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Downloaded from
YTS.MX

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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

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Here it is, gentlemen.
The big problem.

4
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13-13 Experimental Battery.

5
00:01:46,320 --> 00:01:50,240
I can tell you now, we've had orders
to solve it from the top seat.

6
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You mean WC?
WC. The top seat.

7
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LAUGHS

8
00:01:56,160 --> 00:01:57,920
As you know, we've tried everything.

9
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Brilliance, outstanding personality,
sheer naked courage.

10
00:02:01,520 --> 00:02:03,440
The time has come
to try something else.

11
00:02:03,440 --> 00:02:04,880
Oh? And what's that, sir?

12
00:02:04,880 --> 00:02:06,880
Sheer bloody ignorance.

13
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How long are you gonna be,
then, sir?

14
00:02:10,680 --> 00:02:12,800
How long?

15
00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:14,720
When one is sent for
by one's brigadier

16
00:02:14,720 --> 00:02:16,920
to discuss a mission
which is so hush-hush

17
00:02:16,920 --> 00:02:19,160
that even oneself
doesn't know what it is,

18
00:02:19,160 --> 00:02:20,280
one might be hours.

19
00:02:20,280 --> 00:02:23,400
Oh, good. In that case, permission
to pop down the NAAFI, please, sir.

20
00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:25,760
I beg your pardon.

21
00:02:25,760 --> 00:02:27,520
Permission to pop down the NAAFI,
sir.

22
00:02:27,520 --> 00:02:30,640
Corporal, the enemy is poised
to strike across the Channel,

23
00:02:30,640 --> 00:02:34,160
the country is fighting for its life
and you want to pop down the NAAFI?

24
00:02:34,160 --> 00:02:35,920
Oh. Well, in that case,
I'll forget it.

25
00:02:35,920 --> 00:02:38,920
I'm very pleased to hear it.
I beg your pardon, sir.

26
00:02:52,160 --> 00:02:54,880
Who are you and what the devil
are you doing down there?

27
00:02:54,880 --> 00:02:56,360
Captain Melly reporting, sir.

28
00:02:56,360 --> 00:02:59,040
Brush yourself down!
Follow me to the conference room.

29
00:03:02,480 --> 00:03:04,520
HORN HONKS

30
00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:08,880
All right! All right!
Why the bloody fanfare?

31
00:03:08,880 --> 00:03:11,160
Watch it, mate.
New commanding officer.

32
00:03:11,160 --> 00:03:12,920
Blimey.

33
00:03:16,480 --> 00:03:19,000
Corporal.  Sir?
That man, he's wearing lipstick.

34
00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:20,400
Lipstick, sir?
Yeah.

35
00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:22,280
Where?
On his face. Where do you think?

36
00:03:22,280 --> 00:03:24,360
Well, it must be a burn or a scar
or something, sir.

37
00:03:24,360 --> 00:03:27,080
I hope you're right.
So do I.

38
00:03:27,080 --> 00:03:30,480
Frilly curtains?
Baskets of flowers?

39
00:03:30,480 --> 00:03:32,080
Brassieres!
Pardon, sir?

40
00:03:32,080 --> 00:03:34,560
Knickers!
Same to you, sir.

41
00:03:52,040 --> 00:03:53,720
BURPS

42
00:03:57,760 --> 00:03:59,280
Captain Melly.

43
00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:01,520
No, no. You must've come
to the wrong place.

44
00:04:01,520 --> 00:04:03,280
My name's Bull.

45
00:04:03,280 --> 00:04:06,320
No, no. I'm Melly. S Melly.

46
00:04:06,320 --> 00:04:08,120
Pity. Have a drink.

47
00:04:08,120 --> 00:04:10,080
Now, look here, Bull.
I'm your relief.

48
00:04:10,080 --> 00:04:12,920
And there are certain things that...
My relief?

49
00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:15,200
Oh, you little beauty!

50
00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:17,360
LAUGHS
I could kiss you!

51
00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:21,600
My rel... Ooh, my relief!

52
00:04:21,600 --> 00:04:23,640
I've got to go.

53
00:04:23,640 --> 00:04:25,120
My relief!

54
00:04:25,120 --> 00:04:27,920
He actually kissed me.

55
00:04:29,480 --> 00:04:30,640
My case!

56
00:04:32,280 --> 00:04:34,320
Hey! I say! My case!

57
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BURPS

58
00:04:43,240 --> 00:04:46,760
Welcome to 13-13
Anti-Aircraft Battery, sir!

59
00:04:48,560 --> 00:04:50,480
All right.
Sergeant Major Bloomer, sir.

60
00:04:50,480 --> 00:04:51,680
"Tiger" to the troops.

61
00:04:51,680 --> 00:04:53,800
All right. I can do that!

62
00:04:57,200 --> 00:04:59,240
Sergeant Major Bloomer,
do you think...  Hah!

63
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Get inside.
Me, sir?

64
00:05:02,120 --> 00:05:04,160
Yes, you, sir!
Get inside, at the double.

65
00:05:04,160 --> 00:05:05,320
Hah!

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00:05:15,960 --> 00:05:17,080
Drop your trousers.

67
00:05:18,080 --> 00:05:20,240
But, sir, we has only just met.

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00:05:21,360 --> 00:05:23,320
Drop 'em! That's an order.

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00:05:23,320 --> 00:05:24,360
Hah!

70
00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:40,440
I see.

71
00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:41,920
Do you, sir?

72
00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:45,960
Sergeant Major,
may I ask you a question?

73
00:05:45,960 --> 00:05:48,400
Sir, may I pull up my trousers?

74
00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:51,400
What? Oh, yes. Yes. Get them up.

75
00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:52,760
What I want to know is,

76
00:05:52,760 --> 00:05:55,040
what men in this unit
would wear the kind of underwear

77
00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:56,840
that I've seen hanging on the line?

78
00:05:58,240 --> 00:05:59,520
Good Lord!

79
00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:01,440
Some of them are wearing skirts,
too!

80
00:06:02,440 --> 00:06:04,480
Well, they is not men, sir.

81
00:06:04,480 --> 00:06:06,240
Well, what the blazes are they?

82
00:06:07,920 --> 00:06:09,120
Women, sir.

83
00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:13,160
You mean female?

84
00:06:13,160 --> 00:06:16,200
Well, yes, sir.
Was sir not told, sir?

85
00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:19,480
This is one of
these new mixed batteries.

86
00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:22,160
So, that's what the brigadier meant

87
00:06:22,160 --> 00:06:24,520
when he said that this battery
was an experiment.

88
00:06:24,520 --> 00:06:27,200
Experiment, sir?
They does not need to experiment.

89
00:06:27,200 --> 00:06:30,720
They gets at it right away
and all the time.

90
00:06:35,320 --> 00:06:37,520
All right, then. Section, halt.

91
00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:40,960
Oh, come on. Come on.
Put each other down.

92
00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:42,920
GROANING

93
00:06:42,920 --> 00:06:44,520
No, no, no.
Hang about. Hang about.

94
00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:48,280
We don't want to give our new CO
the right idea, do we?

95
00:06:48,280 --> 00:06:49,520
LAUGHTER

96
00:06:49,520 --> 00:06:50,720
Right, right turn.

97
00:06:53,360 --> 00:06:54,720
What's next?

98
00:06:54,720 --> 00:06:56,320
Right dress, Leonard.
Oh, yeah.

99
00:06:56,320 --> 00:06:57,640
Er, right dress.

100
00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:15,040
Two inches shorter
and he could see right up my skirt.

101
00:07:20,080 --> 00:07:22,680
What's your name, Sergeant?
Willing, sir.

102
00:07:22,680 --> 00:07:24,680
And yours?
Able, sir.

103
00:07:24,680 --> 00:07:28,120
Well, Willing and Able,
will you kindly tell me

104
00:07:28,120 --> 00:07:29,640
why it is necessary for you all

105
00:07:29,640 --> 00:07:31,840
to be squashed up like sardines
in a tin?

106
00:07:31,840 --> 00:07:34,840
Well, it's just our way
of keeping warm, sir.

107
00:07:34,840 --> 00:07:36,680
On the hottest day of the year?

108
00:07:36,680 --> 00:07:38,280
We've known it hotter than this,
sir.

109
00:07:40,600 --> 00:07:41,640
Dress properly!

110
00:07:41,640 --> 00:07:43,800
What do you think this is?
A love parade?

111
00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:45,240
SNIGGERS

112
00:07:45,240 --> 00:07:46,920
Very witty, sir.

113
00:07:46,920 --> 00:07:49,600
You speak when you're spoken to.
Do you hear me?

114
00:07:49,600 --> 00:07:51,120
Adjust your dress!

115
00:07:53,480 --> 00:07:56,840
No, no, no!
One arm's length apart.

116
00:07:56,840 --> 00:07:58,880
Haven't you demonstrated this,
Sergeant Major?

117
00:07:58,880 --> 00:07:59,920
Frequently, sir.

118
00:07:59,920 --> 00:08:01,760
Then do it again on me.
Hah!

119
00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:07,720
Parade! Doing as I do!
Right dress!

120
00:08:09,560 --> 00:08:11,760
As you were. I said watch me.
Watch me.

121
00:08:11,760 --> 00:08:13,400
Right dress!

122
00:08:14,680 --> 00:08:17,000
Doing as I do!
As you were! As you were!

123
00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:19,520
Did not you see what I was doing?
Right dress!

124
00:08:19,520 --> 00:08:21,360
As you were.
Not as they were.

125
00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:23,360
Leave them as they are,
Sergeant Major.

126
00:08:23,360 --> 00:08:25,960
But, sir, as they are is horrible,
sir.

127
00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:29,080
Yes, but you're ruining my shoulder,
Sergeant.

128
00:08:29,080 --> 00:08:30,680
Oh, sorry, sir.

129
00:08:30,680 --> 00:08:33,520
It comes of gripping balls, sir.
Eh?

130
00:08:33,520 --> 00:08:35,880
Always has one of these to hand,
sir.

131
00:08:35,880 --> 00:08:37,800
Fingers of steel, sir.
Fingers of steel.

132
00:08:37,800 --> 00:08:40,280
Put it away and let's get on
with the inspection.

133
00:08:47,520 --> 00:08:49,960
You up there, what's your name?

134
00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:51,640
Oh, um, Ready, sir.

135
00:08:51,640 --> 00:08:52,680
Ready?

136
00:08:53,880 --> 00:08:56,640
Ready, Willing and Able.

137
00:08:56,640 --> 00:08:57,760
This is ridiculous.

138
00:08:57,760 --> 00:08:59,800
MUMBLES

139
00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:00,840
What are you doing?

140
00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:02,840
Twitching, sir!

141
00:09:02,840 --> 00:09:05,280
I can see that, Sergeant Major.
But why is he twitching?

142
00:09:05,280 --> 00:09:07,720
MUMBLES

143
00:09:08,800 --> 00:09:10,440
It's me...

144
00:09:10,440 --> 00:09:12,120
It's me...

145
00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:13,640
It's me nerves, sir.

146
00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:17,000
Trying to twitch your ticket, eh?
Well, it won't work, Bombardier.

147
00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:19,440
You're in the Army for the duration.

148
00:09:19,440 --> 00:09:21,040
Twitch your way out of that.

149
00:09:21,040 --> 00:09:22,920
MUMBLES

150
00:09:22,920 --> 00:09:24,000
Ready!

151
00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:25,120
SCREAMS

152
00:09:26,120 --> 00:09:27,160
Twitch off!

153
00:09:28,160 --> 00:09:29,600
It's wasted on me, boy.

154
00:09:29,600 --> 00:09:31,400
Good Lord!

155
00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:33,520
Good heavens!

156
00:09:33,520 --> 00:09:34,600
Hm.

157
00:09:34,600 --> 00:09:36,600
Good man. And what's your name?

158
00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:38,240
Shorthouse.

159
00:09:38,240 --> 00:09:40,160
Gunner Shorthouse, sir.
It's my name.

160
00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:47,080
And what is your name, my man?
Er, woman.

161
00:09:47,080 --> 00:09:48,680
Jennifer Ffoukes-Sharpe, sir.

162
00:09:48,680 --> 00:09:51,080
The Sharpe with an E
and two Fs in the Ffoukes.

163
00:09:51,080 --> 00:09:52,280
How do you do?

164
00:09:52,280 --> 00:09:53,960
FINGERS CRUNCH

165
00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:56,320
She, too, is a ball squeezer, sir.

166
00:09:58,560 --> 00:10:01,240
Do your shoelace up.
And look sharp about it, Sharpe!

167
00:10:01,240 --> 00:10:02,360
Oh, God...

168
00:10:05,320 --> 00:10:06,840
SNARLS
Ooooh!

169
00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:08,640
Oh, Tiger.

170
00:10:09,640 --> 00:10:11,000
I think you're wonderful.

171
00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:13,000
When are you going to savage me?

172
00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:15,960
If only you was a man,
I would sort you out.

173
00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:17,240
Mm.

174
00:10:18,240 --> 00:10:21,280
Well, you seem to have
put your foot in it.

175
00:10:21,280 --> 00:10:24,240
Not so much me foot, sir.
More me big toe.

176
00:10:24,240 --> 00:10:26,920
What's wrong with your big toe?
Sprained it, sir, didn't I?

177
00:10:26,920 --> 00:10:28,960
When I, er, fell out of bed.

178
00:10:28,960 --> 00:10:32,960
Pushed out of bed, more like.
Pushed out of bed, Sergeant Major?

179
00:10:32,960 --> 00:10:34,320
What are you laughing at?

180
00:10:35,320 --> 00:10:38,240
Well, I'm happy, sir.

181
00:10:38,240 --> 00:10:40,360
Happy? What, here?

182
00:10:40,360 --> 00:10:44,400
Well, he might've sprained
something else, mightn't he?

183
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:49,440
Are you trying to be funny, Gunner?
Me, sir?

184
00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:50,720
You, sir.
No, sir.

185
00:10:50,720 --> 00:10:53,560
Why are you blinking like that?
I'm not blinking, sir. You are.

186
00:10:53,560 --> 00:10:55,040
I never blink.
Neither do I, sir.

187
00:10:55,040 --> 00:10:56,920
You blinking well do.
I blinking well don't.

188
00:10:56,920 --> 00:10:59,160
Sergeant Major, which one of us two
is blinking here?

189
00:11:00,640 --> 00:11:03,360
There is only one blinking man
blinking here, Gunner,

190
00:11:03,360 --> 00:11:04,520
and that's bloody you!

191
00:11:04,520 --> 00:11:05,920
Thank you, Sergeant Major.

192
00:11:05,920 --> 00:11:06,960
And furthermore,

193
00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:09,720
if I catch you again on parade
wearing my moustache,

194
00:11:09,720 --> 00:11:10,760
that moustache,

195
00:11:10,760 --> 00:11:12,880
you'll be on charge
for impersonating an officer.

196
00:11:13,880 --> 00:11:14,920
Ooh!

197
00:11:14,920 --> 00:11:16,800
Later, sir! Later.

198
00:11:17,800 --> 00:11:18,880
Who are you?

199
00:11:18,880 --> 00:11:20,280
Easy, sir.

200
00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:23,160
Quite possibly.
What's your name?

201
00:11:23,160 --> 00:11:26,600
That is it, sir. Alice Easy.
Oh.

202
00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:29,200
Well, do your top button up.

203
00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:33,040
I can't. They won't let me.
Who? Who won't let you?

204
00:11:33,040 --> 00:11:34,280
Them.

205
00:11:35,280 --> 00:11:37,800
Oh, nonsense. Do them up.
Um, it up.

206
00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:42,400
Oh, good gracious me.

207
00:11:42,400 --> 00:11:44,440
Stand to attention.
You're on parade.

208
00:11:44,440 --> 00:11:47,120
Put those shoulders back.
SWALLOWS

209
00:11:47,120 --> 00:11:50,000
Oh, I do hope you're regular, sir.

210
00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:52,000
Regular?

211
00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:53,920
I've been regular for 18 years.

212
00:11:53,920 --> 00:11:56,600
Oh, good. That means
I can have it back tomorrow, then.

213
00:11:56,600 --> 00:11:59,600
You'll have it back
when I'm good and ready.

214
00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:02,520
Oh, that's all right.
No need to strain yourself.

215
00:12:12,880 --> 00:12:15,000
You are a shower.

216
00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:17,840
A shambling shower.

217
00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:21,280
And I mean to shake you up
more than somewhat.

218
00:12:22,280 --> 00:12:23,560
Sergeant Major.
Hah!

