1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:00:12,458 --> 00:00:13,917 (upbeat marching music) 4 00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:25,583 (fire crackling) 5 00:00:33,125 --> 00:00:34,833 It was the Dark Ages. 6 00:00:35,167 --> 00:00:38,375 And in the land of Britain, there lived a mighty queen, 7 00:00:38,750 --> 00:00:41,167 adored by all her subjects. 8 00:00:42,417 --> 00:00:43,625 Most of them. 9 00:00:44,500 --> 00:00:45,500 Some of them. 10 00:00:45,500 --> 00:00:47,875 {\an8}Oh, just meet her. You'll understand. 11 00:00:54,750 --> 00:00:57,792 - My Queen, enemy force... - Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh! 12 00:00:58,375 --> 00:01:00,000 How am I coming out? 13 00:01:01,208 --> 00:01:04,500 My portrait. And give me the truth, unvarnished. 14 00:01:04,500 --> 00:01:06,292 Don't think to flatter me, Leofwine. 15 00:01:12,083 --> 00:01:15,042 Maybe the Queen should judge for herself. 16 00:01:19,625 --> 00:01:21,208 (dramatic music) 17 00:01:31,833 --> 00:01:33,708 Well done! (artist sighs deeply) 18 00:01:33,708 --> 00:01:35,625 I'll not have your fingers hacked off today. 19 00:01:35,625 --> 00:01:37,667 Thank you, my Queen (laughs). 20 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:41,542 - Now, how goes the war? - Ah. 21 00:01:41,542 --> 00:01:43,458 Oh yes, the war. 22 00:01:43,958 --> 00:01:45,708 Angered by Dagan's harsh reign, 23 00:01:45,708 --> 00:01:47,875 the peasants had risen against her. 24 00:01:48,167 --> 00:01:49,458 (fire crackling) From amongst the common folk, 25 00:01:49,458 --> 00:01:51,292 a rebel champion rose, (ethereal music) 26 00:01:51,292 --> 00:01:53,792 a woodcutter named Humble Joan, 27 00:01:53,917 --> 00:01:56,333 and Joan had something the queen did not: 28 00:01:56,333 --> 00:01:59,750 a secret of great might called flame-powder. 29 00:01:59,750 --> 00:02:01,917 (cannons firing) (armies fighting) 30 00:02:01,917 --> 00:02:04,750 {\an8}But Dagan had a plan to crush the rebellion. 31 00:02:04,750 --> 00:02:06,583 {\an8}(cannon blasts) 32 00:02:07,167 --> 00:02:10,208 The forest archers, the river clans, 33 00:02:10,542 --> 00:02:12,375 the spearmen of the fens. 34 00:02:12,375 --> 00:02:14,875 We... we muster them here. (explosion outside) 35 00:02:14,875 --> 00:02:16,042 Are you listening? 36 00:02:16,042 --> 00:02:21,208 We muster them here and they shall smash our enemies. 37 00:02:21,208 --> 00:02:24,458 I- I don't know why you didn't think of this before. 38 00:02:24,458 --> 00:02:28,833 My Queen, we can move the pieces on the map all we like. 39 00:02:28,833 --> 00:02:31,042 It will not conjure them here. 40 00:02:32,083 --> 00:02:35,250 The spearmen of the fens are fallen. 41 00:02:36,167 --> 00:02:39,292 Well, let them get up again, the lazy tykes. 42 00:02:39,875 --> 00:02:40,917 Humph! 43 00:02:41,458 --> 00:02:43,292 I thought you were going to say they were dead. 44 00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:48,083 Oh. (paper rustles) 45 00:02:48,417 --> 00:02:50,542 The river clans are cleft in bits. 46 00:02:50,542 --> 00:02:54,625 The forest archers turned and... fight for Humble Joan. 47 00:02:55,417 --> 00:02:58,167 (large explosion) (building crumbling) 48 00:02:59,833 --> 00:03:01,917 I know the illness which gnaws at your innards. 49 00:03:01,917 --> 00:03:03,458 MAN: Ow, my fucking leg! 50 00:03:03,458 --> 00:03:05,875 It's not Humble Joan, no. 51 00:03:06,167 --> 00:03:08,208 - MAN: Where's it gone?! - It's fear. 52 00:03:08,500 --> 00:03:12,208 So, let us lift our spirits with a - with a banquet! 53 00:03:12,583 --> 00:03:14,083 (jaunty party music) (more explosions) 54 00:03:14,083 --> 00:03:15,833 (soldiers roaring) 55 00:03:16,792 --> 00:03:18,958 She tramples on the lions, 56 00:03:19,083 --> 00:03:21,958 She tramples on her foes, 57 00:03:21,958 --> 00:03:25,167 raises burdensome taxes on their howling widows. 58 00:03:25,167 --> 00:03:27,292 Dainty, soft, soft. 59 00:03:27,792 --> 00:03:29,000 Shut up! 60 00:03:29,833 --> 00:03:30,833 Come. 61 00:03:30,833 --> 00:03:32,208 What's this yellow stuff? 62 00:03:32,458 --> 00:03:33,542 No, let me guess. 63 00:03:33,667 --> 00:03:36,167 Tumery. Turmer - 64 00:03:36,708 --> 00:03:38,333 - Meric. - Turmer... 65 00:03:38,333 --> 00:03:40,167 BOTH: Turmeric. - You please me. 66 00:03:40,167 --> 00:03:42,250 Bring me these eggs in all the banquets to come. 67 00:03:42,250 --> 00:03:43,500 Yes, my Queen. 68 00:03:43,500 --> 00:03:44,958 All eggs. Right. 69 00:03:44,958 --> 00:03:46,458 (explosion) 70 00:03:47,375 --> 00:03:48,875 (cannon ball whizzes, explodes) 71 00:03:48,875 --> 00:03:51,875 (banqueters gasp) (pieces of the castle fall) 72 00:03:52,083 --> 00:03:54,875 Humble Joan can't stop us from enjoying this, can she? 73 00:03:54,875 --> 00:03:56,583 (men screaming in agony) 74 00:03:57,500 --> 00:03:59,000 I am more than your queen, am I not? 75 00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:00,083 I'm- I'm your friend. 76 00:04:00,083 --> 00:04:01,542 (men laugh nervously) (explosion outside) 77 00:04:01,542 --> 00:04:03,750 A toast, to friendship. 78 00:04:03,750 --> 00:04:05,083 (big explosion) 79 00:04:05,083 --> 00:04:06,333 SOLDIER: Fall back! 80 00:04:06,333 --> 00:04:07,958 (helmets, swords clanging) 81 00:04:09,375 --> 00:04:10,708 (marching music) 82 00:04:12,167 --> 00:04:13,458 (trumpet sounds) (soldiers cheering) 83 00:04:14,875 --> 00:04:16,250 The wall is breached. 84 00:04:16,250 --> 00:04:17,375 (sighs) 85 00:04:19,500 --> 00:04:20,875 Oh, dear. 86 00:04:22,500 --> 00:04:24,375 (swords clanging) 87 00:04:25,250 --> 00:04:27,083 Fighting in the passages. 88 00:04:27,083 --> 00:04:28,667 (soldiers screaming) 89 00:04:28,667 --> 00:04:30,708 Screams of the dying. 90 00:04:30,708 --> 00:04:32,917 Yes, dying peasants, though, don't we think? 91 00:04:32,917 --> 00:04:35,000 SOLDIER: Footsteps coming closer. 92 00:04:36,042 --> 00:04:38,083 (ominous music) (squelch) 93 00:04:38,083 --> 00:04:39,667 (blood dripping) 94 00:04:39,667 --> 00:04:41,125 (sword zings) 95 00:04:41,417 --> 00:04:42,792 They're at the door. 96 00:04:43,208 --> 00:04:45,083 (soldier thumps) (dramatic music) 97 00:04:46,292 --> 00:04:48,375 (loud crash) (people screaming) 98 00:04:48,375 --> 00:04:49,917 (soldiers roaring) 99 00:04:49,917 --> 00:04:51,875 (tense music) 100 00:04:58,750 --> 00:05:00,292 Humble Joan. 101 00:05:00,792 --> 00:05:02,792 Merely Joan. 102 00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:07,250 I seek no fame, no titles. 103 00:05:08,333 --> 00:05:10,083 Only justice. 104 00:05:10,667 --> 00:05:11,958 Urgh. 105 00:05:12,500 --> 00:05:13,792 As do I. 106 00:05:13,792 --> 00:05:15,583 (gasps) (dramatic music) 107 00:05:19,125 --> 00:05:20,167 Leofwine! 108 00:05:20,167 --> 00:05:21,583 During any change of government, 109 00:05:21,583 --> 00:05:24,542 some element of continuity is advisable. 110 00:05:24,542 --> 00:05:25,792 No! 111 00:05:26,625 --> 00:05:27,958 I am still the queen! 112 00:05:28,125 --> 00:05:32,917 Thanes, I command you to seize them! 113 00:05:36,542 --> 00:05:37,958 Is she serious? 114 00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:44,083 Thanes, you are citizens of the new commonwealth. 115 00:05:45,167 --> 00:05:46,167 Be free. 116 00:05:46,167 --> 00:05:47,542 (treacherous music) 117 00:05:49,708 --> 00:05:52,458 Thank you, Humble Joan, you heal our land. 118 00:05:52,625 --> 00:05:54,625 You heal yourselves. 119 00:06:00,792 --> 00:06:01,833 What? 120 00:06:05,208 --> 00:06:06,625 Wolf Tail... 121 00:06:07,667 --> 00:06:09,250 (groans) (sword clangs) 122 00:06:10,958 --> 00:06:12,917 My father's blade. (grunts) 123 00:06:13,333 --> 00:06:17,250 Humble Joan, I challenge you to single combat. 124 00:06:17,667 --> 00:06:19,167 The victor wins the realm. 125 00:06:19,167 --> 00:06:21,167 (giggling) 126 00:06:21,542 --> 00:06:22,542 Duelling? 127 00:06:22,542 --> 00:06:25,250 Oh. A sad habit of the wealthy. 128 00:06:25,250 --> 00:06:26,958 We have no need for it now. 129 00:06:26,958 --> 00:06:28,917 There are a dozen tongues in this hall. 130 00:06:29,500 --> 00:06:30,708 More than one shall speak of the time 131 00:06:30,708 --> 00:06:32,417 Humble Joan was afraid. 132 00:06:35,667 --> 00:06:36,667 (axe swishes) 133 00:06:36,667 --> 00:06:40,625 (dramatic music) If I can fell the tallest oak, 134 00:06:42,125 --> 00:06:43,875 I can cut down a little queen. 135 00:06:44,250 --> 00:06:45,583 Argh! (sword whooshes) 136 00:06:45,792 --> 00:06:47,333 (Joan laughs) 137 00:06:48,542 --> 00:06:50,375 (grunting) (weapons clang) 138 00:06:50,375 --> 00:06:51,875 Oh! 139 00:06:52,250 --> 00:06:56,458 Such pretty nails and such a soft foot. 140 00:06:57,083 --> 00:06:58,500 You've lived as a queen. 141 00:06:58,500 --> 00:07:00,292 Time to die as one. 142 00:07:00,583 --> 00:07:02,917 Many people cry for their mothers at a time like this. 143 00:07:02,917 --> 00:07:05,625 YOUNG DAGAN: Mum! No! 144 00:07:05,625 --> 00:07:07,750 Not I! Argh! 145 00:07:07,875 --> 00:07:11,208 Oh, a fighting queen at last! 146 00:07:13,125 --> 00:07:14,292 Did I touch a nerve? 147 00:07:14,500 --> 00:07:16,333 (frightened breathing) 148 00:07:18,292 --> 00:07:19,417 (sword clangs) 149 00:07:19,417 --> 00:07:21,500 See how the coward runs. 150 00:07:21,500 --> 00:07:23,000 (door opens) 151 00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:24,792 Now, bring her back. (men shouting) 152 00:07:29,750 --> 00:07:31,375 Well, look at you. 153 00:07:31,917 --> 00:07:34,083 (upbeat music) (people shouting) 154 00:07:37,625 --> 00:07:38,917 (screams) 155 00:07:42,500 --> 00:07:45,250 (chain rattles, clangs) (spiked ball hits helmet) 156 00:07:45,250 --> 00:07:47,375 (banging of metal on metal) 157 00:07:50,625 --> 00:07:51,917 SOLDIER: She went this way! 158 00:07:57,375 --> 00:07:59,375 Oh, excuse me, corpse chap. 159 00:07:59,500 --> 00:08:02,250 LEOFWINE: Dagan! 160 00:08:03,625 --> 00:08:06,958 Oooh, D-D-D-D-D Dagan! 161 00:08:12,250 --> 00:08:14,292 Boo! (panicked breathing) 162 00:08:14,417 --> 00:08:17,417 My new master will be pleased. 163 00:08:17,417 --> 00:08:18,958 (hitting sound) (screams) 164 00:08:18,958 --> 00:08:20,333 (high tempo music) 165 00:08:20,708 --> 00:08:22,000 This way, my Queen. 166 00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:26,167 Oh. Oh, titting balls. 167 00:08:26,583 --> 00:08:28,000 I've never gone this way before. 168 00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:29,500 They're staff stairs, come on! 169 00:08:29,500 --> 00:08:30,458 I remember you now. 170 00:08:30,458 --> 00:08:32,000 You're one of the servants and you're called Turmeric. 171 00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:33,625 - That's the spice. - Yes, I knew that. 172 00:08:34,082 --> 00:08:35,875 (agonised scream from upstairs) (blade swishes) 173 00:08:35,875 --> 00:08:38,667 Dishand me! A commoner may not touch a queen! 174 00:08:39,042 --> 00:08:42,167 (head bouncing on stairs) Urgh! 175 00:08:43,625 --> 00:08:46,000 - Why are we going up? - I know of a privy chute. 176 00:08:46,458 --> 00:08:48,250 - A what? - A privy chute. 177 00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:51,292 It's narrow, but steep and moist. 178 00:08:51,458 --> 00:08:52,750 We'll slide fast. 179 00:08:52,750 --> 00:08:54,958 Moist is a word for it, I can think of others. 180 00:08:54,958 --> 00:08:56,458 (up tempo music) 181 00:08:57,250 --> 00:08:59,292 At least consider it, my Queen. 182 00:09:00,292 --> 00:09:02,583 Do you think to trick me and push me down? 183 00:09:03,750 --> 00:09:06,250 (screams) (splash, plop) 184 00:09:06,375 --> 00:09:08,375 (grunting) 185 00:09:08,833 --> 00:09:10,375 That wasn't so bad, was it? 186 00:09:10,375 --> 00:09:12,667 (wretches) (splashes in mud) 187 00:09:12,667 --> 00:09:14,500 The Queen requires a shoe! 188 00:09:14,917 --> 00:09:16,583 You look perfect. Now, run! (high tempo music) 189 00:09:16,583 --> 00:09:17,958 SOLDIER: Find Dagan! 190 00:09:17,958 --> 00:09:19,292 WOMAN: Find the queen! 191 00:09:20,125 --> 00:09:22,208 Where are we going? And what's your name again? 192 00:09:22,208 --> 00:09:23,542 Shulmay. 193 00:09:23,708 --> 00:09:25,833 Shulmay, Shulmay, Shulmay, Shulmay, Shulmay, Shulmay, 194 00:09:25,833 --> 00:09:27,750 Shulmay, Shulmay, Shulmay, Shulmay, Shulmay. 195 00:09:28,750 --> 00:09:30,667 - We'll swim downstream. - We turn back. 196 00:09:30,667 --> 00:09:31,875 Huh? 197 00:09:32,250 --> 00:09:33,250 (fabric rips) 198 00:09:33,250 --> 00:09:35,500 Quick, they're coming. In here. 199 00:09:36,458 --> 00:09:38,292 (dog panting) 200 00:09:43,208 --> 00:09:44,667 (dog growls) 201 00:09:44,958 --> 00:09:46,500 SOLDIER: Hang on, what's this? 202 00:09:46,667 --> 00:09:48,167 The Queen's colour. 203 00:09:49,333 --> 00:09:50,667 She took to water. 204 00:09:50,667 --> 00:09:52,667 She reckons we'll lose the scent. 205 00:09:52,667 --> 00:09:54,292 Follow the river, boys! 206 00:09:54,292 --> 00:09:57,208 The Queen had outwitted the rebels and escaped. 207 00:09:57,375 --> 00:09:58,833 Maybe Shulmay helped a bit too. 208 00:09:58,833 --> 00:10:02,375 But with her citadel taken, what would Dagan do now? 209 00:10:02,917 --> 00:10:04,250 (owl hooting) 210 00:10:09,167 --> 00:10:13,125 When I was a girl, I would watch my father punish traitors. 211 00:10:13,708 --> 00:10:15,750 He would cleave off their arms. 212 00:10:15,750 --> 00:10:18,042 And shove them up their arses. 213 00:10:18,583 --> 00:10:19,708 - That's nice. - Hmm. 214 00:10:19,708 --> 00:10:21,667 And then he would cleave off their arses 215 00:10:21,667 --> 00:10:24,625 and shove those up whatever remained. 216 00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:26,917 People didn't always get their own arses. 217 00:10:26,917 --> 00:10:28,625 Arses were swapped about. 218 00:10:30,708 --> 00:10:32,083 Now, Leofwine, 219 00:10:32,542 --> 00:10:34,375 she will have all of this and more 220 00:10:34,375 --> 00:10:36,458 when I take back the citadel tomorrow. 221 00:10:37,083 --> 00:10:39,708 And do you have soldiers for that, Your Majesty? 222 00:10:41,083 --> 00:10:42,708 You're making the queen feel bad. 223 00:10:42,708 --> 00:10:44,208 Your throne is lost. 224 00:10:44,583 --> 00:10:45,750 (scoffs) 225 00:10:46,917 --> 00:10:48,333 But it can be yours again. 