Whoa-Haves. There it is. Another one.
Every hook I baited with that jerk chicken got a gator.
It's the odor, I tell you.
You can blind the alligator, he could still hunt...
...but you block up his nose, he'll starve to death.
Yeah, but he'd die first from not being able to breathe.
Yeah, either way it's a death sentence.
Got a lot of skinning to do before sundown.
Come on. Come to Papa, baby. Yeah.
Just like the white-winged dove Sings a song
What the hell? Don't look like Fish and Game.
The cook, she already made the call.
We got $80,000 worth of fines here in the camp.
How can we help you, young lady?
This is wrong.
All wrong.
Murder.
All rot and black.
This will not be forgiven. What do you want, girl?
Why would you kill Gods innocent creatures?
So they could be made into shoes?
You think she's one of them goddamn PETA girls?
No, she ain't from PETA. You should've stayed away, girl.
If you play with dead things, you're more than likely to join them.
Nun-mums]
Not all dead.
Desire to please
On the edge u!
Seventeen
Ooh
Rise and shine, ladies.
It's time for morning gathering.
I expect you both downstairs in five minutes.
Shall I come in this?
My God, get over it already.
He spent his summers volunteering for the United Way.
- Aw, he should be canonized. - Fiona?
I know you're home. How can you be such a bitch?
Because I understand people.
And that guy would've happily taken a turn on me if he had the chance.
No, that's bullshit. He wasn't like that.
Ah, those guys were his frat brothers. It's guilt by association.
Open the door, Mother.
No, I don't accept that.
Look, for the sake of peace among roommates...
...I'm sorry I killed your boy candy, okay?
But given your black widow status...
...he was living on borrowed time anyway.
I'm kind of busy right now.
My God, what's that smell?
L, uh... I went to a Chinese doctor. He gave me some herbs to boil.
I know it's kind of pungent.
We're about to have our morning gathering.
I'm gonna be going over the house rules with the girls and I'd like you to hear them.
Hmm. Sounds riveting. Heh. I'll be down in a minute.
Now, listen up, Miss Pittypat.
If you scream...
...I'm gonna put you right back in the ground where I found you.
You understand?
Yeah.
Help! Shut up. Shut up.
I want you to tell me right now how it is you're still alive...
...after all these years and not some moldering corpse.
Shh, shut up.
Jesus, woman. it's a cell phone, all right?
Fiona, we're starting!
Now, you just stay quiet.
And when I get back, we're gonna continue our little chat.
And you better make it worth my while.
Mom swam
I need a 44, extra crispy.
Yo, the medium bucket is supposed to have eight pieces.
This one has only seven. My name is not Yo, it's Queenie.
And you must've miscounted because I packed that basket myself.
You must've got a D in math because there's only seven.
Actually, sir, I got an A in math, all of them.
Calculus, trig, advanced algebra... Is that so?
Mm-hm. Look, I'm sure you're a genius.
Just give me an extra piece of chicken and I'll be done.
Look, pencil dick, I'm not stupid, okay?
You ate that extra piece and now you want a freebie.
I'd like to speak to the manager, stupid fatass.
What did you call me? Get the manager.
I am the manager.
Help! She's burning me! Aah!
- Did they send you to jail? - No.
There were lots of witnesses.
None of them had actually seen me throw the oil...
...but it made the local newspaper and that's how Miss Cordelia found me.
You didn't want to join us at first.
I grew up on white-girl shit like Charmed...
...and Sabrina, the Teenage Cracker.
I didn't know that there even were black witches.
As it turns out...
...I'm an heir to Tituba. She was a house slave in Salem.
She was the first to be accused of witchcraft...
...so technically, I'm part of your tribe.
Is this where we all sing "Kumbaya"?
Bitch, I will eat you. Hey, hey, hey.
You guys have to start taking care of each other.
We have enough enemies on the outside.
Miss Foxx? Yes?
