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Downloaded from
YTS.MX
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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
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PRIEST: And now
by the virtue
4
00:02:56,640 --> 00:03:00,852
of the authority vested
in me by the laws
of the state of Illinois,
5
00:03:00,936 --> 00:03:04,022
I pronounce
that you are
husband and wife.
6
00:03:05,065 --> 00:03:07,067
May your days
be long together
7
00:03:07,150 --> 00:03:09,069
and the joys
ever increasing.
8
00:03:10,404 --> 00:03:11,738
Kiss the bride.
9
00:03:18,704 --> 00:03:21,039
(WEDDING RECESSIONAL PLAYING)
10
00:03:26,670 --> 00:03:29,047
(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)
11
00:03:31,425 --> 00:03:32,718
(MOUTHING)
12
00:03:37,431 --> 00:03:39,391
Hey, there.
Hi, there. Hello.
13
00:03:39,474 --> 00:03:41,226
(CHUCKLES)
Come here often?
14
00:03:41,309 --> 00:03:42,352
Yeah.
15
00:03:46,857 --> 00:03:48,108
Hi, how you doing?
Pretty good.
16
00:03:48,191 --> 00:03:49,484
Mmm-hmm.
17
00:03:49,860 --> 00:03:51,069
This is my place here.
18
00:03:51,153 --> 00:03:52,362
Super.
19
00:03:52,446 --> 00:03:54,156
Mmm-hmm.
Impressive, isn't it?
20
00:03:54,239 --> 00:03:55,240
Phew.
21
00:03:55,907 --> 00:03:57,909
I introduced
the bride and groom.
Did you know that?
22
00:03:57,993 --> 00:03:59,077
Nope.
Oh?
23
00:03:59,161 --> 00:04:00,162
Would you like
to hear the story?
24
00:04:00,912 --> 00:04:02,205
Sure, yeah.
25
00:04:03,248 --> 00:04:04,249
(SIGHING)
26
00:04:04,332 --> 00:04:06,293
Just get me a scotch.
I think that'd be best.
27
00:04:06,376 --> 00:04:08,211
Hey, Linda, what's up?
28
00:04:08,295 --> 00:04:10,213
Hi, how are you?
29
00:04:10,297 --> 00:04:11,882
Good, good.
How are you?
Fine.
30
00:04:11,965 --> 00:04:13,049
Look at you.
You look great.
31
00:04:13,133 --> 00:04:14,176
Not as good as you.
32
00:04:14,259 --> 00:04:15,719
Oh, well, I showered.
33
00:04:15,802 --> 00:04:17,345
(BOTH LAUGHING)
34
00:04:19,181 --> 00:04:21,975
Table four.
I got the caterer
to switch me.
35
00:04:22,058 --> 00:04:23,059
We're gonna be
sitting together.
36
00:04:23,143 --> 00:04:24,728
Oh, good,
we can catch up.
37
00:04:24,811 --> 00:04:26,146
Absolutely.
How you been?
38
00:04:26,229 --> 00:04:27,230
Good. Good.
39
00:04:27,314 --> 00:04:29,024
This is a great house
you have here.
40
00:04:29,107 --> 00:04:30,275
Oh, thanks, thanks.
41
00:04:30,358 --> 00:04:32,694
Real nice of you
to let the kids have it
for the affair.
42
00:04:32,778 --> 00:04:34,070
Absolutely. Yeah.
43
00:04:34,154 --> 00:04:36,615
Guess they couldn't spring
for a band though, huh?
44
00:04:36,698 --> 00:04:37,783
Do I know you?
45
00:04:37,866 --> 00:04:39,034
No, I'm crashing.
46
00:04:39,117 --> 00:04:40,118
Whose wedding
is this anyway?
47
00:04:40,202 --> 00:04:42,788
(LAUGHING)
Kidding, kidding.
48
00:04:42,871 --> 00:04:44,664
I'm laughing.
(LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY)
49
00:04:44,748 --> 00:04:46,124
No, I'm here
with Vicki Pelam.
50
00:04:46,208 --> 00:04:48,126
She went to Northwestern
with the bride.
51
00:04:48,210 --> 00:04:49,377
We're getting married
next Christmas.
52
00:04:49,461 --> 00:04:50,462
Well, congratulations.
53
00:04:50,545 --> 00:04:51,838
Thank you, thank you.
54
00:04:51,922 --> 00:04:54,299
Don't know where
we're gonna have
the ceremony yet,
55
00:04:54,382 --> 00:04:57,552
but, gotta tell you,
it's a great house.
Great, great house.
56
00:04:57,636 --> 00:04:59,805
Hi, honey.
Oh, hi, honey.
57
00:04:59,888 --> 00:05:03,058
Honey, this is Linda.
This is her house.
58
00:05:03,141 --> 00:05:04,392
Really?
Yeah.
59
00:05:04,476 --> 00:05:07,145
Oh, my God, Lynn.
How did they
land your house?
60
00:05:07,229 --> 00:05:09,856
I mean,
are you like family
or friend or what?
61
00:05:09,940 --> 00:05:11,566
Oh, I introduced
the bride and groom.
62
00:05:11,650 --> 00:05:13,151
You know the whole story.
63
00:05:13,235 --> 00:05:15,529
Oh, my God,
I've been dying
to hear about this.
64
00:05:15,612 --> 00:05:17,614
CLIFF: That's true.
She called the bride
10 times.
65
00:05:17,697 --> 00:05:19,199
Hasn't gotten
one call back.
66
00:05:19,282 --> 00:05:20,659
I'm sure.
Yeah.
67
00:05:20,742 --> 00:05:22,160
But, Lynn,
tell us the story.
68
00:05:22,244 --> 00:05:24,079
Mmm, I don't know.
You don't know it?
69
00:05:24,162 --> 00:05:25,914
She doesn't know it.
Oh, no. I know it.
70
00:05:25,997 --> 00:05:27,582
She doesn't know it.
I know the whole thing.
71
00:05:27,666 --> 00:05:29,292
You don't know it.
Oh, I know it.
72
00:05:30,836 --> 00:05:32,045
I'm responsible for it.
73
00:05:32,504 --> 00:05:34,339
Well, then tell us
for Christ's sake.
74
00:05:34,422 --> 00:05:35,757
Yeah, come on, Lynn.
Tell us the story.
75
00:05:35,841 --> 00:05:38,260
Well, I'm the hostess.
I got a lot of people
to see, things to do.
76
00:05:38,343 --> 00:05:39,928
How long could it take?
Come on.
No, I really can't.
77
00:05:40,011 --> 00:05:41,012
What, five minutes?
78
00:05:41,096 --> 00:05:42,764
It's only five minutes.
Mmm, all right.
79
00:05:42,848 --> 00:05:45,183
Fill this up, will you?
(CLICKS TONGUE)
80
00:05:45,267 --> 00:05:49,437
Well, Max and Jay
have been friends
since birth.
81
00:05:50,981 --> 00:05:52,858
Now I come into the picture.
82
00:05:52,941 --> 00:05:54,693
To put it modestly,
I discovered Jay.
83
00:05:54,776 --> 00:05:55,777
Really?
84
00:05:55,861 --> 00:05:58,446
I decided that our
house would release
his first book,
85
00:05:58,530 --> 00:06:01,032
even though every publisher
in town had passed.
86
00:06:01,116 --> 00:06:04,035
Well, you could
imagine how happy
he was about this.
87
00:06:04,119 --> 00:06:07,163
I'm very happy about this.
88
00:06:07,247 --> 00:06:08,415
Okay.
89
00:06:08,498 --> 00:06:12,127
I had the perfect editor
for him. A young,
fast-rising talent.
90
00:06:12,210 --> 00:06:13,211
Sam.
91
00:06:13,295 --> 00:06:14,880
Samantha Andrews,
Jay Murphy.
92
00:06:14,963 --> 00:06:16,089
Sam, Jay. Jay, Sam.
93
00:06:16,172 --> 00:06:18,008
It's very nice
to meet you.
Hi. You, too.
94
00:06:18,091 --> 00:06:20,468
LINDA: I knew her style was
the perfect match for his.
95
00:06:20,552 --> 00:06:23,179
Of course, I was concerned
about a possible romance
between them,
96
00:06:23,263 --> 00:06:24,264
and how it might
affect the book,
97
00:06:24,347 --> 00:06:25,974
but my fears
quickly subsided,
98
00:06:26,057 --> 00:06:30,812
because Jay was clearly not
in the right frame of mind
to be looking for romance.
99
00:06:30,896 --> 00:06:32,647
(BLUES MUSIC PLAYING)
100
00:06:34,316 --> 00:06:35,567
Is anyone sitting here?
101
00:06:35,650 --> 00:06:36,818
I don't care.
102
00:06:36,902 --> 00:06:40,989
The first thing he thought of
regarding Sam and romance
was Max.
103
00:06:41,072 --> 00:06:42,073
What up, Chicago?
104
00:06:42,157 --> 00:06:45,535
This is Max Abbitt
reporting live
at Wrigley Field.
105
00:06:45,619 --> 00:06:46,912
How am I doing?
How do I look?
106
00:06:46,995 --> 00:06:48,371
Great. You look great.
107
00:06:48,455 --> 00:06:50,957
You know,
I'm not wearing
any underwear.
108
00:06:51,041 --> 00:06:52,125
Huh?
109
00:06:52,208 --> 00:06:53,752
Hey, Abbitt,
who was that girl
who was with you
110
00:06:53,835 --> 00:06:55,670
last night at
the Mambo Room?
111
00:06:55,754 --> 00:06:57,672
Keep your glove
off her, Sosa.
112
00:06:57,756 --> 00:06:58,840
(CHUCKLING)
113
00:06:58,924 --> 00:07:00,133
You...
114
00:07:00,884 --> 00:07:01,885
What?
115
00:07:01,968 --> 00:07:03,428
Well, who the
fuck was she?
116
00:07:03,511 --> 00:07:04,804
What, are we married?
117
00:07:04,888 --> 00:07:08,850
Obviously Max was not
having any problem
finding women on his own.
118
00:07:08,934 --> 00:07:11,227
But Jay didn't approve
of any of them,
119
00:07:11,311 --> 00:07:15,023
and he was convinced
that he knew exactly
what Max needed.
120
00:07:16,566 --> 00:07:19,069
I thought we agreed
not to set each
other up anymore.
121
00:07:19,152 --> 00:07:22,238
No, I agreed
not to let you
set me up anymore
122
00:07:22,322 --> 00:07:24,824
after that girl
who you said was
perfect for me
123
00:07:24,908 --> 00:07:26,952
tied me up
and came out with
that hood and cane
124
00:07:27,035 --> 00:07:28,453
and offered to beat
the shit out of me.
125
00:07:28,536 --> 00:07:29,537
You didn't like Xena?
126
00:07:29,621 --> 00:07:31,164
No, I didn't like Xena.
127
00:07:31,247 --> 00:07:35,085
I also agreed that I was
gonna help put an end to
your hedonistic lifestyle.
128
00:07:35,168 --> 00:07:36,920
I know what
that means, okay?
129
00:07:37,003 --> 00:07:39,506
I mean, Max,
you don't wanna become
that 40-year-old guy
130
00:07:39,589 --> 00:07:41,007
who's still out
at the clubs
131
00:07:41,091 --> 00:07:42,884
with the silk shirt
and gold chains
132
00:07:42,968 --> 00:07:44,970
trying to pick up
on college girls,
do you?
133
00:07:45,053 --> 00:07:48,098
Of course not, Jay.
At 40, I wanna
be the bald guy
134
00:07:48,181 --> 00:07:49,683
with the ponytail
and a Harley
135
00:07:49,766 --> 00:07:51,476
trying to pick up
high school girls.
136
00:07:51,559 --> 00:07:52,769
You're an idiot.
137
00:07:52,852 --> 00:07:53,937
You're the one
in therapy.
138
00:07:54,020 --> 00:07:55,063
You're the one
who should be.
139
00:07:55,146 --> 00:07:56,982
Maybe you can
get me in.
140
00:07:57,065 --> 00:07:58,483
I always wanted to pay
100 bucks an hour
141
00:07:58,566 --> 00:08:01,069
to talk myself out
of being happy.
142
00:08:01,319 --> 00:08:02,988
Why are we meeting
in the zoo anyway?
143
00:08:03,071 --> 00:08:04,322
It's a good environment.
144
00:08:04,406 --> 00:08:06,491
Show her you're
the kind of guy
who likes animals.
145
00:08:06,574 --> 00:08:08,743
Oh, you know what?
Don't worry about
my appearance, okay?
146
00:08:08,827 --> 00:08:10,662
Worry about hers.
Trust me, Max, okay?
147
00:08:10,745 --> 00:08:12,038
I don't have to
worry about hers.
148
00:08:12,122 --> 00:08:13,999
What, the Queen
of England is perfect?
149
00:08:14,082 --> 00:08:15,375
She's not from England.
150
00:08:15,458 --> 00:08:17,127
I thought she was.
No, you didn't.
151
00:08:17,210 --> 00:08:20,130
It's just that England's
the only country in Europe
you know of.
152
00:08:20,213 --> 00:08:21,214
(LAUGHS MOCKINGLY)
153
00:08:21,297 --> 00:08:23,550
Besides, you know,
she's been here so long...
WOMAN: What up, Max?
154
00:08:23,633 --> 00:08:25,593
What up? Yeah.
155
00:08:25,677 --> 00:08:28,138
She's been here so long,
she's basically
been Americanized.
156
00:08:28,221 --> 00:08:29,222
Really?
157
00:08:29,305 --> 00:08:31,057
You Americanize her?
158
00:08:31,141 --> 00:08:32,142
What?
159
00:08:32,225 --> 00:08:33,435
You know, bang her?
160
00:08:33,518 --> 00:08:36,229
Why would I set you up
with some girl
that I banged?
161
00:08:36,312 --> 00:08:37,981
Share the wealth, brother.
162
00:08:38,064 --> 00:08:39,232
You know?
I banged Xena.
163
00:08:39,315 --> 00:08:41,151
I liked the hood
and the cape.
That's me.
164
00:08:41,234 --> 00:08:43,069
My question to you is,
what is wrong with her?
165
00:08:43,153 --> 00:08:44,529
If this girl
is so great,
166
00:08:44,612 --> 00:08:46,573
why haven't you
banged her yet, Jay?
167
00:08:46,656 --> 00:08:49,117
Neanderthal,
she's my editor.
168
00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:50,994
My book is about
my ex-girlfriend.
169
00:08:51,077 --> 00:08:52,954
She knows every
intimate detail.
170
00:08:53,038 --> 00:08:54,039
So?
171
00:08:54,122 --> 00:08:55,248
Besides, I'm in
a mourning period.
172
00:08:55,331 --> 00:08:56,958
I can't even think
about another woman.
173
00:08:57,042 --> 00:08:58,668
See? You say shit
like that to me,
174
00:08:58,752 --> 00:09:01,171
it makes me
seriously question
your orientation.
175
00:09:01,254 --> 00:09:03,089
What, you've never been
in a mourning period
176
00:09:03,173 --> 00:09:04,549
where you just
didn't wanna have sex?
177
00:09:06,009 --> 00:09:07,052
No.
178
00:09:07,552 --> 00:09:09,220
You know what?
Maybe this isn't
gonna work.
179
00:09:09,304 --> 00:09:10,430
God, lighten up.
180
00:09:10,513 --> 00:09:12,807
You've been away
writing a little book
in Europe for six months.
181
00:09:12,891 --> 00:09:15,310
Look at me, huh?
I've changed.
182
00:09:15,393 --> 00:09:17,062
I'm mature now.
183
00:09:17,395 --> 00:09:20,065
Yeah, I can see that.
Lose the toothpick.
184
00:09:20,523 --> 00:09:21,566
What?
185
00:09:21,649 --> 00:09:24,277
Lose the toothpick.
It looks ridiculous.
186
00:09:25,987 --> 00:09:29,115
First of all,
this is not a toothpick,
okay, Mr. Ignorant?
187
00:09:29,199 --> 00:09:31,951
This is an Australian
chewing stick.
188
00:09:32,035 --> 00:09:33,078
Ah.
Yeah.
189
00:09:33,161 --> 00:09:35,121
See, college boy?
I know other
countries in Europe.
190
00:09:35,205 --> 00:09:37,999
Yeah, I'm sure you do.
Just lose it. It's not her.
191
00:09:38,083 --> 00:09:39,584
No, it's not her.
It's me, Jay.
192
00:09:39,667 --> 00:09:40,919
That's why it's in my mouth.
193
00:09:41,002 --> 00:09:42,879
Shut up.
Here she comes.
194
00:09:46,382 --> 00:09:47,592
(INAUDIBLE)
195
00:09:49,552 --> 00:09:50,970
Hold this.
196
00:09:54,933 --> 00:09:57,393
Hi.
Sam, Max.
Max, Sam.
197
00:09:57,477 --> 00:10:00,105
Hi. Nice to meet you.
198
00:10:00,188 --> 00:10:01,564
Hi. Nice to meet you.
199
00:10:01,648 --> 00:10:05,068
You like Italian food?
A nice chicken parmesan?
200
00:10:08,446 --> 00:10:09,489
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
201
00:10:09,572 --> 00:10:10,615
Who is it?
202
00:10:18,915 --> 00:10:20,041
Who is it?
203
00:10:20,125 --> 00:10:21,960
(KNOCKING CONTINUES)
204
00:10:22,418 --> 00:10:25,046
I'm coming.
Jesus, who is it?
205
00:10:25,130 --> 00:10:27,257
MAX: Open the fucking door.
206
00:10:29,634 --> 00:10:30,885
How could you?
207
00:10:30,969 --> 00:10:33,012
How could I what?
What time is it?
208
00:10:33,096 --> 00:10:34,389
It's 6:30.
209
00:10:34,472 --> 00:10:36,516
In the morning?
What are you doing here?
210
00:10:36,599 --> 00:10:37,600
What was this, huh?
211
00:10:37,684 --> 00:10:39,894
A setup to, what,
humiliate me?
212
00:10:39,978 --> 00:10:41,104
What are you
talking about?
213
00:10:41,187 --> 00:10:44,023
I have a reputation
in this town, Jay.
214
00:10:44,107 --> 00:10:46,943
And you set me up
with this animal?
215
00:10:47,026 --> 00:10:48,945
Animal? It didn't go well?
216
00:10:49,529 --> 00:10:51,364
No, it didn't go well.
217
00:10:51,447 --> 00:10:54,159
For future reference,
when you list
someone's credentials,
218
00:10:54,242 --> 00:10:57,829
and you say
they're beautiful,
smart and funny,
219
00:10:57,912 --> 00:11:00,999
here's an idea,
don't forget to mention
psychotic fucking drunk.
220
00:11:01,082 --> 00:11:02,375
She got drunk?
221
00:11:02,458 --> 00:11:04,210
It was like a scene
out of Barfly.
222
00:11:04,294 --> 00:11:05,420
The bride drinks?
223
00:11:05,503 --> 00:11:06,838
Like a fish!
224
00:11:06,921 --> 00:11:07,922
I never saw her drink.
225
00:11:08,006 --> 00:11:10,133
Oh, you never
saw her drink.
226
00:11:10,216 --> 00:11:11,718
I took her to Ambria, right?
227
00:11:11,801 --> 00:11:14,429
Only the best
restaurant in Chicago.
228
00:11:14,512 --> 00:11:17,098
Usually, it takes two
weeks to get in there,
but they know me.
229
00:11:17,182 --> 00:11:19,934
Christ, it's gonna
take a fucking month
to get back in there now.
230
00:11:20,018 --> 00:11:21,311
And she got drunk?
231
00:11:21,394 --> 00:11:23,104
Jay, she got hammered.
232
00:11:23,188 --> 00:11:26,357
Waiter. Hey, hey, hey!
Another scotch.
233
00:11:26,441 --> 00:11:27,775
Pronto!
234
00:11:29,694 --> 00:11:30,987
(STAMMERS)
I don't believe this.
235
00:11:31,070 --> 00:11:32,655
MAX: Yeah, well,
believe it.
