1
00:00:10,168 --> 00:00:12,186
Oh, my God!
2
00:00:12,187 --> 00:00:14,345
Rosa's wearing pink!
Rosa's wearing pink!
3
00:00:14,346 --> 00:00:18,123
Are we sure it's not a white shirt that's
just been bloodied in a motorcycle crash?
4
00:00:18,124 --> 00:00:20,288
Maybe it wasn't her.
Does she have a twin sister?
5
00:00:20,289 --> 00:00:21,957
If Rosa had a twin,
6
00:00:21,958 --> 00:00:23,725
she would have eaten her
in the womb.
7
00:00:23,726 --> 00:00:25,293
Wait. Hold it. Stop.
8
00:00:25,294 --> 00:00:26,862
How come none of you
teased her about it?
9
00:00:26,863 --> 00:00:28,563
It's Rosa.
She's scary.
10
00:00:28,598 --> 00:00:30,265
You guys are unbelievable.
11
00:00:30,266 --> 00:00:32,300
I once wore a tie
with a splash of purple.
12
00:00:32,301 --> 00:00:34,369
You guys called me Mr. Grapes
for two years.
13
00:00:34,370 --> 00:00:36,538
Oh, Mr. Grapes.
14
00:00:36,539 --> 00:00:38,240
I forgot about Mr. Grapes.
15
00:00:38,241 --> 00:00:40,742
If I wore a pink shirt,
you'd tear me to shreds.
16
00:00:40,743 --> 00:00:43,512
Well, yeah, but you'd look like
a My Little Pony with a gun.
17
00:00:43,546 --> 00:00:44,746
Let me guess.
18
00:00:44,780 --> 00:00:46,615
Your theater club
is putting on Grease,
19
00:00:46,616 --> 00:00:48,083
and you're playing
a pink lady.
20
00:00:49,552 --> 00:00:50,752
What are you guys
laughing at?
21
00:00:50,753 --> 00:00:52,254
If Boyle was wearing
a pink shirt.
22
00:00:52,255 --> 00:00:53,755
I get it.
That's hilarious.
23
00:00:53,756 --> 00:00:54,756
What's happening?
24
00:00:54,757 --> 00:00:56,525
Rosa is the one wearing pink.
25
00:00:57,593 --> 00:00:59,027
And?
26
00:00:59,028 --> 00:01:00,228
It's gorgeous.
27
00:01:00,229 --> 00:01:01,596
I wish I could pull that off
28
00:01:01,597 --> 00:01:02,931
Dream on,
Strawberry Shortcake.
29
00:01:02,932 --> 00:01:04,933
Yeah, nice try, Mr. Grapes.
30
00:01:04,934 --> 00:01:07,802
Mr. Grapes.
31
00:01:07,803 --> 00:01:09,771
Mr. Grapes!
32
00:01:29,792 --> 00:01:32,027
Last night, several masked men
robbed a number
33
00:01:32,028 --> 00:01:34,062
of check cashing locations
in our precinct.
34
00:01:34,096 --> 00:01:36,164
They also hit several locations
in the Nine-Three,
35
00:01:36,165 --> 00:01:38,166
so this will be
a joint investigation.
36
00:01:38,167 --> 00:01:40,635
Detective David Majors
is already on the case.
37
00:01:40,670 --> 00:01:42,704
Whoa, Dave Majors?
38
00:01:42,705 --> 00:01:43,704
Seriously?
39
00:01:43,706 --> 00:01:45,207
Who's that?
40
00:01:45,208 --> 00:01:47,676
He's The best detective in
the NYPD, myself included.
41
00:01:47,710 --> 00:01:49,811
His arrest numbers
are staggering.
42
00:01:49,812 --> 00:01:52,180
His conviction rate
is magnificent.
43
00:01:52,181 --> 00:01:54,316
He is blotter dynamite.
44
00:01:54,350 --> 00:01:55,817
I mean, I'm cool.
45
00:01:55,818 --> 00:01:57,219
I'm just hanging out
with you guys.
46
00:01:57,220 --> 00:01:59,354
Okay, but what's his body like
47
00:01:59,355 --> 00:02:01,389
on a scale from Charles
to Terry?
48
00:02:01,424 --> 00:02:02,791
Sorry, buddy.
49
00:02:02,792 --> 00:02:03,825
What?
50
00:02:03,826 --> 00:02:05,227
I'm the ten.
51
00:02:05,228 --> 00:02:06,228
Sure you are.
52
00:02:06,229 --> 00:02:08,163
Majors does just fine.
53
00:02:08,164 --> 00:02:10,565
His girlfriend is the weather
lady from channel five.
54
00:02:10,566 --> 00:02:12,834
You know, the one who's always
reaching for Cooperstown?
55
00:02:12,835 --> 00:02:14,202
Love her.
56
00:02:14,203 --> 00:02:15,570
Well, I need someone
to partner up with him.
57
00:02:15,571 --> 00:02:17,139
- Ooh, me, me, me, me, me.
- Oh, I'll do it.
58
00:02:17,140 --> 00:02:18,573
Sir, with all due respect,
I'm the obvious choice.
59
00:02:18,608 --> 00:02:21,376
I mean, look at me.
I'm not in profile.
60
00:02:21,377 --> 00:02:22,844
Sir, please let the record show
61
00:02:22,845 --> 00:02:24,946
that the sauce on his face
is from yesterday.
62
00:02:24,947 --> 00:02:26,381
And it is that level
of eagle-eyed observation
63
00:02:26,382 --> 00:02:27,616
that I plan to bring to...
64
00:02:27,617 --> 00:02:29,818
Enough.
You can both work the case.
65
00:02:29,852 --> 00:02:31,486
Three heads are better
than two.
66
00:02:31,521 --> 00:02:32,988
Also,
I fear any other decision I make
67
00:02:32,989 --> 00:02:34,156
will just result
in further noise.
68
00:02:34,157 --> 00:02:35,323
Good call, sir.
69
00:02:35,324 --> 00:02:37,159
I was about to start chanting,
"Vote for Jake."
70
00:02:37,160 --> 00:02:38,360
Let's do it anyway.
71
00:02:38,361 --> 00:02:40,362
Vote for Jake.
Vote for Jake.
72
00:02:40,363 --> 00:02:42,864
- Dismissed.
- Yeah.
