1 00:00:01,305 --> 00:00:03,003 The final season ofNew Girl 2 00:00:03,046 --> 00:00:05,222 celebrates friends to the end. 3 00:00:05,266 --> 00:00:07,050 I'm gonna go open a bottle of wine. Pink okay? 4 00:00:07,094 --> 00:00:08,617 Catch all-new episodes Tuesdays. 5 00:00:08,660 --> 00:00:10,619 And check out our other Fox shows-- 6 00:00:10,662 --> 00:00:12,969 LA to Vegas, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, 7 00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:14,797 -andThe Last Man on Earth. -[laughs] 8 00:00:14,840 --> 00:00:15,972 Only on Fox. 9 00:00:20,324 --> 00:00:22,631 Ladies, stop stuffing yourselves with pancakes. Daddy's coming in 10 00:00:22,674 --> 00:00:25,721 at a nine, and we're seconds away from being at a ten. 11 00:00:25,764 --> 00:00:27,853 I got Ruth an interview at Lillypads, 12 00:00:27,897 --> 00:00:29,377 the most prestigious preschool 13 00:00:29,420 --> 00:00:31,335 in all of Jerry Brown's California! 14 00:00:31,379 --> 00:00:34,730 -Ugh! Lillypads? -I found out there was an opening. 15 00:00:34,773 --> 00:00:38,647 Uh, the mayor of Malibu's son just disappeared like that. 16 00:00:38,690 --> 00:00:40,257 We're all praying for his safe return, of course, 17 00:00:40,301 --> 00:00:43,826 -just not until enrollment closes. -JESS: Oh, my God. 18 00:00:43,869 --> 00:00:45,610 Wait. Didn't you guys already look at a preschool? 19 00:00:45,654 --> 00:00:47,047 [scoffs] You mean Triangles? 20 00:00:47,090 --> 00:00:48,265 [chickens clucking] 21 00:00:48,309 --> 00:00:51,312 Okay. 22 00:00:51,355 --> 00:00:53,618 -Ew. -Chicken. 23 00:00:53,662 --> 00:00:55,185 -Hmm? -I made eye contact with the chicken. 24 00:00:55,229 --> 00:00:56,447 He knows that I had eggs for breakfast. 25 00:00:56,491 --> 00:00:58,188 Take her. Take the pretty one. 26 00:00:58,232 --> 00:01:00,277 -I don't think that a chicken cares that you had eggs. -No! 27 00:01:00,321 --> 00:01:01,713 I mean, I kind of liked Triangles. 28 00:01:01,757 --> 00:01:04,151 Besides, are we really Lillypads people? 29 00:01:04,194 --> 00:01:06,196 -Yes. -I hope not. That kind of competitive, 30 00:01:06,240 --> 00:01:08,851 overpriced private school, B dash, dash, 31 00:01:08,894 --> 00:01:12,289 dash, dash, dash, dash, dash... T is the reason why 32 00:01:12,333 --> 00:01:15,118 I got out of teaching in the first place. 33 00:01:15,162 --> 00:01:16,163 What did happen at Banyon Canyon? 34 00:01:16,206 --> 00:01:17,512 Yeah, what did happen at Banyon Canyon? 35 00:01:17,555 --> 00:01:19,079 You know I can't discuss that until 36 00:01:19,122 --> 00:01:20,645 one of four civil lawsuits is settled. 37 00:01:20,689 --> 00:01:23,300 -I know, but what... -No further questions. You guys, 38 00:01:23,344 --> 00:01:25,694 this is crazy. Look at this beautiful, impressionable child. 39 00:01:25,737 --> 00:01:28,131 Lillypads is the key to Ruth's future. 40 00:01:28,175 --> 00:01:30,873 If she gets into Lillypads, she gets into Willows. 41 00:01:30,916 --> 00:01:32,396 If she gets into Willows, she gets into Harvard. 42 00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:33,702 And if she gets into Harvard, 43 00:01:33,745 --> 00:01:35,225 it's a bullet train to the Oval Office. 44 00:01:35,269 --> 00:01:37,880 -Hmm. -Don't you want Ruth to be the president? 45 00:01:37,923 --> 00:01:40,143 Of course I do, but you can do it without going 46 00:01:40,187 --> 00:01:42,189 to some pressure cooker that turns her into a robot. 47 00:01:42,232 --> 00:01:44,321 [in robotic voice]: Meep, meep, alphabet, meep, meep, numbers. 