1
00:00:01,970 --> 00:00:03,237
Have a nice weekend, Peralta?
2
00:00:03,238 --> 00:00:04,438
Yeah, nothing special.
You know, I got a couple...
3
00:00:04,973 --> 00:00:06,907
You missed Scully's birthday.
4
00:00:06,908 --> 00:00:08,809
It was kind of a big one.
5
00:00:08,810 --> 00:00:10,310
Nobody showed at the party.
6
00:00:10,345 --> 00:00:13,914
Guys, guys, guys,
we missed Scully's birthday,
7
00:00:13,915 --> 00:00:15,782
- and it was a big one.
- (Amy) I know.
8
00:00:15,817 --> 00:00:17,518
I panicked and said
I had to go to the vet
9
00:00:17,519 --> 00:00:19,386
because my puppy-cat got sick.
10
00:00:19,387 --> 00:00:21,555
I said I had to take my mom
to get birth control pills.
11
00:00:21,556 --> 00:00:22,956
(Terry) That's better than my excuse.
12
00:00:22,991 --> 00:00:25,182
I said I had to go
to my girls' bat mitzvahs.
13
00:00:25,193 --> 00:00:29,496
Squad, we missed Scully's
birthday, and it was a big one.
14
00:00:29,497 --> 00:00:32,432
I told them I was in Ecuador.
I think they bought it.
15
00:00:32,467 --> 00:00:33,767
We gotta make it up to him.
16
00:00:33,768 --> 00:00:34,935
Let's give him cash.
17
00:00:34,936 --> 00:00:36,236
Everyone, put in $20 each.
18
00:00:36,237 --> 00:00:37,237
Uh...
19
00:00:37,238 --> 00:00:38,305
Yes, I'll cover you.
20
00:00:38,339 --> 00:00:39,606
Hey, Scully...
21
00:00:39,607 --> 00:00:41,175
Huh?
22
00:00:41,176 --> 00:00:43,343
We're sorry that we missed your party.
23
00:00:43,344 --> 00:00:45,779
Oh, don't worry about it.
You all had stuff to do.
24
00:00:45,813 --> 00:00:48,515
Yes, the capital of Ecuador is Quito.
25
00:00:48,550 --> 00:00:49,650
Oh.
26
00:00:49,684 --> 00:00:51,952
Anyway, Happy Birthday from all of us.
27
00:00:51,953 --> 00:00:53,353
Thanks, guys.
You're the best.
28
00:00:53,388 --> 00:00:54,588
- (All) Happy Birthday.
- Happy Birthday, Scully.
29
00:00:54,589 --> 00:00:57,391
Thanks.
30
00:00:57,392 --> 00:01:00,661
I can't believe it.
The fake birthday worked!
31
00:01:00,662 --> 00:01:01,662
You're a genius!
32
00:01:01,663 --> 00:01:03,797
We're both geniuses!
33
00:01:08,102 --> 00:01:08,936
Thumbtack mug.
34
00:01:08,937 --> 00:01:10,637
That was my thumbtack mug.
35
00:01:10,672 --> 00:01:14,413
Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/ web dl sync snarry
36
00:01:14,414 --> 00:01:18,902
♪ ♪
37
00:01:32,393 --> 00:01:34,761
I'm running this task force,
so everything goes through me.
38
00:01:34,762 --> 00:01:36,296
Got it?
Good.
39
00:01:36,297 --> 00:01:38,432
Jackson, some ecstasy was found
on the F train.
40
00:01:38,433 --> 00:01:40,067
Take it to the lab.
Find out if it's giggle pig.
41
00:01:40,101 --> 00:01:42,302
Scully, Hitchcock,
work your C.I.S.
42
00:01:42,337 --> 00:01:44,538
Miller, get a new k-9.
That dog is an idiot.
43
00:01:44,572 --> 00:01:46,273
[Dog whimpers]
All right, move out.
44
00:01:46,307 --> 00:01:48,909
Hey. Sorry, sorry, sorry,
sorry I'm late.
45
00:01:48,943 --> 00:01:51,979
I had to go back to the deli
and return my everything bagel.
46
00:01:51,980 --> 00:01:54,381
In what world does "everything"
not include beef jerky?
47
00:01:54,382 --> 00:01:55,415
- All of them.
- Okay.
48
00:01:55,416 --> 00:01:56,617
- Here's what's up.
- Yeah.
49
00:01:56,618 --> 00:01:58,519
Task force brought in a giggle
pig dealer this morning.
50
00:01:58,520 --> 00:02:00,087
Nice.
51
00:02:00,088 --> 00:02:02,890
Second guy we've brought in
that's had one of these keys.
52
00:02:02,891 --> 00:02:03,891
Huh.
53
00:02:03,892 --> 00:02:05,792
My best guess, this opens
54
00:02:05,793 --> 00:02:08,462
a creepy, old wardrobe/portal
to an enchanted land
55
00:02:08,463 --> 00:02:10,230
full of talking toads and fairy folk.
56
00:02:10,231 --> 00:02:12,266
Interesting.
57
00:02:12,300 --> 00:02:13,634
It has something to do
with the post office.
58
00:02:13,635 --> 00:02:15,102
It's got "USPS" engraved on it.
59
00:02:15,136 --> 00:02:16,570
Take it to
the postal inspection service.
60
00:02:16,604 --> 00:02:17,644
See what you can find out.
61
00:02:17,672 --> 00:02:18,705
Copy that.
62
00:02:18,706 --> 00:02:20,874
Hey, work this thing hard.
63
00:02:20,875 --> 00:02:21,875
We're under a lot of pressure
with the task force,
64
00:02:21,876 --> 00:02:22,943
so we could really use a win.
65
00:02:22,977 --> 00:02:24,311
You got it.
66
00:02:24,312 --> 00:02:25,512
You're my friend,
and I won't let you down.
67
00:02:25,513 --> 00:02:27,548
I'm gonna push you up, just like a bra.
68
00:02:27,549 --> 00:02:28,916
What?
69
00:02:28,917 --> 00:02:31,185
I meant like a brassiere,
which is totally different.
70
00:02:31,186 --> 00:02:32,152
Come on, man.
71
00:02:32,153 --> 00:02:33,520
- Not better. Here we go.
- Here we go!
72
00:02:33,555 --> 00:02:37,291
Santiago, I may need you to
come in for a bit on Saturday.
