina, these are all set up
for the new hot stones?
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I can be in about ten minutes.
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She can be in about ten minutes.
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Kevin, the crew
are ready whenever you are.
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Yeah. I'm ready.
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You got this!
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Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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There you go.
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Oh, God.
How you doing?
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Good. Great.
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Kev, now just pretend you're
biking through the Swiss Alps.
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We'll CG the Alps in later.
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What is that?
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00:08:17,206 --> 00:08:18,665
I'm on foot, though.
I need a bike, right?
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We'll CG that in, too.
Action!
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You just want me to--
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Just go for it.
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Act like
I'm riding a bike?
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Exactly.
Straight arms.
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Kevin, look at this.
Kevin, look at this.
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Hey, man.
Not-- No!
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I can't-- can't do this shit!
I can't.
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I-- I cannot do
this shit any more! Alright?
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00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:48,278
I'm tired of the CGI and
the goddamn green screens,
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all this fake shit!
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No, uh--
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I want real
fucking action!
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Ah!
Kevin, no!
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Nina? What's the ETA
on those hot stones?
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It appears
A-list actor
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Kevin Hart is back
in the news again.
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Star of the high-octane reboot
of The Jefferson's,
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{\an8}Hart has spent his own money
destroying a high-end Hollywood
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{\an8}restaurant in an
attempt to woo a studio
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{\an8}boss into financing what
he refers to
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{\an8}as a cinema verité-style
action film.
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This comes just a year
after the actor famously
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00:09:26,775 --> 00:09:30,153
fired his long-time
stuntman Doug Eubanks
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00:09:30,153 --> 00:09:31,905
in the middle of production,
a decision
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00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:33,907
that left insiders dumbfounded.
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00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:35,325
Bring me this man.
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00:09:36,618 --> 00:09:40,122
Bring me this Kevin Hart.
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00:09:40,122 --> 00:09:41,999
...also known as Mr. 206.
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00:09:44,209 --> 00:09:46,712
Wow.
This is big, man.
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00:09:46,712 --> 00:09:48,630
No, like, this is really big.
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00:09:48,630 --> 00:09:50,340
Andre, I don't think
you understand!
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00:09:50,340 --> 00:09:53,135
I cast my dream out into
the universe, and guess what?
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00:09:53,135 --> 00:09:54,720
Karl Stromberg comes running!
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00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:57,556
Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah.
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00:09:57,556 --> 00:10:00,142
But I got to say, boss.
I don't like it.
217
00:10:00,142 --> 00:10:02,352
I mean, you don't even know
this guy, right?
218
00:10:02,352 --> 00:10:04,479
I tried to look him up,
and nothing came up on Google.
219
00:10:04,479 --> 00:10:07,190
Duh.
It's because he's European.
220
00:10:07,190 --> 00:10:09,609
They got their own Google.
Everybody knows that. Alright?
221
00:10:09,609 --> 00:10:12,154
Listen, the guy is loaded,
got tons of money.
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00:10:12,154 --> 00:10:14,781
And if his desire is to make
my movie, then so be it.
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00:10:14,781 --> 00:10:16,616
- I'm good.
- I can't do it, boss.
224
00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:18,410
I am so sorry.
I can't do it.
225
00:10:18,410 --> 00:10:20,412
My job is to look out for your
best interest, and I don't--
226
00:10:20,412 --> 00:10:22,331
Uh, what did you just say?
227
00:10:22,331 --> 00:10:23,415
It's my job
to look out for your--
228
00:10:23,415 --> 00:10:25,208
It's not your job.
229
00:10:25,208 --> 00:10:28,045
As a matter of fact, that's the
complete opposite of your job.
230
00:10:28,045 --> 00:10:30,881
You know who
looks out for me, Andre? Me.
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00:10:30,881 --> 00:10:32,341
That's who looks out for me.
Me!
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00:10:32,341 --> 00:10:33,592
Okay?
233
00:10:33,592 --> 00:10:35,177
- You know what? Pull over.
- What?
234
00:10:35,177 --> 00:10:36,470
Pull over. I'm driving myself.
I don't want you--
235
00:10:36,470 --> 00:10:37,888
Kevin, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no.
236
00:10:37,888 --> 00:10:39,181
Kevin, you can't drive yourself.
You need me!
237
00:10:39,181 --> 00:10:41,183
- You need me!
- I do not need you.
238
00:10:41,183 --> 00:10:43,518
Correction!
I don't need you!
239
00:10:43,518 --> 00:10:44,895
I didn't need my stunt man!
240
00:10:44,895 --> 00:10:46,355
I damn sure don't
need an assistant
241
00:10:46,355 --> 00:10:47,564
telling me how to live my life.
242
00:10:47,564 --> 00:10:48,815
Pull over!
243
00:10:51,777 --> 00:10:53,028
Don't-- don't hold the wheel
in the middle!
244
00:10:53,028 --> 00:10:55,781
Shut up, Andre!
I said shut up!
245
00:10:55,781 --> 00:10:57,407
- I know how to drive!
- We know!
246
00:10:57,407 --> 00:10:58,992
We all know!
He knows how to drive a car!
247
00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:01,453
We know! But let's say you
put your hand down.
248
00:11:01,453 --> 00:11:03,455
- You pop it in D.
- Pop it in first!
249
00:11:03,455 --> 00:11:05,332
Nope, that's reverse!
Whoa! You know what?
250
00:11:05,332 --> 00:11:07,000
Why don't I help you out?
251
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:09,002
I'll get in there, I'll start
her up, I'll roll out,
252
00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:10,212
and everybody will
think it was you.
253
00:11:10,212 --> 00:11:11,671
I don't want your help!
254
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:13,215
Good, good, good! Good!
255
00:11:13,215 --> 00:11:14,508
Good! Good, good, good!
256
00:11:14,508 --> 00:11:16,093
Yeah, smooth!
Very smooth!
257
00:11:16,093 --> 00:11:18,261
You're leaving!
Yeah! Fuck off!
258
00:11:18,261 --> 00:11:20,013
I'll drive all the way home!
259
00:11:40,659 --> 00:11:42,869
So, Karl...
260
00:11:42,869 --> 00:11:46,123
Karl, what is it, uh, what is
that you do for a living, man?
261
00:11:48,458 --> 00:11:51,503
I made my fortune
mining precious metals.
262
00:11:51,503 --> 00:11:53,171
Mm.
263
00:11:53,171 --> 00:11:57,342
Now, I finance films,
primarily in the Balkans,
264
00:11:57,342 --> 00:11:58,885
once in North Korea.
265
00:11:58,885 --> 00:12:00,971
It's probably hard
to get permits over there, huh?
266
00:12:00,971 --> 00:12:04,307
Permits are for cowards.
267
00:12:04,307 --> 00:12:08,770
Your outline... is dangerous.
268
00:12:08,770 --> 00:12:10,313
It's violent.
269
00:12:10,313 --> 00:12:11,898
It's almost no narrative
that makes
270
00:12:11,898 --> 00:12:14,860
sense to a regular human being.
271
00:12:14,860 --> 00:12:17,612
I am not
the regular human being. No.
272
00:12:18,947 --> 00:12:22,868
- I am Karl Stromberg.
- Yeah.
273
00:12:22,868 --> 00:12:24,619
And that is why...
274
00:12:26,830 --> 00:12:28,623
I will finance
this film for you.
275
00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:31,710
What did you just say to me?
276
00:12:31,710 --> 00:12:33,170
You're telling me
that you're going
277
00:12:33,170 --> 00:12:36,089
to finance my goddamn movie?
Huh?
278
00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:39,092
Dude, you just
made my day, man!
279
00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:41,011
And I don't have to do my pitch!
Because my pitch is expensive.
280
00:12:41,011 --> 00:12:42,721
I ain't going to
break all this glass
281
00:12:42,721 --> 00:12:44,347
and stuff in here, because
I know I got to pay for it.
282
00:12:44,347 --> 00:12:45,640
Dude! You just--
283
00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:47,184
I was in a dark place, Karl.
284
00:12:47,184 --> 00:12:49,019
I was in a real dark place, man.
285
00:12:49,019 --> 00:12:51,188
You just pulled me
out of a dark place.
286
00:12:51,188 --> 00:12:52,647
Because people
underestimate you.
287
00:12:52,647 --> 00:12:53,899
Yeah.
288
00:12:53,899 --> 00:12:56,443
When you left comedy
for the action,
289
00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:57,986
they said you'd fail.
290
00:12:57,986 --> 00:12:59,571
Did they?
291
00:12:59,571 --> 00:13:02,324
When you fired your stuntman
to do your own stunts...
292
00:13:03,533 --> 00:13:04,534
they said you would fail.
293
00:13:04,534 --> 00:13:05,827
You heard about that?
294
00:13:05,827 --> 00:13:07,579
Everyone heard about
that.
295
00:13:07,579 --> 00:13:09,581
It's only you and Tom Cruise
who do your own stunts now.
296
00:13:09,581 --> 00:13:11,833
That's-- that's a fact.
297
00:13:11,833 --> 00:13:14,127
Two peas in a pod, man.
What's going on?
298
00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:16,338
What you doing?
299
00:13:16,338 --> 00:13:17,756
This film, Kevin...
300
00:13:19,257 --> 00:13:23,803
will put you
in your own category.
301
00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:29,392
Ah! One pea in one pod.
302
00:13:29,392 --> 00:13:30,936
Yes, right.
303
00:13:30,936 --> 00:13:32,812
That's right.
One pea, one pod.
304
00:13:34,648 --> 00:13:36,441
Hell, yeah.
305
00:13:36,441 --> 00:13:37,943
That's what
it's supposed to be, Karl.
306
00:13:37,943 --> 00:13:39,402
You know what, man?
I know we just met,
307
00:13:39,402 --> 00:13:42,030
but I feel like
I've known you for a long time,
308
00:13:42,030 --> 00:13:43,490
because you get me.
309
00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:45,367
I'm so sick of this...
310
00:13:45,367 --> 00:13:49,579
this CG and this
green screen shit!
311
00:13:49,579 --> 00:13:51,665
So what'd you think of
the story, Karl? About me--
312
00:13:51,665 --> 00:13:54,251
No one watches movies
for the story.
313
00:13:54,251 --> 00:13:55,669
Yeah.
314
00:13:55,669 --> 00:13:57,379
They watch it for the action.
315
00:13:59,047 --> 00:14:00,715
And the nudity.
316
00:14:02,968 --> 00:14:04,678
I don't really...
317
00:14:04,678 --> 00:14:07,639
I don't really have
any dick in my script.
318
00:14:07,639 --> 00:14:09,099
But if you want some,
if you feel like people want
319
00:14:09,099 --> 00:14:11,810
to see dick,
I can add some dick.
320
00:14:11,810 --> 00:14:13,895
I can-- I'm not afraid
to go full frontal.
321
00:14:13,895 --> 00:14:15,897
I'll do it. Right?
322
00:14:15,897 --> 00:14:17,482
If that's what the people want.
323
00:14:17,482 --> 00:14:19,484
My biggest thing, though,
is the action, man.
324
00:14:19,484 --> 00:14:21,111
I just don't--
I don't want to see it coming.
325
00:14:21,111 --> 00:14:22,821
Right?
I want to be caught off guard.
326
00:14:22,821 --> 00:14:24,698
- You will shit your pants!
- What you talkin' about?
327
00:14:24,698 --> 00:14:27,617
We will have a change of pants
available at all times
328
00:14:27,617 --> 00:14:31,037
for when you shit your pants.
329
00:14:31,037 --> 00:14:32,998
Because I'm scared.
330
00:14:32,998 --> 00:14:34,666
You will shit.
- I-- I will shit.
331
00:14:34,666 --> 00:14:36,334
You will shit...
- Yeah.
332
00:14:36,334 --> 00:14:37,836
...your pants.
- I'll shit my goddamn pants.
333
00:14:37,836 --> 00:14:39,796
You will shit!
334
00:14:39,796 --> 00:14:41,548
I want to shit!
- You will shit.
335
00:14:41,548 --> 00:14:42,924
Alright! I wanna shit!
336
00:14:42,924 --> 00:14:45,010
- You wanna shit?
- Yeah! I will shit!
337
00:14:45,010 --> 00:14:47,095
You shit your pants!
338
00:14:47,095 --> 00:14:49,764
I'm ready
to shit my pants, Karl!
339
00:14:49,764 --> 00:14:53,935
I want to shit my pants!
Right now!
340
00:14:53,935 --> 00:14:56,646
When-- when do we start
so I can shit!
341
00:14:56,646 --> 00:14:58,690
We already have.
342
00:14:58,690 --> 00:15:00,650
There's a camera hidden
right behind you.
343
00:15:03,820 --> 00:15:04,946
Ohh!
344
00:15:04,946 --> 00:15:07,824
I think I see it!
345
00:15:07,824 --> 00:15:10,327
The little-- the black--
the space with the black, right?
346
00:16:02,837 --> 00:16:04,297
Back up!
347
00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:06,007
Get your ass back!
348
00:16:06,007 --> 00:16:07,217
I don't know who you think
you messing with,
349
00:16:07,217 --> 00:16:08,510
but I tell you, you got...
350
00:16:08,510 --> 00:16:10,220
Oh, shit!
351
00:16:10,220 --> 00:16:12,764
He going to fucking eat my ass!
352
00:16:12,764 --> 00:16:15,016
He going to eat my ass and
set me on fire or some shit,
353
00:16:15,016 --> 00:16:16,559
ain't you?
354
00:16:16,559 --> 00:16:19,229
Who are you? Huh?
355
00:16:19,229 --> 00:16:21,564
Where am I?
Tell me-- tell me where I'm at!
356
00:16:21,564 --> 00:16:23,775
Who...
Wait a minute.
357
00:16:23,775 --> 00:16:25,902
Do you work,
you work for Karl Stromberg?
358
00:16:30,740 --> 00:16:32,659
I said, do you work
for Karl Stromberg?
359
00:16:38,039 --> 00:16:39,249
Okay.
360
00:16:41,084 --> 00:16:43,545
Okay. Okay, we in it.
361
00:16:43,545 --> 00:16:45,672
This is it.
We're doing it.
362
00:16:45,672 --> 00:16:48,133
Okay, Karl!
I like it! I like it!
363
00:16:48,133 --> 00:16:50,176
Um, okay, shit.
364
00:16:50,176 --> 00:16:52,178
Okay, let me see. Where--
where are we in the script?
365
00:16:52,178 --> 00:16:54,139
God, my adrenaline's
flowing so much.
366
00:16:54,139 --> 00:16:57,350
You got me! I thought you was
really trying to eat my ass!
367
00:16:57,350 --> 00:16:59,769
Alright.
Uh, okay, three, two, one.
368
00:16:59,769 --> 00:17:01,187
Okay.
369
00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:03,648
Rice, peas, carrots, let's go.
370
00:17:08,987 --> 00:17:12,073
You know, I've been searching
the globe for you.
371
00:17:12,073 --> 00:17:14,951
You're a hard man to find,
Mr. Bartholomew.
372
00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:22,917
I think you got a line.
373
00:17:22,917 --> 00:17:25,211
You got a line!
374
00:17:25,211 --> 00:17:28,173
Uh, you say your part,
and I'll react off of that.
375
00:17:28,173 --> 00:17:30,884
Because what you say
sets me up to now have my...
376
00:17:30,884 --> 00:17:34,596
Unless you're not union. Or--
Is he union or no?
377
00:17:34,596 --> 00:17:37,015
Guys?
Can you not just--
378
00:17:37,015 --> 00:17:38,433
Okay.
379
00:17:38,433 --> 00:17:40,477
Oh, rewrite.
There must have been pink pages.
380
00:17:40,477 --> 00:17:42,395
Okay.
Uh, let me get back in.
381
00:17:45,690 --> 00:17:47,484
What you going to do with those?
382
00:17:47,484 --> 00:17:49,819
Chop off my finger? Hmm?
383
00:17:49,819 --> 00:17:51,654
Cut off my leg?
My foot?
384
00:17:53,281 --> 00:17:56,201
Newsflash, I only need
one foot to kick your ass.
385
00:17:57,702 --> 00:18:01,664
That is a trailer moment!
Guys! I only--
386
00:18:01,664 --> 00:18:04,125
Good evening.
387
00:18:04,125 --> 00:18:07,545
Do not use the shears
on this man.
388
00:18:07,545 --> 00:18:09,130
Is that--
is that the producer?
389
00:18:09,130 --> 00:18:10,840
Is that Karl? Karl!
390
00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:14,219
He must
atone for his sins.
391
00:18:14,219 --> 00:18:16,638
What is that?
Atone for my-- I don't know--
392
00:18:16,638 --> 00:18:18,556
He must feel the pain
393
00:18:18,556 --> 00:18:20,433
he has made others feel.
394
00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:25,855
Yeah, I'm lost, guys.
I don't know where we are.
395
00:18:25,855 --> 00:18:27,982
Um, if we're going
to do rewrites,
396
00:18:27,982 --> 00:18:29,901
you guys got to
give me the pages.
397
00:18:29,901 --> 00:18:31,444
I'll stay in it.
I'll stay in it. Uh...
398
00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:37,033
Okay, alright. Okay.
399
00:18:37,033 --> 00:18:38,785
Why don't we-- why don't we
take it easy?
400
00:18:38,785 --> 00:18:40,245
Because I know why
you're mad, huh?
401
00:18:40,245 --> 00:18:41,496
You're mad because--
Stop right there.
402
00:18:41,496 --> 00:18:43,039
Let's stop right there.
No, no, no.
403
00:18:43,039 --> 00:18:45,375
Let's make that your mark.
Nope, stop right there.
404
00:18:45,375 --> 00:18:48,670
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Whoa! Hey!
405
00:18:48,670 --> 00:18:49,921
Count to ten.
406
00:18:49,921 --> 00:18:51,339
No, fuck you! Wait!
407
00:18:51,339 --> 00:18:53,883
Hey, hey, hey!
Hey, hey! Hey, man!
408
00:18:53,883 --> 00:18:56,469
Hey!
No, no, don't cut my dick!
409
00:18:56,469 --> 00:18:58,888
Don't cut my dick!
That's not-- Okay, use it.
410
00:18:58,888 --> 00:19:00,682
I'mma use it!
Stay in it.
411
00:19:03,977 --> 00:19:05,186
Yeah!
412
00:19:13,987 --> 00:19:15,321
Two.
413
00:19:16,823 --> 00:19:18,533
Come on!
414
00:19:18,533 --> 00:19:19,576
Come on!
415
00:19:33,298 --> 00:19:34,799
Damn it!
416
00:19:34,799 --> 00:19:36,301
No, not today.
417
00:19:37,594 --> 00:19:39,137
Yeah!
418
00:19:39,137 --> 00:19:40,972
Did we get it? Huh?
419
00:19:40,972 --> 00:19:43,766
Spin it!
We got it!
420
00:19:43,766 --> 00:19:45,768
Yeah! Oh!
421
00:19:49,397 --> 00:19:51,065
Comin' to beat
your ass, Montoya.
422
00:19:52,483 --> 00:19:55,153
This set's incredible.
So good.
423
00:19:57,864 --> 00:19:59,699
Shit!
424
00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:01,367
It's Montoya's men.
425
00:20:14,088 --> 00:20:15,798
Jordan?
The hell are you doing here?
426
00:20:19,928 --> 00:20:21,638
Son of a bitch!
427
00:20:21,638 --> 00:20:23,890
Did they hurt you? Hm?
Did they hurt you?
428
00:20:23,890 --> 00:20:26,225
Kevin, what the hell
is going on?
429
00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:28,686
The uranium heist.
That's what's going on.
430
00:20:28,686 --> 00:20:31,439
- Wait, what?
- I already handled Bartholomew.
431
00:20:31,439 --> 00:20:35,652
But General Montoya, he's not
going to let us off as easy.
432
00:20:35,652 --> 00:20:38,279
What the hell
are you talking about?
433
00:20:38,279 --> 00:20:39,364
Shit!
434
00:20:39,364 --> 00:20:41,115
I was walking my dog,
435
00:20:41,115 --> 00:20:42,784
and someone hit me
in the fucking neck
436
00:20:42,784 --> 00:20:44,452
with a tranquillizer dart!
437
00:20:44,452 --> 00:20:46,579
- Huh?
- And I ended up here.
438
00:20:46,579 --> 00:20:48,247
What are
you talking about?
439
00:20:48,247 --> 00:20:49,874
You didn't talk
to Karl Stromberg?
440
00:20:49,874 --> 00:20:51,250
Who?
441
00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:53,586
Karl Stromberg
about the movie?
442
00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:56,005
Right now, we're in it!
This is the movie!
443
00:20:56,005 --> 00:20:57,382
It's a live-action movie!