226 00:10:50,083 --> 00:10:51,167 You may continue. 227 00:10:51,542 --> 00:10:55,292 For weeks, I feared Leofwine was playing both sides, 228 00:10:55,583 --> 00:10:58,083 that there were letters she didn't show you. 229 00:10:58,625 --> 00:11:01,583 Earlier in the fog of war, she left one on the table. 230 00:11:03,458 --> 00:11:04,542 {\an8}(treacherous music) 231 00:11:04,542 --> 00:11:06,667 {\an8}'To Chancellor Leofwine, 232 00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:11,583 from King Ivarr of Jutland and King Guthrum of the Frisians.' 233 00:11:12,167 --> 00:11:13,583 These are my cousins! 234 00:11:13,583 --> 00:11:15,458 My cousins across the sea! 235 00:11:16,042 --> 00:11:18,500 'By Fingerstone Rock -' (paper rustles) 236 00:11:19,500 --> 00:11:21,583 Well, I had a moment, no more. 237 00:11:21,708 --> 00:11:23,292 I could only take the first page. 238 00:11:23,542 --> 00:11:25,292 Then we'll never know the rest! 239 00:11:25,542 --> 00:11:26,833 I'm finished! 240 00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:28,292 Strangle me. 241 00:11:29,500 --> 00:11:30,625 But gently. 242 00:11:31,042 --> 00:11:33,083 It said Ivarr and Guthrum 243 00:11:33,083 --> 00:11:35,750 will give you sanctuary in their lands. 244 00:11:35,750 --> 00:11:38,042 Then they'll muster armies and longships 245 00:11:38,042 --> 00:11:39,958 all for you to take back what's yours. 246 00:11:39,958 --> 00:11:41,875 Then I'm saved! 247 00:11:43,167 --> 00:11:44,958 But what does 'by Fingerstone Rock' mean? 248 00:11:45,125 --> 00:11:46,958 Fingerstone is a crag on the coast. 249 00:11:46,958 --> 00:11:48,917 It marks the shortest passage to their lands. 250 00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:51,125 Well, that's where we're going! 251 00:11:51,417 --> 00:11:53,208 How far is Fingerstone Rock from here? 252 00:11:53,208 --> 00:11:54,958 A hundred and forty miles. 253 00:11:55,333 --> 00:11:57,208 One hundred and forty miles? 254 00:11:58,250 --> 00:12:00,083 One hundred and - (upbeat marching music) 255 00:12:00,083 --> 00:12:04,167 {\an8}And so began their great journey, to Fingerstone Rock, 256 00:12:04,542 --> 00:12:06,958 {\an8}to the kings, to salvation. 257 00:12:06,958 --> 00:12:08,833 (mud squishes) (Shulmay sighs) 258 00:12:09,250 --> 00:12:12,500 Shulmay, your servant's shoe is not very watertight. 259 00:12:12,708 --> 00:12:14,667 Add that to your things to fix list. 260 00:12:14,667 --> 00:12:16,792 My Queen, you are conspicuous 261 00:12:17,042 --> 00:12:19,667 with your red gown and your gold crown. 262 00:12:19,792 --> 00:12:21,042 Just - - Hey! 263 00:12:21,167 --> 00:12:23,083 My father's crown shall not be removed. 264 00:12:23,083 --> 00:12:24,708 - If it's seen - - Well, then cover it. 265 00:12:24,708 --> 00:12:26,333 Find me a nice hat. 266 00:12:28,417 --> 00:12:29,458 Yep. 267 00:12:31,792 --> 00:12:34,542 You're probably wondering why I'm helping you (laughs). 268 00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:40,333 Why this servant who... could've slipped away hasn't. 269 00:12:40,875 --> 00:12:43,125 Not especially, no. It's your job. 270 00:12:43,542 --> 00:12:47,667 And, hey, stop walking before your Queen! 271 00:12:48,417 --> 00:12:50,500 What is the world coming to? 272 00:12:50,875 --> 00:12:52,667 (treacherous music) 273 00:12:56,083 --> 00:12:57,583 Keep up, though! 274 00:12:58,208 --> 00:13:00,375 We have no time for slackers. 275 00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:03,792 Yeah. (marching music continues) 276 00:13:06,250 --> 00:13:10,333 On they walked, with happy smiles and swelling hearts. 277 00:13:10,750 --> 00:13:11,833 Until... 278 00:13:17,458 --> 00:13:18,958 (sighs) 279 00:13:21,417 --> 00:13:24,042 This is my morning song I sing, 280 00:13:24,250 --> 00:13:26,250 in summer, winter, and in spring. 281 00:13:26,250 --> 00:13:29,042 It's made from air that I breathe in, 282 00:13:29,042 --> 00:13:30,125 (inhales) 283 00:13:30,125 --> 00:13:32,417 and push it out my mouth again. 284 00:13:32,417 --> 00:13:34,875 Some say the tune and words are wrong, 285 00:13:35,167 --> 00:13:37,125 but it is not their fucking song. 286 00:13:37,250 --> 00:13:38,083 When he leaves for work, 287 00:13:38,083 --> 00:13:40,375 we'll search his hut for clothes and food. 288 00:13:40,375 --> 00:13:41,875 Why wait? 289 00:13:41,875 --> 00:13:44,042 This man is a loyal subject. 290 00:13:44,042 --> 00:13:46,083 Look, any army would have him, 291 00:13:46,083 --> 00:13:47,875 and yet he has not joined the rebels. 292 00:13:47,875 --> 00:13:49,333 No purple flower. 293 00:13:49,333 --> 00:13:52,250 - We cannot know who his loyal... - Greetings, peasant! 294 00:13:52,250 --> 00:13:55,083 - Great. - I am your Queen, Queen Dagan, 295 00:13:55,083 --> 00:13:57,958 and we noticed you do not wear the mauve bloom. 296 00:13:58,208 --> 00:14:00,083 - Oh, it must've fallen off. - Oh! 297 00:14:00,083 --> 00:14:01,375 - An enemy! - No, no, no. 298 00:14:01,375 --> 00:14:02,792 I just like purple flowers. 299 00:14:03,750 --> 00:14:07,000 Noticed, er, lots of people marching about wearing 'em. 300 00:14:07,500 --> 00:14:08,500 Is it fashion? 301 00:14:08,500 --> 00:14:12,833 No, it is not fashion, it is revolution. 302 00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:16,083 Oh... well, been nice to meet you. 303 00:14:16,292 --> 00:14:19,292 Your Queen needs clothes and food. 304 00:14:20,167 --> 00:14:21,333 Please help us. 305 00:14:21,333 --> 00:14:23,083 Alright, well, I'll see what I've got. 306 00:14:23,292 --> 00:14:24,542 My name is Bobik. 307 00:14:25,083 --> 00:14:26,625 - Okay. - Right. 308 00:14:30,208 --> 00:14:31,208 Come in. 309 00:14:31,208 --> 00:14:33,083 (dramatic music) 310 00:14:33,583 --> 00:14:34,958 Here's where she took to water. 311 00:14:34,958 --> 00:14:36,667 No sign of her yet. (Joan sighs) 312 00:14:38,042 --> 00:14:40,042 There. Footprints. 313 00:14:41,750 --> 00:14:44,333 Dagan lay here, and not alone. 314 00:14:44,333 --> 00:14:45,958 Someone's helping her. 315 00:14:46,500 --> 00:14:48,250 Someone clever. - But we thought - 316 00:14:48,250 --> 00:14:50,458 Ha, what they made you think. 317 00:14:52,917 --> 00:14:54,875 Keep searching the river. - Yes, Joan. 318 00:14:55,375 --> 00:14:56,625 I'll go east. 319 00:14:56,833 --> 00:14:58,583 I know Dagan's weaknesses. 320 00:14:58,708 --> 00:15:00,625 She'll not hide long from me. 321 00:15:00,625 --> 00:15:02,417 Thank you, Citizen Leofwine. 322 00:15:02,417 --> 00:15:04,125 Take the soldiers and get to it. 323 00:15:04,125 --> 00:15:07,250 Excuse me. Affairs of the state (chuckles). 324 00:15:07,250 --> 00:15:09,083 (paper unfolds) 325 00:15:09,708 --> 00:15:12,417 Off you go. Bring me Dagan's head. 326 00:15:12,417 --> 00:15:14,000 There's a poppet. 327 00:15:17,708 --> 00:15:20,417 So, we'll walk to Fingerstone Rock, 328 00:15:20,417 --> 00:15:22,875 and then we'll sail a boat across the sea 329 00:15:22,875 --> 00:15:25,292 to find new soldiers for the queen. (chuckles) 330 00:15:25,458 --> 00:15:27,083 Splish, splash, splosh. 331 00:15:27,208 --> 00:15:28,625 I've heard of the sea. 332 00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:32,042 It's like a puddle, but much, much wider. 333 00:15:32,292 --> 00:15:35,333 And it's salty, like when you lick your own armpit. 334 00:15:35,333 --> 00:15:37,875 (laughs) How far is this walk of yours? 335 00:15:37,875 --> 00:15:39,875 A hundred and thirty miles from here. 336 00:15:39,875 --> 00:15:41,375 (whistles) 337 00:15:42,458 --> 00:15:43,833 You're gonna need a horse. 338 00:15:43,833 --> 00:15:47,333 They all died. In the great horse plague. 339 00:15:47,625 --> 00:15:49,458 - A dragon, then. - Yeah, they're not real. 340 00:15:49,458 --> 00:15:51,500 (laughs) Fuck off. 341 00:15:51,500 --> 00:15:53,500 - Do you have any money? - Uh-uh. 342 00:15:53,500 --> 00:15:54,625 Food? 343 00:15:55,333 --> 00:15:57,375 Well, just these crusts you're eating. 344 00:15:58,000 --> 00:15:59,333 And a lump. 345 00:16:01,083 --> 00:16:02,292 A lump of what? 346 00:16:03,083 --> 00:16:04,125 Lamb? 347 00:16:04,583 --> 00:16:06,167 Or cheese? (sniffs) 348 00:16:06,792 --> 00:16:09,167 The man I get it off never tells me. 349 00:16:09,500 --> 00:16:10,792 What's your trade, Bobik? 350 00:16:10,792 --> 00:16:12,542 I'm a shit spader. 351 00:16:12,708 --> 00:16:13,958 I spade the shit. 352 00:16:14,125 --> 00:16:15,417 Not a job that needs a long explanation. 353 00:16:15,417 --> 00:16:18,000 No, there... there's more to it than most think, you know. 354 00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:21,208 There are... countless different kinds of shit. 355 00:16:21,208 --> 00:16:23,417 And no two spades the same. 356 00:16:23,417 --> 00:16:25,417 You have your basic cow shit. 357 00:16:25,583 --> 00:16:27,458 Um, you've got your runny shit, 358 00:16:27,458 --> 00:16:30,917 you've got your compacted shit, crumbly shit, 359 00:16:30,917 --> 00:16:34,625 glistening shit, young shit, old shit, frozen shit, 360 00:16:34,958 --> 00:16:37,833 grassy shit, muddy shit, waxy shit. 361 00:16:37,833 --> 00:16:40,417 You even have shit with bones in it. 362 00:16:40,417 --> 00:16:42,417 - We understand. - Mouldy shit, mossy shit, 363 00:16:42,417 --> 00:16:45,792 stringy shit, sandy shit, leafy shit, mystery shit. 364 00:16:46,542 --> 00:16:47,917 Fizzy shit. 365 00:16:48,042 --> 00:16:49,917 You get tasty shit too. - (gags) 366 00:16:50,042 --> 00:16:51,083 Where are you going? 367 00:16:53,375 --> 00:16:54,500 You have sacks. 368 00:16:54,500 --> 00:16:55,958 Yeah, full of shit. 369 00:16:56,125 --> 00:16:57,417 And they clothe you. 370 00:16:57,542 --> 00:16:59,583 My Queen, we need disguises. 371 00:16:59,792 --> 00:17:03,083 We can wear sack cloth and carry powerful spades 372 00:17:03,083 --> 00:17:06,250 and pose as honest shovelers on our trek. 373 00:17:06,416 --> 00:17:09,958 And it was at that moment Queen Dagan awoke 374 00:17:09,958 --> 00:17:12,291 from her hideous nightmare. 375 00:17:16,083 --> 00:17:17,083 (sighs) 376 00:17:17,083 --> 00:17:19,125 This trek, I'll come with you. 377 00:17:19,125 --> 00:17:20,875 No. No, Bobik. 378 00:17:20,875 --> 00:17:22,666 It's bad enough having to walk next to a servant. 379 00:17:22,666 --> 00:17:24,958 But you, I don't mean to offend you here, 380 00:17:24,958 --> 00:17:28,458 but you are the lowest variety of human. 381 00:17:28,917 --> 00:17:31,042 But if I come with you, you can make me a thane. 382 00:17:31,958 --> 00:17:33,750 That's the second highest title. 383 00:17:33,917 --> 00:17:35,667 BOBIK: Well, what's the highest? 384 00:17:36,083 --> 00:17:39,375 - An earl. - Good, then I'll be an earl. 385 00:17:39,750 --> 00:17:43,667 I like the shit and I...take a great deal of pride 386 00:17:43,667 --> 00:17:45,583 in my spading of it, but... 387 00:17:45,583 --> 00:17:49,792 I've always fancied being, um, one of those rich fellas. 388 00:17:50,208 --> 00:17:53,750 Bobik is strong, and has skills we don't. 389 00:17:54,708 --> 00:17:56,417 (laughs nervously) 390 00:17:56,417 --> 00:17:58,208 SHULMAY: He could prove handy. 391 00:17:59,542 --> 00:18:00,833 Alright. 392 00:18:01,083 --> 00:18:03,250 Bobik, you may journey with us, 393 00:18:03,250 --> 00:18:05,833 and when I'm restored to my throne, 394 00:18:05,958 --> 00:18:08,958 I shall give you that earldom. 395 00:18:10,500 --> 00:18:12,917 Yes! Thank you. 396 00:18:14,833 --> 00:18:16,792 (giggles) 397 00:18:18,042 --> 00:18:20,292 I'll never make an earl of Bobik. 398 00:18:20,292 --> 00:18:21,583 (giggles) 399 00:18:21,958 --> 00:18:24,250 Or you, or any lowborn. 400 00:18:24,250 --> 00:18:25,958 But I don't think we need to tell him that now. 401 00:18:25,958 --> 00:18:28,083 It can be our little secret. 402 00:18:28,333 --> 00:18:30,417 (jaunty music) 403 00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:32,333 (fabric ripping) 404 00:18:49,750 --> 00:18:51,708 Yeah. (dramatic flute music) 405 00:18:54,458 --> 00:18:57,000 And so, the two became three. 406 00:18:57,583 --> 00:19:00,625 Queen Dagan, Shulmay, and Bobik, 407 00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:03,667 names to echo down the ages. 408 00:19:04,292 --> 00:19:06,375 As long as they didn't get caught. 409 00:19:07,458 --> 00:19:09,708 You walk like a queen, my Queen. 410 00:19:10,500 --> 00:19:12,042 You should walk like a Bobik. 411 00:19:15,250 --> 00:19:16,583 There. 412 00:19:16,875 --> 00:19:18,583 Oh, and I'll speak peasant too. 413 00:19:18,583 --> 00:19:21,000 Once, I spoke peasant all day, 414 00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:23,375 and it really did make the thanes chuckle. 415 00:19:23,542 --> 00:19:24,875 (clears her throat) 416 00:19:25,125 --> 00:19:30,250 'Shall I milk your herd for you, kind Sir?' 417 00:19:31,167 --> 00:19:34,583 Okay, so when we meet someone, I'll do the talking. 418 00:19:35,875 --> 00:19:37,500 - Will you now? - Yeah. 419 00:19:37,625 --> 00:19:38,833 BOBIK: I'll talk too. 420 00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:40,375 I know lots of words. 421 00:19:40,500 --> 00:19:41,875 I know twenty words. 422 00:19:41,875 --> 00:19:43,500 Shall we have a little practice, Bobik? 423 00:19:43,875 --> 00:19:45,750 Okay, I'm a stranger. 424 00:19:46,833 --> 00:19:48,708 Fine morning, fellow travellers. 425 00:19:48,708 --> 00:19:50,417 Where are you going? 426 00:19:50,667 --> 00:19:52,208 We are on a journey. 427 00:19:52,333 --> 00:19:53,958 Shit spaders, I see. 428 00:19:54,250 --> 00:19:56,542 I am, yeah. She's not, she's the queen. 429 00:19:56,875 --> 00:20:00,667 We're off to meet some kings and - oh. 430 00:20:00,958 --> 00:20:02,917 So, lies are required. 431 00:20:02,917 --> 00:20:04,583 But lies are bad and wrong. 432 00:20:04,583 --> 00:20:06,458 Let's just try this again. 433 00:20:06,458 --> 00:20:08,375 Say, 'I am not Bobik.' 434 00:20:08,375 --> 00:20:09,833 But I am Bobik. 435 00:20:09,833 --> 00:20:11,208 Say it. 436 00:20:12,083 --> 00:20:17,333 I am...n... not Bobik. 437 00:20:17,333 --> 00:20:19,167 - And it's a great first go. - Pfft. 438 00:20:19,167 --> 00:20:20,375 Okay, but don't puff your cheeks out, 439 00:20:20,375 --> 00:20:22,583 'cause it gives the game away. So, again. 