73
00:02:42,899 --> 00:02:44,099
Code Chartreuse.
74
00:02:44,100 --> 00:02:45,600
I repeat, Code Chartreuse.
75
00:02:45,601 --> 00:02:46,635
Gina, for the last time,
76
00:02:46,636 --> 00:02:48,370
please limit your alerts
to ROY-G-BIV.
77
00:02:48,371 --> 00:02:49,538
Disappointing.
78
00:02:49,539 --> 00:02:51,139
"Code Chartreuse" means
"the recruiter
79
00:02:51,140 --> 00:02:53,341
from Copperhead Security,
Gary Shaw, is here."
80
00:02:53,342 --> 00:02:55,544
Gary Shaw has attempted
to pry me away
81
00:02:55,545 --> 00:02:57,679
from the NYPD for eight years.
82
00:02:57,680 --> 00:03:00,549
When he makes his offer,
I know just what I'll say:
83
00:03:00,583 --> 00:03:04,052
Never is not just a crater
on Mars.
84
00:03:04,086 --> 00:03:05,406
Of course,
it is a crater on Mars.
85
00:03:05,421 --> 00:03:06,521
That's hilarious.
86
00:03:06,522 --> 00:03:07,856
It's not meant to be funny,
Boyle.
87
00:03:07,857 --> 00:03:09,357
It's meant to be devastating.
88
00:03:09,358 --> 00:03:11,660
Captain Holt,
good to see you.
89
00:03:11,694 --> 00:03:14,663
Mr. Shaw,
let's just cut to the chase:
90
00:03:14,664 --> 00:03:17,566
Never is not just a crater
on Mars.
91
00:03:21,370 --> 00:03:23,038
Of course,
it is a crater on Mars.
92
00:03:23,039 --> 00:03:24,840
Well, actually,
I'm not here for you.
93
00:03:24,841 --> 00:03:26,908
A member of your squad
reached out to me,
94
00:03:26,909 --> 00:03:28,743
a Sergeant Terry Jeffords.
95
00:03:28,778 --> 00:03:30,846
Oh.
96
00:03:30,847 --> 00:03:31,913
Oh, I see.
97
00:03:31,914 --> 00:03:35,016
Well,
Sergeant Jeffords is out there.
98
00:03:35,017 --> 00:03:36,251
Thank you, Captain.
99
00:03:36,285 --> 00:03:39,287
There's my guy
Terry the tank.
100
00:03:39,322 --> 00:03:42,324
What? Guys. What? Guys.
101
00:03:42,325 --> 00:03:44,259
Terry called him?
He's shaking Terry's hand.
102
00:03:44,260 --> 00:03:46,461
Now I'm just describing
everything that's happening?
103
00:03:46,462 --> 00:03:47,763
What the hell is going on?
104
00:03:47,764 --> 00:03:48,997
I do not know.
105
00:03:48,998 --> 00:03:51,233
And now Captain Holt
doesn't know.
106
00:03:57,707 --> 00:04:01,143
Well, well, well,
what do we have here?
107
00:04:01,177 --> 00:04:02,844
Oh, Majors isn't here yet?
108
00:04:02,845 --> 00:04:05,380
I wasted all that coolness
on a bunch of nobodies.
109
00:04:05,414 --> 00:04:06,581
I'm just gonna reset.
110
00:04:09,485 --> 00:04:11,453
Jake, he's a
highly decorated detective.
111
00:04:11,454 --> 00:04:13,955
He's not gonna be impressed
by your sunglass choreography.
112
00:04:13,990 --> 00:04:17,125
He's gonna be too distracted
by my notebook flip.
113
00:04:17,160 --> 00:04:19,828
Shut up. Shut up.
He's here.
114
00:04:19,862 --> 00:04:21,329
Hey,
you must be the Nine-Nine.
115
00:04:21,330 --> 00:04:22,697
- I'm Majors.
- Hey. Peralta.
116
00:04:22,732 --> 00:04:25,066
This is Santiago.
117
00:04:25,067 --> 00:04:27,769
Well, well, well,
what do we have here?
118
00:04:27,770 --> 00:04:29,871
You mean here in my notebook?
119
00:04:29,906 --> 00:04:31,973
I looked into the baby masks
the perps were wearing,
120
00:04:31,974 --> 00:04:34,076
and no stores
in the tri-state area sell them.
121
00:04:34,077 --> 00:04:36,211
Reminds me of a murder I worked
a few years back.
122
00:04:36,245 --> 00:04:37,746
Perp always wore
these weird masks
123
00:04:37,780 --> 00:04:39,500
We couldn't figure out
where he bought them.
124
00:04:39,515 --> 00:04:40,982
Turns out he was making
his own masks
125
00:04:40,983 --> 00:04:42,717
from human skin.
126
00:04:42,752 --> 00:04:44,252
No.
127
00:04:44,253 --> 00:04:45,887
That is so awesome.
128
00:04:45,888 --> 00:04:47,756
Really, Amy?
For whom?
129
00:04:47,757 --> 00:04:49,257
Sounds to me like those
face masks
130
00:04:49,258 --> 00:04:52,060
were once somebody's face...
faces.
131
00:04:52,095 --> 00:04:53,295
That's true, Peralta.
132
00:04:53,296 --> 00:04:54,696
I think about that every day.
133
00:04:54,731 --> 00:04:57,432
You and me both.
Ahh.
134
00:04:57,467 --> 00:05:00,302
Okay, I'm gonna look around,
take a few statements.
135
00:05:00,303 --> 00:05:01,336
Juicy. Juicy.
136
00:05:01,337 --> 00:05:02,871
- Good call. Good call.
- Yep, yep, yep.
137
00:05:02,872 --> 00:05:04,272
Tight, tight, tight,
tight, tight.
138
00:05:04,307 --> 00:05:06,775
Well, looks like round one
goes to Peralta.
139
00:05:06,776 --> 00:05:08,543
And don't worry;
I'm just getting warmed up.
140
00:05:08,544 --> 00:05:09,911
I still have eight
sunglass moves
141
00:05:09,912 --> 00:05:10,946
locked and loaded.
142
00:05:10,980 --> 00:05:13,682
Make that nine.
143
00:05:13,683 --> 00:05:15,517
A-whee.
144
00:05:21,557 --> 00:05:24,493
So how was lunch?