48 00:01:44,365 --> 00:01:46,410 Have you not seen Star Wars? Robots are helpful and 49 00:01:46,454 --> 00:01:48,151 -often delightful. -CECE: Please don't start this again. 50 00:01:48,195 --> 00:01:50,197 You two have been arguing about how Ruth should be raised 51 00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:51,372 since the day she was born. 52 00:01:51,415 --> 00:01:53,025 SCHMIDT: I'm sorry, I have to. 53 00:01:53,069 --> 00:01:54,462 Okay, if it was up to her, Ruth would have been born 54 00:01:54,505 --> 00:01:56,028 in a rusty tub in the Ladies Y. 55 00:01:56,072 --> 00:01:57,465 I'm not letting your hippie-dippie mishegas 56 00:01:57,508 --> 00:01:59,249 ruin Ruth's future. 57 00:01:59,293 --> 00:02:02,470 -[gasps] -This child is a genius. 58 00:02:02,513 --> 00:02:04,254 Yay! [grunts] 59 00:02:04,298 --> 00:02:06,343 -Oh! -RUTH: Whoa. 60 00:02:06,387 --> 00:02:07,779 She does this all the time. Just give her a minute. 61 00:02:07,823 --> 00:02:09,390 -She'll come to. -Yeah. 62 00:02:09,433 --> 00:02:11,174 -I'm okay! -[chuckles] There she is. -There she is. 63 00:02:11,218 --> 00:02:13,089 -[Ruth thuds] -Oh! Whoa. -Oh, my God. -Okay, all right. 64 00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:15,091 ♪ 65 00:02:16,919 --> 00:02:18,268 JESS: Ruth! I turn my back 66 00:02:18,312 --> 00:02:21,402 for two seconds and you turn yourself into a cat toy. 67 00:02:21,445 --> 00:02:22,577 NICK: Hey, Jess. 68 00:02:22,620 --> 00:02:24,492 -Hi. -I'm off to the bar to write. 69 00:02:24,535 --> 00:02:26,450 This is the first day working on my new idea 70 00:02:26,494 --> 00:02:28,365 and I have a perfect plan to make pages. 71 00:02:28,409 --> 00:02:29,801 -Okay. -All right, I'll see you. 72 00:02:29,845 --> 00:02:32,152 Good-bye, Mr. Diarrhea-head. 73 00:02:32,195 --> 00:02:34,154 -Hey, do you have my money, Ruth? -[groans] 74 00:02:34,197 --> 00:02:35,416 Then we have nothing to talk about. 75 00:02:35,459 --> 00:02:38,070 Aunt Jess, I have to pee. 76 00:02:38,114 --> 00:02:39,942 What? Oh, no. We have to untangle you. 77 00:02:39,985 --> 00:02:41,378 Oh. We're not, we're not gonna make it. 78 00:02:41,422 --> 00:02:42,771 I'll figure it out. 79 00:02:42,814 --> 00:02:44,729 Wait, wait, what does that mean? 80 00:02:44,773 --> 00:02:46,949 -Hey. -Hey, why is my baby wrapped up in... 81 00:02:46,992 --> 00:02:48,037 never mind, she'll figure it out. 82 00:02:48,080 --> 00:02:49,299 We just came back 83 00:02:49,343 --> 00:02:52,737 from Lillypads and we need your help. 84 00:02:52,781 --> 00:02:54,130 SCHMIDT: We were picking up our paperwork 85 00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:56,828 when we ran into that supervillain/wax figure/ 86 00:02:56,872 --> 00:02:59,831 former best friend of mine, Benjamin. 87 00:02:59,875 --> 00:03:02,965 Have you gotten your kid ready for this interview yet? 88 00:03:03,008 --> 00:03:04,532 We got ourselves a 365 tutor, baby. 89 00:03:04,575 --> 00:03:06,969 Christmas, New Year's Eve, Fourth of July, 90 00:03:07,012 --> 00:03:08,623 we own this man's ass. 91 00:03:08,666 --> 00:03:10,755 W-What are they getting tested on? 92 00:03:10,799 --> 00:03:13,323 Draw a face. Cut a circle. Know colors. Make eye contact. 93 00:03:13,367 --> 00:03:14,977 -SCHMIDT: I'm sorry, hold on. -[Cece clears throat] 94 00:03:15,020 --> 00:03:16,283 I'm sorry, at three? 95 00:03:16,326 --> 00:03:18,459 -How could a child... -[playing tuneful melody] 96 00:03:18,502 --> 00:03:20,243 Is that your boy over there playing the piccolo? 97 00:03:21,505 --> 00:03:24,334 Oh, yeah. That's my seed, all right. 