1 00:00:21,840 --> 00:00:26,311 Shut your pie holes, ya room full of hairless lackeys! 2 00:00:30,120 --> 00:00:31,952 Is this on? 3 00:00:32,040 --> 00:00:36,159 Just what part of "shut your pie hole" didn't ya understand? 4 00:00:36,240 --> 00:00:38,675 I'm gonna sing you dullards a song, 5 00:00:38,760 --> 00:00:41,957 accompanied by these two imbecile students of mine, 6 00:00:42,040 --> 00:00:43,599 Flem and Earl. 7 00:00:43,680 --> 00:00:47,753 Basically, I'm gonna sing a little ditty about a fat Cow 8 00:00:47,840 --> 00:00:49,797 and her dead brother, Chicken, 9 00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:53,271 on the run from the law like the little law breakers 10 00:00:53,360 --> 00:00:55,954 that I always knew they was. 11 00:00:56,040 --> 00:00:57,872 Hit it, boneheads! 12 00:01:02,160 --> 00:01:04,310 Well, my story starts about a month ago now, 13 00:01:04,400 --> 00:01:06,835 [When this G-Man gm] saw Chicken and Cow. 14 00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:08,433 You there! Stop! 15 00:01:08,760 --> 00:01:10,512 We are stopped! 16 00:01:10,960 --> 00:01:14,430 I'm a G-Man. Mike Hiney. 17 00:01:14,520 --> 00:01:16,796 So the handsome G-Man reached in his gabardine, 18 00:01:16,880 --> 00:01:19,235 had something for our friends, if you know what I mean. 19 00:01:19,320 --> 00:01:20,515 Quick! He's gonna shoot! 20 00:01:20,600 --> 00:01:21,510 Run for it! 21 00:01:21,600 --> 00:01:23,477 Cow made a getaway, fugitive on a trike. 22 00:01:23,560 --> 00:01:23,958 Come back! 23 00:01:24,040 --> 00:01:25,713 Hiney yelled. His first name being Mike. 24 00:01:25,800 --> 00:01:28,030 And the G-Man chased them, a-walking on his butt. 25 00:01:28,120 --> 00:01:28,598 Faster, Cow! 26 00:01:28,680 --> 00:01:30,799 Now, Chicken... He's gaining on us! 27 00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:33,077 What crime did they commit? 28 00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:34,992 Why was the G-Man on their tail? 29 00:01:35,080 --> 00:01:37,674 What in the heck is a G-Man, anyway? 30 00:01:37,760 --> 00:01:39,751 A German Man? 31 00:01:39,840 --> 00:01:40,910 Why are you asking me? 32 00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:42,000 How would I know? 33 00:01:42,040 --> 00:01:43,917 And anyway, who really cares? 34 00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:45,752 They were being chased! 35 00:01:45,840 --> 00:01:47,956 It's just the luck of the draw, the turn of the key, 36 00:01:48,040 --> 00:01:50,509 the way the balls fall, the hoist in your petard... 37 00:01:50,600 --> 00:01:51,874 and crud like that. 38 00:01:52,080 --> 00:01:54,256 So, on the road away they went a-running for their lives. 39 00:01:54,280 --> 00:01:57,079 And close behind, right on their tails, the G-Man with the hives. 40 00:01:57,800 --> 00:01:59,438 I don't have hives! 41 00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:01,875 I'm naturally red all over. 42 00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:03,837 Like a newspaper. 43 00:02:04,480 --> 00:02:06,630 They stayed at hobo jungles eating mulligan stew. 44 00:02:06,720 --> 00:02:08,040 Hey, Mulligan? What stew is this? 45 00:02:08,080 --> 00:02:09,080 Cream of leather. 46 00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:12,349 Hey! Stop! 47 00:02:12,520 --> 00:02:13,669 Wait! 48 00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:16,559 Through field and stream chased hiney, 49 00:02:16,640 --> 00:02:19,473 over falls without a care. 50 00:02:21,840 --> 00:02:24,753 Dashed to bits against the rocks, 51 00:02:24,880 --> 00:02:27,952 the G-Man with no underwear. 52 00:02:28,040 --> 00:02:30,270 Pick up the pace, boys! 53 00:02:30,360 --> 00:02:32,641 They rode the rails at midnight, all Cow could do was moo. 54 00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:34,154 The G-Man kept a chasing... 