145
00:05:24,494 --> 00:05:25,660
It was good.
146
00:05:25,695 --> 00:05:27,129
I had the T-bone with...
147
00:05:27,130 --> 00:05:28,563
I don't give a crap
about the food.
148
00:05:28,564 --> 00:05:30,098
Just email me
about that later.
149
00:05:30,099 --> 00:05:31,099
What happened with Gary?
150
00:05:31,100 --> 00:05:32,934
He gave me the hard sell.
151
00:05:32,935 --> 00:05:35,837
Look at all this swag I got:
152
00:05:35,838 --> 00:05:38,240
Puffy vest, carabiner...
153
00:05:38,274 --> 00:05:39,574
Terry, carabiners suck.
154
00:05:39,575 --> 00:05:41,176
You want free stuff?
155
00:05:41,177 --> 00:05:42,577
Here you go.
All right?
156
00:05:42,578 --> 00:05:44,112
You can have anything
you want from Amy's desk.
157
00:05:44,113 --> 00:05:45,113
Yeah.
158
00:05:45,114 --> 00:05:47,482
Gary made me an offer:
159
00:05:47,483 --> 00:05:51,286
Better hours, great benefits,
a serious pay raise,
160
00:05:51,287 --> 00:05:53,822
my own office...
with walls.
161
00:05:53,856 --> 00:05:55,891
Did you tell him Terry
doesn't love walls?
162
00:05:55,892 --> 00:05:57,559
No, Terry loves walls.
163
00:05:57,593 --> 00:05:59,961
I'm seriously considering
saying yes
164
00:05:59,962 --> 00:06:01,863
Look, I have another kid
on the way.
165
00:06:01,864 --> 00:06:03,832
Do you know how much
diapers cost?
166
00:06:03,866 --> 00:06:05,901
Yes.
167
00:06:08,771 --> 00:06:10,005
The point is,
168
00:06:10,006 --> 00:06:12,507
I'm trying to do what's best
for my family.
169
00:06:12,508 --> 00:06:14,509
- It's not just about me.
- Exactly.
170
00:06:14,544 --> 00:06:19,114
It's about me and how you are
abandoning me to these squares.
171
00:06:20,450 --> 00:06:21,550
Yikes.
172
00:06:21,551 --> 00:06:23,251
Look at all these baby masks.
173
00:06:23,252 --> 00:06:25,554
Looks like someone's due
for a spanking from Papa Law.
174
00:06:25,555 --> 00:06:26,822
Nice.
175
00:06:26,823 --> 00:06:28,924
So the van was stolen
from a rental lot
176
00:06:28,925 --> 00:06:31,893
three weeks ago
and dumped here yesterday.
177
00:06:31,894 --> 00:06:35,364
Talk about
a curbside drop-off.
178
00:06:35,365 --> 00:06:38,166
We're working a case here, Amy.
It's not Showtime at the Apollo.
179
00:06:38,201 --> 00:06:40,502
Great point.
Thank you so much, Jake.
180
00:06:40,536 --> 00:06:44,039
Well, I'm going to go sign
the van over to forensics.
181
00:06:45,808 --> 00:06:48,510
Hey, listen, I'm a member
of this invite-only speakeasy
182
00:06:48,544 --> 00:06:49,544
called The Keychain.
183
00:06:49,545 --> 00:06:50,912
Want to get
a drink there later?
184
00:06:50,913 --> 00:06:53,148
I'd ask Amy also,
but I can only bring one guest.
185
00:06:53,149 --> 00:06:55,417
Nah, it's cool; I'm sure
she's busy tonight anyway.
186
00:06:55,418 --> 00:06:56,885
Taxes are due
in eight months.
187
00:06:56,919 --> 00:06:58,453
Actually, they were due
two weeks ago.
188
00:06:58,454 --> 00:07:01,156
Well,
that is a horrible surprise.
189
00:07:01,157 --> 00:07:04,226
But the point is,
drink sounds good.
190
00:07:13,736 --> 00:07:14,903
Password?
191
00:07:14,937 --> 00:07:16,471
Tropical.
192
00:07:20,276 --> 00:07:24,980
Oh, my gah.
193
00:07:24,981 --> 00:07:27,115
This place is amazing.
194
00:07:27,116 --> 00:07:29,518
Yeah, I come here
after ever case I solve,
195
00:07:29,552 --> 00:07:30,752
which means I'm here a lot.
196
00:07:30,787 --> 00:07:32,220
Oh, nice.
197
00:07:32,221 --> 00:07:33,722
Every time I solve one,
I go get a steak dinner.
198
00:07:33,723 --> 00:07:35,357
My cholesterol is uh-terrible.
199
00:07:35,391 --> 00:07:37,359
Milo,
this is my friend Jake.
200
00:07:37,360 --> 00:07:38,660
We're working a case together.
201
00:07:38,661 --> 00:07:40,462
Yeah, and this is
my friend Dave.
202
00:07:40,463 --> 00:07:42,030
We're friends.
I'll have a...
203
00:07:42,031 --> 00:07:43,365
Oh no.
You don't order here.
204
00:07:43,399 --> 00:07:45,767
Milo makes you a drink
he knows you'll love,
205
00:07:45,768 --> 00:07:46,902
and then you love it.
206
00:07:46,936 --> 00:07:48,270
Really?
Interesting.
207
00:07:48,271 --> 00:07:51,907
Barrel Proof bourbon, neat
orange stood a chaser.
208
00:07:51,908 --> 00:07:53,442
Well, to the first
of many hangs.
209
00:07:53,476 --> 00:07:54,876
Yeah, totally.
210
00:07:54,877 --> 00:07:57,245
Listen, the reason
I brought you here is,
211
00:07:57,246 --> 00:07:59,881
I want to ask you,
what's the deal with Santiago?
212
00:07:59,916 --> 00:08:01,116
Amy?
Oh, no.
213
00:08:01,117 --> 00:08:02,251
Did she do something weird?
214
00:08:02,285 --> 00:08:03,819
No, no, she's great.
215
00:08:03,820 --> 00:08:05,554
I just want to know if there's
something going on with you two.
216
00:08:05,555 --> 00:08:06,888
You know, are you together...
217
00:08:06,923 --> 00:08:08,724
Oh, no, no.
218
00:08:08,758 --> 00:08:10,259
Cool, when this case is over,
219
00:08:10,260 --> 00:08:11,260
I'm gonna ask her out.