219
00:12:23,560 --> 00:12:27,440
Dismiss this shambling shower
from my sight.

220
00:12:27,440 --> 00:12:28,480
Hah!

221
00:12:32,320 --> 00:12:36,400
Parade! Right turn!

222
00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:39,000
As you were! As you were!

223
00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:40,440
You stupid f...

224
00:12:40,440 --> 00:12:44,880
How is I expected to use
the proper words with women present?

225
00:12:44,880 --> 00:12:47,720
Never mind. Never mind.
Just f...

226
00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:49,840
Forget it.

227
00:12:52,200 --> 00:12:54,480
Go away.

228
00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:02,440
STOMACH GURGLES

229
00:13:03,440 --> 00:13:06,200
Ah, yes, sir.
They gives me a headache too.

230
00:13:06,200 --> 00:13:08,040
It's not a headache.
It's the stomach.

231
00:13:08,040 --> 00:13:09,640
It has a button in it.

232
00:13:09,640 --> 00:13:12,320
Hm. What you might now call
a belly button, sir.

233
00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:13,360
LAUGHS

234
00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:15,320
Oh, shut up.

235
00:13:15,320 --> 00:13:17,560
With respect, sir,
20 year I've been a sergeant major,

236
00:13:17,560 --> 00:13:19,040
nobody told me to shut up before.

237
00:13:19,040 --> 00:13:21,360
I am the person what tells people
to shut up...

238
00:13:21,360 --> 00:13:22,800
Shut up!
Up!

239
00:13:26,160 --> 00:13:29,520
Now, Sergeant Major,
what, in your opinion,

240
00:13:29,520 --> 00:13:33,040
is the thing most calculated
to make things hot for this shower?

241
00:13:35,280 --> 00:13:36,480
Well?

242
00:13:38,280 --> 00:13:41,840
What's the matter with you, man?
Have you been struck dumb?

243
00:13:41,840 --> 00:13:43,840
I asked you a question.
Sir.

244
00:13:43,840 --> 00:13:46,280
But has I got your permission
to break the silence?

245
00:13:46,280 --> 00:13:48,840
Well, of course you have, you fool.
Very well, sir.

246
00:13:48,840 --> 00:13:50,320
Kindly repeat the question.

247
00:13:51,800 --> 00:13:54,480
I repeat, what, in your opinion,

248
00:13:54,480 --> 00:13:57,680
is the thing most calculated
to make things hot for this shower?

249
00:13:57,680 --> 00:14:00,040
Only one thing in my book, sir.
Yes, yes, yes.

250
00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:03,240
Firing squad.
Ah, yes. That's it!

251
00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:07,560
What sort of a suggestion is that,
Sergeant Major?

252
00:14:07,560 --> 00:14:10,080
The only one I has to offer, sir.
I has tried everything else.

253
00:14:10,080 --> 00:14:12,200
Thank you, thank you.
That's been a great help.

254
00:14:12,200 --> 00:14:14,400
It seems I shall have to think
for both of us.

255
00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:18,520
I've got it!

256
00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:21,320
We're going to have an air raid.
My God, sir. They will panic.

257
00:14:21,320 --> 00:14:23,520
This is just a practice.
They'll still panic, sir.

258
00:14:23,520 --> 00:14:24,920
Yes, they will, won't they?

259
00:14:24,920 --> 00:14:26,200
LAUGHS

260
00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:27,960
The wind.
Not me, sir.

261
00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:29,320
No. Sergeant Major, please.

262
00:14:29,320 --> 00:14:32,880
The wind is what you and me
are going to put up them.

263
00:14:32,880 --> 00:14:33,920
BURPS

264
00:14:33,920 --> 00:14:36,040
Gives me the wind
just to look at it.

265
00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:37,960
Leonard.
What?

266
00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:39,000
I've got this feeling.

267
00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:41,400
Not here, Till. There's a time
and a place for everything.

268
00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:43,200
No, Leonard.
Not that kind of feeling.

269
00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:44,760
I didn't know you had
any other sort.

270
00:14:44,760 --> 00:14:46,840
No! Listen!

271
00:14:46,840 --> 00:14:49,120
I've got this feeling that
that new bloke's

272
00:14:49,120 --> 00:14:50,480
gonna make trouble for us.

273
00:14:50,480 --> 00:14:53,320
What, that pretty pipsqueaker?
No. He's too little to be awkward.

274
00:14:53,320 --> 00:14:55,800
Squash him into the ground.
Not worried about him.

275
00:14:55,800 --> 00:14:56,920
LAUGHS

276
00:14:56,920 --> 00:14:58,760
More worried about this.

277
00:14:58,760 --> 00:15:00,520
What do you do with it?
Eat it or rub it in?

278
00:15:00,520 --> 00:15:03,240
You can bounce it off the ceiling
for all I care.

279
00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:06,240
Right, Sergeant Major.

280
00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:09,360
They should just about be starting
on their pudding.

281
00:15:09,360 --> 00:15:10,600
Now!

282
00:15:10,600 --> 00:15:11,960
Now, Sergeant Major!

283
00:15:11,960 --> 00:15:13,640
Sir?
I said now!

284
00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:15,560
There is no need to shout, sir.
What?

285
00:15:15,560 --> 00:15:17,080
I said there's no need to shout!

286
00:15:17,080 --> 00:15:19,840
Why the blazes are you mumbling?
I said there's no need to shout!

287
00:15:19,840 --> 00:15:20,920
Who's shouting?
You are!

288
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:22,400
All I said was "now".
Sir!

289
00:15:24,520 --> 00:15:26,800
AIR RAID SIREN

290
00:15:28,520 --> 00:15:30,120
Here. What's that?

291
00:15:31,120 --> 00:15:33,240
No, it can't be.
Can't be what?

292
00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:34,600
What I think it is.

293
00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:36,200
Well, what do you think it is?

294
00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:37,680
It's an air raid.

295
00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:42,520
See?

296
00:15:42,520 --> 00:15:44,840
Come on. Get a move on!

297
00:15:44,840 --> 00:15:46,560
LAUGHS

298
00:15:52,240 --> 00:15:53,320
Well...

299
00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:55,360
CRUNCHING

300
00:15:55,360 --> 00:15:57,920
I'll say one thing for 'em,
Sergeant Major...

301
00:15:57,920 --> 00:16:00,400
HE LAUGHS
..they certainly know how to run.

302
00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:01,600
Oh, yes, indeed, sir.

303
00:16:01,600 --> 00:16:04,920
Of course, sir, they is running
in the wrong direction.

304
00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:05,960
What?

305
00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:08,160
The gun emplacement is over there,
sir.

306
00:16:08,160 --> 00:16:10,080
Well, why are they running that way,
then?

307
00:16:10,080 --> 00:16:11,600
Air raid shelter, sir.
Eh?

308
00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:13,880
Built it themselves, sir.
They calls it the snoggery.

309
00:16:13,880 --> 00:16:16,320
I don't care what they call it
or do in it, they can't be in it.

310
00:16:16,320 --> 00:16:19,600
There's an air raid on and this
is an anti-aircraft battery unit.

311
00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:20,680
Is it?

312
00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:23,840
Nyeeeeeeeow!

313
00:16:23,840 --> 00:16:26,520
Rat-a-tat tat! Rat-a-tat tat!

314
00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:31,640
AEROPLANE FIRING

315
00:16:31,640 --> 00:16:32,760
Bang!

316
00:16:33,880 --> 00:16:35,480
Bang!

317
00:16:36,680 --> 00:16:39,160
I could have sworn
someone said "bang".

318
00:16:39,160 --> 00:16:41,000
Oh, Leonard.

319
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:43,760
Oh. Oh, what a lovely idea.

320
00:16:46,200 --> 00:16:47,240
Lovely.

321
00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:48,880
GIGGLES

322
00:16:49,880 --> 00:16:51,160
I said bang!

323
00:16:52,160 --> 00:16:55,440
You heard what the officer said,
you horrible shower! He said bang.

324
00:16:55,440 --> 00:16:57,600
Don't you realise
there's an air raid on?

325
00:16:57,600 --> 00:17:00,040
STAMMERS

326
00:17:00,040 --> 00:17:02,560
Of course we do.
Well, then?

327
00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:04,680
Well, you shouldn't be out in it.

328
00:17:04,680 --> 00:17:07,440
Come in here with us, sir.
There's plenty of room.

329
00:17:07,440 --> 00:17:09,680
Yes. Do join us, Tiger.

330
00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:13,000
I'm not coming in there.
You are coming out here.

331
00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:15,520
What, with an air raid on?
There's ladies present.

332
00:17:15,520 --> 00:17:17,120
You can't have 'em out
in an air raid.

333
00:17:17,120 --> 00:17:18,720
No, you can't.

334
00:17:18,720 --> 00:17:21,200
There is no air raid.

335
00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:22,720
But you said there was.

336
00:17:22,720 --> 00:17:24,600
It's a mock air raid.

337
00:17:24,600 --> 00:17:26,120
Oh.
A what?

338
00:17:27,120 --> 00:17:30,560
I mocked it.
And you made a mockery of it.

339
00:17:30,560 --> 00:17:31,920
That's nice, isn't it, that?

340
00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:34,240
You're having a mockery
while we're having our grub.

341
00:17:34,240 --> 00:17:37,600
I was just enjoying my spotted dick.
Yeah.

342
00:17:37,600 --> 00:17:39,920
Shut up!

343
00:17:39,920 --> 00:17:42,600
All right. Carry on, Sergeant Major.

344
00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:43,800
Carry on what, sir?

345
00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:46,120
Get 'em out! Get 'em out!
Sir!

346
00:17:48,840 --> 00:17:53,040
Right! Get outside at the double!
Move yourselves! Move yourselves!

347
00:17:53,040 --> 00:17:55,400
Get the lead out of your pants!

348
00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:57,120
Knickers, Tiger. Knickers.

349
00:17:57,120 --> 00:18:00,320
What?
Ladies wear knickers.

350
00:18:00,320 --> 00:18:02,840
Pants or knickers, shift your ar...

351
00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:05,200
What's inside 'em.

352
00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:06,240
Now, look...

353
00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:10,120
..20 years I've worn this crown
on my sleeve.

354
00:18:10,120 --> 00:18:11,960
ALL HUM SAD TUNE

355
00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:14,800
You wouldn't like to be the cause
of me losing it, would you?

356
00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:19,040
I mean, after all that...
serving of king and country.

357
00:18:20,040 --> 00:18:21,360
Oh, Tiger.

358
00:18:23,040 --> 00:18:25,160
You all heard
what the sergeant major said.

359
00:18:25,160 --> 00:18:26,800
All out! Or I'll break you in two.

360
00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:37,680
Right! Get in two lines!
Move yourselves! Move yourselves!

361
00:18:37,680 --> 00:18:39,040
Come on! Come on! Come on!

362
00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:48,160
Now, you dozy lot,

363
00:18:48,160 --> 00:18:50,280
when I say "man the gun",

364
00:18:50,280 --> 00:18:52,960
I want you to double off
to the emplacement.

365
00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:55,800
Now, man the gun!

366
00:19:03,040 --> 00:19:05,040
Oh, for heaven's sake.

367
00:19:05,040 --> 00:19:07,240
All right. Woman the gun, as well.

368
00:19:07,240 --> 00:19:10,080
Come on, you Brownies.
Let's have you! Let's have you!

369
00:19:10,080 --> 00:19:11,880
Knees up! Knees up! Knees up!

370
00:19:11,880 --> 00:19:14,840
1-80, QE-3, up.

371
00:19:14,840 --> 00:19:16,920
180.

372
00:19:16,920 --> 00:19:18,520
Oh.

373
00:19:20,640 --> 00:19:22,360
Sergeant Major!
Sir!

374
00:19:26,080 --> 00:19:27,840
What the blue-blank-blazes is that?

375
00:19:28,880 --> 00:19:30,000
It's a gun, sir.

376
00:19:31,320 --> 00:19:32,440
It's made of wood.

377
00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:36,000
It's not a real gun yet, sir.

378
00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:38,760
A gun emplacement
without a real gun?

379
00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:41,200
With respect, sir,
remember there's a war on.

380
00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:43,040
Real guns is hard to come by.

381
00:19:43,040 --> 00:19:46,000
Permission to carry on
with the gun drill, sir. Fire!

382
00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:47,360
Bang!
Oh...

383
00:19:48,960 --> 00:19:50,880
What the devil's going on now?

384
00:19:50,880 --> 00:19:53,840
Oh, we're dead, sir.
A round exploded in the breach.

385
00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:56,520
It's the ammunition
we're being sent these days, sir.

386
00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:58,160
MELLY FARTS

387
00:19:58,160 --> 00:20:01,160
Anything wrong, sir?
You've gone quite white.

388
00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:05,120
It's that damn button. Gas.
MELLY FARTS

389
00:20:05,120 --> 00:20:06,400
Are you taken short, sir?

390
00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:08,240
STOMACH GURGLES

391
00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:10,200
Keep your voice down,
Sergeant Major.

392
00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:12,800
STOMACH GURGLES

393
00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:15,800
You just carry on doing
whatever it is you're doing,

394
00:20:15,800 --> 00:20:16,840
and I'll...

395
00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:19,280
MELLY FARTS
No 2 detachment, take post!

396
00:20:19,280 --> 00:20:24,280
Go to bearing 90-2E-20.

397
00:20:24,280 --> 00:20:25,640
MAN:  90-QE...

398
00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:27,080
TOILET FLUSHES

399
00:20:32,600 --> 00:20:34,240
Halt!

400
00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:38,360
Now, this time, just for me,
let us get it right.

401
00:20:39,360 --> 00:20:43,120
Parade, dismiss!

402
00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:48,040
That was lovely. Good.
Thank you very much.

403
00:20:48,040 --> 00:20:49,720
Get out of my sight!

404
00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:53,000
That includes you, Ffoukes-Sharpe!

405
00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:54,120
Look sharp!

406
00:21:02,160 --> 00:21:04,240
Silly boy.

407
00:21:04,240 --> 00:21:07,600
Argh!

408
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:10,080
You may not frighten the enemy,
Sergeant Major,

409
00:21:10,080 --> 00:21:12,760
but, by heaven,
you certainly frighten me.

410
00:21:12,760 --> 00:21:15,240
It's not my fault, sir.
That was hers.

411
00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:17,840
MELLY GRUNTS

412
00:21:17,840 --> 00:21:19,680
Careful.
Entirely hers, sir.

413
00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:21,800
What are you talking about?
Whose fault?

414
00:21:21,800 --> 00:21:23,360
Oh, Tiger.

415
00:21:24,360 --> 00:21:25,600
Shoo!

416
00:21:28,640 --> 00:21:32,160
Private Ffoukes-Sharpe, sir, is...
after me.

417
00:21:32,160 --> 00:21:33,440
After you? What for?

418
00:21:33,440 --> 00:21:35,000
She has designs on me, sir.

419
00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:37,280
Get this bloody thing off me!

420
00:21:37,280 --> 00:21:38,520
Sir!

421
00:21:39,760 --> 00:21:43,600
Oh, I sees your predicament, sir.
And I feel it. Get it off!

422
00:21:43,600 --> 00:21:45,320
Steady, sir. Resist me.

423
00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:47,560
Resist me, sir.
Left hand on me.

424
00:21:47,560 --> 00:21:50,360
Careful, man. Careful.
You is not resisting.

425
00:21:50,360 --> 00:21:51,720
Pulling out.

426
00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:54,920
Sergeant Major,
we're getting nowhere fast.

427
00:21:54,920 --> 00:21:57,600
Perhaps you should...
clench your cheeks, sir.

428
00:21:58,600 --> 00:21:59,880
They are clenched.

429
00:22:00,880 --> 00:22:02,840
Ooh, yeah. That is true, sir.

430
00:22:02,840 --> 00:22:03,880
Forward march.

431
00:22:05,680 --> 00:22:08,040
Right. Now, clench the table, sir.

432
00:22:09,080 --> 00:22:11,640
Now, grit your teeth
and we will have it off in a minute.

433
00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:13,400
A bit of leverage.

434
00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:15,920
WAILS

435
00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:17,840
Right. Brace yourself, sir.

436
00:22:19,920 --> 00:22:22,320
Is it off?
Can't you feel the difference, sir?

437
00:22:22,320 --> 00:22:25,760
No.
Then it must be your bum is numb.

438
00:22:25,760 --> 00:22:30,160
Permission to un-numb bum, sir.
Get on with it!

439
00:22:30,160 --> 00:22:31,680
Gah!

440
00:22:31,680 --> 00:22:34,640
That'll soon bring the blood back
to your cheeks, sir.

