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Downloaded from
YTS.MX
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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
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(upbeat marching music)
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(fire crackling)
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It was the Dark Ages.
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And in the land of Britain,
there lived a mighty queen,
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adored by all her subjects.
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Most of them.
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Some of them.
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{\an8}Oh, just meet her.
You'll understand.
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- My Queen, enemy force...
- Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh!
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How am I coming out?
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My portrait. And give me
the truth, unvarnished.
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Don't think to
flatter me, Leofwine.
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Maybe the Queen should
judge for herself.
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(dramatic music)
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Well done!
(artist sighs deeply)
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I'll not have your fingers
hacked off today.
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Thank you, my Queen (laughs).
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- Now, how goes the war?
- Ah.
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Oh yes, the war.
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Angered by Dagan's harsh reign,
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the peasants had
risen against her.
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(fire crackling)
From amongst the common folk,
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a rebel champion rose,
(ethereal music)
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a woodcutter
named Humble Joan,
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and Joan had something
the queen did not:
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a secret of great might
called flame-powder.
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(cannons firing)
(armies fighting)
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00:02:01,917 --> 00:02:04,750
{\an8}But Dagan had a plan to
crush the rebellion.
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{\an8}(cannon blasts)
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The forest archers,
the river clans,
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the spearmen of the fens.
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We... we muster them here.
(explosion outside)
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Are you listening?
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We muster them here and they
shall smash our enemies.
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00:02:21,208 --> 00:02:24,458
I- I don't know why you didn't
think of this before.
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My Queen, we can move the
pieces on the map all we like.
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00:02:28,833 --> 00:02:31,042
It will not conjure them here.
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The spearmen of the fens
are fallen.
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Well, let them get up again,
the lazy tykes.
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Humph!
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I thought you were going to say
they were dead.
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Oh.
(paper rustles)
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The river clans are
cleft in bits.
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The forest archers turned
and... fight for Humble Joan.
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(large explosion)
(building crumbling)
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I know the illness which gnaws
at your innards.
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MAN: Ow, my fucking leg!
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It's not Humble Joan, no.
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- MAN: Where's it gone?!
- It's fear.
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So, let us lift our spirits
with a - with a banquet!
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(jaunty party music)
(more explosions)
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(soldiers roaring)
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She tramples on the lions,
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She tramples on her foes,
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raises burdensome taxes
on their howling widows.
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Dainty, soft, soft.
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Shut up!
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Come.
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What's this yellow stuff?
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No, let me guess.
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Tumery. Turmer -
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- Meric.
- Turmer...
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BOTH: Turmeric.
- You please me.
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Bring me these eggs in all
the banquets to come.
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Yes, my Queen.
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All eggs. Right.
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(explosion)
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(cannon ball whizzes, explodes)
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(banqueters gasp)
(pieces of the castle fall)
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Humble Joan can't stop us from
enjoying this, can she?
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(men screaming in agony)
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I am more than your queen,
am I not?
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I'm- I'm your friend.
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(men laugh nervously)
(explosion outside)
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A toast, to friendship.
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(big explosion)
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SOLDIER: Fall back!
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(helmets, swords clanging)
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(marching music)
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(trumpet sounds)
(soldiers cheering)
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The wall is breached.
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(sighs)
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Oh, dear.
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(swords clanging)
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Fighting in the passages.
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(soldiers screaming)
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Screams of the dying.
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Yes, dying peasants, though,
don't we think?
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SOLDIER: Footsteps coming
closer.
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(ominous music)
(squelch)
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(blood dripping)
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(sword zings)
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They're at the door.
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(soldier thumps)
(dramatic music)
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(loud crash)
(people screaming)
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00:04:48,375 --> 00:04:49,917
(soldiers roaring)
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(tense music)
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Humble Joan.
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Merely Joan.
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I seek no fame, no titles.
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Only justice.
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Urgh.
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As do I.
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(gasps)
(dramatic music)
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Leofwine!
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During any change of government,
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some element of continuity
is advisable.
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No!
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00:05:26,625 --> 00:05:27,958
I am still the queen!
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Thanes, I command you to
seize them!
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Is she serious?
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Thanes, you are citizens of
the new commonwealth.
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Be free.
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(treacherous music)
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Thank you, Humble Joan,
you heal our land.
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You heal yourselves.
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What?
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Wolf Tail...
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(groans)
(sword clangs)
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My father's blade.
(grunts)
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Humble Joan, I challenge you to
single combat.
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The victor wins the realm.
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(giggling)
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Duelling?
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00:06:22,542 --> 00:06:25,250
Oh. A sad habit
of the wealthy.
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00:06:25,250 --> 00:06:26,958
We have no need for it now.
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There are a dozen tongues
in this hall.
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More than one shall speak of
the time
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Humble Joan was afraid.
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(axe swishes)
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(dramatic music)
If I can fell the tallest oak,
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00:06:42,125 --> 00:06:43,875
I can cut down a little queen.
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Argh!
(sword whooshes)
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00:06:45,792 --> 00:06:47,333
(Joan laughs)
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(grunting)
(weapons clang)
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00:06:50,375 --> 00:06:51,875
Oh!
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00:06:52,250 --> 00:06:56,458
Such pretty nails
and such a soft foot.
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You've lived as a queen.
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00:06:58,500 --> 00:07:00,292
Time to die as one.
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Many people cry for their
mothers at a time like this.
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YOUNG DAGAN: Mum! No!
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00:07:05,625 --> 00:07:07,750
Not I! Argh!
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Oh, a fighting queen at last!
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Did I touch a nerve?
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(frightened breathing)
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00:07:18,292 --> 00:07:19,417
(sword clangs)
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00:07:19,417 --> 00:07:21,500
See how the coward runs.
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(door opens)
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00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:24,792
Now, bring her back.
(men shouting)
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Well, look at you.
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00:07:31,917 --> 00:07:34,083
(upbeat music)
(people shouting)
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(screams)
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(chain rattles, clangs)
(spiked ball hits helmet)
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(banging of metal on metal)
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SOLDIER:
She went this way!
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00:07:57,375 --> 00:07:59,375
Oh, excuse me, corpse chap.
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LEOFWINE: Dagan!
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00:08:03,625 --> 00:08:06,958
Oooh, D-D-D-D-D Dagan!
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Boo!
(panicked breathing)
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My new master will be pleased.
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00:08:17,417 --> 00:08:18,958
(hitting sound)
(screams)
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00:08:18,958 --> 00:08:20,333
(high tempo music)
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This way, my Queen.
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00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:26,167
Oh. Oh, titting balls.
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00:08:26,583 --> 00:08:28,000
I've never gone this way before.
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They're staff stairs, come on!
169
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I remember you now.
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00:08:30,458 --> 00:08:32,000
You're one of the servants and
you're called Turmeric.
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00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:33,625
- That's the spice.
- Yes, I knew that.
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00:08:34,082 --> 00:08:35,875
(agonised scream from upstairs)
(blade swishes)
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Dishand me! A commoner may not
touch a queen!
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(head bouncing on stairs)
Urgh!
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00:08:43,625 --> 00:08:46,000
- Why are we going up?
- I know of a privy chute.
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00:08:46,458 --> 00:08:48,250
- A what?
- A privy chute.
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00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:51,292
It's narrow, but steep
and moist.
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00:08:51,458 --> 00:08:52,750
We'll slide fast.
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00:08:52,750 --> 00:08:54,958
Moist is a word for it,
I can think of others.
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00:08:54,958 --> 00:08:56,458
(up tempo music)
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00:08:57,250 --> 00:08:59,292
At least consider it,
my Queen.
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00:09:00,292 --> 00:09:02,583
Do you think to trick me
and push me down?
183
00:09:03,750 --> 00:09:06,250
(screams)
(splash, plop)
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00:09:06,375 --> 00:09:08,375
(grunting)
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00:09:08,833 --> 00:09:10,375
That wasn't so bad, was it?
186
00:09:10,375 --> 00:09:12,667
(wretches)
(splashes in mud)
187
00:09:12,667 --> 00:09:14,500
The Queen requires a shoe!
188
00:09:14,917 --> 00:09:16,583
You look perfect. Now, run!
(high tempo music)
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00:09:16,583 --> 00:09:17,958
SOLDIER: Find Dagan!
190
00:09:17,958 --> 00:09:19,292
WOMAN: Find the queen!
191
00:09:20,125 --> 00:09:22,208
Where are we going?
And what's your name again?
192
00:09:22,208 --> 00:09:23,542
Shulmay.
193
00:09:23,708 --> 00:09:25,833
Shulmay, Shulmay, Shulmay,
Shulmay, Shulmay, Shulmay,
194
00:09:25,833 --> 00:09:27,750
Shulmay, Shulmay, Shulmay,
Shulmay, Shulmay.
195
00:09:28,750 --> 00:09:30,667
- We'll swim downstream.
- We turn back.
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00:09:30,667 --> 00:09:31,875
Huh?
197
00:09:32,250 --> 00:09:33,250
(fabric rips)
198
00:09:33,250 --> 00:09:35,500
Quick, they're coming.
In here.
199
00:09:36,458 --> 00:09:38,292
(dog panting)
200
00:09:43,208 --> 00:09:44,667
(dog growls)
201
00:09:44,958 --> 00:09:46,500
SOLDIER: Hang on,
what's this?
202
00:09:46,667 --> 00:09:48,167
The Queen's colour.
203
00:09:49,333 --> 00:09:50,667
She took to water.
204
00:09:50,667 --> 00:09:52,667
She reckons we'll lose
the scent.
205
00:09:52,667 --> 00:09:54,292
Follow the river, boys!
206
00:09:54,292 --> 00:09:57,208
The Queen had outwitted
the rebels and escaped.
207
00:09:57,375 --> 00:09:58,833
Maybe Shulmay helped
a bit too.
208
00:09:58,833 --> 00:10:02,375
But with her citadel taken,
what would Dagan do now?
209
00:10:02,917 --> 00:10:04,250
(owl hooting)
210
00:10:09,167 --> 00:10:13,125
When I was a girl, I would watch
my father punish traitors.
211
00:10:13,708 --> 00:10:15,750
He would cleave off their arms.
212
00:10:15,750 --> 00:10:18,042
And shove them up their arses.
213
00:10:18,583 --> 00:10:19,708
- That's nice.
- Hmm.
214
00:10:19,708 --> 00:10:21,667
And then he would cleave off
their arses
215
00:10:21,667 --> 00:10:24,625
and shove those up whatever
remained.
216
00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:26,917
People didn't always get
their own arses.
217
00:10:26,917 --> 00:10:28,625
Arses were swapped about.
218
00:10:30,708 --> 00:10:32,083
Now, Leofwine,
219
00:10:32,542 --> 00:10:34,375
she will have
all of this and more
220
00:10:34,375 --> 00:10:36,458
when I take back the citadel
tomorrow.
221
00:10:37,083 --> 00:10:39,708
And do you have soldiers
for that, Your Majesty?
222
00:10:41,083 --> 00:10:42,708
You're making the queen
feel bad.
223
00:10:42,708 --> 00:10:44,208
Your throne is lost.
224
00:10:44,583 --> 00:10:45,750
(scoffs)
225
00:10:46,917 --> 00:10:48,333
But it can be yours again.
226
00:10:50,083 --> 00:10:51,167
You may continue.
227
00:10:51,542 --> 00:10:55,292
For weeks, I feared Leofwine
was playing both sides,
228
00:10:55,583 --> 00:10:58,083
that there were letters
she didn't show you.
229
00:10:58,625 --> 00:11:01,583
Earlier in the fog of war,
she left one on the table.
230
00:11:03,458 --> 00:11:04,542
{\an8}(treacherous music)
231
00:11:04,542 --> 00:11:06,667
{\an8}'To Chancellor Leofwine,
232
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:11,583
from King Ivarr of Jutland and
King Guthrum of the Frisians.'
233
00:11:12,167 --> 00:11:13,583
These are my cousins!
234
00:11:13,583 --> 00:11:15,458
My cousins across the sea!
235
00:11:16,042 --> 00:11:18,500
'By Fingerstone Rock -'
(paper rustles)
236
00:11:19,500 --> 00:11:21,583
Well, I had a moment, no more.
237
00:11:21,708 --> 00:11:23,292
I could only take
the first page.
238
00:11:23,542 --> 00:11:25,292
Then we'll never know the rest!
239
00:11:25,542 --> 00:11:26,833
I'm finished!
240
00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:28,292
Strangle me.
241
00:11:29,500 --> 00:11:30,625
But gently.
242
00:11:31,042 --> 00:11:33,083
It said Ivarr and Guthrum
243
00:11:33,083 --> 00:11:35,750
will give you sanctuary
in their lands.
244
00:11:35,750 --> 00:11:38,042
Then they'll muster armies
and longships
245
00:11:38,042 --> 00:11:39,958
all for you to take back
what's yours.
246
00:11:39,958 --> 00:11:41,875
Then I'm saved!
247
00:11:43,167 --> 00:11:44,958
But what does 'by Fingerstone
Rock' mean?
248
00:11:45,125 --> 00:11:46,958
Fingerstone is a crag
on the coast.
249
00:11:46,958 --> 00:11:48,917
It marks the shortest passage
to their lands.
250
00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:51,125
Well, that's where
we're going!
251
00:11:51,417 --> 00:11:53,208
How far is Fingerstone Rock
from here?
252
00:11:53,208 --> 00:11:54,958
A hundred and forty miles.
253
00:11:55,333 --> 00:11:57,208
One hundred and forty miles?
254
00:11:58,250 --> 00:12:00,083
One hundred and -
(upbeat marching music)
255
00:12:00,083 --> 00:12:04,167
{\an8}And so began their great
journey, to Fingerstone Rock,
256
00:12:04,542 --> 00:12:06,958
{\an8}to the kings, to salvation.
257
00:12:06,958 --> 00:12:08,833
(mud squishes)
(Shulmay sighs)
258
00:12:09,250 --> 00:12:12,500
Shulmay, your servant's shoe is
not very watertight.
259
00:12:12,708 --> 00:12:14,667
Add that to your things to
fix list.
260
00:12:14,667 --> 00:12:16,792
My Queen, you are conspicuous
261
00:12:17,042 --> 00:12:19,667
with your red gown and your
gold crown.
262
00:12:19,792 --> 00:12:21,042
Just -
- Hey!
263
00:12:21,167 --> 00:12:23,083
My father's crown shall not
be removed.
264
00:12:23,083 --> 00:12:24,708
- If it's seen -
- Well, then cover it.
265
00:12:24,708 --> 00:12:26,333
Find me a nice hat.
266
00:12:28,417 --> 00:12:29,458
Yep.
267
00:12:31,792 --> 00:12:34,542
You're probably wondering why
I'm helping you (laughs).
268
00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:40,333
Why this servant who...
could've slipped away hasn't.
269
00:12:40,875 --> 00:12:43,125
Not especially, no.
It's your job.
270
00:12:43,542 --> 00:12:47,667
And, hey, stop walking
before your Queen!
271
00:12:48,417 --> 00:12:50,500
What is the world coming to?
272
00:12:50,875 --> 00:12:52,667
(treacherous music)
273
00:12:56,083 --> 00:12:57,583
Keep up, though!
274
00:12:58,208 --> 00:13:00,375
We have no time for slackers.
275
00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:03,792
Yeah.
(marching music continues)
276
00:13:06,250 --> 00:13:10,333
On they walked, with happy
smiles and swelling hearts.
277
00:13:10,750 --> 00:13:11,833
Until...
278
00:13:17,458 --> 00:13:18,958
(sighs)
279
00:13:21,417 --> 00:13:24,042
This is my morning song I sing,
280
00:13:24,250 --> 00:13:26,250
in summer, winter,
and in spring.
281
00:13:26,250 --> 00:13:29,042
It's made from air that
I breathe in,
282
00:13:29,042 --> 00:13:30,125
(inhales)
283
00:13:30,125 --> 00:13:32,417
and push it out my mouth again.
284
00:13:32,417 --> 00:13:34,875
Some say the tune and words
are wrong,
285
00:13:35,167 --> 00:13:37,125
but it is not their fucking
song.
286
00:13:37,250 --> 00:13:38,083
When he leaves for work,
287
00:13:38,083 --> 00:13:40,375
we'll search his hut for
clothes and food.
288
00:13:40,375 --> 00:13:41,875
Why wait?
289
00:13:41,875 --> 00:13:44,042
This man is a loyal subject.
290
00:13:44,042 --> 00:13:46,083
Look, any army would have him,
291
00:13:46,083 --> 00:13:47,875
and yet he has not joined
the rebels.
292
00:13:47,875 --> 00:13:49,333
No purple flower.
293
00:13:49,333 --> 00:13:52,250
- We cannot know who his loyal...
- Greetings, peasant!
294
00:13:52,250 --> 00:13:55,083
- Great.
- I am your Queen, Queen Dagan,
295
00:13:55,083 --> 00:13:57,958
and we noticed you do not wear
the mauve bloom.
296
00:13:58,208 --> 00:14:00,083
- Oh, it must've fallen off.
- Oh!
297
00:14:00,083 --> 00:14:01,375
- An enemy!
- No, no, no.
298
00:14:01,375 --> 00:14:02,792
I just like purple flowers.
299
00:14:03,750 --> 00:14:07,000
Noticed, er, lots of people
marching about wearing 'em.
300
00:14:07,500 --> 00:14:08,500
Is it fashion?
301
00:14:08,500 --> 00:14:12,833
No, it is not fashion,
it is revolution.
302
00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:16,083
Oh... well, been nice to
meet you.
303
00:14:16,292 --> 00:14:19,292
Your Queen needs clothes
and food.
304
00:14:20,167 --> 00:14:21,333
Please help us.
305
00:14:21,333 --> 00:14:23,083
Alright, well, I'll see
what I've got.
306
00:14:23,292 --> 00:14:24,542
My name is Bobik.
