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Downloaded from
YTS.MX
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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
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Come on.
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Hello, this is Beth.
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Oh, hey.
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How are you doing tonight?
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Um, I'’m okay.
8
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I just wanted to talk,
if that'’s okay.
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No sleep?
10
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Yeah...
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I'’m a bit off.
12
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I don'’t know.
13
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Just haven'’t found
my rhythm yet.
14
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What do you mean?
15
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Well...
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00:04:22,981 --> 00:04:24,679
uh, you know,
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I got out of prison last year.
18
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Oh.
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Congratulations.
20
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Yeah. Yeah, thanks.
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Thank you.
22
00:04:32,556 --> 00:04:34,166
So...
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big adjustment.
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Yeah!
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Yes, ma'’am.
26
00:04:40,782 --> 00:04:43,175
First, I was sleeping
all of the time,
27
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like too much stimulation,
you know?
28
00:04:47,397 --> 00:04:50,444
I was like a puppy
at the dog park.
29
00:04:50,531 --> 00:04:54,361
Like, as soon as I got home,
I just... I needed sleep.
30
00:04:54,448 --> 00:04:56,058
I can imagine.
31
00:04:56,145 --> 00:04:58,930
But it'’s all good. I'’m blessed.
32
00:04:59,017 --> 00:05:00,410
I'’m so happy for you.
33
00:05:00,497 --> 00:05:02,804
Yeah, thank you.
34
00:05:02,891 --> 00:05:04,371
You'’re welcome.
35
00:05:04,458 --> 00:05:07,504
Wait, am I saying thanks
too much?
36
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Don'’t worry about it.
37
00:05:09,419 --> 00:05:12,030
You don'’t need to thank me,
but it'’s fine.
38
00:05:12,117 --> 00:05:13,945
You'’re doing great.
39
00:05:15,033 --> 00:05:16,296
So, uh...
40
00:05:18,080 --> 00:05:19,516
You-- You work--
You work nights?
41
00:05:19,603 --> 00:05:21,213
Sometimes I'’ll do a day shift,
42
00:05:21,301 --> 00:05:24,434
but nights
is when most people call.
43
00:05:24,521 --> 00:05:25,653
Hmm.
44
00:05:27,785 --> 00:05:29,961
You been doing it a long time?
45
00:05:30,048 --> 00:05:31,223
A few years.
46
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This is my last month, actually.
47
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At least for a while.
48
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You gotta recharge
the batteries, or...?
49
00:05:39,623 --> 00:05:41,059
You could say that.
50
00:05:43,105 --> 00:05:46,543
The last year
has been pretty intense.
51
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Yeah, I can imagine.
52
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You know, it'’s-- It'’s funny.
53
00:05:51,679 --> 00:05:56,031
I-I-I'’ve been out six weeks
when the '’rona went off.
54
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Everybody was bitching about
55
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having to stay home
and I was like,
56
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"Bro, you'’re telling me
I can eat what I want
57
00:06:02,603 --> 00:06:06,041
"and sleep when I want
and wear what I want?
58
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That'’s supposed to be hard?"
59
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That'’s funny.
60
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I mean, I don'’t...
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Sorry, I don'’t mean funny,
I just mean...
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00:06:13,091 --> 00:06:14,615
Oh, it'’s okay.
63
00:06:14,702 --> 00:06:16,443
I'’m the one who said
it was funny.
64
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Right.
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You know,
to tell you the truth, it...
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It was good for me.
67
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Was it?
Yeah.
68
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In prison, you know,
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they got these
transition units.
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They give you a little bit
more freedom,
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a little bit of time,
you know, so you don'’t...
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You start getting used to it.
73
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I-I-I didn'’t go through that.
74
00:06:39,161 --> 00:06:41,381
I went straight
from the shoe to the street.
75
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You know, it'’s probably good
that I got--
76
00:06:44,732 --> 00:06:47,648
I got some time to adjust,
right?
77
00:06:47,735 --> 00:06:49,911
Yeah, I get it.
Yeah, I was--
78
00:06:49,998 --> 00:06:54,742
I was sitting with my grandma
one night and she said, uh...
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"Michael, it'’s so weird.
80
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"The day is so slow,
but then at the end,
81
00:06:59,486 --> 00:07:02,184
it feels like
it lasted a minute."
82
00:07:02,271 --> 00:07:04,099
I know, right?
83
00:07:04,186 --> 00:07:07,929
You know, I told her,
"That'’s prison time."
84
00:07:08,016 --> 00:07:10,192
The day is slow
because nothing happens.
85
00:07:10,279 --> 00:07:12,586
And when it'’s gone,
86
00:07:12,673 --> 00:07:14,718
it feels like it never
even started, you know?
87
00:07:14,805 --> 00:07:18,548
You don'’t even remember nothing
because nothing happened.
88
00:07:18,635 --> 00:07:20,332
Wow.
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That'’s deep, Michael.
90
00:07:22,770 --> 00:07:24,075
You know what was weird,
though?
91
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What'’s that?
92
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Wearing a mask in a store.
93
00:07:30,865 --> 00:07:33,084
I-I couldn'’t even get a mask.
94
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I mean, first time,
95
00:07:34,912 --> 00:07:37,828
I had to use this bandanna
my sister gave me.
96
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And I was like,
"I don'’t know about this."
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I mean, because last time
I entered a store
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00:07:42,964 --> 00:07:44,835
with a bandanna on, I got shot.
99
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I mean, shot and arrested.
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She was like,
"Never mind that
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because now they won'’t even
let you in without a mask."
102
00:07:52,887 --> 00:07:56,543
So I go shopping
with this bandanna on.
103
00:07:56,630 --> 00:07:58,283
I mean, I always
had this feeling
104
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that people check me out.
105
00:08:00,460 --> 00:08:03,767
I mean, I know they can tell
I'’ve been inside, so...
106
00:08:03,854 --> 00:08:07,118
I think that'’s probably
just in your head though, no?
107
00:08:07,205 --> 00:08:08,990
Mm, no, it isn'’t.
108
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Trust me.
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I mean, even if they don'’t know
what it is exactly,
110
00:08:14,125 --> 00:08:16,476
they can tell there'’s something
different about me.
111
00:08:17,781 --> 00:08:19,391
It'’s like they can smell it.
112
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I don'’t mean literally.
113
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I smell real nice these days,
believe that.
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I believe it.
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Anyways, I'’m already
stressing out
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about being around people,
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and now I got to wear
a bandanna
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like I'’m robbing the place.
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The guy at the cash register,
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I'’m thinking he'’s gonna pull
a shotgun any second.
121
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So I start sweating, you know,
and my heartbeat'’s up.
122
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And he rings me up and he goes,
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"Did you find everything
you were looking for?"
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And I'’m like, "What?"
125
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I don'’t understand
the question,
126
00:09:04,088 --> 00:09:05,655
which I actually didn'’t
because I'’m spaced out
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00:09:05,742 --> 00:09:07,614
and I got
a fucking bandanna on,
128
00:09:07,744 --> 00:09:10,094
and I'’m not even used to
hearing this kind of question.
129
00:09:10,181 --> 00:09:12,270
So he repeats the question.
130
00:09:12,357 --> 00:09:15,883
And I'’m like, "Uh, yes, sir."
131
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And then I skip a beat,
and then I go, "Thanks."
132
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And then what happened?
133
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Nothing. Nothing.
134
00:09:26,807 --> 00:09:27,982
You know what he said?
135
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"Have a good night."
136
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And then I walk out,
and then I realize...
137
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Damn.
138
00:09:36,468 --> 00:09:39,950
No, I-I didn'’t find
everything I was looking for.
139
00:09:42,126 --> 00:09:44,128
I was in such a rush
to get out of there
140
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that I forgot like half of it.
141
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That happens to me
all the time.
142
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Yeah?
143
00:09:52,484 --> 00:09:53,747
Oh, yeah.
144
00:09:53,834 --> 00:09:55,226
Unless I have
a written-down list,
145
00:09:55,313 --> 00:09:56,793
I'’m always gonna
forget something.
146
00:09:56,880 --> 00:09:59,143
I can'’t retain
that kind of information.
147
00:10:01,363 --> 00:10:03,060
Yeah, I got used to it, though.
148
00:10:05,367 --> 00:10:07,151
You know, the, uh...
149
00:10:07,238 --> 00:10:08,979
The mask, I mean.
150
00:10:09,066 --> 00:10:10,590
That'’s good.
151
00:10:12,940 --> 00:10:14,637
People can think
whatever they want.
152
00:10:14,724 --> 00:10:16,596
You know, they can'’t see me.
153
00:10:16,683 --> 00:10:18,032
You know, I don'’t care
what they think.
154
00:10:20,512 --> 00:10:21,644
Right.
155
00:10:27,389 --> 00:10:29,217
I'’m not a bad person.
156
00:10:31,219 --> 00:10:32,568
I know.
157
00:10:34,570 --> 00:10:36,137
How-- How do you know?
158
00:10:36,224 --> 00:10:37,878
Well, I guess I just mean
159
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that I don'’t have any reason
to think otherwise.
160
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My father, he went to the pen
when I was 6.
161
00:10:55,243 --> 00:10:57,898
You know, he just died
like three years ago.
162
00:10:57,985 --> 00:11:00,248
Hmm. Sorry to hear that.
163
00:11:02,554 --> 00:11:04,513
We never had a relationship.
164
00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:07,864
I-I was raised by my grandma.
165
00:11:07,951 --> 00:11:12,303
My mom, after he got arrested,
you know, she said to me,
166
00:11:12,390 --> 00:11:15,350
"Look, I can handle
your sisters, but you?
167
00:11:15,437 --> 00:11:16,830
You got to move in
with your grandma."
168
00:11:18,832 --> 00:11:20,747
She, like, shipped me off
like baggage.
169
00:11:22,139 --> 00:11:24,054
That'’s rough. You were only 6?
170
00:11:24,141 --> 00:11:26,709
Yeah, I was, like,
just about to start school.
171
00:11:26,796 --> 00:11:28,232
I didn'’t have any friends.
172
00:11:29,494 --> 00:11:31,453
I walked back alone every day.
173
00:11:33,063 --> 00:11:34,412
And then like after a month,
174
00:11:34,499 --> 00:11:36,327
I started taking
a different way.
175
00:11:36,414 --> 00:11:39,417
I cut through this alley
where these homeboys hung out.
176
00:11:39,504 --> 00:11:41,419
And they started
joking with me.
177
00:11:41,506 --> 00:11:43,421
And that'’s actually--
178
00:11:43,508 --> 00:11:45,815
Yeah, that'’s actually when
I started noticing stuff.
179
00:11:45,902 --> 00:11:47,991
What-- What do you mean?
What stuff?
180
00:11:48,078 --> 00:11:50,864
Like, uh, the tattoos.
181
00:11:52,169 --> 00:11:53,954
The graffiti.
182
00:11:54,041 --> 00:11:56,434
Like, I'’ve been seeing them
my whole life,
183
00:11:56,521 --> 00:11:58,654
but I never...
184
00:11:58,741 --> 00:12:00,700
Never really paid attention.
185
00:12:02,397 --> 00:12:04,181
And now...
186
00:12:04,268 --> 00:12:07,794
Now they were speaking to me.
187
00:12:09,665 --> 00:12:12,668
Like, I finally understood
the language.
188
00:12:17,064 --> 00:12:18,500
Wow.
189
00:12:18,587 --> 00:12:21,024
You know, that was it for me.
190
00:12:21,111 --> 00:12:23,548
Yeah, I just--
I just saw the whole picture.
191
00:12:25,463 --> 00:12:27,248
Thank you for that.
192
00:12:28,553 --> 00:12:30,338
Yeah, you'’re welcome.
193
00:12:34,255 --> 00:12:35,430
So...
194
00:12:38,215 --> 00:12:40,000
is there anything
that you need from me?
195
00:12:41,436 --> 00:12:43,699
Anything that
I can help you with?
196
00:12:45,048 --> 00:12:47,137
I don'’t know.
197
00:12:47,224 --> 00:12:49,487
I'’m a little bit worried,
I guess.
198
00:12:49,574 --> 00:12:51,228
Hmm. What about?
199
00:12:52,490 --> 00:12:54,449
Just-- Just stuff out there.
200
00:12:54,536 --> 00:12:56,494
I don'’t have a lot of skills.
201
00:12:56,581 --> 00:12:59,454
I had this job
at this auto glass repair,
202
00:12:59,541 --> 00:13:02,326
but it went out of business.
203
00:13:02,413 --> 00:13:05,503
It wasn'’t the greatest job
in the world, but, you know...
204
00:13:05,590 --> 00:13:09,856
Well, I can give you a number
for financial assistance
205
00:13:09,943 --> 00:13:11,771
if you need that.
206
00:13:11,858 --> 00:13:14,643
No, no, I'’m--
I'’m already doing all that.
207
00:13:16,166 --> 00:13:17,298
Okay.
208
00:13:20,954 --> 00:13:23,347
Hey, look,
worse comes to worse,
209
00:13:23,434 --> 00:13:25,741
I got the bandanna, right?
210
00:13:25,828 --> 00:13:27,177
Uh, that--
That was a joke.
211
00:13:27,264 --> 00:13:29,092
I know.
212
00:13:29,179 --> 00:13:32,487
Wait, you'’re not tracing
these calls, are you?
213
00:13:33,967 --> 00:13:35,620
Not tracing, not recording.
214
00:13:35,707 --> 00:13:38,145
I'’m just sitting here
at home talking to you.
215
00:13:38,232 --> 00:13:40,060
Oh, okay. Sorry.
216
00:13:40,147 --> 00:13:42,018
So listen, I think
that you should check out
217
00:13:42,105 --> 00:13:44,368
this group HandUp.
218
00:13:44,455 --> 00:13:47,241
It'’s like as opposed to Handout.
219
00:13:47,328 --> 00:13:48,808
Anyways, it'’s an organization
220
00:13:48,895 --> 00:13:50,418
run by formerly
incarcerated folks
221
00:13:50,505 --> 00:13:52,768
that can help
with jobs, housing...
222
00:13:52,855 --> 00:13:55,597
Yeah, yeah. Is one of the guys
named Jackson?
223
00:13:55,684 --> 00:13:57,773
Well, that I don'’t know,
224
00:13:57,860 --> 00:14:00,471
but let me just give
you the number.
225
00:14:00,558 --> 00:14:01,821
No, it'’s all right.
226
00:14:01,908 --> 00:14:03,823
It'’s all right, I'’ll find it.
227
00:14:03,910 --> 00:14:05,781
It'’s okay.
228
00:14:05,868 --> 00:14:07,609
Okay.
You know, I just...
229
00:14:09,698 --> 00:14:12,135
I just-- I just needed to talk,
that'’s it.
230
00:14:12,222 --> 00:14:15,269
Of course. Anytime.
231
00:14:15,356 --> 00:14:18,272
That was a joke
about the bandanna, you know.
232
00:14:18,359 --> 00:14:19,795
I'’m...
233
00:14:19,882 --> 00:14:22,015
I'’m not gonna rob nobody.
I know.
234
00:14:49,869 --> 00:14:52,523
Hello. This is Beth.
235
00:14:52,610 --> 00:14:53,873
Hi.
236
00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:56,092
Hey, listen, um...
237
00:14:56,179 --> 00:14:57,702
could you come out?
238
00:14:57,789 --> 00:14:59,661
What do you mean?
239
00:14:59,748 --> 00:15:03,360
I mean, can you come out here
and talk to my wife?
240
00:15:03,447 --> 00:15:04,666
Oh, sorry.
241
00:15:04,753 --> 00:15:06,363
I can'’t come there.
242
00:15:06,450 --> 00:15:08,844
But if you put her on the phone,
I can talk to her.
243
00:15:08,931 --> 00:15:10,585
No, she'’s not gonna do that.
244
00:15:12,239 --> 00:15:15,024
I can talk to you both
together or separately,
245
00:15:15,111 --> 00:15:16,286
whatever works for you.
246
00:15:16,373 --> 00:15:18,071
I just can'’t do it in person.
247
00:15:18,158 --> 00:15:20,638
But if this is an emergency,
I can give you--
248
00:15:20,725 --> 00:15:22,684
It'’s not that kind
of emergency.