441
00:22:34,640 --> 00:22:37,600
Cruel to be kind, sir.
Cruel to be kind.

442
00:22:37,600 --> 00:22:40,040
If you're going to talk about
being cruel to be kind,

443
00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:43,360
you may as well know that as far
as that shower outside is concerned,

444
00:22:43,360 --> 00:22:46,000
that I intend to be cruel
to be cruel.

445
00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:47,240
WINCES

446
00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:50,280
I is very worried, sir.

447
00:22:50,280 --> 00:22:52,440
You is very worried?

448
00:22:52,440 --> 00:22:53,920
I is worried about you, sir.

449
00:22:53,920 --> 00:22:56,760
Thank you very much, Sergeant Major.
Very decent of you.

450
00:22:56,760 --> 00:22:58,720
I is worried, sir,
you is gonna cause trouble,

451
00:22:58,720 --> 00:22:59,840
and they will not like it.

452
00:22:59,840 --> 00:23:01,960
The likes and dislikes of the men
under my command

453
00:23:01,960 --> 00:23:03,880
are neither here nor there,
Sergeant Major.

454
00:23:03,880 --> 00:23:05,640
All I can say, sir,

455
00:23:05,640 --> 00:23:08,080
if you does not know the difference
between here nor there,

456
00:23:08,080 --> 00:23:10,360
you does not know the difference
between men and women.

457
00:23:10,360 --> 00:23:12,320
And some of the men in this camp
is women.

458
00:23:12,320 --> 00:23:15,320
They are all men to me.

459
00:23:15,320 --> 00:23:18,520
Oh, I wish they was, sir.
I wish they was.

460
00:23:18,520 --> 00:23:20,800
I'd have them saluting
till their arms dropped off.

461
00:23:20,800 --> 00:23:22,600
I'd run them
till their legs dropped off,

462
00:23:22,600 --> 00:23:25,320
and I'd rant and roar
till their ears dropped off.

463
00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:28,680
As from tomorrow,

464
00:23:28,680 --> 00:23:33,120
I intend to start a series
of what I call my agony parades.

465
00:23:34,120 --> 00:23:37,560
In that case, sir, tomorrow morning,
the only parade you is likely to see

466
00:23:37,560 --> 00:23:38,600
is sick parade.

467
00:23:41,280 --> 00:23:44,440
Right. Who's first?
A-a-a-a-a.

468
00:23:44,440 --> 00:23:46,720
What do you think these are, Nurse?
Come on, then.

469
00:23:46,720 --> 00:23:49,480
Oh! Oh, Nurse. Oh, Nurse.

470
00:23:49,480 --> 00:23:51,760
Nurse, I need assistance. Oh!

471
00:23:51,760 --> 00:23:53,440
Oh! Oh!

472
00:23:56,720 --> 00:23:58,520
Oh.
All right, drop your trousers.

473
00:23:59,520 --> 00:24:01,640
But, sir, it's my ears, my nose,
my throat.

474
00:24:01,640 --> 00:24:04,360
My throat. Oh, and my knees,
my feet. Oh!

475
00:24:04,360 --> 00:24:06,440
Well, I'll be the judge of that.
Drop 'em.

476
00:24:14,160 --> 00:24:15,680
Nurse, two aspirins, please.

477
00:24:24,800 --> 00:24:25,840
Right. Next!

478
00:24:34,320 --> 00:24:35,840
Here, Shaw.
Yeah?

479
00:24:35,840 --> 00:24:37,440
What did he say to you?

480
00:24:37,440 --> 00:24:38,880
He said, "Drop your trousers."

481
00:24:38,880 --> 00:24:40,800
He had a look
and he gave me two aspirins.

482
00:24:40,800 --> 00:24:42,240
What sort of a doctor's he, then?

483
00:24:42,240 --> 00:24:45,160
Here we are, all pretending
we've got different complaints...

484
00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:46,760
Hey, Shorthouse.
Yeah?

485
00:24:46,760 --> 00:24:47,880
What did he say to you?

486
00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:50,320
He said, "Drop your trousers,"
and he had a look...

487
00:24:50,320 --> 00:24:51,800
And he gave you two aspirins.

488
00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:53,560
No, he gave me half an aspirin.

489
00:24:53,560 --> 00:24:55,560
All right, drop your trousers.
I was...

490
00:24:55,560 --> 00:24:59,160
STAMMERS INCOHERENTLY

491
00:25:01,200 --> 00:25:04,040
Have you noticed anything strange
about me, sir?

492
00:25:05,160 --> 00:25:07,080
Yes. You haven't dropped
your trousers.

493
00:25:07,080 --> 00:25:08,120
Two aspirins, Nurse.

494
00:25:08,120 --> 00:25:10,040
Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.

495
00:25:10,040 --> 00:25:14,080
Hey, he told me to drop my trousers
and he gave me two of these as...

496
00:25:14,080 --> 00:25:15,360
HE MUMBLES

497
00:25:15,360 --> 00:25:16,400
..prins.

498
00:25:17,560 --> 00:25:18,840
All right, drop 'em.

499
00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:24,960
Nurse, two aspirins, please.

500
00:25:29,720 --> 00:25:31,920
Where are they?
They is all sick, sir.

501
00:25:31,920 --> 00:25:34,720
All of them?
I told sir so, did not I, sir?

502
00:25:34,720 --> 00:25:36,080
LAUGHS

503
00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:39,280
Well, never mind.
I've had a word with the MO.

504
00:25:43,520 --> 00:25:45,480
This is my plan
and those are my orders.

505
00:25:47,360 --> 00:25:49,720
Right, Sergeant Major.
Let them know that we're here.

506
00:25:49,720 --> 00:25:54,160
13-13 Battery, get on parade!

507
00:25:54,160 --> 00:25:56,680
I want you to run them
into the ground.

508
00:25:56,680 --> 00:25:58,040
What about the females, sir?

509
00:25:58,040 --> 00:26:00,480
As far as I'm concerned,
this is a unit, Sergeant Major.

510
00:26:00,480 --> 00:26:01,520
A unit. One piece.

511
00:26:01,520 --> 00:26:03,360
My duty is to make it
an efficient unit.

512
00:26:03,360 --> 00:26:06,560
I'm unaware of males or females.
To me, they're all alike.

513
00:26:06,560 --> 00:26:09,080
They are the same by some measure.

514
00:26:10,080 --> 00:26:11,120
Give 'em hell.

515
00:26:11,120 --> 00:26:13,200
SCREAMS

516
00:26:13,200 --> 00:26:15,320
Get out the way!

517
00:26:16,800 --> 00:26:19,080
That is not the way!

518
00:26:20,360 --> 00:26:21,640
That is not the way.

519
00:26:21,640 --> 00:26:24,240
When one of your comrades
is a short arse,

520
00:26:24,240 --> 00:26:25,680
like Shorthouse here,

521
00:26:25,680 --> 00:26:28,040
a taller man climbs up on him.

522
00:26:28,040 --> 00:26:29,320
Down, Shorthouse.

523
00:26:29,320 --> 00:26:32,160
But, Sergeant Major...
Do not "but, Sergeant Major" me.

524
00:26:32,160 --> 00:26:33,200
Get down.

525
00:26:33,200 --> 00:26:34,960
Watch me.

526
00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:36,360
Right. Steady. Up!

527
00:26:40,040 --> 00:26:41,880
Give me your hand!
Give me your hand!

528
00:26:43,360 --> 00:26:45,160
SHORTHOUSE STRAINS
Get me...

529
00:26:45,160 --> 00:26:46,200
Argh!

530
00:26:46,200 --> 00:26:47,800
Now, pay attention.

531
00:26:47,800 --> 00:26:52,240
You cannot go under the wire.
You have to go over the wire.

532
00:26:52,240 --> 00:26:56,440
Which means that one of you
has to lie on top of the wire,

533
00:26:56,440 --> 00:26:59,640
and let the rest of them
walk over him.

534
00:26:59,640 --> 00:27:01,880
Right. One volunteer.

535
00:27:01,880 --> 00:27:03,320
You!

536
00:27:03,320 --> 00:27:04,760
Me?
Move yourself!

537
00:27:07,240 --> 00:27:09,000
That is not the way.
That is not the way.

538
00:27:09,000 --> 00:27:10,840
Fall out. Move yourself.

539
00:27:10,840 --> 00:27:12,560
Watch me. Watch me.

540
00:27:12,560 --> 00:27:14,360
YELLS

541
00:27:14,360 --> 00:27:16,000
Charge!

542
00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:18,600
Get in there! The enemy's waiting
on the other side!

543
00:27:18,600 --> 00:27:19,640
Oh...

544
00:27:19,640 --> 00:27:21,520
ALL SHOUTING

545
00:27:24,360 --> 00:27:25,560
Next.

546
00:27:27,240 --> 00:27:29,920
No, no, no, no, no!
That is not the way.

547
00:27:29,920 --> 00:27:31,680
You must not stop to think.

548
00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:33,800
Are you sure this rope's safe,
Sergeant Major?

549
00:27:33,800 --> 00:27:37,360
Safe? Safe? Of course it's safe.
Watch me.

550
00:27:37,360 --> 00:27:40,200
TARZAN CRY

551
00:27:41,400 --> 00:27:43,280
Well done, Sergeant Major.

552
00:27:43,280 --> 00:27:46,880
Fingers of steel, boy.
Fingers of steel.

553
00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:52,440
Right. Right, Gunner. Your turn now.

554
00:27:54,680 --> 00:27:57,480
LAUGHTER

555
00:27:57,480 --> 00:27:59,960
MUMBLES

556
00:27:59,960 --> 00:28:01,760
Drown the lot of you.

557
00:28:03,800 --> 00:28:05,400
Sergeant Major.

558
00:28:06,640 --> 00:28:07,840
Yes.

559
00:28:07,840 --> 00:28:09,040
Ungrateful.

560
00:28:09,040 --> 00:28:10,920
MUMBLES

561
00:28:13,040 --> 00:28:16,200
Come on, Sergeant Major.
Wake up. On your feet.

562
00:28:16,200 --> 00:28:17,440
Argh!

563
00:28:17,440 --> 00:28:19,640
BOTH STRAIN
I'm talking to you.

564
00:28:19,640 --> 00:28:21,360
That's better.
Stop it.

565
00:28:21,360 --> 00:28:23,640
Why not, boy?
Oh!

566
00:28:23,640 --> 00:28:27,320
Come on! I'm talking to you.
Wait! Sergeant! Sergeant Major!

567
00:28:27,320 --> 00:28:29,600
Oh. Oh, it's you, sir.

568
00:28:29,600 --> 00:28:30,960
God!

569
00:28:30,960 --> 00:28:33,000
Have you gone mad, Sergeant Major?

570
00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:35,200
Well, your sort of walked
into my nightmare, sir.

571
00:28:35,200 --> 00:28:37,640
I thought you were Shorthouse, sir.
I'm sorry.

572
00:28:38,800 --> 00:28:40,560
And so you damn well should be, man.

573
00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:44,320
You dropped your hat somewhere, sir.
Where is it?

574
00:28:44,320 --> 00:28:46,800
Oh, it's there.
Right, Sergeant Major. Ah-ah!

575
00:28:46,800 --> 00:28:49,320
Sergeant Major,
now that you're on your feet,

576
00:28:49,320 --> 00:28:51,320
I'm going to blast
their blasted evening.

577
00:28:51,320 --> 00:28:54,240
What have you got in mind, sir?
A surprise kit inspection.

578
00:28:55,360 --> 00:28:57,120
Men's hut first.

579
00:28:57,120 --> 00:28:58,960
TANGO MUSIC

580
00:29:10,400 --> 00:29:12,080
# Get those pants down #

581
00:29:12,080 --> 00:29:13,800
# Not bloody likely #

582
00:29:19,000 --> 00:29:22,520
Having a musical soiree, are they?
Sounds more like a tango to me, sir.

583
00:29:22,520 --> 00:29:24,520
Oh, come on, Sergeant Major.

584
00:29:27,160 --> 00:29:28,520
YELPS

585
00:29:28,520 --> 00:29:29,920
CANS RATTLE

586
00:29:31,680 --> 00:29:32,880
Enemy approaching.

587
00:29:32,880 --> 00:29:35,560
Operation Scarper!

588
00:29:39,400 --> 00:29:42,640
You is covered in sh...
something distasteful.

589
00:29:43,720 --> 00:29:45,120
I'm aware of that.

590
00:29:45,120 --> 00:29:49,480
Are you gonna change or what, sir?
I mean, there's... a bit of a pong.

591
00:29:49,480 --> 00:29:51,920
Sergeant Major,
when I start something,

592
00:29:51,920 --> 00:29:54,840
I go through with it,
come hell and high water.

593
00:29:54,840 --> 00:29:57,360
And... whatever this is.

594
00:29:59,280 --> 00:30:00,480
Tell them I'm here.

595
00:30:01,880 --> 00:30:04,160
GIGGLING

596
00:30:06,160 --> 00:30:08,520
Shower! Commanding Officer!

597
00:30:19,640 --> 00:30:22,320
SQUELCHING

598
00:30:27,720 --> 00:30:30,160
Your nostrils, Sergeant.

599
00:30:31,640 --> 00:30:32,880
My nostrils, sir?

600
00:30:32,880 --> 00:30:34,240
They're twitching.

601
00:30:35,240 --> 00:30:37,600
Well, it's like suddenly

602
00:30:37,600 --> 00:30:40,600
there's a funny sort of smell
come into the hut, sir.

603
00:30:41,600 --> 00:30:44,160
Why do you think that is, Sergeant?

604
00:30:44,160 --> 00:30:45,760
Well, it's like suddenly...

605
00:30:46,760 --> 00:30:50,040
Phwoar. Someone's come in
who's covered all over with sh...

606
00:30:51,720 --> 00:30:53,600
Something nasty, sir.

607
00:30:53,600 --> 00:30:54,840
Yes.

608
00:30:54,840 --> 00:30:55,920
Someone is.

609
00:30:56,880 --> 00:30:57,920
Me!

610
00:30:57,920 --> 00:30:59,960
FLY BUZZES

611
00:31:02,000 --> 00:31:03,040
SPLUTTERS

612
00:31:04,040 --> 00:31:05,080
Now, Sergeant...

613
00:31:06,640 --> 00:31:09,040
..how do you suppose that occurred?

614
00:31:09,040 --> 00:31:11,080
COUGHS

615
00:31:11,080 --> 00:31:13,120
No, I can't say, sir.

616
00:31:13,120 --> 00:31:16,440
I can. Trip wire.
A trip wire, sir?

617
00:31:16,440 --> 00:31:19,160
It tripped me right in it.

618
00:31:21,480 --> 00:31:22,760
What, right into the...?

619
00:31:22,760 --> 00:31:24,120
Yes!

620
00:31:24,120 --> 00:31:25,880
GASPS

621
00:31:27,560 --> 00:31:31,240
How do you suppose... it got there?

622
00:31:32,240 --> 00:31:33,400
What, you mean the...?

623
00:31:33,400 --> 00:31:35,320
You know the officer means
the trip wire.

624
00:31:35,320 --> 00:31:37,000
I'm doing the talking,
Sergeant Major.

625
00:31:37,000 --> 00:31:38,400
Sir.

626
00:31:38,400 --> 00:31:39,440
Well?

627
00:31:39,440 --> 00:31:41,040
FLY BUZZES

628
00:31:42,800 --> 00:31:44,000
Well...

629
00:31:46,160 --> 00:31:48,240
Well, sir, that...

630
00:31:48,240 --> 00:31:52,160
That is a trap
for Nazi paratroopers, sir.

631
00:31:52,160 --> 00:31:54,120
Am I a Nazi paratrooper?

632
00:31:54,120 --> 00:31:57,120
No! No, sir. You're one of us.
HE CHUCKLES

633
00:31:57,120 --> 00:31:58,360
I think.

634
00:31:58,360 --> 00:31:59,880
Explain yourself, Sergeant.

635
00:31:59,880 --> 00:32:01,920
Well, sir...

636
00:32:01,920 --> 00:32:06,200
in this hut,
we are usually otherwise engaged.

637
00:32:06,200 --> 00:32:09,200
You know,
kipping and things like that.

638
00:32:09,200 --> 00:32:13,320
And we thought that some sort of
early warning system was necessary.

639
00:32:13,320 --> 00:32:16,280
I mean, you can't trust that Hitler
round the bend, can you, sir?

640
00:32:16,280 --> 00:32:19,960
And this unit prides itself
on being ever ready.