307
00:14:25,083 --> 00:14:26,625
- Okay.
- Right.
308
00:14:30,208 --> 00:14:31,208
Come in.
309
00:14:31,208 --> 00:14:33,083
(dramatic music)
310
00:14:33,583 --> 00:14:34,958
Here's where she took to water.
311
00:14:34,958 --> 00:14:36,667
No sign of her yet.
(Joan sighs)
312
00:14:38,042 --> 00:14:40,042
There. Footprints.
313
00:14:41,750 --> 00:14:44,333
Dagan lay here,
and not alone.
314
00:14:44,333 --> 00:14:45,958
Someone's helping her.
315
00:14:46,500 --> 00:14:48,250
Someone clever.
- But we thought -
316
00:14:48,250 --> 00:14:50,458
Ha, what they made you think.
317
00:14:52,917 --> 00:14:54,875
Keep searching the river.
- Yes, Joan.
318
00:14:55,375 --> 00:14:56,625
I'll go east.
319
00:14:56,833 --> 00:14:58,583
I know Dagan's weaknesses.
320
00:14:58,708 --> 00:15:00,625
She'll not hide long from me.
321
00:15:00,625 --> 00:15:02,417
Thank you, Citizen Leofwine.
322
00:15:02,417 --> 00:15:04,125
Take the soldiers and get to it.
323
00:15:04,125 --> 00:15:07,250
Excuse me.
Affairs of the state (chuckles).
324
00:15:07,250 --> 00:15:09,083
(paper unfolds)
325
00:15:09,708 --> 00:15:12,417
Off you go.
Bring me Dagan's head.
326
00:15:12,417 --> 00:15:14,000
There's a poppet.
327
00:15:17,708 --> 00:15:20,417
So, we'll walk to
Fingerstone Rock,
328
00:15:20,417 --> 00:15:22,875
and then we'll sail a boat
across the sea
329
00:15:22,875 --> 00:15:25,292
to find new soldiers
for the queen. (chuckles)
330
00:15:25,458 --> 00:15:27,083
Splish, splash, splosh.
331
00:15:27,208 --> 00:15:28,625
I've heard of the sea.
332
00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:32,042
It's like a puddle, but much,
much wider.
333
00:15:32,292 --> 00:15:35,333
And it's salty, like when you
lick your own armpit.
334
00:15:35,333 --> 00:15:37,875
(laughs)
How far is this walk of yours?
335
00:15:37,875 --> 00:15:39,875
A hundred and thirty miles
from here.
336
00:15:39,875 --> 00:15:41,375
(whistles)
337
00:15:42,458 --> 00:15:43,833
You're gonna need a horse.
338
00:15:43,833 --> 00:15:47,333
They all died.
In the great horse plague.
339
00:15:47,625 --> 00:15:49,458
- A dragon, then.
- Yeah, they're not real.
340
00:15:49,458 --> 00:15:51,500
(laughs) Fuck off.
341
00:15:51,500 --> 00:15:53,500
- Do you have any money?
- Uh-uh.
342
00:15:53,500 --> 00:15:54,625
Food?
343
00:15:55,333 --> 00:15:57,375
Well, just these crusts
you're eating.
344
00:15:58,000 --> 00:15:59,333
And a lump.
345
00:16:01,083 --> 00:16:02,292
A lump of what?
346
00:16:03,083 --> 00:16:04,125
Lamb?
347
00:16:04,583 --> 00:16:06,167
Or cheese?
(sniffs)
348
00:16:06,792 --> 00:16:09,167
The man I get it off never
tells me.
349
00:16:09,500 --> 00:16:10,792
What's your trade, Bobik?
350
00:16:10,792 --> 00:16:12,542
I'm a shit spader.
351
00:16:12,708 --> 00:16:13,958
I spade the shit.
352
00:16:14,125 --> 00:16:15,417
Not a job that needs a long
explanation.
353
00:16:15,417 --> 00:16:18,000
No, there... there's more to it
than most think, you know.
354
00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:21,208
There are... countless different
kinds of shit.
355
00:16:21,208 --> 00:16:23,417
And no two spades the same.
356
00:16:23,417 --> 00:16:25,417
You have your basic cow shit.
357
00:16:25,583 --> 00:16:27,458
Um, you've got your runny shit,
358
00:16:27,458 --> 00:16:30,917
you've got your compacted shit,
crumbly shit,
359
00:16:30,917 --> 00:16:34,625
glistening shit, young shit,
old shit, frozen shit,
360
00:16:34,958 --> 00:16:37,833
grassy shit, muddy shit,
waxy shit.
361
00:16:37,833 --> 00:16:40,417
You even have shit with
bones in it.
362
00:16:40,417 --> 00:16:42,417
- We understand.
- Mouldy shit, mossy shit,
363
00:16:42,417 --> 00:16:45,792
stringy shit, sandy shit,
leafy shit, mystery shit.
364
00:16:46,542 --> 00:16:47,917
Fizzy shit.
365
00:16:48,042 --> 00:16:49,917
You get tasty shit too.
- (gags)
366
00:16:50,042 --> 00:16:51,083
Where are you going?
367
00:16:53,375 --> 00:16:54,500
You have sacks.
368
00:16:54,500 --> 00:16:55,958
Yeah, full of shit.
369
00:16:56,125 --> 00:16:57,417
And they clothe you.
370
00:16:57,542 --> 00:16:59,583
My Queen, we need disguises.
371
00:16:59,792 --> 00:17:03,083
We can wear sack cloth
and carry powerful spades
372
00:17:03,083 --> 00:17:06,250
and pose as honest shovelers
on our trek.
373
00:17:06,416 --> 00:17:09,958
And it was at that moment
Queen Dagan awoke
374
00:17:09,958 --> 00:17:12,291
from her hideous nightmare.
375
00:17:16,083 --> 00:17:17,083
(sighs)
376
00:17:17,083 --> 00:17:19,125
This trek, I'll come with you.
377
00:17:19,125 --> 00:17:20,875
No. No, Bobik.
378
00:17:20,875 --> 00:17:22,666
It's bad enough having to walk
next to a servant.
379
00:17:22,666 --> 00:17:24,958
But you, I don't mean to offend
you here,
380
00:17:24,958 --> 00:17:28,458
but you are the lowest variety
of human.
381
00:17:28,917 --> 00:17:31,042
But if I come with you,
you can make me a thane.
382
00:17:31,958 --> 00:17:33,750
That's the second highest title.
383
00:17:33,917 --> 00:17:35,667
BOBIK: Well, what's the highest?
384
00:17:36,083 --> 00:17:39,375
- An earl.
- Good, then I'll be an earl.
385
00:17:39,750 --> 00:17:43,667
I like the shit and I...take a
great deal of pride
386
00:17:43,667 --> 00:17:45,583
in my spading of it, but...
387
00:17:45,583 --> 00:17:49,792
I've always fancied being,
um, one of those rich fellas.
388
00:17:50,208 --> 00:17:53,750
Bobik is strong,
and has skills we don't.
389
00:17:54,708 --> 00:17:56,417
(laughs nervously)
390
00:17:56,417 --> 00:17:58,208
SHULMAY: He could prove handy.
391
00:17:59,542 --> 00:18:00,833
Alright.
392
00:18:01,083 --> 00:18:03,250
Bobik, you may journey with us,
393
00:18:03,250 --> 00:18:05,833
and when I'm restored to
my throne,
394
00:18:05,958 --> 00:18:08,958
I shall give you that earldom.
395
00:18:10,500 --> 00:18:12,917
Yes! Thank you.
396
00:18:14,833 --> 00:18:16,792
(giggles)
397
00:18:18,042 --> 00:18:20,292
I'll never make an
earl of Bobik.
398
00:18:20,292 --> 00:18:21,583
(giggles)
399
00:18:21,958 --> 00:18:24,250
Or you, or any lowborn.
400
00:18:24,250 --> 00:18:25,958
But I don't think we need
to tell him that now.
401
00:18:25,958 --> 00:18:28,083
It can be our little secret.
402
00:18:28,333 --> 00:18:30,417
(jaunty music)
403
00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:32,333
(fabric ripping)
404
00:18:49,750 --> 00:18:51,708
Yeah.
(dramatic flute music)
405
00:18:54,458 --> 00:18:57,000
And so, the two became three.
406
00:18:57,583 --> 00:19:00,625
Queen Dagan, Shulmay,
and Bobik,
407
00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:03,667
names to echo down the ages.
408
00:19:04,292 --> 00:19:06,375
As long as they didn't get
caught.
409
00:19:07,458 --> 00:19:09,708
You walk like a queen,
my Queen.
410
00:19:10,500 --> 00:19:12,042
You should walk like a Bobik.
411
00:19:15,250 --> 00:19:16,583
There.
412
00:19:16,875 --> 00:19:18,583
Oh, and I'll speak peasant too.
413
00:19:18,583 --> 00:19:21,000
Once, I spoke peasant all day,
414
00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:23,375
and it really did make
the thanes chuckle.
415
00:19:23,542 --> 00:19:24,875
(clears her throat)
416
00:19:25,125 --> 00:19:30,250
'Shall I milk your herd for
you, kind Sir?'
417
00:19:31,167 --> 00:19:34,583
Okay, so when we meet someone,
I'll do the talking.
418
00:19:35,875 --> 00:19:37,500
- Will you now?
- Yeah.
419
00:19:37,625 --> 00:19:38,833
BOBIK: I'll talk too.
420
00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:40,375
I know lots of words.
421
00:19:40,500 --> 00:19:41,875
I know twenty words.
422
00:19:41,875 --> 00:19:43,500
Shall we have a little
practice, Bobik?
423
00:19:43,875 --> 00:19:45,750
Okay, I'm a stranger.
424
00:19:46,833 --> 00:19:48,708
Fine morning, fellow travellers.
425
00:19:48,708 --> 00:19:50,417
Where are you going?
426
00:19:50,667 --> 00:19:52,208
We are on a journey.
427
00:19:52,333 --> 00:19:53,958
Shit spaders, I see.
428
00:19:54,250 --> 00:19:56,542
I am, yeah.
She's not, she's the queen.
429
00:19:56,875 --> 00:20:00,667
We're off to meet some kings
and - oh.
430
00:20:00,958 --> 00:20:02,917
So, lies are required.
431
00:20:02,917 --> 00:20:04,583
But lies are bad and wrong.
432
00:20:04,583 --> 00:20:06,458
Let's just try this again.
433
00:20:06,458 --> 00:20:08,375
Say, 'I am not Bobik.'
434
00:20:08,375 --> 00:20:09,833
But I am Bobik.
435
00:20:09,833 --> 00:20:11,208
Say it.
436
00:20:12,083 --> 00:20:17,333
I am...n... not Bobik.
437
00:20:17,333 --> 00:20:19,167
- And it's a great first go.
- Pfft.
438
00:20:19,167 --> 00:20:20,375
Okay, but don't puff your
cheeks out,
439
00:20:20,375 --> 00:20:22,583
'cause it gives the game away.
So, again.
440
00:20:22,583 --> 00:20:24,958
I am... not Bobik.
441
00:20:24,958 --> 00:20:26,792
- Don't look up.
- (groans)
442
00:20:27,083 --> 00:20:29,292
I am... not Bobik.
443
00:20:29,292 --> 00:20:30,708
Getting worse now.
444
00:20:30,833 --> 00:20:32,625
A traveller do come.
445
00:20:32,625 --> 00:20:34,250
MAN: Pots, pans, kettles,
and cans.
446
00:20:34,250 --> 00:20:36,167
(whistling)
(pots and pans clanging)
447
00:20:39,208 --> 00:20:40,542
Bobik, you're a lifelong mute.
448
00:20:40,542 --> 00:20:43,125
Without words thou be.
449
00:20:43,125 --> 00:20:44,708
None of that.
450
00:20:45,958 --> 00:20:47,542
Your Majesty.
451
00:20:49,250 --> 00:20:50,875
(cart squeaks and rumbles)
452
00:20:56,167 --> 00:20:58,792
Pots and pans, kettles
and cans.
453
00:20:59,333 --> 00:21:01,333
Good day, Mr Ironmonger.
454
00:21:01,458 --> 00:21:02,792
Beautiful smithing there.
455
00:21:02,792 --> 00:21:04,833
- Thank you.
- Yes, and that one is lovely.
456
00:21:04,833 --> 00:21:06,500
Love them all.
- Obliged.
457
00:21:06,500 --> 00:21:08,042
Yeah. We've no money to
buy them, though,
458
00:21:08,042 --> 00:21:09,500
as we are not wealthy.
459
00:21:09,625 --> 00:21:10,792
I suppose so.
460
00:21:11,167 --> 00:21:13,375
You're three shit spaders,
that much is plain.
461
00:21:13,375 --> 00:21:16,417
It is very plain
that's what we are.
462
00:21:16,583 --> 00:21:19,875
Yes, all day,
just shovelling away.
463
00:21:20,708 --> 00:21:22,333
Oh, my poor back!
464
00:21:22,333 --> 00:21:24,875
Sure you've got no coin, pal?
(treacherous music)
465
00:21:25,333 --> 00:21:27,292
Can't tempt you with this
lovely little shit pan,
466
00:21:27,292 --> 00:21:28,708
just for the small shits?
467
00:21:31,042 --> 00:21:32,583
Er, he was born without speech.
468
00:21:34,125 --> 00:21:35,333
As was she.
469
00:21:37,083 --> 00:21:38,625
Heard the big news from up
the citadel?
470
00:21:39,292 --> 00:21:40,542
SHULMAY: We have not, Sir.
471
00:21:41,083 --> 00:21:42,750
It's all over for Queen Dagan.
472
00:21:43,792 --> 00:21:45,500
Humble Joan holds the realm now.
473
00:21:46,083 --> 00:21:47,208
What do you make of that?
474
00:21:47,500 --> 00:21:48,833
SHULMAY: What do you
make of that?
475
00:21:50,125 --> 00:21:51,208
Glorious.
476
00:21:52,208 --> 00:21:53,458
Absolutely fantastic.
477
00:21:53,458 --> 00:21:55,333
It's, it's so good.
478
00:21:55,625 --> 00:21:57,708
They say Humble Joan has some
sort of dust
479
00:21:57,708 --> 00:21:59,333
that goes boom!
(bang and clattering)
480
00:21:59,458 --> 00:22:02,250
Went through them walls like
piss through a snowdrift.
481
00:22:02,833 --> 00:22:04,125
Good job and all.
482
00:22:04,375 --> 00:22:06,583
Dagan was a right old cow.
(laughs)
483
00:22:06,792 --> 00:22:08,958
Well, let's not be too hard
on her.
484
00:22:08,958 --> 00:22:10,042
She was a cow, mate.
485
00:22:10,042 --> 00:22:11,667
Like, if I were to compose
a ranking list
486
00:22:11,667 --> 00:22:13,542
of my favourite evil tyrants,
487
00:22:14,167 --> 00:22:15,625
she'd never make top twenty.
488
00:22:15,750 --> 00:22:17,333
Well, we've delayed you long
enough.
489
00:22:17,333 --> 00:22:19,375
Nailed on bottom five.
Bottom two, even.
490
00:22:19,375 --> 00:22:20,833
SHULMAY: We really must
be going.
491
00:22:20,958 --> 00:22:25,125
This way is east, isn't it?
- Last place is either Dagan or-
492
00:22:25,125 --> 00:22:27,833
hmm, Magnus the Flagellator?
(laughing)
493
00:22:27,833 --> 00:22:29,333
And Magnus did a lot more
charity work
494
00:22:29,333 --> 00:22:30,750
than people remember.
495
00:22:31,542 --> 00:22:33,292
It's sort of overshadowed,
you know?
496
00:22:34,167 --> 00:22:35,667
By the flagellations.
497
00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:37,583
Well, it's been a pleasure.
498
00:22:37,583 --> 00:22:40,250
She's not the queen.
(treacherous music)
499
00:22:44,375 --> 00:22:45,625
He speaks!
500
00:22:46,708 --> 00:22:49,042
Mute all his sad life,
501
00:22:49,042 --> 00:22:51,875
and now, here on this moor,
502
00:22:52,333 --> 00:22:54,583
he magics whole phrases.
503
00:22:55,125 --> 00:22:56,667
She's not the queen.
504
00:22:57,875 --> 00:22:59,583
And he doesn't even know what
they mean.
505
00:23:00,708 --> 00:23:03,250
Well, farewell, good sir,
and good munging.
506
00:23:03,250 --> 00:23:07,583
Oh, hey, if you're heading
east, beware a certain forest.
507
00:23:07,583 --> 00:23:09,208
(creepy music)
508
00:23:09,667 --> 00:23:10,708
What forest?
509
00:23:11,292 --> 00:23:13,208
I just told you, a certain one.
510
00:23:14,667 --> 00:23:16,250
Okay...
511
00:23:18,958 --> 00:23:20,583
(pots and pans clanging)
(cart squeaking)
512
00:23:26,000 --> 00:23:28,708
If he looks behind, we have
something to fear.
513
00:23:29,042 --> 00:23:30,583
(tense music)
514
00:23:39,875 --> 00:23:41,500
(sighs) All is well.
515
00:23:47,208 --> 00:23:48,917
BOBIK: It was a nice little
shit pan, that.
516
00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:56,875
(upbeat music)
517
00:23:58,708 --> 00:24:00,292
I should be sitting at my desk
518
00:24:00,292 --> 00:24:02,375
having a cheeky midweek wine.
519
00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:04,708
You know I collect goblets?
- Do ya?
520
00:24:04,833 --> 00:24:05,917
People think I work
all the time,
521
00:24:05,917 --> 00:24:07,500
but I've got loads of interests.
522
00:24:07,500 --> 00:24:11,667
Socialising, giving orders.
Mmm...
523
00:24:11,667 --> 00:24:13,208
We don't even know if they came
this way.