Detective Sanchez, N.O.P.D. Homicide. My partners is Detective Stiles.
What's this about?
We'd like to have a word with two of your girls.
When a star like you shows up at a sorority house...
...people are gonna pay attention to where you go and with who.
People saw you go into a back room with some of the guys on the bus.
- What does that have to do with the bus? - These are teenage girls.
How could they possibly do that? This all seems so silly.
Looking for someone who had a motive to hurt those guys.
Who could've screwed with the brakes or the steering column.
Maybe whatever happened was upsetting.
Shouldn't we have a lawyer here or something?
We're just talking. Did you know any of those boys?
Had you met them before? No.
We barely spoke to them. They took me in the room to get me high.
But I said no. She's sober.
Except vodka.
Uh, Madison has a wicked sense of humor.
She's come a long way with her issues. We're very proud of her.
Can I ask you why you visited one of the survivors in the hospital?
I felt bad for him.
We just met him the night before. He seemed nice.
He died right after you left.
The doctors can't quite figure out how, but when we checked you out...
...we noticed that another boy you knew died in the exact same way...
...right before you got here.
A boy named Charles Taylor.
They gang-raped her and they got what they deserved.
How did you flip the bus? The wheels--?
I have no idea what she's talking about.
Nobody raped me. She's clearly lost her mind.
Madison can move things with her mind.
And I killed that asshole. I have powers too. We're witches.
I'm sorry, Detective. Zoe has clearly suffered some kind of mental break.
No! No, enough lying. it's over.
Everyone here is a witch. I'm so sorry. Please don't send us to jail.
Nobody's going to jail. Girls, will you leave us, please?
Are you in charge here?
I'm Fiona Goods. Heh.
I'm in charge everywhere.
We're gonna have to take both of those girls in for questioning.
We'll try to keep this quiet, but that Madison girl...
- Drink. - Fiona.
Don't. Come on.
Ooh.
Tough guy. Come on, give up.
I'm barely trying, you know?
In about 10 seconds...
...I'm going to turn the heat up in that chubby melon of yours...
...and I'm gonna turn your brains to scrambled eggs.
But frankly, it's been a hard morning...
...and I'd really rather not work up a sweat.
So come on. Just drink the damn water, will you, please?
Mother, this is totally-- Shut up, Delia!
Unless you want me to spit in a third cup.
Ah, good.
Now, I'm going to need you both...
...to turn over whatever information you've gathered on these girls...
...and never speak about it to anyone ever again.
Are we clear? Perfectly.
Do you think Fiona can fix it? You're such a goddamn idiot.
I can't believe you told them everything.
I'm supposed to be cleaning up my act.
When this gets out, I'm screwed. Who cares?
This is murder. Like, multiple murders.
They're not gonna find any evidence because we didn't mess with the bus.
What did you do to that shit dick in the hospital though?
Idiots.
Have you any idea what's going on out there?
Now, I forgave your ham-handed mass murder business with the bus...
...over exuberance of youth and all that...
...but if you haven't got the goddamn brains to know...
...that when strangers come asking questions...
...we close ranks, well, then I fear our line is truly at an end.
But they knew so much already.
I couldn't toast a piece of bread with the heat they were putting on you.
You are soft.
You're emotional. You care what people think.
Now, if there's one thing you learn before leaving this place...
...it's that we, even the weakest among us...
...are better than the best of them.
Are we gonna get arrested? You are missing the point.
Which is? The point is...
...in this whole wide wicked world...
...the only thing you have to be afraid of...
...is me.
I was supposed to play a cat burglar in this movie once...
...but the funding fell through.
But not before I learned how to do this.
Hold that.
Go.
Madison, what are we doing here?
I'm gonna pay you back.
Pay me back? For what?
I know what you did for me, dealing with that asshole, so I'm gonna return the favor.
Stole it out of Foxxy's stash.
It's in Latin. What is this? Resurrection spell.