55 00:02:34,840 --> 00:02:36,877 but hit the wall like, goo. 56 00:02:36,960 --> 00:02:41,350 Ah-ooo! 57 00:02:41,480 --> 00:02:46,111 Just hit that wall like goo! 58 00:02:48,360 --> 00:02:50,510 Into the woods our pals did go, 59 00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:52,750 and met an old boxer, his name was joe. 60 00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:54,797 Now, joe was not quite right in the head, 61 00:02:54,880 --> 00:02:57,679 ever since that fight with a poodle named fred. 62 00:02:58,240 --> 00:03:00,550 So Cow and Chicken, away they went, 63 00:03:00,640 --> 00:03:02,677 when in came hiney, that handsome gent! 64 00:03:02,760 --> 00:03:03,955 That Poodle was paid off! 65 00:03:04,040 --> 00:03:04,916 Hiney did say. 66 00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:07,674 The fight was fixed, I was there that day! 67 00:03:08,440 --> 00:03:09,953 Never say "fixed" around a dog. 68 00:03:10,040 --> 00:03:10,518 He'd say. 69 00:03:10,600 --> 00:03:13,592 You're right there, Joe, I should'a said spay. 70 00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:17,590 Cow and Chicken were on the lamb. 71 00:03:17,680 --> 00:03:19,830 The lamb was fast, his name was sam. 72 00:03:19,920 --> 00:03:22,116 But something made them turn and see 73 00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:24,430 the G-Man with the bare hiney. 74 00:03:24,520 --> 00:03:26,716 So off they sped as fast as you please, 75 00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:29,478 when in came Mike... Have you seen these? 76 00:03:31,040 --> 00:03:33,350 The lamb did thrash the old hiney guy, 77 00:03:33,440 --> 00:03:37,516 and left him hurt and asking... Why? 78 00:03:37,600 --> 00:03:39,910 So, I hear our hero moved on, ran forth with life. 79 00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:42,310 Wound up with the farmer and his big-boned wife. 80 00:03:42,400 --> 00:03:44,596 To hide from Mike, Hell ya here's the poop, 81 00:03:44,680 --> 00:03:46,830 Chicken Waltzes in to a Chicken coop. 82 00:03:46,920 --> 00:03:49,070 Now, that was fine, except, you see, 83 00:03:49,160 --> 00:03:52,232 the rooster got mad, they were his hens, all three. 84 00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:54,319 Hey, Teacher? 85 00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:54,992 What? 86 00:03:55,080 --> 00:03:56,673 I don't like this. 87 00:03:56,760 --> 00:03:59,832 Is Chicken gonna be okay? 88 00:03:59,920 --> 00:04:01,672 What is the matter with you? 89 00:04:01,760 --> 00:04:04,718 You can't have story without conflict! 90 00:04:04,800 --> 00:04:09,078 Now, shut your pork trap and play that banjo, 91 00:04:09,160 --> 00:04:12,437 you liver-lipped, four-eyed Mozart! 92 00:04:13,240 --> 00:04:13,991 That's better. 93 00:04:14,080 --> 00:04:17,914 Now, where was I before I was so rudely interrupted? 94 00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:19,035 Oh, yeah! 95 00:04:19,120 --> 00:04:22,590 Hiney was closing in on Cow hiding in the paddock. 96 00:04:26,480 --> 00:04:28,471 Now hiney was dense, he was dumb, you see. 97 00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:30,800 Couldn't tell the difference between a Cow and a hors-ie. 98 00:04:30,880 --> 00:04:32,917 Now, that's one ugly horse and fat, I say. 99 00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:35,310 No one talks about my funny looking horse that way! 100 00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:37,391 He sailed right out like a frying pan, 101 00:04:37,480 --> 00:04:39,835 and met the farmer's wife with the bone so big. 102 00:04:39,920 --> 00:04:41,957 Away they snooked, as quiet as a mouse. 103 00:04:42,040 --> 00:04:44,350 But the g-man, hiney, chased them to a movie house. 104 00:04:44,440 --> 00:04:46,351 A trap he lay to catch the pair, 105 00:04:46,440 --> 00:04:48,829 but the trap he set was a trap for a bear. 106 00:04:48,920 --> 00:04:49,796 Is this your trap? 107 00:04:49,880 --> 00:04:51,996 - To hiney he called when he said... - Yes. 108 00:04:52,080 --> 00:04:53,400 Mike hiney got mauled, 109 00:04:53,480 --> 00:04:55,357 into the gutter, thrown mangled and sore, 110 00:04:55,440 --> 00:04:57,795 Mike hiney spied the kids sneaking out the back door. 111 00:04:57,880 --> 00:05:00,030 And chased them through at break-neck speed, 112 00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:02,316 was Cow and Chicken barely in the lead. 113 00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:04,357 Into an alley, was this pair trapped? 