73
00:02:37,325 --> 00:02:39,860
Again?
Are you kidding me, man?
74
00:02:39,861 --> 00:02:42,095
[Gasps]
75
00:02:42,096 --> 00:02:44,064
I'm sorry.
Let's start fresh.
76
00:02:44,065 --> 00:02:45,365
Hi!
77
00:02:45,366 --> 00:02:46,567
Oh, my God.
78
00:02:46,568 --> 00:02:47,801
What just happened?
79
00:02:47,802 --> 00:02:52,573
Her mind finally snapped,
like a stale breadstick.
80
00:02:52,574 --> 00:02:54,775
Captain, please forgive me.
81
00:02:54,776 --> 00:02:56,076
I'm just a little on edge
82
00:02:56,077 --> 00:02:58,846
because I'm trying to quit smoking.
83
00:02:58,847 --> 00:03:01,171
I can't take the stress
of hiding it from Teddy anymore.
84
00:03:01,182 --> 00:03:02,749
[Knocking on door]
85
00:03:02,750 --> 00:03:05,285
Be right out, Teddy!
86
00:03:05,286 --> 00:03:06,320
[Gags]
87
00:03:06,321 --> 00:03:09,523
I'm going cold turkey,
and it makes me irritable.
88
00:03:09,524 --> 00:03:12,092
Terrifying.
89
00:03:12,093 --> 00:03:14,294
I know I should be able
to do this by myself,
90
00:03:14,295 --> 00:03:17,197
but it would be great
if you guys could maybe
91
00:03:17,198 --> 00:03:18,298
keep an eye on me.
92
00:03:18,299 --> 00:03:20,367
Of course, we'll do everything
we can to help.
93
00:03:20,368 --> 00:03:24,037
Or, plan B, I could arrange
for you to go to a safe place
94
00:03:24,038 --> 00:03:27,441
where you can just relax
and watch pretty boats go by.
95
00:03:27,442 --> 00:03:30,844
Look, this one's on an island.
96
00:03:31,946 --> 00:03:34,781
Okay, we're looking for room
247, agent Jack Danger.
97
00:03:34,782 --> 00:03:36,683
Agent Jack Danger?
98
00:03:36,684 --> 00:03:39,820
Wow, that name is buh-dass.
99
00:03:39,854 --> 00:03:41,488
- Code for "badass."
- Yeah.
100
00:03:41,523 --> 00:03:43,790
So buh-dass.
101
00:03:43,791 --> 00:03:44,791
Ah, here we are.
102
00:03:44,826 --> 00:03:45,993
Wait.
103
00:03:46,027 --> 00:03:50,164
Cool guy, probably expecting
a cool knock.
104
00:03:50,198 --> 00:03:51,665
That was incredible.
105
00:03:51,699 --> 00:03:52,799
(Danger) Enter.
106
00:03:54,769 --> 00:03:57,237
Are you Danger?
107
00:03:57,238 --> 00:03:58,472
Jack Danger?
108
00:03:58,506 --> 00:04:00,140
It's actually pronounced
"Dong-er."
109
00:04:00,141 --> 00:04:01,808
It's derived from a Dutch word
110
00:04:01,809 --> 00:04:03,477
meaning "prudence
in financial matters."
111
00:04:03,478 --> 00:04:07,247
Oh, Jack Donger.
112
00:04:07,248 --> 00:04:08,248
Also cool.
113
00:04:08,249 --> 00:04:09,416
Have a seat.
114
00:04:09,417 --> 00:04:12,219
I understand you need
a little help from the big boys
115
00:04:12,220 --> 00:04:13,220
here at USPIS.
116
00:04:13,221 --> 00:04:14,154
USPIS?
117
00:04:14,155 --> 00:04:16,490
Yeah, U.S. postal
inspection service,
118
00:04:16,524 --> 00:04:19,059
founded by Benjamin Franklin in 1772,
119
00:04:19,060 --> 00:04:21,328
undoubtedly the great man's
greatest accomplishment.
120
00:04:21,362 --> 00:04:22,496
Are you aware that he helped
121
00:04:22,497 --> 00:04:24,546
popularize Parmesan cheese in America?
122
00:04:24,566 --> 00:04:26,233
I am.
123
00:04:26,267 --> 00:04:29,703
USPIS is the crown jewel
of the law enforcement system.
124
00:04:29,704 --> 00:04:33,407
1,200 inspectors tackling
everything from mail fraud
125
00:04:33,408 --> 00:04:35,709
to the shipment of contraband fruit.
126
00:04:35,743 --> 00:04:38,178
And, of course, occasionally
assisting our little brothers
127
00:04:38,179 --> 00:04:39,179
in the police department.
128
00:04:39,180 --> 00:04:40,414
Little brothers?
129
00:04:40,415 --> 00:04:45,118
Well, I am a federal agent.
You're just a local cop.
130
00:04:45,119 --> 00:04:46,053
Nothing wrong with that.
131
00:04:46,054 --> 00:04:48,288
(Charles) Uh, we're here
because we found this key.
132
00:04:48,289 --> 00:04:51,225
- Whoa.
- Yes.
133
00:04:51,259 --> 00:04:53,727
This sexy beast was used
to open a type of mailbox
134
00:04:53,728 --> 00:04:55,195
we actually haven't used in years.
135
00:04:55,230 --> 00:04:58,699
However, there are a few around
town that were never removed.
136
00:04:58,700 --> 00:05:00,200
Real beauts.
137
00:05:00,201 --> 00:05:02,069
I can find out where they are
and send you the locations.
138
00:05:02,070 --> 00:05:03,871
That would be great.
Here, my email is...
139
00:05:03,905 --> 00:05:07,374
Uh, no email.
[Chuckles]
140
00:05:07,375 --> 00:05:11,011
I'll send it to you with r-mail,
which is to say, real mail,
141
00:05:11,012 --> 00:05:14,148
because email has put hundreds
of my coworkers out of work.
142
00:05:14,149 --> 00:05:15,616
How would you like it if they laid off
143
00:05:15,617 --> 00:05:17,017
all of your fellow detectives
144
00:05:17,018 --> 00:05:18,719
and partnered you with a robocop?
145
00:05:18,720 --> 00:05:20,754
I've literally drawn sketches of that.
146
00:05:20,755 --> 00:05:23,557
The robot has a backpack
that can carry me.