444
00:20:57,382 --> 00:20:59,717
We're improving
all the action scenes!
445
00:20:59,717 --> 00:21:02,261
No green screen,
no fucking cables.
446
00:21:02,261 --> 00:21:04,013
It's real, raw.
447
00:21:04,013 --> 00:21:05,473
He's going to take
my acting career
448
00:21:05,473 --> 00:21:07,141
and my action status
to the next level.
449
00:21:07,141 --> 00:21:08,851
So this is all your fault?
450
00:21:08,851 --> 00:21:10,645
Well, I mean,
it's my script.
451
00:21:10,645 --> 00:21:12,605
It took me I don't know how
long to develop it. But Karl--
452
00:21:12,605 --> 00:21:14,273
- What the hell is your problem!
- Stop!
453
00:21:14,273 --> 00:21:15,650
What is wrong with you?
454
00:21:15,650 --> 00:21:17,110
- Shit! Ow!
- Annoying!
455
00:21:17,110 --> 00:21:19,237
Stop. Shit!
That's sharp!
456
00:21:19,237 --> 00:21:21,197
How long were you
laying on that?
457
00:21:21,197 --> 00:21:22,699
Damn it!
458
00:21:22,699 --> 00:21:24,534
Now, why you got an attitude?
459
00:21:24,534 --> 00:21:27,829
This is a simple outline!
It's a layup!
460
00:21:27,829 --> 00:21:30,039
Okay?
I'm a triple agent.
461
00:21:30,039 --> 00:21:32,625
MI-7.
I'm the highest of high, right?
462
00:21:32,625 --> 00:21:34,293
Like, you can't get higher
than where I am.
463
00:21:34,293 --> 00:21:36,254
But you-- you're
my love interest.
464
00:21:36,254 --> 00:21:37,630
They took you hostage because
they knew that's the only way
465
00:21:37,630 --> 00:21:39,048
to get to me.
466
00:21:39,048 --> 00:21:40,842
So now, I'm here,
and I got to get you.
467
00:21:40,842 --> 00:21:42,427
- You understand what--
- You're pathetic.
468
00:21:42,427 --> 00:21:45,304
And I'm pretty sure
that kidnapping is a felony.
469
00:21:45,304 --> 00:21:47,557
Well, I'm pretty sure
that when you're an adult,
470
00:21:47,557 --> 00:21:49,058
they don't call it kidnapping.
471
00:21:49,058 --> 00:21:51,144
So that's--
That's pathetic.
472
00:21:51,144 --> 00:21:52,645
Fuck you, Kevin.
473
00:21:52,645 --> 00:21:54,772
What do you mean fuck me?
Why are you at me?
474
00:21:54,772 --> 00:21:56,566
You should be mad at
Karl Stromberg! Not me!
475
00:21:56,566 --> 00:21:58,484
I do not know who that is!
476
00:21:58,484 --> 00:22:00,236
Shh!
477
00:22:04,198 --> 00:22:05,783
You don't want him to hear you.
478
00:22:05,783 --> 00:22:07,702
Who?
Who will hear me?
479
00:22:07,702 --> 00:22:10,580
There's no one here!
And do not say Karl Stromberg.
480
00:22:10,580 --> 00:22:12,498
Are you saying Strum or Strom?
481
00:22:12,498 --> 00:22:14,083
Is it Strum or Stromberg?
Because I don't know.
482
00:22:14,083 --> 00:22:16,335
Okay, hey, hey, hey.
483
00:22:16,335 --> 00:22:18,212
There are cameras everywhere.
484
00:22:18,212 --> 00:22:20,089
We're filming a movie!
485
00:22:20,089 --> 00:22:24,802
Where?
There are no cameras anywhere!
486
00:22:24,802 --> 00:22:27,930
Will you look around?
There's cameras everywhere!
487
00:22:27,930 --> 00:22:29,682
Okay, listen. Listen.
488
00:22:29,682 --> 00:22:32,769
All I need you to do is
just grasp what's going on.
489
00:22:32,769 --> 00:22:35,104
This is a big opportunity
for both of us.
490
00:22:35,104 --> 00:22:37,899
Okay? Just get in character.
491
00:22:37,899 --> 00:22:39,650
Please?
492
00:22:43,696 --> 00:22:46,115
They got this place locked down
tighter than Fort Knox.
493
00:22:46,115 --> 00:22:48,743
Oh, God.
You wrote this dialogue?
494
00:22:48,743 --> 00:22:51,954
Those motherfuckers knew
I would come rescue you.
495
00:22:51,954 --> 00:22:54,499
Beautiful damsel in distress
like yourself.
496
00:22:56,209 --> 00:22:59,962
Yep.
Thank you for rescuing me.
497
00:22:59,962 --> 00:23:04,133
Just like any woman,
I wouldn't know what to do
498
00:23:04,133 --> 00:23:08,179
if a man didn't show up
to save me and tell me to eat
499
00:23:08,179 --> 00:23:10,973
so I don't starve and breathe
oxygen, so I don't suffocate.
500
00:23:10,973 --> 00:23:13,309
Let's cut. Let's cut.
501
00:23:13,309 --> 00:23:15,019
Can we cut?
502
00:23:15,019 --> 00:23:16,437
Can you work with me?
503
00:23:17,688 --> 00:23:20,942
- I'd rather not.
- Please.
504
00:23:20,942 --> 00:23:22,819
Thank you.
- Okay.
505
00:23:22,819 --> 00:23:24,946
Alright, guys, we're
going to go again. Alright?
506
00:23:24,946 --> 00:23:26,030
Self-action.
507
00:23:27,824 --> 00:23:30,368
Do you have any idea what's on
the other side of that door?
508
00:23:30,368 --> 00:23:32,745
There are some dangerous men
on the other side of that door.
509
00:23:32,745 --> 00:23:36,165
I'm talking mercenaries,
killers, ninjas,
510
00:23:36,165 --> 00:23:37,834
failed karate school
instructors,
511
00:23:37,834 --> 00:23:39,293
people that want
to do bad things to me
512
00:23:39,293 --> 00:23:41,212
just because they can.
513
00:23:41,212 --> 00:23:44,298
There's a bounty
on my fucking head.
514
00:23:46,551 --> 00:23:48,386
I'll tell you what, Esmeralda.
515
00:23:50,304 --> 00:23:52,473
I'll pay that bounty.
516
00:23:52,473 --> 00:23:56,269
And I will give them my head...
if it meant saving your life
517
00:23:56,269 --> 00:23:57,979
so that you can
finish med school
518
00:23:57,979 --> 00:23:59,772
and open up that clinic that
you always wanted to--
519
00:23:59,772 --> 00:24:01,649
Ow! Shit!
520
00:24:01,649 --> 00:24:03,609
Open up that clinic
that you always wanted--
521
00:24:03,609 --> 00:24:05,069
Esmeralda, wait.
522
00:24:06,863 --> 00:24:09,699
Esmeralda! Hey!
523
00:24:12,201 --> 00:24:14,996
Oh, you fucking piece of shit!
524
00:24:14,996 --> 00:24:17,206
You leave her out of it,
you hear me?
525
00:24:17,206 --> 00:24:19,584
She's got nothing
to do with this.
526
00:24:19,584 --> 00:24:24,547
This is between me, you, and the
78,000 kilos of stolen uranium.
527
00:24:25,798 --> 00:24:28,551
Alright.
That's how you want to have it?
528
00:24:28,551 --> 00:24:31,429
Let's have at it.
529
00:24:31,429 --> 00:24:33,347
I'm so over this.
530
00:24:33,347 --> 00:24:35,933
Kevin, next time you have
a terrible movie idea,
531
00:24:35,933 --> 00:24:37,727
leave me out of it, yeah?
532
00:24:37,727 --> 00:24:39,270
- Ah!
- Oh, shit!
533
00:24:43,065 --> 00:24:45,443
I'm sorry, but did
this central casting goon
534
00:24:45,443 --> 00:24:48,738
just hit me in the face
with a real fucking ass-- Cut.
535
00:24:48,738 --> 00:24:51,032
No, no, no, we need
to cut right now!
536
00:24:51,032 --> 00:24:52,783
I don't know what weird
production this is,
537
00:24:52,783 --> 00:24:54,619
but I need to speak
to a producer!
538
00:25:06,339 --> 00:25:07,757
Is that all you've got?
539
00:25:09,592 --> 00:25:11,552
Jordan.
Let me get in there now.
540
00:25:13,471 --> 00:25:15,640
Slam his ass!
541
00:25:18,476 --> 00:25:20,895
Jordan!
Let my character get some!
542
00:25:20,895 --> 00:25:22,271
Tag me in!
543
00:25:27,902 --> 00:25:29,695
Damn!
544
00:25:36,244 --> 00:25:38,913
Hold it.
545
00:25:42,875 --> 00:25:44,001
Yeah!
546
00:25:45,544 --> 00:25:47,672
Whoa! We got that!
547
00:25:47,672 --> 00:25:49,131
What a scene!
548
00:25:49,131 --> 00:25:51,550
Good job!
Here.
549
00:25:51,550 --> 00:25:52,885
I think I'm the one
that was supposed
550
00:25:52,885 --> 00:25:54,303
to kick his ass, though.
551
00:25:54,303 --> 00:25:55,805
Because I'm the lead.
552
00:25:55,805 --> 00:25:57,098
So I'm quite sure that
was supposed to be me.
553
00:25:57,098 --> 00:25:58,349
But we'll fix it in post--
554
00:25:59,934 --> 00:26:02,436
Go, go, go! Go!
555
00:26:08,192 --> 00:26:09,527
That guy was
trying to kill me!
556
00:26:09,527 --> 00:26:10,945
Kevin, not acting!
557
00:26:10,945 --> 00:26:12,780
Not a movie!
Literally trying to kill me!
558
00:26:12,780 --> 00:26:15,199
No. It's cinema verité.
559
00:26:15,199 --> 00:26:16,742
I know it's a little different,
but that's what it is.
560
00:26:16,742 --> 00:26:19,328
Different? A little fucking
different, Kevin?
561
00:26:19,328 --> 00:26:21,038
- Wow, shit!
- Are you okay?
562
00:26:21,038 --> 00:26:23,416
Yeah, I know you're just
trying to get me to apologize.
563
00:26:23,416 --> 00:26:25,793
- Just give me a second. What?
- Kevin.
564
00:26:25,793 --> 00:26:28,713
You've been hit.
With a real fucking bullet!
565
00:26:30,715 --> 00:26:32,466
That's not real blood.
566
00:26:32,466 --> 00:26:33,968
What?
567
00:26:33,968 --> 00:26:35,845
- Of course it's real blood!
- No. Taste it.
568
00:26:35,845 --> 00:26:37,471
I'm not going
to taste your blood, Kevin!
569
00:26:37,471 --> 00:26:39,724
You can! You can!
It's pig's blood!
570
00:26:39,724 --> 00:26:42,143
It's not my blood.
571
00:26:42,143 --> 00:26:43,602
Does that feel fake?
572
00:26:43,602 --> 00:26:46,981
- Ow! Ow!
- Shit! Shit, shit.
573
00:26:46,981 --> 00:26:50,359
I gotta lay down!
574
00:26:51,861 --> 00:26:55,031
Kevin!
575
00:26:55,031 --> 00:26:56,824
No, no, no, no, no!
Wait, look!
576
00:26:56,824 --> 00:26:59,160
There's a photographer! Look.
He wants your picture! See?
577
00:27:00,161 --> 00:27:03,205
Go on! What the fuck!
578
00:27:05,333 --> 00:27:06,792
If I had what now?
579
00:27:06,792 --> 00:27:08,669
Just an
unexpected accident
580
00:27:08,669 --> 00:27:11,505
with a very small,
581
00:27:11,505 --> 00:27:15,259
flying, fast, like projectile
object through his shoulder.
582
00:27:15,259 --> 00:27:16,469
And I just think
some painkillers
583
00:27:16,469 --> 00:27:17,511
would really help him.
584
00:27:17,511 --> 00:27:18,763
Mm-hmm.
585
00:27:18,763 --> 00:27:20,264
I know I don't have
a prescription,
586
00:27:20,264 --> 00:27:22,058
but I can assure you,
this is an emergency.
587
00:27:24,143 --> 00:27:25,561
I see.
588
00:27:28,731 --> 00:27:30,441
You want to score
some good drugs?
589
00:27:30,441 --> 00:27:33,235
Some xannies,
some ox, chuckleheads,
590
00:27:33,235 --> 00:27:35,863
wet Garys, Shriek and
Jimmy's, moon pie, spider pie?
591
00:27:35,863 --> 00:27:37,531
Look, I'm not a drug addict!
592
00:27:37,531 --> 00:27:39,784
I'm an actor!
Don't you recognize me?
593
00:27:39,784 --> 00:27:41,827
Um--
594
00:27:41,827 --> 00:27:43,496
Okay, it doesn't matter.
Alright?
595
00:27:43,496 --> 00:27:45,122
My idiot friend got shot
with a real bullet,
596
00:27:45,122 --> 00:27:47,583
an actual fucking bullet
from an actual fucking gun!
597
00:27:47,583 --> 00:27:49,335
And now, he's bleeding out
in your alleyway!
598
00:27:49,335 --> 00:27:51,670
And if you don't help me
help him,
599
00:27:51,670 --> 00:27:53,631
you're going to have
a body on your hands!
600
00:27:55,925 --> 00:27:58,010
Would I know him from anywhere?
601
00:27:59,637 --> 00:28:00,679
You're lucky
it just grazed you.
602
00:28:02,890 --> 00:28:05,434
Here.
It's the best I could do.
603
00:28:05,434 --> 00:28:08,396
- The hell is this?
- It's for the pain.
604
00:28:08,396 --> 00:28:11,273
Pharmacist was
a real piece of work.
605
00:28:11,273 --> 00:28:12,483
Well, you're a piece of work
for bringing
606
00:28:12,483 --> 00:28:14,026
this out here to me.
607
00:28:14,026 --> 00:28:16,028
I can't drink this.
This is my competitor!
608
00:28:16,028 --> 00:28:18,322
You got to go back in there
and ask for Grand Cormino.
609
00:28:18,322 --> 00:28:19,657
Are you being serious
right now?
610
00:28:19,657 --> 00:28:21,492
Kevin, you've been shot!
I was kidnapped!
611
00:28:21,492 --> 00:28:24,495
- Grown woman acting. Okay.
- You need to fix this!
612
00:28:24,495 --> 00:28:28,457
- You need to fix this now!
- I told you, I can't! Okay?
613
00:28:28,457 --> 00:28:29,750
Even if I wanted to,
I can't do it.
614
00:28:29,750 --> 00:28:31,836
And by the way,
it's all by design.
615
00:28:31,836 --> 00:28:34,088
I gave all the rights
over to Karl Stromberg,
616
00:28:34,088 --> 00:28:37,341
who is a great precious
metals magnate.
617
00:28:37,341 --> 00:28:38,843
You do hear
how that sounds, right?
618
00:28:38,843 --> 00:28:41,178
You-- you hear the words?
619
00:28:41,178 --> 00:28:42,680
You know, Andre was right.
620
00:28:43,722 --> 00:28:45,224
Andre, your assistant?
621
00:28:45,224 --> 00:28:49,270
Yes, my assistant.
No, my former assistant.
622
00:28:49,270 --> 00:28:51,647
He was right, though.
You know what we're going to do?
623
00:28:51,647 --> 00:28:54,525
We're going to pay
Karl Stromberg a visit.
624
00:28:54,525 --> 00:28:56,277
Yeah, that's exactly
what we're going to do.
625
00:28:56,277 --> 00:28:58,112
We're going to tell him
he needs to get back on book.
626
00:28:58,112 --> 00:29:02,074
Because right now, he's not
following my guidelines at all.
627
00:29:02,074 --> 00:29:03,492
And we're all over the place.
628
00:29:03,492 --> 00:29:05,244
In order for this movie
to be the best thing
629
00:29:05,244 --> 00:29:08,080
that we know that it can be,
we got to get back on pace.
630
00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:09,957
Okay?
We're paying him a visit.
631
00:29:12,460 --> 00:29:14,587
Well, at least my car
is still here.
632
00:29:14,587 --> 00:29:15,963
Yeah, but it's the only one.
633
00:29:15,963 --> 00:29:17,423
This place is dead.
634
00:29:17,423 --> 00:29:19,758
Yes, because it's the weekend.
That's why.
635
00:29:19,758 --> 00:29:21,594
Kevin, it's Tuesday.
636
00:29:21,594 --> 00:29:22,887
Oh.
637
00:29:27,016 --> 00:29:28,434
Wait, what the fuck?
638
00:29:30,186 --> 00:29:31,312
Kevin, it doesn't look
like anyone's
639
00:29:31,312 --> 00:29:33,105
been here for weeks.
640
00:29:33,105 --> 00:29:34,523
No, that's not true.
641
00:29:34,523 --> 00:29:36,650
I was just here.
I was just here.
642
00:29:36,650 --> 00:29:38,777
Stromberg was right there.
Okay?
643
00:29:38,777 --> 00:29:40,738
That was the last week, or it
may have been a week before.
644
00:29:40,738 --> 00:29:42,114
I don't know what week
it was, because I
645
00:29:42,114 --> 00:29:43,991
got knocked the fuck out.
But I was here.
646
00:29:43,991 --> 00:29:46,327
He was sitting at a desk,
right here.
647
00:29:46,327 --> 00:29:48,370
This is where he was.
He was--
648
00:29:51,290 --> 00:29:52,458
Hmm?
649
00:29:55,628 --> 00:29:57,671
You will shit your pants!
650
00:29:57,671 --> 00:29:59,381
I'm not crazy.
651
00:29:59,381 --> 00:30:01,091
I knew he was here.
652
00:30:01,091 --> 00:30:02,801
Would I have this
if he wasn't here?
653
00:30:02,801 --> 00:30:04,553
It's the butt to his cigar.
654
00:30:04,553 --> 00:30:06,013
You know what he was doing?
655
00:30:06,013 --> 00:30:08,557
He was doing real weird
stuff with the cigar,
656
00:30:08,557 --> 00:30:11,936
licking it, putting it in his
nose, slobbering all on it.
657
00:30:11,936 --> 00:30:13,812
I was watching him
while he was doing it.
658
00:30:13,812 --> 00:30:15,022
Closing his eyes.
659
00:30:15,022 --> 00:30:16,815
All of a sudden--
660
00:30:19,860 --> 00:30:21,153
Why did you
have to drag me
661
00:30:21,153 --> 00:30:24,031
into your stupid fantasy
death wish movie?
662
00:30:24,031 --> 00:30:25,574
What are you talking about?
663
00:30:25,574 --> 00:30:27,451
All I said was think
somebody like Jordan King.
664
00:30:27,451 --> 00:30:29,286
Keyword, "think."
It was a suggestion.
665
00:30:29,286 --> 00:30:30,996
Oh, great.
Thanks for the suggestion.
666
00:30:30,996 --> 00:30:32,581
He probably wanted you
because you're one
667
00:30:32,581 --> 00:30:34,208
of the biggest stars in Sweden.
What if that's the case?
668
00:30:34,208 --> 00:30:35,960
I'm pretty sure
Greta Thunberg
669
00:30:35,960 --> 00:30:37,419
is the biggest star in Sweden.
670
00:30:37,419 --> 00:30:38,796
The environmental activist?
671
00:30:38,796 --> 00:30:40,422
Yeah, they have
their priorities straight.
672
00:30:41,715 --> 00:30:43,008
Hey, whoa.
673
00:30:44,468 --> 00:30:46,220
Wait a minute. Come here.
What's this?
674
00:30:47,263 --> 00:30:48,222
Look.
675
00:30:49,306 --> 00:30:50,558
Look, will you just look?
676
00:30:59,483 --> 00:31:00,985
The hell is this?
677
00:31:03,279 --> 00:31:06,031
Whoa. It's the VHS.
678
00:31:06,031 --> 00:31:07,908
I haven't seen one
of these in years.
679
00:31:14,290 --> 00:31:17,293
Hey, it's Brian Penn from
Buchwald Associates reading fo--
680
00:31:17,293 --> 00:31:19,670
Um, I'm sorry,
is it Stromberg or--
681
00:31:19,670 --> 00:31:21,797
That's Karl Stromberg!
It's Stromberg.
682
00:31:21,797 --> 00:31:23,757
It's him! I mean, he--
683
00:31:23,757 --> 00:31:25,259
It's different hair,
but it's him!
684
00:31:25,259 --> 00:31:29,805
Bring me this man,
this... Kevin Hart.
685
00:31:29,805 --> 00:31:31,807
I-- I'm actually going
to go thicker.
686
00:31:31,807 --> 00:31:34,101
Kevin, it's an audition tape.