98 00:03:24,378 --> 00:03:27,468 I had to lay down. At which point, Benjamin's child 99 00:03:27,511 --> 00:03:29,121 started giving me shiatsu. 100 00:03:29,165 --> 00:03:30,297 -Oh. -SCHMIDT: Which is apparently 101 00:03:30,340 --> 00:03:31,994 another thing he knows how to do. 102 00:03:32,037 --> 00:03:34,823 -Ew. Preschool tutors? [scoffs] -SCHMIDT: Okay, Jess, 103 00:03:34,866 --> 00:03:36,433 Ruth is never going to make it through this interview 104 00:03:36,477 --> 00:03:39,480 without a professional tutor. And if we look past the whole 105 00:03:39,523 --> 00:03:42,134 Banyon Canyon debacle, that's you. 106 00:03:42,178 --> 00:03:44,441 Eh, I got out of that game years ago. 107 00:03:44,485 --> 00:03:45,573 Look, I know it sounds crazy, 108 00:03:45,616 --> 00:03:47,575 but Lillypads was really magical. 109 00:03:47,618 --> 00:03:51,100 The kids wear uniforms and, you know, not to sound weird, 110 00:03:51,143 --> 00:03:53,581 -but they look hot. -That sounds weird. 111 00:03:53,624 --> 00:03:55,452 -They did. -I hear you, I hear you. 112 00:03:55,496 --> 00:03:57,280 They looked super hot. Anyway, I have to run to work, 113 00:03:57,324 --> 00:03:59,064 so is there any chance that you could, you know, 114 00:03:59,108 --> 00:04:01,458 teach her how to draw a face, cut a circle, 115 00:04:01,502 --> 00:04:03,243 carry out a conversation... 116 00:04:03,286 --> 00:04:04,374 Okay, fine. I'll do it, for Ruth. 117 00:04:04,418 --> 00:04:06,594 -Great. -Yes. -Under one condition. 118 00:04:06,637 --> 00:04:08,900 -CECE: Sure. -You do it on my terms. 119 00:04:08,944 --> 00:04:12,034 -What? -I'm gonna have to go on a craft run, aren't I? 120 00:04:12,077 --> 00:04:13,818 I'm gonna need pipe cleaners, glitter, glue, 121 00:04:13,862 --> 00:04:15,385 finger paints and six different types of macaroni. 122 00:04:15,429 --> 00:04:17,126 And that's just 'cause I'm hungry. 123 00:04:17,169 --> 00:04:19,607 Honest to God, you don't already have all of that 124 00:04:19,650 --> 00:04:22,479 in this room already? 125 00:04:22,523 --> 00:04:24,786 I mean... 126 00:04:26,091 --> 00:04:28,833 [sighs] 127 00:04:28,877 --> 00:04:31,227 Martini time. 128 00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:33,882 I like martinis. 129 00:04:37,538 --> 00:04:39,496 You know, I would be back to writing 130 00:04:39,540 --> 00:04:42,325 because I'm kind of in a nice flow, but, say, 131 00:04:42,369 --> 00:04:44,632 do you mind telling me that really interesting story 132 00:04:44,675 --> 00:04:47,417 you just told me about when you bought those shorts? 133 00:04:47,461 --> 00:04:49,158 I bought 'em. 134 00:04:49,201 --> 00:04:51,639 [laughs] A-And from the start of it, 135 00:04:51,682 --> 00:04:53,293 when you realized you needed new shorts? 136 00:04:53,336 --> 00:04:54,946 What was going on there? 137 00:04:54,990 --> 00:04:56,557 You just looked around your house and there weren't shorts? 138 00:04:56,600 --> 00:04:58,080 Not the fingers, man, I'm a writer. 139 00:04:58,123 --> 00:04:59,473 What are you doing here, coming up on me like a maniac? 140 00:04:59,516 --> 00:05:00,822 Um, it's me, Winston. 141 00:05:00,865 --> 00:05:02,302 Sorry, man, I'm just really edgy right now. 142 00:05:02,345 --> 00:05:03,651 -All right, man. -Working on this thing 143 00:05:03,694 --> 00:05:05,696 -about Chicago, actually. -Ooh. 144 00:05:05,740 --> 00:05:07,655 So you know it's gonna be raw. You know it's gonna be personal. 145 00:05:07,698 --> 00:05:09,483 -Oh, yeah. -Also, it doesn't exist. 146 00:05:09,526 --> 00:05:11,659 And if I don't have 20 pages by 3:00 today, 147 00:05:11,702 --> 00:05:13,704 -I'm gonna get punched in the face. -Who, your editor? 