1
00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:31,125
(various voices)
Once upon a time,
2
00:00:31,167 --> 00:00:33,333
it seemed like
a hundred years ago...
3
00:00:33,375 --> 00:00:35,375
Girl, it was not that long.
4
00:00:35,417 --> 00:00:36,667
[clears throat]
5
00:00:36,708 --> 00:00:39,083
In a land far, far away...
6
00:00:39,125 --> 00:00:41,833
Let's not get carried away.
7
00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:46,333
A new teacher was starting
her first day of classes.
8
00:00:46,375 --> 00:00:48,833
She was mean and hateful.
9
00:00:48,875 --> 00:00:50,792
She had her reasons.
10
00:00:50,833 --> 00:00:52,667
Will you stop interrupting?
11
00:00:52,708 --> 00:00:54,792
I will if you start
at the beginning.
12
00:00:54,833 --> 00:00:56,292
Fine!
13
00:00:56,333 --> 00:01:00,333
There lived a kind
and decent man named Richard.
14
00:01:00,375 --> 00:01:02,792
This is an example of when
many large thunderstorms
15
00:01:02,833 --> 00:01:05,375
come together
and spin like a funnel--
16
00:01:05,417 --> 00:01:09,208
...who was perhaps the most
awkward teacher in Manhattan.
17
00:01:09,250 --> 00:01:11,333
When is our regular
teacher coming back?
18
00:01:11,375 --> 00:01:14,500
If you have a question,
raise your hand.
19
00:01:14,542 --> 00:01:15,917
Now...
20
00:01:15,958 --> 00:01:16,958
Yes?
21
00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:19,750
When is our regular
teacher coming back?
22
00:01:19,792 --> 00:01:22,750
Your regular teacher
is coming back on Monday.
23
00:01:22,792 --> 00:01:24,417
We have two more topics left
24
00:01:24,458 --> 00:01:27,083
on our Time Warp
Through Science Tour.
25
00:01:27,125 --> 00:01:29,125
Pay attention.
26
00:01:29,167 --> 00:01:30,917
Who am I dressed up as?
27
00:01:30,958 --> 00:01:32,083
My grandpa?
28
00:01:32,125 --> 00:01:33,167
Okay, you know what, kids?
29
00:01:33,208 --> 00:01:35,583
This is-- I'm just going to move
things along a little faster.
30
00:01:36,458 --> 00:01:40,708
Our next stop through our Time
Warp through Science Tour is--
31
00:01:40,750 --> 00:01:42,125
Get ready!
32
00:01:42,167 --> 00:01:43,875
Are you ready?
33
00:01:44,958 --> 00:01:47,250
Our next science genius is...
34
00:01:47,292 --> 00:01:48,333
[laughing]
35
00:01:48,375 --> 00:01:49,792
A scary old lady?
36
00:01:49,833 --> 00:01:51,167
No!
37
00:01:51,208 --> 00:01:53,042
Marie Curie!
38
00:01:53,083 --> 00:01:54,042
This is boring!
39
00:01:54,083 --> 00:01:56,542
Can we talk about
sex ed or something?
40
00:01:56,583 --> 00:01:57,917
[bell ringing]
41
00:01:57,958 --> 00:01:59,042
I leave you with this.
42
00:01:59,083 --> 00:02:01,208
My favourite Marie Curie quote--
43
00:02:01,250 --> 00:02:04,208
The way of progress
was neither swift nor easy.
44
00:02:04,250 --> 00:02:06,792
Remember that,
my little scientists.
45
00:02:06,833 --> 00:02:08,750
See you soon!
46
00:02:08,792 --> 00:02:10,667
If they'll have me back.
47
00:02:14,125 --> 00:02:16,292
[thunder rumbling]
48
00:02:18,167 --> 00:02:20,417
[thunder crashing]
49
00:03:45,625 --> 00:03:47,542
Dear Mr. Martinez.
50
00:03:47,583 --> 00:03:48,875
Blah, blah, blah.
51
00:03:48,917 --> 00:03:52,625
Sorry to inform you that you
are not chosen for this year's
52
00:03:52,667 --> 00:03:54,833
teaching ambassador program.
53
00:03:54,875 --> 00:03:56,458
Blah, blah, blah.
54
00:03:56,500 --> 00:03:59,417
Please try again next year.
55
00:04:00,792 --> 00:04:03,500
♪
56
00:04:11,458 --> 00:04:13,792
So I'm-- I'm talking
to my landlord, okay?
57
00:04:13,833 --> 00:04:16,875
And she's like,
Sorry for the construction.
58
00:04:16,917 --> 00:04:18,708
If you'd like to leave early...
59
00:04:18,750 --> 00:04:20,125
I'm like, the nerve, right?
60
00:04:20,167 --> 00:04:21,542
Like, I'm going to leave early?
61
00:04:21,583 --> 00:04:25,000
I'm going to leave when my lease
is up, you sundried Barbie!
62
00:04:25,042 --> 00:04:26,875
[chuckles]
63
00:04:26,958 --> 00:04:28,417
-Excuse us!
-Coming through!
64
00:04:28,458 --> 00:04:29,625
We're late, bitch.
65
00:04:29,667 --> 00:04:30,958
Well, I'm on time.
66
00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:32,208
Ooh!
My feet hurt.
67
00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:33,000
You wear cheap shoes.
68
00:04:33,042 --> 00:04:34,708
I beg your pardon.
I have large toes.
69
00:04:34,750 --> 00:04:36,000
Move!
70
00:04:36,042 --> 00:04:37,333
Hey!
71
00:04:37,375 --> 00:04:38,375
(murmurs indistinctly)
72
00:04:38,417 --> 00:04:39,667
Chakha Convict!
73
00:04:39,708 --> 00:04:41,500
IDs!
74
00:04:41,542 --> 00:04:43,083
Oh, girl, come on.
75
00:04:43,125 --> 00:04:45,000
Th-that's a...
that's a chemistry joke
76
00:04:45,042 --> 00:04:49,667
because I'm
a chemistry, uh, teacher.
77
00:04:49,708 --> 00:04:51,042
[coughing]
78
00:04:52,042 --> 00:04:54,083
I would wait here if I were you.
79
00:04:54,125 --> 00:04:56,417
They're about to tell him
it's his last night.
80
00:04:56,458 --> 00:04:59,208
He totally bombed again.
81
00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:00,208
Hi, guys!
82
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:01,167
Hi!
83
00:05:01,208 --> 00:05:02,542
Hi, Richard!
You were...
84
00:05:02,583 --> 00:05:04,042
incredible.
85
00:05:04,083 --> 00:05:05,667
Thanks.
86
00:05:06,750 --> 00:05:08,500
See ya!
87
00:05:08,542 --> 00:05:10,417
Don't try it.
88
00:05:10,458 --> 00:05:12,750
Cute bird's nest.
89
00:05:12,792 --> 00:05:15,208
I'm sorry we were late.
We heard your show was okay.
90
00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:17,083
Worse than leprosy.
91
00:05:17,125 --> 00:05:18,583
-I love leopards.
-Shut up Girl!
92
00:05:18,625 --> 00:05:20,208
Did you do that
mime bit we practiced?
93
00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:22,583
No, I wasn't
feeling that bit tonight.
94
00:05:22,625 --> 00:05:23,875
Do you know what's worse?
95
00:05:23,917 --> 00:05:25,500
I even found out today
that I didn't get that
96
00:05:25,542 --> 00:05:27,667
teaching position that
I was telling you two about.
97
00:05:27,708 --> 00:05:28,667
-What?
-Aw, Dick.
98
00:05:28,708 --> 00:05:30,542
But we didn't want
you to leave no-how.
99
00:05:30,583 --> 00:05:36,833
Well, listen, I pay $3,468.52
without utilities each month
100
00:05:36,875 --> 00:05:39,792
for that mouse-ridden
shithole of an apartment
101
00:05:39,833 --> 00:05:41,042
they're going
to kick me out of.
102
00:05:41,083 --> 00:05:41,917
Mm.
103
00:05:41,958 --> 00:05:43,042
Well, listen, sister.
104
00:05:43,083 --> 00:05:45,208
Now, you know this
old nasty freeloading bitch
105
00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:46,458
is still on my nice couch.
106
00:05:46,500 --> 00:05:48,000
-It's a futon.
-It's a professional sectional.
107
00:05:48,042 --> 00:05:49,125
[belches]
108
00:05:49,417 --> 00:05:52,125
Anyhow, we can gas up
the air mattress, baby,
109
00:05:52,167 --> 00:05:53,042
and put it right
in the living room.
110
00:05:53,083 --> 00:05:55,792
Three's company!
111
00:05:55,833 --> 00:05:58,583
As much as I appreciate you two,
112
00:05:58,625 --> 00:06:01,500
I think I'm just a little
too old for that, you know?
113
00:06:01,542 --> 00:06:03,167
And besides,
I've been here 11 years
114
00:06:03,208 --> 00:06:05,042
and I've got nothing
to show for it.
115
00:06:05,083 --> 00:06:07,167
I just think inside,
personally, I'm done.
116
00:06:07,208 --> 00:06:08,083
I'm just done.
117
00:06:08,125 --> 00:06:09,083
Yeah, maybe.
118
00:06:09,125 --> 00:06:10,708
Oh, you know, we're going
to need some drinks, okay?
119
00:06:10,750 --> 00:06:11,875
Excuse me?
120
00:06:11,917 --> 00:06:13,042
Do you have the drink tickets?
121
00:06:13,083 --> 00:06:14,125
Yeah.
122
00:06:14,167 --> 00:06:16,542
The bird's nest bitch at the
door said we're on her list.
123
00:06:22,500 --> 00:06:25,083
[banging]
124
00:06:30,125 --> 00:06:33,583
[banging continues]
125
00:06:37,875 --> 00:06:39,667
[coughing]
126
00:06:42,125 --> 00:06:44,792
[phone chiming]
127
00:06:47,208 --> 00:06:49,000
Hello?
128
00:06:49,542 --> 00:06:50,792
Hello!
129
00:06:50,833 --> 00:06:52,625
Is this Richard Martinez?
130
00:06:52,667 --> 00:06:55,708
Uh, yes. Hi.
Who's this?
131
00:06:55,750 --> 00:06:58,833
Lawrence Tailor from the
Teaching Ambassador program.
132
00:06:58,875 --> 00:07:00,000
Oh, hi!
133
00:07:00,042 --> 00:07:00,958
How are you?
134
00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:02,167
Very well.
135
00:07:02,208 --> 00:07:04,625
I have some fabulous news.
136
00:07:04,667 --> 00:07:05,625
O-oh?
137
00:07:05,667 --> 00:07:07,083
A last-minute slot has
opened up in our program,
138
00:07:07,125 --> 00:07:10,000
but I just wanted to check
if you were still interested.
139
00:07:10,042 --> 00:07:11,833
Uh, uh, yeah! Yeah.
140
00:07:11,875 --> 00:07:12,750
I'm very interested.
141
00:07:12,792 --> 00:07:15,583
Good.
It's in Milford, Texas!
142
00:07:15,625 --> 00:07:18,125
I think I actually
have something in my eye.
143
00:07:18,167 --> 00:07:19,667
Okay.
144
00:07:19,708 --> 00:07:22,167
Obviously, we would supply you
with first-class accommodations.
145
00:07:22,208 --> 00:07:26,875
Fully furnished, beautiful area,
landscaped backyard.
146
00:07:26,917 --> 00:07:28,667
Just to die for!
147
00:07:28,708 --> 00:07:30,167
Uh, uh & I'll take it!
148
00:07:30,208 --> 00:07:31,208
Can I take it?
149
00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:33,083
Milford High needs
a new science teacher,
150
00:07:33,125 --> 00:07:35,167
and your teaching certificate
is endorsed in chemistry,
151
00:07:35,208 --> 00:07:40,042
but I just wanted to check
that you were still available.
152
00:07:40,083 --> 00:07:42,917
Of course!
I'm your man!
153
00:07:42,958 --> 00:07:44,750
[chuckles]
154
00:07:46,875 --> 00:07:48,667
Sucker!
155
00:07:50,667 --> 00:07:53,208
Well, that's the last of it.
156
00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:56,333
-I'm going to miss you, Boo.
-You too.
157
00:07:56,375 --> 00:07:58,125
Bye.
158
00:07:58,167 --> 00:08:00,958
♪ Yeah! ♪
159
00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:04,042
♪
160
00:08:17,917 --> 00:08:20,750
(Reporter) Well, folks,
it might not be the best time
161
00:08:20,792 --> 00:08:22,375
to book that trip Mexico,
162
00:08:22,667 --> 00:08:24,917
because it looks like
the National Hurricane Center
163
00:08:24,958 --> 00:08:28,375
has updated Tropical Storm
Bianca to a hurricane.
164
00:08:28,667 --> 00:08:29,667
First of the season.
165
00:08:29,708 --> 00:08:31,125
Stay tuned for updates.
166
00:08:31,167 --> 00:08:32,708
You don't want to miss this.
167
00:08:32,875 --> 00:08:34,292
♪ Gotta get
the heck outta here... ♪
168
00:08:34,333 --> 00:08:37,083
Hey! Looks like
I'm your new neighbour.
169
00:08:38,958 --> 00:08:40,292
Okay.
170
00:08:44,042 --> 00:08:45,250
[spits]
171
00:08:45,292 --> 00:08:49,250
♪ Gotta go, gotta get
the heck outta here... ♪
172
00:09:01,792 --> 00:09:03,167
[goats bleating]
173
00:09:13,208 --> 00:09:16,250
♪
174
00:09:18,958 --> 00:09:20,208
Hey, Shorty!
175
00:09:20,250 --> 00:09:22,125
Now's not a good time
for making a mess.
176
00:09:22,167 --> 00:09:24,125
-You just told me--
-Superintendent's on her way!
177
00:09:24,167 --> 00:09:26,042
Make yourself scarce!
178
00:09:26,083 --> 00:09:27,125
Sorry, Miss Ward.
179
00:09:29,042 --> 00:09:30,125
Hi.
180
00:09:30,167 --> 00:09:31,375
I'm looking for
the vice principal.
181
00:09:33,833 --> 00:09:35,083
She's in a mood.
182
00:09:35,125 --> 00:09:36,292
Okay.
183
00:09:40,792 --> 00:09:42,042
What are you still doing here?
184
00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:45,083
-The nurse said that--
-Hit the road.
185
00:09:45,125 --> 00:09:46,917
-But--
-Get out of here.
186
00:09:50,750 --> 00:09:51,750
What do you need?
187
00:09:51,792 --> 00:09:53,083
Uh, Richard Martinez.
188
00:09:53,125 --> 00:09:54,167
New science teacher.
189
00:09:54,208 --> 00:09:55,167
[scoffs]
You're early.
190
00:09:55,208 --> 00:09:57,000
Uh, you must be Debbie Ward.
191
00:09:57,042 --> 00:09:59,167
[sighs]
Deb or Deborah.
192
00:09:59,208 --> 00:10:00,750
Never Debbie.
193
00:10:00,792 --> 00:10:02,458
Okay, uh, Deborah.
194
00:10:02,750 --> 00:10:05,083
I just wanted
to stop by to say hi,
195
00:10:05,125 --> 00:10:07,333
and maybe you can point me
in the-- in the right direction.
196
00:10:07,375 --> 00:10:09,250
I'm not really sure-- Wow!
197
00:10:09,292 --> 00:10:11,000
I love your purse.
198
00:10:11,042 --> 00:10:12,250
First of all, don't be late.
199
00:10:12,292 --> 00:10:13,375
Or early. Okay?
200
00:10:13,417 --> 00:10:14,375
It annoys the hell out of me.
201
00:10:14,417 --> 00:10:16,167
Second of all, don't bother me.
202
00:10:16,208 --> 00:10:19,208
Third of all, leave the
faggy ties at home, okay?
203
00:10:19,250 --> 00:10:21,750
Because nothing bothers
me more than a faggy tie.
204
00:10:21,792 --> 00:10:22,958
Now...
205
00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:24,250
Look, here's your lesson plan.
206
00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:26,125
Creationism?
207
00:10:26,167 --> 00:10:27,375
I mean,
but I'm a science teacher.
208
00:10:27,417 --> 00:10:29,417
I don't have time, okay?
209
00:10:29,458 --> 00:10:31,000
Superintendent's on her way!
210
00:10:31,042 --> 00:10:33,208
Go upstairs, find Coach Chuck
in the teachers' lounge.
211
00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:34,083
Second floor.
212
00:10:34,125 --> 00:10:35,167
[makes clicking sound]
213
00:10:35,208 --> 00:10:36,000
Second floor.
214
00:10:36,042 --> 00:10:37,125
Thanks.
215
00:10:38,292 --> 00:10:40,167
Honestly.
216
00:10:42,292 --> 00:10:43,833
[smacks lips together]
217
00:10:43,958 --> 00:10:45,792
Happy birthday to me.
218
00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:50,875
Ah!
You must be, um, Coach Chuck!
219
00:10:50,917 --> 00:10:52,083
Hey, man.
220
00:10:52,125 --> 00:10:54,125
You deliver my tacos?
221
00:10:54,167 --> 00:10:56,000
Uh, no.
222
00:10:56,042 --> 00:10:59,458
Uh, I'm, uh, Richard Martinez,
the new science teacher.
223
00:10:59,500 --> 00:11:00,375
I know.
224
00:11:00,417 --> 00:11:02,833
I was joking with you
because you're Spanish-looking.
225
00:11:02,875 --> 00:11:04,125
-Oh.
-Do you want some cake?
226
00:11:04,167 --> 00:11:05,500
Uh, no, I'm pretty good.
227
00:11:05,542 --> 00:11:07,250
-Pretty good.
-Ah, don't be a sissy.
228
00:11:07,292 --> 00:11:10,125
-Have a tit.
-Oh, uh, thanks.
229
00:11:10,167 --> 00:11:11,833
There we go. Mm.
230
00:11:11,875 --> 00:11:13,500
(Chuck) So this is the library.
(Richard) Um hmm.
231
00:11:13,542 --> 00:11:15,417
Pretty standard, really.
232
00:11:15,458 --> 00:11:18,500
You got to check it out every
once in a while for sleepers.
233
00:11:18,542 --> 00:11:20,417
Sleepers?
234
00:11:20,458 --> 00:11:21,417
[blows whistle]
235
00:11:21,458 --> 00:11:22,875
Get up!
236
00:11:24,375 --> 00:11:26,000
Don't let me see that again!
237
00:11:27,542 --> 00:11:29,125
Well, now that you're in Texas,
238
00:11:29,167 --> 00:11:31,208
I recommend that
you get one of these.
239
00:11:31,250 --> 00:11:32,250
A diary?
240
00:11:32,292 --> 00:11:35,083
-I don't think I need a diary.
-No, it's a little black book.
241
00:11:35,125 --> 00:11:37,208
Every woman, every number.
242
00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:39,250
I've gone through about
three of these just this year.
243
00:11:39,292 --> 00:11:42,167
You don't have a phone
to keep your contacts in?
244
00:11:42,208 --> 00:11:43,292
A phone?
245
00:11:43,333 --> 00:11:45,417
How do you mean?
246
00:11:45,458 --> 00:11:47,042
[sighs]
247
00:11:50,333 --> 00:11:52,375
Let's start with discussing
the origin of differences
248
00:11:52,417 --> 00:11:54,000
between men and women--
249
00:11:54,042 --> 00:11:55,625
You're right across the hall
from Carly Ward,
250
00:11:55,917 --> 00:11:56,625
Deb's daughter.
251
00:11:56,917 --> 00:11:58,167
Ain't she a fox?
252
00:11:58,208 --> 00:12:00,208
Many social influences
play a role
253
00:12:00,250 --> 00:12:02,125
in determining
these differences.