249
00:15:24,904 --> 00:15:26,514
Okay.
250
00:15:29,560 --> 00:15:30,997
What'’s going on?
251
00:15:32,737 --> 00:15:34,914
I just told her that, um...
252
00:15:35,001 --> 00:15:36,567
That I don'’t love her anymore.
253
00:15:37,873 --> 00:15:39,309
I see.
254
00:15:39,396 --> 00:15:41,007
Now I'’m not sure what to do.
255
00:15:42,834 --> 00:15:44,619
What did she say?
256
00:15:44,706 --> 00:15:46,577
Well, she just went and locked
herself in the bedroom.
257
00:15:48,101 --> 00:15:49,232
Is she okay?
258
00:15:51,713 --> 00:15:54,324
Are you worried
she might do something?
259
00:15:54,411 --> 00:15:56,674
Oh, no, no.
I told you, it'’s not...
260
00:15:56,761 --> 00:15:58,459
She would never do...
261
00:15:58,546 --> 00:15:59,939
You know, we have kids.
262
00:16:01,462 --> 00:16:02,680
Okay.
263
00:16:04,552 --> 00:16:06,162
I didn'’t even want this,
you know?
264
00:16:06,249 --> 00:16:07,772
I mean, I didn'’t even--
265
00:16:07,859 --> 00:16:09,557
I don'’t even understand it.
266
00:16:09,644 --> 00:16:11,385
What the fuck happened?
267
00:16:41,676 --> 00:16:42,807
Hello. This is Beth.
268
00:16:42,894 --> 00:16:44,418
Oh, hi.
269
00:16:44,505 --> 00:16:45,680
Hi.
270
00:16:45,767 --> 00:16:47,203
How are you tonight?
271
00:16:47,290 --> 00:16:49,205
Like always, I guess.
272
00:16:49,292 --> 00:16:51,033
Is that good?
273
00:16:52,904 --> 00:16:54,341
You know when someone
says something
274
00:16:54,428 --> 00:16:57,170
annoying or even hurtful,
275
00:16:57,257 --> 00:16:59,607
and you just suck it up,
276
00:16:59,694 --> 00:17:03,393
and you go home and replay
the moment in your head
277
00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:06,266
and come up
with a perfect comeback.
278
00:17:06,353 --> 00:17:08,094
The exact thing
you should have said.
279
00:17:08,181 --> 00:17:09,399
Mm-hmm.
280
00:17:09,486 --> 00:17:11,532
Oh, yeah.
281
00:17:11,619 --> 00:17:13,447
Well, that'’s my life.
282
00:17:13,534 --> 00:17:16,232
A day late and a dollar short.
283
00:17:16,319 --> 00:17:19,148
Hey, I think we all feel
like that sometimes.
284
00:17:19,235 --> 00:17:20,454
Yeah.
285
00:17:20,541 --> 00:17:23,631
I feel like that all the time.
286
00:17:23,718 --> 00:17:26,547
Besides, I don'’t think Oprah
feels like that.
287
00:17:27,809 --> 00:17:29,332
Or Jeff Zuckerberg.
288
00:17:32,031 --> 00:17:33,597
Right?
289
00:17:33,684 --> 00:17:35,121
Maybe not.
290
00:17:35,208 --> 00:17:38,515
Not the "dollar short" part.
291
00:17:38,602 --> 00:17:40,648
What do you even do
with all that money?
292
00:17:40,735 --> 00:17:42,345
Hmm.
293
00:17:44,130 --> 00:17:46,654
Meanwhile, my husband
got his hours cut.
294
00:17:46,741 --> 00:17:48,134
That'’s rough.
295
00:17:48,221 --> 00:17:49,787
Our daughter has special needs.
296
00:17:51,746 --> 00:17:53,487
I'’m a full-time support system.
297
00:17:53,574 --> 00:17:57,056
I can'’t even take a break,
ever.
298
00:17:57,143 --> 00:17:59,188
If I got sick, I...
299
00:18:01,234 --> 00:18:03,149
What'’s gonna happen to her
when I'’m gone?
300
00:18:03,236 --> 00:18:05,194
I just...
301
00:18:05,281 --> 00:18:06,587
Just...
302
00:18:09,590 --> 00:18:10,808
I'’m sorry.
303
00:18:10,895 --> 00:18:12,810
It'’s absolutely fine.
304
00:18:16,553 --> 00:18:17,815
I don'’t usually do this.
305
00:18:17,902 --> 00:18:20,035
It'’s okay. Don'’t worry about it.
306
00:18:20,122 --> 00:18:22,733
Please let it all out.
That'’s what I'’m here for.
307
00:18:26,085 --> 00:18:27,390
Hello?
308
00:18:27,477 --> 00:18:28,696
Hello?
309
00:18:28,783 --> 00:18:30,001
Hi there.
310
00:18:30,089 --> 00:18:32,265
You sound old.
311
00:18:32,352 --> 00:18:35,703
Oh, I'’m not so young, I guess.
312
00:18:35,790 --> 00:18:37,705
You sound young, though.
313
00:18:37,792 --> 00:18:39,228
I just turned 19.
314
00:18:39,315 --> 00:18:41,187
Happy birthday.
Thank you.
315
00:18:41,274 --> 00:18:42,753
I hate birthdays.
316
00:18:42,840 --> 00:18:44,625
Wait till you get to my age.
317
00:18:44,712 --> 00:18:46,757
Yeah, that'’s not gonna happen.
318
00:18:46,844 --> 00:18:48,411
Why do you say that?
319
00:18:48,498 --> 00:18:49,673
I... It'’s--
320
00:18:49,760 --> 00:18:51,327
Whatever. I just--
321
00:18:51,414 --> 00:18:53,721
I'’ve never really
had a good birthday,
322
00:18:53,808 --> 00:18:56,332
except maybe three years ago,
I guess, when I ran away.
323
00:18:56,419 --> 00:18:58,987
That was like my birthday
present to myself.
324
00:19:00,119 --> 00:19:01,729
Where do you live now?
325
00:19:01,816 --> 00:19:04,949
In a very cozy two-person tent.
326
00:19:05,036 --> 00:19:06,255
I see.
327
00:19:08,039 --> 00:19:09,476
Do you have a caseworker?
328
00:19:09,563 --> 00:19:11,304
No, not anymore.
329
00:19:11,391 --> 00:19:14,568
My, uh, boyfriend sort of had
a falling out with him.
330
00:19:14,655 --> 00:19:16,744
He'’s kind of an asshole.
331
00:19:16,831 --> 00:19:18,876
How long have you two
been together?
332
00:19:18,963 --> 00:19:20,226
Since I left home.
333
00:19:20,313 --> 00:19:21,923
Did you meet on the street?
334
00:19:22,010 --> 00:19:23,664
Yeah, I, uh...
335
00:19:23,751 --> 00:19:25,535
I left my hometown
with another friend,
336
00:19:25,622 --> 00:19:28,364
but they chickened out
after like two nights.
337
00:19:28,451 --> 00:19:31,846
So I ended up hooking up
with these guys.
338
00:19:31,933 --> 00:19:36,155
Uh, they had guitars
and weed and a dog.
339
00:19:37,591 --> 00:19:38,940
I loved that dog.
340
00:19:40,550 --> 00:19:43,118
He, uh died a month ago.
341
00:19:43,205 --> 00:19:44,728
Sorry.
342
00:19:44,815 --> 00:19:46,600
Yeah.
343
00:19:46,687 --> 00:19:49,907
Uh, Justin'’s not doing
too great either.
344
00:19:49,994 --> 00:19:51,953
Justin'’s your boyfriend?
345
00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:53,781
For lack of a better word.
346
00:19:53,868 --> 00:19:55,348
What'’s wrong with him?
347
00:19:55,435 --> 00:19:57,654
I don'’t know. I...
348
00:19:57,741 --> 00:19:59,439
Like, it'’s not COVID,
349
00:19:59,526 --> 00:20:01,528
because he got that
and it wasn'’t that bad.
350
00:20:01,615 --> 00:20:04,183
But I... I think he might
have hep or something.
351
00:20:05,358 --> 00:20:06,663
Did he go to a doctor?
352
00:20:06,750 --> 00:20:07,882
Yeah, no.
353
00:20:07,969 --> 00:20:09,884
No. He, uh...
354
00:20:09,971 --> 00:20:12,147
He gets really paranoid
around doctors.
355
00:20:12,234 --> 00:20:16,325
So I'’m not even gonna ask.
He, like, flips out.
356
00:20:16,412 --> 00:20:19,023
He'’s got major anger issues.
357
00:20:19,110 --> 00:20:20,982
That'’s no good.
358
00:20:21,069 --> 00:20:23,463
Yeah, I told you, he'’s--
He'’s a fucking asshole.
359
00:20:25,204 --> 00:20:27,945
He thinks that I should
make him money now.
360
00:20:28,032 --> 00:20:30,209
What do you mean?
361
00:20:30,296 --> 00:20:33,124
Like, he wants to be
my fucking pimp.
362
00:20:33,212 --> 00:20:37,216
Like, fuck that shit.
363
00:20:37,303 --> 00:20:39,870
Where'’s Justin right now?
I don'’t know.
364
00:20:39,957 --> 00:20:42,612
He'’s probably out
with his buddies somewhere.
365
00:20:44,745 --> 00:20:47,313
Sounds like maybe you shouldn'’t
be seeing this guy.
366
00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:49,184
Yeah, no shit.
367
00:20:49,271 --> 00:20:50,403
So?
368
00:20:51,752 --> 00:20:54,233
So it'’s not that simple.
369
00:20:55,538 --> 00:20:56,757
Why not?
370
00:20:57,888 --> 00:20:59,673
It'’s just not.
371
00:20:59,760 --> 00:21:03,807
Like, do you think that I want
to be out here alone,
372
00:21:03,894 --> 00:21:07,507
or that I can just get on
some fucking homeless Tinder
373
00:21:07,594 --> 00:21:09,073
and find myself a better dude?
374
00:21:09,160 --> 00:21:11,119
Like, it'’s not like
375
00:21:11,206 --> 00:21:13,034
I don'’t have my own issues too.
376
00:21:16,733 --> 00:21:20,737
Okay, I'’m gonna give you
a number for social services,
377
00:21:20,824 --> 00:21:22,522
but I want to give you
this guy'’s direct line.
378
00:21:22,609 --> 00:21:24,175
He'’s the best.
379
00:21:24,263 --> 00:21:25,481
Shit!
What?
380
00:21:28,223 --> 00:21:30,356
I think he'’s back.
381
00:21:30,443 --> 00:21:32,314
Yup, that'’s-- That'’s him.
He'’s coming up the street.
382
00:21:32,401 --> 00:21:34,011
I got to go. If he hears
I'’m talking to you--
383
00:21:34,098 --> 00:21:35,404
Can you write
this number down first?
384
00:21:35,491 --> 00:21:37,580
Fuck, he looks fucking wasted.
385
00:21:37,667 --> 00:21:39,147
Here'’s the number.
386
00:21:39,234 --> 00:21:40,453
Look, I'’m gonna call
you back, okay?
387
00:21:40,540 --> 00:21:42,106
Are you gonna be okay?
388
00:21:42,193 --> 00:21:43,673
Fucking test me!
389
00:22:41,601 --> 00:22:43,733
Hello, this is Beth.
390
00:22:43,820 --> 00:22:45,300
Beth!
391
00:22:45,387 --> 00:22:48,477
That your real name?
392
00:22:48,564 --> 00:22:51,306
Actually, we aren'’t allowed
to use real names.
393
00:22:51,393 --> 00:22:52,568
Yeah, that'’s what I thought.
394
00:22:54,657 --> 00:22:56,267
Call me Kratos then.
395
00:22:57,530 --> 00:23:00,271
Call me fucking Solid Snake.
396
00:23:00,359 --> 00:23:02,883
That might be a little awkward,
don'’t you think?
397
00:23:02,970 --> 00:23:04,232
Whatever.
398
00:23:04,319 --> 00:23:06,147
Call me whatever you want.
399
00:23:06,234 --> 00:23:09,019
You can call me Ellis.
That'’s my real name.
400
00:23:09,106 --> 00:23:11,065
How are you tonight, Ellis?
401
00:23:11,152 --> 00:23:14,111
Great. Fantastic.
402
00:23:14,198 --> 00:23:16,636
That'’s obviously
why I'’m calling, right?
403
00:23:18,028 --> 00:23:20,335
I suppose not.
404
00:23:20,422 --> 00:23:21,771
Want to talk about it?
405
00:23:26,167 --> 00:23:27,908
You don'’t have to.
406
00:23:27,995 --> 00:23:31,128
I'’ve just fucking had it.
407
00:23:31,215 --> 00:23:34,044
I'’m so done with it.
408
00:23:34,131 --> 00:23:35,306
With what?
409
00:23:35,394 --> 00:23:38,832
Just the rejection.
410
00:23:38,919 --> 00:23:41,574
The contempt.
411
00:23:41,661 --> 00:23:43,750
From whom?
Take a guess.
412
00:23:43,837 --> 00:23:45,360
Women?
413
00:23:45,447 --> 00:23:46,535
You think I'’m a freak,
don'’t you?
414
00:23:46,622 --> 00:23:48,058
I don'’t.
415
00:23:48,145 --> 00:23:50,191
I wouldn'’t. Just met you.
416
00:23:50,278 --> 00:23:52,280
I'’ve been dealing
with this shit my whole life.
417
00:23:52,367 --> 00:23:54,543
I understand.
No. No, you don'’t.
418
00:23:54,630 --> 00:23:56,415
You don'’t understand.
419
00:23:56,502 --> 00:23:58,591
You can'’t because
you'’re not wired that way.
420
00:23:58,678 --> 00:24:02,682
Genetically programmed to need
something you can'’t have.
421
00:24:02,769 --> 00:24:06,512
It'’s like, I don'’t even know
how to explain it.
422
00:24:06,599 --> 00:24:08,383
It'’s fucked up.
423
00:24:08,470 --> 00:24:10,951
You can'’t not need it.
424
00:24:11,038 --> 00:24:13,170
Nature makes you need it.
425
00:24:13,257 --> 00:24:17,784
Society, it tells you
you must have it.
426
00:24:17,871 --> 00:24:21,352
And then you'’re denied,
rejected.
427
00:24:21,440 --> 00:24:23,006
The only choice you have
428
00:24:23,093 --> 00:24:27,184
is whether to hate yourself
or hate them.
429
00:24:27,271 --> 00:24:28,838
All the fucking guys,
430
00:24:28,925 --> 00:24:31,145
whoever made you feel like
a piece of shit,
431
00:24:31,232 --> 00:24:34,496
all the girls who mocked you,
avoided you,
432
00:24:34,583 --> 00:24:37,586
looked right through you
like you were nothing,
433
00:24:37,673 --> 00:24:40,459
and threw themselves
at those idiots
434
00:24:40,546 --> 00:24:42,373
who just happened to have
the right look,
435
00:24:42,461 --> 00:24:44,767
the fucking jacket,
the fucking car,
436
00:24:44,854 --> 00:24:47,378
the fucking hair.
437
00:24:47,466 --> 00:24:50,817
Of course, you always end up
hating both,
438
00:24:50,904 --> 00:24:53,341
yourself and them.
439
00:24:53,428 --> 00:24:56,083
Well, maybe hate isn'’t the way.
440
00:24:56,170 --> 00:24:57,911
Maybe--
You don'’t...
441
00:24:57,998 --> 00:25:00,087
You don'’t think
I'’ve tried the other way?
442
00:25:00,174 --> 00:25:02,655
Samantha fucking Robinson.
I would have bled for her.
443
00:25:02,742 --> 00:25:04,874
I would have taken a bullet.
444
00:25:04,961 --> 00:25:06,615
She made me watch.
445
00:25:06,702 --> 00:25:08,922
She kissed that asshole
right in front of me
446
00:25:09,009 --> 00:25:11,402
knowing I was watching,
knowing how I felt.
447
00:25:14,667 --> 00:25:16,146
I had my revenge, though.
448
00:25:17,757 --> 00:25:19,280
I found this porno.
449
00:25:19,367 --> 00:25:22,675
The girl had the same
exact body as her.