148 00:05:13,748 --> 00:05:15,532 No. Some guy I hired off Craigslist. 149 00:05:15,576 --> 00:05:18,143 Wait, so you hired a man to punch you in the face 150 00:05:18,187 --> 00:05:19,667 if you don't write 20 pages? 151 00:05:19,710 --> 00:05:21,669 Yeah. I have no idea what he looks like, either. 152 00:05:21,712 --> 00:05:22,887 You know, I would have punched you in the face for free. 153 00:05:22,931 --> 00:05:24,193 -Well, I got somebody. -Okay. 154 00:05:24,236 --> 00:05:25,542 Well, anyway, I have a real problem, 155 00:05:25,586 --> 00:05:27,109 one that I didn't bring on myself. 156 00:05:27,152 --> 00:05:28,676 I'm just really slammed. 157 00:05:28,719 --> 00:05:30,939 So, I'm a detective now and I have to testify in these trials. 158 00:05:30,982 --> 00:05:34,595 But you know I get rattled on the stand. 159 00:05:34,638 --> 00:05:37,206 Can you repeat the question? 160 00:05:37,249 --> 00:05:40,078 I asked you if you'd like me to repeat the question. 161 00:05:43,734 --> 00:05:45,475 Can you repeat the question? 162 00:05:50,611 --> 00:05:52,439 Can you have her repeat the question? 163 00:05:52,482 --> 00:05:55,529 -Let's dig in. -Thank you. 164 00:05:55,572 --> 00:05:57,139 When I was at law school, I-I learned 165 00:05:57,182 --> 00:05:59,010 that if somebody falls apart on the stand, 166 00:05:59,054 --> 00:06:00,708 it's mostly because they're hiding something. 167 00:06:00,751 --> 00:06:02,492 So, I guess my question to you, Detective, is: 168 00:06:02,536 --> 00:06:05,713 -what are you hiding? -Nothing. 169 00:06:05,756 --> 00:06:07,932 -Nothing? [laughs] -I have nothing to hide. 170 00:06:07,976 --> 00:06:10,195 Well, maybe not on this case, but perhaps you're hiding 171 00:06:10,239 --> 00:06:13,547 something from... your past? 172 00:06:13,590 --> 00:06:15,331 Objection. Form of a question. 173 00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:17,942 Withdrawn. Isn't it true, Detective, 174 00:06:17,986 --> 00:06:19,640 that this could be the result of a guilty conscience? 175 00:06:19,683 --> 00:06:21,163 I have nothing to be guilty about. 176 00:06:21,206 --> 00:06:24,427 Ladies and gentlemen, are we buying this? 177 00:06:24,471 --> 00:06:26,777 'Cause I'm not. 178 00:06:26,821 --> 00:06:30,259 My question is about the night of January 12. 179 00:06:30,302 --> 00:06:32,000 -Wait, what? No, no, no. No, no. -2001. 180 00:06:32,043 --> 00:06:34,350 Nick, that is a cold case and I won't discuss it any further. 181 00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:35,656 Well, looks like we're discussing it now. 182 00:06:35,699 --> 00:06:37,571 I was not masturbating! 183 00:06:39,050 --> 00:06:40,530 NICK: Easy, Winston. 184 00:06:40,574 --> 00:06:42,271 You just screamed "masturbating." 185 00:06:42,314 --> 00:06:44,186 -What are you doing, man? -Sorry. 186 00:06:44,229 --> 00:06:48,016 [sighs] Okay. 187 00:06:48,059 --> 00:06:49,583 Jess, we have four hours. 188 00:06:49,626 --> 00:06:51,062 [Jess exhales] 189 00:06:51,106 --> 00:06:53,064 What are they doing? 190 00:06:53,108 --> 00:06:54,631 -[both exhale] -What are they doing? 191 00:06:54,675 --> 00:06:55,676 What are they doing? What are they doing? 192 00:06:55,719 --> 00:06:56,546 What are they doing? What are they doing? 193 00:06:56,590 --> 00:06:58,200 What are, what are they doing?! 194 00:06:58,243 --> 00:06:59,419 We're practicing our breathing. 195 00:06:59,462 --> 00:07:00,768 Oh. Oh, okay, oh, 196 00:07:00,811 --> 00:07:02,247 well, good, wonderful. 