1
00:00:19,480 --> 00:00:21,153
Hi! Can I help you?
2
00:00:21,240 --> 00:00:24,631
Hello! I'm a salesman.
3
00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:26,472
What are you selling,
my good salesman?
4
00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:31,760
Well, I happen to be an
interpreter of Bosnian and Chinese.
5
00:00:31,840 --> 00:00:34,434
Got any Bosnian and
Chinese in the house?
6
00:00:34,520 --> 00:00:36,318
No. I'm afraid not.
7
00:00:37,760 --> 00:00:40,513
Did I say interpreter?
8
00:00:40,600 --> 00:00:41,600
I meant...
9
00:00:42,200 --> 00:00:43,634
milkman!
10
00:00:44,640 --> 00:00:46,790
We don't need no milkman.
11
00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,791
Teacher! Oh, yes! That's it!
12
00:00:48,880 --> 00:00:54,080
I am a door-to-door
teacher of... piano!
13
00:00:54,160 --> 00:00:55,798
For Cows and Ducks.
14
00:00:55,880 --> 00:00:58,110
Well! Why didn't you say so?
15
00:00:58,200 --> 00:01:01,318
We've always wanted our
Cow and Duck to learn piano.
16
00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:03,676
Well, I'll be!
17
00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:11,591
Okay, ladies! Lets
see what you can do!
18
00:01:11,680 --> 00:01:13,910
And... action!
19
00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:19,279
Oh, Big Brother, I do
not know what to do!
20
00:01:19,360 --> 00:01:22,159
Don't worry, Cow. I
saw this on TV once.
21
00:01:22,240 --> 00:01:24,356
All you gotta do is
whack them things.
22
00:01:24,440 --> 00:01:25,589
Watch.
23
00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:30,151
Oh, that was great!
24
00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:34,390
A one and a two and
a three and... hit me!
25
00:01:44,360 --> 00:01:47,000
Stop! Stop it! Stop!
26
00:01:48,480 --> 00:01:52,394
What kind of idiot people...
27
00:01:53,520 --> 00:01:55,750
are you?
28
00:01:57,600 --> 00:01:58,670
Let me think!
29
00:01:58,760 --> 00:02:01,832
You have got only four
fingers on each mitt.
30
00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:03,718
The horse here has only three.
31
00:02:04,760 --> 00:02:08,719
I know! Maybe there's too
many keys on the piano!
32
00:02:11,680 --> 00:02:14,752
Okay! Now, play like the wind!
33
00:02:18,360 --> 00:02:22,831
I sense this as being
the high point of my life!
34
00:02:23,440 --> 00:02:25,272
Idea!
35
00:02:25,840 --> 00:02:28,798
Perhaps hypnotism will work.
36
00:02:29,680 --> 00:02:34,038
Watch the weenie.
You will be geniuses.
37
00:02:34,120 --> 00:02:39,479
You're getting
sleepy. Getting sleepy.
38
00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:53,118
Okay, gals! This
is piano boot camp!
39
00:02:53,200 --> 00:02:56,830
I am going to turn you hairless
grandmothers into pianists
40
00:02:56,920 --> 00:02:58,593
if it's the last thing I do!
41
00:02:58,680 --> 00:03:01,194
Ten-hut! Sound off!
42
00:03:01,280 --> 00:03:03,669
Do-Re-Me-Fa-So-La-Fa-Do!
43
00:03:03,760 --> 00:03:05,353
All right!
44
00:03:05,440 --> 00:03:07,954
Who played piano
with a powdery wig?
45
00:03:08,040 --> 00:03:09,314
Mozart, sir!
46
00:03:09,400 --> 00:03:13,280
Tell me the name of that deaf
german guy that played piano real good!
47
00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:15,033
But now, he's dead!
48
00:03:15,120 --> 00:03:16,120
Beethoven!
49
00:03:16,200 --> 00:03:17,200
Right.
50
00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:19,995
All right!
51
00:03:20,080 --> 00:03:22,037
Now, crawl over
the wall of music!
52
00:03:22,120 --> 00:03:23,554
Come on, come on!
