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Downloaded from
YTS.MX
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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
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[Man clears throat]
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Welcome to Butterface Fields.
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America.
Small Town, USA.
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The white picket fences
around here
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probably need repair,
but, uh, I like us...
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Uh, care about us.
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00:00:51,050 --> 00:00:53,960
We... We make our share
of mistakes.
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But you'll see.
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This is Floyd's.
Floyd's Bar.
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Also our coffee shop,
our clubhouse,
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our spot for Sunday brunch and...
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Oh, that's me.
[chuckles]
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The miserable one.
Andy Sargentee.
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Ah, today I'm too tired of it.
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More unaccepting than even usual.
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[Man]
We shouldn't interrupt him.
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- He's busy.
- He's busy thinking.
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Friends don't let
friends think.
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We should do something.
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- Stop him.
- Just go see what's wrong.
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- Go, go, go.
- Go on, go on.
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Come on.
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Let's go.
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Hi, Andy.
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You want to come over
and, uh,
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00:01:34,430 --> 00:01:36,340
sit with us, Andy?
29
00:01:36,350 --> 00:01:37,880
Hey, Andy.
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What are you doing, thinking?
Don't do that, Andy.
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Okay. Well, Andy,
we're over here.
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Yeah, we're...
right over here, Andy.
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[Andy narrating]
That was Moe and Ron.
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We always call 'em Moe-Ron.
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They're never apart.
Good guys.
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I'd... I'd just had enough
of not having enough.
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There had to be something
that I could come up with.
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You need to stop taking
a dump around here, Andy.
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00:02:07,630 --> 00:02:10,040
In fact, you need
to start wearing a diaper.
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- That's an order.
- You stopped me from calling.
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You said you
wanted them needy.
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Thought we might be able
to jack up the price on 'em.
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- Oh, I said that?
- A lot of people heard you.
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You're fired, stinky.
Good-bye.
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No more telling the boss
to blow himself.
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I am trying to hold
onto these jobs.
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That's the scary part.
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You've got to give it
a different kind of try.
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Aw, Jesus, Andy!
What the hell?
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Are you out of your mind?
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[Andy narrating]
Would've been niftier
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if I hadn't already been fired.
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Anyway...
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My wife Thelma,
she divorced me this year.
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I know I would
stand by you.
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I'm even willing
to believe in you.
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I... I just...
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I just don't know
what else to do.
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[sighs]
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If you want me back,
let me know.
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[Andy narrating]
I wanted her back,
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but I didn't do anything
to get her back.
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Thel gets good scores.
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She deserved plenty
and got nothing from me.
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[Boy]
Bye, Dad.
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Eventually she met a guy,
married him.
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Did real well for herself,
and that's as it should be.
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She's got the kid, Bill.
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Ah, he's a...
He's a good kid.
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I... I wish I had more
to offer him.
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See, the reason that everybody
was so worried, uh...
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Well, I... I've gotten
like this before, and, uh,
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the ideas that I come up with...
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Well, when I get 'em,
I tend to go with 'em,
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and we're close here,
so others go with me.
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I got us all to put in big
on one of those pyramids.
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Tech at the height of the bubble.
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Selling vitamins, even,
but we were all selling them,
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so there was no one to buy 'em.
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Stuff like that.
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Oh, crap.
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Barney Macklehatton,
my best pal.
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I had bigger problems.
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How long has he
been like this?
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A long time.
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Didn't you do anything?
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I've been feeding him
free drinks.
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That's my best trick.
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[Andy narrating]
Floyd, Barney's father.
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Get younger.
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Eat shit.
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That's nice.
They've become even closer
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now that Barn's mom's passed on.
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00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:10,240
Andy, please,
don't do this.
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We're in some trouble here.
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[Andy narrating]
That's Helen Tatelbaum.
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00:04:24,640 --> 00:04:27,350
Hey, Hel.
You turn pro?
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Barney's in love with her,
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ever since we were kids,
right to this minute.
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No greater love
has the world ever known.
101
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So, uh, what time's
this married guy
102
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supposed to pick you up?
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He's not married, Barney.
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They're never married, Helen.
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They just have wives.
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I told you this one is not married.
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Okay.
108
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But this one's not coming.
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It's 9:30.
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What time was he
supposed to pick you up?
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I'm guessing 8.
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Bastard.
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[Andy narrating]
But they've never gotten together, though.
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Just hold on. We get out of this bar
pretty soon, by the way.
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Ho!
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Hey!
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Man, how you doing?
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Uh, that's Moose.
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He really behaves like this.
Has no idea how it seems.
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[laughter]
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Yeah, he... he's gay.
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For some reason, he doesn't
want us to know this.
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Seems to honestly believe we don't.
124
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Yeah, I assumed you needed
some explaining.
125
00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:24,860
Oh, and, uh, we didn't name him.
126
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Two out of three.
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He came to us one day
and said, uh,
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"Please call me Moose."
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We don't ask questions.
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00:05:34,330 --> 00:05:37,540
Hey, Andy.
Why all glum, buddy?
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00:05:37,550 --> 00:05:39,380
Hey, let's get out of here
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and rustle us up
a couple of babes.
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Always lifts my spirits.
134
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Not the only thing it lifts.
Boom!
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[Andy narrating]
He's serious.
136
00:05:47,470 --> 00:05:48,710
Oh, that's just Some Idiot.
137
00:05:48,720 --> 00:05:50,090
Hiya, Some Idiot.
138
00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:51,930
- Hey, Some.
- How was school tonight, Some?
139
00:05:51,940 --> 00:05:53,430
Some Idiot. Hey!
140
00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:56,020
Some Idiot attends
junior college night school.
141
00:05:56,020 --> 00:05:58,560
He studies something different
each night he attends.
142
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Love the guy.
Him we named.
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00:06:02,360 --> 00:06:05,020
So, yesterday was my kid's birthday.
144
00:06:05,030 --> 00:06:08,020
I haven't seen him in a while.
Since before the honeymoon.
145
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They took the kid,
put him in a private school, too.
146
00:06:11,290 --> 00:06:14,410
Then they had to move
into this guy's house.
147
00:06:14,420 --> 00:06:16,700
So I want to get him
something really nice...
148
00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:18,200
really nice from his dad.
149
00:06:18,210 --> 00:06:19,790
And the kid loves basketball.
Loves it.
150
00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:21,250
Can I help you?
151
00:06:21,260 --> 00:06:24,290
Yeah, uh, which ball
do the pros play with?
152
00:06:24,300 --> 00:06:26,760
- Uh, that one there.
- Mmm.
153
00:06:26,760 --> 00:06:29,750
- Eighty bucks for a ball?
- Yup.
154
00:06:29,760 --> 00:06:32,930
This is definitely
the ball the pros use, hmm?
155
00:06:32,930 --> 00:06:36,430
Definitely the pro ball,
and it's definitely $80.
156
00:06:36,440 --> 00:06:37,680
Well, 79.99.
157
00:06:37,690 --> 00:06:39,900
Plus there's
tax on that, right?
158
00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:41,480
Yeah, I didn't hear
anything about this
159
00:06:41,480 --> 00:06:42,820
being a no-tax day.
160
00:06:42,820 --> 00:06:45,030
Do you think it might be?
161
00:06:45,030 --> 00:06:46,360
Are you being fresh?
162
00:06:46,360 --> 00:06:48,320
I don't know
what "fresh" means.
163
00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:52,070
Look, I want to buy this ball.
164
00:06:52,080 --> 00:06:53,740
I may be a little short.
165
00:06:53,750 --> 00:06:55,660
So, what, are you
going to steal it?
166
00:06:55,670 --> 00:06:57,120
What?
167
00:06:57,130 --> 00:06:58,330
Well, no, I thought
that's what
168
00:06:58,340 --> 00:06:59,790
you were going to say.
169
00:06:59,790 --> 00:07:01,500
'Cause Wally, he usually
charges full price,
170
00:07:01,500 --> 00:07:04,340
so that just
leaves stealing.
171
00:07:04,340 --> 00:07:06,500
Is Wally around
or a manager or...
172
00:07:06,510 --> 00:07:09,340
Yeah, Wally's here.
Sure. I'll get him.
173
00:07:15,520 --> 00:07:16,600
[Sales Boy on P.A.]
Wally?
174
00:07:16,600 --> 00:07:19,310
Guy with no money
in basketballs.
175
00:07:24,280 --> 00:07:26,560
- Hi, what can I do for you?
- Oh, yeah, I, um...
176
00:07:26,570 --> 00:07:28,230
I, uh, want to buy this ball.
177
00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:29,400
I have the money.
178
00:07:29,410 --> 00:07:30,740
Absolutely. Terrific.
179
00:07:30,740 --> 00:07:32,280
No, no. Uh...
180
00:07:32,290 --> 00:07:34,200
I may be a little short
on my credit card.
181
00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:36,240
Can we squeeze as much
as we can on it,
182
00:07:36,250 --> 00:07:38,410
and then maybe I could
let you hold something
183
00:07:38,420 --> 00:07:40,410
until I come back, uh,
you know, with the rest?
184
00:07:40,420 --> 00:07:42,460
I... I need to have
the ball right now.
185
00:07:42,460 --> 00:07:44,200
- No.
- No?
186
00:07:44,210 --> 00:07:45,500
[Sales Boy]
Excuse me. Wally?
187
00:07:45,510 --> 00:07:47,540
You may be being fresh.
188
00:07:47,550 --> 00:07:50,260
All right. Well, let's, um...
Let's try this.
189
00:07:50,260 --> 00:07:53,100
I, uh, may have some room
on this other credit card.
190
00:07:53,100 --> 00:07:55,090
- You know...
- You know what?
191
00:07:55,100 --> 00:07:56,340
I... I might have some, uh...
192
00:07:56,350 --> 00:07:58,340
This ball here is 39.99.
193
00:07:58,350 --> 00:08:00,440
This is a very good ball.
194
00:08:00,440 --> 00:08:02,480
[Sales Boy]
He's going to ask you
about tax now.
195
00:08:02,480 --> 00:08:04,940
- [clears throat]
- This isn't the official ball.
196
00:08:04,940 --> 00:08:06,400
Absolutely correct.
197
00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:08,310
But that's not
the only special ball.
198
00:08:08,320 --> 00:08:10,310
This ball, too, is special.
199
00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:12,610
Now, if you were
to describe that ball,
200
00:08:12,620 --> 00:08:14,320
state its special significance,
201
00:08:14,330 --> 00:08:16,910
you might say that that
ball is used in the pros,
202
00:08:16,910 --> 00:08:19,280
whereas this ball's
special significance,
203
00:08:19,290 --> 00:08:23,250
stated, is that you may
be able to afford it.
204
00:08:23,250 --> 00:08:27,040
What kind of businessman
are you? Come on. Uh...
205
00:08:27,050 --> 00:08:29,920
Give me a break.
Build some customer relations.
206
00:08:29,930 --> 00:08:31,590
You think I'm really
looking for the customer
207
00:08:31,590 --> 00:08:33,380
who's a bust-out
by dollar 80?
208
00:08:33,390 --> 00:08:35,500
I could have friends.
209
00:08:35,520 --> 00:08:37,800
A guy who doesn't
have 80 bucks
210
00:08:37,810 --> 00:08:39,430
doesn't have rich friends.
211
00:08:39,440 --> 00:08:43,770
But I bet you have some
lovely 39.99 friends.
212
00:08:49,240 --> 00:08:52,230
You're going to gift wrap
this for me, right?
213
00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:54,450
Why, certainly, sir.
214
00:09:02,130 --> 00:09:05,540
Yeah, I'd sure hate to lose you
as a customer.
215
00:09:09,550 --> 00:09:10,790
[Andy narrating]
Take it easy.
216
00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:13,130
I knew this guy was rich.
217
00:09:13,140 --> 00:09:15,920
Ah, I didn't know he was
this goddamn rich.
218
00:09:15,930 --> 00:09:17,420
As you might've guessed,
219
00:09:17,430 --> 00:09:18,840
I had no trouble getting the house
220
00:09:18,850 --> 00:09:21,140
in the divorce settlement.
221
00:09:21,140 --> 00:09:23,180
I've met the guy before
a couple times.
222
00:09:23,190 --> 00:09:24,430
He's very nice.
223
00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:25,770
Hello, Andy.
224
00:09:25,770 --> 00:09:28,610
Welcome. Welcome.
Please, come in.
225
00:09:28,610 --> 00:09:30,940
Nice place. Big.
226
00:09:30,950 --> 00:09:33,650
Thank you.
227
00:09:33,660 --> 00:09:36,520
Um, so we had
a really nice trip.
228
00:09:36,530 --> 00:09:38,620
I think Billy enjoyed it.
At least I hope he did.
229
00:09:38,620 --> 00:09:39,910
He'll be right down.
230
00:09:39,910 --> 00:09:42,530
Or you can go up.
How you been?
231
00:09:42,540 --> 00:09:44,580
Oh, uh, I'm good.
232
00:09:44,580 --> 00:09:46,170
Hello, Andy.
233
00:09:46,170 --> 00:09:47,380
Oh, hey, Thel.
234
00:09:47,380 --> 00:09:48,620
How are you?
235
00:09:48,630 --> 00:09:51,090
Good. You look good.
236
00:09:51,090 --> 00:09:52,630
Thank you.
237
00:09:52,630 --> 00:09:55,220
[sighs]
How's everything?
238
00:09:55,220 --> 00:09:56,550
Oh, everything...
239
00:09:56,550 --> 00:09:58,220
- Are you working?
- ...is fine.
240
00:09:58,220 --> 00:09:59,680
Some place, huh?
241
00:09:59,680 --> 00:10:01,390
- Billy must love it.
- Yeah.
242
00:10:01,390 --> 00:10:03,980
- Hey, Dad!
- Hey, birthday boy!
243
00:10:05,940 --> 00:10:07,020
Hey.
244
00:10:07,020 --> 00:10:08,260
Hey.
245
00:10:08,270 --> 00:10:10,560
- Some place you got here.
- Yeah. You wanna see it?
246
00:10:10,570 --> 00:10:12,530
I can show you around.
You gotta see my room.
247
00:10:12,530 --> 00:10:14,190
Yeah. Yeah.
248
00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:16,480
Go ahead. Go ahead.
See you guys later.
249
00:10:16,490 --> 00:10:18,980
Hey, get your dad
something to drink.
250
00:10:24,170 --> 00:10:25,620
Nice guy. Howard.
251
00:10:25,630 --> 00:10:27,120
Yeah, I really like him.
252
00:10:27,130 --> 00:10:28,660
I mean, he's not
as great as you,
253
00:10:28,670 --> 00:10:30,540
but if you and mom
had to split up...
254
00:10:30,550 --> 00:10:32,580
Hey, hey.
I want you to like him.
255
00:10:32,590 --> 00:10:34,420
Don't worry about that.
256
00:10:34,430 --> 00:10:35,670
Hey, I got you something.
257
00:10:35,680 --> 00:10:37,210
Oh, great.
You didn't have to do that.
258
00:10:37,220 --> 00:10:38,550
Yeah, right, Dopey.
259
00:10:40,850 --> 00:10:43,180
Ah.
260
00:10:53,030 --> 00:10:55,190
Whoa. Dope.
261
00:10:55,200 --> 00:11:00,240
Ha. This is some room, Dopey.
262
00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:02,610
Yeah, you know, Howard
has lots of money, so...
263
00:11:02,620 --> 00:11:05,080
Yeah, that's good quality.
264
00:11:05,080 --> 00:11:07,290
[sighs]
Whew.
265
00:11:07,290 --> 00:11:09,250
Listen, Dad,
about this weekend.
266
00:11:09,250 --> 00:11:10,330
Mm-hmm?
267
00:11:10,340 --> 00:11:11,580
Do you think it'd be okay
268
00:11:11,590 --> 00:11:13,450
if I didn't come stay with you?
269
00:11:13,460 --> 00:11:14,880
It's just this guy
in my class,
270
00:11:14,880 --> 00:11:16,340
my first new friend
at this school,
271
00:11:16,340 --> 00:11:19,080
has a country house
and invited me for the weekend.
272
00:11:19,100 --> 00:11:21,760
Oh. No, go have fun
with your friends.
273
00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:23,630
It's not that I don't
want to hang out with you.
274
00:11:23,640 --> 00:11:25,180
No. No.
Hey, you know.
275
00:11:25,190 --> 00:11:26,640
You're getting
older now,
276
00:11:26,640 --> 00:11:28,640
you have things to do
with your friends.
277
00:11:28,650 --> 00:11:29,930
Yeah, it's just
for this weekend.
278
00:11:29,940 --> 00:11:31,350
Are you sure
you understand?
279
00:11:31,360 --> 00:11:34,070
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Go, have a great time.
280
00:11:34,070 --> 00:11:36,560
- Go.
- All right.
281
00:11:36,570 --> 00:11:38,060
Hey, give me my present.
282
00:11:39,990 --> 00:11:42,070
Oh, this? No, no.
283
00:11:42,080 --> 00:11:44,160
Dad, I know
it's a basketball.
284
00:11:44,160 --> 00:11:46,400
It's okay.
I don't have one from you.
285
00:11:46,410 --> 00:11:48,660
This isn't for you.
286
00:11:48,670 --> 00:11:51,200
Uh, I'm definitely
giving you something,
287
00:11:51,210 --> 00:11:53,080
but I just forgot
to bring it.
288
00:11:53,090 --> 00:11:55,200
I'm sorry.
I'll get it to you.
289
00:11:55,210 --> 00:11:56,880
Really, Dad,
it doesn't matter.
290
00:11:56,880 --> 00:11:58,720
If you bought it for me,
I'd like to have it.
291
00:11:58,720 --> 00:12:00,130
But I didn't, Bill.
292
00:12:00,140 --> 00:12:01,380
Didn't you understand
what I said?
293
00:12:01,390 --> 00:12:03,000
This isn't for you.
This is for somebody
294
00:12:03,010 --> 00:12:05,180
I have to see after...
Later.
295
00:12:05,180 --> 00:12:06,720
Sorry.
296
00:12:06,730 --> 00:12:09,060
I'm real sorry
you can't stay.
297
00:12:09,060 --> 00:12:11,020
Yeah, me, too.
Wish I could. I...
298
00:12:11,020 --> 00:12:12,680
Yeah.
Hey, uh, Andy?
299
00:12:14,150 --> 00:12:16,270
Um...
300
00:12:16,280 --> 00:12:19,070
Look, um...
301
00:12:19,070 --> 00:12:21,360
All right, you have
a great son.
302
00:12:21,370 --> 00:12:24,070
And I also care
about him a great deal,
303
00:12:24,080 --> 00:12:26,160
and I hope that's okay.
304
00:12:26,160 --> 00:12:29,910
Now, um, I've been
very fortunate in my life,
305
00:12:29,920 --> 00:12:33,030
and it's my pleasure
to give to Billy,
306
00:12:33,040 --> 00:12:35,880
but if you're not
comfortable with that...
307
00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:38,170
You give, uh, whatever you like.
308
00:12:38,170 --> 00:12:40,340
Whatever you got. Lots.
309
00:12:40,340 --> 00:12:44,130
You know, he's a good kid.
It's good of you to...
310
00:12:44,140 --> 00:12:46,470
Yeah, thanks.
I gotta go.
311
00:12:52,150 --> 00:12:56,140
[Narrating]
That was a good day.
312
00:12:56,150 --> 00:12:59,610
Oh, while we were gone,
Otis came in.
313
00:12:59,610 --> 00:13:01,440
I don't know.
314
00:13:01,450 --> 00:13:03,310
He's my friend,
I love the guy,
315
00:13:03,320 --> 00:13:05,690
and, yeah, I'm apologizing
ahead of time,
316
00:13:05,700 --> 00:13:06,990
but hang in there.
317
00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:08,950
No one loves women
more than me.
318
00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:10,540
I like women
more than I like men.
319
00:13:10,540 --> 00:13:12,910
I like women so much
that I can't understand
320
00:13:12,920 --> 00:13:14,200
why they're not all lesbians.
321
00:13:14,210 --> 00:13:16,540
[Andy narrating]
I'm not related to the guy.
322
00:13:16,550 --> 00:13:18,630
I'm discouraged,
God damn it!
323
00:13:18,630 --> 00:13:19,870
I hear you, Andy.
324
00:13:21,180 --> 00:13:23,760
You've got to give it
a different kind of try.
325
00:13:25,350 --> 00:13:27,800
He's not reading that paper.
326
00:13:27,810 --> 00:13:30,140
Not that.
327
00:13:33,190 --> 00:13:34,970
This is America.
328
00:13:34,980 --> 00:13:37,770
Anything's possible!
329
00:13:37,780 --> 00:13:42,140
Think, Andy! Think!
330
00:13:42,160 --> 00:13:44,990
Whatever he comes up with,
we're not in.
331
00:13:44,990 --> 00:13:46,110
[Howard]
You have a great son.
332
00:13:46,120 --> 00:13:47,450
[Boss]
You're fired, stinky. Good-bye.
333
00:13:47,450 --> 00:13:49,490
[Wally]
I'd sure hate to lose you
as a customer.
334
00:14:02,970 --> 00:14:04,330
Oh, crap.
335
00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:10,970
We're gonna make
a porno film!