524
00:24:13,208 --> 00:24:15,042
Bloody runaway monarchs!
525
00:24:15,250 --> 00:24:17,375
So annoying!
(sticks clanging)
526
00:24:19,208 --> 00:24:20,917
I know this pattern!
527
00:24:22,083 --> 00:24:23,875
They're close, Max.
528
00:24:24,583 --> 00:24:26,042
They're close.
529
00:24:27,042 --> 00:24:28,458
SHULMAY: Darkness gathers.
530
00:24:28,875 --> 00:24:30,375
We'll dwell the night here.
531
00:24:30,958 --> 00:24:33,625
I can't remember when
I wasn't walking.
532
00:24:34,500 --> 00:24:36,000
How long has it been?
533
00:24:36,292 --> 00:24:39,333
All day, all night, another day.
534
00:24:43,625 --> 00:24:49,625
Oh, my toes, they look like
boxers' eyelids!
535
00:24:49,625 --> 00:24:52,708
I'm- I'm rancid.
I'm rotting.
536
00:24:53,125 --> 00:24:56,292
My royal body requires a palace
to rest in.
537
00:24:56,875 --> 00:24:58,000
- Here?
- Yes.
538
00:24:58,167 --> 00:24:59,708
Make a palace happen around me.
539
00:24:59,708 --> 00:25:01,208
A good stone one.
540
00:25:02,958 --> 00:25:04,083
Okay.
541
00:25:06,458 --> 00:25:09,292
I can't sleep without my
anthem, Shulmay.
542
00:25:13,083 --> 00:25:18,167
Harsh as a lion,
she tramples her foes,
543
00:25:18,625 --> 00:25:20,625
raises burdensome taxes
544
00:25:20,625 --> 00:25:23,875
on their howling widows,
545
00:25:24,042 --> 00:25:28,042
Queen, Queen Dagan.
546
00:25:28,250 --> 00:25:29,875
While Queen Dagan slept,
547
00:25:29,875 --> 00:25:33,042
Humble Joan was working late
at the citadel.
548
00:25:33,375 --> 00:25:36,083
Ultimate super weapons don't
make themselves, you know.
549
00:25:36,292 --> 00:25:38,292
Easy does it.
550
00:25:38,458 --> 00:25:40,125
(tense music)
551
00:25:40,667 --> 00:25:42,208
Beautiful.
552
00:25:44,667 --> 00:25:47,417
It's kings and queens who yearn
for portraits.
553
00:25:47,417 --> 00:25:50,417
Oh, but Joan, you're the
greatest woman of the age.
554
00:25:50,417 --> 00:25:55,458
Alright, if you must, but it
doesn't matter to me.
555
00:25:55,458 --> 00:25:57,042
(soft music)
556
00:25:57,625 --> 00:25:59,500
How will you do my hair?
557
00:25:59,750 --> 00:26:01,875
(footsteps approach)
A message from Leofwine.
558
00:26:02,667 --> 00:26:04,792
'I'm pursuing the tyrant Dagan
eastward.
559
00:26:05,167 --> 00:26:07,083
Though she's proved
elusive so far,
560
00:26:07,375 --> 00:26:10,208
I expect to capture her very
tremendously soon.'
561
00:26:11,125 --> 00:26:13,333
(banging)
Dagan's alive.
562
00:26:13,958 --> 00:26:16,833
While her heart beats,
I cannot rest easy.
563
00:26:19,167 --> 00:26:20,417
(shivering)
564
00:26:20,542 --> 00:26:22,292
DAGAN: It's damn cold out there.
565
00:26:23,083 --> 00:26:24,583
It's toasty in this palace.
566
00:26:25,375 --> 00:26:27,458
If a little... heavy.
567
00:26:27,708 --> 00:26:29,958
Would you like us to remove
some stones, Your Majesty?
568
00:26:29,958 --> 00:26:32,208
DAGAN: No, no, don't be
ridiculous.
569
00:26:32,208 --> 00:26:34,792
Then I'd be cold, like you.
(yawns)
570
00:26:34,792 --> 00:26:36,042
Night-night.
571
00:26:37,333 --> 00:26:38,375
Shulmay.
572
00:26:38,833 --> 00:26:39,875
Bobik.
573
00:26:41,625 --> 00:26:43,333
I'm in this to be an earl.
574
00:26:44,917 --> 00:26:47,333
And Dagan's in this to get her
kingdom back.
575
00:26:47,333 --> 00:26:48,958
What's in it for you?
576
00:26:50,250 --> 00:26:54,875
When I was a girl, I found
myself with no family,
577
00:26:55,375 --> 00:26:57,875
nor any friends to keep me.
578
00:26:58,458 --> 00:27:02,167
So, I banged my little fists on
the citadel gates
579
00:27:02,167 --> 00:27:04,333
and I begged for a job.
(dramatic music)
580
00:27:04,333 --> 00:27:07,167
They made me table servant to
Ur-Nammu.
581
00:27:07,417 --> 00:27:10,417
The old king, Dagan's dad.
582
00:27:11,792 --> 00:27:14,458
One night I'm sent to fetch
his dinner,
583
00:27:15,583 --> 00:27:18,625
citadel's a warren, I get lost.
584
00:27:20,042 --> 00:27:23,000
Ur-Nammu's dinner comes
late, and it comes cold.
585
00:27:23,000 --> 00:27:24,250
(clanging)
586
00:27:24,250 --> 00:27:28,458
So, he gives an order to feed
me to his wolves.
587
00:27:31,208 --> 00:27:32,708
(wolf snarls)
588
00:27:34,000 --> 00:27:35,500
That's not very good, is it?
589
00:27:35,792 --> 00:27:39,958
His wife, Queen Fritha,
bargained for my life.
590
00:27:41,250 --> 00:27:43,458
She made me a servant in her
chambers.
591
00:27:43,667 --> 00:27:46,208
And for five years I stayed
with her there.
592
00:27:46,208 --> 00:27:47,125
(dramatic music)
593
00:27:47,125 --> 00:27:49,500
Fritha always wore a charm
around her neck.
594
00:27:50,167 --> 00:27:52,458
When the illness took her,
she gave it to me.
595
00:27:53,458 --> 00:27:54,708
And she said -
596
00:27:54,708 --> 00:27:56,583
(whispers) If that girl is ever
in trouble,
597
00:27:57,292 --> 00:28:01,542
(haunting music)
please look after her.
598
00:28:02,625 --> 00:28:04,375
Queen Fritha always wore this.
599
00:28:04,500 --> 00:28:06,542
It's Dagan's first baby tooth.
600
00:28:09,000 --> 00:28:11,542
Fritha saved me,
and I couldn't save her.
601
00:28:14,833 --> 00:28:16,625
So, I'll save her daughter,
602
00:28:17,375 --> 00:28:19,292
whether her daughter likes it
or not.
603
00:28:19,625 --> 00:28:21,292
Dagan doesn't know about this?
604
00:28:21,583 --> 00:28:23,333
She won't hear talk of her
mother.
605
00:28:26,042 --> 00:28:27,375
That's just how it is.
606
00:28:28,083 --> 00:28:30,042
You're a good person, Shulmay.
607
00:28:30,333 --> 00:28:32,250
You deserve good things to
happen to you.
608
00:28:35,000 --> 00:28:36,042
Yeah.
609
00:28:40,583 --> 00:28:41,625
Ni-night.
610
00:28:48,000 --> 00:28:48,833
(claps)
(snorts)
611
00:28:48,833 --> 00:28:50,208
- Come on!
- What?
612
00:28:50,208 --> 00:28:51,667
Sun's coming up.
613
00:28:51,833 --> 00:28:53,042
Time to get moving.
614
00:28:53,417 --> 00:28:55,833
One of us has to have some
discipline around here.
615
00:28:56,750 --> 00:28:58,083
Looks like it's me.
616
00:28:59,125 --> 00:29:00,333
Off we pop!
617
00:29:01,083 --> 00:29:03,208
(light music)
(birds chirping)
618
00:29:07,167 --> 00:29:09,417
This is my morning song I sing,
619
00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:12,000
in summer, winter,
and in spring.
620
00:29:12,458 --> 00:29:15,042
It's made from air that
I breathe in,
621
00:29:15,583 --> 00:29:18,333
and then push out
my mouth again.
622
00:29:21,083 --> 00:29:23,375
Shulmay, I seek your advice.
623
00:29:23,583 --> 00:29:24,875
Lowly you may be,
624
00:29:24,875 --> 00:29:27,250
but you're what's here,
so, you'll have to do.
625
00:29:27,417 --> 00:29:29,458
Hmm. Such an honour.
626
00:29:29,458 --> 00:29:33,292
King Ivarr, King Guthrum.
627
00:29:33,833 --> 00:29:39,000
I'll marry one of them to bind
the alliance and make an heir.
628
00:29:40,208 --> 00:29:42,375
But which one?
(dramatic music)
629
00:29:42,625 --> 00:29:46,417
Guthrum's warriors could lay
waste to whole shires,
630
00:29:46,625 --> 00:29:50,625
but Ivarr's fleets could ravage
hell itself.
631
00:29:50,958 --> 00:29:53,417
Choices, choices.
632
00:29:53,750 --> 00:29:54,833
They both sound delightful,
633
00:29:54,833 --> 00:29:57,167
but would your mother want you
marrying either?
634
00:29:58,250 --> 00:30:00,417
What I mean to say is...
- You said nothing.
635
00:30:01,125 --> 00:30:03,583
And you will never speak of
that nothing, ever.
636
00:30:04,125 --> 00:30:05,625
Do you understand?
(tense music)
637
00:30:05,625 --> 00:30:07,208
Yes, my Queen.
638
00:30:07,208 --> 00:30:08,750
(up tempo music)
639
00:30:13,542 --> 00:30:17,000
And all the while, the traitor,
Leofwine, pursued them.
640
00:30:18,292 --> 00:30:20,833
Unrelenting, unstoppable,
641
00:30:21,250 --> 00:30:23,833
like a machine,
but with great hair.
642
00:30:25,708 --> 00:30:26,708
Yeah.
643
00:30:28,500 --> 00:30:29,583
Up there.
644
00:30:29,583 --> 00:30:31,000
Three of 'em.
645
00:30:40,792 --> 00:30:42,500
And... halt.
646
00:30:44,417 --> 00:30:46,792
Dinner time.
(sighs)
647
00:30:47,375 --> 00:30:49,500
Ooh, hello lump.
648
00:30:49,500 --> 00:30:50,583
Rip.
649
00:30:53,125 --> 00:30:54,583
- Thank you.
- Hmm.
650
00:30:57,958 --> 00:30:59,167
- It's lamb.
- It's cheese.
651
00:30:59,375 --> 00:31:01,458
It's all we've got to eat
for the next ninety miles.
652
00:31:01,458 --> 00:31:02,917
(pig snorting)
653
00:31:05,375 --> 00:31:09,167
Why just eat
when we can feast?
654
00:31:09,417 --> 00:31:10,917
(pig snorting)
655
00:31:11,583 --> 00:31:14,167
Fine pork aplenty there.
656
00:31:14,292 --> 00:31:16,500
More than enough to last us all
the way.
657
00:31:16,917 --> 00:31:19,250
And this is our bait.
658
00:31:19,833 --> 00:31:21,875
Yeah, boars are nimble.
659
00:31:22,458 --> 00:31:23,750
We'll need a bow to catch it.
660
00:31:23,750 --> 00:31:25,917
I'm an incredible hunter.
661
00:31:26,125 --> 00:31:27,875
(jaunty music)
662
00:31:32,375 --> 00:31:34,958
My Queen, we used to hide in
a ditch,
663
00:31:34,958 --> 00:31:37,375
and release the animals as you
came past.
664
00:31:40,458 --> 00:31:42,000
Well, I still had to catch
the things.
665
00:31:42,000 --> 00:31:43,500
It's not as though you
lamed them.
666
00:31:43,500 --> 00:31:45,167
- Well...
- Shh!
667
00:31:45,292 --> 00:31:46,875
You'll startle our prey.
(pig snorting)
668
00:31:50,167 --> 00:31:53,458
(shouting) Surprise attack!
(pig startles, squeals)
669
00:31:56,708 --> 00:31:59,792
Yeah, maybe don't actually say,
'surprise attack'.
670
00:31:59,917 --> 00:32:01,458
(upbeat music)
671
00:32:01,458 --> 00:32:02,542
Here we go.
672
00:32:03,375 --> 00:32:04,417
(pig snorts)
673
00:32:04,417 --> 00:32:05,958
Good piggy.
674
00:32:09,542 --> 00:32:11,000
(string snaps, twangs)
675
00:32:11,625 --> 00:32:12,625
(pig snorts)
676
00:32:13,375 --> 00:32:14,708
(stick breaks)
(rock thumps)
677
00:32:14,708 --> 00:32:16,167
(pig snorts happily)
678
00:32:17,292 --> 00:32:20,542
(shouting)
It's a bit fucking late now!
679
00:32:21,375 --> 00:32:22,375
Ow!
680
00:32:22,375 --> 00:32:26,042
He'll stay longer... if we leave
the whole lump.
681
00:32:26,042 --> 00:32:27,833
(upbeat music)
682
00:32:33,125 --> 00:32:34,542
(pig snorts, snuffles)
683
00:32:38,000 --> 00:32:39,458
(grass rustles)
684
00:32:40,208 --> 00:32:41,250
She's gonna do it.
685
00:32:41,417 --> 00:32:42,417
(thump)
686
00:32:42,667 --> 00:32:44,250
(groans)
687
00:32:45,167 --> 00:32:46,292
(pig snorts happily)
688
00:32:49,375 --> 00:32:50,667
Urgh.
689
00:32:52,417 --> 00:32:53,750
(sighs)
690
00:32:55,042 --> 00:32:56,833
You're angry with me.
691
00:32:58,125 --> 00:33:00,250
You know, if anyone's to blame
here, Shulmay...
692
00:33:00,250 --> 00:33:01,375
Really?
693
00:33:08,167 --> 00:33:10,917
If anyone's to blame here,
Shulmay...
694
00:33:13,917 --> 00:33:14,917
it's me.
695
00:33:16,667 --> 00:33:18,750
And it's my fault
we've no food now.
696
00:33:20,208 --> 00:33:21,500
And...?
697
00:33:22,708 --> 00:33:28,667
And I'm... sorry.
698
00:33:29,042 --> 00:33:31,250
An apology. Thank you.
699
00:33:32,417 --> 00:33:33,917
Up we get.
700
00:33:34,375 --> 00:33:36,292
No time for slackers, eh?
701
00:33:37,083 --> 00:33:38,625
(soft music)
702
00:33:42,667 --> 00:33:45,417
Shulmay, isn't it strange,
703
00:33:46,583 --> 00:33:48,792
a few days ago I didn't even
know your name,
704
00:33:49,292 --> 00:33:50,625
or any servant's.
705
00:33:50,875 --> 00:33:53,208
(uplifting flute music)
And now here I am.
706
00:33:54,750 --> 00:33:56,125
Here we are.
707
00:34:05,042 --> 00:34:06,542
I did a table.
708
00:34:06,542 --> 00:34:09,125
Tonight, we shall feast upon
the rich flesh...
709
00:34:12,833 --> 00:34:14,333
(table crashes)
710
00:34:25,292 --> 00:34:27,042
(grass, leaves rustle)
711
00:34:28,667 --> 00:34:31,000
LEOFWINE: Dagan's pretty crown.
712
00:34:33,833 --> 00:34:34,875
This way.
713
00:34:37,917 --> 00:34:39,542
{\an8}DAGAN: Tell me about yourself,
Bobik.
714
00:34:39,750 --> 00:34:41,792
{\an8}And I'll listen this time,
I actually will.
715
00:34:42,125 --> 00:34:43,625
I was born in a bin.
716
00:34:44,458 --> 00:34:46,167
When we were little,
we couldn't afford clothes,
717
00:34:46,167 --> 00:34:49,000
so, we made our own
out of nettles.
718
00:34:49,750 --> 00:34:50,917
Ouch.
719
00:34:51,125 --> 00:34:52,708
That was my first word.
720
00:34:53,417 --> 00:34:55,458
Then there was the whole rest
of my life.
721
00:34:56,833 --> 00:34:58,000
And then there's now.
722
00:34:59,250 --> 00:35:01,042
Which is the important bit,
isn't it?
723
00:35:02,292 --> 00:35:03,792
Yeah, he's actually right.
724
00:35:04,125 --> 00:35:05,917
We fret so much about
the future,
725
00:35:05,917 --> 00:35:07,625
or I do, anyway.
726
00:35:08,167 --> 00:35:11,167
And then when you get
to the future, it's now.
727
00:35:11,875 --> 00:35:13,542
Life is made of nows.
728
00:35:13,750 --> 00:35:15,083
(ethereal music)
729
00:35:18,292 --> 00:35:21,625
It's always now.
730
00:35:25,000 --> 00:35:27,000
Such wisdom.
731
00:35:27,375 --> 00:35:29,542
There's an invisible snail
of time,
732
00:35:29,958 --> 00:35:32,208
and he eats all your nows.
733
00:35:32,542 --> 00:35:34,583
The day you see him is
the day you die.
734
00:35:36,333 --> 00:35:38,083
And he's called Big Liam.
735
00:35:40,292 --> 00:35:42,042
It was going so well till then.
736
00:35:42,042 --> 00:35:43,875
(upbeat music)
737
00:35:43,875 --> 00:35:46,417
Ooh, I bet they've got good
pies down there.
738
00:35:46,792 --> 00:35:47,958
We've gotta eat sometime.
739
00:35:47,958 --> 00:35:49,625
DAGAN: Well, we can't enter
a town.
740
00:35:50,375 --> 00:35:51,833
BOBIK: Got no money anyway.
741
00:35:52,292 --> 00:35:53,333
Got these.
742
00:35:54,500 --> 00:35:55,667
No.