197 00:07:02,291 --> 00:07:03,553 So, you're teaching Ruth how to do the one thing 198 00:07:03,597 --> 00:07:05,425 she's known how to do since birth. 199 00:07:05,468 --> 00:07:06,991 Do you want to get one of your other teacher friends 200 00:07:07,035 --> 00:07:08,297 to prep your child for free? 201 00:07:08,340 --> 00:07:09,472 [whispering]: I didn't think so. 202 00:07:09,516 --> 00:07:11,213 So shut your souphole. 203 00:07:11,256 --> 00:07:13,433 Oh, look, it's Happy Sock. 204 00:07:13,476 --> 00:07:16,000 -Hi, Happy Sock. -Hi. 205 00:07:17,088 --> 00:07:18,612 JESS: See, Schmidt? 206 00:07:18,655 --> 00:07:20,265 We're not cutting circles; we're being circles. 207 00:07:20,309 --> 00:07:21,528 Right. Of course. 208 00:07:21,571 --> 00:07:23,007 Ruth can't hold a scissor, but now she can 209 00:07:23,051 --> 00:07:25,749 twirl around like a goon at a Phish show. 210 00:07:25,793 --> 00:07:28,535 Okay, well, now you're just napping. 211 00:07:28,578 --> 00:07:31,625 We're not napping, we're going on a brain exploration. 212 00:07:31,668 --> 00:07:33,104 I take that back, actually. 213 00:07:33,148 --> 00:07:34,454 Ruth is napping. 214 00:07:34,497 --> 00:07:36,238 Okay, well, that's enough, Jess. 215 00:07:36,281 --> 00:07:38,240 You're sending Ruth straight to Triangles. You hear that? 216 00:07:38,283 --> 00:07:40,503 [mimics a chicken] That's the schoolyard chickens. 217 00:07:40,547 --> 00:07:43,463 And they're... and they're pecking at Ruth. 218 00:07:43,506 --> 00:07:44,464 And this time, they want her eyes. 219 00:07:44,507 --> 00:07:46,857 I need my eyes for TV. 220 00:07:46,901 --> 00:07:48,685 Oh, honey, don't you worry about a thing, okay? 221 00:07:48,729 --> 00:07:50,034 Daddy's gonna take over now. 222 00:07:50,078 --> 00:07:52,036 But the clock is a-ticking, 223 00:07:52,080 --> 00:07:53,037 so let's start with a drill. 224 00:07:53,081 --> 00:07:55,257 No. No drills. 225 00:07:55,300 --> 00:07:56,345 DRILL is an acronym. 226 00:07:56,388 --> 00:07:58,042 D: Do it. R: Redo it. 227 00:07:58,086 --> 00:07:59,479 I: Imitate what you just did. 228 00:07:59,522 --> 00:08:00,828 L: Learn to keep doing it. 229 00:08:00,871 --> 00:08:02,612 L: Live the rest of your life doing it. 230 00:08:02,656 --> 00:08:04,048 DRILL, DRILL, DRILL. 231 00:08:04,092 --> 00:08:05,702 Technically, that's an acrostic. 232 00:08:05,746 --> 00:08:07,487 [high-pitched]: Sweet burn, Jess. 233 00:08:07,530 --> 00:08:09,314 Yeah. You got me. DRILL. 234 00:08:12,230 --> 00:08:13,188 SCHMIDT: And again. 235 00:08:13,231 --> 00:08:15,495 RUTH: Red, yellow, orange, 236 00:08:15,538 --> 00:08:17,279 -green. -And that 237 00:08:17,322 --> 00:08:20,630 is how you earn a dollar in America. 238 00:08:20,674 --> 00:08:22,632 [quietly]: She's not your child, she's not your child... 239 00:08:22,676 --> 00:08:25,592 Okay, Ruth, we're gonna do the colors one more time, and then, 240 00:08:25,635 --> 00:08:27,419 we're gonna move on to a section that I like to call 241 00:08:27,463 --> 00:08:28,899 "Get the numbers right, and Daddy will give you 242 00:08:28,943 --> 00:08:30,074 a stuffed animal." 243 00:08:30,118 --> 00:08:31,641 SCHMIDT: Here we go. 244 00:08:31,685 --> 00:08:33,077 RUTH: Red, yellow, orange, 245 00:08:33,121 --> 00:08:35,602 Denise. 246 00:08:35,645 --> 00:08:37,081 -Yes. -SCHMIDT: I'm sorry. Uh... 247 00:08:37,125 --> 00:08:38,648 Did you just call green "Denise"? 248 00:08:38,692 --> 00:08:41,651 Yes. The color's name is Denise. 249 00:08:41,695 --> 00:08:43,610 Well, I hope you're happy. The interview is in an hour, 250 00:08:43,653 --> 00:08:45,481 and now green is Denise. 