220
00:08:11,294 --> 00:08:13,095
Oh.
221
00:08:13,096 --> 00:08:16,031
You're gonna ask out Amy
when the case ends.
222
00:08:16,032 --> 00:08:18,066
Perfect.
223
00:08:18,101 --> 00:08:19,635
Oh.
224
00:08:19,636 --> 00:08:20,902
Yeah,
that's a sippin' whiskey.
225
00:08:22,839 --> 00:08:24,180
So it is.
226
00:08:34,048 --> 00:08:35,248
Seems about right.
227
00:08:35,249 --> 00:08:36,616
What's wrong with you?
228
00:08:36,617 --> 00:08:40,220
You and Majors have too much fun
last night at "The Keychain?"
229
00:08:40,221 --> 00:08:42,722
Okay, it's a private bar,
not a haunted motel.
230
00:08:42,723 --> 00:08:44,791
And no,
I did not have a good time.
231
00:08:44,792 --> 00:08:46,593
Turns out he didn't want
to be best bros at all.
232
00:08:46,594 --> 00:08:48,261
He just wanted to know
if I was cool with him
233
00:08:48,262 --> 00:08:49,663
asking Amy out
when the case ended.
234
00:08:49,697 --> 00:08:51,064
I thought he was dating
that weather girl.
235
00:08:51,065 --> 00:08:52,265
No, he dumped her because she
blamed Hurricane Sandy
236
00:08:52,266 --> 00:08:53,633
on gay marriage.
237
00:08:53,634 --> 00:08:54,935
Anyways,
now when the case ends,
238
00:08:54,936 --> 00:08:57,370
Amy is gonna marry
Detective "Blotter Dynamite."
239
00:08:57,371 --> 00:08:58,438
Why do you even care?
240
00:08:58,439 --> 00:08:59,806
You still like her?
241
00:08:59,807 --> 00:09:01,942
I don't know.
I mean, we're friends.
242
00:09:01,943 --> 00:09:04,110
And things have been
kind of flirty lately.
243
00:09:04,111 --> 00:09:06,313
Plus, we had this weird
romantic moment thing-y
244
00:09:06,314 --> 00:09:07,948
at Charles and Gina's
parents' wedding.
245
00:09:07,949 --> 00:09:09,683
Ugh, just say you still like her.
246
00:09:09,684 --> 00:09:11,418
All right, fine,
I still like her.
247
00:09:11,419 --> 00:09:13,086
Look, I've been thinking
about asking her out
248
00:09:13,087 --> 00:09:14,588
for the last couple of weeks,
but it's hard.
249
00:09:14,589 --> 00:09:16,356
There's so much buildup now,
you know?
250
00:09:16,357 --> 00:09:17,490
Not really.
I don't ask people out.
251
00:09:17,491 --> 00:09:18,892
I just tell them
where we're going.
252
00:09:18,893 --> 00:09:20,594
Great, well,
it doesn't matter now anyway,
253
00:09:20,595 --> 00:09:21,795
'cause I told Dave
to go for it.
254
00:09:21,796 --> 00:09:22,796
That was crazy stupid.
255
00:09:22,797 --> 00:09:24,831
Sorry.
That was normal stupid.
256
00:09:24,832 --> 00:09:26,266
You should have told him
to back off.
257
00:09:26,267 --> 00:09:28,101
I can't go around telling guys
not to ask Amy out
258
00:09:28,102 --> 00:09:30,370
because I like her and I'm too
dumb to do anything about it.
259
00:09:30,371 --> 00:09:31,838
I can't make
a woman's choice for her.
260
00:09:31,839 --> 00:09:33,540
I stand with Wendy.
Did I do that right?
261
00:09:33,541 --> 00:09:34,608
- No.
- Oh.
262
00:09:34,609 --> 00:09:36,510
Look, If you want to give her
a real choice,
263
00:09:36,511 --> 00:09:40,146
you've got to let her know
that you are an option.
264
00:09:40,147 --> 00:09:41,615
I think you know
what you've got to do.
265
00:09:41,616 --> 00:09:42,949
Yeah.
266
00:09:42,950 --> 00:09:44,518
Ask her out before
the case ends, right?
267
00:09:44,519 --> 00:09:45,952
I just want to be
extra clear.
268
00:09:45,953 --> 00:09:48,288
The stakes are through
the roof for me on this one.
269
00:09:51,225 --> 00:09:52,225
You wanted to see us?
270
00:09:52,226 --> 00:09:53,994
What are these
requisition forms?
271
00:09:53,995 --> 00:09:57,230
We are throwing Terry
a "please stay" party.
272
00:09:57,231 --> 00:10:00,934
My vision is a frozen yogurt
machine operated by Pam Grier.
273
00:10:00,935 --> 00:10:04,571
Sir, we think Sarge is going
to accept Copperhead's offer.
274
00:10:04,572 --> 00:10:06,106
I never thought
I'd say these words:
275
00:10:06,107 --> 00:10:08,408
You have to put Gina in touch
with Pam Grier.
276
00:10:08,409 --> 00:10:10,343
No, Sergeant Jeffords
can make up his mind
277
00:10:10,344 --> 00:10:13,079
without the influence
of Foxy Brown or cold yogurt.
278
00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:14,181
He is a grown man.
279
00:10:14,182 --> 00:10:16,449
Oh,
I see what's going on here
280
00:10:16,450 --> 00:10:18,385
You're upset that Terry
would even consider
281
00:10:18,386 --> 00:10:19,819
leaving the Nine-Nine.
282
00:10:19,820 --> 00:10:23,623
I'd expect this pettiness from
a spineless amoeba like Charles,
283
00:10:23,658 --> 00:10:24,744
but not you, Sir.
284
00:10:24,759 --> 00:10:25,959
I'm not spineless.
285
00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:26,960
Come on, Charles.
286
00:10:26,961 --> 00:10:27,961
Yep.
287
00:10:29,297 --> 00:10:30,897
Ahh, look who's finally here.
288
00:10:30,898 --> 00:10:32,465
We already solved the case
without you.
289
00:10:32,466 --> 00:10:33,834
What?
You did?
290
00:10:33,835 --> 00:10:35,135
Kidding.
291
00:10:35,169 --> 00:10:36,636
Oliver was actually giving us
some pretty bad news.