440 00:20:22,583 --> 00:20:24,958 I am... not Bobik. 441 00:20:24,958 --> 00:20:26,792 - Don't look up. - (groans) 442 00:20:27,083 --> 00:20:29,292 I am... not Bobik. 443 00:20:29,292 --> 00:20:30,708 Getting worse now. 444 00:20:30,833 --> 00:20:32,625 A traveller do come. 445 00:20:32,625 --> 00:20:34,250 MAN: Pots, pans, kettles, and cans. 446 00:20:34,250 --> 00:20:36,167 (whistling) (pots and pans clanging) 447 00:20:39,208 --> 00:20:40,542 Bobik, you're a lifelong mute. 448 00:20:40,542 --> 00:20:43,125 Without words thou be. 449 00:20:43,125 --> 00:20:44,708 None of that. 450 00:20:45,958 --> 00:20:47,542 Your Majesty. 451 00:20:49,250 --> 00:20:50,875 (cart squeaks and rumbles) 452 00:20:56,167 --> 00:20:58,792 Pots and pans, kettles and cans. 453 00:20:59,333 --> 00:21:01,333 Good day, Mr Ironmonger. 454 00:21:01,458 --> 00:21:02,792 Beautiful smithing there. 455 00:21:02,792 --> 00:21:04,833 - Thank you. - Yes, and that one is lovely. 456 00:21:04,833 --> 00:21:06,500 Love them all. - Obliged. 457 00:21:06,500 --> 00:21:08,042 Yeah. We've no money to buy them, though, 458 00:21:08,042 --> 00:21:09,500 as we are not wealthy. 459 00:21:09,625 --> 00:21:10,792 I suppose so. 460 00:21:11,167 --> 00:21:13,375 You're three shit spaders, that much is plain. 461 00:21:13,375 --> 00:21:16,417 It is very plain that's what we are. 462 00:21:16,583 --> 00:21:19,875 Yes, all day, just shovelling away. 463 00:21:20,708 --> 00:21:22,333 Oh, my poor back! 464 00:21:22,333 --> 00:21:24,875 Sure you've got no coin, pal? (treacherous music) 465 00:21:25,333 --> 00:21:27,292 Can't tempt you with this lovely little shit pan, 466 00:21:27,292 --> 00:21:28,708 just for the small shits? 467 00:21:31,042 --> 00:21:32,583 Er, he was born without speech. 468 00:21:34,125 --> 00:21:35,333 As was she. 469 00:21:37,083 --> 00:21:38,625 Heard the big news from up the citadel? 470 00:21:39,292 --> 00:21:40,542 SHULMAY: We have not, Sir. 471 00:21:41,083 --> 00:21:42,750 It's all over for Queen Dagan. 472 00:21:43,792 --> 00:21:45,500 Humble Joan holds the realm now. 473 00:21:46,083 --> 00:21:47,208 What do you make of that? 474 00:21:47,500 --> 00:21:48,833 SHULMAY: What do you make of that? 475 00:21:50,125 --> 00:21:51,208 Glorious. 476 00:21:52,208 --> 00:21:53,458 Absolutely fantastic. 477 00:21:53,458 --> 00:21:55,333 It's, it's so good. 478 00:21:55,625 --> 00:21:57,708 They say Humble Joan has some sort of dust 479 00:21:57,708 --> 00:21:59,333 that goes boom! (bang and clattering) 480 00:21:59,458 --> 00:22:02,250 Went through them walls like piss through a snowdrift. 481 00:22:02,833 --> 00:22:04,125 Good job and all. 482 00:22:04,375 --> 00:22:06,583 Dagan was a right old cow. (laughs) 483 00:22:06,792 --> 00:22:08,958 Well, let's not be too hard on her. 484 00:22:08,958 --> 00:22:10,042 She was a cow, mate. 485 00:22:10,042 --> 00:22:11,667 Like, if I were to compose a ranking list 486 00:22:11,667 --> 00:22:13,542 of my favourite evil tyrants, 487 00:22:14,167 --> 00:22:15,625 she'd never make top twenty. 488 00:22:15,750 --> 00:22:17,333 Well, we've delayed you long enough. 489 00:22:17,333 --> 00:22:19,375 Nailed on bottom five. Bottom two, even. 490 00:22:19,375 --> 00:22:20,833 SHULMAY: We really must be going. 491 00:22:20,958 --> 00:22:25,125 This way is east, isn't it? - Last place is either Dagan or- 492 00:22:25,125 --> 00:22:27,833 hmm, Magnus the Flagellator? (laughing) 493 00:22:27,833 --> 00:22:29,333 And Magnus did a lot more charity work 494 00:22:29,333 --> 00:22:30,750 than people remember. 495 00:22:31,542 --> 00:22:33,292 It's sort of overshadowed, you know? 496 00:22:34,167 --> 00:22:35,667 By the flagellations. 497 00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:37,583 Well, it's been a pleasure. 498 00:22:37,583 --> 00:22:40,250 She's not the queen. (treacherous music) 499 00:22:44,375 --> 00:22:45,625 He speaks! 500 00:22:46,708 --> 00:22:49,042 Mute all his sad life, 501 00:22:49,042 --> 00:22:51,875 and now, here on this moor, 502 00:22:52,333 --> 00:22:54,583 he magics whole phrases. 503 00:22:55,125 --> 00:22:56,667 She's not the queen. 504 00:22:57,875 --> 00:22:59,583 And he doesn't even know what they mean. 505 00:23:00,708 --> 00:23:03,250 Well, farewell, good sir, and good munging. 506 00:23:03,250 --> 00:23:07,583 Oh, hey, if you're heading east, beware a certain forest. 507 00:23:07,583 --> 00:23:09,208 (creepy music) 508 00:23:09,667 --> 00:23:10,708 What forest? 509 00:23:11,292 --> 00:23:13,208 I just told you, a certain one. 510 00:23:14,667 --> 00:23:16,250 Okay... 511 00:23:18,958 --> 00:23:20,583 (pots and pans clanging) (cart squeaking) 512 00:23:26,000 --> 00:23:28,708 If he looks behind, we have something to fear. 513 00:23:29,042 --> 00:23:30,583 (tense music) 514 00:23:39,875 --> 00:23:41,500 (sighs) All is well. 515 00:23:47,208 --> 00:23:48,917 BOBIK: It was a nice little shit pan, that. 516 00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:56,875 (upbeat music) 517 00:23:58,708 --> 00:24:00,292 I should be sitting at my desk 518 00:24:00,292 --> 00:24:02,375 having a cheeky midweek wine. 519 00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:04,708 You know I collect goblets? - Do ya? 520 00:24:04,833 --> 00:24:05,917 People think I work all the time, 521 00:24:05,917 --> 00:24:07,500 but I've got loads of interests. 522 00:24:07,500 --> 00:24:11,667 Socialising, giving orders. Mmm... 523 00:24:11,667 --> 00:24:13,208 We don't even know if they came this way. 524 00:24:13,208 --> 00:24:15,042 Bloody runaway monarchs! 525 00:24:15,250 --> 00:24:17,375 So annoying! (sticks clanging) 526 00:24:19,208 --> 00:24:20,917 I know this pattern! 527 00:24:22,083 --> 00:24:23,875 They're close, Max. 528 00:24:24,583 --> 00:24:26,042 They're close. 529 00:24:27,042 --> 00:24:28,458 SHULMAY: Darkness gathers. 530 00:24:28,875 --> 00:24:30,375 We'll dwell the night here. 531 00:24:30,958 --> 00:24:33,625 I can't remember when I wasn't walking. 532 00:24:34,500 --> 00:24:36,000 How long has it been? 533 00:24:36,292 --> 00:24:39,333 All day, all night, another day. 534 00:24:43,625 --> 00:24:49,625 Oh, my toes, they look like boxers' eyelids! 535 00:24:49,625 --> 00:24:52,708 I'm- I'm rancid. I'm rotting. 536 00:24:53,125 --> 00:24:56,292 My royal body requires a palace to rest in. 537 00:24:56,875 --> 00:24:58,000 - Here? - Yes. 538 00:24:58,167 --> 00:24:59,708 Make a palace happen around me. 539 00:24:59,708 --> 00:25:01,208 A good stone one. 540 00:25:02,958 --> 00:25:04,083 Okay. 541 00:25:06,458 --> 00:25:09,292 I can't sleep without my anthem, Shulmay. 542 00:25:13,083 --> 00:25:18,167 Harsh as a lion, she tramples her foes, 543 00:25:18,625 --> 00:25:20,625 raises burdensome taxes 544 00:25:20,625 --> 00:25:23,875 on their howling widows, 545 00:25:24,042 --> 00:25:28,042 Queen, Queen Dagan. 546 00:25:28,250 --> 00:25:29,875 While Queen Dagan slept, 547 00:25:29,875 --> 00:25:33,042 Humble Joan was working late at the citadel. 548 00:25:33,375 --> 00:25:36,083 Ultimate super weapons don't make themselves, you know. 549 00:25:36,292 --> 00:25:38,292 Easy does it. 550 00:25:38,458 --> 00:25:40,125 (tense music) 551 00:25:40,667 --> 00:25:42,208 Beautiful. 552 00:25:44,667 --> 00:25:47,417 It's kings and queens who yearn for portraits. 553 00:25:47,417 --> 00:25:50,417 Oh, but Joan, you're the greatest woman of the age. 554 00:25:50,417 --> 00:25:55,458 Alright, if you must, but it doesn't matter to me. 555 00:25:55,458 --> 00:25:57,042 (soft music) 556 00:25:57,625 --> 00:25:59,500 How will you do my hair? 557 00:25:59,750 --> 00:26:01,875 (footsteps approach) A message from Leofwine. 558 00:26:02,667 --> 00:26:04,792 'I'm pursuing the tyrant Dagan eastward. 559 00:26:05,167 --> 00:26:07,083 Though she's proved elusive so far, 560 00:26:07,375 --> 00:26:10,208 I expect to capture her very tremendously soon.' 561 00:26:11,125 --> 00:26:13,333 (banging) Dagan's alive. 562 00:26:13,958 --> 00:26:16,833 While her heart beats, I cannot rest easy. 563 00:26:19,167 --> 00:26:20,417 (shivering) 564 00:26:20,542 --> 00:26:22,292 DAGAN: It's damn cold out there. 565 00:26:23,083 --> 00:26:24,583 It's toasty in this palace. 566 00:26:25,375 --> 00:26:27,458 If a little... heavy. 567 00:26:27,708 --> 00:26:29,958 Would you like us to remove some stones, Your Majesty? 568 00:26:29,958 --> 00:26:32,208 DAGAN: No, no, don't be ridiculous. 569 00:26:32,208 --> 00:26:34,792 Then I'd be cold, like you. (yawns) 570 00:26:34,792 --> 00:26:36,042 Night-night. 571 00:26:37,333 --> 00:26:38,375 Shulmay. 572 00:26:38,833 --> 00:26:39,875 Bobik. 573 00:26:41,625 --> 00:26:43,333 I'm in this to be an earl. 574 00:26:44,917 --> 00:26:47,333 And Dagan's in this to get her kingdom back. 575 00:26:47,333 --> 00:26:48,958 What's in it for you? 576 00:26:50,250 --> 00:26:54,875 When I was a girl, I found myself with no family, 577 00:26:55,375 --> 00:26:57,875 nor any friends to keep me. 578 00:26:58,458 --> 00:27:02,167 So, I banged my little fists on the citadel gates 579 00:27:02,167 --> 00:27:04,333 and I begged for a job. (dramatic music) 580 00:27:04,333 --> 00:27:07,167 They made me table servant to Ur-Nammu. 581 00:27:07,417 --> 00:27:10,417 The old king, Dagan's dad. 582 00:27:11,792 --> 00:27:14,458 One night I'm sent to fetch his dinner, 583 00:27:15,583 --> 00:27:18,625 citadel's a warren, I get lost. 584 00:27:20,042 --> 00:27:23,000 Ur-Nammu's dinner comes late, and it comes cold. 585 00:27:23,000 --> 00:27:24,250 (clanging) 586 00:27:24,250 --> 00:27:28,458 So, he gives an order to feed me to his wolves. 587 00:27:31,208 --> 00:27:32,708 (wolf snarls) 588 00:27:34,000 --> 00:27:35,500 That's not very good, is it? 589 00:27:35,792 --> 00:27:39,958 His wife, Queen Fritha, bargained for my life. 590 00:27:41,250 --> 00:27:43,458 She made me a servant in her chambers. 591 00:27:43,667 --> 00:27:46,208 And for five years I stayed with her there. 592 00:27:46,208 --> 00:27:47,125 (dramatic music) 593 00:27:47,125 --> 00:27:49,500 Fritha always wore a charm around her neck. 594 00:27:50,167 --> 00:27:52,458 When the illness took her, she gave it to me. 595 00:27:53,458 --> 00:27:54,708 And she said - 596 00:27:54,708 --> 00:27:56,583 (whispers) If that girl is ever in trouble, 597 00:27:57,292 --> 00:28:01,542 (haunting music) please look after her. 598 00:28:02,625 --> 00:28:04,375 Queen Fritha always wore this. 599 00:28:04,500 --> 00:28:06,542 It's Dagan's first baby tooth. 600 00:28:09,000 --> 00:28:11,542 Fritha saved me, and I couldn't save her. 601 00:28:14,833 --> 00:28:16,625 So, I'll save her daughter, 602 00:28:17,375 --> 00:28:19,292 whether her daughter likes it or not. 603 00:28:19,625 --> 00:28:21,292 Dagan doesn't know about this? 604 00:28:21,583 --> 00:28:23,333 She won't hear talk of her mother. 605 00:28:26,042 --> 00:28:27,375 That's just how it is. 606 00:28:28,083 --> 00:28:30,042 You're a good person, Shulmay. 607 00:28:30,333 --> 00:28:32,250 You deserve good things to happen to you. 608 00:28:35,000 --> 00:28:36,042 Yeah. 609 00:28:40,583 --> 00:28:41,625 Ni-night. 610 00:28:48,000 --> 00:28:48,833 (claps) (snorts) 611 00:28:48,833 --> 00:28:50,208 - Come on! - What? 612 00:28:50,208 --> 00:28:51,667 Sun's coming up. 613 00:28:51,833 --> 00:28:53,042 Time to get moving. 614 00:28:53,417 --> 00:28:55,833 One of us has to have some discipline around here. 615 00:28:56,750 --> 00:28:58,083 Looks like it's me. 616 00:28:59,125 --> 00:29:00,333 Off we pop! 617 00:29:01,083 --> 00:29:03,208 (light music) (birds chirping) 618 00:29:07,167 --> 00:29:09,417 This is my morning song I sing, 619 00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:12,000 in summer, winter, and in spring. 620 00:29:12,458 --> 00:29:15,042 It's made from air that I breathe in, 621 00:29:15,583 --> 00:29:18,333 and then push out my mouth again. 622 00:29:21,083 --> 00:29:23,375 Shulmay, I seek your advice. 623 00:29:23,583 --> 00:29:24,875 Lowly you may be, 624 00:29:24,875 --> 00:29:27,250 but you're what's here, so, you'll have to do. 625 00:29:27,417 --> 00:29:29,458 Hmm. Such an honour. 626 00:29:29,458 --> 00:29:33,292 King Ivarr, King Guthrum. 627 00:29:33,833 --> 00:29:39,000 I'll marry one of them to bind the alliance and make an heir. 628 00:29:40,208 --> 00:29:42,375 But which one? (dramatic music) 629 00:29:42,625 --> 00:29:46,417 Guthrum's warriors could lay waste to whole shires, 630 00:29:46,625 --> 00:29:50,625 but Ivarr's fleets could ravage hell itself. 631 00:29:50,958 --> 00:29:53,417 Choices, choices. 632 00:29:53,750 --> 00:29:54,833 They both sound delightful, 633 00:29:54,833 --> 00:29:57,167 but would your mother want you marrying either? 634 00:29:58,250 --> 00:30:00,417 What I mean to say is... - You said nothing. 635 00:30:01,125 --> 00:30:03,583 And you will never speak of that nothing, ever. 636 00:30:04,125 --> 00:30:05,625 Do you understand? (tense music) 637 00:30:05,625 --> 00:30:07,208 Yes, my Queen. 638 00:30:07,208 --> 00:30:08,750 (up tempo music) 639 00:30:13,542 --> 00:30:17,000 And all the while, the traitor, Leofwine, pursued them. 640 00:30:18,292 --> 00:30:20,833 Unrelenting, unstoppable, 641 00:30:21,250 --> 00:30:23,833 like a machine, but with great hair. 642 00:30:25,708 --> 00:30:26,708 Yeah. 643 00:30:28,500 --> 00:30:29,583 Up there. 644 00:30:29,583 --> 00:30:31,000 Three of 'em. 645 00:30:40,792 --> 00:30:42,500 And... halt. 646 00:30:44,417 --> 00:30:46,792 Dinner time. (sighs) 647 00:30:47,375 --> 00:30:49,500 Ooh, hello lump. 648 00:30:49,500 --> 00:30:50,583 Rip. 649 00:30:53,125 --> 00:30:54,583 - Thank you. - Hmm. 650 00:30:57,958 --> 00:30:59,167 - It's lamb. - It's cheese. 651 00:30:59,375 --> 00:31:01,458 It's all we've got to eat for the next ninety miles. 652 00:31:01,458 --> 00:31:02,917 (pig snorting) 653 00:31:05,375 --> 00:31:09,167 Why just eat when we can feast? 654 00:31:09,417 --> 00:31:10,917 (pig snorting) 655 00:31:11,583 --> 00:31:14,167 Fine pork aplenty there. 656 00:31:14,292 --> 00:31:16,500 More than enough to last us all the way. 657 00:31:16,917 --> 00:31:19,250 And this is our bait. 658 00:31:19,833 --> 00:31:21,875 Yeah, boars are nimble. 659 00:31:22,458 --> 00:31:23,750 We'll need a bow to catch it. 660 00:31:23,750 --> 00:31:25,917 I'm an incredible hunter. 