336
00:14:10,980 --> 00:14:13,220
♪ Wop-bop-a-loo-mop-a-lop-bam-bam ♪
337
00:14:13,230 --> 00:14:15,720
♪ Tutti Frutti, oh, rootie ♪
338
00:14:15,730 --> 00:14:18,310
♪ Tutti Frutti, whoo ♪
339
00:14:18,320 --> 00:14:20,600
♪ Tutti Frutti, oh, rootie ♪
340
00:14:20,610 --> 00:14:22,980
♪ Tutti Frutti, oh, rootie ♪
341
00:14:22,990 --> 00:14:25,780
♪ Tutti Frutti, oh, rootie ♪
342
00:14:25,780 --> 00:14:28,190
♪ A-wop-bop-a-loo-mop
a-lop bam bam ♪
343
00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:30,910
♪ I got a gal named Sue ♪
344
00:14:30,910 --> 00:14:32,900
♪ She knows just what to do ♪
345
00:14:32,910 --> 00:14:35,620
♪ I got a girl named Sue ♪
346
00:14:35,630 --> 00:14:38,290
♪ She knows just what to do ♪
347
00:14:38,290 --> 00:14:39,750
♪ She rock me to the East ♪
348
00:14:39,750 --> 00:14:41,120
♪ She rock me to the West ♪
349
00:14:41,130 --> 00:14:43,540
♪ But she's the girl
that I love best ♪
350
00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:45,920
♪ Tutti Frutti, oh, rootie ♪
351
00:14:45,930 --> 00:14:48,510
♪ Tutti Frutti, whoo ♪
352
00:14:48,510 --> 00:14:50,800
♪ Tutti Frutti, oh, rootie ♪
353
00:14:50,810 --> 00:14:53,420
♪ Tutti Frutti, oh, rootie ♪
354
00:14:53,430 --> 00:14:56,140
You definitely qualify
for a free rental.
355
00:14:56,150 --> 00:14:59,010
[moaning on TV]
356
00:15:05,570 --> 00:15:10,320
[Andy]
Porn is a $12 billion industry
357
00:15:10,330 --> 00:15:11,440
in annual sales.
358
00:15:13,450 --> 00:15:18,670
959 million rentals of porn
359
00:15:18,670 --> 00:15:20,000
reported this year.
360
00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:24,170
15,000 new ones
are coming out.
361
00:15:24,170 --> 00:15:26,420
300 a week.
362
00:15:26,430 --> 00:15:30,640
What are the newest,
hottest things in porn?
363
00:15:30,640 --> 00:15:33,430
Amateur porn.
364
00:15:33,430 --> 00:15:34,970
The stuff that just
any idiot can make
365
00:15:34,980 --> 00:15:36,090
with his video camera.
366
00:15:36,100 --> 00:15:37,340
Any idiot.
367
00:15:37,350 --> 00:15:40,520
Some Idiot's
got a brother.
368
00:15:40,520 --> 00:15:44,520
Now, we are amateurs.
369
00:15:44,530 --> 00:15:46,860
This is so right for us.
370
00:15:46,860 --> 00:15:49,400
Now, what's even better
371
00:15:49,410 --> 00:15:50,740
is we're gonna
do something
372
00:15:50,740 --> 00:15:52,030
that's never
been done before.
373
00:15:52,030 --> 00:15:55,240
We're gonna be
the first town
374
00:15:55,250 --> 00:15:57,160
to band together
375
00:15:57,170 --> 00:16:02,160
to make the first
full-length feature
376
00:16:02,170 --> 00:16:05,880
amateur adult film.
377
00:16:05,880 --> 00:16:07,170
So, two firsts for us.
378
00:16:07,180 --> 00:16:09,670
This could be really noisy.
379
00:16:09,680 --> 00:16:11,260
I wanna go for the brass ring here.
380
00:16:11,260 --> 00:16:13,920
You know, why do it otherwise?
381
00:16:13,930 --> 00:16:15,170
Am I right, Emmett?
382
00:16:15,180 --> 00:16:16,300
We're behind you
100%, Andy.
383
00:16:16,310 --> 00:16:18,050
Sure.
384
00:16:19,230 --> 00:16:22,940
Is that camera
connected to his face?
385
00:16:22,940 --> 00:16:24,600
Pass those over there.
386
00:16:24,610 --> 00:16:28,980
Emmett, Floyd, is what
they call a film guy.
387
00:16:28,990 --> 00:16:33,480
He's one of those guys
that knows all about movies,
388
00:16:33,490 --> 00:16:36,910
making them and seeing them.
389
00:16:36,910 --> 00:16:39,580
Well, he's seen everything.
He works at a video store.
390
00:16:39,580 --> 00:16:42,700
- And that's Emmett?
- Emmett is a film guy, Moose.
391
00:16:42,710 --> 00:16:44,080
He's a film guy, Moose.
392
00:16:44,090 --> 00:16:46,330
I know that, Barney.
I heard Andy.
393
00:16:46,340 --> 00:16:48,960
Well, great.
Welcome, Emmett.
394
00:16:48,970 --> 00:16:52,300
Emmett has been
taking film classes
395
00:16:52,300 --> 00:16:55,300
that have lasted all
summer long, and, uh...
396
00:16:55,310 --> 00:16:56,550
I've taken classes.
397
00:16:56,560 --> 00:16:58,220
I know that, Some Idiot.
398
00:16:58,230 --> 00:17:00,340
I gotta tell you, I have
a feeling about this kid.
399
00:17:00,350 --> 00:17:01,890
Andy, all the blood
from the stone
400
00:17:01,900 --> 00:17:03,640
that is me is yours
without asking.
401
00:17:03,650 --> 00:17:04,890
Just curiosity here.
402
00:17:04,900 --> 00:17:06,860
What's in it for Emmett?
403
00:17:06,860 --> 00:17:09,100
Emmett is our...
404
00:17:09,110 --> 00:17:10,190
Cinematographer.
405
00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:11,440
Cinematographer.
406
00:17:11,450 --> 00:17:13,690
He's going to shoot the film.
407
00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:15,780
And he, you know,
knows what he's doing.
408
00:17:15,790 --> 00:17:17,620
Plus, he's gonna
do it for free.
409
00:17:17,620 --> 00:17:18,910
Perfect.
410
00:17:18,910 --> 00:17:21,280
Just doing it
for the experience.
411
00:17:21,290 --> 00:17:22,830
[all chattering]
412
00:17:22,830 --> 00:17:24,320
Okay?
413
00:17:24,340 --> 00:17:26,000
I'm in.
Except for no money,
414
00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:27,160
it's a no-brainer for me.
415
00:17:27,170 --> 00:17:28,540
First off,
making a stag film
416
00:17:28,550 --> 00:17:29,790
has to be a good time.
417
00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:31,840
Number two,
my hat's off to you.
418
00:17:31,840 --> 00:17:33,170
Good job.
We can do this.
419
00:17:33,180 --> 00:17:34,920
What are we talking about here?
420
00:17:34,930 --> 00:17:38,010
Making a dirty movie...
film, whatever, whatever.
421
00:17:38,020 --> 00:17:39,880
What does that require?
422
00:17:39,890 --> 00:17:42,510
Pointing a camera
at a he and a she
423
00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:43,810
he'in and a she'in.
424
00:17:43,810 --> 00:17:46,400
We film some sex,
we got a porno.
425
00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:47,760
We have accomplished
our goal.
426
00:17:47,780 --> 00:17:50,140
It's not a hundred things,
it's one thing.
427
00:17:50,150 --> 00:17:52,390
The one thing people
most want to do.
428
00:17:52,410 --> 00:17:53,940
Proceed, don't mind us,
429
00:17:53,950 --> 00:17:55,610
we're just doing
a little filming here.
430
00:17:55,620 --> 00:17:57,070
It's so specific,
it's so well-defined,
431
00:17:57,080 --> 00:17:58,490
I gotta say
we can do this.
432
00:17:58,490 --> 00:17:59,730
[Andy]
Thank you, Otis.
433
00:17:59,750 --> 00:18:02,030
I'm with you, Otis.
You said it.
434
00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:04,660
All right, buddy.
Go porno.
435
00:18:04,670 --> 00:18:07,250
Porno! Porno!
436
00:18:07,250 --> 00:18:09,240
I can't wait, you know?
Down in front.
437
00:18:09,260 --> 00:18:13,750
I'm no choirboy,
but if we make a porno,
438
00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:15,170
then we've made a porno.
439
00:18:15,180 --> 00:18:16,880
Doesn't the mafia make them?
440
00:18:16,890 --> 00:18:18,720
Well...
441
00:18:18,720 --> 00:18:21,210
All right, enough snacks.
442
00:18:22,270 --> 00:18:24,730
Floyd, good question,
443
00:18:24,730 --> 00:18:27,220
but the mafia
isn't making this one.
444
00:18:27,230 --> 00:18:30,470
Butterface Fields is, hmm?
445
00:18:30,480 --> 00:18:32,520
Each of us has lived here
all our lives.
446
00:18:32,530 --> 00:18:34,860
We score, we score together.
447
00:18:34,860 --> 00:18:36,480
Right.
448
00:18:36,490 --> 00:18:37,700
We don't want to hurt anybody.
449
00:18:37,700 --> 00:18:38,910
We know why we're doing this.
450
00:18:38,910 --> 00:18:40,200
It's business, right?
451
00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:41,740
That means we're
gonna need a script?
452
00:18:41,750 --> 00:18:42,860
Yeah, that's right.
453
00:18:42,870 --> 00:18:44,410
I'm the guy for that.
454
00:18:44,420 --> 00:18:46,530
Well, we'll talk about that, Some.
455
00:18:46,540 --> 00:18:48,700
But just sex scenes
sounds fine to me, eh.
456
00:18:48,710 --> 00:18:50,000
No. No, Otis. No.
457
00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:52,500
- And we're gonna need a director.
- That's right. Yeah.
458
00:18:52,510 --> 00:18:55,290
- I'm the guy for that.
- We'll talk about that, Some.
459
00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:56,630
First, let me just...
460
00:18:56,640 --> 00:18:58,420
Andy, you think I haven't
studied screenplay writing?
461
00:18:58,430 --> 00:19:00,170
Screenplay.
That's what it's called.
462
00:19:00,180 --> 00:19:02,840
- Yep. Some?
- A script for a movie.
463
00:19:02,850 --> 00:19:05,090
- We'll talk about that later.
- There's a name for people like me.
464
00:19:05,100 --> 00:19:06,560
They're called writer/directors.
465
00:19:06,560 --> 00:19:08,180
We do two things.
466
00:19:08,190 --> 00:19:09,800
Hollywood had to invent it
467
00:19:09,820 --> 00:19:12,480
because there's a lot of people
in Hollywood like me
468
00:19:12,490 --> 00:19:13,570
that are multi-gifted.
469
00:19:13,570 --> 00:19:14,930
Come Christmas morning,
470
00:19:14,950 --> 00:19:17,060
a kid has two gifts
under a tree.
471
00:19:17,070 --> 00:19:18,980
You can't ask him
to open just one.
472
00:19:18,990 --> 00:19:20,730
- Sophie's Choice.
- What's that, kid?
473
00:19:20,740 --> 00:19:22,070
Uh, Sophie's Choice.
474
00:19:22,080 --> 00:19:23,860
Yeah, if you like.
Sure, kid.
475
00:19:23,870 --> 00:19:25,200
The kid could be named Sophie.
476
00:19:25,210 --> 00:19:27,620
See, Andy?
We're creating.
477
00:19:27,630 --> 00:19:30,410
It's called collaboration.
I work well with others.
478
00:19:30,420 --> 00:19:32,130
Andy, Clara and Mrs. Morelli
479
00:19:32,130 --> 00:19:35,290
have asked me to ask you
just when can they get a look
480
00:19:35,300 --> 00:19:36,790
at some big porno wienie,
481
00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:39,960
'cause they just love
the big porno wienie.
482
00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:45,060
[Andy]
Funny, Otis, but, please,
483
00:19:45,060 --> 00:19:47,270
let me just go on, okay?
484
00:19:47,270 --> 00:19:49,390
Andy, how much is this
going to cost each of us?
485
00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:50,930
Uh, total, uh...
486
00:19:50,940 --> 00:19:52,270
Should we starting writing
checks now, Andy?
487
00:19:52,270 --> 00:19:54,140
Yeah, we're in, Andy.
488
00:19:54,150 --> 00:19:55,890
Two grand apiece.
489
00:19:55,900 --> 00:19:57,110
-Oh, my...
-[Andy narrating] 'Kay,
490
00:19:57,110 --> 00:19:58,320
- Now we were off and running.
- What?
491
00:19:58,320 --> 00:19:59,400
Each?
492
00:19:59,410 --> 00:20:01,400
We were all equal partners financially,
493
00:20:01,410 --> 00:20:05,030
but I told them that those involved
in making the film
494
00:20:05,040 --> 00:20:08,030
would get something
that's called screen credit.
495
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:10,580
They'd see their name
when they watched the film.
496
00:20:10,580 --> 00:20:13,200
Nobody thought that was
anything too great.
497
00:20:13,210 --> 00:20:16,050
And then I had explained that
I had watched a lot of films
498
00:20:16,050 --> 00:20:18,590
to prepare for this,
and had at my house
499
00:20:18,590 --> 00:20:21,260
some excellent examples of porno.
500
00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:25,970
[moaning on TV]
501
00:20:25,980 --> 00:20:27,930
There were two
problems immediately.
502
00:20:27,940 --> 00:20:30,550
Where was everyone
gonna get two grand,
503
00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:32,980
and of those who
wanted to be involved
504
00:20:32,980 --> 00:20:35,390
in, uh, the production,
505
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:36,890
who was gonna do what?
506
00:20:36,900 --> 00:20:38,480
Here, I've learned
507
00:20:38,490 --> 00:20:40,270
movies are supposed
to show, not tell,
508
00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:42,940
so I'll show you Otis telling me
what he'd like to do.
509
00:20:42,950 --> 00:20:44,940
- Andy, I appreciate you coming by.
- Ah...
510
00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:47,330
- Hey.
- Hey, Rev.
511
00:20:47,330 --> 00:20:48,320
Hello.
512
00:20:50,250 --> 00:20:51,790
I'm gonna get my money.
513
00:20:51,790 --> 00:20:53,330
Oh, great.
514
00:20:53,340 --> 00:20:54,750
You know I want in,
515
00:20:54,750 --> 00:20:57,090
and I want in as more...
516
00:20:57,090 --> 00:20:58,380
more than just an investor.
517
00:20:58,380 --> 00:21:01,840
I wanna be involved.
Totally.
518
00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:04,710
Well, you know, it takes
a lot of people to make a movie.
519
00:21:04,720 --> 00:21:05,800
There's lots to do.
520
00:21:05,810 --> 00:21:07,840
Do you have some idea
what you'd like to do?
521
00:21:07,850 --> 00:21:10,220
I'd like to watch.
522
00:21:10,230 --> 00:21:14,850
Well, you know about
this movie film stuff, Andy.
523
00:21:14,860 --> 00:21:16,640
Is there a guy,
524
00:21:16,650 --> 00:21:18,640
when you're making a movie,
525
00:21:18,650 --> 00:21:22,440
who just stands around?
526
00:21:22,450 --> 00:21:24,410
Andy, I know
why you're doing this,
527
00:21:24,410 --> 00:21:26,740
and I'm rooting for you
and I'm with you.
528
00:21:26,740 --> 00:21:28,860
Really.
529
00:21:28,870 --> 00:21:31,330
I mean, we know
each other how long, huh?
530
00:21:31,330 --> 00:21:32,700
You are familiar with my life.
531
00:21:32,710 --> 00:21:36,040
You may notice
that I'm sweeping here.
532
00:21:36,050 --> 00:21:37,960
I don't like being
a custodian of a church,
533
00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:39,800
but I wouldn't like anything else,
either, you know?
534
00:21:39,800 --> 00:21:42,710
Life is a little too dirty
for my taste, in general.
535
00:21:42,720 --> 00:21:44,830
People, for the most part,
aren't really my cup of tea,
536
00:21:44,850 --> 00:21:47,180
but, now, you tell me that
for the next week or two
537
00:21:47,180 --> 00:21:49,420
that I...
538
00:21:49,430 --> 00:21:52,100
I get to hang around
with porno peacharoonies,
539
00:21:52,100 --> 00:21:55,060
and be there while they do their thing?
540
00:21:55,060 --> 00:21:57,150
And drink coffee with them,
541
00:21:57,150 --> 00:21:58,610
and after coffee, you know,
542
00:21:58,610 --> 00:22:00,230
walk them over
to their next hump.
543
00:22:00,240 --> 00:22:01,820
I mean, I can't think of anything better
544
00:22:01,820 --> 00:22:03,360
I could win at a raffle.
545
00:22:03,360 --> 00:22:05,530
And afterward...
546
00:22:05,530 --> 00:22:08,020
you're gonna put
money in my pocket?
547
00:22:11,290 --> 00:22:13,870
Great.
548
00:22:13,870 --> 00:22:15,410
I'm not gonna be changed
by this event,
549
00:22:15,420 --> 00:22:19,130
but that's better than my days go.
550
00:22:19,130 --> 00:22:22,750
Can you use
a guy like me, Andy?
551
00:22:22,760 --> 00:22:24,750
[Andy narrating]
Otis was made executive producer
552
00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:26,090
on the film.
553
00:22:26,100 --> 00:22:28,840
[chattering]
554
00:22:28,850 --> 00:22:30,090
[Andy]
Hey, Some.
555
00:22:30,100 --> 00:22:32,060
Hey, guys.
Thanks a lot for coming.
556
00:22:32,060 --> 00:22:33,720
Let me get
right to the point.
557
00:22:33,730 --> 00:22:36,140
Andy, I'd like to talk
to you about the film.
558
00:22:36,150 --> 00:22:38,980
I'd really... I'd like
to be the writer/director.
559
00:22:38,980 --> 00:22:41,350
Yeah, I know, Some.
560
00:22:41,360 --> 00:22:44,350
Uh...isn't that
an awful lot to handle?
561
00:22:44,360 --> 00:22:45,600
Sure it is, Andy
Sure it is.
562
00:22:45,610 --> 00:22:47,150
But that's why it's
so attractive to me.
563
00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:49,950
But, Some, you'd actually
have to write the script,
564
00:22:49,950 --> 00:22:53,320
and I'm sure directing
means that you'd really
565
00:22:53,330 --> 00:22:55,370
need to seem like
you have some idea
566
00:22:55,370 --> 00:22:56,710
about what you're doing.
567
00:22:56,710 --> 00:22:58,950
Andy, look.
568
00:22:58,960 --> 00:23:00,950
Andy, look.
Come here.
569
00:23:00,960 --> 00:23:03,580
I promise you,
I will not show up
570
00:23:03,590 --> 00:23:05,670
on that set before
I can seem like
571
00:23:05,680 --> 00:23:07,790
I have some idea
of what I'm doing.
572
00:23:07,800 --> 00:23:10,510
Already I've been in
a photography class.
573
00:23:10,510 --> 00:23:12,760
Not just one class,
a few nights.
574
00:23:12,770 --> 00:23:14,760
- I know.
- Writing class.
575
00:23:14,770 --> 00:23:19,600
And, Andy, I am not lying,
I've taken a film class.
576
00:23:19,610 --> 00:23:21,520
Showed up pretty often.
577
00:23:21,530 --> 00:23:23,770
We watch movies
and talk about 'em.
578
00:23:23,780 --> 00:23:25,770
Look, forget all that.
Listen to me, Andy.
579
00:23:25,780 --> 00:23:27,940
When you yelled out the other night
580
00:23:27,950 --> 00:23:30,110
that we were gonna make a film,
581
00:23:30,120 --> 00:23:32,980
it was honestly a sign
from God for me.
582
00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:35,410
I mean, just that day...
I swear this, Andy...
583
00:23:35,410 --> 00:23:37,500
I came to the realization...
584
00:23:37,500 --> 00:23:40,620
I mean,
I've never known anything
585
00:23:40,630 --> 00:23:42,370
or felt anything
586
00:23:42,380 --> 00:23:45,250
so clearly in my life
587
00:23:45,260 --> 00:23:47,120
that what I'm meant to be,
588
00:23:47,130 --> 00:23:48,800
is that my...
589
00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:51,540
my destiny is to be...
590
00:23:51,560 --> 00:23:54,510
a... director.
591
00:23:54,520 --> 00:23:58,180
Some, I won't let you
develop my snapshots,
592
00:23:58,190 --> 00:24:00,140
and I love you.
593
00:24:02,150 --> 00:24:03,310
That's the other thing.
594
00:24:03,320 --> 00:24:04,980
You're filming this thing,
right, not videoing?
595
00:24:04,990 --> 00:24:07,440
Yeah, Emmett can get
something called short ends
596
00:24:07,450 --> 00:24:09,230
of 16mm film.
597
00:24:09,240 --> 00:24:10,650
Film looks a lot
better than video,
598
00:24:10,660 --> 00:24:12,270
which is another way
ours will stand out.
599
00:24:12,280 --> 00:24:16,320
The place we send the film to
from this place...
600
00:24:16,330 --> 00:24:20,290
does all the developing
for all the big movie outfits.
601
00:24:20,290 --> 00:24:23,710
I could work some big time
magic over there.
602
00:24:23,710 --> 00:24:26,170
Developing won't be
your biggest expense.
603
00:24:26,170 --> 00:24:29,380
Not if I'm the writer/director.
604
00:24:29,390 --> 00:24:31,250
Andy, this is your baby.
605
00:24:31,260 --> 00:24:33,590
I only want success for you.
606
00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:36,130
And look, Some is
a friend of mine, too,
607
00:24:36,140 --> 00:24:38,760
but certainly one of our keys
to success here
608
00:24:38,770 --> 00:24:41,890
is to keep him as far away
from this thing as possible,
609
00:24:41,900 --> 00:24:44,640
and you just made him
the writer/director.
610
00:24:44,650 --> 00:24:48,190
Okay, good, he can help us
with the developing...
611
00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:49,440
No, he can't.
612
00:24:49,450 --> 00:24:51,440
This is Some
we're talking about.
613
00:24:51,450 --> 00:24:53,860
He stopped developing at 15.
614
00:24:53,870 --> 00:24:55,280
What do you want me to do?
615
00:24:55,290 --> 00:24:57,740
You want me to take away
the guy's destiny?
616
00:24:57,750 --> 00:24:59,740
That's why I'm doing this,
Barney, you know?
617
00:24:59,750 --> 00:25:01,960
I'd give anything if everybody
or any one of us
618
00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:04,040
could get some destiny
out of this.