450
00:25:22,762 --> 00:25:24,981
I deep-faked
Samantha'’s face on it...
451
00:25:26,548 --> 00:25:29,290
and I sent it to everyone.
452
00:25:29,377 --> 00:25:31,640
She had to move
to a different school.
453
00:25:36,297 --> 00:25:37,733
You judge me yet?
454
00:25:39,953 --> 00:25:41,084
Go ahead.
455
00:25:42,259 --> 00:25:43,696
Tell me.
456
00:25:43,783 --> 00:25:47,090
I don'’t like the action
you described.
457
00:25:47,177 --> 00:25:51,486
Yeah, well, it'’s not even
the worst thing I'’ve done.
458
00:25:52,748 --> 00:25:55,446
I made another film.
459
00:25:55,534 --> 00:25:58,580
Pulled two hours worth
of footage from CCTV cameras
460
00:25:58,667 --> 00:26:00,190
all around the world.
461
00:26:00,277 --> 00:26:02,497
Only the goriest shit.
462
00:26:02,584 --> 00:26:03,933
Sick as fuck.
463
00:26:04,020 --> 00:26:06,370
Splattered children.
464
00:26:06,457 --> 00:26:09,504
I cut it together
to Disney music.
465
00:26:09,591 --> 00:26:11,941
I put it on 300 school
websites.
466
00:26:14,291 --> 00:26:16,729
People went nuts.
467
00:26:16,816 --> 00:26:18,034
Oh, man!
468
00:26:21,124 --> 00:26:23,213
I don'’t expect you
to understand.
469
00:26:25,259 --> 00:26:28,218
Maybe if you had to endure
all the rejection I have,
470
00:26:28,305 --> 00:26:29,568
you would get it.
471
00:26:30,743 --> 00:26:32,353
If you were a man
472
00:26:32,440 --> 00:26:34,660
who'’s not allowed
to feel like a man,
473
00:26:34,747 --> 00:26:37,576
you'’re too short, too soft,
too chubby...
474
00:26:39,534 --> 00:26:41,710
whatever society has deemed
inadequate about you...
475
00:26:43,756 --> 00:26:45,061
...too little hair
on your head,
476
00:26:45,148 --> 00:26:48,674
too broke to buy nice clothes.
477
00:26:48,761 --> 00:26:51,502
But you can'’t even imagine,
can you?
478
00:26:53,679 --> 00:26:55,289
What do you even look like?
479
00:26:56,464 --> 00:26:57,813
What do I look like?
480
00:26:57,900 --> 00:26:59,162
That'’s what I asked.
481
00:27:01,643 --> 00:27:03,210
Just average.
482
00:27:03,297 --> 00:27:05,473
That'’s not very informative.
483
00:27:05,560 --> 00:27:08,128
What, are you shy?
484
00:27:09,825 --> 00:27:11,522
I don'’t care if you'’re chubby.
485
00:27:11,610 --> 00:27:13,002
I mean...
486
00:27:13,089 --> 00:27:15,309
I'’m hideous.
487
00:27:16,745 --> 00:27:18,529
I bet you'’re not.
488
00:27:18,617 --> 00:27:20,619
I'’m sorry,
I don'’t want to talk about that.
489
00:27:20,706 --> 00:27:22,359
I thought the whole point
of this line
490
00:27:22,446 --> 00:27:24,274
was to talk to real people.
491
00:27:24,361 --> 00:27:25,798
That'’s right.
492
00:27:25,885 --> 00:27:27,713
So be real.
493
00:27:29,802 --> 00:27:32,456
Can you even relate
to anything that I'’m saying?
494
00:27:32,543 --> 00:27:34,154
Sure.
495
00:27:34,241 --> 00:27:35,764
I was a misfit.
496
00:27:37,723 --> 00:27:38,985
I didn'’t have nice clothes.
497
00:27:39,072 --> 00:27:41,335
Your family was broke?
498
00:27:41,422 --> 00:27:44,207
Well, I wouldn'’t say broke,
but struggling.
499
00:27:45,513 --> 00:27:47,036
You had your assets, though.
500
00:27:48,690 --> 00:27:50,083
You could trade on looks.
501
00:27:52,215 --> 00:27:54,914
You were good-looking.
I can tell from your voice.
502
00:27:55,001 --> 00:27:56,698
You probably still are.
503
00:27:56,785 --> 00:27:58,613
Am I right?
504
00:27:58,700 --> 00:28:00,920
I'’m not comfortable
talking about that.
505
00:28:01,007 --> 00:28:02,312
Why?
506
00:28:02,399 --> 00:28:03,749
Did I freak you out
with the porn?
507
00:28:03,836 --> 00:28:05,446
I...
508
00:28:05,533 --> 00:28:07,404
I don'’t even
watch porn anymore.
509
00:28:07,491 --> 00:28:09,363
It'’s too freaking painful.
510
00:28:11,452 --> 00:28:13,280
Oh, I'’ll-- I'’ll get them.
511
00:28:13,367 --> 00:28:14,673
Sorry?
512
00:28:16,675 --> 00:28:18,938
I'’m just tired.
513
00:28:21,157 --> 00:28:24,770
I'’m going through life
like this, and it'’s...
514
00:28:24,857 --> 00:28:26,249
I'’m an evolutionary failure.
515
00:28:26,336 --> 00:28:30,079
This unloved,
unwanted piece of shit.
516
00:28:32,212 --> 00:28:34,257
Okay, listen.
517
00:28:34,344 --> 00:28:36,129
You can'’t think like that.
518
00:28:36,216 --> 00:28:37,391
Okay?
519
00:28:37,478 --> 00:28:38,871
I promise you,
520
00:28:38,958 --> 00:28:41,047
you will feel differently
at some point.
521
00:28:43,440 --> 00:28:45,312
Can I ask you
what you do for a living?
522
00:28:47,575 --> 00:28:48,750
I work in IT.
523
00:28:50,404 --> 00:28:52,623
I used to be
a community analyst.
524
00:28:52,711 --> 00:28:53,886
You know what that is?
525
00:28:53,973 --> 00:28:55,583
I don'’t think so.
526
00:28:55,670 --> 00:28:57,367
Basically,
you sit at a computer
527
00:28:57,454 --> 00:29:00,719
and you screen out
all the sick shit people post.
528
00:29:00,806 --> 00:29:02,895
I did it for about a year,
529
00:29:02,982 --> 00:29:07,073
then they accused me
of posting sick shit myself.
530
00:29:07,160 --> 00:29:08,770
I guess they didn'’t
get the joke.
531
00:29:10,163 --> 00:29:13,122
So now I just fix network shit.
532
00:29:13,209 --> 00:29:14,689
Okay.
533
00:29:14,776 --> 00:29:17,561
Well, so... you'’re smart.
534
00:29:17,648 --> 00:29:18,780
What'’s your point?
535
00:29:18,867 --> 00:29:21,565
My point is,
536
00:29:21,652 --> 00:29:24,003
that'’s a very big asset.
537
00:29:24,090 --> 00:29:26,266
Now I think that the anger
works against you,
538
00:29:26,353 --> 00:29:27,789
but you can change that.
539
00:29:27,876 --> 00:29:30,444
Backtrack.
Say that first part again.
540
00:29:30,531 --> 00:29:32,011
What do you mean?
After "you'’re smart."
541
00:29:32,098 --> 00:29:34,187
What-- What--
What was that you said?
542
00:29:34,274 --> 00:29:35,841
I said that'’s very good.
No, no, no.
543
00:29:35,928 --> 00:29:37,364
That'’s not what you said.
544
00:29:37,451 --> 00:29:38,887
Just say it
like you said it before.
545
00:29:38,974 --> 00:29:40,149
I don'’t understand.
546
00:29:40,236 --> 00:29:41,585
Will you please just repeat
547
00:29:41,672 --> 00:29:43,326
exactly what you said?
548
00:29:43,413 --> 00:29:46,939
I think I said
that'’s a very big asset.
549
00:29:47,026 --> 00:29:48,723
Okay. Yeah, yes.
550
00:29:50,203 --> 00:29:51,770
That was it.
551
00:29:51,857 --> 00:29:54,337
Okay.
Keep talking.
552
00:29:54,424 --> 00:29:56,687
Well, I think that
you'’re in a cloud right now,
553
00:29:56,775 --> 00:29:58,733
but that cloud will pass.
554
00:30:02,041 --> 00:30:03,303
Okay?
555
00:30:03,390 --> 00:30:05,566
You have a nice voice.
Thank you.
556
00:30:05,653 --> 00:30:07,916
Can you keep talking?
557
00:30:08,003 --> 00:30:10,310
What else can I tell you?
558
00:30:10,397 --> 00:30:11,877
Well, what-- What...
559
00:30:15,141 --> 00:30:16,751
What are you wearing right now?
560
00:30:16,838 --> 00:30:19,145
Oh, sorry.
I'’m not playing that game.
561
00:30:19,232 --> 00:30:21,887
Just say that thing again.
562
00:30:21,974 --> 00:30:23,453
I don'’t think so.
563
00:30:23,540 --> 00:30:25,586
Okay, just...
Just breathe then.
564
00:30:25,673 --> 00:30:27,936
Please just breathe
into the receiver for me--
565
00:30:28,023 --> 00:30:29,720
Have a good night.
566
00:30:29,808 --> 00:30:31,113
Yeah, you know what?
Fuck you too--
567
00:30:48,304 --> 00:30:49,479
Hello?
568
00:30:49,566 --> 00:30:51,612
Hello there. I'’m Beth.
569
00:30:51,699 --> 00:30:53,962
I'’m mentally ill.
Let'’s get that out of the way.
570
00:30:54,049 --> 00:30:56,182
All right? I'’m mental.
571
00:30:56,269 --> 00:30:58,575
So there you go.
572
00:30:58,662 --> 00:31:00,621
I used to hate that word.
Now I'’m like, "Fuck it."
573
00:31:00,708 --> 00:31:02,753
Like, it'’s a cool word,
you know?
574
00:31:02,841 --> 00:31:05,060
"Mental." It'’s like, it'’s cool.
It'’s like cigarettes.
575
00:31:06,192 --> 00:31:07,671
When you say mental...
576
00:31:07,758 --> 00:31:09,673
Borderline and bipolar
psychotic episodes.
577
00:31:09,760 --> 00:31:12,894
Mainly, I'’m just on edge,
kind of like...
578
00:31:12,981 --> 00:31:14,983
if you'’re alone
in a dark parking structure
579
00:31:15,070 --> 00:31:17,551
and you just have this feeling
that you shouldn'’t be there.
580
00:31:17,638 --> 00:31:19,205
Like, that something bad'’s
about to happen?
581
00:31:19,292 --> 00:31:20,597
It'’s like that.
582
00:31:20,684 --> 00:31:22,599
I see.
I have it right now.
583
00:31:22,686 --> 00:31:24,558
I'’m at home,
and I have a feeling
584
00:31:24,645 --> 00:31:26,821
like I shouldn'’t be here.
585
00:31:26,908 --> 00:31:29,780
I'’m probably talking too fast,
right?
586
00:31:29,868 --> 00:31:31,913
That'’s the other thing.
587
00:31:32,000 --> 00:31:33,480
Words, they just roll out.
588
00:31:35,786 --> 00:31:37,223
Are you taking medication?
589
00:31:37,310 --> 00:31:38,833
Do you know anything
about magnetrons?
590
00:31:38,920 --> 00:31:40,095
What?
591
00:31:40,182 --> 00:31:41,880
The thingies inside microwaves?
592
00:31:41,967 --> 00:31:45,274
I just warmed up a plate
and I left the spoon in,
593
00:31:45,361 --> 00:31:47,624
and then the microwave,
it got all sparky.
594
00:31:47,711 --> 00:31:50,105
And I think I might have
damaged the magnetron
595
00:31:50,192 --> 00:31:52,107
because they have
beryllium inside,
596
00:31:52,194 --> 00:31:53,892
which if you inhale
even a tiny spec,
597
00:31:53,979 --> 00:31:55,154
like, you'’re done.
598
00:31:55,241 --> 00:31:56,372
It'’s like weapon-grade shit.
599
00:31:58,548 --> 00:32:00,637
I'’m afraid I don'’t know
much about it.
600
00:32:00,724 --> 00:32:02,857
I don'’t use the microwave
very often.
601
00:32:02,944 --> 00:32:04,424
Gas can be dangerous too,
you know.
602
00:32:04,511 --> 00:32:06,339
Slow leak,
you won'’t even smell it.
603
00:32:06,426 --> 00:32:07,906
That'’s true.
604
00:32:07,993 --> 00:32:09,690
I'’m not taking anything.
605
00:32:09,777 --> 00:32:11,387
Oh.
606
00:32:11,474 --> 00:32:12,998
How come?
607
00:32:13,085 --> 00:32:14,521
I lost my health insurance.
608
00:32:14,608 --> 00:32:17,132
It'’s with the socks now.
609
00:32:17,219 --> 00:32:18,568
I'’m sorry?
610
00:32:19,874 --> 00:32:22,050
You know, when you lose a sock,
611
00:32:22,137 --> 00:32:24,835
just one sock.
612
00:32:24,923 --> 00:32:27,229
The other'’s still there,
but one sock,
613
00:32:27,316 --> 00:32:28,927
every six pairs or so
it'’s just like
614
00:32:29,014 --> 00:32:30,406
it always disappears, right?
615
00:32:30,493 --> 00:32:32,321
It doesn'’t matter
where you live.
616
00:32:32,408 --> 00:32:34,149
Doesn'’t matter
where you do your laundry.
617
00:32:34,236 --> 00:32:37,674
There is a place
socks just like to go.
618
00:32:37,761 --> 00:32:40,808
I liked this guy once.
619
00:32:40,895 --> 00:32:42,679
He was a comedian.
620
00:32:42,766 --> 00:32:46,074
I thought he was funny,
but then one day he bombed
621
00:32:46,161 --> 00:32:48,250
and then he just never
went on stage again.
622
00:32:50,122 --> 00:32:51,906
How long ago--?
He said he lost his mojo.
623
00:32:51,993 --> 00:32:53,690
He became depressed
624
00:32:53,777 --> 00:32:55,475
and he couldn'’t deal
with my shit anymore.
625
00:32:55,562 --> 00:32:57,520
And that was it.
So he lost his mojo,
626
00:32:57,607 --> 00:32:59,218
and I lost him.
627
00:32:59,305 --> 00:33:02,699
I bet he'’s wearing
my socks right now.
628
00:33:02,786 --> 00:33:04,353
I bet he got fat.
629
00:33:04,440 --> 00:33:06,399
I lost 10 pounds.
I bet he found them.
630
00:33:08,227 --> 00:33:09,924
When did you lose
your insurance?
631
00:33:10,011 --> 00:33:12,666
Six months ago.
I don'’t know, maybe seven.
632
00:33:14,711 --> 00:33:17,062
So are you not seeing a doctor?
633
00:33:17,149 --> 00:33:19,107
Oh, yeah. I am, sure.
634
00:33:19,194 --> 00:33:20,674
Whenever I go out,
635
00:33:20,761 --> 00:33:23,677
there is probably
a doctor somewhere.
636
00:33:23,764 --> 00:33:25,287
I meant--
I'’m kidding!
637
00:33:25,374 --> 00:33:26,810
No!
638
00:33:27,986 --> 00:33:29,509
I was for a while,
639
00:33:29,596 --> 00:33:31,598
but he moved out of state.
640
00:33:31,685 --> 00:33:34,383
So no meds, no doctor,
641
00:33:34,470 --> 00:33:36,037
no insurance.
642
00:33:36,124 --> 00:33:38,648
Welcome to America, right?
643
00:33:38,735 --> 00:33:40,520
I hear you.
644
00:33:40,607 --> 00:33:43,523
I didn'’t much like him,
to tell you the truth.
645
00:33:43,610 --> 00:33:45,133
I can put you in touch
with someone--
646
00:33:45,220 --> 00:33:47,744
Uh-uh. Don'’t even, okay?
647
00:33:47,831 --> 00:33:50,530
I'’m not in the fucking mood
for that shit.