254
00:12:02,167 --> 00:12:03,333
If you ever hear the kids
talking about someone
255
00:12:03,375 --> 00:12:05,500
named Miss First,
you'd best tell me about it.
256
00:12:05,542 --> 00:12:07,292
Is that, like,
another teacher?
257
00:12:07,333 --> 00:12:08,542
No one knows who it is.
258
00:12:08,583 --> 00:12:11,167
They say Miss First
turns boys into men.
259
00:12:11,208 --> 00:12:14,167
For their sake,
God, I hope it's her.
260
00:12:14,208 --> 00:12:16,917
Um, this is
the longest tour ever.
261
00:12:16,958 --> 00:12:19,125
And this is the grand finale.
262
00:12:24,167 --> 00:12:25,333
Dang.
263
00:12:25,375 --> 00:12:26,292
Mm.
264
00:12:26,333 --> 00:12:28,208
[bell ringing]
265
00:12:35,208 --> 00:12:36,250
Thank you!
266
00:12:36,292 --> 00:12:37,542
Thank you.
267
00:12:37,583 --> 00:12:39,000
Good morning, sir.
I'm Keely.
268
00:12:39,042 --> 00:12:40,083
And I'm Amber.
269
00:12:40,125 --> 00:12:41,417
Good morning!
Hi, ladies!
270
00:12:41,458 --> 00:12:43,042
We brought you
a little something.
271
00:12:43,083 --> 00:12:45,167
We just wanted to say,
Welcome to Milford High.
272
00:12:45,208 --> 00:12:47,083
Aw, thank you.
273
00:12:47,125 --> 00:12:48,167
Chocolates!
274
00:12:48,208 --> 00:12:50,000
I love chocolates!
275
00:12:50,042 --> 00:12:50,583
Have some.
276
00:12:50,625 --> 00:12:51,625
Sure.
277
00:12:51,917 --> 00:12:53,542
Amber's mom makes it fresh.
278
00:12:53,583 --> 00:12:54,375
Oh, please.
279
00:12:54,417 --> 00:12:56,292
Tell your mom I said thank you.
280
00:12:56,333 --> 00:12:57,500
Oh, I will.
281
00:12:57,542 --> 00:13:00,250
Now you ladies get to your
seat before I eat the whole box.
282
00:13:00,292 --> 00:13:01,125
[chuckles]
283
00:13:01,167 --> 00:13:02,625
-Enjoy.
-Thank you.
284
00:13:04,125 --> 00:13:05,167
Ladies!
285
00:13:05,208 --> 00:13:08,375
Today is not the day
to show off your ignorance.
286
00:13:09,167 --> 00:13:11,167
Get it together!
287
00:13:14,292 --> 00:13:15,125
Hi!
288
00:13:15,167 --> 00:13:17,542
I'm Mr. Martinez,
and I just want to let you know
289
00:13:17,583 --> 00:13:20,292
how excited I am to be here.
290
00:13:20,333 --> 00:13:21,417
[laughing]
291
00:13:21,458 --> 00:13:22,458
Okay!
292
00:13:22,500 --> 00:13:23,417
Don't worry.
293
00:13:23,458 --> 00:13:26,000
I used to think the same things
were just as funny
294
00:13:26,042 --> 00:13:27,250
when I was your age.
295
00:13:27,292 --> 00:13:28,500
[laughing]
296
00:13:28,542 --> 00:13:31,625
Okay, okay! Let's
just get it all out of...
297
00:13:31,667 --> 00:13:34,167
[coughing]
...our systems now.
298
00:13:34,208 --> 00:13:36,167
[laughing]
299
00:13:36,208 --> 00:13:38,500
Three...two...one.
300
00:13:38,542 --> 00:13:40,042
[clearing throat]
301
00:13:40,083 --> 00:13:42,042
You know...
[belches]
302
00:13:42,083 --> 00:13:43,042
Pardon me.
303
00:13:43,083 --> 00:13:44,500
[laughing]
Lift off!
304
00:13:45,083 --> 00:13:45,667
(RICHARD) You know what, kids?
305
00:13:45,708 --> 00:13:48,125
I'm not-- I'm not feeling
so good all of a sudden.
306
00:13:48,167 --> 00:13:50,000
If you can just give
me a minute, I'll be--
307
00:13:50,042 --> 00:13:52,042
I'll be right back.
308
00:13:55,208 --> 00:13:57,333
Keely, can I put you
in charge for two minutes,
309
00:13:57,375 --> 00:13:59,417
just two minutes top--
310
00:13:59,458 --> 00:14:01,542
[laughing]
311
00:14:03,083 --> 00:14:04,667
Okay, guys, quick.
Grab the chemistry set.
312
00:14:09,708 --> 00:14:11,167
Best behaviour, baby.
313
00:14:11,208 --> 00:14:12,292
She's here now.
314
00:14:13,125 --> 00:14:15,167
So nice to see you,
Superintendent.
315
00:14:15,208 --> 00:14:18,125
So nice to see you again too.
316
00:14:18,167 --> 00:14:19,542
[rumbling]
317
00:14:19,583 --> 00:14:21,000
[explosion]
318
00:14:21,042 --> 00:14:22,750
What the devil?
319
00:14:22,792 --> 00:14:24,500
You, uh, wanted to see me?
320
00:14:24,542 --> 00:14:26,667
Where to start?
321
00:14:27,250 --> 00:14:28,375
Where to start?
322
00:14:28,417 --> 00:14:29,583
[beep]
Uh, you could start
323
00:14:29,625 --> 00:14:32,083
with why Richard
left his class alone.
324
00:14:32,125 --> 00:14:34,250
-Hmm?
-Is she listening in?
325
00:14:34,292 --> 00:14:35,208
Yes.
326
00:14:35,250 --> 00:14:37,250
Richard, there's been a lot
of people come in here
327
00:14:37,292 --> 00:14:39,167
and try out this job.
328
00:14:39,208 --> 00:14:41,083
And none of them
have been as bad as you.
329
00:14:42,333 --> 00:14:44,458
I know these kids are a handful.
330
00:14:44,500 --> 00:14:47,042
There's only one thing keeping
me from sending you back
331
00:14:47,083 --> 00:14:48,750
to the middle of nowhere,
where you come from.
332
00:14:48,792 --> 00:14:50,083
Middle of nowhere?
333
00:14:50,125 --> 00:14:52,250
I...
I taught in New York City.
334
00:14:52,292 --> 00:14:54,750
You taught kindy-garten.
335
00:14:54,792 --> 00:14:56,708
Mr. Martinez,
336
00:14:56,750 --> 00:15:00,000
you come highly recommended
from the Ambassador Program,
337
00:15:00,042 --> 00:15:04,833
so I need you
to help me, help you.
338
00:15:04,875 --> 00:15:08,292
I-I can help these kids
if you give me a chance.
339
00:15:08,333 --> 00:15:10,542
Will I be seeing you
at the football game tonight?
340
00:15:10,583 --> 00:15:14,750
There's your chance to mingle
with the rest of the staff.
341
00:15:14,792 --> 00:15:15,792
[sighing]
342
00:15:15,833 --> 00:15:17,333
I'll be there with
enough school spirit
343
00:15:17,375 --> 00:15:20,333
to fuel a jetliner, sir.
344
00:15:20,375 --> 00:15:21,833
Yeah, we'll see about that.
345
00:15:23,292 --> 00:15:25,000
[cheering]
346
00:15:25,042 --> 00:15:26,167
Come on, Mavericks!
347
00:15:26,208 --> 00:15:28,708
Rip 'em up!
Rip 'em up!
348
00:15:30,667 --> 00:15:32,750
You almost
fumbled it, you pussy!
349
00:15:32,792 --> 00:15:34,208
What's your name?
350
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:35,167
[mumbling]
Shut up!
351
00:15:35,208 --> 00:15:37,000
I don't care about your name!
Get up!
352
00:15:37,042 --> 00:15:38,208
Get out!
353
00:15:38,250 --> 00:15:40,458
You get on out!
354
00:15:40,500 --> 00:15:42,208
God, you're terrible!
355
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:43,292
This is intense!
356
00:15:44,083 --> 00:15:46,625
There's something
queer about him.
357
00:15:46,667 --> 00:15:48,833
I can't put my finger on it.
358
00:15:48,875 --> 00:15:51,042
Didn't you say he's
from New York, Mama?
359
00:15:51,083 --> 00:15:54,125
He complimented my purse.
360
00:15:54,167 --> 00:15:55,292
So what are you saying?
361
00:15:55,333 --> 00:15:57,667
He's, like, some kind of queer?
362
00:15:57,708 --> 00:16:00,792
Well, there's only
one way to find out.
363
00:16:00,833 --> 00:16:02,458
You should
go talk to him, honey.
364
00:16:02,500 --> 00:16:03,458
You think?
365
00:16:03,500 --> 00:16:04,333
Yeah.
366
00:16:04,375 --> 00:16:06,042
Show him Minnie and Mickey.
367
00:16:06,083 --> 00:16:06,875
[chuckles]
368
00:16:06,917 --> 00:16:09,000
No man can resist.
369
00:16:21,875 --> 00:16:23,250
Bitch!
370
00:16:25,500 --> 00:16:28,625
Well, aren't you just
hotter than bark on a tree!
371
00:16:28,667 --> 00:16:31,167
Well, hello.
[chuckles]
372
00:16:31,208 --> 00:16:32,958
I'm Carly.
373
00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:34,375
I was upset I didn't get to meet
374
00:16:34,417 --> 00:16:36,667
the cute new member
of our staff today.
375
00:16:36,708 --> 00:16:39,083
Oh, well, that's very nice.
376
00:16:39,125 --> 00:16:40,750
Nice to meet you.
377
00:16:40,792 --> 00:16:43,417
So how do you like Texas so far?
378
00:16:43,458 --> 00:16:46,792
Well, um, everybody
seems to be very welcoming,
379
00:16:46,833 --> 00:16:49,667
to say the least.
[chuckles nervously]
380
00:16:49,708 --> 00:16:50,583
[chuckles]
We're gonna have to spend
381
00:16:50,625 --> 00:16:52,375
more time together.
382
00:16:52,417 --> 00:16:55,417
We're going to be real,
great friends. I can tell.
383
00:16:56,375 --> 00:16:58,042
So!
384
00:16:58,083 --> 00:17:00,208
Do you, uh, like
teaching social studies?
385
00:17:00,250 --> 00:17:01,708
Oh, yeah!
386
00:17:01,750 --> 00:17:03,583
Mama thinks I have
a chance at this year's
387
00:17:03,625 --> 00:17:04,833
Teacher of the Year award.
388
00:17:04,875 --> 00:17:06,917
That's out of the whole state.
389
00:17:06,958 --> 00:17:10,708
And this year,
the winner gets 25 grand.
390
00:17:10,750 --> 00:17:12,417
[chuckling]
391
00:17:12,458 --> 00:17:14,583
Well, good luck for you.
392
00:17:22,167 --> 00:17:24,792
So now that we've been
formally introduced,
393
00:17:24,833 --> 00:17:27,042
I'd like to introduce you
to a couple of friends of mine.
394
00:17:27,083 --> 00:17:29,542
Oh, sure.
395
00:17:29,583 --> 00:17:31,292
Mickey and Minnie.
396
00:17:31,333 --> 00:17:33,833
Oh!
397
00:17:33,875 --> 00:17:36,167
Ooh!
[chuckling nervously]
398
00:17:36,208 --> 00:17:37,208
[cow bell ringing]
399
00:17:37,250 --> 00:17:38,333
(Announcer) Defense!
400
00:17:38,375 --> 00:17:40,917
15 yards on that first down!
401
00:17:43,917 --> 00:17:45,708
I knew it.
402
00:17:46,792 --> 00:17:50,042
Richard, I'm going to make this
quick and painless as possible.
403
00:17:50,083 --> 00:17:51,917
Of course.
What's up?
404
00:17:51,958 --> 00:17:53,625
We're going to
have to let you go.
405
00:17:54,625 --> 00:17:55,667
Excuse me?
406
00:17:55,708 --> 00:17:57,083
He said you're shit-canned.
407
00:17:57,125 --> 00:17:58,875
What-- what is he doing here?
408
00:17:58,917 --> 00:18:00,250
The principal likes
extra security
409
00:18:00,292 --> 00:18:01,875
in situations such as these.
410
00:18:01,917 --> 00:18:07,125
We feel...I feel that your
situation will be a distraction.
411
00:18:07,167 --> 00:18:09,833
Wh--what situation?
412
00:18:11,750 --> 00:18:14,375
Found this on the Internet.
413
00:18:14,417 --> 00:18:15,250
[beep]
414
00:18:15,292 --> 00:18:19,000
Single gay male seeks partner
who enjoys laughter, music,
415
00:18:19,042 --> 00:18:20,625
long-term relationship.
416
00:18:20,667 --> 00:18:22,583
[laughs]
417
00:18:22,625 --> 00:18:24,000
Where did you find that?
418
00:18:24,042 --> 00:18:25,708
I haven't logged
into that for years!
419
00:18:25,750 --> 00:18:27,333
He ain't even going to deny it.
420
00:18:27,375 --> 00:18:28,375
I thought we had a deal.
421
00:18:28,417 --> 00:18:29,917
You need me to step in, sir?
422
00:18:31,333 --> 00:18:33,417
This school has strong values.
423
00:18:33,875 --> 00:18:35,875
Turn-offs include
self-centredness
424
00:18:35,917 --> 00:18:37,542
and bad hygiene.
425
00:18:37,583 --> 00:18:38,833
Oh!
426
00:18:38,875 --> 00:18:40,833
We need to keep
the children safe from those
427
00:18:40,875 --> 00:18:44,125
that participate
in alternative relationships.
428
00:18:44,167 --> 00:18:46,542
You know,
man on man, man on dog.
429
00:18:46,583 --> 00:18:47,792
You understand.
430
00:18:47,833 --> 00:18:49,750
Are you serious?
431
00:18:49,792 --> 00:18:52,000
One more word from you,
and, uh,
432
00:18:52,042 --> 00:18:53,625
I might have to call the law.
433
00:18:54,750 --> 00:18:57,042
See you never, flamesauce!
434
00:18:57,083 --> 00:18:58,667
[laughing]
435
00:19:02,583 --> 00:19:04,208
Richard, Richard, Richard,
436
00:19:04,250 --> 00:19:05,625
there's very little I can do
437
00:19:05,667 --> 00:19:08,458
for a teacher who gets
fired so quick into the job.
438
00:19:08,500 --> 00:19:09,375
I mean, come on!
439
00:19:09,417 --> 00:19:10,958
I'll go to Oklahoma!
Kentucky!
440
00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:12,083
I'll go anywhere.
441
00:19:12,125 --> 00:19:13,417
Richard, darling,
442
00:19:13,458 --> 00:19:15,375
we have a waiting list
of over a hundred people,
443
00:19:15,417 --> 00:19:17,250
and right now,
444
00:19:17,292 --> 00:19:18,625
you're at the bottom
of the pile.
445
00:19:18,667 --> 00:19:20,417
You can't tell me
what they did was legal.
446
00:19:20,458 --> 00:19:22,667
You can't just fire somebody.
447
00:19:22,708 --> 00:19:26,083
It's perfectly legal in many
states, Texas being one of them.
448
00:19:26,125 --> 00:19:30,542
Look, I have to go, but
if you need any other help,
449
00:19:32,958 --> 00:19:36,208
just write a letter
to congress, okay?
450
00:19:36,250 --> 00:19:37,583
God.
451
00:19:39,333 --> 00:19:42,167
Siri, I need a drink.
452
00:19:57,958 --> 00:19:58,833
Hmm?
453
00:19:58,875 --> 00:19:59,917
(Richard) Hey, hey.
454
00:19:59,958 --> 00:20:01,500
There he is.
455
00:20:01,542 --> 00:20:03,292
How you doin', Boo?
456
00:20:03,333 --> 00:20:05,833
Hey, I wish
you guys were here.
457
00:20:05,875 --> 00:20:06,667
That's nasty.
458
00:20:06,708 --> 00:20:08,083
Ask him if he
downloaded Grinder yet.
459
00:20:08,125 --> 00:20:11,708
No, I haven't downloaded
Grinder yet, you whore.
460
00:20:11,750 --> 00:20:13,542
We just want to know how many
gay cowboys there are
461
00:20:13,583 --> 00:20:14,750
in the Bible Belt.
462
00:20:14,792 --> 00:20:16,125
[chuckles]
463
00:20:16,167 --> 00:20:18,667
Wait, hold on.
I'm going to put you on speaker.
464
00:20:18,708 --> 00:20:21,042
So, you guys are going
to go to White party?
465
00:20:21,083 --> 00:20:21,917
I think it's racist.
466
00:20:21,958 --> 00:20:23,500
He ain't ever invited me
to go to no black party.
467
00:20:23,542 --> 00:20:24,542
She wouldn't think it was racist
468
00:20:24,583 --> 00:20:26,417
if she looked half-decent
in anything here.
469
00:20:26,458 --> 00:20:29,458
-I told you I have body issues.
-Do cardio.
470
00:20:29,500 --> 00:20:31,000
Okay. All right,
471
00:20:31,042 --> 00:20:34,042
according to Grinder,
the closest gay guy is...
472
00:20:34,083 --> 00:20:36,458
drum roll, please!
473
00:20:36,500 --> 00:20:38,917
30 miles away.
474
00:20:38,958 --> 00:20:40,292
30 miles!
Oh, no, bitch.
475
00:20:40,333 --> 00:20:41,667
We've got to get
you up out of there.
476
00:20:41,708 --> 00:20:42,542
This is an emergency.
477
00:20:42,583 --> 00:20:45,208
We're coming to get you, baby.
Where is she?
478
00:20:45,250 --> 00:20:46,375
Huh?
479
00:20:46,417 --> 00:20:47,583
I'm going to grab a drink.
480
00:20:47,625 --> 00:20:49,167
Love you guys.
Mean it.
481
00:20:49,208 --> 00:20:50,458
Oh, bitch,
hurry up and get changed.
482
00:20:50,500 --> 00:20:51,875
We are GPS.
483
00:20:51,917 --> 00:20:53,000
Try red.
484
00:20:53,042 --> 00:20:55,042
Do you have anything on sale?
485
00:20:56,208 --> 00:20:57,417
[horks]
486
00:21:01,208 --> 00:21:03,167
Oh, hello.
487
00:21:03,208 --> 00:21:05,750
Uh, can I have a, uh,
vodka soda, please?
488
00:21:08,042 --> 00:21:08,917
What?
489
00:21:08,958 --> 00:21:09,958
Really?
490
00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:12,000
Dry county.
491
00:21:12,042 --> 00:21:14,958
Wait! There's, like, no booze
in the whole county?
492
00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:17,458
No-no wonder there's
no gay people here.
493
00:21:17,500 --> 00:21:19,792
Just get him
a club soda, will you?
494
00:21:30,958 --> 00:21:34,042
Texans always come prepared.
495
00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:36,125
-I'm Richard.
-Karma.
496
00:21:36,167 --> 00:21:37,708
Karma Johnstone.
497
00:21:37,750 --> 00:21:40,000
Your parents
must be a good time.
498
00:21:40,042 --> 00:21:41,375
Why is that?
499
00:21:41,417 --> 00:21:43,000
Well, most parents don't
name their children
500
00:21:43,042 --> 00:21:44,583
after Buddhist principles.
501
00:21:44,625 --> 00:21:46,583
Would you prefer
I had a normal name?
502
00:21:46,625 --> 00:21:48,542
Something plain, like Mary?
503
00:21:48,583 --> 00:21:49,708
Mary's not plain.
504
00:21:49,750 --> 00:21:51,583
Mary's angelic.