661 00:31:26,125 --> 00:31:27,875 (jaunty music) 662 00:31:32,375 --> 00:31:34,958 My Queen, we used to hide in a ditch, 663 00:31:34,958 --> 00:31:37,375 and release the animals as you came past. 664 00:31:40,458 --> 00:31:42,000 Well, I still had to catch the things. 665 00:31:42,000 --> 00:31:43,500 It's not as though you lamed them. 666 00:31:43,500 --> 00:31:45,167 - Well... - Shh! 667 00:31:45,292 --> 00:31:46,875 You'll startle our prey. (pig snorting) 668 00:31:50,167 --> 00:31:53,458 (shouting) Surprise attack! (pig startles, squeals) 669 00:31:56,708 --> 00:31:59,792 Yeah, maybe don't actually say, 'surprise attack'. 670 00:31:59,917 --> 00:32:01,458 (upbeat music) 671 00:32:01,458 --> 00:32:02,542 Here we go. 672 00:32:03,375 --> 00:32:04,417 (pig snorts) 673 00:32:04,417 --> 00:32:05,958 Good piggy. 674 00:32:09,542 --> 00:32:11,000 (string snaps, twangs) 675 00:32:11,625 --> 00:32:12,625 (pig snorts) 676 00:32:13,375 --> 00:32:14,708 (stick breaks) (rock thumps) 677 00:32:14,708 --> 00:32:16,167 (pig snorts happily) 678 00:32:17,292 --> 00:32:20,542 (shouting) It's a bit fucking late now! 679 00:32:21,375 --> 00:32:22,375 Ow! 680 00:32:22,375 --> 00:32:26,042 He'll stay longer... if we leave the whole lump. 681 00:32:26,042 --> 00:32:27,833 (upbeat music) 682 00:32:33,125 --> 00:32:34,542 (pig snorts, snuffles) 683 00:32:38,000 --> 00:32:39,458 (grass rustles) 684 00:32:40,208 --> 00:32:41,250 She's gonna do it. 685 00:32:41,417 --> 00:32:42,417 (thump) 686 00:32:42,667 --> 00:32:44,250 (groans) 687 00:32:45,167 --> 00:32:46,292 (pig snorts happily) 688 00:32:49,375 --> 00:32:50,667 Urgh. 689 00:32:52,417 --> 00:32:53,750 (sighs) 690 00:32:55,042 --> 00:32:56,833 You're angry with me. 691 00:32:58,125 --> 00:33:00,250 You know, if anyone's to blame here, Shulmay... 692 00:33:00,250 --> 00:33:01,375 Really? 693 00:33:08,167 --> 00:33:10,917 If anyone's to blame here, Shulmay... 694 00:33:13,917 --> 00:33:14,917 it's me. 695 00:33:16,667 --> 00:33:18,750 And it's my fault we've no food now. 696 00:33:20,208 --> 00:33:21,500 And...? 697 00:33:22,708 --> 00:33:28,667 And I'm... sorry. 698 00:33:29,042 --> 00:33:31,250 An apology. Thank you. 699 00:33:32,417 --> 00:33:33,917 Up we get. 700 00:33:34,375 --> 00:33:36,292 No time for slackers, eh? 701 00:33:37,083 --> 00:33:38,625 (soft music) 702 00:33:42,667 --> 00:33:45,417 Shulmay, isn't it strange, 703 00:33:46,583 --> 00:33:48,792 a few days ago I didn't even know your name, 704 00:33:49,292 --> 00:33:50,625 or any servant's. 705 00:33:50,875 --> 00:33:53,208 (uplifting flute music) And now here I am. 706 00:33:54,750 --> 00:33:56,125 Here we are. 707 00:34:05,042 --> 00:34:06,542 I did a table. 708 00:34:06,542 --> 00:34:09,125 Tonight, we shall feast upon the rich flesh... 709 00:34:12,833 --> 00:34:14,333 (table crashes) 710 00:34:25,292 --> 00:34:27,042 (grass, leaves rustle) 711 00:34:28,667 --> 00:34:31,000 LEOFWINE: Dagan's pretty crown. 712 00:34:33,833 --> 00:34:34,875 This way. 713 00:34:37,917 --> 00:34:39,542 {\an8}DAGAN: Tell me about yourself, Bobik. 714 00:34:39,750 --> 00:34:41,792 {\an8}And I'll listen this time, I actually will. 715 00:34:42,125 --> 00:34:43,625 I was born in a bin. 716 00:34:44,458 --> 00:34:46,167 When we were little, we couldn't afford clothes, 717 00:34:46,167 --> 00:34:49,000 so, we made our own out of nettles. 718 00:34:49,750 --> 00:34:50,917 Ouch. 719 00:34:51,125 --> 00:34:52,708 That was my first word. 720 00:34:53,417 --> 00:34:55,458 Then there was the whole rest of my life. 721 00:34:56,833 --> 00:34:58,000 And then there's now. 722 00:34:59,250 --> 00:35:01,042 Which is the important bit, isn't it? 723 00:35:02,292 --> 00:35:03,792 Yeah, he's actually right. 724 00:35:04,125 --> 00:35:05,917 We fret so much about the future, 725 00:35:05,917 --> 00:35:07,625 or I do, anyway. 726 00:35:08,167 --> 00:35:11,167 And then when you get to the future, it's now. 727 00:35:11,875 --> 00:35:13,542 Life is made of nows. 728 00:35:13,750 --> 00:35:15,083 (ethereal music) 729 00:35:18,292 --> 00:35:21,625 It's always now. 730 00:35:25,000 --> 00:35:27,000 Such wisdom. 731 00:35:27,375 --> 00:35:29,542 There's an invisible snail of time, 732 00:35:29,958 --> 00:35:32,208 and he eats all your nows. 733 00:35:32,542 --> 00:35:34,583 The day you see him is the day you die. 734 00:35:36,333 --> 00:35:38,083 And he's called Big Liam. 735 00:35:40,292 --> 00:35:42,042 It was going so well till then. 736 00:35:42,042 --> 00:35:43,875 (upbeat music) 737 00:35:43,875 --> 00:35:46,417 Ooh, I bet they've got good pies down there. 738 00:35:46,792 --> 00:35:47,958 We've gotta eat sometime. 739 00:35:47,958 --> 00:35:49,625 DAGAN: Well, we can't enter a town. 740 00:35:50,375 --> 00:35:51,833 BOBIK: Got no money anyway. 741 00:35:52,292 --> 00:35:53,333 Got these. 742 00:35:54,500 --> 00:35:55,667 No. 743 00:35:55,875 --> 00:35:59,375 No, I'm not shovelling turds for copper coins. 744 00:36:00,083 --> 00:36:01,458 I'm just not. 745 00:36:02,917 --> 00:36:06,333 I said I'm not shovelling turds for copper coins. 746 00:36:06,333 --> 00:36:07,583 Did you hear me? 747 00:36:07,792 --> 00:36:08,875 Guys? 748 00:36:08,875 --> 00:36:10,667 (noisy market) 749 00:36:12,542 --> 00:36:13,750 (chickens clucking) 750 00:36:13,875 --> 00:36:14,958 (market sellers shouting) 751 00:36:15,292 --> 00:36:16,250 Bread! 752 00:36:16,583 --> 00:36:18,500 Only one quarter sawdust! 753 00:36:19,167 --> 00:36:20,958 - Bread! - Finest wool! 754 00:36:22,542 --> 00:36:23,875 Get your random geese! 755 00:36:23,875 --> 00:36:26,917 (bell ringing) TOWN CRIER: Oyez, oyez! 756 00:36:26,917 --> 00:36:29,875 News from the citadel. 757 00:36:29,875 --> 00:36:30,958 MAN: Shh, shh, shh. 758 00:36:30,958 --> 00:36:33,458 The siege is over. 759 00:36:33,583 --> 00:36:36,625 The victor is Humble Joan! 760 00:36:36,625 --> 00:36:38,250 (cheers) (upbeat flute music) 761 00:36:41,292 --> 00:36:44,583 - (chanting) Humble Joan! - DAGAN: Shulmay. 762 00:36:45,250 --> 00:36:47,292 Sorry, excuse me, sorry. 763 00:36:49,375 --> 00:36:50,875 Hooray! 764 00:36:52,958 --> 00:36:54,792 - Sorry. - Thank you. 765 00:36:57,375 --> 00:36:58,750 (squidging) 766 00:37:00,958 --> 00:37:03,083 DAGAN: Urgh. Yuck. (flies buzzing) 767 00:37:07,083 --> 00:37:08,833 Shit spaders for hire, you said. 768 00:37:09,042 --> 00:37:11,292 - Yeah. - You can spade shit. 769 00:37:11,292 --> 00:37:14,292 - Thank you. - You can sort of spade shit. 770 00:37:14,292 --> 00:37:16,458 But I've got no words for you. 771 00:37:16,750 --> 00:37:20,042 Pick up the pace, or nobody gets paid! 772 00:37:21,250 --> 00:37:23,792 Bobik, I need to improve! 773 00:37:23,792 --> 00:37:26,333 It takes many, many years to master the way of the spade. 774 00:37:26,333 --> 00:37:28,375 It's... it's not something you can just get across 775 00:37:28,375 --> 00:37:29,792 in an afternoon. 776 00:37:30,083 --> 00:37:31,458 Well, can we try? 777 00:37:32,958 --> 00:37:33,958 What's your song? 778 00:37:34,083 --> 00:37:35,500 Harsh as a lion... 779 00:37:35,500 --> 00:37:36,958 No, no! 780 00:37:37,167 --> 00:37:38,542 Your real song. 781 00:37:39,125 --> 00:37:40,292 Come here. 782 00:37:41,208 --> 00:37:42,333 Closer. 783 00:37:42,542 --> 00:37:44,042 Bobik not gonna hurt Dagan. 784 00:37:44,042 --> 00:37:45,458 Just close your eyes. 785 00:37:46,208 --> 00:37:47,208 Please. 786 00:37:47,917 --> 00:37:53,000 Now, I'm gonna need you to go deep inside yourself. 787 00:37:54,042 --> 00:37:55,500 (tense music) Okay? 788 00:37:55,875 --> 00:37:59,208 Now, just imagine for a second 789 00:38:00,042 --> 00:38:01,542 that you're not a queen. 790 00:38:02,458 --> 00:38:03,708 You're not a woman. 791 00:38:05,042 --> 00:38:06,875 You're not a man. 792 00:38:07,875 --> 00:38:11,917 There's no earth, there's no sky. 793 00:38:13,458 --> 00:38:17,083 It's just you, and the spade, 794 00:38:18,542 --> 00:38:20,875 and the thing what must be spaded. 795 00:38:22,167 --> 00:38:24,167 Now open your eyes. 796 00:38:24,167 --> 00:38:26,333 (whoosh) 797 00:38:29,042 --> 00:38:30,417 What do you see? 798 00:38:31,667 --> 00:38:32,875 (echoing) Me. 799 00:38:34,583 --> 00:38:36,208 Spade. 800 00:38:38,083 --> 00:38:39,625 And that huge pile. 801 00:38:40,125 --> 00:38:42,208 BOBIK; Now, there's a song inside you. 802 00:38:42,708 --> 00:38:46,125 Everyone has one, deep in their soul. 803 00:38:46,417 --> 00:38:48,167 That's your spading song. 804 00:38:48,417 --> 00:38:50,083 That's your rhythm. 805 00:38:53,125 --> 00:38:54,167 No. 806 00:38:54,792 --> 00:38:56,750 I can't hear any song, I'm sorry. 807 00:38:56,750 --> 00:38:58,042 Well, that's odd. 808 00:38:58,042 --> 00:38:59,917 Well, let's go even deeper. 809 00:38:59,917 --> 00:39:02,375 Think about something from your past. 810 00:39:02,542 --> 00:39:04,208 SHULMAY: Not a good idea. 811 00:39:04,625 --> 00:39:07,000 BOBIK: It'll be fine. Bobik's got this. 812 00:39:07,000 --> 00:39:08,458 SHULMAY: Well, does he, though? 813 00:39:08,458 --> 00:39:10,125 DAGAN: Not helping. 814 00:39:10,292 --> 00:39:13,208 BOBIK: Trust me. Close your eyes again. 815 00:39:14,083 --> 00:39:15,917 (chanting music) 816 00:39:16,375 --> 00:39:18,458 Go even deeper inside. 817 00:39:19,375 --> 00:39:20,958 Deep as it goes. 818 00:39:24,125 --> 00:39:26,083 (whooshing) 819 00:39:26,083 --> 00:39:27,792 (humming) 820 00:39:31,750 --> 00:39:33,000 (sludge squelching) 821 00:39:38,458 --> 00:39:40,208 See? I told you. 822 00:39:40,500 --> 00:39:42,583 YOUNG DAGAN: (screaming) Mum! Mum! Mum! 823 00:39:42,583 --> 00:39:44,542 (screaming) 824 00:39:45,625 --> 00:39:46,625 No! 825 00:39:46,750 --> 00:39:51,667 La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la - la-la-la... 826 00:39:53,500 --> 00:39:54,875 (spade snaps) 827 00:39:55,833 --> 00:39:57,208 What's the racket? 828 00:39:59,125 --> 00:40:03,458 What shit spader breaks their own shit spade? 829 00:40:03,458 --> 00:40:05,417 Leathermaker, we will redouble our efforts. 830 00:40:05,417 --> 00:40:07,125 You'll redouble your efforts to fuck off. 831 00:40:07,125 --> 00:40:09,375 - SHULMAY: Kind leathermaker... - Fuck off! 832 00:40:09,583 --> 00:40:10,750 Brilliant. 833 00:40:11,750 --> 00:40:13,542 How we gonna earn coin now? 834 00:40:13,917 --> 00:40:15,958 DAGAN: My only talent is being a queen. 835 00:40:16,708 --> 00:40:20,667 SHULMAY: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. 836 00:40:20,833 --> 00:40:23,333 Since the death of Ur-Nammu the Great, 837 00:40:23,333 --> 00:40:27,875 you have been oppressed by his horrendous daughter, 838 00:40:28,042 --> 00:40:31,875 the selfish, arrogant, stuck-up little child queen, 839 00:40:31,875 --> 00:40:33,875 despised by all. 840 00:40:33,875 --> 00:40:37,042 Now is the time for sweet revenge. 841 00:40:37,042 --> 00:40:39,875 I present to you Queen Dagan. 842 00:40:40,000 --> 00:40:43,250 (booing) DAGAN: You low, low wretches, 843 00:40:43,250 --> 00:40:45,917 you poo gobbling serfs, 844 00:40:45,917 --> 00:40:48,000 puss-encrusted bell-ends. (public laughing) 845 00:40:48,000 --> 00:40:50,500 Who dares to defame your queen? 846 00:40:50,500 --> 00:40:52,542 SHULMAY: Pelt the Queen with rocks. 847 00:40:52,542 --> 00:40:54,542 One for a farthing, six for a penny. 848 00:40:54,542 --> 00:40:56,083 What great value. 849 00:40:56,250 --> 00:40:58,250 Here is a farthing. 850 00:40:59,583 --> 00:41:01,292 (rock hits the target) (cheering) 851 00:41:01,292 --> 00:41:02,917 DAGAN: Who threw that? 852 00:41:02,917 --> 00:41:05,958 Suck my fat scorn, you maggoty churl. 853 00:41:05,958 --> 00:41:09,292 I'll open your head and stab you in the fucking mind. 854 00:41:09,750 --> 00:41:12,375 I'll hang your balls from a spike 855 00:41:12,375 --> 00:41:15,083 so, everybody can see how tiny they are. 856 00:41:15,083 --> 00:41:18,875 (laughing) Very, very, very tiny balls. 857 00:41:19,083 --> 00:41:20,083 It's Bobik. 858 00:41:20,083 --> 00:41:22,583 I heard her speak once and she sounded just like that. 859 00:41:22,583 --> 00:41:24,125 Do her some damage. 860 00:41:24,125 --> 00:41:26,375 Six for a penny. (cheers) 861 00:41:26,375 --> 00:41:27,833 (coins jangling) 862 00:41:28,333 --> 00:41:30,750 (rock hits the target) (cheering) 863 00:41:30,750 --> 00:41:32,167 (coins jangling) (rocks pelting) 864 00:41:32,167 --> 00:41:35,292 DAGAN: Is that all you've got, you cock-sucking witches? 865 00:41:35,292 --> 00:41:36,208 (target smashes) (cheering) 866 00:41:36,208 --> 00:41:37,625 (cheering) 867 00:41:37,958 --> 00:41:41,000 I was a superb puppeteer, was I not? 868 00:41:41,000 --> 00:41:42,042 Fantastic. 869 00:41:42,042 --> 00:41:44,875 - How good was I, Bobik? - You were absolutely shit. 870 00:41:48,167 --> 00:41:50,208 (laughing) 871 00:41:50,667 --> 00:41:52,000 You're doing a jest. 872 00:41:52,000 --> 00:41:53,083 That I am. 873 00:41:53,083 --> 00:41:55,375 - And a great one at that. - Thank you. 874 00:41:55,375 --> 00:41:57,000 Well, we've earned enough for food. 875 00:41:57,000 --> 00:41:58,083 And beer. 876 00:41:58,083 --> 00:42:00,792 And toenail paint, which I'm not convinced that we need. 877 00:42:00,792 --> 00:42:03,000 I need it, Shulmay, I just do. 878 00:42:03,000 --> 00:42:04,667 It's a queen thing, judge me not. 879 00:42:04,833 --> 00:42:06,042 (clearing throat) 880 00:42:07,042 --> 00:42:08,458 Help. 881 00:42:09,292 --> 00:42:11,417 SHULMAY: She likes you. Smile back. 882 00:42:13,292 --> 00:42:14,417 (growls) 883 00:42:15,417 --> 00:42:16,625 SHULMAY: You flirted, Bobik. 884 00:42:17,042 --> 00:42:19,375 People who don't smell get to do that now and then. 885 00:42:19,375 --> 00:42:21,917 So, we take the Great East Road from here, 886 00:42:21,917 --> 00:42:24,292 and then it's a few days to Fingerstone Rock. 887 00:42:24,458 --> 00:42:26,292 Then we're out across the sea. 888 00:42:26,292 --> 00:42:27,917 We're halfway to salvation. 889 00:42:27,917 --> 00:42:31,792 And I'm still wearing this little chap. 890 00:42:33,667 --> 00:42:35,000 Boop. (giggles) 891 00:42:35,000 --> 00:42:37,625 And it's safe so long as I have my friends. 892 00:42:38,917 --> 00:42:42,208 I said that exact thing only a week ago to others. 