648
00:33:50,617 --> 00:33:54,925
The last thing I need is to be
sent to some shitty hospital
649
00:33:55,013 --> 00:33:57,406
with shitty nurses
who just look down on you.
650
00:33:57,493 --> 00:33:59,321
You know, they don'’t help you.
651
00:33:59,408 --> 00:34:01,976
All they do is fill forms
and talk shit behind your back.
652
00:34:02,063 --> 00:34:04,109
And then they bill you for it.
653
00:34:04,196 --> 00:34:05,980
Yeah, I understand.
654
00:34:06,067 --> 00:34:07,416
Well, maybe we can--
655
00:34:07,503 --> 00:34:09,679
I feel weird.
How so?
656
00:34:09,766 --> 00:34:13,292
I feel like my bones
have turned to snakes.
657
00:34:13,379 --> 00:34:14,902
What do you mean?
658
00:34:14,989 --> 00:34:18,688
I mean, I have snakes
for bones.
659
00:34:18,775 --> 00:34:21,169
Okay? They make my body,
like, move funny.
660
00:34:21,256 --> 00:34:22,692
I think I'’m just--
661
00:34:22,779 --> 00:34:24,607
Uh, I think I'’m having
an episode.
662
00:34:26,783 --> 00:34:27,958
Knock, knock.
663
00:34:30,657 --> 00:34:33,355
Who'’s there?
I have no fucking idea.
664
00:34:33,442 --> 00:34:34,661
Okay.
665
00:34:36,402 --> 00:34:38,317
Listen, I'’ll stay on the phone.
666
00:34:38,404 --> 00:34:39,579
Okay?
667
00:34:39,666 --> 00:34:41,015
I'’ll be right here with you,
668
00:34:41,102 --> 00:34:42,712
but I think that maybe
we should call--
669
00:34:42,799 --> 00:34:45,715
You know, I don'’t hear voices.
670
00:34:47,456 --> 00:34:49,197
Everybody always asks that,
you know?
671
00:34:49,284 --> 00:34:50,981
No, I don'’t!
672
00:34:52,244 --> 00:34:53,549
I see them.
673
00:34:55,551 --> 00:34:56,987
You see them?
674
00:34:57,075 --> 00:34:58,641
Like, your voice.
675
00:34:58,728 --> 00:35:00,991
I can see it right now.
676
00:35:01,079 --> 00:35:03,690
It'’s blue.
It'’s got a little green in it.
677
00:35:04,952 --> 00:35:07,259
And I can smell it too.
678
00:35:07,346 --> 00:35:10,827
I can smell you
through the phone.
679
00:35:12,742 --> 00:35:14,527
You smell nice, like...
680
00:35:14,614 --> 00:35:17,138
You smell like a fluffy cloud.
681
00:35:21,142 --> 00:35:22,839
I mean, I got you there,
didn'’t I?
682
00:35:22,926 --> 00:35:25,451
Yeah, you sure did.
683
00:35:25,538 --> 00:35:28,758
Seriously, though, I can.
684
00:35:30,891 --> 00:35:32,022
Do you believe me?
685
00:35:32,110 --> 00:35:33,285
I...
686
00:35:33,372 --> 00:35:34,547
I'’m confused now.
687
00:35:34,634 --> 00:35:36,418
There you go! Do you get it?
688
00:35:36,505 --> 00:35:38,725
Get what?
That'’s how it works.
689
00:35:38,812 --> 00:35:40,466
You don'’t know what to believe,
690
00:35:40,553 --> 00:35:42,859
except that it'’s all
in your own head.
691
00:35:42,946 --> 00:35:47,951
Like you don'’t know
when you can believe yourself.
692
00:35:48,038 --> 00:35:49,562
But they do have medication
for that.
693
00:35:49,649 --> 00:35:51,259
I don'’t do well
with meds, okay?
694
00:35:51,346 --> 00:35:52,695
Okay.
I can'’t moderate.
695
00:35:52,782 --> 00:35:54,480
Either I don'’t take them,
696
00:35:54,567 --> 00:35:56,134
or I just take
the whole bottle.
697
00:35:56,221 --> 00:35:57,352
So they'’re all shit anyways.
698
00:35:57,439 --> 00:35:58,919
I mean, they don'’t work.
699
00:35:59,006 --> 00:36:00,616
If they work,
they make you lethargic.
700
00:36:00,703 --> 00:36:01,965
You don'’t ever want
to have sex again.
701
00:36:02,052 --> 00:36:04,054
Drugs are a lie.
702
00:36:04,142 --> 00:36:06,100
They just want you on drugs
so you don'’t know anything.
703
00:36:06,187 --> 00:36:07,667
You don'’t care about anything.
704
00:36:07,754 --> 00:36:09,408
All the shit happening
in the world.
705
00:36:09,495 --> 00:36:12,628
COVID-19, killer hornets,
computer viruses.
706
00:36:12,715 --> 00:36:14,587
They spy on you
and no one cares.
707
00:36:14,674 --> 00:36:17,590
Secret prisons, child porn,
killer clowns,
708
00:36:17,677 --> 00:36:19,418
fucking ISIS, dioxins,
709
00:36:19,505 --> 00:36:21,942
Epstein, ethnic cleansing,
leaking implants,
710
00:36:22,029 --> 00:36:25,337
honor killings, overbilling,
toxic sludge, man on ledge.
711
00:36:25,424 --> 00:36:27,077
No one cares!
712
00:36:29,515 --> 00:36:30,994
No one cares.
713
00:36:35,390 --> 00:36:37,349
Wow.
714
00:36:37,436 --> 00:36:39,264
I'’m sorry.
715
00:36:39,351 --> 00:36:40,787
Brian goes off
like that sometimes.
716
00:36:40,874 --> 00:36:42,092
Brian?
717
00:36:42,180 --> 00:36:43,311
That'’s what I call my brain:
718
00:36:43,398 --> 00:36:44,573
Brian.
719
00:36:44,660 --> 00:36:46,184
Because it'’s scrambled.
720
00:36:47,750 --> 00:36:49,012
I'’m not even talking right now.
721
00:36:49,099 --> 00:36:50,753
Like, I'’m not the one talking.
722
00:36:50,840 --> 00:36:52,625
Like, the thoughts,
they have their own mind.
723
00:36:52,712 --> 00:36:53,974
Like, they talk
right through me.
724
00:36:54,061 --> 00:36:55,280
I can read your thoughts.
725
00:36:55,367 --> 00:36:57,064
I can read the fine print.
726
00:36:57,151 --> 00:37:00,110
But the thoughts
that come out of my mouth?
727
00:37:00,198 --> 00:37:02,069
I don'’t know them
until they'’re out.
728
00:37:02,156 --> 00:37:04,550
Hmm. That must be really tough.
729
00:37:04,637 --> 00:37:07,205
Yeah, well, I can'’t play
society'’s game,
730
00:37:07,292 --> 00:37:09,119
that'’s for sure.
731
00:37:09,207 --> 00:37:11,470
I mean, whenever someone tries
that shit on me,
732
00:37:11,557 --> 00:37:14,037
Brian'’s just like, "Fuck you."
733
00:37:14,124 --> 00:37:16,214
I will look
into the horse'’s mouth, okay?
734
00:37:16,301 --> 00:37:17,824
I will make mountains
out of molehills,
735
00:37:17,911 --> 00:37:20,000
and I will put all my eggs
in one basket,
736
00:37:20,087 --> 00:37:21,871
and I will teach grandmothers
how to suck them.
737
00:37:21,958 --> 00:37:23,351
I will catch a falling knife,
738
00:37:23,438 --> 00:37:25,048
I will take that knife
to the gunfight,
739
00:37:25,135 --> 00:37:26,746
and I will cut my nose
to spite my face.
740
00:37:26,833 --> 00:37:28,269
How about that?
741
00:37:28,356 --> 00:37:30,184
And I will cross
that fucking bridge
742
00:37:30,271 --> 00:37:32,882
before I get to it because
that'’s how I roll, baby.
743
00:37:36,669 --> 00:37:37,844
What?
744
00:37:37,931 --> 00:37:39,062
I didn'’t say anything.
745
00:37:39,149 --> 00:37:40,325
I can smell it.
746
00:37:42,805 --> 00:37:44,372
Oh, I was just thinking.
747
00:37:47,506 --> 00:37:49,551
You know you have a gift, right?
748
00:37:49,638 --> 00:37:51,249
A gift?
749
00:37:51,336 --> 00:37:53,207
I mean, you'’re...
750
00:37:53,294 --> 00:37:55,209
You'’re kind of like a poet,
751
00:37:55,296 --> 00:37:58,952
the way that your mind
makes connections.
752
00:37:59,039 --> 00:38:02,695
I don'’t know, I know you'’re
maybe just imagining things,
753
00:38:02,782 --> 00:38:05,132
but isn'’t that what poetry does?
754
00:38:05,219 --> 00:38:09,223
Sort of looks at things sideways
or differently?
755
00:38:09,310 --> 00:38:10,877
I don'’t know.
756
00:38:10,964 --> 00:38:13,619
I don'’t mean to romanticize it.
I just, uh...
757
00:38:15,621 --> 00:38:17,579
I just think you'’re talented.
758
00:38:20,669 --> 00:38:21,975
I like rap.
759
00:38:26,022 --> 00:38:27,763
You should write some lyrics.
760
00:38:29,243 --> 00:38:30,897
Like a-- Like a song?
761
00:38:30,984 --> 00:38:34,292
Like a song or a poem.
762
00:38:34,379 --> 00:38:36,294
Whatever comes out.
763
00:38:38,426 --> 00:38:40,646
Okay. I'’m gonna go now.
764
00:39:17,770 --> 00:39:20,076
Hello. This is Beth.
765
00:39:20,163 --> 00:39:21,861
Yeah, hi.
766
00:39:23,384 --> 00:39:24,994
I'’m Ray.
767
00:39:25,081 --> 00:39:27,127
Nice to meet you, Ray.
768
00:39:27,214 --> 00:39:28,824
How are you tonight?
769
00:39:28,911 --> 00:39:30,957
How am I?
770
00:39:31,044 --> 00:39:33,786
Well, let'’s see.
771
00:39:33,873 --> 00:39:36,745
Had a few drinks
before I went to sleep.
772
00:39:36,832 --> 00:39:39,095
Then I had a fucking nightmare.
773
00:39:39,182 --> 00:39:42,795
So now, I'’m having
another drink.
774
00:39:44,840 --> 00:39:46,973
Want to talk about it?
775
00:39:47,060 --> 00:39:49,802
What? The drink
or the nightmare?
776
00:39:49,889 --> 00:39:52,108
Either. Both.
777
00:39:52,195 --> 00:39:54,284
No. I'’m drinking scotch
778
00:39:54,372 --> 00:39:58,593
and the nightmare is a boot.
779
00:39:58,680 --> 00:40:00,290
A boot?
780
00:40:00,378 --> 00:40:01,553
Yeah.
781
00:40:01,640 --> 00:40:03,729
Like a cowboy boot?
782
00:40:03,816 --> 00:40:05,208
Military.
783
00:40:05,295 --> 00:40:06,906
Are you in the Army?
784
00:40:06,993 --> 00:40:08,603
Nah, Marines.
785
00:40:08,690 --> 00:40:10,126
I was.
786
00:40:10,213 --> 00:40:11,867
I don'’t like to call
the vet lines,
787
00:40:11,954 --> 00:40:14,261
if that'’s what
you'’re about to suggest.
788
00:40:14,348 --> 00:40:15,523
That'’s fine.
789
00:40:15,610 --> 00:40:17,133
They just follow their scripts
790
00:40:17,220 --> 00:40:18,526
and make you feel like
you'’re talking
791
00:40:18,613 --> 00:40:19,788
to what'’s her name?
792
00:40:19,875 --> 00:40:21,007
The robot lady?
793
00:40:21,094 --> 00:40:22,312
Siri?
794
00:40:22,400 --> 00:40:24,793
That'’s right.
795
00:40:24,880 --> 00:40:27,579
You'’re always welcome
to call this line.
796
00:40:27,666 --> 00:40:29,972
You sound like
this officer I know.
797
00:40:31,104 --> 00:40:33,280
She was tough.
798
00:40:33,367 --> 00:40:35,630
Once she overheard
a dude call her a Marine
799
00:40:35,717 --> 00:40:39,286
and put him on latrine duty
for a month.
800
00:40:39,373 --> 00:40:40,635
She was cool with me, though.
801
00:40:41,767 --> 00:40:43,333
Where was that?
802
00:40:43,421 --> 00:40:46,206
Afghanistan, Hindu Kush.
803
00:40:47,990 --> 00:40:50,515
Hmm, Hindu Kush.
804
00:40:50,602 --> 00:40:51,777
Hindu Kush.
805
00:40:51,864 --> 00:40:55,433
Baby, I dream of your...
806
00:40:55,520 --> 00:40:58,218
Do you know what
they call an Afghan
807
00:40:58,305 --> 00:41:01,003
who owns a camel and a goat?
808
00:41:01,090 --> 00:41:02,396
What?
809
00:41:02,483 --> 00:41:03,702
Bisexual.
810
00:41:07,053 --> 00:41:09,403
I know. I know. That'’s racist.
811
00:41:09,490 --> 00:41:12,145
What can I say?
War zones ain'’t safe zones.
812
00:41:15,670 --> 00:41:16,889
So...
813
00:41:18,543 --> 00:41:20,066
what'’s up with the boot?
814
00:41:21,328 --> 00:41:22,547
That was Iraq.
815
00:41:23,678 --> 00:41:25,637
Iraq.
816
00:41:25,724 --> 00:41:27,943
That'’s where I got messed up.
817
00:41:28,030 --> 00:41:31,556
I was about three months
in the first time I got shot.
818
00:41:31,643 --> 00:41:33,253
What happened?
819
00:41:33,340 --> 00:41:35,168
I don'’t really remember it.
820
00:41:36,822 --> 00:41:38,693
I was in this house.
Someone shot me.
821
00:41:38,780 --> 00:41:41,000
I fell down the stairwell.
822
00:41:41,087 --> 00:41:44,482
Ended up in the hospital,
then back home.
823
00:41:45,961 --> 00:41:47,659
Didn'’t feel like home, though.
824
00:41:47,746 --> 00:41:49,487
How so?
825
00:41:51,053 --> 00:41:52,794
It'’s funny.
826
00:41:52,881 --> 00:41:54,535
You miss your bed so much...
827
00:41:56,624 --> 00:41:58,321
and then you'’re in your bed
828
00:41:58,408 --> 00:41:59,975
and it'’s dead quiet.
829
00:42:02,238 --> 00:42:03,762
And you can'’t sleep for shit.
830
00:42:05,328 --> 00:42:07,330
Try to explain that
to the missus.
831
00:42:09,768 --> 00:42:11,030
How much you miss sleeping
832
00:42:11,117 --> 00:42:12,814
in a room full
of dudes and guns.
833
00:42:16,470 --> 00:42:17,819
So...
834
00:42:19,299 --> 00:42:20,518
what about the boot?
835
00:42:22,607 --> 00:42:26,262
Well, after I recovered,
I got redeployed.
836
00:42:28,090 --> 00:42:30,440
One night,
we drove to this farm.
837
00:42:30,528 --> 00:42:33,226
We were supposed
to arrest two guys.
838
00:42:35,097 --> 00:42:37,926
The whole place
was booby-trapped.
839
00:42:38,013 --> 00:42:39,667
Rodriguez got blown up.
840
00:42:42,017 --> 00:42:44,716
Finally, we start
clearing the buildings.
841
00:42:44,803 --> 00:42:47,501
I'’m pretty jumpy.
842
00:42:47,588 --> 00:42:50,199
When I see this guy
843
00:42:50,286 --> 00:42:53,115
kind of come up to me
out of nowhere,
844
00:42:53,202 --> 00:42:55,248
I just squeezed the trigger.
845
00:42:58,425 --> 00:43:00,688
It was a 40-year-old woman.
846
00:43:04,126 --> 00:43:06,128
She had five children.
847
00:43:08,914 --> 00:43:11,438
All at once,
it was to be a Jedi.
848
00:43:12,526 --> 00:43:15,268
I'’m sorry?
849
00:43:15,355 --> 00:43:16,835
Sure, I mean, you know,
have your country.