251 00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:47,744 Green is whatever she wants it to be. 252 00:08:47,788 --> 00:08:49,311 [whispers]: Green is whatever I want it to be. 253 00:08:49,354 --> 00:08:50,573 -Huh. -JESS: Green could be Denise 254 00:08:50,617 --> 00:08:52,749 or Juanita or Jerry. 255 00:08:52,793 --> 00:08:54,751 I just realized... [laughs] 256 00:08:54,795 --> 00:08:57,319 -...green is Jerry, for me. -Green is not Jerry for me. 257 00:08:57,362 --> 00:09:00,322 Are you and Aunt Jess in a fight? 258 00:09:00,365 --> 00:09:02,672 Oh, no, no, no. Uh, we're just telling stories. 259 00:09:02,716 --> 00:09:04,892 Uh, once upon a time, there was a fuzzy bunny who decided 260 00:09:04,935 --> 00:09:07,198 who decided that colors didn't need names, 261 00:09:07,242 --> 00:09:08,678 and anything could be called anything, 262 00:09:08,722 --> 00:09:10,550 and the world descended into chaos. 263 00:09:10,593 --> 00:09:12,595 But the bunny was happy, because the bunny wasn't forced 264 00:09:12,639 --> 00:09:15,511 -into somebody else's definition of color. -Well, the fuzzy bunny 265 00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:17,165 wasn't really an authority, now, was she? 266 00:09:17,208 --> 00:09:19,776 Because she used to work at a school where instead of grades, 267 00:09:19,820 --> 00:09:21,125 they gave out rainbows. 268 00:09:21,169 --> 00:09:23,780 Bringing up the bunny's past is uncalled for 269 00:09:23,824 --> 00:09:26,478 in this cabbage patch. But the point is: 270 00:09:26,522 --> 00:09:30,178 I know about private schools, and the whole system is corrupt. 271 00:09:30,221 --> 00:09:32,093 Said the very fuzzy bunny. 272 00:09:32,136 --> 00:09:35,357 Until the Jewish carrot farmer brought down his mighty shovel. 273 00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:36,967 -The whole system is corrupt. -[door closes] 274 00:09:37,011 --> 00:09:38,708 -What's going on? -SCHMIDT: Your friend 275 00:09:38,752 --> 00:09:41,145 -is costing us Washington. -Why didn't you marry Shivrang? 276 00:09:41,189 --> 00:09:43,583 Ruth, is that coffee? 277 00:09:43,626 --> 00:09:45,846 -Yep. -Okay, there is a child here. 278 00:09:45,889 --> 00:09:47,195 I'm gonna take her to the bedroom right now 279 00:09:47,238 --> 00:09:48,370 so she can watch local news bloopers. 280 00:09:48,413 --> 00:09:50,459 I don't know why she likes them so much. 281 00:09:50,502 --> 00:09:51,982 They're blowing their big shot. 282 00:09:52,026 --> 00:09:54,594 Okay. All right honey, let's go. 283 00:09:55,682 --> 00:09:56,944 Bye, honey. 284 00:09:56,987 --> 00:09:58,685 Mm-hmm. Talk to you later. 285 00:09:58,728 --> 00:10:00,164 Bye, Ruth. Great job. 286 00:10:00,208 --> 00:10:02,384 SCHMIDT: Green is green. 287 00:10:02,427 --> 00:10:04,865 -You did this. You did this. -You did this. You did this. 288 00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:08,564 -You did this. -You did this. 289 00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:09,521 WINSTON: Are we still on this? 290 00:10:09,565 --> 00:10:10,522 When are you gonna let this go? 291 00:10:10,566 --> 00:10:11,959 When you come clean, Detective. 292 00:10:12,002 --> 00:10:13,613 There is nothing to come clean about. 293 00:10:13,656 --> 00:10:15,615 Wait, aren't you 11 pages away 294 00:10:15,658 --> 00:10:16,616 from getting punched in the face? 295 00:10:16,659 --> 00:10:18,052 Oh, just answer the question. 296 00:10:18,095 --> 00:10:21,403 Does or does not the evidence speak for itself? 