We're gonna bring your boyfriend back to life.
Oh, shit.
I guess that crash was even worse than I thought.
No, don't. Aah!
He's still kind of cute though.
Madison.
Guess they're trying to figure out where everything goes.
Can we please just get out of here?
Zoe, look around this room. Okay. What do you see?
Tragedy. I see potential.
Look, nice legs over here, a great set of guns.
Kind of wonder if he's a shower or a grower.
What's your point, Madison?
We take the best boy parts, we attach them to Kyle's head...
...and we build the perfect boyfriend.
Is this just a joke to you? No, it's a challenge.
And all we have to do is follow this recipe.
Find me a saw.
How's the oven? Ready for a bun?
I wish I could say yes.
Have you been taking the Clomiphene as directed?
Yes. And I was sure it must be working.
I had horrible cramps, hot ﬂashes, blurry vision.
What's the plan? She goes through hell and it doesn't work.
Hank. We've been at this for a year.
All I can do is stand around like an asshole.
Well, unfortunately, the fertility drugs don't come with any guarantees.
I'll send your blood to the lab and we can consider options.
Like what? Like in vitro fertilization.
- Can I have a minute alone with my wife? - Sure.
Baby...
...if you want to try this, I'll support it. But I don't get it.
I'm not ready to give up.
I should be able to have a baby just like any other woman.
I know it's horrible, but a lot of women do this.
When they have no choice. You have one.
If I start using magic to fulfill my every whim, then I'm just Fiona.
This isn't a whim. This is about us having a family.
You don't know what you're asking me to do.
This kind of magic, it's dark.
It's about life and death, and I don't want to play God.
So you're gonna let Dr. Morrison play God instead.
Doesn't that smell good? Heh.
One thing I'll give my daughter...
...she can fry up a chicken leg.
I imagine you're a bit peckish...
...after spending 180 years buried in a hole.
But then, you probably don't need to eat, being immortal.
Of course, sometimes we just like to do things because we enjoy them.
Heh. Do you wish to speak?
What did you just say?
About what? How long?
One hundred and eighty years.
Easy to lose track, I suppose.
That bitch.
Ah. That evil bitch. Who? Who did it?
I mean, they said you were poisoned, but they obviously got that part wrong.
I was tricked. By whom?
That black devil.
A love potion.
I offer it as a gift.
Louis!
LaLaurie! Show yourself!
You think you and this rabble can frighten me?
I am Madame Marie Delphine LaLaurie.
And you're nothing.
Your feeble attempt at poisoning me failed, nigger witch.
If I wanted you dead, you would be.
Where's my family? Return them to me.
They never left.
Oh.
God. What have you done?
Oh, dear God.
Oh, God. What have you done?
God.
Oh, God.
Don't think that they didn't suffer, because they did, greatly.
But the fate that I have planned for you...
...will make their suffering seem as a gentle sleep.
It wasn't poison that I gave you but something far worse.
My gift to you, Madame LaLaurie, was life everlasting.
Immortality was in that bottle.
- Bring her! - Bring her!
Bring her!
My God.
For your sins, Madame LaLaurie, you are damned to live forever.
To never know the release of sweet death.
To never reunite with loved ones in the realm beyond, but instead, to be alone...
...sealed up in your unmarked grave for all eternity...
...listening to the world go on around you...
...even until that world is no more.
I'm sorry for your loss.
You want a bite?
I'm not hungry.
I need a bowl and some hair from his head.
Okay.
Breathe in the smoke.
Give me your hand.
Blood is our sacrament.
Azazel, we submit to you body and soul.
The lord of the underworld, we offer you our obedience and everlasting devotion...
...until death sanctifies this unholy union.
Did we just marry the devil? Because I don't know if I'm down with that.
Return to the mortal coil! Arise!
Well, that was a bust.
You sure you said the spell correctly?
Hey, I've been acting since I was 5. I know my lines.
I guess we're just not powerful enough.