850
00:43:16,922 --> 00:43:18,140
You know, yadda, yadda.
851
00:43:20,186 --> 00:43:21,579
And you want the paycheck.
852
00:43:23,406 --> 00:43:25,974
But honestly,
I just wanted to learn stuff.
853
00:43:27,759 --> 00:43:29,499
The secret stuff.
854
00:43:31,153 --> 00:43:33,547
I wanted to be
that guy in the bar.
855
00:43:35,070 --> 00:43:36,681
The guy with the cool tattoos
856
00:43:36,768 --> 00:43:38,857
and the cool stories.
857
00:43:41,990 --> 00:43:43,383
Guess what I learned?
858
00:43:44,776 --> 00:43:46,429
What'’s that?
859
00:43:47,996 --> 00:43:49,781
I learned what bodies
smell like
860
00:43:49,868 --> 00:43:52,174
after they'’ve been
in the sun three days.
861
00:43:55,874 --> 00:43:58,311
I can look at someone
on the street,
862
00:43:58,398 --> 00:44:00,356
I know what
they'’d look like dead.
863
00:44:04,534 --> 00:44:06,624
What do you do
with that knowledge?
864
00:44:10,889 --> 00:44:12,717
I killed four guys.
865
00:44:12,804 --> 00:44:14,414
One of them I can'’t...
866
00:44:14,501 --> 00:44:16,808
I can'’t be sure.
867
00:44:16,895 --> 00:44:19,898
So maybe just three.
868
00:44:21,943 --> 00:44:23,684
I'’m sure they were combatants.
869
00:44:27,079 --> 00:44:28,515
But then there was her.
870
00:44:32,214 --> 00:44:34,564
They don'’t teach you
how to live with that.
871
00:44:36,784 --> 00:44:38,177
I'’m sorry.
872
00:44:42,485 --> 00:44:44,096
I came back.
873
00:44:45,750 --> 00:44:47,708
They had this big
welcome party.
874
00:44:49,492 --> 00:44:54,759
People buying me beers,
calling me a hero.
875
00:44:54,846 --> 00:44:57,936
No one ever
mentioned her again.
876
00:44:58,023 --> 00:45:00,286
The report cleared me.
No further question.
877
00:45:00,373 --> 00:45:04,507
Everything is forgiven
except...
878
00:45:06,074 --> 00:45:07,902
You sit alone at night.
879
00:45:11,906 --> 00:45:13,952
Do you want to tell me
about the boot?
880
00:45:15,910 --> 00:45:17,042
Right.
881
00:45:18,347 --> 00:45:19,653
Basically,
882
00:45:19,740 --> 00:45:22,482
10 minutes
after I killed her,
883
00:45:22,569 --> 00:45:25,746
I stepped onto an IED.
884
00:45:25,833 --> 00:45:29,532
I was lucky, I mean--
I mean, compared to many,
885
00:45:29,619 --> 00:45:33,058
the bomb just took my foot
clean off, boot and all.
886
00:45:34,363 --> 00:45:35,582
No one could find it.
887
00:45:35,669 --> 00:45:38,150
Jesus.
888
00:45:38,237 --> 00:45:39,629
Didn'’t see that coming.
889
00:45:39,717 --> 00:45:41,936
Yeah. Me neither.
890
00:45:45,679 --> 00:45:47,855
Anyway, in the dream...
891
00:45:49,857 --> 00:45:51,337
she brings me my boot.
892
00:45:54,514 --> 00:45:55,689
Um...
893
00:45:59,606 --> 00:46:01,739
I think I need some Advil.
894
00:46:01,826 --> 00:46:03,001
Thanks for your time.
895
00:46:03,088 --> 00:46:04,437
Wait.
896
00:46:04,524 --> 00:46:05,960
Can I ask you a question?
897
00:46:07,092 --> 00:46:08,528
Shoot.
898
00:46:08,615 --> 00:46:11,836
If she'’s just bringing
you your boot,
899
00:46:11,923 --> 00:46:13,881
why is it a nightmare?
900
00:46:13,968 --> 00:46:17,015
Because up to that point,
I have both feet.
901
00:46:18,843 --> 00:46:20,496
When she holds up the boot,
902
00:46:20,583 --> 00:46:22,760
that'’s when I realize
my foot is gone.
903
00:46:24,196 --> 00:46:25,371
Oh.
904
00:46:26,938 --> 00:46:29,157
You know...
905
00:46:29,244 --> 00:46:34,032
modern people think that dreams
are about things that happened.
906
00:46:34,119 --> 00:46:35,903
The ancients,
they thought the dreams
907
00:46:35,990 --> 00:46:37,122
were about the future.
908
00:46:38,340 --> 00:46:42,910
Like prophecies or advice.
909
00:46:44,042 --> 00:46:45,260
What are you saying?
910
00:46:46,522 --> 00:46:47,915
Well, I'’m no analyst,
911
00:46:48,002 --> 00:46:51,092
but... a boot?
912
00:46:52,354 --> 00:46:53,486
What about it?
913
00:46:55,357 --> 00:46:57,838
It'’s like you'’re stuck there.
914
00:46:57,925 --> 00:46:59,884
In your heart,
you'’re still there.
915
00:47:01,407 --> 00:47:02,843
Oh, shit.
916
00:47:02,930 --> 00:47:05,454
Maybe she'’s telling you
you can walk away.
917
00:47:09,502 --> 00:47:11,417
You think so?
918
00:47:11,504 --> 00:47:12,810
I do.
919
00:47:14,028 --> 00:47:15,334
Hmm.
920
00:47:20,905 --> 00:47:22,602
I'’m gonna have
to think about that.
921
00:47:23,690 --> 00:47:24,952
Good.
922
00:47:29,000 --> 00:47:31,350
Maybe you should try
to get some sleep.
923
00:47:32,481 --> 00:47:34,832
Yeah. Good idea.
924
00:47:36,485 --> 00:47:37,835
Good night then.
925
00:47:37,922 --> 00:47:40,011
Good night.
926
00:48:13,000 --> 00:48:14,132
Here you go.
927
00:49:33,298 --> 00:49:34,995
Hello, this is Beth.
928
00:49:38,390 --> 00:49:41,567
Hello? This is Beth.
929
00:49:43,961 --> 00:49:45,788
How are you tonight?
930
00:49:51,490 --> 00:49:53,448
Take your time.
931
00:49:53,535 --> 00:49:55,015
Whenever you'’re ready.
932
00:49:56,625 --> 00:49:57,757
Okay.
933
00:50:07,723 --> 00:50:09,812
I know this can be difficult.
934
00:50:45,239 --> 00:50:48,416
And everybody just plays along.
935
00:50:48,503 --> 00:50:52,420
They all see everyone else
for what they are.
936
00:50:52,507 --> 00:50:55,771
Wannabes, name-droppers,
fucking...
937
00:50:56,946 --> 00:50:59,253
the crevice dwellers.
938
00:50:59,340 --> 00:51:02,648
But they all tell themselves
they'’re different.
939
00:51:02,735 --> 00:51:04,911
Well, I am-- I am done.
940
00:51:04,998 --> 00:51:07,870
I had my last
fucking humiliation.
941
00:51:08,958 --> 00:51:10,134
I'’m sorry.
942
00:51:10,221 --> 00:51:11,744
Oh! So get this.
943
00:51:11,831 --> 00:51:14,834
So I audition
for a student film.
944
00:51:14,921 --> 00:51:19,621
That'’s right,
auditioned for a student film.
945
00:51:19,708 --> 00:51:21,710
And I didn'’t get it.
946
00:51:21,797 --> 00:51:24,235
I don'’t even know
how I lasted this long.
947
00:51:24,322 --> 00:51:27,194
I hate them all so much.
948
00:51:27,281 --> 00:51:29,066
Like the sharks
and the liars
949
00:51:29,153 --> 00:51:30,893
and the suckers
who fall for them,
950
00:51:30,980 --> 00:51:32,678
taking selfies
on the red carpet.
951
00:51:32,765 --> 00:51:34,201
It'’s so fucking desperate.
952
00:51:34,288 --> 00:51:35,898
It'’s so thirsty.
953
00:51:35,985 --> 00:51:38,510
To, like, sneak backstage
into the VIP room,
954
00:51:38,597 --> 00:51:41,687
that secret party where
it will all finally happen.
955
00:51:41,774 --> 00:51:43,993
Where some famous someone
will discover them
956
00:51:44,081 --> 00:51:46,083
and everything will change.
957
00:51:46,170 --> 00:51:47,997
And the more the dream fades,
958
00:51:48,085 --> 00:51:51,436
the more desperate they get
to maintain the illusion,
959
00:51:51,523 --> 00:51:53,960
to look good, to stay fit,
to score the invitation,
960
00:51:54,047 --> 00:51:55,831
to get the fucking likes,
961
00:51:55,918 --> 00:51:58,312
and the whole town'’s in on it!
962
00:52:00,923 --> 00:52:02,795
Hello, this is Beth.
963
00:52:03,883 --> 00:52:05,493
Angela?
964
00:52:05,580 --> 00:52:07,060
Beth.
965
00:52:07,147 --> 00:52:08,801
Where'’s Angela?
966
00:52:08,888 --> 00:52:11,369
I don'’t know an Angela.
967
00:52:11,456 --> 00:52:13,849
Did you ask for her
at the switchboard?
968
00:52:13,936 --> 00:52:15,634
Speak up, sweetie.
I can'’t hear you.
969
00:52:15,721 --> 00:52:18,550
When you called,
did you ask for Angela?
970
00:52:19,855 --> 00:52:20,987
Are you with Angela?
971
00:52:21,074 --> 00:52:22,815
No, I'’m not with Angela.
972
00:52:22,902 --> 00:52:24,512
Jesus Christ.
973
00:52:24,599 --> 00:52:26,079
What the fuck are you
wasting my time for?
974
00:52:27,776 --> 00:52:29,430
Nice.
975
00:52:36,437 --> 00:52:37,612
Hi.
976
00:52:37,699 --> 00:52:39,136
Hello.
977
00:52:40,354 --> 00:52:41,703
What do I call you?
978
00:52:41,790 --> 00:52:43,009
Oh, sorry.
979
00:52:43,096 --> 00:52:44,619
You can call me Beth.
980
00:52:46,317 --> 00:52:48,319
You can call me Chris.
981
00:52:50,451 --> 00:52:52,061
Nice to meet you, Chris.
982
00:52:53,324 --> 00:52:55,369
You lay cops?
983
00:52:55,456 --> 00:52:57,197
No.
984
00:52:57,284 --> 00:52:59,112
Because a lot of people do
these days.
985
00:52:59,199 --> 00:53:00,722
Are you a cop?
986
00:53:01,984 --> 00:53:04,465
Yeah. Sheriff.
987
00:53:05,901 --> 00:53:07,773
It'’s what I'’m calling about.
988
00:53:09,340 --> 00:53:11,124
We have psychologists.
989
00:53:11,211 --> 00:53:13,387
I just don'’t want
to be seen anywhere near them.
990
00:53:13,474 --> 00:53:15,302
Word gets out you'’re seeing
a psychologist,
991
00:53:15,389 --> 00:53:17,696
and suddenly everyone thinks
you'’re a basket case.
992
00:53:17,783 --> 00:53:19,480
Hmm. I understand.
993
00:53:28,837 --> 00:53:30,187
Do you want to talk about it?
994
00:53:35,409 --> 00:53:37,194
Here'’s the deal.
995
00:53:37,281 --> 00:53:40,197
Last year,
I was involved in an incident.
996
00:53:42,111 --> 00:53:44,244
I wasn'’t directly involved,
997
00:53:44,331 --> 00:53:46,420
but I saw the whole thing.
998
00:53:47,900 --> 00:53:50,032
I can'’t get into the details.
999
00:53:50,119 --> 00:53:53,384
Suffice it to say,
there was a review.
1000
00:53:53,471 --> 00:53:58,084
Final word was,
the incident was in policy.
1001
00:53:59,912 --> 00:54:01,348
Officer issued a command,
1002
00:54:01,435 --> 00:54:04,003
suspect didn'’t comply.
1003
00:54:04,090 --> 00:54:07,311
Officer attempted
to arrest the suspect.
1004
00:54:07,398 --> 00:54:10,314
Suspect resisted arrest.
1005
00:54:10,401 --> 00:54:13,752
Officer applied
reasonable force.
1006
00:54:13,839 --> 00:54:17,277
The suspect was
unintentionally injured...
1007
00:54:18,931 --> 00:54:23,892
and acquired
a permanent disability.
1008
00:54:27,113 --> 00:54:31,465
Thing is, and I can'’t
get into the details,
1009
00:54:31,552 --> 00:54:35,339
but, well, put it this way.
1010
00:54:37,384 --> 00:54:39,081
When this stuff happens,
1011
00:54:39,168 --> 00:54:40,561
you'’re not supposed
to work out the story
1012
00:54:40,648 --> 00:54:43,085
with your other officers.
1013
00:54:43,172 --> 00:54:45,392
But, of course, we do talk.
1014
00:54:45,479 --> 00:54:47,133
We talk among ourselves.
1015
00:54:47,220 --> 00:54:52,486
We talk with legal counsel,
and the union rep.
1016
00:54:52,573 --> 00:54:54,706
And that'’s how you end up
with certain, uh...
1017
00:54:56,142 --> 00:54:59,145
adjustments to a story.
1018
00:55:01,713 --> 00:55:04,237
But what if I told you
1019
00:55:04,324 --> 00:55:06,457
the officer used the N-word?
1020
00:55:08,981 --> 00:55:12,593
What if I told you
he'’s been doing it for years?
1021
00:55:14,378 --> 00:55:18,120
What if I told you
he'’s in a fucking gang?
1022
00:55:20,427 --> 00:55:21,820
Do you know
what I'’m talking about?
1023
00:55:22,908 --> 00:55:24,736
I think so.
1024
00:55:24,823 --> 00:55:26,433
What do you know?
1025
00:55:26,520 --> 00:55:31,003
Well, sheriffs have gangs,
regulators, executioners,
1026
00:55:31,090 --> 00:55:33,397
grim reapers, a bunch more.
1027
00:55:35,399 --> 00:55:36,574
Whatever.
1028
00:55:36,661 --> 00:55:40,360
I mean, I'’m no snowflake.
1029
00:55:41,709 --> 00:55:43,450
The truth is,
1030
00:55:43,537 --> 00:55:46,410
we deal with maniacs
every fucking day.
1031
00:55:48,803 --> 00:55:50,892
And sometimes you have
a split second to decide
1032
00:55:50,979 --> 00:55:52,720
whether to use force.
1033
00:55:52,807 --> 00:55:55,593
If you don'’t use it,
the bad guy might.
1034
00:55:55,680 --> 00:55:57,986
So shit happens.
1035
00:55:58,073 --> 00:55:59,727
There'’s no one in the world
1036
00:55:59,814 --> 00:56:01,076
that'’s gonna make
the right decision
1037
00:56:01,163 --> 00:56:02,687
100 percent of the time.
1038
00:56:02,774 --> 00:56:04,210
No genius, no saint,
1039
00:56:04,297 --> 00:56:06,255
and certainly
no judge or lawyer.
1040
00:56:07,431 --> 00:56:08,954
Shit is going to happen.
1041
00:56:10,259 --> 00:56:11,391
Period.
1042
00:56:13,785 --> 00:56:19,573
Sometimes it really didn'’t
need to happen.
1043
00:56:21,662 --> 00:56:24,404
Sometimes it'’s just fucked up.
1044
00:56:28,147 --> 00:56:30,279
And how are you feeling
about that?
1045
00:56:33,021 --> 00:56:34,414
Not great.
1046
00:56:36,547 --> 00:56:37,983
Not great.
1047
00:56:40,159 --> 00:56:42,422
Pretty depressing.
1048
00:56:42,509 --> 00:56:44,859
It'’s an impossible situation.
1049
00:56:44,946 --> 00:56:46,470
How so?
1050
00:56:46,557 --> 00:56:48,297
I mean...
1051
00:56:48,385 --> 00:56:51,257
I can either say
what I gotta say
1052
00:56:51,344 --> 00:56:54,608
and destroy another cop'’s life,
1053
00:56:54,695 --> 00:56:56,828
or I can keep my mouth shut
1054
00:56:56,915 --> 00:57:00,353
and let it eat away at me.