743
00:35:55,875 --> 00:35:59,375
No, I'm not shovelling turds
for copper coins.
744
00:36:00,083 --> 00:36:01,458
I'm just not.
745
00:36:02,917 --> 00:36:06,333
I said I'm not shovelling turds
for copper coins.
746
00:36:06,333 --> 00:36:07,583
Did you hear me?
747
00:36:07,792 --> 00:36:08,875
Guys?
748
00:36:08,875 --> 00:36:10,667
(noisy market)
749
00:36:12,542 --> 00:36:13,750
(chickens clucking)
750
00:36:13,875 --> 00:36:14,958
(market sellers shouting)
751
00:36:15,292 --> 00:36:16,250
Bread!
752
00:36:16,583 --> 00:36:18,500
Only one quarter sawdust!
753
00:36:19,167 --> 00:36:20,958
- Bread!
- Finest wool!
754
00:36:22,542 --> 00:36:23,875
Get your random geese!
755
00:36:23,875 --> 00:36:26,917
(bell ringing)
TOWN CRIER: Oyez, oyez!
756
00:36:26,917 --> 00:36:29,875
News from the citadel.
757
00:36:29,875 --> 00:36:30,958
MAN: Shh, shh, shh.
758
00:36:30,958 --> 00:36:33,458
The siege is over.
759
00:36:33,583 --> 00:36:36,625
The victor is Humble Joan!
760
00:36:36,625 --> 00:36:38,250
(cheers)
(upbeat flute music)
761
00:36:41,292 --> 00:36:44,583
- (chanting) Humble Joan!
- DAGAN: Shulmay.
762
00:36:45,250 --> 00:36:47,292
Sorry, excuse me, sorry.
763
00:36:49,375 --> 00:36:50,875
Hooray!
764
00:36:52,958 --> 00:36:54,792
- Sorry.
- Thank you.
765
00:36:57,375 --> 00:36:58,750
(squidging)
766
00:37:00,958 --> 00:37:03,083
DAGAN: Urgh. Yuck.
(flies buzzing)
767
00:37:07,083 --> 00:37:08,833
Shit spaders for hire, you said.
768
00:37:09,042 --> 00:37:11,292
- Yeah.
- You can spade shit.
769
00:37:11,292 --> 00:37:14,292
- Thank you.
- You can sort of spade shit.
770
00:37:14,292 --> 00:37:16,458
But I've got no words for you.
771
00:37:16,750 --> 00:37:20,042
Pick up the pace,
or nobody gets paid!
772
00:37:21,250 --> 00:37:23,792
Bobik, I need to improve!
773
00:37:23,792 --> 00:37:26,333
It takes many, many years to
master the way of the spade.
774
00:37:26,333 --> 00:37:28,375
It's... it's not something you
can just get across
775
00:37:28,375 --> 00:37:29,792
in an afternoon.
776
00:37:30,083 --> 00:37:31,458
Well, can we try?
777
00:37:32,958 --> 00:37:33,958
What's your song?
778
00:37:34,083 --> 00:37:35,500
Harsh as a lion...
779
00:37:35,500 --> 00:37:36,958
No, no!
780
00:37:37,167 --> 00:37:38,542
Your real song.
781
00:37:39,125 --> 00:37:40,292
Come here.
782
00:37:41,208 --> 00:37:42,333
Closer.
783
00:37:42,542 --> 00:37:44,042
Bobik not gonna hurt Dagan.
784
00:37:44,042 --> 00:37:45,458
Just close your eyes.
785
00:37:46,208 --> 00:37:47,208
Please.
786
00:37:47,917 --> 00:37:53,000
Now, I'm gonna need you to go
deep inside yourself.
787
00:37:54,042 --> 00:37:55,500
(tense music)
Okay?
788
00:37:55,875 --> 00:37:59,208
Now, just imagine for a second
789
00:38:00,042 --> 00:38:01,542
that you're not a queen.
790
00:38:02,458 --> 00:38:03,708
You're not a woman.
791
00:38:05,042 --> 00:38:06,875
You're not a man.
792
00:38:07,875 --> 00:38:11,917
There's no earth,
there's no sky.
793
00:38:13,458 --> 00:38:17,083
It's just you, and the spade,
794
00:38:18,542 --> 00:38:20,875
and the thing what must
be spaded.
795
00:38:22,167 --> 00:38:24,167
Now open your eyes.
796
00:38:24,167 --> 00:38:26,333
(whoosh)
797
00:38:29,042 --> 00:38:30,417
What do you see?
798
00:38:31,667 --> 00:38:32,875
(echoing) Me.
799
00:38:34,583 --> 00:38:36,208
Spade.
800
00:38:38,083 --> 00:38:39,625
And that huge pile.
801
00:38:40,125 --> 00:38:42,208
BOBIK; Now, there's a song
inside you.
802
00:38:42,708 --> 00:38:46,125
Everyone has one,
deep in their soul.
803
00:38:46,417 --> 00:38:48,167
That's your spading song.
804
00:38:48,417 --> 00:38:50,083
That's your rhythm.
805
00:38:53,125 --> 00:38:54,167
No.
806
00:38:54,792 --> 00:38:56,750
I can't hear any song,
I'm sorry.
807
00:38:56,750 --> 00:38:58,042
Well, that's odd.
808
00:38:58,042 --> 00:38:59,917
Well, let's go even deeper.
809
00:38:59,917 --> 00:39:02,375
Think about something from
your past.
810
00:39:02,542 --> 00:39:04,208
SHULMAY: Not a good idea.
811
00:39:04,625 --> 00:39:07,000
BOBIK: It'll be fine.
Bobik's got this.
812
00:39:07,000 --> 00:39:08,458
SHULMAY: Well, does he, though?
813
00:39:08,458 --> 00:39:10,125
DAGAN: Not helping.
814
00:39:10,292 --> 00:39:13,208
BOBIK: Trust me.
Close your eyes again.
815
00:39:14,083 --> 00:39:15,917
(chanting music)
816
00:39:16,375 --> 00:39:18,458
Go even deeper inside.
817
00:39:19,375 --> 00:39:20,958
Deep as it goes.
818
00:39:24,125 --> 00:39:26,083
(whooshing)
819
00:39:26,083 --> 00:39:27,792
(humming)
820
00:39:31,750 --> 00:39:33,000
(sludge squelching)
821
00:39:38,458 --> 00:39:40,208
See? I told you.
822
00:39:40,500 --> 00:39:42,583
YOUNG DAGAN: (screaming)
Mum! Mum! Mum!
823
00:39:42,583 --> 00:39:44,542
(screaming)
824
00:39:45,625 --> 00:39:46,625
No!
825
00:39:46,750 --> 00:39:51,667
La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
- la-la-la...
826
00:39:53,500 --> 00:39:54,875
(spade snaps)
827
00:39:55,833 --> 00:39:57,208
What's the racket?
828
00:39:59,125 --> 00:40:03,458
What shit spader breaks their
own shit spade?
829
00:40:03,458 --> 00:40:05,417
Leathermaker, we will redouble
our efforts.
830
00:40:05,417 --> 00:40:07,125
You'll redouble your efforts
to fuck off.
831
00:40:07,125 --> 00:40:09,375
- SHULMAY: Kind leathermaker...
- Fuck off!
832
00:40:09,583 --> 00:40:10,750
Brilliant.
833
00:40:11,750 --> 00:40:13,542
How we gonna earn coin now?
834
00:40:13,917 --> 00:40:15,958
DAGAN: My only talent is being
a queen.
835
00:40:16,708 --> 00:40:20,667
SHULMAY: Ladies and gentlemen,
boys and girls.
836
00:40:20,833 --> 00:40:23,333
Since the death of
Ur-Nammu the Great,
837
00:40:23,333 --> 00:40:27,875
you have been oppressed by his
horrendous daughter,
838
00:40:28,042 --> 00:40:31,875
the selfish, arrogant, stuck-up
little child queen,
839
00:40:31,875 --> 00:40:33,875
despised by all.
840
00:40:33,875 --> 00:40:37,042
Now is the time for sweet
revenge.
841
00:40:37,042 --> 00:40:39,875
I present to you Queen Dagan.
842
00:40:40,000 --> 00:40:43,250
(booing)
DAGAN: You low, low wretches,
843
00:40:43,250 --> 00:40:45,917
you poo gobbling serfs,
844
00:40:45,917 --> 00:40:48,000
puss-encrusted bell-ends.
(public laughing)
845
00:40:48,000 --> 00:40:50,500
Who dares to defame your queen?
846
00:40:50,500 --> 00:40:52,542
SHULMAY: Pelt the Queen with
rocks.
847
00:40:52,542 --> 00:40:54,542
One for a farthing,
six for a penny.
848
00:40:54,542 --> 00:40:56,083
What great value.
849
00:40:56,250 --> 00:40:58,250
Here is a farthing.
850
00:40:59,583 --> 00:41:01,292
(rock hits the target)
(cheering)
851
00:41:01,292 --> 00:41:02,917
DAGAN: Who threw that?
852
00:41:02,917 --> 00:41:05,958
Suck my fat scorn,
you maggoty churl.
853
00:41:05,958 --> 00:41:09,292
I'll open your head and stab
you in the fucking mind.
854
00:41:09,750 --> 00:41:12,375
I'll hang your balls from
a spike
855
00:41:12,375 --> 00:41:15,083
so, everybody can see how tiny
they are.
856
00:41:15,083 --> 00:41:18,875
(laughing)
Very, very, very tiny balls.
857
00:41:19,083 --> 00:41:20,083
It's Bobik.
858
00:41:20,083 --> 00:41:22,583
I heard her speak once and she
sounded just like that.
859
00:41:22,583 --> 00:41:24,125
Do her some damage.
860
00:41:24,125 --> 00:41:26,375
Six for a penny.
(cheers)
861
00:41:26,375 --> 00:41:27,833
(coins jangling)
862
00:41:28,333 --> 00:41:30,750
(rock hits the target)
(cheering)
863
00:41:30,750 --> 00:41:32,167
(coins jangling)
(rocks pelting)
864
00:41:32,167 --> 00:41:35,292
DAGAN: Is that all you've got,
you cock-sucking witches?
865
00:41:35,292 --> 00:41:36,208
(target smashes)
(cheering)
866
00:41:36,208 --> 00:41:37,625
(cheering)
867
00:41:37,958 --> 00:41:41,000
I was a superb puppeteer,
was I not?
868
00:41:41,000 --> 00:41:42,042
Fantastic.
869
00:41:42,042 --> 00:41:44,875
- How good was I, Bobik?
- You were absolutely shit.
870
00:41:48,167 --> 00:41:50,208
(laughing)
871
00:41:50,667 --> 00:41:52,000
You're doing a jest.
872
00:41:52,000 --> 00:41:53,083
That I am.
873
00:41:53,083 --> 00:41:55,375
- And a great one at that.
- Thank you.
874
00:41:55,375 --> 00:41:57,000
Well, we've earned enough for
food.
875
00:41:57,000 --> 00:41:58,083
And beer.
876
00:41:58,083 --> 00:42:00,792
And toenail paint, which I'm
not convinced that we need.
877
00:42:00,792 --> 00:42:03,000
I need it, Shulmay, I just do.
878
00:42:03,000 --> 00:42:04,667
It's a queen thing,
judge me not.
879
00:42:04,833 --> 00:42:06,042
(clearing throat)
880
00:42:07,042 --> 00:42:08,458
Help.
881
00:42:09,292 --> 00:42:11,417
SHULMAY: She likes you.
Smile back.
882
00:42:13,292 --> 00:42:14,417
(growls)
883
00:42:15,417 --> 00:42:16,625
SHULMAY: You flirted, Bobik.
884
00:42:17,042 --> 00:42:19,375
People who don't smell get to
do that now and then.
885
00:42:19,375 --> 00:42:21,917
So, we take the Great East Road
from here,
886
00:42:21,917 --> 00:42:24,292
and then it's a few days to
Fingerstone Rock.
887
00:42:24,458 --> 00:42:26,292
Then we're out across the sea.
888
00:42:26,292 --> 00:42:27,917
We're halfway to salvation.
889
00:42:27,917 --> 00:42:31,792
And I'm still wearing this
little chap.
890
00:42:33,667 --> 00:42:35,000
Boop.
(giggles)
891
00:42:35,000 --> 00:42:37,625
And it's safe so long as I have
my friends.
892
00:42:38,917 --> 00:42:42,208
I said that exact thing only
a week ago to others.
893
00:42:42,833 --> 00:42:44,708
And then they tried to
murder me.
894
00:42:45,625 --> 00:42:46,667
Urgh.
895
00:42:47,750 --> 00:42:52,292
You two haven't murdered me,
not even a tiny bit.
896
00:42:53,042 --> 00:42:54,250
We're your friends.
897
00:42:54,250 --> 00:42:56,875
Best friends, forever.
898
00:42:57,083 --> 00:42:59,292
Even though you're both
very, very common.
899
00:42:59,500 --> 00:43:00,917
And when I'm back on my throne,
900
00:43:00,917 --> 00:43:05,167
I shall rain riches and titles
on you both.
901
00:43:05,417 --> 00:43:06,417
You said that before.
902
00:43:06,417 --> 00:43:08,417
Yes, but I was fibbing then.
I mean it now.
903
00:43:09,083 --> 00:43:10,375
To friendship.
904
00:43:11,625 --> 00:43:12,833
(cheers)
905
00:43:12,833 --> 00:43:14,583
Shulmay, what's your song?
906
00:43:14,583 --> 00:43:16,625
I dunno.
Don't have one probably.
907
00:43:16,625 --> 00:43:17,917
Everyone's got one.
908
00:43:17,917 --> 00:43:19,292
The tooth in the bottle.
909
00:43:19,292 --> 00:43:21,208
I mean, there must be
a story there.
910
00:43:21,208 --> 00:43:22,875
(gasps)
Let me guess.
911
00:43:23,208 --> 00:43:25,292
Oh, it's the tooth of your
long-lost sweetheart.
912
00:43:25,292 --> 00:43:27,542
And we can
help you win him back.
913
00:43:27,708 --> 00:43:29,292
Bobik, that'll be our next
adventure.
914
00:43:29,292 --> 00:43:31,458
- It's just a tooth. (laughs)
- It's your tooth.
915
00:43:32,167 --> 00:43:35,083
Your mum, Queen Fritha,
gave it to Shulmay,
916
00:43:35,250 --> 00:43:37,583
and Shulmay made a promise to
look after you,
917
00:43:37,583 --> 00:43:39,542
'cau...'cause your mum saved
Shulmay...
918
00:43:42,208 --> 00:43:43,458
(laughs nervously)
919
00:43:43,708 --> 00:43:45,417
Beer... beer made me say that.
920
00:43:46,167 --> 00:43:47,542
Is that true, Shulmay?
921
00:43:47,542 --> 00:43:48,875
(upbeat flute music)
922
00:43:49,708 --> 00:43:51,125
You're not loyal to me.
923
00:43:51,375 --> 00:43:52,750
You're not my friend.
924
00:43:53,458 --> 00:43:54,958
You're just a friend of
my mother's.
925
00:43:54,958 --> 00:43:57,625
- She was a good woman, Dagan.
- She locked herself in a tower.
926
00:43:58,333 --> 00:43:59,917
She refused to see me.
927
00:44:00,375 --> 00:44:03,125
I was abandoned, forsaken.
- No, because...
928
00:44:03,125 --> 00:44:04,833
Speak no more of that woman!
929
00:44:04,833 --> 00:44:06,375
(pub falls silent)
930
00:44:06,542 --> 00:44:07,500
(Bobik clears his throat)
931
00:44:07,500 --> 00:44:10,792
Okay, we're getting attention.
We need to leave, quietly.
932
00:44:12,125 --> 00:44:13,208
Don't look.
933
00:44:14,542 --> 00:44:15,917
(treacherous music)
DAGAN: Leofwine.
934
00:44:15,917 --> 00:44:18,167
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
935
00:44:18,167 --> 00:44:20,083
She doesn't know you.
Distract her.
936
00:44:21,208 --> 00:44:22,208
How?
937
00:44:22,500 --> 00:44:24,667
LEOFWINE: You're not even
looking properly. Look at it.
938
00:44:25,417 --> 00:44:28,833
Oh God, your breath is like
a badger's arse.
939
00:44:28,833 --> 00:44:29,917
Hello.
940
00:44:31,875 --> 00:44:32,917
Madame.
941
00:44:34,083 --> 00:44:38,542
You are a super fine lady.
942
00:44:39,583 --> 00:44:42,333
And this is me telling you that.
943
00:44:42,917 --> 00:44:44,542
(beer pouring on floor)
944
00:44:45,167 --> 00:44:47,375
That was beer, it wasn't
a sudden gush of piss.
945
00:44:51,917 --> 00:44:55,708
This is an interaction of some
kind, but what exactly?
946
00:44:55,958 --> 00:44:57,583
It's my new thing.
947
00:44:57,875 --> 00:44:59,250
It's called flirting.
948
00:45:00,167 --> 00:45:01,542
Is it going well?
949
00:45:01,750 --> 00:45:02,917
(sword swishes)
Whoa.
950
00:45:03,458 --> 00:45:06,167
- Can it stop?
- Oh, yeah.
951
00:45:07,167 --> 00:45:08,958
Oh, sorry, sorry.
952
00:45:15,208 --> 00:45:16,208
You.
953
00:45:17,750 --> 00:45:19,125
Have you seen this woman?
954
00:45:19,792 --> 00:45:23,542
Is there a way east which isn't
the Great East Road?
955
00:45:23,542 --> 00:45:25,792
A way that's, er, much quicker,
956
00:45:25,792 --> 00:45:29,333
but at the same time isn't used
by anyone at all?
957
00:45:29,542 --> 00:45:31,375
There is such a way.
958
00:45:32,125 --> 00:45:35,125
There's a certain forest.