619
00:25:04,040 --> 00:25:06,330
I just wanna make sure
you've thought this thing through.
620
00:25:06,340 --> 00:25:08,800
You're the only level headed,
solid guy in the whole town.
621
00:25:08,800 --> 00:25:10,540
Solid? Like a rock?
622
00:25:10,550 --> 00:25:13,460
And that's why...
623
00:25:13,470 --> 00:25:16,460
I'm hoping that... that you'll, uh,
624
00:25:16,470 --> 00:25:18,130
produce this thing with me.
625
00:25:18,140 --> 00:25:20,630
You know,
be my co-producer, hmm?
626
00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:22,310
Co-producer?
627
00:25:22,310 --> 00:25:24,730
Yeah, well, you know...
628
00:25:24,730 --> 00:25:27,570
you have a way with people
that I just don't have.
629
00:25:27,570 --> 00:25:31,150
I want you to be head
of public relations, too.
630
00:25:31,160 --> 00:25:32,520
Head?
631
00:25:32,530 --> 00:25:33,740
Yeah.
632
00:25:33,740 --> 00:25:35,280
And co-producer?
633
00:25:35,280 --> 00:25:36,520
- That's two things.
- Yeah, I know.
634
00:25:36,540 --> 00:25:38,820
If it's not asking too much.
635
00:25:38,830 --> 00:25:41,040
[Narrating]
Okay, so, the funding.
636
00:25:41,040 --> 00:25:43,160
Some of the town
actually had two grand.
637
00:25:43,170 --> 00:25:45,280
Others got another credit card.
638
00:25:45,290 --> 00:25:48,460
Moe-Ron got it out of their pension
from the factory.
639
00:25:48,460 --> 00:25:50,330
Otis borrowed it from the reverend.
640
00:25:50,340 --> 00:25:52,460
Uh, didn't tell him
what it was for, of course.
641
00:25:52,470 --> 00:25:56,300
Otis claims he's a gay reverend,
by the way.
642
00:25:56,310 --> 00:25:58,640
Me, Barn, Moose, and Some Idiot
643
00:25:58,640 --> 00:26:01,010
simply did what we hoped
we'd never have to.
644
00:26:01,020 --> 00:26:02,800
We hocked our fathers' watches.
645
00:26:02,810 --> 00:26:05,680
Moose, his mother's pin.
646
00:26:05,690 --> 00:26:07,650
Hi, Mom and Pop.
647
00:26:07,650 --> 00:26:11,770
Look, about this new thing
I'm doing, uh...
648
00:26:11,780 --> 00:26:15,650
I realize it might not fall
under how you raised me,
649
00:26:15,660 --> 00:26:17,650
it's just not all like you said.
650
00:26:17,660 --> 00:26:19,450
You know, some of the stuff
you taught me,
651
00:26:19,450 --> 00:26:21,540
it's just not applicable.
652
00:26:21,540 --> 00:26:25,370
You were wrong about
some stuff, Mom, Pop.
653
00:26:28,090 --> 00:26:30,700
I don't know why I am the way I am,
654
00:26:30,710 --> 00:26:33,300
but I have to get something going.
655
00:26:33,300 --> 00:26:34,540
That's gotta be most important.
656
00:26:34,550 --> 00:26:37,340
Now, it's business.
657
00:26:37,350 --> 00:26:39,010
You know, America.
658
00:26:39,010 --> 00:26:40,550
I love you.
659
00:26:40,560 --> 00:26:42,470
I'm trying to be a good boy.
660
00:26:42,480 --> 00:26:45,680
This could work out.
I have a feeling.
661
00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:51,350
It was time for our
first production meeting.
662
00:26:53,360 --> 00:26:55,070
Oh, there you go!
663
00:26:55,070 --> 00:26:57,150
Emmett was now
a member of our team,
664
00:26:57,160 --> 00:26:58,990
and we were very encouraged
by his ability.
665
00:26:58,990 --> 00:27:01,110
We figured if he's
this good a third baseman,
666
00:27:01,120 --> 00:27:03,950
he can't be a bad cameraman.
667
00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:05,700
Emmett!
668
00:27:05,710 --> 00:27:08,040
Emmett! Excellent!
Excellent!
669
00:27:08,040 --> 00:27:09,580
To the porno!
670
00:27:09,590 --> 00:27:11,580
[All]
Porno! Porno!
671
00:27:11,590 --> 00:27:13,630
Porno! Porno!
672
00:27:13,630 --> 00:27:15,540
Hey, I'm sure you got
more important things
673
00:27:15,550 --> 00:27:17,590
you'd like to talk about,
but I can't stand it anymore.
674
00:27:17,590 --> 00:27:19,960
Let's hear about the gals you
got lined up for the porno.
675
00:27:19,970 --> 00:27:21,680
Yeehaw! Boy, that's
what I wanna know.
676
00:27:21,680 --> 00:27:23,590
Let's hear about the gals
we got in the porno.
677
00:27:23,600 --> 00:27:26,220
It's all I can think about.
I can't even sleep anymore.
678
00:27:26,230 --> 00:27:28,720
- You should see the bags under my eyes.
- Eye on the ball!
679
00:27:28,730 --> 00:27:31,390
As the director, I'm very eager
to find out who my cast is going to be.
680
00:27:31,400 --> 00:27:34,770
And as the writer, needles to say,
it's a total advantage
681
00:27:34,780 --> 00:27:37,070
to know who you're writing for.
682
00:27:37,070 --> 00:27:40,240
It's going to help my script immensely,
so go ahead, Andy.
683
00:27:40,240 --> 00:27:42,900
Hey, you got the gals to get hose-arinoed,
et cetera, in the porno, right?
684
00:27:42,910 --> 00:27:46,280
[Moose]
Oh, please, Andy, stop teasing us.
685
00:27:46,290 --> 00:27:48,410
[cheering]
686
00:27:48,420 --> 00:27:51,250
Go! Go! Go!
Go! Go! Go!
687
00:27:51,250 --> 00:27:52,830
Come on.
688
00:27:52,840 --> 00:27:55,200
John, let's go.
689
00:27:55,220 --> 00:27:58,460
Of course, Andy's got the gals
lined up for the porno.
690
00:27:58,470 --> 00:28:02,590
I mean, how would we have
a porno without gals, right?
691
00:28:02,600 --> 00:28:05,140
Fellas, you're talking
about casting...
692
00:28:05,140 --> 00:28:08,130
casting, uh, you know,
that takes place
693
00:28:08,150 --> 00:28:09,760
during preproduction,
694
00:28:09,770 --> 00:28:11,980
and we're in
preproduction now.
695
00:28:11,980 --> 00:28:14,640
- Right, Emmett?
- Preproduction.
696
00:28:14,650 --> 00:28:16,610
And, fellas, that's really
one of the main things
697
00:28:16,610 --> 00:28:18,350
I wanted to talk
to you about tonight.
698
00:28:18,360 --> 00:28:20,950
Andy, to make
a good porno film,
699
00:28:20,950 --> 00:28:24,280
I'm gonna need some gals
to get boned and give head and stuff.
700
00:28:24,290 --> 00:28:25,740
You need a script first.
701
00:28:25,750 --> 00:28:27,280
How can you cast
without a script?
702
00:28:27,290 --> 00:28:29,080
Well, I'm working on that.
703
00:28:29,080 --> 00:28:30,950
Excuse me,
704
00:28:30,960 --> 00:28:32,450
isn't the role of the gal
705
00:28:32,460 --> 00:28:34,120
getting futzed in unthinkable ways
706
00:28:34,130 --> 00:28:36,460
go to whoever we can get to do it?
707
00:28:36,470 --> 00:28:37,550
Am I wrong?
708
00:28:37,550 --> 00:28:40,460
Fellas, we have money
in the budget to pay the actors,
709
00:28:40,470 --> 00:28:44,430
or we offer them what's called
a piece of the backend.
710
00:28:46,140 --> 00:28:48,680
Just like we're each getting
711
00:28:48,690 --> 00:28:50,680
you know, equal share
of the profit
712
00:28:50,690 --> 00:28:52,720
for our two grand,
713
00:28:52,730 --> 00:28:55,600
in exchange for acting services rendered,
they get a share.
714
00:28:55,610 --> 00:28:57,850
For a half-a-dozen guys unloading on you
715
00:28:57,860 --> 00:29:00,270
so you look like a melted candle today,
716
00:29:00,280 --> 00:29:02,150
we will gladly pay you on Tuesday?
717
00:29:02,160 --> 00:29:05,070
I don't know who's gonna
go for that one, A.
718
00:29:05,080 --> 00:29:06,440
Strike!
719
00:29:06,450 --> 00:29:08,820
[Andy narrating]
All right, this was our first little hiccup.
720
00:29:08,830 --> 00:29:12,040
So, well, we needed
to get some gals.
721
00:29:12,040 --> 00:29:14,000
Uh, Otis made a good point, though.
722
00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:16,740
We probably could cast without a script.
723
00:29:19,300 --> 00:29:22,710
Hey, Helen,
how you doing?
724
00:29:22,720 --> 00:29:24,930
Hey, Some,
how you guys doing?
725
00:29:24,930 --> 00:29:27,300
You having trouble
with the porno film?
726
00:29:27,310 --> 00:29:31,800
Yes, a little casting trouble.
727
00:29:31,810 --> 00:29:34,140
We just need
some lovely ladies
728
00:29:34,150 --> 00:29:36,940
with half your looks,
and we'd be golden.
729
00:29:36,940 --> 00:29:38,900
You want me to be
in your porno film?
730
00:29:38,900 --> 00:29:40,890
- Yeah.
- No.
731
00:29:40,900 --> 00:29:42,570
I'm the writer/director.
732
00:29:42,570 --> 00:29:44,310
I'm not gonna be
in your porno film, Some.
733
00:29:44,320 --> 00:29:46,690
I would never do that.
I got better things to do.
734
00:29:46,700 --> 00:29:48,860
Who knows, Helen?
735
00:29:48,870 --> 00:29:51,280
It could be an opportunity
to make some real money.
736
00:29:51,290 --> 00:29:56,750
Right now I'm waiting
on this really terrific guy.
737
00:29:56,750 --> 00:29:58,490
He's gonna take me
into the city,
738
00:29:58,510 --> 00:30:02,290
and we're gonna have
a big time.
739
00:30:02,300 --> 00:30:05,170
We might be going
to the Bahamas next week...
740
00:30:05,180 --> 00:30:07,170
or the week after...
he's taking me.
741
00:30:07,180 --> 00:30:09,840
What time is he supposed
to pick you up?
742
00:30:09,850 --> 00:30:12,590
Eightish.
743
00:30:12,600 --> 00:30:16,060
Well, it's pretty close to 10.
744
00:30:18,230 --> 00:30:20,220
He said "ish."
745
00:30:23,410 --> 00:30:24,690
Mine! Mine! Mine!
746
00:30:24,700 --> 00:30:25,780
Aah!
747
00:30:25,780 --> 00:30:28,520
I know some dishes
who would do it for me as a favor
748
00:30:28,540 --> 00:30:30,570
'cause I've done them
a few favors in the past,
749
00:30:30,580 --> 00:30:32,240
if you know what I mean.
750
00:30:32,250 --> 00:30:35,830
But, unfortunately,
they're all out of town.
751
00:30:35,830 --> 00:30:39,120
Well, some...
Some are out of town.
752
00:30:39,130 --> 00:30:41,920
Uh, one broke her leg.
753
00:30:41,920 --> 00:30:43,260
And her back.
754
00:30:43,260 --> 00:30:45,470
Um, she's in a full body cast,
755
00:30:45,470 --> 00:30:46,580
so that wouldn't really work.
756
00:30:46,600 --> 00:30:49,300
Well, not easily, anyway.
757
00:30:49,310 --> 00:30:51,800
[Andy narrating]
From the bar, we went back to my house,
758
00:30:51,810 --> 00:30:54,470
which is also the production office.
759
00:30:54,480 --> 00:30:56,310
I had this idea
760
00:30:56,310 --> 00:30:57,850
that we should draw up a list
761
00:30:57,860 --> 00:30:59,770
of the types of scenes we needed.
762
00:30:59,780 --> 00:31:02,310
This way we'd know how many
cast members to get,
763
00:31:02,320 --> 00:31:04,190
and what it is we'd be asking them to do.
764
00:31:04,200 --> 00:31:05,280
Can we do that?
765
00:31:05,280 --> 00:31:09,740
See, there are some
required scenes in all pornos,
766
00:31:09,740 --> 00:31:11,860
you know, scenes that,
well, you gotta have,
767
00:31:11,870 --> 00:31:13,700
obviously, because,
well, they all have 'em.
768
00:31:13,710 --> 00:31:15,120
Okay, that does it.
769
00:31:15,120 --> 00:31:19,580
Now, we need at least
one lesbo scene,
770
00:31:19,590 --> 00:31:22,250
so that's two gals.
771
00:31:22,260 --> 00:31:24,340
One gal masturbating
with toys.
772
00:31:24,340 --> 00:31:26,960
That could be one of the gals
from the lesbo scene.
773
00:31:26,970 --> 00:31:28,680
- Right?
- Mmm.
774
00:31:28,680 --> 00:31:30,140
At least one, uh...
775
00:31:30,140 --> 00:31:31,500
You know, maybe
it'd be best
776
00:31:31,520 --> 00:31:33,130
if it weren't.
777
00:31:33,140 --> 00:31:34,550
What do you mean, Some?
778
00:31:34,560 --> 00:31:36,550
What is the lesbo scene
gonna include?
779
00:31:36,560 --> 00:31:38,970
A lot of donut bumping
and carpet munching, right?
780
00:31:38,980 --> 00:31:42,270
So it's gonna concentrate
a lot in the same area
781
00:31:42,280 --> 00:31:45,730
as the gal-twiddling
scene, isn't it?
782
00:31:45,740 --> 00:31:47,900
If we use one of
the same gals from both,
783
00:31:47,910 --> 00:31:49,400
then maybe we'd...
784
00:31:49,410 --> 00:31:51,400
Be tired of
looking at her fruit cup.
785
00:31:51,410 --> 00:31:54,740
Oh, all right.
I hear you.
786
00:31:54,750 --> 00:31:56,160
All right.
See, this is good.
787
00:31:56,160 --> 00:31:57,450
We're working together.
788
00:31:57,460 --> 00:31:58,870
You know,
let's keep this up.
789
00:31:58,880 --> 00:32:00,790
Some, looking alive, buddy.
790
00:32:00,790 --> 00:32:02,000
Thank you.
791
00:32:02,000 --> 00:32:03,290
You're walking
and talking
792
00:32:03,300 --> 00:32:05,160
like a real
writer/director now.
793
00:32:05,170 --> 00:32:06,580
Yeah.
794
00:32:06,590 --> 00:32:09,000
Okay, let's keep going.
795
00:32:09,010 --> 00:32:11,340
So, at least
one in-the-butt scene.
796
00:32:11,350 --> 00:32:13,840
Preferably two,
but one will do.
797
00:32:13,850 --> 00:32:16,590
It's amazing how popular
in-the-butt is.
798
00:32:16,600 --> 00:32:17,840
In porno.
799
00:32:17,850 --> 00:32:22,520
Uh...okay, moving on.
800
00:32:22,520 --> 00:32:25,480
One "black guys with dicks
that'd be big on elephants
801
00:32:25,490 --> 00:32:27,270
with a little white girl" scene.
802
00:32:27,280 --> 00:32:28,690
Where we're gonna
get the black guy,
803
00:32:28,700 --> 00:32:29,900
I have no idea,
804
00:32:29,910 --> 00:32:32,440
but...that about does it.
805
00:32:32,450 --> 00:32:36,790
Uh, girl gobbling at least
three guys at once, Andy.
806
00:32:36,790 --> 00:32:38,370
Oh, good.
Thanks, man.
807
00:32:38,370 --> 00:32:40,910
- Oh, whoa. Whoa.
- Good call.
808
00:32:40,920 --> 00:32:46,910
"Gal giving
multiple knob jobs
809
00:32:46,920 --> 00:32:49,590
concurrently" scene.
810
00:32:49,590 --> 00:32:53,590
Okay, here are the scenes.
811
00:32:53,600 --> 00:32:56,050
We got lesbo,
812
00:32:56,060 --> 00:32:57,260
masturbating,
813
00:32:57,270 --> 00:32:58,350
a couple in-the-butt,
814
00:32:58,350 --> 00:33:00,510
white girl, black guys,
815
00:33:00,520 --> 00:33:04,390
and blowing three.
816
00:33:04,400 --> 00:33:07,360
- Good porno.
- Mm-hmm.
817
00:33:10,490 --> 00:33:11,900
Hi, Floyd.
818
00:33:15,830 --> 00:33:17,610
Moe-Ron, hi.
819
00:33:17,620 --> 00:33:18,830
How ya doin'?
820
00:33:18,830 --> 00:33:20,290
Good.
821
00:33:20,290 --> 00:33:22,330
[indistinct chatter]
822
00:33:27,300 --> 00:33:29,330
Hey, Thelma.
823
00:33:29,340 --> 00:33:31,500
Hi.
824
00:33:33,890 --> 00:33:37,180
Oh. Oh.
825
00:33:37,180 --> 00:33:39,090
Hmm.
826
00:33:41,310 --> 00:33:45,310
Well...
827
00:33:45,320 --> 00:33:48,650
So, um...
828
00:33:48,650 --> 00:33:52,020
Billy's worried now that
you've seen our place
829
00:33:52,030 --> 00:33:54,490
that you're uncomfortable
about having him
830
00:33:54,490 --> 00:33:55,780
spend the weekends with you.
831
00:33:55,780 --> 00:33:57,240
Well, I see him
on weekends.
832
00:33:57,240 --> 00:33:59,080
You take him
out to dinner on Friday,
833
00:33:59,080 --> 00:34:02,740
and then a few hours
on Saturday and Sunday.
834
00:34:02,750 --> 00:34:04,110
Well...
835
00:34:04,130 --> 00:34:06,290
You know, he thought
you'd be together on the weekends.
836
00:34:06,290 --> 00:34:09,790
There are no sheets
on his bed, Thel.
837
00:34:09,800 --> 00:34:11,790
When you moved out,
you must've taken them.
838
00:34:11,800 --> 00:34:13,420
There's just a stripped
bed in his room.
839
00:34:13,430 --> 00:34:16,920
I didn't leave dirty sheets on the bed
840
00:34:16,930 --> 00:34:19,390
when I packed up the room.
841
00:34:19,390 --> 00:34:23,640
I'm sure that they're
in the linen closet,
842
00:34:23,650 --> 00:34:25,350
or I'll buy you
some new sheets.
843
00:34:25,360 --> 00:34:26,770
I have a linen closet?
844
00:34:26,770 --> 00:34:30,310
Are there sheets for my bed
in there, you think?
845
00:34:30,320 --> 00:34:34,900
Andy, Billy doesn't care about houses,
846
00:34:34,910 --> 00:34:37,320
and he doesn't want you to care.
847
00:34:37,330 --> 00:34:40,320
You know he's not even
that good at basketball.
848
00:34:40,330 --> 00:34:41,860
He only plays it
because you did.
849
00:34:41,870 --> 00:34:44,330
Well, soon, I promise.
850
00:34:44,330 --> 00:34:47,000
I'm just in the middle
of this thing right now,
851
00:34:47,000 --> 00:34:48,620
the house is a mess with it,
852
00:34:48,630 --> 00:34:50,160
but I need to go with this thing.
853
00:34:50,170 --> 00:34:53,000
You know, this could
really be a good thing.
854
00:34:53,010 --> 00:34:55,620
This...this could be it.
855
00:34:55,640 --> 00:34:59,250
You know, I got a feeling.
856
00:34:59,260 --> 00:35:01,050
Good luck, Andy.
857
00:35:03,140 --> 00:35:06,680
My fingers are crossed
in double knots for you.
858
00:35:10,150 --> 00:35:11,640
Bye.
859
00:35:11,650 --> 00:35:14,360
You look pretty, Thel.
860
00:35:19,830 --> 00:35:21,780
[Narrating]
This is Some Idiot's mother's house.
861
00:35:21,790 --> 00:35:23,400
Some lives with his mom.
862
00:35:23,410 --> 00:35:25,700
She's mostly deaf, by the way.
863
00:35:25,710 --> 00:35:27,870
All right, so we've skipped ahead
a little here.
864
00:35:27,880 --> 00:35:30,580
Just a little.
We still had no cast.
865
00:35:30,590 --> 00:35:33,040
We went to Some's
for an afternoon snack.
866
00:35:33,050 --> 00:35:36,340
To his credit, he was taking
this thing pretty seriously.
867
00:35:36,340 --> 00:35:38,330
Some was reading all kinds
of books on film,
868
00:35:38,350 --> 00:35:42,090
and had a first draft
of the script for us.
869
00:35:42,100 --> 00:35:44,260
- Example.
- Uh, not anything good.
870
00:35:44,270 --> 00:35:45,680
"Page 44.
871
00:35:45,690 --> 00:35:48,800
"Exterior. Top of train. Day.
872
00:35:48,810 --> 00:35:51,060
"The train speeds through the city
873
00:35:51,070 --> 00:35:53,600
"as Yvonne and Jizelle
lay on the top of the train,
874
00:35:53,610 --> 00:35:55,770
eating out each other's honey pots."
875
00:35:55,780 --> 00:35:59,570
First of all, well,
that's a very nice scene.
876
00:35:59,570 --> 00:36:00,810
We don't have
any women yet,
877
00:36:00,830 --> 00:36:02,240
let alone two
to yodel each other
878
00:36:02,240 --> 00:36:04,030
on the top of
a moving train.
879
00:36:04,040 --> 00:36:07,530
And then, here,
reaction shots
880
00:36:07,540 --> 00:36:09,660
from people
in skyscrapers
881
00:36:09,670 --> 00:36:11,910
as they peer and gawk
out their windows
882
00:36:11,920 --> 00:36:14,040
at the passing train.