147
00:05:23,591 --> 00:05:25,899
Hey, how's cold turkey going?
148
00:05:25,927 --> 00:05:28,328
[Talking with mouth full]
149
00:05:30,532 --> 00:05:31,999
I heard chewing gum helps.
150
00:05:32,033 --> 00:05:35,669
You know, I never smoked, but
I did once have an addiction.
151
00:05:35,670 --> 00:05:38,272
Food... it got bad.
152
00:05:39,808 --> 00:05:41,308
You're not closed!
153
00:05:41,342 --> 00:05:42,576
It's 6:00!
154
00:05:42,577 --> 00:05:44,745
I need my mushu pork!
155
00:05:44,779 --> 00:05:46,947
I need my mushu!
156
00:05:48,817 --> 00:05:50,297
You know how I finally stopped eating?
157
00:05:50,318 --> 00:05:52,152
You got too big to fit
through the kitchen door?
158
00:05:52,187 --> 00:05:55,255
I learned how to beat my cravings.
159
00:05:55,256 --> 00:05:58,225
Every time I wanted food,
I rebooted my system.
160
00:05:58,226 --> 00:06:00,327
Are you ready to reboot?
161
00:06:00,361 --> 00:06:03,530
When I'd feel a food craving,
I would dunk my head
162
00:06:03,531 --> 00:06:06,600
into ice water and reset my brain.
163
00:06:06,634 --> 00:06:08,469
Watch me.
Aah!
164
00:06:08,470 --> 00:06:11,104
[Muffled scream]
165
00:06:11,139 --> 00:06:13,407
Whoo!
166
00:06:13,408 --> 00:06:14,441
I'm all good!
167
00:06:14,442 --> 00:06:16,610
[Laughs] Yeah, you try!
168
00:06:16,611 --> 00:06:18,512
- Okay.
- Now!
169
00:06:18,513 --> 00:06:19,780
[Muffled scream]
170
00:06:19,814 --> 00:06:21,648
[Gasps]
171
00:06:21,649 --> 00:06:22,683
Do it again!
172
00:06:22,684 --> 00:06:25,119
[Muffled scream]
173
00:06:25,120 --> 00:06:27,287
It's so cold!
It's really cold!
174
00:06:27,322 --> 00:06:29,523
Last time.
175
00:06:29,524 --> 00:06:31,225
[Muffled screams]
176
00:06:31,259 --> 00:06:32,993
We think the drug dealers
have been using
177
00:06:32,994 --> 00:06:34,928
these out-of-service mailboxes
as drops
178
00:06:34,929 --> 00:06:36,463
for giggle pig and money.
179
00:06:36,498 --> 00:06:37,931
Good job.
I'm glad Danger was useful.
180
00:06:37,932 --> 00:06:39,600
Actually, it's "Dong-er."
181
00:06:39,601 --> 00:06:41,235
Although it should be
"Dong-est."
182
00:06:41,236 --> 00:06:43,537
Can't imagine anyone being
more dong than this guy.
183
00:06:43,571 --> 00:06:44,872
Sounds like he was a good resource.
184
00:06:44,873 --> 00:06:46,306
He showed you
where the mailboxes were, right?
185
00:06:46,307 --> 00:06:47,875
Yeah, but he also told us
how he brought down
186
00:06:47,876 --> 00:06:49,676
a snail-smuggling ring.
187
00:06:49,677 --> 00:06:50,944
For an hour.
188
00:06:50,945 --> 00:06:52,346
Yeah, he showed us all these pictures
189
00:06:52,347 --> 00:06:54,815
of the snails, and he called
them "the littlest victims."
190
00:06:54,816 --> 00:06:58,652
Well, hopefully Donger will be
less annoying from now on.
191
00:06:58,686 --> 00:06:59,853
Yeah, hopefully.
192
00:06:59,854 --> 00:07:01,021
Wait, "from now on"?
193
00:07:01,022 --> 00:07:03,357
- Yeah. Yup.
- No. No, no, no, no.
194
00:07:03,391 --> 00:07:05,559
Please tell me I don't have
to keep working with that...
195
00:07:05,560 --> 00:07:07,060
(Danger) Detective Peralta.
196
00:07:07,061 --> 00:07:08,061
Hi.
197
00:07:08,096 --> 00:07:09,396
Love your precinct.
198
00:07:09,431 --> 00:07:11,832
Very primitive.
199
00:07:11,833 --> 00:07:13,534
At USPIS, everyone gets his own office,
200
00:07:13,535 --> 00:07:16,570
but that's because we're this
proud nation's first defense
201
00:07:16,571 --> 00:07:18,739
in the war on terror.
202
00:07:18,773 --> 00:07:21,515
Every envelope is
a potential target for Al-Qaeda.
203
00:07:21,543 --> 00:07:23,477
Oh.
204
00:07:23,478 --> 00:07:27,181
Detective Rosa Diaz, meet
my new partner, Jack Donger.
205
00:07:27,215 --> 00:07:29,183
Please, I go by Jackie.
206
00:07:29,184 --> 00:07:30,350
Jackie Donger.
207
00:07:30,385 --> 00:07:32,219
Of course you do.
208
00:07:34,849 --> 00:07:40,053
[Singing along to marching band music]
209
00:07:40,054 --> 00:07:41,226
Take it away, Peralta.
210
00:07:41,255 --> 00:07:43,590
Will do.
211
00:07:43,591 --> 00:07:45,292
Shouldn't have done that.
212
00:07:45,293 --> 00:07:47,828
B-side's got
some banging Sousa deep cuts.
213
00:07:47,829 --> 00:07:50,163
Thank God we're here.
Look, there's a box up there.
214
00:07:50,164 --> 00:07:55,702
Oh, yeah, that is some sweet
green curves right there.
215
00:07:55,703 --> 00:07:57,537
We should talk to the falafel guy,
216
00:07:57,538 --> 00:07:59,006
see if he's seen anything suspicious.
217
00:07:59,007 --> 00:08:01,274
Uh, you should probably
let me take lead on this.
218
00:08:01,275 --> 00:08:02,743
A lot of people don't like cops,
219
00:08:02,744 --> 00:08:04,444
but everybody loves postal workers.
220
00:08:04,445 --> 00:08:05,612
They do?