1055
00:57:01,659 --> 00:57:05,184
Either way, I'’m kind of fucked.
1056
00:57:05,271 --> 00:57:08,666
Yeah, but one way seems like
the right way, don'’t you think?
1057
00:57:08,753 --> 00:57:10,494
I'’d be a snitch.
1058
00:57:12,104 --> 00:57:14,062
A traitor.
1059
00:57:14,149 --> 00:57:16,064
My family could be in danger.
1060
00:57:17,588 --> 00:57:19,633
No one! To myself.
1061
00:57:19,720 --> 00:57:21,156
Come to bed.
1062
00:57:21,243 --> 00:57:22,506
In a minute.
1063
00:57:26,118 --> 00:57:27,424
I gotta go.
1064
00:57:27,511 --> 00:57:29,034
Can I--?
I don'’t think so.
1065
00:57:51,143 --> 00:57:52,318
Hello.
1066
00:57:52,405 --> 00:57:54,015
This is Beth.
1067
00:57:56,148 --> 00:57:57,541
Hello?
1068
00:58:01,153 --> 00:58:02,459
How are you?
1069
00:58:04,809 --> 00:58:07,028
I'’m good. Thanks.
1070
00:58:08,595 --> 00:58:09,814
How are you?
1071
00:58:11,598 --> 00:58:13,295
Busy night?
1072
00:58:13,382 --> 00:58:15,123
They always are.
1073
00:58:16,603 --> 00:58:17,778
Is that right?
1074
00:58:17,865 --> 00:58:19,345
Pretty much.
1075
00:58:19,432 --> 00:58:22,696
In fact, it'’s busier than ever.
1076
00:58:24,045 --> 00:58:26,613
Hmm. More calls?
1077
00:58:26,700 --> 00:58:27,962
Yes.
1078
00:58:29,573 --> 00:58:31,270
How long have you been
doing this?
1079
00:58:31,357 --> 00:58:33,315
A few years.
1080
00:58:33,402 --> 00:58:34,665
Mm-hmm.
1081
00:58:36,884 --> 00:58:40,105
What'’s your deal,
if you don'’t mind my asking?
1082
00:58:41,193 --> 00:58:44,152
My deal?
1083
00:58:44,239 --> 00:58:46,938
Yeah. This is supposed to be
a peer baseline, right?
1084
00:58:47,025 --> 00:58:51,029
What do you call it?
A peer mentorship?
1085
00:58:51,116 --> 00:58:52,378
Yes.
1086
00:58:55,120 --> 00:58:56,556
Kind of like A.A.
1087
00:58:57,992 --> 00:58:59,167
Right.
1088
00:59:00,691 --> 00:59:02,344
So you'’re supposed to have
1089
00:59:02,431 --> 00:59:04,521
lived experience.
1090
00:59:04,608 --> 00:59:06,218
Right.
1091
00:59:06,305 --> 00:59:07,654
That'’s what I thought.
1092
00:59:07,741 --> 00:59:10,004
So, what'’s the experience?
1093
00:59:11,571 --> 00:59:12,833
Oh, well...
1094
00:59:16,228 --> 00:59:17,446
You need more time?
1095
00:59:17,534 --> 00:59:19,361
No, it'’s just...
1096
00:59:19,448 --> 00:59:21,929
It'’s unusual for me
to be asked.
1097
00:59:23,714 --> 00:59:25,890
It feels a little like
a job interview.
1098
00:59:27,282 --> 00:59:28,632
Maybe it is.
1099
00:59:28,719 --> 00:59:30,242
What do you mean?
1100
00:59:32,418 --> 00:59:35,203
I'’m sorry if I made you
uncomfortable.
1101
00:59:35,290 --> 00:59:36,901
No.
1102
00:59:38,467 --> 00:59:39,947
I used to teach sociology.
1103
00:59:40,034 --> 00:59:41,732
We ask a lot of questions.
1104
00:59:43,690 --> 00:59:45,083
I see.
1105
00:59:48,826 --> 00:59:49,957
Well...
1106
00:59:52,264 --> 00:59:55,267
I'’m not supposed
to go into personal details.
1107
00:59:56,660 --> 00:59:58,879
It'’s against policy.
1108
00:59:58,966 --> 01:00:00,664
I will tell you this.
1109
01:00:01,839 --> 01:00:04,145
I'’ve done my share of...
1110
01:00:04,232 --> 01:00:05,930
drinking and drugging.
1111
01:00:07,540 --> 01:00:09,063
And I'’ve been to jail.
1112
01:00:10,543 --> 01:00:11,979
Have you?
1113
01:00:13,154 --> 01:00:15,287
Unfortunately, yeah.
1114
01:00:15,374 --> 01:00:21,162
Not for a long time,
but I have a rap sheet...
1115
01:00:21,249 --> 01:00:23,251
that would probably scare off
a few neighbors
1116
01:00:23,338 --> 01:00:24,644
if they knew about it.
1117
01:00:26,515 --> 01:00:29,170
So now you'’re trying
to share the wisdom?
1118
01:00:29,257 --> 01:00:32,783
Well, I don'’t know
that I have much wisdom,
1119
01:00:32,870 --> 01:00:36,264
but something like that.
1120
01:00:42,662 --> 01:00:44,185
Is it hard?
1121
01:00:44,272 --> 01:00:47,580
I don'’t mean difficult,
I mean...
1122
01:00:47,667 --> 01:00:49,190
Oh, you know--
You know what I mean.
1123
01:00:50,278 --> 01:00:52,280
Yes. Sometimes.
1124
01:00:55,457 --> 01:00:57,721
What'’s the hardest thing
about it?
1125
01:00:57,808 --> 01:00:59,636
When the caller hangs up.
1126
01:01:01,986 --> 01:01:04,336
Not always,
but sometimes you just...
1127
01:01:05,554 --> 01:01:07,992
wanted to keep talking.
1128
01:01:08,079 --> 01:01:11,735
And you can'’t call them back,
so you just wonder,
1129
01:01:11,822 --> 01:01:14,215
"Did I upset them?
Did I fail them?"
1130
01:01:16,130 --> 01:01:18,045
That they were already hurting.
1131
01:01:18,132 --> 01:01:19,394
Yes.
1132
01:01:20,744 --> 01:01:22,310
So it was already hard.
1133
01:01:23,485 --> 01:01:24,661
Yes.
1134
01:01:26,575 --> 01:01:27,881
Does it make you cry?
1135
01:01:32,277 --> 01:01:33,582
Sometimes.
1136
01:01:36,063 --> 01:01:38,109
But the fact is,
I'’m just hearing their stories.
1137
01:01:38,196 --> 01:01:39,719
They'’re the ones living them.
1138
01:01:39,806 --> 01:01:44,158
So for me to cry, it feels like,
I don'’t know,
1139
01:01:44,245 --> 01:01:46,726
a bit of a self-indulgence.
1140
01:01:48,641 --> 01:01:50,817
It isn'’t about me, I'’m...
1141
01:01:52,036 --> 01:01:53,472
I'’m just here to listen.
1142
01:01:57,084 --> 01:01:58,346
Does it work?
1143
01:01:59,478 --> 01:02:02,350
I hope so.
1144
01:02:02,437 --> 01:02:04,657
They either kill themselves
or they don'’t.
1145
01:02:06,354 --> 01:02:08,661
That'’s not the only reason
people call.
1146
01:02:10,489 --> 01:02:12,273
Oh. What else?
1147
01:02:15,973 --> 01:02:17,104
Anxiety.
1148
01:02:18,323 --> 01:02:19,933
Boredom.
1149
01:02:20,020 --> 01:02:21,979
Can'’t sleep.
1150
01:02:22,066 --> 01:02:25,112
Loneliness, of course.
1151
01:02:25,199 --> 01:02:26,723
Right.
1152
01:02:26,810 --> 01:02:28,507
It is amazing, isn'’t it,
1153
01:02:28,594 --> 01:02:33,207
how we crammed so many people
into giant cities,
1154
01:02:33,294 --> 01:02:37,255
connected everyone
to the entire planet,
1155
01:02:37,342 --> 01:02:39,779
and everyone
is lonelier than ever?
1156
01:02:41,999 --> 01:02:44,262
What else?
1157
01:02:44,349 --> 01:02:46,133
Well, sometimes
it'’s just to let me know
1158
01:02:46,220 --> 01:02:49,267
how they are
if we spoke before.
1159
01:02:49,354 --> 01:02:51,965
And sometimes it'’s pranks.
1160
01:02:52,052 --> 01:02:55,099
Or we call them...
1161
01:02:56,230 --> 01:02:57,623
strokers.
1162
01:02:57,710 --> 01:02:59,190
Uh-oh, does that--
1163
01:02:59,277 --> 01:03:00,800
Does that mean
what I think it means?
1164
01:03:02,454 --> 01:03:03,716
Yup.
1165
01:03:03,803 --> 01:03:05,936
You'’re serious?
1166
01:03:06,023 --> 01:03:08,808
People call a helpline
to masturbate?
1167
01:03:08,895 --> 01:03:11,637
I'’m afraid so.
Jesus!
1168
01:03:11,724 --> 01:03:13,900
It kind of makes you despair
about the human race.
1169
01:03:15,597 --> 01:03:18,296
Well, that is not
why I'’m calling.
1170
01:03:18,383 --> 01:03:20,298
Well, good.
1171
01:03:22,517 --> 01:03:23,780
Don'’t be so sure.
1172
01:03:28,132 --> 01:03:29,698
Are you gonna ask me?
1173
01:03:29,786 --> 01:03:31,091
Why I'’m calling?
1174
01:03:32,440 --> 01:03:33,746
I...
1175
01:03:35,400 --> 01:03:36,531
usually don'’t.
1176
01:03:38,969 --> 01:03:40,144
Why not?
1177
01:03:41,710 --> 01:03:43,669
It tends to come out on its own.
1178
01:03:45,149 --> 01:03:46,324
I may ask...
1179
01:03:47,542 --> 01:03:49,240
"How can I help?"
1180
01:03:49,327 --> 01:03:50,589
Uh-huh.
1181
01:03:51,677 --> 01:03:53,070
I was a professor.
1182
01:03:54,332 --> 01:03:55,594
They kicked me out.
1183
01:03:55,681 --> 01:03:57,378
What happened?
1184
01:03:57,465 --> 01:03:59,816
They said I was traumatizing
the students.
1185
01:03:59,903 --> 01:04:02,166
Traumatizing them how?
1186
01:04:02,253 --> 01:04:03,863
By telling them the truth.
1187
01:04:03,950 --> 01:04:06,083
About?
About their lives.
1188
01:04:06,170 --> 01:04:07,911
I'’m not a good liar.
1189
01:04:07,998 --> 01:04:09,564
I'’m not gonna tell them,
"You'’ll be fine."
1190
01:04:09,651 --> 01:04:11,001
When the truth is,
1191
01:04:11,088 --> 01:04:12,829
the degree will not
get them a job,
1192
01:04:12,916 --> 01:04:16,223
and they'’ll still be in debt
15 years from now,
1193
01:04:16,310 --> 01:04:19,966
and most of them won'’t be able
to afford a house or a child.
1194
01:04:20,053 --> 01:04:23,361
And none of it matters anyway
because the planet'’s fucked.
1195
01:04:23,448 --> 01:04:24,928
By the way, it'’s not like
I said all that,
1196
01:04:25,015 --> 01:04:26,799
I just told them
they will have problems,
1197
01:04:26,886 --> 01:04:28,453
problems that might not
be solvable,
1198
01:04:28,540 --> 01:04:30,629
which is just a fact.
1199
01:04:30,716 --> 01:04:32,892
It'’s not like I want them
to despair.
1200
01:04:32,979 --> 01:04:34,198
And then what happened?
1201
01:04:34,285 --> 01:04:35,982
Someone complains.
1202
01:04:36,069 --> 01:04:37,244
Dean calls me in,
1203
01:04:37,331 --> 01:04:38,724
he tells me it'’s wrong of me
1204
01:04:38,811 --> 01:04:40,813
to impose my politics
on students.
1205
01:04:40,900 --> 01:04:43,990
My politics.
You believe that shit?
1206
01:04:44,077 --> 01:04:45,644
He never liked me.
1207
01:04:45,731 --> 01:04:47,385
He had it for me
from minute one.
1208
01:04:47,472 --> 01:04:49,866
So I told him to get
the fuck off my back.
1209
01:04:49,953 --> 01:04:52,781
But he kept talking
and I just...
1210
01:04:52,869 --> 01:04:54,783
I just snapped.
1211
01:04:57,134 --> 01:04:59,963
I punched him in the mouth
1212
01:05:00,050 --> 01:05:02,139
and ended up getting fired.
1213
01:05:02,226 --> 01:05:04,532
Yeah.
Yeah, it was pretty bad timing.
1214
01:05:04,619 --> 01:05:07,405
My divorce had just
been finalized.
1215
01:05:07,492 --> 01:05:10,756
Part of the reason
I was at the end of my rope.
1216
01:05:10,843 --> 01:05:14,412
So here I am, twice discarded,
unemployed and divorced.
1217
01:05:14,499 --> 01:05:17,415
No children, no savings.
1218
01:05:17,502 --> 01:05:19,721
No friends, really.
1219
01:05:21,810 --> 01:05:26,424
I don'’t have an urge
to kill myself.
1220
01:05:26,511 --> 01:05:28,992
I'’m just looking
at it objectively.
1221
01:05:32,647 --> 01:05:33,822
I...
1222
01:05:35,563 --> 01:05:37,696
understand how you feel.
1223
01:05:37,783 --> 01:05:39,263
Yeah, but it'’s not
about feelings.
1224
01:05:39,350 --> 01:05:41,830
It'’s about a rational outlook.
1225
01:05:41,918 --> 01:05:44,355
Are you a religious person?
1226
01:05:44,442 --> 01:05:46,835
Not in the conventional sense.
1227
01:05:46,923 --> 01:05:48,707
What does that mean?
1228
01:05:50,970 --> 01:05:52,624
Well...
1229
01:05:52,711 --> 01:05:55,496
I don'’t worship.
1230
01:05:55,583 --> 01:05:57,237
I don'’t take religion literally.
1231
01:05:57,324 --> 01:06:01,241
But I guess
I embrace the mystery.
1232
01:06:01,328 --> 01:06:03,069
I find certitude boring.
1233
01:06:03,156 --> 01:06:06,812
That includes this certitude
that God doesn'’t exist.
1234
01:06:06,899 --> 01:06:08,640
I used to believe in God.
1235
01:06:08,727 --> 01:06:13,819
Over the years, He just started
to look so incompetent.
1236
01:06:13,906 --> 01:06:17,301
I mean, it'’s either
incompetent or evil, right?
1237
01:06:17,388 --> 01:06:20,869
Allowing so much wrongness.
1238
01:06:20,957 --> 01:06:23,220
Except...
Except what?
1239
01:06:23,307 --> 01:06:27,224
Well, isn'’t a universe
in which wrong things can happen
1240
01:06:27,311 --> 01:06:29,922
the only possible
moral universe?
1241
01:06:30,009 --> 01:06:33,230
Mm, you could reverse that.
1242
01:06:33,317 --> 01:06:36,494
Isn'’t a universe
where wrong things are routine
1243
01:06:36,581 --> 01:06:38,887
fundamentally immoral?
1244
01:06:38,975 --> 01:06:40,498
Moral choice still exists.
1245
01:06:40,585 --> 01:06:42,413
No one chooses to suffer.
1246
01:06:42,500 --> 01:06:44,719
It'’s random and meaningless
and fucking inevitable.
1247
01:06:44,806 --> 01:06:49,463
But isn'’t suffering just
the other side of happiness?
1248
01:06:49,550 --> 01:06:52,336
Isn'’t loss
just the other side of love?
1249
01:06:52,423 --> 01:06:55,861
You could say that loss
1250
01:06:55,948 --> 01:06:58,342
is the exact measure of love.
1251
01:06:58,429 --> 01:07:01,693
You could say that suffering
makes happiness possible.
1252
01:07:03,390 --> 01:07:05,262
Or you could say
it makes it a fraud.