883
00:36:14,050 --> 00:36:15,380
You know,
again, terrific,
884
00:36:15,380 --> 00:36:17,120
but where is this?
885
00:36:17,130 --> 00:36:18,790
We're gonna build a city
886
00:36:18,800 --> 00:36:20,420
for the train
to pass through
887
00:36:20,430 --> 00:36:23,590
that's surrounded
by skyscrapers?
888
00:36:23,600 --> 00:36:25,890
What, are we gonna
fly somewhere?
889
00:36:25,890 --> 00:36:28,130
And then here.
This is my favorite.
890
00:36:28,140 --> 00:36:32,260
99. "Interior. Office. Day.
891
00:36:32,270 --> 00:36:34,560
"Boris gives it to
Bianca in the butt
892
00:36:34,570 --> 00:36:37,030
as she defuses the bomb."
893
00:36:37,030 --> 00:36:39,360
I mean, you know,
a bomb?
894
00:36:39,360 --> 00:36:42,200
Some Idiot, tell your friends
to stop talking so much.
895
00:36:42,200 --> 00:36:43,490
How can they eat?
896
00:36:43,490 --> 00:36:44,860
Everybody's good, Ma.
Don't worry about it.
897
00:36:44,870 --> 00:36:46,450
It's an important
meeting here, Mom.
898
00:36:46,450 --> 00:36:47,820
This is delicious,
Mrs. Cherkiss.
899
00:36:47,830 --> 00:36:49,620
How's your son, Andy?
900
00:36:49,620 --> 00:36:50,910
Does he like being rich?
901
00:36:50,920 --> 00:36:52,200
Oh, yeah.
902
00:36:52,210 --> 00:36:55,170
I hear he's got a basketball court
in his room. Is that right?
903
00:36:55,170 --> 00:36:56,710
- Yeah.
- Yeah. Great.
904
00:36:59,510 --> 00:37:01,670
Some, I don't know.
905
00:37:01,680 --> 00:37:03,920
Uh, I mean personally,
906
00:37:03,930 --> 00:37:06,470
I think Bianca, you know,
907
00:37:06,470 --> 00:37:08,140
she might be a little distracted
908
00:37:08,140 --> 00:37:09,850
If Boris visits her back porch
909
00:37:09,850 --> 00:37:11,840
while she's diffusing the bomb.
910
00:37:11,860 --> 00:37:14,720
And it's kind of irresponsible
911
00:37:14,730 --> 00:37:16,390
of them, you know?
912
00:37:16,400 --> 00:37:19,480
So many people die
if the bomb goes off!
913
00:37:19,490 --> 00:37:21,820
Some, we don't know
what we're doing!
914
00:37:21,820 --> 00:37:22,980
[Moose]
I mean, really, Some.
915
00:37:22,990 --> 00:37:25,230
Even I could keep my hands
off some hot dolly
916
00:37:25,240 --> 00:37:26,780
if she was busy
diffusing a bomb,
917
00:37:26,790 --> 00:37:28,200
at least for a few minutes.
918
00:37:28,200 --> 00:37:30,660
I really think Boris
should show some restraint.
919
00:37:30,670 --> 00:37:32,450
Andy, Orson Welles said,
920
00:37:32,460 --> 00:37:35,120
"The absence of limitation
is the enemy of art."
921
00:37:35,130 --> 00:37:36,710
I'm sorry,
but what's the point
922
00:37:36,710 --> 00:37:38,250
of letting me write the script
923
00:37:38,260 --> 00:37:40,460
if you're not gonna
let me do what I do?
924
00:37:40,470 --> 00:37:42,960
We don't know
what we're doing, Some!
925
00:37:42,970 --> 00:37:44,710
We've got to keep it simple!
926
00:37:44,720 --> 00:37:46,680
Otherwise, we're never
going to make this porn!
927
00:37:46,680 --> 00:37:48,140
Andy, first off,
928
00:37:48,140 --> 00:37:50,220
lesbians are not going
to be hard to find.
929
00:37:50,230 --> 00:37:52,310
Read a magazine. They're
growing on trees these days.
930
00:37:52,310 --> 00:37:54,520
We couldn't
film a kiss today.
931
00:37:54,520 --> 00:37:55,730
Who wants Jell-o?
932
00:37:55,730 --> 00:37:57,350
You know that scene
933
00:37:57,360 --> 00:37:59,100
where the helicopter lowers the ladder
934
00:37:59,110 --> 00:38:02,020
and Congresswoman Pennedy
and her black bodyguard Leroy,
935
00:38:02,030 --> 00:38:03,440
they grab on,
they're swooped away
936
00:38:03,450 --> 00:38:04,940
just in the nick of time?
937
00:38:04,950 --> 00:38:06,860
She proceeds to blow him
on the ladder
938
00:38:06,870 --> 00:38:08,650
while they're swung
around the sky?
939
00:38:10,330 --> 00:38:12,490
That scene is covered
by our budget?
940
00:38:12,500 --> 00:38:13,860
That's not my...
941
00:38:13,880 --> 00:38:15,710
It's got cut-up fruit in it.
942
00:38:15,710 --> 00:38:18,540
Some, this thing
is 190 pages.
943
00:38:18,550 --> 00:38:19,790
You got to figure
944
00:38:19,800 --> 00:38:21,960
that a porno is
like an action film.
945
00:38:21,970 --> 00:38:23,750
Who needs
"The car blows up.
946
00:38:23,760 --> 00:38:26,300
"A huge red fireball
engulfs the area,
947
00:38:26,300 --> 00:38:28,050
"sending flaming pieces
948
00:38:28,060 --> 00:38:29,840
"of burning metal
through the air.
949
00:38:29,850 --> 00:38:31,760
People flee,"
et cetera, et cetera?
950
00:38:31,770 --> 00:38:33,220
Pears and apples.
951
00:38:33,230 --> 00:38:34,640
"The car blows up.
952
00:38:34,650 --> 00:38:36,850
The gal blows
the guy" will do.
953
00:38:36,860 --> 00:38:37,970
We get it.
954
00:38:37,980 --> 00:38:40,470
Nine, ten pages,
no more.
955
00:38:40,490 --> 00:38:42,320
Uh, Mrs. Cherkiss, you
don't have to serve us.
956
00:38:42,320 --> 00:38:43,730
Join us here.
957
00:38:43,740 --> 00:38:45,480
- Okay, honey.
- I have to go.
958
00:38:45,490 --> 00:38:46,730
That's it,
right there.
959
00:38:46,740 --> 00:38:48,150
Let's see here.
960
00:38:48,160 --> 00:38:49,270
Thank you.
961
00:38:49,290 --> 00:38:50,620
Okay, I've been sitting
on this all night,
962
00:38:50,620 --> 00:38:52,080
waiting for the right moment.
963
00:38:52,080 --> 00:38:54,290
I saved the day.
Finally got us some gals.
964
00:38:54,290 --> 00:38:56,120
- At least one for sure.
- What?
965
00:38:56,130 --> 00:38:57,660
I've been wracking my brain.
966
00:38:57,670 --> 00:38:59,540
These are modern times.
967
00:38:59,550 --> 00:39:01,410
There must be
some gals around here
968
00:39:01,420 --> 00:39:03,160
who would like
to do some porn.
969
00:39:03,170 --> 00:39:06,260
The opportunity has
simply not lent itself.
970
00:39:06,260 --> 00:39:07,970
And then it hit me.
971
00:39:07,970 --> 00:39:09,760
I got embarrassed,
it's so obvious.
972
00:39:09,760 --> 00:39:11,000
Who is it?
973
00:39:11,020 --> 00:39:12,930
Who's the sure thing?
Tell us.
974
00:39:12,930 --> 00:39:14,850
The gal at the bed store.
975
00:39:14,850 --> 00:39:16,940
- Hey!
- She's hot!
976
00:39:16,940 --> 00:39:18,350
Right? Come on.
977
00:39:18,360 --> 00:39:19,970
- Yeah, I like her.
- Oh!
978
00:39:19,980 --> 00:39:21,600
How did you...
When did you ask her?
979
00:39:21,610 --> 00:39:23,270
Haven't yet.
We got to do that.
980
00:39:23,280 --> 00:39:24,940
Then she didn't say
she'd do it.
981
00:39:24,950 --> 00:39:27,280
- Barney, she works in a bed store.
- Yeah?
982
00:39:27,280 --> 00:39:28,860
A gal who works in a bed store,
983
00:39:28,870 --> 00:39:31,280
you know she likes to what?
984
00:39:31,290 --> 00:39:32,870
Earn a living?
985
00:39:32,870 --> 00:39:35,830
Go to bed,
A.K.A. lie down,
986
00:39:35,830 --> 00:39:37,450
A.K.A. scrump.
987
00:39:37,460 --> 00:39:39,420
I do? I know that?
Since when do I know that?
988
00:39:39,420 --> 00:39:41,130
Why else would she
work at a bed store?
989
00:39:41,130 --> 00:39:42,490
Again, I mention salary.
990
00:39:42,510 --> 00:39:44,840
- Maybe she likes to sleep.
- Yeah, she probably loves both,
991
00:39:44,840 --> 00:39:47,000
but we're only concerned
with the "her loving to scrump" part.
992
00:39:47,010 --> 00:39:48,220
I don't think you're right.
993
00:39:48,220 --> 00:39:49,460
No, I'm positive.
994
00:39:49,470 --> 00:39:50,840
We're all missing this?
995
00:39:50,850 --> 00:39:52,590
Four idiots doubting something
makes it untrue?
996
00:39:52,600 --> 00:39:54,640
She works at a bed store.
997
00:39:54,640 --> 00:39:56,850
Scrumping's her middle name.
998
00:39:56,850 --> 00:39:58,970
Vegetarians don't sell hot dogs!
999
00:39:58,980 --> 00:40:01,810
Emmett, I ask you something.
I tell you a gal works in a bed store.
1000
00:40:01,820 --> 00:40:04,400
- What do you know for sure?
- Loves to scrump.
1001
00:40:32,060 --> 00:40:33,420
She's in.
1002
00:40:33,430 --> 00:40:35,390
Are you serious?
1003
00:40:35,390 --> 00:40:38,180
We have our first
cast member?
1004
00:40:38,190 --> 00:40:39,890
[Narrating]
Now we were really off and running.
1005
00:40:39,900 --> 00:40:41,100
Otis, way to go!
1006
00:40:41,110 --> 00:40:43,060
I cannot believe it!
This is fantastic!
1007
00:40:43,070 --> 00:40:44,400
You told her everything?
1008
00:40:44,400 --> 00:40:45,890
Oh, yeah,
she'll do it in the butt,
1009
00:40:45,900 --> 00:40:47,520
off helicopters,
with toys, anything.
1010
00:40:47,530 --> 00:40:48,940
She works in a bed store,
1011
00:40:48,950 --> 00:40:50,190
so naturally
she loves scrumping.
1012
00:40:50,200 --> 00:40:52,440
I cannot believe it!
1013
00:40:52,450 --> 00:40:53,820
You just asked her,
1014
00:40:53,830 --> 00:40:56,240
and now we have
our first cast member.
1015
00:40:56,250 --> 00:40:59,360
Andy, I wasn't kidding
when I said
1016
00:40:59,370 --> 00:41:01,460
I was looking forward
to this porno.
1017
00:41:01,460 --> 00:41:03,870
And let this be
a lesson to all of us.
1018
00:41:03,880 --> 00:41:08,340
In life, nothing ventured,
nothing gained.
1019
00:41:11,300 --> 00:41:13,710
Unfortunately,
a little problem came
1020
00:41:13,720 --> 00:41:15,260
from Otis' success.
1021
00:41:15,260 --> 00:41:16,930
It encouraged Some.
1022
00:41:16,930 --> 00:41:19,100
The next day,
he called me all revved up
1023
00:41:19,100 --> 00:41:20,840
and insisted
I meet him right away.
1024
00:41:20,850 --> 00:41:21,970
He's got us another actress.
1025
00:41:21,980 --> 00:41:24,560
Charlene Pike.
Works here full time.
1026
00:41:24,570 --> 00:41:25,900
She's 20,
I'm telling you.
1027
00:41:25,900 --> 00:41:27,360
She looks 16.
1028
00:41:27,360 --> 00:41:29,730
But she's 20.
Five days ago.
1029
00:41:29,740 --> 00:41:32,650
I know it for a fact.
I remember when she was born.
1030
00:41:32,660 --> 00:41:34,900
You told her everything,
in detail,
1031
00:41:34,910 --> 00:41:36,490
about what she'd be doing?
1032
00:41:36,490 --> 00:41:39,410
I swear to God, Andy,
tell her yourself.
1033
00:41:39,410 --> 00:41:41,000
According to Some,
1034
00:41:41,000 --> 00:41:43,370
Charlene wanted
to do our porno...a lot.
1035
00:41:43,380 --> 00:41:45,740
I'm not comfortable with this.
It feels wrong.
1036
00:41:45,750 --> 00:41:47,590
I don't think we'd be
doing the right thing.
1037
00:41:47,590 --> 00:41:50,830
Free country, Andy.
If she wants to... She's 20.
1038
00:41:50,840 --> 00:41:52,550
We're not twisting her arm
1039
00:41:52,550 --> 00:41:54,960
or telling her lies
to get her to do it,
1040
00:41:54,970 --> 00:41:56,210
and we need her.
1041
00:41:56,220 --> 00:41:57,680
What about Ernest G.?
1042
00:41:57,680 --> 00:41:59,800
He'd actually
kill us in a second.
1043
00:41:59,810 --> 00:42:02,220
[Narrating]
The only really dangerous screwed-up guy
1044
00:42:02,230 --> 00:42:04,890
that's ever lived around here
is this guy Ernest G.:
1045
00:42:04,900 --> 00:42:07,110
Ernest G. Pike,
Charlene's big brother.
1046
00:42:07,110 --> 00:42:09,470
Ernest G.'s somewhere where
he gets very little news
1047
00:42:09,490 --> 00:42:10,820
and where they don't allow killing.
1048
00:42:10,820 --> 00:42:13,780
He's doing time upstate
for a bunch of robberies.
1049
00:42:13,780 --> 00:42:15,770
He won't be away forever.
What about when he gets out?
1050
00:42:15,780 --> 00:42:17,020
Well, it's not today.
1051
00:42:17,040 --> 00:42:18,700
That's all we have to worry about.
1052
00:42:18,700 --> 00:42:20,160
I've been to the movies before.
1053
00:42:20,160 --> 00:42:22,320
I assume you have, too,
so we both know
1054
00:42:22,330 --> 00:42:23,990
this guy is popping up here soon.
1055
00:42:24,000 --> 00:42:26,160
I just feel better coming clean with it now
1056
00:42:26,170 --> 00:42:27,710
rather than treating you
1057
00:42:27,710 --> 00:42:29,250
like a bunch of idiots
who didn't know.
1058
00:42:29,260 --> 00:42:30,920
Anyway...
1059
00:42:30,920 --> 00:42:33,090
When the day does come,
if he finds out,
1060
00:42:33,090 --> 00:42:34,830
we'll be rich enough
to hire bodyguards
1061
00:42:34,840 --> 00:42:37,550
or someone to rough him up,
whatever.
1062
00:42:37,560 --> 00:42:40,140
I can't worry about
the distant future, Andy,
1063
00:42:40,140 --> 00:42:43,510
not when there's
a piece of good fortune
1064
00:42:43,520 --> 00:42:45,230
available to us right now.
1065
00:42:45,230 --> 00:42:48,190
Just talk to her.
1066
00:42:48,190 --> 00:42:53,230
Has Some,
uh, told you, uh...
1067
00:42:53,240 --> 00:42:57,450
what...you'd be doing?
1068
00:42:57,450 --> 00:42:59,320
Yeah.
1069
00:42:59,330 --> 00:43:00,570
Okay.
1070
00:43:02,710 --> 00:43:05,240
W-Why would you
want to do this?
1071
00:43:05,250 --> 00:43:08,080
Ever worked at
the Softy Freeze, Andy?
1072
00:43:08,090 --> 00:43:10,670
No. No, they...
they wouldn't hire me.
1073
00:43:10,670 --> 00:43:14,160
Andy, why the hell do you
live in Butterface Fields?
1074
00:43:14,180 --> 00:43:15,380
Are you crazy?
1075
00:43:15,380 --> 00:43:17,380
I mean, why would
anybody do that,
1076
00:43:17,390 --> 00:43:18,880
let alone want to do that?
1077
00:43:18,890 --> 00:43:20,850
Do you want to see my list
1078
00:43:20,850 --> 00:43:22,970
of opportunities
that have come my way?
1079
00:43:26,100 --> 00:43:29,100
Andy, I'm just seizing
any openings
1080
00:43:29,110 --> 00:43:31,470
because I don't know
what else to do.
1081
00:43:31,480 --> 00:43:33,350
I mean, I've had sex before.
1082
00:43:33,360 --> 00:43:36,100
It's so boring around here,
I've actually had a lot of it.
1083
00:43:36,110 --> 00:43:38,610
I've even gone
to a lot of trouble
1084
00:43:38,620 --> 00:43:40,530
just to try and keep
the sex interesting,
1085
00:43:40,540 --> 00:43:42,280
you know,
just to compensate
1086
00:43:42,290 --> 00:43:43,950
for the quality
of life around here,
1087
00:43:43,960 --> 00:43:45,200
which is so boring
1088
00:43:45,210 --> 00:43:49,290
that I keep myself busy
by having sex.
1089
00:43:49,290 --> 00:43:50,910
And, well, you're paying,
1090
00:43:50,920 --> 00:43:54,660
so that makes it the best
offer that I've had today.
1091
00:43:55,930 --> 00:43:58,090
And then there's also the unknown.
1092
00:43:58,090 --> 00:44:01,960
So...yeah.
1093
00:44:01,970 --> 00:44:04,090
Count me in.
1094
00:44:09,610 --> 00:44:11,720
[Andy narrating]
So we're off and running.
1095
00:44:11,730 --> 00:44:14,020
Good ol' Moe-Ron
really came through for us.
1096
00:44:14,030 --> 00:44:15,440
They got us... are you ready?
1097
00:44:15,440 --> 00:44:16,980
Three black guys,
no problem.
1098
00:44:16,990 --> 00:44:19,570
How about that?
Yeah, I said three.
1099
00:44:19,570 --> 00:44:21,610
I've seen as many as a busload
1100
00:44:21,620 --> 00:44:24,830
in these "big black guys
with a little white girl" scenes,
1101
00:44:24,830 --> 00:44:26,700
but, you know, three is...
is respectable.
1102
00:44:26,710 --> 00:44:28,660
They live here in Butterface Fields.
1103
00:44:28,670 --> 00:44:31,660
Moe-Ron, they work
with them at the factory.
1104
00:44:31,670 --> 00:44:32,830
Now smile.
1105
00:44:32,840 --> 00:44:34,290
I went down to the factory.
1106
00:44:34,300 --> 00:44:35,830
Gave them the whole story.
1107
00:44:35,840 --> 00:44:37,300
They couldn't have been more game.
1108
00:44:37,300 --> 00:44:38,590
Thought it sounded like fun.
1109
00:44:38,590 --> 00:44:40,630
So anyway, here we are.
1110
00:44:40,640 --> 00:44:41,880
They're nice fellas.
1111
00:44:43,850 --> 00:44:46,060
Uh, oh, you're wondering
1112
00:44:46,060 --> 00:44:48,680
how we got to film
at the Softy Freeze?
1113
00:44:48,690 --> 00:44:49,930
This is Roy, the manager.
1114
00:44:49,940 --> 00:44:51,390
He gets to stay and watch.
1115
00:44:51,400 --> 00:44:53,060
He even threw in free snacks.
1116
00:44:53,070 --> 00:44:55,350
We're pretty good filmmakers, huh?
1117
00:44:55,360 --> 00:44:57,650
We had already gotten
a couple of normal scenes,
1118
00:44:57,650 --> 00:44:59,740
and we're about ready
to do our first, uh...
1119
00:44:59,740 --> 00:45:01,230
Sex scene 1, take 1.
1120
00:45:01,240 --> 00:45:02,950
...sex scene.
1121
00:45:02,950 --> 00:45:04,410
If I could have everyone's attention, please?
1122
00:45:04,410 --> 00:45:05,740
Quiet on the set!
1123
00:45:05,750 --> 00:45:07,740
[whistle blows]
1124
00:45:07,750 --> 00:45:10,240
One voice, please!
1125
00:45:10,250 --> 00:45:12,160
- Thank you.
- No, I got to go.
1126
00:45:12,170 --> 00:45:13,620
We're about to shoot the porno.
1127
00:45:13,630 --> 00:45:14,790
[Girl on phone]
Cool.
1128
00:45:14,800 --> 00:45:16,630
Thank you.
1129
00:45:16,630 --> 00:45:19,370
We're almost ready
for our first take.
1130
00:45:19,380 --> 00:45:22,880
I'm going to speak
with my actors now.
1131
00:45:22,890 --> 00:45:24,170
Hello, actors.
1132
00:45:24,180 --> 00:45:25,260
- Hey.
- Hey.
1133
00:45:25,260 --> 00:45:28,720
Charlene, you're
a Softy Freeze employee.
1134
00:45:28,730 --> 00:45:31,970
All I need from you
is to just be yourself.
1135
00:45:31,980 --> 00:45:34,350
And on this night,
you're working late.
1136
00:45:34,360 --> 00:45:35,850
These guys
are the cleanup crew.
1137
00:45:35,860 --> 00:45:38,350
There's no one here
but you and them.
1138
00:45:38,360 --> 00:45:40,100
Now, we're picking up
the scene
1139
00:45:40,110 --> 00:45:41,850
after you've seduced them
1140
00:45:41,860 --> 00:45:45,400
by bending over
and picking things up off the floor
1141
00:45:45,410 --> 00:45:48,740
in your short little Softy Freeze skirt.
1142
00:45:48,750 --> 00:45:51,580
We've established that sex
is going to be had.