221
00:08:05,613 --> 00:08:07,347
That's why the phrase most associated
222
00:08:07,348 --> 00:08:08,982
with bringing goodness
into people's lives
223
00:08:08,983 --> 00:08:10,250
is "going postal."
224
00:08:10,251 --> 00:08:11,251
[Chuckles]
You're kidding, right?
225
00:08:11,252 --> 00:08:12,452
"Going postal" means that...
226
00:08:12,487 --> 00:08:13,987
I know what it means!
227
00:08:13,988 --> 00:08:15,989
I just said what it means.
That's what it means.
228
00:08:15,990 --> 00:08:17,624
[Laughs]
229
00:08:17,625 --> 00:08:18,792
Okay.
230
00:08:18,793 --> 00:08:21,028
Well, howzabout we avoid
human contact altogether
231
00:08:21,029 --> 00:08:23,977
and check out the box?
232
00:08:33,741 --> 00:08:34,808
What's the point of that thing?
233
00:08:34,809 --> 00:08:36,410
Tradition and security.
234
00:08:36,411 --> 00:08:39,079
Plus, I'd be lying if I said
it didn't look insanely cool.
235
00:08:39,080 --> 00:08:41,448
I wouldn't.
236
00:08:42,650 --> 00:08:44,618
Jackpot.
It's giggle pig.
237
00:08:44,619 --> 00:08:45,752
Yes!
238
00:08:45,753 --> 00:08:48,822
You have served your country
proud, little lady.
239
00:08:51,659 --> 00:08:53,627
Stop!
240
00:08:53,661 --> 00:08:54,828
Whoa!
241
00:08:54,829 --> 00:08:56,363
Ow, ow, ow, help me up!
242
00:08:56,364 --> 00:08:58,332
Peralta, help!
Help me up.
243
00:08:58,333 --> 00:08:59,499
Don't ditch me!
244
00:08:59,500 --> 00:09:03,003
[Groans] He's gone.
245
00:09:03,004 --> 00:09:04,004
You okay?
246
00:09:04,005 --> 00:09:06,540
No, I'm rattled.
247
00:09:08,943 --> 00:09:09,977
- Hey.
- Hmm?
248
00:09:09,978 --> 00:09:11,178
Where you going, Amy?
249
00:09:11,179 --> 00:09:13,347
Oh, I was just going outside to...
250
00:09:13,348 --> 00:09:16,183
See this pigeon I've been training.
251
00:09:16,184 --> 00:09:17,284
It does the can-can.
252
00:09:17,285 --> 00:09:20,520
That I gotta see!
253
00:09:20,521 --> 00:09:22,689
Damn it.
I made my lie too enticing.
254
00:09:22,690 --> 00:09:24,358
Fine, I was going out to smoke.
255
00:09:24,359 --> 00:09:27,861
Your lame system-reboot thing
didn't work.
256
00:09:27,862 --> 00:09:29,262
You know, I don't like
to talk about this,
257
00:09:29,263 --> 00:09:32,199
but many years ago,
I myself overcame an addiction.
258
00:09:32,200 --> 00:09:35,669
I could not get enough of the ponies.
259
00:09:35,670 --> 00:09:38,138
Go, Razzmataz.
260
00:09:38,139 --> 00:09:42,209
Go, Razzmataz.
Go, Razzmataz.
261
00:09:42,210 --> 00:09:44,745
(Sports announcer) It's Bugle Boy,
winning by a head.
262
00:09:44,746 --> 00:09:46,013
I lost everything.
263
00:09:46,014 --> 00:09:48,949
What worked for me
was replacing my bad addiction
264
00:09:48,950 --> 00:09:50,884
with a good addiction...
265
00:09:50,885 --> 00:09:52,686
Exercise.
266
00:09:52,687 --> 00:09:54,321
Grab your sneakers, Santiago.
267
00:09:54,322 --> 00:09:56,356
You're going me on a lunchtime jog.
268
00:09:56,357 --> 00:09:58,492
Great!
We can talk a little,
269
00:09:58,493 --> 00:10:01,295
chat about the job,
do some mentor-mentee bonding.
270
00:10:01,296 --> 00:10:03,497
We will exercise in silence.
271
00:10:03,498 --> 00:10:04,898
No headphones either.
272
00:10:04,899 --> 00:10:07,601
Music is a crutch.
273
00:10:07,602 --> 00:10:08,869
[Siren wails in distance]
274
00:10:08,870 --> 00:10:10,070
I'm sorry, let me get this straight.
275
00:10:10,071 --> 00:10:13,440
You had a giggle pig supplier
20 yards from you,
276
00:10:13,441 --> 00:10:14,908
and he got away?
277
00:10:14,909 --> 00:10:16,009
What happened?
278
00:10:16,010 --> 00:10:17,678
Your man here failed to follow
279
00:10:17,679 --> 00:10:20,714
proper law-enforcement procedure
is what happened.
280
00:10:20,715 --> 00:10:21,748
What?
281
00:10:21,749 --> 00:10:24,251
Always check
for ground-level obstructions
282
00:10:24,252 --> 00:10:26,053
before initiating a foot pursuit.
283
00:10:26,054 --> 00:10:27,621
(Jake)
The ground-level obstruction
284
00:10:27,622 --> 00:10:29,323
was your hand clutching my leg.
285
00:10:29,324 --> 00:10:31,224
I have claw marks all over my calf.
286
00:10:31,225 --> 00:10:34,027
I'm sorry, Rosa, can I talk
to you in private for a second?
287
00:10:34,028 --> 00:10:35,362
- Yeah.
- We'll be right back.
288
00:10:35,363 --> 00:10:37,631
Boyle, why don't you show Donger
what a fax machine is?
289
00:10:37,632 --> 00:10:39,499
Okay.
290
00:10:39,500 --> 00:10:43,804
Okay, imagine a letter had
unprotected sex with a phone.
291
00:10:43,805 --> 00:10:45,806
Look, it's not just
that Donger's annoying.
292
00:10:45,807 --> 00:10:47,607
He ruined the whole operation.
293
00:10:47,608 --> 00:10:50,077
The perp got away because
he's the world's biggest tool.
294
00:10:50,078 --> 00:10:52,512
No, tools can be useful.
He's the world's smallest tool.
295
00:10:52,513 --> 00:10:53,814
I'm the world's biggest tool.