(eerie sounds)
959
00:45:36,458 --> 00:45:38,542
You don't wanna go through
there.
960
00:45:38,667 --> 00:45:40,667
SHULMAY: We've heard about this
certain forest.
961
00:45:40,958 --> 00:45:43,250
What's so bad about it?
- The Man-Wolf. (bang)
962
00:45:43,625 --> 00:45:47,833
Ur-Nammu the Great loved
his wolves,
963
00:45:48,042 --> 00:45:50,167
more than his own daughter even.
964
00:45:50,667 --> 00:45:56,000
Story goes he tried to make
a Man-Wolf companion
965
00:45:56,000 --> 00:45:58,708
by unnatural means.
966
00:45:58,708 --> 00:46:00,917
First, a fella was kidnapped,
967
00:46:00,917 --> 00:46:04,208
then Ur-Nammu transformed
this poor man
968
00:46:04,375 --> 00:46:06,000
with hexes and the like.
969
00:46:06,000 --> 00:46:07,917
DAGAN: And I'm guessing that
went badly.
970
00:46:08,042 --> 00:46:09,208
Or are you going to
surprise me
971
00:46:09,208 --> 00:46:11,000
and say it went really well?
- No!
972
00:46:11,250 --> 00:46:16,125
It was a monster made with
magic only a king can undo.
973
00:46:16,125 --> 00:46:19,167
And it dwells in those
woods still,
974
00:46:19,833 --> 00:46:23,458
feasting on the fools who take
the forest path.
975
00:46:23,458 --> 00:46:26,750
Them what don't believe
the beast is real!
976
00:46:26,750 --> 00:46:28,417
(people shouting excitedly)
WOMAN: Humble Joan's here!
977
00:46:30,000 --> 00:46:32,458
Oh no, not her as well.
978
00:46:33,833 --> 00:46:36,083
MAN: Humble Joan is here!
979
00:46:36,083 --> 00:46:37,333
WOMAN: It's Humble Joan!
980
00:46:37,333 --> 00:46:38,875
(chanting)
Humble Joan, Humble Joan,
981
00:46:38,875 --> 00:46:45,542
Humble Joan, Humble Joan,
Humble Joan...
982
00:46:46,042 --> 00:46:48,542
Humble Joan, Humble Joan,
983
00:46:48,750 --> 00:46:53,458
Humble Joan, Humble Joan,
Humble Joan, Humble Joan...
984
00:46:53,792 --> 00:46:55,000
(crowd falls silent)
985
00:46:55,333 --> 00:46:56,875
Good citizens...
986
00:46:57,667 --> 00:46:59,833
five days now
since Dagan fell,
987
00:46:59,833 --> 00:47:02,625
and with her the crooked laws,
988
00:47:02,625 --> 00:47:05,958
which stole the wealth of this
land from you, the people.
989
00:47:05,958 --> 00:47:08,292
(cheering)
990
00:47:09,750 --> 00:47:11,625
And yet Dagan lives.
991
00:47:12,292 --> 00:47:13,542
She stalks our fields.
992
00:47:13,542 --> 00:47:14,833
No!
JOAN: Our lanes.
993
00:47:14,833 --> 00:47:16,250
CROWD: No!
994
00:47:16,375 --> 00:47:18,625
I have heard she lurks here,
in the east,
995
00:47:19,000 --> 00:47:20,958
and hopes to win her
throne again.
996
00:47:20,958 --> 00:47:22,458
CROWD: Never!
997
00:47:22,708 --> 00:47:24,458
JOAN: To pillage and to murder.
998
00:47:24,708 --> 00:47:28,083
And I've heard she's done poos
in your wells.
999
00:47:28,083 --> 00:47:30,000
(crowd cries)
1000
00:47:31,125 --> 00:47:32,667
DAGAN: She doesn't do that.
1001
00:47:32,917 --> 00:47:35,000
300 silver marks,
1002
00:47:36,042 --> 00:47:37,667
a lifetime's pay,
1003
00:47:38,667 --> 00:47:42,458
all for the one who brings me
Dagan, alive or dead.
1004
00:47:42,792 --> 00:47:44,042
(cheers)
1005
00:47:44,042 --> 00:47:46,292
The people are the heroes now.
1006
00:47:46,458 --> 00:47:48,125
(loud cheering)
1007
00:47:49,750 --> 00:47:51,833
MAN: Put her head on a spike.
1008
00:47:54,667 --> 00:47:56,458
SHULMAY: Quick, Dagan, this way.
1009
00:47:56,458 --> 00:47:57,917
(people shouting murderously)
1010
00:47:57,917 --> 00:47:59,583
(drum beating)
1011
00:48:10,208 --> 00:48:13,833
Stop it! She's here.
1012
00:48:15,792 --> 00:48:17,292
She's here.
1013
00:48:18,542 --> 00:48:21,125
The little piggy princess.
1014
00:48:21,125 --> 00:48:22,417
Bobik!
1015
00:48:24,000 --> 00:48:25,500
Bobik!
- Yeah? No.
1016
00:48:27,375 --> 00:48:29,333
Is that woman gone?
- Yes, come on!
1017
00:48:29,333 --> 00:48:31,583
Scary.
But lovely hair.
1018
00:48:32,292 --> 00:48:36,792
So, they took the path where
nobody goes,
1019
00:48:37,000 --> 00:48:39,458
(eerie music)
into a certain forest.
1020
00:48:40,625 --> 00:48:42,125
SHULMAY: Man-Wolf. (laughs)
1021
00:48:42,125 --> 00:48:44,250
No. No, such thing.
1022
00:48:44,917 --> 00:48:46,417
Absolutely not, no.
1023
00:48:47,417 --> 00:48:48,500
No way.
1024
00:48:48,667 --> 00:48:50,333
Stay on the path.
(laughs nervously)
1025
00:48:50,333 --> 00:48:51,792
Never leave the path.
1026
00:48:51,958 --> 00:48:55,333
Bobik, tell this woman she has
us utterly lost.
1027
00:48:55,333 --> 00:48:57,000
You still not talking to her?
1028
00:48:57,125 --> 00:49:00,208
Well, I'll travel with her
if I must.
1029
00:49:00,208 --> 00:49:02,917
But it's my mother she loves.
1030
00:49:02,917 --> 00:49:06,292
So, all former relations
are severed.
1031
00:49:06,292 --> 00:49:08,000
I liked it when we were in
the pub.
1032
00:49:08,125 --> 00:49:08,958
There was beer.
1033
00:49:08,958 --> 00:49:11,833
If it cheers you up, Bobik, you
can have an extra county
1034
00:49:11,833 --> 00:49:13,375
on your earldom.
- Whoa.
1035
00:49:13,375 --> 00:49:15,667
Hey, will there be ale
in this county?
1036
00:49:15,833 --> 00:49:17,042
All the ale you can guzzle.
1037
00:49:17,042 --> 00:49:18,375
What, and pies?
1038
00:49:18,375 --> 00:49:20,542
- Pies too.
- What kind of pies?
1039
00:49:21,125 --> 00:49:23,208
- All the pies you can imagine.
- Wow!
1040
00:49:23,208 --> 00:49:25,375
Well, hey, I can imagine
a great many
1041
00:49:25,375 --> 00:49:26,500
different kinds of pies.
1042
00:49:26,500 --> 00:49:28,500
I'm sure you can, but there's
no need to list them.
1043
00:49:28,500 --> 00:49:29,958
You've got apple pie,
mutton pie.
1044
00:49:29,958 --> 00:49:32,083
- Here we go.
- Elderberry pie, venison pie.
1045
00:49:32,083 --> 00:49:33,208
- Yeah.
- Rabbit pie.
1046
00:49:33,208 --> 00:49:34,875
- Rabbit pie's a nice pie.
- Mm-hmm.
1047
00:49:34,875 --> 00:49:36,875
But then, of course, you have
all the fish pies.
1048
00:49:37,083 --> 00:49:39,625
Imagine for a moment any fish
in the river,
1049
00:49:39,875 --> 00:49:41,708
and then just say the word
'pie' after it.
1050
00:49:41,833 --> 00:49:44,000
- Got it.
- Go on, have a go. Give me one.
1051
00:49:44,875 --> 00:49:46,042
- Trout.
- Trout pie, yes.
1052
00:49:46,042 --> 00:49:47,833
Salmon pie.
Now, eel pie is very...
1053
00:49:47,833 --> 00:49:49,292
(banging sound)
What's that?
1054
00:49:49,292 --> 00:49:50,958
(eerie music)
(wolf hows)
1055
00:49:50,958 --> 00:49:53,417
(Bobik shudders)
1056
00:49:54,292 --> 00:49:56,750
Are we standing in the lair of
the deadly Man-Wolf?
1057
00:49:59,250 --> 00:50:01,083
I command you not to panic.
But yes, yes, we are.
1058
00:50:01,083 --> 00:50:02,333
(Bobik cries)
(stabbing sound)
1059
00:50:02,333 --> 00:50:04,292
(Dagan gasps)
Hey, please don't leave me!
1060
00:50:05,917 --> 00:50:09,125
Circle of safety, circle of
safety, circle of safety,
1061
00:50:09,250 --> 00:50:10,500
circle of safety!
- Oh, God!
1062
00:50:10,625 --> 00:50:12,000
Oh, Gods, whatever!
1063
00:50:15,208 --> 00:50:16,333
LEATHERSMITH: Halt.
(screams)
1064
00:50:16,333 --> 00:50:17,417
(tense music)
1065
00:50:17,417 --> 00:50:19,125
You were no shit spader.
1066
00:50:19,667 --> 00:50:20,833
That I could tell.
1067
00:50:21,500 --> 00:50:24,375
Then I saw that panting,
you with the crown.
1068
00:50:24,375 --> 00:50:26,625
No, no, I'm Hilda.
1069
00:50:27,000 --> 00:50:29,083
I...I'm a travelling merchant.
1070
00:50:29,292 --> 00:50:30,417
Let's walk.
1071
00:50:31,250 --> 00:50:32,833
300 silver marks will buy me
all the...
1072
00:50:32,833 --> 00:50:34,250
(stabbing sound)
1073
00:50:34,750 --> 00:50:36,458
(groans, thud)
1074
00:50:36,583 --> 00:50:37,542
Huh?
1075
00:50:37,542 --> 00:50:39,708
Saw him creep off
with his long sword,
1076
00:50:39,708 --> 00:50:41,083
like he knew something.
1077
00:50:41,750 --> 00:50:43,583
And he led me all the way
to you...
1078
00:50:44,583 --> 00:50:45,958
Your Majesty.
1079
00:50:46,292 --> 00:50:48,500
(whispers) Gods and ancestors,
assist me now.
1080
00:50:48,500 --> 00:50:49,917
MAN: Don't waste your breathe.
1081
00:50:50,042 --> 00:50:52,500
My 300 silver marks will...
(stabbing sound)
1082
00:50:52,500 --> 00:50:53,792
(groans)
1083
00:51:00,125 --> 00:51:01,750
(thud)
Oh, my...
1084
00:51:01,875 --> 00:51:02,708
(pulling axe out)
1085
00:51:02,708 --> 00:51:07,708
Couldn't let him be the one to
catch the great Queen Dagan.
1086
00:51:07,708 --> 00:51:10,875
And now, 300 silver...
(stabbing sound)
1087
00:51:12,333 --> 00:51:14,833
(groans)
1088
00:51:15,875 --> 00:51:17,417
(thuds)
Ludicrous!
1089
00:51:17,417 --> 00:51:19,417
That leathermaker tried to send
us north.
1090
00:51:20,042 --> 00:51:21,583
But we figured out his game.
1091
00:51:22,125 --> 00:51:24,375
And those 300 silver marks...
(stabbing sound)
1092
00:51:24,375 --> 00:51:25,958
(choking)
1093
00:51:27,208 --> 00:51:28,333
(Dagan squeals)
(thuds)
1094
00:51:28,333 --> 00:51:29,750
(pulling sword out)
1095
00:51:30,625 --> 00:51:32,417
- Shall be mi...
- Argh!
1096
00:51:32,417 --> 00:51:34,125
(stabbing sound)
(choking)
1097
00:51:34,125 --> 00:51:35,333
(pulling sword out)
(thuds)
1098
00:51:35,333 --> 00:51:36,583
No, you don't.
1099
00:51:36,917 --> 00:51:41,292
You are a difficult person
to track down and behead.
1100
00:51:41,292 --> 00:51:42,750
(treacherous music)
1101
00:51:44,125 --> 00:51:45,250
If you want to talk your way
out of this,
1102
00:51:45,250 --> 00:51:46,542
now's your chance.
1103
00:51:48,167 --> 00:51:49,250
Leofwine...
1104
00:51:50,417 --> 00:51:53,667
I mean, we go way back,
and I thought...
1105
00:51:53,667 --> 00:51:55,792
Dee, dee, dee, dee, dee...
1106
00:51:58,667 --> 00:51:59,667
Carry on.
1107
00:52:01,458 --> 00:52:02,500
(treacherous music)
1108
00:52:02,500 --> 00:52:04,208
You know,
maybe we could just...
1109
00:52:04,208 --> 00:52:08,292
- Dee, dee, dee, dee, dee...
- (scoffs)
1110
00:52:08,583 --> 00:52:11,542
Dear sweet, stupid,
1111
00:52:11,750 --> 00:52:15,583
stupid, stupid
1112
00:52:16,042 --> 00:52:18,083
Dagan!
- You won't escape this.
1113
00:52:18,083 --> 00:52:19,667
The mighty Bobik.
1114
00:52:19,792 --> 00:52:22,417
He'll be here any moment.
1115
00:52:22,417 --> 00:52:24,708
Circle of safety,
circle of safety.
1116
00:52:24,708 --> 00:52:26,292
(owl hoots in the silence)
1117
00:52:28,500 --> 00:52:30,250
Nobody's coming for you.
(wimpers)
1118
00:52:30,250 --> 00:52:31,500
Leofwine, listen!
1119
00:52:31,500 --> 00:52:34,917
Humble Joan, she'll just cast
you aside as soon as she can.
1120
00:52:35,292 --> 00:52:36,417
She can't.
1121
00:52:38,875 --> 00:52:40,917
You don't think Joan's
in charge, do you?
1122
00:52:41,083 --> 00:52:43,333
People like you and her,
you don't actually govern.
1123
00:52:43,333 --> 00:52:45,167
People like me do that.
1124
00:52:45,708 --> 00:52:47,542
I gather taxes,
1125
00:52:47,750 --> 00:52:49,292
I pay the druids,
1126
00:52:49,417 --> 00:52:50,875
I burn the druids,
1127
00:52:50,875 --> 00:52:53,250
I hire cheaper, new druids.
1128
00:52:53,250 --> 00:52:56,375
I run the show,
and I always did.
1129
00:52:57,042 --> 00:52:58,792
(dramatic music)
1130
00:52:59,500 --> 00:53:01,583
Urgh!
(stabbing sound)
1131
00:53:04,042 --> 00:53:05,208
You...
1132
00:53:09,333 --> 00:53:10,625
You should have...
1133
00:53:14,875 --> 00:53:16,167
(thuds)
1134
00:53:26,583 --> 00:53:28,292
- She's dead.
- ...joined me!
1135
00:53:28,458 --> 00:53:30,167
I had so many plans.
1136
00:53:32,583 --> 00:53:35,500
(gurgling)
All dust now.
1137
00:53:35,625 --> 00:53:36,625
(chokes)
1138
00:53:37,083 --> 00:53:39,917
Dust... now.
1139
00:53:43,292 --> 00:53:44,375
(sighs)
1140
00:53:45,167 --> 00:53:46,958
- She's dead.
- No!
1141
00:53:47,458 --> 00:53:53,167
I'm alive, Dagan,
I'm still alive.
1142
00:53:55,792 --> 00:53:57,667
- Now...
- (coughing)
1143
00:54:00,458 --> 00:54:01,917
DAGAN: Oh, for God's sake.
1144
00:54:02,125 --> 00:54:03,750
(dramatic music)
1145
00:54:09,083 --> 00:54:11,042
(women sighing)
1146
00:54:12,375 --> 00:54:14,667
I've actually literally wet
my breeches.
1147
00:54:16,458 --> 00:54:18,375
The queen has moistened herself.
1148
00:54:19,500 --> 00:54:22,083
At least that man-wolf never
showed up.
1149
00:54:22,083 --> 00:54:24,583
(wolf-man growls)
(women screaming)
1150
00:54:24,708 --> 00:54:25,833
Shulmay!
1151
00:54:27,458 --> 00:54:29,625
I'm coming, Shulmay!
(wolf-man snarls)
1152
00:54:29,625 --> 00:54:32,417
Get your hands off my friend!
1153
00:54:32,417 --> 00:54:36,000
(smashing, slashing, tearing)
1154
00:54:39,250 --> 00:54:40,667
Urgh!
1155
00:54:40,792 --> 00:54:42,958
(wolf-man gurgles, laughs)
(babbles)
1156
00:54:48,833 --> 00:54:50,667
Relax.
1157
00:54:52,625 --> 00:54:54,042
It's broken.
1158
00:54:55,750 --> 00:54:58,500
Your crown broke the spell.
1159
00:54:59,833 --> 00:55:01,458
(both gasping)
1160
00:55:03,458 --> 00:55:05,208
I can return to my family.
1161
00:55:06,333 --> 00:55:08,708
Thank you for setting me free.
1162
00:55:14,583 --> 00:55:16,125
Hey, you alright, Clive?
1163
00:55:17,208 --> 00:55:18,625
I ain't seen you in years.
1164
00:55:19,958 --> 00:55:21,042
You're looking well.
1165
00:55:22,375 --> 00:55:24,833
Shulmay, are you hurt?
1166
00:55:25,042 --> 00:55:26,417
You came to save me.
1167
00:55:26,583 --> 00:55:28,958
You took off your crown
for a lowly wretch like me.