292
00:10:36,671 --> 00:10:38,171
Carry on, Oliver.
293
00:10:38,172 --> 00:10:39,673
So we swabbed the whole van.
294
00:10:39,674 --> 00:10:41,174
We didn't find anything.
295
00:10:41,175 --> 00:10:43,176
No hairs, no fibers, no semen.
296
00:10:43,177 --> 00:10:45,812
And a rental van is usually
a frickin' Jackson Pollock.
297
00:10:45,847 --> 00:10:46,847
All right.
298
00:10:46,848 --> 00:10:47,948
They also wiped
down the masks
299
00:10:47,949 --> 00:10:49,716
with some sort of
bleach solution.
300
00:10:49,717 --> 00:10:51,485
They were really
covering their tracks.
301
00:10:51,486 --> 00:10:53,053
Check it out.
302
00:10:53,054 --> 00:10:54,688
Well,
that wasn't very helpful.
303
00:10:54,689 --> 00:10:57,224
Although, I did learn I should
never rent a van again.
304
00:10:57,225 --> 00:10:59,292
Hey, can I talk to you
for a second privately?
305
00:10:59,293 --> 00:11:01,161
Sure.
Oh, wait.
306
00:11:01,162 --> 00:11:02,863
This isn't gonna be that thing
where you pretend you got
307
00:11:02,864 --> 00:11:04,197
an important text from Holt,
308
00:11:04,198 --> 00:11:05,699
and it's just that video
of screaming sheep.
309
00:11:05,700 --> 00:11:08,335
I promise you it's not,
but I do stand by that prank.
310
00:11:10,271 --> 00:11:12,239
So what's up?
311
00:11:12,240 --> 00:11:16,276
Okay, I almost feel
weird saying this,
312
00:11:16,277 --> 00:11:18,645
but I wanted to ask you...
313
00:11:18,646 --> 00:11:20,347
wow, those pictures
are not helping.
314
00:11:20,348 --> 00:11:21,781
Oh, my God.
315
00:11:21,782 --> 00:11:23,550
They're really gonna
have to re-grout.
316
00:11:23,551 --> 00:11:25,185
Ugh, finding a contractor.
317
00:11:25,186 --> 00:11:26,520
You are so consistent.
318
00:11:26,521 --> 00:11:28,522
Anyways, the question I wanted
to ask you is...
319
00:11:28,523 --> 00:11:30,323
So I got the results
on that feces.
320
00:11:30,324 --> 00:11:33,426
It's human,
but it's not all human.
321
00:11:33,427 --> 00:11:34,628
You're not Dr. Gassner.
322
00:11:34,629 --> 00:11:35,662
We are not.
323
00:11:35,663 --> 00:11:36,830
- Can you give us a sec?
- Sure.
324
00:11:36,831 --> 00:11:38,165
Real quick,
what was the other...
325
00:11:38,166 --> 00:11:39,399
Dog and bear.
326
00:11:39,400 --> 00:11:40,700
Wow.
327
00:11:40,701 --> 00:11:42,702
I thought you'd really
be into that feces puzzle.
328
00:11:42,703 --> 00:11:44,137
Normally, yes.
329
00:11:44,138 --> 00:11:46,306
But I want to talk to you
about something else right now.
330
00:11:46,307 --> 00:11:47,607
More specifically...
331
00:11:47,608 --> 00:11:49,609
- Guys, dispatch just called.
- Great, Dave's here now.
332
00:11:49,610 --> 00:11:51,311
The check-cashing babies
just struck on Flatbush.
333
00:11:51,312 --> 00:11:52,312
We've got to go.
334
00:11:52,313 --> 00:11:53,680
Lead the way.
335
00:11:53,681 --> 00:11:55,348
What did you want to tell me?
336
00:11:55,349 --> 00:11:59,286
Oh, Captain Holt sent
a very important text.
337
00:11:59,320 --> 00:12:00,387
Oh.
338
00:12:09,564 --> 00:12:10,730
What's that smell?
339
00:12:10,731 --> 00:12:13,600
That's lavender.
Terry loves lavender.
340
00:12:13,601 --> 00:12:15,769
A little homemade
honey yogurt
341
00:12:15,770 --> 00:12:18,905
infused with
lavender and love.
342
00:12:18,906 --> 00:12:22,375
Mmm, that is delicious.
343
00:12:22,376 --> 00:12:23,910
Hold it.
344
00:12:23,911 --> 00:12:26,313
This isn't some weird breast
milk or something is it, Boyle?
345
00:12:26,314 --> 00:12:28,448
I mean, technically
it's from a sheep's breast.
346
00:12:28,449 --> 00:12:30,750
Hey, Terry,
got any new baby pics?
347
00:12:30,751 --> 00:12:32,552
You hate looking at
pictures of my twins.
348
00:12:32,587 --> 00:12:33,987
You said since they
were identical,
349
00:12:34,021 --> 00:12:35,722
I didn't need to take
photos of both.
350
00:12:35,756 --> 00:12:37,624
That doesn't sound
like Auntie Gina.
351
00:12:37,625 --> 00:12:39,559
I love your baby pics
352
00:12:39,560 --> 00:12:42,496
and your stories about
the twins' sleep schedules.
353
00:12:42,497 --> 00:12:45,332
Okay, I know what
you two are doing.
354
00:12:45,333 --> 00:12:46,900
This is your weird way
of trying
355
00:12:46,901 --> 00:12:49,236
to make me stay
at the Nine-Nine.
356
00:12:49,237 --> 00:12:51,738
Well, I am loving it.
357
00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:55,409
You know, the funny thing is,
Cagney naps better,
358
00:12:55,410 --> 00:12:57,944
but at night,
that's Lacey's time to shine.
359
00:12:57,945 --> 00:12:59,346
One time,
she went 8-to-8.
360
00:12:59,347 --> 00:13:00,447
- Dang.
- Wow.
361
00:13:00,448 --> 00:13:01,815
I know.
362
00:13:01,816 --> 00:13:04,151
Jeffords, I need you to digitize
all your case files
363
00:13:04,152 --> 00:13:07,187
from 1995 to 1999 inclusive
by tomorrow at 9:00 a.m.
364
00:13:07,188 --> 00:13:08,955
But it's already 1:00.