641
00:32:19,960 --> 00:32:22,520
Yes, Sergeant?  No, Bombardier Ready,
I wasn't talking to you.

642
00:32:22,520 --> 00:32:25,840
I am addressing
the commanding officer.

643
00:32:26,840 --> 00:32:29,520
What is that man
doing sitting at attention

644
00:32:29,520 --> 00:32:31,560
on that man's shoulders?

645
00:32:31,560 --> 00:32:34,720
Well, sir, that's the presence
of an officer, sir.

646
00:32:34,720 --> 00:32:36,400
But why sitting on
someone's shoulders?

647
00:32:36,400 --> 00:32:39,240
Well, sir, what with Shorthouse
having such a fine head of hair,

648
00:32:39,240 --> 00:32:40,920
we use him to keep the cobwebs down.

649
00:32:40,920 --> 00:32:43,560
Ready, give the officer
a demonstration.

650
00:32:43,560 --> 00:32:46,080
My head! Ow! My head!
He's banging my head.

651
00:32:46,080 --> 00:32:47,960
Ow! Careful! You're banging my head!

652
00:32:47,960 --> 00:32:50,160
Watch it! You're off balance.

653
00:32:51,320 --> 00:32:52,840
Enough of that. Enough of that!

654
00:32:52,840 --> 00:32:55,200
Get down, that man! Sergeant Major.
Hah!

655
00:32:55,200 --> 00:32:57,480
Stand by your beds!
This is an inspection!

656
00:32:57,480 --> 00:33:00,200
Move yourselves! Come on, come on,
come on. At the double!

657
00:33:00,200 --> 00:33:02,920
Get properly dressed!
Do yourself up, lad!

658
00:33:02,920 --> 00:33:06,640
Do your flies up, that man.
Your brains is catching cold.

659
00:33:06,640 --> 00:33:08,840
Lay it out! Lay it out!

660
00:33:14,560 --> 00:33:17,240
Hang properly to attention,
that man!

661
00:33:18,240 --> 00:33:22,080
You call that laying it out?
Give us a minute, Sergeant Major.

662
00:33:22,080 --> 00:33:25,680
Never mind that, Sergeant Major.
What the devil is this?

663
00:33:25,680 --> 00:33:27,360
Ah. Yes, sir.

664
00:33:27,360 --> 00:33:29,720
You see, those, sir,
are ear muffs, sir.

665
00:33:29,720 --> 00:33:31,480
A trophy of war, that is, sir.

666
00:33:32,480 --> 00:33:34,280
Ear muffs? Trophy of war?

667
00:33:34,280 --> 00:33:36,480
Captured from one of them German ATS

668
00:33:36,480 --> 00:33:39,000
during the retreat from Dunkirk,
sir.

669
00:33:39,000 --> 00:33:40,880
But it says "Made in England".

670
00:33:40,880 --> 00:33:42,040
SNEEZE

671
00:33:42,040 --> 00:33:44,320
Who's that sneezing up in the loft?

672
00:33:44,320 --> 00:33:45,680
Oh, that was him, sir.

673
00:33:45,680 --> 00:33:48,120
It couldn't have been.
I've just seen him talking.  Yeah.

674
00:33:48,120 --> 00:33:52,840
Yeah, he was talking and then...
then he sneezed, sir.

675
00:33:52,840 --> 00:33:54,120
I didn't see him.

676
00:33:54,120 --> 00:33:57,680
Well, I would never knowingly sneeze
in the presence of an officer, sir.

677
00:33:57,680 --> 00:33:59,000
So, he sort of...

678
00:33:59,000 --> 00:34:01,880
He threw his sneeze up
into the loft.

679
00:34:01,880 --> 00:34:03,320
Didn't you, Ready?

680
00:34:03,320 --> 00:34:05,000
Er, yes, Sergeant.

681
00:34:05,000 --> 00:34:08,720
Are you a ventriloquist?
Oh, no, sir. Church of England.

682
00:34:09,720 --> 00:34:12,160
Do you pursue the ventriloquial art?

683
00:34:12,160 --> 00:34:14,120
In an amateurish sort of way,
yes, sir.

684
00:34:14,120 --> 00:34:15,200
Do it again.

685
00:34:15,200 --> 00:34:17,160
Er... again.

686
00:34:17,160 --> 00:34:20,280
You mean, you want me to throw...

687
00:34:20,280 --> 00:34:23,440
throw my voice
and sneeze up in the loft again?

688
00:34:23,440 --> 00:34:24,920
Sir!
Yes, now.

689
00:34:24,920 --> 00:34:26,120
SNEEZE

690
00:34:26,120 --> 00:34:27,240
I saw your lips move.

691
00:34:27,240 --> 00:34:29,520
I didn't.
I did distinctly.

692
00:34:29,520 --> 00:34:32,440
I should give it up if I were you.
You're not very good at it.

693
00:34:32,440 --> 00:34:33,640
LAUGHS

694
00:34:33,640 --> 00:34:36,400
Come to think of it, the state
of this hut's not very good either.

695
00:34:36,400 --> 00:34:37,840
In fact, it's horrible.

696
00:34:40,800 --> 00:34:43,720
In the time it takes me to shower,

697
00:34:43,720 --> 00:34:46,240
you shower will clean this place up.

698
00:34:46,240 --> 00:34:48,480
I want this floor polished
from wall to wall.

699
00:34:48,480 --> 00:34:50,200
Under the beds. Round the stove.

700
00:34:51,280 --> 00:34:53,800
Polish it everywhere.

701
00:34:53,800 --> 00:34:57,600
I want it so that
I can see my face in it.

702
00:35:00,000 --> 00:35:03,880
You heard what the officer said!
Get on with it!

703
00:35:03,880 --> 00:35:07,160
No, no, no.
Something has got to be done.

704
00:35:08,160 --> 00:35:11,240
I know what he wants.
What does he want?

705
00:35:11,240 --> 00:35:13,080
He wants us to polish the floor,
sarge.

706
00:35:21,760 --> 00:35:24,360
CANS RATTLE

707
00:35:24,360 --> 00:35:26,360
Phoooooor!

708
00:35:26,360 --> 00:35:27,880
He's in it again!

709
00:35:29,040 --> 00:35:30,200
Oh...

710
00:35:36,920 --> 00:35:38,200
You...

711
00:35:39,480 --> 00:35:40,680
SNIGGERING

712
00:35:40,680 --> 00:35:42,000
You...

713
00:35:42,000 --> 00:35:43,680
You... Aarrrghhhhh!

714
00:35:43,680 --> 00:35:45,800
LAUGHTER

715
00:35:45,800 --> 00:35:47,240
CLATTERING

716
00:35:50,600 --> 00:35:51,880
What has happened?

717
00:35:52,880 --> 00:35:54,560
He went through so fast...

718
00:35:55,560 --> 00:35:57,600
..I think he might've been
taken short again.

719
00:35:57,600 --> 00:35:59,840
Yes, quite a nasty friction burn
you've got there.

720
00:35:59,840 --> 00:36:02,040
What have you been doing, eh?
Arsing about?

721
00:36:02,040 --> 00:36:05,080
A drop of calamine'll soon get
to the bottom of this one.

722
00:36:05,080 --> 00:36:06,840
I will cancel the route march, sir.

723
00:36:06,840 --> 00:36:08,600
You'll do no such thing,
Sergeant Major.

724
00:36:08,600 --> 00:36:11,120
No choice, sir. Both your uniforms
is at the cleaners.

725
00:36:11,120 --> 00:36:13,280
Yes, I know that.
SIZZLING

726
00:36:13,280 --> 00:36:15,720
You cannot go on route march
in your underpants,

727
00:36:15,720 --> 00:36:17,680
and with a burnt bum to boot.

728
00:36:17,680 --> 00:36:19,520
Get me a battledress,
Sergeant Major,

729
00:36:19,520 --> 00:36:20,960
from battalion stores, you fool.

730
00:36:20,960 --> 00:36:22,320
I've already rung the stores,

731
00:36:22,320 --> 00:36:24,640
and there's nothing in your size,
sir.

732
00:36:24,640 --> 00:36:27,480
I must say, this is a bit
near the ground, Melly.

733
00:36:27,480 --> 00:36:29,240
Get me a battledress,
Sergeant Major.

734
00:36:29,240 --> 00:36:31,120
I don't care how you get it,
but get it!

735
00:36:31,120 --> 00:36:32,160
Sir.

736
00:36:36,880 --> 00:36:40,520
What does he expect me to do?
Knit him one? The short ans...

737
00:36:42,760 --> 00:36:44,120
That's it!

738
00:36:44,120 --> 00:36:46,960
Shorthouse.
Little Gunner Shorthouse.

739
00:36:46,960 --> 00:36:48,000
LAUGHS

740
00:36:48,000 --> 00:36:50,480
My best walking out battledress,
Sergeant Major?

741
00:36:50,480 --> 00:36:53,040
Do not bandy words with me,
lovely boy.

742
00:36:53,040 --> 00:36:56,000
Or I will raise my right leg
six inches from the ground,

743
00:36:56,000 --> 00:36:58,920
place my number ten
firmly on the top of your head,

744
00:36:58,920 --> 00:37:02,120
and press you straight through
the floorboards.

745
00:37:02,120 --> 00:37:03,480
Nice.

746
00:37:03,480 --> 00:37:07,400
Best walking out battledress,
Shorthouse, please.

747
00:37:07,400 --> 00:37:09,840
But what if he wants to go
walking out, Sergeant Major?

748
00:37:09,840 --> 00:37:11,680
Then he will just have to stay in!

749
00:37:11,680 --> 00:37:13,520
Oh, flippin' heck.

750
00:37:13,520 --> 00:37:16,040
Only one man round here
allowed to use bad language, Gunner,

751
00:37:16,040 --> 00:37:17,880
and you is looking at him.

752
00:37:19,240 --> 00:37:20,680
Get it out, lovely boy.

753
00:37:20,680 --> 00:37:22,520
Get it out.

754
00:37:22,520 --> 00:37:23,560
Pardon?

755
00:37:24,560 --> 00:37:27,000
The battledress. Get it out!
Sergeant Major.

756
00:37:39,320 --> 00:37:41,920
I do not know about walking out
in it.

757
00:37:41,920 --> 00:37:43,960
It looks like you've been
sleeping out in it.

758
00:37:43,960 --> 00:37:46,240
Get it pressed
like it's never been worn,

759
00:37:46,240 --> 00:37:49,200
and bring it over the battery office
in ten min-u-ets.

760
00:37:49,200 --> 00:37:50,480
And by the way,

761
00:37:50,480 --> 00:37:53,320
the whole of the mixed section
will parade at 0900 hours.

762
00:37:53,320 --> 00:37:55,000
You is going walkies.

763
00:37:55,000 --> 00:37:57,360
Walkies?
A route march!

764
00:37:57,360 --> 00:37:59,360
LAUGHS

765
00:37:59,360 --> 00:38:01,240
I is looking forward
to seeing you off

766
00:38:01,240 --> 00:38:04,080
on them 12 foot-blistering miles.

767
00:38:04,080 --> 00:38:08,160
I cannot wait to wish you luck
as you wave my goodbye.

768
00:38:08,160 --> 00:38:10,440
LAUGHS

769
00:38:11,440 --> 00:38:13,080
12 miles?!

770
00:38:13,080 --> 00:38:16,920
So, you see, Tilly,
I wanted to ask your advice.

771
00:38:16,920 --> 00:38:18,800
I mean, you being a woman
and all that.

772
00:38:18,800 --> 00:38:22,400
Oh, so you've noticed?
Yes. A couple of times.

773
00:38:22,400 --> 00:38:25,640
Not now, Leonard. We're on duty.

774
00:38:27,000 --> 00:38:30,880
You see, the little perisher
is gonna wear this on the march.

775
00:38:30,880 --> 00:38:33,320
Him?
No, no. Not him. Him.

776
00:38:33,320 --> 00:38:34,920
Captain flippin' S Melly.

777
00:38:34,920 --> 00:38:36,960
Oh, Smelly himself.
Yeah.

778
00:38:36,960 --> 00:38:41,320
So, with all your knowledge
of erm... sewing and that,

779
00:38:41,320 --> 00:38:46,000
what can we do to sabotage
Shorty's walking outs?

780
00:38:47,240 --> 00:38:50,520
I don't want anybody sabotaging
my walking out.  A-a-a-a-a!

781
00:38:50,520 --> 00:38:53,360
It's either your walking outs
or our feet.

782
00:38:55,240 --> 00:38:56,280
Well, Till?

783
00:38:59,840 --> 00:39:01,120
SIGHS

784
00:39:01,120 --> 00:39:02,640
I don't know.

785
00:39:02,640 --> 00:39:04,560
I just don't know.

786
00:39:04,560 --> 00:39:07,120
Built to withstand
all the rigours of wars, these.

787
00:39:07,120 --> 00:39:09,400
Yeah, I know that,
but what are we going to do?

788
00:39:10,400 --> 00:39:11,600
Wait a minute.

789
00:39:13,960 --> 00:39:15,000
I'm waiting.

790
00:39:16,000 --> 00:39:17,120
Anti-gas bleach.

791
00:39:17,120 --> 00:39:18,680
Anti-gas bleach.

792
00:39:18,680 --> 00:39:19,800
Anti-gas bleach?

793
00:39:19,800 --> 00:39:21,840
Oh, Leonard. Get me some.

794
00:39:21,840 --> 00:39:23,360
Ready, get me some.

795
00:39:27,080 --> 00:39:30,000
Right. You got a match?
Yeah, your...

796
00:39:30,000 --> 00:39:31,480
Er...

797
00:39:40,240 --> 00:39:41,760
This'll make him hop a bit.

798
00:39:43,240 --> 00:39:47,000
CHUCKLES

799
00:39:54,320 --> 00:39:57,520
Parade! Right heel!

800
00:40:00,040 --> 00:40:02,760
SQUEAKING

801
00:40:07,880 --> 00:40:10,840
Parade ready for route march, sir!

802
00:40:10,840 --> 00:40:12,840
Thank you, Sergeant Major.

803
00:40:15,600 --> 00:40:17,640
SQUEAKING

804
00:40:21,320 --> 00:40:25,680
Mixed section, move to the left
in column abrupt.

805
00:40:25,680 --> 00:40:27,520
Left turn!

806
00:40:29,200 --> 00:40:32,200
SQUEAKING

807
00:40:33,720 --> 00:40:37,480
By the left, quick march.

808
00:40:42,000 --> 00:40:44,040
Mixed section, halt!

809
00:40:46,400 --> 00:40:49,960
SQUEAKING

810
00:40:49,960 --> 00:40:52,880
What the devil do you think
you're doing, Sergeant Major?

811
00:40:52,880 --> 00:40:54,200
Seeing you off, sir.

812
00:40:54,200 --> 00:40:56,480
Somebody has to hold the fort.

813
00:40:56,480 --> 00:41:00,320
A fort with only a wooden gun
doesn't need holding.

814
00:41:00,320 --> 00:41:01,760
Fall in at the rear.

815
00:41:01,760 --> 00:41:02,800
With respect, sir,

816
00:41:02,800 --> 00:41:05,000
I cannot do route marches
with my feet.

817
00:41:05,000 --> 00:41:07,440
Well, you certainly
can't do one without them.

818
00:41:07,440 --> 00:41:09,800
LAUGHS

819
00:41:09,800 --> 00:41:11,640
Fall in.
Sir!

820
00:41:17,440 --> 00:41:21,720
Mixed section and Sergeant Major,

821
00:41:21,720 --> 00:41:24,240
quick march!

822
00:41:32,200 --> 00:41:34,240
LAUGHTER

823
00:41:50,960 --> 00:41:53,480
SQUEALS OF LAUGHTER

824
00:42:00,000 --> 00:42:04,200
You seems to have come apart
at the seams, sir.

825
00:42:10,480 --> 00:42:14,320
Mixed section, halt!

826
00:42:26,400 --> 00:42:28,840
Left turn!

827
00:42:30,880 --> 00:42:33,280
CHUCKLING

828
00:42:33,280 --> 00:42:36,360
LIGHT LAUGHTER

829
00:42:41,120 --> 00:42:43,760
LAUGHTER GROWS

830
00:43:14,280 --> 00:43:16,360
Sergeant Major!
Sir!

831
00:43:16,360 --> 00:43:19,080
Put them all on a charge.
Hah!

832
00:43:19,080 --> 00:43:22,920
Every man, jack and woman of 'em.
Sir!

833
00:43:22,920 --> 00:43:26,120
You is all on a charge.