114 00:05:04,440 --> 00:05:05,480 But it's a dead end alley. 115 00:05:05,560 --> 00:05:06,994 Said the guy with no pants. 116 00:05:07,880 --> 00:05:08,995 Well! 117 00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:13,156 Looks like the end of the line for Cow and Chicken. 118 00:05:14,240 --> 00:05:17,232 Does something bad happen to them? 119 00:05:17,320 --> 00:05:20,119 'Cause they're our friends! 120 00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:23,875 It's a song, you buck-tooth, Chinless Geek! 121 00:05:23,960 --> 00:05:25,871 Look what I'm dealing with! 122 00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:29,840 Now, play so we can end this song already! 123 00:05:30,560 --> 00:05:33,632 Hey! Why the heck is you following us? 124 00:05:33,720 --> 00:05:36,997 'Cause Cow dropped her Crabs on the sidewalk in front of your house. 125 00:05:37,080 --> 00:05:38,832 I wanted to give it back. 126 00:05:38,920 --> 00:05:41,833 But I have Crabs right here. 127 00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:43,718 Then what do I got? 128 00:05:44,560 --> 00:05:48,076 Well, I guess they can be my friends, then! 129 00:05:48,160 --> 00:05:50,515 Oh, glory! 130 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:53,319 I finally have some friends! 131 00:05:53,400 --> 00:05:57,314 Oh, pinch me. Pinch me, I must be dreaming! 132 00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:04,630 Well, do-si-do and I hope you weren't too sickened, 133 00:06:04,720 --> 00:06:07,189 that was the ballad of Cow and Chicken. 134 00:06:09,280 --> 00:06:11,510 Well, basically, that's it. 135 00:06:11,880 --> 00:06:14,235 I hope you losers enjoyed it. 136 00:06:15,280 --> 00:06:17,635 Yes! Oh, that performance was brilliant! 137 00:06:17,720 --> 00:06:18,596 Oh, bravo! 138 00:06:18,680 --> 00:06:20,910 Clap, my little crab friends! 139 00:06:22,760 --> 00:06:24,034 Easy with the pinchers. 140 00:06:25,320 --> 00:06:27,834 I did not have to bring you guys tonight! 141 00:06:27,920 --> 00:06:31,595 Looks like The Red Guy always gets it in the end! 142 00:06:34,920 --> 00:06:37,912 I, L. Hiney, will now teach you how to bowl. 143 00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:41,479 I can't see! 144 00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:44,279 All right. First, you need a ball. 145 00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:50,276 Tippymtippy toe and talc and roll your ball like so. 146 00:06:51,640 --> 00:06:53,836 Oh, this ball I'm going to keep. 147 00:06:55,560 --> 00:06:58,074 You don't need pants for the victory dance, 148 00:06:58,160 --> 00:07:00,595 'cause Baboon's better than Weasel. 149 00:07:00,680 --> 00:07:03,593 LR. Baboon big star of cartoon. 150 00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:05,474 I. M. Weasel. 151 00:07:10,080 --> 00:07:12,720 LR. Baboon reigns king in his mind, 152 00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:15,314 he's just a Baboon with a wiggle behind. 153 00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:18,358 But round every comer he's likely to find... 154 00:07:18,440 --> 00:07:20,955 I. M. Weasel! 155 00:07:21,280 --> 00:07:23,237 I. M. Weasel! 156 00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:37,034 Hello, kids. |.M. Weasel here. The actor. 157 00:07:37,120 --> 00:07:39,680 Today is a special episode about the dangers of fire. 158 00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:41,194 And to help me with the subject 159 00:07:41,280 --> 00:07:44,272 is a famous fire spokesbear you may know. 160 00:07:44,720 --> 00:07:47,155 Hey, this is Manure The Bear! 161 00:07:47,240 --> 00:07:49,151 I thought we had the famous Fire Bear? 162 00:07:49,240 --> 00:07:52,312 You know, the six-foot kind of chunky bear wearing overalls and a hat 163 00:07:52,400 --> 00:07:53,674 and carrying a shovel? 164 00:07:53,800 --> 00:07:56,076 I'm not working with Manure. 165 00:07:56,160 --> 00:07:57,639 He draws flies. 