Mama had a Chickie.
Mama had a Cow.
Dad wad proud, he didn't care how.
COW!
Chicken!
Cow and Chicken!
Everybody just shut your pork traps for a minute!
Just take a look at the championships our school has won.
Basketball?
Three Championships.
And how many Plastic Surgery Championships?
And for that reason, we brought in an advisor to help.
A Plastic Surgery Coach.
Hello, little teeny tiny Mary.
I'm your new Plastic Surgery Coach!
Plastic surgery isn't just a sport.
It's a way of life!
I'll help you...
ladies bring home the State Championship to your school,
or my name isn't C.D. High Knee!
Doctor Plastic Surgery Surgeon!
Oh, I want to be on the team!
I like your spirit! You're hired!
Oh, by the way, who did your waddle?
Plastic Surgery Practice!
Cow?
You get to be Chicken's assistant, and big-boned cheerleader.
Goodie!
Cheering! Cheering! Cheering Surgery Princess!
Volunteer? You'll do!
Turn this, into this!
I am ready.
- Power sander. - Power sander.
- Weed-wacker! - Weed-wacker!
- Old pig pan! - Old pig pan!
- Nine iron. - Nine iron.
You made a crab, Big Brother!
Oh, nice Pebble Crab.
Except I asked for a Blue Point Crab!
Surgery like that will not win us no championship, chief.
Which one of you Weenies is our next victim, slash, volunteer?
Hey! Yo, wait just a minute.
Let's see what ya got, Chicken?
Surprise me.
Ball-peen hammer!
Cold chisel!
Two, four, six, nine!
Who do we think is fine? Chicken! Yay!
Faster! Faster!
Success!
Hey, Hem'? Fetching!
Well, meatballs, I think we're ready for our first game.
Good afternoon, ladies and Germans,
and welcome to today's Grade School Plastic Surgery Contest,
scheduled for ten rounds!
Both Captains await the first test!
A banana slug!
Looks like Chicken's Team's off to a fast start with a garden tool!
While the other team is holding their own with a cheese grater!
Nip and Tuck, Saw and Curl, my brother, Chicken, is not a girl!
Hold on to your shorts, ladies and gerbils!
And there's the buzzer!
A perfect banana slug for Chicken's Team!
Now, the other team! Oh, my.
That's just not gonna do. Chicken's Team wins!
I couldn't have done this without you, Dr. High Knee.
Oh, please. Call me Dr. High Knee.
This just in.
The Chicken Team is going to the finals!
You know, I never thought you ladies would make it this far.
So I'm so proud!
Blah-blah-blah, sob-sob-sob.
The other team is tough!
But, so are we.
However, I'm worried about the Beaver Competition.
Our Beaver... Their Beaver.
As you can see, creating Beavers are our weakness.
Welcome again Plastic Surgery fans,
to the State Championship of Grade School Plastic Surgery!
The underdog,
Chicken's Team, up against the over-dog, the other team,
the returning Champs.
Hey! That's not fair!
Those guys are still in grade school?
Yes.
You see, they excel at Plastic Surgery,
but they stink at math.
The Ref holds up a Sperm Whale.
And... they're off!
This is what separates the men from the girl-men.
Perfect Sperm Whale heads!
It's a tie!
Looks like there's going to be a sudden death...
tie breaker!
Jumpin' grandma on a stick! The Beaver!
Oh, no!
We're doomed! We're doomed!
Not the Beaver!
You gotta help me, Dr. High Knee.
Please! Call me Dr. High Knee.
Hey! Oh, let go!
Oh, that tickles! Handcuffs?
Okay, High Knee.
Show me your Plastic Surgery License.
Hey. It says here you're a...
Plastic Pipe Salesman from Bend, Oregon!
He wasn't even a New Mexican.
Oh, Chicken, it is time for the Sudden Death Photo-Realistic Beaver!
I can't do it, Cow!
Doctor High Knee lied to us!
I can't perform no surgery!
Pull yourself together, Big Brother.
It was you who did those surgeries,
not The Red Guy with no pants.
You're right, Cow! Come on!
Chicken? We... we are all out of volunteers for surgery.
Don't worry, Flem. I'll do it... on me!
You lose, Chicken. You are nothing but a loser.
It's Sudden Death Beaver Time!
Mash beaker.
Clamp. Blender.
Butter.
I said butter, not udder.
Sorry.
What kind of doctor are you?
You forgot to fill the chain saw with gas!
And time has run out.
Let's see how the teams did, shall we?
First the Champs!
Oh, that's not gonna cut it.
Now the Chicken Team.
It's a perfect photo-realistic Beaver!
Chicken Team wins!
What an upset!
Hooray, Big Brother!
And now, ladies,
it's time for the Cow and Photo-Realistic Beaver Show!
Mom! Dad! Photo-Realistic Beaver is teasing me again!
Photo-Realistic Beaver?
Have you been teasing your sister again?