1143
00:45:51,580 --> 00:45:54,540
We're going to lose
the towels and robes,
1144
00:45:54,540 --> 00:45:57,630
and on "action", you three guys
1145
00:45:57,630 --> 00:46:00,340
are going to ravage
the hell out of Charlene
1146
00:46:00,340 --> 00:46:02,050
on the Softy Freeze counter.
1147
00:46:02,050 --> 00:46:05,210
As we discussed,
let's really go to town here.
1148
00:46:05,220 --> 00:46:07,180
It's a big night for you guys.
1149
00:46:07,180 --> 00:46:09,050
Normally it's just moppin',
1150
00:46:09,060 --> 00:46:11,300
but tonight it's boffin'.
1151
00:46:11,310 --> 00:46:12,680
Art imitating life here?
1152
00:46:12,690 --> 00:46:14,100
No acting required, all right?
1153
00:46:14,110 --> 00:46:15,440
- Excuse me.
- Thanks.
1154
00:46:15,440 --> 00:46:16,980
Are there any questions?
1155
00:46:16,980 --> 00:46:19,220
Okay, let's lose
the robe and towels.
1156
00:46:19,240 --> 00:46:20,690
Excuse me, Some,
1157
00:46:20,700 --> 00:46:24,060
maybe we should give
them a little privacy.
1158
00:46:24,070 --> 00:46:25,190
What?
1159
00:46:25,200 --> 00:46:27,070
Well...
1160
00:46:27,080 --> 00:46:29,240
And, we're going to
end up seeing it anyway.
1161
00:46:29,250 --> 00:46:30,490
We're filming it.
1162
00:46:30,500 --> 00:46:33,160
But that... that's kind of different,
1163
00:46:33,170 --> 00:46:34,410
you know, removed.
1164
00:46:34,420 --> 00:46:36,750
We're standing here.
It doesn't seem right.
1165
00:46:36,750 --> 00:46:38,080
I agree with Andy.
1166
00:46:38,090 --> 00:46:39,370
Seems right to me.
Why do this, then?
1167
00:46:39,380 --> 00:46:41,120
How do we make a film
without looking?
1168
00:46:41,130 --> 00:46:43,250
Let's just do
the best we can, hmm?
1169
00:46:43,260 --> 00:46:44,500
Okay.
1170
00:46:44,510 --> 00:46:45,630
Okay.
1171
00:46:45,640 --> 00:46:46,840
Everybody turn around.
1172
00:46:48,260 --> 00:46:50,600
So let's lose
the robe and towels.
1173
00:46:52,480 --> 00:46:53,680
Whoa.
1174
00:46:53,690 --> 00:46:55,270
Are they off?
1175
00:46:55,270 --> 00:46:56,510
Action.
1176
00:46:56,520 --> 00:46:58,640
Uh, uh, uh, eh, Some,
1177
00:46:58,650 --> 00:47:00,560
you better have a look at this.
1178
00:47:01,650 --> 00:47:03,140
Oh!
1179
00:47:03,150 --> 00:47:05,020
Cut. Cut.
1180
00:47:07,450 --> 00:47:08,940
Those are your penises?
1181
00:47:08,950 --> 00:47:10,570
Mm-hmm.
1182
00:47:11,750 --> 00:47:13,110
Andy, I can't work with these.
1183
00:47:13,120 --> 00:47:14,990
Guys...
1184
00:47:15,000 --> 00:47:17,870
Did all your parents work
in the same nuclear plant or something?
1185
00:47:17,880 --> 00:47:20,490
All right, let's...
let's take a break.
1186
00:47:20,500 --> 00:47:22,590
Uh, fellas.
1187
00:47:22,590 --> 00:47:24,750
This is bullshit.
1188
00:47:24,760 --> 00:47:26,340
Oh, I don't know.
There's something wrong
1189
00:47:26,340 --> 00:47:28,430
with the black guys'
penises or something.
1190
00:47:28,430 --> 00:47:33,670
This is the "young little white girl
with the big black guys" scene.
1191
00:47:33,680 --> 00:47:38,730
None of you are bouncers.
Two of you aren't over 5'6".
1192
00:47:38,730 --> 00:47:41,850
What did you think
I meant by "big"?
1193
00:47:41,860 --> 00:47:43,980
[Narrating]
Lesson number 1
1194
00:47:43,990 --> 00:47:45,480
when making a film:
1195
00:47:45,490 --> 00:47:48,360
no one gets a part
without dropping their pants.
1196
00:47:48,370 --> 00:47:50,070
Ah, you live and you learn.
1197
00:47:50,080 --> 00:47:51,440
This... This was bad.
1198
00:47:51,450 --> 00:47:53,160
We lost Charlene.
1199
00:47:53,160 --> 00:47:55,070
Her family had a vacation
to Florida booked.
1200
00:47:55,080 --> 00:47:56,660
Her grandma's down there.
1201
00:47:56,670 --> 00:47:58,830
All we had was Ellie
from the bed store,
1202
00:47:58,830 --> 00:48:00,330
and with only one actress,
1203
00:48:00,340 --> 00:48:02,420
it was going to be very hard
1204
00:48:02,420 --> 00:48:04,830
to come up with enough sex
for a full-length film.
1205
00:48:04,840 --> 00:48:06,550
And then there's the guys, you know?
1206
00:48:06,550 --> 00:48:08,590
We had no guys.
1207
00:48:08,590 --> 00:48:11,180
Important meeting. Okay.
1208
00:48:11,180 --> 00:48:12,970
So we definitely didn't want to waste
1209
00:48:12,970 --> 00:48:14,560
the momentum we had going here.
1210
00:48:14,560 --> 00:48:16,520
Brainstorming time.
1211
00:48:16,520 --> 00:48:18,890
Here's what came out of the meeting.
1212
00:48:18,900 --> 00:48:21,890
We decided that we would
each go our own separate ways
1213
00:48:21,900 --> 00:48:25,270
and come back
with actresses for our film.
1214
00:48:25,280 --> 00:48:26,520
Divide and conquer.
1215
00:48:26,530 --> 00:48:28,020
It was up to the individual
1216
00:48:28,030 --> 00:48:29,520
to forge his own path
1217
00:48:29,530 --> 00:48:33,780
and design a way
we'd emerge victorious.
1218
00:48:33,790 --> 00:48:35,950
Moose had an interesting idea.
1219
00:48:35,960 --> 00:48:39,120
[Moose]
Girls, please.
1220
00:48:39,130 --> 00:48:41,240
Girls.
1221
00:48:42,670 --> 00:48:45,210
I have a very exciting opportunity
1222
00:48:45,210 --> 00:48:49,300
that I'm very happy to be able
to offer you today.
1223
00:48:49,300 --> 00:48:51,260
[Andy narrating]
Peggy was in Playboy,
1224
00:48:51,260 --> 00:48:52,920
like, uh, 15 years ago.
1225
00:48:52,930 --> 00:48:55,010
It was just one little picture
1226
00:48:55,020 --> 00:48:56,970
in the "Girls of Figure Skating" issue.
1227
00:48:56,980 --> 00:48:59,060
Peggy wasn't a figure skater,
1228
00:48:59,060 --> 00:49:01,140
but, uh, you know,
had a nice figure
1229
00:49:01,150 --> 00:49:02,560
and was in charge
1230
00:49:02,570 --> 00:49:04,480
of the rental skates
at the rink,
1231
00:49:04,480 --> 00:49:06,770
so good enough as far
as Playboy was concerned.
1232
00:49:06,780 --> 00:49:08,440
Uh, the plus side:
1233
00:49:08,450 --> 00:49:11,150
she worked before
with her clothes off.
1234
00:49:11,160 --> 00:49:13,570
We all agreed
Some should take this time
1235
00:49:13,580 --> 00:49:15,160
to rewrite the script.
1236
00:49:15,160 --> 00:49:18,820
Ma! I'm hungry, please!
1237
00:49:21,670 --> 00:49:24,880
Barney had other plans for the day.
1238
00:49:24,880 --> 00:49:26,840
Most of their lives
they've known each other.
1239
00:49:26,840 --> 00:49:28,670
- [wolf whistle]
- Barn's never stopped trying.
1240
00:49:28,670 --> 00:49:29,910
You are such a jerk.
1241
00:49:29,930 --> 00:49:31,630
You think this outfit
makes me look cheap?
1242
00:49:31,640 --> 00:49:33,130
Don't you own a mirror?
1243
00:49:33,140 --> 00:49:35,130
- I'm serious.
- Me, too.
1244
00:49:36,180 --> 00:49:37,420
Look, Helen,
1245
00:49:37,430 --> 00:49:39,170
I happen to have
the solution for you.
1246
00:49:39,190 --> 00:49:40,640
Now, this is excellent advice.
1247
00:49:40,640 --> 00:49:42,810
I've always kind of dabbled
in PR, and this...
1248
00:49:42,810 --> 00:49:45,810
Barney, you are nothing but
a lousy refrigerator repairman.
1249
00:49:45,820 --> 00:49:48,230
I'm acquainted
with my own profession.
1250
00:49:48,240 --> 00:49:51,980
But just listen to this
campaign I've put together
1251
00:49:51,990 --> 00:49:53,700
to improve your image.
1252
00:49:53,700 --> 00:49:56,280
Right now, the way
you present yourself,
1253
00:49:56,290 --> 00:49:58,620
you've taken away
all the many aspects
1254
00:49:58,620 --> 00:50:01,080
that comprise a human being
as their right of birth,
1255
00:50:01,080 --> 00:50:04,290
and you've reduced yourself
to only one aspect:
1256
00:50:04,290 --> 00:50:05,950
babaloos.
1257
00:50:07,420 --> 00:50:10,000
Now, me? I'm just a guy.
1258
00:50:10,010 --> 00:50:12,000
A poor schnook,
a repairman.
1259
00:50:12,010 --> 00:50:13,880
Yeah, of nothing
but refrigerators.
1260
00:50:13,890 --> 00:50:16,720
[Andy narrating]
Otis had an interesting idea as well.
1261
00:50:16,720 --> 00:50:20,140
We're a stew of quite
a melange of flavors,
1262
00:50:20,140 --> 00:50:22,550
uh, wouldn't you say?
1263
00:50:22,560 --> 00:50:25,470
"Melange" means "mixture",
by the way.
1264
00:50:25,480 --> 00:50:27,470
Uh, I should have just said "mixture".
1265
00:50:27,480 --> 00:50:29,980
Getting a little carried away here.
Sorry.
1266
00:50:29,990 --> 00:50:32,070
[Man whistles]
1267
00:50:33,820 --> 00:50:36,440
Hiya.
1268
00:50:36,450 --> 00:50:38,320
Well, hi to you, honey.
1269
00:50:38,330 --> 00:50:40,570
I used to choke
my Chattanooga choo-choo
1270
00:50:40,580 --> 00:50:42,540
to you at least once a day.
1271
00:50:42,540 --> 00:50:43,950
Some days not just twice.
1272
00:50:43,960 --> 00:50:46,420
Oh, a sweet talker, huh?
1273
00:50:46,420 --> 00:50:47,880
You babysitted me.
1274
00:50:47,880 --> 00:50:49,540
You were a friend
of my sister's.
1275
00:50:49,550 --> 00:50:50,660
You're Vera Bracey.
1276
00:50:50,670 --> 00:50:52,710
You're little Otis?
1277
00:50:52,720 --> 00:50:53,920
- Oh.
- Yeah.
1278
00:50:53,930 --> 00:50:56,010
You were so cute!
1279
00:51:06,980 --> 00:51:08,440
Oh, hey, Andy.
1280
00:51:09,730 --> 00:51:11,520
What can I do for you?
1281
00:51:11,530 --> 00:51:16,020
Oh, uh...aspirin,
I'll take some of that aspirin.
1282
00:51:16,030 --> 00:51:17,270
Okay.
1283
00:51:18,530 --> 00:51:21,320
Here you go.
Got a headache?
1284
00:51:21,330 --> 00:51:23,910
Oh, no, no. I'm fine.
1285
00:51:23,910 --> 00:51:26,410
Uh, I knew you sell it here.
1286
00:51:27,670 --> 00:51:29,450
I'm out at home.
1287
00:51:29,460 --> 00:51:31,170
You got something
on your mind?
1288
00:51:31,170 --> 00:51:33,540
My mind? No, no. Why?
1289
00:51:33,550 --> 00:51:35,460
'Cause most people
don't stop by the ball field
1290
00:51:35,470 --> 00:51:37,050
to pick up their aspirin.
1291
00:51:38,720 --> 00:51:44,720
Life is about new experiences.
1292
00:51:44,730 --> 00:51:46,890
And you got a peach of a pair,
by the way.
1293
00:51:46,900 --> 00:51:48,350
I'm not knocking your knockers.
1294
00:51:48,360 --> 00:51:50,270
And I know you're more
than just babaloos.
1295
00:51:50,270 --> 00:51:53,310
But how do we get
everyone else to know that?
1296
00:51:53,320 --> 00:51:54,680
Here's how that could happen.
1297
00:51:54,700 --> 00:51:57,310
Here's how that would happen.
1298
00:52:01,700 --> 00:52:03,440
You start doing me.
1299
00:52:03,450 --> 00:52:04,910
Oh...
1300
00:52:04,910 --> 00:52:06,530
This is excellent advice.
1301
00:52:06,540 --> 00:52:07,910
You'd want to see me
1302
00:52:07,920 --> 00:52:09,910
bent over the sofa
taking it up the a...
1303
00:52:12,090 --> 00:52:15,130
So, Peggy, a funny thing,
1304
00:52:15,130 --> 00:52:18,380
but, uh, I was, uh,
getting my hair cut
1305
00:52:18,390 --> 00:52:20,550
the other day
at the barber shop.
1306
00:52:20,550 --> 00:52:22,800
I was waiting my turn
1307
00:52:22,810 --> 00:52:24,050
and, uh, browsing
1308
00:52:24,060 --> 00:52:26,140
the magazines
they offer there,
1309
00:52:26,140 --> 00:52:28,560
and, well, they offer
quite a few,
1310
00:52:28,560 --> 00:52:30,600
uh, and they happened
to have Playboy there.
1311
00:52:30,610 --> 00:52:33,690
You know, it's a barber shop.
A lot of men come there,
1312
00:52:33,690 --> 00:52:35,150
so I guess they figure
1313
00:52:35,150 --> 00:52:37,360
that men might like
to glance at the Playboy
1314
00:52:37,360 --> 00:52:38,900
- while waiting to have their hair cut.
- Right.
1315
00:52:38,910 --> 00:52:40,490
And I was reminded
1316
00:52:40,490 --> 00:52:44,360
that, uh, you were once
in Playboy.
1317
00:52:44,370 --> 00:52:47,660
Believe I heard...
heard that somewhere.
1318
00:52:47,670 --> 00:52:51,200
And I was, you know,
just wondering, uh...
1319
00:52:51,210 --> 00:52:53,950
what was that like?
1320
00:52:53,960 --> 00:52:55,540
♪ Don't stop me ♪
1321
00:52:55,550 --> 00:52:56,750
So nice to see you.
1322
00:52:56,760 --> 00:52:58,090
♪ Don't stop me ♪
1323
00:52:58,090 --> 00:52:59,920
About time they got rid
of shaking hands.
1324
00:52:59,930 --> 00:53:01,170
Do you mind?
1325
00:53:01,180 --> 00:53:02,960
Do I mind
if you rub my dick?
1326
00:53:02,970 --> 00:53:04,090
Yeah.
1327
00:53:04,100 --> 00:53:05,510
No, it saves me the trouble.
1328
00:53:05,520 --> 00:53:07,430
I'm trying to think
of the last time
1329
00:53:07,430 --> 00:53:09,300
I was asked a question
that stupid.
1330
00:53:09,310 --> 00:53:10,770
Girls, please!
1331
00:53:10,770 --> 00:53:12,510
Look, we won't mention it again!
1332
00:53:12,520 --> 00:53:13,850
Forget I brought it up!
1333
00:53:13,860 --> 00:53:15,270
- Go away!
- What porno?
1334
00:53:15,280 --> 00:53:17,940
Floyd, could I please
get another cherry soda?
1335
00:53:17,950 --> 00:53:19,940
Then they find out
we are doing it,
1336
00:53:19,950 --> 00:53:21,610
and it changes everything.
1337
00:53:21,620 --> 00:53:24,900
They realize you're not
some "dime a dozen" bimbo.
1338
00:53:24,910 --> 00:53:27,320
If you were,
you wouldn't be with me.
1339
00:53:27,330 --> 00:53:30,700
You must be a person of great worth.
1340
00:53:30,710 --> 00:53:33,950
Now, all we got to do
to make this happen is,
1341
00:53:33,960 --> 00:53:37,550
I move in to your place,
1342
00:53:37,550 --> 00:53:39,580
and we start
having sex all the time.
1343
00:53:39,590 --> 00:53:40,830
[scoffs]
1344
00:53:40,840 --> 00:53:42,670
Constant sex is important.
1345
00:53:42,680 --> 00:53:45,670
Then, who knows?
1346
00:53:50,020 --> 00:53:54,980
It was years before anybody
looked at me the same.
1347
00:53:54,980 --> 00:53:56,970
I think, you know,
they thought
1348
00:53:56,980 --> 00:53:58,730
I was some wild thing
1349
00:53:58,740 --> 00:54:00,940
who loved to
take her clothes off
1350
00:54:00,950 --> 00:54:02,810
instead of just some struggling
1351
00:54:02,820 --> 00:54:05,660
young woman who had been
held up at gunpoint that month
1352
00:54:05,660 --> 00:54:09,200
and couldn't pay her rent.
1353
00:54:09,200 --> 00:54:13,540
Well, luckily, then, that was,
you know, a long time ago,
1354
00:54:13,540 --> 00:54:15,160
a distant memory,
and you certainly
1355
00:54:15,170 --> 00:54:17,580
won't ever have to do
anything like that again.
1356
00:54:20,300 --> 00:54:23,710
You certainly have
a great-looking kid.
1357
00:54:23,720 --> 00:54:26,380
Yeah.
1358
00:54:27,970 --> 00:54:29,930
Okay.
1359
00:54:29,930 --> 00:54:31,170
[chuckles]
1360
00:54:31,190 --> 00:54:34,140
Andy?
1361
00:54:34,150 --> 00:54:37,060
If you're looking for a way
to ask me out,
1362
00:54:37,070 --> 00:54:39,520
you don't have to work
so hard.
1363
00:54:39,530 --> 00:54:41,980
- Oh, no?
- No.
1364
00:54:45,320 --> 00:54:46,990
When?
1365
00:54:46,990 --> 00:54:49,860
[Andy narrating]
Clearly, I lacked the necessary tools
1366
00:54:49,870 --> 00:54:51,860
to be a successful pornographer.
1367
00:54:53,170 --> 00:54:56,030
I'm sorry,
I let you all down.
1368
00:54:56,040 --> 00:54:57,580
No, you didn't, Andy.
1369
00:54:57,590 --> 00:54:58,830
Well...
1370
00:54:58,840 --> 00:55:00,120
No, you tried
your best, Andy.
1371
00:55:00,130 --> 00:55:01,460
We all did.
1372
00:55:01,470 --> 00:55:03,920
Just a bad day
for all of us.
1373
00:55:03,930 --> 00:55:06,090
An especially bad day
for my hair.
1374
00:55:11,020 --> 00:55:13,260
Fellas, V.
V, fellas.
1375
00:55:13,270 --> 00:55:15,100
She's ready to porno.
1376
00:55:15,980 --> 00:55:17,770
[All cheering]
1377
00:55:17,770 --> 00:55:19,010
To V!
1378
00:55:19,020 --> 00:55:20,230
V!
1379
00:55:20,230 --> 00:55:21,720
Here's to V.
1380
00:55:21,740 --> 00:55:25,190
Thank you, guys.
Thank you.
1381
00:55:25,910 --> 00:55:28,770
Okay, remember Homer
and the other black guys
1382
00:55:28,780 --> 00:55:30,700
who were supposed to be
in that "big black guys
1383
00:55:30,700 --> 00:55:32,610
with the little white girl "scene?
1384
00:55:32,620 --> 00:55:34,610
Well, none of them,
1385
00:55:34,620 --> 00:55:36,740
or Charlene got the other half
of their money,
1386
00:55:36,750 --> 00:55:39,540
because they ended up
not doing the job.
1387
00:55:39,550 --> 00:55:41,960
Well, Homer and his friends have decided
1388
00:55:41,960 --> 00:55:43,800
that they're owed the other half.
1389
00:55:43,800 --> 00:55:45,710
They feel real strongly about It.
1390
00:55:45,720 --> 00:55:47,550
So I get a call from Homer.
1391
00:55:47,550 --> 00:55:50,470
He wants to talk this over
man-to-man here at Meyer's.
1392
00:55:50,470 --> 00:55:53,060
We feel we're owed the money,
1393
00:55:53,060 --> 00:55:55,550
if for nothing else,
because of the way you treated us.
1394
00:55:55,560 --> 00:55:57,600
Things, well...
1395
00:55:57,600 --> 00:55:59,350
they may have gotten
a little out of hand.
1396
00:55:59,360 --> 00:56:02,350
We weren't as kind
as we should have been,
1397
00:56:02,360 --> 00:56:04,520
and so I apologize.
1398
00:56:04,530 --> 00:56:06,490
I'd be happy to get
the other guys, too, Homer,
1399
00:56:06,490 --> 00:56:11,980
but what I don't think
you realize is...
1400
00:56:11,990 --> 00:56:14,530
we got nothing for the 3,000
we already gave you.
1401
00:56:14,540 --> 00:56:17,830
Now you want us to give you
another three for more nothing,
1402
00:56:17,830 --> 00:56:19,620
plus Charlene's thou?
1403
00:56:19,630 --> 00:56:22,080
You know, that's a third of our budget
flushed down the toilet.
1404
00:56:22,090 --> 00:56:24,450
Well, that's not
our problem, is it?