1168
00:55:28,958 --> 00:55:30,958
Oh, but what a wretch.
1169
00:55:31,625 --> 00:55:33,708
What a wretch.
1170
00:55:33,875 --> 00:55:36,125
(laughs)
(upbeat music)
1171
00:55:36,333 --> 00:55:37,333
(high tempo music)
1172
00:55:37,333 --> 00:55:39,292
With that huge bounty on your
head, we won't get far,
1173
00:55:39,292 --> 00:55:41,542
but Leofwine's a close enough
match for you.
1174
00:55:41,542 --> 00:55:43,125
We still have your scarlet
robes.
1175
00:55:43,125 --> 00:55:45,750
If she's found in them,
the hunt for the Queen ends.
1176
00:55:45,958 --> 00:55:47,792
But we have different faces.
1177
00:55:47,792 --> 00:55:49,917
Yes, but this is craggy country.
1178
00:55:49,917 --> 00:55:52,833
We'll find a cliff and drop her
off a decent height.
1179
00:55:54,333 --> 00:55:55,542
I get it.
1180
00:55:55,708 --> 00:55:58,625
If Leofwine's head lands
on a hard surface,
1181
00:55:58,625 --> 00:56:01,000
then her face will be all blown
inside out
1182
00:56:01,000 --> 00:56:03,708
and splintered, crushed.
(gagging)
1183
00:56:04,542 --> 00:56:07,583
SHULMAY: See? Put her in the
gown, she's almost you.
1184
00:56:07,875 --> 00:56:09,333
Just the face to think about.
1185
00:56:10,917 --> 00:56:11,750
Hmm.
1186
00:56:11,750 --> 00:56:14,167
This here drop should do
the job on that.
1187
00:56:14,792 --> 00:56:16,583
(grunting)
Okay.
1188
00:56:17,958 --> 00:56:19,833
But she has to land correctly.
1189
00:56:19,833 --> 00:56:22,500
So, we... we've gotta drop her
this way, then.
1190
00:56:22,875 --> 00:56:24,500
No, like this.
1191
00:56:25,417 --> 00:56:27,750
Legs first,
'cause she'll flip as she falls.
1192
00:56:27,750 --> 00:56:30,000
No, sideways,
with a touch of spin.
1193
00:56:30,000 --> 00:56:32,625
- No, headfirst.
- You haven't done this before.
1194
00:56:32,625 --> 00:56:34,042
Neither have you.
1195
00:56:34,500 --> 00:56:36,792
Alright, sideways
with a touch of spin.
1196
00:56:37,542 --> 00:56:38,583
Okay.
1197
00:56:39,000 --> 00:56:40,000
You got her?
- Yeah.
1198
00:56:40,000 --> 00:56:41,083
Ready?
1199
00:56:41,292 --> 00:56:45,125
One, two, three.
1200
00:56:46,167 --> 00:56:47,375
(gown flapping)
1201
00:56:47,375 --> 00:56:48,917
(loud thump)
1202
00:56:50,292 --> 00:56:51,542
Hmm.
1203
00:56:52,917 --> 00:56:54,875
Do we have to go down
and fetch her up?
1204
00:56:54,875 --> 00:56:56,583
Yes. Yes, we do.
1205
00:56:56,583 --> 00:56:58,542
(upbeat flute music)
1206
00:57:00,750 --> 00:57:01,917
(grunting)
1207
00:57:02,833 --> 00:57:05,083
Okay, headfirst.
1208
00:57:05,833 --> 00:57:09,083
One, two, three.
1209
00:57:09,083 --> 00:57:10,542
(gown flapping)
1210
00:57:10,875 --> 00:57:12,042
(loud thump)
1211
00:57:12,042 --> 00:57:13,125
What?!
1212
00:57:14,292 --> 00:57:16,250
She flipped as she fell,
I did say.
1213
00:57:16,458 --> 00:57:19,042
- He did say.
- No, there was a sudden gust.
1214
00:57:19,917 --> 00:57:21,083
Yeah, one more time.
1215
00:57:21,083 --> 00:57:22,375
Alright.
1216
00:57:25,250 --> 00:57:26,917
Urgh, how are we gonna
pick her up?
1217
00:57:26,917 --> 00:57:29,167
BOBIK: She's very slightly
damaged.
1218
00:57:29,917 --> 00:57:31,417
(gagging)
1219
00:57:32,917 --> 00:57:34,208
I think I've worked
something out.
1220
00:57:34,875 --> 00:57:37,333
Dagan often talks about nailing
her foes to trees
1221
00:57:37,333 --> 00:57:40,875
and opening up their guts
and other such japes.
1222
00:57:41,333 --> 00:57:43,375
When this kind of stuff happens
in front of her...
1223
00:57:43,375 --> 00:57:45,333
- She doesn't much like it.
- No, she doesn't.
1224
00:57:45,333 --> 00:57:46,542
Lies!
1225
00:57:46,875 --> 00:57:48,458
I am hard as horn.
1226
00:57:49,583 --> 00:57:52,417
In my youth, my father made me
watch such things.
1227
00:57:52,417 --> 00:57:53,500
(treacherous music)
1228
00:57:54,292 --> 00:57:56,958
MAN: No! No, no, no, please,
Your Majesty!
1229
00:57:56,958 --> 00:57:58,875
No, no, no! I beg you!
1230
00:57:59,583 --> 00:58:00,833
Please, no!
1231
00:58:02,042 --> 00:58:03,708
No!
(sizzling) No!
1232
00:58:03,708 --> 00:58:04,625
No!
1233
00:58:04,625 --> 00:58:06,208
Alright.
1234
00:58:06,833 --> 00:58:08,042
I hated it.
1235
00:58:08,250 --> 00:58:10,750
I hated every horrid moment
of it!
1236
00:58:11,542 --> 00:58:12,917
Are you satisfied?
1237
00:58:14,042 --> 00:58:16,042
And my mother did nothing.
1238
00:58:17,625 --> 00:58:21,333
(door clangs shut)
YOUNG DAGAN: Mum! No! No!
1239
00:58:21,333 --> 00:58:23,167
Why won't you see me?
1240
00:58:23,917 --> 00:58:26,708
Shulmay, I feel we've opened
the wax lid
1241
00:58:26,708 --> 00:58:28,917
atop a clay vessel of worms.
1242
00:58:35,125 --> 00:58:36,250
Your father thought your
mother's love
1243
00:58:36,250 --> 00:58:37,708
would make you soft,
1244
00:58:38,792 --> 00:58:40,542
so, he locked her away in
a tower,
1245
00:58:41,250 --> 00:58:42,750
and anyone who spoke
of her again
1246
00:58:42,750 --> 00:58:44,583
would be pressed through
a cattle grid.
1247
00:58:45,042 --> 00:58:46,667
She never abandoned you,
Dagan.
1248
00:58:49,667 --> 00:58:51,958
My mother lo... loved me?
1249
00:58:52,417 --> 00:58:53,542
Always.
1250
00:58:54,917 --> 00:58:56,167
Why did nobody tell me?
1251
00:58:56,625 --> 00:58:57,958
(whispers) The cattle grid.
1252
00:58:58,125 --> 00:58:59,458
Oh.
1253
00:59:00,333 --> 00:59:02,833
Your father was a bad man.
1254
00:59:04,042 --> 00:59:06,292
And not worthy of your
admiration.
1255
00:59:07,167 --> 00:59:10,000
But that is just the opinion
of Bobik.
1256
00:59:11,292 --> 00:59:12,833
I've been so wrong.
1257
00:59:13,542 --> 00:59:14,917
(soft music)
1258
00:59:15,375 --> 00:59:17,000
Shall we have a third go then,
or what?
1259
00:59:17,250 --> 00:59:18,333
I reckon we've got this.
1260
00:59:20,792 --> 00:59:23,375
Just let me do one thing.
1261
00:59:25,292 --> 00:59:26,500
(grunting)
1262
00:59:27,708 --> 00:59:29,250
Okay, feet first.
1263
00:59:29,792 --> 00:59:30,833
You ready?
1264
00:59:31,667 --> 00:59:35,625
One, two, three.
1265
00:59:38,500 --> 00:59:39,750
With the flip.
1266
00:59:39,875 --> 00:59:41,333
(thuds)
Hmm.
1267
00:59:42,167 --> 00:59:43,958
Yay!
(clapping)
1268
00:59:45,833 --> 00:59:46,958
Huh.
1269
00:59:50,208 --> 00:59:51,750
I'll see you again soon.
1270
00:59:52,458 --> 00:59:53,708
Promise.
1271
00:59:54,208 --> 00:59:55,208
(kisses crown)
1272
00:59:58,042 --> 00:59:59,958
Someone will find the body
soon enough.
1273
00:59:59,958 --> 01:00:01,042
This is what they want
1274
01:00:01,042 --> 01:00:02,417
Why are you still here?
1275
01:00:02,417 --> 01:00:03,708
This is what they said
1276
01:00:03,708 --> 01:00:05,000
This is what you get
1277
01:00:05,000 --> 01:00:10,208
This is you feeling
the same as you used to
1278
01:00:10,208 --> 01:00:11,625
(soldier gags)
1279
01:00:15,917 --> 01:00:17,667
Pay them the bounty.
1280
01:00:21,417 --> 01:00:23,250
Is Leofwine back from
the forest yet?
1281
01:00:27,000 --> 01:00:28,167
(sheet swishes)
1282
01:00:32,125 --> 01:00:33,292
(laughs)
1283
01:00:34,792 --> 01:00:35,792
Hmm.
1284
01:00:38,500 --> 01:00:39,500
(fire crackles)
1285
01:00:44,708 --> 01:00:46,125
She's tougher than I thought.
1286
01:00:46,583 --> 01:00:48,167
I worried she wouldn't make it
this far.
1287
01:00:48,542 --> 01:00:51,208
BOBIK: It's, what, a three-day
walk to Fingerstone Rock?
1288
01:00:51,792 --> 01:00:53,875
To meet Ivarr and Guthrum.
1289
01:00:55,417 --> 01:00:56,542
Bobik.
1290
01:00:56,708 --> 01:00:58,375
- Yeah?
- The thing is...
1291
01:01:02,708 --> 01:01:04,417
Yeah, we'll do that.
1292
01:01:05,542 --> 01:01:06,750
We'll do all of that.
1293
01:01:08,958 --> 01:01:10,333
(dramatic music)
1294
01:01:11,875 --> 01:01:17,417
And after a day's work at the
new c-c-collective bakery,
1295
01:01:17,417 --> 01:01:21,750
I kept a few sweepings of flour
for me and my family.
1296
01:01:21,750 --> 01:01:23,583
- Oh dear.
- And I'm very sorry.
1297
01:01:23,583 --> 01:01:24,792
It won't happen again.
1298
01:01:25,042 --> 01:01:27,083
But I haven't had any wages
since Freedom Day,
1299
01:01:27,083 --> 01:01:29,167
and the guards say there's no
coin to pay us with,
1300
01:01:29,167 --> 01:01:31,125
and, and the kids,
(laughs nervously)
1301
01:01:31,125 --> 01:01:32,250
they're so hungry.
1302
01:01:32,250 --> 01:01:33,333
- Witgar.
- Hmm?
1303
01:01:33,333 --> 01:01:34,750
You can go back to your family.
1304
01:01:35,333 --> 01:01:36,792
(sighs) Thank you, Joan.
1305
01:01:36,792 --> 01:01:41,792
After a stay at the citadel,
in a special room,
1306
01:01:41,958 --> 01:01:43,042
deep underground.
1307
01:01:43,042 --> 01:01:46,167
I...I, urgh... I love you!
1308
01:01:47,042 --> 01:01:48,708
This commonwealth
cannot fail.
1309
01:01:48,708 --> 01:01:50,667
- WITGAR: I love you!
- Will not fail.
1310
01:01:50,917 --> 01:01:53,292
SOLDIER: Humble Joan, a message
from across the seas.
1311
01:01:53,292 --> 01:01:54,917
Hmm.
(treacherous music)
1312
01:02:01,333 --> 01:02:03,292
And this letter gives us
the means to do it.
1313
01:02:05,083 --> 01:02:06,250
Pack up!
1314
01:02:07,583 --> 01:02:09,000
I have somewhere to be.
1315
01:02:09,500 --> 01:02:10,333
(upbeat music)
1316
01:02:10,333 --> 01:02:13,042
And so, the long journey to
the eastern shore
1317
01:02:13,042 --> 01:02:14,292
was nearly over.
1318
01:02:14,500 --> 01:02:16,333
Then, just a short trip across
the sea
1319
01:02:16,333 --> 01:02:18,167
would take them to
the great allies.
1320
01:02:18,542 --> 01:02:21,417
King Ivarr and King Guthrum.
1321
01:02:21,417 --> 01:02:23,500
(upbeat flute music)
1322
01:02:25,833 --> 01:02:26,875
SHULMAY: There it is.
1323
01:02:26,875 --> 01:02:28,708
(seagulls crying)
(Dagan gasps)
1324
01:02:29,500 --> 01:02:30,500
Ah!
1325
01:02:30,875 --> 01:02:33,667
A hundred and two score miles,
and here we are.
1326
01:02:34,583 --> 01:02:36,125
Fingerstone Rock!
1327
01:02:37,167 --> 01:02:39,167
BOBIK: It is big, though,
the sea.
1328
01:02:39,708 --> 01:02:41,000
They weren't lying.
1329
01:02:42,042 --> 01:02:43,917
You'd need all day to drink
that lot.
1330
01:02:44,292 --> 01:02:45,708
Is it salty, though?
1331
01:02:46,458 --> 01:02:47,750
I'm gonna lick it.
1332
01:02:48,583 --> 01:02:50,417
The only sure way to test
anything is lick it.
1333
01:02:50,417 --> 01:02:51,417
Shulmay.
1334
01:02:51,417 --> 01:02:54,708
Where's our boat, Shulmay, to
take us to the lovely kings?
1335
01:02:54,875 --> 01:02:56,000
My Queen, here's the thing...
1336
01:02:56,000 --> 01:02:57,458
(gasps) There's a boat!
1337
01:02:57,875 --> 01:02:59,792
(screeching) It's them!
They're here!
1338
01:03:00,125 --> 01:03:01,458
What now? No.
1339
01:03:01,958 --> 01:03:03,625
- DAGAN: Ivarr!
- Dagan, wait.
1340
01:03:03,625 --> 01:03:04,667
Guthrum!
1341
01:03:04,667 --> 01:03:07,292
- I need to tell you something.
- The two warriors bold!
1342
01:03:07,292 --> 01:03:10,167
They've crossed the sea
themselves to pick me up!
1343
01:03:10,500 --> 01:03:11,458
(gasps)
1344
01:03:11,458 --> 01:03:13,417
- I'm saved!
- That's not quite it.
1345
01:03:13,417 --> 01:03:15,667
- Cooee! I'm here!
- Listen, Ivarr and Guthrum
1346
01:03:15,667 --> 01:03:16,708
are not here for you.
1347
01:03:16,708 --> 01:03:18,625
They're literally just there!
(sea roaring)
1348
01:03:18,625 --> 01:03:20,375
SHULMAY: I haven't told you
everything.
1349
01:03:22,542 --> 01:03:25,000
DAGAN: Wait, where are they
going, the silly things? Huh.
1350
01:03:25,125 --> 01:03:27,667
The truth is, they did write to
Leofwine,
1351
01:03:28,042 --> 01:03:30,000
asking to meet by
Fingerstone Rock,
1352
01:03:30,167 --> 01:03:32,500
and pay gold for the secret
of the flame-powder...
1353
01:03:34,625 --> 01:03:37,208
...once Humble Joan had taken
the realm.
1354
01:03:40,542 --> 01:03:42,458
You mean they bet against me?
1355
01:03:44,292 --> 01:03:45,750
I had to think fast.
1356
01:03:46,708 --> 01:03:50,167
Get the queen to safety
and tell the truth later.
1357
01:03:50,167 --> 01:03:51,375
(dramatic music)
1358
01:03:51,375 --> 01:03:54,125
DAGAN: You lied to me,
all this time.
1359
01:03:55,083 --> 01:03:56,833
No ships, no armies.
1360
01:03:58,875 --> 01:04:00,042
But there is safety.
1361
01:04:00,167 --> 01:04:01,792
No one lives on Fingerstone.
1362
01:04:02,625 --> 01:04:06,167
So, we can live there,
and no one will know.
1363
01:04:07,917 --> 01:04:09,583
Everyone thinks you're dead.
1364
01:04:10,000 --> 01:04:13,125
We'll eat seagulls' eggs
and fish.
1365
01:04:13,125 --> 01:04:14,375
Fish pie.
1366
01:04:14,583 --> 01:04:17,000
That was kind of my plan
all along.
1367
01:04:17,958 --> 01:04:19,208
We live on a rock.
1368
01:04:20,417 --> 01:04:21,417
That rock?
1369
01:04:22,583 --> 01:04:24,083
SHULMAY: That rock over there.
1370
01:04:25,333 --> 01:04:28,375
If we live on that rock,
will I still be an earl?
1371
01:04:29,500 --> 01:04:30,542
Yeah.
1372
01:04:31,625 --> 01:04:34,958
Earl in a palace,
or earl in a hovel?
1373
01:04:36,083 --> 01:04:37,167
Mm-hmm.
1374
01:04:38,417 --> 01:04:39,750
I'm sorry, Bobik.
1375
01:04:41,750 --> 01:04:43,833
Look, I know it's a lot
to take in.
1376
01:04:43,833 --> 01:04:45,375
Urgh!
(kicking)
1377
01:04:49,417 --> 01:04:50,250
(hard slap)
Oh!
1378
01:04:50,250 --> 01:04:52,333
I did all this for your mother!
1379
01:04:52,583 --> 01:04:54,167
You're a shit, Dagan!
1380
01:04:54,292 --> 01:04:57,333
A selfish, horrible shit!