1253
01:07:07,438 --> 01:07:10,615
Anyway, like I said,
1254
01:07:10,702 --> 01:07:13,357
I look at it
as a practical question.
1255
01:07:15,054 --> 01:07:16,969
Sometimes, the energy
required to live
1256
01:07:17,056 --> 01:07:18,971
simply exceeds the benefit.
1257
01:07:21,147 --> 01:07:23,410
The truth is,
there is no rational argument
1258
01:07:23,497 --> 01:07:25,151
against ending your life.
1259
01:07:25,238 --> 01:07:26,631
I'’m not sure about that.
1260
01:07:26,718 --> 01:07:28,154
Come on. Think.
1261
01:07:29,764 --> 01:07:32,202
Why do religious people
object to it?
1262
01:07:32,289 --> 01:07:33,986
They consider it a sin.
1263
01:07:34,073 --> 01:07:37,424
And yet they worship martyrs
1264
01:07:37,511 --> 01:07:41,298
because they believed
real life comes after.
1265
01:07:41,385 --> 01:07:44,083
So Christians would dare
Romans to kill them,
1266
01:07:44,170 --> 01:07:47,043
like suicide by cop
on a mass scale,
1267
01:07:48,653 --> 01:07:50,524
Then they became
the dominant religion.
1268
01:07:50,611 --> 01:07:52,091
And the priests realized
1269
01:07:52,178 --> 01:07:54,398
they better start
condemning suicide,
1270
01:07:54,485 --> 01:07:58,097
or Christianity would become
a giant death cult.
1271
01:07:58,184 --> 01:08:00,273
And they would all
be expected to die...
1272
01:08:00,360 --> 01:08:02,101
Religious people--
...horribly.
1273
01:08:02,188 --> 01:08:03,624
I'’m sorry, what?
1274
01:08:03,711 --> 01:08:05,757
Religious people
aren'’t the only ones
1275
01:08:05,844 --> 01:08:07,715
who commit suicide.
1276
01:08:07,802 --> 01:08:10,414
Well, the secular argument
just replaced sin with crime.
1277
01:08:10,501 --> 01:08:11,937
It'’s still a fallacy
1278
01:08:12,024 --> 01:08:13,591
because if you can be
the victim
1279
01:08:13,678 --> 01:08:15,549
and the culprit
at the same time,
1280
01:08:15,636 --> 01:08:18,248
the concept of crime
doesn'’t make any sense.
1281
01:08:19,945 --> 01:08:21,555
The only way
that taking your life
1282
01:08:21,642 --> 01:08:25,124
can be considered criminal
or even unethical
1283
01:08:25,211 --> 01:08:28,606
is if one assumes
that the life you'’re taking
1284
01:08:28,693 --> 01:08:31,348
is not actually yours.
1285
01:08:31,435 --> 01:08:35,656
It belongs to God,
to the king, to society,
1286
01:08:35,743 --> 01:08:38,746
to your parents, your children,
1287
01:08:38,833 --> 01:08:42,924
the ones you'’re working for,
responsible for.
1288
01:08:43,011 --> 01:08:46,145
But if I am not mine,
1289
01:08:46,232 --> 01:08:48,321
is there such a thing as I?
1290
01:08:50,062 --> 01:08:51,498
You know, in fact,
that train of thought
1291
01:08:51,585 --> 01:08:53,500
just ends up validating suicide
1292
01:08:53,587 --> 01:08:56,155
because the only way to reclaim
your life as yours
1293
01:08:56,242 --> 01:08:57,635
is to actually end it.
1294
01:08:59,680 --> 01:09:01,726
I don'’t necessarily want
to reclaim anything.
1295
01:09:01,813 --> 01:09:04,946
I'’m just-- Just suggesting
there'’s no rational argument
1296
01:09:05,033 --> 01:09:06,731
against killing yourself.
1297
01:09:06,818 --> 01:09:08,994
That'’s not an argument for it.
1298
01:09:09,081 --> 01:09:11,257
Yeah, you don'’t need
an argument for it.
1299
01:09:11,344 --> 01:09:12,998
Just the realization
that you don'’t want
1300
01:09:13,085 --> 01:09:15,783
to do this anymore.
1301
01:09:15,870 --> 01:09:17,959
You don'’t even know
how to do it.
1302
01:09:20,658 --> 01:09:23,574
It happened over a long time,
day by day,
1303
01:09:23,661 --> 01:09:26,142
without drums and trumpets.
1304
01:09:27,882 --> 01:09:30,233
The unhappiness
just grabbed up on you
1305
01:09:30,320 --> 01:09:32,800
like a shadow
ever so slowly
1306
01:09:32,887 --> 01:09:35,760
until every corner of your life
was in the dark
1307
01:09:35,847 --> 01:09:38,154
and your whole lifestyle
feeling like a--
1308
01:09:38,241 --> 01:09:40,634
Like a pantomime.
1309
01:09:40,721 --> 01:09:43,420
You play the part.
Stick to the script.
1310
01:09:43,507 --> 01:09:45,857
You smile when
you'’re smiled to.
1311
01:09:45,944 --> 01:09:48,164
But eventually, you can'’t help
catching yourself.
1312
01:09:48,251 --> 01:09:49,730
This...
1313
01:09:49,817 --> 01:09:53,125
This person,
this character, it'’s...
1314
01:09:54,344 --> 01:09:56,259
It'’s not you.
1315
01:09:56,346 --> 01:09:57,999
Never was.
1316
01:09:58,086 --> 01:09:59,479
Someone else wrote it.
1317
01:09:59,566 --> 01:10:00,785
You were just cast
in the role
1318
01:10:00,872 --> 01:10:02,395
without even asking for it,
1319
01:10:02,482 --> 01:10:04,571
and the costume got stuck
to your skin.
1320
01:10:04,658 --> 01:10:09,228
You just want to rip it off,
the costume, the mask.
1321
01:10:09,315 --> 01:10:12,144
But underneath,
there'’s just another mask
1322
01:10:12,231 --> 01:10:15,147
because the unhappiness
is always ashamed of itself.
1323
01:10:16,670 --> 01:10:18,324
I understand.
1324
01:10:18,411 --> 01:10:19,630
Do you?
1325
01:10:20,848 --> 01:10:22,763
I think so.
1326
01:10:22,850 --> 01:10:24,678
So you agree?
1327
01:10:24,765 --> 01:10:26,898
I didn'’t say that.
1328
01:10:26,985 --> 01:10:28,552
Well, give me a reason.
1329
01:10:30,902 --> 01:10:32,643
Do you need one now?
1330
01:10:32,730 --> 01:10:34,297
What do you think?
1331
01:10:36,951 --> 01:10:40,433
I'’m sorry, let me ask this
more directly.
1332
01:10:40,520 --> 01:10:43,131
Have you made a plan
to commit suicide?
1333
01:10:43,219 --> 01:10:45,351
Oh, boy, did I ever.
1334
01:10:45,438 --> 01:10:47,310
Today?
Why not?
1335
01:10:50,226 --> 01:10:51,792
Did you take any steps?
Stop.
1336
01:10:51,879 --> 01:10:54,012
I know the drill.
Let me save you the time.
1337
01:10:54,099 --> 01:10:55,927
I'’m not gonna call
anyone else,
1338
01:10:56,014 --> 01:10:57,711
especially at a place
that'’s gonna trace my call
1339
01:10:57,798 --> 01:10:59,278
and send someone here.
1340
01:10:59,365 --> 01:11:01,672
So let'’s just keep this
hypothetical.
1341
01:11:01,759 --> 01:11:03,456
Maybe I did.
1342
01:11:03,543 --> 01:11:05,719
Maybe I didn'’t.
1343
01:11:05,806 --> 01:11:07,460
But if I did,
1344
01:11:07,547 --> 01:11:08,983
what would you tell me?
1345
01:11:10,942 --> 01:11:13,205
I would urge you to call--
I'’m asking you.
1346
01:11:13,292 --> 01:11:16,121
What reason
would you give me?
1347
01:11:23,041 --> 01:11:25,696
Tick, tock.
1348
01:11:30,527 --> 01:11:32,224
I guess I would just say that...
1349
01:11:34,922 --> 01:11:37,403
Just say that everything
means something.
1350
01:11:40,058 --> 01:11:43,235
Oh, boy,
everything means something.
1351
01:11:45,629 --> 01:11:47,195
No, that'’s a self-contradicting
statement
1352
01:11:47,283 --> 01:11:49,763
because it doesn'’t actually
mean anything.
1353
01:11:49,850 --> 01:11:53,854
I just mean
whatever you care about,
1354
01:11:53,941 --> 01:11:56,596
a friend, a pet, that they--
1355
01:11:56,683 --> 01:11:58,381
I have neither.
1356
01:11:58,468 --> 01:12:00,774
Well, then...
1357
01:12:00,861 --> 01:12:02,863
politics, art.
1358
01:12:04,038 --> 01:12:05,301
Yoga. Food.
1359
01:12:05,388 --> 01:12:07,303
Whatever it is,
it means something.
1360
01:12:07,390 --> 01:12:09,348
It'’s worth something.
1361
01:12:09,435 --> 01:12:11,394
Whether it'’s inherently worthy
1362
01:12:11,481 --> 01:12:14,222
or made worthy
by your investment.
1363
01:12:14,310 --> 01:12:16,442
Your active caring,
that could be debated.
1364
01:12:16,529 --> 01:12:20,316
The point is, if that thing
has value, life does.
1365
01:12:23,971 --> 01:12:26,626
The earth will burst
into flames.
1366
01:12:26,713 --> 01:12:31,544
Cities will turn to ashes
or be swept away by oceans.
1367
01:12:31,631 --> 01:12:34,417
Civilization will tumble
into darkness.
1368
01:12:36,941 --> 01:12:39,770
It'’s when, not if.
1369
01:12:41,772 --> 01:12:43,774
Well, you obviously
care about that,
1370
01:12:43,861 --> 01:12:46,037
so that'’s one thing.
1371
01:12:46,124 --> 01:12:48,561
Mm, yeah, one thing
I can do nothing about.
1372
01:12:51,434 --> 01:12:55,742
The entire human race
has already committed suicide.
1373
01:12:55,829 --> 01:12:58,876
The poison is working
its way through the system.
1374
01:12:58,963 --> 01:13:01,661
Some people
just don'’t know it yet.
1375
01:13:01,748 --> 01:13:03,184
Maybe.
1376
01:13:03,271 --> 01:13:07,058
Maybe it is when, not if.
1377
01:13:07,145 --> 01:13:10,366
But isn'’t 2000 years
better than 100?
1378
01:13:10,453 --> 01:13:14,065
To be honest, I'’m not sure.
1379
01:13:17,373 --> 01:13:18,983
You want to know a story?
1380
01:13:23,248 --> 01:13:24,380
Yeah.
1381
01:13:26,643 --> 01:13:28,384
There was this man.
1382
01:13:28,471 --> 01:13:29,776
Friend of a friend.
1383
01:13:29,863 --> 01:13:32,605
Um, his name was Tom.
1384
01:13:35,303 --> 01:13:37,480
He lived alone.
1385
01:13:37,567 --> 01:13:40,918
Apparently,
he had developed a ritual.
1386
01:13:42,963 --> 01:13:45,531
When he felt down,
he would fix himself a drink,
1387
01:13:45,618 --> 01:13:48,142
take out his revolver.
1388
01:13:48,229 --> 01:13:49,666
Then he would sip his drink
1389
01:13:49,753 --> 01:13:51,711
and think
of all the reasons he had
1390
01:13:51,798 --> 01:13:54,192
to not kill himself.
1391
01:13:54,279 --> 01:13:56,847
For every reason
he could think of,
1392
01:13:56,934 --> 01:14:00,372
he would take out a bullet
until the drum was empty,
1393
01:14:00,459 --> 01:14:03,462
then go to bed and reload
the gun in the morning.
1394
01:14:05,290 --> 01:14:06,683
And he did that for years...
1395
01:14:08,859 --> 01:14:11,078
until he ran out of reasons.
1396
01:14:15,169 --> 01:14:17,171
There is no free will.
1397
01:14:17,258 --> 01:14:18,564
It'’s just an illusion.
1398
01:14:20,348 --> 01:14:21,959
Every choice
has already been made.
1399
01:14:22,046 --> 01:14:24,135
Everything we think,
everything we feel,
1400
01:14:24,222 --> 01:14:27,181
everything we do is baked in.
1401
01:14:27,268 --> 01:14:29,880
We behave in the exact way
we'’re meant to.
1402
01:14:31,447 --> 01:14:33,971
I know this sounds, um,
dispiriting.
1403
01:14:36,190 --> 01:14:38,976
But the irony is that we are
programmed to hate the idea
1404
01:14:39,063 --> 01:14:40,978
that we'’re programmed,
1405
01:14:41,065 --> 01:14:44,547
to preserve the illusion
that we master our destiny,
1406
01:14:44,634 --> 01:14:47,854
that we earn our fortune,
1407
01:14:47,941 --> 01:14:50,814
that we can deserve happiness.
1408
01:14:53,512 --> 01:14:55,079
We master nothing.
1409
01:14:55,166 --> 01:14:57,211
Fortune is random.
1410
01:14:57,298 --> 01:15:00,258
All souls are happy,
good people are miserable.
1411
01:15:00,345 --> 01:15:02,390
There'’s no rhyme.
There'’s no reason.
1412
01:15:02,478 --> 01:15:03,609
There'’s no God'’s plan.
1413
01:15:03,696 --> 01:15:05,132
And there'’s no fucking escape
1414
01:15:05,219 --> 01:15:07,265
other than... you know.
1415
01:15:09,659 --> 01:15:11,182
Escape.
1416
01:15:17,667 --> 01:15:19,146
Can I ask your name?
1417
01:15:20,844 --> 01:15:22,193
Yeah.
1418
01:15:23,803 --> 01:15:25,239
Well?
1419
01:15:26,893 --> 01:15:28,112
Laura.
1420
01:15:33,944 --> 01:15:35,815
Nice to meet you, Laura.
1421
01:15:40,516 --> 01:15:41,865
Yeah, you too.
1422
01:15:44,215 --> 01:15:46,217
You asked what my deal was.
1423
01:15:50,134 --> 01:15:51,875
I did.
1424
01:15:51,962 --> 01:15:54,530
My answer was evasive.
1425
01:15:56,270 --> 01:15:57,924
How so?
1426
01:15:59,143 --> 01:16:01,145
It'’s weird.
1427
01:16:01,232 --> 01:16:03,321
Keeping a secret is a burden.
1428
01:16:03,408 --> 01:16:05,584
Being forced to talk about it
is just as bad.
1429
01:16:05,671 --> 01:16:08,848
So I find the only freedom
I can enjoy in the matter
1430
01:16:08,935 --> 01:16:12,460
is to sometimes
volunteer the information
1431
01:16:12,548 --> 01:16:15,899
and sometimes withhold it.
1432
01:16:18,162 --> 01:16:20,207
The suspense builds.
1433
01:16:23,689 --> 01:16:28,172
My stepbrother committed suicide
five years ago.
1434
01:16:29,652 --> 01:16:31,175
He was 25.
1435
01:16:33,438 --> 01:16:35,048
I didn'’t call him back
that night.
1436
01:16:35,135 --> 01:16:39,749
He tried me a few times,
but I just turned the phone off.
1437
01:16:43,709 --> 01:16:45,755
Did he used to call a lot?
1438
01:16:45,842 --> 01:16:48,758
There were periods
when he would call every day.
1439
01:16:50,542 --> 01:16:51,804
It was pretty hard.
1440
01:16:52,979 --> 01:16:55,373
We had a difficult relationship.
1441
01:16:58,637 --> 01:17:01,118
And he was chronically
depressed.
1442
01:17:03,294 --> 01:17:08,255
We grew up
in a bad family environment.
1443
01:17:11,084 --> 01:17:13,521
The thing is,
1444
01:17:13,609 --> 01:17:16,829
my stepfather...
1445
01:17:21,442 --> 01:17:22,922
He, uh...
1446
01:17:24,097 --> 01:17:25,446
I understand.
1447
01:17:25,533 --> 01:17:27,797
Oh, it'’s more complicated
than that.