296
00:10:53,815 --> 00:10:54,919
God! Do you see
what he's doing to me?
297
00:10:54,949 --> 00:10:57,117
Look, these dealers
didn't just randomly start
298
00:10:57,118 --> 00:10:58,118
using mailbox keys.
299
00:10:58,119 --> 00:10:59,653
There's clearly a postal connection.
300
00:10:59,654 --> 00:11:01,722
Sorry, dude,
you gotta keep working with him.
301
00:11:01,723 --> 00:11:02,990
Okay, wait, wait.
302
00:11:02,991 --> 00:11:04,324
Let's just put this
in perspective for a second.
303
00:11:04,325 --> 00:11:06,393
Is this whole war on drugs really worth
304
00:11:06,394 --> 00:11:08,028
the human cost of me
spending another minute
305
00:11:08,029 --> 00:11:09,162
with this behonkus?
306
00:11:09,163 --> 00:11:10,964
I don't know what
"behonkus" means, but yes.
307
00:11:10,965 --> 00:11:12,132
"Behonkus" means butt,
308
00:11:12,133 --> 00:11:14,034
and I think you could have
guessed that from context.
309
00:11:14,068 --> 00:11:17,971
Seriously, Jake, I'm asking you
to see this through.
310
00:11:17,972 --> 00:11:19,473
All right, fine.
311
00:11:19,474 --> 00:11:22,309
I will do it for you as a favor
because you're my friend.
312
00:11:22,310 --> 00:11:23,744
But if he tells me one more time
313
00:11:23,745 --> 00:11:26,446
about how USPIS "mailed down"
the Berlin wall,
314
00:11:26,447 --> 00:11:27,881
I'm gonna give him your home address,
315
00:11:27,882 --> 00:11:29,883
and you will receive
holiday cards from him forever.
316
00:11:29,884 --> 00:11:31,818
My own relatives
don't have that address.
317
00:11:31,819 --> 00:11:35,422
Oh, I know.
I know.
318
00:11:37,025 --> 00:11:38,025
[Watch beeps]
319
00:11:38,026 --> 00:11:41,161
And completion.
320
00:11:41,162 --> 00:11:43,497
[Sighs]
321
00:11:43,498 --> 00:11:44,531
So how do you feel?
322
00:11:44,532 --> 00:11:47,334
Really good.
No nicotine cravings at all.
323
00:11:47,335 --> 00:11:49,569
The magic of endorphins.
324
00:11:49,570 --> 00:11:51,705
I'm in a state of total euphoria.
325
00:11:51,706 --> 00:11:52,873
Clearly.
326
00:11:52,874 --> 00:11:54,174
Listen, I gotta jump in there, so...
327
00:11:54,175 --> 00:11:56,410
[Phone rings]
328
00:11:58,212 --> 00:11:59,212
Hello, Kevin.
329
00:11:59,213 --> 00:12:01,882
No, I haven't seen it.
330
00:12:01,883 --> 00:12:02,883
I very much doubt that.
331
00:12:02,884 --> 00:12:06,286
Why would the housekeeper
steal your belt?
332
00:12:06,287 --> 00:12:08,522
What husband?
She's a widow.
333
00:12:08,523 --> 00:12:13,393
I... uh-oh, I have to go.
334
00:12:13,394 --> 00:12:14,861
Santiago, are you smoking in there?
335
00:12:14,862 --> 00:12:16,163
No.
336
00:12:16,164 --> 00:12:17,431
Why do I see smoke?
337
00:12:17,432 --> 00:12:20,400
That's steam.
I'm in the shower.
338
00:12:20,401 --> 00:12:22,636
So what are a bunch of drug dealers
339
00:12:22,637 --> 00:12:24,571
doing with old postal keys?
340
00:12:24,572 --> 00:12:26,340
Maybe you guys forgot
to collect them all.
341
00:12:26,341 --> 00:12:28,275
Mm, barking up the wrong tree, McGruff.
342
00:12:28,276 --> 00:12:30,010
Postal service doesn't make mistakes.
343
00:12:30,011 --> 00:12:32,346
- You lose millions of letters every year.
- Really?
344
00:12:32,347 --> 00:12:35,048
Then explain to me why none
of these missing letters
345
00:12:35,049 --> 00:12:37,250
have ever been found.
346
00:12:37,251 --> 00:12:41,054
Okay, if it wasn't a mistake,
maybe it was an inside job.
347
00:12:41,055 --> 00:12:43,023
Who collected the keys?
348
00:12:46,060 --> 00:12:47,194
There are five people responsible
349
00:12:47,195 --> 00:12:48,328
for key collection in the city.
350
00:12:48,329 --> 00:12:50,530
Boom!
That's our list of suspects.
351
00:12:50,531 --> 00:12:53,767
We shall call them
"The Fellowship of the Key."
352
00:12:53,768 --> 00:12:55,202
I honestly think you are
the greatest man who ever lived.
353
00:12:55,203 --> 00:12:56,370
Oh.
354
00:12:56,371 --> 00:12:58,572
That's a no-go.
355
00:12:58,573 --> 00:12:59,840
Tracking these people down
is a waste of time.
356
00:12:59,841 --> 00:13:01,908
I say we keep surveilling
the mailboxes.
357
00:13:01,909 --> 00:13:05,145
Look, I have worked a ton
of these drug cases, all right?
358
00:13:05,146 --> 00:13:07,414
Once they know we're onto them,
they burn the whole system.
359
00:13:07,415 --> 00:13:09,616
Trust me, they're done with the boxes.
360
00:13:09,617 --> 00:13:12,953
Trust me.
I'm a federal agent.
361
00:13:12,954 --> 00:13:14,788
You're not FBI.
You're not ATF.
362
00:13:14,789 --> 00:13:16,290
You work for the post office.
363
00:13:16,291 --> 00:13:19,192
Your motto is
"surprisingly, we exist."
364
00:13:19,193 --> 00:13:20,394
Incorrect.
365
00:13:20,395 --> 00:13:23,530
Our motto is
"nos custodimus quod lingus."
366
00:13:23,531 --> 00:13:25,198
"We guard what you lick."
367
00:13:25,199 --> 00:13:26,300
That's worse!
368
00:13:26,301 --> 00:13:27,434
No, forget it.
369
00:13:27,435 --> 00:13:29,436
I'm not giving you the list of names.