236
00:11:32,739 --> 00:11:35,241
This girl is nuts.
First she's laughing.
237
00:11:38,745 --> 00:11:40,246
Then she's crying.
238
00:11:40,330 --> 00:11:42,916
(CRYING) There was
my fish and there
was my kitty-cat
239
00:11:42,999 --> 00:11:44,709
and there was my dog.
240
00:11:44,792 --> 00:11:46,169
They're all dead.
241
00:11:46,252 --> 00:11:50,965
Then she's
screaming like a maniac
at the top of her lungs.
242
00:11:51,049 --> 00:11:52,050
(SCREAMING)
243
00:11:57,388 --> 00:11:58,765
Check, please.
244
00:11:58,848 --> 00:12:00,642
JAY: Maybe she was
just nervous.
245
00:12:00,725 --> 00:12:03,686
In some bizarre circles,
you are a celebrity.
246
00:12:03,770 --> 00:12:05,897
First of all,
she didn't even
know who I was.
247
00:12:05,980 --> 00:12:07,899
What the fuck is that about?
248
00:12:07,982 --> 00:12:10,693
And second of all,
she said she drinks
like this every night.
249
00:12:10,777 --> 00:12:12,070
I feel terrible.
250
00:12:12,153 --> 00:12:13,613
You should feel terrible.
251
00:12:13,696 --> 00:12:16,115
People recognized me, Jay.
252
00:12:16,908 --> 00:12:19,535
Jay, there were cameras.
253
00:12:25,250 --> 00:12:26,251
(GRUNTS)
254
00:12:27,085 --> 00:12:28,920
This is a nightmare.
What can I do?
255
00:12:29,003 --> 00:12:30,296
Very little.
256
00:12:30,380 --> 00:12:33,967
I mean, there is
very little you can do
at this point.
257
00:12:34,050 --> 00:12:35,802
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
258
00:12:36,052 --> 00:12:37,637
You got a girl
coming over?
259
00:12:37,720 --> 00:12:38,972
At 6:30 in the morning?
260
00:12:39,389 --> 00:12:40,390
Yeah.
261
00:12:47,897 --> 00:12:50,483
Holy shit! It's Sam.
262
00:12:50,942 --> 00:12:52,860
What?
What the hell
is she doing here?
263
00:12:52,944 --> 00:12:53,945
(KNOCKING CONTINUES)
Uh, one second.
264
00:12:54,028 --> 00:12:55,863
I have no idea,
but if I were you,
265
00:12:55,947 --> 00:12:58,241
I'd call Cook County
and have them rush over
with a straightjacket.
266
00:12:58,324 --> 00:12:59,867
What should I do?
267
00:12:59,951 --> 00:13:01,869
You know what?
Let me handle this.
I want a word with...
268
00:13:01,953 --> 00:13:03,454
Shh! Shut up!
269
00:13:03,538 --> 00:13:04,622
I wanna talk to her.
270
00:13:04,706 --> 00:13:05,748
You know what? Closet.
271
00:13:05,832 --> 00:13:06,874
What? I'm not
going in the closet.
272
00:13:06,958 --> 00:13:08,876
Max, I have a professional
relationship here, all right?
273
00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:09,961
Let me get rid of her.
274
00:13:10,044 --> 00:13:12,046
One second!
I can't get in the closet.
275
00:13:12,130 --> 00:13:14,007
Max, get in the closet!
276
00:13:14,090 --> 00:13:16,092
Leave it open a crack.
I'm claustrophobic.
277
00:13:16,175 --> 00:13:19,554
Okay, okay.
Uh, coming!
278
00:13:22,181 --> 00:13:23,308
Hi.
Hi.
279
00:13:24,350 --> 00:13:26,686
I know it's early,
but can I come in please?
280
00:13:27,312 --> 00:13:28,771
Sure. Yeah.
281
00:13:29,022 --> 00:13:30,273
Thanks.
282
00:13:31,107 --> 00:13:32,984
Sam, are you okay?
283
00:13:33,568 --> 00:13:35,111
No, Jay, I'm not.
284
00:13:35,862 --> 00:13:38,239
I know we don't know
each other that well,
285
00:13:38,323 --> 00:13:40,992
but I thought we had
a mutual respect
for each other.
286
00:13:41,075 --> 00:13:42,076
As did I.
287
00:13:42,160 --> 00:13:43,619
So how could you
do this to me?
288
00:13:44,203 --> 00:13:46,247
Sam, do you have
a drinking problem?
289
00:13:46,664 --> 00:13:47,707
What?
290
00:13:47,790 --> 00:13:49,834
Max told me
about last night.
291
00:13:50,293 --> 00:13:52,879
Oh, he did.
Yes, and it's okay.
292
00:13:52,962 --> 00:13:54,922
What's "okay"?
293
00:13:55,006 --> 00:13:56,924
To be rude and crude?
294
00:13:57,008 --> 00:14:00,094
To act disgusting like that
in a public place?
295
00:14:00,178 --> 00:14:02,555
If you were drunk
and are willing
to get help, it is.
296
00:14:03,014 --> 00:14:04,265
Not me!
297
00:14:05,058 --> 00:14:06,726
Your animal friend!
298
00:14:07,226 --> 00:14:08,561
Do you know
where he took me?
299
00:14:08,644 --> 00:14:11,022
Uh, Ambria, I believe.
300
00:14:11,105 --> 00:14:13,983
Hardly.
Try the Crazy Horse.
301
00:14:14,067 --> 00:14:15,234
(MUSIC PLAYING)
302
00:14:15,318 --> 00:14:17,653
(MEN WHOOPING AND WHISTLING)
303
00:14:20,990 --> 00:14:23,242
Cheyenne, what up? Hey!
304
00:14:24,577 --> 00:14:26,537
Hey! Hey!
What up?
305
00:14:27,121 --> 00:14:28,956
What up?
Hey, hey, hey!
306
00:14:29,040 --> 00:14:30,041
Hey.
307
00:14:31,042 --> 00:14:33,461
Hey, what... Come here!
Hey, good to see you.
308
00:14:33,544 --> 00:14:35,755
Oh, hello.
How are you?
309
00:14:35,838 --> 00:14:38,257
Everyone, girls,
I want you to say hi
to my friend, Sam.
310
00:14:38,341 --> 00:14:39,509
Sam, say hi
to the girls.
311
00:14:39,592 --> 00:14:41,010
GIRLS: Hi.
312
00:14:41,677 --> 00:14:43,179
JAY: Say hi.
313
00:14:44,222 --> 00:14:46,974
Then finally,
when the night was over,
314
00:14:47,809 --> 00:14:50,311
this guy,
he actually thought
it had gone well.
315
00:14:51,229 --> 00:14:52,271
Hi.
316
00:14:54,315 --> 00:14:56,692
You ever have sex
in a Mercedes?
317
00:14:57,610 --> 00:14:59,028
Convertible?
318
00:14:59,112 --> 00:15:00,988
He said that?
319
00:15:01,072 --> 00:15:02,073
Twice.
320
00:15:02,156 --> 00:15:05,243
Did I mention
this is a convertible?
321
00:15:05,326 --> 00:15:06,411
Huh?
322
00:15:07,662 --> 00:15:09,163
What a dick!
323
00:15:09,247 --> 00:15:11,624
I didn't say that!
324
00:15:11,707 --> 00:15:13,501
How could you
believe her?
325
00:15:13,584 --> 00:15:14,794
What the hell
is he doing here?
326
00:15:14,877 --> 00:15:16,587
What am I doing...
What are you doing here?
327
00:15:16,671 --> 00:15:20,466
Isn't there a liquor store
you should be knocking off
right about now?
328
00:15:20,550 --> 00:15:21,926
How can you
take her side?
329
00:15:22,009 --> 00:15:24,220
I'm not taking any sides.
I think you are.
330
00:15:24,303 --> 00:15:27,014
No, it's just that
her story sounds
a little more like you
331
00:15:27,098 --> 00:15:28,766
than your story
sounds like her.
332
00:15:28,850 --> 00:15:32,728
Really? You know her,
what, two weeks?
333
00:15:32,812 --> 00:15:34,272
You know me
your whole life.
334
00:15:34,355 --> 00:15:36,232
Since we're babies,
you know me.
335
00:15:36,315 --> 00:15:38,401
I'm gonna take her
to a strip club?
336
00:15:38,901 --> 00:15:41,320
It's wonderful to see
that chivalry is not dead.
337
00:15:41,404 --> 00:15:44,282
Yeah? Fuck chivalry.
How about some loyalty?
338
00:15:44,365 --> 00:15:46,159
I don't know what
is going on here.
339
00:15:46,242 --> 00:15:49,495
But something
obviously happened.
Something bad.
340
00:15:49,579 --> 00:15:52,039
Why don't you just
forget about it
and apologize?
341
00:15:52,123 --> 00:15:55,376
I guarantee you'll never
have to deal with
the other one again.
342
00:15:55,460 --> 00:15:57,003
I'm not apologizing to her.
343
00:15:57,086 --> 00:15:58,212
I'm not apologizing to him.
344
00:15:58,296 --> 00:16:01,257
Max, just apologize, okay?
345
00:16:01,674 --> 00:16:06,846
All right, because
I am your true friend,
I will apologize, okay?
346
00:16:06,929 --> 00:16:09,140
Are you gonna
apologize now?
If you do.
347
00:16:09,223 --> 00:16:10,892
Fine. Then I am sorry.
348
00:16:10,975 --> 00:16:11,976
Fine. Then I am, too.
349
00:16:12,059 --> 00:16:14,437
Great. Okay? What?
Anything else?
350
00:16:14,520 --> 00:16:16,230
You want us to shake?
Why don't we kiss?
351
00:16:16,314 --> 00:16:17,315
Okay, with or without tongue?
352
00:16:17,398 --> 00:16:18,816
Your call.
353
00:16:23,196 --> 00:16:24,947
(BOTH LAUGHING)
354
00:16:30,953 --> 00:16:33,956
Oh, man.
You should've
seen your face.
355
00:16:34,457 --> 00:16:35,958
Oh, my God.
356
00:16:36,042 --> 00:16:38,294
I'm sorry, Jay.
It was Maxie's idea.
357
00:16:39,295 --> 00:16:41,339
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
"Maxie"?
358
00:16:41,422 --> 00:16:43,382
It's a pet name.
I like it.
359
00:16:43,466 --> 00:16:47,345
You know each other
less than 24 hours.
You have pet names?
360
00:16:47,428 --> 00:16:48,679
I told you
he'd put me
in the closet.
361
00:16:48,763 --> 00:16:50,014
It was unbelievable.
362
00:16:50,097 --> 00:16:52,975
It was perfect.
We went home
and changed.
363
00:16:53,726 --> 00:16:57,438
Wow, you guys really
overplotted this thing,
didn't you?
364
00:16:59,023 --> 00:17:01,567
Ah! Oh!
I thought I'd die.
365
00:17:01,651 --> 00:17:02,860
What happened?
I don't get it.
366
00:17:02,944 --> 00:17:04,403
Well... You tell him.
367
00:17:04,487 --> 00:17:06,906
They were acting.
You know, role-playing?
368
00:17:06,989 --> 00:17:09,575
Oh, like when
we do that thing
with the pigs...
369
00:17:09,659 --> 00:17:10,785
Exactly.
370
00:17:12,411 --> 00:17:13,955
(LAUGHING)
371
00:17:15,998 --> 00:17:17,375
I have to get some sleep.
372
00:17:17,458 --> 00:17:20,878
Oh, no. Come on.
Let's go get breakfast.
373
00:17:20,962 --> 00:17:23,422
No, I can't. I have
to get some sleep.
Come on.
374
00:17:24,131 --> 00:17:26,884
All right,
I'll call you
from the station.
375
00:17:26,968 --> 00:17:28,302
I'll watch your report.
376
00:17:28,386 --> 00:17:29,971
Yeah? I'll wave.
377
00:17:30,054 --> 00:17:31,305
I'll watch you wave.
378
00:17:31,389 --> 00:17:34,475
Okay, enough already.
Okay?
379
00:17:36,310 --> 00:17:38,521
I'm meeting Linda
tomorrow morning.
380
00:17:38,604 --> 00:17:39,730
Okay.
381
00:17:40,606 --> 00:17:41,774
I think.
382
00:17:41,857 --> 00:17:43,484
Bye. I gotta go.
383
00:17:49,240 --> 00:17:50,324
Bye.
384
00:17:52,785 --> 00:17:53,869
Bye.
385
00:17:56,205 --> 00:17:57,665
I miss you.
386
00:17:59,959 --> 00:18:01,002
What?
387
00:18:01,085 --> 00:18:03,671
Hmm. So what did
you kids talk about?
388
00:18:03,754 --> 00:18:05,339
To be honest,
I don't even know.
389
00:18:05,423 --> 00:18:08,050
I mean, we have
nothing in common.
390
00:18:08,134 --> 00:18:09,719
I mean, nothing.
391
00:18:09,802 --> 00:18:12,722
I mean,
she hates sports.
I hate books.
392
00:18:12,805 --> 00:18:14,932
She's lived
all over the world.
393
00:18:15,016 --> 00:18:19,312
The only time I've been
out of the country is when
the Cubs played in Tijuana.
394
00:18:19,395 --> 00:18:20,688
I think I love her.
395
00:18:20,771 --> 00:18:22,398
They were engaged
two weeks later.
396
00:18:22,481 --> 00:18:24,108
(SHUTTER CLICKING)
397
00:18:25,151 --> 00:18:27,570
Spontaneity is so romantic.
398
00:18:28,029 --> 00:18:29,113
Yeah, it is.
399
00:18:31,324 --> 00:18:33,075
Is she pregnant?
400
00:18:34,368 --> 00:18:36,412
I don't think so. Why?
401
00:18:38,247 --> 00:18:41,042
Hey! Hey,
you know something?
402
00:18:41,125 --> 00:18:44,128
LINDA: It was that quick.
Jay and Sam got to work,
403
00:18:45,671 --> 00:18:47,840
and Max and Sam
got to play.
404
00:18:48,966 --> 00:18:52,428
This was the girl for him
and he was going
to stick to it.
405
00:18:54,013 --> 00:18:56,057
Suddenly,
he's a one-woman man.
406
00:18:57,058 --> 00:18:58,851
He tells Dara.
You?
407
00:18:58,934 --> 00:19:00,019
You're getting married?
408
00:19:00,936 --> 00:19:02,063
Mmm-hmm.
409
00:19:02,938 --> 00:19:04,440
I give it a month.
410
00:19:04,940 --> 00:19:05,941
Okay.
411
00:19:06,734 --> 00:19:08,694
Then he told the rest
of the girls in Chicago.
412
00:19:08,778 --> 00:19:10,404
What up, Chicago?
413
00:19:10,488 --> 00:19:13,824
Not a good day for the
ball clubs as the Cubs
and the Sox both lose.
414
00:19:13,908 --> 00:19:16,035
But on a lighter note,
I'm getting married.
415
00:19:16,118 --> 00:19:17,745
(ALL GASPING)
416
00:19:18,120 --> 00:19:19,664
Oh, there she is.
417
00:19:21,123 --> 00:19:22,667
Everyone who knew
him was shocked,
418
00:19:22,750 --> 00:19:25,002
but no one was more
shocked than Jay.
419
00:19:25,086 --> 00:19:28,506
This is like a real,
live documented case
of love at first sight.
420
00:19:28,589 --> 00:19:29,715
Don't you understand?
421
00:19:29,799 --> 00:19:32,718
I can't believe
I'm having him
move in already.
422
00:19:32,802 --> 00:19:36,555
Well, the getting married
thing might have
sped up that process.
423
00:19:36,639 --> 00:19:37,723
Do you think
we're rushing?
424
00:19:37,807 --> 00:19:39,850
I don't know.
It's not really my call.
425
00:19:40,393 --> 00:19:42,186
This is so not like me.
426
00:19:42,269 --> 00:19:44,605
Yeah, it seems
nobody is themselves.
427
00:19:44,689 --> 00:19:45,981
My parents
think I'm crazy.
428
00:19:46,065 --> 00:19:48,025
So does your cousin. Hi.
429
00:19:49,193 --> 00:19:51,362
Jay, this is
my little cousin,
Andrea.
430
00:19:51,445 --> 00:19:53,072
I like Dre.
431
00:19:53,948 --> 00:19:55,908
Listen, Jay,
I know I'm not
supposed to ask this,
432
00:19:55,991 --> 00:19:58,828
but Sam's been raving
so much about your book,
433
00:19:58,911 --> 00:19:59,912
I was wondering
if I could read it.
434
00:19:59,995 --> 00:20:01,706
I told you
it's not finished.
435
00:20:01,789 --> 00:20:03,791
No, it's okay.
I would love to hear
what you think.
436
00:20:04,083 --> 00:20:07,628
Thanks. I'm really into
stories about heartbreak.
437
00:20:08,212 --> 00:20:11,215
Good. You should
get a real kick
out of this one then.
438
00:20:11,298 --> 00:20:12,842
(HORN HONKING)
439
00:20:12,925 --> 00:20:13,968
Hi, honey!
440
00:20:18,556 --> 00:20:19,557
Hi!
441
00:20:19,640 --> 00:20:22,143
Yeah. Traded in the Benz.
442
00:20:23,227 --> 00:20:25,688
Whoo-hoo. What up?
443
00:20:25,771 --> 00:20:27,481
First time living
with a woman.
444
00:20:27,565 --> 00:20:29,817
A little nervous,
yet excited.
445
00:20:31,193 --> 00:20:32,236
Think fast, Shakespeare.
446
00:20:34,196 --> 00:20:36,073
MAX: Hey!
SAM: Hi.
447
00:20:36,532 --> 00:20:37,992
Come here. Hi.
448
00:20:38,075 --> 00:20:39,118
Hi.
449
00:20:42,037 --> 00:20:44,123
Hey, Squirt,
why don't you give me
a hand with my stuff?
450
00:20:44,206 --> 00:20:45,875
First of all,
don't call me Squirt.
451
00:20:45,958 --> 00:20:47,418
And second of all,
'cause I don't want to.
452
00:20:47,501 --> 00:20:49,378
(IMITATING)
"'Cause I don't want to."
How long is she here for?
453
00:20:49,462 --> 00:20:51,714
Till Labor Day.
Get used to it.
454
00:20:51,797 --> 00:20:53,007
Uh-huh. Okay.
455
00:20:53,090 --> 00:20:54,341
See ya.
456
00:20:58,220 --> 00:21:00,097
Ooh.
Where you going?
457
00:21:00,181 --> 00:21:02,683
Movies.
Don't have her
home too late.
458
00:21:02,767 --> 00:21:04,101
It's 12:00 noon.
459
00:21:04,810 --> 00:21:06,061
Bye, Jay!
460
00:21:06,145 --> 00:21:08,647
Hey, I'd like
a goodbye, you brat.
461
00:21:09,857 --> 00:21:11,692
I'm in tight
with the family,
you know?
462
00:21:11,776 --> 00:21:13,444
Yeah, I can
see that. Yeah.
463
00:21:13,527 --> 00:21:15,237
I can also see
the U-Haul.
464
00:21:15,321 --> 00:21:18,908
But what I can't see
are movers.
465
00:21:29,126 --> 00:21:30,503
What is that?
466
00:21:30,586 --> 00:21:32,588
John Madden,
sportscaster.
467
00:21:33,631 --> 00:21:36,050
And why would someone
want him in their house?
468
00:21:36,133 --> 00:21:39,678
I couldn't answer that,
but where is the man
who could?
469
00:21:40,054 --> 00:21:42,056
What, is he taking
a nap already?
470
00:21:42,139 --> 00:21:43,265
No, he's on the phone.
471
00:21:43,349 --> 00:21:45,309
Then I'm taking a break.
472
00:21:45,726 --> 00:21:47,353
Here. I brought you
a cold beer.
473
00:21:47,436 --> 00:21:48,687
Thanks.
474
00:21:52,274 --> 00:21:54,568
This is a great album.
Do you mind
if I look at it?
475
00:21:54,652 --> 00:21:55,653
Sure, go ahead.