1405
00:56:24,460 --> 00:56:26,960
No. No, that's our problem,
1406
00:56:26,970 --> 00:56:29,460
and that's why
we can't do as you ask.
1407
00:56:29,470 --> 00:56:31,550
You said 2,000 a man.
1408
00:56:31,560 --> 00:56:33,390
Yeah, half for showing up,
1409
00:56:33,390 --> 00:56:37,300
half for doing the job.
1410
00:56:37,310 --> 00:56:39,390
But you didn't give us
a chance to do the job.
1411
00:56:39,400 --> 00:56:41,810
No, you couldn't do the job.
1412
00:56:41,820 --> 00:56:45,180
You know, the job was to...
1413
00:56:45,190 --> 00:56:49,360
you know, have sex
with Charlene utilizing a...
1414
00:56:49,360 --> 00:56:52,200
let's call it proper porno penis.
1415
00:56:52,200 --> 00:56:55,860
And, Homer, I was real clear
with you guys
1416
00:56:55,870 --> 00:56:57,240
when I went over the deal with...
1417
00:56:57,250 --> 00:56:59,660
You just assumed
we had big dicks.
1418
00:56:59,670 --> 00:57:01,280
That's right.
1419
00:57:01,290 --> 00:57:02,660
Because we're black.
1420
00:57:02,670 --> 00:57:04,500
What do we know about penis?
1421
00:57:04,500 --> 00:57:07,420
That, coupled with the fact
that you never told us
1422
00:57:07,420 --> 00:57:09,960
you had improper porno penises,
1423
00:57:09,970 --> 00:57:11,760
- when we told what we needed...
- No, no, no.
1424
00:57:11,760 --> 00:57:14,500
What you wanted to do
was to humiliate us.
1425
00:57:14,510 --> 00:57:17,510
We went to all that trouble to humiliate you?
Spent all of that money?
1426
00:57:17,520 --> 00:57:21,060
Homer, I'm in big trouble
without that scene.
1427
00:57:21,060 --> 00:57:23,300
I have never in my life had any extra
1428
00:57:23,320 --> 00:57:25,060
to spend on humiliating people.
1429
00:57:25,070 --> 00:57:27,520
Are the white guys who do
your movie getting humiliated?
1430
00:57:27,530 --> 00:57:29,360
What does that mean?
1431
00:57:29,360 --> 00:57:30,820
A funny penis is a funny penis,
1432
00:57:30,820 --> 00:57:33,160
regardless of race, creed, or religion.
1433
00:57:33,160 --> 00:57:35,120
Then why did it have
to be black guys?
1434
00:57:35,120 --> 00:57:38,860
It was a "black guys
with a white girl" scene.
1435
00:57:38,870 --> 00:57:41,710
Could I have another
hunk of pie, please?
1436
00:57:41,710 --> 00:57:42,990
You know, this is my first porno.
1437
00:57:43,000 --> 00:57:44,240
I'm not a pornographer,
1438
00:57:44,250 --> 00:57:45,910
I'm just a schnook
looking to score.
1439
00:57:45,920 --> 00:57:48,000
I'm not a president
of the film board who's decreed
1440
00:57:48,010 --> 00:57:50,290
that every porno's got to have
some tiny little white girl
1441
00:57:50,300 --> 00:57:52,040
experiencing whopping
black baloney.
1442
00:57:52,050 --> 00:57:54,840
But why do I have to make
the omelet with eggs?
1443
00:57:54,850 --> 00:57:57,210
You know, what do we know?
1444
00:57:57,220 --> 00:57:59,060
We're trying to make a porno.
1445
00:57:59,060 --> 00:58:02,050
You're trying to turn this
into a black thing.
1446
00:58:02,060 --> 00:58:03,180
Why are you doing that?
1447
00:58:03,190 --> 00:58:04,470
Well, isn't it?
1448
00:58:04,480 --> 00:58:06,190
Homer, I'm never...
1449
00:58:06,190 --> 00:58:11,230
I... I don't have time
to be a racist.
1450
00:58:11,240 --> 00:58:14,650
I don't do, okay? I try.
1451
00:58:14,660 --> 00:58:17,490
And I'm trying to make a porno,
1452
00:58:17,490 --> 00:58:20,110
because it's something
I think I might be able to do,
1453
00:58:20,120 --> 00:58:22,660
because it's killing me
I haven't done anything.
1454
00:58:22,670 --> 00:58:25,250
You know, people who do,
they have extra time,
1455
00:58:25,250 --> 00:58:26,990
not us trying people.
1456
00:58:27,000 --> 00:58:28,790
We're busy trying all the time.
1457
00:58:28,800 --> 00:58:30,460
Nothing takes up more time than trying.
1458
00:58:30,470 --> 00:58:33,420
- We wanted to try.
- Yeah, but you couldn't do!
1459
00:58:33,430 --> 00:58:36,210
Not without porno penis!
1460
00:58:36,220 --> 00:58:38,460
Do you think,
if I could do anything,
1461
00:58:38,470 --> 00:58:41,220
I would pick, "make a porno"?
1462
00:58:41,230 --> 00:58:43,470
I can't afford the goddamn good ball!
1463
00:58:43,480 --> 00:58:44,810
Look, you hired three black men
1464
00:58:44,810 --> 00:58:47,560
to do a job that you had to have
three black men for.
1465
00:58:47,570 --> 00:58:49,930
But you didn't pay them in full,
1466
00:58:49,940 --> 00:58:52,610
and you are sitting here
saying to me that it isn't a black thing.
1467
00:58:52,610 --> 00:58:54,020
Black penis thing!
1468
00:58:54,030 --> 00:58:56,320
Black penis!
Black penis!
1469
00:58:56,320 --> 00:58:58,030
Then why does it
have to be three black men?
1470
00:58:58,030 --> 00:59:00,820
Because they are the ones
with the black penises.
1471
00:59:00,830 --> 00:59:01,940
Fuck you.
1472
00:59:01,960 --> 00:59:03,660
Come on.
1473
00:59:03,670 --> 00:59:05,750
All right, I admit it.
1474
00:59:05,750 --> 00:59:08,410
We're prejudiced
against small penises
1475
00:59:28,270 --> 00:59:30,480
[horn honking]
1476
00:59:31,940 --> 00:59:33,900
[cries]
1477
00:59:39,030 --> 00:59:41,490
I will not do it.
1478
00:59:41,500 --> 00:59:44,360
Give me a sec, would you?
1479
00:59:49,630 --> 00:59:51,240
Helen?
1480
00:59:51,250 --> 00:59:53,250
Oh, hey,
how ya doin', Barney?
1481
00:59:53,260 --> 00:59:54,500
You're crying.
1482
00:59:54,510 --> 00:59:55,750
I am not.
1483
00:59:55,760 --> 00:59:57,550
Yes, you are.
Why are you crying?
1484
00:59:57,550 --> 00:59:59,260
I am not crying.
1485
00:59:59,260 --> 01:00:01,050
Helen, not again.
1486
01:00:01,060 --> 01:00:03,720
God. Leave me alone, Barney.
1487
01:00:03,730 --> 01:00:08,390
Helen, every week you
find some terrific new guy
1488
01:00:08,400 --> 01:00:10,930
to let crap all over you.
1489
01:00:10,940 --> 01:00:14,650
There's a lot of guys that
need to take a crap, Helen.
1490
01:00:14,650 --> 01:00:18,190
Why don't you have a little
more respect for yourself?
1491
01:00:18,200 --> 01:00:20,860
You might as well do our porno.
1492
01:00:20,870 --> 01:00:24,110
We're paying, and it beats
the choices you've been making.
1493
01:00:24,120 --> 01:00:26,330
Yeah, you'd like that,
wouldn't you?
1494
01:00:26,330 --> 01:00:29,620
What? No.
1495
01:00:29,630 --> 01:00:34,170
I may as well because
I...I need the money.
1496
01:00:36,220 --> 01:00:38,130
Maybe I ought to.
1497
01:00:50,230 --> 01:00:52,600
[gasping]
1498
01:00:55,280 --> 01:00:57,360
Yes!
1499
01:01:00,530 --> 01:01:02,570
Emmett!
1500
01:01:03,580 --> 01:01:05,570
Emmett!
1501
01:01:05,580 --> 01:01:07,540
Get your camera!
Let's go!
1502
01:01:07,540 --> 01:01:09,780
I said no.
1503
01:01:13,750 --> 01:01:15,670
[Some]
Come on. Come on. Come on.
1504
01:01:18,590 --> 01:01:21,000
You know, I wish I had
more for you to...
1505
01:01:21,010 --> 01:01:22,500
I don't care.
1506
01:01:22,510 --> 01:01:25,220
It's just that
you're my kid,
1507
01:01:25,220 --> 01:01:27,510
so I care about
all kinds of nutty stuff.
1508
01:01:27,520 --> 01:01:29,300
It's a pain in the ass.
1509
01:01:29,310 --> 01:01:31,270
[Narrating]
So, I was with Billy,
1510
01:01:31,270 --> 01:01:33,310
and I found out later
what Helen did.
1511
01:01:33,320 --> 01:01:35,650
Ma, you need
anything, holler.
1512
01:01:35,650 --> 01:01:37,480
This being spur of the moment and ail,
1513
01:01:37,490 --> 01:01:39,900
Some didn't want to give Hel
a chance to change her mind,
1514
01:01:39,910 --> 01:01:41,770
so he made the executive decision
1515
01:01:41,780 --> 01:01:45,990
to have Hel do the "gal masturbating
with toys" scene.
1516
01:02:00,430 --> 01:02:06,390
♪ There's something
that I want to say ♪
1517
01:02:06,390 --> 01:02:10,600
♪ But words sometimes
get in the way ♪
1518
01:02:10,600 --> 01:02:12,090
♪ I just want to... ♪
1519
01:02:12,100 --> 01:02:13,770
[Andy narrating]
Eventually, we all realized
1520
01:02:13,770 --> 01:02:17,770
that this was going to have to be
a work in progress.
1521
01:02:17,780 --> 01:02:20,770
What we had here was a film concept.
1522
01:02:20,780 --> 01:02:22,860
Here's what it is.
1523
01:02:22,860 --> 01:02:25,360
We're in a small town...
1524
01:02:25,370 --> 01:02:27,570
Let me get this right, now.
1525
01:02:27,580 --> 01:02:32,450
The film, it's seen through
the eyes of our lead character,
1526
01:02:32,460 --> 01:02:34,700
but we never see our lead character, see?
1527
01:02:34,710 --> 01:02:37,170
This guy who lives in this small town,
1528
01:02:37,170 --> 01:02:42,040
he goes through his day
and he bumps into a lot of sex.
1529
01:02:42,050 --> 01:02:44,340
[crying]
1530
01:02:45,800 --> 01:02:47,800
Here, the guy stops by
to visit his friend,
1531
01:02:47,810 --> 01:02:49,970
played by Helen.
1532
01:02:49,980 --> 01:02:52,390
He peers through the window,
1533
01:02:52,390 --> 01:02:55,060
and catches her, uh, playing.
1534
01:03:00,990 --> 01:03:02,320
We didn't make this porno
1535
01:03:02,320 --> 01:03:04,360
to turn our friends into porn stars.
1536
01:03:04,360 --> 01:03:06,610
That was never the idea.
I wasn't happy about this.
1537
01:03:06,620 --> 01:03:08,570
Some was under strict instructions
1538
01:03:08,580 --> 01:03:10,740
never to operate alone.
1539
01:03:10,750 --> 01:03:13,580
Uh, we needed
that scene, though,
1540
01:03:13,580 --> 01:03:17,000
and, well, now we had it.
1541
01:03:17,000 --> 01:03:20,500
Our porno film had sex in it.
1542
01:03:22,800 --> 01:03:25,840
For almost a day.
1543
01:03:25,840 --> 01:03:27,760
Then when Some told me about It,
1544
01:03:27,760 --> 01:03:29,130
the first thing I did, of course,
1545
01:03:29,140 --> 01:03:31,050
was to call Barney
to see if he knew.
1546
01:03:31,060 --> 01:03:34,050
He told me he did
and that he didn't care,
1547
01:03:34,060 --> 01:03:36,140
Helen's business
is Helen's business.
1548
01:03:36,150 --> 01:03:37,310
[knocking]
1549
01:03:37,310 --> 01:03:38,680
Yeah.
1550
01:03:40,610 --> 01:03:41,720
Hey.
1551
01:03:41,740 --> 01:03:43,900
You all right?
1552
01:03:43,900 --> 01:03:48,110
Yeah. But, uh...
1553
01:03:48,120 --> 01:03:52,330
I gotta have
the film of Helen, Andy.
1554
01:03:52,330 --> 01:03:53,940
I'm sorry, I really am.
1555
01:03:53,960 --> 01:03:57,240
I know we need it,
but...I love her.
1556
01:03:57,250 --> 01:04:00,620
So, uh, whatever
you paid her,
1557
01:04:00,630 --> 01:04:02,750
you can take it
out of my end,
1558
01:04:02,760 --> 01:04:05,290
if there is a "my end".
1559
01:04:05,300 --> 01:04:07,130
And if I need to owe you,
I'll owe you.
1560
01:04:21,860 --> 01:04:22,850
Barney.
1561
01:04:35,000 --> 01:04:38,410
Thanks.
I'll see you tomorrow.
1562
01:04:40,210 --> 01:04:42,920
I was starting to doubt
if we were any good filmmakers.
1563
01:04:42,920 --> 01:04:46,540
We'd spent over half our budget
and had nothing to show for it.
1564
01:04:46,550 --> 01:04:49,130
But, still, I believed in us,
1565
01:04:49,140 --> 01:04:51,130
and I had this feeling
that we could do this.
1566
01:04:51,140 --> 01:04:53,470
It was just time to get angry,
try harder.
1567
01:04:53,470 --> 01:04:55,640
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
1568
01:04:55,640 --> 01:04:57,510
Had to drive this baby home.
1569
01:04:57,520 --> 01:05:01,180
Okay, we wanted to use not only Ellie
from the bed store,
1570
01:05:01,190 --> 01:05:04,270
but the bed store itself in the porno.
1571
01:05:04,280 --> 01:05:06,480
We wanted Ellie to do a lesbo scene,
1572
01:05:06,490 --> 01:05:08,230
and we were hoping
that she could supply
1573
01:05:08,240 --> 01:05:09,900
a partner to do it with.
1574
01:05:09,910 --> 01:05:12,190
There was always V,
but we were using her
1575
01:05:12,200 --> 01:05:13,490
for a number of other things.
1576
01:05:13,490 --> 01:05:15,230
Anyway, it was up to me,
1577
01:05:15,250 --> 01:05:17,240
and that's the only way
I'd have it this time.
1578
01:05:17,250 --> 01:05:19,110
This time, i wanted to go in,
1579
01:05:19,120 --> 01:05:21,620
and there was only one way
I was coming out:
1580
01:05:21,630 --> 01:05:22,740
victorious.
1581
01:05:22,750 --> 01:05:24,240
May I help you?
1582
01:05:24,250 --> 01:05:26,420
Oh, I'm Andy Sargentee.
1583
01:05:26,420 --> 01:05:28,330
We haven't met yet.
1584
01:05:28,340 --> 01:05:29,800
I'm the producer on the film
1585
01:05:29,800 --> 01:05:33,640
that my friend Otis
spoke to you about.
1586
01:05:33,640 --> 01:05:36,510
Oh.
[giggles]
1587
01:05:36,520 --> 01:05:39,010
I, uh, I just wanted to, uh,
1588
01:05:39,020 --> 01:05:41,140
talk to you about it and...
1589
01:05:41,150 --> 01:05:44,560
[laughs]
1590
01:05:44,570 --> 01:05:46,680
It's really nice to meet you.
I'm Ellie.
1591
01:05:46,690 --> 01:05:48,980
Wow. It's so great
that you stopped by
1592
01:05:48,990 --> 01:05:50,730
'cause I was gonna call you.
1593
01:05:50,740 --> 01:05:52,900
I had an idea.
1594
01:05:52,910 --> 01:05:58,070
I was wondering
if maybe I could do...
1595
01:05:58,080 --> 01:06:01,070
a...lesbian scene?
1596
01:06:01,080 --> 01:06:03,040
That would be
my preference.
1597
01:06:03,040 --> 01:06:06,330
I think... I think... Yeah.
1598
01:06:06,340 --> 01:06:09,380
[laughs]
1599
01:06:09,380 --> 01:06:11,920
And, um, I had another thought.
1600
01:06:11,930 --> 01:06:14,760
This place would make
such a great set
1601
01:06:14,760 --> 01:06:16,670
for a porno film...
1602
01:06:16,680 --> 01:06:18,260
with all the beds and all.
1603
01:06:18,270 --> 01:06:20,100
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
1604
01:06:20,100 --> 01:06:22,430
To be honest, the only reason
I work here is 'cause
1605
01:06:22,440 --> 01:06:25,480
I love sex so much. Duh.
1606
01:06:25,480 --> 01:06:27,720
Anyway, the only catch is,
1607
01:06:27,730 --> 01:06:29,070
if you're interested in using it,
1608
01:06:29,070 --> 01:06:32,150
I spoke to the owner,
she's recently divorced,
1609
01:06:32,160 --> 01:06:35,270
and she won the store
in her settlement,
1610
01:06:35,280 --> 01:06:36,570
and she's fine with you using it.
1611
01:06:36,580 --> 01:06:38,610
We could shoot it on Sunday.
1612
01:06:38,620 --> 01:06:40,740
The store is closed.
1613
01:06:40,750 --> 01:06:43,360
But...[giggles]
1614
01:06:43,370 --> 01:06:46,830
she...she would have to be
1615
01:06:46,840 --> 01:06:48,750
my partner in that scene.
1616
01:06:48,760 --> 01:06:50,000
[door opens]
1617
01:06:50,010 --> 01:06:51,540
Hmm.
1618
01:06:51,550 --> 01:06:54,630
Look, there she is now.
1619
01:06:54,640 --> 01:07:00,100
[whispers]
Oh...
1620
01:07:00,100 --> 01:07:01,760
[Andy narrating]
The highs and lows
1621
01:07:01,770 --> 01:07:03,730
come too close together
in this business.
1622
01:07:03,730 --> 01:07:06,440
I'll bet the lows last longer.
1623
01:07:06,440 --> 01:07:09,680
Her name was Veronica.
1624
01:07:09,690 --> 01:07:11,310
And right now, all I cared about
1625
01:07:11,320 --> 01:07:14,060
was that fantastic ,
"nothing beats it" feeling
1626
01:07:14,070 --> 01:07:17,440
you get when something works out.
1627
01:07:20,330 --> 01:07:25,290
Otis, no guts, no glory.
1628
01:07:30,550 --> 01:07:33,130
We shot the scene on Sunday.
1629
01:07:33,130 --> 01:07:35,040
Our lead,
who you never see,
1630
01:07:35,050 --> 01:07:36,590
goes to buy a new bed.
1631
01:07:36,590 --> 01:07:38,680
The sales gal is already
busy with a customer
1632
01:07:38,680 --> 01:07:40,300
when he gets there.
1633
01:07:40,310 --> 01:07:44,180
Ellie plays the sales gal,
Veronica the customer.
1634
01:07:44,190 --> 01:07:47,600
Our new favorite thing,
all of ours, lesbians.
1635
01:07:47,610 --> 01:07:49,560
We love lesbians.
1636
01:07:49,570 --> 01:07:51,150
We're having the buttons and t-shirts
1637
01:07:51,150 --> 01:07:52,270
made up right now.
1638
01:07:52,280 --> 01:07:54,520
Ellie and Veronica were great.
1639
01:07:54,530 --> 01:07:56,440
You could've turned on
the camera and gone to lunch.
1640
01:07:56,450 --> 01:07:59,320
They knew how to make
and keep a scene interesting.
1641
01:07:59,330 --> 01:08:01,240
I don't know,
they're naturals or something.
1642
01:08:01,240 --> 01:08:03,610
I mean, they'd just do something...
1643
01:08:03,620 --> 01:08:05,110
I don't know how
they came up with it,
1644
01:08:05,120 --> 01:08:06,660
it's anybody's guess.
1645
01:08:06,670 --> 01:08:08,700
You know, Some would go,
"Yeah, more of that."
1646
01:08:08,710 --> 01:08:09,950
And...[laughs]
1647
01:08:09,960 --> 01:08:11,950
boy, did we get more of that.
1648
01:08:11,960 --> 01:08:14,750
We love lesbians.
1649
01:08:18,470 --> 01:08:21,050
We were in trouble again.
Highs and lows, remember?
1650
01:08:21,060 --> 01:08:22,470
Ridiculously close together?
1651
01:08:22,470 --> 01:08:24,840
It was time for a scene with V,
1652
01:08:24,850 --> 01:08:27,340
and we had no guys.
1653
01:08:27,350 --> 01:08:31,560
This sucks. God damn it.
This shouldn't be hard!
1654
01:08:33,280 --> 01:08:35,640
Hey, who wants to get laid?
1655
01:08:35,650 --> 01:08:38,110
Something's not right
with the world.
1656
01:08:38,110 --> 01:08:40,230
Boy, the stars
are out of place.
1657
01:08:40,240 --> 01:08:42,070
You know, that's why
the weather's so weird.
1658
01:08:42,080 --> 01:08:43,940
You know, when
I think of all the gals
1659
01:08:43,950 --> 01:08:45,660
who'd happily do this
for me, you know,
1660
01:08:45,660 --> 01:08:47,750
'cause they feel
like they owe me,
1661
01:08:47,750 --> 01:08:49,540
if you catch my drift.
1662
01:08:49,540 --> 01:08:52,330
And in a freaky fluke,
they're all away in China
1663
01:08:52,340 --> 01:08:56,080
or Africa, you know,
places without phones.
1664
01:08:56,090 --> 01:08:57,800
Ask for guys. Wow.
1665
01:08:57,800 --> 01:08:59,010
Moose, this is serious.