297 00:10:21,446 --> 00:10:23,405 Do I need to refresh your memory, sir? 298 00:10:23,448 --> 00:10:26,887 I didn't phone ahead to warn you of my arrival. 299 00:10:26,930 --> 00:10:29,193 I just thought it would be fun to surprise you at college. 300 00:10:29,237 --> 00:10:30,412 WINSTON: It was fun. 301 00:10:30,455 --> 00:10:31,718 Well, it should have been fun. 302 00:10:31,761 --> 00:10:33,633 NICK: A man in front of a computer... 303 00:10:33,676 --> 00:10:35,417 [echoes]: No... 304 00:10:35,460 --> 00:10:36,636 WINSTON: I was checking my EarthLink. 305 00:10:36,679 --> 00:10:37,724 NICK: With no pants on. 306 00:10:37,767 --> 00:10:39,900 WINSTON: You know my bottoms run hot! 307 00:10:39,943 --> 00:10:41,423 NICK: Tissues suspiciously close. 308 00:10:41,466 --> 00:10:43,425 WINSTON: They were Doug's. 309 00:10:43,468 --> 00:10:44,818 Lotion. One sock. 310 00:10:44,861 --> 00:10:46,254 Ashy elbows. Cold left foot. 311 00:10:46,297 --> 00:10:47,472 Look, why am I explaining this to you? 312 00:10:47,516 --> 00:10:49,083 You're the one who's supposed to be 313 00:10:49,126 --> 00:10:50,258 writing right now. 314 00:10:50,301 --> 00:10:51,781 You know what I figured out? 315 00:10:51,825 --> 00:10:53,435 You are a procrastinator. 316 00:10:53,478 --> 00:10:54,828 Said the pro-masturbator. 317 00:10:54,871 --> 00:10:55,829 You always procrastinate when something 318 00:10:55,872 --> 00:10:57,047 is important to you. 319 00:10:57,091 --> 00:10:58,483 And you know how I know? 320 00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:01,791 January 12, 2001. 321 00:11:01,835 --> 00:11:03,793 -Damn you. -You drove eight hours across the country 322 00:11:03,837 --> 00:11:05,447 to come see me at college, 323 00:11:05,490 --> 00:11:08,232 to ask me if I have seen A Bug's Life. 324 00:11:08,276 --> 00:11:09,625 -Oh... -A Bug's Life. 325 00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:11,061 The weekend before your midterms. 326 00:11:11,105 --> 00:11:12,497 You son of a bitch! 327 00:11:12,541 --> 00:11:14,108 ♪ Big test, oh, yeah.♪ 328 00:11:16,327 --> 00:11:17,459 Focus. 329 00:11:17,502 --> 00:11:18,765 [chuckles] 330 00:11:18,808 --> 00:11:21,289 Oh, I got to pick that up. 331 00:11:21,332 --> 00:11:22,725 Whoa! 332 00:11:25,902 --> 00:11:28,035 It's been a while though, hasn't it? 333 00:11:28,078 --> 00:11:30,515 You should have appreciated the fact that your friend hitchhiked 334 00:11:30,559 --> 00:11:32,822 across the country to visit you. 335 00:11:32,866 --> 00:11:35,129 -[both laugh] -You're a procrastinator. 336 00:11:35,172 --> 00:11:37,479 You want to know why you procrastinate? I'll tell you. 337 00:11:37,522 --> 00:11:38,523 But you didn't give me a chance to answer. 338 00:11:38,567 --> 00:11:39,524 How am I supposed to answer 339 00:11:39,568 --> 00:11:40,874 if not given the chance? 340 00:11:40,917 --> 00:11:43,485 -Fine. Answer. -It's a vague question. 341 00:11:43,528 --> 00:11:45,008 It's not a vague question. Why do you procrastinate? 342 00:11:45,052 --> 00:11:47,097 -I don't know. -Nick, you procrastinate 343 00:11:47,141 --> 00:11:49,926 when something is important to you, because deep down, 344 00:11:49,970 --> 00:11:52,059 you're don't think you're good enough to get it done. 345 00:11:52,102 --> 00:11:54,714 [laughing]: That's the dumbest thing I've... 346 00:11:54,757 --> 00:11:56,106 It's also... that's possibly true, 347 00:11:56,150 --> 00:11:58,282 because that really feels like what I do when I... 348 00:11:58,326 --> 00:11:59,936 Keep going, you're in a good zone. 349 00:11:59,980 --> 00:12:01,503 So, of course, when you actually get the opportunity 350 00:12:01,546 --> 00:12:03,723 to write something about your own life, 351 00:12:03,766 --> 00:12:04,898 the first thing you do is choke. 