476
00:21:55,736 --> 00:21:56,779
I brought it back
from Florence.
477
00:21:56,862 --> 00:21:57,863
I love Florence.
478
00:21:57,947 --> 00:21:59,824
I lived there.
That's where
I wrote the book.
479
00:21:59,907 --> 00:22:03,118
Yeah, it was this shop with
this tiny little entrance,
480
00:22:03,202 --> 00:22:06,914
and you had to duck
under these giant
horrific lion heads?
481
00:22:06,997 --> 00:22:08,958
I know that place.
Are you serious?
482
00:22:09,041 --> 00:22:10,751
I'm serious.
483
00:22:10,835 --> 00:22:12,711
The gelati place
right across the street.
484
00:22:12,795 --> 00:22:15,047
Oh, my God,
with the 10,000 flavors?
485
00:22:15,130 --> 00:22:17,007
It was the Baskin-Robbins
of Italy.
486
00:22:17,091 --> 00:22:18,884
God, what the hell
was that place called?
487
00:22:18,968 --> 00:22:21,220
It was like Al...
ll...
488
00:22:21,303 --> 00:22:22,304
Al... Al...
ll... ll...
489
00:22:22,388 --> 00:22:23,848
ll... Might have been ll.
490
00:22:23,931 --> 00:22:25,432
What are you guys doing?
491
00:22:25,516 --> 00:22:27,977
Al Gelati.
Al Gelati. Right!
492
00:22:28,060 --> 00:22:31,021
Right. God!
Is that all
it was called?
493
00:22:31,105 --> 00:22:33,941
I don't know. I think
I had more of a romantic
recollection myself.
494
00:22:34,024 --> 00:22:36,277
Hey, I'm not
gonna use this.
You want it?
495
00:22:36,360 --> 00:22:37,736
Uh, no.
496
00:22:37,820 --> 00:22:38,821
The Bulls.
497
00:22:39,071 --> 00:22:40,739
No, that's all right.
I got it.
498
00:22:40,823 --> 00:22:42,616
(MUMBLING)
499
00:22:42,700 --> 00:22:44,034
Hey.
Hey.
500
00:22:44,118 --> 00:22:45,119
We're just talking
about Florence.
501
00:22:45,202 --> 00:22:46,412
Ah, Florence.
502
00:22:46,495 --> 00:22:47,496
You've been there?
503
00:22:47,580 --> 00:22:49,790
Uh, no, never.
What's that?
504
00:22:50,040 --> 00:22:51,417
That's my family.
505
00:22:51,500 --> 00:22:53,669
Oh, yeah?
Let me see.
506
00:22:53,752 --> 00:22:56,338
Hey, are these the 'rents?
507
00:22:56,422 --> 00:22:58,215
The what?
Parents.
508
00:22:58,716 --> 00:23:00,217
That's my parents.
509
00:23:00,301 --> 00:23:02,136
Yeah. So...
510
00:23:02,219 --> 00:23:04,305
You approve?
I do. I do.
511
00:23:04,388 --> 00:23:07,892
Although I probably
should've seen these
before I moved in.
512
00:23:07,975 --> 00:23:10,227
You know, check out
the gene line.
513
00:23:10,769 --> 00:23:14,064
Oh, sorry.
What is that, a mole
on your mother's face?
514
00:23:14,148 --> 00:23:15,858
That's not a mole.
It's on the film.
515
00:23:15,941 --> 00:23:18,277
I'm kidding.
They pass. They pass.
516
00:23:18,402 --> 00:23:20,613
SAM: Hey, Max,
would you go
to Italy with me?
517
00:23:21,071 --> 00:23:23,532
I'd go anywhere
with you, baby.
518
00:23:23,616 --> 00:23:27,119
But just so you know,
they got great pizza
right here in Chicago.
519
00:23:27,202 --> 00:23:28,203
Right, Jay?
520
00:23:28,287 --> 00:23:30,456
Oh, yeah, great pizza
in Chicago.
521
00:23:33,292 --> 00:23:34,418
What?
522
00:23:37,671 --> 00:23:39,214
SAM: What about this one?
523
00:23:39,673 --> 00:23:40,716
No.
524
00:23:42,134 --> 00:23:44,178
That's nice.
What about this one?
525
00:23:44,261 --> 00:23:45,387
Nope.
526
00:23:46,680 --> 00:23:50,100
Ah, that's so pretty.
What about this one?
527
00:23:50,184 --> 00:23:52,144
Mmm? Oh, oh, oh! No.
528
00:23:53,062 --> 00:23:55,898
Honey! We've been through
dozens of magazines,
529
00:23:55,981 --> 00:23:57,441
and you can't find
anything that you like.
530
00:23:57,524 --> 00:24:00,069
I just want the perfect
dress for you, baby.
That's all.
531
00:24:00,152 --> 00:24:01,946
I'm allowed to
pick out my own gown.
532
00:24:02,029 --> 00:24:04,281
No, no...
Whoa! Oh!
533
00:24:04,823 --> 00:24:08,160
Hold everything.
No, you won't,
'cause I think I found it.
534
00:24:08,243 --> 00:24:09,244
You found one?
535
00:24:09,328 --> 00:24:10,579
No, no,
I found the one.
536
00:24:11,038 --> 00:24:13,040
Are you ready?
Yeah.
537
00:24:13,123 --> 00:24:14,124
MAX: Yeah.
538
00:24:14,208 --> 00:24:15,626
SAM: Max, this bride
looks like she's dead.
539
00:24:15,709 --> 00:24:17,586
She's supposed
to look dead.
It's heroin chic.
540
00:24:17,670 --> 00:24:18,879
It's the latest rage.
541
00:24:18,963 --> 00:24:21,131
Honey, I don't wanna
look like a dope addict
at my wedding.
542
00:24:21,215 --> 00:24:24,093
I'm just talking
about the dress,
not the corpse.
543
00:24:24,176 --> 00:24:25,678
Let me see.
What?
544
00:24:26,720 --> 00:24:28,347
SAM: What kind
of a pose is that?
545
00:24:28,430 --> 00:24:30,015
MAX: That's a guy.
546
00:24:30,099 --> 00:24:33,018
Oh, God.
This is so, so ugly.
547
00:24:33,102 --> 00:24:35,229
Forty pounds
and 16 years...
548
00:24:36,021 --> 00:24:37,606
Let me see.
No.
549
00:24:37,690 --> 00:24:40,109
Let me see.
Come on. Why?
MAX: No.
550
00:24:40,192 --> 00:24:42,152
Because it will
upset you.
551
00:24:42,236 --> 00:24:45,155
Max, I've seen
the heroin look.
It's not gonna upset me.
552
00:24:45,239 --> 00:24:46,532
Please, let go
of the magazine.
553
00:24:46,615 --> 00:24:47,616
Yeah, yeah.
Let go.
554
00:24:47,700 --> 00:24:49,576
What are you doing?
Let go of the magazine.
555
00:24:49,660 --> 00:24:50,744
No. Let go.
556
00:24:51,370 --> 00:24:52,788
Give me the magazine.
You're ripping it.
557
00:24:52,871 --> 00:24:53,872
Just give me the magazine.
You're ripping it.
558
00:24:53,956 --> 00:24:55,874
I don't care.
Give it to me.
559
00:25:11,265 --> 00:25:12,891
What's the matter?
560
00:25:12,975 --> 00:25:14,977
That's his ex,
Natasha.
561
00:25:15,728 --> 00:25:16,854
Shit.
562
00:25:20,733 --> 00:25:21,817
Jay!
563
00:25:23,485 --> 00:25:24,570
Jay!
564
00:25:29,324 --> 00:25:31,076
Jay, are you okay?
565
00:25:31,869 --> 00:25:32,953
Jay.
566
00:25:34,788 --> 00:25:37,041
She said she was
gonna be a model.
567
00:25:38,584 --> 00:25:40,753
She's a fucking model,
isn't she?
568
00:25:41,378 --> 00:25:44,465
Okay, okay, this is just
a temporary setback, okay?
569
00:25:44,548 --> 00:25:49,595
I mean, look at Sam and me.
I mean, the same thing
is gonna happen to you.
570
00:25:49,678 --> 00:25:51,472
Any day now,
when you least expect it,
571
00:25:51,555 --> 00:25:54,058
some incredible girl,
some beautiful woman,
572
00:25:54,141 --> 00:25:57,561
is gonna just come along
and blow Natasha
right out of your mind.
573
00:25:57,644 --> 00:25:59,980
Like who?
My cleaning lady, Gladys?
574
00:26:01,231 --> 00:26:03,067
I thought she left you.
575
00:26:04,610 --> 00:26:07,362
She did leave me,
okay? All women do.
576
00:26:07,446 --> 00:26:09,114
Thank you
for replaying that.
577
00:26:09,198 --> 00:26:12,451
Okay, okay, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry about that. Okay.
578
00:26:12,701 --> 00:26:14,745
Okay, not only
will I get you
another cleaning lady...
579
00:26:14,828 --> 00:26:18,624
Listen to me. You are
a successful writer.
580
00:26:18,707 --> 00:26:21,668
Any day, your confidence
is gonna come shooting back,
581
00:26:21,752 --> 00:26:23,921
and then you'll start
letting yourself
be available again.
582
00:26:24,004 --> 00:26:25,798
I need to call her.
583
00:26:25,881 --> 00:26:27,091
No. No.
584
00:26:27,800 --> 00:26:29,885
You need to forget her.
585
00:26:29,968 --> 00:26:33,597
What you need to do is
remember that she treated
you like a piece shit.
586
00:26:33,680 --> 00:26:34,681
Don't start with me.
587
00:26:34,765 --> 00:26:35,766
She did, okay?
588
00:26:35,849 --> 00:26:39,353
She was unsupportive.
She was a liar. Jay,
she was a fucking whore.
589
00:26:39,436 --> 00:26:40,979
How many times
did she cheat on you?
590
00:26:41,063 --> 00:26:44,983
Look, Max,
you didn't know her
like I knew her, okay?
591
00:26:45,067 --> 00:26:47,528
So you can't
possibly understand.
592
00:26:48,278 --> 00:26:52,032
Now I know
in this little three-week
Love Boat episode of yours,
593
00:26:52,116 --> 00:26:54,618
you think you've
come to understand
what love is.
594
00:26:54,701 --> 00:26:56,703
But you know what?
I don't know
that you have.
595
00:26:56,787 --> 00:26:59,414
First of all,
I resent that, okay?
596
00:26:59,498 --> 00:27:02,209
And second of all,
if love, if love takes
my best friend
597
00:27:02,292 --> 00:27:05,003
and turns him into
a miserable piece
of crap for a year,
598
00:27:05,087 --> 00:27:08,048
then you're right,
I don't know what it is
and I don't want to.
599
00:27:11,635 --> 00:27:15,472
Okay, don't. Jay,
what are you doing?
Don't call her, Jay!
600
00:27:16,265 --> 00:27:18,934
So Jay is just like this
really supersensitive guy?
601
00:27:19,017 --> 00:27:21,478
Oh, yeah.
He was devastated
by this girl.
602
00:27:21,562 --> 00:27:23,438
That is so romantic.
I know.
603
00:27:23,522 --> 00:27:24,690
Except she was a whore.
604
00:27:24,773 --> 00:27:25,899
Well, I don't know
if I'd go that far.
605
00:27:25,983 --> 00:27:27,442
Love had blinded him.
Exactly.
606
00:27:27,526 --> 00:27:29,945
Except she was a whore.
Right, Linda?
607
00:27:31,697 --> 00:27:33,740
Anyway, Jay was
real depressed,
608
00:27:33,824 --> 00:27:37,786
and seeing Max and Sam
together made him feel
even more alone.
609
00:27:37,870 --> 00:27:39,872
And obviously
Max's little pep talk
didn't work,
610
00:27:39,955 --> 00:27:42,958
'cause he went home,
drank some whiskey,
threw on an Air Supply CD
611
00:27:43,041 --> 00:27:46,587
and called Natasha's parents
for her number in Paris.
612
00:27:46,670 --> 00:27:47,921
(RINGING)
613
00:27:55,554 --> 00:27:56,930
(GREETING IN FRENCH)
614
00:27:57,014 --> 00:27:58,140
Tash?
615
00:27:59,808 --> 00:28:01,226
NATASHA:
What do you want, Jay?
616
00:28:01,310 --> 00:28:02,936
You speak French now?
617
00:28:03,020 --> 00:28:05,480
(SIGHS)
I do live in France.
618
00:28:06,732 --> 00:28:08,984
You've been there
three months.
619
00:28:09,067 --> 00:28:10,819
Jay, why are you
calling me?
620
00:28:10,903 --> 00:28:14,740
I just wanted
to talk, you know.
I have a book deal.
621
00:28:17,701 --> 00:28:18,869
Is someone there?
622
00:28:18,952 --> 00:28:22,206
Yes, Jay. Actually,
two other people.
623
00:28:22,289 --> 00:28:23,999
Don't you know?
That's all us models do,
624
00:28:24,082 --> 00:28:26,460
is get coked up
and have orgies.
625
00:28:28,003 --> 00:28:29,338
(EXHALES)
626
00:28:31,256 --> 00:28:32,883
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
627
00:28:37,387 --> 00:28:40,557
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
628
00:28:53,528 --> 00:28:54,655
What?
629
00:28:54,863 --> 00:28:55,989
What, "What"?
630
00:28:56,073 --> 00:28:57,491
What's with the look?
631
00:28:57,574 --> 00:28:58,867
What look?
632
00:28:58,951 --> 00:29:03,372
You just gave me a look,
like I did something wrong
by smiling at the girl.
633
00:29:03,789 --> 00:29:05,749
What girl?
I didn't even see you
smiling at anyone.
634
00:29:05,832 --> 00:29:07,584
Come on.
You saw me smile
at the girl.
635
00:29:07,668 --> 00:29:10,128
What, I can't smile
at a girl anymore?
636
00:29:10,212 --> 00:29:13,215
Hey, I don't give a shit
who you smile at, okay?
637
00:29:13,298 --> 00:29:14,299
What's your problem?
638
00:29:14,383 --> 00:29:15,384
I don't have a problem.
639
00:29:16,802 --> 00:29:18,679
I don't have a problem.
640
00:29:19,846 --> 00:29:20,847
What up, Tony?
641
00:29:20,931 --> 00:29:22,516
What up, Max?
642
00:29:25,018 --> 00:29:28,188
Were you ever
attracted to other women
when you were with Hitler?
643
00:29:28,272 --> 00:29:29,856
I'm sorry. Natasha.
644
00:29:29,940 --> 00:29:31,024
Is that what
this is about?
645
00:29:31,108 --> 00:29:34,695
Look, I've never done this
relationship thing before.
You gotta help me out here.
646
00:29:34,778 --> 00:29:36,905
You said so last night.
I don't know what
the fuck I'm doing.
647
00:29:36,989 --> 00:29:39,032
I don't know
what I can do
and what I can't do.
648
00:29:39,116 --> 00:29:42,577
Max, laws of a civilized
society still apply.
649
00:29:42,661 --> 00:29:44,705
It's fine to look
as long as you don't act.
650
00:29:45,664 --> 00:29:46,748
So I can look?
651
00:29:46,832 --> 00:29:47,833
Yeah.
652
00:29:48,667 --> 00:29:50,919
I can look.
I can smile.
653
00:29:51,003 --> 00:29:52,879
I just can't act, right?
654
00:29:56,883 --> 00:29:59,845
What about detailed
fantasy-type shit?
655
00:29:59,928 --> 00:30:01,722
(DRUMS BEATING)
656
00:30:01,805 --> 00:30:03,598
(CHEERING)
657
00:30:03,682 --> 00:30:07,019
It's natural to be attracted
to other people physically.
Everyone is.
658
00:30:07,811 --> 00:30:10,939
What are you saying?
Sam is attracted
to other people?
659
00:30:11,023 --> 00:30:14,693
As great as you think
you are, yeah,
I think she probably is.
660
00:30:16,278 --> 00:30:17,279
Who?
661
00:30:17,362 --> 00:30:18,613
Who what?
662
00:30:18,697 --> 00:30:20,282
Who is she attracted to?
663
00:30:21,616 --> 00:30:23,410
What? Hey,
don't leave me
hanging here.
664
00:30:23,493 --> 00:30:25,704
Max, I got work to do.
I'll call you later.
665
00:30:25,787 --> 00:30:26,872
Are you kidding me?
666
00:30:26,955 --> 00:30:28,832
Tell me, what...
Hey. Hey!
667
00:30:29,666 --> 00:30:31,793
Hey, who's she
attracted to?
668
00:30:35,339 --> 00:30:36,590
Hi.
Hey.
669
00:30:40,886 --> 00:30:42,471
You know, I know
it's not my business,
670
00:30:42,554 --> 00:30:46,516
but I just wanted to
make sure that you were
okay from yesterday.
671
00:30:47,184 --> 00:30:49,936
Oh, yeah, I'm a rock.
672
00:30:51,021 --> 00:30:52,397
Well, if you wanna talk...
673
00:30:54,483 --> 00:30:56,068
Have you just
674
00:30:56,985 --> 00:30:59,363
not been able
to get someone
out of your head?
675
00:31:00,739 --> 00:31:02,866
I mean,
you know it's over,
676
00:31:03,533 --> 00:31:06,078
but I walk around
with this pit
in my stomach,
677
00:31:06,161 --> 00:31:08,288
and everyone tells me
I'll get over it.
678
00:31:08,372 --> 00:31:09,873
All I'm asking is when.
679
00:31:11,958 --> 00:31:14,127
Jay, everyone has
their own time.
680
00:31:15,420 --> 00:31:18,340
But you know what?
I can tell you,
it does happen.
681
00:31:18,423 --> 00:31:20,759
I know it happens.
It happened in college.
682
00:31:20,842 --> 00:31:23,929
I broke up
with my girlfriend, Sarah.
Two days later, I was fine.
683
00:31:24,012 --> 00:31:25,013
Did you love her?
684
00:31:25,097 --> 00:31:26,098
I don't know.
685
00:31:26,181 --> 00:31:27,891
I mean, we were stoned
most of the time.
686
00:31:27,974 --> 00:31:31,186
It's hard to tell
how many emotions were real
and how many were manufactured
687
00:31:31,269 --> 00:31:33,897
just to get the other person
to bring over more pot.
688
00:31:36,316 --> 00:31:38,151
(TELEPHONE RINGS)
689
00:31:39,861 --> 00:31:41,071
Samantha Andrews.
690
00:31:41,154 --> 00:31:42,155
(MUFFLED)
Is Jay there?
691
00:31:42,239 --> 00:31:43,490
Who's calling?
692
00:31:43,573 --> 00:31:44,699
Jay, please.
693
00:31:45,784 --> 00:31:46,785
It's Max.
694
00:31:47,411 --> 00:31:48,412
Hello?
695
00:31:48,495 --> 00:31:49,996
Don't say my name.
It's me.
696
00:31:50,080 --> 00:31:51,081
I'm working here.
697
00:31:51,164 --> 00:31:54,167
Tonight at the Mill, 8:00.
Okay? Be there.
698
00:31:56,253 --> 00:31:57,963
(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)
699
00:32:05,679 --> 00:32:07,097
(SINGING)
700
00:32:11,560 --> 00:32:12,561
(INAUDIBLE)
701
00:32:33,290 --> 00:32:34,374
Uh, Mr. Abbitt.
702
00:32:34,458 --> 00:32:35,459
What up?
703
00:32:35,542 --> 00:32:39,379
My friend loves you
on the news.
She thinks you are it.
704
00:32:39,463 --> 00:32:44,384
She asked me to come over
and tell you that she is
willing to sleep with you.
705
00:32:44,468 --> 00:32:45,719
No strings attached.
706
00:32:45,802 --> 00:32:46,887
Is that right?
707
00:32:46,970 --> 00:32:48,138
Easy. (LAUGHING)
708
00:32:48,221 --> 00:32:49,222
Yeah.
709
00:32:57,856 --> 00:32:58,857
Hi.