1448
01:17:27,884 --> 01:17:31,191
You see, my stepbrother
looked just like him.
1449
01:17:31,278 --> 01:17:33,585
He even sounded like him.
1450
01:17:34,978 --> 01:17:36,283
So when he grew up,
1451
01:17:36,370 --> 01:17:39,112
dealing with him
brought everything back,
1452
01:17:39,199 --> 01:17:42,899
and not dealing with him
was a relief.
1453
01:17:44,378 --> 01:17:45,771
So now you talk
to other people
1454
01:17:45,858 --> 01:17:47,643
because you didn'’t take
that call.
1455
01:17:50,254 --> 01:17:51,603
That'’s part of it.
1456
01:17:53,213 --> 01:17:54,388
Go on.
1457
01:17:55,825 --> 01:17:57,957
Well...
1458
01:17:58,044 --> 01:18:00,133
I struggled
with depression myself.
1459
01:18:03,310 --> 01:18:05,356
If your own...
1460
01:18:06,444 --> 01:18:07,619
parent...
1461
01:18:10,187 --> 01:18:13,190
Uh, anyways,
I fell into drugs
1462
01:18:13,277 --> 01:18:17,673
and fucked-up
relationships and...
1463
01:18:20,980 --> 01:18:22,765
Then the guilt.
1464
01:18:22,852 --> 01:18:26,203
What I'’m trying to say
is that I was there.
1465
01:18:26,290 --> 01:18:28,466
I had run out of reasons.
1466
01:18:29,597 --> 01:18:30,903
I didn'’t have a plan.
1467
01:18:30,990 --> 01:18:33,819
I was just gonna let it happen.
1468
01:18:33,906 --> 01:18:37,693
I don'’t know, I guess I thought
I was bound to overdose,
1469
01:18:37,780 --> 01:18:40,739
or to drown,
or to get run over by a truck.
1470
01:18:40,826 --> 01:18:42,393
I just didn'’t care.
1471
01:18:43,481 --> 01:18:44,743
And then one day,
1472
01:18:44,830 --> 01:18:47,398
I ran into this old man.
1473
01:18:48,747 --> 01:18:50,531
He was walking a dog.
1474
01:18:50,618 --> 01:18:53,317
He passed me by
and I heard the dog barking,
1475
01:18:53,404 --> 01:18:57,060
and I realized
the man had fallen.
1476
01:18:57,147 --> 01:18:59,497
So I helped him up
and I walked him home.
1477
01:18:59,584 --> 01:19:03,675
He invited me inside and offered
to make me a cup of tea,
1478
01:19:03,762 --> 01:19:06,722
and I said, "No, thanks,"
but he insisted.
1479
01:19:09,768 --> 01:19:11,814
His name was Jacob.
1480
01:19:11,901 --> 01:19:13,119
He'’s dead now.
1481
01:19:15,034 --> 01:19:19,865
He lived in this small house,
and the house was stuffy.
1482
01:19:19,952 --> 01:19:24,565
I mean, typical old-man house,
but it was extraordinary.
1483
01:19:27,220 --> 01:19:31,050
Books and paintings and strange
objects from all over the world.
1484
01:19:31,137 --> 01:19:37,013
He had this framed
emperor scorpion from Africa,
1485
01:19:37,100 --> 01:19:40,059
hand-blown glass from Venice,
1486
01:19:40,146 --> 01:19:42,758
an ancient chess set
from Russia.
1487
01:19:44,194 --> 01:19:45,891
The man had been everywhere,
1488
01:19:45,978 --> 01:19:47,414
first with the Navy,
1489
01:19:47,501 --> 01:19:49,373
then with the Merchant Marine.
1490
01:19:49,460 --> 01:19:53,594
Anyways, he started telling
me all of these amazing stories,
1491
01:19:53,681 --> 01:19:57,642
and the next day I came back
to hear more stories.
1492
01:19:59,165 --> 01:20:00,340
And after a while,
1493
01:20:00,427 --> 01:20:04,301
I realized I had a reason.
1494
01:20:05,781 --> 01:20:07,043
And then...
1495
01:20:09,001 --> 01:20:10,786
I just kept finding more.
1496
01:20:12,962 --> 01:20:14,528
"Beth," you said.
1497
01:20:16,574 --> 01:20:17,749
Yes?
1498
01:20:19,055 --> 01:20:20,404
Yes.
1499
01:20:20,491 --> 01:20:23,886
Short for Elizabeth, I suppose.
1500
01:20:23,973 --> 01:20:26,366
Sure.
1501
01:20:26,453 --> 01:20:27,715
You don'’t sound sure.
1502
01:20:29,326 --> 01:20:31,154
It'’s actually not my real name.
1503
01:20:31,241 --> 01:20:32,720
Ah.
1504
01:20:32,808 --> 01:20:34,679
Why do you use a fake name?
1505
01:20:34,766 --> 01:20:37,421
It'’s mainly a privacy thing,
1506
01:20:37,508 --> 01:20:41,381
but also we'’re supposed
to keep the job separate.
1507
01:20:41,468 --> 01:20:43,688
If I do this under
a different name,
1508
01:20:43,775 --> 01:20:45,559
it'’s supposed to help.
1509
01:20:45,646 --> 01:20:46,822
Does it?
1510
01:20:48,736 --> 01:20:49,868
Not really.
1511
01:20:51,739 --> 01:20:53,611
So, what keeps you coming back?
1512
01:20:56,092 --> 01:20:57,397
I suppose...
1513
01:20:59,095 --> 01:21:01,749
when I'’m on a shift,
I'’m focused.
1514
01:21:04,274 --> 01:21:05,666
I'’m not multitasking.
1515
01:21:05,753 --> 01:21:08,756
I'’m not going through
my to-do list.
1516
01:21:08,844 --> 01:21:12,412
I am 100 percent focused
1517
01:21:12,499 --> 01:21:14,850
on the person
that I'’m speaking to.
1518
01:21:14,937 --> 01:21:16,982
And...
1519
01:21:17,069 --> 01:21:18,418
I don'’t know.
1520
01:21:21,247 --> 01:21:22,509
I care.
1521
01:21:23,859 --> 01:21:25,034
I can see that.
1522
01:21:26,426 --> 01:21:27,906
You know something?
1523
01:21:27,993 --> 01:21:29,560
What'’s that?
1524
01:21:29,647 --> 01:21:32,519
I have a feeling you would be
very good at this.
1525
01:21:37,307 --> 01:21:40,353
That might be the funniest
thing I ever heard.
1526
01:21:40,440 --> 01:21:42,573
I mean it.
You'’re serious?
1527
01:21:42,660 --> 01:21:45,924
You think I should be hosting
the Lonely Hearts Club?
1528
01:21:46,011 --> 01:21:50,842
Well, I don'’t call it that,
but yeah.
1529
01:21:50,929 --> 01:21:53,236
It'’s a pretty interesting club.
1530
01:21:54,541 --> 01:21:56,195
All kinds of people.
1531
01:21:56,282 --> 01:21:59,503
Loneliness is a big slut.
1532
01:22:01,679 --> 01:22:02,898
Yes.
1533
01:22:04,638 --> 01:22:06,423
I think I'’m gonna steal that.
1534
01:22:06,510 --> 01:22:07,772
Be my guest.
1535
01:22:13,386 --> 01:22:16,433
It'’s Maggie, by the way.
1536
01:22:16,520 --> 01:22:18,696
Oh.
1537
01:22:18,783 --> 01:22:21,394
I kind of liked "Beth."
1538
01:22:21,481 --> 01:22:23,222
I know. Me too, right?
1539
01:22:24,963 --> 01:22:27,531
Well, this has been
an interesting talk.
1540
01:22:28,924 --> 01:22:30,490
Good night, Maggie.
1541
01:22:31,578 --> 01:22:32,753
Wait.
1542
01:22:34,016 --> 01:22:36,757
No. Not tonight.
1543
01:22:38,498 --> 01:22:40,587
Shit, I'’d probably
botch it now.
1544
01:22:40,674 --> 01:22:43,677
Nothing more pathetic
than a failed suicide attempt.
1545
01:22:43,764 --> 01:22:45,114
And then having
to tell yourself,
1546
01:22:45,201 --> 01:22:47,638
"Don'’t give up, try again."
1547
01:22:49,683 --> 01:22:51,076
I'’m joking.
1548
01:22:51,163 --> 01:22:52,382
Yes.
1549
01:22:52,469 --> 01:22:54,471
Okay. Good.
1550
01:22:55,776 --> 01:22:56,952
Good.
1551
01:22:59,215 --> 01:23:02,348
Well, call back if...
1552
01:23:04,611 --> 01:23:07,788
Well, anytime, really.
1553
01:23:07,875 --> 01:23:09,312
For anything.
1554
01:23:11,488 --> 01:23:12,968
Ask for Beth.
1555
01:23:14,491 --> 01:23:15,796
I might do that.
1556
01:23:17,320 --> 01:23:19,365
Good night, Beth.
1557
01:23:22,020 --> 01:23:23,195
Good night.
1558
01:25:22,053 --> 01:25:23,663
Beth?
1559
01:25:23,750 --> 01:25:25,404
Yeah?
1560
01:25:25,491 --> 01:25:28,755
It'’s Sharon from earlier.
1561
01:25:29,843 --> 01:25:32,107
Yes. Hi, Sharon.
1562
01:25:33,630 --> 01:25:35,110
I wrote one.
1563
01:25:37,024 --> 01:25:39,853
A song, or a poem,
or whatever.
1564
01:25:39,940 --> 01:25:41,203
Right.
1565
01:25:41,290 --> 01:25:43,553
It'’s not finished, but, um...
1566
01:25:43,640 --> 01:25:46,121
I just wanted to get to you
before your shift ends.
1567
01:25:47,818 --> 01:25:49,602
Is that okay?
1568
01:25:49,689 --> 01:25:51,169
Sure.
1569
01:25:51,256 --> 01:25:52,823
You ready?
1570
01:25:54,433 --> 01:25:56,174
Hmm.
1571
01:25:56,261 --> 01:25:57,480
Here it is.
1572
01:25:59,960 --> 01:26:01,658
Illusion, delusion.
1573
01:26:05,879 --> 01:26:07,881
Illusion, delusion, confusion
1574
01:26:07,968 --> 01:26:10,232
Draw your freaking conclusion
1575
01:26:10,319 --> 01:26:13,496
They feed you conspiracies
They prey on your miseries
1576
01:26:13,583 --> 01:26:16,673
They rewrite history
Make their crimes mysteries
1577
01:26:16,760 --> 01:26:19,154
The secret keepers
The promise breakers
1578
01:26:19,241 --> 01:26:21,678
The fake believers
The silent takers
1579
01:26:21,765 --> 01:26:24,681
They call your fight treason
They call their lives reason
1580
01:26:24,768 --> 01:26:27,162
It'’s all a mind prison
Can'’t trust your own eyes
1581
01:26:27,249 --> 01:26:29,599
Can'’t tell truth from lies
Chemtrails in the sky
1582
01:26:29,686 --> 01:26:32,167
Crisis actors on site
Their smiles, more lies
1583
01:26:32,254 --> 01:26:33,951
Their knives in disguise
1584
01:26:34,038 --> 01:26:36,649
Another day dies
Another night cries
1585
01:26:36,736 --> 01:26:39,261
All you got is your rage
All you got is this song
1586
01:26:39,348 --> 01:26:42,046
All you got is a cage
Because all you got is a bomb
1587
01:26:42,133 --> 01:26:44,527
All you are is alone
Because your head is all wrong
1588
01:26:44,614 --> 01:26:47,051
But your heart is still strong
And the light is still on
1589
01:26:47,138 --> 01:26:50,576
No one has very long
So keep on writing this song.
1590
01:26:55,451 --> 01:26:58,193
So that'’s as far as I got.
I don'’t know.
1591
01:26:58,280 --> 01:27:00,107
Yeah, I don'’t know.
Maybe it'’s finished.
1592
01:27:00,195 --> 01:27:01,326
It'’s...
1593
01:27:02,806 --> 01:27:04,155
It'’s amazing.
1594
01:27:07,680 --> 01:27:09,029
You think so?
1595
01:27:10,117 --> 01:27:11,249
I really do.
1596
01:27:15,819 --> 01:27:17,255
Thank you.
1597
01:27:19,214 --> 01:27:20,476
Thank you.
1598
01:27:24,697 --> 01:27:26,090
All right,
I'’ll let you go now.
1599
01:27:26,177 --> 01:27:28,005
No, I can stay. It'’s no problem.
1600
01:27:28,092 --> 01:27:31,661
No, no, no, no. You got--
You got better things to do.
1601
01:27:33,837 --> 01:27:35,230
Have a great day.
1602
01:27:37,057 --> 01:27:38,276
You too.
1603
01:28:14,704 --> 01:28:16,749
I know, I know.
1604
01:28:31,024 --> 01:28:33,331
Hey, good morning.
1605
01:28:35,072 --> 01:28:36,508
I didn'’t wake you, did I?
1606
01:28:37,640 --> 01:28:39,119
Yeah, I know.
1607
01:28:39,206 --> 01:28:40,860
I know you wake up early.
That'’s why I...
1608
01:28:43,167 --> 01:28:44,734
Nothing.
1609
01:28:44,821 --> 01:28:48,607
I was just wondering
if you wanted to get breakfast,
1610
01:28:48,694 --> 01:28:50,479
maybe at that place
that you mentioned?
1611
01:28:50,566 --> 01:28:52,568
What was it called?
1612
01:28:52,655 --> 01:28:55,048
Oh. No, no, no. No problem.
1613
01:28:55,135 --> 01:28:57,964
It was just
a spur-of-the-moment thing.
1614
01:28:59,792 --> 01:29:01,446
I understand.
1615
01:29:01,533 --> 01:29:03,535
No worries.
1616
01:29:03,622 --> 01:29:05,842
Yes, absolutely.
1617
01:29:05,929 --> 01:29:07,322
Some other time.
1618
01:29:09,367 --> 01:29:11,064
You too.
1619
01:29:11,151 --> 01:29:12,327
Bye-bye.
1620
01:29:46,186 --> 01:29:47,449
Okay.
1621
01:30:56,126 --> 01:30:57,910
♪ One direction
Looks like clear blue sky ♪
1622
01:30:57,997 --> 01:30:59,564
♪ The other direction
Is gray sky ♪
1623
01:30:59,651 --> 01:31:01,348
♪ One direction
Looks like clear blue sky ♪
1624
01:31:01,436 --> 01:31:03,002
♪ The other direction
Is gray sky ♪
1625
01:31:03,089 --> 01:31:04,700
♪ One direction
Looks like clear blue sky ♪
1626
01:31:04,787 --> 01:31:06,353
♪ The other direction
Is gray sky ♪
1627
01:31:06,441 --> 01:31:08,007
♪ One direction
Looks like clear blue sky ♪
1628
01:31:08,094 --> 01:31:09,792
♪ The other direction
Is gray sky ♪
1629
01:31:09,879 --> 01:31:11,576
♪ One direction
Looks like clear blue sky ♪
1630
01:31:11,663 --> 01:31:13,230
♪ The other direction
Is gray sky ♪
1631
01:31:13,317 --> 01:31:14,971
♪ One direction
Looks like clear blue sky ♪
1632
01:31:15,058 --> 01:31:16,668
♪ The other direction
Is gray sky ♪
1633
01:31:16,755 --> 01:31:18,365
♪ One direction
Looks like clear blue sky ♪
1634
01:31:18,453 --> 01:31:20,019
♪ The other direction
Is gray sky ♪
1635
01:31:20,106 --> 01:31:21,760
♪ One direction
Looks like clear blue sky ♪
1636
01:31:21,847 --> 01:31:23,153
♪ The other direction
Is gray sky ♪
1637
01:32:46,192 --> 01:32:48,194
♪ Everything, everything
Everything, everything ♪
1638
01:32:48,281 --> 01:32:50,066
♪ Everything, everything
Everything, everything ♪
1639
01:32:50,153 --> 01:32:51,589
♪ Everything, everything
Everything ♪
1640
01:32:51,676 --> 01:32:53,330
♪ Everything looks
Kind of okay ♪