505
00:21:51,625 --> 00:21:54,083
I know plenty of Marys.
506
00:21:54,125 --> 00:21:56,000
None are angelic.
507
00:21:56,042 --> 00:21:58,208
Mary was the mother of Jesus.
508
00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:01,083
If someone were to ask me
to bear the child of God,
509
00:22:01,125 --> 00:22:02,625
I'd have to say no.
510
00:22:02,667 --> 00:22:04,792
You'd abort the baby Jesus?
511
00:22:04,833 --> 00:22:06,875
Abortion is murder!
512
00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:11,042
Pay him no mind.
513
00:22:11,083 --> 00:22:14,042
Listen, I host a radio show,
514
00:22:14,083 --> 00:22:16,708
and I'm doing a promotion
tonight at the Tin Room.
515
00:22:16,750 --> 00:22:20,125
It's about a 30-mile drive
right on the county border.
516
00:22:20,167 --> 00:22:21,875
Do they serve real drinks?
517
00:22:21,917 --> 00:22:23,875
Does a bear shit in the woods?
518
00:22:25,833 --> 00:22:27,125
[donkey brays]
519
00:22:29,167 --> 00:22:30,208
[speaks indistinctly]
520
00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:31,750
If I gave you a dollar,
would you go away?
521
00:22:31,792 --> 00:22:33,417
Come on, let's go
and have a lap dance.
522
00:22:33,458 --> 00:22:35,917
-Just go.
-That's enough, Snake.
523
00:22:35,958 --> 00:22:37,125
Thank God you're here.
524
00:22:37,417 --> 00:22:39,667
Great show tonight, gorgeous.
525
00:22:39,708 --> 00:22:41,708
Thank you, Jocelyn.
526
00:22:41,750 --> 00:22:45,417
I'll have my usual,
and can we get two shots?
527
00:22:45,458 --> 00:22:46,917
Uh, no. No, no.
528
00:22:46,958 --> 00:22:49,208
I can't drink.
Bad things happen when I drink.
529
00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:51,792
Make it four.
Four shots.
530
00:22:51,833 --> 00:22:52,875
You're going to kill me.
531
00:22:52,917 --> 00:22:54,083
(Announcer)
Ladies and gentlemen,
532
00:22:54,125 --> 00:22:55,875
please welcome to the stage
533
00:22:55,917 --> 00:22:58,000
Ambrosia Salad!
534
00:22:58,042 --> 00:22:59,625
[cheering]
535
00:23:00,833 --> 00:23:03,792
Guess what,
ladies and gentlemen?
536
00:23:03,833 --> 00:23:07,917
Ambrosia-palooza
is back in business!
537
00:23:07,958 --> 00:23:09,125
You're gonna need this.
538
00:23:09,167 --> 00:23:11,042
[gagging]
539
00:23:12,125 --> 00:23:15,125
And tonight,
prizes will be awarded
540
00:23:15,167 --> 00:23:18,000
for the best impersonation
of the wonderful,
541
00:23:18,042 --> 00:23:22,167
for the ever-so
drop-dead gorgeous...
542
00:23:22,208 --> 00:23:24,125
me!
Miss Ambrosia Salad!
543
00:23:24,167 --> 00:23:25,875
[cheering]
[makes clicking sound]
544
00:23:25,917 --> 00:23:27,917
Well, apparently
it's perfectly legal
545
00:23:27,958 --> 00:23:31,125
to do what they did here in
Texas and in 28 other states.
546
00:23:31,167 --> 00:23:32,042
I Googled it.
547
00:23:32,083 --> 00:23:36,042
My brother went to school there,
and he was terrorized.
548
00:23:36,083 --> 00:23:37,083
I'm thinking I might
want to do, like,
549
00:23:37,125 --> 00:23:38,792
a protest or something.
550
00:23:38,833 --> 00:23:40,208
You know, peaceful, obviously,
551
00:23:40,000 --> 00:23:42,083
because enough people
don't know about this.
552
00:23:42,125 --> 00:23:44,125
We're outnumbered, baby.
553
00:23:44,167 --> 00:23:47,042
That's why we had
to drive so far to get here.
554
00:23:47,083 --> 00:23:49,083
Well, I won't stand for it!
555
00:23:49,125 --> 00:23:51,583
Ooh, that works fast.
556
00:23:51,625 --> 00:23:52,250
Mm-hmm.
557
00:23:52,292 --> 00:23:53,958
Uh, where's the bathroom?
558
00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:55,750
(Ambrosia)
We got any more volunteers
559
00:23:55,792 --> 00:23:57,167
for the contest tonight?
560
00:23:57,208 --> 00:23:58,625
No. No, no.
561
00:23:58,667 --> 00:23:59,792
No, no, no.
Not me.
562
00:23:59,833 --> 00:24:03,000
Gorgeous, um,
what's your name, sir?
563
00:24:03,042 --> 00:24:04,167
His name is Richard!
564
00:24:04,208 --> 00:24:05,917
No, I don't have a name.
That is not my name.
565
00:24:05,958 --> 00:24:06,917
-Yes.
-No. No. No!
566
00:24:06,958 --> 00:24:10,625
I don't do this!
No, no, no.
567
00:24:10,667 --> 00:24:14,250
Looks like we found our final
contestant in tonight's contest!
568
00:24:14,292 --> 00:24:15,875
Come on, Karma.
569
00:24:15,917 --> 00:24:17,750
You are a bitch.
570
00:24:17,792 --> 00:24:20,208
[both make clicking sound]
571
00:24:46,208 --> 00:24:48,000
Ohh... shit.
572
00:24:48,042 --> 00:24:49,125
(Reporter) This just in...
573
00:24:49,167 --> 00:24:53,125
The storm, which is about
1,300 miles from land,
574
00:24:53,167 --> 00:24:57,875
has reached speeds
in excess of 75 miles per hour.
575
00:24:57,917 --> 00:25:01,875
In fact, the NHC has
categorized Bianca
576
00:25:01,917 --> 00:25:04,792
as a category 1 hurricane.
577
00:25:04,833 --> 00:25:07,208
Hurricane Bianca is going
to cause more problems
578
00:25:07,250 --> 00:25:09,000
than anticipated.
579
00:25:09,042 --> 00:25:11,917
Now we've got the latest
from Del Rio, Mexico,
580
00:25:11,958 --> 00:25:15,375
where residents are
preparing for the worst.
581
00:25:15,667 --> 00:25:18,208
[humming]
582
00:25:21,042 --> 00:25:25,250
♪
583
00:25:36,208 --> 00:25:37,000
Good morning.
584
00:25:37,042 --> 00:25:39,708
(Karma) Buenos dias, senorita.
585
00:25:39,750 --> 00:25:43,167
And what is your name,
my young lady friend?
586
00:25:43,208 --> 00:25:44,833
[laughs]
Hung Over.
587
00:25:44,875 --> 00:25:46,083
Nice to meet you.
588
00:25:46,125 --> 00:25:48,000
Hydrate.
589
00:25:48,042 --> 00:25:49,292
Thank you.
590
00:25:51,875 --> 00:25:53,250
[belches]
Ooh.
591
00:25:53,417 --> 00:25:55,458
Not a very polite lady.
592
00:25:55,750 --> 00:25:57,333
Well, that's because I'm a man.
593
00:25:57,375 --> 00:26:01,000
I think gender is really
just a social construct,
594
00:26:01,042 --> 00:26:02,042
you know what I mean?
595
00:26:02,083 --> 00:26:05,417
It is far too early to be
talking about things like this.
596
00:26:05,458 --> 00:26:07,417
You know, when I told you
about my little brother
597
00:26:07,458 --> 00:26:09,333
that was terrorized
in Milford High School--
598
00:26:09,375 --> 00:26:11,000
Yes.
599
00:26:11,042 --> 00:26:14,208
...I was talking about myself.
600
00:26:14,000 --> 00:26:15,042
What?
601
00:26:15,083 --> 00:26:19,167
Growing up, I thought
I was just a little gay boy.
602
00:26:19,208 --> 00:26:23,083
Then I realized there was
a bit more to me than that.
603
00:26:23,125 --> 00:26:25,792
I would have
never have clocked you.
604
00:26:25,833 --> 00:26:28,958
I don't tell a lot of people,
FYI.
605
00:26:29,000 --> 00:26:33,083
But I figured after last night,
I could trust you.
606
00:26:33,125 --> 00:26:34,208
Sure.
607
00:26:34,250 --> 00:26:37,167
Oh, about last night.
608
00:26:37,208 --> 00:26:40,042
I'm almost afraid to ask.
609
00:26:40,083 --> 00:26:42,917
First, you introduced
yourself as Wilma,
610
00:26:42,958 --> 00:26:44,042
Wilma Shitstink.
611
00:26:44,083 --> 00:26:46,042
Then you wouldn't give
the microphone back.
612
00:26:46,083 --> 00:26:48,042
Well, if you were really funny,
613
00:26:48,083 --> 00:26:50,000
you wouldn't need me
up here, would you?
614
00:26:50,042 --> 00:26:50,875
[laughing]
615
00:26:50,917 --> 00:26:51,458
You know what's funny?
616
00:26:51,750 --> 00:26:53,875
Is that your name
is Ambrosia Salad,
617
00:26:53,917 --> 00:26:57,208
and it looks like you eat
everything but a salad!
618
00:26:57,250 --> 00:26:59,000
Fact!
[makes clicking sound]
619
00:27:00,125 --> 00:27:02,333
Do I owe anybody an apology?
620
00:27:02,375 --> 00:27:04,000
Are you kidding me, Wilma?
621
00:27:04,042 --> 00:27:06,458
Everyone loved you.
622
00:27:06,500 --> 00:27:08,208
You won the contest.
623
00:27:08,250 --> 00:27:10,125
Well...
624
00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:13,500
We're going to have
to let you go.
625
00:27:13,542 --> 00:27:16,375
See you never, flamesauce!
626
00:27:16,417 --> 00:27:18,167
Mama thinks I have
a chance at this year's
627
00:27:18,208 --> 00:27:19,292
Teacher of the Year award.
628
00:27:19,333 --> 00:27:22,125
The winner gets 25 grand.
629
00:27:22,167 --> 00:27:23,167
Hmm.
630
00:27:25,000 --> 00:27:28,417
♪
631
00:27:43,292 --> 00:27:45,292
[car engine revving]
632
00:27:46,958 --> 00:27:48,125
(Radio Announcer)
This just in...
633
00:27:48,167 --> 00:27:52,167
In the next 48 hours, Hurricane
Bianca is expected to strengthen
634
00:27:52,208 --> 00:27:57,083
and is forecast to become
a category 4 or above.
635
00:27:59,625 --> 00:28:05,083
♪
636
00:28:22,958 --> 00:28:24,000
[bell rings]
637
00:28:26,542 --> 00:28:27,458
Hi.
638
00:28:27,500 --> 00:28:30,125
I'm here to interview for
the science teacher position.
639
00:28:31,167 --> 00:28:32,167
What's your name?
640
00:28:32,208 --> 00:28:34,917
Uh, Bianca, Bianca Del Rio.
641
00:28:34,958 --> 00:28:36,917
Does the principal
know you're coming?
642
00:28:36,958 --> 00:28:38,500
Of course, Debbie.
643
00:28:38,542 --> 00:28:40,958
It's Deb or Deborah.
644
00:28:41,000 --> 00:28:42,917
Never Debbie.
645
00:28:42,958 --> 00:28:46,042
Wow, what a gorgeous photo.
646
00:28:46,083 --> 00:28:48,333
Is that you, Deb... bie?
647
00:28:48,375 --> 00:28:51,958
Teacher of the Year ceremony,
1999.
648
00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:54,417
Such a proud moment
for our school.
649
00:28:54,458 --> 00:28:58,083
First and last time
Milford's ever won.
650
00:28:58,125 --> 00:28:59,250
Hmm.
651
00:28:59,292 --> 00:29:00,458
[telephone rings]
652
00:29:00,500 --> 00:29:02,083
-Hmm?
-What's next, Deborah?
653
00:29:02,125 --> 00:29:05,625
Oh, some wannabe teacher,
and a little retard who says
654
00:29:05,667 --> 00:29:08,083
he got beat up so he could
get out of gym class.
655
00:29:08,125 --> 00:29:12,125
Forgive me, Deb, but is
this school part of the NEA?
656
00:29:12,167 --> 00:29:12,708
The who?
657
00:29:13,000 --> 00:29:14,708
The National
Education Association
658
00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:18,250
that's trying to remove the
R word from American schools.
659
00:29:18,292 --> 00:29:20,167
[chuckling]
Well...
660
00:29:20,208 --> 00:29:22,167
Especially when used as slang
661
00:29:22,208 --> 00:29:24,083
in a negative
or derogatory context.
662
00:29:24,125 --> 00:29:26,625
Look, this particular student
has been a problem at the school
663
00:29:26,667 --> 00:29:28,292
for quite some time.
664
00:29:28,333 --> 00:29:30,417
-So just--
-Don't worry.
665
00:29:30,458 --> 00:29:33,250
They're only trying to
remove the word, not the people.
666
00:29:33,292 --> 00:29:34,375
[whispering]
You'll be safe.
667
00:29:34,667 --> 00:29:35,583
[whispering]
That's not funny.
668
00:29:35,625 --> 00:29:37,125
It's not a joke.
669
00:29:37,167 --> 00:29:38,292
Just a statement.
670
00:29:38,333 --> 00:29:39,625
Just a statement.
671
00:29:52,042 --> 00:29:54,708
So, you're a cougar.
672
00:29:55,708 --> 00:29:58,042
Uh, I'm-- I'm sorry.
673
00:29:58,083 --> 00:30:00,000
Houston University Cougars.
674
00:30:00,042 --> 00:30:00,625
Oh!
675
00:30:00,667 --> 00:30:02,042
Yes, yes. Cougars.
676
00:30:02,083 --> 00:30:03,625
Go, Cougars!
677
00:30:03,667 --> 00:30:05,042
I grew up in Houston.
678
00:30:05,083 --> 00:30:07,292
Football scholarship.
679
00:30:07,333 --> 00:30:10,000
Impressive.
680
00:30:10,042 --> 00:30:11,042
[beep]
681
00:30:11,083 --> 00:30:13,042
Sir, there's a real long
list of students
682
00:30:13,083 --> 00:30:14,708
that need to see you right now.
683
00:30:16,000 --> 00:30:19,000
(Richard) Can we talk about
something off the record?
684
00:30:19,042 --> 00:30:19,583
(Principal) Sure.
685
00:30:19,625 --> 00:30:22,458
You're looking at your
next teacher of the year.
686
00:30:22,500 --> 00:30:24,000
(Principal)
What makes you think that?
687
00:30:24,042 --> 00:30:25,708
Hire me, and you'll
get a lot more than
688
00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:28,042
just a brilliant
science teacher.
689
00:30:28,083 --> 00:30:31,000
I've got ideas, Wayne,
lots of ideas that can help
690
00:30:31,042 --> 00:30:32,667
more than just
the science department.
691
00:30:32,708 --> 00:30:35,083
It can help the whole school.
692
00:30:35,125 --> 00:30:36,000
Mm-mm.
693
00:30:36,042 --> 00:30:37,167
Mm-mm.
694
00:30:37,208 --> 00:30:38,250
I can't pay you
extra for all that.
695
00:30:38,292 --> 00:30:41,208
My only reward will be the
satisfaction that I gave back
696
00:30:41,250 --> 00:30:45,167
to a community that
has treated me so well.
697
00:30:45,208 --> 00:30:47,667
I want to sharpen
your pencil, Wayne.
698
00:30:47,708 --> 00:30:49,583
Oh! Disgusting.
699
00:30:49,625 --> 00:30:50,667
That will work.
700
00:30:50,708 --> 00:30:51,708
Good.
701
00:30:52,750 --> 00:30:55,125
Nope. Nope.
702
00:30:55,167 --> 00:30:57,542
I can't believe
you're doing this.
703
00:30:57,583 --> 00:30:59,167
Do you think
she would wear this?
704
00:30:59,208 --> 00:31:00,500
I mean, I want
to keep her classy.
705
00:31:00,542 --> 00:31:03,125
Richard,
I'm worried about you.
706
00:31:03,167 --> 00:31:04,500
I'm worried about you too,
707
00:31:04,542 --> 00:31:06,708
that you're not using
enough moisturizer.
708
00:31:06,750 --> 00:31:08,583
I'm serious.
709
00:31:08,625 --> 00:31:10,625
I'm serious too.
710
00:31:10,667 --> 00:31:14,083
That's why you're going to
teach me everything you know.
711
00:31:14,125 --> 00:31:15,375
The fate of this school rests
712
00:31:15,417 --> 00:31:18,208
on your dainty little
shoulder... pads.
713
00:31:18,250 --> 00:31:20,083
Please tell me those
are shoulder pads.
714
00:31:20,125 --> 00:31:22,750
Putting all this
effort into this. Why?
715
00:31:22,792 --> 00:31:24,500
Because you're pissed off!
716
00:31:24,542 --> 00:31:26,375
You need to move on.
717
00:31:26,417 --> 00:31:29,792
I was pissed, but I haven't
given up hope on these kids.
718
00:31:30,083 --> 00:31:32,167
They're not
full-grown bigots yet,
719
00:31:32,208 --> 00:31:34,750
and all it takes is one teacher
to change their lives.
720
00:31:34,792 --> 00:31:35,708
Who's it going to be?
721
00:31:35,750 --> 00:31:37,792
The one with the rodents
on her boobs,
722
00:31:38,083 --> 00:31:40,125
or that stupid Coach Chuck?
723
00:31:40,167 --> 00:31:41,333
Coach Chuck?
724
00:31:41,375 --> 00:31:42,167
Yeah.
725
00:31:42,208 --> 00:31:43,250
You know him?
726
00:31:43,292 --> 00:31:44,458
You could say that.
727
00:31:44,500 --> 00:31:47,625
Wait a minute.
728
00:31:47,667 --> 00:31:49,333
You like him.
729
00:31:49,375 --> 00:31:51,125
Absolutely not.
730
00:31:51,167 --> 00:31:52,375
You think he's dreamy.
731
00:31:52,417 --> 00:31:53,333
Stop!
732
00:31:53,375 --> 00:31:56,333
You like him!
You want to marry him!
733
00:31:56,375 --> 00:31:57,375
Ow!
734
00:31:57,417 --> 00:31:59,208
I have a secret to tell you.
735
00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:00,167
Another one?
736
00:32:00,208 --> 00:32:02,000
[whispering] So you know
that I grew up as a boy,
737
00:32:02,042 --> 00:32:03,833
but what you don't know is--
738
00:32:03,875 --> 00:32:05,208
Why are you whispering?
739
00:32:05,250 --> 00:32:07,083
We're in your house alone.
740
00:32:07,125 --> 00:32:08,417
[whispering]
But what I didn't tell you
741
00:32:08,458 --> 00:32:10,875
is the experience
that I had growing up.
742
00:32:11,167 --> 00:32:13,458
Okay, you need to stop,
because this is freaking me out.
743
00:32:13,500 --> 00:32:14,792
Okay.
744
00:32:14,833 --> 00:32:16,500
[whispering] So what
I'm trying to say is--
745
00:32:16,542 --> 00:32:18,000
You're doing it again!
746
00:32:18,042 --> 00:32:20,167
This is difficult for me!
747
00:32:20,208 --> 00:32:21,833
You need to calm down!
748
00:32:21,875 --> 00:32:23,292
[both grunt in frustration]
749
00:32:24,042 --> 00:32:29,167
Coach Chuck is my baby brother.
750
00:32:31,375 --> 00:32:33,500
Is it a requirement
in this town
751
00:32:33,542 --> 00:32:35,625
for everyone to be related?
752
00:32:35,667 --> 00:32:37,750
We were close
when I was younger, but...