365
00:13:08,956 --> 00:13:10,957
I told Sharon
we'd have dinner tonight.
366
00:13:10,958 --> 00:13:12,893
I was gonna have
a cup of coffee
367
00:13:12,894 --> 00:13:15,729
so that I could stay up
and... kiss.
368
00:13:15,730 --> 00:13:18,198
I suggest putting that
caffeine towards something
369
00:13:18,199 --> 00:13:21,835
more productive
than "kissing."
370
00:13:21,836 --> 00:13:24,004
Sir, what are you doing?
371
00:13:24,005 --> 00:13:26,073
Making sure Jeffords'
case files are digitized
372
00:13:26,074 --> 00:13:28,075
by tomorrow at 9:00 a.m.
373
00:13:28,076 --> 00:13:30,610
I thought I was
perfectly clear.
374
00:13:30,611 --> 00:13:34,014
I've got to call my wife,
tell her date night is off.
375
00:13:34,015 --> 00:13:37,451
I sent her all those kiss-face
emojis for no damn reason.
376
00:13:37,452 --> 00:13:39,019
Oh, no.
377
00:13:39,020 --> 00:13:41,054
Despite what I've been
saying for years,
378
00:13:41,055 --> 00:13:43,824
that ass just might quit.
379
00:13:43,825 --> 00:13:45,225
I don't get it.
380
00:13:45,226 --> 00:13:46,727
There's no rhyme or reason
to the locations they hit.
381
00:13:46,728 --> 00:13:48,361
This place was so
well-guarded.
382
00:13:48,362 --> 00:13:49,830
And why not hit the one
down the street
383
00:13:49,831 --> 00:13:51,164
that just has an old man
out front?
384
00:13:51,165 --> 00:13:53,667
It just seems so random.
385
00:13:53,668 --> 00:13:57,137
Yeah, it's like...
oh, that feels great.
386
00:13:57,138 --> 00:13:58,438
I don't think it's random.
387
00:13:58,439 --> 00:14:00,173
These guys are too good,
you know.
388
00:14:00,174 --> 00:14:01,742
We'll crack it.
389
00:14:01,743 --> 00:14:03,143
I'm gonna go grab
some coffee.
390
00:14:03,144 --> 00:14:04,711
Great.
391
00:14:04,712 --> 00:14:06,413
Mm.
392
00:14:06,414 --> 00:14:08,348
Hey, now that it's just us,
393
00:14:08,349 --> 00:14:11,018
there's a thing
I wanted to...
394
00:14:11,019 --> 00:14:13,687
to say a-da-za you.
395
00:14:13,688 --> 00:14:14,955
Why doesn't your mouth work?
396
00:14:14,956 --> 00:14:16,556
Why doesn't your mouth work?
Title of our sex tape.
397
00:14:16,557 --> 00:14:17,524
- What?
- Your sex tape.
398
00:14:17,525 --> 00:14:18,892
What?
No.
399
00:14:18,893 --> 00:14:22,796
Look,
here's what I wanted to say.
400
00:14:22,797 --> 00:14:24,664
Oh, no.
I just figured it out.
401
00:14:24,665 --> 00:14:26,400
- Huh?
- Here, look.
402
00:14:26,401 --> 00:14:28,769
The trash cans, the van,
the jumpsuit,
403
00:14:28,770 --> 00:14:30,537
they all say
"Johnny's Janitorial."
404
00:14:30,538 --> 00:14:31,571
Not random.
405
00:14:31,572 --> 00:14:33,473
They cased each location
as cleaners.
406
00:14:33,474 --> 00:14:35,308
That's why the van
was so spotless.
407
00:14:35,309 --> 00:14:36,443
Hey, what did I miss?
408
00:14:36,444 --> 00:14:37,944
Jake just solved the case.
409
00:14:37,945 --> 00:14:40,013
Holy crap.
That's awesome.
410
00:14:41,015 --> 00:14:42,249
All right.
411
00:14:42,250 --> 00:14:45,252
I mean, but, you know,
it's not totally done yet.
412
00:14:45,253 --> 00:14:46,887
You know,
still a long way to go.
413
00:14:46,888 --> 00:14:49,056
Tons of paperwork,
and a case is never truly done
414
00:14:49,057 --> 00:14:50,390
until the trial is complete
415
00:14:50,391 --> 00:14:52,926
and the sentence is served
completely to its fruition
416
00:14:52,927 --> 00:14:54,161
in prison.
417
00:14:54,162 --> 00:14:55,829
Jake, just celebrate.
418
00:14:55,830 --> 00:14:57,698
Okay.
419
00:14:57,699 --> 00:14:59,466
Wow.
420
00:15:02,428 --> 00:15:03,762
Why the long face?
421
00:15:03,763 --> 00:15:05,764
That Mexican candy
giving you nerve damage again?
422
00:15:05,798 --> 00:15:07,799
Probably, but who even cares?
423
00:15:07,800 --> 00:15:09,067
Why'd I have to solve the case?
424
00:15:09,102 --> 00:15:10,569
Why couldn't I have just
let those guys continue
425
00:15:10,570 --> 00:15:12,104
to terrorize Brooklyn
until I built up the nerve
426
00:15:12,105 --> 00:15:13,105
to ask out a girl?
427
00:15:13,139 --> 00:15:14,206
You're a good cop.
428
00:15:14,207 --> 00:15:15,567
Do not beat yourself up
about that.
429
00:15:15,575 --> 00:15:17,042
I'm not a good cop.
I'm an amazing cop.
430
00:15:17,043 --> 00:15:18,662
And I'll never
forgive myself.
431
00:15:18,678 --> 00:15:20,512
The case is over,
Amy and Majors are on their way
432
00:15:20,513 --> 00:15:21,647
to The Keychain right now.
433
00:15:21,648 --> 00:15:22,647
It's too late.
434
00:15:22,649 --> 00:15:23,949
Has she done
the double tuck yet?
435
00:15:23,950 --> 00:15:25,517
When Amy really likes a guy,
436
00:15:25,518 --> 00:15:26,919
she gets nervous
and tucks her hair
437
00:15:26,920 --> 00:15:29,188
behind both ears
at the same time.
438
00:15:31,291 --> 00:15:33,091
Well, I can never unsee that,
439
00:15:33,092 --> 00:15:34,726
but no,
she has not done that yet.