53
00:03:23,640 --> 00:03:25,631
Move it, move it, move it!
54
00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:32,874
Hey, what has balancing a
glass of milk on our heads
55
00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:34,951
have to do with learning piano?
56
00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:37,680
Just who is the teacher here?
57
00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:39,393
Oh, pardon.
58
00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:50,437
All right! Let's make
with the sit-ups!
59
00:03:51,240 --> 00:03:53,834
One, two...
60
00:03:58,360 --> 00:04:02,433
Congratulations!
You're a pianist!
61
00:04:02,800 --> 00:04:03,676
You, too!
62
00:04:03,760 --> 00:04:05,353
Here's your diploma.
63
00:04:05,440 --> 00:04:09,798
You are both ready for your
first pay-per-view piano recital!
64
00:04:09,880 --> 00:04:10,915
We are?
65
00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:15,392
Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to music city hall...
66
00:04:15,480 --> 00:04:20,316
For the pay-per-view piano
recital of Cow and chicken!
67
00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:24,075
You mean, that whole
crowd paid to see us play?
68
00:04:24,160 --> 00:04:26,037
No! This is pay-per-view!
69
00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:27,952
I paid them to view!
70
00:04:28,040 --> 00:04:30,350
Do you think I'm
stupid or something?
71
00:04:30,440 --> 00:04:32,670
Now, get out there
and make me rich!
72
00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:41,633
Man, I hope my genius
has rubbed off on those two.
73
00:04:41,720 --> 00:04:43,358
I'm a little nervous.
74
00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:45,158
Yeah, I'm a little chicken.
75
00:04:45,240 --> 00:04:48,278
Yes. I know. And I'm a Cow.
76
00:04:56,240 --> 00:04:59,870
Oh, Big Brother, I do
not know what to do?
77
00:04:59,960 --> 00:05:02,839
Our piano teacher was lousy.
78
00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:05,196
Don't worry, Cow.
It's like I told yas.
79
00:05:05,280 --> 00:05:07,556
Just whack them key things.
80
00:05:17,560 --> 00:05:19,073
Oh, no. Not the...
81
00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:20,555
udder.
82
00:05:27,680 --> 00:05:31,036
Oh, Slop! Stop!
83
00:05:33,280 --> 00:05:35,396
Hey, what's the problem, Chief?
84
00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:38,478
What's the problem?
85
00:05:38,600 --> 00:05:41,240
What's the... problem?
86
00:05:42,600 --> 00:05:48,075
The problem is...
I'm a fake! A failure!
87
00:06:05,640 --> 00:06:07,836
Why, I play brilliantly!
88
00:06:07,920 --> 00:06:12,994
I must be some
kind of idiot... savant.
89
00:06:13,520 --> 00:06:15,909
Well, I've heard
of playing by ear.
90
00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:19,118
Oh, but never by face.
91
00:06:20,520 --> 00:06:23,273
Bravo! Bravo!
92
00:06:23,360 --> 00:06:27,194
At last, I found
my true calling.
93
00:06:27,280 --> 00:06:30,989
Now I can die happy.
94
00:06:34,520 --> 00:06:38,275
Ladies and gentlemen, the great
poet and thespian, Lance Sackless.
95
00:06:38,360 --> 00:06:42,797
Hello! To be a good actor,
one, of course, has to look good!
96
00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:44,837
A smart costume is a must.
97
00:06:44,920 --> 00:06:49,232
Notice howthis ruffly shirt
accentuates my talents.
98
00:06:49,720 --> 00:06:51,631
Thank you, lance sackless.
99
00:06:51,720 --> 00:06:53,119
Mon pleasieur.
100
00:06:54,720 --> 00:06:57,314
You don't need pants
for the victory dance,
101
00:06:57,400 --> 00:06:59,789
'cause Baboon's
better than Weasel.
102
00:06:59,880 --> 00:07:02,838
LR. Baboon's a
big star of cartoon.
103
00:07:03,120 --> 00:07:04,713
I. M. Weasel!
104
00:07:09,360 --> 00:07:11,920
LR. Baboon reigns
king in his mind,
105
00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:14,469
he's just a Baboon
with a wiggle behind.