753
00:32:37,792 --> 00:32:39,833
I ran away after I came out.
754
00:32:41,250 --> 00:32:44,875
You're the only person
I've ever told any of this.
755
00:32:45,167 --> 00:32:46,417
Let me get this straight.
756
00:32:46,458 --> 00:32:50,750
So Miss Cartoon Boobs is related
to Little Debbie Snack Cakes.
757
00:32:50,792 --> 00:32:52,500
You used to be a man.
758
00:32:52,542 --> 00:32:54,000
I'm dealing with
my own identity issues,
759
00:32:54,042 --> 00:32:55,292
and now you're
trying to convince me
760
00:32:55,333 --> 00:32:57,875
that you're related to Little
Black Book and Titty Cake?
761
00:32:57,917 --> 00:32:59,458
So you won't say anything?
762
00:32:59,500 --> 00:33:04,208
Who could I possibly tell that
would believe this shit, Karma?
763
00:33:07,833 --> 00:33:09,792
Is this the front, or the back?
764
00:33:09,833 --> 00:33:11,875
It's a poncho, bitch.
765
00:33:17,583 --> 00:33:20,083
(Over PA) We'd like to introduce
the newest member
766
00:33:20,125 --> 00:33:21,708
to Milford's teaching staff.
767
00:33:21,750 --> 00:33:24,208
Starting today in the
senior science department,
768
00:33:24,250 --> 00:33:26,542
please welcome Miss Del Rio.
769
00:33:29,583 --> 00:33:31,042
Smear the queer!
770
00:33:31,083 --> 00:33:32,250
Smear the queer!
771
00:33:32,292 --> 00:33:33,833
Yeah!
772
00:33:33,875 --> 00:33:35,375
(shouts indistinctly)
773
00:33:35,417 --> 00:33:36,958
Smear the queer!
774
00:33:37,000 --> 00:33:38,333
Smear the queer!
775
00:33:38,375 --> 00:33:39,750
Smear the queer!
776
00:33:39,792 --> 00:33:43,083
[chanting continues]
777
00:33:46,708 --> 00:33:48,167
[air horn sounds]
778
00:33:48,208 --> 00:33:49,125
Get some of that!
779
00:33:49,167 --> 00:33:50,667
Get--
780
00:33:51,708 --> 00:33:53,208
What the... What...
781
00:33:53,250 --> 00:33:54,583
What on earth?
782
00:33:54,625 --> 00:33:57,375
[air horn continues to blast]
783
00:34:07,583 --> 00:34:08,792
She's not going to last.
784
00:34:08,833 --> 00:34:10,833
She might last longer
than Professor Gaywad.
785
00:34:10,875 --> 00:34:12,417
I give her two days.
786
00:34:12,458 --> 00:34:14,000
I give her two minutes.
787
00:34:14,042 --> 00:34:16,583
Let's start with covalent bonds.
788
00:34:16,625 --> 00:34:18,792
Um, Miss Del Taco?
789
00:34:18,833 --> 00:34:19,708
[laughing]
790
00:34:19,750 --> 00:34:20,917
Call me Miss Bianca.
791
00:34:20,958 --> 00:34:23,375
It's easier
for you to pronounce.
792
00:34:23,417 --> 00:34:25,750
Um, when we have
a substitute teacher,
793
00:34:25,792 --> 00:34:28,042
we always
just get a study period.
794
00:34:28,083 --> 00:34:29,083
Oh, really?
795
00:34:29,125 --> 00:34:30,583
What's your name, sweetheart?
796
00:34:30,625 --> 00:34:31,833
I'm Keely.
797
00:34:31,875 --> 00:34:32,750
Keely?
798
00:34:32,792 --> 00:34:34,500
Well, I'm going
to call you Bath Mat.
799
00:34:34,542 --> 00:34:35,417
[laughing]
800
00:34:35,458 --> 00:34:37,125
Not because of that
lovely vest you're wearing.
801
00:34:37,167 --> 00:34:39,042
It's because I think
you smell like feet.
802
00:34:39,083 --> 00:34:40,917
[laughing]
803
00:34:41,833 --> 00:34:44,292
Bath Mat, you have
detention after school.
804
00:34:44,333 --> 00:34:45,375
For what?
805
00:34:45,417 --> 00:34:47,708
Did you happen to notice
your classmate getting beat up?
806
00:34:47,750 --> 00:34:49,375
Yeah, but I wasn't doing it.
807
00:34:49,417 --> 00:34:51,458
No, but you laughed
and didn't help.
808
00:34:51,500 --> 00:34:52,833
It's just as bad.
809
00:34:52,875 --> 00:34:55,042
Detention, two hours.
810
00:34:55,083 --> 00:34:55,917
[laughing]
811
00:34:55,958 --> 00:34:56,917
And you!
812
00:34:56,958 --> 00:34:58,167
Detention all week.
813
00:34:58,208 --> 00:34:59,333
I have football practice!
814
00:34:59,375 --> 00:35:01,417
Not my problem.
815
00:35:01,458 --> 00:35:03,625
I love your outfit.
816
00:35:03,667 --> 00:35:04,625
Where did you get it?
817
00:35:04,667 --> 00:35:06,083
Salvation Army?
818
00:35:06,125 --> 00:35:07,125
[laughing]
819
00:35:07,167 --> 00:35:09,583
No, I got it from
someone named Lady Gaga.
820
00:35:09,625 --> 00:35:10,458
Heard of her?
821
00:35:10,500 --> 00:35:11,833
What?
Like, at a concert?
822
00:35:11,875 --> 00:35:12,750
No.
823
00:35:12,792 --> 00:35:14,208
Like, we're friends
from New York.
824
00:35:14,250 --> 00:35:15,125
[gasping]
825
00:35:15,167 --> 00:35:17,458
Yeah, and Britney Spears
is your sister.
826
00:35:17,500 --> 00:35:18,292
No.
827
00:35:18,333 --> 00:35:19,875
But Cher is my cousin.
828
00:35:19,917 --> 00:35:21,000
Bullshit.
829
00:35:21,042 --> 00:35:21,875
[laughing]
830
00:35:21,917 --> 00:35:22,833
What's your name?
831
00:35:22,875 --> 00:35:23,750
Oh, wait.
832
00:35:23,792 --> 00:35:25,208
I know what we're
going to call you.
833
00:35:25,250 --> 00:35:27,083
White Trash that Won't Burn.
834
00:35:27,125 --> 00:35:29,833
[laughing]
835
00:35:29,875 --> 00:35:31,083
[gasping]
836
00:35:31,833 --> 00:35:32,875
[groaning]
837
00:35:32,917 --> 00:35:34,542
Miss Dorito?
838
00:35:34,583 --> 00:35:35,667
[laughs]
839
00:35:35,708 --> 00:35:38,292
Hey, James and the
Giant Peach, keep it down.
840
00:35:38,333 --> 00:35:39,333
[laughing]
841
00:35:39,375 --> 00:35:40,708
You can't call me that.
842
00:35:40,750 --> 00:35:41,958
My parents are lawyers.
843
00:35:42,000 --> 00:35:43,500
Your parents are siblings.
844
00:35:43,542 --> 00:35:44,875
Now shut up!
845
00:35:46,708 --> 00:35:49,417
Look, we all pitched in
and got these for you.
846
00:35:49,458 --> 00:35:50,917
To welcome you to Milford High.
847
00:35:50,958 --> 00:35:53,375
Oh, how nice.
848
00:35:53,417 --> 00:35:56,625
Bath Mat, pass these out.
849
00:35:56,667 --> 00:35:58,250
They're for you.
[chuckles nervously]
850
00:35:58,292 --> 00:36:00,458
Hand them out
to the class, Bath Mat.
851
00:36:00,500 --> 00:36:02,458
I'm feeling very
generous today.
852
00:36:02,500 --> 00:36:04,542
Miss Del Rio,
may I have a word?
853
00:36:04,583 --> 00:36:06,000
Of course!
854
00:36:06,042 --> 00:36:10,875
What a lovely, unexpected
surprise, Deb...bie.
855
00:36:10,917 --> 00:36:12,333
Outside!
856
00:36:15,125 --> 00:36:16,750
(Students) Ooh!
857
00:36:16,792 --> 00:36:18,375
[laughing]
858
00:36:28,000 --> 00:36:30,292
I understand you're
new here, Miss Del Rio,
859
00:36:30,333 --> 00:36:33,167
but it is against school policy
to feed the students.
860
00:36:33,208 --> 00:36:34,333
So that's why you're here.
861
00:36:34,375 --> 00:36:36,333
You smell food.
862
00:36:36,375 --> 00:36:40,083
I wanted to give this to you
before you started your lesson.
863
00:36:40,125 --> 00:36:42,292
Creationism.
Hmm.
864
00:36:42,333 --> 00:36:43,750
Now, is this from
the school board,
865
00:36:43,792 --> 00:36:45,542
or your own personal collection?
866
00:36:45,583 --> 00:36:47,792
Well, we believe
in teaching an alternative.
867
00:36:47,833 --> 00:36:49,792
Miss Ward, these opinions
868
00:36:49,833 --> 00:36:52,000
are far more religious
than scientific.
869
00:36:52,042 --> 00:36:53,000
God created the universe.
870
00:36:53,042 --> 00:36:54,542
That's not an opinion.
871
00:36:54,583 --> 00:36:55,750
That's a fact.
872
00:36:55,792 --> 00:36:58,875
This is a science class,
not a Sunday school.
873
00:36:58,917 --> 00:37:01,792
Let me make something
very clear, Miss Del Rio.
874
00:37:01,833 --> 00:37:05,083
It is in your best interest
to get along with me.
875
00:37:05,125 --> 00:37:08,750
Let me make something
very clear to you, Debbie.
876
00:37:08,792 --> 00:37:10,333
I'm fucking this cat.
877
00:37:10,375 --> 00:37:11,875
You just hold the legs.
878
00:37:12,750 --> 00:37:14,208
Got it?
879
00:37:16,833 --> 00:37:18,333
[clapping]
880
00:37:19,833 --> 00:37:20,875
[laughing]
881
00:37:20,917 --> 00:37:21,833
Silence!
882
00:37:21,875 --> 00:37:23,750
Read chapter eight for tomorrow.
883
00:37:23,792 --> 00:37:25,875
There will be a quiz.
884
00:37:25,917 --> 00:37:27,792
(Karma) Stay calm.
885
00:37:27,833 --> 00:37:30,833
There's eyelash glue in
the emergency kit I made you.
886
00:37:30,875 --> 00:37:32,583
Oh, yes! I found it.
887
00:37:32,625 --> 00:37:33,583
Thank you.
888
00:37:33,625 --> 00:37:37,042
There's also a disposable razor
in case you need a touch up.
889
00:37:37,333 --> 00:37:39,042
Nobody likes a hairy lady.
890
00:37:39,333 --> 00:37:40,708
You are a lifesaver.
891
00:37:40,750 --> 00:37:42,000
Mwah! Thanks.
892
00:37:43,708 --> 00:37:45,167
(Chuck) You okay, pretty girl?
893
00:37:45,208 --> 00:37:47,875
Uh, yeah.
Everything's fine.
894
00:37:49,417 --> 00:37:52,042
You know this is
the men's room, don't you?
895
00:37:52,083 --> 00:37:53,083
God!
896
00:37:53,125 --> 00:37:56,042
Well, I don't...
I don't have my contacts in!
897
00:37:59,042 --> 00:38:00,833
So you're
the new science guru.
898
00:38:00,875 --> 00:38:03,417
Uh, yeah.
Today is my very first day.
899
00:38:03,458 --> 00:38:05,125
I'm, uh, Bianca.
900
00:38:05,167 --> 00:38:06,542
-Coach Chuck.
-Yeah.
901
00:38:06,583 --> 00:38:08,125
And good luck with that group.
902
00:38:08,167 --> 00:38:09,125
Yeah, they really are a...
903
00:38:09,417 --> 00:38:11,125
-a handful.
-Yeah.
904
00:38:11,167 --> 00:38:12,917
Lucky you weren't
here last year.
905
00:38:12,958 --> 00:38:14,667
Two of my kids climbed
to the roof and made bets
906
00:38:14,708 --> 00:38:17,042
on who's going to hit
the ground first if they jump.
907
00:38:17,083 --> 00:38:18,583
Shit.
908
00:38:18,625 --> 00:38:19,750
Well, they're fine now.
909
00:38:19,792 --> 00:38:22,000
-But it was a mess.
-Hmm.
910
00:38:22,042 --> 00:38:24,000
And you know
what the French say.
911
00:38:24,042 --> 00:38:26,792
Mi casa is su casa.
912
00:38:28,542 --> 00:38:32,542
-It means, That's life.
-Yeah.
913
00:38:32,583 --> 00:38:34,625
You are so cultured.
914
00:38:35,125 --> 00:38:36,083
I'm sure I'll be seeing you.
915
00:38:36,125 --> 00:38:37,833
I'm sure.
916
00:38:41,708 --> 00:38:43,208
[sighs]
917
00:38:43,917 --> 00:38:45,125
[cheering]
918
00:38:46,042 --> 00:38:47,583
Let's go, Mavericks!
919
00:38:47,625 --> 00:38:48,708
Whoo!
920
00:38:51,042 --> 00:38:52,708
That smells real good.
921
00:38:52,750 --> 00:38:54,208
Oh, it's honey gloss.
922
00:38:54,000 --> 00:38:55,792
It smells delicious.
923
00:38:55,833 --> 00:38:57,667
It tastes good, too.
924
00:38:58,958 --> 00:38:59,792
[cheering with excitement]
925
00:38:59,833 --> 00:39:01,542
(Announcer) Touchdown!
926
00:39:01,583 --> 00:39:04,542
-Our team! Our team!
-That's the wrong team, stupid!
927
00:39:07,667 --> 00:39:08,500
(Cheerleaders) Ready?
928
00:39:08,542 --> 00:39:09,083
Okay!
929
00:39:09,125 --> 00:39:11,167
U-G-L-Y...
930
00:39:11,208 --> 00:39:12,958
You ain't got no alibi!
931
00:39:13,000 --> 00:39:13,958
You ugly!
932
00:39:14,000 --> 00:39:15,833
Yes, yes, you ugly!
933
00:39:15,875 --> 00:39:16,708
Whoo!
934
00:39:16,750 --> 00:39:18,208
(Richard) Oh, my God, ladies.
935
00:39:18,000 --> 00:39:20,500
That wouldn't ignite a fart.
936
00:39:20,542 --> 00:39:22,125
You think you can do better?
937
00:39:22,167 --> 00:39:24,625
Well, they can't get any worse.
938
00:39:24,667 --> 00:39:26,000
Will you shut up already?
939
00:39:26,042 --> 00:39:27,083
Will you?
940
00:39:27,583 --> 00:39:29,875
-Come on, Mavericks.
-Whoo!
941
00:39:29,917 --> 00:39:31,042
Whoo!
942
00:39:31,625 --> 00:39:34,167
Okay, ladies, you want
to make this happen?
943
00:39:34,208 --> 00:39:35,542
Let me show you something
944
00:39:35,583 --> 00:39:37,875
that Miley Cyrus
taught me in Amsterdam.
945
00:39:37,917 --> 00:39:38,875
Whoo!
946
00:39:38,917 --> 00:39:40,000
I know, I know.
Shh! Listen.
947
00:39:40,042 --> 00:39:41,208
So what you're going
to have to do first--
948
00:39:41,000 --> 00:39:43,042
(Announcer) First down
for the visiting Bison,
949
00:39:43,083 --> 00:39:45,042
leaving Milford
trailing by four.
950
00:39:45,083 --> 00:39:47,083
Looks like any hope
the Mavericks had
951
00:39:47,125 --> 00:39:48,583
of breaking their losing streak
952
00:39:48,625 --> 00:39:49,917
will be dashed.
953
00:39:49,958 --> 00:39:50,958
Tits up!
954
00:39:51,000 --> 00:39:53,042
Sparkle, Meely, sparkle.
955
00:39:53,083 --> 00:39:54,625
Y-- Ugh.
956
00:39:54,667 --> 00:39:56,167
Hut! Hut!
Hike!
957
00:39:57,167 --> 00:39:59,625
One, two, three...
958
00:39:59,667 --> 00:40:01,125
...five, six, seven, eight.
959
00:40:01,167 --> 00:40:03,083
We are the Maverick girls!
960
00:40:03,125 --> 00:40:05,042
We wear our hair in curls!
961
00:40:05,083 --> 00:40:09,083
We wear our dungarees
above our dirty knees!
962
00:40:09,125 --> 00:40:10,875
We wear no underwear!
963
00:40:10,917 --> 00:40:12,708
Check out our derriere!
964
00:40:12,750 --> 00:40:13,750
Whoo!
965
00:40:14,042 --> 00:40:15,625
Whoo!
966
00:40:18,042 --> 00:40:20,167
Oh, my God!
967
00:40:20,208 --> 00:40:22,125
Oh, my God!
968
00:40:22,167 --> 00:40:23,792
Holy shit!
969
00:40:23,833 --> 00:40:24,833
[blows whistle]
970
00:40:24,875 --> 00:40:26,667
Touchdown!
971
00:40:26,708 --> 00:40:29,583
[cheering, exclaiming]
972
00:40:29,625 --> 00:40:31,667
Good work! Whoo!
973
00:40:31,708 --> 00:40:33,083
Cheer, damn it! Cheer!
974
00:40:33,125 --> 00:40:34,500
(Announcer) This is the first
win of the season
975
00:40:34,542 --> 00:40:35,875
for the Mavericks.
976
00:40:35,917 --> 00:40:38,083
I did not say touch me.
977
00:40:38,125 --> 00:40:40,708
[shouting indistinctly,
cheering]
978
00:40:40,750 --> 00:40:42,000
Your hair smells delicious.
979
00:40:43,167 --> 00:40:46,917
[cheering]
980
00:40:58,125 --> 00:41:01,750
Another day with Miss Dorito.
981
00:41:01,792 --> 00:41:05,042
She's almost
as hot as Miss First.
982
00:41:05,083 --> 00:41:06,292
Almost.
983
00:41:06,583 --> 00:41:08,125
Come on,
you've never had Miss First.
984
00:41:08,167 --> 00:41:10,000
Neither have you.
985
00:41:10,042 --> 00:41:12,000
Frick and Frack,
this is not TV.
986
00:41:12,042 --> 00:41:13,750
I can hear you.
987
00:41:13,792 --> 00:41:15,125
So what do you say?
988
00:41:15,167 --> 00:41:18,042
I know a real romantic
spot under the bleachers.
989
00:41:18,083 --> 00:41:20,667
Oh, please.
I already gave to charity.
990
00:41:20,708 --> 00:41:22,000
[scoffing]
991
00:41:22,042 --> 00:41:23,208
Okay, shit stains!
992
00:41:23,000 --> 00:41:26,083
We're going to try
something new today.
993
00:41:26,125 --> 00:41:27,625
Did everybody do the reading?
994
00:41:27,667 --> 00:41:28,625
Hmm?
995
00:41:28,667 --> 00:41:30,875
White Trash?
996
00:41:30,917 --> 00:41:31,833
Muffin Top?
997
00:41:31,875 --> 00:41:32,875
[giggling]
998
00:41:32,917 --> 00:41:33,917
Man Boobs?
999
00:41:33,958 --> 00:41:35,125
[laughing]
1000
00:41:35,167 --> 00:41:36,875
What about you, Bath Mat?
1001
00:41:37,667 --> 00:41:39,000
Bath Mat?
1002
00:41:39,042 --> 00:41:40,208
What?
1003
00:41:40,250 --> 00:41:43,917
Did you do the reading?
1004
00:41:43,958 --> 00:41:45,167
Yes.