1381
01:04:57,667 --> 01:05:01,042
After all I've done for you,
all Bobik's done!
1382
01:05:02,167 --> 01:05:05,208
I killed for you!
- A bad person...
1383
01:05:06,125 --> 01:05:07,708
who had it coming!
1384
01:05:09,000 --> 01:05:10,375
Real affection would be...
1385
01:05:10,375 --> 01:05:12,917
would be killing someone
who didn't deserve it.
1386
01:05:13,542 --> 01:05:16,542
You sucked up my mother's
love...
1387
01:05:17,250 --> 01:05:18,417
for years!
1388
01:05:19,542 --> 01:05:21,333
That was my love,
1389
01:05:22,292 --> 01:05:23,750
and you robbed it!
1390
01:05:24,000 --> 01:05:26,250
And then you promised me
a kingdom,
1391
01:05:26,583 --> 01:05:28,500
and then you steal that too!
1392
01:05:28,500 --> 01:05:31,000
Some of us get by without
kingdoms.
1393
01:05:31,000 --> 01:05:34,333
(screaming)
Well, I need a kingdom!
1394
01:05:35,458 --> 01:05:38,250
I was going to be a better
queen this time!
1395
01:05:38,583 --> 01:05:43,125
(sobbing) Just a, a, a fucking
adorable queen!
1396
01:05:43,583 --> 01:05:44,917
The pain of it.
1397
01:05:44,917 --> 01:05:46,458
You don't know about pain!
1398
01:05:46,625 --> 01:05:48,583
You're a spoiled baby!
1399
01:05:48,583 --> 01:05:51,000
Do you know how hard it is
being your friend?
1400
01:05:54,875 --> 01:05:56,417
You are not my friend.
1401
01:06:00,417 --> 01:06:01,917
Eat my jellyfish!
(squelch)
1402
01:06:02,500 --> 01:06:04,708
(screams)
It stings!
1403
01:06:06,250 --> 01:06:08,083
Nobody told me they sting!
1404
01:06:08,583 --> 01:06:12,375
I wish that man-wolf had
scoffed your fucking tits!
1405
01:06:13,000 --> 01:06:15,042
Right, I'm done.
(necklace clinks on sand)
1406
01:06:15,042 --> 01:06:16,708
- DAGAN: Good!
- SHULMAY: Fine!
1407
01:06:17,000 --> 01:06:18,333
- Fine!
- Good!
1408
01:06:20,208 --> 01:06:22,708
(melancholic music)
Leave me then!
1409
01:06:23,375 --> 01:06:24,833
Everybody does!
1410
01:06:26,875 --> 01:06:29,250
Why don't you hand me in to
Humble Joan,
1411
01:06:29,375 --> 01:06:31,208
get a nice big fat reward?
1412
01:06:32,208 --> 01:06:34,167
Yeah, maybe I should.
1413
01:06:36,750 --> 01:06:37,750
Bobik?
1414
01:06:40,000 --> 01:06:41,042
Nah.
1415
01:06:46,333 --> 01:06:52,042
Tell me how I should feel
1416
01:06:52,458 --> 01:06:56,000
How can this love
1417
01:06:56,125 --> 01:06:58,375
run out of here?
1418
01:06:59,125 --> 01:07:04,958
When should I believe
the things you say?
1419
01:07:04,958 --> 01:07:05,958
(seagulls crying)
1420
01:07:05,958 --> 01:07:11,875
You change your mind
from day to day
1421
01:07:12,417 --> 01:07:17,208
And I don't know if you can
1422
01:07:17,208 --> 01:07:20,625
take such a good thing
1423
01:07:46,375 --> 01:07:47,458
(waves lapping)
1424
01:07:50,542 --> 01:07:52,000
IVARR: What's the snack
situation?
1425
01:07:52,542 --> 01:07:54,458
GUTHRAM: I hope it's good,
I'm so hungry.
1426
01:07:54,458 --> 01:07:55,792
(dramatic music)
1427
01:07:59,625 --> 01:08:00,708
(kings grunting)
1428
01:08:01,417 --> 01:08:03,208
- Very good.
- Ja.
1429
01:08:03,375 --> 01:08:05,375
Oh, God. Oh.
1430
01:08:07,375 --> 01:08:08,417
What a shit hole.
1431
01:08:08,417 --> 01:08:10,625
- Ja, it stinks.
- Yes. (laughs)
1432
01:08:11,125 --> 01:08:12,667
GUTHRAM: We shall drive
a hard bargain.
1433
01:08:12,667 --> 01:08:15,208
Ja, what other bargain would we
wanna drive, man?
1434
01:08:15,542 --> 01:08:17,332
I mean, it's us, yeah?
1435
01:08:17,750 --> 01:08:19,917
We're hardcore, all the time.
1436
01:08:20,042 --> 01:08:21,000
I am.
1437
01:08:21,000 --> 01:08:23,207
You? I've heard otherwise.
1438
01:08:23,332 --> 01:08:24,375
You mock me.
1439
01:08:24,750 --> 01:08:27,625
I'll spill your sorry guts on
the sand right here.
1440
01:08:27,875 --> 01:08:29,000
- You wanna go?
- Right here.
1441
01:08:29,000 --> 01:08:29,957
- You wanna go?
- On the sand.
1442
01:08:29,957 --> 01:08:31,457
- You wanna get crazy?
- You want a piece of it?
1443
01:08:31,457 --> 01:08:33,625
You wanna get crazy?
I'm gonna fuck you up.
1444
01:08:33,625 --> 01:08:34,667
Ja, you want?
1445
01:08:34,667 --> 01:08:37,125
Come on, let's go, let's go,
let's go, let's go, let's go...
1446
01:08:37,125 --> 01:08:38,500
(men squabbling)
1447
01:08:40,832 --> 01:08:41,957
(laughs)
1448
01:08:41,957 --> 01:08:43,832
She thinks we may fight now.
1449
01:08:43,957 --> 01:08:45,957
(laughs) She does not know that
we are good friends,
1450
01:08:45,957 --> 01:08:48,375
whose mannish banter
is unmatched.
1451
01:08:48,375 --> 01:08:51,292
Yeah, just a couple of kings
fucking around.
1452
01:08:52,832 --> 01:08:54,582
You're bigger than I thought
you'd be.
1453
01:08:55,000 --> 01:08:56,832
But you're still pretty small.
1454
01:08:56,832 --> 01:08:58,542
King Ivarr, King Guthrum,
1455
01:08:58,875 --> 01:09:00,832
welcome to the Commonwealth
of the People.
1456
01:09:01,000 --> 01:09:02,542
Well done on the rebellion.
1457
01:09:02,917 --> 01:09:05,832
If you'd tried it in our lands,
you'd be very dead now.
1458
01:09:05,832 --> 01:09:07,457
Yeah, very dead.
1459
01:09:07,917 --> 01:09:11,207
But you did it here, so, you
know, we're cool with that.
1460
01:09:11,667 --> 01:09:12,750
Come this way.
1461
01:09:13,750 --> 01:09:14,750
IVARR: Thank you.
1462
01:09:16,042 --> 01:09:18,082
I don't trust her.
- GUTHRAM: No. Me neither.
1463
01:09:18,207 --> 01:09:19,625
She's so small.
1464
01:09:19,625 --> 01:09:21,417
(high tempo music)
1465
01:09:22,500 --> 01:09:24,082
Do you think Humble Joan's
around?
1466
01:09:24,082 --> 01:09:26,417
Well, Leofwine's not meeting
the kings, is she?
1467
01:09:28,792 --> 01:09:30,875
Yes, Humble Joan's here.
1468
01:09:31,125 --> 01:09:32,417
We'll give her what she wants,
1469
01:09:32,417 --> 01:09:34,082
and then she can't deny us
our silver.
1470
01:09:34,250 --> 01:09:35,542
We'll be wealthy?
1471
01:09:35,832 --> 01:09:39,082
You'll never have to shovel
again, and I'll serve no one.
1472
01:09:39,957 --> 01:09:42,082
I'm sick of looking after
the upper classes, Bobik.
1473
01:09:42,375 --> 01:09:43,750
I need to find my song.
1474
01:09:44,375 --> 01:09:45,375
Hey.
1475
01:09:45,917 --> 01:09:47,417
So, are we giving her Dagan?
1476
01:09:54,082 --> 01:09:56,125
Yes, we are.
1477
01:09:56,458 --> 01:09:58,667
Yeah.
(treacherous music)
1478
01:10:02,375 --> 01:10:04,708
So, this commonwealth malarky.
1479
01:10:05,083 --> 01:10:06,458
Does it have legs?
1480
01:10:07,000 --> 01:10:10,292
I mean, what if Dagan
gets back in, hmm?
1481
01:10:11,458 --> 01:10:13,458
(box opens, flies buzzing)
Urgh.
1482
01:10:13,458 --> 01:10:15,500
These were found on
her mangled corpse.
1483
01:10:15,500 --> 01:10:17,500
- GUTHRUM: That smells bad.
- IVARR: Ja, that's hers.
1484
01:10:17,500 --> 01:10:19,750
Your Majesties will need a
moment to mourn, I'm sure.
1485
01:10:19,750 --> 01:10:20,833
Eh.
1486
01:10:21,333 --> 01:10:22,625
It's no great loss.
1487
01:10:22,625 --> 01:10:23,708
Hmm.
1488
01:10:23,833 --> 01:10:26,917
Pagan Europe will just have to
struggle on without her.
1489
01:10:27,208 --> 01:10:29,167
Let us talk the flame-powder.
1490
01:10:29,500 --> 01:10:30,542
- Ja.
- Let's.
1491
01:10:30,542 --> 01:10:32,000
We've heard you're flat broke.
1492
01:10:32,000 --> 01:10:34,292
IVARR: I'm not.
I just raided Latvia.
1493
01:10:34,292 --> 01:10:35,958
(laughs) Very raidable is your
Latvia.
1494
01:10:35,958 --> 01:10:36,875
Ja.
1495
01:10:36,875 --> 01:10:39,917
GUTHRUM: So, this flame-powder,
does it really work?
1496
01:10:39,917 --> 01:10:43,500
IVARR: I'm thinking maybe we can
try out the flame-powder
1497
01:10:43,500 --> 01:10:44,875
on some peasants!
1498
01:10:44,875 --> 01:10:47,458
(sword swishes)
No. Approach, friends.
1499
01:10:47,708 --> 01:10:49,500
We don't kill commoners
for fun here.
1500
01:10:49,958 --> 01:10:50,958
Really?
1501
01:10:51,500 --> 01:10:52,667
What a bore.
1502
01:10:53,125 --> 01:10:55,125
- (scoffs)
- I like slaying peasants.
1503
01:10:55,125 --> 01:10:56,292
Ja, you have the mad skills.
1504
01:10:56,292 --> 01:10:57,792
JOAN: How goes the day, travellers?
1505
01:10:57,792 --> 01:10:59,792
Humble Joan, we've come to tell
you something.
1506
01:11:01,333 --> 01:11:03,458
To tell you that Queen Dagan...
1507
01:11:05,667 --> 01:11:06,750
(tense music)
1508
01:11:10,875 --> 01:11:13,792
Queen Dagan...
- Have we met before?
1509
01:11:17,917 --> 01:11:18,917
Speak.
1510
01:11:19,792 --> 01:11:21,375
There's nothing to fear.
1511
01:11:24,000 --> 01:11:25,208
Queen Dagan...
1512
01:11:27,417 --> 01:11:28,958
Nothing to fear indeed.
1513
01:11:29,917 --> 01:11:32,917
For Humble Joan...
protects us all.
1514
01:11:34,750 --> 01:11:37,083
Her steady hand guiding
the great...
1515
01:11:37,750 --> 01:11:39,792
plough shed of this nation.
1516
01:11:40,708 --> 01:11:45,125
Indeed, here is a woman whose
words you may trust.
1517
01:11:47,167 --> 01:11:48,167
(laughs)
1518
01:11:51,500 --> 01:11:52,500
Bye-bye.
1519
01:11:52,500 --> 01:11:53,583
(upbeat music)
1520
01:11:58,292 --> 01:12:00,500
Catch up with our friends
and invite them to stay awhile.
1521
01:12:01,208 --> 01:12:03,833
You, search the dunes where
they came from.
1522
01:12:04,833 --> 01:12:06,083
Something's going on here.
1523
01:12:06,458 --> 01:12:07,542
SOLDIER: Let's go.
1524
01:12:07,542 --> 01:12:09,000
(tense music)
1525
01:12:09,167 --> 01:12:10,333
Make haste.
1526
01:12:15,125 --> 01:12:16,625
(soldier coughing)
1527
01:12:18,500 --> 01:12:19,875
I hoped you'd come back.
1528
01:12:22,833 --> 01:12:25,125
Up you get... Dagan.
1529
01:12:26,875 --> 01:12:28,625
DAGAN: Ow! Get off!
1530
01:12:28,625 --> 01:12:31,625
I am still your queen!
How ruddy dare you?!
1531
01:12:31,833 --> 01:12:33,042
Ow!
1532
01:12:36,292 --> 01:12:38,708
You know, even if you offered
help to me now,
1533
01:12:38,708 --> 01:12:40,042
I would spurn it.
1534
01:12:42,875 --> 01:12:44,458
You don't happen to offer it,
do you?
1535
01:12:45,208 --> 01:12:46,667
Dagan's dead, you said.
1536
01:12:47,792 --> 01:12:51,625
Fortune has offered us a
subject for demonstration.
1537
01:12:52,583 --> 01:12:54,792
She is a queen,
dress her as such.
1538
01:12:54,917 --> 01:12:56,417
(tense music)
1539
01:13:01,417 --> 01:13:02,583
(box opens)
1540
01:13:02,583 --> 01:13:03,708
(dramatic music)
1541
01:13:05,958 --> 01:13:09,292
Our subject thinks much of her
dainty toes.
1542
01:13:09,292 --> 01:13:11,292
She is famous for her
lovely feet.
1543
01:13:11,292 --> 01:13:14,333
- Ja.
- We call this cord a fuse.
1544
01:13:15,500 --> 01:13:17,208
Simply light one end of it.
1545
01:13:18,750 --> 01:13:20,000
(flames burst)
1546
01:13:20,542 --> 01:13:21,958
(fuse sizzles)
1547
01:13:24,417 --> 01:13:26,208
(explosion)
(Dagan screams)
1548
01:13:26,542 --> 01:13:27,500
JOAN: Bang.
1549
01:13:30,583 --> 01:13:31,750
(Dagan groaning)
1550
01:13:36,500 --> 01:13:37,875
That was a little bang.
1551
01:13:39,042 --> 01:13:40,750
We came for large bangs.
1552
01:13:40,750 --> 01:13:42,208
Large bangs.
1553
01:13:42,208 --> 01:13:45,625
Large bangs, large bangs,
large bangs.
1554
01:13:45,625 --> 01:13:46,917
You will have one.
1555
01:13:47,792 --> 01:13:51,208
For now, we put our powder
in a tube of iron.
1556
01:13:53,292 --> 01:13:54,750
(cannon wheels squeak)
1557
01:13:56,667 --> 01:13:58,250
BOBIK: You said she knew nothing
of pain.
1558
01:13:58,250 --> 01:13:59,542
I know I did.
1559
01:14:00,625 --> 01:14:02,000
I think she does now.
1560
01:14:04,583 --> 01:14:06,208
Her foot is quite badly
fucked up.
1561
01:14:06,208 --> 01:14:07,375
Yeah, it really is.
1562
01:14:07,375 --> 01:14:09,750
I'm going to work my way around
your body, Dagan.
1563
01:14:10,167 --> 01:14:11,875
But first, tell me.
1564
01:14:12,583 --> 01:14:14,000
Is that the pair you
travelled with?
1565
01:14:16,375 --> 01:14:17,375
(gulps)
1566
01:14:18,292 --> 01:14:19,750
I don't know who they are.
1567
01:14:20,458 --> 01:14:21,958
JOAN: Well, whoever they are,
1568
01:14:21,958 --> 01:14:25,458
they're about to watch you
suffer very, very much.
1569
01:14:25,458 --> 01:14:26,500
Nice.
1570
01:14:26,500 --> 01:14:28,292
She could try to bargain with
our peasanty lives,
1571
01:14:28,292 --> 01:14:30,042
and yet she still doesn't give
us away.
1572
01:14:30,250 --> 01:14:31,292
JOAN: Primed and ready.
1573
01:14:31,292 --> 01:14:33,375
Let's see what it will do
to the human...
1574
01:14:33,375 --> 01:14:34,625
(tense music)
1575
01:14:34,833 --> 01:14:37,125
knee.
(cannons squeaks)
1576
01:14:38,292 --> 01:14:40,333
Again, we light the fuse.
1577
01:14:41,375 --> 01:14:42,375
SHULMAY: Hold.
1578
01:14:45,292 --> 01:14:48,458
We, the common people,
wish to avenge ourselves
1579
01:14:48,458 --> 01:14:50,750
on the tyrant.
(treacherous music)
1580
01:14:51,000 --> 01:14:52,292
Amuse us.
1581
01:14:52,708 --> 01:14:54,417
Give the peasant a go.
1582
01:14:58,375 --> 01:14:59,583
Nice and messy, please.
1583
01:14:59,583 --> 01:15:00,833
Chunks everywhere.
1584
01:15:02,250 --> 01:15:07,542
Dagan, let this show you where
we stand.
1585
01:15:09,125 --> 01:15:10,083
(flames burst)
1586
01:15:10,083 --> 01:15:11,500
(tense music)
1587
01:15:16,208 --> 01:15:17,417
(stick whirls through the air)
1588
01:15:17,417 --> 01:15:19,042
(flame fizzles out on the sand)
1589
01:15:20,833 --> 01:15:23,375
I think she meant to hurl it
into that chest.
1590
01:15:23,375 --> 01:15:24,833
Treachery!