370
00:13:29,437 --> 00:13:31,405
We're gonna keep surveilling
those mailboxes,
371
00:13:31,406 --> 00:13:33,307
and if nothing turns up
after a couple of days,
372
00:13:33,308 --> 00:13:35,609
then we'll go on your wild goose chase.
373
00:13:35,610 --> 00:13:38,211
Hey, if you're hungry,
Maury went postal
374
00:13:38,212 --> 00:13:39,646
and brought in muffins for everyone.
375
00:13:39,647 --> 00:13:41,081
Sweet.
376
00:13:41,082 --> 00:13:42,516
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go
377
00:13:42,517 --> 00:13:45,218
grab a muff with some bluebs,
and when I get back,
378
00:13:45,219 --> 00:13:47,421
we will discuss strategy
for the stakeouts.
379
00:13:50,959 --> 00:13:52,926
All right, guard the door.
380
00:13:52,927 --> 00:13:55,195
I'm gonna print out
this list of suspects,
381
00:13:55,196 --> 00:13:56,830
and then we are ditching Donger.
382
00:13:56,831 --> 00:13:58,098
It's kind of risky, Jake.
383
00:13:58,099 --> 00:14:00,133
If this ends up being
a dead end, Rosa's gonna be mad.
384
00:14:00,168 --> 00:14:02,603
You know, robo-partner would
not question this for a moment.
385
00:14:02,604 --> 00:14:06,006
Fine, I'll be lookout.
386
00:14:06,007 --> 00:14:07,741
- Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake!
- What? Is he coming?
387
00:14:07,742 --> 00:14:09,343
No, but there's more than muffins.
388
00:14:09,344 --> 00:14:10,577
[Sniffs]
There's banana bread too!
389
00:14:10,578 --> 00:14:11,812
What?
390
00:14:11,813 --> 00:14:13,614
This printer is so slow!
391
00:14:13,615 --> 00:14:15,182
Come on.
392
00:14:15,183 --> 00:14:16,984
Ugh, this place is the worst!
393
00:14:19,551 --> 00:14:20,551
All right, two down, three to go.
394
00:14:20,552 --> 00:14:21,752
Next on the list, Kent Delroy.
395
00:14:21,887 --> 00:14:23,821
Worked at the post office for 12 years.
396
00:14:23,822 --> 00:14:26,457
Quit two years ago.
397
00:14:28,326 --> 00:14:30,294
That's the guy from this morning.
398
00:14:30,295 --> 00:14:31,929
NYPD, open up!
399
00:14:31,930 --> 00:14:32,897
All right, I'm gonna
break down the door.
400
00:14:32,931 --> 00:14:34,265
No, let me do it.
401
00:14:34,266 --> 00:14:36,000
Charles, that's never gone well.
402
00:14:36,001 --> 00:14:37,334
Yes, but I've been practicing.
403
00:14:37,335 --> 00:14:38,502
All right, fine.
You get one try.
404
00:14:38,503 --> 00:14:41,238
Thank you.
405
00:14:41,239 --> 00:14:42,807
Police!
Hands in the air!
406
00:14:42,808 --> 00:14:45,075
I did it!
Yes!
407
00:14:45,076 --> 00:14:46,577
Boyle, that's the bad guy.
408
00:14:46,578 --> 00:14:48,512
Yup, yup.
Turn around.
409
00:14:50,048 --> 00:14:51,248
This way, Santiago.
410
00:14:51,249 --> 00:14:52,349
(Amy) What's going on?
411
00:14:52,350 --> 00:14:53,918
Is this a dream?
412
00:14:53,919 --> 00:14:55,486
No, I'm not holding a label maker.
413
00:14:55,487 --> 00:14:58,322
Silence before the shaman.
414
00:14:58,323 --> 00:15:01,692
Amy, I'm taking charge of your
journey away from addiction.
415
00:15:01,726 --> 00:15:04,361
Gina is leading you
on a guided mediation.
416
00:15:04,362 --> 00:15:08,165
Terry and I agreed to participate
as a show of support.
417
00:15:08,166 --> 00:15:10,968
Okay.
418
00:15:10,969 --> 00:15:12,403
And, Amy, you don't know this
419
00:15:12,404 --> 00:15:15,039
'cause I don't necessarily
enjoy talking to you,
420
00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:19,176
but in my early 20s,
I too battled an addiction.
421
00:15:19,177 --> 00:15:21,245
I was a compulsive shopper.
422
00:15:21,246 --> 00:15:24,248
Anyway, meditation helped
me past that addiction.
423
00:15:24,249 --> 00:15:26,250
And it's gonna do the same for you.
424
00:15:26,251 --> 00:15:28,819
Close your eyes and repeat:
425
00:15:28,820 --> 00:15:31,288
I am in a vast hallway.
426
00:15:31,323 --> 00:15:33,991
(All) I am in a vast hallway.
427
00:15:34,025 --> 00:15:38,062
I walk into the light
of self-actualization.
428
00:15:38,063 --> 00:15:42,166
(All) I walk into the light
of self-actualization.
429
00:15:42,167 --> 00:15:45,002
For I am a powerful woman.
430
00:15:45,003 --> 00:15:47,972
For I am a powerful woman.
431
00:15:47,973 --> 00:15:50,508
I'm not hearing everyone.
432
00:15:50,509 --> 00:15:53,444
(Terry and Holt)
For I am a powerful woman.
433
00:15:53,445 --> 00:15:57,515
You feel the cool breeze
of enlightenment
434
00:15:57,516 --> 00:16:00,785
gently caressing your face.
435
00:16:00,786 --> 00:16:02,019
I feel it!
436
00:16:02,020 --> 00:16:03,087
I feel the breeze.
437
00:16:03,088 --> 00:16:04,255
Amy!
438
00:16:04,289 --> 00:16:06,423
What? I'm not
the one with my eyes open.
439
00:16:06,424 --> 00:16:07,424
Cheater!
440
00:16:07,425 --> 00:16:08,349
Captain Holt is cheating.
441
00:16:08,360 --> 00:16:10,227
Santiago, we're trying to help you.
442
00:16:10,228 --> 00:16:11,662
I can't do it.
443
00:16:11,663 --> 00:16:12,853
I quit quitting.
444
00:16:13,799 --> 00:16:14,932
Hey, hey, people.