1005
00:41:45,208 --> 00:41:46,208
Good.
1006
00:41:46,000 --> 00:41:48,708
Then you're going to
enjoy our little game today.
1007
00:41:48,750 --> 00:41:52,208
Now, everyone take out the
volcanoes that I have prepared.
1008
00:41:53,167 --> 00:41:54,792
Oh, yeah.
1009
00:41:54,833 --> 00:41:58,375
Now please put on your safety
gear and follow my instructions.
1010
00:41:58,667 --> 00:42:01,333
I am only going to ask once.
1011
00:42:01,375 --> 00:42:04,000
Now remove the liquid bottles,
1012
00:42:04,042 --> 00:42:07,042
and can anybody name
the dark bottle?
1013
00:42:07,083 --> 00:42:08,250
Nitroglycerin.
1014
00:42:08,292 --> 00:42:09,375
Speak up.
1015
00:42:09,667 --> 00:42:11,708
Um, nit-- nitroglycerin.
1016
00:42:11,750 --> 00:42:14,000
Yes!
Nitroglycerin.
1017
00:42:14,042 --> 00:42:16,375
Nitroglycerin is a
colourless liquid that's used
1018
00:42:16,667 --> 00:42:20,875
as an active ingredient
to manufacture explosives.
1019
00:42:20,917 --> 00:42:22,042
Oh, yeah!
[chuckling]
1020
00:42:22,083 --> 00:42:25,125
This is a very,
very interesting chemical.
1021
00:42:25,167 --> 00:42:27,792
Now, can anybody tell me
what the second bottle is?
1022
00:42:27,833 --> 00:42:29,083
Orange nitrate.
1023
00:42:29,125 --> 00:42:30,958
That's correct!
1024
00:42:31,000 --> 00:42:32,208
Orange nitrate.
1025
00:42:32,250 --> 00:42:36,375
This chemical comes
in a variety of colours.
1026
00:42:36,667 --> 00:42:40,875
The interesting thing
about orange nitrate is--
1027
00:42:40,917 --> 00:42:42,042
[screaming]
1028
00:42:46,042 --> 00:42:47,833
-Ooh!
-Oh!
1029
00:42:47,875 --> 00:42:49,208
What the hell?
1030
00:42:50,250 --> 00:42:52,042
[laughing]
1031
00:42:52,083 --> 00:42:53,333
Your face is orange.
1032
00:42:55,000 --> 00:42:56,208
So is yours.
1033
00:42:56,250 --> 00:42:59,208
Oh, dear.
1034
00:42:59,000 --> 00:43:02,000
You didn't happen to mix the two
chemicals together now, did you?
1035
00:43:02,042 --> 00:43:03,458
[laughing]
1036
00:43:03,750 --> 00:43:04,958
Was this a trick?
1037
00:43:05,000 --> 00:43:07,083
Oh, please. If you'd have done
your homework assignment,
1038
00:43:07,125 --> 00:43:08,333
you would know
that orange nitrate
1039
00:43:08,375 --> 00:43:10,125
causes skin discoloration.
1040
00:43:10,167 --> 00:43:11,167
What?
1041
00:43:11,208 --> 00:43:13,958
Who looks like a Dorito now?
1042
00:43:14,000 --> 00:43:16,000
[scoffs]
1043
00:43:16,042 --> 00:43:17,083
There you are, children.
1044
00:43:17,125 --> 00:43:20,292
This is what happens when
you don't do your homework.
1045
00:43:20,333 --> 00:43:23,792
It's only going to get worse.
[bell rings]
1046
00:43:26,833 --> 00:43:29,167
-Bye, Miss Del Rio.
-Hey!
1047
00:43:29,208 --> 00:43:31,417
I notice you avoided
most of the damage today.
1048
00:43:31,458 --> 00:43:32,875
Oh, well, yeah. I mean,
1049
00:43:32,917 --> 00:43:34,208
I actually read
the chapter last week,
1050
00:43:34,250 --> 00:43:35,750
so I knew the surprise,
1051
00:43:35,792 --> 00:43:37,375
but that was
still really awesome.
1052
00:43:37,417 --> 00:43:39,042
Good job, Bobby.
1053
00:43:39,083 --> 00:43:40,833
You know my real name?
1054
00:43:40,875 --> 00:43:42,042
Who am I fooling?
1055
00:43:42,083 --> 00:43:44,125
Of course I know your real name.
1056
00:43:44,167 --> 00:43:45,333
Now, tell me.
1057
00:43:45,375 --> 00:43:46,833
What's going on here?
1058
00:43:46,875 --> 00:43:49,083
Oh, I mean,
I could say something,
1059
00:43:49,125 --> 00:43:51,125
but I've already
complained to Principal Wayne
1060
00:43:51,167 --> 00:43:52,833
about a hundred times, so...
1061
00:43:52,875 --> 00:43:54,208
What's the deal?
1062
00:43:54,000 --> 00:43:57,375
There are these guys that
follow me home from school a lot
1063
00:43:57,417 --> 00:44:00,875
and call me names, push me down.
1064
00:44:00,917 --> 00:44:03,833
You know, Bobby, sometimes
people are douchebags
1065
00:44:03,875 --> 00:44:05,500
just to make
themselves feel better.
1066
00:44:05,542 --> 00:44:08,167
It has nothing to do with you.
1067
00:44:08,208 --> 00:44:10,000
Now, do you have keys?
1068
00:44:10,042 --> 00:44:11,042
Keys?
1069
00:44:11,083 --> 00:44:11,875
Like house keys.
1070
00:44:11,917 --> 00:44:13,083
Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
1071
00:44:13,125 --> 00:44:14,375
Let me show you a little trick
my mom taught me
1072
00:44:14,417 --> 00:44:15,958
-when I was younger.
-Okay.
1073
00:44:16,000 --> 00:44:17,208
What you do is you make a fist,
1074
00:44:17,250 --> 00:44:19,458
and you put the keys
in between your fingers.
1075
00:44:19,500 --> 00:44:21,208
-Like Wolverine?
-That's it!
1076
00:44:21,250 --> 00:44:22,833
And listen, this is going
to leave a mark
1077
00:44:22,875 --> 00:44:24,167
and you don't even
have to hit that hard.
1078
00:44:24,208 --> 00:44:26,167
-Revenge at its finest!
-That's it.
1079
00:44:26,208 --> 00:44:27,833
[moaning in pain]
1080
00:44:28,458 --> 00:44:29,542
Okay, Bobby.
1081
00:44:29,833 --> 00:44:32,042
Why don't you just leave
the revenge to us grownups?
1082
00:44:32,083 --> 00:44:33,500
-Okay?
-Okay.
1083
00:44:35,125 --> 00:44:36,417
(Chuck)
Hey! Miss Del Rio!
1084
00:44:36,458 --> 00:44:37,458
Hey, Coach Chuck!
1085
00:44:37,500 --> 00:44:38,917
Big win last night.
1086
00:44:38,958 --> 00:44:40,083
Congratulations.
1087
00:44:40,125 --> 00:44:42,125
I gotta say, I saw how you
helped the girls last night.
1088
00:44:42,167 --> 00:44:43,208
The cheers were
really something.
1089
00:44:43,250 --> 00:44:45,333
Yeah, it's amazing what the
handicapped can accomplish.
1090
00:44:45,375 --> 00:44:47,125
[chuckles]
You're funny.
1091
00:44:47,167 --> 00:44:48,167
You should see me naked.
1092
00:44:48,208 --> 00:44:49,208
[chuckling]
Really?
1093
00:44:49,250 --> 00:44:50,083
You know what, Coach?
1094
00:44:50,125 --> 00:44:52,000
There is something
I wanted to ask you.
1095
00:44:52,042 --> 00:44:55,208
Some kids in my class were
talking about Miss First.
1096
00:44:55,250 --> 00:44:57,083
-Who is she?
-No idea.
1097
00:44:57,125 --> 00:44:58,125
Come on, Coach.
You gotta know.
1098
00:44:58,167 --> 00:45:00,208
If I knew, I would tell you.
1099
00:45:00,000 --> 00:45:01,500
Can I ask you something?
1100
00:45:01,542 --> 00:45:02,583
I suppose.
1101
00:45:02,625 --> 00:45:04,167
Can I take you out sometime?
1102
00:45:04,208 --> 00:45:05,083
No.
1103
00:45:05,125 --> 00:45:06,333
I'm not like most other guys.
1104
00:45:06,375 --> 00:45:08,000
I'm not like most other women.
1105
00:45:08,042 --> 00:45:09,167
So say yes.
1106
00:45:10,000 --> 00:45:11,000
All right, Coach Chuck.
1107
00:45:11,042 --> 00:45:12,292
You want to take
me out on a date,
1108
00:45:12,333 --> 00:45:14,292
you better bring your A-game.
1109
00:45:14,333 --> 00:45:16,625
I'll be ready after 6:00.
1110
00:45:18,042 --> 00:45:20,625
I love it when
they play hard to get.
1111
00:45:42,042 --> 00:45:42,917
Girl!
1112
00:45:42,958 --> 00:45:45,333
Let's just say things are not
turning out as I had planned.
1113
00:45:45,375 --> 00:45:46,625
Are you okay?
1114
00:45:46,917 --> 00:45:49,167
Yeah, you can tell us anything.
We won't judge.
1115
00:45:49,208 --> 00:45:50,042
All right.
1116
00:45:50,083 --> 00:45:52,417
Well, for starters, I got fired
as soon as I got here,
1117
00:45:52,458 --> 00:45:54,167
and then I had to start
dressing as a woman
1118
00:45:54,208 --> 00:45:55,417
so I could get my job back.
1119
00:45:55,458 --> 00:45:56,542
Then I started
lying to the children,
1120
00:45:56,583 --> 00:45:58,042
telling them that
I knew famous people
1121
00:45:58,083 --> 00:45:59,458
so that they would like me.
1122
00:45:59,500 --> 00:46:01,167
I mean, who lies to children?
1123
00:46:01,208 --> 00:46:02,167
Well...
1124
00:46:02,208 --> 00:46:04,375
And to top it off, right now
I'm at a rollerskate rink
1125
00:46:04,417 --> 00:46:06,333
with the football coach,
on a date,
1126
00:46:06,375 --> 00:46:09,000
and he thinks my name is Bianca.
1127
00:46:09,042 --> 00:46:10,125
Hello?
1128
00:46:10,167 --> 00:46:12,125
Word, bitch! Yeah!
1129
00:46:12,167 --> 00:46:14,208
-Yeah! Suck his dick.
-Uh-uh.
1130
00:46:14,250 --> 00:46:15,083
He's actually taking a leak,
1131
00:46:15,125 --> 00:46:16,625
and I'm trying
to grab us some beers.
1132
00:46:16,667 --> 00:46:17,625
Oh!
1133
00:46:17,667 --> 00:46:18,583
Don't drink too much.
1134
00:46:18,625 --> 00:46:21,083
Yeah. Bad things happen
when you drink too much.
1135
00:46:21,125 --> 00:46:22,250
Oh, really?
Coming from you?
1136
00:46:22,292 --> 00:46:23,167
Don't try it.
1137
00:46:23,208 --> 00:46:25,208
You remember that thing
with the candlestick?
1138
00:46:25,000 --> 00:46:27,625
[cackles]
[laughs]
1139
00:46:27,667 --> 00:46:29,583
I'll call you back later.
I've got things to do. Bye.
1140
00:46:29,625 --> 00:46:31,083
-Okay, bye.
-Bye.
1141
00:46:31,125 --> 00:46:33,083
-Don't hit my phone, ho.
-Shh...
1142
00:46:33,125 --> 00:46:34,208
-You don't pay my bill.
-...up.
1143
00:46:34,000 --> 00:46:36,083
-You got a four.
-Change the channel.
1144
00:46:36,125 --> 00:46:37,167
Ow!
[giggling]
1145
00:46:38,000 --> 00:46:39,375
So I was going
to take you to a stuffy,
1146
00:46:39,417 --> 00:46:40,458
fancy old restaurant,
1147
00:46:40,500 --> 00:46:42,000
but I figured this would
be a way more fun way
1148
00:46:42,042 --> 00:46:43,083
to get to know each other.
1149
00:46:43,125 --> 00:46:45,125
Well, I love this place.
1150
00:46:45,167 --> 00:46:46,583
It's really adorable.
1151
00:46:46,625 --> 00:46:48,292
It's more than adorable.
1152
00:46:48,333 --> 00:46:50,542
It's really romantic.
1153
00:46:50,583 --> 00:46:52,375
Uh, yeah.
1154
00:46:52,417 --> 00:46:54,500
And it also gives us
a lot of time to talk about
1155
00:46:54,542 --> 00:46:56,500
that Miss First character.
1156
00:46:56,542 --> 00:46:58,292
Are you still on that,
Nancy Drew?
1157
00:46:58,333 --> 00:47:01,083
Actually, I look
more like Nancy Grace.
1158
00:47:01,125 --> 00:47:03,500
But spill it! Spill it.
Tell me.
1159
00:47:03,542 --> 00:47:06,667
She's what you call a myth,
which means she ain't real.
1160
00:47:06,708 --> 00:47:09,208
Uh, yeah, I know
what a myth is, Chuck.
1161
00:47:09,000 --> 00:47:12,667
Well, they say that Miss First
turns the boys into men,
1162
00:47:12,708 --> 00:47:14,167
if you know what I mean.
1163
00:47:14,208 --> 00:47:15,667
Oh, it's got
to be that Carly chick.
1164
00:47:15,708 --> 00:47:17,667
She seems really trampy.
1165
00:47:17,708 --> 00:47:19,083
What makes you think I know?
1166
00:47:19,125 --> 00:47:20,667
Well, I would assume
you have her number
1167
00:47:20,708 --> 00:47:22,500
in your little black book.
1168
00:47:22,542 --> 00:47:24,167
How do you know about that?
1169
00:47:24,208 --> 00:47:25,333
I mean, come on,
Fred Flintstone.
1170
00:47:25,375 --> 00:47:26,458
Who the hell carries around
1171
00:47:26,500 --> 00:47:28,167
a book with phone numbers
in it anymore?
1172
00:47:28,208 --> 00:47:30,500
I only show that to folks
I'm trying to impress.
1173
00:47:30,542 --> 00:47:34,208
Well, you're really
impressing me, Chuck.
1174
00:47:34,000 --> 00:47:36,375
So tell me,
do you have a big family?
1175
00:47:36,417 --> 00:47:38,750
You are really, really pretty.
1176
00:47:38,792 --> 00:47:41,000
You are really, really drunk.
1177
00:47:41,042 --> 00:47:42,750
So do you have any
brothers and sisters?
1178
00:47:42,792 --> 00:47:46,167
I mean, it seems to be the
theme down here in the south.
1179
00:47:46,208 --> 00:47:48,083
I want to kiss you
so bad right now.
1180
00:47:48,125 --> 00:47:51,167
Listen, I'm trying to
get to know you, you idiot.
1181
00:47:51,208 --> 00:47:53,000
You know,
you are as mean as a snake,
1182
00:47:53,042 --> 00:47:55,208
and I love that about you.
1183
00:47:57,750 --> 00:47:59,500
Look, I'm already
falling for you.
1184
00:47:59,542 --> 00:48:01,792
Get up, you big oaf!
1185
00:48:01,833 --> 00:48:02,875
Oh!
1186
00:48:20,875 --> 00:48:22,208
Mm.
1187
00:48:22,250 --> 00:48:24,458
Oh, mother of Christ.
We're late.
1188
00:48:25,792 --> 00:48:27,792
What time is it?
1189
00:48:27,833 --> 00:48:29,208
(Chuck) What's the matter?
1190
00:48:29,000 --> 00:48:30,417
Uh, nothing.
1191
00:48:30,458 --> 00:48:33,333
I just have the worst
morning breath ever.
1192
00:48:33,375 --> 00:48:35,083
(Chuck) Did anything
happen between us?
1193
00:48:35,125 --> 00:48:37,500
I mean, sex-wise?
1194
00:48:37,542 --> 00:48:39,583
Oh, God. I hope not.
1195
00:48:39,625 --> 00:48:42,417
(Chuck) Why would you say that?
1196
00:48:42,458 --> 00:48:46,542
Because sex can ruin
a beautiful friendship.
1197
00:48:49,375 --> 00:48:51,250
Not if you're real,
real good at it.
1198
00:48:51,292 --> 00:48:53,958
Can you, like,
put all of that away, please?
1199
00:48:56,292 --> 00:48:57,958
You can hitch a ride with me.
1200
00:48:58,000 --> 00:48:59,542
You going to take
a quick shower?
1201
00:48:59,583 --> 00:49:02,375
Uh, sometimes a lady needs
more than a quick shower.
1202
00:49:02,417 --> 00:49:03,958
I hear you.
1203
00:49:04,000 --> 00:49:06,667
All right.
[toilet flushes]
1204
00:49:10,000 --> 00:49:13,625
She's as crooked as a dog's
hind legs, and you know it.
1205
00:49:13,667 --> 00:49:15,625
And Principal Wayne knows it.
1206
00:49:15,667 --> 00:49:17,000
I sure as hell do.
1207
00:49:17,042 --> 00:49:19,625
She's worn out her welcome,
as far as I'm concerned.
1208
00:49:19,667 --> 00:49:23,625
As long as I get a Teacher of
the Year nomination, I'm happy.
1209
00:49:23,667 --> 00:49:24,958
I'll make sure of that.
1210
00:49:25,000 --> 00:49:26,125
Don't you worry.
1211
00:49:26,375 --> 00:49:27,750
We'll get rid of that skunk
1212
00:49:27,792 --> 00:49:29,458
faster than shit
through a goose.
1213
00:49:29,500 --> 00:49:32,042
[smacks her lips]
1214
00:49:32,083 --> 00:49:34,417
Mama, you don't think they're
too big, though, do you?
1215
00:49:34,458 --> 00:49:36,542
Oh, you look beautiful.
Come on.
1216
00:49:52,125 --> 00:49:53,375
I knew it!
1217
00:49:56,292 --> 00:49:57,250
I can explain.
1218
00:49:57,292 --> 00:49:59,875
Shaving is a really,
really good exfoliator.
1219
00:49:59,917 --> 00:50:02,125
You think I'm dumber than
a box of hammers, don't you?
1220
00:50:03,000 --> 00:50:04,833
Yes, it's me. Richard.
1221
00:50:04,875 --> 00:50:06,375
Yes, Richard from New York.
1222
00:50:06,417 --> 00:50:07,625
Richard that everybody hates.
1223
00:50:07,667 --> 00:50:08,792
Richard that got fired.
1224
00:50:08,833 --> 00:50:09,667
You don't have to kneel.
1225
00:50:09,708 --> 00:50:11,208
I can see you fine
from where you were.
1226
00:50:11,250 --> 00:50:12,542
I-I wanted to kneel.
1227
00:50:12,583 --> 00:50:13,833
That's really condescending.
1228
00:50:13,875 --> 00:50:15,583
My feet hurt!
That's why.
1229
00:50:15,625 --> 00:50:16,833
My feet hurt.
It's not all about you.
1230
00:50:16,875 --> 00:50:17,875
Fine.
1231
00:50:17,917 --> 00:50:19,583
I know this is going
to sound crazy,
1232
00:50:19,625 --> 00:50:20,792
but after they got rid of me,
1233
00:50:20,833 --> 00:50:22,750
who are they going
to get to teach these kids?
1234
00:50:22,792 --> 00:50:23,583
Carly?
1235
00:50:23,625 --> 00:50:24,625
Everyone thinks she's sweet,
1236
00:50:24,667 --> 00:50:26,917
but she's just as much
of a jerk as her mom.
1237
00:50:26,958 --> 00:50:28,333
You notice that too, huh?
1238
00:50:28,375 --> 00:50:29,833
I notice everything.