Hey, I'll meet you in the car. I left my phone in here somewhere.
Hurry UP-
Mom swam
Shit.
Tough luck, bitch.
I'm so sorry, Kyle.
None of this would have happened if we weren't at that party.
My life has just been so out of control lately.
I wish I could have kept you out of it.
Who's there?
What the hell?
Oh, Jesus Christ.
What the hell are you doing here?
Kyle, no! No!
Ow. You're not used to having a white woman in your chair, are you?
I'm not used to having a white woman in this neighborhood.
Uh-uh, there's no smoking in here.
Most of that is real hair, more precious than gold.
Mm-hm. We buy that by the pound.
Yeah. That's what I'm talking about.
Make it he! Make it hot
Yeah. Hey.
You look good, little mama.
All right, you get going home now. I was just finishing.
All right, you all go home too.
I'll finish this one myself.
Stop.
Stop it. I don't like it. Stop.
Stop.
You okay?
Too much noise.
You think too loud.
It's bothering me.
Just get out.
What the--? Oh, who are you?
Out of my way, slave. Who you calling "slave," bitch?
Yo, who is this stinky old la--?
So have you owned this place long?
What do you think?
I think when they say good black don't crack...
...they're not wrong. What's your secret?
What's yours? Your manicure cost more than my rent.
Woman like you wipes her ass with diamonds.
She don't just end up walking in here for hair extensions.
My, my, my, aren't you perceptive?
You know exactly who I am and what I'm capable of...
...just like I know exactly what you are, witch.
I can smell the stink of it on you.
Well, I didn't expect you to like me, heh.
I mean, after all...
...your kind and my kind have been going after each other for centuries.
Though it is kind of like a hammer going after a nail.
Everything you got, you got from us.
Tituba, voodoo slave girl who graced us with her black magic.
She couldn't tell a love potion from a recipe for chocolate chip cookies...
...if she had to read it. You made her a slave.
Before that she came from a great tribe: the Arawak.
She learned the secrets of the other side from a 2000-year-old line of shamans.
Necromancy.
She gave it to your girls of Salem.
A gift repaid with betrayal. Please.
You want to tell me that some illiterate voodoo slave girl gave me my crown?
You haven't heard the news about civilization starting in Africa.
We're more than just pins in dolls and seeing the future in chicken parts.
You've been reading too many tourist guides.
Heh. Speaking of tourist guides-- No more spray.
--I have been to St. Louis Number 1...
...and I have seen the tomb of Laveau...
...seen the fat tourists from Little Rock to Hackensack...
...drawing crosses on the bricks...
...making wishes to the bones of Marie Laveau, heh.
Little do they know...
...all they have to do to get their wishes granted...
...was come down here to the Ninth Ward...
...and get their hair braided.
And what is your wish, witch?
I want what you have.
Whatever it is that has kept you young all these years.
Heh. The hammer wants the nail's magic.
Oh, that is rich.
Yeah, and you're gonna give it to me...
...because I have something you want.
You could offer me a unicorn that shit hundred dollar bills...
...and I'd still never give you more than a headache.
- Boys. - All right, grab a towel.
Hurry. Get it. Put it out. Stop!
I don't like it.
But we'll be in touch.
Such a lovely place you have here.
It's nice to see you doing so well after all these years.
I mean, maybe in another century...
...you could have two shithole salons.
You think it's gonna work?
Jesus, Hank.
You scared the shit out of me.
You shouldn't be in here.
You okay, baby?
It's all gonna be all right. I just-- I need to concentrate.
Just give me 20 minutes, okay?
Heh. Whatever it takes.
Mom swam
Say it.
Mom swam
Kyle?
Kyle.
L-- I know you know something's wrong.
Maybe this is too hard for anyone to hear, but...
Kyle, you died. Okay? Can you remember that?
You know, you were on a bus, and there was an accident.
Sort of.