710
00:32:58,940 --> 00:33:00,317
Very tempting,
711
00:33:00,400 --> 00:33:02,861
but how are we
gonna have sex if you
won't even talk to me?
712
00:33:03,236 --> 00:33:04,571
Did we ever talk?
713
00:33:04,946 --> 00:33:06,114
That's a good point.
714
00:33:06,198 --> 00:33:07,199
Mmm.
715
00:33:07,282 --> 00:33:10,285
I hear you went out
with our station's
fair weatherman.
716
00:33:10,368 --> 00:33:12,579
I had to do something
to get your attention.
717
00:33:12,662 --> 00:33:15,957
Yeah, I don't know that
dating Windy Weathers
is a real attention-grabber.
718
00:33:16,041 --> 00:33:17,083
By the way,
I meant to ask you,
719
00:33:17,167 --> 00:33:19,461
does he go by Windy?
Or Wind? Gust?
720
00:33:19,544 --> 00:33:22,547
Are you still
going through with
this marriage thing?
721
00:33:22,631 --> 00:33:23,798
I am.
722
00:33:23,882 --> 00:33:25,800
And you're comfortable
with this?
723
00:33:25,884 --> 00:33:28,845
Mmm-hmm, yeah.
I'm very comfortable.
724
00:33:28,929 --> 00:33:29,930
How you doing?
725
00:33:30,639 --> 00:33:32,599
(CHUCKLES)
(SIGHS)
726
00:33:32,682 --> 00:33:35,894
Well, my offer
still stands,
you know.
727
00:33:35,977 --> 00:33:36,978
No strings.
728
00:33:37,062 --> 00:33:38,104
Okay, be good.
729
00:33:38,188 --> 00:33:40,482
Hey.
Hey, what up?
730
00:33:40,565 --> 00:33:41,983
Hi, Jay.
MAX: Hey,
731
00:33:42,067 --> 00:33:44,319
do you mind making
this offer to Jay,
huh, for me?
732
00:33:44,402 --> 00:33:45,445
He's still very heartbroken.
733
00:33:45,529 --> 00:33:46,530
What offer?
734
00:33:47,614 --> 00:33:48,949
Bye, Jay.
735
00:33:49,199 --> 00:33:50,700
Oh, Max, you forgot this.
736
00:33:50,784 --> 00:33:54,246
Hmm? Oh, yeah,
you can hold on
to that for me.
737
00:33:54,329 --> 00:33:56,081
What offer?
Hey, what up?
738
00:33:56,164 --> 00:33:57,290
Hey, Max.
Good to see you, man.
739
00:33:57,374 --> 00:33:58,375
Thanks.
740
00:33:59,251 --> 00:34:00,961
Max, what offer?
741
00:34:01,044 --> 00:34:02,295
She offered me sex.
No strings.
742
00:34:02,379 --> 00:34:03,380
Yeah, right.
743
00:34:03,463 --> 00:34:04,464
I'm serious.
744
00:34:04,548 --> 00:34:06,007
She offered you sex,
no strings?
745
00:34:06,091 --> 00:34:07,092
Uh-huh.
746
00:34:07,175 --> 00:34:11,179
My whole life,
I've never had a girl
offer me sex with no strings.
747
00:34:11,972 --> 00:34:13,098
I get the offer
all the time.
748
00:34:13,181 --> 00:34:15,308
Fuck you. Really?
749
00:34:15,392 --> 00:34:17,852
What, you want the offer?
I can get you the offer.
750
00:34:17,936 --> 00:34:20,397
What am I doing here?
What's with the
obscene phone calls?
751
00:34:20,480 --> 00:34:22,857
Stace, can we
get two beers?
752
00:34:22,941 --> 00:34:25,068
All right,
first things first.
753
00:34:25,151 --> 00:34:26,152
I didn't ask you
this morning.
754
00:34:26,236 --> 00:34:27,487
I apologize.
All right?
755
00:34:27,571 --> 00:34:30,574
I just didn't wanna hear
all the pathetic details
before I had my coffee.
756
00:34:30,657 --> 00:34:31,658
Are you okay
from yesterday?
757
00:34:31,741 --> 00:34:32,742
I'm fine.
758
00:34:32,826 --> 00:34:34,869
Good, 'cause I don't
wanna talk about you.
I wanna talk about me.
759
00:34:34,953 --> 00:34:36,830
We spent a year on you
and your heartbreak.
760
00:34:36,913 --> 00:34:38,039
I need a night
on me, Jay.
761
00:34:38,123 --> 00:34:39,541
I'm listening.
762
00:34:39,624 --> 00:34:40,917
Okay, I'm freaking out.
763
00:34:41,001 --> 00:34:42,002
About?
764
00:34:42,085 --> 00:34:43,336
What the fuck
do you think about?
765
00:34:43,420 --> 00:34:44,879
This is all moving
very fast.
766
00:34:44,963 --> 00:34:46,381
You wanted
a shotgun wedding.
767
00:34:46,464 --> 00:34:49,050
Yeah, I was fine with it,
okay, until...
768
00:34:49,134 --> 00:34:51,094
Until the incident
last night.
769
00:34:51,553 --> 00:34:53,138
What incident?
770
00:34:53,221 --> 00:34:54,681
Okay, after you
went home to mope...
771
00:34:54,764 --> 00:34:56,600
I thought we're not
gonna talk about me.
772
00:34:56,683 --> 00:34:57,934
We're not, okay?
773
00:34:58,018 --> 00:35:00,520
But after you
left yesterday
to go mope,
774
00:35:00,604 --> 00:35:02,522
I hopped in the shower,
I grabbed a beer,
775
00:35:02,606 --> 00:35:05,942
and I sat on the couch
for, like, hours,
mapping out my life.
776
00:35:10,572 --> 00:35:12,073
I started thinking
about everything
777
00:35:12,157 --> 00:35:14,159
and how fast
it was all happening,
778
00:35:15,160 --> 00:35:16,202
and I started
to freak out.
779
00:35:21,249 --> 00:35:23,627
And then I heard
Sam calling me.
780
00:35:24,336 --> 00:35:26,671
It wasn't like a yell
or a scream or anything,
781
00:35:26,755 --> 00:35:30,425
it was just this
soft, angelic,
little kind of a whisper,
782
00:35:31,176 --> 00:35:33,428
but it scared
the fuck out of me.
783
00:35:33,511 --> 00:35:34,971
SAM: Max.
784
00:35:36,222 --> 00:35:39,476
MAX: So I go upstairs,
and I'm real nervous, okay?
785
00:35:39,559 --> 00:35:42,145
I don't know why
I'm all clammy and shit.
786
00:35:42,228 --> 00:35:44,856
All these thoughts start
flying through my head,
like, "What am I doing?"
787
00:35:44,939 --> 00:35:47,567
"Who am I?
What is up with the Cubs?"
788
00:35:48,777 --> 00:35:50,862
So I get to the bedroom door,
789
00:35:50,945 --> 00:35:53,365
and I look inside,
and Sam's there.
790
00:35:53,448 --> 00:35:56,159
She is so
unbelievably beautiful.
791
00:35:56,951 --> 00:35:59,954
I mean,
she's perfectly framed
in the window.
792
00:36:00,038 --> 00:36:01,623
You know,
her hair is all rumpled.
793
00:36:02,582 --> 00:36:04,334
And I go over to her.
794
00:36:05,960 --> 00:36:09,756
And I don't know
whether I'd like to
jump her bones or flee.
795
00:36:10,882 --> 00:36:12,092
When she attacks me.
796
00:36:15,261 --> 00:36:18,348
She, like, starts
tearing at my clothes,
clawing my back,
797
00:36:18,431 --> 00:36:20,183
throwing my shoes
out the window.
798
00:36:20,266 --> 00:36:22,227
She threw your shoes
out the window?
799
00:36:23,812 --> 00:36:26,022
She did things to me
I didn't think
were possible.
800
00:36:26,106 --> 00:36:29,234
We're not talking
about cable porn.
This is pure rental.
801
00:36:29,317 --> 00:36:31,695
Okay, Max,
I get the idea.
802
00:36:31,778 --> 00:36:35,365
Good. So after
this sexual triathlon,
803
00:36:35,448 --> 00:36:37,033
we're laying
in the sheets,
804
00:36:37,117 --> 00:36:41,162
sweaty, panting,
and it suddenly hit me.
805
00:36:41,246 --> 00:36:46,042
Max, this is the last woman
you're ever gonna sleep with,
806
00:36:46,126 --> 00:36:49,129
and you, my friend,
are her last man.
807
00:36:49,212 --> 00:36:50,547
(LAUGHING)
808
00:36:50,630 --> 00:36:54,134
That didn't hit you,
maybe before you
gave her the ring?
809
00:36:54,926 --> 00:36:59,139
It didn't hit me.
I mean, I knew it,
but it didn't hit me.
810
00:36:59,889 --> 00:37:02,892
Let me make sure
I understand what
you're saying here.
811
00:37:02,976 --> 00:37:05,103
You're scared
of never sleeping
with another woman.
812
00:37:05,186 --> 00:37:07,063
You're afraid you can't
stop yourself.
813
00:37:07,147 --> 00:37:10,358
I'm not worried
about me, you moron.
I'm worried about her.
814
00:37:10,442 --> 00:37:13,236
You're worried about Sam,
if she's gonna cheat on you?
815
00:37:13,319 --> 00:37:15,572
I'm not the one who
went to an all-girls
Catholic school
816
00:37:15,655 --> 00:37:16,948
till I was 17.
817
00:37:17,031 --> 00:37:18,032
What?
818
00:37:18,116 --> 00:37:22,162
These Catholic schoolgirls
have so much pent-up
sexual energy
819
00:37:22,245 --> 00:37:23,830
from being denied it
as a youth,
820
00:37:23,913 --> 00:37:26,124
that one day,
they just flip out,
821
00:37:26,207 --> 00:37:29,002
lose complete control
of themselves
and their bodies.
822
00:37:29,085 --> 00:37:31,045
How do I know Sam
isn't gonna freak out
823
00:37:31,129 --> 00:37:33,298
and go on
a sexual rampage?
824
00:37:33,381 --> 00:37:35,800
Do you know
some of these countries
she's lived in in Europe
825
00:37:35,884 --> 00:37:37,761
encourage that
type of behavior?
826
00:37:39,596 --> 00:37:40,597
I said something funny.
827
00:37:40,680 --> 00:37:41,681
Where's Sam?
828
00:37:41,765 --> 00:37:43,099
She's gonna come
in here any minute
829
00:37:43,183 --> 00:37:45,143
and, you know,
burst out with some story
830
00:37:45,226 --> 00:37:47,729
how you have
a removable penis
or something, right?
831
00:37:47,979 --> 00:37:49,022
I'm not kidding around.
832
00:37:49,105 --> 00:37:50,815
Then you're an idiot,
and I'm leaving.
833
00:37:50,899 --> 00:37:53,860
All right? I've gotta
get some more pages
to your sex-crazed fiancée.
834
00:37:53,943 --> 00:37:56,863
Sit down. Sit down.
I haven't gotten
to the point yet.
835
00:37:56,946 --> 00:37:58,406
Well, get to it already.
836
00:37:59,699 --> 00:38:01,075
I need a test.
837
00:38:01,284 --> 00:38:02,368
A test?
838
00:38:02,827 --> 00:38:05,163
To see if Sam
will cheat on me.
839
00:38:08,917 --> 00:38:10,710
Jay. Come on, Jay.
I'm serious.
840
00:38:10,794 --> 00:38:13,755
You work together,
you're friends,
you're fairly good-looking.
841
00:38:13,838 --> 00:38:14,839
Goodbye.
842
00:38:14,923 --> 00:38:18,009
Come on. This is
something a guy can
only ask his best friend.
843
00:38:18,092 --> 00:38:19,093
Well, I won't do it.
844
00:38:19,177 --> 00:38:21,221
Then I'll get somebody else.
I'd love for you to do it.
845
00:38:21,304 --> 00:38:25,266
But, hey, this is my future
we're talking about, okay?
I gotta be sure.
846
00:38:25,850 --> 00:38:28,269
Max, are you really
this insecure?
847
00:38:28,812 --> 00:38:29,896
Yes.
848
00:38:30,605 --> 00:38:32,190
Okay, for the sake
of argument,
849
00:38:32,273 --> 00:38:34,567
even though I'm only
"fairly good-looking,"
850
00:38:34,651 --> 00:38:37,612
let's say I agree to this,
and then she goes for it.
851
00:38:37,695 --> 00:38:39,239
Then what?
What do you think, genius?
852
00:38:39,322 --> 00:38:42,367
Then the wedding's off.
She failed the test.
Very simple.
853
00:38:42,951 --> 00:38:43,952
Wow.
854
00:38:44,035 --> 00:38:46,246
What's "wow"?
What is that?
855
00:38:46,329 --> 00:38:48,456
I'm not gonna
sit at home alone
in a dark room
856
00:38:48,540 --> 00:38:50,500
listening to
Barry Manilow records.
857
00:38:50,583 --> 00:38:53,628
Those were not records.
That was a radio special.
858
00:38:54,629 --> 00:38:55,755
Okay.
859
00:38:56,089 --> 00:38:57,924
Hey, I'll get over it.
860
00:38:58,716 --> 00:39:01,010
Just like that?
Just like that.
861
00:39:02,011 --> 00:39:04,055
I wish I had your heart.
862
00:39:04,722 --> 00:39:07,934
It would've saved me
a lot of miserable evenings.
863
00:39:09,769 --> 00:39:11,312
Jay, are you in?
864
00:39:11,396 --> 00:39:14,315
CLIFF: Hold it, hold it.
Hold on, hold on everything.
865
00:39:14,399 --> 00:39:16,192
Jay hit on her
on Max's orders.
866
00:39:16,276 --> 00:39:17,318
Is that what
you're telling me?
867
00:39:17,902 --> 00:39:19,320
You don't know Jay
very well, do you?
868
00:39:19,404 --> 00:39:21,155
No.
No, not well at all.
869
00:39:21,239 --> 00:39:22,240
What did he do?
870
00:39:22,657 --> 00:39:24,075
He got sick.
871
00:39:24,158 --> 00:39:27,579
Yeah. The whole scheme,
preposterous as it sounds,
made him sick.
872
00:39:27,662 --> 00:39:29,414
So why didn't he
just tell Max no?
873
00:39:29,497 --> 00:39:30,957
Oh, very good question.
874
00:39:31,040 --> 00:39:33,418
Bravo. But obviously
you don't know Max
that well either.
875
00:39:33,501 --> 00:39:34,502
BOTH: No.
876
00:39:34,586 --> 00:39:37,213
The answer is,
Jay knew Max would
find someone anyway.
877
00:39:37,297 --> 00:39:39,465
And he felt responsible
for anything
that might happen
878
00:39:39,549 --> 00:39:40,925
being that he had
set them up.
879
00:39:41,009 --> 00:39:42,010
So he got sick?
880
00:39:42,093 --> 00:39:43,595
He got sick.
881
00:39:44,220 --> 00:39:45,388
Couldn't eat.
882
00:39:47,682 --> 00:39:49,392
See, I'd force
something down,
that's what I would do.
883
00:39:49,475 --> 00:39:50,602
I can see that.
884
00:39:51,060 --> 00:39:52,937
He couldn't sleep.
885
00:39:53,021 --> 00:39:55,064
Tonight, a Jerry exclusive.
886
00:39:55,148 --> 00:39:58,860
It's friends who
ask their friends
to hit on their girlfriends.
887
00:39:58,943 --> 00:40:00,695
(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING)
888
00:40:03,114 --> 00:40:05,700
But the worst part is,
he couldn't work.
889
00:40:06,826 --> 00:40:10,121
'Cause every time
he was around Sam,
he became nervous.
890
00:40:13,207 --> 00:40:14,208
You okay?
891
00:40:14,292 --> 00:40:16,002
Yeah, I'm fine. Why?
892
00:40:16,085 --> 00:40:17,712
You've just been
extremely jumpy all day.
893
00:40:17,795 --> 00:40:19,380
Oh, no, I haven't.
894
00:40:20,423 --> 00:40:21,758
Actually,
895
00:40:22,842 --> 00:40:24,010
you know what
I'm thinking?
896
00:40:24,093 --> 00:40:25,094
What?
897
00:40:25,178 --> 00:40:28,348
Do you think
we should really meet
as often as we do?
898
00:40:28,431 --> 00:40:31,100
My schedule
only calls for us
to meet once a week.
899
00:40:31,184 --> 00:40:34,228
Yeah, but twice
this week though.
Yesterday and today.
900
00:40:34,312 --> 00:40:35,688
I mean, you know,
next thing you know,
901
00:40:35,772 --> 00:40:37,482
it'll turn into
three times a week.
902
00:40:37,565 --> 00:40:39,901
I'm just thinking,
with this cooped-up
office feel,
903
00:40:39,984 --> 00:40:41,277
is it really
the way to go, Sam.
904
00:40:41,945 --> 00:40:44,322
You know, I almost feel
a shortage of air in here.
905
00:40:45,031 --> 00:40:46,157
How's your breathing?
906
00:40:46,741 --> 00:40:49,494
My breathing is fine.
What do you suggest?
907
00:40:49,577 --> 00:40:50,787
What I'm suggesting is,
908
00:40:50,870 --> 00:40:54,123
maybe we don't even
need to meet, you know,
at all.
909
00:40:54,207 --> 00:40:57,585
We could work out
of the comfort of our
respective spaces,
910
00:40:57,669 --> 00:40:59,420
your office, my home,
911
00:40:59,504 --> 00:41:01,381
and just keep in touch
via phone and fax.
912
00:41:02,340 --> 00:41:03,466
What are you thinking?
913
00:41:03,549 --> 00:41:05,551
You're unhappy
with my work.
914
00:41:05,635 --> 00:41:07,595
You don't like what
I'm doing. You think
I'm hurting your book.
915
00:41:07,679 --> 00:41:08,680
Oh, God, no, Sam.
916
00:41:08,763 --> 00:41:10,473
I can ask Linda
to remove me.
That's not a problem.
917
00:41:10,556 --> 00:41:11,975
No, Sam, I'm sorry.
If that makes you happy.
918
00:41:12,058 --> 00:41:13,393
That's not what
I meant at all.
919
00:41:13,476 --> 00:41:15,853
The work you've
done is amazing.
920
00:41:15,937 --> 00:41:17,689
It's made all
the difference.
921
00:41:17,772 --> 00:41:18,856
Are you sure?
922
00:41:18,940 --> 00:41:19,941
I am positive.
923
00:41:20,024 --> 00:41:23,903
I am so sorry. I...
We'll stay in the office.
924
00:41:23,987 --> 00:41:25,822
And you know what?
We'll meet daily.
925
00:41:26,197 --> 00:41:28,157
Maybe even twice daily.
926
00:41:28,741 --> 00:41:31,035
As long as
I'm not interfering
with your breathing.
927
00:41:31,661 --> 00:41:33,788
Trust me,
it's not you.
928
00:41:40,044 --> 00:41:41,963
MAX: So let's
focus on my eyes.
929
00:41:42,046 --> 00:41:43,047
Hey.
930
00:41:43,131 --> 00:41:45,049
Hey, what are you
doing here?
931
00:41:50,013 --> 00:41:51,264
Hi, Jay.
932
00:41:51,347 --> 00:41:54,684
Um, could you...
Could you give us
a second, please?
933
00:41:55,852 --> 00:41:57,103
Sure.
Thanks.
934
00:41:58,646 --> 00:42:01,065
So, uh, what up, buddy?
935
00:42:01,149 --> 00:42:03,109
Your test, okay.
That's what's up, okay?
936
00:42:03,192 --> 00:42:04,777
It's killing me.
It's affecting my work.
937
00:42:04,861 --> 00:42:06,070
Okay, calm down.
938
00:42:06,154 --> 00:42:09,198
I don't want you having
one of your little
panic attacks in my office.
939
00:42:09,282 --> 00:42:11,367
Sit down. Sit down.
What's up?
940
00:42:11,451 --> 00:42:13,286
Okay, I'm bailing
on this test.