687
00:31:34,101 --> 00:31:37,021
Yeah, well, obviously.
I can see that.
688
00:31:37,021 --> 00:31:38,647
I see that
it's an audition tape.
689
00:31:38,647 --> 00:31:40,566
The question is, why?
Why is it an audition tape?
690
00:31:40,566 --> 00:31:43,527
Oh, my god. Wait a minute,
is Karl Stromberg even real?
691
00:31:43,527 --> 00:31:45,362
What, you didn't
google him before the meeting?
692
00:31:45,362 --> 00:31:47,031
He's from Sweden.
693
00:31:47,031 --> 00:31:48,824
You want me to go all the
way to Sweden and google?
694
00:31:48,824 --> 00:31:50,909
That's ridiculous. Stop.
695
00:31:50,909 --> 00:31:52,244
Are you on drugs?
696
00:31:57,791 --> 00:31:59,293
Quick, answer it!
697
00:32:08,218 --> 00:32:09,511
Hello?
698
00:32:09,511 --> 00:32:11,722
Hello, Mr. Action Star.
699
00:32:11,722 --> 00:32:13,682
Congratulations.
You escaped.
700
00:32:13,682 --> 00:32:16,185
Uh, do you know
you shot me with a real bullet?
701
00:32:16,185 --> 00:32:17,561
Of course I know.
702
00:32:17,561 --> 00:32:19,271
That bullet was
meant to kill you.
703
00:32:19,271 --> 00:32:20,731
Oh, that's stupid.
704
00:32:20,731 --> 00:32:22,399
You kill me, and then
you don't have a movie.
705
00:32:22,399 --> 00:32:24,276
You moron.
There is no movie.
706
00:32:24,276 --> 00:32:25,653
There never was.
707
00:32:25,653 --> 00:32:26,987
What do you mean
there's no movie?
708
00:32:26,987 --> 00:32:28,405
You'd better stop
talking like that.
709
00:32:28,405 --> 00:32:30,115
That's blasphemy,
and you know it.
710
00:32:30,115 --> 00:32:32,242
There is a movie.
Okay, who is this?
711
00:32:32,242 --> 00:32:33,786
Are you the producer?
712
00:32:33,786 --> 00:32:35,621
You have
forgotten who you are,
713
00:32:35,621 --> 00:32:37,581
where you came from.
714
00:32:37,581 --> 00:32:39,583
I didn't-- didn't anybody
forget where they came from.
715
00:32:39,583 --> 00:32:41,293
Then what was the name
716
00:32:41,293 --> 00:32:43,504
of your first elementary
school teacher?
717
00:32:47,424 --> 00:32:49,051
Ms. Foxen.
718
00:32:49,051 --> 00:32:51,553
No, Ms. Clarkson-- Clarkson--
Clarkson.
719
00:32:51,553 --> 00:32:53,305
Yeah, Ms. Clarkson.
720
00:32:53,305 --> 00:32:54,890
And the hospital
where you were born?
721
00:32:54,890 --> 00:32:56,308
What does that have to do
with anything?
722
00:32:56,308 --> 00:32:57,768
The name.
723
00:32:59,728 --> 00:33:01,730
Go on.
724
00:33:01,730 --> 00:33:05,526
Uh, Saint Falkenstein.
725
00:33:05,526 --> 00:33:08,070
- That sounds wrong.
- Saint Falkenstein Hospital.
726
00:33:08,070 --> 00:33:10,114
What-- Hey!
Enough of this shit!
727
00:33:10,114 --> 00:33:11,949
Cut the shit!
Who are you?
728
00:33:11,949 --> 00:33:13,492
Who the fuck are you?
729
00:33:13,492 --> 00:33:15,160
I'm the person who's brought
730
00:33:15,160 --> 00:33:16,537
an end to your life.
731
00:33:16,537 --> 00:33:18,122
You are no longer cared for.
732
00:33:18,122 --> 00:33:20,249
- You're worth nothing.
- Uh, excuse me.
733
00:33:20,249 --> 00:33:22,543
Can I ask why I've been
dragged into this?
734
00:33:24,420 --> 00:33:27,005
Great, Kevin! You took all
the phone time with him!
735
00:33:27,005 --> 00:33:28,549
Oh, I'm sorry.
736
00:33:28,549 --> 00:33:30,134
Excuse the fuck out of me
for trying to figure out
737
00:33:30,134 --> 00:33:32,261
what was going on with my life,
trying to hear
738
00:33:32,261 --> 00:33:34,138
a serial killer voice out.
739
00:33:34,138 --> 00:33:35,806
I'm sorry that
I inconvenienced you!
740
00:33:35,806 --> 00:33:38,058
- Shh! Shh!
- Goddamn it, Jordan!
741
00:33:38,058 --> 00:33:39,810
Shh! Do you hear that?
742
00:33:43,230 --> 00:33:45,190
It's the VCR.
743
00:33:45,190 --> 00:33:46,900
What the fuck?
744
00:33:48,444 --> 00:33:50,487
Oh, fuck, it's a bomb.
745
00:33:50,487 --> 00:33:52,573
- What?
- It's a fucking bomb.
746
00:33:52,573 --> 00:33:53,949
Well, disarm it!
747
00:33:53,949 --> 00:33:55,367
You fucking disarm it!
748
00:33:55,367 --> 00:33:56,952
Oh, yeah, 'cause
I know how to disarm a bomb.
749
00:33:56,952 --> 00:33:59,037
Oh, I do 'cause I'm Black?
That's what you think?
750
00:33:59,037 --> 00:34:00,539
Every Black man know
how to disarm a bomb?
751
00:34:00,539 --> 00:34:01,874
That is not a thing, Kevin.
752
00:34:01,874 --> 00:34:03,250
Oh, I bet
it's not a thing.
753
00:34:03,250 --> 00:34:05,127
Get your racist ass back.
Move, move!
754
00:34:06,378 --> 00:34:07,921
Quick, quick, quick. Come on.
755
00:34:07,921 --> 00:34:11,300
Oh, my God.
Open it, open it.
756
00:34:11,300 --> 00:34:13,177
Pull, pull!
757
00:34:16,555 --> 00:34:18,056
Hold it, hold it, hold it.
758
00:34:22,311 --> 00:34:24,396
Back.
Get back, get back, get back!
759
00:34:24,396 --> 00:34:25,689
Shit.
760
00:34:32,029 --> 00:34:33,906
Okay.
761
00:34:33,906 --> 00:34:35,824
Well, I guess it
is just a movie.
762
00:34:35,824 --> 00:34:37,493
Yeah, and that was a fake bomb--
763
00:34:38,702 --> 00:34:40,120
Whoa!
764
00:34:48,712 --> 00:34:50,130
Where's my keys?
765
00:34:50,130 --> 00:34:51,548
- Oh, my god!
- Oh, you're okay.
766
00:34:51,548 --> 00:34:53,008
You're okay.
What was that sound?
767
00:34:53,008 --> 00:34:54,802
Andre? What the hell are
you doing here?
768
00:34:54,802 --> 00:34:56,261
- Come on, go.
- What are you talking about?
769
00:34:56,261 --> 00:34:57,513
- We gotta go.
- I'll get the door for you.
770
00:34:57,513 --> 00:34:59,014
Go now!
771
00:34:59,014 --> 00:35:00,974
Kevin, that was
a real fucking bomb.
772
00:35:00,974 --> 00:35:02,684
A real fucking bomb!
773
00:35:02,684 --> 00:35:04,436
Okay, Jordan, well, can you
put yourself in my shoes?
774
00:35:04,436 --> 00:35:05,938
I will not, no. No.
775
00:35:05,938 --> 00:35:07,356
I do not have to do that.
Do you know what?
776
00:35:07,356 --> 00:35:09,942
Just shut up.
Shut the fuck up.
777
00:35:09,942 --> 00:35:12,653
Hey, Jordan. I'm Andre.
I don't know if you remember me.
778
00:35:12,653 --> 00:35:13,946
Hey, man,
put your hand on the wheel.
779
00:35:13,946 --> 00:35:15,280
You got it.
780
00:35:15,280 --> 00:35:17,032
I'm actually...
I'm Kevin's protege.
781
00:35:17,032 --> 00:35:21,036
Sorry, I'm Kevin's assistant...
Former assistant. Fuck me.
782
00:35:21,036 --> 00:35:24,164
Of course I remember you,
Andre. So what?
783
00:35:24,164 --> 00:35:25,999
Kevin kicked you out in the
middle of the street, did he?
784
00:35:25,999 --> 00:35:28,544
No, pish-posh.
No, of course not.
785
00:35:28,544 --> 00:35:32,005
Technically, it was the sidewalk
and I love Skid Row.
786
00:35:32,005 --> 00:35:33,549
Everybody's got a story to tell.
787
00:35:33,549 --> 00:35:35,467
So many teachable moments.
788
00:35:35,467 --> 00:35:37,094
Wait, you-- you didn't go home?
789
00:35:37,094 --> 00:35:38,804
You just waited here
this whole time?
790
00:35:38,804 --> 00:35:40,597
Well, yeah. I mean, I always
carry a spare key, right?
791
00:35:40,597 --> 00:35:42,766
That's what I do.
And I don't mind waiting.
792
00:35:42,766 --> 00:35:46,478
- It was a quick 25, 30 hours.
- Thirty hours?
793
00:35:46,478 --> 00:35:49,147
I would wait a lifetime
to make sure Kevin is okay.
794
00:35:49,147 --> 00:35:51,608
Stop it. Stop it.
I didn't ask you to do that.
795
00:35:51,608 --> 00:35:54,027
- Don't act like I did.
- I know, I know.
796
00:35:54,027 --> 00:35:55,612
And I know you fired me.
797
00:35:55,612 --> 00:35:57,406
Oh, right, you fired him
798
00:35:57,406 --> 00:36:00,075
because he tried to warn you
about the Swedish mobster that
799
00:36:00,075 --> 00:36:02,327
was actually a shitty actor
who was working
800
00:36:02,327 --> 00:36:03,912
for someone trying to murder us.
801
00:36:03,912 --> 00:36:05,163
Okay, I don't understand
what's happening.
802
00:36:05,163 --> 00:36:06,707
I really don't.
And Jordan,
803
00:36:06,707 --> 00:36:07,958
I'm just gonna throw this
out there right now.
804
00:36:07,958 --> 00:36:09,585
I feel like you're still
mad at me.
805
00:36:09,585 --> 00:36:12,170
I will never not be mad at you
for the rest of my life.
806
00:36:12,170 --> 00:36:14,756
I am so sorry to interrupt,
but where am I going?
807
00:36:14,756 --> 00:36:16,300
Because I've just been driving.
808
00:36:16,300 --> 00:36:17,593
Hey, hey,
we're going to my house.
809
00:36:17,593 --> 00:36:18,927
- You got it.
- Okay, go to my house.
810
00:36:18,927 --> 00:36:20,345
No, I'm not going to your house.
811
00:36:20,345 --> 00:36:21,722
- I'm going to my house.
- Your house it is.
812
00:36:21,722 --> 00:36:23,140
No, you're not going
to your house,
813
00:36:23,140 --> 00:36:24,433
because I need to know
that you're safe.
814
00:36:24,433 --> 00:36:26,560
Oh, right, yeah,
just like Andre wanted
815
00:36:26,560 --> 00:36:28,228
to make sure you were safe.
816
00:36:28,228 --> 00:36:31,148
You know what?
I know what you're doing.
817
00:36:31,148 --> 00:36:32,566
I know exactly
what you're doing.
818
00:36:32,566 --> 00:36:34,276
You're trying to do
one of those things
819
00:36:34,276 --> 00:36:37,738
where you make me evaluate
who I am as a person, right?
820
00:36:37,738 --> 00:36:39,531
That's what you're trying to do.
But guess what?
821
00:36:39,531 --> 00:36:41,199
I'm not gonna do that,
because who I am as a person
822
00:36:41,199 --> 00:36:43,827
is who I'm okay with,
and I'm settled in.
823
00:36:45,829 --> 00:36:48,415
It's not working.
I'm gonna try one more time.
824
00:36:48,415 --> 00:36:49,750
Are you sure you're
punching in the right code?
825
00:36:49,750 --> 00:36:51,460
Of course, man.
It's your birthday,
826
00:36:51,460 --> 00:36:53,420
like I'd ever forget that.
It's tattooed on my inner thigh.
827
00:36:53,420 --> 00:36:55,297
I rub it every morning.
828
00:36:55,297 --> 00:36:56,590
- See what I'm dealing with?
- Okay.
829
00:36:56,590 --> 00:36:58,467
All the time,
this is what it is.
830
00:36:58,467 --> 00:37:00,344
It's not working.
Wait, wait, wait.
831
00:37:00,344 --> 00:37:02,137
Maybe the person who's
behind all of this
832
00:37:02,137 --> 00:37:03,639
changed the gate code.
833
00:37:03,639 --> 00:37:06,224
Wait,
and they think I'm dead.
834
00:37:06,224 --> 00:37:07,809
So maybe this is to
our advantage, right?
835
00:37:07,809 --> 00:37:09,227
Hm.
Maybe.
836
00:37:09,227 --> 00:37:11,355
Yeah, no, there's--
Oh, shit, security.
837
00:37:11,355 --> 00:37:12,814
It's security, Jordan.
Get in the back. Hide.
838
00:37:12,814 --> 00:37:14,399
Dude, maybe we just exit now.
Should I go now?
839
00:37:14,399 --> 00:37:15,692
No, no, no. Wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.
840
00:37:15,692 --> 00:37:17,027
I should just--
I'm gonna leave.
841
00:37:17,027 --> 00:37:18,612
You have to leave.
Stop, stop, stop.
842
00:37:18,612 --> 00:37:20,447
Are you sure? He's huge.
He doesn't like me.
843
00:37:20,447 --> 00:37:21,990
Sir--
- Hey, what's going on?
844
00:37:21,990 --> 00:37:23,575
How are you, my man?
Nice to meet you.
845
00:37:23,575 --> 00:37:25,410
Are you aware you're trespassing
on private property?
846
00:37:25,410 --> 00:37:28,455
I did not.
I-- I was not aware, no.
847
00:37:28,455 --> 00:37:30,457
Please reverse out
and have a nice day.
848
00:37:30,457 --> 00:37:32,584
You got it, my man.
No, do not reverse.
849
00:37:32,584 --> 00:37:33,835
- You can't reverse.
- You know what?
850
00:37:33,835 --> 00:37:35,462
I'm not-- I can't--
851
00:37:35,462 --> 00:37:37,673
My boss actually
lives inside there.
852
00:37:37,673 --> 00:37:40,050
So if I can just jump in there
real quick, it'd be great.
853
00:37:40,050 --> 00:37:41,885
Reverse out now,
and no one has to get
854
00:37:41,885 --> 00:37:43,261
pumped full of electricity.
855
00:37:43,261 --> 00:37:45,138
Of course.
I'm positive no one needs that.
856
00:37:45,138 --> 00:37:48,475
No, do not reverse.
Do not reverse.
857
00:37:48,475 --> 00:37:50,102
- Do not reverse.
- I'm not gonna reverse.
858
00:37:50,102 --> 00:37:51,687
Do not fuck with me.
859
00:37:53,397 --> 00:37:55,232
He's bluffing.
- You're bluffing.
860
00:37:55,232 --> 00:37:57,275
I assure you,
I'm not bluffing.
861
00:37:58,568 --> 00:38:00,237
He's fucking bluffing.
862
00:38:00,237 --> 00:38:02,614
- Fuck with him. He's bluffing.
- Fuck you. You're full of--
863
00:38:07,619 --> 00:38:09,037
Compliments of Mr. H.
864
00:38:10,706 --> 00:38:12,040
Well, I didn't tell him
to do that.
865
00:38:12,040 --> 00:38:13,417
Andre?
Is he okay?
866
00:38:13,417 --> 00:38:14,918
Andre? Andre?
867
00:38:20,841 --> 00:38:23,218
Hey, Andre, m-- maybe
one of us should just drive.
868
00:38:23,218 --> 00:38:25,220
No, you don't have
to worry about that. I got it.
869
00:38:25,220 --> 00:38:27,848
- I got you, my man.
- Damn it.
870
00:38:27,848 --> 00:38:29,891
I got a crook in my neck
that's a bitch.
871
00:38:29,891 --> 00:38:32,561
I-- I swear, I gotta get to
Nina so she can fix this.
872
00:38:32,561 --> 00:38:34,187
- Who's Nina?
- Kevin's full-time masseuse.
873
00:38:34,187 --> 00:38:35,564
She's my full-time masseuse.
874
00:38:35,564 --> 00:38:37,566
Of course.
875
00:38:37,566 --> 00:38:39,192
Oh, okay, well,
I'm glad that my life
876
00:38:39,192 --> 00:38:40,736
getting destroyed amuses you.
877
00:38:40,736 --> 00:38:42,529
Well, didn't you basically
ask for all of this?
878
00:38:42,529 --> 00:38:43,905
No, I didn't
basically ask for all of this.
879
00:38:43,905 --> 00:38:46,116
I did not do that.
I asked for a movie.
880
00:38:46,116 --> 00:38:47,492
There's a big difference.
881
00:38:47,492 --> 00:38:49,327
A movie has cameras
and sound, lights.
882
00:38:49,327 --> 00:38:50,704
That's what that has in it.
883
00:38:50,704 --> 00:38:53,081
This is not the same,
not the same.
884
00:38:53,081 --> 00:38:54,666
We need to go to the police.
885
00:38:54,666 --> 00:38:56,668
No, no, we do not
need to go to police.
886
00:38:56,668 --> 00:38:59,463
Whoever this guy is, he thinks
that we're dead, right?
887
00:38:59,463 --> 00:39:02,466
So we use that to
our advantage, okay?
888
00:39:02,466 --> 00:39:04,259
We make him think
th-- that we're not here.
889
00:39:04,259 --> 00:39:06,344
We disappear. We just gotta
figure out where to go.
890
00:39:06,344 --> 00:39:08,388
Man, this is where Natasha
would come in handy,
891
00:39:08,388 --> 00:39:10,015
'cause she would know exactly
where we should go.
892
00:39:10,015 --> 00:39:11,683
- And who the hell is Natasha?
- She handles--
893
00:39:11,683 --> 00:39:14,352
She's Kevin's Airbnb consultant.
894
00:39:14,352 --> 00:39:15,979
- This is getting ridiculous.
- Oh, my God.
895
00:39:15,979 --> 00:39:17,522
I know exactly where we can go
896
00:39:17,522 --> 00:39:19,149
where no one would
ever search for us.
897
00:39:20,567 --> 00:39:24,321
Who's in?
898
00:39:24,321 --> 00:39:26,073
Okay, make yourself at home.
899
00:39:26,073 --> 00:39:27,824
Uh, do you guys want
anything to drink?
900
00:39:27,824 --> 00:39:29,159
Kombucha, coffee, tea?
901
00:39:29,159 --> 00:39:31,328
Yes, yes,
kombucha would be great.
902
00:39:31,328 --> 00:39:32,579
I don't have it.
You called my bluff.
903
00:39:32,579 --> 00:39:34,289
I don't have kombucha.
I'm sorry.
904
00:39:34,289 --> 00:39:35,957
- No, water would be brilliant.
- Water is gonna be great.
905
00:39:35,957 --> 00:39:37,250
- Thank you, Andre.
- Fantastic.
906
00:39:37,250 --> 00:39:38,668
And you? You want some water?
907
00:39:38,668 --> 00:39:40,128
I'm not putting my mouth
on a cup of this house.
908
00:39:40,128 --> 00:39:41,546
Nice, nice.
909
00:39:41,546 --> 00:39:44,925
Jesus Christ,
you actually live here?
910
00:39:44,925 --> 00:39:46,927
Yeah, my little
slice of heaven.
911
00:39:46,927 --> 00:39:49,387
Ugh.
What was that?
912
00:39:49,387 --> 00:39:51,139
- I said, ugh.
- I love it.
913
00:39:51,139 --> 00:39:53,934
It's actually really charming.
Thank you.
914
00:39:53,934 --> 00:39:55,352
You know, my mom and I
are kind of always
915
00:39:55,352 --> 00:39:56,770
messing with the motif in here.
916
00:39:56,770 --> 00:39:58,563
Went through a huge
Southwestern phase.
917
00:39:58,563 --> 00:40:00,315
So much turquoise.
918
00:40:01,566 --> 00:40:03,193
So your mom
helped you decorate?
919
00:40:03,193 --> 00:40:05,278
Oh, yeah, big-time.
She's my roommate.
920
00:40:06,863 --> 00:40:08,824
- She's right there.
- You gotta be shitting me.
921
00:40:08,824 --> 00:40:10,325
No, no, no, don't be afraid.