1591
01:15:24,833 --> 01:15:26,833
Shulmay's a rotten throw,
but I'm not!
1592
01:15:27,167 --> 01:15:28,583
(thunk)
(laughs)
1593
01:15:28,583 --> 01:15:29,625
SOLDIER: Close it!
1594
01:15:29,625 --> 01:15:30,750
(lid bangs shut)
1595
01:15:31,167 --> 01:15:33,250
Ha! The powder needs air
to burn.
1596
01:15:33,250 --> 01:15:34,875
Starved of air,
it cannot catch...
1597
01:15:34,875 --> 01:15:37,542
(huge explosion)
1598
01:15:39,250 --> 01:15:40,917
(everyone coughing)
1599
01:15:43,167 --> 01:15:45,500
GUTHRUM: Bang, bang!
IVARR: Ja! (laughs)
1600
01:15:45,625 --> 01:15:46,833
That was a large bang!
1601
01:15:46,833 --> 01:15:48,250
JOAN: Guards!
1602
01:15:49,292 --> 01:15:50,292
BOBIK: Argh!
1603
01:15:50,667 --> 01:15:52,250
(punching)
(high tempo music)
1604
01:15:53,875 --> 01:15:55,833
(slap)
(Bobik choking)
1605
01:15:55,958 --> 01:15:57,042
(sword swishes)
1606
01:15:59,125 --> 01:16:00,292
(swords clang)
Argh!
1607
01:16:00,292 --> 01:16:01,375
(Joan laughs)
1608
01:16:02,292 --> 01:16:03,542
Oh, Dagan.
1609
01:16:03,708 --> 01:16:04,958
I've bested you once already,
1610
01:16:04,958 --> 01:16:06,833
now you're all starved
and leaking.
1611
01:16:06,833 --> 01:16:09,542
I fought for myself back then.
Now I fight for something else.
1612
01:16:10,500 --> 01:16:12,292
Argh!
(swords clang)
1613
01:16:13,250 --> 01:16:16,208
- Ladies, fighting with swords.
- Ja.
1614
01:16:16,208 --> 01:16:18,417
Argh!
(swords clanging)
1615
01:16:21,375 --> 01:16:22,625
(kicking sound)
(thump)
1616
01:16:23,417 --> 01:16:24,667
(Bobik choking)
1617
01:16:24,917 --> 01:16:26,500
Let me tell you a secret, Dagan.
1618
01:16:26,500 --> 01:16:27,583
(tense music)
1619
01:16:27,583 --> 01:16:29,958
I've begun to enjoy it
at the top of the tree.
1620
01:16:30,375 --> 01:16:32,625
I can tell you that,
'cause you'd understand.
1621
01:16:35,667 --> 01:16:36,792
(crown clangs on sword)
1622
01:16:41,500 --> 01:16:44,208
I was going to melt this down
for gold coin, but...
1623
01:16:45,167 --> 01:16:48,125
wouldn't it look fine on Joan's
most humble head?
1624
01:16:48,458 --> 01:16:50,333
'Take the crown, Joan!
1625
01:16:50,500 --> 01:16:52,208
You're the people's queen!'
1626
01:16:52,500 --> 01:16:54,500
'Oh, but I mustn't.'
1627
01:16:54,708 --> 01:16:56,375
'Oh, but we wish it!'
1628
01:16:56,375 --> 01:17:00,667
'Well, if I must.' (laughs)
(sword falls to the sand)
1629
01:17:02,500 --> 01:17:03,500
Oh!
1630
01:17:08,458 --> 01:17:09,833
(laughs evilly)
1631
01:17:09,833 --> 01:17:11,750
(ethereal music)
BOBIK: There's no sky.
1632
01:17:13,333 --> 01:17:14,542
It's just you...
1633
01:17:14,792 --> 01:17:15,792
(screams) No!
1634
01:17:16,000 --> 01:17:17,083
BOBIK:...the spade.
1635
01:17:17,833 --> 01:17:19,542
and the thing what must
be spaded.
1636
01:17:19,542 --> 01:17:20,833
(squelching)
(menacing singing)
1637
01:17:20,833 --> 01:17:22,875
La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la,
la-la-la...
1638
01:17:24,250 --> 01:17:25,833
(repeated stabbing sound)
1639
01:17:28,167 --> 01:17:29,417
(blood spurting)
1640
01:17:31,125 --> 01:17:32,500
(dangerous music)
1641
01:17:33,125 --> 01:17:34,167
(thump)
1642
01:17:36,000 --> 01:17:37,000
(crown clangs softly)
1643
01:17:41,792 --> 01:17:42,917
(dramatic violin music)
1644
01:17:46,917 --> 01:17:48,500
Humble Joan,
1645
01:17:49,292 --> 01:17:50,500
for eternity your
memory will...
1646
01:17:50,500 --> 01:17:51,667
(hard thump)
1647
01:17:54,458 --> 01:17:57,417
Oh, that was magnificent!
(applause)
1648
01:17:57,417 --> 01:17:58,917
- Outstanding!
- Ja!
1649
01:17:59,250 --> 01:18:00,792
- High funf!
- High funf!
1650
01:18:01,792 --> 01:18:04,875
Queen Dagan, we wanted you to
win all along.
1651
01:18:04,875 --> 01:18:06,333
I really enjoyed that.
1652
01:18:06,333 --> 01:18:07,833
- GUTHRUM: Right.
- IVARR: That was so good.
1653
01:18:07,833 --> 01:18:09,167
- GUTHRUM: Ja.
- IVARR: Ja.
1654
01:18:09,167 --> 01:18:10,500
(chatter fades out)
1655
01:18:11,208 --> 01:18:12,625
(Dagan groans)
1656
01:18:13,500 --> 01:18:15,333
My blood is falling out.
1657
01:18:16,208 --> 01:18:17,958
(blood drips)
1658
01:18:18,625 --> 01:18:20,625
My life ebbs away.
1659
01:18:23,125 --> 01:18:24,167
Dagan.
1660
01:18:25,833 --> 01:18:28,125
This land will need a ruler
when I'm gone.
1661
01:18:31,500 --> 01:18:33,292
I was a bastard.
1662
01:18:36,042 --> 01:18:37,042
Joan.
1663
01:18:38,125 --> 01:18:39,333
Leofwine.
1664
01:18:40,667 --> 01:18:42,250
Ivarr, Gunthrum.
1665
01:18:43,083 --> 01:18:44,958
We're all bastards.
1666
01:18:47,417 --> 01:18:52,167
Maybe countries need leaders
who aren't bastards.
1667
01:18:54,750 --> 01:18:56,000
Shulmay...
1668
01:18:57,292 --> 01:18:58,542
will you be queen?
1669
01:19:00,708 --> 01:19:02,042
I can't be queen.
1670
01:19:03,000 --> 01:19:03,958
Can I?
1671
01:19:04,083 --> 01:19:05,750
You were made for it.
1672
01:19:06,292 --> 01:19:07,375
Trust me.
1673
01:19:17,750 --> 01:19:18,917
Shulmay...
1674
01:19:23,917 --> 01:19:27,542
Do you promise to rule with
wisdom and kindness?
1675
01:19:28,333 --> 01:19:29,333
Yes.
1676
01:19:29,750 --> 01:19:30,792
Yes, I do.
1677
01:19:32,375 --> 01:19:33,583
Queen Shulmay.
1678
01:19:34,375 --> 01:19:36,167
I don't want to die on
the ground.
1679
01:19:37,000 --> 01:19:38,500
Help me up, my Queen.
1680
01:19:38,500 --> 01:19:39,750
(dramatic music)
1681
01:19:42,042 --> 01:19:43,333
(groans)
1682
01:19:45,417 --> 01:19:47,083
Uh, Queen Shulmay.
1683
01:19:47,458 --> 01:19:49,500
Any chance you could give us
the recipe
1684
01:19:49,500 --> 01:19:51,375
for the bang-bang powder?
1685
01:19:51,542 --> 01:19:52,583
No.
1686
01:19:54,208 --> 01:19:55,167
Just asking.
1687
01:19:55,167 --> 01:19:57,208
Yeah, no need to be snippy.
1688
01:19:57,625 --> 01:19:59,125
Come on. Let's go.
1689
01:19:59,708 --> 01:20:01,042
GUTHRUM: Which way is the boat?
1690
01:20:01,292 --> 01:20:03,208
IVARR: It was your job to
remember that.
1691
01:20:03,458 --> 01:20:06,292
GUTHRUM: Erm, it was close to
a very distinctive pebble.
1692
01:20:06,292 --> 01:20:09,583
IVARR: Oh ja, by that big, sort
of, sandy-coloured section.
1693
01:20:09,917 --> 01:20:11,083
(coughs)
1694
01:20:11,083 --> 01:20:12,583
(tense music)
1695
01:20:14,708 --> 01:20:15,708
Uh...
1696
01:20:17,250 --> 01:20:18,708
I see a snail.
1697
01:20:20,958 --> 01:20:22,542
Come, Big Liam.
1698
01:20:24,042 --> 01:20:25,125
I'm ready.
1699
01:20:25,125 --> 01:20:26,292
(ethereal music)
1700
01:20:28,167 --> 01:20:29,167
No.
1701
01:20:30,542 --> 01:20:31,625
Come.
1702
01:20:32,417 --> 01:20:34,167
Cease your approach,
Big Liam.
1703
01:20:35,542 --> 01:20:36,833
I've had an idea.
1704
01:20:38,542 --> 01:20:40,167
This will stop the bleeding.
1705
01:20:40,333 --> 01:20:42,500
Just a tiny pinch of
the powder.
1706
01:20:43,167 --> 01:20:46,167
DAGAN: Liam, I see you,
Big Liam. I'm ready.
1707
01:20:46,167 --> 01:20:48,125
That'll burn the wound shut.
Stand back.
1708
01:20:48,917 --> 01:20:50,000
(sizzling)
1709
01:20:52,958 --> 01:20:56,292
Ouch!
Fucking hell!
1710
01:20:56,292 --> 01:20:57,792
The bleeding's stopped.
1711
01:20:57,958 --> 01:20:59,125
Saved your life.
1712
01:21:05,542 --> 01:21:06,542
Come.
1713
01:21:09,208 --> 01:21:10,250
Thank you...
1714
01:21:12,500 --> 01:21:13,708
Earl Bobik.
1715
01:21:15,833 --> 01:21:17,000
I'm an earl!
1716
01:21:18,208 --> 01:21:20,167
Hey, I'm an earl!
1717
01:21:21,000 --> 01:21:22,250
A ruddy earl!
1718
01:21:24,375 --> 01:21:25,750
Oof.
1719
01:21:26,208 --> 01:21:27,375
Where are you off to?
1720
01:21:27,667 --> 01:21:29,250
Why, off to the citadel.
1721
01:21:29,583 --> 01:21:31,542
We have a coronation to arrange!
1722
01:21:31,667 --> 01:21:33,333
(upbeat marching music)
1723
01:21:33,792 --> 01:21:35,625
SHULMAY: I'm the Queen!
1724
01:21:35,625 --> 01:21:37,208
BOBIK: You're the fucking Queen!
1725
01:21:37,625 --> 01:21:39,542
SHULMAY: I'm the Queen!
1726
01:21:39,833 --> 01:21:41,750
Shulmay, you found your song!
1727
01:21:41,917 --> 01:21:43,125
(laughing)
1728
01:21:43,125 --> 01:21:45,208
I'm the Queen!
1729
01:21:45,500 --> 01:21:48,083
The fucking Queen!
1730
01:21:48,875 --> 01:21:51,208
DAGAN: And the crown stayed on
the right head.
1731
01:21:51,875 --> 01:21:53,958
The head it was meant for
all along.
1732
01:21:54,625 --> 01:21:58,667
Hooray for Queen Shulmay,
the people's queen!
1733
01:21:58,667 --> 01:21:59,750
(cheers and applause)
1734
01:22:01,208 --> 01:22:03,708
What about Bobik?
(laughs)
1735
01:22:04,292 --> 01:22:05,958
DAGAN: I moved to a palace.
1736
01:22:05,958 --> 01:22:09,625
And I found my beloved countess.
1737
01:22:10,958 --> 01:22:11,792
Here you are, dear.
1738
01:22:11,792 --> 01:22:15,917
DAGAN: And everybody lived
happily ever after.
1739
01:22:15,917 --> 01:22:17,167
The end.
1740
01:22:17,167 --> 01:22:18,792
Sorry for all the swearing.
(cheers and applause)
1741
01:22:21,125 --> 01:22:23,417
Thank you!
Thank you so much!
1742
01:22:23,417 --> 01:22:24,583
Many thanks!
1743
01:22:24,583 --> 01:22:26,042
Don't forget the puppeteer.
1744
01:22:26,042 --> 01:22:28,250
(coins jangling)
Thank you.
1745
01:22:28,875 --> 01:22:30,917
- GIRL: Thank you.
- DAGAN: Thanks.
1746
01:22:30,917 --> 01:22:32,708
Is it true what
the grown-ups say,
1747
01:22:32,708 --> 01:22:34,792
that you're the other queen in
the story?
1748
01:22:35,375 --> 01:22:36,375
What?
1749
01:22:36,958 --> 01:22:40,042
She was so mean and angry.
1750
01:22:40,333 --> 01:22:41,500
Nobody would want to
be her friend.
1751
01:22:41,500 --> 01:22:42,792
Do I look like her?
1752
01:22:43,542 --> 01:22:45,125
No, you don't.
1753
01:22:45,417 --> 01:22:46,583
So, it can't be me, can it?
1754
01:22:46,792 --> 01:22:47,625
(coins jangle)
1755
01:22:47,625 --> 01:22:50,042
Or at least it hasn't been for
a very long...
1756
01:22:50,042 --> 01:22:51,625
Oh, for goodness sake!
1757
01:22:52,917 --> 01:22:54,458
Seize them!
1758
01:22:54,458 --> 01:22:55,958
(upbeat music)
1759
01:23:00,625 --> 01:23:05,917
Shall I milk thy herd for you,
kind sir?
1760
01:23:06,458 --> 01:23:09,250
{\an8}Hey, I'm in love.
1761
01:23:10,417 --> 01:23:12,583
My fingers keep on clicking
to the beat...
1762
01:23:12,583 --> 01:23:14,167
He locked her away in a tower.
1763
01:23:14,750 --> 01:23:16,292
And anyone who spoke of
her again
1764
01:23:16,292 --> 01:23:18,000
would be pressed through
a cattle grid.
1765
01:23:18,708 --> 01:23:22,167
{\an8}Ebony and ivory and dancing
and in the street
1766
01:23:22,750 --> 01:23:27,083
{\an8}Hey, it's 'cause of you
the world...
1767
01:23:27,083 --> 01:23:31,000
I've heard she's done this:
poos in your wells.
1768
01:23:31,000 --> 01:23:34,083
{\an8}My heart is beating like
a jungle drum
1769
01:23:34,583 --> 01:23:36,875
{\an8}Guda, dunga, dunga, dunga,
dung, dung, dung...
1770
01:23:38,125 --> 01:23:39,417
I'm gonna fuck you up!
1771
01:23:39,417 --> 01:23:42,542
Come on, let's go, let's go,
let's go, let's go, let's go.
1772
01:23:44,042 --> 01:23:45,833
{\an8}...like a jungle drum
1773
01:23:50,833 --> 01:23:53,125
{\an8}What, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee,
dee, dee, dee.
1774
01:23:53,125 --> 01:23:56,000
{\an8}...the moment between
the striking and the fire
1775
01:23:58,875 --> 01:24:00,333
{\an8}- A dragon, then.
- SHULMAY: They're not real.
1776
01:24:00,333 --> 01:24:02,000
{\an8}(laughs) Fuck off.
1777
01:24:02,000 --> 01:24:04,167
{\an8}...kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss
1778
01:24:05,333 --> 01:24:08,958
{\an8}No one ever stopped
1779
01:24:09,125 --> 01:24:13,000
My hands are in the air,
yes, I'm in love
1780
01:24:13,125 --> 01:24:16,958
My heart is beating like
a jungle drum
1781
01:24:17,208 --> 01:24:19,208
Guda, dunga, dunga, dunga,
dung, dung, dung
1782
01:24:19,208 --> 01:24:22,792
My heart is beating like
a jungle drum
1783
01:24:23,292 --> 01:24:25,375
Guda, dunga, dunga, dunga,
dung, dung, dung
1784
01:24:25,375 --> 01:24:28,958
My heart is beating like
a jungle drum
1785
01:24:29,375 --> 01:24:31,375
Rung, dung, da-rung,
gung, gung...
1786
01:24:31,375 --> 01:24:35,333
My heart is beating like
a jungle drum
1787
01:24:35,542 --> 01:24:37,500
Rung, dung, da-rung,
gung, gung...
1788
01:24:37,500 --> 01:24:41,292
My heart is beating like
a jungle drum
1789
01:24:41,458 --> 01:24:43,542
Rung, dung, da-rung,
gung, gung...
1790
01:24:43,542 --> 01:24:46,833
My heart is beating like
a jungle drum
1791
01:24:50,375 --> 01:24:53,750
Rung, dung, da-rung, gung,
gung...(repeated)
1792
01:25:05,875 --> 01:25:13,750
My heart is beating like
a jungle drum
1793
01:25:13,917 --> 01:25:17,750
My heart is beating like
a jungle drum
1794
01:25:17,917 --> 01:25:20,292
My heart is beating like
a jungle...
1795
01:25:20,292 --> 01:25:22,625
Rung, dung, da-rung,
gung, gung...
1796
01:25:23,375 --> 01:25:25,292
(upbeat marching music)
1797
01:30:57,667 --> 01:31:00,125
{\an8}LEOFWINE: I'm alive, Dagan!
1798
01:31:00,125 --> 01:31:03,542
{\an8}I'm still alive!
(gurgles)