440
00:15:34,727 --> 00:15:35,761
Then there's still time.
441
00:15:35,795 --> 00:15:38,063
Get in there
and bust up her date.
442
00:15:38,064 --> 00:15:39,164
Show her you care.
443
00:15:39,165 --> 00:15:40,399
Ruin her night.
444
00:15:40,433 --> 00:15:42,467
You really have
a unique take on love.
445
00:15:47,407 --> 00:15:50,409
Ugh, I've only gotten through
September of 1995.
446
00:15:50,443 --> 00:15:51,643
What are you guys doing here?
447
00:15:51,644 --> 00:15:53,478
Blowing your stupid mind.
448
00:15:53,479 --> 00:15:55,013
We did the rest
of the files for you.
449
00:15:55,048 --> 00:15:56,949
Seriously?
450
00:15:56,950 --> 00:15:58,817
I'm gonna text my wife.
451
00:15:58,818 --> 00:16:01,320
Now there's time for dinner
and a movie.
452
00:16:01,321 --> 00:16:03,255
And none of that
"on demand" crap.
453
00:16:03,256 --> 00:16:07,025
Tonight I'm gonna fall asleep
in a real movie theater.
454
00:16:07,060 --> 00:16:09,495
Yeah, that's how we do it
in the Nine-Nine.
455
00:16:09,496 --> 00:16:10,863
We've got each others' backs.
456
00:16:10,864 --> 00:16:11,930
Damn right.
457
00:16:11,931 --> 00:16:14,199
Charles, make your own point.
458
00:16:14,200 --> 00:16:15,634
Don't just pile onto mine.
459
00:16:15,635 --> 00:16:17,002
Gina, where have you been?
460
00:16:17,036 --> 00:16:18,303
You left your cell phone
on your desk,
461
00:16:18,304 --> 00:16:19,438
and I assumed you were dead.
462
00:16:19,472 --> 00:16:21,773
Mm, I would clearly be
buried with my phone.
463
00:16:21,808 --> 00:16:25,777
Sir, these guys already
digitized all my files for me.
464
00:16:25,778 --> 00:16:27,546
- Isn't that amazing?
- What?
465
00:16:27,580 --> 00:16:29,615
Why did you snatch up
Sergeant Jeffords' task?
466
00:16:29,649 --> 00:16:31,216
Because we're trying
to get him to stay.
467
00:16:31,217 --> 00:16:32,885
Well, that's not your job.
468
00:16:32,886 --> 00:16:34,520
And Jeffords, you can
stay here and digitize
469
00:16:34,521 --> 00:16:36,955
2000 through 2005 inclusive.
470
00:16:36,956 --> 00:16:38,323
I expect it done
by the morning.
471
00:16:41,661 --> 00:16:42,694
Great.
472
00:16:42,695 --> 00:16:44,296
Now I have to re-cancel
on Sharon.
473
00:16:44,330 --> 00:16:47,399
If I worked at Copperhead,
I'd be home by now
474
00:16:47,400 --> 00:16:49,168
swimming in a pool
of gold coins,
475
00:16:49,169 --> 00:16:51,136
like my boy, Scrooge McDuck.
476
00:16:55,341 --> 00:16:56,708
Password?
477
00:16:56,743 --> 00:16:58,377
- Tropical.
- Mm-mm.
478
00:16:58,411 --> 00:17:00,445
That's an old password.
479
00:17:00,446 --> 00:17:01,513
It changes every night.
480
00:17:01,548 --> 00:17:05,184
All right, fine.
Tropical one?
481
00:17:05,218 --> 00:17:06,652
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Augh!
482
00:17:06,686 --> 00:17:08,620
Ahh!
483
00:17:08,621 --> 00:17:11,190
Ha-ha.
Not cool, okay?
484
00:17:11,191 --> 00:17:13,625
Look, just ask Milo
the bartender, all right?
485
00:17:13,626 --> 00:17:15,761
He knows me.
Tell him Orange Soda is back.
486
00:17:15,762 --> 00:17:17,095
I don't know no Milo.
487
00:17:17,130 --> 00:17:19,665
The bartenders also change
their names every night.
488
00:17:19,699 --> 00:17:23,836
And get out of here until
you know the password, man.
489
00:17:23,870 --> 00:17:26,605
Damn it.
This place is so cool.
490
00:17:28,608 --> 00:17:29,607
Come on, strangers.
491
00:17:29,609 --> 00:17:31,910
Show me your lips.
492
00:17:31,945 --> 00:17:33,312
There you go.
493
00:17:33,346 --> 00:17:34,780
Got it.
494
00:17:40,820 --> 00:17:42,588
Pepper.
495
00:17:42,589 --> 00:17:43,589
Pooper.
496
00:17:47,060 --> 00:17:49,127
Popcorn.
497
00:17:50,864 --> 00:17:52,698
Plor-pa-pa.
498
00:17:52,699 --> 00:17:54,032
Plorp.
499
00:17:54,033 --> 00:17:55,033
Pa-aark.
500
00:17:55,034 --> 00:17:56,335
Parked.
501
00:17:56,336 --> 00:17:58,170
Okay.
502
00:18:04,077 --> 00:18:05,944
Yeah.
503
00:18:05,945 --> 00:18:09,114
Nooorse.
504
00:18:12,952 --> 00:18:14,052
Bull's-eye.
505
00:18:15,855 --> 00:18:18,991
Oh, no, the double tuck.
506
00:18:20,693 --> 00:18:22,861
Oh, hey.
507
00:18:22,862 --> 00:18:25,164
You wouldn't kick out a hopeless
romantic who's only here
508
00:18:25,165 --> 00:18:26,465
in the name of love,
would you?
509
00:18:26,466 --> 00:18:28,467
Ooh, you would.
510
00:18:31,829 --> 00:18:33,697
Terry!
511
00:18:33,698 --> 00:18:35,365
So what happened at breakfast
with Gary?
512
00:18:35,366 --> 00:18:37,100
Are you leaving us
for Copperhead?
513
00:18:37,101 --> 00:18:39,769
Because I'm prepared to light
Charles on fire in protest.
514
00:18:39,770 --> 00:18:41,204
Relax.
515
00:18:41,205 --> 00:18:44,007
I declined the offer,
told them I wasn't interested.
516
00:18:44,008 --> 00:18:45,008
Eat it, Gary.