834
00:43:27,240 --> 00:43:29,720
Er, what is the charge, sir?

835
00:43:31,360 --> 00:43:32,560
Laughing.

836
00:43:34,240 --> 00:43:35,560
On duty.

837
00:43:52,160 --> 00:43:55,520
Left, right! Left, right!
Left, right! Left!

838
00:43:55,520 --> 00:43:57,720
Defaulters, halt!

839
00:43:57,720 --> 00:43:59,240
Hats off!

840
00:44:00,560 --> 00:44:03,600
March them in, Sergeant Major.
One at a time, sir?

841
00:44:03,600 --> 00:44:07,120
They're all on the same charge.
I'll see them all together.

842
00:44:07,120 --> 00:44:10,400
Sir! Defaulters, opposite sex first.

843
00:44:10,400 --> 00:44:12,320
Single file. Double march!

844
00:44:12,320 --> 00:44:14,480
Left, right! Left, right!
Move yourselves!

845
00:44:14,480 --> 00:44:17,160
Left, right! Left, right!
Mark time!

846
00:44:17,160 --> 00:44:19,520
Left, right! Left, right!
Move yourselves!

847
00:44:19,520 --> 00:44:21,960
Left, right! Left, right!
Left, right! Halt!

848
00:44:21,960 --> 00:44:23,040
SMASHING

849
00:44:24,840 --> 00:44:25,880
Where are you, sir?

850
00:44:28,000 --> 00:44:29,200
GASPS

851
00:44:29,200 --> 00:44:31,360
Over here, Sergeant Major.

852
00:44:32,360 --> 00:44:34,640
I can't see you, sir.
Raise your hand, sir.

853
00:44:36,360 --> 00:44:37,720
Would you...

854
00:44:39,720 --> 00:44:43,040
Will you kindly remove your...
I can't. I'm squashed.

855
00:44:43,040 --> 00:44:45,880
Take a deep breath, Ffoukes...
Ffoukes-Sharpe.

856
00:44:45,880 --> 00:44:47,440
SHE INHALES

857
00:44:47,440 --> 00:44:48,480
SHE EXHALES

858
00:44:48,480 --> 00:44:49,520
Oh!

859
00:44:49,520 --> 00:44:52,440
Never mind where I am,
Sergeant Major.

860
00:44:52,440 --> 00:44:53,680
Read the charge.

861
00:44:53,680 --> 00:44:54,720
Hah!

862
00:44:54,720 --> 00:44:58,920
Defaulters did, whilst on duty,
indulge in unauthorised laughter,

863
00:44:58,920 --> 00:45:00,840
in contravention
of King's regulations

864
00:45:00,840 --> 00:45:02,600
and War Office instructions, sir.

865
00:45:02,600 --> 00:45:05,640
MUFFLED

866
00:45:05,640 --> 00:45:08,920
I'm sorry, sir. We couldn't...
We couldn't quite catch that.

867
00:45:10,320 --> 00:45:13,080
Will you kindly remove those things
from my...

868
00:45:14,240 --> 00:45:16,720
I said you're all confined to camp
for two weeks.

869
00:45:18,160 --> 00:45:20,360
Carry on, Sergeant Major!
Sir!

870
00:45:20,360 --> 00:45:22,240
About turn!

871
00:45:22,240 --> 00:45:24,600
Double march!
Left, right! Left, right!

872
00:45:24,600 --> 00:45:26,040
Move yourselves!

873
00:45:36,440 --> 00:45:39,120
Sergeant Major, shut the door.

874
00:45:45,720 --> 00:45:47,840
Well, that'll teach 'em.

875
00:45:49,400 --> 00:45:51,000
What are you shaking your head for?

876
00:45:51,000 --> 00:45:53,360
They will not mind being confined
to camp, sir.

877
00:45:53,360 --> 00:45:54,720
Nonsense!

878
00:45:54,720 --> 00:45:57,320
Every soldier minds being confined
to camp.

879
00:45:57,320 --> 00:45:59,520
Not when half of 'em is women, sir.

880
00:45:59,520 --> 00:46:00,800
They is happy here.

881
00:46:00,800 --> 00:46:02,000
Happy?

882
00:46:03,160 --> 00:46:05,120
It has always been my proud boast,
sir,

883
00:46:05,120 --> 00:46:08,440
in all my time as a sergeant major,
in all my camps

884
00:46:08,440 --> 00:46:11,280
there has never been a single
solitary sign of happiness.

885
00:46:11,280 --> 00:46:12,320
Till now.

886
00:46:15,240 --> 00:46:17,080
Why, man? Why?

887
00:46:17,080 --> 00:46:20,440
This lot have got everything
they want here, sir.

888
00:46:20,440 --> 00:46:21,480
Such as?

889
00:46:21,480 --> 00:46:24,960
Ooh. A bit of this, a bit of that.
A lot of that, actually.

890
00:46:24,960 --> 00:46:26,720
A lot of what?

891
00:46:26,720 --> 00:46:28,760
You know, sir? That.

892
00:46:31,640 --> 00:46:34,200
Surely you don't mean
a bit of the other.

893
00:46:34,200 --> 00:46:36,520
This, that or the other.
No matter what you call it.

894
00:46:36,520 --> 00:46:37,800
This is at it all the time.

895
00:46:37,800 --> 00:46:41,760
In and out of each other's quarters
like fiddler's elbows.

896
00:46:41,760 --> 00:46:43,280
Are they indeed?

897
00:46:43,280 --> 00:46:46,240
Well, that is something to which
I'm going to put a bloody stop.

898
00:46:46,240 --> 00:46:47,920
With respect, sir,
we cannot stop them

899
00:46:47,920 --> 00:46:50,680
getting up to what they gets up to
without staying up all night.

900
00:46:52,000 --> 00:46:54,680
That will not be necessary,
Sergeant Major.

901
00:46:54,680 --> 00:46:55,840
Sir?

902
00:46:55,840 --> 00:46:58,280
We will built a chastity fence.

903
00:46:58,280 --> 00:46:59,720
A what, sir?

904
00:46:59,720 --> 00:47:01,240
A sort of a big belt.

905
00:47:02,320 --> 00:47:03,360
Ooh.

906
00:47:03,360 --> 00:47:06,480
Made of barbed wire.

907
00:47:06,480 --> 00:47:08,080
Cor!

908
00:47:08,080 --> 00:47:10,120
That sounds a bit uncomfortable,
sir.

909
00:47:13,120 --> 00:47:14,320
Too-wit!

910
00:47:14,320 --> 00:47:15,520
Too-hoo!

911
00:47:18,240 --> 00:47:19,680
The last one, Sergeant Major.

912
00:47:19,680 --> 00:47:20,720
RIPPING

913
00:47:20,720 --> 00:47:24,040
Steady, man. You've caught me
right in the... field dressing.

914
00:47:25,200 --> 00:47:26,480
Right, lift!

915
00:47:37,880 --> 00:47:38,920
Good man.

916
00:47:40,720 --> 00:47:44,240
Well, I think congratulations
are in order, Sergeant Major.

917
00:47:44,240 --> 00:47:45,400
Thank you, sir.

918
00:47:45,400 --> 00:47:47,120
What? Not you, you fool. Me.

919
00:47:47,120 --> 00:47:48,520
Come along. Let's get back.

920
00:47:48,520 --> 00:47:50,080
There's gratitude for you.

921
00:47:50,080 --> 00:47:51,240
Sir!

922
00:48:02,200 --> 00:48:04,240
Private Easy.
Yes, Sergeant?

923
00:48:04,240 --> 00:48:06,520
Make the signal to Sergeant Able.

924
00:48:06,520 --> 00:48:08,720
Code or plain language?

925
00:48:08,720 --> 00:48:10,840
Plain language.
Right away.

926
00:48:14,080 --> 00:48:15,520
TOILET FLUSHES

927
00:48:28,120 --> 00:48:30,360
Ready?
Er, Sergeant?

928
00:48:30,360 --> 00:48:33,800
Make to Sergeant Willing,
message received.

929
00:48:33,800 --> 00:48:35,480
And understood.

930
00:48:35,480 --> 00:48:37,400
LAUGHTER

931
00:48:37,400 --> 00:48:38,440
Sergeant.

932
00:48:41,560 --> 00:48:47,400
Alice, I don't think
I can hold this pose much longer.

933
00:48:47,400 --> 00:48:48,760
I'll get cramp.

934
00:48:48,760 --> 00:48:50,360
Really?

935
00:48:50,360 --> 00:48:52,560
Oh, Leonard, what's keeping you?

936
00:48:52,560 --> 00:48:53,600
Oooh.

937
00:48:54,880 --> 00:48:56,240
I told you so, Sergeant.

938
00:48:56,240 --> 00:48:58,200
That's not only barbed wire.
That's rusty.

939
00:48:58,200 --> 00:49:00,720
Rusty? I'll get blood poisoning
on my hooter.

940
00:49:00,720 --> 00:49:03,240
Will you shut up about your hooter?
It's the only one I've got.

941
00:49:03,240 --> 00:49:05,920
You don't think the girls
have gone off us, do you?

942
00:49:05,920 --> 00:49:08,160
No, no, this has got nothing
to do with the girls.

943
00:49:08,160 --> 00:49:12,000
This is a right load of old Smelly.
Smelly?

944
00:49:12,000 --> 00:49:13,640
READY MUMBLES
Stop doing that.

945
00:49:13,640 --> 00:49:15,680
Sorry.
He can't do that to us.

946
00:49:15,680 --> 00:49:18,000
Yeah, well, he's done it, hasn't he?
But it's inhuman.

947
00:49:18,000 --> 00:49:19,040
Well, he ain't human.

948
00:49:19,040 --> 00:49:20,600
Well, he ain't gonna get away
with it.

949
00:49:20,600 --> 00:49:22,920
Double back to the hut
and fetch your tin hat.  What for?

950
00:49:22,920 --> 00:49:25,040
You just do as I tells you.
But I don't understand.

951
00:49:25,040 --> 00:49:26,480
Scarper!
Yes, Sergeant.

952
00:49:26,480 --> 00:49:29,120
Right. Here. Now, listen.

953
00:49:29,120 --> 00:49:31,880
Now, you all know the drill
for this sort of operation.

954
00:49:31,880 --> 00:49:35,840
I am asking for a volunteer.

955
00:49:37,800 --> 00:49:39,000
Right, sarge.

956
00:49:40,560 --> 00:49:41,840
Well done, son.

957
00:49:42,840 --> 00:49:46,120
Congratulations.
Thank you very much, sarge.

958
00:49:46,120 --> 00:49:47,480
What for?

959
00:49:47,480 --> 00:49:50,160
You have just volunteered.
Oh, have I?

960
00:49:50,160 --> 00:49:52,360
Yeah. Put your helmet on.
Cover yourself up.

961
00:49:52,360 --> 00:49:54,160
No, not on your head.
Cover your, er...

962
00:49:54,160 --> 00:49:56,080
I don't understand.
Park, show him, will you?

963
00:49:56,080 --> 00:49:57,120
What do you mean?

964
00:49:57,120 --> 00:49:58,160
THUD
Ooooh!

965
00:49:58,160 --> 00:50:00,680
That's right. Now, just hold it
right there.  What for?

966
00:50:00,680 --> 00:50:03,200
So you don't do yourself an injury
when you lay on the wire.

967
00:50:03,200 --> 00:50:04,840
What?!
Shh!

968
00:50:04,840 --> 00:50:06,920
Right, come on, lads.
The girls is getting cold.

969
00:50:06,920 --> 00:50:09,920
No, not the wire, Sergeant.
No, Sergeant. I'll do anything.

970
00:50:09,920 --> 00:50:13,120
Not on the wire! Please, Sergeant!
Don't throw me on the wire.

971
00:50:13,120 --> 00:50:14,960
One, two, three.

972
00:50:14,960 --> 00:50:17,000
SCREAMS

973
00:50:17,000 --> 00:50:18,640
EXPLOSION,
READY CRIES OUT

974
00:50:19,760 --> 00:50:22,120
Cor blimey, Ready.
What have you done?

975
00:50:23,120 --> 00:50:25,200
Nothing.
Eh?

976
00:50:25,200 --> 00:50:27,400
Ooh! Ah! Me neck!

977
00:50:27,400 --> 00:50:29,240
CRACKLING

978
00:50:29,240 --> 00:50:31,240
Keep your hand on your helmet,
for God's sake,

979
00:50:31,240 --> 00:50:34,000
otherwise you'll be ruined for life.
Over to his bed.

980
00:50:34,000 --> 00:50:37,000
There we go. Carefully does it.
Careful, careful.

981
00:50:37,000 --> 00:50:39,720
Careful, lads.
READY GROANS

982
00:50:42,400 --> 00:50:43,720
Wake up.

983
00:50:44,880 --> 00:50:46,440
Wake up!

984
00:50:46,440 --> 00:50:47,880
How are you feeling, son?

985
00:50:47,880 --> 00:50:50,400
It's just as though those explosions

986
00:50:50,400 --> 00:50:53,440
are reverberating
all through my body.

987
00:50:53,440 --> 00:50:56,000
Well, just so long
as your helmet's not damaged.

988
00:50:56,000 --> 00:50:57,520
Oooh!

989
00:51:00,320 --> 00:51:01,600
Yeah.

990
00:51:01,600 --> 00:51:04,520
And I thought he was
just a little basket.

991
00:51:04,520 --> 00:51:06,280
Well, what is he, then, sarge?

992
00:51:07,880 --> 00:51:10,320
A cunning little basket.

993
00:51:11,600 --> 00:51:14,120
COCKEREL CROWS

994
00:51:15,920 --> 00:51:17,960
HUMS

995
00:51:26,880 --> 00:51:28,320
Morning, sir.

996
00:51:28,320 --> 00:51:29,760
Good morning, Sergeant Major.

997
00:51:29,760 --> 00:51:32,120
You requested my presence
at this early hour, sir?

998
00:51:32,120 --> 00:51:35,640
Yes, I did indeed. Why?
Did I interrupt your sleep?

999
00:51:35,640 --> 00:51:39,040
It doesn't worry me, sir.
Well, I should think not, indeed.

1000
00:51:39,040 --> 00:51:44,520
Well, it's coming up for the hour.
Five, four, three, two, one.

1001
00:51:44,520 --> 00:51:46,600
Sound the reveille.
Reveille?

1002
00:51:46,600 --> 00:51:49,360
Yes, the wakey-wakey.
Get up and win the war.

1003
00:51:49,360 --> 00:51:52,000
When I'm on my feet,
everyone's on their feet.

1004
00:51:52,000 --> 00:51:53,440
I beg your pardon, sir.

1005
00:51:53,440 --> 00:51:55,800
But I has found you gets
more out of this shower

1006
00:51:55,800 --> 00:52:00,160
if they is allowed to wake up
sort of gradual, like.

1007
00:52:00,160 --> 00:52:05,680
Well, from now on, they're going
to wake up sort of sudden, like.

1008
00:52:05,680 --> 00:52:07,960
If they gets up on the wrong side,
sir,

1009
00:52:08,960 --> 00:52:11,520
they can make your life
a bloody misery all day.

1010
00:52:11,520 --> 00:52:14,360
Yes, well, I'm the man
who makes lives bloody miserable,

1011
00:52:14,360 --> 00:52:15,400
Sergeant Major.

1012
00:52:15,400 --> 00:52:17,240
Sound the reveille.
Very well, sir.

1013
00:52:18,720 --> 00:52:21,160
I think I can safely say that

1014
00:52:21,160 --> 00:52:23,960
this is definitely gonna give them
the needle.

1015
00:52:23,960 --> 00:52:26,000
LAUGHS

1016
00:52:30,160 --> 00:52:31,360
Stand by.

1017
00:52:35,960 --> 00:52:38,720
FANFARE

1018
00:52:39,880 --> 00:52:42,480
Blimey! It's only half past six.

1019
00:52:42,480 --> 00:52:43,560
What a liberty!

1020
00:52:43,560 --> 00:52:45,720
Here, turn that off!

1021
00:52:45,720 --> 00:52:47,800
Oh, my gawd. Give it a rest.

1022
00:52:47,800 --> 00:52:49,240
What the hell was that?

1023
00:52:49,240 --> 00:52:50,720
Sounds like reveille.

1024
00:52:50,720 --> 00:52:52,520
Well, turn the bloody thing off.

1025
00:52:52,520 --> 00:52:54,800
You can't turn off a tannoy, sarge.

1026
00:52:54,800 --> 00:52:57,560
Get on Ready's shoulders
and stuff something up it.