1239
00:50:29,875 --> 00:50:30,750
Do me a favour.
1240
00:50:30,792 --> 00:50:31,958
Keep your eye on her,
1241
00:50:32,000 --> 00:50:34,667
and let me know if she's got
any funny business going on.
1242
00:50:34,708 --> 00:50:39,833
-You can count on me, sir.
-Oh, cute. Real cute.
1243
00:50:39,875 --> 00:50:42,250
Why don't you go mop the
yellow brick road or something?
1244
00:50:43,542 --> 00:50:46,167
To celebrate today
being a half day of school,
1245
00:50:46,208 --> 00:50:48,458
we're going
to play a little game.
1246
00:50:48,500 --> 00:50:49,458
[cheering]
1247
00:50:49,500 --> 00:50:50,875
And here we go.
1248
00:50:50,917 --> 00:50:54,250
Who can name the substance
that cells use
1249
00:50:54,292 --> 00:50:57,125
as an immediate
source of energy?
1250
00:50:58,708 --> 00:51:00,625
Keely?
1251
00:51:00,667 --> 00:51:02,208
I wasn't raising my hand.
1252
00:51:02,250 --> 00:51:03,750
Did you do the homework?
1253
00:51:03,792 --> 00:51:05,875
Yeah.
I just don't know the answer.
1254
00:51:05,917 --> 00:51:07,625
Come on up here, Keely.
1255
00:51:07,667 --> 00:51:09,083
Come up.
1256
00:51:09,750 --> 00:51:12,000
(Students) Ooh!
-Right here.
1257
00:51:12,042 --> 00:51:15,042
Why didn't you complete
the assignment, Bath Mat?
1258
00:51:15,083 --> 00:51:16,000
Um...
1259
00:51:16,042 --> 00:51:17,417
Now, come here.
Stand closer.
1260
00:51:17,458 --> 00:51:19,250
Closer so I look prettier.
1261
00:51:19,292 --> 00:51:20,333
[laughing]
1262
00:51:20,375 --> 00:51:21,875
Now, what did
you do last night?
1263
00:51:21,917 --> 00:51:23,625
She went to a college party!
1264
00:51:23,667 --> 00:51:25,542
Oh, really?
1265
00:51:25,583 --> 00:51:27,375
How was that?
1266
00:51:27,417 --> 00:51:30,583
Uh, the pool was filthy,
and the music was torrible.
1267
00:51:30,625 --> 00:51:33,542
And that's worse than
terrible and horrible combined.
1268
00:51:33,583 --> 00:51:35,750
-Sounds horrible.
-Uh, torrible.
1269
00:51:35,792 --> 00:51:38,083
I think the real question is,
what did you do last night,
1270
00:51:38,125 --> 00:51:39,333
Miss Del Rio?
1271
00:51:39,375 --> 00:51:41,333
Coach Chuck said,
you were grade A.
1272
00:51:41,375 --> 00:51:42,417
[chuckling]
1273
00:51:42,458 --> 00:51:43,500
Get up here!
1274
00:51:44,542 --> 00:51:45,917
(Students) Ooh!
1275
00:51:47,167 --> 00:51:48,333
Now, look at me.
1276
00:51:48,375 --> 00:51:49,208
Come here.
1277
00:51:49,250 --> 00:51:50,083
Now, look at me.
1278
00:51:50,125 --> 00:51:51,000
Both eyes.
1279
00:51:51,042 --> 00:51:53,125
Bring that lazy one around.
1280
00:51:53,167 --> 00:51:54,417
There we go. There we go.
1281
00:51:54,458 --> 00:51:55,792
[laughing]
1282
00:51:55,833 --> 00:51:56,833
Tell me, big man.
1283
00:51:56,875 --> 00:51:58,500
What happened to your face?
1284
00:51:58,542 --> 00:52:00,708
Oh, uh...
1285
00:52:00,750 --> 00:52:03,083
My girlfriend got
a little wild last night.
1286
00:52:03,125 --> 00:52:04,500
(Student) Yeah!
(Richard) Yeah, whatever.
1287
00:52:04,542 --> 00:52:06,833
Okay, listen. The question is,
1288
00:52:06,875 --> 00:52:10,000
what is the cause
of most infectious diseases?
1289
00:52:10,042 --> 00:52:10,833
Oh, I know this one.
1290
00:52:10,875 --> 00:52:13,667
Raise your hand.
1291
00:52:13,708 --> 00:52:14,708
Keely?
1292
00:52:14,750 --> 00:52:16,208
Microorganisms?
1293
00:52:16,250 --> 00:52:17,750
Mm, pollutants.
1294
00:52:17,792 --> 00:52:19,583
And Keely is correct!
1295
00:52:19,625 --> 00:52:21,000
[applause]
1296
00:52:21,042 --> 00:52:23,875
Now for a closer look
into more microorganisms,
1297
00:52:23,917 --> 00:52:28,042
you could read page 43,
or just look into Tommy's pants.
1298
00:52:28,083 --> 00:52:29,417
[laughing]
1299
00:52:33,083 --> 00:52:35,250
It's a joke.
Good for you, Keely.
1300
00:52:36,833 --> 00:52:38,167
[clapping]
1301
00:52:40,417 --> 00:52:41,542
(Chuck) You need a ride home?
1302
00:52:41,583 --> 00:52:43,000
Uh, no.
I'm-- I'm okay.
1303
00:52:43,042 --> 00:52:45,917
I have a friend
picking me up, thanks.
1304
00:52:45,958 --> 00:52:48,250
I had a real,
good time last night.
1305
00:52:48,292 --> 00:52:51,458
Yeah.
Uh, me-- me too.
1306
00:52:51,500 --> 00:52:52,417
[car horn beeping]
1307
00:52:52,458 --> 00:52:53,500
Oh, you know what?
Th-that's her.
1308
00:52:53,542 --> 00:52:55,125
Gotta go! Bye!
1309
00:52:57,792 --> 00:52:59,083
[sighing]
1310
00:53:01,625 --> 00:53:04,625
What the fucking fuck?
1311
00:53:04,667 --> 00:53:05,958
It's not what it looks like.
1312
00:53:06,000 --> 00:53:08,167
Are you sleeping
with my brother?
1313
00:53:08,208 --> 00:53:09,458
No!
1314
00:53:09,500 --> 00:53:12,708
Gross! Oh, no!
1315
00:53:12,750 --> 00:53:14,708
I'm just messing with his head.
1316
00:53:14,750 --> 00:53:18,042
Can I trust you
to stay away from my brother?
1317
00:53:18,083 --> 00:53:19,417
Maybe you should talk to him.
1318
00:53:19,458 --> 00:53:21,500
He might be a really cool guy,
for all you know.
1319
00:53:21,542 --> 00:53:23,792
You have no idea.
1320
00:53:23,833 --> 00:53:25,500
Just don't worry about it.
1321
00:53:25,542 --> 00:53:27,333
He teaches
right across the hall.
1322
00:53:27,375 --> 00:53:30,042
If you ever!
1323
00:53:30,083 --> 00:53:31,417
Okay, fine.
1324
00:53:31,458 --> 00:53:32,500
I will not talk about him.
1325
00:53:32,542 --> 00:53:35,125
I will not talk about you,
or that hat!
1326
00:53:35,167 --> 00:53:36,667
Oh!
1327
00:53:37,250 --> 00:53:38,333
Drive!
1328
00:53:38,375 --> 00:53:39,500
[engine starting]
1329
00:53:39,542 --> 00:53:40,625
Slut!
1330
00:53:42,583 --> 00:53:43,625
[slurping]
1331
00:53:44,792 --> 00:53:47,083
So, um, are you
from around this area?
1332
00:53:47,125 --> 00:53:49,208
Yeah.
A few miles outside of Milford.
1333
00:53:49,250 --> 00:53:50,375
I really like it here.
1334
00:53:50,417 --> 00:53:51,708
It's rather charming.
1335
00:53:51,750 --> 00:53:52,708
I'm trying to convince
my brother
1336
00:53:52,750 --> 00:53:53,958
to come down and visit sometime.
1337
00:53:54,000 --> 00:53:57,667
-Oh, yeah?
-Yeah, but, um...
1338
00:53:57,708 --> 00:53:58,542
[whispering]
He's gay.
1339
00:53:58,583 --> 00:53:59,667
Oh.
1340
00:53:59,708 --> 00:54:01,500
Well, you know,
it's getting better down here.
1341
00:54:01,542 --> 00:54:03,042
It used to be real bad
for gay dudes.
1342
00:54:03,333 --> 00:54:04,167
Mm.
1343
00:54:04,208 --> 00:54:06,042
Do, uh, you have any siblings?
1344
00:54:09,333 --> 00:54:11,000
Can I tell you a secret?
1345
00:54:11,042 --> 00:54:12,000
Sure.
1346
00:54:12,042 --> 00:54:14,833
I had a gay brother too,
growing up.
1347
00:54:14,875 --> 00:54:16,667
He used to get beat up a lot.
1348
00:54:16,708 --> 00:54:19,208
Must have been a real
chick magnet for you.
1349
00:54:19,000 --> 00:54:20,958
I never thought about that.
1350
00:54:21,000 --> 00:54:23,167
It's not like I went to gay bars
with him or nothing.
1351
00:54:23,208 --> 00:54:24,625
I would have.
1352
00:54:24,667 --> 00:54:26,417
I just get annoyed
getting hit on by dudes.
1353
00:54:26,458 --> 00:54:27,833
But I guess it comes
with the territory
1354
00:54:27,875 --> 00:54:29,208
having an ass this good.
1355
00:54:29,000 --> 00:54:30,042
[chuckles]
1356
00:54:31,583 --> 00:54:34,125
So, um, what happened
to your brother?
1357
00:54:34,167 --> 00:54:35,583
He ran away.
1358
00:54:35,625 --> 00:54:39,000
I haven't seen him since
right before his 19th birthday,
1359
00:54:39,042 --> 00:54:41,833
but I swear,
I'd give my right nut
1360
00:54:41,875 --> 00:54:43,625
to know that
little shit is okay.
1361
00:54:46,417 --> 00:54:49,000
He brought it up!
I promise!
1362
00:54:49,042 --> 00:54:50,167
Get out!
1363
00:54:50,208 --> 00:54:51,000
What?
1364
00:54:51,042 --> 00:54:54,667
I specifically asked you not
to stir anything up with him.
1365
00:54:54,708 --> 00:54:56,542
But this is good news!
1366
00:54:56,583 --> 00:54:57,833
At least it's a start.
1367
00:54:57,875 --> 00:54:59,500
I really think
you should talk to him.
1368
00:54:59,542 --> 00:55:01,958
I really think you should
mind your own business!
1369
00:55:02,000 --> 00:55:02,917
Let me get this straight.
1370
00:55:02,958 --> 00:55:04,167
You have a radio show
1371
00:55:04,208 --> 00:55:06,583
where you give people advice
about relationship problems,
1372
00:55:06,625 --> 00:55:07,792
and the way that you
deal with your own
1373
00:55:07,833 --> 00:55:09,083
is by running away from them?
1374
00:55:09,125 --> 00:55:11,042
You don't know
these people, Richard.
1375
00:55:11,083 --> 00:55:12,708
Do you think
my parents were happy
1376
00:55:12,750 --> 00:55:14,125
when they found out I was gay?
1377
00:55:14,167 --> 00:55:15,042
No!
1378
00:55:15,083 --> 00:55:17,625
But eventually,
they came around.
1379
00:55:17,667 --> 00:55:20,500
My situation
is a little bit different!
1380
00:55:20,542 --> 00:55:23,625
All I'm saying is that you can't
judge people for mistreating you
1381
00:55:23,667 --> 00:55:26,708
about something that
they know nothing about.
1382
00:55:26,750 --> 00:55:30,042
All I'm saying is you
don't have to go home,
1383
00:55:30,083 --> 00:55:33,083
but you can't stay here!
1384
00:55:33,125 --> 00:55:34,625
[sighs]
1385
00:55:37,708 --> 00:55:39,458
[gasps]
1386
00:55:51,083 --> 00:55:53,542
[cackling]
1387
00:56:02,792 --> 00:56:05,000
Grand Inn.
Can you hold, please?
1388
00:56:05,042 --> 00:56:06,625
Okay.
1389
00:56:06,667 --> 00:56:09,583
Two twin beds
or a single queen?
1390
00:56:09,625 --> 00:56:11,167
A single queen.
1391
00:56:11,208 --> 00:56:13,625
[sobbing]
1392
00:56:15,167 --> 00:56:17,083
Single queen.
1393
00:56:17,125 --> 00:56:18,500
Oh, dear.
1394
00:56:18,542 --> 00:56:19,875
(Karma on radio)
Take my advice.
1395
00:56:19,917 --> 00:56:22,208
Whatever it is
you're going through,
1396
00:56:22,000 --> 00:56:25,708
surround yourself with
as many friends as possible.
1397
00:56:25,750 --> 00:56:29,625
This is the time
to patch up old relationships.
1398
00:56:29,667 --> 00:56:32,208
That's it for the
Karma Sutra show.
1399
00:56:32,500 --> 00:56:34,083
Good night.
1400
00:56:34,125 --> 00:56:37,000
(Voice outside) Listen,
this was your stupid ass idea.
1401
00:56:37,042 --> 00:56:38,542
Girl, can you get off Grinder
for a second
1402
00:56:38,583 --> 00:56:39,792
and do something useful?
1403
00:56:39,833 --> 00:56:41,000
Useful?
I wanted to text Richard,
1404
00:56:41,042 --> 00:56:42,792
and tell him we were
coming the fuck down here,
1405
00:56:42,833 --> 00:56:45,000
but you said, No,
let's make it a surprise!
1406
00:56:45,042 --> 00:56:48,167
Oh, my God!
What are you guys doing here?
1407
00:56:48,208 --> 00:56:50,083
You better tie your shoes
because you're tripping, bitch!
1408
00:56:50,125 --> 00:56:51,083
Hey!
1409
00:56:51,125 --> 00:56:52,792
Richard!
1410
00:56:52,833 --> 00:56:55,833
Oh, we decided to stop on
our way down to White Party.
1411
00:56:55,875 --> 00:56:58,083
Yeah, this is a
really shitty place.
1412
00:56:58,125 --> 00:56:59,083
I'll explain.
1413
00:56:59,125 --> 00:57:01,083
So we asked for
a room with one bed.
1414
00:57:01,125 --> 00:57:04,083
Because it was cheaper
and not because-- gross.
1415
00:57:04,125 --> 00:57:06,208
You should be so lucky. Ha.
1416
00:57:06,000 --> 00:57:07,042
Anyway,
1417
00:57:07,083 --> 00:57:08,917
but when that cigarette-smoking
lunch lady bitch
1418
00:57:08,958 --> 00:57:11,000
behind the counter
realized we were two dudes,
1419
00:57:11,042 --> 00:57:14,833
she changed the reservation from
one queen to two double beds,
1420
00:57:14,875 --> 00:57:17,208
which was $50 more.
1421
00:57:17,000 --> 00:57:19,875
You know I cannot take you
seriously looking like that.
1422
00:57:19,917 --> 00:57:22,167
You don't think I'm pretty?
1423
00:57:22,208 --> 00:57:24,000
You're the prettiest
girl on the planet...
1424
00:57:24,042 --> 00:57:26,167
(Both) ...of the apes!
[laughing]
1425
00:57:27,875 --> 00:57:29,625
So what else did we miss?
1426
00:57:29,667 --> 00:57:31,958
Well, I just think
everybody was right.
1427
00:57:32,000 --> 00:57:33,125
What the hell am I doing here?
1428
00:57:33,167 --> 00:57:35,583
You're following your dreams.
That's adorable.
1429
00:57:35,625 --> 00:57:37,833
Well, it looks like I'm going
to be following y'all back home.
1430
00:57:37,875 --> 00:57:39,583
You say y'all now?
1431
00:57:39,625 --> 00:57:41,250
-Stay here. Barf.
-Shut up.
1432
00:57:41,292 --> 00:57:43,625
Richard, why would you quit?
1433
00:57:43,667 --> 00:57:46,750
Well, to be honest, A, the
kids are already doing better,
1434
00:57:46,792 --> 00:57:48,125
B, I'm going to get fired again,
1435
00:57:48,167 --> 00:57:52,292
and, C, I miss brunch.
1436
00:57:52,333 --> 00:57:53,333
Come to White Party!
1437
00:57:53,375 --> 00:57:54,792
Yeah!
Come to White Party!
1438
00:57:54,833 --> 00:57:56,042
No, no, no. I said brunch.
1439
00:57:56,083 --> 00:57:57,708
Eggs are white.
1440
00:58:00,292 --> 00:58:01,958
Nice, job, Tommy.
1441
00:58:03,125 --> 00:58:04,167
Mr. Bobby.
1442
00:58:05,000 --> 00:58:06,292
Here you go.
1443
00:58:06,333 --> 00:58:07,333
I got a B-plus!
1444
00:58:07,375 --> 00:58:09,667
[gasps]
I've never even got a B before.
1445
00:58:09,708 --> 00:58:11,042
Very well-written, Bath Mat.
1446
00:58:11,083 --> 00:58:13,083
You actually
have a bright future.
1447
00:58:13,125 --> 00:58:15,375
If you work hard!
1448
00:58:17,708 --> 00:58:19,042
Oh, my God!
1449
00:58:19,083 --> 00:58:20,958
I got a B-minus.
1450
00:58:21,000 --> 00:58:23,375
That is so unexpected.
1451
00:58:23,667 --> 00:58:27,042
Well, I guess you're no longer
the dumbest class in school.
1452
00:58:27,083 --> 00:58:28,833
At least on paper.
1453
00:58:28,875 --> 00:58:30,125
[chuckling]
[intercom beeps]
1454
00:58:30,167 --> 00:58:31,167
Please excuse the interruption.
1455
00:58:31,208 --> 00:58:32,792
Miss Del Rio?
1456
00:58:32,833 --> 00:58:36,083
Principal Wayne would
like to see you after class.
1457
00:58:36,125 --> 00:58:37,042
(Students) Ooh!
1458
00:58:37,083 --> 00:58:38,167
What'd you do?
1459
00:58:38,208 --> 00:58:39,208
Come on! Tell us!
1460
00:58:41,000 --> 00:58:42,000
Shut up!
1461
00:58:42,042 --> 00:58:43,250
[laughing]
1462
00:58:43,833 --> 00:58:48,042
Principal Wayne,
your daughter is gorgeous!
1463
00:58:48,083 --> 00:58:49,125
That's my wife.
1464
00:58:49,875 --> 00:58:50,833
Oh!
1465
00:58:50,875 --> 00:58:55,208
It's your wife.
Well, she's, uh, very blonde.
1466
00:58:55,000 --> 00:58:58,167
I've asked you to come here
because I'm, uh,
1467
00:58:58,208 --> 00:59:01,167
faced with a very
difficult decision.
1468
00:59:01,208 --> 00:59:03,125
Join the club.
1469
00:59:03,167 --> 00:59:05,208
I notice you've been taking a...
1470
00:59:05,000 --> 00:59:08,083
very unusual approach
with your students.
1471
00:59:08,125 --> 00:59:11,083
Well, Principal Wayne,
some of the kids are assholes,
1472
00:59:11,125 --> 00:59:14,458
and I have to treat
them accordingly.
1473
00:59:14,750 --> 00:59:19,083
The language you use could be
argued as inappropriate to some.
1474
00:59:19,125 --> 00:59:21,042
Some of them deserve it.
1475
00:59:21,083 --> 00:59:22,833
You feel it's working?
1476
00:59:22,875 --> 00:59:24,417
In fact, I do.
1477
00:59:24,458 --> 00:59:27,000
Then I've made
up my mind, Bianca.