922
00:40:10,325 --> 00:40:11,910
Don't be afraid.
Watch this.
923
00:40:11,910 --> 00:40:13,120
You want to meet her?
No, I don't have to.
924
00:40:13,120 --> 00:40:14,704
Here we go.
Mom, you're okay?
925
00:40:14,704 --> 00:40:16,665
Your mouth was open real wide.
Oh, my God.
926
00:40:18,708 --> 00:40:21,253
- Oh, my. Oh, my.
- Don't charge me.
927
00:40:21,253 --> 00:40:23,421
Oh, my God.
Fix your bra.
928
00:40:23,421 --> 00:40:28,218
It's-- it's Kevin Hart,
America's treasure.
929
00:40:28,218 --> 00:40:29,803
It's a family...
No, you don't have to--
930
00:40:29,803 --> 00:40:31,221
Oh!
931
00:40:31,221 --> 00:40:33,557
And-- and Jordan King.
932
00:40:33,557 --> 00:40:35,350
Or should I call you Wheezy?
933
00:40:35,350 --> 00:40:37,185
No,
that's just a role
934
00:40:37,185 --> 00:40:39,187
I'm not paid
nearly enough to play.
935
00:40:39,187 --> 00:40:40,605
Uh, "Jordan" is fine.
936
00:40:40,605 --> 00:40:42,566
Come here.
I gotta squeeze ya.
937
00:40:42,566 --> 00:40:44,401
Come here. Oh!
938
00:40:44,401 --> 00:40:47,154
You two gotta eat.
We're gonna have a feast.
939
00:40:47,154 --> 00:40:48,572
Andre, go to the freezer.
940
00:40:48,572 --> 00:40:50,282
We're gonna defrost
the Christmas pork chop.
941
00:40:50,282 --> 00:40:52,325
We're doing
the Christmas pork chops?
942
00:40:52,325 --> 00:40:53,743
We've been waiting
for this for, like, six years.
943
00:40:53,743 --> 00:40:55,579
I don't think
we have that much time.
944
00:40:55,579 --> 00:40:57,330
You don't have to do that. We
don't want to steal your meat.
945
00:40:57,330 --> 00:40:58,582
- We have plenty of time.
- You gotta save that meat.
946
00:40:58,582 --> 00:41:00,000
You're eating my meat.
947
00:41:00,000 --> 00:41:01,543
Tell him, mom.
Tell him!
948
00:41:01,543 --> 00:41:03,003
- No, no, no, no.
- You're gonna want my meat.
949
00:41:03,003 --> 00:41:04,296
No, we don't want your meat.
950
00:41:04,296 --> 00:41:05,672
People talk about it
all the time.
951
00:41:05,672 --> 00:41:07,257
- Well, we don't--
- Did you hurt yourself?
952
00:41:07,257 --> 00:41:08,508
This is not--
- Did you know there was--
953
00:41:08,508 --> 00:41:10,510
Ah, shit, woman!
954
00:41:10,510 --> 00:41:12,596
Did you know
there was blood there?
955
00:41:12,596 --> 00:41:14,890
- Yeah-- Ow, ow!
- And up here?
956
00:41:14,890 --> 00:41:17,142
- Stop.
- God, you are Kevin Hart.
957
00:41:17,142 --> 00:41:19,644
You can't walk around
with bloody clothes on.
958
00:41:19,644 --> 00:41:21,938
You're too sophisticated.
Take your shirt off.
959
00:41:21,938 --> 00:41:23,315
- Come on, I'm gonna wash it.
- That's alright.
960
00:41:23,315 --> 00:41:25,025
I'm already doing a bloody load.
961
00:41:25,025 --> 00:41:26,735
Come on, take it off. Come on.
962
00:41:26,735 --> 00:41:28,069
Take it off, Kevin.
What are we doing?
963
00:41:28,069 --> 00:41:29,696
Yeah.
Come on.
964
00:41:29,696 --> 00:41:30,989
So nice of you.
- Somebody's got a cute tummy.
965
00:41:32,616 --> 00:41:34,201
Come on, that's a lie.
- Mom, look at him.
966
00:41:34,201 --> 00:41:35,493
Remember, I was telling you
about his belly button?
967
00:41:35,493 --> 00:41:36,703
It's right there, mom.
You got it.
968
00:41:36,703 --> 00:41:38,205
Take my chance.
969
00:41:38,205 --> 00:41:40,332
Oh, god. Let me just--
Please, let me get it.
970
00:41:40,332 --> 00:41:42,250
Stop it, please.
Oh my goodness.
971
00:41:42,250 --> 00:41:44,252
Thank you. You got--
- Oh, that's--
972
00:41:44,252 --> 00:41:46,504
- You gotta be kidding me.
- Well, that hit my eyes.
973
00:41:46,504 --> 00:41:48,757
That is-- that is--
974
00:41:48,757 --> 00:41:50,634
- That's a man right there.
- Yeah, we were filming.
975
00:41:50,634 --> 00:41:52,260
That is good.
- We're doing an improv action--
976
00:41:52,260 --> 00:41:53,929
I can't believe he's in
our house. I love you so much.
977
00:41:53,929 --> 00:41:55,931
...movie where
basically all of the action...
978
00:41:58,058 --> 00:42:00,310
- Such nice people.
- Nice people?
979
00:42:00,310 --> 00:42:02,187
- Who?
- You're so mean.
980
00:42:02,187 --> 00:42:04,439
How can you be mean to this guy?
Look at him.
981
00:42:04,439 --> 00:42:08,902
He might be the nicest, sweetest
person I've ever encountered.
982
00:42:08,902 --> 00:42:11,529
How could you fire him?
983
00:42:11,529 --> 00:42:12,989
You want me to start
at the beginning? I don't know.
984
00:42:12,989 --> 00:42:15,492
Maybe because he doesn't
respect boundaries.
985
00:42:15,492 --> 00:42:18,912
- He cares about you.
- Oh, you just stop it.
986
00:42:18,912 --> 00:42:21,164
The man clipped my goddamn
toenails one time...
987
00:42:22,624 --> 00:42:25,502
while I was in bed...
with a woman.
988
00:42:27,045 --> 00:42:30,507
Exactly. Struggling, by the way,
to perform.
989
00:42:30,507 --> 00:42:33,385
Had a lot on my mind,
a lot on my mind.
990
00:42:33,385 --> 00:42:35,220
Brown gummy worm
was in full effect.
991
00:42:35,220 --> 00:42:36,972
- I don't want to know this.
- Loose noodle.
992
00:42:36,972 --> 00:42:38,515
Call it what you want.
I looked down.
993
00:42:38,515 --> 00:42:40,725
I see his face looking up at me.
Now I got no shot.
994
00:42:40,725 --> 00:42:43,353
Okay, thank you for the context.
995
00:42:43,353 --> 00:42:45,605
Just giving you--
giving you a play-by-play.
996
00:42:45,605 --> 00:42:50,610
But listen, when I go to set,
it's me acting, right?
997
00:42:50,610 --> 00:42:55,824
But to get there, I've got reps,
my dialect coach, my assistant.
998
00:42:55,824 --> 00:42:57,450
And then there's
personal trainer,
999
00:42:57,450 --> 00:43:00,829
hair stylists, makeup artists.
The-- the list goes on.
1000
00:43:00,829 --> 00:43:04,332
And then there's family and
friends who have supported me
1001
00:43:04,332 --> 00:43:06,751
and sacrificed for me.
1002
00:43:06,751 --> 00:43:08,336
I'm sorry. I got lost
in what you were saying
1003
00:43:08,336 --> 00:43:09,879
'cause I felt it was bullshit.
1004
00:43:09,879 --> 00:43:12,507
You have that, too, Kevin,
and then some, okay?
1005
00:43:12,507 --> 00:43:13,925
It's why you're a star.
1006
00:43:13,925 --> 00:43:15,468
No, that's not true.
1007
00:43:15,468 --> 00:43:19,222
I'm a star because I made
myself a star with this.
1008
00:43:19,222 --> 00:43:22,642
Sure, yeah, that's the story
you keep telling yourself,
1009
00:43:22,642 --> 00:43:24,144
but you had help.
1010
00:43:24,144 --> 00:43:26,229
Okay.
1011
00:43:26,229 --> 00:43:27,981
Hey, how are you guys doing?
1012
00:43:27,981 --> 00:43:29,941
The pork chops
are smelling
1013
00:43:29,941 --> 00:43:32,193
so much like shrimp right now,
it's amazing.
1014
00:43:32,193 --> 00:43:33,570
I got you a shirt, my man.
1015
00:43:33,570 --> 00:43:35,864
I think it'll fit perfectly, okay?
1016
00:43:35,864 --> 00:43:37,532
Do you see it?
Nice.
1017
00:43:37,532 --> 00:43:39,159
Yeah,
I made that myself.
1018
00:43:39,159 --> 00:43:41,369
Okay, thank you for that.
1019
00:43:43,246 --> 00:43:45,999
Ah, I wanted to ask you earlier,
but I didn't get a chance to.
1020
00:43:45,999 --> 00:43:47,542
Who's-- who's that?
1021
00:43:47,542 --> 00:43:49,002
- This one?
- Yeah.
1022
00:43:49,002 --> 00:43:51,546
That's my dad.
He's been gone a long time.
1023
00:43:53,173 --> 00:43:54,466
- Really?
- Yeah.
1024
00:43:54,466 --> 00:43:56,217
Same.
1025
00:43:56,217 --> 00:43:57,552
Hey, you know, my mom raised me.
1026
00:43:57,552 --> 00:43:59,471
I know.
1027
00:43:59,471 --> 00:44:02,015
Did your dad, uh,
get a little afraid
1028
00:44:02,015 --> 00:44:03,850
of parenthood and run off?
1029
00:44:03,850 --> 00:44:05,226
It wasn't anything
like that, actually.
1030
00:44:05,226 --> 00:44:07,312
He was amazing.
He was kind.
1031
00:44:07,312 --> 00:44:08,772
Uh, he was gentle.
1032
00:44:08,772 --> 00:44:11,524
By the way,
Richard Pryor's assistant.
1033
00:44:11,524 --> 00:44:13,276
Your dad is Rich...
1034
00:44:13,276 --> 00:44:14,569
I guess
you could say assisting
1035
00:44:14,569 --> 00:44:15,904
just runs in the family, right?
1036
00:44:15,904 --> 00:44:17,697
Wow. That's legendary, man.
1037
00:44:17,697 --> 00:44:19,282
- It is, right?
- That's huge.
1038
00:44:19,282 --> 00:44:21,993
It's huge,
until it killed him.
1039
00:44:21,993 --> 00:44:23,870
What do you mean?
1040
00:44:23,870 --> 00:44:28,083
It's a big show, and crazy fan
got through security.
1041
00:44:28,083 --> 00:44:31,211
So my dad jumped in
the way of a knife
1042
00:44:31,211 --> 00:44:32,712
that was meant
for Richard Pryor.
1043
00:44:32,712 --> 00:44:34,631
You're playing.
No.
1044
00:44:34,631 --> 00:44:36,091
- Cut him from the stomach--
- What?
1045
00:44:36,091 --> 00:44:37,509
Right up, back down.
1046
00:44:37,509 --> 00:44:39,010
- What?
- Killed my dad on the spot.
1047
00:44:39,010 --> 00:44:41,012
Oh, my God, man.
1048
00:44:41,012 --> 00:44:42,806
I can't.
I can't process that.
1049
00:44:42,806 --> 00:44:44,808
Neither could I. It was enormous
for our whole family.
1050
00:44:44,808 --> 00:44:47,519
Why would somebody
want to kill Richard Pryor?
1051
00:44:48,978 --> 00:44:50,730
Huh?
1052
00:44:50,730 --> 00:44:53,316
Who?
Well, yeah, why?
1053
00:44:53,316 --> 00:44:55,318
That's crazy, right?
1054
00:44:55,318 --> 00:44:56,945
Yeah.
I bet, by the way--
1055
00:44:56,945 --> 00:44:58,947
I bet my dad, when he
was dying, was looking up
1056
00:44:58,947 --> 00:45:01,282
and was like, Why would you do
this, or something like that.
1057
00:45:01,282 --> 00:45:03,368
- Has to be, right?
- Maybe, maybe. Maybe not.
1058
00:45:03,368 --> 00:45:04,994
I mean, at that point,
that's not what's important.
1059
00:45:04,994 --> 00:45:06,204
Somebody tried to kill Richard.
1060
00:45:06,204 --> 00:45:07,580
Right, my dad was already dead.
1061
00:45:07,580 --> 00:45:08,957
The thing we gotta
worry about is...
1062
00:45:08,957 --> 00:45:10,250
- Who is this guy?
- God's gonna do--
1063
00:45:10,250 --> 00:45:11,584
Are there more of 'em?
Yeah.
1064
00:45:11,584 --> 00:45:13,294
- Okay? You can't rewrite that.
- No.
1065
00:45:13,294 --> 00:45:14,838
No, we can't.
I tried to.
1066
00:45:14,838 --> 00:45:16,548
God, I've been
to so much therapy
1067
00:45:16,548 --> 00:45:19,050
trying to rewrite that moment.
What could I have done?
1068
00:45:19,050 --> 00:45:20,844
I was a child, but maybe I
could have jumped in the way,
1069
00:45:20,844 --> 00:45:23,555
or something like that.
Yeah.
1070
00:45:23,555 --> 00:45:25,515
On the bright side, though,
if you think about it,
1071
00:45:25,515 --> 00:45:29,269
he died doing what he
loved the most, assisting.
1072
00:45:29,269 --> 00:45:31,521
He was so happy
that he brought joy
1073
00:45:31,521 --> 00:45:35,316
to someone who brought joy
to so many people.
1074
00:45:35,316 --> 00:45:37,277
He taught me every
single thing I knew.
1075
00:45:40,405 --> 00:45:42,866
You know, man, maybe--
1076
00:45:42,866 --> 00:45:45,535
Maybe I didn't mean to fire you.
1077
00:45:45,535 --> 00:45:49,456
I think your exact words were,
I didn't need a stunt man.
1078
00:45:49,456 --> 00:45:51,833
I sure as hell
don't need an assistant.
1079
00:45:51,833 --> 00:45:53,460
You said it to me.
You yelled it.
1080
00:45:53,460 --> 00:45:56,713
And then you told me
to get out of your car, right?
1081
00:45:56,713 --> 00:45:58,882
Oh, no, you're absolutely--
You're-- you're right.
1082
00:45:58,882 --> 00:46:01,134
But I'm just saying,
now, looking back,
1083
00:46:01,134 --> 00:46:03,720
I'm saying, maybe I do--
1084
00:46:03,720 --> 00:46:07,807
Maybe I still do
need an assistant.
1085
00:46:07,807 --> 00:46:09,767
Oh, God. Alright?
1086
00:46:11,227 --> 00:46:12,896
- I need you, too.
- No--
1087
00:46:12,896 --> 00:46:15,440
- I need you, too.
- Not the same.
1088
00:46:15,440 --> 00:46:17,901
- Oh, fuck.
- Yeah.
1089
00:46:17,901 --> 00:46:19,903
I have never been this hard.
1090
00:46:19,903 --> 00:46:21,362
Alright, I'm gonna
tell my mom.
1091
00:46:21,362 --> 00:46:23,531
Mom, you'll never believe it!
1092
00:46:23,531 --> 00:46:25,033
Congratulations.
1093
00:46:27,410 --> 00:46:28,995
Something else, huh?
1094
00:46:35,001 --> 00:46:36,544
I'm proud of you.
- Shut up.
1095
00:46:38,630 --> 00:46:40,256
You know, if you start
treating everyone
1096
00:46:40,256 --> 00:46:42,383
in the Kevin Hart universe
with that level of respect,
1097
00:46:42,383 --> 00:46:45,136
I think you'll be happy
with your life.
1098
00:46:45,136 --> 00:46:47,013
You really are
something else.
1099
00:46:47,013 --> 00:46:48,932
I mean, you paint me out
to be such a monster.
1100
00:46:48,932 --> 00:46:52,685
Name one other person that
I have disrespected, just one.
1101
00:46:52,685 --> 00:46:54,145
Give me one.
1102
00:46:56,022 --> 00:46:57,857
I can absolutely
name someone.
1103
00:47:01,945 --> 00:47:03,363
Hey, Jordan.
- Yeah, hi.
1104
00:47:03,363 --> 00:47:04,864
I just looked
at the call sheet.
1105
00:47:04,864 --> 00:47:06,241
I didn't see your
stunt double on there.
1106
00:47:06,241 --> 00:47:08,660
- Oh, I sent her home.
- Why?
1107
00:47:08,660 --> 00:47:10,912
Well, I grew up on motorcycles,
and it's a simple one today.
1108
00:47:10,912 --> 00:47:12,455
I just have to drive
through the glass
1109
00:47:12,455 --> 00:47:13,873
of a dry-cleaning business
before it explodes.
1110
00:47:13,873 --> 00:47:15,833
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
1111
00:47:15,833 --> 00:47:19,003
Simple for who? Who?
Who's it simple for, you?
1112
00:47:19,003 --> 00:47:20,964
Well, that's what
you have Doug for?
1113
00:47:20,964 --> 00:47:22,423
Do you know what
this would look like if you go
1114
00:47:22,423 --> 00:47:24,467
do all your own stunts
and I don't do mine?
1115
00:47:24,467 --> 00:47:26,386
Do you know what people
will think of me?
1116
00:47:26,386 --> 00:47:28,304
Uh, they'll think
you're an actor?
1117
00:47:28,304 --> 00:47:29,847
And listen, I'm not jumping
off the cliff.
1118
00:47:29,847 --> 00:47:31,307
I'm not jumping out
of a plane,
1119
00:47:31,307 --> 00:47:32,725
and I ain't fighting no
alligator for anyone.
1120
00:47:32,725 --> 00:47:34,352
You don't think
I can do my own stunts.
1121
00:47:34,352 --> 00:47:35,979
You don't think
I'm tough enough?
1122
00:47:35,979 --> 00:47:38,690
That's what Doug is for,
for exactly this thing.
1123
00:47:38,690 --> 00:47:40,650
You think I need Doug?
1124
00:47:40,650 --> 00:47:42,402
Absolutely.
1125
00:47:42,402 --> 00:47:43,945
Maybe I don't.
1126
00:47:43,945 --> 00:47:45,613
Maybe I don't need Doug.
1127
00:47:47,365 --> 00:47:48,783
I think he just heard you.
1128
00:47:52,287 --> 00:47:54,455
Hey, Doug.
1129
00:47:54,455 --> 00:47:56,040
I'm gonna go talk to Doug.
1130
00:47:57,584 --> 00:47:58,793
Kevin.
1131
00:47:58,793 --> 00:48:02,422
Hey,
there he is, my guy.
1132
00:48:02,422 --> 00:48:04,340
Ooh, ooh, ooh!
1133
00:48:04,340 --> 00:48:07,719
You ain't gonna
believe this shit.
1134
00:48:07,719 --> 00:48:09,304
I'm talking to Jordan.
1135
00:48:09,304 --> 00:48:11,306
I just found out Jordan
sent her stunt double home.
1136
00:48:11,306 --> 00:48:12,724
You know what she trying to do.
1137
00:48:12,724 --> 00:48:14,434
You know exactly what
she trying to do.
1138
00:48:14,434 --> 00:48:16,352
She trying to show me up,
and I'm not gonna have that.
1139
00:48:16,352 --> 00:48:19,063
I can't have that.
I'm Kevin Hart, right?
1140
00:48:21,232 --> 00:48:23,234
So, here's the thing, right?
1141
00:48:23,234 --> 00:48:25,069
Let's get into
this relationship
1142
00:48:25,069 --> 00:48:26,571
'cause it's one of the best
that I've ever had.
1143
00:48:26,571 --> 00:48:28,239
How long you been with me, man?
1144
00:48:28,239 --> 00:48:29,657
Damn, that long, huh?
1145
00:48:29,657 --> 00:48:31,534
It's been a long time.
1146
00:48:31,534 --> 00:48:32,910
I know you gonna be fine,
1147
00:48:32,910 --> 00:48:34,454
and it's time for you
to fly, right?
1148
00:48:34,454 --> 00:48:38,041
So with that being said,
uh, we're done.
1149
00:48:38,041 --> 00:48:40,043
I-- I'm gonna go ahead and--
1150
00:48:40,043 --> 00:48:43,129
Is "fired" the word, I guess?
I guess it is "fired."
1151
00:48:43,129 --> 00:48:45,048
So I'mma fire you, but in a,
1152
00:48:45,048 --> 00:48:48,092
but in a dope way
to where we still cool.
1153
00:48:48,092 --> 00:48:49,927
I-- I'm gonna go on
and get ready.
1154
00:48:51,554 --> 00:48:53,181
My guy!