1027
00:52:57,560 --> 00:52:59,240
What can I stuff up it, sarge?

1028
00:52:59,240 --> 00:53:02,360
Well, I don't know.
Your head, your arse, your elbow.

1029
00:53:02,360 --> 00:53:04,880
Only hurry up.
I'm trying to get some kip.

1030
00:53:04,880 --> 00:53:07,240
Hey, Ready.
What?  Hand us me pillow.

1031
00:53:07,240 --> 00:53:09,440
Can't you remember anything?
Give us that.

1032
00:53:09,440 --> 00:53:11,680
I can't see with that in my face.
What you saying?

1033
00:53:11,680 --> 00:53:13,760
Get it out my face.
There we are.

1034
00:53:14,760 --> 00:53:17,200
It's stopped.
Well, take me back again.

1035
00:53:18,240 --> 00:53:21,680
Wakey-waaaaaakey!

1036
00:53:21,680 --> 00:53:23,600
Here we go. Way-hey-hey!

1037
00:53:23,600 --> 00:53:25,120
Wakey-wakey, rise and shine.

1038
00:53:25,120 --> 00:53:28,280
You may break your mothers' hearts,
but you will not break mine.

1039
00:53:29,280 --> 00:53:31,200
How dare you stuff
the commanding officer

1040
00:53:31,200 --> 00:53:33,160
when he is talking.
Unstuff him at once!

1041
00:53:33,160 --> 00:53:34,760
Get down and get dressed!

1042
00:53:34,760 --> 00:53:37,760
And the rest of you,
what does you think you is doing?

1043
00:53:37,760 --> 00:53:40,680
Well, we was...
we was trying to get some kip.

1044
00:53:40,680 --> 00:53:43,200
But you has had all night to kip.

1045
00:53:43,200 --> 00:53:45,880
Now then, off your backs,
on your feet,

1046
00:53:45,880 --> 00:53:48,000
and get into them ablutions
at the double!

1047
00:53:55,000 --> 00:53:56,320
Aeroplanes.

1048
00:53:56,320 --> 00:53:58,840
Hey, what's all this about, then,
Sergeant Major?

1049
00:53:59,960 --> 00:54:03,240
Aircraft recognition.
These is your new pin-ups.

1050
00:54:03,240 --> 00:54:05,080
I bet none of you can tell
the difference

1051
00:54:05,080 --> 00:54:07,600
between a couple of Heinkels
and a pair of Bristols.

1052
00:54:08,600 --> 00:54:11,800
No, but I can recognise a Fokker
when I see one.

1053
00:54:11,800 --> 00:54:14,320
Good boy.
That is why you is a sergeant.

1054
00:54:18,080 --> 00:54:22,400
'Attention, all ATS personnel.'

1055
00:54:22,400 --> 00:54:24,280
'I'm going to make men of you.'

1056
00:54:25,280 --> 00:54:29,000
As from this moment,
skirts will not be worn.

1057
00:54:29,000 --> 00:54:32,000
'Skirts will not be worn.'

1058
00:54:32,000 --> 00:54:34,040
Ooh, that'll be a bit draughty.

1059
00:54:34,040 --> 00:54:38,120
'Battledress trousers
will be worn at all times.'

1060
00:54:38,120 --> 00:54:39,280
'That is all.'

1061
00:54:40,280 --> 00:54:41,560
Wait a minute.

1062
00:54:41,560 --> 00:54:44,720
Private Easy,
did you hear what he just said?

1063
00:54:44,720 --> 00:54:47,240
Well, of course we did.
That's what we're all talking about.

1064
00:54:47,240 --> 00:54:49,640
No, no, no, Bombardier Murray.

1065
00:54:49,640 --> 00:54:52,320
He said, his exact words were,

1066
00:54:52,320 --> 00:54:56,440
"Battledress trousers will be worn.
That is all."

1067
00:54:56,440 --> 00:54:58,160
Yes.

1068
00:54:58,160 --> 00:54:59,680
So he did.

1069
00:54:59,680 --> 00:55:01,960
HUMS

1070
00:55:07,560 --> 00:55:09,680
Wakey-wakey, rise and shine!

1071
00:55:09,680 --> 00:55:12,120
All ATS personnel taking breakfast,

1072
00:55:12,120 --> 00:55:14,760
fall in outside
under Corporal Murray.

1073
00:55:17,400 --> 00:55:18,760
Come along, girls. Fall in.

1074
00:55:21,720 --> 00:55:25,240
How dare you come on parade
improperly dressed.

1075
00:55:25,240 --> 00:55:27,480
We're only obeying orders,
Sergeant Major.

1076
00:55:27,480 --> 00:55:30,160
Ooh. Orders? Whose orders?

1077
00:55:30,160 --> 00:55:31,480
His. Sir's.

1078
00:55:31,480 --> 00:55:33,640
We're to wear battledress trousers
and that's all.

1079
00:55:33,640 --> 00:55:36,280
The officer would never give
an order like that.  His very words.

1080
00:55:36,280 --> 00:55:37,880
The dirty little...
Sergeant Major.

1081
00:55:41,000 --> 00:55:43,760
What the devil's going on here?
Why are these men half naked?

1082
00:55:43,760 --> 00:55:46,000
Because, sir,
you said they was to come on parade

1083
00:55:46,000 --> 00:55:48,040
wearing trousers and that is all.
I did not!

1084
00:55:48,040 --> 00:55:50,280
Oh, yes you did, sir.

1085
00:55:50,280 --> 00:55:52,200
Oh, no, I didn't.
ALL:  Oh, yes, you did.

1086
00:55:52,200 --> 00:55:54,680
Oh, no, I didn't.
Oh, yes, you did!

1087
00:55:54,680 --> 00:55:56,440
Quiet!

1088
00:55:56,440 --> 00:55:58,440
I'm going to make a couple of points
here.  Ooh.

1089
00:55:58,440 --> 00:56:00,400
Sergeant Major, when I said,
"That's all,"

1090
00:56:00,400 --> 00:56:02,560
I didn't mean that's all.
I meant that's all.

1091
00:56:02,560 --> 00:56:04,840
That sounds like a lot of alls, sir.

1092
00:56:05,840 --> 00:56:09,040
The cold wind of change
is going to blow through this camp.

1093
00:56:09,040 --> 00:56:11,640
This I promise you.
So you'd better take cover.

1094
00:56:22,800 --> 00:56:24,360
I have now...

1095
00:56:24,360 --> 00:56:25,840
Do you mind, Sergeant Major?

1096
00:56:28,000 --> 00:56:31,280
I have now taken you apart.

1097
00:56:31,280 --> 00:56:34,280
And from now on,
that is how you will stay.

1098
00:56:36,720 --> 00:56:37,920
Apart.

1099
00:56:40,640 --> 00:56:42,560
You will eat apart.

1100
00:56:42,560 --> 00:56:44,840
You will march apart.

1101
00:56:44,840 --> 00:56:47,120
You will live apart.

1102
00:56:47,120 --> 00:56:48,480
Left turn!

1103
00:56:49,640 --> 00:56:51,400
'Well apart.'

1104
00:56:51,400 --> 00:56:53,440
Right turn!

1105
00:56:53,440 --> 00:56:57,440
'During gun drills,
which will now take place daily,

1106
00:56:57,440 --> 00:57:00,480
'gas masks will be worn
at all times.'

1107
00:57:00,480 --> 00:57:02,520
'Do I make myself clear?'

1108
00:57:04,400 --> 00:57:07,320
'There will be compulsory nights out

1109
00:57:07,320 --> 00:57:10,360
'every night until 23:59 hours.'

1110
00:57:11,360 --> 00:57:13,360
'Transport will be provided.'

1111
00:57:13,360 --> 00:57:16,400
'ATS, Mondays, men on Tuesdays.'

1112
00:57:16,400 --> 00:57:17,920
Look at him laughing at us. Look.

1113
00:57:22,120 --> 00:57:27,320
And so it will go on and on
and on and on,

1114
00:57:27,320 --> 00:57:30,920
until the whole of Europe is ours.

1115
00:57:36,240 --> 00:57:38,920
How did he get into our Army?

1116
00:57:38,920 --> 00:57:40,960
Seig Heil, Melly.

1117
00:57:49,440 --> 00:57:50,800
I've got it!

1118
00:57:50,800 --> 00:57:51,880
I've got it!

1119
00:57:51,880 --> 00:57:53,280
MUMBLES

1120
00:57:53,280 --> 00:57:54,320
So has he.

1121
00:57:54,320 --> 00:57:56,360
Well, take it outside.

1122
00:57:56,360 --> 00:57:58,200
And throw a bucket of water on it.

1123
00:57:59,920 --> 00:58:01,800
I've got it!

1124
00:58:01,800 --> 00:58:04,080
I've got it!
What a waste.

1125
00:58:04,080 --> 00:58:05,600
Poor devil.

1126
00:58:06,720 --> 00:58:08,440
Leonard.

1127
00:58:08,440 --> 00:58:10,400
Right, you lot. Over here.

1128
00:58:10,400 --> 00:58:12,120
Come on, move yourselves.

1129
00:58:12,120 --> 00:58:14,800
Now, this is the plan.

1130
00:58:14,800 --> 00:58:17,320
We are going to dig a tunnel.

1131
00:58:17,320 --> 00:58:21,520
We are going to dig a tunnel.

1132
00:58:21,520 --> 00:58:23,600
A tunnel of love?

1133
00:58:24,600 --> 00:58:26,080
It won't be as dark as that.

1134
00:58:27,520 --> 00:58:28,720
Cop hold of these.

1135
00:58:38,960 --> 00:58:40,000
Oh.

1136
00:58:40,000 --> 00:58:41,200
Get 'em up.
Shh.

1137
00:58:47,480 --> 00:58:50,320
Never thought I'd find a use
for my Army knickers.

1138
00:58:50,320 --> 00:58:52,840
Or any other kind, dear.
Cheeky!

1139
00:58:53,920 --> 00:58:55,280
Now, keep it up, girls.

1140
00:58:55,280 --> 00:58:58,120
The boys ain't half gonna get
a surprise.

1141
00:59:05,040 --> 00:59:06,160
DOG BARKS

1142
00:59:08,040 --> 00:59:09,240
DOG BARKS

1143
00:59:15,240 --> 00:59:17,000
Heel, Hitler. Heel.

1144
00:59:17,000 --> 00:59:20,120
Come on, Sergeant Major.
Security patrol.

1145
00:59:20,120 --> 00:59:21,160
DOG BARKS

1146
00:59:21,160 --> 00:59:22,840
DOG YAPS

1147
00:59:22,840 --> 00:59:25,360
Is that the best the military police
could send you?

1148
00:59:25,360 --> 00:59:27,360
Yours may be bigger than mine, sir,

1149
00:59:27,360 --> 00:59:29,720
but I've been told
mine's got more bite.

1150
00:59:29,720 --> 00:59:32,440
Oh, come on, Hitler.

1151
00:59:32,440 --> 00:59:34,160
Come on, Muscle.

1152
00:59:35,200 --> 00:59:36,560
Shh.

1153
00:59:38,320 --> 00:59:39,680
What's that?

1154
00:59:39,680 --> 00:59:40,720
What's what?

1155
00:59:40,720 --> 00:59:41,880
SCRAPING

1156
00:59:41,880 --> 00:59:44,400
Sounds like somebody tunnelling.

1157
00:59:44,400 --> 00:59:46,200
Well, that's you, innit?

1158
00:59:47,360 --> 00:59:49,960
What was that?
What?

1159
00:59:49,960 --> 00:59:52,800
It sounded like somebody digging.

1160
00:59:52,800 --> 00:59:54,640
That was you!

1161
00:59:54,640 --> 00:59:56,000
Oh, yes. Of course it was.

1162
00:59:56,000 --> 00:59:59,040
Check the padlock, Sergeant Major.
Sir.

1163
00:59:59,040 --> 01:00:01,680
DOG BARKS

1164
01:00:01,680 --> 01:00:03,040
DOG SNIFFS

1165
01:00:03,040 --> 01:00:04,640
DOG URINATES

1166
01:00:04,640 --> 01:00:07,920
Sergeant Major, keep that dog
of yours under control.

1167
01:00:07,920 --> 01:00:11,360
Well, I understand
he's house-trained, sir,

1168
01:00:11,360 --> 01:00:12,800
but not outside-trained.

1169
01:00:12,800 --> 01:00:13,840
GROANS

1170
01:00:13,840 --> 01:00:15,360
Come on, Hitler. Come on.

1171
01:00:15,360 --> 01:00:18,080
DOG BARKS

1172
01:00:18,080 --> 01:00:19,520
Shh!

1173
01:00:20,960 --> 01:00:22,120
Listen.

1174
01:00:23,600 --> 01:00:24,800
They're patrolling.

1175
01:00:24,800 --> 01:00:26,800
Not a word. Pass it back.

1176
01:00:26,800 --> 01:00:28,560
Shh! Pass it back.

1177
01:00:28,560 --> 01:00:29,600
DOG BARKS

1178
01:00:29,600 --> 01:00:31,640
Heel, Hitler. Heel.

1179
01:00:31,640 --> 01:00:32,800
Steady, Muscle.

1180
01:00:34,320 --> 01:00:36,160
GROWLING

1181
01:00:38,240 --> 01:00:39,280
TEETH CHATTER

1182
01:00:39,280 --> 01:00:40,880
Quiet!

1183
01:00:40,880 --> 01:00:43,080
STUTTERS:  It's not me.

1184
01:00:43,080 --> 01:00:45,240
It's me teeth.

1185
01:00:48,480 --> 01:00:50,840
Must be some old bones
buried around here.

1186
01:00:50,840 --> 01:00:52,400
MUSCLE BARKS

1187
01:00:52,400 --> 01:00:54,920
SCREAMS
Muscle, pull yourself together.

1188
01:00:54,920 --> 01:00:57,040
Come back here.
Immediately. At the double.

1189
01:00:57,040 --> 01:01:00,800
Phew. That was a close call.
I was nearly a dog's dinner.

1190
01:01:03,160 --> 01:01:07,200
Alice, hold them still.
How can I get anything in those?

1191
01:01:31,320 --> 01:01:33,080
Tilly, darling.

1192
01:01:34,080 --> 01:01:35,840
Guess who's here?

1193
01:01:37,360 --> 01:01:39,120
Leonard, dearest.

1194
01:01:39,120 --> 01:01:42,320
Move over. Your Tilly's cold.

1195
01:01:44,440 --> 01:01:45,480
Leonard?

1196
01:01:47,200 --> 01:01:48,480
Leonard!

1197
01:01:48,480 --> 01:01:50,000
Tilly.

1198
01:01:50,000 --> 01:01:52,080
Where the hell are you?

1199
01:01:53,200 --> 01:01:54,880
Hey, sarge. Here.

1200
01:01:57,600 --> 01:01:59,360
Oh, no.

1201
01:02:00,360 --> 01:02:02,560
We must've tunnelled back
into our own hut.

1202
01:02:02,560 --> 01:02:03,600
GROANING

1203
01:02:03,600 --> 01:02:05,800
No. No, no, no, no, no.

1204
01:02:05,800 --> 01:02:08,400
Don't be stupid, stupid.

1205
01:02:08,400 --> 01:02:10,920
The girls must've had the same idea.

1206
01:02:10,920 --> 01:02:12,960
So they're in our hut.
So they're in...

1207
01:02:14,160 --> 01:02:15,640
Come on!

1208
01:03:07,080 --> 01:03:08,120
No.

1209
01:03:09,120 --> 01:03:11,320
What do you mean, no?
Listen.

1210
01:03:11,320 --> 01:03:16,720
If we wait here,
they will come to us. Right?

1211
01:03:16,720 --> 01:03:21,880
We are going to sit here quietly,
and they will come to us.  Yes.

1212
01:03:23,680 --> 01:03:25,840
Hear anything?
Only you.

1213
01:03:27,440 --> 01:03:30,720
TANNOY

1214
01:03:30,720 --> 01:03:32,560
Reveille?

1215
01:03:32,560 --> 01:03:34,240
We've been at it all night.

1216
01:03:34,240 --> 01:03:36,240
Yes, and not even a nibble.

1217
01:03:36,240 --> 01:03:37,640
Well, it can't be.

1218
01:03:40,720 --> 01:03:42,320
COCKEREL CROWS

1219
01:03:43,320 --> 01:03:45,680
'Wakey-waaaakey!'

1220
01:03:45,680 --> 01:03:47,600
Get stuffed.

1221
01:03:53,560 --> 01:03:54,680
Stand at ease.