Like, it wasn't your fault. Okay, none of it was your fault.
We tried to put you together the best we could.
We brought you back from the other side.
No! No, stop! Kyle!
No! Kyle! No!
Look, maybe it would have been better if you stayed dead. I don't know.
I couldn't forgive myself if I didn't try.
I forgive you.
Even though you drew me out here.
Turn around.
Make a right.
Do you think that's going to work? I know it will.
This stuff is the shit, literally.
Louisiana swamp is full of Spanish moss and alligator dung.
Which has amazing healing properties.
Mother Nature has an answer for everything.
Healed me when I was burned alive.
You're Misty Day, the witch Cordelia told us about.
Everyone thinks you're dead.
But of course you're not. You have the power of resurgence.
The power of resurgence.
I like the sound of that.
You've never seen Woman
We have so much to teach each other, Zoe.
Maybe we do. I always knew there were others like me.
But I had no idea how to find you. And then today...
...I was meditating in the woods when my heart started racing...
...and my teeth started vibrating.
Something was calling to me.
I had no idea what it was...
...but I knew I had to follow.
And it was you, Zoe. Your magic called me there.
And I'm so grateful.
Now I'm not alone.
She rings like a bell through the night
And wouldn't you love to love her?
She rules her life like a bird in ﬂight
And who vain be her lover?
Who sings this?
Fleetwood Mac. Stevie Nicks is my hero.
That's Stevie Nicks from American Idol?
It's Stevie Nicks.
The White Witch.
The only witch before you I've ever known. She's an actual witch?
She rings like a bell through the night
Listen to the lyrics.
She rules her life like a bird in ﬂight
And who vain be her lover?
This song was her anthem.
All your life you've never seen
Doesn't it just penetrate your soul...
...and tell the truth about everything you ever felt in your whole life?
Yeah. Totally.
Will you ever win?
I really should be going. Going? What do you mean?
My school. I'm sure they're wondering where I am.
I just have to figure out where to take him. He can stay here with me.
I'll heal him.
And then, when you come back, he'll be good as new.
Dreams unwind Love's a state of mind
Hey, you'll come back, right, hm?
Dreams unwind Dream's a state of mind
Clean your station, baby girl.
Because I am sick and tired of them old boxes of Popeye's and Coke cans.
You ain't never gonna believe who's back.
We got some business to attend to.
They haven't changed the names of the street signs.
You're lucky you didn't get run over.
You know, the world has sped up a bit since you went down in that hole.
I could be trampled by a herd of elephants, it wouldn't make a spit of difference.
They defaced my home with a plaque.
"The House of Madame LaLaurie. A historical site."
My home, a museum of horrors.
People have always celebrated the macabre.
You're not remembered fondly, but I guess that beats not being remembered at all.
I was a woman of my time. Heh.
That is a crock of shit.
You've got a mean streak wider than your backside.
Or a sickness of the mind.
Either way, if 10 of the hundreds of things I have read about you are true...
...then you deserved every minute down there under all that dirt.
They took my babies, you know?
Hung them in a straight line right up there.
My husband too. Him, I didn't care about.
I'd been planning on killing him for weeks. Poison in his buckwheat.
Well, you'll forgive me if I have trouble feeling sorry for you.
I don't care what kind of monster anybody says I am.
I loved my girls in my own way.
Even the ugly one.
The moment she came out of my belly, she was a shame to me.
She had the face of a damn hippo.
But I loved her just the same.
Hell is real.
I've seen it down in that box.
Time disappears. The only thing that's left is what's in your mind's eye.
And all mine saw were the faces of my girls.
Forever.
Well, maybe it's better. At least in death, you can't disappoint the ones you love.
Are you a witch or something? Why?
Well, I was hoping you were. Then maybe you'd know how to kill me.
Heh. Oh, I may kill you yet, but not today.
But you run away again...
...and it's back in the box for you, understand?
Yes, ma'am.
Good. Let's go home.