941
00:42:13,369 --> 00:42:14,954
You're gonna have to
call an escort service,
942
00:42:15,038 --> 00:42:16,831
or whatever your
backup plan was,
943
00:42:16,914 --> 00:42:19,042
because I'm not
cut out for this,
okay? That's it.
944
00:42:19,125 --> 00:42:22,170
Why don't you
just look at this
as a situation
945
00:42:22,253 --> 00:42:25,048
that you can use
in your writing.
946
00:42:25,131 --> 00:42:27,925
Max, every time you
want me to do something
that I don't want to do,
947
00:42:28,009 --> 00:42:29,719
you tell me to use it
in my writing.
948
00:42:29,802 --> 00:42:32,180
"Help me move into my house.
It'll be your next book."
949
00:42:32,263 --> 00:42:33,848
Change your tire,
write a trilogy.
950
00:42:33,931 --> 00:42:34,932
You're right.
951
00:42:35,016 --> 00:42:38,936
I may have mentioned
this before, but this time,
no bullshit, okay?
952
00:42:39,020 --> 00:42:43,066
This is your next book.
I'm practically
writing it for you.
953
00:42:43,149 --> 00:42:44,901
All you have to do
is come up with
some kind of title.
954
00:42:44,984 --> 00:42:45,985
Take all the credit.
955
00:42:46,069 --> 00:42:47,612
Max.
"Jay and the..."
956
00:42:47,695 --> 00:42:50,281
Max, have you been
listening to me?
957
00:42:50,364 --> 00:42:52,366
Sam almost quit today.
958
00:42:52,450 --> 00:42:56,871
She thinks I'm uncomfortable
around her now, which I am,
because of your stupid test.
959
00:42:56,954 --> 00:42:58,873
She does?
Yes!
960
00:42:58,956 --> 00:42:59,957
That's perfect.
961
00:43:00,041 --> 00:43:02,376
How is that perfect?
This is my career!
962
00:43:02,460 --> 00:43:04,378
Yeah, right, I know.
963
00:43:04,462 --> 00:43:07,632
She must be thinking that
she's starting to remind you
too much of Natasha.
964
00:43:07,715 --> 00:43:09,008
Excellent.
965
00:43:09,092 --> 00:43:11,260
Hammer that home, okay?
966
00:43:11,344 --> 00:43:15,014
Don't let up on it.
Don't be afraid to use it,
to use the sympathy, okay?
967
00:43:15,098 --> 00:43:18,101
Keep bringing up Italy.
Keep your head down.
Mope a little.
968
00:43:18,184 --> 00:43:19,769
Tell her that
you can't eat.
969
00:43:19,852 --> 00:43:20,853
I can't eat.
970
00:43:20,937 --> 00:43:21,979
Then don't, okay?
971
00:43:22,063 --> 00:43:23,231
Oh, my God.
I give up.
972
00:43:23,314 --> 00:43:26,275
What? No, no, no.
Jay Murphy is no quitter.
973
00:43:26,359 --> 00:43:28,402
What would your dad say?
Huh, huh?
974
00:43:28,486 --> 00:43:33,032
Shit. Do you remember
that book you got me
for my birthday?
975
00:43:33,116 --> 00:43:35,618
What's that title?
The Roach?
976
00:43:35,701 --> 00:43:37,620
La Rochefoucauld.
It's a classic.
977
00:43:37,703 --> 00:43:38,830
Yeah, La Roch...
978
00:43:38,913 --> 00:43:40,248
(MUMBLES)
979
00:43:41,040 --> 00:43:43,126
Anyway, Sam found it.
980
00:43:43,209 --> 00:43:45,211
And?
And she wants
me to read it.
981
00:43:45,294 --> 00:43:47,755
I think she thinks
we're running out
of things to talk about.
982
00:43:47,839 --> 00:43:49,048
So read it then.
983
00:43:49,132 --> 00:43:52,468
Read it?
I can barely lift it.
Here's a little tip.
984
00:43:52,552 --> 00:43:54,887
When you're gonna
get literature
for your close friends,
985
00:43:54,971 --> 00:43:56,681
books on tape, okay?
986
00:43:58,182 --> 00:43:59,559
What am I...
I can't even
talk about this.
987
00:43:59,642 --> 00:44:02,103
I'm on the air
in five minutes.
No blush.
988
00:44:02,854 --> 00:44:05,148
Well, as you can see,
Max wasn't giving up,
989
00:44:05,231 --> 00:44:07,066
and Jay just didn't have
the strength to fight.
990
00:44:07,150 --> 00:44:09,402
This nagging guilt
started coming over him
991
00:44:09,485 --> 00:44:12,947
as to why he had even
set up Sam with Max
in the first place.
992
00:44:13,030 --> 00:44:14,448
Bottom line is,
993
00:44:15,283 --> 00:44:18,286
he decided
he wasn't gonna do it.
994
00:44:19,078 --> 00:44:24,250
You know, he would
keep away from Sam,
except at work,
995
00:44:24,333 --> 00:44:26,085
and tell Max
that he had tried,
996
00:44:26,169 --> 00:44:27,670
and she had
turned him down.
997
00:44:27,753 --> 00:44:31,132
Well, that's when I added
a little fuel to the fire.
998
00:44:31,340 --> 00:44:33,676
I'm pushing up
your deadline six weeks.
999
00:44:33,759 --> 00:44:34,886
Six weeks!
1000
00:44:34,969 --> 00:44:36,220
Is there an echo in here?
1001
00:44:36,304 --> 00:44:37,305
Linda, it's crazy to rush.
1002
00:44:37,388 --> 00:44:38,931
There's a rhythm
to this process.
Yeah!
1003
00:44:39,015 --> 00:44:41,893
Well, speed up your rhythm.
I want the two of you together
24/7 for the next month.
1004
00:44:41,976 --> 00:44:42,977
Get it done.
1005
00:44:43,060 --> 00:44:45,563
JAY: Linda, look,
I appreciate all
you've done for me,
1006
00:44:45,646 --> 00:44:46,939
but I will not rush.
1007
00:44:47,023 --> 00:44:49,525
I am standing
firm on this.
I won't budge.
1008
00:44:49,609 --> 00:44:51,903
You don't budge, Jay,
your book gets
shelved indefinitely.
1009
00:44:51,986 --> 00:44:53,738
That means
no one will read it,
not even your mother.
1010
00:44:53,821 --> 00:44:55,865
We own it. We won't
give you the rights
to distribute it to her.
1011
00:44:55,948 --> 00:44:57,325
Got it? Get it? Good.
1012
00:44:57,408 --> 00:44:58,784
Okay, I'm having
my chest waxed.
1013
00:44:58,868 --> 00:45:00,912
So, if there's nothing else,
see you both later.
1014
00:45:00,995 --> 00:45:02,997
Cruel!
(LAUGHING)
1015
00:45:03,080 --> 00:45:05,041
You're very,
very cruel, Linda.
1016
00:45:05,124 --> 00:45:06,417
VICKI: How can you laugh?
1017
00:45:06,500 --> 00:45:07,585
You were gonna
scrap his book?
1018
00:45:07,668 --> 00:45:10,046
Of course, I wasn't.
That was just my strategy.
1019
00:45:10,129 --> 00:45:12,173
My feeling is,
great minds work
better under pressure.
1020
00:45:12,256 --> 00:45:15,051
And you know what?
I think both of them
thought about it for a moment
1021
00:45:15,134 --> 00:45:17,053
and really respected
my decision.
1022
00:45:17,136 --> 00:45:19,222
That chain-smoking bitch.
1023
00:45:19,305 --> 00:45:21,682
There is no way
we'll finish this book
in a month.
1024
00:45:21,766 --> 00:45:23,351
Jay, we can do it.
1025
00:45:23,434 --> 00:45:25,895
We can't do it.
No one could do it.
1026
00:45:25,978 --> 00:45:28,481
Okay, Stephen King
could do it,
but no one else.
1027
00:45:28,564 --> 00:45:30,483
Bobby, give me
another one.
1028
00:45:30,566 --> 00:45:34,403
Jay, try to relax.
You wrote an
amazing first draft.
1029
00:45:34,487 --> 00:45:35,655
How long did
that take you?
1030
00:45:35,738 --> 00:45:36,948
About seven weeks.
1031
00:45:37,031 --> 00:45:38,032
So this'll be a snap.
1032
00:45:38,115 --> 00:45:39,492
But that was
different, Sam.
1033
00:45:39,575 --> 00:45:42,745
That was easy then.
I had so many
feelings to get out.
1034
00:45:42,828 --> 00:45:45,248
I kept writing
because I thought
if I got them on paper
1035
00:45:45,331 --> 00:45:47,833
that maybe
it would've
been enough.
1036
00:45:48,251 --> 00:45:49,418
To get her back?
1037
00:45:49,502 --> 00:45:51,087
(SIGHS) Yeah.
1038
00:45:52,088 --> 00:45:55,424
Or to make a shitload
of money and stuff it
in her face.
1039
00:45:57,343 --> 00:45:58,928
Sam, I can't work today.
1040
00:45:59,011 --> 00:46:01,180
Can we just
get out of here,
take a day,
1041
00:46:01,264 --> 00:46:04,267
run around the park,
see a museum or something,
just clear our heads?
1042
00:46:04,350 --> 00:46:05,518
You got it.
1043
00:46:11,524 --> 00:46:13,317
LINDA: So they did.
Despite my threats,
1044
00:46:13,401 --> 00:46:15,903
they went and
cleared their heads.
1045
00:46:18,489 --> 00:46:20,658
And a day turned
into a week.
1046
00:46:21,242 --> 00:46:22,243
(INAUDIBLE)
1047
00:46:23,744 --> 00:46:25,830
And a week
turned into two.
1048
00:46:29,292 --> 00:46:31,252
JAY: So what's
your most major fault?
1049
00:46:31,335 --> 00:46:32,920
SAM: I don't know.
What's yours?
1050
00:46:33,004 --> 00:46:36,048
I'm not daring enough.
I always admired
that about Max.
1051
00:46:36,132 --> 00:46:37,174
He'll do anything.
1052
00:46:37,258 --> 00:46:38,259
Like what?
1053
00:46:38,342 --> 00:46:40,177
Like public speaking.
1054
00:46:40,261 --> 00:46:43,597
I've always been
afraid of crowds
ever since I was a kid.
1055
00:46:43,681 --> 00:46:46,559
You know, in class,
when everyone had
to go around the room
1056
00:46:46,642 --> 00:46:48,644
and say their names,
I used to freak out.
1057
00:46:48,728 --> 00:46:50,062
They'd go around
in a circle
1058
00:46:50,146 --> 00:46:53,065
and by the time
they got to me,
I'd be completely frozen.
1059
00:46:53,149 --> 00:46:54,692
Oh, that's so sad.
1060
00:46:55,318 --> 00:46:56,319
Well, it wasn't that bad.
1061
00:46:56,402 --> 00:46:58,529
It wasn't like I was
the Elephant Man
or anything.
1062
00:46:58,612 --> 00:46:59,822
Oh, just a little nervous.
1063
00:46:59,905 --> 00:47:00,906
Yeah.
1064
00:47:01,282 --> 00:47:05,244
And I just always
wanted to, once,
get up in front of a crowd
1065
00:47:05,328 --> 00:47:07,246
and say whatever's
on my mind.
1066
00:47:07,330 --> 00:47:09,623
So do it.
Get up in front
of a crowd.
1067
00:47:09,707 --> 00:47:10,708
What, now?
1068
00:47:10,791 --> 00:47:12,335
Not now.
On Sundays
at the Mill.
1069
00:47:12,418 --> 00:47:14,670
There's an open talent night.
You can do it there.
1070
00:47:14,754 --> 00:47:16,088
But I don't have a talent.
1071
00:47:16,172 --> 00:47:18,549
You can just do
whatever you want.
Say anything.
1072
00:47:18,632 --> 00:47:20,801
Are you talking like
stand-up comedy now?
1073
00:47:20,885 --> 00:47:22,178
Whatever. I'll go.
1074
00:47:22,261 --> 00:47:23,637
I'll laugh no matter
what you say.
1075
00:47:23,721 --> 00:47:25,556
Hey, maybe I really
could be funny.
1076
00:47:25,639 --> 00:47:28,184
Hey, maybe I'll
really be laughing.
1077
00:47:30,770 --> 00:47:33,064
You ever hate your
ex-girlfriend so much
1078
00:47:33,147 --> 00:47:34,940
that you wish
she was dead?
1079
00:47:38,903 --> 00:47:40,154
Anyone?
1080
00:47:41,447 --> 00:47:42,490
No.
1081
00:47:44,241 --> 00:47:45,951
You never have?
No.
1082
00:47:46,160 --> 00:47:48,496
That's a little hard
to believe, okay?
1083
00:47:48,871 --> 00:47:49,955
(GASPING)
1084
00:47:50,039 --> 00:47:51,540
Anyone else?
1085
00:47:55,044 --> 00:47:56,045
Hello?
1086
00:47:56,128 --> 00:47:57,338
Hello!
1087
00:47:57,421 --> 00:47:59,965
(AUDIENCE CHUCKLING)
How about something funny?
1088
00:48:00,049 --> 00:48:03,094
You mean to tell me that
no single person in here
1089
00:48:03,177 --> 00:48:04,470
has ever hated
their ex-girlfriend?
1090
00:48:04,553 --> 00:48:07,014
No, you fucking jagoff.
1091
00:48:07,098 --> 00:48:08,349
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
1092
00:48:11,018 --> 00:48:12,019
I have.
1093
00:48:12,103 --> 00:48:13,104
Thank you.
1094
00:48:13,938 --> 00:48:15,481
Me, too, okay?
1095
00:48:15,564 --> 00:48:19,402
And it's not that
you're a psycho
or anything.
1096
00:48:19,485 --> 00:48:22,196
It's just that
you really, really...
1097
00:48:22,279 --> 00:48:25,282
I mean, you really
hate her guts.
1098
00:48:26,367 --> 00:48:28,119
Don't be afraid
to hit that drum.
1099
00:48:28,202 --> 00:48:30,788
A little enthusiasm
never hurt anyone. Okay.
1100
00:48:30,871 --> 00:48:34,041
Come on! I didn't
come to hear about
your dead girlfriend.
1101
00:48:34,125 --> 00:48:35,668
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
1102
00:48:35,751 --> 00:48:37,211
I wish I had
my video camera,
'cause...
1103
00:48:37,294 --> 00:48:39,046
Stop it. He's trying.
1104
00:48:39,130 --> 00:48:40,881
...I'd submit it
to Leno or something.
1105
00:48:41,257 --> 00:48:43,342
Folks, we came here
to laugh, didn't we?
1106
00:48:43,426 --> 00:48:45,553
Come on!
CROWD: Yeah.
1107
00:48:45,636 --> 00:48:48,681
I don't wish my
girlfriend was dead.
I wish you were dead.
1108
00:48:48,764 --> 00:48:50,224
Well, I guess
my time is up.
1109
00:48:50,307 --> 00:48:52,184
They're giving me
the light.
1110
00:48:54,228 --> 00:48:55,396
Whoo.
Whoo!
1111
00:48:56,272 --> 00:48:59,817
Well, keep clapping
because I have even
better news for you.
1112
00:49:00,276 --> 00:49:02,069
The beautiful girl
sitting back there
1113
00:49:02,153 --> 00:49:04,113
with our favorite
sportscaster
1114
00:49:04,196 --> 00:49:06,198
is buying drinks
for everyone.
1115
00:49:06,866 --> 00:49:08,367
(CROWD CHEERING)
1116
00:49:11,579 --> 00:49:13,164
That was exhilarating.
1117
00:49:13,247 --> 00:49:15,166
Yeah, yeah?
'Cause you sucked.
1118
00:49:15,249 --> 00:49:17,126
I had a couple of laughs.
1119
00:49:17,209 --> 00:49:19,253
There was one laugh,
Jay. It was Sam.
1120
00:49:19,336 --> 00:49:21,005
I thought
you were great.
1121
00:49:21,088 --> 00:49:22,923
It felt great.
They had me pissed.
1122
00:49:23,007 --> 00:49:24,800
It was a rush,
like sex.
1123
00:49:24,884 --> 00:49:26,051
You remember sex?
1124
00:49:26,135 --> 00:49:28,596
Vaguely. Sam,
thanks for the drinks.
1125
00:49:28,679 --> 00:49:30,973
Yeah, yeah.
This was great, man.
This was great.
1126
00:49:31,056 --> 00:49:34,351
You can keep doing
your shitty comedy,
and we can go bankrupt.
1127
00:49:34,435 --> 00:49:37,480
Man, that was
the stupidest shit
I ever heard in my life.
1128
00:49:37,563 --> 00:49:39,023
No autograph for you.
1129
00:49:39,106 --> 00:49:40,107
And you.
1130
00:49:40,191 --> 00:49:41,233
What up?
1131
00:49:41,317 --> 00:49:43,360
You suck in the news, man.
1132
00:49:44,778 --> 00:49:45,779
(LAUGHING)
1133
00:49:55,539 --> 00:49:56,999
(DIAL TONE)
1134
00:50:00,669 --> 00:50:02,004
(RINGING)
1135
00:50:04,131 --> 00:50:05,591
JAY: Hello?
Hey, you sleeping?
1136
00:50:06,550 --> 00:50:08,302
No, I'm on the 18th,
putting.
1137
00:50:08,385 --> 00:50:10,513
Sorry. Go back to sleep.
1138
00:50:10,596 --> 00:50:13,307
No, I'm serious.
I'm on the 18th, putting.
1139
00:50:13,390 --> 00:50:15,226
If I make this, I win.
1140
00:50:16,310 --> 00:50:18,354
Shit, I lost.
What's up?
1141
00:50:19,605 --> 00:50:22,107
(SIGHS)
I'm very concerned.
1142
00:50:22,566 --> 00:50:25,653
Do you realize we're now
down to three weeks
to our deadline?
1143
00:50:25,736 --> 00:50:27,112
Aren't you worried
about this?
1144
00:50:27,196 --> 00:50:29,323
Not really.
The deadline
will be met.
1145
00:50:29,406 --> 00:50:30,449
How?
1146
00:50:30,533 --> 00:50:33,661
Well, a certain someone
has been feeling
so energetic lately
1147
00:50:33,744 --> 00:50:35,496
that's he been up
late nights working
1148
00:50:35,579 --> 00:50:37,289
and I've managed to get
a couple of pages done
1149
00:50:37,373 --> 00:50:39,041
based on the changes
we discussed.
1150
00:50:39,124 --> 00:50:41,377
Really?
That's great.
1151
00:50:42,211 --> 00:50:43,212
When can I read it?
1152
00:50:43,295 --> 00:50:44,505
Let's meet during
the day tomorrow
1153
00:50:44,588 --> 00:50:45,756
just to go over
a few things,
1154
00:50:45,839 --> 00:50:47,883
and then I'll bring
the rest to your house
tomorrow night.
1155
00:50:47,967 --> 00:50:49,260
Tell Max we'll
all have dinner.
1156
00:50:49,343 --> 00:50:51,387
Oh, great.
All right. Sure.
1157
00:50:51,804 --> 00:50:53,180
Sorry I called you so late.
1158
00:50:53,264 --> 00:50:55,099
All right,
see you later.
1159
00:50:55,182 --> 00:50:56,725
Okay, good night.
1160
00:50:58,060 --> 00:51:00,271
MAX: You wanna have sex?
1161
00:51:00,646 --> 00:51:01,897
Do you?
1162
00:51:02,398 --> 00:51:03,857
Either way.
1163
00:51:09,905 --> 00:51:11,323
(PHONE RINGING)
1164
00:51:17,037 --> 00:51:18,497
(ANSWERING MACHINE CLICKS)
1165
00:51:18,581 --> 00:51:20,666
Hello, you've reached
Samantha Andrews.
1166
00:51:20,749 --> 00:51:22,334
I'm away from
my desk right now.
1167
00:51:22,418 --> 00:51:23,836
Please leave your
name and number
1168
00:51:23,919 --> 00:51:25,963
and I'll call you back
just as soon as I can.
1169
00:51:26,046 --> 00:51:27,256
Thank you. Bye-bye.