445
00:16:14,933 --> 00:16:16,567
Task force, officially
on the scoreboard
446
00:16:16,568 --> 00:16:19,203
with our first major
giggle pig dealer busted.
447
00:16:19,204 --> 00:16:21,505
[Cheering]
448
00:16:21,506 --> 00:16:22,440
Treat him well.
449
00:16:22,441 --> 00:16:24,008
This guy is sort of the Mitch Globmun
450
00:16:24,009 --> 00:16:25,709
of getting put in jail for this.
451
00:16:25,710 --> 00:16:28,546
Globmun was the first kid
in my grade to get a pube.
452
00:16:28,547 --> 00:16:30,245
Rosa, great news, my friend!
453
00:16:30,248 --> 00:16:31,482
What the hell?
454
00:16:31,483 --> 00:16:32,917
Donger just called
and said you abandoned him,
455
00:16:32,918 --> 00:16:35,352
took information
from a classified computer,
456
00:16:35,353 --> 00:16:37,555
and licked a roll of antique stamps.
457
00:16:37,556 --> 00:16:38,522
The stamps were on me.
458
00:16:38,523 --> 00:16:41,091
I was curious
about how old glue tasted.
459
00:16:41,092 --> 00:16:43,561
Answer: Like a horse lollipop.
460
00:16:43,562 --> 00:16:45,095
Mm.
461
00:16:45,096 --> 00:16:46,864
Look, it's not a big deal.
462
00:16:46,865 --> 00:16:48,999
Donger wanted us to waste
a week staring at mailboxes.
463
00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:51,535
If I'd listened to him, I never
would have caught Delroy.
464
00:16:51,536 --> 00:16:52,643
Or found his books, which tell us
465
00:16:52,671 --> 00:16:55,840
there's a huge giggle pig
shipment coming in tonight.
466
00:16:55,841 --> 00:16:58,075
I told you to work with USPIS.
467
00:16:58,076 --> 00:16:59,076
Okay, I know I didn't do it
468
00:16:59,077 --> 00:17:00,678
exactly the way you asked me to...
469
00:17:00,679 --> 00:17:03,781
The way I ordered you to
as leader of the task force.
470
00:17:03,782 --> 00:17:04,849
Do you think just because we're friends
471
00:17:04,850 --> 00:17:06,250
you can do whatever you want?
472
00:17:06,251 --> 00:17:07,952
Donger's furious.
He's on his way over here now
473
00:17:07,953 --> 00:17:08,953
because they're taking over the case.
474
00:17:08,954 --> 00:17:10,554
What!
He can't do that.
475
00:17:10,589 --> 00:17:11,589
Yeah, he can.
476
00:17:11,590 --> 00:17:12,990
They're a federal agency.
477
00:17:12,991 --> 00:17:14,358
From now on,
any bust that comes from this,
478
00:17:14,359 --> 00:17:16,861
including Delroy, goes to USPIS.
479
00:17:16,862 --> 00:17:19,063
My task force gets nothing.
So thanks, friend.
480
00:17:21,504 --> 00:17:24,769
This table tastes like
Scully's elbow blisters.
481
00:17:24,770 --> 00:17:26,904
It's horrible and I deserve it.
482
00:17:26,905 --> 00:17:29,140
I hate seeing you like this.
483
00:17:29,141 --> 00:17:31,041
Rosa has every right
to be pissed at me.
484
00:17:31,076 --> 00:17:34,812
I didn't follow her orders
and I messed up the task force.
485
00:17:34,813 --> 00:17:36,013
The only way to make things right
486
00:17:36,014 --> 00:17:38,616
is to do the worst,
most awful thing imaginable.
487
00:17:38,617 --> 00:17:40,317
Dip your penis in vinegar.
488
00:17:40,318 --> 00:17:41,385
What?
No!
489
00:17:41,386 --> 00:17:42,653
Why would you say that?
490
00:17:42,654 --> 00:17:43,754
In Sunday school, they told us
491
00:17:43,755 --> 00:17:46,190
the Babylonians did that
to their enemies.
492
00:17:46,191 --> 00:17:47,892
I've been terrified ever since.
493
00:17:47,893 --> 00:17:53,030
Okay, well, what I have to do
is far, far worse.
494
00:17:53,064 --> 00:17:55,299
I'm sorry I was a jerk.
495
00:17:55,300 --> 00:17:58,402
I'm sorry I said
the postman was a flop.
496
00:17:58,403 --> 00:18:01,105
I'm sorry I said
"forever" stamps are a lie
497
00:18:01,106 --> 00:18:04,241
because the earth will eventually
be swallowed by the sun.
498
00:18:04,242 --> 00:18:05,810
I know what you're trying to do
499
00:18:05,811 --> 00:18:08,245
and I'm not buying it for a second.
500
00:18:08,246 --> 00:18:10,981
I don't think you're sorry and
I don't think you respect USPIS.
501
00:18:10,982 --> 00:18:14,051
Maybe at first,
but that was before I read,
502
00:18:14,052 --> 00:18:16,220
"stamping out crime:
A history of the USPIS."
503
00:18:16,221 --> 00:18:17,811
Oh, great read!
504
00:18:17,823 --> 00:18:19,056
Yeah.
505
00:18:19,057 --> 00:18:20,257
But it actually just scratches
the surface.
506
00:18:20,258 --> 00:18:21,859
The real story begins
in the 16th century
507
00:18:21,860 --> 00:18:25,096
with la poste Francaise.
508
00:18:25,097 --> 00:18:26,263
Do you wanna hear about it?
509
00:18:26,264 --> 00:18:29,066
Absolutely.
Please tell us that story.
510
00:18:29,067 --> 00:18:30,568
And spare no detail.
511
00:18:30,569 --> 00:18:31,569
The vinegar dip.
512
00:18:33,618 --> 00:18:37,072
But this is when USPIS history
gets really good.
513
00:18:37,107 --> 00:18:38,574
They actually moved the headquarters
514
00:18:38,575 --> 00:18:41,376
back to Boston
from Washington D.C.
515
00:18:41,378 --> 00:18:43,045
Let's jump ahead to 1820...
516
00:18:43,046 --> 00:18:45,347
Wait, you're just gonna jump
a whole decade?
517
00:18:45,348 --> 00:18:46,548
I mean, I'm dying to know
518
00:18:46,549 --> 00:18:48,450
how the chief postal
inspector's sickly wife
519
00:18:48,451 --> 00:18:51,954
adjusted to the cold
new England winters.
