Lookie! My kite is soaring! It is fl yin!
Flying Tall Princess!
Yeah. Very impressive, your majesty Cow!
Maybe next time you go kite flying you'll graduate to a six foot string.
Oh, but I don't know how to fly a kite for real.
Back in Nam when I was with the Hundred and First Kite Flying Division, I...
- You flew military kites? - You flew military kites?
Sure, yeah!
Back in sixty-six in Nam.
Viet Nam?
No. Nam, Wisconsin.
But that's besides the point.
Let's go to the park right now!
And you teach us to fly kites!
All right!
All right y!
We got the string, paper, scissors and tape!
Private Cow awaiting instruction
from Kite Master Captain Boneless Chicken, Sir!
Listen, gang. I don't think I can do this.
I mean, I haven't flown a kite since that incident in Nam,
on Patty Belt Hill.
My navigator, Joe, and I were flying solo that fateful day.
Boneless, pull up! They're comin' in too low!
Pull up! Pull up!
I never flew a kite again.
But I guess I'm finally over what happened to Joe.
I'm glad you're over it.
Okay, Cow, here's what you do.
Roll out some paper.
Then tape the nostril.
Good, Cow!
Now, Chicken, hold the kite and don't let go 'till I say so.
Like this?
Right.
And Cow?
You run like a stupid idiot down the hill.
Is this stupid enough?
Oh, Chicken, you can let go now.
Okay, Cow, new strategy.
Run like a pinhead this time.
Oh, goodie! My kite is really flying!
Whose kite is this?
I demand to know who owns this cow kite?
And just who are yous?
Who am I?
I am Baron Von Nein Leder Hosen...
Kite Flyer Extraordinaire!
Now, who's the dead man who owns the cow kite, hmm?
Me, Sir.
You?
And who taught you how to fly a kite?
That would be me I guess.
I see.
Do you realize what you have done?
No, of course you don't.
You don't have any bones.
Well, I'll show you!
See that kite up there?
That kite is being flown by the good, good people of Asswipay.
Asswipay! Asswipay!
The Asswipay's have challenged me to a mid-air kite duel and tug of war.
Their kite was too tangled with my kite,
and fight to the death over the burning waves of the Lava River.
- AssWiPaY! - AssWiPaY!
I ain't never heard of no contest like that before ever.
Oh, sure.
In some parts of the world it's an ancient custom.
And we just happen to be in one of those parts of the world.
Now, from where I stand,
you owe me a kite, since you destroyed mine!
Let's try you out as a kite, hmm?
No, you're too fat to be a kite.
Let's see if you'll fly!
No!
Nope.
How about you?
Now hold on there, fat boy.
I'm soaring.
Oh, Grandma, I'm soaring!
Oh, great.
My one chance to fly and I run into a dragon kite
flown by a bunch of Asswipay people.
Asswipay! Asswipay!
Hot boiling lava?
Boneless?
Help me!
Oh, Big Brother, we've got to help Boneless Chicken
before he gets burned to a crisp in the molten hot Lava River!
Mommy, Grandma's lookin' at me again.
All right, Cow, let's go join the Asswipay's!
Hang in there Cousin Boneless!
We are coming to save you!
I got the joy, joy, joy down in my heart.
Asswi pay'!
Hot boiling molten lava!
Oh, the agony!
Oh, the agony.
This is kinda nice.
It's really like lukewarm lava.
Oh, I got the lava lovin' fool, the sight of lava makes me drool.
Oh, sorry about the kite thing today.
And that pantless guy.
Hope you weren't hurt.
Well, at least you didn't get me any broken bones.
It's a joke, Cow!
I'm Boneless Chicken!
Got no bones to break!
Oh, cousin Boneless!
You are the best cousin a cow could ever have.
Hey, kids!
Did I ever tell you about the time I was champ...
of the Boneless Bowling League back in eighty-four?
No! No! Really, that wasn't a joke!
What is wrong with you kids?
You must be this tall to ride.
Ah, dang! I'm too short!
This is great! Right, Chicken?
Yeah, great! I'm havin' the time of my life!
You don't need pants for the victory dance,
'cause Baboon's better than Weasel.
I.R. Baboon's a big star cartoon.
I. M. Weasel!
I.R. Baboon reigns king of his line,
he's just a baboon with a wiggle behind.
But round every comer he's likely to find...
I. M. Weasel!
Greetings Weasel fans!
This is Dick Pickle reporting to you live from the Hollywood Bowl,
where a sold out crowd will soon be privileged to witness a lovely
soul stirring virtuoso harp concerto by the one, the only, |.M. Weasel.
Oh, he's so... so fabulous!
LR. Better music man than Weasel!
LR. Can play harp, too!
LR. Can play anything!
Weasel! Weasel! Weasel! Weasel...!
Ladies and Germans!
Give it up for |.M. Weasel!
Weasel! I love you!
How dare they treating LR. Like spotted ape.
Come on, boy.
Good doggie.
My beauty!
Free at last!
Did you miss me, stuck in your sweaty case all day?
Nothin' up my sleeve.
Nothin' up my pants.
Presto!
LR. Have question, Mr. Pantless Man who cannot see.
Oh, I see just fine.
It's these black opaque glasses!
Can't see a darn thing through 'em.
But they were on sale.
What are that?
What's the matter?
Can't you see? It's a Theraman!
The Theraman is the greatest instrument since the probe.
When you play the Theraman, you play with the juice of life itself!
Electricity!
Silence, por favor!
Shut your pie holes!
A-B-C-D-E-F-G, H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O-P...
Pop, goes the Weasel!
Q-R-S—T-U-V...
You don't need pants for the victory dance,
'cause Baboon's better than Weasel.
I.R. Baboon's a big star of cartoon...
Explode goes the Weasel!
I.R. Baboon reigns king in his mind...
he's just as good as the weaely kind.
But round every comer he's likely to find...
Explode!
W—X—Y AND Z.
Now I know my A-B-C'S...
Tell me what you think of me!
A-B-C-D-F-B-I, G-I-C-U, B-V-D-D-D.
I-R-B-AND-A-R-V... W-X-Y-AND-ZEND.
Now I know my A-B-C'S...
Tell me what you think of me.
LR. Better music man than Weasel!
LR. Have magic box!
The Theraman is without a doubt a virtuoso instrument.
However, the harps melodic tone is more suited to this piece.
- A-B-C-D-E-F-G... - /-c-u...
H—I—J—K... U-R-C-ME-TOO.
Q-R-S... C-I-A... W-X... J-F-K...
Now I know my A-B-C's...
Next time you won't sing with me.
A-B-C-D-E-F-G, H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O-P...
A-B-C-D-F-B-I, G-I-C-U-B-V-D-D-D.
I-R-B-AND-A-R-B, DO-RO-ME-AND-L-A-G.
Now I know my A-B-C's, Tell me what you think of me.
Oh, no! An earthquake!
It seems the frequency of the Theraman is reverberating down
to the San Andreas Fault.
The vibrations are going to cause a cataclysmic earthquake.
The big one!
|.R.!
You must turn down the volume at once!
Weasel jealous of |.R.!
LR. Make better music than Weasel!
|.R.! Stop the music!
Magic box! I thought you dead.
|.R., are you injured?
Wait! Put the box down!
Oh, don't!
You'll cause another earthquake!
|.R., no!
|.R. Baboon?
Give me your hand!
LR. Not leaving without magic box.
Don't be a fool, man!
What a waste.
He was a Theraman virtuoso and a good monkey.
Let us pause for a moment of silence.