1170
00:51:27,548 --> 00:51:28,591
(MACHINE BEEPS)
1171
00:51:28,674 --> 00:51:29,800
Hey, sweetie, it's me.
1172
00:51:29,883 --> 00:51:32,011
I'm so sorry.
I gotta cancel
dinner tonight.
1173
00:51:32,094 --> 00:51:34,054
I've got a dinner thing
in Detroit.
1174
00:51:34,138 --> 00:51:37,516
Hey, hey! You!
What up? Max Abbitt!
1175
00:51:37,600 --> 00:51:39,643
Hey, what up?
What up?
What up!
1176
00:51:39,727 --> 00:51:41,103
I've gotta do
a dinner thing tonight,
1177
00:51:41,186 --> 00:51:43,397
then I've got a thing
on the Sox tomorrow,
Sox Tigers.
1178
00:51:43,480 --> 00:51:45,816
Just call me, okay?
I love you, all right?
Just call me.
1179
00:51:45,899 --> 00:51:47,276
What up?
Jesus!
1180
00:51:47,359 --> 00:51:49,028
(PAGER BEEPING)
1181
00:51:53,157 --> 00:51:54,366
(INAUDIBLE)
1182
00:51:58,704 --> 00:51:59,705
Hi.
1183
00:51:59,788 --> 00:52:01,081
Hi, where've you been?
1184
00:52:01,165 --> 00:52:02,958
There's a cab outside.
Where are you going?
1185
00:52:03,042 --> 00:52:05,210
Detroit. I gotta do
a thing on the Sox.
1186
00:52:05,294 --> 00:52:07,921
Oh, were you planning
on telling me?
1187
00:52:08,005 --> 00:52:10,299
Uh, as a matter of fact,
I was.
1188
00:52:10,924 --> 00:52:13,135
I left you a message,
but I never got a call back.
1189
00:52:13,218 --> 00:52:16,096
Oh. Jay and I
were working out
of the office today.
1190
00:52:16,180 --> 00:52:20,434
Oh, you guys have
been working out of
the office a lot lately.
1191
00:52:20,517 --> 00:52:21,518
How's it going?
1192
00:52:21,602 --> 00:52:23,562
It's going well. Yeah.
Yeah?
1193
00:52:23,646 --> 00:52:25,564
Oh, he's such a great guy.
Don't you think?
1194
00:52:25,648 --> 00:52:26,649
Yeah.
1195
00:52:26,732 --> 00:52:29,485
He's so talented
and sensitive.
1196
00:52:29,985 --> 00:52:34,156
Did you notice that?
How talented and yet
how sensitive Jay is?
1197
00:52:34,239 --> 00:52:35,616
What do you
think about him?
1198
00:52:35,699 --> 00:52:36,784
As far as what?
1199
00:52:36,867 --> 00:52:38,661
He's not a bad-looking guy.
1200
00:52:39,203 --> 00:52:41,205
Oh, that's so sweet.
1201
00:52:41,288 --> 00:52:43,916
You're jealous that
we've been working
together so much lately?
1202
00:52:43,999 --> 00:52:45,125
No. No, no.
1203
00:52:45,209 --> 00:52:47,044
I'm not jealous.
1204
00:52:47,127 --> 00:52:49,922
You're totally misinterpreting
the whole situation here.
1205
00:52:50,005 --> 00:52:53,801
I love that you guys spend
so much time together.
You know what I mean?
1206
00:52:54,093 --> 00:52:55,761
No, I really don't.
1207
00:52:56,220 --> 00:52:59,348
I just wanted to know
if you think Jay is
a good-looking guy.
1208
00:52:59,431 --> 00:53:01,141
Okay?
It's no big deal.
1209
00:53:01,225 --> 00:53:03,185
Are you taking
a survey?
1210
00:53:03,352 --> 00:53:06,021
No. I'm saying,
I think he is.
1211
00:53:06,105 --> 00:53:08,482
I wanted to know
what you think.
1212
00:53:09,191 --> 00:53:10,359
I'd say he is.
1213
00:53:10,442 --> 00:53:11,652
He is?
1214
00:53:12,236 --> 00:53:13,654
Where the hell
is this going?
1215
00:53:13,737 --> 00:53:16,740
It's not going anywhere,
okay? Calm down.
1216
00:53:16,824 --> 00:53:19,201
I'm calm.
You're weird.
1217
00:53:19,284 --> 00:53:21,954
(STAMMERS) I'm not weird.
Okay? I'm not weird.
1218
00:53:23,664 --> 00:53:26,792
Okay, I'll call you
when I land.
1219
00:53:26,875 --> 00:53:28,001
Okay?
1220
00:53:36,176 --> 00:53:37,261
Max.
1221
00:53:38,178 --> 00:53:39,179
Oh, hey.
1222
00:53:39,263 --> 00:53:41,807
What are you doing?
I thought we were
having dinner.
1223
00:53:41,890 --> 00:53:44,184
Yeah, I...
God, I was just
gonna call you.
1224
00:53:44,268 --> 00:53:47,771
I gotta go to Detroit
to do a thing on the Sox.
Listen.
1225
00:53:47,855 --> 00:53:52,401
I'm feeling like tonight
is the night to get the
thing over with, okay?
1226
00:53:52,484 --> 00:53:55,195
Max, "the thing"
is already over with.
1227
00:53:55,279 --> 00:53:57,906
Whatever. Listen,
do whatever you
have to do tonight.
1228
00:53:57,990 --> 00:54:01,034
Okay? 'Cause tomorrow
I have to know that, yes,
I'm going through with this,
1229
00:54:01,118 --> 00:54:03,996
and Sam is the woman
I'm spending the rest
of my life with,
1230
00:54:04,079 --> 00:54:06,498
or, no,
I'm on my own again.
1231
00:54:06,582 --> 00:54:09,168
Okay? Pick me up
tomorrow at the airport?
1232
00:54:09,251 --> 00:54:10,669
Why can't you
ever take a cab?
1233
00:54:10,753 --> 00:54:12,087
Hello, I'm taking
a cab now.
1234
00:54:12,171 --> 00:54:14,715
Pick me up.
5:00, United. Okay?
1235
00:54:15,466 --> 00:54:17,134
Oh, by the way,
1236
00:54:17,718 --> 00:54:18,802
I...
1237
00:54:19,511 --> 00:54:21,180
I put in
a good word for you.
1238
00:54:21,889 --> 00:54:23,766
You what?
Yeah.
1239
00:54:23,849 --> 00:54:26,894
I just wanted her
to know that you're
a good-looking guy,
1240
00:54:26,977 --> 00:54:27,978
you know?
1241
00:54:28,061 --> 00:54:31,231
Sensitive and...
All that other crap.
1242
00:54:32,274 --> 00:54:35,652
Max, I gotta be
serious with you
for a second, okay?
1243
00:54:37,070 --> 00:54:39,281
You're real, real
fucked up.
1244
00:54:39,364 --> 00:54:43,327
Why? 'Cause I wanna
make you out to be
as tempting as possible?
1245
00:54:43,660 --> 00:54:45,496
Do you want her
to go for me?
1246
00:54:45,579 --> 00:54:46,580
Is that what's happening?
1247
00:54:46,663 --> 00:54:48,123
Whoa.
1248
00:54:48,207 --> 00:54:49,792
Don't mistake
my insecurities
1249
00:54:49,875 --> 00:54:51,168
for anything
but what they are,
all right?
1250
00:54:51,251 --> 00:54:53,754
I am totally prepared
to marry Sam.
1251
00:54:57,716 --> 00:54:59,384
Okay, I'll be at
the Detroit Marriott
1252
00:54:59,468 --> 00:55:01,011
if anything major
goes down.
1253
00:55:01,094 --> 00:55:02,221
Okay?
1254
00:55:05,891 --> 00:55:07,184
What?
1255
00:55:07,267 --> 00:55:09,436
Don't you ever
wear a jacket?
1256
00:55:13,106 --> 00:55:14,775
All right,
let's go.
1257
00:55:16,527 --> 00:55:17,986
(DOORBELL RINGS)
1258
00:55:18,070 --> 00:55:19,321
Come in. It's open.
1259
00:55:19,404 --> 00:55:20,405
(DOOR OPENS)
1260
00:55:21,824 --> 00:55:22,908
Hey.
1261
00:55:23,617 --> 00:55:24,660
Hey.
1262
00:55:24,743 --> 00:55:26,161
What's up?
1263
00:55:26,578 --> 00:55:28,205
Fine. Nothing.
1264
00:55:29,456 --> 00:55:31,291
Listen, does Max have
any psychological
1265
00:55:31,375 --> 00:55:34,753
or chemical imbalances
that you know about
that I don't?
1266
00:55:34,837 --> 00:55:37,005
I don't know.
Why? What's up?
1267
00:55:38,090 --> 00:55:39,758
What do you think
of Max and I?
1268
00:55:39,842 --> 00:55:40,843
What do I think?
1269
00:55:40,926 --> 00:55:42,010
Do you think we're
right for each other?
1270
00:55:42,094 --> 00:55:43,095
No, I don't.
1271
00:55:45,138 --> 00:55:46,473
I'm just kidding.
I'm kidding.
1272
00:55:49,101 --> 00:55:53,605
I mean, I was looking
for a little outside input.
1273
00:55:53,689 --> 00:55:55,399
I'm not really
outside though.
1274
00:55:55,482 --> 00:55:56,817
I brought
the new pages.
1275
00:55:59,945 --> 00:56:01,738
Oh, great.
You finished it.
1276
00:56:02,531 --> 00:56:03,615
Wow.
1277
00:56:04,700 --> 00:56:06,910
Did... I'm real sorry
to ask this,
1278
00:56:06,994 --> 00:56:09,246
but I don't feel
like working.
1279
00:56:10,163 --> 00:56:11,874
Do you mind
if we go out?
1280
00:56:11,957 --> 00:56:13,709
What do you wanna do?
1281
00:56:15,627 --> 00:56:17,671
(LOUD DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
1282
00:56:27,139 --> 00:56:30,350
Look at these freaks.
What kind of place is this?
1283
00:56:32,102 --> 00:56:33,145
Jay?
1284
00:56:33,228 --> 00:56:34,354
Yeah?
1285
00:56:35,230 --> 00:56:37,065
Did you ever
say anything
to Max about me?
1286
00:56:37,149 --> 00:56:38,567
Like what?
1287
00:56:38,942 --> 00:56:41,153
Like you wanted
to ask me out
or something?
1288
00:56:41,236 --> 00:56:43,071
Like I wanted to what?
1289
00:56:43,155 --> 00:56:44,907
Four shots, vodka.
1290
00:56:44,990 --> 00:56:47,200
We had a really strange
conversation earlier.
1291
00:56:47,284 --> 00:56:49,661
I think that Max thinks
that we should be together.
1292
00:56:49,745 --> 00:56:50,746
We are together.
1293
00:56:50,829 --> 00:56:52,164
No, what I mean is,
1294
00:56:52,247 --> 00:56:54,166
at the beginning
he used to tell me
all the time
1295
00:56:54,249 --> 00:56:56,126
how sweet and
beautiful I am,
1296
00:56:56,209 --> 00:56:59,004
and all of a sudden
he's telling me how sweet
and beautiful you are.
1297
00:56:59,087 --> 00:57:01,340
Oh, that's just Max
being a good friend.
1298
00:57:01,423 --> 00:57:04,217
Here, down a shot with me
and we'll go dance.
1299
00:57:07,471 --> 00:57:08,931
Ready?
Yeah.
1300
00:57:22,736 --> 00:57:24,112
(MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING)
1301
00:57:29,242 --> 00:57:30,702
(INAUDIBLE)
1302
00:57:34,665 --> 00:57:36,208
(STAMMERING)
Wanna get a drink?
1303
00:57:36,291 --> 00:57:37,709
Yeah.
Yeah.
1304
00:57:39,211 --> 00:57:40,545
NATASHA: Jay?
1305
00:57:43,757 --> 00:57:44,967
Natasha?
1306
00:57:48,053 --> 00:57:49,805
What are you doing
in Chicago?
1307
00:57:49,888 --> 00:57:52,391
Actually,
I go by Natasia now.
1308
00:57:52,474 --> 00:57:54,726
Whoa. You go by what?
1309
00:57:55,143 --> 00:57:56,144
Natasia.
1310
00:57:56,228 --> 00:57:58,063
With an I instead of an H.
1311
00:57:58,146 --> 00:58:00,023
And I'm here doing
a spread for Vogue.
1312
00:58:00,357 --> 00:58:03,235
Oh, a spread.
How appropriate.
1313
00:58:04,194 --> 00:58:05,737
This is Rudolpho.
1314
00:58:06,363 --> 00:58:08,573
Rudolpho?
You're kidding, right?
1315
00:58:15,539 --> 00:58:17,207
(IN FRENCH ACCENT)
I'm Claudette.
1316
00:58:18,000 --> 00:58:21,420
You are?
My fiancée, Claudette.
1317
00:58:21,503 --> 00:58:23,547
Pregnant fiancée,
actually.
1318
00:58:23,630 --> 00:58:25,298
It's a nice rock,
isn't it?
1319
00:58:25,465 --> 00:58:27,092
Congratulations.
1320
00:58:28,093 --> 00:58:30,178
Yeah, well, you know,
my fiancée and I,
1321
00:58:30,262 --> 00:58:32,222
we're just gonna
head over and get
a couple shots.
1322
00:58:32,305 --> 00:58:34,891
So, uh, maybe we'll
catch you guys later.
Have a good one.
1323
00:58:34,975 --> 00:58:36,685
Nothing too strong.
It's not good
for the baby.
1324
00:58:36,768 --> 00:58:38,061
Yeah, all right.
1325
00:58:41,398 --> 00:58:42,941
Four vodka shots.
1326
00:58:43,025 --> 00:58:44,151
Four.
1327
00:58:47,487 --> 00:58:48,947
Oh, hey.
Oops. Hello!
1328
00:58:49,031 --> 00:58:50,949
Where're we going?
It's almost midnight.
1329
00:58:51,033 --> 00:58:52,576
I've been able
to tell time
since I was 11,
1330
00:58:52,659 --> 00:58:53,827
but thank you.
1331
00:58:53,910 --> 00:58:55,287
Andrea.
What?
1332
00:58:55,370 --> 00:58:57,122
Don't fall in love
out there, okay?
1333
00:58:57,205 --> 00:58:58,915
It's nothing
but heartbreak.
1334
00:58:58,999 --> 00:59:02,127
Little piece of
advice for ya.
Enjoy yourself.
1335
00:59:02,627 --> 00:59:04,129
Thanks, Jay.
1336
00:59:05,047 --> 00:59:06,548
(LAUGHING)
1337
00:59:06,631 --> 00:59:07,966
So, I think
you survived.
1338
00:59:08,050 --> 00:59:10,218
Yeah,
I'm still standing,
I'm doing okay.
1339
00:59:10,302 --> 00:59:12,054
Now, I know
it's hard to
believe that
1340
00:59:12,137 --> 00:59:14,681
after that little
scene back there,
1341
00:59:15,057 --> 00:59:17,100
but I've been
doing okay lately.
1342
00:59:17,184 --> 00:59:18,185
I need to go lie down.
1343
00:59:18,268 --> 00:59:19,436
Why don't you
go upstairs?
1344
00:59:19,519 --> 00:59:20,645
I'll just sleep
on the sofa.
1345
00:59:20,729 --> 00:59:22,689
Are you sure? Okay.
Yeah, no problem.
1346
00:59:26,610 --> 00:59:27,611
Jay?
1347
00:59:28,070 --> 00:59:29,196
Yeah?
1348
00:59:31,114 --> 00:59:32,657
That girl is not for you.
1349
00:59:33,950 --> 00:59:35,660
(SIGHS) I know.
1350
00:59:35,744 --> 00:59:39,372
I just keep thinking,
what if I missed out
on the girl who is?
1351
01:00:25,794 --> 01:00:26,920
Hey.
1352
01:00:27,003 --> 01:00:28,046
Hi.
1353
01:00:28,672 --> 01:00:30,215
How're you feeling?
1354
01:00:30,298 --> 01:00:32,384
(GROANS)
Like 10 bucks.
1355
01:00:33,844 --> 01:00:34,886
I read it.
1356
01:00:35,178 --> 01:00:37,347
You did?
What'd you think?
1357
01:00:38,557 --> 01:00:40,433
Well, there's
30 new pages.
1358
01:00:40,517 --> 01:00:43,770
Yeah, yeah.
I was on a roll.
Is it too much?
1359
01:00:44,187 --> 01:00:48,150
No. It's not too much.
It's beautiful.
1360
01:00:49,860 --> 01:00:52,654
(CHUCKLING)
It's just that,
all of a sudden,
1361
01:00:53,071 --> 01:00:54,281
I can't believe
how you can write
1362
01:00:54,364 --> 01:00:56,658
such eloquent
things about her.
1363
01:00:56,741 --> 01:00:58,785
Yeah, it helps to have
an active imagination.
1364
01:00:58,869 --> 01:01:01,663
That way you can
mold the characters
into whatever you want.
1365
01:01:01,997 --> 01:01:03,206
Yeah.
1366
01:01:11,756 --> 01:01:13,341
You know that
I hadn't dated
for two years
1367
01:01:13,425 --> 01:01:15,302
before you
introduced me to Max?
1368
01:01:16,219 --> 01:01:18,138
I didn't
realize that, no.
1369
01:01:19,639 --> 01:01:21,933
My whole life
had been my work.
1370
01:01:24,728 --> 01:01:27,230
I'd gone through
a heartbreak as well,
1371
01:01:28,398 --> 01:01:30,442
but I now understand
it was just my ego,
1372
01:01:30,525 --> 01:01:32,777
'cause looking back,
I don't...
1373
01:01:32,861 --> 01:01:35,280
I don't think
I really loved him.
1374
01:01:36,740 --> 01:01:39,993
But I cried when
I realized that
he didn't love me.
1375
01:01:50,503 --> 01:01:51,755
(SIGHS)
1376
01:01:55,133 --> 01:01:58,428
So the $64,000-question is,
1377
01:01:58,511 --> 01:02:01,389
how do you know
beforehand that you're
with the wrong person
1378
01:02:01,473 --> 01:02:03,892
so you can avoid
having them wreak havoc
1379
01:02:03,975 --> 01:02:06,311
on a large portion
of your life?
1380
01:02:07,229 --> 01:02:10,690
I don't think you
do know until you
meet the right person.
1381
01:02:12,567 --> 01:02:15,237
'Cause then you just...
You just...
1382
01:02:15,779 --> 01:02:19,741
You just feel something
that you know you've
never felt before.
1383
01:02:24,329 --> 01:02:25,872
Are those words
for me, Jay?
1384
01:02:26,831 --> 01:02:29,417
Sam, no.
You're misinterpreting
the whole thing.
1385
01:02:29,501 --> 01:02:30,627
Am I?
1386
01:02:32,170 --> 01:02:35,382
(SOBBING) 'Cause suddenly
she just feels like me.
1387
01:02:38,468 --> 01:02:41,054
Wow, this is
really awkward.
1388
01:02:43,056 --> 01:02:44,766
Yeah, I guess it is.
1389
01:02:46,309 --> 01:02:47,894
I'm gonna go.
1390
01:02:50,772 --> 01:02:51,982
SAM: I'm confused.
1391
01:02:52,065 --> 01:02:53,441
Well, so am I.
1392
01:02:53,817 --> 01:02:56,528
But I don't want
to get hurt again,
Sam, okay?
1393
01:02:56,861 --> 01:03:00,532
And now you're
marrying my best friend,
so this is pointless.
1394
01:03:12,377 --> 01:03:13,420
(GASPS)
1395
01:03:13,503 --> 01:03:14,796
Whoa, sorry.
1396
01:03:14,879 --> 01:03:16,214
Andrea!
1397
01:03:18,717 --> 01:03:19,801
What a spot, huh?
1398
01:03:19,884 --> 01:03:22,137
To be in love with your
best friend's girlfriend.
1399
01:03:22,220 --> 01:03:23,680
Fiancée, Cliff.