1666
01:08:59,010 --> 01:09:00,220
We don't have time
for your stuff.
1667
01:09:00,220 --> 01:09:01,430
Okay? Just shut up.
You're a homo.
1668
01:09:01,430 --> 01:09:04,300
So don't with
that crap, not now.
1669
01:09:04,310 --> 01:09:07,520
A homo?
1670
01:09:10,690 --> 01:09:12,270
A homo?
1671
01:09:12,270 --> 01:09:15,140
What are you, nuts?
1672
01:09:15,150 --> 01:09:16,640
Me, a homo?
1673
01:09:16,650 --> 01:09:18,110
He's kidding, Moose.
1674
01:09:18,110 --> 01:09:20,150
Well, that's a laugh.
1675
01:09:20,160 --> 01:09:22,070
You know, boy is that a laugh.
1676
01:09:22,080 --> 01:09:24,030
Yeah, it sure is.
Good one, Otis.
1677
01:09:24,040 --> 01:09:26,200
Stop! Stop!
We don't have time for this!
1678
01:09:26,200 --> 01:09:30,070
We got to keep our eye on the ball
and drive this home, God damn it.
1679
01:09:30,080 --> 01:09:32,120
You're a homo. Period. The end. There.
1680
01:09:32,130 --> 01:09:33,710
Now we don't have to do that anymore.
1681
01:09:33,710 --> 01:09:36,370
- Otis, don't.
- Look, that's okay.
1682
01:09:36,380 --> 01:09:37,750
You're upset, Otis.
I understand that.
1683
01:09:37,760 --> 01:09:41,500
Look, I'll, uh, I'll call some...
some, uh, ladies I know, you know.
1684
01:09:41,510 --> 01:09:42,840
Some other ones, you know,
1685
01:09:42,850 --> 01:09:47,560
the ones that are not away
or... or sick.
1686
01:09:47,560 --> 01:09:50,430
Thanks.
That would be great.
1687
01:09:55,070 --> 01:09:56,520
Doesn't change the fact
that you're a homo.
1688
01:09:56,530 --> 01:09:58,060
I am not gay!
1689
01:09:58,070 --> 01:10:00,530
Then you're a spy deep undercover.
Only other possibility.
1690
01:10:00,530 --> 01:10:03,190
- Look, I am straight!
- I'm rich and bright.
1691
01:10:03,200 --> 01:10:04,280
Moose, if you don't know you're gay,
1692
01:10:04,280 --> 01:10:05,900
allow me to introduce you to yourself.
1693
01:10:05,910 --> 01:10:07,570
Moose, this is you: ass master.
1694
01:10:07,580 --> 01:10:10,320
Anything else about yourself
you're oblivious to that I can help you with?
1695
01:10:10,330 --> 01:10:11,910
Your hair is brown.
You wear glasses.
1696
01:10:11,920 --> 01:10:13,410
Why would you think that?
1697
01:10:13,420 --> 01:10:17,830
Do... Do you know
how many women I've had?
1698
01:10:17,840 --> 01:10:20,170
If I had money,
all of it would be on none.
1699
01:10:20,170 --> 01:10:22,260
Moose, Moose, Moose, look.
1700
01:10:22,260 --> 01:10:23,840
Beer bottle.
1701
01:10:25,180 --> 01:10:26,840
Red apple.
1702
01:10:26,850 --> 01:10:28,260
Guzzler.
1703
01:10:31,890 --> 01:10:35,310
Andy, I'll do the scene with V.
1704
01:10:35,310 --> 01:10:37,060
- No!
- Moose.
1705
01:10:37,070 --> 01:10:40,020
I insist. Look, we need an actor
for tomorrow's scene.
1706
01:10:40,030 --> 01:10:41,860
It's nothing I haven't done before.
1707
01:10:41,860 --> 01:10:44,400
For the good of the film,
I will save the day.
1708
01:10:44,410 --> 01:10:46,820
I won't take no for an answer, Andy.
1709
01:10:46,830 --> 01:10:48,160
Oh, Otis.
1710
01:10:48,160 --> 01:10:51,240
- Wait...
- Moose.
1711
01:10:51,250 --> 01:10:53,450
[Andy narrating]
We came up for this character for V.
1712
01:10:53,460 --> 01:10:57,000
Uh, she plays this lovable,
bit older member of the community
1713
01:10:57,000 --> 01:10:58,740
who's like everybody's favorite aunt:
1714
01:10:58,760 --> 01:11:00,620
you know, always feeding you and stuff.
1715
01:11:00,630 --> 01:11:03,460
Uh, only that's just a facade.
1716
01:11:03,470 --> 01:11:06,800
She's really a hot and sexy sexpot,
1717
01:11:06,800 --> 01:11:09,920
and, uh, we call her Aunt V.
1718
01:11:09,930 --> 01:11:11,170
We're rolling.
1719
01:11:11,180 --> 01:11:13,270
Okay, and action.
1720
01:11:31,200 --> 01:11:34,120
I...did say action, right?
1721
01:11:34,120 --> 01:11:35,330
Yes.
1722
01:11:35,330 --> 01:11:37,570
Okay, good. Just making sure.
1723
01:11:38,790 --> 01:11:40,330
V, how are we doing?
1724
01:11:42,420 --> 01:11:44,630
Nothing's happening.
1725
01:11:44,630 --> 01:11:47,220
Do you want me to do something?
1726
01:11:47,220 --> 01:11:49,880
Do you want some help, honey?
1727
01:11:49,890 --> 01:11:51,300
No. No.
1728
01:11:51,310 --> 01:11:53,090
Just give me a moment.
1729
01:11:53,100 --> 01:11:54,970
Sure, Moose, sure.
1730
01:11:54,980 --> 01:11:57,090
Look, the cameras are rolling
whenever you're ready.
1731
01:11:57,100 --> 01:12:01,390
Uh, there's an acting technique
called substitution.
1732
01:12:01,400 --> 01:12:02,860
Just mentioning.
1733
01:12:05,570 --> 01:12:07,400
[whispering]
Emmett.
1734
01:12:08,700 --> 01:12:12,410
You're the cameraman,
so you have to take a look.
1735
01:12:12,410 --> 01:12:14,320
Moose, V,
1736
01:12:14,330 --> 01:12:15,990
Emmett's the cameraman.
1737
01:12:16,000 --> 01:12:18,740
He's just going to take a quick look, okay?
1738
01:12:19,840 --> 01:12:21,540
Come on. Gee...
1739
01:12:29,100 --> 01:12:33,590
He's... He's not just making slow,
passionate, quiet love, by any chance?
1740
01:12:33,600 --> 01:12:35,180
Oh, no. No.
1741
01:12:39,360 --> 01:12:42,560
This definitely
isn't a action porno.
1742
01:12:42,570 --> 01:12:45,310
Let's just leave him alone
in there for a few minutes.
1743
01:12:45,320 --> 01:12:47,190
That's probably
what Liberace's dad said:
1744
01:12:47,200 --> 01:12:50,560
"Leave him alone with a naked
porno babe for a few minutes."
1745
01:12:52,030 --> 01:12:53,400
Guys.
1746
01:12:57,370 --> 01:12:59,790
I have something I have to tell you.
1747
01:13:03,840 --> 01:13:06,380
I'm gay.
1748
01:13:06,380 --> 01:13:10,470
Oh, we don't care at all,
you know, Moose?
1749
01:13:10,470 --> 01:13:12,180
Yeah, Moose, whatever you like.
1750
01:13:12,180 --> 01:13:13,760
I was the one who told you.
1751
01:13:13,760 --> 01:13:15,380
The hell with gay.
You're terribly forgetful.
1752
01:13:15,390 --> 01:13:17,600
But it makes me different
from the rest of you.
1753
01:13:17,600 --> 01:13:19,760
You know,
you're all heterosexuals.
1754
01:13:19,770 --> 01:13:21,100
Yeah, but...
1755
01:13:21,110 --> 01:13:22,390
horrible ones.
1756
01:13:22,400 --> 01:13:23,930
Yeah. We're not any good at it.
1757
01:13:23,940 --> 01:13:27,400
I'm glad you're gay.
If by some miracle I get a gal,
1758
01:13:27,400 --> 01:13:30,490
you're one guy I won't have to worry
about stealing her.
1759
01:13:30,490 --> 01:13:32,780
Will we still watch games together?
1760
01:13:32,780 --> 01:13:34,700
Now we'll get
to watch games together.
1761
01:13:34,700 --> 01:13:37,910
You won't be saying
cliche male shit all the time.
1762
01:13:40,920 --> 01:13:43,830
- It's gonna be great.
- But now I'm the gay guy.
1763
01:13:43,840 --> 01:13:45,670
You were always the gay guy,
Moose,
1764
01:13:45,670 --> 01:13:48,580
just like I'm the good-looking
guy, huh?
1765
01:13:48,590 --> 01:13:52,510
Look, none of us are prizes.
Gay doesn't even rank.
1766
01:13:52,510 --> 01:13:54,840
Yeah, gay's a good day for us.
1767
01:13:54,850 --> 01:13:56,930
So I'm still part of the gang?
1768
01:13:56,930 --> 01:13:59,140
Part of the gang?
1769
01:13:59,140 --> 01:14:01,230
Moose, you're our friend. We...
1770
01:14:02,440 --> 01:14:05,060
We cherish you, buddy.
1771
01:14:06,280 --> 01:14:07,480
Moose.
1772
01:14:07,490 --> 01:14:08,520
So...
1773
01:14:11,820 --> 01:14:14,780
Of course
we're not very discriminating.
1774
01:14:14,780 --> 01:14:16,820
Idiots, screw-ups, homos.
1775
01:14:16,830 --> 01:14:17,940
[Moose laughs]
1776
01:14:17,950 --> 01:14:20,570
We'll be friends with anybody.
1777
01:14:20,580 --> 01:14:21,910
God.
1778
01:14:21,920 --> 01:14:24,620
[Andy narrating]
However, we had no guys for our porno.
1779
01:14:24,630 --> 01:14:27,670
We were sex-deficient
and fresh out of ideas.
1780
01:14:27,670 --> 01:14:30,130
- Guys.
- Guys.
1781
01:14:30,130 --> 01:14:31,920
We know you're in a jam.
1782
01:14:31,930 --> 01:14:33,540
Ron and me, we want to help.
1783
01:14:33,550 --> 01:14:36,510
Yeah, Moe and me want to help.
We'll do the scene for you.
1784
01:14:36,510 --> 01:14:38,350
[both]
We've double-teamed lots of gals.
1785
01:14:38,350 --> 01:14:39,560
Double-teamed?
1786
01:14:39,560 --> 01:14:43,020
Moe-Ron, you double-team
lots of gals, do you?
1787
01:14:43,020 --> 01:14:45,390
Yeah. We like to
all the time, actually.
1788
01:14:45,400 --> 01:14:47,730
Yeah, we'll do the Aunt V scene.
No problem.
1789
01:14:50,360 --> 01:14:53,070
Would you boys like some pie?
1790
01:15:10,880 --> 01:15:12,420
Ha ha ha!
1791
01:15:12,430 --> 01:15:13,960
Ha ha ha!
1792
01:15:13,970 --> 01:15:15,880
[glass breaks]
1793
01:15:15,890 --> 01:15:18,130
Ha ha! I love it, I love it!
1794
01:15:18,140 --> 01:15:19,850
[Moe]
Put them in place!
1795
01:15:19,850 --> 01:15:21,810
- [V laughs]
- Oh!
1796
01:15:21,810 --> 01:15:23,100
[V] Come back here.
1797
01:15:23,100 --> 01:15:24,510
[excited chattering]
1798
01:15:33,280 --> 01:15:35,270
[Moe]
I say Moe, you say Ron.
1799
01:15:35,280 --> 01:15:36,650
[V] Moe! Ron!
1800
01:15:36,660 --> 01:15:37,770
- Moe!
- [V] Ron!
1801
01:15:37,780 --> 01:15:39,400
- Moe!
- Ron!
1802
01:15:39,410 --> 01:15:41,900
[V screams]
1803
01:15:41,910 --> 01:15:43,320
It's a wrap!
1804
01:15:43,330 --> 01:15:45,450
[cheering]
1805
01:15:52,880 --> 01:15:55,590
We got it all. It was amazing.
1806
01:15:55,590 --> 01:15:57,430
Where did you get
those weenies?
1807
01:15:57,430 --> 01:16:00,010
Our film has a great lesbo scene.
1808
01:16:00,010 --> 01:16:03,510
We do not have a "white girl
with black guys" scene.
1809
01:16:03,520 --> 01:16:06,350
We gave up our
"gal going to town with toys" scene.
1810
01:16:06,350 --> 01:16:09,020
Uh, but, thanks to good old Moe-Ron,
1811
01:16:09,020 --> 01:16:10,260
we got our gal
1812
01:16:10,270 --> 01:16:11,510
piccolo-playing two guys,
1813
01:16:11,530 --> 01:16:14,110
and we got our, uh, anal.
1814
01:16:14,110 --> 01:16:16,770
That's what Aunt V calls it.
Nice lady.
1815
01:16:16,780 --> 01:16:20,650
So what have we got?
We got a porno.
1816
01:16:20,660 --> 01:16:22,200
We were out of money.
1817
01:16:22,200 --> 01:16:24,660
If we needed more,
we weren't going to get it,
1818
01:16:24,660 --> 01:16:25,900
so we began editing.
1819
01:16:25,920 --> 01:16:27,200
There you go.
1820
01:16:27,210 --> 01:16:29,540
We even had the premiere planned.
1821
01:16:29,540 --> 01:16:30,780
Yeah.
1822
01:16:31,800 --> 01:16:34,040
Hi, Andy.
1823
01:16:34,050 --> 01:16:35,250
Oh, hey, Hel.
1824
01:16:35,260 --> 01:16:37,370
Emmett, Some Idiot.
1825
01:16:37,380 --> 01:16:38,750
Some's asleep.
1826
01:16:38,760 --> 01:16:41,470
Oh. Well, what do I know?
I'm just a porn actress.
1827
01:16:41,470 --> 01:16:43,340
Urn, I saw the light on.
1828
01:16:43,350 --> 01:16:45,640
Yeah, yeah, sure.
1829
01:16:45,640 --> 01:16:48,430
Uh, I got the, uh...
1830
01:16:48,440 --> 01:16:51,770
invitation to the, uh, premiere.
1831
01:16:51,770 --> 01:16:52,890
Thanks.
1832
01:16:52,900 --> 01:16:57,190
But, uh, look, I hope you get
from this thing what you want,
1833
01:16:57,200 --> 01:16:58,530
and for everybody,
1834
01:16:58,530 --> 01:16:59,940
but I, uh, I...
1835
01:16:59,950 --> 01:17:01,360
You're not in the film.
1836
01:17:01,370 --> 01:17:03,450
You know, me and Emmett and Some did...
1837
01:17:03,450 --> 01:17:06,240
Yeah, I know, and Barney,
he came and got it...
1838
01:17:06,250 --> 01:17:08,450
you know, the footage.
1839
01:17:08,460 --> 01:17:10,490
What do you mean?
1840
01:17:10,500 --> 01:17:12,830
Well, Barney, uh...
1841
01:17:12,840 --> 01:17:16,000
he wouldn't let you
be in the porno, Hel.
1842
01:17:16,010 --> 01:17:19,720
You know, we gave him
the, uh, the print. All of it.
1843
01:17:19,720 --> 01:17:21,180
There are no other copies,
1844
01:17:21,180 --> 01:17:23,640
and, yeah, Some
and Emmett were there,
1845
01:17:23,640 --> 01:17:26,220
but otherwise no one's seen it.
1846
01:17:26,230 --> 01:17:28,560
Oh. Right. Right.
1847
01:17:28,560 --> 01:17:30,680
You're telling me Barney's
not having a look at it?
1848
01:17:30,690 --> 01:17:31,930
He burned it.
1849
01:17:31,940 --> 01:17:33,730
As soon as we gave it to him,
1850
01:17:33,730 --> 01:17:36,270
he... he put it in the fireplace.
1851
01:17:36,280 --> 01:17:38,810
Hel, I know Barney ain't no poet,
1852
01:17:38,820 --> 01:17:42,530
but...you can't possibly not know.
1853
01:17:42,530 --> 01:17:45,620
I mean, uh, you know,
if the guy drank poison,
1854
01:17:45,620 --> 01:17:46,950
it couldn't be more obvious.
1855
01:17:46,950 --> 01:17:49,450
He's in love with you.
1856
01:17:49,460 --> 01:17:52,490
Come on, he's sick in love with you,
1857
01:17:52,500 --> 01:17:55,790
from the first day he saw you
right up to now.
1858
01:18:05,060 --> 01:18:07,260
♪♪ [pop]
1859
01:18:08,980 --> 01:18:12,810
Oh! Aunt V, look at you!
1860
01:18:12,810 --> 01:18:15,430
We had a really good turnout.
1861
01:18:15,440 --> 01:18:18,430
Uh, Barney had to miss the premiere.
1862
01:18:18,440 --> 01:18:20,440
I'll tell you why later...
1863
01:18:20,450 --> 01:18:21,780
or show you.
1864
01:18:21,780 --> 01:18:24,900
The stars. So, look at you girls.
1865
01:18:24,910 --> 01:18:27,650
Lovely. Hope you enjoy your scene.
1866
01:18:27,660 --> 01:18:30,030
- Hey.
- Ah.
1867
01:18:30,040 --> 01:18:32,500
Thanks, Andy. Thanks.
1868
01:18:32,500 --> 01:18:35,080
Oh, my pleasure.
I didn't know if you wanted to come.
1869
01:18:35,090 --> 01:18:38,040
I was going to, uh, call you...
1870
01:18:38,050 --> 01:18:40,000
No, no, no. I don't mean
for the invitation.
1871
01:18:40,010 --> 01:18:41,840
I mean, um, that day...
1872
01:18:41,840 --> 01:18:45,800
the day that you came
to the ball field for your aspirin,
1873
01:18:45,800 --> 01:18:49,670
you were going to ask me
to be in your film, weren't you?
1874
01:18:49,680 --> 01:18:52,600
Yeah, I think I was. Yeah.
1875
01:18:52,600 --> 01:18:55,810
Well, you're a nice man, Andy.
1876
01:19:04,280 --> 01:19:05,900
[cheering]
1877
01:19:10,830 --> 01:19:12,910
Thank you. Thank you.
1878
01:19:12,920 --> 01:19:15,910
Thank you very, very much
for coming.
1879
01:19:15,920 --> 01:19:19,080
Uh, I don't know what to say. Uh...
1880
01:19:19,090 --> 01:19:21,300
Well, we really couldn't
have done it without you.
1881
01:19:21,300 --> 01:19:22,880
We couldn't have done it without you!
1882
01:19:22,880 --> 01:19:23,920
That's right, Andy!
1883
01:19:25,890 --> 01:19:29,220
Uh, I'm a man of few words,
1884
01:19:29,220 --> 01:19:32,310
and it's not me
you're here to see a lot of,
1885
01:19:32,310 --> 01:19:34,680
so roll 'em!
1886
01:19:37,190 --> 01:19:39,900
[Narrating]
Remember Ernest G. Pike,
1887
01:19:39,900 --> 01:19:40,980
Charlene's brother?
1888
01:19:42,860 --> 01:19:44,650
As promised.
1889
01:19:49,540 --> 01:19:51,320
The film came out okay.
1890
01:19:51,330 --> 01:19:54,740
These are friends, but everybody,
you know, seemed to enjoy it.
1891
01:19:59,420 --> 01:20:01,380
What's Ern's first stop?
1892
01:20:01,380 --> 01:20:03,710
Floyd's, which is reasonable.
1893
01:20:03,720 --> 01:20:07,130
It's the closest bar.
It's where he'd find people he knew.
1894
01:20:07,140 --> 01:20:10,130
Even his sister might be found here.
1895
01:20:10,140 --> 01:20:12,300
Speaking of Ern's sister,
1896
01:20:12,310 --> 01:20:14,890
it turns out we were able
to use some of Charlene's stuff
1897
01:20:14,890 --> 01:20:16,480
as sort of the tease
1898
01:20:16,480 --> 01:20:18,940
Hey, the hat was my idea!
1899
01:20:18,940 --> 01:20:21,400
We used her getting the guys
all interested.
1900
01:20:21,400 --> 01:20:24,140
You know, they're, uh,
just about to have sex,
1901
01:20:24,150 --> 01:20:26,060
and then we cut away, you know,
1902
01:20:26,070 --> 01:20:28,030
don't give you the sex,
1903
01:20:28,030 --> 01:20:29,990
drive you a little crazy, you see,
1904
01:20:29,990 --> 01:20:32,280
and then, uh, and then in other scenes,
1905
01:20:32,290 --> 01:20:34,400
you get it all, uh, you know,
1906
01:20:34,410 --> 01:20:37,280
but you're never sure
you're going to get it, see?
1907
01:20:37,290 --> 01:20:40,530
Uh, tension, you know, worked pretty good.
1908
01:20:40,540 --> 01:20:45,540
As you see, peering plays
a very big role in all my films.
1909
01:20:45,550 --> 01:20:46,840
Shit!
1910
01:20:46,840 --> 01:20:48,080
[door opens]
1911
01:20:48,090 --> 01:20:50,880
I can't remember if Ernest
has always had impeccable timing.
1912
01:20:50,890 --> 01:20:52,000
Where the hell...
1913
01:20:52,010 --> 01:20:54,350
He did indeed find his sister here.
1914
01:20:54,350 --> 01:20:58,260
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!
1915
01:21:10,370 --> 01:21:12,730
Ernest! Ern, it's me... Moose.
1916
01:21:13,910 --> 01:21:15,990
Ern! Wait, don't take it out on me!
1917
01:21:17,000 --> 01:21:19,200
Listen, Ern... Uhh!
1918
01:21:19,210 --> 01:21:20,620
Stop!
1919
01:21:20,630 --> 01:21:22,410
Oh, no! Oh, no!