106
00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:17,632
But round every comer
he's likely to find...
107
00:07:17,720 --> 00:07:22,238
I. M. Weasel!
108
00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:41,436
Hello! It's me, Lance Sackless.
109
00:07:41,760 --> 00:07:46,994
And welcome to the semi-annual,
once a year, Sackless Games!
110
00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:50,913
I am your host, Lance Sackless.
111
00:07:51,720 --> 00:07:53,313
Are you ready to play?
112
00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:55,994
Are these games
on the up and up?
113
00:07:56,080 --> 00:07:59,152
Why of course they
are. Why do you ask?
114
00:08:00,040 --> 00:08:02,350
I got one of them torch things!
115
00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:07,398
This torch had been carried
all the way from Athens!
116
00:08:07,480 --> 00:08:07,833
Greece?
117
00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:09,558
What'd you call me? No.
118
00:08:09,640 --> 00:08:12,473
This torch comes
from Athens, Georgia.
119
00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:16,440
You're not as smart as
you think, are you, squirrel!
120
00:08:18,520 --> 00:08:21,638
Let the games begin!
121
00:08:23,040 --> 00:08:24,474
I'll be right back.
122
00:08:27,960 --> 00:08:30,520
I was just borrowing it! Geez!
123
00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:32,511
Don't a have Cow!
124
00:08:33,920 --> 00:08:37,470
Gentlemen, start your engines!
125
00:08:42,080 --> 00:08:45,152
Hey, how come our
uniforms say "prisoner?"
126
00:08:45,240 --> 00:08:47,914
You mean that doesn't
spell "Sackless?"
127
00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:49,593
Must have been a mistake.
128
00:08:49,680 --> 00:08:51,910
At the uniform maker place.
129
00:08:52,560 --> 00:08:54,312
All right, let's get started.
130
00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:56,630
Okay, ladies!
131
00:08:56,800 --> 00:09:00,759
Lets begin the
Sackless five athlon!
132
00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:03,275
Don't you mean "Pentathlon"?
133
00:09:03,360 --> 00:09:04,475
Do you think I'm stupid?
134
00:09:04,560 --> 00:09:07,074
There are five events.
135
00:09:08,320 --> 00:09:12,553
See? Weasel not
knowing everything!
136
00:09:12,640 --> 00:09:14,551
First event!
137
00:09:14,640 --> 00:09:16,153
The hundred yard dash!
138
00:09:16,240 --> 00:09:17,833
Old man handicap.
139
00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:23,591
Oh boy, this is gonna be hard.
140
00:09:23,680 --> 00:09:26,149
The hundred yard
dash isn't so hard.
141
00:09:26,240 --> 00:09:29,437
But what does "old
man handicap" mean?
142
00:09:29,520 --> 00:09:31,750
You've got to carry... this!
143
00:09:34,120 --> 00:09:36,430
Get on your marks.
144
00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:37,520
Go!
145
00:09:42,080 --> 00:09:44,959
I want some prune juice.
146
00:09:45,040 --> 00:09:47,350
But |.R. winning Weasel!
147
00:09:47,440 --> 00:09:50,637
I want it... now!
148
00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:57,640
The fuzzy rat wins!
149
00:09:57,720 --> 00:09:59,677
I am not a fuzzy rat.
150
00:09:59,760 --> 00:10:01,478
I am Weasel.
151
00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:04,673
Yeah. I'll bet.
152
00:10:05,880 --> 00:10:09,475
Next event, the horse toss!
153
00:10:09,560 --> 00:10:11,949
Don't you mean
the horse shoe toss?
154
00:10:12,040 --> 00:10:12,711
What do you mean?
155
00:10:12,800 --> 00:10:13,800
Never mind.
156
00:10:17,160 --> 00:10:19,959
Monkey's first!
157
00:10:23,760 --> 00:10:25,910
A leaner!
158
00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:28,310
Beat that, Mr. Hamster!
159
00:10:28,560 --> 00:10:30,312
I am Weasel!
160
00:10:35,280 --> 00:10:38,113
This event needs a little work.