520
00:18:51,955 --> 00:18:53,756
Okay, Peralta, I accept your apology.
521
00:18:53,757 --> 00:18:55,024
You can have the case back.
522
00:18:55,025 --> 00:18:56,025
Oh, thank you.
523
00:18:56,026 --> 00:18:57,459
Truth is, I need some help.
524
00:18:57,460 --> 00:18:59,194
Delroy won't tell us where
the shipment's going tonight
525
00:18:59,195 --> 00:19:01,563
and his notebooks are all in code.
526
00:19:01,598 --> 00:19:03,732
Have a look.
527
00:19:03,733 --> 00:19:05,501
Have you checked out this phone number?
528
00:19:05,502 --> 00:19:06,535
It doesn't exist.
529
00:19:06,536 --> 00:19:09,004
Ten digits, what else could it be?
530
00:19:09,005 --> 00:19:10,439
Two zip codes back-to-back.
531
00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:11,740
But they're nowhere near here.
532
00:19:11,741 --> 00:19:15,611
27889, that's Washington,
North Carolina.
533
00:19:15,612 --> 00:19:20,182
80751, that's Sterling, Colorado.
534
00:19:20,183 --> 00:19:22,418
Sterling Place and Washington Avenue.
535
00:19:22,419 --> 00:19:25,821
Wait a minute, Mr. Postman!
536
00:19:25,822 --> 00:19:28,023
That's where the giggle pig
delivery's gonna be?
537
00:19:28,024 --> 00:19:31,960
Yup.
We gotta go, right now.
538
00:19:31,961 --> 00:19:34,096
Could you please knock it off?
539
00:19:34,097 --> 00:19:39,435
It's like working inside a beaver dam.
540
00:19:39,436 --> 00:19:41,937
Oh no, a next-to-desk-sit-down.
541
00:19:41,938 --> 00:19:44,640
Santiago, you're putting yourself
under too much pressure.
542
00:19:44,641 --> 00:19:47,142
And that stress is making it
even harder for you to quit.
543
00:19:47,143 --> 00:19:48,577
Some things might come easier to you
544
00:19:48,578 --> 00:19:50,746
if you stop being such a perfectionist.
545
00:19:50,747 --> 00:19:55,284
A concept you should become
familiar with.
546
00:19:55,285 --> 00:19:56,452
"Familiar with?"
547
00:19:56,453 --> 00:19:57,419
Mm.
548
00:19:57,420 --> 00:19:58,420
A dangling preposition?
549
00:19:58,421 --> 00:20:00,456
I'm setting an example.
550
00:20:00,457 --> 00:20:03,625
I made an error and I'm not
going to correct it.
551
00:20:03,660 --> 00:20:06,528
I'm just gonna let it dangle...
552
00:20:06,529 --> 00:20:07,963
Dangle...
553
00:20:07,964 --> 00:20:11,934
Dangle.
554
00:20:11,935 --> 00:20:13,702
Thank you, Captain.
555
00:20:13,703 --> 00:20:15,170
Okay, get ready, it's going down.
556
00:20:15,171 --> 00:20:16,839
Wait, before we go in there...
557
00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:18,007
Apology accepted.
558
00:20:18,008 --> 00:20:19,842
No, I actually want to do it.
559
00:20:19,843 --> 00:20:20,909
Ugh, so I have to suffer?
560
00:20:20,944 --> 00:20:22,578
I'll make it quick.
561
00:20:22,579 --> 00:20:23,679
I didn't follow your orders,
562
00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:26,982
I took advantage of our friendship,
I'm a jerk, I'm sorry.
563
00:20:26,983 --> 00:20:28,383
So that's what eternity feels like.
564
00:20:28,385 --> 00:20:30,419
I could not have made that any shorter.
565
00:20:30,420 --> 00:20:32,621
All right, what's the plan?
This dong is ready to ding.
566
00:20:32,622 --> 00:20:33,789
What?
567
00:20:33,790 --> 00:20:35,257
TAC team one will take
the north entrance.
568
00:20:35,258 --> 00:20:36,692
TAC team two will take the east door.
569
00:20:36,693 --> 00:20:38,227
Jake, you stay out here
and man the radio.
570
00:20:38,228 --> 00:20:40,562
Oh, sure, whatever you need.
On it.
571
00:20:40,563 --> 00:20:42,698
No, I'm just kidding,
you're coming in with us.
572
00:20:42,699 --> 00:20:43,624
Jerk.
573
00:20:43,633 --> 00:20:45,267
(Rosa) Ready?
On my count.
574
00:20:45,268 --> 00:20:49,471
Three, two, one.
575
00:20:49,472 --> 00:20:50,606
(Rosa) Freeze, police!
576
00:20:50,607 --> 00:20:53,008
(Danger) Also USPIS.
And USPIS.
577
00:20:53,009 --> 00:20:54,710
Down, down, down!
578
00:20:54,711 --> 00:20:56,178
Go out the back door!
579
00:20:56,179 --> 00:20:57,780
(Rosa) Down, down, get down!
580
00:20:57,814 --> 00:20:59,348
Unh!
581
00:20:59,349 --> 00:21:01,417
Hands on your head!
582
00:21:05,422 --> 00:21:07,890
Unh.
What happened?
583
00:21:07,891 --> 00:21:08,991
You hit your head
on the doorway coming in.
584
00:21:08,992 --> 00:21:10,125
Got knocked out cold.
585
00:21:10,126 --> 00:21:11,260
Do I have a bruise?
586
00:21:11,261 --> 00:21:12,494
A little one.
587
00:21:12,495 --> 00:21:15,064
Yes! I'm going on the wall
of heroes.
588
00:21:15,065 --> 00:21:16,332
Did we catch all the bad guys?
589
00:21:16,333 --> 00:21:17,666
Yup, we got 'em.
590
00:21:17,667 --> 00:21:19,902
All right, another win for USPIS.
591
00:21:19,903 --> 00:21:21,437
You're lying in rat turds.
592
00:21:21,438 --> 00:21:22,504
It's all part of the job,
little brother.
593
00:21:22,505 --> 00:21:24,473
It's all part of the job.
594
00:21:24,474 --> 00:21:27,194
Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/ web dl sync snarry