166 00:07:58,120 --> 00:07:59,235 What's this? 167 00:07:59,840 --> 00:08:01,353 Oh, my contract. 168 00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:04,990 It says I work with whoever you say I work with. 169 00:08:05,080 --> 00:08:06,150 Fine! 170 00:08:06,480 --> 00:08:08,039 I'll work with Manure. 171 00:08:08,440 --> 00:08:11,193 Also, I'd like to introduce my fellow actor... 172 00:08:11,920 --> 00:08:13,479 LR. Baboon. 173 00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:15,997 Just read the cue card. 174 00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:17,673 "Baboon sniff finger." 175 00:08:17,760 --> 00:08:21,037 Baboon: "Hello, I Are Baboon." 176 00:08:21,640 --> 00:08:23,711 Just roll the film. 177 00:08:35,560 --> 00:08:37,949 LR. Seflesmans'.! 178 00:08:38,040 --> 00:08:41,192 |.R. on busy-ness trip. 179 00:08:47,040 --> 00:08:48,394 Yes? 180 00:08:48,480 --> 00:08:50,710 Hello, lady of house! 181 00:08:50,800 --> 00:08:53,269 LR. Seflesmans. 182 00:08:53,360 --> 00:08:56,990 Can I interesting you in buying wildfire? 183 00:08:57,080 --> 00:09:01,358 Every house needing fires for cooking and crud like that. 184 00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:07,994 "So, buying it and help keeping guys like I off street, ma'am." 185 00:09:09,280 --> 00:09:12,875 Can I interested you in fire extinguisher? 186 00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:18,275 No. That's okay. 187 00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:20,556 Suiting self. 188 00:09:25,720 --> 00:09:26,720 Baboon? 189 00:09:26,760 --> 00:09:28,398 That poor homeowner. 190 00:09:28,560 --> 00:09:30,437 I must build that man a new home, 191 00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:32,989 'cause |.M. Weasel! 192 00:09:36,560 --> 00:09:40,519 Oh, Mr. Squirrel! It's beautiful! 193 00:09:40,600 --> 00:09:42,511 Thank you! 194 00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:43,715 You're welcome. 195 00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:45,313 A gentle reminder: 196 00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:48,756 Never open your door to a strange monkey bearing fire. 197 00:09:48,840 --> 00:09:51,514 Now, excuse me while I stop this fire peddling simian. 198 00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:53,279 Stop, |.R.! 199 00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:55,636 A wildfire should never be sold. 200 00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:57,677 It belongs in the wild. 201 00:09:57,760 --> 00:10:01,037 It is wrong to hold captive its wild and free spirit. 202 00:10:01,120 --> 00:10:03,157 It is a thing of wonder and beauty 203 00:10:03,240 --> 00:10:06,198 that needs freedom to roam in its natural habitat. 204 00:10:06,280 --> 00:10:09,591 It must be left alone to wander forth and populate 205 00:10:09,680 --> 00:10:11,512 - and have little baby fires. - Mommy! Mommy! 206 00:10:11,600 --> 00:10:12,920 As Mom Nature intended. 207 00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:16,834 To live in peace and harmony for generations to come. 208 00:10:16,920 --> 00:10:18,957 Now do you understand, Mr. Monkey? 209 00:10:19,040 --> 00:10:20,792 You're talking to |.R.? 210 00:10:22,880 --> 00:10:24,234 Yes, gorilla? 211 00:10:24,320 --> 00:10:26,118 Hello, fat Sir! 212 00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:28,430 Care to buying wildfire? 213 00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:32,638 Fire extinguisher? 214 00:10:32,720 --> 00:10:34,279 Sold! 215 00:10:35,280 --> 00:10:37,874 Great mayonnaise on a stick! 216 00:10:43,480 --> 00:10:45,118 I love you! 217 00:10:45,200 --> 00:10:47,669 Marry me, you furry little Weasel! 218 00:10:47,760 --> 00:10:51,435 Although I am flattered, Madame, I must decline your offer. 219 00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:53,716 That rogue orangutan must be stopped. 220 00:10:55,680 --> 00:10:59,071 Oh, no more fire. 221 00:10:59,160 --> 00:11:01,754 Phew. I'm glad that's over. 222 00:11:01,840 --> 00:11:04,593 I was getting a little exhausted rebuilding everyone's house. 