1478
00:59:27,042 --> 00:59:29,083
I've made up
my mind as well, sir.
1479
00:59:29,125 --> 00:59:30,250
I've decided to nominate you--
1480
00:59:30,292 --> 00:59:31,417
You don't have
to fire me. I quit.
1481
00:59:31,458 --> 00:59:33,458
...for Teacher of the Year.
1482
00:59:33,750 --> 00:59:35,000
-What?
-What?
1483
00:59:35,042 --> 00:59:36,292
What?!
1484
00:59:36,333 --> 00:59:39,000
Ah!
I don't know what to say!
1485
00:59:39,042 --> 00:59:39,917
I...
1486
00:59:39,958 --> 00:59:44,875
Not one student has missed a
single class since you started.
1487
00:59:44,917 --> 00:59:47,417
That is unprecedented.
1488
00:59:47,458 --> 00:59:49,750
[beep]
This is outrageous!
1489
00:59:49,792 --> 00:59:52,000
I'm sure it didn't hurt
that you lied to them.
1490
00:59:52,042 --> 00:59:53,208
Oh, why don't you go ahead
1491
00:59:53,000 --> 00:59:55,875
and tell us all about
your cousin Cher, huh?
1492
00:59:55,917 --> 00:59:59,083
Or your best friend, Lady Ga-ga?
How's she doing?
1493
00:59:59,125 --> 01:00:01,125
Well, I... I haven't
talked to her in a while.
1494
01:00:01,167 --> 01:00:04,208
You really know this Lady Ga-ga?
1495
01:00:04,000 --> 01:00:05,333
Yes, sir.
1496
01:00:05,375 --> 01:00:06,375
Oh!
1497
01:00:06,417 --> 01:00:08,292
You are so full of shit, Bianca.
1498
01:00:08,333 --> 01:00:10,167
If that even is your real name!
1499
01:00:10,208 --> 01:00:15,208
Do you think it would be too
much to invite this Lady Ga-ga
1500
01:00:15,250 --> 01:00:16,167
to the ceremony?
1501
01:00:16,208 --> 01:00:19,917
It would be great
publicity for the school.
1502
01:00:19,958 --> 01:00:22,083
I will certainly ask her.
1503
01:00:32,042 --> 01:00:33,167
[sighs]
1504
01:00:37,250 --> 01:00:38,917
Okay.
1505
01:00:44,417 --> 01:00:46,250
[phone rings]
1506
01:00:46,292 --> 01:00:47,958
Mama?
1507
01:00:49,167 --> 01:00:50,458
Hi.
1508
01:00:51,167 --> 01:00:54,208
Yeah.
This line always takes forever.
1509
01:00:54,000 --> 01:00:55,000
Yeah, I'll meet you in a few.
1510
01:00:55,042 --> 01:00:56,458
I'm just getting my hair done.
1511
01:00:56,500 --> 01:00:58,167
-I could colour for you!
-Thank you.
1512
01:00:58,208 --> 01:01:00,542
-Yeah.
-I could colour for you!
1513
01:01:00,833 --> 01:01:02,875
Oh, you always
talk on the phone.
1514
01:01:02,917 --> 01:01:04,125
Talk talk on the phone.
1515
01:01:04,167 --> 01:01:06,000
Never talk to me.
1516
01:01:06,042 --> 01:01:08,417
You only white lady who come
in here and never talk to me.
1517
01:01:08,458 --> 01:01:09,417
Don't come back!
1518
01:01:09,458 --> 01:01:11,083
Bye!
1519
01:01:12,958 --> 01:01:14,167
Hi.
1520
01:01:18,417 --> 01:01:19,417
[screams]
1521
01:01:19,458 --> 01:01:21,500
(Richard) Shit!
What the fuck?!
1522
01:01:24,000 --> 01:01:26,875
[shouting indistinctly]
1523
01:01:29,542 --> 01:01:32,042
Part one's done, Sis.
1524
01:01:32,083 --> 01:01:33,375
You found her?
1525
01:01:33,417 --> 01:01:35,417
Well, of course I found her.
1526
01:01:35,458 --> 01:01:38,167
Now make sure
no one else will.
1527
01:01:38,208 --> 01:01:40,208
And no scars, right?
1528
01:01:40,250 --> 01:01:41,083
[cackles]
1529
01:01:41,125 --> 01:01:43,083
Nothing visible.
1530
01:01:43,125 --> 01:01:45,125
You got it, darling.
[cackles]
1531
01:01:45,292 --> 01:01:48,875
♪
1532
01:01:50,458 --> 01:01:52,500
-Hey.
-Oh!
1533
01:01:52,542 --> 01:01:54,208
Mama!
1534
01:01:56,958 --> 01:01:58,042
Oh!
1535
01:02:00,208 --> 01:02:01,167
[laughing, crying]
1536
01:02:01,208 --> 01:02:03,250
You look beautiful.
1537
01:02:03,292 --> 01:02:05,458
[crying]
Thank you.
1538
01:02:05,500 --> 01:02:07,292
Oh, Daddy.
1539
01:02:10,583 --> 01:02:12,208
[knocking]
1540
01:02:12,000 --> 01:02:13,333
Oh, God.
1541
01:02:13,375 --> 01:02:15,208
Chuck doesn't cry.
1542
01:02:15,375 --> 01:02:17,083
[laughing, crying]
1543
01:02:19,000 --> 01:02:21,125
You look beautiful.
1544
01:02:21,167 --> 01:02:22,333
Thank you.
1545
01:02:22,375 --> 01:02:23,625
Hey, Mom.
1546
01:02:25,208 --> 01:02:27,167
(Chuck) Oh, that's a good hug.
1547
01:02:27,208 --> 01:02:29,000
A good hug.
1548
01:02:39,917 --> 01:02:40,958
(Richard) This has gone too far!
1549
01:02:41,000 --> 01:02:43,083
I'm a science teacher,
for Christ's sake.
1550
01:02:43,125 --> 01:02:45,250
What is this?
Unsolved Mysteries bullshit?
1551
01:02:45,292 --> 01:02:47,208
What can I say?
1552
01:02:47,000 --> 01:02:49,542
I can't believe
what just happened.
1553
01:02:51,333 --> 01:02:54,583
Thanks for being
such a good friend.
1554
01:02:54,625 --> 01:02:58,125
I'm glad you're
in my life, Richard.
1555
01:02:58,167 --> 01:03:02,000
You're still not allowed
to sleep with my brother.
1556
01:03:02,042 --> 01:03:03,250
Bye, bitch.
1557
01:03:03,292 --> 01:03:04,333
You know that
you're going to jail.
1558
01:03:04,375 --> 01:03:05,708
This--
[voice muffled]
1559
01:03:06,000 --> 01:03:09,083
You know Carly wanted that
teacher award you're after.
1560
01:03:09,125 --> 01:03:12,042
Sis always makes sure
Carly gets what she wants.
1561
01:03:12,083 --> 01:03:13,292
I'm just supposed
to keep an eye on you
1562
01:03:13,333 --> 01:03:15,042
until the ceremony is over.
1563
01:03:15,083 --> 01:03:17,042
Now I've got
to leave you out here!
1564
01:03:17,083 --> 01:03:19,667
Hey, I know it might
be weird to call,
1565
01:03:19,708 --> 01:03:21,042
but something crazy
just happened
1566
01:03:21,083 --> 01:03:22,708
I want to tell you about it.
1567
01:03:23,000 --> 01:03:26,708
Also, I had a really great
time with you the other night.
1568
01:03:27,000 --> 01:03:29,042
I hope we can do it again soon.
1569
01:03:29,083 --> 01:03:30,625
See you soon, pretty girl.
1570
01:03:33,500 --> 01:03:34,542
(Willie) Sorry, lady.
1571
01:03:34,583 --> 01:03:35,625
Blood is thicker than water.
1572
01:03:35,667 --> 01:03:38,542
What that means to you
is family always comes first.
1573
01:03:47,417 --> 01:03:49,125
[lighter clicks]
1574
01:03:49,583 --> 01:03:51,167
What the hell?
1575
01:03:51,208 --> 01:03:54,167
(Richard) Fuck off, Fatty!
1576
01:03:54,208 --> 01:03:55,458
[grunting]
1577
01:03:55,500 --> 01:03:57,417
(Willie) Shit!
Son of a Bitch!
1578
01:03:59,708 --> 01:04:01,542
You fucking bitch!
1579
01:04:01,583 --> 01:04:04,708
When I find you, I'm going
to cut you open like a cow!
1580
01:04:25,250 --> 01:04:27,083
[snake hissing]
1581
01:04:37,208 --> 01:04:40,750
♪
1582
01:04:51,125 --> 01:04:52,125
(Richard) Housekeeping!
1583
01:04:52,167 --> 01:04:53,375
Morning, angels.
1584
01:04:53,417 --> 01:04:56,417
I knew you were
going to be hungover.
1585
01:04:56,458 --> 01:04:59,083
-Where have you been, girl?
-Ooh, coffee.
1586
01:04:59,125 --> 01:05:00,083
Listen, I can explain.
1587
01:05:00,125 --> 01:05:01,792
But first, I need
you to meet my friend.
1588
01:05:01,833 --> 01:05:03,875
This is Karma, and Janice,
1589
01:05:04,167 --> 01:05:06,000
Janice, Karma,
Stephen, Bailey.
1590
01:05:06,042 --> 01:05:07,667
(All) Hi.
1591
01:05:07,708 --> 01:05:08,750
Okay, I need your help.
1592
01:05:08,792 --> 01:05:09,750
Uh-uh.
1593
01:05:09,792 --> 01:05:12,125
See, we called you,
like, 50 times yesterday.
1594
01:05:12,167 --> 01:05:14,583
Someone from the school
tried to have him kidnapped!
1595
01:05:14,625 --> 01:05:15,750
I heard everything!
1596
01:05:15,792 --> 01:05:17,458
Hold up. They're kidnapping
bitches over here?
1597
01:05:17,500 --> 01:05:19,125
Oh, hell to the no.
1598
01:05:19,167 --> 01:05:20,708
See, you need
to call the police.
1599
01:05:20,750 --> 01:05:23,875
You cannot call the police here
because everybody is related.
1600
01:05:24,167 --> 01:05:25,417
It's not a real town.
1601
01:05:25,458 --> 01:05:27,625
It's like a big family reunion.
1602
01:05:27,667 --> 01:05:28,750
What?
1603
01:05:28,792 --> 01:05:30,125
-Explain.
-Okay.
1604
01:05:30,167 --> 01:05:32,083
It's like sometimes
when you walk in the club,
1605
01:05:32,125 --> 01:05:33,042
and then you look around,
1606
01:05:33,083 --> 01:05:34,167
and you're like,
Well, damn,
1607
01:05:34,208 --> 01:05:35,667
I done slept with
everybody up in here.
1608
01:05:35,708 --> 01:05:37,667
-Oh, okay.
-Proceed.
1609
01:05:37,708 --> 01:05:39,167
Well, look.
I have a plan.
1610
01:05:39,208 --> 01:05:42,083
Ooh, look at you, sounding like
Miss Tranny MacGyver Fish. Yes!
1611
01:05:42,125 --> 01:05:43,375
Well, I've had time
to think about it
1612
01:05:43,417 --> 01:05:45,208
because I've been
walking for 13 miles.
1613
01:05:45,250 --> 01:05:46,500
What?
1614
01:05:46,542 --> 01:05:47,458
Explain.
1615
01:05:47,500 --> 01:05:51,042
Um, it's like walking
from Soho to Harlem.
1616
01:05:51,083 --> 01:05:53,208
Don't they have Uber here?
1617
01:05:53,250 --> 01:05:54,625
[groaning]
1618
01:05:59,167 --> 01:06:01,625
(Richard) Hurricanes form
in tropical regions
1619
01:06:01,667 --> 01:06:03,458
because they need warm water
1620
01:06:03,500 --> 01:06:06,208
of at least
80 degrees Fahrenheit.
1621
01:06:08,292 --> 01:06:12,125
The most characteristic feature
of hurricanes is their eye,
1622
01:06:12,167 --> 01:06:16,833
a region of dry air about which
the strongest winds circulate.
1623
01:06:19,167 --> 01:06:21,167
[thunder crashing]
1624
01:06:26,542 --> 01:06:29,500
♪
1625
01:06:46,250 --> 01:06:47,333
[chanting]
Gaga! Gaga! Gaga!
1626
01:06:47,375 --> 01:06:49,667
[chanting continues]
This is the Karma Sutra show,
1627
01:06:49,708 --> 01:06:53,042
live from the Texas Theatre,
where there are rumors
1628
01:06:53,083 --> 01:06:55,708
that there will be an
appearance by Lady Gaga
1629
01:06:55,750 --> 01:06:58,708
at tonight's
Teacher of the Year Ceremony.
1630
01:07:01,083 --> 01:07:02,125
Who the hell are you?
1631
01:07:02,167 --> 01:07:03,750
I'm part of G's security team,
1632
01:07:03,792 --> 01:07:05,625
and I need to go
through this building
1633
01:07:05,667 --> 01:07:07,958
and make sure
it's secure before the event.
1634
01:07:08,000 --> 01:07:09,333
Whose security team?
1635
01:07:09,375 --> 01:07:11,750
G's security team.
1636
01:07:11,792 --> 01:07:14,000
Yeah. Who's G?
1637
01:07:14,042 --> 01:07:15,917
G. Lady Gaga. G.
1638
01:07:15,958 --> 01:07:17,375
This has been cleared for weeks.
1639
01:07:17,417 --> 01:07:20,250
Oh, well, this is news to me.
1640
01:07:20,292 --> 01:07:22,292
Well, you listen
to me, Polka Dot.
1641
01:07:22,333 --> 01:07:25,917
Now, Lady Gaga herself is on
her way here from the airport,
1642
01:07:25,958 --> 01:07:27,667
and if I'm not able
to go through this building
1643
01:07:27,708 --> 01:07:29,000
and make sure it's secure
1644
01:07:29,042 --> 01:07:31,083
from crackheads
and cracks in the ceiling,
1645
01:07:31,125 --> 01:07:32,333
then I will make a call.
1646
01:07:32,375 --> 01:07:36,125
She will turn around, and
trust me, you don't want that.
1647
01:07:36,167 --> 01:07:37,292
Gaga! Gaga!
1648
01:07:37,333 --> 01:07:38,583
[chanting continues]
All right. Go ahead.
1649
01:07:38,625 --> 01:07:39,833
Thank you.
1650
01:07:41,458 --> 01:07:42,667
Nice dress.
1651
01:07:44,667 --> 01:07:46,125
Hey!
Knock it off out there!
1652
01:07:46,167 --> 01:07:48,583
Gaga! Gaga!
1653
01:07:50,833 --> 01:07:52,708
[panting]
1654
01:07:52,750 --> 01:07:54,708
Ooh, I've got
to start going to the gym.
1655
01:07:55,167 --> 01:07:56,292
Oh!
1656
01:07:56,792 --> 01:07:57,792
Oh!
1657
01:07:58,375 --> 01:08:00,875
Ah!
Son of a bitch! Ah!
1658
01:08:02,333 --> 01:08:03,333
Be careful!
1659
01:08:03,375 --> 01:08:04,208
Girl, I'm sorry.
1660
01:08:04,250 --> 01:08:06,167
I was going to cut you
a breathing hole, I promise.
1661
01:08:06,208 --> 01:08:08,250
All right, come on,
Reese Littlespoon.
1662
01:08:08,292 --> 01:08:09,208
[snaps fingers]
1663
01:08:09,250 --> 01:08:10,292
Hi.
1664
01:08:10,333 --> 01:08:11,875
Oh, hello.
1665
01:08:11,917 --> 01:08:14,625
Uh, okay, Wayne, here you go.
1666
01:08:14,667 --> 01:08:17,625
And here is one
for your daughter.
1667
01:08:17,667 --> 01:08:18,708
That's my wife.
1668
01:08:18,750 --> 01:08:19,833
[giggles]
1669
01:08:19,875 --> 01:08:21,292
Oh, you.
1670
01:08:22,208 --> 01:08:23,250
Oh!
1671
01:08:23,292 --> 01:08:24,583
[cheering]
1672
01:08:24,625 --> 01:08:25,417
She's coming!
1673
01:08:25,458 --> 01:08:27,542
Ah! It's really her!
1674
01:08:27,583 --> 01:08:29,042
My feet are killing me.
1675
01:08:29,083 --> 01:08:30,875
Keep your mouth shut, Gaga.
1676
01:08:30,917 --> 01:08:34,250
The queen of pop music
has arrived.
1677
01:08:34,292 --> 01:08:40,250
Hello, and welcome, everyone,
to the annual District 214
1678
01:08:40,292 --> 01:08:42,917
Teacher of the Year ceremony.
1679
01:08:42,958 --> 01:08:44,375
[applause]
1680
01:08:46,833 --> 01:08:48,750
[thunder crashing]
1681
01:08:55,417 --> 01:08:57,708
I am so lucky to be here
1682
01:08:57,750 --> 01:09:02,333
to introduce some of our
very talented staff tonight.
1683
01:09:02,375 --> 01:09:04,583
And pinch me now!
1684
01:09:04,625 --> 01:09:07,500
We have a very special guest.
1685
01:09:07,542 --> 01:09:09,292
I still can't believe it.
1686
01:09:09,333 --> 01:09:13,917
Lady Gaga took time out
of her very busy schedule
1687
01:09:13,958 --> 01:09:16,083
to join us this evening.
1688
01:09:16,125 --> 01:09:18,125
[applause/cheering]
1689
01:09:19,125 --> 01:09:20,458
Are you having
a good time, Gaga?
1690
01:09:20,500 --> 01:09:21,292
Mm-hmm.
1691
01:09:21,333 --> 01:09:23,000
Can you tell that to your face?
1692
01:09:24,667 --> 01:09:28,625
Unfortunately, one of our
teachers, Miss Del Rio,
1693
01:09:28,667 --> 01:09:32,583
had some problems
and was forced to resign.
1694
01:09:32,625 --> 01:09:35,458
[moaning, muttering]
1695
01:09:35,500 --> 01:09:36,625
When did this happen?
1696
01:09:36,667 --> 01:09:38,583
It's all under control, Wayne.
1697
01:09:38,625 --> 01:09:40,333
-Shay-shay.
-Very shady.
1698
01:09:40,375 --> 01:09:41,958
(Superintendent)
But not to worry.
1699
01:09:42,000 --> 01:09:45,750
Milford High will
still be represented.
1700
01:09:45,792 --> 01:09:51,167
They decided to send
Carly Ward as an alternate.
1701
01:09:51,208 --> 01:09:52,875
[applause]
1702
01:09:57,917 --> 01:09:59,333
(Richard) Scientists
have warned residents
1703
01:09:59,375 --> 01:10:02,542
to beware of storms
with female names,
1704
01:10:02,583 --> 01:10:05,750
as they are perceived
to be less threatening,
1705
01:10:05,792 --> 01:10:09,708
but are significantly
more likely to kill you.
1706
01:10:10,958 --> 01:10:15,292
Now let's take a moment to get
to know some of our nominees.
1707
01:10:15,333 --> 01:10:16,833
[applause]
1708
01:10:19,208 --> 01:10:21,500
Our first nominee is
1709
01:10:21,542 --> 01:10:24,833
Mr. Homer Flint
from Nacogdoches.
1710
01:10:24,875 --> 01:10:27,250
[applause]
1711
01:10:27,292 --> 01:10:30,083
Homer is a favourite
at this high school
1712
01:10:30,125 --> 01:10:33,625
because of some of his strong
and visionary leadership,
1713
01:10:33,667 --> 01:10:38,375
a clear vision of his goals,
and his impeccable style.