1222
01:03:55,680 --> 01:03:56,800
Easy.

1223
01:03:56,800 --> 01:04:00,840
This is a great day
for 13-13 Experimental Battery.

1224
01:04:00,840 --> 01:04:03,680
And an even better night for us,
Leonard.

1225
01:04:03,680 --> 01:04:06,600
Are you coming down my tunnel,
or am I going up yours?

1226
01:04:06,600 --> 01:04:09,280
As a result, headquarters
have at last agreed

1227
01:04:09,280 --> 01:04:11,880
to send us that most desirable piece
of equipment

1228
01:04:11,880 --> 01:04:13,560
to have handy in time of war,

1229
01:04:13,560 --> 01:04:14,800
namely, a gun.

1230
01:04:15,760 --> 01:04:17,520
And may God protect us all.

1231
01:04:17,520 --> 01:04:20,800
The Brigadier himself
will be here tomorrow

1232
01:04:20,800 --> 01:04:21,960
for a full inspection,

1233
01:04:21,960 --> 01:04:24,720
and, I hope, to see us in action.

1234
01:04:26,000 --> 01:04:27,480
Ah! Here she comes.

1235
01:04:27,480 --> 01:04:29,960
Parade! Attention!

1236
01:04:29,960 --> 01:04:32,600
MUSIC: 'Rule Britannia'
by Thomas Arne

1237
01:04:41,520 --> 01:04:44,200
If he goes over out tunnel,
he'll fall in.

1238
01:04:54,080 --> 01:04:55,520
Sergeant Major.
Hah!

1239
01:04:55,520 --> 01:04:58,440
Culprits to my office at once.
Sir!

1240
01:05:02,480 --> 01:05:05,520
Right, you horrible,
stinking shower.

1241
01:05:05,520 --> 01:05:08,720
I wants the guilty party
on the word of command,

1242
01:05:08,720 --> 01:05:12,080
male or female,
to take one pace forward.

1243
01:05:12,080 --> 01:05:14,680
Guilty party,
one pace forward, march.

1244
01:05:16,040 --> 01:05:18,720
The ground, cut from under our feet.

1245
01:05:18,720 --> 01:05:22,080
And I am determined
to get to the bottom of it.

1246
01:05:22,080 --> 01:05:24,400
Answer me. You.
Yes, sir.

1247
01:05:24,400 --> 01:05:25,440
Answer me.

1248
01:05:25,440 --> 01:05:27,040
Well, I have, sir.

1249
01:05:28,040 --> 01:05:30,240
Who is responsible? Answer me.

1250
01:05:30,240 --> 01:05:31,880
Moles, sir.
What?

1251
01:05:31,880 --> 01:05:34,080
Well, I think it was moles, sir.

1252
01:05:35,880 --> 01:05:38,000
Who is responsible? You.

1253
01:05:38,000 --> 01:05:40,440
I think it was moles, too, sir.

1254
01:05:40,440 --> 01:05:42,040
Moles.

1255
01:05:42,040 --> 01:05:43,200
Moles?

1256
01:05:43,200 --> 01:05:46,120
Course, you don't get your ordinary
type of mole round here, sir.  No?

1257
01:05:46,120 --> 01:05:49,280
Oh, no, sir. These is all
whopping great big 'uns, sir.

1258
01:05:49,280 --> 01:05:50,320
How big?

1259
01:05:50,320 --> 01:05:53,840
Oh, well, as big as that big dog
of yours, sir.

1260
01:05:55,320 --> 01:05:58,160
Moles as big as Great Danes.

1261
01:05:58,160 --> 01:06:00,600
Oh, no. Bigger, really.

1262
01:06:00,600 --> 01:06:02,760
Bigger?
Hm.

1263
01:06:02,760 --> 01:06:05,560
You know that hill outside the camp,
sir?  Yes.

1264
01:06:06,760 --> 01:06:07,880
That's a molehill.

1265
01:06:09,280 --> 01:06:12,880
Good Lord.
That hill must be 20 feet high.

1266
01:06:12,880 --> 01:06:14,080
Well, sir,

1267
01:06:14,080 --> 01:06:16,440
that just goes to show you,
doesn't it?

1268
01:06:19,960 --> 01:06:21,720
Sergeant Major?
Sir?

1269
01:06:21,720 --> 01:06:24,560
Have you ever seen these beasts?
I has not, sir.

1270
01:06:24,560 --> 01:06:26,080
Thank you, Sergeant Major.

1271
01:06:26,080 --> 01:06:28,200
And if I may say so, sir,

1272
01:06:28,200 --> 01:06:30,080
if I had seen such an animal,

1273
01:06:30,080 --> 01:06:32,640
you would need a gun as big
as the one that went down the hole

1274
01:06:32,640 --> 01:06:33,920
to shoot it with.

1275
01:06:33,920 --> 01:06:36,040
Thank you very much, Sergeant Major.

1276
01:06:40,160 --> 01:06:42,280
Sergeants Willing and Able,

1277
01:06:42,280 --> 01:06:45,200
you have just told me a tissue...
Bless you, sir.

1278
01:06:46,560 --> 01:06:48,240
..of lies.

1279
01:06:48,240 --> 01:06:50,280
The whole lot of you

1280
01:06:50,280 --> 01:06:53,320
are going to remove my gun
from its present hole,

1281
01:06:53,320 --> 01:06:55,120
and put it in its proper hole.

1282
01:06:55,120 --> 01:06:58,960
I don't care how you do it,
but you are going to do it,

1283
01:06:58,960 --> 01:07:03,040
and you are going to keep on
doing it until it is done.

1284
01:07:03,040 --> 01:07:04,720
Heave!

1285
01:07:04,720 --> 01:07:06,560
Heave.
Shorthouse, are you heaving?

1286
01:07:06,560 --> 01:07:07,600
I'm heaving.

1287
01:07:07,600 --> 01:07:09,960
Look sharp, Ffoukes-Sharpe.

1288
01:07:11,760 --> 01:07:15,280
You ruin my gun, I ruin you.

1289
01:07:16,280 --> 01:07:17,400
Heave!

1290
01:07:17,400 --> 01:07:19,160
And you, lovely ones.

1291
01:07:26,000 --> 01:07:30,120
No, he ain't gonna get away with it.
Making us sweat like that.

1292
01:07:31,120 --> 01:07:32,920
How do you mean, us?

1293
01:07:32,920 --> 01:07:34,280
Oh, all right.

1294
01:07:34,280 --> 01:07:36,920
He ain't gonna get away with it
making you sweat like that.

1295
01:07:36,920 --> 01:07:38,840
But he is flippin' getting away
with it.

1296
01:07:38,840 --> 01:07:39,880
Not for long, son.

1297
01:07:39,880 --> 01:07:42,200
It's a top brass inspection
tomorrow, innit?

1298
01:07:42,200 --> 01:07:43,640
Yes, Sergeant.

1299
01:07:43,640 --> 01:07:46,400
The Brigadier's coming, isn't he?
Yes, Sergeant.

1300
01:07:47,720 --> 01:07:49,200
What about it?

1301
01:07:50,720 --> 01:07:53,040
This about it, son.

1302
01:07:53,040 --> 01:07:54,960
He has gone too far.

1303
01:07:54,960 --> 01:07:57,480
So we are going to put
into operation...

1304
01:07:58,600 --> 01:08:00,440
..Plan B.

1305
01:08:09,600 --> 01:08:11,200
Good Lord.

1306
01:08:11,200 --> 01:08:13,640
Melly seems to have turned that girl
into a man.

1307
01:08:13,640 --> 01:08:15,320
Yes. Jolly smart, eh, sir?

1308
01:08:15,320 --> 01:08:17,160
You don't suppose
sheer bloody ignorance

1309
01:08:17,160 --> 01:08:18,360
really has worked, do you?

1310
01:08:18,360 --> 01:08:20,280
It couldn't be anything else,
could it, sir?

1311
01:08:20,280 --> 01:08:22,920
He hasn't got anything else.
That's why we chose him.

1312
01:08:26,120 --> 01:08:28,160
Parade.

1313
01:08:28,160 --> 01:08:30,600
Parade, attention!

1314
01:08:40,160 --> 01:08:41,280
Good show, Melly.

1315
01:08:41,280 --> 01:08:43,280
You've got them all turned out
like guardsmen.

1316
01:08:43,280 --> 01:08:44,320
Thank you, sir.

1317
01:08:44,320 --> 01:08:46,320
Do they all perform
as well as they look?

1318
01:08:46,320 --> 01:08:48,800
I've put a stop to all that, sir.
What?

1319
01:08:48,800 --> 01:08:51,160
Oh, I don't mean
I've stopped them performing, sir.

1320
01:08:51,160 --> 01:08:53,440
I mean that I've stopped them, uh...

1321
01:08:53,440 --> 01:08:54,800
Well, erm...

1322
01:08:56,120 --> 01:08:57,480
..performing.

1323
01:08:57,480 --> 01:08:59,160
I don't follow, old boy.

1324
01:08:59,160 --> 01:09:00,440
Oh.

1325
01:09:01,920 --> 01:09:03,720
Well, how can I put it, sir?
I, erm...

1326
01:09:05,040 --> 01:09:06,440
Well...

1327
01:09:08,120 --> 01:09:10,240
Oh, I see.

1328
01:09:10,240 --> 01:09:12,280
Get yourself a hen coop, eh?

1329
01:09:12,280 --> 01:09:15,400
LAUGHS

1330
01:09:15,400 --> 01:09:18,160
Wittily put, sir.
Yes, I rather thought so myself.

1331
01:09:18,160 --> 01:09:20,160
Well, come along, Melly.
Let's get cracking.

1332
01:09:20,160 --> 01:09:21,400
Very good, sir.

1333
01:09:28,320 --> 01:09:30,600
Colours, Sergeant Major.
Sir.

1334
01:09:30,600 --> 01:09:36,040
BARKS ORDERS

1335
01:09:38,400 --> 01:09:42,760
BUGLE

1336
01:09:42,760 --> 01:09:45,280
Put up a bit of a bloomer there,
Melly.

1337
01:09:45,280 --> 01:09:46,320
I...

1338
01:09:46,320 --> 01:09:49,600
Whose flag is it supposed to be?
Nicaragua's?

1339
01:09:50,840 --> 01:09:52,200
LAUGHS

1340
01:09:52,200 --> 01:09:54,080
Thank you, Carstairs.

1341
01:09:54,080 --> 01:09:55,840
Excuse me, sir.

1342
01:09:55,840 --> 01:09:57,680
Pull those knickers down.

1343
01:10:02,480 --> 01:10:04,240
No! Not you!

1344
01:10:04,240 --> 01:10:06,840
You, Bombardier. Get 'em down.

1345
01:10:10,480 --> 01:10:11,920
I'm terribly sorry, sir.

1346
01:10:12,920 --> 01:10:15,040
Some sort of innocent mistake.

1347
01:10:15,040 --> 01:10:17,160
Pulling down knickers
is rarely innocent,

1348
01:10:17,160 --> 01:10:18,520
and never a mistake.

1349
01:10:18,520 --> 01:10:19,560
What?

1350
01:10:20,560 --> 01:10:23,320
Oh, an epigram, sir.
I say, sir!

1351
01:10:23,320 --> 01:10:26,000
It was rather good.
Well, what's next on the agenda?

1352
01:10:26,000 --> 01:10:28,320
Things seem to be flagging somewhat
round here.

1353
01:10:28,320 --> 01:10:30,360
I thought a spot of gun drill, sir.

1354
01:10:30,360 --> 01:10:32,480
All right. Let's shoot off.

1355
01:10:32,480 --> 01:10:35,160
LAUGHS

1356
01:10:41,200 --> 01:10:45,200
You fall in at the gun emplacement.
Move yourselves. Double away.

1357
01:10:47,200 --> 01:10:49,040
Come on. Move yourselves!

1358
01:10:49,040 --> 01:10:52,040
Get them bodies off.
Get them bodies moving. Move it!

1359
01:10:53,560 --> 01:10:56,920
13-13 Battery, at the double,

1360
01:10:56,920 --> 01:10:58,600
stop for nothing,

1361
01:10:58,600 --> 01:11:00,640
take posts.

1362
01:11:04,840 --> 01:11:05,880
Watch it!

1363
01:11:05,880 --> 01:11:08,120
SCREAMS

1364
01:11:08,120 --> 01:11:11,160
Better try and get him out of there,
Sergeant Major.  Sir.

1365
01:11:14,240 --> 01:11:16,000
Steady, sir.

1366
01:11:16,000 --> 01:11:18,040
Excuse the familiarity, sir.

1367
01:11:20,080 --> 01:11:22,920
MELLY GROANS AND GRUNTS

1368
01:11:27,960 --> 01:11:31,000
Got yourself in a bit of a hole
there, Melly.

1369
01:11:31,000 --> 01:11:33,240
Oh!
LAUGHS

1370
01:11:33,240 --> 01:11:35,640
Permission to carry on, sir.
Please do.

1371
01:11:37,680 --> 01:11:39,360
You two men there.

1372
01:11:39,360 --> 01:11:41,840
It doesn't need two men
to lift one shell.

1373
01:11:41,840 --> 01:11:44,520
You couldn't call us two men, sir.
Not me and Shorthouse.

1374
01:11:44,520 --> 01:11:45,800
More like one and a half, sir.

1375
01:11:45,800 --> 01:11:48,720
It doesn't need one and a half.
These things is heavy, sir.

1376
01:11:48,720 --> 01:11:51,200
A man could do himself a mischief.
Rubbish!

1377
01:11:51,200 --> 01:11:53,160
Come on. Hand it to me.

1378
01:11:57,360 --> 01:11:58,840
Over to you, Sergeant Major.

1379
01:11:58,840 --> 01:12:00,560
Tiger, darling, let me.

1380
01:12:00,560 --> 01:12:02,680
Do not use words like darling
in front of officers.

1381
01:12:02,680 --> 01:12:05,360
But I couldn't bear it, darling,
if you strained something

1382
01:12:05,360 --> 01:12:08,080
before we'd even... you know?

1383
01:12:08,080 --> 01:12:09,120
I do not know.

1384
01:12:09,120 --> 01:12:11,240
Well, let me teach you.

1385
01:12:11,240 --> 01:12:12,480
Oh!

1386
01:12:13,600 --> 01:12:16,000
I find these things
awfully exciting.

1387
01:12:16,000 --> 01:12:17,440
I don't know why.

1388
01:12:24,000 --> 01:12:25,840
Take that thing out of there.

1389
01:12:25,840 --> 01:12:28,120
She's rammed it up. Let it stay up.

1390
01:12:28,120 --> 01:12:30,960
In that case, sir, gun loaded, sir.

1391
01:12:30,960 --> 01:12:32,640
Bearing 270.

1392
01:12:32,640 --> 01:12:34,680
SQUEAKING

1393
01:12:46,320 --> 01:12:48,680
Call Melly, will you?
Sir. Captain Melly?

1394
01:12:50,120 --> 01:12:51,160
Sir?

1395
01:12:51,160 --> 01:12:53,560
Surely, in the interests
of efficiency,

1396
01:12:53,560 --> 01:12:56,080
you shouldn't have someone with...
those

1397
01:12:56,080 --> 01:12:58,440
doing, erm, that.

1398
01:12:58,440 --> 01:13:00,040
Sir, you're absolutely right.

1399
01:13:00,040 --> 01:13:02,800
Yes. Well, I always try
and keep abreast of things.

1400
01:13:02,800 --> 01:13:05,720
Oh, droll, sir. Very droll!

1401
01:13:05,720 --> 01:13:07,400
Hiscock?
I beg your pardon.

1402
01:13:07,400 --> 01:13:09,080
Gunner Hiscock?
Yes, sir.

1403
01:13:09,080 --> 01:13:11,120
Replace those, er, her, will you?

1404
01:13:13,560 --> 01:13:14,680
Yes.

1405
01:13:14,680 --> 01:13:16,560
Carry on, Sergeant.

1406
01:13:24,240 --> 01:13:27,480
QE 30.
Gun ready for firing, sir.

1407
01:13:27,480 --> 01:13:29,560
Right. Stand by.

1408
01:13:32,160 --> 01:13:33,200
Fire!

1409
01:13:35,480 --> 01:13:36,920
BLEATING

1410
01:13:36,920 --> 01:13:39,120
Hardly went off with a bang,
eh, Melly?

1411
01:13:39,120 --> 01:13:41,000
Carry out drill for misfire.

1412
01:13:43,480 --> 01:13:45,800
Breach jammed, sir.
Jammed?