223 00:11:04,680 --> 00:11:06,557 Gotcha covered, ape! 224 00:11:06,920 --> 00:11:10,675 Bet you didn't know I was a gorilla scout when I was nine. 225 00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:13,430 What's up with the pantsless gorilla scout? 226 00:11:13,520 --> 00:11:16,797 You buy wildfire, goofy looking lady? 227 00:11:17,240 --> 00:11:20,835 I'll buy anything you're selling, you silly monkey. 228 00:11:22,160 --> 00:11:25,915 Bye-bye, satisfied customer! 229 00:11:26,280 --> 00:11:28,237 Fire extinguisher? 230 00:11:28,320 --> 00:11:30,072 What a coincidence! 231 00:11:30,160 --> 00:11:31,958 That's just what I need! 232 00:11:32,040 --> 00:11:34,509 Well, I'll be. 233 00:11:35,080 --> 00:11:38,516 I'm starting to grasp the concept of their scam. 234 00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:41,274 After Baboon sells raw fire to innocent people, 235 00:11:41,360 --> 00:11:44,751 that Pantsless guy shows up and sells them an extinguisher. 236 00:11:46,480 --> 00:11:47,480 Excuse me, sir? 237 00:11:47,560 --> 00:11:49,073 Were you talking to me? 238 00:11:49,160 --> 00:11:50,878 This fraud must end. 239 00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:53,315 You can't sell wildfire door to door. 240 00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:56,199 People already have controlled fire in their homes. 241 00:11:56,280 --> 00:11:57,315 Let me explain it to you. 242 00:11:57,400 --> 00:12:01,553 A controlled fire's role in life is to serve man, and woman, too. 243 00:12:01,640 --> 00:12:04,473 Controlled fire has a very important job to do. 244 00:12:04,560 --> 00:12:08,679 Every day, in every town and city, fire goes to work for us. 245 00:12:10,040 --> 00:12:12,031 He jumps in to help mankind, 246 00:12:12,120 --> 00:12:14,589 to light their stoves and cook their food. 247 00:12:14,680 --> 00:12:17,593 Oh, man, that fire is hot! 248 00:12:19,120 --> 00:12:20,758 That's right, Mr. Egg. 249 00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:23,593 Controlled fire is used to cook our weenies... 250 00:12:23,680 --> 00:12:25,239 and warm our houses. 251 00:12:25,320 --> 00:12:28,950 So, you see, wildfire was never meant to be sold. 252 00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:35,311 In fact, selling wildfires is against the law. 253 00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:37,755 You mean it's a crime? 254 00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:41,435 Conference! We must rethink our strategy. 255 00:12:43,880 --> 00:12:46,394 Earthquake man! Want to buy this? 256 00:12:46,480 --> 00:12:48,232 Instant Earthquake in a can! 257 00:12:48,320 --> 00:12:49,674 Just pop the top. 258 00:12:49,760 --> 00:12:53,151 Here. Hold this. Enjoy. 259 00:12:53,800 --> 00:12:56,314 Care to buying safety helmet? 260 00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:01,910 We're going to be rich! 261 00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:06,399 The moral of this story? 262 00:13:06,480 --> 00:13:10,439 Never go into any business venture with a Pantsless man. 263 00:13:10,520 --> 00:13:13,797 Personally, I think the hamster's just jealous. 264 00:13:15,400 --> 00:13:17,676 Just fade to black. 265 00:13:19,880 --> 00:13:23,157 So, kids, I hope you all learned a valuable lesson today. 266 00:13:23,240 --> 00:13:25,595 Never play with fire, or earthquakes. 267 00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:28,832 Manure! What are you doing here? 268 00:13:28,920 --> 00:13:30,991 I was watching TV and I saw you! 269 00:13:31,080 --> 00:13:32,920 I came right down to the studio to pick you up, 270 00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:34,792 You naughty bear! 271 00:13:34,880 --> 00:13:37,269 Oh, I am so sorry, Mr. Hamster. 272 00:13:37,360 --> 00:13:39,431 Manure's always running off like this. 273 00:13:39,520 --> 00:13:41,909 Oh, you are always making a mess of things, 274 00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:44,116 you bad, bad Manure. 275 00:13:44,200 --> 00:13:47,158 Oh, but Mommy still loves you. 276 00:13:52,360 --> 00:13:55,239 All right, fade to black. For real this time. 277 00:13:55,320 --> 00:13:57,118 Please?