893 00:42:42,833 --> 00:42:44,708 And then they tried to murder me. 894 00:42:45,625 --> 00:42:46,667 Urgh. 895 00:42:47,750 --> 00:42:52,292 You two haven't murdered me, not even a tiny bit. 896 00:42:53,042 --> 00:42:54,250 We're your friends. 897 00:42:54,250 --> 00:42:56,875 Best friends, forever. 898 00:42:57,083 --> 00:42:59,292 Even though you're both very, very common. 899 00:42:59,500 --> 00:43:00,917 And when I'm back on my throne, 900 00:43:00,917 --> 00:43:05,167 I shall rain riches and titles on you both. 901 00:43:05,417 --> 00:43:06,417 You said that before. 902 00:43:06,417 --> 00:43:08,417 Yes, but I was fibbing then. I mean it now. 903 00:43:09,083 --> 00:43:10,375 To friendship. 904 00:43:11,625 --> 00:43:12,833 (cheers) 905 00:43:12,833 --> 00:43:14,583 Shulmay, what's your song? 906 00:43:14,583 --> 00:43:16,625 I dunno. Don't have one probably. 907 00:43:16,625 --> 00:43:17,917 Everyone's got one. 908 00:43:17,917 --> 00:43:19,292 The tooth in the bottle. 909 00:43:19,292 --> 00:43:21,208 I mean, there must be a story there. 910 00:43:21,208 --> 00:43:22,875 (gasps) Let me guess. 911 00:43:23,208 --> 00:43:25,292 Oh, it's the tooth of your long-lost sweetheart. 912 00:43:25,292 --> 00:43:27,542 And we can help you win him back. 913 00:43:27,708 --> 00:43:29,292 Bobik, that'll be our next adventure. 914 00:43:29,292 --> 00:43:31,458 - It's just a tooth. (laughs) - It's your tooth. 915 00:43:32,167 --> 00:43:35,083 Your mum, Queen Fritha, gave it to Shulmay, 916 00:43:35,250 --> 00:43:37,583 and Shulmay made a promise to look after you, 917 00:43:37,583 --> 00:43:39,542 'cau...'cause your mum saved Shulmay... 918 00:43:42,208 --> 00:43:43,458 (laughs nervously) 919 00:43:43,708 --> 00:43:45,417 Beer... beer made me say that. 920 00:43:46,167 --> 00:43:47,542 Is that true, Shulmay? 921 00:43:47,542 --> 00:43:48,875 (upbeat flute music) 922 00:43:49,708 --> 00:43:51,125 You're not loyal to me. 923 00:43:51,375 --> 00:43:52,750 You're not my friend. 924 00:43:53,458 --> 00:43:54,958 You're just a friend of my mother's. 925 00:43:54,958 --> 00:43:57,625 - She was a good woman, Dagan. - She locked herself in a tower. 926 00:43:58,333 --> 00:43:59,917 She refused to see me. 927 00:44:00,375 --> 00:44:03,125 I was abandoned, forsaken. - No, because... 928 00:44:03,125 --> 00:44:04,833 Speak no more of that woman! 929 00:44:04,833 --> 00:44:06,375 (pub falls silent) 930 00:44:06,542 --> 00:44:07,500 (Bobik clears his throat) 931 00:44:07,500 --> 00:44:10,792 Okay, we're getting attention. We need to leave, quietly. 932 00:44:12,125 --> 00:44:13,208 Don't look. 933 00:44:14,542 --> 00:44:15,917 (treacherous music) DAGAN: Leofwine. 934 00:44:15,917 --> 00:44:18,167 Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. 935 00:44:18,167 --> 00:44:20,083 She doesn't know you. Distract her. 936 00:44:21,208 --> 00:44:22,208 How? 937 00:44:22,500 --> 00:44:24,667 LEOFWINE: You're not even looking properly. Look at it. 938 00:44:25,417 --> 00:44:28,833 Oh God, your breath is like a badger's arse. 939 00:44:28,833 --> 00:44:29,917 Hello. 940 00:44:31,875 --> 00:44:32,917 Madame. 941 00:44:34,083 --> 00:44:38,542 You are a super fine lady. 942 00:44:39,583 --> 00:44:42,333 And this is me telling you that. 943 00:44:42,917 --> 00:44:44,542 (beer pouring on floor) 944 00:44:45,167 --> 00:44:47,375 That was beer, it wasn't a sudden gush of piss. 945 00:44:51,917 --> 00:44:55,708 This is an interaction of some kind, but what exactly? 946 00:44:55,958 --> 00:44:57,583 It's my new thing. 947 00:44:57,875 --> 00:44:59,250 It's called flirting. 948 00:45:00,167 --> 00:45:01,542 Is it going well? 949 00:45:01,750 --> 00:45:02,917 (sword swishes) Whoa. 950 00:45:03,458 --> 00:45:06,167 - Can it stop? - Oh, yeah. 951 00:45:07,167 --> 00:45:08,958 Oh, sorry, sorry. 952 00:45:15,208 --> 00:45:16,208 You. 953 00:45:17,750 --> 00:45:19,125 Have you seen this woman? 954 00:45:19,792 --> 00:45:23,542 Is there a way east which isn't the Great East Road? 955 00:45:23,542 --> 00:45:25,792 A way that's, er, much quicker, 956 00:45:25,792 --> 00:45:29,333 but at the same time isn't used by anyone at all? 957 00:45:29,542 --> 00:45:31,375 There is such a way. 958 00:45:32,125 --> 00:45:35,125 There's a certain forest. (eerie sounds) 959 00:45:36,458 --> 00:45:38,542 You don't wanna go through there. 960 00:45:38,667 --> 00:45:40,667 SHULMAY: We've heard about this certain forest. 961 00:45:40,958 --> 00:45:43,250 What's so bad about it? - The Man-Wolf. (bang) 962 00:45:43,625 --> 00:45:47,833 Ur-Nammu the Great loved his wolves, 963 00:45:48,042 --> 00:45:50,167 more than his own daughter even. 964 00:45:50,667 --> 00:45:56,000 Story goes he tried to make a Man-Wolf companion 965 00:45:56,000 --> 00:45:58,708 by unnatural means. 966 00:45:58,708 --> 00:46:00,917 First, a fella was kidnapped, 967 00:46:00,917 --> 00:46:04,208 then Ur-Nammu transformed this poor man 968 00:46:04,375 --> 00:46:06,000 with hexes and the like. 969 00:46:06,000 --> 00:46:07,917 DAGAN: And I'm guessing that went badly. 970 00:46:08,042 --> 00:46:09,208 Or are you going to surprise me 971 00:46:09,208 --> 00:46:11,000 and say it went really well? - No! 972 00:46:11,250 --> 00:46:16,125 It was a monster made with magic only a king can undo. 973 00:46:16,125 --> 00:46:19,167 And it dwells in those woods still, 974 00:46:19,833 --> 00:46:23,458 feasting on the fools who take the forest path. 975 00:46:23,458 --> 00:46:26,750 Them what don't believe the beast is real! 976 00:46:26,750 --> 00:46:28,417 (people shouting excitedly) WOMAN: Humble Joan's here! 977 00:46:30,000 --> 00:46:32,458 Oh no, not her as well. 978 00:46:33,833 --> 00:46:36,083 MAN: Humble Joan is here! 979 00:46:36,083 --> 00:46:37,333 WOMAN: It's Humble Joan! 980 00:46:37,333 --> 00:46:38,875 (chanting) Humble Joan, Humble Joan, 981 00:46:38,875 --> 00:46:45,542 Humble Joan, Humble Joan, Humble Joan... 982 00:46:46,042 --> 00:46:48,542 Humble Joan, Humble Joan, 983 00:46:48,750 --> 00:46:53,458 Humble Joan, Humble Joan, Humble Joan, Humble Joan... 984 00:46:53,792 --> 00:46:55,000 (crowd falls silent) 985 00:46:55,333 --> 00:46:56,875 Good citizens... 986 00:46:57,667 --> 00:46:59,833 five days now since Dagan fell, 987 00:46:59,833 --> 00:47:02,625 and with her the crooked laws, 988 00:47:02,625 --> 00:47:05,958 which stole the wealth of this land from you, the people. 989 00:47:05,958 --> 00:47:08,292 (cheering) 990 00:47:09,750 --> 00:47:11,625 And yet Dagan lives. 991 00:47:12,292 --> 00:47:13,542 She stalks our fields. 992 00:47:13,542 --> 00:47:14,833 No! JOAN: Our lanes. 993 00:47:14,833 --> 00:47:16,250 CROWD: No! 994 00:47:16,375 --> 00:47:18,625 I have heard she lurks here, in the east, 995 00:47:19,000 --> 00:47:20,958 and hopes to win her throne again. 996 00:47:20,958 --> 00:47:22,458 CROWD: Never! 997 00:47:22,708 --> 00:47:24,458 JOAN: To pillage and to murder. 998 00:47:24,708 --> 00:47:28,083 And I've heard she's done poos in your wells. 999 00:47:28,083 --> 00:47:30,000 (crowd cries) 1000 00:47:31,125 --> 00:47:32,667 DAGAN: She doesn't do that. 1001 00:47:32,917 --> 00:47:35,000 300 silver marks, 1002 00:47:36,042 --> 00:47:37,667 a lifetime's pay, 1003 00:47:38,667 --> 00:47:42,458 all for the one who brings me Dagan, alive or dead. 1004 00:47:42,792 --> 00:47:44,042 (cheers) 1005 00:47:44,042 --> 00:47:46,292 The people are the heroes now. 1006 00:47:46,458 --> 00:47:48,125 (loud cheering) 1007 00:47:49,750 --> 00:47:51,833 MAN: Put her head on a spike. 1008 00:47:54,667 --> 00:47:56,458 SHULMAY: Quick, Dagan, this way. 1009 00:47:56,458 --> 00:47:57,917 (people shouting murderously) 1010 00:47:57,917 --> 00:47:59,583 (drum beating) 1011 00:48:10,208 --> 00:48:13,833 Stop it! She's here. 1012 00:48:15,792 --> 00:48:17,292 She's here. 1013 00:48:18,542 --> 00:48:21,125 The little piggy princess. 1014 00:48:21,125 --> 00:48:22,417 Bobik! 1015 00:48:24,000 --> 00:48:25,500 Bobik! - Yeah? No. 1016 00:48:27,375 --> 00:48:29,333 Is that woman gone? - Yes, come on! 1017 00:48:29,333 --> 00:48:31,583 Scary. But lovely hair. 1018 00:48:32,292 --> 00:48:36,792 So, they took the path where nobody goes, 1019 00:48:37,000 --> 00:48:39,458 (eerie music) into a certain forest. 1020 00:48:40,625 --> 00:48:42,125 SHULMAY: Man-Wolf. (laughs) 1021 00:48:42,125 --> 00:48:44,250 No. No, such thing. 1022 00:48:44,917 --> 00:48:46,417 Absolutely not, no. 1023 00:48:47,417 --> 00:48:48,500 No way. 1024 00:48:48,667 --> 00:48:50,333 Stay on the path. (laughs nervously) 1025 00:48:50,333 --> 00:48:51,792 Never leave the path. 1026 00:48:51,958 --> 00:48:55,333 Bobik, tell this woman she has us utterly lost. 1027 00:48:55,333 --> 00:48:57,000 You still not talking to her? 1028 00:48:57,125 --> 00:49:00,208 Well, I'll travel with her if I must. 1029 00:49:00,208 --> 00:49:02,917 But it's my mother she loves. 1030 00:49:02,917 --> 00:49:06,292 So, all former relations are severed. 1031 00:49:06,292 --> 00:49:08,000 I liked it when we were in the pub. 1032 00:49:08,125 --> 00:49:08,958 There was beer. 1033 00:49:08,958 --> 00:49:11,833 If it cheers you up, Bobik, you can have an extra county 1034 00:49:11,833 --> 00:49:13,375 on your earldom. - Whoa. 1035 00:49:13,375 --> 00:49:15,667 Hey, will there be ale in this county? 1036 00:49:15,833 --> 00:49:17,042 All the ale you can guzzle. 1037 00:49:17,042 --> 00:49:18,375 What, and pies? 1038 00:49:18,375 --> 00:49:20,542 - Pies too. - What kind of pies? 1039 00:49:21,125 --> 00:49:23,208 - All the pies you can imagine. - Wow! 1040 00:49:23,208 --> 00:49:25,375 Well, hey, I can imagine a great many 1041 00:49:25,375 --> 00:49:26,500 different kinds of pies. 1042 00:49:26,500 --> 00:49:28,500 I'm sure you can, but there's no need to list them. 1043 00:49:28,500 --> 00:49:29,958 You've got apple pie, mutton pie. 1044 00:49:29,958 --> 00:49:32,083 - Here we go. - Elderberry pie, venison pie. 1045 00:49:32,083 --> 00:49:33,208 - Yeah. - Rabbit pie. 1046 00:49:33,208 --> 00:49:34,875 - Rabbit pie's a nice pie. - Mm-hmm. 1047 00:49:34,875 --> 00:49:36,875 But then, of course, you have all the fish pies. 1048 00:49:37,083 --> 00:49:39,625 Imagine for a moment any fish in the river, 1049 00:49:39,875 --> 00:49:41,708 and then just say the word 'pie' after it. 1050 00:49:41,833 --> 00:49:44,000 - Got it. - Go on, have a go. Give me one. 1051 00:49:44,875 --> 00:49:46,042 - Trout. - Trout pie, yes. 1052 00:49:46,042 --> 00:49:47,833 Salmon pie. Now, eel pie is very... 1053 00:49:47,833 --> 00:49:49,292 (banging sound) What's that? 1054 00:49:49,292 --> 00:49:50,958 (eerie music) (wolf hows) 1055 00:49:50,958 --> 00:49:53,417 (Bobik shudders) 1056 00:49:54,292 --> 00:49:56,750 Are we standing in the lair of the deadly Man-Wolf? 1057 00:49:59,250 --> 00:50:01,083 I command you not to panic. But yes, yes, we are. 1058 00:50:01,083 --> 00:50:02,333 (Bobik cries) (stabbing sound) 1059 00:50:02,333 --> 00:50:04,292 (Dagan gasps) Hey, please don't leave me! 1060 00:50:05,917 --> 00:50:09,125 Circle of safety, circle of safety, circle of safety, 1061 00:50:09,250 --> 00:50:10,500 circle of safety! - Oh, God! 1062 00:50:10,625 --> 00:50:12,000 Oh, Gods, whatever! 1063 00:50:15,208 --> 00:50:16,333 LEATHERSMITH: Halt. (screams) 1064 00:50:16,333 --> 00:50:17,417 (tense music) 1065 00:50:17,417 --> 00:50:19,125 You were no shit spader. 1066 00:50:19,667 --> 00:50:20,833 That I could tell. 1067 00:50:21,500 --> 00:50:24,375 Then I saw that panting, you with the crown. 1068 00:50:24,375 --> 00:50:26,625 No, no, I'm Hilda. 1069 00:50:27,000 --> 00:50:29,083 I...I'm a travelling merchant. 1070 00:50:29,292 --> 00:50:30,417 Let's walk. 1071 00:50:31,250 --> 00:50:32,833 300 silver marks will buy me all the... 1072 00:50:32,833 --> 00:50:34,250 (stabbing sound) 1073 00:50:34,750 --> 00:50:36,458 (groans, thud) 1074 00:50:36,583 --> 00:50:37,542 Huh? 1075 00:50:37,542 --> 00:50:39,708 Saw him creep off with his long sword, 1076 00:50:39,708 --> 00:50:41,083 like he knew something. 1077 00:50:41,750 --> 00:50:43,583 And he led me all the way to you... 1078 00:50:44,583 --> 00:50:45,958 Your Majesty. 1079 00:50:46,292 --> 00:50:48,500 (whispers) Gods and ancestors, assist me now. 1080 00:50:48,500 --> 00:50:49,917 MAN: Don't waste your breathe. 1081 00:50:50,042 --> 00:50:52,500 My 300 silver marks will... (stabbing sound) 1082 00:50:52,500 --> 00:50:53,792 (groans) 1083 00:51:00,125 --> 00:51:01,750 (thud) Oh, my... 1084 00:51:01,875 --> 00:51:02,708 (pulling axe out) 1085 00:51:02,708 --> 00:51:07,708 Couldn't let him be the one to catch the great Queen Dagan. 1086 00:51:07,708 --> 00:51:10,875 And now, 300 silver... (stabbing sound) 1087 00:51:12,333 --> 00:51:14,833 (groans) 1088 00:51:15,875 --> 00:51:17,417 (thuds) Ludicrous! 1089 00:51:17,417 --> 00:51:19,417 That leathermaker tried to send us north. 1090 00:51:20,042 --> 00:51:21,583 But we figured out his game. 1091 00:51:22,125 --> 00:51:24,375 And those 300 silver marks... (stabbing sound) 1092 00:51:24,375 --> 00:51:25,958 (choking) 1093 00:51:27,208 --> 00:51:28,333 (Dagan squeals) (thuds) 1094 00:51:28,333 --> 00:51:29,750 (pulling sword out) 1095 00:51:30,625 --> 00:51:32,417 - Shall be mi... - Argh! 1096 00:51:32,417 --> 00:51:34,125 (stabbing sound) (choking) 1097 00:51:34,125 --> 00:51:35,333 (pulling sword out) (thuds) 1098 00:51:35,333 --> 00:51:36,583 No, you don't. 1099 00:51:36,917 --> 00:51:41,292 You are a difficult person to track down and behead. 1100 00:51:41,292 --> 00:51:42,750 (treacherous music) 1101 00:51:44,125 --> 00:51:45,250 If you want to talk your way out of this, 1102 00:51:45,250 --> 00:51:46,542 now's your chance. 1103 00:51:48,167 --> 00:51:49,250 Leofwine... 1104 00:51:50,417 --> 00:51:53,667 I mean, we go way back, and I thought... 1105 00:51:53,667 --> 00:51:55,792 Dee, dee, dee, dee, dee... 1106 00:51:58,667 --> 00:51:59,667 Carry on. 1107 00:52:01,458 --> 00:52:02,500 (treacherous music) 1108 00:52:02,500 --> 00:52:04,208 You know, maybe we could just... 1109 00:52:04,208 --> 00:52:08,292 - Dee, dee, dee, dee, dee... - (scoffs) 1110 00:52:08,583 --> 00:52:11,542 Dear sweet, stupid, 1111 00:52:11,750 --> 00:52:15,583 stupid, stupid 1112 00:52:16,042 --> 00:52:18,083 Dagan! - You won't escape this. 1113 00:52:18,083 --> 00:52:19,667 The mighty Bobik. 1114 00:52:19,792 --> 00:52:22,417 He'll be here any moment. 