1920
01:21:33,600 --> 01:21:35,380
- [gunshot]
- Aah!
1921
01:21:35,390 --> 01:21:38,800
[Crowd screaming]
1922
01:22:01,500 --> 01:22:02,870
[gasp]
1923
01:22:08,760 --> 01:22:12,720
The police came
and apprehended Ernest.
1924
01:22:12,720 --> 01:22:17,590
We had shot our porno
on reversal stock, no negative,
1925
01:22:17,600 --> 01:22:20,640
so there was only one copy...
you know, print.
1926
01:22:20,640 --> 01:22:23,810
It was destroyed, every frame.
1927
01:22:25,900 --> 01:22:28,520
Some Idiot lost his arm.
1928
01:22:28,530 --> 01:22:31,610
Some, Some, Some, Some, Some,
1929
01:22:31,610 --> 01:22:34,820
You are some idiot, Some Idiot.
1930
01:22:34,830 --> 01:22:36,660
I'm so sorry, Some.
1931
01:22:36,660 --> 01:22:39,200
Nobody was supposed to get hurt.
1932
01:22:39,200 --> 01:22:40,990
Your arm.
1933
01:22:42,080 --> 01:22:43,540
Your arm.
1934
01:22:45,540 --> 01:22:48,790
I wanted you to get something,
not lose anything.
1935
01:22:48,800 --> 01:22:49,880
It's...
1936
01:22:49,880 --> 01:22:50,960
I'm sorry.
1937
01:22:50,970 --> 01:22:52,380
Andy, it's okay.
1938
01:22:54,800 --> 01:22:57,260
How are you feeling, huh?
1939
01:22:57,260 --> 01:22:59,100
It was fun.
1940
01:23:00,600 --> 01:23:04,520
Thanks for letting me be
the writer/director.
1941
01:23:04,520 --> 01:23:06,230
Nobody else would have.
1942
01:23:06,230 --> 01:23:08,350
You did a really good job.
1943
01:23:08,360 --> 01:23:09,770
I did, right?
1944
01:23:09,780 --> 01:23:12,610
You were great.
You're a writer/director now.
1945
01:23:12,610 --> 01:23:14,730
First class, huh?
1946
01:23:14,740 --> 01:23:17,860
And you can't become
a first class writer/director
1947
01:23:17,870 --> 01:23:19,610
without a little sacrifice.
1948
01:23:21,250 --> 01:23:24,240
Hey, it's not the one,
uh, that you...
1949
01:23:24,250 --> 01:23:26,710
No. I still got that one.
1950
01:23:26,710 --> 01:23:28,920
- Well, thank God. Whew.
- Oh, yeah.
1951
01:23:30,170 --> 01:23:31,330
Okay, then.
1952
01:23:34,300 --> 01:23:36,260
Once I took a road trip.
1953
01:23:36,260 --> 01:23:40,130
Uh, my destination was Vermont.
Well, I ended up in Florida...
1954
01:23:40,140 --> 01:23:45,060
a couple of wrong or right turns,
depending how you look at it.
1955
01:23:45,060 --> 01:23:47,970
Whoa. Whoa.
1956
01:23:52,610 --> 01:23:54,020
Here's where you get.
1957
01:23:54,030 --> 01:23:56,820
You failed enough.
Time not to fail.
1958
01:23:56,820 --> 01:23:59,110
I'm talking about something so much more
1959
01:23:59,120 --> 01:24:01,400
than determination
or positive thinking here.
1960
01:24:01,410 --> 01:24:04,070
Failure really just won't do,
1961
01:24:04,080 --> 01:24:06,070
so you see to it that you don't.
1962
01:24:06,080 --> 01:24:07,490
It's possible, swear,
1963
01:24:07,500 --> 01:24:10,960
but you've got to get there,
and it's a miserable trip,
1964
01:24:10,960 --> 01:24:13,120
but no matter how it's supposed to go,
1965
01:24:13,130 --> 01:24:16,880
what the rules were yesterday,
what everyone thinks... thinks they know,
1966
01:24:16,890 --> 01:24:18,380
you know, none of that matters.
1967
01:24:18,390 --> 01:24:21,500
You have a job to do.
Today you do it.
1968
01:24:30,020 --> 01:24:31,860
Andy.
1969
01:24:36,320 --> 01:24:39,530
You... You were always filming
1970
01:24:39,530 --> 01:24:42,240
with th... those... those little...
those little tapes
1971
01:24:42,240 --> 01:24:44,200
that you gave to Barney, right?
1972
01:24:44,200 --> 01:24:46,070
That he burned up
with the footage of Helen.
1973
01:24:46,080 --> 01:24:48,160
Yeah, the... the Mini DV tapes.
1974
01:24:48,170 --> 01:24:49,620
Yeah, I get them for,
like, 50 cents apiece,
1975
01:24:49,630 --> 01:24:51,910
so I just shot video nonstop.
1976
01:24:51,920 --> 01:24:53,790
I was going to give you
the tapes when we...
1977
01:24:53,800 --> 01:24:55,410
So you have all that stuff?
1978
01:24:55,420 --> 01:24:58,920
Yeah, all the way back to when you
hit everybody up for money.
1979
01:24:58,930 --> 01:25:02,920
You... You were always filming.
You have everything, then.
1980
01:25:02,930 --> 01:25:04,670
Yeah. On video, yeah.
1981
01:25:04,680 --> 01:25:08,050
I have all the tapes
and everything from the set.
1982
01:25:08,060 --> 01:25:11,270
So... So we can put together a new film.
1983
01:25:11,270 --> 01:25:12,850
On video, yeah.
1984
01:25:12,860 --> 01:25:15,690
And we could edit it on my Mac,
but it'd just be another...
1985
01:25:15,690 --> 01:25:16,850
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
1986
01:25:16,860 --> 01:25:18,570
Didn't you tell me
one time something
1987
01:25:18,570 --> 01:25:22,320
about being able to, you know,
turn videos into film or something?
1988
01:25:22,330 --> 01:25:23,820
A transfer, yeah, yeah.
1989
01:25:23,830 --> 01:25:26,110
But, I mean, that would cost,
like, 50 grand
1990
01:25:26,120 --> 01:25:28,410
to bump all this up to 35 mm.
1991
01:25:28,420 --> 01:25:29,580
16 might be less.
1992
01:25:29,580 --> 01:25:31,040
All right, all right, all right.
1993
01:25:31,040 --> 01:25:34,460
Regular movies are 35.
It costs 50 grand.
1994
01:25:34,460 --> 01:25:37,130
Are you with me
for one last thing?
1995
01:25:37,130 --> 01:25:39,250
Yes.
1996
01:25:39,260 --> 01:25:42,380
Start editing. Hmm?
1997
01:25:42,390 --> 01:25:44,170
Any sex, take it out.
1998
01:25:44,180 --> 01:25:46,260
Any nudity, take it out.
1999
01:25:46,270 --> 01:25:47,930
You can leave in the butts,
2000
01:25:47,930 --> 01:25:50,770
but I don't want to see
a hint of nipple.
2001
01:25:50,770 --> 01:25:51,980
- Do you understand me?
- Yeah.
2002
01:25:53,770 --> 01:25:57,440
I asked Howard for the 50 grand,
and he gave it to me.
2003
01:25:57,440 --> 01:25:58,650
Good guy.
2004
01:25:58,650 --> 01:26:00,940
[Beach Boys]
♪ Round, round, get around ♪
2005
01:26:00,950 --> 01:26:03,360
♪ I get around,
yeah, get around ♪
2006
01:26:03,370 --> 01:26:04,530
[Narrating]
And at that moment,
2007
01:26:04,530 --> 01:26:06,070
I took the word "porno" away
2008
01:26:06,080 --> 01:26:07,240
from the front of our film
2009
01:26:07,250 --> 01:26:09,910
and was left with just a film,
2010
01:26:09,920 --> 01:26:14,750
a movie with all the stuff...
love, friendship, violence, real life.
2011
01:26:17,170 --> 01:26:19,210
Real life. Hey, it beats porno.
2012
01:26:19,220 --> 01:26:21,960
There'd be no contest
if real life had more sex in it.
2013
01:26:24,140 --> 01:26:26,970
Anyway, Emmett and I,
we edited our new movie
2014
01:26:26,970 --> 01:26:28,890
in his apartment
in the back of the video store,
2015
01:26:28,890 --> 01:26:30,970
put in all kinds of new stuff.
2016
01:26:30,980 --> 01:26:34,810
He'd been taping the town
and all of us for a long time.
2017
01:26:34,820 --> 01:26:37,730
So then we had it transferred to 35 mm,
2018
01:26:37,730 --> 01:26:42,320
put in just the right amount of, uh,
what's called, uh, voiceover...
2019
01:26:42,320 --> 01:26:43,810
you know, me talking.
2020
01:26:43,820 --> 01:26:46,780
You know, I bet you anything
you look through history,
2021
01:26:46,790 --> 01:26:50,530
the best stuff didn't come from guys
knowing what they were doing.
2022
01:26:50,540 --> 01:26:53,120
It came from guys who really tried hard
2023
01:26:53,130 --> 01:26:55,240
and cared like hell.
2024
01:26:55,250 --> 01:26:57,120
♪ Ooh ♪
2025
01:26:57,130 --> 01:27:00,120
♪ Wa-wa-ooh ♪
2026
01:27:00,130 --> 01:27:01,290
♪ Wa-wa-ooh ♪
2027
01:27:01,300 --> 01:27:05,010
So then we had a movie
with a great title...
2028
01:27:05,010 --> 01:27:07,420
and more than one print.
2029
01:27:09,310 --> 01:27:12,800
Okay, and we jump ahead now
six months or so.
2030
01:27:12,810 --> 01:27:15,600
Here I am walking down the street.
2031
01:27:15,610 --> 01:27:19,720
So then Emmett knew
about these, uh, film carnivals.
2032
01:27:19,730 --> 01:27:22,350
They're kind of like, you know,
movie Mardi Gras,
2033
01:27:22,360 --> 01:27:25,900
uh, only not quite as many women
will show you their babaloos.
2034
01:27:25,910 --> 01:27:27,020
[doorbell buzzes]
2035
01:27:27,030 --> 01:27:29,280
Anyway, our movie won one.
2036
01:27:33,080 --> 01:27:34,790
Ha ha ha ha!
2037
01:27:37,130 --> 01:27:38,960
They tell me a big one.
2038
01:27:40,010 --> 01:27:42,000
[applause]
2039
01:27:42,010 --> 01:27:46,420
We made this movie
with the help of friends.
2040
01:27:46,430 --> 01:27:49,050
It's, uh, it's really all it took...
2041
01:27:49,060 --> 01:27:51,590
uh...
2042
01:27:51,600 --> 01:27:52,680
and an arm.
2043
01:27:52,680 --> 01:27:54,220
[audience laughs]
2044
01:27:54,230 --> 01:27:58,350
Uh, we learned two things,
and I mean learned:
2045
01:27:58,360 --> 01:28:01,690
nothing ventured, nothing gained,
2046
01:28:01,690 --> 01:28:04,400
and no guts, no glory.
2047
01:28:04,400 --> 01:28:07,150
Uh, you know, I mean,
don't be an idiot about it,
2048
01:28:07,160 --> 01:28:08,360
but, uh, yeah.
2049
01:28:08,370 --> 01:28:10,280
Happy to pass that on to you.
2050
01:28:10,290 --> 01:28:11,990
[applause, cheering]
2051
01:28:13,710 --> 01:28:15,660
One of the reasons
people go to these carnivals
2052
01:28:15,670 --> 01:28:17,500
is to buy movies.
2053
01:28:17,500 --> 01:28:20,870
Our movie got bought for $2.4 million.
2054
01:28:20,880 --> 01:28:24,290
I'm told that's a very good price.
2055
01:28:24,300 --> 01:28:25,660
Who the hell are you, Santa Claus?
2056
01:28:25,680 --> 01:28:28,630
What, all fat white guys are Santa Claus?
2057
01:28:28,640 --> 01:28:30,500
Thanks.
2058
01:28:31,810 --> 01:28:34,090
♪ For purple mountains' majesty ♪
2059
01:28:34,100 --> 01:28:37,260
When we got back
from the film carnival with the 2.4 mil,
2060
01:28:37,270 --> 01:28:38,680
yeah, there was a party.
2061
01:28:38,690 --> 01:28:40,050
Everybody was really happy.
2062
01:28:40,070 --> 01:28:42,020
♪ America, America ♪
2063
01:28:42,030 --> 01:28:43,610
The movie opened this weekend
2064
01:28:43,610 --> 01:28:45,690
in what they call a limited release,
2065
01:28:45,700 --> 01:28:48,230
but this guy from the studio said
2066
01:28:48,240 --> 01:28:52,200
it had a very high, uh,
per-screen average or something.
2067
01:28:52,200 --> 01:28:56,240
The genius part is... heh...
we still have a piece...
2068
01:28:56,250 --> 01:28:59,370
a piece at the back end, a big piece.
2069
01:29:01,290 --> 01:29:02,660
I did good.
2070
01:29:02,670 --> 01:29:03,750
[horn honks]
2071
01:29:03,760 --> 01:29:05,370
Thanks for the car, man!
2072
01:29:05,380 --> 01:29:06,750
[honking]
2073
01:29:06,760 --> 01:29:07,870
Thank you!
2074
01:29:10,180 --> 01:29:11,590
Oh. Here,
[chuckles]
2075
01:29:11,600 --> 01:29:13,300
This you've really got to see.
2076
01:29:13,310 --> 01:29:15,550
Otis stuck with porno.
2077
01:29:15,560 --> 01:29:18,270
He's also the most
obviously happy person
2078
01:29:18,270 --> 01:29:20,140
you've ever met in your life.
2079
01:29:20,150 --> 01:29:21,350
[Ron]
Andy!
2080
01:29:21,360 --> 01:29:22,640
[shouting indistinctly]
2081
01:29:23,780 --> 01:29:27,140
When I found out Emmett had been living
right on Main Street all that time
2082
01:29:27,150 --> 01:29:30,360
without any of us knowing him,
it really broke my heart.
2083
01:29:30,370 --> 01:29:34,400
It was time he take his proper
place in the community.
2084
01:29:34,410 --> 01:29:37,870
Oh, yeah. I, uh, promised
to tell or show you
2085
01:29:37,870 --> 01:29:40,030
why Barney wasn't at the premiere.
2086
01:29:40,040 --> 01:29:43,630
He and Helen were out of town.
They eloped. Nice, huh?
2087
01:29:43,630 --> 01:29:45,590
Yeah, I wanted to save it for the end,
2088
01:29:45,590 --> 01:29:49,420
Justin case one or two of you
didn't figure it out.
2089
01:29:49,430 --> 01:29:52,890
Moose is also very happy these days.
2090
01:29:52,890 --> 01:29:54,800
I've been having so much fun.
2091
01:29:54,810 --> 01:29:59,100
Okay, let's see.
What else do you need to know?
2092
01:29:59,100 --> 01:30:03,640
Uh, Some is an up-and-coming
writer/director in Hollywood.
2093
01:30:03,650 --> 01:30:05,260
Everyone knows who he is.
2094
01:30:05,280 --> 01:30:08,610
He's the writer/director
with one arm.
2095
01:30:11,240 --> 01:30:12,400
[answering machine beeps]
2096
01:30:12,410 --> 01:30:13,820
Hi, honey. It's Peggy.
2097
01:30:13,830 --> 01:30:15,530
I'm looking for a producer.
2098
01:30:15,540 --> 01:30:17,950
I'm hoping you can
produce me a foot massage.
2099
01:30:17,950 --> 01:30:20,040
Uh, I'm leaving the ball field.
Do you need anything?
2100
01:30:20,040 --> 01:30:23,080
Peanuts, hot dog,
some aspirin?
2101
01:30:23,080 --> 01:30:25,250
I love you, honey.
I'll see you soon.
2102
01:30:25,250 --> 01:30:26,620
[Narrating]
I just got back from L.A.
2103
01:30:26,630 --> 01:30:28,340
Hi. This is Mark Miller
from the studio.
2104
01:30:28,340 --> 01:30:30,670
Look, we love it. We love you.
We don't say that often.
2105
01:30:30,680 --> 01:30:32,510
- We'd love to do something together.
- [doorbell rings]
2106
01:30:32,510 --> 01:30:34,590
Listen to me. I've never said
the word "love" this much
2107
01:30:34,600 --> 01:30:36,550
to someone who isn't 21 with...
2108
01:30:39,930 --> 01:30:42,100
Hey!
2109
01:30:42,100 --> 01:30:43,180
Ha ha.
2110
01:30:43,190 --> 01:30:44,850
Thel!
2111
01:30:44,860 --> 01:30:47,310
I always knew.
2112
01:30:55,950 --> 01:30:57,440
Thanks, Thel.
2113
01:31:06,630 --> 01:31:08,790
[Mark Miller]
...big tits. Call me, brother.
2114
01:31:08,800 --> 01:31:10,330
[beep]
2115
01:31:10,340 --> 01:31:12,210
Dad, just saw the movie
with all my friends.
2116
01:31:12,220 --> 01:31:14,380
It was great. They can't
believe you're my dad.
2117
01:31:14,390 --> 01:31:15,550
People keep calling.
2118
01:31:15,550 --> 01:31:17,220
Everybody thinks
you're really hot shit.
2119
01:31:17,220 --> 01:31:19,090
Congratulations.
I love you, Dad.
2120
01:31:19,100 --> 01:31:20,510
I'll see you tonight,
right?
2121
01:31:20,520 --> 01:31:23,380
I hope so. Bye, Dad.
2122
01:31:23,400 --> 01:31:24,510
[beep]
2123
01:31:24,520 --> 01:31:27,180
[rewinding tape]
2124
01:31:28,980 --> 01:31:31,730
Dad, just saw the movie
with all my friends.
2125
01:31:31,740 --> 01:31:34,100
It was great. They can't
believe you're my dad.
2126
01:31:34,110 --> 01:31:35,570
People keep calling.
2127
01:31:35,570 --> 01:31:37,410
Everybody thinks
you're really hot shit.
2128
01:31:37,410 --> 01:31:39,870
Congratulations.
I love you, Dad.
2129
01:31:39,870 --> 01:31:41,530
I'll see you tonight,
right?
2130
01:31:41,540 --> 01:31:43,870
I hope so. Bye, Dad.
2131
01:31:43,870 --> 01:31:45,030
[beep]
2132
01:31:50,670 --> 01:31:52,410
[rewinding tape]
2133
01:31:54,260 --> 01:31:56,380
...lations. I love you, Dad.
2134
01:31:56,390 --> 01:31:58,220
I'll see you tonight, right?
2135
01:31:58,220 --> 01:31:59,340
I hope so.
2136
01:32:02,140 --> 01:32:03,510
I love you, Dad.
2137
01:33:22,760 --> 01:33:25,630
[Andy narrating]
The end. We hope you liked our film.
2138
01:34:03,640 --> 01:34:07,510
♪ If I could, I'd say these words ♪
2139
01:34:07,520 --> 01:34:09,680
♪ I am a good man ♪
2140
01:34:12,860 --> 01:34:16,390
♪ If I could, I'd make it heard ♪
2141
01:34:16,400 --> 01:34:18,690
♪ I am a good man ♪
2142
01:34:21,660 --> 01:34:25,320
♪ A good man commits ♪
2143
01:34:26,410 --> 01:34:29,530
♪ A good man doesn't spit ♪
2144
01:34:30,750 --> 01:34:35,490
♪ A good man opens every door ♪
2145
01:34:35,500 --> 01:34:37,670
♪ A good man ♪
2146
01:34:37,670 --> 01:34:40,760
♪ Don't make out with whores ♪
2147
01:34:44,300 --> 01:34:48,420
♪ Someday I'm gonna say
these words ♪
2148
01:34:48,430 --> 01:34:50,670
♪ I am a good man ♪
2149
01:34:53,310 --> 01:34:57,350
♪ Someday I'm gonna make it heard ♪
2150
01:34:57,360 --> 01:34:59,520
♪ I am a good man ♪
2151
01:35:02,570 --> 01:35:07,110
♪ A good man's for real ♪
2152
01:35:07,120 --> 01:35:11,740
♪ A good man can feel ♪
2153
01:35:11,750 --> 01:35:16,460
♪ A good man
don't put his fist through walls ♪
2154
01:35:16,460 --> 01:35:18,250
♪ A good man ♪
2155
01:35:18,250 --> 01:35:21,000
♪ Don't stay down when he falls ♪
2156
01:35:21,010 --> 01:35:24,220
♪ Haunted by my youth ♪
2157
01:35:25,300 --> 01:35:28,760
♪ Suffocated truth ♪
2158
01:35:29,810 --> 01:35:34,270
♪ A piece of me has to die ♪
2159
01:35:34,270 --> 01:35:39,360
♪ Before I find the strength to fly ♪
2160
01:35:43,280 --> 01:35:47,240
♪ Yeah,
I'm gonna say these words ♪
2161
01:35:47,240 --> 01:35:49,610
♪ I am a good man ♪
2162
01:35:52,540 --> 01:35:56,200
♪ And I'm gonna make it heard ♪
2163
01:35:56,210 --> 01:35:58,540
♪ I am a good man ♪
2164
01:36:00,670 --> 01:36:02,080
♪ I am a good man ♪
2165
01:36:02,090 --> 01:36:04,830
♪ I am a loaded gun ♪
2166
01:36:04,840 --> 01:36:07,300
♪ I am my father's son ♪
2167
01:36:07,300 --> 01:36:09,550
♪ Always on the run ♪
2168
01:36:09,560 --> 01:36:11,890
♪ Search in' for the one ♪
2169
01:36:11,890 --> 01:36:14,470
♪ And embracing none ♪
2170
01:36:14,480 --> 01:36:16,680
♪ I am a good man ♪
2171
01:36:18,770 --> 01:36:21,230
♪ I am a good man ♪
2172
01:36:23,360 --> 01:36:28,110
♪ I am a good man ♪