1413
01:13:45,800 --> 01:13:47,160
Get out of my way.

1414
01:13:54,240 --> 01:13:56,760
Put up a bit of a black there,
Melly.

1415
01:13:57,760 --> 01:14:00,840
Permission to take a shower.
Where are you going to take them?

1416
01:14:00,840 --> 01:14:02,440
Not this shower, sir.

1417
01:14:03,760 --> 01:14:04,800
A hot shower.

1418
01:14:04,800 --> 01:14:08,160
Ah, yes. Well, I must admit
you do look a bit grimy.

1419
01:14:08,160 --> 01:14:11,280
Carry on with the Brigadier's
inspection, Sergeant Major.  Hah!

1420
01:14:15,040 --> 01:14:17,240
Shall we commence in the mess, sir?

1421
01:14:17,240 --> 01:14:19,840
Seem to be in it already.
Ha!

1422
01:14:19,840 --> 01:14:21,520
Ha! Ha! Ha!
Huh.

1423
01:14:50,880 --> 01:14:52,720
It'll start working soon.

1424
01:14:53,880 --> 01:14:57,560
He'll turn bright blue
as soon as he gets in the open air.

1425
01:14:57,560 --> 01:14:59,160
LAUGHTER

1426
01:15:00,840 --> 01:15:04,040
If you could see your way clear,
sir, to grant me a transfer,

1427
01:15:04,040 --> 01:15:05,800
I would be eternally grateful.

1428
01:15:05,800 --> 01:15:08,640
I would do anything, sir.
Any mission you cares to suggest.

1429
01:15:08,640 --> 01:15:10,960
I could parachute into Germany.
Kill Hitler.

1430
01:15:17,200 --> 01:15:18,960
Captain Melly resuming duty, sir.

1431
01:15:18,960 --> 01:15:20,240
Melly?

1432
01:15:20,240 --> 01:15:21,640
Sir?

1433
01:15:21,640 --> 01:15:24,480
Melly, last time I saw you,
you were black.

1434
01:15:24,480 --> 01:15:26,720
Now you seem to have turned blue.

1435
01:15:26,720 --> 01:15:28,880
Blue?
Blue.

1436
01:15:28,880 --> 01:15:30,160
Mirror.

1437
01:15:39,800 --> 01:15:41,800
Blue as a baboon's arse.

1438
01:15:41,800 --> 01:15:43,000
LAUGHS

1439
01:15:45,640 --> 01:15:47,760
Permission to have another shower,
sir.

1440
01:15:47,760 --> 01:15:48,800
Granted.

1441
01:15:48,800 --> 01:15:53,000
Carry on with the Brigadier's
inspection, Sergeant Major.  Hah!

1442
01:15:58,240 --> 01:15:59,800
On the other hand, sir,

1443
01:15:59,800 --> 01:16:01,920
if you does not fancy me
knocking off Hitler,

1444
01:16:01,920 --> 01:16:04,720
how about that fat slob
of an Italian ice cream merchant

1445
01:16:04,720 --> 01:16:05,840
Musso-bloody-lini?

1446
01:16:05,840 --> 01:16:07,560
Are you a coward, Sergeant Major?

1447
01:16:07,560 --> 01:16:08,920
Me, sir?

1448
01:16:08,920 --> 01:16:12,080
You want to go gallivanting off,
trying to kill Hitler and Mussolini,

1449
01:16:12,080 --> 01:16:14,120
and sneak out from under
this very tough job

1450
01:16:14,120 --> 01:16:15,800
you've got on here?

1451
01:16:15,800 --> 01:16:17,240
Only a suggestion, sir.

1452
01:16:17,240 --> 01:16:19,080
And bloody ashamed of it
you should be.

1453
01:16:19,080 --> 01:16:21,280
Now, what's this?
A games room, sir.

1454
01:16:22,480 --> 01:16:24,080
CHATTER AND GIGGLING

1455
01:16:30,840 --> 01:16:33,080
What's the name of this game,
Sergeant Major?

1456
01:16:33,080 --> 01:16:36,640
Unarmed combat, sir.
Oh?

1457
01:16:36,640 --> 01:16:40,280
What the sergeant major means, sir,
is, er... Ahem.

1458
01:16:41,960 --> 01:16:44,560
..is that you can never be sure

1459
01:16:44,560 --> 01:16:47,480
when them Nazi paratroopers
might land, sir.

1460
01:16:47,480 --> 01:16:51,880
And we must be ready for 'em.
By fighting with ladies?

1461
01:16:51,880 --> 01:16:55,720
Ah, sir, we heard about them nuns,
sir. You know, sir?

1462
01:16:55,720 --> 01:16:59,160
Them nuns when the Frogs was done.
With Tommy guns up their habits.

1463
01:16:59,160 --> 01:17:00,200
Them nuns...

1464
01:17:00,200 --> 01:17:04,120
Those nuns, Sergeant Major,
were German soldiers in disguise.

1465
01:17:04,120 --> 01:17:06,240
Yeah, well, what we was doing, sir,

1466
01:17:06,240 --> 01:17:12,720
was getting used to the feel of...
fighting something in skirts.

1467
01:17:12,720 --> 01:17:14,400
Mm-hm.

1468
01:17:14,400 --> 01:17:15,960
What do you say, Carstairs?

1469
01:17:15,960 --> 01:17:17,520
Mm-hm.

1470
01:17:18,680 --> 01:17:22,120
Can you explain that, Sergeant?
Well, sir, this is, erm...

1471
01:17:22,120 --> 01:17:23,760
well, a mixed battery, sir.

1472
01:17:23,760 --> 01:17:27,640
And, erm, well, in a mixed battery,

1473
01:17:27,640 --> 01:17:29,560
you have to, er...

1474
01:17:29,560 --> 01:17:31,920
Mix it.
Mix it.

1475
01:17:31,920 --> 01:17:35,000
Carstairs, you fancy yourself
at unarmed combat, don't you?

1476
01:17:35,000 --> 01:17:37,400
I know a trick or two, sir.

1477
01:17:37,400 --> 01:17:39,160
Go on, then. Choose your opponent.

1478
01:17:39,160 --> 01:17:40,200
Thank you, sir.

1479
01:17:48,160 --> 01:17:49,800
You.

1480
01:17:49,800 --> 01:17:51,080
That man there.

1481
01:17:53,840 --> 01:17:57,120
Me, sir?
No. No, no. Not you, Bombardier.

1482
01:17:57,120 --> 01:18:00,440
I... Oh, I never fight a man
with his glasses on.

1483
01:18:00,440 --> 01:18:02,000
Well, I'll take them off, sir.

1484
01:18:02,000 --> 01:18:05,560
No, no. A bit too dangerous.
Thank you. Back into line.

1485
01:18:05,560 --> 01:18:06,720
Sir.

1486
01:18:06,720 --> 01:18:07,760
Phew.

1487
01:18:07,760 --> 01:18:10,200
You. You. That man over there.

1488
01:18:12,680 --> 01:18:13,720
Me, sir?

1489
01:18:13,720 --> 01:18:15,480
Yes, you.

1490
01:18:17,800 --> 01:18:21,920
Sir, why don't you try
one of our young ladies?  Eh?

1491
01:18:21,920 --> 01:18:24,520
Good idea. Why not try
one of her young ladies?

1492
01:18:24,520 --> 01:18:27,360
Just to show how far advanced
in the game we are, sir.

1493
01:18:27,360 --> 01:18:31,000
Ladies? Well...
Jolly good idea. Go ahead.

1494
01:18:31,000 --> 01:18:32,040
Ffoukes-Sharpe.

1495
01:18:32,040 --> 01:18:33,680
Pardon?
Sir.

1496
01:18:35,000 --> 01:18:36,520
Sir.

1497
01:18:36,520 --> 01:18:37,720
If I was you, sir...

1498
01:18:37,720 --> 01:18:40,760
Yes, Sergeant Major.
How you wish you were me.

1499
01:18:40,760 --> 01:18:42,360
No, sir. I think I should warn you.

1500
01:18:42,360 --> 01:18:45,400
Don't worry, Sergeant Major.
I shan't hurt her.

1501
01:18:47,840 --> 01:18:50,280
Right, Miss Ffoukes-Sharpe.
En garde!

1502
01:18:55,800 --> 01:18:58,480
What are the ATS afraid of?
Stand by, Sergeant.

1503
01:18:58,480 --> 01:18:59,560
Oh!

1504
01:18:59,560 --> 01:19:00,880
Ha! Argh!

1505
01:19:00,880 --> 01:19:03,000
Oh!
HE GROANS

1506
01:19:12,000 --> 01:19:13,320
Thank you, madam.

1507
01:19:14,920 --> 01:19:16,200
I wasn't ready, sir.

1508
01:19:18,080 --> 01:19:19,680
Come along, Carstairs.

1509
01:19:19,680 --> 01:19:22,680
I think we've both hung around here
long enough, don't you?

1510
01:19:22,680 --> 01:19:23,720
LAUGHS

1511
01:19:29,000 --> 01:19:32,920
Whoever perpetrated that blue joke
is going to suffer.

1512
01:19:34,000 --> 01:19:35,920
Suffer.

1513
01:19:35,920 --> 01:19:39,120
I'll murder 'em
and I'll make dog meat of 'em.

1514
01:19:40,320 --> 01:19:43,360
I'll show them who's wearing
the trousers around here.

1515
01:20:10,920 --> 01:20:12,360
Good afternoon, sir.

1516
01:20:16,000 --> 01:20:19,520
I say, sir. That ATS private's
wearing a moustache.

1517
01:20:19,520 --> 01:20:22,880
That's no ATS private, Carstairs.
That's Melly.

1518
01:20:26,160 --> 01:20:30,280
AIRCRAFT

1519
01:20:31,520 --> 01:20:33,640
AIR RAID SIREN

1520
01:20:33,640 --> 01:20:37,280
13-13 Battery, take post.

1521
01:20:37,280 --> 01:20:40,200
Action stations, Carstairs.
Action stations.

1522
01:20:40,200 --> 01:20:42,120
Is this the real thing,
Sergeant Major?

1523
01:20:42,120 --> 01:20:45,080
Yes, lovely boy.
It is you against the Hun this time.

1524
01:20:46,440 --> 01:20:50,200
Move yourselves! Move yourselves!
Come on! Come on! Come on!

1525
01:20:50,200 --> 01:20:52,120
Sixpence for every one
you shoots down.

1526
01:20:52,120 --> 01:20:54,160
Two bob if it is a German.

1527
01:20:54,160 --> 01:20:57,000
Come on. Come on.
Move yourselves! Move yourselves!

1528
01:20:57,000 --> 01:20:58,560
Come on. Come on.

1529
01:21:06,760 --> 01:21:09,280
Here, did you see that?

1530
01:21:09,280 --> 01:21:12,680
Leonard, you cannot expect
a brigadier to expose himself.

1531
01:21:14,080 --> 01:21:16,280
I think perhaps we should go now,
don't you?

1532
01:21:16,280 --> 01:21:19,720
Get them bloody guns ready, men!
Put those gas masks on!

1533
01:21:19,720 --> 01:21:21,920
Number one detachment, take post.

1534
01:21:25,840 --> 01:21:28,520
Right. Stand by.

1535
01:21:28,520 --> 01:21:30,880
With respect, sir,
you is improperly dressed.

1536
01:21:30,880 --> 01:21:33,360
If it wasn't for you,
I wouldn't be in this shape.

1537
01:21:41,680 --> 01:21:43,040
I reckon they're Fokkers.

1538
01:21:43,040 --> 01:21:44,280
Have you got it up?

1539
01:21:44,280 --> 01:21:45,640
I beg your pardon?

1540
01:21:45,640 --> 01:21:47,080
The shell, man. The shell.

1541
01:21:47,080 --> 01:21:49,760
Oh, that's rammed up all right, sir.
Then fire it!

1542
01:21:50,720 --> 01:21:51,760
Fire!

1543
01:21:54,000 --> 01:21:55,480
Bloody hell!

1544
01:21:55,480 --> 01:21:57,920
Don't shoot at them! Shoot at them!

1545
01:21:57,920 --> 01:22:00,760
You dozy idle fool.

1546
01:22:00,760 --> 01:22:03,160
220-35-29.

1547
01:22:04,280 --> 01:22:05,680
Fire!

1548
01:22:05,680 --> 01:22:06,760
Fire!

1549
01:22:09,720 --> 01:22:11,880
190-30-28.

1550
01:22:11,880 --> 01:22:14,080
Shorthouse!

1551
01:22:14,080 --> 01:22:15,160
Sorry.
Ha!

1552
01:22:15,160 --> 01:22:17,080
Get that shell in the breach.

1553
01:22:18,920 --> 01:22:20,760
Oh, for heaven's sake.

1554
01:22:21,760 --> 01:22:23,960
Get out.
Fire!

1555
01:22:29,120 --> 01:22:30,720
We've got him, Sergeant Major!

1556
01:22:30,720 --> 01:22:32,320
Let's hope it's one of theirs.

1557
01:22:35,440 --> 01:22:38,560
CRIES OUT
Well done, lads! Again!

1558
01:22:39,800 --> 01:22:40,920
Fire!

1559
01:22:43,920 --> 01:22:45,920
It's a hit, sir. It's a hit.

1560
01:22:45,920 --> 01:22:50,120
Well done, Tiger.
Thank you, Smelly... sir.

1561
01:22:50,120 --> 01:22:52,080
Do it again. Do it again.

1562
01:22:52,080 --> 01:22:53,600
Fire!

1563
01:22:56,880 --> 01:22:58,240
It's another hit, sir!

1564
01:22:58,240 --> 01:23:00,320
LAUGHS
Well done, Jock.

1565
01:23:01,960 --> 01:23:03,400
Do it again!

1566
01:23:03,400 --> 01:23:05,200
Right, stand back, you two.

1567
01:23:05,200 --> 01:23:06,960
Right, stand by.

1568
01:23:06,960 --> 01:23:08,320
Fire!

1569
01:23:12,600 --> 01:23:14,920
You's done it!
You've done it, my lovely boys.

1570
01:23:14,920 --> 01:23:17,120
CHEERING

1571
01:23:18,160 --> 01:23:19,720
Well done, boys. Well done.

1572
01:23:19,720 --> 01:23:22,560
We did it!
No, Leonard, YOU did it.

1573
01:23:22,560 --> 01:23:24,400
No, WE did it, Till.
We did?

1574
01:23:24,400 --> 01:23:26,520
Yeah. Take that message
back to Hitler.

1575
01:23:30,600 --> 01:23:31,960
Ha-ha!

1576
01:23:31,960 --> 01:23:35,960
Go on, Tiger! It's your birthday!

1577
01:23:39,000 --> 01:23:42,760
Leonard, I love you.
You can tell him that as well.

1578
01:23:56,240 --> 01:23:57,440
All right.

1579
01:23:57,440 --> 01:24:00,320
Parade, stand at ease.

1580
01:24:01,320 --> 01:24:02,840
Stand easy.

1581
01:24:02,840 --> 01:24:06,000
Now, I am sure
that you is all dying to know

1582
01:24:06,000 --> 01:24:08,320
the state of
your commanding officer.

1583
01:24:08,320 --> 01:24:10,320
And I is very happy to inform you

1584
01:24:10,320 --> 01:24:15,680
that apart from a cracked funny bone
sustained in the recoil,

1585
01:24:15,680 --> 01:24:18,360
and a couple of sprained fingers
from tugging the toggle,

1586
01:24:18,360 --> 01:24:21,600
he is in what might be described
as rude health.

1587
01:24:21,600 --> 01:24:26,640
In fact, he is coming out here now
to congratulate you

1588
01:24:26,640 --> 01:24:29,560
as you so richly deserves.

1589
01:24:36,600 --> 01:24:39,520
ALL: And the same to you.

1590
01:24:44,080 --> 01:24:46,320
ALL: Hooray!

1591
01:24:46,320 --> 01:24:48,360
CHEERING

1592
01:24:51,320 --> 01:24:52,360
'And so it came about

1593
01:24:52,360 --> 01:24:55,080
'that through the blunderings
of one poor bloody officer,

1594
01:24:55,080 --> 01:24:56,880
'a certain person,
who shall be nameless,

1595
01:24:56,880 --> 01:24:58,720
'was able to create
an everlasting symbol

1596
01:24:58,720 --> 01:25:00,480
'of encouragement
and devotion to duty.'

1597
01:25:00,480 --> 01:25:03,160
'A symbol which was to be accepted
throughout the entire world.'

1598
01:25:05,040 --> 01:25:07,400
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