1115 00:52:22,417 --> 00:52:24,708 Circle of safety, circle of safety. 1116 00:52:24,708 --> 00:52:26,292 (owl hoots in the silence) 1117 00:52:28,500 --> 00:52:30,250 Nobody's coming for you. (wimpers) 1118 00:52:30,250 --> 00:52:31,500 Leofwine, listen! 1119 00:52:31,500 --> 00:52:34,917 Humble Joan, she'll just cast you aside as soon as she can. 1120 00:52:35,292 --> 00:52:36,417 She can't. 1121 00:52:38,875 --> 00:52:40,917 You don't think Joan's in charge, do you? 1122 00:52:41,083 --> 00:52:43,333 People like you and her, you don't actually govern. 1123 00:52:43,333 --> 00:52:45,167 People like me do that. 1124 00:52:45,708 --> 00:52:47,542 I gather taxes, 1125 00:52:47,750 --> 00:52:49,292 I pay the druids, 1126 00:52:49,417 --> 00:52:50,875 I burn the druids, 1127 00:52:50,875 --> 00:52:53,250 I hire cheaper, new druids. 1128 00:52:53,250 --> 00:52:56,375 I run the show, and I always did. 1129 00:52:57,042 --> 00:52:58,792 (dramatic music) 1130 00:52:59,500 --> 00:53:01,583 Urgh! (stabbing sound) 1131 00:53:04,042 --> 00:53:05,208 You... 1132 00:53:09,333 --> 00:53:10,625 You should have... 1133 00:53:14,875 --> 00:53:16,167 (thuds) 1134 00:53:26,583 --> 00:53:28,292 - She's dead. - ...joined me! 1135 00:53:28,458 --> 00:53:30,167 I had so many plans. 1136 00:53:32,583 --> 00:53:35,500 (gurgling) All dust now. 1137 00:53:35,625 --> 00:53:36,625 (chokes) 1138 00:53:37,083 --> 00:53:39,917 Dust... now. 1139 00:53:43,292 --> 00:53:44,375 (sighs) 1140 00:53:45,167 --> 00:53:46,958 - She's dead. - No! 1141 00:53:47,458 --> 00:53:53,167 I'm alive, Dagan, I'm still alive. 1142 00:53:55,792 --> 00:53:57,667 - Now... - (coughing) 1143 00:54:00,458 --> 00:54:01,917 DAGAN: Oh, for God's sake. 1144 00:54:02,125 --> 00:54:03,750 (dramatic music) 1145 00:54:09,083 --> 00:54:11,042 (women sighing) 1146 00:54:12,375 --> 00:54:14,667 I've actually literally wet my breeches. 1147 00:54:16,458 --> 00:54:18,375 The queen has moistened herself. 1148 00:54:19,500 --> 00:54:22,083 At least that man-wolf never showed up. 1149 00:54:22,083 --> 00:54:24,583 (wolf-man growls) (women screaming) 1150 00:54:24,708 --> 00:54:25,833 Shulmay! 1151 00:54:27,458 --> 00:54:29,625 I'm coming, Shulmay! (wolf-man snarls) 1152 00:54:29,625 --> 00:54:32,417 Get your hands off my friend! 1153 00:54:32,417 --> 00:54:36,000 (smashing, slashing, tearing) 1154 00:54:39,250 --> 00:54:40,667 Urgh! 1155 00:54:40,792 --> 00:54:42,958 (wolf-man gurgles, laughs) (babbles) 1156 00:54:48,833 --> 00:54:50,667 Relax. 1157 00:54:52,625 --> 00:54:54,042 It's broken. 1158 00:54:55,750 --> 00:54:58,500 Your crown broke the spell. 1159 00:54:59,833 --> 00:55:01,458 (both gasping) 1160 00:55:03,458 --> 00:55:05,208 I can return to my family. 1161 00:55:06,333 --> 00:55:08,708 Thank you for setting me free. 1162 00:55:14,583 --> 00:55:16,125 Hey, you alright, Clive? 1163 00:55:17,208 --> 00:55:18,625 I ain't seen you in years. 1164 00:55:19,958 --> 00:55:21,042 You're looking well. 1165 00:55:22,375 --> 00:55:24,833 Shulmay, are you hurt? 1166 00:55:25,042 --> 00:55:26,417 You came to save me. 1167 00:55:26,583 --> 00:55:28,958 You took off your crown for a lowly wretch like me. 1168 00:55:28,958 --> 00:55:30,958 Oh, but what a wretch. 1169 00:55:31,625 --> 00:55:33,708 What a wretch. 1170 00:55:33,875 --> 00:55:36,125 (laughs) (upbeat music) 1171 00:55:36,333 --> 00:55:37,333 (high tempo music) 1172 00:55:37,333 --> 00:55:39,292 With that huge bounty on your head, we won't get far, 1173 00:55:39,292 --> 00:55:41,542 but Leofwine's a close enough match for you. 1174 00:55:41,542 --> 00:55:43,125 We still have your scarlet robes. 1175 00:55:43,125 --> 00:55:45,750 If she's found in them, the hunt for the Queen ends. 1176 00:55:45,958 --> 00:55:47,792 But we have different faces. 1177 00:55:47,792 --> 00:55:49,917 Yes, but this is craggy country. 1178 00:55:49,917 --> 00:55:52,833 We'll find a cliff and drop her off a decent height. 1179 00:55:54,333 --> 00:55:55,542 I get it. 1180 00:55:55,708 --> 00:55:58,625 If Leofwine's head lands on a hard surface, 1181 00:55:58,625 --> 00:56:01,000 then her face will be all blown inside out 1182 00:56:01,000 --> 00:56:03,708 and splintered, crushed. (gagging) 1183 00:56:04,542 --> 00:56:07,583 SHULMAY: See? Put her in the gown, she's almost you. 1184 00:56:07,875 --> 00:56:09,333 Just the face to think about. 1185 00:56:10,917 --> 00:56:11,750 Hmm. 1186 00:56:11,750 --> 00:56:14,167 This here drop should do the job on that. 1187 00:56:14,792 --> 00:56:16,583 (grunting) Okay. 1188 00:56:17,958 --> 00:56:19,833 But she has to land correctly. 1189 00:56:19,833 --> 00:56:22,500 So, we... we've gotta drop her this way, then. 1190 00:56:22,875 --> 00:56:24,500 No, like this. 1191 00:56:25,417 --> 00:56:27,750 Legs first, 'cause she'll flip as she falls. 1192 00:56:27,750 --> 00:56:30,000 No, sideways, with a touch of spin. 1193 00:56:30,000 --> 00:56:32,625 - No, headfirst. - You haven't done this before. 1194 00:56:32,625 --> 00:56:34,042 Neither have you. 1195 00:56:34,500 --> 00:56:36,792 Alright, sideways with a touch of spin. 1196 00:56:37,542 --> 00:56:38,583 Okay. 1197 00:56:39,000 --> 00:56:40,000 You got her? - Yeah. 1198 00:56:40,000 --> 00:56:41,083 Ready? 1199 00:56:41,292 --> 00:56:45,125 One, two, three. 1200 00:56:46,167 --> 00:56:47,375 (gown flapping) 1201 00:56:47,375 --> 00:56:48,917 (loud thump) 1202 00:56:50,292 --> 00:56:51,542 Hmm. 1203 00:56:52,917 --> 00:56:54,875 Do we have to go down and fetch her up? 1204 00:56:54,875 --> 00:56:56,583 Yes. Yes, we do. 1205 00:56:56,583 --> 00:56:58,542 (upbeat flute music) 1206 00:57:00,750 --> 00:57:01,917 (grunting) 1207 00:57:02,833 --> 00:57:05,083 Okay, headfirst. 1208 00:57:05,833 --> 00:57:09,083 One, two, three. 1209 00:57:09,083 --> 00:57:10,542 (gown flapping) 1210 00:57:10,875 --> 00:57:12,042 (loud thump) 1211 00:57:12,042 --> 00:57:13,125 What?! 1212 00:57:14,292 --> 00:57:16,250 She flipped as she fell, I did say. 1213 00:57:16,458 --> 00:57:19,042 - He did say. - No, there was a sudden gust. 1214 00:57:19,917 --> 00:57:21,083 Yeah, one more time. 1215 00:57:21,083 --> 00:57:22,375 Alright. 1216 00:57:25,250 --> 00:57:26,917 Urgh, how are we gonna pick her up? 1217 00:57:26,917 --> 00:57:29,167 BOBIK: She's very slightly damaged. 1218 00:57:29,917 --> 00:57:31,417 (gagging) 1219 00:57:32,917 --> 00:57:34,208 I think I've worked something out. 1220 00:57:34,875 --> 00:57:37,333 Dagan often talks about nailing her foes to trees 1221 00:57:37,333 --> 00:57:40,875 and opening up their guts and other such japes. 1222 00:57:41,333 --> 00:57:43,375 When this kind of stuff happens in front of her... 1223 00:57:43,375 --> 00:57:45,333 - She doesn't much like it. - No, she doesn't. 1224 00:57:45,333 --> 00:57:46,542 Lies! 1225 00:57:46,875 --> 00:57:48,458 I am hard as horn. 1226 00:57:49,583 --> 00:57:52,417 In my youth, my father made me watch such things. 1227 00:57:52,417 --> 00:57:53,500 (treacherous music) 1228 00:57:54,292 --> 00:57:56,958 MAN: No! No, no, no, please, Your Majesty! 1229 00:57:56,958 --> 00:57:58,875 No, no, no! I beg you! 1230 00:57:59,583 --> 00:58:00,833 Please, no! 1231 00:58:02,042 --> 00:58:03,708 No! (sizzling) No! 1232 00:58:03,708 --> 00:58:04,625 No! 1233 00:58:04,625 --> 00:58:06,208 Alright. 1234 00:58:06,833 --> 00:58:08,042 I hated it. 1235 00:58:08,250 --> 00:58:10,750 I hated every horrid moment of it! 1236 00:58:11,542 --> 00:58:12,917 Are you satisfied? 1237 00:58:14,042 --> 00:58:16,042 And my mother did nothing. 1238 00:58:17,625 --> 00:58:21,333 (door clangs shut) YOUNG DAGAN: Mum! No! No! 1239 00:58:21,333 --> 00:58:23,167 Why won't you see me? 1240 00:58:23,917 --> 00:58:26,708 Shulmay, I feel we've opened the wax lid 1241 00:58:26,708 --> 00:58:28,917 atop a clay vessel of worms. 1242 00:58:35,125 --> 00:58:36,250 Your father thought your mother's love 1243 00:58:36,250 --> 00:58:37,708 would make you soft, 1244 00:58:38,792 --> 00:58:40,542 so, he locked her away in a tower, 1245 00:58:41,250 --> 00:58:42,750 and anyone who spoke of her again 1246 00:58:42,750 --> 00:58:44,583 would be pressed through a cattle grid. 1247 00:58:45,042 --> 00:58:46,667 She never abandoned you, Dagan. 1248 00:58:49,667 --> 00:58:51,958 My mother lo... loved me? 1249 00:58:52,417 --> 00:58:53,542 Always. 1250 00:58:54,917 --> 00:58:56,167 Why did nobody tell me? 1251 00:58:56,625 --> 00:58:57,958 (whispers) The cattle grid. 1252 00:58:58,125 --> 00:58:59,458 Oh. 1253 00:59:00,333 --> 00:59:02,833 Your father was a bad man. 1254 00:59:04,042 --> 00:59:06,292 And not worthy of your admiration. 1255 00:59:07,167 --> 00:59:10,000 But that is just the opinion of Bobik. 1256 00:59:11,292 --> 00:59:12,833 I've been so wrong. 1257 00:59:13,542 --> 00:59:14,917 (soft music) 1258 00:59:15,375 --> 00:59:17,000 Shall we have a third go then, or what? 1259 00:59:17,250 --> 00:59:18,333 I reckon we've got this. 1260 00:59:20,792 --> 00:59:23,375 Just let me do one thing. 1261 00:59:25,292 --> 00:59:26,500 (grunting) 1262 00:59:27,708 --> 00:59:29,250 Okay, feet first. 1263 00:59:29,792 --> 00:59:30,833 You ready? 1264 00:59:31,667 --> 00:59:35,625 One, two, three. 1265 00:59:38,500 --> 00:59:39,750 With the flip. 1266 00:59:39,875 --> 00:59:41,333 (thuds) Hmm. 1267 00:59:42,167 --> 00:59:43,958 Yay! (clapping) 1268 00:59:45,833 --> 00:59:46,958 Huh. 1269 00:59:50,208 --> 00:59:51,750 I'll see you again soon. 1270 00:59:52,458 --> 00:59:53,708 Promise. 1271 00:59:54,208 --> 00:59:55,208 (kisses crown) 1272 00:59:58,042 --> 00:59:59,958 Someone will find the body soon enough. 1273 00:59:59,958 --> 01:00:01,042 This is what they want 1274 01:00:01,042 --> 01:00:02,417 Why are you still here? 1275 01:00:02,417 --> 01:00:03,708 This is what they said 1276 01:00:03,708 --> 01:00:05,000 This is what you get 1277 01:00:05,000 --> 01:00:10,208 This is you feeling the same as you used to 1278 01:00:10,208 --> 01:00:11,625 (soldier gags) 1279 01:00:15,917 --> 01:00:17,667 Pay them the bounty. 1280 01:00:21,417 --> 01:00:23,250 Is Leofwine back from the forest yet? 1281 01:00:27,000 --> 01:00:28,167 (sheet swishes) 1282 01:00:32,125 --> 01:00:33,292 (laughs) 1283 01:00:34,792 --> 01:00:35,792 Hmm. 1284 01:00:38,500 --> 01:00:39,500 (fire crackles) 1285 01:00:44,708 --> 01:00:46,125 She's tougher than I thought. 1286 01:00:46,583 --> 01:00:48,167 I worried she wouldn't make it this far. 1287 01:00:48,542 --> 01:00:51,208 BOBIK: It's, what, a three-day walk to Fingerstone Rock? 1288 01:00:51,792 --> 01:00:53,875 To meet Ivarr and Guthrum. 1289 01:00:55,417 --> 01:00:56,542 Bobik. 1290 01:00:56,708 --> 01:00:58,375 - Yeah? - The thing is... 1291 01:01:02,708 --> 01:01:04,417 Yeah, we'll do that. 1292 01:01:05,542 --> 01:01:06,750 We'll do all of that. 1293 01:01:08,958 --> 01:01:10,333 (dramatic music) 1294 01:01:11,875 --> 01:01:17,417 And after a day's work at the new c-c-collective bakery, 1295 01:01:17,417 --> 01:01:21,750 I kept a few sweepings of flour for me and my family. 1296 01:01:21,750 --> 01:01:23,583 - Oh dear. - And I'm very sorry. 1297 01:01:23,583 --> 01:01:24,792 It won't happen again. 1298 01:01:25,042 --> 01:01:27,083 But I haven't had any wages since Freedom Day, 1299 01:01:27,083 --> 01:01:29,167 and the guards say there's no coin to pay us with, 1300 01:01:29,167 --> 01:01:31,125 and, and the kids, (laughs nervously) 1301 01:01:31,125 --> 01:01:32,250 they're so hungry. 1302 01:01:32,250 --> 01:01:33,333 - Witgar. - Hmm? 1303 01:01:33,333 --> 01:01:34,750 You can go back to your family. 1304 01:01:35,333 --> 01:01:36,792 (sighs) Thank you, Joan. 1305 01:01:36,792 --> 01:01:41,792 After a stay at the citadel, in a special room, 1306 01:01:41,958 --> 01:01:43,042 deep underground. 1307 01:01:43,042 --> 01:01:46,167 I...I, urgh... I love you! 1308 01:01:47,042 --> 01:01:48,708 This commonwealth cannot fail. 1309 01:01:48,708 --> 01:01:50,667 - WITGAR: I love you! - Will not fail. 1310 01:01:50,917 --> 01:01:53,292 SOLDIER: Humble Joan, a message from across the seas. 1311 01:01:53,292 --> 01:01:54,917 Hmm. (treacherous music) 1312 01:02:01,333 --> 01:02:03,292 And this letter gives us the means to do it. 1313 01:02:05,083 --> 01:02:06,250 Pack up! 1314 01:02:07,583 --> 01:02:09,000 I have somewhere to be. 1315 01:02:09,500 --> 01:02:10,333 (upbeat music) 1316 01:02:10,333 --> 01:02:13,042 And so, the long journey to the eastern shore 1317 01:02:13,042 --> 01:02:14,292 was nearly over. 1318 01:02:14,500 --> 01:02:16,333 Then, just a short trip across the sea 1319 01:02:16,333 --> 01:02:18,167 would take them to the great allies. 1320 01:02:18,542 --> 01:02:21,417 King Ivarr and King Guthrum. 1321 01:02:21,417 --> 01:02:23,500 (upbeat flute music) 1322 01:02:25,833 --> 01:02:26,875 SHULMAY: There it is. 1323 01:02:26,875 --> 01:02:28,708 (seagulls crying) (Dagan gasps) 1324 01:02:29,500 --> 01:02:30,500 Ah! 1325 01:02:30,875 --> 01:02:33,667 A hundred and two score miles, and here we are. 1326 01:02:34,583 --> 01:02:36,125 Fingerstone Rock! 1327 01:02:37,167 --> 01:02:39,167 BOBIK: It is big, though, the sea. 1328 01:02:39,708 --> 01:02:41,000 They weren't lying. 1329 01:02:42,042 --> 01:02:43,917 You'd need all day to drink that lot. 1330 01:02:44,292 --> 01:02:45,708 Is it salty, though? 1331 01:02:46,458 --> 01:02:47,750 I'm gonna lick it. 1332 01:02:48,583 --> 01:02:50,417 The only sure way to test anything is lick it. 1333 01:02:50,417 --> 01:02:51,417 Shulmay. 1334 01:02:51,417 --> 01:02:54,708 Where's our boat, Shulmay, to take us to the lovely kings? 1335 01:02:54,875 --> 01:02:56,000 My Queen, here's the thing... 1336 01:02:56,000 --> 01:02:57,458 (gasps) There's a boat! 1337 01:02:57,875 --> 01:02:59,792 (screeching) It's them! They're here! 1338 01:03:00,125 --> 01:03:01,458 What now? No. 1339 01:03:01,958 --> 01:03:03,625 - DAGAN: Ivarr! - Dagan, wait. 1340 01:03:03,625 --> 01:03:04,667 Guthrum! 1341 01:03:04,667 --> 01:03:07,292 - I need to tell you something. - The two warriors bold! 1342 01:03:07,292 --> 01:03:10,167 They've crossed the sea themselves to pick me up! 1343 01:03:10,500 --> 01:03:11,458 (gasps) 1344 01:03:11,458 --> 01:03:13,417 - I'm saved! - That's not quite it. 1345 01:03:13,417 --> 01:03:15,667 - Cooee! I'm here! - Listen, Ivarr and Guthrum 1346 01:03:15,667 --> 01:03:16,708 are not here for you. 1347 01:03:16,708 --> 01:03:18,625 They're literally just there! (sea roaring) 1348 01:03:18,625 --> 01:03:20,375 SHULMAY: I haven't told you everything. 