1400
01:03:23,763 --> 01:03:24,889
(CHUCKLING)
That he set up!
1401
01:03:24,973 --> 01:03:26,391
Oh, Cliff.
1402
01:03:26,599 --> 01:03:28,143
VICKI: What'd he do?
1403
01:03:28,226 --> 01:03:29,227
Have you been
listening at all?
1404
01:03:29,311 --> 01:03:31,062
This is a very
sensitive man.
1405
01:03:31,313 --> 01:03:32,522
Oh, he got sick again?
1406
01:03:33,440 --> 01:03:35,317
LINDA: Yes,
he got sick.
1407
01:03:35,608 --> 01:03:36,818
Again.
1408
01:03:37,819 --> 01:03:39,070
Poor Jay.
1409
01:03:39,154 --> 01:03:40,196
It gets worse.
1410
01:03:40,280 --> 01:03:41,281
You're kidding me.
1411
01:03:42,490 --> 01:03:43,867
(BEEPS)
1412
01:03:44,784 --> 01:03:47,329
MAX: What up!
1413
01:03:48,246 --> 01:03:49,372
(BREATHES HEAVILY)
1414
01:03:49,456 --> 01:03:51,750
What, you score, huh?
You get a little action?
1415
01:03:51,833 --> 01:03:54,377
I'm kidding. Forget the
airport ride tomorrow,
all right? I got...
1416
01:03:54,461 --> 01:03:58,048
NATASHA: Jay, it's me.
I hope your fiancée
isn't getting this.
1417
01:03:58,131 --> 01:03:59,966
I'm sorry about tonight.
1418
01:04:00,050 --> 01:04:02,886
If you get a chance,
I'm staying at
the Ambassador Hotel.
1419
01:04:02,969 --> 01:04:04,137
Call me.
1420
01:04:04,888 --> 01:04:05,972
(RECEIVER CLICKS)
1421
01:04:06,056 --> 01:04:09,392
Suddenly his head cleared.
Everything went blank.
1422
01:04:10,226 --> 01:04:11,311
He forgot about Max.
1423
01:04:12,312 --> 01:04:13,980
He forgot about Sam.
Yeah.
1424
01:04:14,064 --> 01:04:15,815
He forgot about
all the hurt Natasha
put him through.
1425
01:04:16,983 --> 01:04:19,361
And ran as fast as he could
to the Ambassador Hotel.
1426
01:04:27,160 --> 01:04:28,536
I still have it.
1427
01:04:29,079 --> 01:04:30,497
I've missed you.
1428
01:04:40,423 --> 01:04:43,134
You embarrassed me
with that girl tonight.
1429
01:04:43,218 --> 01:04:44,677
Well, it's over.
Calm down.
1430
01:04:44,761 --> 01:04:46,179
It made me so crazy!
1431
01:04:46,262 --> 01:04:47,305
Calm down.
1432
01:04:47,389 --> 01:04:48,390
I don't want to be calm.
1433
01:04:48,473 --> 01:04:49,474
(RIPPING)
1434
01:04:50,225 --> 01:04:51,768
Hey, you just
ripped my shirt.
1435
01:04:51,851 --> 01:04:54,521
(PANTING) Like that?
Pull my hair!
1436
01:04:54,604 --> 01:04:57,273
What? I'm not gonna
pull your hair.
1437
01:04:57,357 --> 01:04:58,358
Pull it!
1438
01:04:58,650 --> 01:05:00,860
Jay tried desperately
to grab onto whatever
1439
01:05:00,944 --> 01:05:02,946
had made him
love this girl
in the first place.
1440
01:05:03,029 --> 01:05:04,239
Wahoo!
1441
01:05:04,322 --> 01:05:06,324
All he could think
about was Sam.
1442
01:05:06,408 --> 01:05:08,201
(NATASHA PANTING)
1443
01:05:12,163 --> 01:05:15,125
What is it that you found
remotely interesting
about this woman?
1444
01:05:15,208 --> 01:05:16,960
(GROWLING)
1445
01:05:20,088 --> 01:05:21,089
I don't know.
1446
01:05:21,172 --> 01:05:22,590
So tell her you
don't want her.
1447
01:05:22,674 --> 01:05:24,426
Tell her you want me.
1448
01:05:24,717 --> 01:05:26,386
Nuh-uh-uh.
Don't tell her that.
1449
01:05:26,469 --> 01:05:28,138
Sam's my girl,
all right?
1450
01:05:28,221 --> 01:05:29,597
You stick with
the Virgin Mary.
1451
01:05:29,681 --> 01:05:31,266
And remember,
if you fuck it up again,
1452
01:05:31,349 --> 01:05:34,060
you're back to Italy
doing another romance novel.
1453
01:05:34,144 --> 01:05:35,770
(NATASHA PANTING)
1454
01:05:38,982 --> 01:05:41,234
Wait. Natasha,
I can't do this.
1455
01:05:41,317 --> 01:05:42,318
Where're you going?
1456
01:05:42,402 --> 01:05:44,446
I had a really great time
but I have to go.
1457
01:05:44,529 --> 01:05:47,449
Don't you walk out on me,
you fucking faggot!
1458
01:05:53,788 --> 01:05:56,666
Thank you for that.
It was a memorable
last image.
1459
01:05:58,251 --> 01:05:59,294
Huh?
1460
01:06:04,716 --> 01:06:07,218
Now he knew deep
in his heart that
he really loved Sam,
1461
01:06:07,844 --> 01:06:10,013
but he really
had betrayed Max.
1462
01:06:10,096 --> 01:06:11,514
Well, he felt
so guilty about it
1463
01:06:11,598 --> 01:06:13,725
he decided to call
Max and confess.
1464
01:06:13,808 --> 01:06:15,185
(RINGING)
1465
01:06:15,268 --> 01:06:16,269
What up?
1466
01:06:16,352 --> 01:06:18,062
Yeah, you up?
I need to talk.
1467
01:06:18,271 --> 01:06:20,064
Oh, Jay. What up?
1468
01:06:20,148 --> 01:06:21,149
What up?
1469
01:06:21,816 --> 01:06:23,151
Hey, you're up?
Come on in!
1470
01:06:23,234 --> 01:06:24,235
Shut up!
1471
01:06:24,652 --> 01:06:26,112
(STAMMERING)
Who is that?
Who is that?
1472
01:06:26,196 --> 01:06:28,573
(STAMMERS)
It's the maid.
What up?
1473
01:06:28,656 --> 01:06:29,949
At 6:00 a.m.?
1474
01:06:30,033 --> 01:06:32,035
Yeah.
I am not the maid, Max.
1475
01:06:32,118 --> 01:06:34,454
I'm here because you
want me to be here.
1476
01:06:34,537 --> 01:06:35,955
Would you shut
the fuck up?
1477
01:06:36,039 --> 01:06:37,040
Who is that?
1478
01:06:37,123 --> 01:06:39,083
What's up?
You shut the fuck up.
1479
01:06:39,167 --> 01:06:42,086
(THROUGH GRITTED TEETH)
You shut the fuck up! Jay?
1480
01:06:42,170 --> 01:06:43,671
Wait. That's Dara,
isn't it?
1481
01:06:43,755 --> 01:06:44,756
Jay?
1482
01:06:44,839 --> 01:06:47,342
You know what?
You're a dick,
all right?
1483
01:06:47,425 --> 01:06:48,510
(SLAMS RECEIVER REPEATEDLY)
1484
01:06:48,593 --> 01:06:50,470
Fucking ass.
Fuck you, man.
1485
01:06:50,553 --> 01:06:53,515
(SIGHS) Oh, fuck.
God. Fuck!
1486
01:06:53,598 --> 01:06:54,933
Can't you shut
the fuck up?
1487
01:06:55,016 --> 01:06:56,976
You know what?
There's no more
fucking hot water, anyway.
1488
01:06:57,060 --> 01:06:59,187
Fuck you!
Fuck the... Fuck up!
1489
01:06:59,270 --> 01:07:02,690
(SINGING SOUSA FANFARE)
1490
01:07:03,191 --> 01:07:04,192
So Max cheated on Sam?
1491
01:07:04,275 --> 01:07:05,276
Mmm.
1492
01:07:05,360 --> 01:07:06,486
Look at his eyes.
1493
01:07:07,362 --> 01:07:09,197
You can tell
he's a cheat.
1494
01:07:09,280 --> 01:07:13,660
Well, it was exactly
what Jay needed because
now he felt betrayed.
1495
01:07:13,743 --> 01:07:17,163
But, more importantly,
he felt the woman he
loved had been betrayed.
1496
01:07:17,247 --> 01:07:20,625
Now, all loyalties were off.
He had to go to her.
1497
01:07:27,423 --> 01:07:30,510
Jay?
Are you okay?
1498
01:07:30,593 --> 01:07:32,428
Yeah, yeah.
I'm fine.
1499
01:07:32,512 --> 01:07:34,055
You look like shit.
1500
01:07:34,138 --> 01:07:35,974
Yeah, yeah.
I'm aware of that.
1501
01:07:37,559 --> 01:07:38,768
Do you want
to come in?
1502
01:07:38,851 --> 01:07:40,645
Oh, no, thanks.
I'm fine.
1503
01:07:40,728 --> 01:07:44,399
I was just,
you know, walking by,
getting a little jog in.
1504
01:07:44,482 --> 01:07:48,069
You know, that morning
walk/jog thing.
1505
01:07:48,861 --> 01:07:50,071
In slacks?
1506
01:07:50,154 --> 01:07:51,906
Yeah, in slacks.
1507
01:07:53,449 --> 01:07:56,327
I'll see you later.
I'm gonna...
1508
01:08:02,125 --> 01:08:05,878
(IMITATING ROBERT DE NIRO)
"Never, ever rat
on your friends."
1509
01:08:07,130 --> 01:08:08,131
That's Goodfellas.
1510
01:08:08,214 --> 01:08:09,924
Oh, that was
great, honey.
1511
01:08:10,008 --> 01:08:11,009
Thank you, sweetie.
1512
01:08:11,092 --> 01:08:13,386
Well, he didn't.
Goodfellas or not.
1513
01:08:13,469 --> 01:08:17,181
Max and Sam's relationship
would have to run its course
without his interference.
1514
01:08:17,265 --> 01:08:18,850
He decided to stay away.
1515
01:08:22,812 --> 01:08:24,147
Jay! Open up.
1516
01:08:25,565 --> 01:08:26,899
(POUNDING)
1517
01:08:26,983 --> 01:08:28,526
Open up. It's me.
1518
01:08:31,821 --> 01:08:33,323
Jay!
Go away.
1519
01:08:33,531 --> 01:08:35,491
Just open the door,
okay?
1520
01:08:37,118 --> 01:08:38,161
(KICKING DOOR)
1521
01:08:38,244 --> 01:08:40,079
Jay, I'm not kidding.
I'm gonna kick it down.
1522
01:08:40,163 --> 01:08:41,706
Go for it.
It's solid oak.
1523
01:08:41,789 --> 01:08:44,250
(CONTINUES KICKING)
1524
01:08:45,126 --> 01:08:49,213
I could hear that
pouty little fucking voice
of yours this morning.
1525
01:08:49,297 --> 01:08:51,090
"How could you, Max?
How could you?"
1526
01:08:51,174 --> 01:08:54,469
Well, you know what?
This has nothing to do
with you, all right?
1527
01:08:54,552 --> 01:08:56,179
What, you think
'cause you set
me up with her
1528
01:08:56,262 --> 01:08:58,931
you have a stake
in our relationship
forever?
1529
01:08:59,015 --> 01:09:01,809
Well, I'm telling you,
fuck you, you don't!
1530
01:09:02,226 --> 01:09:04,270
Why am I apologizing
to you anyway?
1531
01:09:04,354 --> 01:09:05,688
I don't know.
I don't either.
1532
01:09:05,772 --> 01:09:06,898
I don't owe you anything.
1533
01:09:06,981 --> 01:09:08,900
I didn't even know
Dara was going
to be there, okay?
1534
01:09:08,983 --> 01:09:10,193
You gotta
believe me here.
1535
01:09:10,276 --> 01:09:13,655
I mean, she must have
found out somehow,
called... I don't know.
1536
01:09:13,738 --> 01:09:15,990
She's tracked me
down like an animal.
Stalked...
1537
01:09:16,074 --> 01:09:18,284
It's a stalking
is what it is.
1538
01:09:18,368 --> 01:09:20,536
Um, I've called
the police.
1539
01:09:22,205 --> 01:09:23,206
(SIGHS)
1540
01:09:25,166 --> 01:09:28,044
Okay. I had to...
I had to get it out
of my system, Jay.
1541
01:09:28,127 --> 01:09:30,380
I had to.
One last time.
1542
01:09:30,797 --> 01:09:32,632
And you think it's out?
1543
01:09:37,220 --> 01:09:38,680
Do you think it's out?
1544
01:09:40,056 --> 01:09:41,641
I don't know.
1545
01:09:57,407 --> 01:09:59,158
In the middle
of the day?
1546
01:09:59,242 --> 01:10:00,451
Why are you
drinking so much?
1547
01:10:01,035 --> 01:10:02,453
I was depressed.
1548
01:10:02,537 --> 01:10:03,663
What, over this?
1549
01:10:03,746 --> 01:10:06,624
I have depressions
that don't relate
to you at all, okay?
1550
01:10:07,625 --> 01:10:10,753
Look... Okay,
I thought I could
handle this.
1551
01:10:10,837 --> 01:10:13,297
Okay? I thought
I was ready for this.
Maybe I'm not, okay?
1552
01:10:13,381 --> 01:10:14,507
I mean, I never...
1553
01:10:14,590 --> 01:10:16,884
I've never had
to be loyal to
just one woman.
1554
01:10:16,968 --> 01:10:18,928
I don't know
if I can be.
1555
01:10:19,220 --> 01:10:21,848
Well, maybe she can't
be loyal to you either.
1556
01:10:26,227 --> 01:10:27,854
What the fuck
does that mean?
1557
01:10:27,937 --> 01:10:29,188
Nothing. It doesn't
mean anything.
1558
01:10:29,272 --> 01:10:31,149
Oh, it meant something.
1559
01:10:32,108 --> 01:10:33,443
What are you saying?
1560
01:10:33,526 --> 01:10:36,028
You're a sick,
deranged freak.
1561
01:10:38,072 --> 01:10:41,659
How could you ask me
to try and sleep
with your fiancée?
1562
01:10:42,243 --> 01:10:43,244
No, no.
1563
01:10:44,287 --> 01:10:47,039
I didn't ask you
to sleep with my fiancée.
1564
01:10:47,832 --> 01:10:50,668
I asked you to find out
if she would
sleep with you.
1565
01:10:50,793 --> 01:10:52,712
And what are you
telling me now?
What are you saying?
1566
01:10:52,795 --> 01:10:53,921
That you did?
1567
01:10:54,046 --> 01:10:55,047
Get out.
1568
01:10:55,131 --> 01:10:56,966
Did you fuck
my fiancée?
1569
01:10:57,049 --> 01:10:58,718
Of course I didn't.
1570
01:11:02,180 --> 01:11:03,306
Do you think
you could have?
1571
01:11:06,851 --> 01:11:09,061
I think maybe there was
a connection between us.
1572
01:11:09,145 --> 01:11:10,563
You think?
1573
01:11:11,397 --> 01:11:13,149
I had a real
strong feeling.
1574
01:11:13,232 --> 01:11:15,234
Join a support group
for your fucking
feelings, okay?
1575
01:11:15,318 --> 01:11:17,111
I want an answer.
What happened?
1576
01:11:17,195 --> 01:11:19,238
Max, nothing happened.
1577
01:11:19,655 --> 01:11:21,115
Okay?
1578
01:11:21,199 --> 01:11:23,201
Why don't you just
call off the wedding?
1579
01:11:23,868 --> 01:11:26,329
You don't love her,
do you?
1580
01:11:26,412 --> 01:11:28,164
Just let it go.
1581
01:11:28,247 --> 01:11:31,709
You're telling me
my fiancée wants to
fuck my best friend,
1582
01:11:32,251 --> 01:11:34,629
and you want me
to just let that go?
1583
01:11:35,254 --> 01:11:36,964
She wants to
cheat on me?
1584
01:11:37,048 --> 01:11:38,049
(CHUCKLES)
1585
01:11:38,132 --> 01:11:41,928
You're cheating
on her, okay?
You egomaniac!
1586
01:11:42,637 --> 01:11:44,138
Why do you want
to marry her?
1587
01:11:44,222 --> 01:11:46,098
What do you mean?
She's perfect.
1588
01:11:46,182 --> 01:11:48,851
You know that.
She's everything
I ever pictured in a wife.
1589
01:11:48,935 --> 01:11:52,104
She's hot, she's smart,
she hates fucking cats.
1590
01:11:52,188 --> 01:11:54,190
Max, do you love her?
1591
01:11:54,357 --> 01:11:56,317
Yeah. Yeah.
1592
01:12:00,822 --> 01:12:02,240
I don't know.
1593
01:12:06,452 --> 01:12:07,495
(MUMBLES)
1594
01:12:07,578 --> 01:12:09,705
The way you talk
about love,
1595
01:12:10,081 --> 01:12:12,208
I don't know if I'm capable
of loving anyone like that.
1596
01:12:12,291 --> 01:12:14,377
But if I am, it's her.
1597
01:12:14,460 --> 01:12:16,379
But that's not fair
to Sam, okay?
1598
01:12:16,462 --> 01:12:17,713
"Fair"?
1599
01:12:18,005 --> 01:12:20,091
You're telling me
the woman
I want to marry
1600
01:12:20,174 --> 01:12:22,218
is thinking
of fucking
my best friend.
1601
01:12:22,301 --> 01:12:23,636
"Fair"?
Fuck fucking "fair."
1602
01:12:23,719 --> 01:12:26,347
Fuck you. Fuck her.
Fuck everybody. "Fair."
1603
01:12:26,430 --> 01:12:28,808
That's it.
We're going over there.
You're coming with me.
1604
01:12:28,891 --> 01:12:30,768
We're gonna go
and confront her
about this, okay?
1605
01:12:30,852 --> 01:12:32,478
We're gonna find out
what's really going on.
1606
01:12:32,562 --> 01:12:34,522
You wanna take
this here? Fine.
1607
01:12:34,605 --> 01:12:37,149
But you better be
prepared to deal
with whatever happens,
1608
01:12:37,233 --> 01:12:38,234
because I am.
1609
01:12:38,317 --> 01:12:39,819
Okay.
1610
01:12:43,322 --> 01:12:45,116
I told you to put
the bottle away.
1611
01:12:45,199 --> 01:12:49,078
I don't want you blurting
something out until I feel
the moment is right, okay?
1612
01:12:49,161 --> 01:12:51,497
Ooh, what is this,
a sting operation?
1613
01:12:51,581 --> 01:12:53,916
To a certain degree,
yes, it is, Jay.
Yes, it is.
1614
01:12:54,000 --> 01:12:55,877
Chances are you
just misinterpreted
1615
01:12:55,960 --> 01:12:57,628
something she did,
something stupid.
1616
01:12:57,712 --> 01:13:00,715
But if you're right,
I want to get her
when her guard is down.
1617
01:13:00,798 --> 01:13:02,508
I need her
completely...
Jesus.
1618
01:13:02,592 --> 01:13:04,468
Oh. Ooh. Hi.
Oh, my God.
1619
01:13:07,096 --> 01:13:09,098
I thought I heard
some voices.
1620
01:13:09,181 --> 01:13:11,225
Hi. Where've you
been all day?
1621
01:13:11,309 --> 01:13:13,227
(STAMMERS)
I've been at home.
1622
01:13:14,395 --> 01:13:16,397
What's wrong?
You look awful.
1623
01:13:16,480 --> 01:13:18,316
Oh, I've been
drinking.
1624
01:13:19,901 --> 01:13:21,110
Hi, honey.
I'm home.
1625
01:13:21,235 --> 01:13:22,236
Hi, Max!
1626
01:13:22,361 --> 01:13:23,446
Hi.
Hi.