1714
01:10:38,417 --> 01:10:40,042
[laughing]
1715
01:10:42,542 --> 01:10:46,625
Our next nominee
is from Meadowlakes...
1716
01:10:46,667 --> 01:10:48,667
Sue Ellen Spencer.
1717
01:10:48,708 --> 01:10:55,042
She is known for her fun, laid
back creative writing classes...
1718
01:10:55,083 --> 01:10:58,208
-Huh?
-Sex scandal! Oh!
1719
01:10:58,000 --> 01:11:00,042
What is going down
in the school yard?
1720
01:11:00,333 --> 01:11:01,792
Them desks is dirty.
1721
01:11:01,833 --> 01:11:03,583
[gasping, murmuring]
Huh?
1722
01:11:05,042 --> 01:11:06,667
Oh!
This thing is broken.
1723
01:11:06,708 --> 01:11:07,833
Shut it down!
1724
01:11:07,875 --> 01:11:08,958
[whistles]
Shut it down!
1725
01:11:09,000 --> 01:11:10,167
What the hell?
1726
01:11:11,042 --> 01:11:12,000
[gasping, murmuring]
(Deb) Hey!
1727
01:11:12,042 --> 01:11:13,625
This-- this isn't--
Shut this down!
1728
01:11:13,667 --> 01:11:15,500
Oh, my God!
1729
01:11:15,542 --> 01:11:17,167
Not in my school!
1730
01:11:17,208 --> 01:11:18,375
That's not me!
1731
01:11:18,417 --> 01:11:19,583
That's not me!
It's just...
1732
01:11:19,625 --> 01:11:21,583
It's... It's any short person.
1733
01:11:23,417 --> 01:11:25,125
What the hell?
1734
01:11:29,500 --> 01:11:32,750
Things have taken
a strange turn here.
1735
01:11:32,792 --> 01:11:36,958
Miss First, the mysterious, and
up until now, anonymous woman
1736
01:11:37,000 --> 01:11:41,000
that has been seducing
young boys has been revealed
1737
01:11:41,042 --> 01:11:42,792
as Deborah Ward!
1738
01:11:42,833 --> 01:11:44,833
Oh, quiet down, everybody!
1739
01:11:46,167 --> 01:11:47,167
Oh, God!
1740
01:11:47,208 --> 01:11:49,333
Look, this is not true!
1741
01:11:49,375 --> 01:11:51,708
This is a conspiracy!
1742
01:11:53,583 --> 01:11:56,625
[murmuring, shouting]
1743
01:12:00,083 --> 01:12:01,083
[grunting]
1744
01:12:06,792 --> 01:12:09,208
Will somebody fix
the dang projector already?!
1745
01:12:12,167 --> 01:12:13,042
Oh!
1746
01:12:13,083 --> 01:12:14,083
Oh!
[gasping]
1747
01:12:14,125 --> 01:12:17,542
What...
It's biting me!
1748
01:12:17,583 --> 01:12:19,167
Ah!
[deflating sound]
1749
01:12:19,208 --> 01:12:22,417
[laughing]
1750
01:12:22,458 --> 01:12:23,542
Oh!
[laughs]
1751
01:12:23,583 --> 01:12:24,750
Girl!
1752
01:12:24,792 --> 01:12:27,000
[gasping]
1753
01:12:27,042 --> 01:12:28,083
[deflating sound]
1754
01:12:28,125 --> 01:12:30,208
[laughing]
1755
01:12:30,417 --> 01:12:31,792
Did she just get botched?
1756
01:12:31,833 --> 01:12:33,500
She's going to need a Band-Aid!
1757
01:12:36,125 --> 01:12:37,083
No!
1758
01:12:37,125 --> 01:12:38,500
No!
1759
01:12:39,417 --> 01:12:40,417
(Deb) Where are you?
1760
01:12:40,458 --> 01:12:41,792
Pick up!
Pick up, Willie!
1761
01:12:41,833 --> 01:12:43,958
Willie, pick up!
1762
01:12:45,833 --> 01:12:47,542
[muffled yelling]
Let me out of here!
1763
01:12:47,583 --> 01:12:49,208
Somebody let me out of here!
1764
01:12:50,583 --> 01:12:51,417
(Deb) Willie!
1765
01:12:51,458 --> 01:12:53,125
Willie, get back
to me right now!
1766
01:12:53,167 --> 01:12:54,792
Oh!
1767
01:12:54,833 --> 01:12:56,042
[moaning]
Ooh.
1768
01:12:56,083 --> 01:12:57,792
[toilet flushing]
1769
01:12:57,833 --> 01:12:59,208
Oh, Debbie!
1770
01:12:59,500 --> 01:13:01,833
Don't you look fancy tonight?
1771
01:13:01,875 --> 01:13:03,042
You!
1772
01:13:03,083 --> 01:13:04,667
Sorry I'm a little late.
1773
01:13:04,708 --> 01:13:06,625
I was tied up!
1774
01:13:08,000 --> 01:13:09,792
Give me these!
1775
01:13:09,833 --> 01:13:11,208
Get out of my way.
1776
01:13:11,000 --> 01:13:13,167
Has anybody
ever told you, Debbie,
1777
01:13:13,208 --> 01:13:15,792
that you have
beautifully shaped lips?
1778
01:13:15,833 --> 01:13:16,667
Yes.
1779
01:13:16,708 --> 01:13:17,875
[chuckling]
And you know
1780
01:13:17,917 --> 01:13:21,000
you need to be really careful
with that face of yours.
1781
01:13:21,042 --> 01:13:24,167
You might attract
a swarm of men.
1782
01:13:24,208 --> 01:13:25,750
[laughing]
1783
01:13:31,083 --> 01:13:33,208
[screaming]
1784
01:13:33,000 --> 01:13:34,208
Oh, my God!
1785
01:13:34,000 --> 01:13:36,792
Oh, my God!
It's just like My Girl!
1786
01:13:36,833 --> 01:13:39,125
Oh! Oh!
1787
01:13:39,167 --> 01:13:41,083
[screaming]
1788
01:13:42,792 --> 01:13:46,167
Without further ado, I'd like
to announce the winner,
1789
01:13:46,208 --> 01:13:48,042
before anything else
falls on us.
1790
01:13:49,125 --> 01:13:54,000
The winner of this year's
Teacher of the Year award is...
1791
01:13:54,042 --> 01:13:55,792
Well, this is awkward.
1792
01:13:55,833 --> 01:13:57,292
Carly Ward?
1793
01:13:57,583 --> 01:13:59,125
[gasping, murmuring]
1794
01:14:00,000 --> 01:14:01,750
Rigged!
1795
01:14:01,792 --> 01:14:03,042
Wh-- Oh...
1796
01:14:03,083 --> 01:14:06,000
Superintendent Howard!
The information
1797
01:14:06,042 --> 01:14:08,167
that disqualified
our original nominee
1798
01:14:08,208 --> 01:14:12,042
was given to you
on false pretenses.
1799
01:14:12,083 --> 01:14:14,208
What makes you
say that, Wayne?
1800
01:14:14,250 --> 01:14:19,708
Because Deborah Ward and her
daughter are filthy liars!
1801
01:14:19,750 --> 01:14:22,083
-We want Bianca!
-Yeah, we want Bianca!
1802
01:14:22,125 --> 01:14:22,917
Bianca!
1803
01:14:22,958 --> 01:14:23,958
Bianca!
1804
01:14:24,000 --> 01:14:24,917
Bianca!
1805
01:14:24,958 --> 01:14:28,208
[chanting continues]
Bianca!
1806
01:14:45,125 --> 01:14:46,708
(Chuck) Bianca.
1807
01:14:46,750 --> 01:14:47,583
Where you been?
1808
01:14:47,625 --> 01:14:49,250
I think Lady Gaga
was hitting on me.
1809
01:14:49,292 --> 01:14:50,208
Oh, yeah?
1810
01:14:50,250 --> 01:14:51,167
But don't worry.
1811
01:14:51,208 --> 01:14:53,167
I told her I was already taken.
1812
01:14:58,833 --> 01:15:01,208
[chanting Bianca continues]
1813
01:15:02,750 --> 01:15:04,792
[clapping and cheering]
Bianca!
1814
01:15:04,833 --> 01:15:06,917
Do you think we need a recount?
1815
01:15:06,958 --> 01:15:08,875
[clapping and cheering]
1816
01:15:14,208 --> 01:15:16,750
Well all right then.
1817
01:15:18,250 --> 01:15:20,875
Thank you, District 214.
1818
01:15:20,917 --> 01:15:24,042
When I started, I didn't know
if I was going to fit in,
1819
01:15:24,083 --> 01:15:26,125
but one thing that
was consistent
1820
01:15:26,167 --> 01:15:28,042
was this remarkable staff
1821
01:15:28,083 --> 01:15:29,792
who didn't skip a beat
1822
01:15:29,833 --> 01:15:32,000
in allowing me into
their community.
1823
01:15:32,042 --> 01:15:36,208
When I arrived, every single
student I had was failing.
1824
01:15:36,250 --> 01:15:40,000
Each one has shown
improvement of at least 40%.
1825
01:15:40,292 --> 01:15:41,875
All of this,
1826
01:15:43,750 --> 01:15:45,958
coming from someone
you said,
1827
01:15:46,000 --> 01:15:48,125
was an embarrassment
to your community.
1828
01:15:48,167 --> 01:15:49,250
[gasping]
What?
1829
01:15:49,292 --> 01:15:51,125
Holy fucking shit.
1830
01:15:52,042 --> 01:15:53,250
(Both) I knew it.
1831
01:15:55,917 --> 01:15:57,208
She's a dude?
1832
01:15:58,375 --> 01:16:00,125
A man.
1833
01:16:01,292 --> 01:16:03,167
A man?
1834
01:16:03,375 --> 01:16:06,167
I got punked.
1835
01:16:06,208 --> 01:16:08,167
That was really fucking good.
1836
01:16:08,208 --> 01:16:10,083
[laughing]
1837
01:16:12,792 --> 01:16:15,083
This is Bianca.
1838
01:16:15,125 --> 01:16:18,208
[confetti popping]
1839
01:16:18,250 --> 01:16:20,375
[gasping and laughing]
1840
01:16:29,125 --> 01:16:30,917
It's messed up my hair.
1841
01:16:38,167 --> 01:16:40,042
Oh, it's pretty.
1842
01:16:40,083 --> 01:16:41,125
Yes!
1843
01:16:41,167 --> 01:16:42,333
Word!
1844
01:16:54,208 --> 01:16:58,167
All of you have some very
serious explaining to do.
1845
01:16:58,208 --> 01:17:00,500
I can barely move my mouth.
1846
01:17:00,542 --> 01:17:02,458
Beestung lips
are really in right now.
1847
01:17:02,500 --> 01:17:05,208
[crying] Do you know
how expensive these were?
1848
01:17:05,000 --> 01:17:06,958
Oh, baby.
1849
01:17:07,208 --> 01:17:10,083
I must say,
I have seen better behavior
1850
01:17:10,125 --> 01:17:12,375
from some of your
worst students!
1851
01:17:12,417 --> 01:17:15,042
Richard, do me a favor?
1852
01:17:16,042 --> 01:17:18,208
Take a look at the front page.
1853
01:17:18,250 --> 01:17:21,000
[crying]
Why? Why?
1854
01:17:21,042 --> 01:17:24,958
'Why is my school racist against
gay people?' By Keely Carson.
1855
01:17:25,000 --> 01:17:26,083
Oh, Wayne, come on.
1856
01:17:26,125 --> 01:17:27,375
You cannot give in
1857
01:17:27,417 --> 01:17:30,375
to these kinds
of special interest groups.
1858
01:17:30,417 --> 01:17:31,458
Chuck.
1859
01:17:31,500 --> 01:17:32,833
On it.
1860
01:17:33,167 --> 01:17:34,000
Sorry, ma'am, the Principal
1861
01:17:34,042 --> 01:17:35,250
asked me to be here
for extra security.
1862
01:17:35,292 --> 01:17:37,833
What? Hey, let go of me,
you overgrown maggot! Hey--
1863
01:17:37,875 --> 01:17:40,375
Don't think I want be
calling the law, Miss Ward.
1864
01:17:40,417 --> 01:17:41,292
Oh, are you kidding me?
1865
01:17:41,333 --> 01:17:42,833
Is this a joke?
1866
01:17:42,875 --> 01:17:45,167
Come on! That kid's been
held back, like, six times.
1867
01:17:45,208 --> 01:17:47,167
He said he was legal!
1868
01:17:47,208 --> 01:17:49,208
He did!
Did you see that guy?
1869
01:17:49,000 --> 01:17:50,875
Now, as for you, young lady.
1870
01:17:50,917 --> 01:17:51,542
[Deb continues to rant]
1871
01:17:51,833 --> 01:17:55,167
I have no proof that you
were involved in any of this.
1872
01:17:55,208 --> 01:17:57,167
Looks like you've
suffered enough already.
1873
01:17:57,208 --> 01:17:58,125
(Deb) You know who
you're messing with?
1874
01:17:58,167 --> 01:18:01,083
And to think I was going
to let you touch these!
1875
01:18:01,125 --> 01:18:03,417
[crying]
1876
01:18:03,458 --> 01:18:05,208
Just one more thing, Richard.
1877
01:18:06,333 --> 01:18:07,375
Yes, sir.
1878
01:18:07,417 --> 01:18:10,917
Please stay out
of the ladies' room.
1879
01:18:10,958 --> 01:18:12,000
[laughing]
1880
01:18:12,042 --> 01:18:13,250
I'll try.
1881
01:18:16,208 --> 01:18:17,083
[call, speak indistinctly]
1882
01:18:17,125 --> 01:18:18,250
(Keely's voice) I used to be
one of those people
1883
01:18:18,292 --> 01:18:20,167
that didn't really
care about gay people,
1884
01:18:20,208 --> 01:18:21,417
but then we had this teacher,
1885
01:18:21,458 --> 01:18:24,208
and everyone was
torrible to him, including me.
1886
01:18:24,000 --> 01:18:27,167
But I didn't think he would
get fired or anything.
1887
01:18:27,208 --> 01:18:28,125
(Richard) All right, guys!
1888
01:18:28,167 --> 01:18:29,458
Who's ready to graduate?
1889
01:18:29,500 --> 01:18:31,542
(Keely) Furthermore so,
I think the school should have,
1890
01:18:31,583 --> 01:18:34,208
like, some protection
program, or something,
1891
01:18:34,250 --> 01:18:35,958
to protect gay people.
1892
01:18:38,042 --> 01:18:40,333
Because my friend Bobby
is a total homo,
1893
01:18:40,375 --> 01:18:43,000
but he won't come out because
he'll probably get beat up.
1894
01:18:43,042 --> 01:18:45,000
Well, at least more so
than he already does.
1895
01:18:45,042 --> 01:18:47,417
Anyway, thank you
for reading my article.
1896
01:18:47,458 --> 01:18:48,542
Keely Carson.
1897
01:18:50,625 --> 01:18:52,167
[laughing]
1898
01:18:55,250 --> 01:18:57,625
All right!
1899
01:18:57,667 --> 01:19:00,167
Please help me
welcome back to the stage
1900
01:19:00,208 --> 01:19:02,250
someone very important...
1901
01:19:02,292 --> 01:19:05,042
Put your hands together
and make some noise for the one,
1902
01:19:05,083 --> 01:19:09,125
the only, Bianca Del Rio!
[cheering]
1903
01:19:09,167 --> 01:19:12,083
-Thank you, Ambrosia! Mwah.
-Mwah.
1904
01:19:12,125 --> 01:19:13,167
[cheering]
1905
01:19:13,208 --> 01:19:14,417
Yeah, Miss Del Rio!
1906
01:19:14,458 --> 01:19:15,542
Oh, my God.
1907
01:19:15,583 --> 01:19:16,708
What are you guys doing here?
1908
01:19:17,000 --> 01:19:18,583
Do your parents
know you're here?
1909
01:19:18,625 --> 01:19:19,458
Security!
1910
01:19:19,500 --> 01:19:21,000
[laughing]
1911
01:19:21,042 --> 01:19:22,625
Okay, listen, we have
to get this show started,
1912
01:19:22,667 --> 01:19:25,667
and I can only start the show
with a drunk, straight girl.
1913
01:19:25,708 --> 01:19:28,083
Do we have any drunk,
straight girls in the audience?
1914
01:19:28,125 --> 01:19:30,333
Thumbelina, come on up!
1915
01:19:30,375 --> 01:19:31,292
I know you!
1916
01:19:31,333 --> 01:19:33,000
This is my good
girlfriend, Janice.
1917
01:19:33,042 --> 01:19:34,125
All right.
1918
01:19:34,167 --> 01:19:36,708
Who is ready to see Janice
to an interpretive dance?
1919
01:19:37,000 --> 01:19:38,167
[cheering/applause]
1920
01:19:38,208 --> 01:19:39,083
All right.
You ready, bitch?
1921
01:19:39,125 --> 01:19:40,042
Let's do it.
1922
01:19:40,083 --> 01:19:41,375
Hit it, DJ!
1923
01:19:41,417 --> 01:19:43,042
♪
1924
01:19:44,583 --> 01:19:47,542
(Karma) Janice took over
as the dance captain
1925
01:19:47,583 --> 01:19:51,042
of the Lady Maverick
cheerleading squad,
1926
01:19:51,083 --> 01:19:54,167
which became her cover
when she was recruited
1927
01:19:54,208 --> 01:19:57,583
for Secret Ops at the CIA.
1928
01:19:57,625 --> 01:19:59,458
Anyway, you know,
I have to say...
1929
01:19:59,500 --> 01:20:00,417
[laughing]
1930
01:20:00,458 --> 01:20:01,250
...oh, you two.
1931
01:20:01,292 --> 01:20:03,458
On your fucking phones. Rude.
1932
01:20:03,500 --> 01:20:05,125
...as Stephen and Bailey
1933
01:20:05,167 --> 01:20:08,125
continued to look
for dates on Grinder,
1934
01:20:08,167 --> 01:20:10,042
they realized
they'd accidentally
1935
01:20:10,083 --> 01:20:12,458
been talking to each other.
1936
01:20:13,083 --> 01:20:16,167
Bailey still lives
on Stephen's futon,
1937
01:20:16,208 --> 01:20:19,125
but sometimes gets an upgrade.
1938
01:20:20,000 --> 01:20:22,042
So...
Oh, thank you!
1939
01:20:22,083 --> 01:20:23,708
What are you doing here?
1940
01:20:24,000 --> 01:20:26,042
I came to see my girlfriend.
1941
01:20:26,083 --> 01:20:30,042
Houston, we got lots
of problems, mainly you.
1942
01:20:31,167 --> 01:20:35,083
I won the Texas Excellence
in Radio award
1943
01:20:35,125 --> 01:20:39,208
for my coverage of the
Teacher of the Year ceremony.
1944
01:20:39,000 --> 01:20:41,292
Chuck and I
are closer than ever.
1945
01:20:41,333 --> 01:20:46,042
He's still trying to add
Bianca to his little black book.
1946
01:20:46,083 --> 01:20:48,708
Richard used his winnings
to find a nicer apartment,
1947
01:20:49,000 --> 01:20:51,625
and started a theater
program at the school.
1948
01:20:51,667 --> 01:20:56,375
I finally got to meet his
cousin, who's not really Cher.
1949
01:20:56,417 --> 01:20:59,500
(Richard) Well, she is every
Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday.
1950
01:20:59,542 --> 01:21:01,167
(Karma) In the end,
1951
01:21:01,208 --> 01:21:05,292
Hurricane Bianca was
just the right kind of storm
1952
01:21:05,333 --> 01:21:08,708
that this little town needed.
1953
01:21:08,750 --> 01:21:10,167
[laughing]
1954
01:21:10,667 --> 01:21:13,667
♪