1349 01:03:22,542 --> 01:03:25,000 DAGAN: Wait, where are they going, the silly things? Huh. 1350 01:03:25,125 --> 01:03:27,667 The truth is, they did write to Leofwine, 1351 01:03:28,042 --> 01:03:30,000 asking to meet by Fingerstone Rock, 1352 01:03:30,167 --> 01:03:32,500 and pay gold for the secret of the flame-powder... 1353 01:03:34,625 --> 01:03:37,208 ...once Humble Joan had taken the realm. 1354 01:03:40,542 --> 01:03:42,458 You mean they bet against me? 1355 01:03:44,292 --> 01:03:45,750 I had to think fast. 1356 01:03:46,708 --> 01:03:50,167 Get the queen to safety and tell the truth later. 1357 01:03:50,167 --> 01:03:51,375 (dramatic music) 1358 01:03:51,375 --> 01:03:54,125 DAGAN: You lied to me, all this time. 1359 01:03:55,083 --> 01:03:56,833 No ships, no armies. 1360 01:03:58,875 --> 01:04:00,042 But there is safety. 1361 01:04:00,167 --> 01:04:01,792 No one lives on Fingerstone. 1362 01:04:02,625 --> 01:04:06,167 So, we can live there, and no one will know. 1363 01:04:07,917 --> 01:04:09,583 Everyone thinks you're dead. 1364 01:04:10,000 --> 01:04:13,125 We'll eat seagulls' eggs and fish. 1365 01:04:13,125 --> 01:04:14,375 Fish pie. 1366 01:04:14,583 --> 01:04:17,000 That was kind of my plan all along. 1367 01:04:17,958 --> 01:04:19,208 We live on a rock. 1368 01:04:20,417 --> 01:04:21,417 That rock? 1369 01:04:22,583 --> 01:04:24,083 SHULMAY: That rock over there. 1370 01:04:25,333 --> 01:04:28,375 If we live on that rock, will I still be an earl? 1371 01:04:29,500 --> 01:04:30,542 Yeah. 1372 01:04:31,625 --> 01:04:34,958 Earl in a palace, or earl in a hovel? 1373 01:04:36,083 --> 01:04:37,167 Mm-hmm. 1374 01:04:38,417 --> 01:04:39,750 I'm sorry, Bobik. 1375 01:04:41,750 --> 01:04:43,833 Look, I know it's a lot to take in. 1376 01:04:43,833 --> 01:04:45,375 Urgh! (kicking) 1377 01:04:49,417 --> 01:04:50,250 (hard slap) Oh! 1378 01:04:50,250 --> 01:04:52,333 I did all this for your mother! 1379 01:04:52,583 --> 01:04:54,167 You're a shit, Dagan! 1380 01:04:54,292 --> 01:04:57,333 A selfish, horrible shit! 1381 01:04:57,667 --> 01:05:01,042 After all I've done for you, all Bobik's done! 1382 01:05:02,167 --> 01:05:05,208 I killed for you! - A bad person... 1383 01:05:06,125 --> 01:05:07,708 who had it coming! 1384 01:05:09,000 --> 01:05:10,375 Real affection would be... 1385 01:05:10,375 --> 01:05:12,917 would be killing someone who didn't deserve it. 1386 01:05:13,542 --> 01:05:16,542 You sucked up my mother's love... 1387 01:05:17,250 --> 01:05:18,417 for years! 1388 01:05:19,542 --> 01:05:21,333 That was my love, 1389 01:05:22,292 --> 01:05:23,750 and you robbed it! 1390 01:05:24,000 --> 01:05:26,250 And then you promised me a kingdom, 1391 01:05:26,583 --> 01:05:28,500 and then you steal that too! 1392 01:05:28,500 --> 01:05:31,000 Some of us get by without kingdoms. 1393 01:05:31,000 --> 01:05:34,333 (screaming) Well, I need a kingdom! 1394 01:05:35,458 --> 01:05:38,250 I was going to be a better queen this time! 1395 01:05:38,583 --> 01:05:43,125 (sobbing) Just a, a, a fucking adorable queen! 1396 01:05:43,583 --> 01:05:44,917 The pain of it. 1397 01:05:44,917 --> 01:05:46,458 You don't know about pain! 1398 01:05:46,625 --> 01:05:48,583 You're a spoiled baby! 1399 01:05:48,583 --> 01:05:51,000 Do you know how hard it is being your friend? 1400 01:05:54,875 --> 01:05:56,417 You are not my friend. 1401 01:06:00,417 --> 01:06:01,917 Eat my jellyfish! (squelch) 1402 01:06:02,500 --> 01:06:04,708 (screams) It stings! 1403 01:06:06,250 --> 01:06:08,083 Nobody told me they sting! 1404 01:06:08,583 --> 01:06:12,375 I wish that man-wolf had scoffed your fucking tits! 1405 01:06:13,000 --> 01:06:15,042 Right, I'm done. (necklace clinks on sand) 1406 01:06:15,042 --> 01:06:16,708 - DAGAN: Good! - SHULMAY: Fine! 1407 01:06:17,000 --> 01:06:18,333 - Fine! - Good! 1408 01:06:20,208 --> 01:06:22,708 (melancholic music) Leave me then! 1409 01:06:23,375 --> 01:06:24,833 Everybody does! 1410 01:06:26,875 --> 01:06:29,250 Why don't you hand me in to Humble Joan, 1411 01:06:29,375 --> 01:06:31,208 get a nice big fat reward? 1412 01:06:32,208 --> 01:06:34,167 Yeah, maybe I should. 1413 01:06:36,750 --> 01:06:37,750 Bobik? 1414 01:06:40,000 --> 01:06:41,042 Nah. 1415 01:06:46,333 --> 01:06:52,042 Tell me how I should feel 1416 01:06:52,458 --> 01:06:56,000 How can this love 1417 01:06:56,125 --> 01:06:58,375 run out of here? 1418 01:06:59,125 --> 01:07:04,958 When should I believe the things you say? 1419 01:07:04,958 --> 01:07:05,958 (seagulls crying) 1420 01:07:05,958 --> 01:07:11,875 You change your mind from day to day 1421 01:07:12,417 --> 01:07:17,208 And I don't know if you can 1422 01:07:17,208 --> 01:07:20,625 take such a good thing 1423 01:07:46,375 --> 01:07:47,458 (waves lapping) 1424 01:07:50,542 --> 01:07:52,000 IVARR: What's the snack situation? 1425 01:07:52,542 --> 01:07:54,458 GUTHRAM: I hope it's good, I'm so hungry. 1426 01:07:54,458 --> 01:07:55,792 (dramatic music) 1427 01:07:59,625 --> 01:08:00,708 (kings grunting) 1428 01:08:01,417 --> 01:08:03,208 - Very good. - Ja. 1429 01:08:03,375 --> 01:08:05,375 Oh, God. Oh. 1430 01:08:07,375 --> 01:08:08,417 What a shit hole. 1431 01:08:08,417 --> 01:08:10,625 - Ja, it stinks. - Yes. (laughs) 1432 01:08:11,125 --> 01:08:12,667 GUTHRAM: We shall drive a hard bargain. 1433 01:08:12,667 --> 01:08:15,208 Ja, what other bargain would we wanna drive, man? 1434 01:08:15,542 --> 01:08:17,332 I mean, it's us, yeah? 1435 01:08:17,750 --> 01:08:19,917 We're hardcore, all the time. 1436 01:08:20,042 --> 01:08:21,000 I am. 1437 01:08:21,000 --> 01:08:23,207 You? I've heard otherwise. 1438 01:08:23,332 --> 01:08:24,375 You mock me. 1439 01:08:24,750 --> 01:08:27,625 I'll spill your sorry guts on the sand right here. 1440 01:08:27,875 --> 01:08:29,000 - You wanna go? - Right here. 1441 01:08:29,000 --> 01:08:29,957 - You wanna go? - On the sand. 1442 01:08:29,957 --> 01:08:31,457 - You wanna get crazy? - You want a piece of it? 1443 01:08:31,457 --> 01:08:33,625 You wanna get crazy? I'm gonna fuck you up. 1444 01:08:33,625 --> 01:08:34,667 Ja, you want? 1445 01:08:34,667 --> 01:08:37,125 Come on, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go... 1446 01:08:37,125 --> 01:08:38,500 (men squabbling) 1447 01:08:40,832 --> 01:08:41,957 (laughs) 1448 01:08:41,957 --> 01:08:43,832 She thinks we may fight now. 1449 01:08:43,957 --> 01:08:45,957 (laughs) She does not know that we are good friends, 1450 01:08:45,957 --> 01:08:48,375 whose mannish banter is unmatched. 1451 01:08:48,375 --> 01:08:51,292 Yeah, just a couple of kings fucking around. 1452 01:08:52,832 --> 01:08:54,582 You're bigger than I thought you'd be. 1453 01:08:55,000 --> 01:08:56,832 But you're still pretty small. 1454 01:08:56,832 --> 01:08:58,542 King Ivarr, King Guthrum, 1455 01:08:58,875 --> 01:09:00,832 welcome to the Commonwealth of the People. 1456 01:09:01,000 --> 01:09:02,542 Well done on the rebellion. 1457 01:09:02,917 --> 01:09:05,832 If you'd tried it in our lands, you'd be very dead now. 1458 01:09:05,832 --> 01:09:07,457 Yeah, very dead. 1459 01:09:07,917 --> 01:09:11,207 But you did it here, so, you know, we're cool with that. 1460 01:09:11,667 --> 01:09:12,750 Come this way. 1461 01:09:13,750 --> 01:09:14,750 IVARR: Thank you. 1462 01:09:16,042 --> 01:09:18,082 I don't trust her. - GUTHRAM: No. Me neither. 1463 01:09:18,207 --> 01:09:19,625 She's so small. 1464 01:09:19,625 --> 01:09:21,417 (high tempo music) 1465 01:09:22,500 --> 01:09:24,082 Do you think Humble Joan's around? 1466 01:09:24,082 --> 01:09:26,417 Well, Leofwine's not meeting the kings, is she? 1467 01:09:28,792 --> 01:09:30,875 Yes, Humble Joan's here. 1468 01:09:31,125 --> 01:09:32,417 We'll give her what she wants, 1469 01:09:32,417 --> 01:09:34,082 and then she can't deny us our silver. 1470 01:09:34,250 --> 01:09:35,542 We'll be wealthy? 1471 01:09:35,832 --> 01:09:39,082 You'll never have to shovel again, and I'll serve no one. 1472 01:09:39,957 --> 01:09:42,082 I'm sick of looking after the upper classes, Bobik. 1473 01:09:42,375 --> 01:09:43,750 I need to find my song. 1474 01:09:44,375 --> 01:09:45,375 Hey. 1475 01:09:45,917 --> 01:09:47,417 So, are we giving her Dagan? 1476 01:09:54,082 --> 01:09:56,125 Yes, we are. 1477 01:09:56,458 --> 01:09:58,667 Yeah. (treacherous music) 1478 01:10:02,375 --> 01:10:04,708 So, this commonwealth malarky. 1479 01:10:05,083 --> 01:10:06,458 Does it have legs? 1480 01:10:07,000 --> 01:10:10,292 I mean, what if Dagan gets back in, hmm? 1481 01:10:11,458 --> 01:10:13,458 (box opens, flies buzzing) Urgh. 1482 01:10:13,458 --> 01:10:15,500 These were found on her mangled corpse. 1483 01:10:15,500 --> 01:10:17,500 - GUTHRUM: That smells bad. - IVARR: Ja, that's hers. 1484 01:10:17,500 --> 01:10:19,750 Your Majesties will need a moment to mourn, I'm sure. 1485 01:10:19,750 --> 01:10:20,833 Eh. 1486 01:10:21,333 --> 01:10:22,625 It's no great loss. 1487 01:10:22,625 --> 01:10:23,708 Hmm. 1488 01:10:23,833 --> 01:10:26,917 Pagan Europe will just have to struggle on without her. 1489 01:10:27,208 --> 01:10:29,167 Let us talk the flame-powder. 1490 01:10:29,500 --> 01:10:30,542 - Ja. - Let's. 1491 01:10:30,542 --> 01:10:32,000 We've heard you're flat broke. 1492 01:10:32,000 --> 01:10:34,292 IVARR: I'm not. I just raided Latvia. 1493 01:10:34,292 --> 01:10:35,958 (laughs) Very raidable is your Latvia. 1494 01:10:35,958 --> 01:10:36,875 Ja. 1495 01:10:36,875 --> 01:10:39,917 GUTHRUM: So, this flame-powder, does it really work? 1496 01:10:39,917 --> 01:10:43,500 IVARR: I'm thinking maybe we can try out the flame-powder 1497 01:10:43,500 --> 01:10:44,875 on some peasants! 1498 01:10:44,875 --> 01:10:47,458 (sword swishes) No. Approach, friends. 1499 01:10:47,708 --> 01:10:49,500 We don't kill commoners for fun here. 1500 01:10:49,958 --> 01:10:50,958 Really? 1501 01:10:51,500 --> 01:10:52,667 What a bore. 1502 01:10:53,125 --> 01:10:55,125 - (scoffs) - I like slaying peasants. 1503 01:10:55,125 --> 01:10:56,292 Ja, you have the mad skills. 1504 01:10:56,292 --> 01:10:57,792 JOAN: How goes the day, travellers? 1505 01:10:57,792 --> 01:10:59,792 Humble Joan, we've come to tell you something. 1506 01:11:01,333 --> 01:11:03,458 To tell you that Queen Dagan... 1507 01:11:05,667 --> 01:11:06,750 (tense music) 1508 01:11:10,875 --> 01:11:13,792 Queen Dagan... - Have we met before? 1509 01:11:17,917 --> 01:11:18,917 Speak. 1510 01:11:19,792 --> 01:11:21,375 There's nothing to fear. 1511 01:11:24,000 --> 01:11:25,208 Queen Dagan... 1512 01:11:27,417 --> 01:11:28,958 Nothing to fear indeed. 1513 01:11:29,917 --> 01:11:32,917 For Humble Joan... protects us all. 1514 01:11:34,750 --> 01:11:37,083 Her steady hand guiding the great... 1515 01:11:37,750 --> 01:11:39,792 plough shed of this nation. 1516 01:11:40,708 --> 01:11:45,125 Indeed, here is a woman whose words you may trust. 1517 01:11:47,167 --> 01:11:48,167 (laughs) 1518 01:11:51,500 --> 01:11:52,500 Bye-bye. 1519 01:11:52,500 --> 01:11:53,583 (upbeat music) 1520 01:11:58,292 --> 01:12:00,500 Catch up with our friends and invite them to stay awhile. 1521 01:12:01,208 --> 01:12:03,833 You, search the dunes where they came from. 1522 01:12:04,833 --> 01:12:06,083 Something's going on here. 1523 01:12:06,458 --> 01:12:07,542 SOLDIER: Let's go. 1524 01:12:07,542 --> 01:12:09,000 (tense music) 1525 01:12:09,167 --> 01:12:10,333 Make haste. 1526 01:12:15,125 --> 01:12:16,625 (soldier coughing) 1527 01:12:18,500 --> 01:12:19,875 I hoped you'd come back. 1528 01:12:22,833 --> 01:12:25,125 Up you get... Dagan. 1529 01:12:26,875 --> 01:12:28,625 DAGAN: Ow! Get off! 1530 01:12:28,625 --> 01:12:31,625 I am still your queen! How ruddy dare you?! 1531 01:12:31,833 --> 01:12:33,042 Ow! 1532 01:12:36,292 --> 01:12:38,708 You know, even if you offered help to me now, 1533 01:12:38,708 --> 01:12:40,042 I would spurn it. 1534 01:12:42,875 --> 01:12:44,458 You don't happen to offer it, do you? 1535 01:12:45,208 --> 01:12:46,667 Dagan's dead, you said. 1536 01:12:47,792 --> 01:12:51,625 Fortune has offered us a subject for demonstration. 1537 01:12:52,583 --> 01:12:54,792 She is a queen, dress her as such. 1538 01:12:54,917 --> 01:12:56,417 (tense music) 1539 01:13:01,417 --> 01:13:02,583 (box opens) 1540 01:13:02,583 --> 01:13:03,708 (dramatic music) 1541 01:13:05,958 --> 01:13:09,292 Our subject thinks much of her dainty toes. 1542 01:13:09,292 --> 01:13:11,292 She is famous for her lovely feet. 1543 01:13:11,292 --> 01:13:14,333 - Ja. - We call this cord a fuse. 1544 01:13:15,500 --> 01:13:17,208 Simply light one end of it. 1545 01:13:18,750 --> 01:13:20,000 (flames burst) 1546 01:13:20,542 --> 01:13:21,958 (fuse sizzles) 1547 01:13:24,417 --> 01:13:26,208 (explosion) (Dagan screams) 1548 01:13:26,542 --> 01:13:27,500 JOAN: Bang. 1549 01:13:30,583 --> 01:13:31,750 (Dagan groaning) 1550 01:13:36,500 --> 01:13:37,875 That was a little bang. 1551 01:13:39,042 --> 01:13:40,750 We came for large bangs. 1552 01:13:40,750 --> 01:13:42,208 Large bangs. 1553 01:13:42,208 --> 01:13:45,625 Large bangs, large bangs, large bangs. 1554 01:13:45,625 --> 01:13:46,917 You will have one. 1555 01:13:47,792 --> 01:13:51,208 For now, we put our powder in a tube of iron. 1556 01:13:53,292 --> 01:13:54,750 (cannon wheels squeak) 1557 01:13:56,667 --> 01:13:58,250 BOBIK: You said she knew nothing of pain. 1558 01:13:58,250 --> 01:13:59,542 I know I did. 1559 01:14:00,625 --> 01:14:02,000 I think she does now. 1560 01:14:04,583 --> 01:14:06,208 Her foot is quite badly fucked up. 1561 01:14:06,208 --> 01:14:07,375 Yeah, it really is. 1562 01:14:07,375 --> 01:14:09,750 I'm going to work my way around your body, Dagan. 1563 01:14:10,167 --> 01:14:11,875 But first, tell me. 1564 01:14:12,583 --> 01:14:14,000 Is that the pair you travelled with? 1565 01:14:16,375 --> 01:14:17,375 (gulps) 1566 01:14:18,292 --> 01:14:19,750 I don't know who they are. 1567 01:14:20,458 --> 01:14:21,958 JOAN: Well, whoever they are, 1568 01:14:21,958 --> 01:14:25,458 they're about to watch you suffer very, very much. 1569 01:14:25,458 --> 01:14:26,500 Nice. 1570 01:14:26,500 --> 01:14:28,292 She could try to bargain with our peasanty lives, 1571 01:14:28,292 --> 01:14:30,042 and yet she still doesn't give us away. 1572 01:14:30,250 --> 01:14:31,292 JOAN: Primed and ready. 