161
00:10:42,200 --> 00:10:44,555
Next, my personal favorite!
162
00:10:44,640 --> 00:10:49,350
The william tell figure
skating competition!
163
00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:53,274
I can't believe this silly
activity classifies as an event.
164
00:10:53,360 --> 00:10:57,115
Okay, gals, you must
skate a lovely pirouette
165
00:10:57,200 --> 00:11:00,636
and shoot this
apple off my melon.
166
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,798
Let's try it again.
167
00:11:10,320 --> 00:11:12,391
You two don't seem
to get the point.
168
00:11:12,480 --> 00:11:15,791
Hit the apple. The
apple on my head?
169
00:11:15,880 --> 00:11:18,110
Try it again.
170
00:11:19,480 --> 00:11:22,472
Mr. Sackless isn't
very happy here.
171
00:11:22,560 --> 00:11:25,359
Lets just move on
to the next event.
172
00:11:27,560 --> 00:11:30,678
Next event, the parallel bar.
173
00:11:30,760 --> 00:11:32,114
And grill.
174
00:11:34,280 --> 00:11:36,794
Will we ever get a real event?
175
00:11:45,760 --> 00:11:47,671
You lose. Next!
176
00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:56,230
I guess Weasel wins!
177
00:11:56,320 --> 00:11:58,834
Hey, there's a Weasel
hair on my burger!
178
00:11:58,920 --> 00:12:01,275
Disqualified.
179
00:12:02,480 --> 00:12:04,630
It's a tie going
into the last event.
180
00:12:04,720 --> 00:12:06,472
Is it dangerous?
181
00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:10,110
Yes! The luge!
182
00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:11,315
I've heard of this!
183
00:12:11,400 --> 00:12:13,311
Finally a real event!
184
00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:16,518
Let me introduce
the luge brothers.
185
00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:18,432
Gerald and tim.
186
00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:20,955
I knew it was too
good to be true.
187
00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:24,557
I am so embarrassed.
188
00:12:24,640 --> 00:12:25,640
Go!
189
00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:28,600
Hey! My luge is stuck!
190
00:12:28,680 --> 00:12:29,715
'loo-hoe?
191
00:12:29,800 --> 00:12:31,393
Luge oil?
192
00:12:40,720 --> 00:12:45,476
Weasel is disqualified
for using a tubby luge.
193
00:12:45,560 --> 00:12:46,755
Tubby?
194
00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:51,076
You win, Mr. Gorilla.
195
00:12:51,160 --> 00:12:53,674
Here is your gold medal.
196
00:12:57,440 --> 00:12:58,475
Hey?
197
00:12:58,560 --> 00:12:59,914
That's no gold metal.
198
00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:03,356
It's just a rock painted
gold, and tied with a string!
199
00:13:03,520 --> 00:13:07,798
These sac-Mess games are a
scam, and you, sir, are a hand!
200
00:13:07,880 --> 00:13:09,234
Is that a crime?
201
00:13:09,520 --> 00:13:11,636
Why, yes it is.
202
00:13:15,680 --> 00:13:18,399
Careful, I... bruise easily.
203
00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:24,474
You know, Baboon, this
all might have been a scam.
204
00:13:24,560 --> 00:13:28,838
But I have to admit that riding
that tubby luge was rather fun.
205
00:13:29,280 --> 00:13:32,238
Call me tubby, will
ya, "Mr. Perfect"?
206
00:13:32,320 --> 00:13:35,870
Well, I'll show you!
And your monkey!
207
00:13:37,040 --> 00:13:39,031
Face! Tail! Tail!
208
00:13:39,120 --> 00:13:39,791
Skin!
209
00:13:39,880 --> 00:13:42,474
You know, I tried to
warn them that the luge
210
00:13:42,560 --> 00:13:45,359
is the most dangerous
event in sports.
211
00:13:45,440 --> 00:13:47,875
But they would not listen.
212
00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:51,674
I'm so sorry, \uge.
213
00:13:51,760 --> 00:13:53,194
You're not tubby! Just...
214
00:13:53,720 --> 00:13:54,994
You just...