1155
00:48:53,181 --> 00:48:55,558
- It's stunt time.
- Kevin, this is a terrible--
1156
00:48:55,558 --> 00:48:57,477
It's stunt time!
1157
00:48:57,477 --> 00:48:59,354
Listen, I'm not
trying to show you up.
1158
00:48:59,354 --> 00:49:01,522
Hey!
Enough, Jordan.
1159
00:49:01,522 --> 00:49:04,901
It's all good,
Mr. Action Star.
1160
00:49:09,781 --> 00:49:11,741
Now, you listen to me, alright?
1161
00:49:11,741 --> 00:49:13,701
I've been in this
business for goddamn--
1162
00:49:13,701 --> 00:49:15,578
goddamn, how long?
1163
00:49:15,578 --> 00:49:17,246
How long?
1164
00:49:17,246 --> 00:49:19,374
You telling me that
my goddamn reputation
1165
00:49:19,374 --> 00:49:21,501
doesn't speak for myself?
1166
00:49:21,501 --> 00:49:23,086
It fucking should!
1167
00:49:25,046 --> 00:49:27,131
When-- when does Cap Four shoot?
1168
00:49:27,131 --> 00:49:29,300
Does Mackie have a guy?
1169
00:49:29,300 --> 00:49:30,885
He does. He gets it.
1170
00:49:30,885 --> 00:49:32,553
Everybody's got
a fucking guy, huh?
1171
00:49:32,553 --> 00:49:36,099
What about Adam Driver?
Now, you said he's billed. Huh?
1172
00:49:36,099 --> 00:49:38,017
Listen, I can do work for him.
1173
00:49:38,017 --> 00:49:41,104
I-- I can be Adam's driver, right?
1174
00:49:41,104 --> 00:49:43,147
Yeah, no, listen,
I'm serious about that.
1175
00:49:43,147 --> 00:49:45,900
I don't give a fuck.
I'll drive.
1176
00:49:45,900 --> 00:49:49,612
I-- I'll be Adam's driver
driver driver if I have to.
1177
00:49:49,612 --> 00:49:52,532
God damn it Scott!--
Fuck you!
1178
00:49:52,532 --> 00:49:55,368
I've been in the goddamn
business for years.
1179
00:50:30,945 --> 00:50:32,447
You know what?
1180
00:50:32,447 --> 00:50:34,449
This is my me time.
I really enjoy working.
1181
00:50:34,449 --> 00:50:37,368
I find a lot of peace,
happiness,
1182
00:50:37,368 --> 00:50:40,204
and, uh, solace in creating.
1183
00:50:40,204 --> 00:50:43,499
And now my creating is
about putting other people
1184
00:50:43,499 --> 00:50:46,878
in positions to win,
um, amplifying other careers
1185
00:50:46,878 --> 00:50:48,379
and opportunities,
not just me.
1186
00:50:48,379 --> 00:50:50,798
So, hopefully,
it continues to grow.
1187
00:50:50,798 --> 00:50:52,133
I can't believe
that my stuntman
1188
00:50:52,133 --> 00:50:53,801
would do this to me.
1189
00:50:53,801 --> 00:50:55,303
Ex-stuntman.
1190
00:50:55,303 --> 00:50:58,181
No, I gotta do
something about this-- Oh.
1191
00:50:58,181 --> 00:50:59,515
Oh, whoa, whoa, Kevin.
1192
00:50:59,515 --> 00:51:01,934
Uh-oh. Oh, no.
Let mom look at this.
1193
00:51:01,934 --> 00:51:03,311
Hold on. Oh.
1194
00:51:03,311 --> 00:51:04,812
Oh, we gotta change
this dressing.
1195
00:51:04,812 --> 00:51:06,105
Take him to the bedroom.
1196
00:51:06,105 --> 00:51:07,523
- Prop him up.
- Here we go.
1197
00:51:07,523 --> 00:51:08,941
- Get some wet towels.
- Here we go.
1198
00:51:08,941 --> 00:51:10,401
Shouldn't he go
to a hospital?
1199
00:51:10,401 --> 00:51:12,278
No.
I'll get him back on track.
1200
00:51:12,278 --> 00:51:14,197
It's what I do.
1201
00:51:14,197 --> 00:51:15,782
Wait, you're a doctor?
1202
00:51:15,782 --> 00:51:17,617
I'm better than a doctor.
1203
00:51:17,617 --> 00:51:19,744
I'm a mom.
1204
00:51:19,744 --> 00:51:21,329
Left, right, left, right.
1205
00:51:23,498 --> 00:51:24,832
He's gonna be fine.
1206
00:51:24,832 --> 00:51:27,084
My mom is a miracle-worker.
1207
00:51:27,084 --> 00:51:28,836
How about you?
Are you okay?
1208
00:51:28,836 --> 00:51:31,839
Uh... Well, not really.
This is my problem, too.
1209
00:51:31,839 --> 00:51:34,634
Doug probably blames me
for losing his job.
1210
00:51:34,634 --> 00:51:37,094
That's why he's put me in
this deadly little game of his,
1211
00:51:37,094 --> 00:51:38,471
just for payback.
1212
00:51:38,471 --> 00:51:40,306
Yeah.
Okay, that's fine, then.
1213
00:51:40,306 --> 00:51:41,933
When Kevin gets back
to full health,
1214
00:51:41,933 --> 00:51:43,893
he will think of an
incredible plan for all of us.
1215
00:51:43,893 --> 00:51:45,728
No, no, fuck that.
We can't just sit here.
1216
00:51:45,728 --> 00:51:48,481
We need to do something. We need
to get to the bottom of this.
1217
00:51:48,481 --> 00:51:50,274
Who is the person
Kevin trusts the most?
1218
00:51:50,274 --> 00:51:51,943
- His agent.
- Really?
1219
00:51:51,943 --> 00:51:53,861
Yeah.
1220
00:51:53,861 --> 00:51:55,530
Let's pay them a visit.
1221
00:51:55,530 --> 00:51:57,365
Right now?
We can't go right now.
1222
00:51:57,365 --> 00:51:59,867
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Jordan, we can't go right now.
1223
00:51:59,867 --> 00:52:01,285
But what about this?
What about this?
1224
00:52:01,285 --> 00:52:02,829
You're famous, Jordan.
You get in there,
1225
00:52:02,829 --> 00:52:04,664
they're gonna recognize you.
That's a problem.
1226
00:52:04,664 --> 00:52:07,792
Second is, Doug actually thinks
that you're dead, right?
1227
00:52:07,792 --> 00:52:10,044
- You blew up.
- Shit, you're right.
1228
00:52:11,754 --> 00:52:13,464
Oh, my God, I just thought
of something amazing.
1229
00:52:13,464 --> 00:52:15,716
Thank me.
Thank me now.
1230
00:52:15,716 --> 00:52:17,051
Let me hear it first?
1231
00:52:17,051 --> 00:52:18,469
Smart.
That's a smart move, okay?
1232
00:52:18,469 --> 00:52:20,137
In the back, there's a disguise.
1233
00:52:20,137 --> 00:52:21,597
I always keep a spare disguise
for Kevin in the back.
1234
00:52:21,597 --> 00:52:23,057
Grab that bag real quick.
1235
00:52:23,057 --> 00:52:25,810
- You have spare disguises?
- Yes.
1236
00:52:25,810 --> 00:52:28,813
I mean, sometimes Kevin likes
to live anonymously, right?
1237
00:52:28,813 --> 00:52:31,983
Whether he wants to go grocery
shopping, feed the ducks,
1238
00:52:31,983 --> 00:52:33,568
heckle a stranger.
1239
00:52:35,486 --> 00:52:39,073
Yeah, I'm not wearing this.
1240
00:52:39,073 --> 00:52:41,325
Come on. Did you see
all of them real quick?
1241
00:52:41,325 --> 00:52:43,119
Like this one right here, okay?
This one right here--
1242
00:52:43,119 --> 00:52:44,912
- Andre, the road!
- I'm doing it.
1243
00:52:44,912 --> 00:52:46,581
It's a hard left
with my knees, baby.
1244
00:52:46,581 --> 00:52:48,291
Look at this.
1245
00:52:54,714 --> 00:52:57,341
This is so embarrassing.
1246
00:52:57,341 --> 00:52:59,343
We're lucky that
you and Kevin are the same size,
1247
00:52:59,343 --> 00:53:01,012
you know what I mean?
1248
00:53:01,012 --> 00:53:03,222
Think about this as your
greatest acting role to date.
1249
00:53:03,222 --> 00:53:05,224
You got this.
You got this!
1250
00:53:08,102 --> 00:53:09,520
That's fantastic.
Okay, and--
1251
00:53:11,397 --> 00:53:15,526
Uh, we're here to see,
ahem, Scott Hayman.
1252
00:53:15,526 --> 00:53:16,861
Okay.
1253
00:53:19,113 --> 00:53:20,990
And you are?
1254
00:53:20,990 --> 00:53:23,868
Ronald Mondolvia III!
1255
00:53:23,868 --> 00:53:25,786
A pleasure to meet you.
1256
00:53:25,786 --> 00:53:28,080
And this is the
wickedly talented--
1257
00:53:29,707 --> 00:53:31,751
Bill.
My name is Bill.
1258
00:53:33,836 --> 00:53:36,714
Bill Mondolvia.
We're both Mondolvians.
1259
00:53:36,714 --> 00:53:40,426
This is my uncle
on my mama's side.
1260
00:53:40,426 --> 00:53:43,137
Shit-fuck, can this man
cook a goose.
1261
00:53:47,224 --> 00:53:48,559
What was all that before?
1262
00:53:48,559 --> 00:53:50,269
Mondolvia...
That's nobody's surname.
1263
00:53:50,269 --> 00:53:51,854
What do you expect, okay?
1264
00:53:51,854 --> 00:53:54,649
I couldn't concentrate.
Your accent was fucking insane.
1265
00:53:54,649 --> 00:53:57,568
- My accent?
- Yes. "Blah, blah, blah."
1266
00:53:57,568 --> 00:53:59,779
Okay, it wasn't great,
but I mean--
1267
00:53:59,779 --> 00:54:01,405
- My accent? I nailed my accent.
- It doesn't matter.
1268
00:54:01,405 --> 00:54:03,115
It doesn't matter,
because there's no way
1269
00:54:03,115 --> 00:54:05,576
they're letting us go back
to see Kevin's agent, okay?
1270
00:54:05,576 --> 00:54:07,078
They've probably
already called security.
1271
00:54:07,078 --> 00:54:08,788
So if security comes,
1272
00:54:08,788 --> 00:54:11,082
we just pretend to
be Ronald and Bill Mondolvia,
1273
00:54:11,082 --> 00:54:13,084
the very famous
Instagram influencers
1274
00:54:13,084 --> 00:54:14,835
who make unboxing videos.
1275
00:54:14,835 --> 00:54:16,295
What is this?
1276
00:54:16,295 --> 00:54:17,797
We unbox it, and it's
a smaller box, okay?
1277
00:54:17,797 --> 00:54:20,216
No, no, no.
She's going to the loo.
1278
00:54:20,216 --> 00:54:22,009
I don't think that Bill
would call it the loo.
1279
00:54:22,009 --> 00:54:23,511
I feel like
he's more old-school.
1280
00:54:23,511 --> 00:54:25,388
I feel like she's
about to take a shit.
1281
00:54:27,682 --> 00:54:29,016
Play it cool.
1282
00:54:30,685 --> 00:54:32,478
Like and subscribe, please!
1283
00:54:35,189 --> 00:54:37,108
Stop, stop, stop.
Right there, right there.
1284
00:54:37,108 --> 00:54:39,068
Right there,
that's Kevin's agent.
1285
00:54:39,068 --> 00:54:40,778
Who is he talking to?
1286
00:54:42,738 --> 00:54:44,907
How are you doing, man?
1287
00:54:44,907 --> 00:54:46,867
It's not Kevin.
1288
00:54:52,623 --> 00:54:54,959
Try not to move.
1289
00:54:54,959 --> 00:54:57,086
Mr. Kevin Hart needs
to regain his strength.
1290
00:54:58,671 --> 00:55:04,510
As long as it takes,
you'll be here in my house,
1291
00:55:04,510 --> 00:55:09,974
listening to my stories,
eating my Christmas pork chops.
1292
00:55:16,230 --> 00:55:20,985
When my husband was wounded
years ago, I couldn't save him,
1293
00:55:20,985 --> 00:55:24,113
but now I've got a
second chance with you,
1294
00:55:24,113 --> 00:55:27,283
Kevin Hart, America's treasure.
1295
00:55:29,577 --> 00:55:31,203
Cynthia's treasure.
1296
00:55:35,332 --> 00:55:36,459
Hello?
1297
00:55:36,459 --> 00:55:38,002
Mom, mom, put Kevin on.
1298
00:55:38,002 --> 00:55:39,670
I can't.
He's sleeping.
1299
00:55:39,670 --> 00:55:41,297
It's an emergency.
Put him on right now, mom.
1300
00:55:41,297 --> 00:55:43,382
Come on, wake him up.
1301
00:55:43,382 --> 00:55:45,092
Hello?
1302
00:55:45,092 --> 00:55:47,386
Are you here to rescue me?
I think I've been poisoned.
1303
00:55:47,386 --> 00:55:49,221
Kevin, listen up
very closely, okay?
1304
00:55:49,221 --> 00:55:50,765
We've just been on a deep-cover
1305
00:55:50,765 --> 00:55:52,433
reconnaissance mission,
and we fucking nailed it.
1306
00:55:52,433 --> 00:55:54,393
Doug is you.
You've been replaced by Doug.
1307
00:55:54,393 --> 00:55:56,771
Wait, what?
Replaced? I don't understand.
1308
00:55:56,771 --> 00:55:58,355
That's because my mommy
just gave you
1309
00:55:58,355 --> 00:56:00,691
a very low-dose narcotic.
Don't worry about it.
1310
00:56:00,691 --> 00:56:02,985
But when you come to,
you have to understand
1311
00:56:02,985 --> 00:56:05,529
that Doug is trying to convince
people that he's you.
1312
00:56:05,529 --> 00:56:07,364
He's fixed his teeth.
He's changed his hair.
1313
00:56:07,364 --> 00:56:11,619
I mean, his mannerisms...
Oh, my God, he's-- he's you.
1314
00:56:11,619 --> 00:56:13,913
Yeah, well,
he can't fool my staff.
1315
00:56:13,913 --> 00:56:15,498
They'll know it's not me.
1316
00:56:15,498 --> 00:56:17,166
They're my village.
1317
00:56:18,918 --> 00:56:22,421
You get a raise.
You get a raise.
1318
00:56:22,421 --> 00:56:23,798
You get a raise.
1319
00:56:23,798 --> 00:56:26,383
That's right, everybody
gets a raise, huh?
1320
00:56:26,383 --> 00:56:28,552
You know why?
'Cause I'm Kevin.
1321
00:56:28,552 --> 00:56:30,596
I'm Kevin!
1322
00:56:30,596 --> 00:56:32,515
Sorry, Kevin
is suddenly very tired.
1323
00:56:32,515 --> 00:56:34,100
He needs his rest.
No, no, no, no.
1324
00:56:34,100 --> 00:56:35,434
Mom, no--
Bye.
1325
00:56:41,607 --> 00:56:43,734
If Kevin wants
to get through to Doug,
1326
00:56:43,734 --> 00:56:48,280
there's only one man
he can talk to, Mr. 206.
1327
00:56:48,280 --> 00:56:50,157
I don't--
Who's-- who's Mr. 206?
1328
00:56:50,157 --> 00:56:51,742
He's a pretty
famous stuntman,
1329
00:56:51,742 --> 00:56:53,410
and he's Doug's mentor.
1330
00:56:53,410 --> 00:56:55,746
Okay. Okay, fine,
then this is easy.
1331
00:56:55,746 --> 00:56:57,832
We just take Kevin
to see Mr. 206.
1332
00:56:57,832 --> 00:56:59,667
We?
Nope, no way.
1333
00:56:59,667 --> 00:57:02,628
I will not be going to see 206.
1334
00:57:02,628 --> 00:57:04,588
He is a complete psychopath.
1335
00:57:04,588 --> 00:57:06,173
He nearly killed me
in a stunt rehearsal
1336
00:57:06,173 --> 00:57:07,842
and then tried to
make me apologize.
1337
00:57:07,842 --> 00:57:09,552
Jordan, Jordan,
Kevin needs you right now.
1338
00:57:09,552 --> 00:57:11,137
He needs me?
- He does, right now.
1339
00:57:11,137 --> 00:57:12,930
Oh, I thought Kevin
doesn't need anyone,
1340
00:57:12,930 --> 00:57:15,266
until he needs everyone.
1341
00:57:15,266 --> 00:57:18,894
Okay, fine, then
I'll take him to see Mr. 206.
1342
00:57:18,894 --> 00:57:20,354
Why?
This is Kevin's problem.
1343
00:57:20,354 --> 00:57:21,897
You should just let him
go on his own.
1344
00:57:21,897 --> 00:57:24,900
No. As long as
I'm Kevin's assistant...
1345
00:57:26,235 --> 00:57:28,112
he'll never drive
himself anywhere.
1346
00:57:31,031 --> 00:57:32,491
- It's in neutral.
- I am so sorry.
1347
00:57:32,491 --> 00:57:34,785
We're slowing down.
I was trying to go faster.
1348
00:57:34,785 --> 00:57:36,328
We did the opposite.
1349
00:57:49,508 --> 00:57:52,344
I am so happy my mom was able
to nurse you back to health.
1350
00:57:52,344 --> 00:57:53,888
What did you just say to me?
1351
00:57:53,888 --> 00:57:56,348
The woman put drugs
in my goddamn pork chop.
1352
00:57:56,348 --> 00:57:59,059
- She tried to poison me.
- She's amazing, right?
1353
00:57:59,059 --> 00:58:01,854
Look at you now.
Okay, come on, come on.
1354
00:58:01,854 --> 00:58:03,856
So tell me,
why do they call him 206?
1355
00:58:03,856 --> 00:58:06,150
'Cause there's 206 bones
in the human body.
1356
00:58:06,150 --> 00:58:08,068
They say, before he became
a mentor in the stunt game,
1357
00:58:08,068 --> 00:58:09,445
that he broke every
single one of 'em.
1358
00:58:09,445 --> 00:58:11,030
Actually, no, it was 205.
1359
00:58:11,030 --> 00:58:12,239
But then, on his
last day of filming,
1360
00:58:12,239 --> 00:58:13,908
they say he broke the 206th one.
1361
00:58:13,908 --> 00:58:15,367
What?
Which one was that?
1362
00:58:15,367 --> 00:58:17,036
Pinky toe, right foot, snapped.
1363
00:58:17,036 --> 00:58:18,370
Goddamn.
1364
00:58:21,874 --> 00:58:24,418
Uh, hello?
1365
00:58:26,462 --> 00:58:28,339
Uh, 206?
1366
00:58:28,339 --> 00:58:30,925
Hey, M-- Mr. Two Hundred
And Six?
1367
00:58:30,925 --> 00:58:33,344
- It's 2-0-6.
- Right.
1368
00:58:33,344 --> 00:58:36,430
Sign says
no soliciting. Go away.
1369
00:58:36,430 --> 00:58:38,849
Yeah, no, we-- we didn't see
a sign. There's no sign.
1370
00:58:38,849 --> 00:58:40,267
Who took
my fucking sign?
1371
00:58:40,267 --> 00:58:41,644
We didn't take it.
1372
00:58:41,644 --> 00:58:43,520
Hey, either way,
we're not here to solicit.
1373
00:58:43,520 --> 00:58:46,190
We-- we're not selling anything.
1374
00:58:46,190 --> 00:58:48,150
You don't even recognize
my voice.
1375
00:58:48,150 --> 00:58:49,860
You know who's
at the door right now?
1376
00:58:49,860 --> 00:58:53,072
This is Kevin Hart,
comedian, actor.
1377
00:58:53,072 --> 00:58:57,993
I just told you... to go--
1378
00:58:57,993 --> 00:58:59,161
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
1379
00:58:59,161 --> 00:59:01,038
The fuck away!
1380
00:59:01,038 --> 00:59:03,374
Hey! Shit!
1381
00:59:03,374 --> 00:59:05,793
Come on, baby, it's me.
1382
00:59:05,793 --> 00:59:07,503
- It's me.
- It's Kevin Hart.
1383
00:59:10,256 --> 00:59:11,507
Give me one good reason
why I shouldn't
1384
00:59:11,507 --> 00:59:13,342
kill the both of you right now.
1385
00:59:13,342 --> 00:59:14,969
Kevin's about to have a movie
that's gonna get him an Oscar.
1386
00:59:14,969 --> 00:59:17,888
Well, okay.