1573 01:14:31,292 --> 01:14:33,375 Let's see what it will do to the human... 1574 01:14:33,375 --> 01:14:34,625 (tense music) 1575 01:14:34,833 --> 01:14:37,125 knee. (cannons squeaks) 1576 01:14:38,292 --> 01:14:40,333 Again, we light the fuse. 1577 01:14:41,375 --> 01:14:42,375 SHULMAY: Hold. 1578 01:14:45,292 --> 01:14:48,458 We, the common people, wish to avenge ourselves 1579 01:14:48,458 --> 01:14:50,750 on the tyrant. (treacherous music) 1580 01:14:51,000 --> 01:14:52,292 Amuse us. 1581 01:14:52,708 --> 01:14:54,417 Give the peasant a go. 1582 01:14:58,375 --> 01:14:59,583 Nice and messy, please. 1583 01:14:59,583 --> 01:15:00,833 Chunks everywhere. 1584 01:15:02,250 --> 01:15:07,542 Dagan, let this show you where we stand. 1585 01:15:09,125 --> 01:15:10,083 (flames burst) 1586 01:15:10,083 --> 01:15:11,500 (tense music) 1587 01:15:16,208 --> 01:15:17,417 (stick whirls through the air) 1588 01:15:17,417 --> 01:15:19,042 (flame fizzles out on the sand) 1589 01:15:20,833 --> 01:15:23,375 I think she meant to hurl it into that chest. 1590 01:15:23,375 --> 01:15:24,833 Treachery! 1591 01:15:24,833 --> 01:15:26,833 Shulmay's a rotten throw, but I'm not! 1592 01:15:27,167 --> 01:15:28,583 (thunk) (laughs) 1593 01:15:28,583 --> 01:15:29,625 SOLDIER: Close it! 1594 01:15:29,625 --> 01:15:30,750 (lid bangs shut) 1595 01:15:31,167 --> 01:15:33,250 Ha! The powder needs air to burn. 1596 01:15:33,250 --> 01:15:34,875 Starved of air, it cannot catch... 1597 01:15:34,875 --> 01:15:37,542 (huge explosion) 1598 01:15:39,250 --> 01:15:40,917 (everyone coughing) 1599 01:15:43,167 --> 01:15:45,500 GUTHRUM: Bang, bang! IVARR: Ja! (laughs) 1600 01:15:45,625 --> 01:15:46,833 That was a large bang! 1601 01:15:46,833 --> 01:15:48,250 JOAN: Guards! 1602 01:15:49,292 --> 01:15:50,292 BOBIK: Argh! 1603 01:15:50,667 --> 01:15:52,250 (punching) (high tempo music) 1604 01:15:53,875 --> 01:15:55,833 (slap) (Bobik choking) 1605 01:15:55,958 --> 01:15:57,042 (sword swishes) 1606 01:15:59,125 --> 01:16:00,292 (swords clang) Argh! 1607 01:16:00,292 --> 01:16:01,375 (Joan laughs) 1608 01:16:02,292 --> 01:16:03,542 Oh, Dagan. 1609 01:16:03,708 --> 01:16:04,958 I've bested you once already, 1610 01:16:04,958 --> 01:16:06,833 now you're all starved and leaking. 1611 01:16:06,833 --> 01:16:09,542 I fought for myself back then. Now I fight for something else. 1612 01:16:10,500 --> 01:16:12,292 Argh! (swords clang) 1613 01:16:13,250 --> 01:16:16,208 - Ladies, fighting with swords. - Ja. 1614 01:16:16,208 --> 01:16:18,417 Argh! (swords clanging) 1615 01:16:21,375 --> 01:16:22,625 (kicking sound) (thump) 1616 01:16:23,417 --> 01:16:24,667 (Bobik choking) 1617 01:16:24,917 --> 01:16:26,500 Let me tell you a secret, Dagan. 1618 01:16:26,500 --> 01:16:27,583 (tense music) 1619 01:16:27,583 --> 01:16:29,958 I've begun to enjoy it at the top of the tree. 1620 01:16:30,375 --> 01:16:32,625 I can tell you that, 'cause you'd understand. 1621 01:16:35,667 --> 01:16:36,792 (crown clangs on sword) 1622 01:16:41,500 --> 01:16:44,208 I was going to melt this down for gold coin, but... 1623 01:16:45,167 --> 01:16:48,125 wouldn't it look fine on Joan's most humble head? 1624 01:16:48,458 --> 01:16:50,333 'Take the crown, Joan! 1625 01:16:50,500 --> 01:16:52,208 You're the people's queen!' 1626 01:16:52,500 --> 01:16:54,500 'Oh, but I mustn't.' 1627 01:16:54,708 --> 01:16:56,375 'Oh, but we wish it!' 1628 01:16:56,375 --> 01:17:00,667 'Well, if I must.' (laughs) (sword falls to the sand) 1629 01:17:02,500 --> 01:17:03,500 Oh! 1630 01:17:08,458 --> 01:17:09,833 (laughs evilly) 1631 01:17:09,833 --> 01:17:11,750 (ethereal music) BOBIK: There's no sky. 1632 01:17:13,333 --> 01:17:14,542 It's just you... 1633 01:17:14,792 --> 01:17:15,792 (screams) No! 1634 01:17:16,000 --> 01:17:17,083 BOBIK:...the spade. 1635 01:17:17,833 --> 01:17:19,542 and the thing what must be spaded. 1636 01:17:19,542 --> 01:17:20,833 (squelching) (menacing singing) 1637 01:17:20,833 --> 01:17:22,875 La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la, la-la-la... 1638 01:17:24,250 --> 01:17:25,833 (repeated stabbing sound) 1639 01:17:28,167 --> 01:17:29,417 (blood spurting) 1640 01:17:31,125 --> 01:17:32,500 (dangerous music) 1641 01:17:33,125 --> 01:17:34,167 (thump) 1642 01:17:36,000 --> 01:17:37,000 (crown clangs softly) 1643 01:17:41,792 --> 01:17:42,917 (dramatic violin music) 1644 01:17:46,917 --> 01:17:48,500 Humble Joan, 1645 01:17:49,292 --> 01:17:50,500 for eternity your memory will... 1646 01:17:50,500 --> 01:17:51,667 (hard thump) 1647 01:17:54,458 --> 01:17:57,417 Oh, that was magnificent! (applause) 1648 01:17:57,417 --> 01:17:58,917 - Outstanding! - Ja! 1649 01:17:59,250 --> 01:18:00,792 - High funf! - High funf! 1650 01:18:01,792 --> 01:18:04,875 Queen Dagan, we wanted you to win all along. 1651 01:18:04,875 --> 01:18:06,333 I really enjoyed that. 1652 01:18:06,333 --> 01:18:07,833 - GUTHRUM: Right. - IVARR: That was so good. 1653 01:18:07,833 --> 01:18:09,167 - GUTHRUM: Ja. - IVARR: Ja. 1654 01:18:09,167 --> 01:18:10,500 (chatter fades out) 1655 01:18:11,208 --> 01:18:12,625 (Dagan groans) 1656 01:18:13,500 --> 01:18:15,333 My blood is falling out. 1657 01:18:16,208 --> 01:18:17,958 (blood drips) 1658 01:18:18,625 --> 01:18:20,625 My life ebbs away. 1659 01:18:23,125 --> 01:18:24,167 Dagan. 1660 01:18:25,833 --> 01:18:28,125 This land will need a ruler when I'm gone. 1661 01:18:31,500 --> 01:18:33,292 I was a bastard. 1662 01:18:36,042 --> 01:18:37,042 Joan. 1663 01:18:38,125 --> 01:18:39,333 Leofwine. 1664 01:18:40,667 --> 01:18:42,250 Ivarr, Gunthrum. 1665 01:18:43,083 --> 01:18:44,958 We're all bastards. 1666 01:18:47,417 --> 01:18:52,167 Maybe countries need leaders who aren't bastards. 1667 01:18:54,750 --> 01:18:56,000 Shulmay... 1668 01:18:57,292 --> 01:18:58,542 will you be queen? 1669 01:19:00,708 --> 01:19:02,042 I can't be queen. 1670 01:19:03,000 --> 01:19:03,958 Can I? 1671 01:19:04,083 --> 01:19:05,750 You were made for it. 1672 01:19:06,292 --> 01:19:07,375 Trust me. 1673 01:19:17,750 --> 01:19:18,917 Shulmay... 1674 01:19:23,917 --> 01:19:27,542 Do you promise to rule with wisdom and kindness? 1675 01:19:28,333 --> 01:19:29,333 Yes. 1676 01:19:29,750 --> 01:19:30,792 Yes, I do. 1677 01:19:32,375 --> 01:19:33,583 Queen Shulmay. 1678 01:19:34,375 --> 01:19:36,167 I don't want to die on the ground. 1679 01:19:37,000 --> 01:19:38,500 Help me up, my Queen. 1680 01:19:38,500 --> 01:19:39,750 (dramatic music) 1681 01:19:42,042 --> 01:19:43,333 (groans) 1682 01:19:45,417 --> 01:19:47,083 Uh, Queen Shulmay. 1683 01:19:47,458 --> 01:19:49,500 Any chance you could give us the recipe 1684 01:19:49,500 --> 01:19:51,375 for the bang-bang powder? 1685 01:19:51,542 --> 01:19:52,583 No. 1686 01:19:54,208 --> 01:19:55,167 Just asking. 1687 01:19:55,167 --> 01:19:57,208 Yeah, no need to be snippy. 1688 01:19:57,625 --> 01:19:59,125 Come on. Let's go. 1689 01:19:59,708 --> 01:20:01,042 GUTHRUM: Which way is the boat? 1690 01:20:01,292 --> 01:20:03,208 IVARR: It was your job to remember that. 1691 01:20:03,458 --> 01:20:06,292 GUTHRUM: Erm, it was close to a very distinctive pebble. 1692 01:20:06,292 --> 01:20:09,583 IVARR: Oh ja, by that big, sort of, sandy-coloured section. 1693 01:20:09,917 --> 01:20:11,083 (coughs) 1694 01:20:11,083 --> 01:20:12,583 (tense music) 1695 01:20:14,708 --> 01:20:15,708 Uh... 1696 01:20:17,250 --> 01:20:18,708 I see a snail. 1697 01:20:20,958 --> 01:20:22,542 Come, Big Liam. 1698 01:20:24,042 --> 01:20:25,125 I'm ready. 1699 01:20:25,125 --> 01:20:26,292 (ethereal music) 1700 01:20:28,167 --> 01:20:29,167 No. 1701 01:20:30,542 --> 01:20:31,625 Come. 1702 01:20:32,417 --> 01:20:34,167 Cease your approach, Big Liam. 1703 01:20:35,542 --> 01:20:36,833 I've had an idea. 1704 01:20:38,542 --> 01:20:40,167 This will stop the bleeding. 1705 01:20:40,333 --> 01:20:42,500 Just a tiny pinch of the powder. 1706 01:20:43,167 --> 01:20:46,167 DAGAN: Liam, I see you, Big Liam. I'm ready. 1707 01:20:46,167 --> 01:20:48,125 That'll burn the wound shut. Stand back. 1708 01:20:48,917 --> 01:20:50,000 (sizzling) 1709 01:20:52,958 --> 01:20:56,292 Ouch! Fucking hell! 1710 01:20:56,292 --> 01:20:57,792 The bleeding's stopped. 1711 01:20:57,958 --> 01:20:59,125 Saved your life. 1712 01:21:05,542 --> 01:21:06,542 Come. 1713 01:21:09,208 --> 01:21:10,250 Thank you... 1714 01:21:12,500 --> 01:21:13,708 Earl Bobik. 1715 01:21:15,833 --> 01:21:17,000 I'm an earl! 1716 01:21:18,208 --> 01:21:20,167 Hey, I'm an earl! 1717 01:21:21,000 --> 01:21:22,250 A ruddy earl! 1718 01:21:24,375 --> 01:21:25,750 Oof. 1719 01:21:26,208 --> 01:21:27,375 Where are you off to? 1720 01:21:27,667 --> 01:21:29,250 Why, off to the citadel. 1721 01:21:29,583 --> 01:21:31,542 We have a coronation to arrange! 1722 01:21:31,667 --> 01:21:33,333 (upbeat marching music) 1723 01:21:33,792 --> 01:21:35,625 SHULMAY: I'm the Queen! 1724 01:21:35,625 --> 01:21:37,208 BOBIK: You're the fucking Queen! 1725 01:21:37,625 --> 01:21:39,542 SHULMAY: I'm the Queen! 1726 01:21:39,833 --> 01:21:41,750 Shulmay, you found your song! 1727 01:21:41,917 --> 01:21:43,125 (laughing) 1728 01:21:43,125 --> 01:21:45,208 I'm the Queen! 1729 01:21:45,500 --> 01:21:48,083 The fucking Queen! 1730 01:21:48,875 --> 01:21:51,208 DAGAN: And the crown stayed on the right head. 1731 01:21:51,875 --> 01:21:53,958 The head it was meant for all along. 1732 01:21:54,625 --> 01:21:58,667 Hooray for Queen Shulmay, the people's queen! 1733 01:21:58,667 --> 01:21:59,750 (cheers and applause) 1734 01:22:01,208 --> 01:22:03,708 What about Bobik? (laughs) 1735 01:22:04,292 --> 01:22:05,958 DAGAN: I moved to a palace. 1736 01:22:05,958 --> 01:22:09,625 And I found my beloved countess. 1737 01:22:10,958 --> 01:22:11,792 Here you are, dear. 1738 01:22:11,792 --> 01:22:15,917 DAGAN: And everybody lived happily ever after. 1739 01:22:15,917 --> 01:22:17,167 The end. 1740 01:22:17,167 --> 01:22:18,792 Sorry for all the swearing. (cheers and applause) 1741 01:22:21,125 --> 01:22:23,417 Thank you! Thank you so much! 1742 01:22:23,417 --> 01:22:24,583 Many thanks! 1743 01:22:24,583 --> 01:22:26,042 Don't forget the puppeteer. 1744 01:22:26,042 --> 01:22:28,250 (coins jangling) Thank you. 1745 01:22:28,875 --> 01:22:30,917 - GIRL: Thank you. - DAGAN: Thanks. 1746 01:22:30,917 --> 01:22:32,708 Is it true what the grown-ups say, 1747 01:22:32,708 --> 01:22:34,792 that you're the other queen in the story? 1748 01:22:35,375 --> 01:22:36,375 What? 1749 01:22:36,958 --> 01:22:40,042 She was so mean and angry. 1750 01:22:40,333 --> 01:22:41,500 Nobody would want to be her friend. 1751 01:22:41,500 --> 01:22:42,792 Do I look like her? 1752 01:22:43,542 --> 01:22:45,125 No, you don't. 1753 01:22:45,417 --> 01:22:46,583 So, it can't be me, can it? 1754 01:22:46,792 --> 01:22:47,625 (coins jangle) 1755 01:22:47,625 --> 01:22:50,042 Or at least it hasn't been for a very long... 1756 01:22:50,042 --> 01:22:51,625 Oh, for goodness sake! 1757 01:22:52,917 --> 01:22:54,458 Seize them! 1758 01:22:54,458 --> 01:22:55,958 (upbeat music) 1759 01:23:00,625 --> 01:23:05,917 Shall I milk thy herd for you, kind sir? 1760 01:23:06,458 --> 01:23:09,250 {\an8}Hey, I'm in love. 1761 01:23:10,417 --> 01:23:12,583 My fingers keep on clicking to the beat... 1762 01:23:12,583 --> 01:23:14,167 He locked her away in a tower. 1763 01:23:14,750 --> 01:23:16,292 And anyone who spoke of her again 1764 01:23:16,292 --> 01:23:18,000 would be pressed through a cattle grid. 1765 01:23:18,708 --> 01:23:22,167 {\an8}Ebony and ivory and dancing and in the street 1766 01:23:22,750 --> 01:23:27,083 {\an8}Hey, it's 'cause of you the world... 1767 01:23:27,083 --> 01:23:31,000 I've heard she's done this: poos in your wells. 1768 01:23:31,000 --> 01:23:34,083 {\an8}My heart is beating like a jungle drum 1769 01:23:34,583 --> 01:23:36,875 {\an8}Guda, dunga, dunga, dunga, dung, dung, dung... 1770 01:23:38,125 --> 01:23:39,417 I'm gonna fuck you up! 1771 01:23:39,417 --> 01:23:42,542 Come on, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go. 1772 01:23:44,042 --> 01:23:45,833 {\an8}...like a jungle drum 1773 01:23:50,833 --> 01:23:53,125 {\an8}What, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee. 1774 01:23:53,125 --> 01:23:56,000 {\an8}...the moment between the striking and the fire 1775 01:23:58,875 --> 01:24:00,333 {\an8}- A dragon, then. - SHULMAY: They're not real. 1776 01:24:00,333 --> 01:24:02,000 {\an8}(laughs) Fuck off. 1777 01:24:02,000 --> 01:24:04,167 {\an8}...kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss 1778 01:24:05,333 --> 01:24:08,958 {\an8}No one ever stopped 1779 01:24:09,125 --> 01:24:13,000 My hands are in the air, yes, I'm in love 1780 01:24:13,125 --> 01:24:16,958 My heart is beating like a jungle drum 1781 01:24:17,208 --> 01:24:19,208 Guda, dunga, dunga, dunga, dung, dung, dung 1782 01:24:19,208 --> 01:24:22,792 My heart is beating like a jungle drum 1783 01:24:23,292 --> 01:24:25,375 Guda, dunga, dunga, dunga, dung, dung, dung 1784 01:24:25,375 --> 01:24:28,958 My heart is beating like a jungle drum 1785 01:24:29,375 --> 01:24:31,375 Rung, dung, da-rung, gung, gung... 1786 01:24:31,375 --> 01:24:35,333 My heart is beating like a jungle drum 1787 01:24:35,542 --> 01:24:37,500 Rung, dung, da-rung, gung, gung... 1788 01:24:37,500 --> 01:24:41,292 My heart is beating like a jungle drum 1789 01:24:41,458 --> 01:24:43,542 Rung, dung, da-rung, gung, gung... 1790 01:24:43,542 --> 01:24:46,833 My heart is beating like a jungle drum 1791 01:24:50,375 --> 01:24:53,750 Rung, dung, da-rung, gung, gung...(repeated) 1792 01:25:05,875 --> 01:25:13,750 My heart is beating like a jungle drum 1793 01:25:13,917 --> 01:25:17,750 My heart is beating like a jungle drum 1794 01:25:17,917 --> 01:25:20,292 My heart is beating like a jungle... 1795 01:25:20,292 --> 01:25:22,625 Rung, dung, da-rung, gung, gung... 1796 01:25:23,375 --> 01:25:25,292 (upbeat marching music) 1797 01:30:57,667 --> 01:31:00,125 {\an8}LEOFWINE: I'm alive, Dagan! 1798 01:31:00,125 --> 01:31:03,542 {\an8}I'm still alive! (gurgles)