1627
01:13:24,030 --> 01:13:25,531
Linda read the
new stuff today.
1628
01:13:25,615 --> 01:13:28,367
She absolutely
loved it.
1629
01:13:28,534 --> 01:13:29,535
Good.
1630
01:13:29,619 --> 01:13:30,661
Aren't you happy?
1631
01:13:30,745 --> 01:13:32,705
This is great news.
1632
01:13:32,788 --> 01:13:33,789
Is it?
1633
01:13:35,166 --> 01:13:37,752
Well, we should celebrate
this great news.
1634
01:13:37,835 --> 01:13:40,212
Why don't we make
some great pasta,
1635
01:13:40,296 --> 01:13:41,380
open a great
bottle of wine.
1636
01:13:41,464 --> 01:13:44,467
I'm thinking Jay's
great garlic bread.
1637
01:13:44,550 --> 01:13:46,135
I'm not hungry, okay?
1638
01:13:46,218 --> 01:13:49,472
Surely you don't
want to deny Sam
the pleasure
1639
01:13:49,555 --> 01:13:51,307
of your garlic bread?
1640
01:14:22,380 --> 01:14:24,882
So, what'd you guys
do last night?
1641
01:14:25,007 --> 01:14:28,678
Oh, we just went out,
had a couple of drinks.
1642
01:14:28,761 --> 01:14:31,013
Yeah?
Where'd you go?
1643
01:14:33,849 --> 01:14:37,061
This place called,
um, the Metro?
1644
01:14:38,020 --> 01:14:39,021
The Metro?
1645
01:14:39,105 --> 01:14:40,439
JAY: Yeah, the Metro.
1646
01:14:40,523 --> 01:14:42,608
You know the Metro, Max.
1647
01:14:43,067 --> 01:14:45,236
Remember? You used to,
like, live there.
1648
01:14:45,361 --> 01:14:47,905
You know,
Max and the Metro.
1649
01:14:50,908 --> 01:14:53,786
Oh. The Metro
dance club.
1650
01:14:54,245 --> 01:14:58,165
Yeah, they got
some dancing
and there's a bar.
1651
01:14:58,249 --> 01:14:59,583
Yeah, I know.
1652
01:15:01,252 --> 01:15:03,212
So, did you guys, uh...
1653
01:15:03,963 --> 01:15:05,089
You guys dance, or...
1654
01:15:05,172 --> 01:15:06,590
Maybe one dance.
1655
01:15:06,674 --> 01:15:07,675
A half a dance.
1656
01:15:07,758 --> 01:15:09,176
(MOCKINGLY)
Oh, just half a dance.
1657
01:15:13,347 --> 01:15:17,518
Oh, Jay, I didn't
realize you were
so fleet-footed.
1658
01:15:18,102 --> 01:15:21,022
Well, I'm pretty good, huh?
1659
01:15:23,899 --> 01:15:26,027
So, what else
did you guys do?
1660
01:15:27,069 --> 01:15:28,320
We went home.
1661
01:15:28,404 --> 01:15:30,072
Oh, yeah. We just
came right home.
1662
01:15:35,953 --> 01:15:36,954
Whose home?
1663
01:15:38,789 --> 01:15:39,832
What do you mean?
1664
01:15:40,249 --> 01:15:42,626
I mean, did you guys
come back here
to our place
1665
01:15:42,710 --> 01:15:46,005
or did you go
to Fred Astaire's
rat-infested shithole?
1666
01:15:46,088 --> 01:15:47,089
(DOOR OPENS)
1667
01:15:47,173 --> 01:15:51,260
Hey. Something
smells good.
1668
01:15:52,678 --> 01:15:53,846
Hi.
1669
01:15:53,929 --> 01:15:54,972
Hi.
1670
01:16:03,481 --> 01:16:07,234
Oh, my God.
This garlic bread
is great.
1671
01:16:08,235 --> 01:16:10,362
Join us. Please.
1672
01:16:12,198 --> 01:16:13,449
Thanks.
1673
01:16:21,791 --> 01:16:22,917
So...
1674
01:16:25,252 --> 01:16:27,046
How was
Detroit, Max?
1675
01:16:27,129 --> 01:16:30,591
Yeah, Max. How was
the old Motor City?
1676
01:16:30,674 --> 01:16:33,177
Any action going on
in the Motor City?
1677
01:16:33,719 --> 01:16:37,056
Always action going on
in Detroit, isn't there?
1678
01:16:37,139 --> 01:16:40,309
As a matter of fact,
I hear there's
all sorts of action
1679
01:16:40,392 --> 01:16:43,854
going down at
the Detroit Marriott,
isn't that right?
1680
01:16:43,938 --> 01:16:45,064
You wanna shut
the fuck up?
1681
01:16:45,147 --> 01:16:46,690
Am I missing
something?
1682
01:16:46,774 --> 01:16:47,817
No.
1683
01:16:48,150 --> 01:16:49,318
What happened
in Detroit?
1684
01:16:49,401 --> 01:16:51,028
Nothing happened
in Detroit.
1685
01:16:51,112 --> 01:16:52,196
It sounds like
something did.
1686
01:16:52,279 --> 01:16:54,323
Well, nothing did.
He's drunk, okay?
1687
01:16:54,406 --> 01:16:56,158
He's been drinking
an awful lot lately.
1688
01:16:56,242 --> 01:16:57,451
He's right.
1689
01:16:57,868 --> 01:17:00,454
Max, did something
happen in Detroit?
1690
01:17:01,330 --> 01:17:03,040
No, nothing.
1691
01:17:03,124 --> 01:17:05,793
How the hell does
this get turned on me
all of a sudden?
1692
01:17:05,876 --> 01:17:06,877
What...
1693
01:17:07,670 --> 01:17:10,464
Damn it, Sam,
Jay thinks you're
attracted to him.
1694
01:17:12,508 --> 01:17:13,509
(GASPS)
1695
01:17:16,303 --> 01:17:17,304
Well, are you?
1696
01:17:21,058 --> 01:17:22,476
Andrea, go to
your room now!
1697
01:17:22,560 --> 01:17:23,561
(SCOFFS) Right.
1698
01:17:23,644 --> 01:17:26,313
Hey, hey, hey!
I want an answer here.
1699
01:17:31,652 --> 01:17:34,321
What's going on?
You tell me.
1700
01:17:34,405 --> 01:17:36,365
Are you attracted
to him?
1701
01:17:39,326 --> 01:17:41,287
You forced it
on us, Max.
1702
01:17:43,122 --> 01:17:44,123
What?
1703
01:17:44,206 --> 01:17:45,624
Forced what on you?
1704
01:17:45,708 --> 01:17:48,002
Maybe it was
inevitable anyway.
1705
01:17:48,586 --> 01:17:51,172
How...
What is inevitable?
1706
01:17:52,256 --> 01:17:55,301
I love her
and I think
she loves me.
1707
01:17:55,926 --> 01:17:56,927
What?
1708
01:17:57,011 --> 01:17:58,429
I'm sorry, Max.
1709
01:18:03,517 --> 01:18:05,060
What are you
talking about?
1710
01:18:08,939 --> 01:18:10,733
Sam, I love you.
1711
01:18:11,775 --> 01:18:14,945
I've never loved anyone
the way I love you.
1712
01:18:16,780 --> 01:18:19,450
I've never, ever felt this.
1713
01:18:41,222 --> 01:18:42,640
(LAUGHING)
1714
01:18:45,559 --> 01:18:48,646
You... You little dick.
1715
01:18:48,729 --> 01:18:50,397
You...
1716
01:18:52,650 --> 01:18:54,109
I'm sorry, Max.
1717
01:18:54,193 --> 01:18:57,404
No, man, you...
You had me going.
1718
01:18:57,488 --> 01:18:58,614
Whoa!
1719
01:18:59,990 --> 01:19:03,244
You had me going.
You sick...
1720
01:19:03,327 --> 01:19:06,914
You just tongued
my fiancée. Whoo!
1721
01:19:06,997 --> 01:19:10,793
Max, Max,
I'm not joking.
1722
01:19:10,876 --> 01:19:14,296
So, what? You told her...
You told her about our test?
1723
01:19:14,380 --> 01:19:16,215
Your test,
and no, I didn't.
1724
01:19:16,298 --> 01:19:17,299
What test?
1725
01:19:17,383 --> 01:19:20,219
Oh, good. That's good.
"What test?"
1726
01:19:20,302 --> 01:19:22,096
So, you told her
about the test
1727
01:19:22,179 --> 01:19:24,807
and then you concocted
this little joke
to get back at me?
1728
01:19:24,890 --> 01:19:27,142
Let me tell you,
for the record,
you got me.
1729
01:19:27,226 --> 01:19:28,852
Shit, you got me good.
1730
01:19:28,936 --> 01:19:30,521
Max.
Fine... Bravo.
1731
01:19:30,604 --> 01:19:31,855
Max.
Bravo, man.
1732
01:19:31,939 --> 01:19:34,191
It's not a joke, okay?
I love her.
1733
01:19:34,275 --> 01:19:35,818
Right. No, I know, Jay.
You've told me.
1734
01:19:35,901 --> 01:19:38,237
You love her
and Natasha means
nothing to you.
1735
01:19:38,320 --> 01:19:39,905
Yeah, right.
Come on!
1736
01:19:39,989 --> 01:19:41,031
Jay, what test?
1737
01:19:41,115 --> 01:19:44,118
Max had this idea that
you might cheat on him
1738
01:19:44,201 --> 01:19:46,120
and wanted me
to be the test subject.
1739
01:19:46,203 --> 01:19:47,830
Keep going, keep going.
And you agreed to that?
1740
01:19:47,913 --> 01:19:49,790
Of course
I didn't agree to it,
1741
01:19:49,873 --> 01:19:51,083
but he wouldn't
let it go.
1742
01:19:51,166 --> 01:19:53,419
You just wouldn't
let it go.
1743
01:20:03,345 --> 01:20:06,432
What, am I on fucking
Candid Camera here?
What's going on?
1744
01:20:07,641 --> 01:20:09,184
Hey, hey,
are you telling me
this whole time
1745
01:20:09,268 --> 01:20:10,894
I've been after you to
see if she's go for you,
1746
01:20:10,978 --> 01:20:13,772
what, you've been
falling in love with her?
1747
01:20:17,401 --> 01:20:22,197
Max, I think
I was in love with her
before I set you up.
1748
01:20:27,870 --> 01:20:29,121
Do you know what
you're saying to me?
1749
01:20:35,044 --> 01:20:36,503
Don't I feel like
a fucking asshole.
1750
01:20:36,587 --> 01:20:38,756
No, I feel
like the asshole!
1751
01:20:39,256 --> 01:20:40,257
You give me a ring,
1752
01:20:40,341 --> 01:20:42,885
then you tell me
you want to spend the
rest of your life with me,
1753
01:20:42,968 --> 01:20:46,680
and then immediately
you ask your best friend
to try to get me in bed.
1754
01:20:47,431 --> 01:20:50,100
Well, it looks like
you're ready to fuck him,
so I guess you failed.
1755
01:20:50,184 --> 01:20:52,186
(SCOFFS) You're pathetic.
1756
01:20:52,644 --> 01:20:53,937
(SCOFFS)
1757
01:20:55,314 --> 01:20:57,107
And you. If you
love me so much,
1758
01:20:57,191 --> 01:20:59,818
how come you
set me up with him
in the first place?
1759
01:20:59,902 --> 01:21:01,028
The truth?
1760
01:21:01,362 --> 01:21:02,571
Yeah.
1761
01:21:02,654 --> 01:21:08,160
I guess in some sick way
I hoped that Max would
fall in love with you
1762
01:21:08,243 --> 01:21:13,248
and you'd kick his ass
like Natasha kicked mine
and teach him a lesson.
1763
01:21:15,042 --> 01:21:17,711
Well, I guess
I failed your test, too.
1764
01:21:21,090 --> 01:21:22,591
(SIGHS)
(DOOR SLAMS)
1765
01:21:28,263 --> 01:21:31,558
"I guess I failed
your test, too."
1766
01:21:32,893 --> 01:21:33,936
Oh, that is rough.
1767
01:21:34,019 --> 01:21:35,145
Yeah, it was.
1768
01:21:35,229 --> 01:21:37,272
And Jay, full of guilt,
he didn't know
which way to turn.
1769
01:21:37,356 --> 01:21:39,066
He's gotta go
after the girl.
1770
01:21:39,149 --> 01:21:41,193
No, he's gotta go
after his friend.
1771
01:21:41,276 --> 01:21:42,277
Well, he did neither.
1772
01:21:42,361 --> 01:21:45,572
Went home,
packed up his car,
1773
01:21:49,243 --> 01:21:51,328
and drove to New York.
1774
01:22:01,755 --> 01:22:03,507
Took the first apartment
he looked at.
1775
01:22:03,590 --> 01:22:06,009
Called Max.
He refused to
take his calls.
1776
01:22:06,093 --> 01:22:07,177
(RINGS)
1777
01:22:07,261 --> 01:22:08,679
What up?
1778
01:22:08,762 --> 01:22:10,722
Stop calling me,
traitor.
1779
01:22:11,390 --> 01:22:13,058
(PHONE RINGS)
1780
01:22:14,893 --> 01:22:16,103
Hello.
1781
01:22:18,522 --> 01:22:19,731
Hello?
1782
01:22:37,541 --> 01:22:40,085
LINDA: Anyway,
Max moved out.
1783
01:22:40,169 --> 01:22:43,046
And he refused
to talk to Sam.
1784
01:22:44,256 --> 01:22:46,675
And she refused
to talk to him.
1785
01:22:56,143 --> 01:22:57,769
So how the hell
did we get here?
1786
01:22:57,853 --> 01:23:00,314
All right. Hold on
to your horseshoes,
big fella.
1787
01:23:01,231 --> 01:23:03,984
Months passed.
We released the book.
1788
01:23:05,277 --> 01:23:07,279
It was a monster success.
1789
01:23:14,036 --> 01:23:17,164
Every heartbroken geek
in the country bought it.
1790
01:23:18,457 --> 01:23:20,083
And Max?
1791
01:23:20,167 --> 01:23:22,794
He found his own
book to put to use.
1792
01:23:26,924 --> 01:23:28,217
He read,
1793
01:23:29,510 --> 01:23:31,011
and he read,
1794
01:23:33,096 --> 01:23:34,348
and he read.
1795
01:23:40,270 --> 01:23:43,482
And a passage in it made
something in him change.
1796
01:23:44,191 --> 01:23:48,362
Understanding came over him
and he needed to see Jay.
1797
01:24:06,046 --> 01:24:08,006
He needed Sam there, too.
1798
01:24:08,090 --> 01:24:11,218
He knew she
wouldn't talk to him,
so he enlisted Dre.
1799
01:24:15,806 --> 01:24:18,141
And he enlisted his
maître d' friend at Ambria
1800
01:24:18,225 --> 01:24:20,018
and it was all set.
1801
01:24:20,102 --> 01:24:21,103
BOTH: What was?
1802
01:24:21,186 --> 01:24:22,521
Patience.
1803
01:24:24,189 --> 01:24:27,192
Um, I'm gonna go
to the bathroom.
1804
01:25:07,482 --> 01:25:08,650
What do you think
the letter said?
1805
01:25:08,734 --> 01:25:09,735
Which letter?
1806
01:25:09,818 --> 01:25:11,695
Either letter.
I don't know. Tell us!
1807
01:25:13,030 --> 01:25:15,949
Uh, could I have
everyone's attention?
What up?
1808
01:25:16,283 --> 01:25:18,410
Here's an advance copy
of Jay's next book.
1809
01:25:18,493 --> 01:25:20,871
You'll need to read it
to find out.
1810
01:25:21,288 --> 01:25:23,332
Hey, wait a minute.
Wait a minute!
1811
01:25:23,415 --> 01:25:25,000
You can't leave us
hanging like that.
1812
01:25:25,083 --> 01:25:26,960
We didn't even talk
about the house!
1813
01:25:27,044 --> 01:25:29,171
I know I don't like being
the center of attention,
1814
01:25:29,254 --> 01:25:32,549
but I have something
to say before
we get dinner served.
1815
01:25:32,633 --> 01:25:34,593
First of all, I just
want to say thank you,
1816
01:25:34,676 --> 01:25:35,927
thank you all
for being here,
1817
01:25:36,011 --> 01:25:38,138
on such a special occasion.
1818
01:25:38,221 --> 01:25:40,349
It means a lot to us,
so thanks.
1819
01:25:41,058 --> 01:25:42,059
Even you, Dre.
1820
01:25:42,142 --> 01:25:44,019
(SCATTERED LAUGHTER)
1821
01:25:44,102 --> 01:25:46,563
All right.
I guess on to my toast.
1822
01:25:46,647 --> 01:25:50,651
Cliff, come on.
Speech.
1823
01:25:50,734 --> 01:25:54,112
A couple of years ago,
my best friend Jay here
gave me a book.
1824
01:25:54,196 --> 01:25:56,281
It was written
in 18-something
or other
1825
01:25:56,365 --> 01:25:59,910
by a guy named
La Rochefoucauld.
1826
01:26:00,452 --> 01:26:01,703
Yeah!
1827
01:26:01,787 --> 01:26:04,414
(LAUGHS) That only
took two weeks.
1828
01:26:06,917 --> 01:26:09,586
Anyway, I finally
came across this book
1829
01:26:09,670 --> 01:26:11,630
and decided
to give it a read.
1830
01:26:11,713 --> 01:26:16,968
And while I didn't
understand half of this
very big, very boring book,
1831
01:26:17,427 --> 01:26:21,098
what I did get
I wanted to share
with you, and it's this.
1832
01:26:22,224 --> 01:26:25,102
True love
cannot be found
1833
01:26:25,185 --> 01:26:27,354
where it does not
truly exist,
1834
01:26:29,690 --> 01:26:33,193
nor can it be hidden
where it truly does.
1835
01:26:35,445 --> 01:26:38,907
And with that,
as my best friend
Jay's best man,
1836
01:26:39,825 --> 01:26:41,368
I want to raise my glass
1837
01:26:42,119 --> 01:26:43,829
to Samantha and Jay.
1838
01:26:45,789 --> 01:26:47,749
And what can I say?
1839
01:26:48,208 --> 01:26:51,753
I hope one day
I should be so lucky,
1840
01:26:51,837 --> 01:26:55,132
we all should be so lucky,
to find someone
that makes us feel
1841
01:26:55,215 --> 01:26:58,343
the way you two obviously
feel about each other.
1842
01:27:03,014 --> 01:27:04,224
I love you.
1843
01:27:11,398 --> 01:27:14,443
I'm getting a little misty
so let's, uh, you know...
1844
01:27:14,526 --> 01:27:16,069
Too much love in the air.
1845
01:27:16,153 --> 01:27:18,655
Let's get some music going
1846
01:27:18,739 --> 01:27:20,866
and let's have you all
out on the dance floor
1847
01:27:20,949 --> 01:27:23,618
for your first dance
as husband and wife.
1848
01:27:29,833 --> 01:27:31,668
(MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING)
1849
01:27:37,007 --> 01:27:38,008
Oh, Max.
1850
01:27:57,360 --> 01:27:58,945
(CROWD APPLAUDING)
1851
01:28:06,203 --> 01:28:07,996
So what the hell
did the letter say?
1852
01:28:08,079 --> 01:28:09,956
Come on, honey.
Would you get him
away from me, please?
1853
01:28:30,268 --> 01:28:32,062
Hey.
You wanna dance?
1854
01:28:32,145 --> 01:28:33,146
No. No thanks.
Come on. Get up.
1855
01:28:33,230 --> 01:28:34,231
Not interested.
Here we go.
1856
01:28:34,314 --> 01:28:36,107
I'm not doing it.
1857
01:28:53,333 --> 01:28:55,293
So, uh,
you have money, huh?
1858
01:28:55,377 --> 01:28:57,212
(BOTH LAUGH)
1859
01:28:57,295 --> 01:28:58,296
Yes.
1860
01:28:58,380 --> 01:29:00,340
Yeah, me, too.
It's good.