Wait, wait, wait. Your protege.
1387
00:59:17,888 --> 00:59:19,765
We're here because of your
protege, Doug Eubanks.
1388
00:59:19,765 --> 00:59:21,392
What about him?
1389
00:59:21,392 --> 00:59:24,395
Well, we-- we're here
'cause he's losing his shit.
1390
00:59:24,395 --> 00:59:26,105
Yeah, no, he's absolute--
1391
00:59:26,105 --> 00:59:28,732
That's not true, 'cause
you don't deserve a lie.
1392
00:59:28,732 --> 00:59:30,109
I'm not here to lie to you.
1393
00:59:30,109 --> 00:59:31,694
I'm gonna be honest
with you, man.
1394
00:59:33,070 --> 00:59:34,822
I screwed him over.
1395
00:59:34,822 --> 00:59:36,407
I screwed him over,
and I'm here because
1396
00:59:36,407 --> 00:59:37,741
I want to make things right,
and I can't do that
1397
00:59:37,741 --> 00:59:40,035
without you, Mr. 206.
1398
00:59:47,626 --> 00:59:49,336
Well, how do you
like your tea?
1399
00:59:49,336 --> 00:59:51,213
Huh?
1400
01:00:05,436 --> 01:00:06,979
Do I make you uncomfortable?
1401
01:00:06,979 --> 01:00:08,981
No. I-- I'm just so nervous
for you, sir,
1402
01:00:08,981 --> 01:00:11,233
because you got really hot tea,
and it's just
1403
01:00:11,233 --> 01:00:13,986
right above your balls, so--
1404
01:00:13,986 --> 01:00:17,531
What are you doing?
What are you--
1405
01:00:18,824 --> 01:00:20,367
Oh, my God,
what the fuck?
1406
01:00:20,367 --> 01:00:21,827
Oh, man, come on.
- What the fuck?
1407
01:00:21,827 --> 01:00:23,037
Come, on man.
1408
01:00:23,037 --> 01:00:24,455
The ancient Babylonians believed
1409
01:00:24,455 --> 01:00:26,415
that undergarments
were a sign of weakness.
1410
01:00:28,709 --> 01:00:30,085
I tend to agree.
1411
01:00:31,170 --> 01:00:32,463
I respect that.
1412
01:00:33,839 --> 01:00:35,674
I respect that.
1413
01:00:35,674 --> 01:00:38,093
I just...
1414
01:00:41,638 --> 01:00:44,016
I just want to,
I wanna thank you
1415
01:00:44,016 --> 01:00:45,684
for taking the time,
'cause I know you didn't--
1416
01:00:45,684 --> 01:00:47,978
Cut the compliments.
Tell me why you're here.
1417
01:00:47,978 --> 01:00:53,400
I, um, I know
you're Doug's mentor, right?
1418
01:00:53,400 --> 01:00:54,985
If there's anyone
who knows how he operates,
1419
01:00:54,985 --> 01:00:57,529
how he thinks, it's...
1420
01:00:57,529 --> 01:00:59,031
I need your help.
1421
01:01:04,787 --> 01:01:06,330
Watch your eye.
Watch your eye.
1422
01:01:11,168 --> 01:01:12,628
Let's walk.
1423
01:01:14,755 --> 01:01:16,590
Doug Eubanks is more than
just a former student of mine.
1424
01:01:18,175 --> 01:01:20,469
He's my friend, my confidant.
1425
01:01:22,012 --> 01:01:23,806
Briefly, in 2003,
he was my lover.
1426
01:01:25,516 --> 01:01:27,017
Doug is the most
fearless stunt performer
1427
01:01:27,017 --> 01:01:29,311
that I've ever trained.
1428
01:01:29,311 --> 01:01:31,605
One time, he asked me
to stab him with an ice pick
1429
01:01:31,605 --> 01:01:33,232
'cause he needed
to know how it felt so he could
1430
01:01:33,232 --> 01:01:34,900
replicate that reaction
when the cameras are rolling.
1431
01:01:34,900 --> 01:01:37,444
- Did you do it?
- With pleasure.
1432
01:01:37,444 --> 01:01:39,822
As a stuntman,
you embrace pain,
1433
01:01:39,822 --> 01:01:41,407
lay your life on the line
for your actor
1434
01:01:41,407 --> 01:01:42,825
every day you step on set.
1435
01:01:42,825 --> 01:01:46,036
And occasionally,
an actor says thanks.
1436
01:01:46,036 --> 01:01:48,163
Sometimes they don't say thanks.
1437
01:01:48,163 --> 01:01:49,873
Sometimes they just fire you
without warning 'cause
1438
01:01:49,873 --> 01:01:51,667
all of a sudden they think
they're John fucking Rambo,
1439
01:01:51,667 --> 01:01:54,294
but they're nothing but a
little bitch with a giant ego.
1440
01:01:54,294 --> 01:01:56,255
Yeah, yeah. So, hey, are you
gonna talk to him for me?
1441
01:01:58,048 --> 01:01:59,508
Actors talk.
1442
01:02:00,384 --> 01:02:02,678
Stuntmen... stunt.
1443
01:02:04,388 --> 01:02:07,683
You're gonna have to fight Doug,
and you're gonna lose.
1444
01:02:09,351 --> 01:02:10,853
Well, shit, then why are you--
1445
01:02:10,853 --> 01:02:12,229
Why are you even
talking to me, then?
1446
01:02:12,229 --> 01:02:13,522
Only reason I'm talking to you
1447
01:02:13,522 --> 01:02:15,399
is 'cause every person
is trapped
1448
01:02:15,399 --> 01:02:17,359
in a story of their own design,
and I know the exact story
1449
01:02:17,359 --> 01:02:18,694
you're trapped in.
1450
01:02:18,694 --> 01:02:19,987
Yeah, it's a revenge story.
1451
01:02:19,987 --> 01:02:21,405
It's not revenge.
1452
01:02:21,405 --> 01:02:23,282
It's redemption.
1453
01:02:23,282 --> 01:02:25,075
No, I'm pretty sure
it's revenge.
1454
01:02:26,660 --> 01:02:27,870
What do you really want?
1455
01:02:29,621 --> 01:02:31,623
I want my life back.
I want to defeat Doug.
1456
01:02:31,623 --> 01:02:34,084
Defeat Doug?
Doug's the enemy.
1457
01:02:34,084 --> 01:02:36,295
Doug's the bad guy?
You're the good guy?
1458
01:02:36,295 --> 01:02:37,796
I just want to make sure
I'm hearing this right.
1459
01:02:37,796 --> 01:02:40,799
Okay, maybe
we're both bad guys.
1460
01:02:40,799 --> 01:02:42,301
No, Kevin.
1461
01:02:44,178 --> 01:02:45,679
You're both good guys.
1462
01:02:50,058 --> 01:02:51,518
Did you hear that?
1463
01:02:51,518 --> 01:02:53,645
Yeah, I'm trying
to figure it out.
1464
01:02:55,772 --> 01:02:57,399
He fucked Doug.
1465
01:02:57,399 --> 01:02:59,526
I didn't hear that.
What?
1466
01:02:59,526 --> 01:03:00,986
He fucked Doug.
1467
01:03:00,986 --> 01:03:02,779
I didn't catch that.
I was--
1468
01:03:02,779 --> 01:03:04,198
Right at the top, he said it.
Right over there, he said--
1469
01:03:04,198 --> 01:03:06,033
No. I saw a ladybug.
I gotta--
1470
01:03:06,033 --> 01:03:07,576
So that means he's kind
of fucked you before.
1471
01:03:07,576 --> 01:03:09,703
No, no.
Wait a minute, no, he hasn't.
1472
01:03:13,081 --> 01:03:15,751
This is my dojo.
1473
01:03:18,253 --> 01:03:19,671
Well, it kind of
looks like a bunch of trees
1474
01:03:19,671 --> 01:03:21,590
if you ask me, but alright.
1475
01:03:21,590 --> 01:03:24,384
- Goodness gracious.
- Excuse me.
1476
01:03:24,384 --> 01:03:25,928
- Sorry.
- Coming through.
1477
01:03:25,928 --> 01:03:28,305
- Yep. Yep. Sorry.
- Coming through.
1478
01:03:28,305 --> 01:03:29,723
You've really
gotta share the trail, guys.
1479
01:03:29,723 --> 01:03:31,350
- It's our fault.
- Sorry.
1480
01:03:31,350 --> 01:03:32,809
We didn't even know
it was a trail, to be honest.
1481
01:03:32,809 --> 01:03:35,354
I had no idea.
1482
01:03:35,354 --> 01:03:38,232
So this is where you're gonna
train me to face Doug, huh?
1483
01:03:38,232 --> 01:03:40,067
Let me explain
something to you.
1484
01:03:40,067 --> 01:03:43,403
Stuntman's Creed,
be thy actor.
1485
01:03:43,403 --> 01:03:46,281
Every role you ever trained
for, Doug trained harder.
1486
01:03:46,281 --> 01:03:48,158
Every martial art
you supposedly learn,
1487
01:03:48,158 --> 01:03:49,826
Doug learned it for real.
1488
01:03:49,826 --> 01:03:52,037
He had to, 'cause when
the cameras were rolling,
1489
01:03:52,037 --> 01:03:54,498
it was his ass on the line,
not yours, sitting
1490
01:03:54,498 --> 01:03:56,458
in video village,
sipping lattes,
1491
01:03:56,458 --> 01:03:58,043
eating sushi off of nude models.
1492
01:03:58,043 --> 01:04:00,379
Hey. First of all,
I got a bad case of pinkeye.
1493
01:04:00,379 --> 01:04:02,089
I learned my lesson.
1494
01:04:02,089 --> 01:04:03,590
Hasn't happened since.
1495
01:04:03,590 --> 01:04:05,467
You never appreciated Doug.
1496
01:04:05,467 --> 01:04:06,718
Actors never do.
1497
01:04:07,803 --> 01:04:09,471
Anyway, I recently learned that
1498
01:04:09,471 --> 01:04:11,390
there's a lot of people that
I may have underappreciated.
1499
01:04:13,267 --> 01:04:15,185
Good, Kevin.
1500
01:04:15,185 --> 01:04:17,396
That's growth.
1501
01:04:17,396 --> 01:04:19,982
- See that branch up there?
- Yeah.
1502
01:04:19,982 --> 01:04:21,608
Climb that tree,
crawl out to that branch,
1503
01:04:21,608 --> 01:04:23,235
and give me a dead
drop to the ground.
1504
01:04:25,696 --> 01:04:28,115
Uh, how am I supposed to--
1505
01:04:28,115 --> 01:04:30,158
You want to know
how Doug thinks?
1506
01:04:30,158 --> 01:04:31,493
You want to know
how he operates?
1507
01:04:31,493 --> 01:04:33,745
You must see the world
as he sees it,
1508
01:04:33,745 --> 01:04:35,789
without fear,
without hesitation.
1509
01:04:39,501 --> 01:04:40,711
I'm a little scared, though.
1510
01:04:40,711 --> 01:04:42,337
I'm just gonna throw
that out there.
1511
01:04:42,337 --> 01:04:44,548
- It's not like I'm--
- I volunteer as tribute.
1512
01:04:44,548 --> 01:04:47,342
Damn right you do.
1513
01:04:47,342 --> 01:04:49,177
This is Kevin's journey.
That's his dead-drop branch.
1514
01:04:49,177 --> 01:04:50,637
No, that's what
you don't understand.
1515
01:04:50,637 --> 01:04:52,556
You know why?
Because what's Kevin's is mine.
1516
01:04:52,556 --> 01:04:53,724
- Well--
- Well, right.
1517
01:04:53,724 --> 01:04:55,017
I mean, not your
material wealth.
1518
01:04:55,017 --> 01:04:56,226
- Of course, or your income.
- No.
1519
01:04:56,226 --> 01:04:57,769
- Or your success.
- No.
1520
01:04:57,769 --> 01:04:59,104
Or your rare collection of cars,
which are amazing.
1521
01:04:59,104 --> 01:05:00,439
- No.
- Right, none of that.
1522
01:05:00,439 --> 01:05:03,734
But his pain, his anguish--
1523
01:05:03,734 --> 01:05:05,694
Basically, anything that's bad,
anything that's bad--
1524
01:05:05,694 --> 01:05:07,696
that's mine, too.
That is my journey.
1525
01:05:11,533 --> 01:05:12,826
- What?
- Brother.
1526
01:05:17,414 --> 01:05:19,249
Oh my gosh.
1527
01:05:20,876 --> 01:05:22,836
What's happening, guys?
1528
01:05:22,836 --> 01:05:24,254
Guys, this don't look
good from the back.
1529
01:05:24,254 --> 01:05:25,672
What's going on?
1530
01:05:37,851 --> 01:05:40,687
Kevin, you can't
compete with Doug...
1531
01:05:40,687 --> 01:05:43,815
but you clearly have the one
thing he will never have.
1532
01:05:45,609 --> 01:05:47,486
You have a sidekick.
1533
01:05:47,486 --> 01:05:50,280
Andre?
No, Andre is my--
1534
01:05:50,280 --> 01:05:51,990
Andre's like my--
What would you call it?
1535
01:05:53,492 --> 01:05:54,910
No, no, no. No, no.
1536
01:05:54,910 --> 01:05:56,870
- I'm his--
- Hey, hey, hey. No, no, no.
1537
01:05:56,870 --> 01:05:58,705
Andre's your what?
I want you to say it.
1538
01:05:58,705 --> 01:06:00,207
Well, he was gonna say it, too.
1539
01:06:00,207 --> 01:06:01,833
No, no, he's right there.
Andre's your what?
1540
01:06:01,833 --> 01:06:03,210
You don't have to do this, man.
1541
01:06:03,210 --> 01:06:04,503
He's your what?
1542
01:06:04,503 --> 01:06:05,879
Well, he's my assistant,
my assistant.
1543
01:06:05,879 --> 01:06:07,923
He's your--
1544
01:06:07,923 --> 01:06:09,216
- He's--
- Say it.
1545
01:06:09,216 --> 01:06:10,759
Andre's my--
He's my sidekick.
1546
01:06:10,759 --> 01:06:12,719
- Say it.
- He's-- Andre's my sidekick.
1547
01:06:12,719 --> 01:06:14,137
Say it.
He's my sidekick.
1548
01:06:14,137 --> 01:06:15,472
Yeah,
I need you to say it.
1549
01:06:15,472 --> 01:06:17,182
Okay.
Andre-- Andre is my sidekick.
1550
01:06:17,182 --> 01:06:18,517
God damn it, Kevin,
I need you to
1551
01:06:18,517 --> 01:06:19,976
fucking say it!
1552
01:06:19,976 --> 01:06:21,311
And I need you
to believe it
1553
01:06:21,311 --> 01:06:22,813
deep down in your fucking bones.
1554
01:06:22,813 --> 01:06:26,191
Andre-- Andre is my sidekick!
1555
01:06:26,191 --> 01:06:28,610
- Huh?
- I said, Andre is my sidekick!
1556
01:06:28,610 --> 01:06:30,028
Who's your sidekick?
1557
01:06:30,028 --> 01:06:31,697
I said,
Andre is my sidekick!
1558
01:06:31,697 --> 01:06:35,575
I'm your sidekick!
- Andre is my si--
1559
01:06:35,575 --> 01:06:38,537
I'm your sidekick!
1560
01:06:38,537 --> 01:06:40,580
What's happening to me, man?
1561
01:06:40,580 --> 01:06:42,833
It's growth, Kevin.
1562
01:06:42,833 --> 01:06:45,127
Growth hurts.
1563
01:06:45,127 --> 01:06:47,879
That's a pain that no double
can take for you.
1564
01:06:50,048 --> 01:06:54,344
You see, Kevin, you came here
seeking a mentor, but it's you.
1565
01:06:55,971 --> 01:06:57,347
You are the mentor.
1566
01:06:59,015 --> 01:07:00,434
Hell yeah.
1567
01:07:03,729 --> 01:07:04,938
You know what?
You know what?
1568
01:07:04,938 --> 01:07:07,774
You two... take this moment, talk.
1569
01:07:08,942 --> 01:07:10,360
Talk over your new bond.
1570
01:07:11,945 --> 01:07:14,364
I'm gonna go get my tea.
1571
01:07:17,868 --> 01:07:19,619
What a fucking day.
1572
01:07:19,619 --> 01:07:22,414
I mean,
now that I'm essentially,
1573
01:07:22,414 --> 01:07:24,166
I've been deputized
as your sidekick,
1574
01:07:24,166 --> 01:07:26,376
I have an idea for Doug.
We could work together on this.
1575
01:07:26,376 --> 01:07:27,961
We gotta get close to him, okay?
1576
01:07:27,961 --> 01:07:29,921
We don't have to record him
or anything like...
1577
01:07:29,921 --> 01:07:31,465
What's wrong?
What's wrong?
1578
01:07:32,841 --> 01:07:34,384
That scar on his hand.
1579
01:07:34,384 --> 01:07:36,595
Yeah?
1580
01:07:36,595 --> 01:07:38,513
I think I recognize that scar.
1581
01:08:14,925 --> 01:08:16,343
We don't
have any scheduled deliveries.
1582
01:08:16,343 --> 01:08:17,636
Please turn around.
1583
01:08:17,636 --> 01:08:19,429
Hey, pal, I got a hot date
1584
01:08:19,429 --> 01:08:22,641
with my old lady in 30 minutes,
meatball sub night,
1585
01:08:22,641 --> 01:08:25,060
and all’s I knows is
I got a package
1586
01:08:25,060 --> 01:08:27,312
from Debra Simon at the studio.
1587
01:08:27,312 --> 01:08:29,856
Now, I can either leave it here,
or I can take it home,
1588
01:08:29,856 --> 01:08:31,983
but you gotta tell me
what you want me to do.
1589
01:08:34,486 --> 01:08:36,071
Go ahead.
1590
01:08:36,071 --> 01:08:38,949
That's what I thought.
I'll see you in a bit. Up, up!
1591
01:08:40,951 --> 01:08:42,661
Okay.
1592
01:08:42,661 --> 01:08:47,958
Hey, Ronald Mondolvia, Mondolvia
Plumbing, license and bonded.
1593
01:08:47,958 --> 01:08:49,626
You know, some guys
are licensed, not bonded.
1594
01:08:49,626 --> 01:08:51,253
Other guys, they're bonded,
not licensed.
1595
01:08:51,253 --> 01:08:53,547
Me, I'm both licensed
and bonded.
1596
01:08:53,547 --> 01:08:55,048
Debra Simon sent a plumber?
1597
01:08:55,048 --> 01:08:57,300
Not a plumber, my man.
The plumber.
1598
01:08:57,300 --> 01:08:59,177
I can plumb anything with pipes.
Fuck it.
1599
01:08:59,177 --> 01:09:00,554
Sometimes I don't
even need pipes.
1600
01:09:00,554 --> 01:09:02,430
One time I plumbed
a manila envelope.
1601
01:09:02,430 --> 01:09:04,266
Water was spouting
fucking everywhere.
1602
01:09:04,266 --> 01:09:05,684
- It was insane.
- So what's in the van?
1603
01:09:05,684 --> 01:09:07,227
Oh, my God.
1604
01:09:07,227 --> 01:09:09,813
Hold on to your fucking
beautiful, beautiful balls
1605
01:09:09,813 --> 01:09:11,273
because this, my man--
1606
01:09:12,399 --> 01:09:13,859
It's a commode.
1607
01:09:13,859 --> 01:09:16,486
Imported Italian marble,
beautiful one-piece
1608
01:09:16,486 --> 01:09:18,321
construction, 12-speed bidet.
1609
01:09:18,321 --> 01:09:20,115
We got a little
air fryer on the right.
1610
01:09:20,115 --> 01:09:21,908
You want to cook, eat,
circle of life, shitting,
1611
01:09:21,908 --> 01:09:23,368
eating at the same time,
there's only a couple
1612
01:09:23,368 --> 01:09:24,911
of these in the entire world.
1613
01:09:24,911 --> 01:09:26,204
This, my friend,
probably one of the best
1614
01:09:26,204 --> 01:09:27,497
presents in the universe.
1615
01:09:27,497 --> 01:09:30,083
So can you, you know, eh?
1616
01:09:39,384 --> 01:09:40,927
You gonna help me fucking
bring it in, or no?
1617
01:09:40,927 --> 01:09:42,846
Alright, fuck it, whatever.
Yeah, okay.
1618
01:09:42,846 --> 01:09:45,307
I'll supervise.
Pick it up.
1619
01:09:45,307 --> 01:09:47,267
Use your back.
1620
01:09:47,267 --> 01:09:48,560
Whoa, big boy.
Big boy coming through.