517
00:18:45,009 --> 00:18:46,443
I gave him back all his swag,
518
00:18:46,444 --> 00:18:50,914
except the puffy vest,
which I, uh, lost.
519
00:18:58,122 --> 00:19:00,323
I'm staying
at the Nine-Nine!
520
00:19:02,160 --> 00:19:04,327
Great news, Sergeant.
521
00:19:04,328 --> 00:19:05,529
Really?
522
00:19:05,530 --> 00:19:08,098
So you're done trying
to push him out, Yoko?
523
00:19:08,099 --> 00:19:10,834
Whoa, don't give
Captain Holt a hard time.
524
00:19:10,835 --> 00:19:12,202
He's the reason I'm staying.
525
00:19:12,203 --> 00:19:13,804
I don't know what
you're talking about.
526
00:19:13,805 --> 00:19:16,473
You're an adult, and you came
to your own decision.
527
00:19:16,474 --> 00:19:18,809
Look at me.
I can't keep a straight face.
528
00:19:18,810 --> 00:19:20,744
I played you like a fiddle.
529
00:19:20,745 --> 00:19:21,945
Yeah, you did.
530
00:19:21,946 --> 00:19:23,947
Digitizing those old files
reminded me
531
00:19:23,948 --> 00:19:27,384
of all the cases I worked and
all the good we do in a community.
532
00:19:27,385 --> 00:19:30,420
What's best for my family
is that they grow up with a dad
533
00:19:30,421 --> 00:19:31,855
who's proud of what he does.
534
00:19:31,856 --> 00:19:33,423
Thank you, Captain.
535
00:19:33,424 --> 00:19:34,991
Look at you.
536
00:19:34,992 --> 00:19:38,995
You're like the wise old owl
from those lollipop commercials.
537
00:19:38,996 --> 00:19:40,597
Terry's back!
538
00:19:42,166 --> 00:19:44,134
Hey, buddy, sorry I'm late.
539
00:19:44,135 --> 00:19:46,103
I had to get this dumb medal
from the commissioner
540
00:19:46,104 --> 00:19:47,671
for a double-murder
I solved last year.
541
00:19:47,672 --> 00:19:48,672
Been there.
542
00:19:48,673 --> 00:19:50,273
I had a pretty crazy
morning myself.
543
00:19:50,274 --> 00:19:52,309
Jake, your taquitos exploded
in the toaster oven.
544
00:19:52,310 --> 00:19:54,544
Thanks, Rosa.
10-4. Copy that.
545
00:19:54,545 --> 00:19:55,979
So how did it go
with Santiago?
546
00:19:55,980 --> 00:19:57,414
Actually, she wasn't into it.
547
00:19:57,415 --> 00:19:58,415
Swing and a miss.
548
00:19:58,416 --> 00:19:59,415
You're kidding.
549
00:19:59,417 --> 00:20:00,584
Yeah, it was really weird.
550
00:20:00,585 --> 00:20:02,018
I've never been
turned down before,
551
00:20:02,019 --> 00:20:03,553
so unexpected.
552
00:20:03,554 --> 00:20:06,656
I'm excited to see
what happens to me next.
553
00:20:06,657 --> 00:20:07,657
Okay.
554
00:20:09,727 --> 00:20:12,262
So... Blotter Dynamite
struck out, huh?
555
00:20:12,263 --> 00:20:13,563
I know, but why?
556
00:20:13,564 --> 00:20:15,398
What does it mean,
and why did she double tuck?
557
00:20:15,399 --> 00:20:16,767
And how come she
turned him down?
558
00:20:16,768 --> 00:20:17,901
Do you think it has
something to do with me?
559
00:20:17,902 --> 00:20:18,902
- Rosa, what is she thinking?
- Jake.
560
00:20:18,903 --> 00:20:20,203
Yeah,
I should ask her myself.
561
00:20:21,506 --> 00:20:23,507
Hey, you just missed Majors.
562
00:20:23,508 --> 00:20:25,442
I've got to say, he was looking
a little bit rough,
563
00:20:25,443 --> 00:20:28,044
almost like he was up all night
crying or something.
564
00:20:28,045 --> 00:20:29,179
Ha-ha, Jake.
565
00:20:29,180 --> 00:20:30,514
I'm sure he's fine.
566
00:20:30,515 --> 00:20:33,016
So...
what happened?
567
00:20:33,017 --> 00:20:34,684
Well, I thought
we were getting a drink
568
00:20:34,685 --> 00:20:35,919
to celebrate
closing the case.
569
00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:38,054
But apparently,
he thought it was a date.
570
00:20:38,055 --> 00:20:39,523
Right, and you were
not into that,
571
00:20:39,524 --> 00:20:42,192
because he's so muscular
and in command of his finances?
572
00:20:42,193 --> 00:20:45,896
He's great, but after everything
that happened with Teddy
573
00:20:45,897 --> 00:20:47,864
and all the cops I know
who go out and break up
574
00:20:47,865 --> 00:20:49,366
and then still have
to work together,
575
00:20:49,367 --> 00:20:50,801
it's just too messy.
576
00:20:50,802 --> 00:20:52,803
I don't date cops.
577
00:20:53,838 --> 00:20:55,305
Cool. Cool.
578
00:20:55,306 --> 00:20:57,374
Yeah, actually, that's funny.
I have the same rule.
579
00:20:57,375 --> 00:20:58,775
No more cops.
580
00:20:58,776 --> 00:21:00,911
From this point on,
it's strictly dating criminals.
581
00:21:00,912 --> 00:21:02,479
If you break up with them,
582
00:21:02,480 --> 00:21:04,081
you can always send them
to jail forever.
583
00:21:04,082 --> 00:21:05,749
Exactly, nice and clean.
584
00:21:05,750 --> 00:21:07,951
- Mm-hmm.
- So...
585
00:21:07,952 --> 00:21:09,953
Hey, I got an email
from the commissioner's office
586
00:21:09,954 --> 00:21:10,987
about our case.
587
00:21:10,988 --> 00:21:12,055
What did they say?
588
00:21:13,057 --> 00:21:15,959
Ahh!
Ahh. Ah-ha.
589
00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:17,060
You got me with my thing.
590
00:21:17,061 --> 00:21:18,061
- Mm-hmm.
- Great.
591
00:21:18,062 --> 00:21:19,096
Oh!