1621
01:09:48,560 --> 01:09:50,103
Big boy coming through.
Big boy.
1622
01:09:50,103 --> 01:09:51,855
Okay, Andre has
the guard's attention.
1623
01:09:51,855 --> 01:09:53,148
Okay.
1624
01:09:53,148 --> 01:09:54,816
You sure you're ready for this?
1625
01:09:54,816 --> 01:09:57,235
In our family, if an
A-list actor is in trouble,
1626
01:09:57,235 --> 01:09:59,738
we don't stand quietly by.
1627
01:09:59,738 --> 01:10:02,407
We fight,
and if we must, we die.
1628
01:10:05,035 --> 01:10:08,413
Wow, well, the world
could use more people like...
1629
01:10:08,413 --> 01:10:09,789
Wait, what is your last name?
1630
01:10:09,789 --> 01:10:11,166
Oh, Mondolvia.
1631
01:10:15,921 --> 01:10:17,380
Where the hell
does this thing go?
1632
01:10:17,380 --> 01:10:20,675
Oh, that is the
million-dollar question, huh?
1633
01:10:20,675 --> 01:10:22,469
Let me think about this.
1634
01:10:22,469 --> 01:10:25,680
Well, you could powder-room it,
show it off like a prize pony,
1635
01:10:25,680 --> 01:10:28,558
or you put it in the main bath.
1636
01:10:28,558 --> 01:10:30,560
Keep all that for yourself, hmm?
1637
01:10:30,560 --> 01:10:32,520
Now, there's a
third option, alright?
1638
01:10:32,520 --> 01:10:35,357
Listen up closely 'cause
this one's fucking insane.
1639
01:10:35,357 --> 01:10:37,776
You can put the commode
right here,
1640
01:10:37,776 --> 01:10:40,111
smack dab in the middle
of the living room,
1641
01:10:40,111 --> 01:10:42,989
and you take a big,
greasy shit right here,
1642
01:10:42,989 --> 01:10:44,366
look everybody
right in the eyes,
1643
01:10:44,366 --> 01:10:46,576
make them wonder
what your deal is.
1644
01:10:46,576 --> 01:10:48,370
And I know what
you're thinking, holy shit,
1645
01:10:48,370 --> 01:10:50,455
that's aggressive, right?
1646
01:10:50,455 --> 01:10:51,790
But they'll respect
the shit out of you.
1647
01:10:51,790 --> 01:10:53,124
Wait a minute,
don't I know you?
1648
01:10:53,124 --> 01:10:55,418
Don't you know?
Don't you know?
1649
01:10:55,418 --> 01:10:57,212
Yeah, boop,
boop, boop, boop.
1650
01:10:57,212 --> 01:10:59,130
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, you know what it is?
1651
01:10:59,130 --> 01:11:00,590
Isn't this the place
you took a shit
1652
01:11:00,590 --> 01:11:01,841
so big up there
that people thought there
1653
01:11:01,841 --> 01:11:03,426
was a dog loose in the pipes?
1654
01:11:03,426 --> 01:11:04,886
How the hell am
I gonna take a shit--
1655
01:11:04,886 --> 01:11:06,304
Man, what are you talking about?
No.
1656
01:11:06,304 --> 01:11:07,806
- Wasn't that you?
- No.
1657
01:11:07,806 --> 01:11:09,391
- No?
- A dog in the pipes?
1658
01:11:09,391 --> 01:11:10,642
Maybe it
was a dachshund.
1659
01:11:10,642 --> 01:11:11,893
Looked like a dachshund,
your big--
1660
01:11:13,395 --> 01:11:14,604
- Oh, no, is that the dog?
- Wait right here.
1661
01:11:14,604 --> 01:11:16,147
I'll deal with you in a minute.
1662
01:11:16,147 --> 01:11:18,400
Yeah, I'm gonna wait right here
in New York City,
1663
01:11:18,400 --> 01:11:19,776
you know what I mean?
1664
01:11:21,111 --> 01:11:22,988
Kevin?
Kevin, are you okay, baby?
1665
01:11:22,988 --> 01:11:24,406
Everything went
incredible up here.
1666
01:11:24,406 --> 01:11:25,907
You alright?
Yeah, I'm alright.
1667
01:11:25,907 --> 01:11:28,034
Sweating my goddamn
ass off, though.
1668
01:11:28,034 --> 01:11:30,120
Jesus Christ, how you
ain't cut no holes in here?
1669
01:11:30,120 --> 01:11:31,830
Let's get you out of here
and kick some fucking ass.
1670
01:11:31,830 --> 01:11:33,415
What do you say, huh?
Alright, come on.
1671
01:11:33,415 --> 01:11:34,833
- Let's go.
- Yes!
1672
01:11:49,264 --> 01:11:51,474
- What are you doing?
- Funny story.
1673
01:11:51,474 --> 01:11:52,934
You're gonna lose
your goddamn mind.
1674
01:11:52,934 --> 01:11:56,354
I drilled this puppy
a little bit too hard.
1675
01:11:56,354 --> 01:11:58,857
I can't get it out without
the aid of some tools.
1676
01:11:58,857 --> 01:12:00,442
So give me a second.
I'm gonna grab some tools.
1677
01:12:00,442 --> 01:12:02,444
I'll be right back.
Okay, talk soon.
1678
01:12:02,444 --> 01:12:04,070
Hey, Andre,
you better stop playing.
1679
01:12:04,070 --> 01:12:06,865
Seriously, man.
Andre?
1680
01:12:06,865 --> 01:12:08,450
Andre?
1681
01:12:16,666 --> 01:12:19,878
Hey, were those fireworks?
1682
01:12:19,878 --> 01:12:22,881
I live next door,
at the Mondolvia estate.
1683
01:12:22,881 --> 01:12:25,592
Did you set those off?
You know that that is illegal.
1684
01:12:25,592 --> 01:12:28,261
They're not ours.
I don't know who set these off.
1685
01:12:28,261 --> 01:12:30,597
Well, it scared
the bejesus out of me,
1686
01:12:30,597 --> 01:12:32,557
and I have a pacemaker.
1687
01:12:32,557 --> 01:12:34,517
What do you have to
say for yourself?
1688
01:12:34,517 --> 01:12:36,227
Look, lady, I told you,
they're not my fireworks,
1689
01:12:36,227 --> 01:12:38,104
and I didn't shit in any pipes!
1690
01:12:38,104 --> 01:12:39,314
What?
1691
01:12:44,819 --> 01:12:46,321
That's for Andre.
1692
01:12:52,911 --> 01:12:54,120
Andre?
1693
01:12:55,371 --> 01:12:57,123
Andre?
Come on, man, I'm serious.
1694
01:12:59,292 --> 01:13:00,752
There you go.
What took you so long?
1695
01:13:00,752 --> 01:13:03,046
Where you go?
Leaving me in this box
1696
01:13:03,046 --> 01:13:05,215
with all that goddamn quiet.
Don't do that.
1697
01:13:07,550 --> 01:13:09,594
The fuck is that?
1698
01:13:09,594 --> 01:13:10,762
Hey.
1699
01:13:12,222 --> 01:13:13,765
Andre, that's a chainsaw?
Okay, hold on.
1700
01:13:13,765 --> 01:13:15,225
Wait, wait, wait.
1701
01:13:17,310 --> 01:13:19,521
Okay, okay, okay,
okay, okay, okay.
1702
01:13:19,521 --> 01:13:22,023
Slow it down.
Slow it down. Slow it down!
1703
01:13:22,023 --> 01:13:23,775
You're gonna cut
my fucking head!
1704
01:13:23,775 --> 01:13:25,443
You're gonna cut my head!
1705
01:13:25,443 --> 01:13:29,072
No more chainsaw.
No more chainsaw!
1706
01:13:29,072 --> 01:13:31,199
No more chainsaw, okay?
1707
01:13:31,199 --> 01:13:33,201
Jesus Christ.
1708
01:13:33,201 --> 01:13:35,829
Shit.
What the fuck, Andre?
1709
01:13:35,829 --> 01:13:38,581
Oh, shit.
Oh, oh, oh, shit.
1710
01:13:40,041 --> 01:13:42,085
On behalf
of stunt actors everywhere,
1711
01:13:42,085 --> 01:13:47,090
I'm excited to say,
this is your day of reckoning!
1712
01:13:49,175 --> 01:13:51,177
Hold up!
1713
01:13:51,177 --> 01:13:52,804
Trying to tell me a big old
stunt legend like yourself
1714
01:13:52,804 --> 01:13:55,598
need a chainsaw?
1715
01:13:55,598 --> 01:13:56,891
Huh?
1716
01:13:59,060 --> 01:14:01,563
That's what the fuck
I'm talking about. Two men.
1717
01:14:01,563 --> 01:14:04,190
How about two dogs in a bowl?
I want to eat.
1718
01:14:06,234 --> 01:14:08,403
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1719
01:14:08,403 --> 01:14:09,988
Oh, you got a knife.
1720
01:14:09,988 --> 01:14:13,283
Big old man like yourself,
stunt legend,
1721
01:14:13,283 --> 01:14:15,285
you need a knife
for little old me?
1722
01:14:15,285 --> 01:14:16,703
That's what you need?
1723
01:14:16,703 --> 01:14:18,204
Fuck it.
1724
01:14:18,204 --> 01:14:19,789
I'll kill you with my hands.
What?
1725
01:14:25,962 --> 01:14:27,881
Yeah, you know this
ain't go too good for you
1726
01:14:27,881 --> 01:14:30,091
in that little, shitty hallway.
1727
01:14:30,091 --> 01:14:32,510
Man, Jordan whooped your ass.
1728
01:14:32,510 --> 01:14:35,972
Mask I was wearing was 100
percent polyester, unbreathable.
1729
01:14:35,972 --> 01:14:37,432
Sweating into my contacts.
1730
01:14:37,432 --> 01:14:38,850
Hell, a child could
have kicked my ass.
1731
01:14:38,850 --> 01:14:40,226
Oh, that's a real
elaborate excuse,
1732
01:14:40,226 --> 01:14:41,811
don't you think?
Superman punch!
1733
01:14:45,440 --> 01:14:46,649
Oh, shit!
1734
01:14:47,984 --> 01:14:49,235
Ah, shit.
1735
01:14:55,617 --> 01:14:57,619
Shit. Andre!
1736
01:14:57,619 --> 01:14:59,662
Andre, do the sidekick stuff!
1737
01:14:59,662 --> 01:15:02,248
I made all that shit up
about your sidekick.
1738
01:15:02,248 --> 01:15:04,083
You think I'd help you?
1739
01:15:04,083 --> 01:15:07,629
You think I'd put a greedy,
unappreciative,
1740
01:15:07,629 --> 01:15:09,714
overrated actor over a stuntman?
1741
01:15:09,714 --> 01:15:12,759
I just thought
it'd be fun to give you
1742
01:15:12,759 --> 01:15:15,470
some false hope before you died.
1743
01:15:15,470 --> 01:15:18,264
Shit!
Yo, you gonna break my arm!
1744
01:15:18,264 --> 01:15:20,266
Yeah, and every other
one of the 206 bones
1745
01:15:20,266 --> 01:15:23,311
in your body,
and then I'm gonna eat your ass.
1746
01:15:23,311 --> 01:15:25,772
I knew it.
I knew you were a ass-eater.
1747
01:15:32,237 --> 01:15:33,571
Oh, hey.
I'll stab you.
1748
01:15:33,571 --> 01:15:34,948
Cute knife.
What are you gonna do with that?
1749
01:15:34,948 --> 01:15:38,076
You gonna hurt me with that?
Huh, huh?
1750
01:15:38,076 --> 01:15:40,536
No, but she is.
1751
01:15:43,539 --> 01:15:44,874
Oh, shit.
1752
01:15:46,209 --> 01:15:47,418
Oh, you got him.
1753
01:15:47,418 --> 01:15:48,795
It's...
Okay.
1754
01:15:48,795 --> 01:15:51,130
Um, holy shit.
1755
01:15:51,130 --> 01:15:53,132
Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hey, hey, hey.
1756
01:15:53,132 --> 01:15:55,301
Okay, hey, hey, hey, hey,
look at me. Look at me.
1757
01:15:55,301 --> 01:15:58,221
Eyes. You good.
1758
01:15:58,221 --> 01:16:00,265
Thirsty.
1759
01:16:00,265 --> 01:16:02,809
- You what?
- Th-- thirsty.
1760
01:16:02,809 --> 01:16:04,894
Well, get you
something to drink.
1761
01:16:06,938 --> 01:16:08,606
You fucking threw
a knife in his head.
1762
01:16:08,606 --> 01:16:11,567
I didn't know what else to do.
I meant for his shoulder.
1763
01:16:11,567 --> 01:16:13,152
How did you mean
for his shoulder?
1764
01:16:13,152 --> 01:16:14,821
Fucking size of the fireplace.
1765
01:16:14,821 --> 01:16:16,489
That's him.
1766
01:16:19,200 --> 01:16:20,910
He's awake.
It's a good sign.
1767
01:16:20,910 --> 01:16:22,912
It's a good thing.
Look, he's fine. He's fine.
1768
01:16:22,912 --> 01:16:24,205
What are you talking,
he's fine?
1769
01:16:24,205 --> 01:16:26,040
I mean, he's...
1770
01:16:26,040 --> 01:16:28,918
He's a fucking zombie.
What do you mean, he's fine?
1771
01:16:28,918 --> 01:16:31,254
Oh, god,
he's gonna burn himself.
1772
01:16:31,254 --> 01:16:33,006
He's gonna get a burn on
his hand or something.
1773
01:16:33,006 --> 01:16:34,340
It's not really
the worst thing
1774
01:16:34,340 --> 01:16:35,508
that could happen to him
at this point.
1775
01:16:35,508 --> 01:16:37,135
That's true.
- Oh.
1776
01:16:37,135 --> 01:16:38,928
Hey!
There he is.
1777
01:16:38,928 --> 01:16:40,221
How you doing, man?
1778
01:16:41,222 --> 01:16:42,974
Jesus Christ.
1779
01:16:44,517 --> 01:16:46,185
- He's okay.
- He's just taking a nap.
1780
01:16:46,185 --> 01:16:47,812
He's not dead.
He's fine.
1781
01:16:47,812 --> 01:16:49,188
- He's okay?
- Yeah.
1782
01:16:49,188 --> 01:16:51,774
Wait, where's Andre?
1783
01:16:51,774 --> 01:16:53,693
Where's my sweet boy?
1784
01:16:53,693 --> 01:16:56,571
Don't you worry,
'cause I found him.
1785
01:16:56,571 --> 01:16:58,740
Alright, I'm sorry.
1786
01:16:58,740 --> 01:17:01,034
I made an oopsie-daisy.
I got captured.
1787
01:17:01,034 --> 01:17:03,161
I thought I heard your voice,
but it wasn't your voice.
1788
01:17:03,161 --> 01:17:04,954
It was his voice. I'm the worst
sidekick in the world.
1789
01:17:04,954 --> 01:17:06,497
- Hey, shut up.
- I'm gonna shut up.
1790
01:17:06,497 --> 01:17:07,832
- Shut up.
- I'm gonna shut up.
1791
01:17:07,832 --> 01:17:10,001
You hurt one hair
on my son's head,
1792
01:17:10,001 --> 01:17:12,211
I swear to God,
motherfucker,
1793
01:17:12,211 --> 01:17:16,090
I will split you
from chin to balls.
1794
01:17:16,090 --> 01:17:17,800
- Who the fuck are you?
- That's my mom.
1795
01:17:17,800 --> 01:17:19,969
I love you, mom.
If I die, I love you in heaven.
1796
01:17:19,969 --> 01:17:21,679
What the hell is
your mother doing here, boy?
1797
01:17:21,679 --> 01:17:24,599
I'm here for moral support,
and I love him.
1798
01:17:24,599 --> 01:17:26,059
I love you, mom.
1799
01:17:26,059 --> 01:17:28,061
But I will fuck you up!
1800
01:17:28,061 --> 01:17:29,562
- Try me!
- Mom--
1801
01:17:29,562 --> 01:17:31,397
I love you.
1802
01:17:31,397 --> 01:17:33,399
How come y'all
don't have no guns?
1803
01:17:33,399 --> 01:17:34,984
'Cause we're not here
to kill anybody, Doug.
1804
01:17:34,984 --> 01:17:37,820
Oh.
Oh, is that right?
1805
01:17:37,820 --> 01:17:40,490
Then where's Mr. 206 at?
1806
01:17:40,490 --> 01:17:43,242
He's... making breakfast.
1807
01:17:47,872 --> 01:17:49,707
This is a
fucking joke to you.
1808
01:17:51,417 --> 01:17:53,336
It's a fucking joke to you.
1809
01:17:55,421 --> 01:17:57,882
Shut your ass up.
Fuck you crying for?
1810
01:17:57,882 --> 01:18:02,512
- 'Cause I can feel your--
- That man was my mentor.
1811
01:18:02,512 --> 01:18:06,057
He was my muse, my rock.
1812
01:18:06,057 --> 01:18:07,934
And in 2003,
for a brief period
1813
01:18:07,934 --> 01:18:10,311
where I was confused about
my sexuality, he was my lover.
1814
01:18:10,311 --> 01:18:12,188
- Okay.
- Sounds like a very special--
1815
01:18:12,188 --> 01:18:13,523
Shut your ass up. Don't--
1816
01:18:13,523 --> 01:18:15,441
Hey, hey, hey,
listen to me.
1817
01:18:15,441 --> 01:18:17,693
Doug, we are sorry
for your loss, man.
1818
01:18:17,693 --> 01:18:19,237
- So sorry.
- We're sorry.
1819
01:18:19,237 --> 01:18:23,241
Oh. Oh, you're sorry, huh?
Hmm?
1820
01:18:23,241 --> 01:18:25,701
See, y'all are
a bunch of brainiacs.
1821
01:18:25,701 --> 01:18:27,036
I thought I had all you dead
1822
01:18:27,036 --> 01:18:29,455
in that goddamn
business offices, I did.
1823
01:18:29,455 --> 01:18:30,915
Alright, Doug.
1824
01:18:30,915 --> 01:18:33,543
Doug, listen to me.
Don't you hurt him, man.
1825
01:18:33,543 --> 01:18:35,503
You hear me?
Don't hurt him.
1826
01:18:35,503 --> 01:18:38,256
Oh, 'cause you care
all of a sudden, hm?
1827
01:18:38,256 --> 01:18:41,467
All of a sudden, you got
a fucking heart, Tin Man?
1828
01:18:41,467 --> 01:18:43,469
You don't care about nothing.
1829
01:18:43,469 --> 01:18:46,472
This man ain't nothing
but an employee of yours,
1830
01:18:46,472 --> 01:18:49,350
which means he's disposable.
Ain't that right? Hmm?
1831
01:18:49,350 --> 01:18:51,269
That's not true.
1832
01:18:51,269 --> 01:18:53,062
The man is the complete
opposite of that.
1833
01:18:54,689 --> 01:18:57,525
- Andre is 34 years old.
- 35.
1834
01:18:57,525 --> 01:18:58,985
He's left-handed.
1835
01:18:58,985 --> 01:19:00,570
Right-handed.
1836
01:19:00,570 --> 01:19:01,904
Afraid of scorpions.
1837
01:19:01,904 --> 01:19:03,698
I love scorpions.
1838
01:19:03,698 --> 01:19:05,158
He won a sixth-grade
spelling bee.
1839
01:19:05,158 --> 01:19:06,701
I got fourth place.
1840
01:19:06,701 --> 01:19:08,286
He memorized every
single line of House Party,
1841
01:19:08,286 --> 01:19:09,579
both Kid's and Play's.
1842
01:19:09,579 --> 01:19:10,913
- You did that.
- I did do that.
1843
01:19:10,913 --> 01:19:12,498
That is me.
1844
01:19:12,498 --> 01:19:15,793
Andre is the one man
that I cannot live without.
1845
01:19:15,793 --> 01:19:17,795
I'm with you,
ride or die,
1846
01:19:17,795 --> 01:19:19,130
although I was hoping
for a little bit
1847
01:19:19,130 --> 01:19:20,548
more ride and a little less die.
1848
01:19:20,548 --> 01:19:22,300
I think I'm gonna die,
like, really soon.
1849
01:19:22,300 --> 01:19:23,509
- Enough, enough.
- I'm gonna shut up.
1850
01:19:23,509 --> 01:19:26,012
Doug, now stop it.
1851
01:19:26,012 --> 01:19:27,805
You don't even want him, man.
1852
01:19:27,805 --> 01:19:30,141
You want me.
I'm the one who messed up.
1853
01:19:30,141 --> 01:19:33,311
I'm the one that threw you out
like Tuesday's trash
1854
01:19:33,311 --> 01:19:35,771
and left you on the side
of the goddamn curb
1855
01:19:35,771 --> 01:19:38,024
without the blink of an eye.
I did that.
1856
01:19:38,024 --> 01:19:42,236
You want me,
not him, so let him go.
1857
01:19:42,236 --> 01:19:44,822
Let him go and take me.
1858
01:19:44,822 --> 01:19:46,908
That's what you want?
You want me to let him go?
1859
01:19:46,908 --> 01:19:48,576
Hmm? Say it.
Say it again.
1860
01:19:48,576 --> 01:19:50,161
I want you to let him go.
1861
01:19:50,161 --> 01:19:52,413
- Mama, how about you?
- Please let him go.
1862
01:19:52,413 --> 01:19:53,539
Let him go, huh?
Will you let me go?
1863
01:19:53,539 --> 01:19:54,790
You want me to let you go?
1864
01:19:54,790 --> 01:19:56,125
Please, Doug.
That'd be so nice.
1865
01:19:56,125 --> 01:19:57,835
Everybody telling me
to let you go.
1866
01:19:57,835 --> 01:19:59,253
I should just let you go.
Hey, mama, I'm gonna let him go.
1867
01:19:59,253 --> 01:20:01,464
- Thank you.
- Make sure you watch, hmm?
1868
01:20:01,464 --> 01:20:02,840
- You watching?
- Thank you.
1869
01:20:02,840 --> 01:20:04,926
- Now get your ass--
- Ah!
1870
01:20:04,926 --> 01:20:06,677
Oh, shit!
- Oh, no.
1871
01:20:06,677 --> 01:20:09,555
Oh, my, he let go.
He literally let go.
1872
01:20:09,555 --> 01:20:12,558
- Yeah, I let him go good.
- Doug, this ends now.
1873
01:20:12,558 --> 01:20:16,854
Oh, well, that's okay
with me, Little Boots.
1874
01:20:17,939 --> 01:20:20,650
You want to do it the hard way?
1875
01:20:20,650 --> 01:20:24,153
Then let's do it the hard way, motherfucker.
1876
01:20:24,153 --> 01:20:25,696
I got your ass.
1877
01:20:28,449 --> 01:20:30,284
Honey, oh...
1878
01:20:30,284 --> 01:20:31,744
My baby's alive!
1879
01:20:31,744 --> 01:20:33,079
He's alive.
He's alive.
1880
01:20:33,079 --> 01:20:34,789
I'm okay.
I'm fine, I'm fine.
1881
01:20:34,789 --> 01:20:37,375
The table actually
broke my fall. Did you see me?
1882
01:20:37,375 --> 01:20:40,586
That was the dead drop
I never got to do in the woods.
1883
01:20:40,586 --> 01:20:41,879
That was my tribute
to you, Kevin.
1884
01:20:41,879 --> 01:20:43,172
Hey, come on.
Let's get you up.
1885
01:20:44,882 --> 01:20:46,384
Take it easy.
1886
01:20:46,384 --> 01:20:47,802
Okay, we gotta get him--
Oh, my God.
1887
01:20:47,802 --> 01:20:48,844
What happened?
What's going on?
1888
01:20:48,844 --> 01:20:50,388
Nothing.
1889
01:20:50,388 --> 01:20:52,890
A tiny, tiny bit
of the table just--
1890
01:20:52,890 --> 01:20:54,100
Where is it?
What part of it?
1891
01:20:55,184 --> 01:20:56,394
Don't touch it.
1892
01:20:56,394 --> 01:20:58,020
- Listen, listen.
- Why, why, why?
1893
01:20:58,020 --> 01:20:59,855
Don't touch it. It's nothing.
It's nothing crazy.
1894
01:20:59,855 --> 01:21:01,274
It's a little splinter.
It's fine.
1895
01:21:01,274 --> 01:21:03,442
Get the tweezers.
Let's get it out.
1896
01:21:03,442 --> 01:21:05,027
Why are you holding me back?
1897
01:21:05,027 --> 01:21:06,612
- Get it out!
- Stop fiddling with it.
1898
01:21:06,612 --> 01:21:07,905
Yeah, stop for us.
Come on.
1899
01:21:07,905 --> 01:21:09,448
Let's go get him
to a hospital.
1900
01:21:09,448 --> 01:21:11,200
It feels like something's
in my kidney, right?
1901
01:21:11,200 --> 01:21:12,702
- When I walk, at least.
- Come on.
1902
01:21:13,995 --> 01:21:15,663
Okay. Jesus.
1903
01:21:17,206 --> 01:21:19,208
What the hell is that?
1904
01:21:19,208 --> 01:21:21,210
Oh, I installed
customizable lights in here,
1905
01:21:21,210 --> 01:21:23,087
but you never had time
to learn how to use 'em.
1906
01:21:23,087 --> 01:21:27,425
All them years
I was your stuntman, Kevin.
1907
01:21:29,343 --> 01:21:30,678
Get him to the hospital, mom.
1908
01:21:30,678 --> 01:21:32,597
- Jordan, come with me.
- Okay, be careful.
1909
01:21:32,597 --> 01:21:34,056
Come on, honey.
Help me out.
1910
01:21:34,056 --> 01:21:35,641
See, Kevin, it wasn't
1911
01:21:35,641 --> 01:21:38,894
just taking falls
and getting kicked in the face
1912
01:21:38,894 --> 01:21:41,564
and getting set on fire. Uh-uh.
1913
01:21:41,564 --> 01:21:44,692
That's not all I was doing
to make you look good.
1914
01:21:44,692 --> 01:21:48,529
You remember
Justice Squad Part Two?
1915
01:21:48,529 --> 01:21:52,241
You decided to gain
30 pounds for the part.
1916
01:21:52,241 --> 01:21:56,037
That meant that I had to gain
30 pounds, too, Kevin.
1917
01:21:56,037 --> 01:21:58,164
I'm a freaking diabetic,
you selfish fuck.
1918
01:21:58,164 --> 01:22:00,291
- I almost put myself in a coma.
- Okay, hey.
1919
01:22:00,291 --> 01:22:03,919
Hey, Doug, easy, alright?
1920
01:22:03,919 --> 01:22:05,338
I'm sorry, man.
I made a mistake.
1921
01:22:05,338 --> 01:22:07,256
Shut your ass up.
Mom, no.
1922
01:22:07,256 --> 01:22:09,800
Mom, no. Mom, no.
Mom, I can't leave.
1923
01:22:09,800 --> 01:22:11,719
No, I'm not gonna
let you die.
1924
01:22:11,719 --> 01:22:14,055
- I'm not losing another.
- Mom, mom, listen, okay?
1925
01:22:14,055 --> 01:22:15,931
Look at me.
1926
01:22:15,931 --> 01:22:18,184
I-- I know you wish
you could have saved dad.
1927
01:22:18,184 --> 01:22:19,894
Yeah.
1928
01:22:19,894 --> 01:22:21,687
I know, I know,
but this is different.
1929
01:22:21,687 --> 01:22:23,773
I'm not just Kevin's assistant.
1930
01:22:23,773 --> 01:22:26,275
I'm his sidekick,
and you want to know
1931
01:22:26,275 --> 01:22:28,611
the first rule of sidekick?
1932
01:22:28,611 --> 01:22:30,196
- Do no harm?
- No.
1933
01:22:30,196 --> 01:22:32,073
That's doctor's, mom.
1934
01:22:32,073 --> 01:22:34,408
The first rule of sidekick
is there is no sidekick.
1935
01:22:34,408 --> 01:22:35,701
That's "Fight Club," mom.
1936
01:22:35,701 --> 01:22:36,869
You know that.
Brad Pitt's in that.
1937
01:22:36,869 --> 01:22:38,204
Ed Norton's in that, Mom!
1938
01:22:38,204 --> 01:22:39,830
Just tell me, then.
1939
01:22:39,830 --> 01:22:41,999
Okay, listen to me,
and listen good, man.
1940
01:22:41,999 --> 01:22:44,085
Back when I was a sidekick,
I was always jealous
1941
01:22:44,085 --> 01:22:46,837
of the lead actor
and all the glory they got.
1942
01:22:46,837 --> 01:22:48,172
And I told myself, Doug,
1943
01:22:48,172 --> 01:22:50,007
I said, when I become
a lead actor,
1944
01:22:50,007 --> 01:22:51,926
I'm gonna get that same glory.
I want it.
1945
01:22:51,926 --> 01:22:55,096
I want to taste that.
And I did.
1946
01:22:55,096 --> 01:22:56,597
But when I tasted it,
I handled it wrong.
1947
01:22:56,597 --> 01:22:59,850
I was selfish.
I was stupid, man.
1948
01:22:59,850 --> 01:23:01,560
And now I realize how much
I need my village.
1949
01:23:01,560 --> 01:23:05,189
And, Doug, you're a part
of that village, okay?
1950
01:23:05,189 --> 01:23:07,858
I need you.
I fucking need you, man.
1951
01:23:07,858 --> 01:23:10,736
Give me a chance
to make it up to you.
1952
01:23:10,736 --> 01:23:14,407
Give me a chance to prove to you
that this is what I want,
1953
01:23:14,407 --> 01:23:17,201
that-- that I want you,
I need you.
1954
01:23:17,201 --> 01:23:18,452
How about I give you the chance
1955
01:23:18,452 --> 01:23:20,788
to suck my dick, hmm?
1956
01:23:20,788 --> 01:23:22,832
I'm living the life, boy.
1957
01:23:22,832 --> 01:23:25,126
I'm in your goddamn mansion.
1958
01:23:25,126 --> 01:23:27,545
Hmm? I live here.
1959
01:23:27,545 --> 01:23:29,296
I got your career.
1960
01:23:29,296 --> 01:23:31,132
Your agents love me.
1961
01:23:31,132 --> 01:23:33,968
Them boys love me good, got me a
part in a movie and everything.
1962
01:23:33,968 --> 01:23:35,344
I'm about to be Chucky
in the new Child's Play.
1963
01:23:35,344 --> 01:23:36,929
- You took that shit?
- Step back.
1964
01:23:36,929 --> 01:23:39,473
Get back before I goddamn
skin your fucking lip.
1965
01:23:39,473 --> 01:23:42,435
And I signed up
for a new Woody Allen movie.
1966
01:23:42,435 --> 01:23:44,437
Can't wait to see
the press around that.
1967
01:23:45,855 --> 01:23:48,149
No, no, no, no.
Come on, come on, come on.
1968
01:23:48,149 --> 01:23:49,942
Come on, wake up. Wake up.
Come on.
1969
01:23:49,942 --> 01:23:53,404
What?
What's happening?
1970
01:23:53,404 --> 01:23:55,364
I think what you were
1971
01:23:55,364 --> 01:23:58,159
about to do was to try
to convince me that even though
1972
01:23:58,159 --> 01:24:02,163
you've been impaled by
a large piece of
1973
01:24:02,163 --> 01:24:05,249
restoration hardware,
you want to go back in there
1974
01:24:05,249 --> 01:24:07,793
and fight some lunatic
1975
01:24:07,793 --> 01:24:12,298
who is physically superior
to you in every possible way
1976
01:24:12,298 --> 01:24:15,176
because you're not
just his sidekick.
1977
01:24:15,176 --> 01:24:17,178
You're his best friend.
1978
01:24:19,472 --> 01:24:21,098
You're goddamn right I am.
1979
01:24:21,098 --> 01:24:23,100
So why go through
all this trouble?
1980
01:24:23,100 --> 01:24:26,103
The Swedish actor,
the torture chamber.
1981
01:24:26,103 --> 01:24:29,648
You think it's easy stealing
a man's identity, hmm?
1982
01:24:29,648 --> 01:24:31,108
You think it's as easy
as stealing his face?
1983
01:24:31,108 --> 01:24:33,027
Well, it's not, Little Pretty.
1984
01:24:33,027 --> 01:24:34,820
It's much harder than that.
1985
01:24:34,820 --> 01:24:37,323
Had to get his goddamn
fingerprints first.
1986
01:24:37,323 --> 01:24:40,201
After that, I had to take
all your goddamn passwords.
1987
01:24:40,201 --> 01:24:43,537
Once I got that, I said,
we get your voice ID.
1988
01:24:43,537 --> 01:24:45,372
All the other secrets
that you hold, I got it.
1989
01:24:45,372 --> 01:24:46,957
I got it good.
1990
01:24:46,957 --> 01:24:49,752
So now you have everything
you need to be Kevin.
1991
01:24:49,752 --> 01:24:52,213
You even removed your mole,
you sick son of a bitch.
1992
01:24:52,213 --> 01:24:53,672
Yeah, I did.
1993
01:24:53,672 --> 01:24:55,216
You know why?
1994
01:24:55,216 --> 01:24:57,218
'Cause I'm Kevin Hart.
I'm Kevin Hart.
1995
01:24:57,218 --> 01:24:58,761
I got all the money
in the world.
1996
01:24:58,761 --> 01:25:00,304
I got the best dermatologist
in the world
1997
01:25:00,304 --> 01:25:02,014
'cause I'm Kevin Hart.
1998
01:25:02,014 --> 01:25:03,641
Dr. Sanchez would
never touch
1999
01:25:03,641 --> 01:25:04,850
that rough-ass skin of yours.
2000
01:25:04,850 --> 01:25:06,644
But she did, motherfucker.
She did!
2001
01:25:06,644 --> 01:25:08,103
Ah, shit!
2002
01:25:22,076 --> 01:25:23,744
No, boy.
2003
01:25:23,744 --> 01:25:26,247
Smack your ass.
No, no!
2004
01:25:26,247 --> 01:25:27,873
- Ah, ah. Hold on.
- What?
2005
01:25:29,208 --> 01:25:30,751
Superman punch!
2006
01:25:35,673 --> 01:25:37,508
No, not today.
2007
01:25:37,508 --> 01:25:38,884
Oh.
2008
01:25:40,469 --> 01:25:42,972
I told you.
- Ah, you stupid little bitch.
2009
01:25:42,972 --> 01:25:45,891
Wasn't done with you, hmm?
2010
01:25:45,891 --> 01:25:49,728
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
2011
01:25:49,728 --> 01:25:51,021
See, I got your body.
2012
01:25:51,021 --> 01:25:52,481
Doug, you ain't got
to do this, man.
2013
01:25:52,481 --> 01:25:53,899
- Give me a chance.
- But now--
2014
01:25:53,899 --> 01:25:55,192
Doug, no!
2015
01:25:55,192 --> 01:25:56,735
Now I want your soul.
2016
01:25:56,735 --> 01:25:57,987
Don't take my soul.
2017
01:25:57,987 --> 01:25:59,697
I'm gonna get
your fucking soul.
2018
01:25:59,697 --> 01:26:03,200
What's happened to me?
What the fuck you just do to me?
2019
01:26:03,200 --> 01:26:05,828
Oh, shit.
2020
01:26:05,828 --> 01:26:07,788
Just stab me in my
goddamn scapula, boy?
2021
01:26:07,788 --> 01:26:09,290
- Hey!
- Huh?
2022
01:26:09,290 --> 01:26:11,333
That's a wrap on Doug.
2023
01:26:11,333 --> 01:26:14,503
Oh, got me good.
2024
01:26:14,503 --> 01:26:16,005
Motherfucker!
2025
01:26:25,139 --> 01:26:27,725
Hold on, Andre,
is that the piece of wood
2026
01:26:27,725 --> 01:26:29,435
that was lodged in your side?
2027
01:26:29,435 --> 01:26:31,186
Sidekick for life.
2028
01:26:31,186 --> 01:26:33,731
No, Andre, that was supposed
to stay in to stop the bleeding.
2029
01:26:33,731 --> 01:26:35,441
I told him
it was a dumb idea,
2030
01:26:35,441 --> 01:26:37,151
but does he listen to his mom?
2031
01:26:37,151 --> 01:26:38,402
I'd do anything for you, man.
2032
01:26:38,402 --> 01:26:40,321
Hey, hey, look at me.
2033
01:26:40,321 --> 01:26:42,197
You're the best damn sidekick
I ever seen.
2034
01:26:43,449 --> 01:26:44,783
Alright, guys, call the cops.
2035
01:26:44,783 --> 01:26:47,953
Stay with Doug
until they get here, okay?
2036
01:26:47,953 --> 01:26:50,122
I've gotta get you
to the hospital.
2037
01:26:50,122 --> 01:26:51,999
This time, I'm driving.
2038
01:26:54,627 --> 01:26:56,837
You know, actually,
I will drive. I'm gonna drive.
2039
01:26:56,837 --> 01:26:58,213
I saw the way
you drove last time,
2040
01:26:58,213 --> 01:27:00,299
so I think
I'll take it from here.
2041
01:27:00,299 --> 01:27:01,508
- Why don't we just--
- We'll figure it out.
2042
01:27:01,508 --> 01:27:02,843
We'll figure it out.
2043
01:27:02,843 --> 01:27:04,219
Yeah, but I'll use
my feet and hands,
2044
01:27:04,219 --> 01:27:05,471
and you can sit on
my lap or some shit.
2045
01:27:05,471 --> 01:27:07,389
He's in shock.
I got you, buddy.
2046
01:27:07,389 --> 01:27:09,224
Keep an eye on Doug.
2047
01:27:09,224 --> 01:27:10,768
I got you, buddy.
2048
01:27:12,937 --> 01:27:15,189
I mean, I was foolish.
2049
01:27:15,189 --> 01:27:18,901
I let my ego run the show,
and I'm honestly,
2050
01:27:18,901 --> 01:27:21,862
I'm lucky to be alive.
We both are.
2051
01:27:21,862 --> 01:27:23,739
Why is he here
with us again?
2052
01:27:23,739 --> 01:27:26,867
'Cause he's a
vital part of my team.
2053
01:27:26,867 --> 01:27:28,369
Ah, okay.
2054
01:27:28,369 --> 01:27:30,037
Hi, hi, hi. Sorry.
2055
01:27:30,037 --> 01:27:32,289
- Sorry I'm late.
- And so is she.
2056
01:27:33,999 --> 01:27:35,292
And so are they.
2057
01:27:38,087 --> 01:27:40,714
Alright.
Who is the older lady?
2058
01:27:40,714 --> 01:27:42,675
Are you talking
about that gorgeous woman
2059
01:27:42,675 --> 01:27:44,718
in the back?
That's my mama.
2060
01:27:44,718 --> 01:27:47,012
Mama, how's the food?
2061
01:27:47,012 --> 01:27:48,973
Oh, it's so confusing.
2062
01:27:48,973 --> 01:27:50,641
Yeah.
I love it, though.
2063
01:27:50,641 --> 01:27:52,685
I'm not really sure
what her role is yet.
2064
01:27:52,685 --> 01:27:54,770
We're still trying
to iron out the kinks.
2065
01:27:54,770 --> 01:27:56,730
But what I do know is
it takes a village
2066
01:27:56,730 --> 01:27:58,023
to operate the world
of Kevin Hart,
2067
01:27:58,023 --> 01:27:59,650
and she's a villager.
2068
01:27:59,650 --> 01:28:01,026
What's a villager?
2069
01:28:01,026 --> 01:28:02,987
Wow, Kevin, I gotta say,
2070
01:28:02,987 --> 01:28:04,530
you certainly have changed.
2071
01:28:04,530 --> 01:28:06,323
No, I just learned
to appreciate the people
2072
01:28:06,323 --> 01:28:09,493
that matter the most in my life.
2073
01:28:09,493 --> 01:28:11,829
♪ Lovely day lovely day
lovely day... ♪
2074
01:28:11,829 --> 01:28:16,250
Well, does that mean that
you're in for Jefferson's 2?
2075
01:28:16,250 --> 01:28:19,294
Yeah. Just gotta check
with my stuntman first.
2076
01:28:19,294 --> 01:28:20,879
♪ Lovely day lovely day... ♪
2077
01:28:20,879 --> 01:28:22,464
Isn't he in prison now?
2078
01:28:22,464 --> 01:28:24,633
♪ Lovely day lovely day... ♪
2079
01:28:24,633 --> 01:28:28,220
He is.
2080
01:28:28,220 --> 01:28:30,973
Yeah, I don't know.
It slipped my mind.
2081
01:28:30,973 --> 01:28:32,558
Ah, I forgot.
2082
01:28:34,476 --> 01:28:36,145
Forgot?
2083
01:28:42,443 --> 01:28:44,236
Hey. Hey, guard.
2084
01:28:44,236 --> 01:28:46,989
Guard!
Hey, let me out of here.
2085
01:28:46,989 --> 01:28:48,532
I'm telling you,
you got the wrong guy.
2086
01:28:48,532 --> 01:28:51,452
Shut the fuck up!
- I'm Kevin Hart.
2087
01:28:51,452 --> 01:28:53,871
I'm Kevin Hart!