352 00:12:04,941 --> 00:12:07,074 You know how I know? 353 00:12:07,117 --> 00:12:09,685 Well, because for some reason, I'm your oldest friend. 354 00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:12,340 So I hope you get punched in the face today. 355 00:12:12,383 --> 00:12:14,037 I really do. 356 00:12:14,081 --> 00:12:16,083 And then maybe, you'll finally see 357 00:12:16,126 --> 00:12:20,130 that you are good enough to be everything you want to be. 358 00:12:22,567 --> 00:12:23,830 You masturbated one time. 359 00:12:23,873 --> 00:12:26,310 I swear to God, Nick. 360 00:12:26,354 --> 00:12:29,009 If I wasn't kicked off of Craigslist... 361 00:12:33,883 --> 00:12:36,364 Schmidt, you look like you're gonna be sick. 362 00:12:36,407 --> 00:12:38,975 Remember, they've only been on the planet for three years. 363 00:12:39,019 --> 00:12:42,587 Oh, God. Is that kid reading Jonathan Franzen? 364 00:12:42,631 --> 00:12:45,242 Wow, this place is like the frickin' Louvre. 365 00:12:45,286 --> 00:12:47,549 There's a kid handing out mints in the bathroom. 366 00:12:47,592 --> 00:12:49,769 Well, then, why'd you come? To see your liberal snowflake 367 00:12:49,812 --> 00:12:52,380 -hippie trash handiwork? -No. I came for Ruth. 368 00:12:52,423 --> 00:12:54,556 And in silent protest against institutions 369 00:12:54,599 --> 00:12:57,080 such as this hellhole. 370 00:12:57,124 --> 00:12:58,908 But it's quicker to say "for Ruth." 371 00:12:58,952 --> 00:13:00,997 -You are a queer little woman. -Guys, tighten up. All right? 372 00:13:01,041 --> 00:13:02,912 They started assessing us the minute we parked the car. 373 00:13:02,956 --> 00:13:05,393 -Xiawuhao. -What? 374 00:13:05,436 --> 00:13:06,873 That's "good afternoon" in Mandarin. 375 00:13:06,916 --> 00:13:08,178 Just a little amuse-bouche for the judges. 376 00:13:08,222 --> 00:13:10,877 I also brought an actual amuse-bouche. 377 00:13:10,920 --> 00:13:12,922 It's a crostini with burrata and tomato. 378 00:13:12,966 --> 00:13:14,837 Doesn't that sound yummy, Schmidt? 379 00:13:14,881 --> 00:13:16,970 Back off, Benjamin. Your burrata doesn't scare me. 380 00:13:17,013 --> 00:13:19,146 -[laughs] I think it does. -It kind of scares me. 381 00:13:19,189 --> 00:13:21,583 Ruth, just ignore them. You're gonna do great in there, okay? 382 00:13:21,626 --> 00:13:22,584 Feeling good? 383 00:13:22,627 --> 00:13:23,846 Meow. 384 00:13:23,890 --> 00:13:26,762 Ha! She just said "meow." 385 00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:29,025 [both laugh] 386 00:13:29,069 --> 00:13:31,419 MISS CARLY: Okay. Kids, 387 00:13:31,462 --> 00:13:32,942 you can go inside. And parents, 388 00:13:32,986 --> 00:13:35,118 you'll be watching from a two-way mirror, 389 00:13:35,162 --> 00:13:36,859 which was a generous gift from a family 390 00:13:36,903 --> 00:13:39,383 that's too powerful to name. 391 00:13:39,427 --> 00:13:41,211 [whispers]: It's Tate Donovan. 392 00:13:41,255 --> 00:13:43,997 -Oof. -All right. Let's go. 393 00:13:44,040 --> 00:13:45,389 -Let's hit it. -Okay, you ready, honey? 394 00:13:45,433 --> 00:13:46,826 Remember what we talked about. 395 00:13:46,869 --> 00:13:48,915 ROYGBIV. Red, orange, yellow... 396 00:13:48,958 --> 00:13:51,178 Schmidt, she's got it. Okay? You're gonna do great in there. 397 00:13:51,221 --> 00:13:53,049 You're gonna bring the heat, aren't you, Ruth? 398 00:13:53,093 --> 00:13:54,659 Ruth gonna do what Ruth gonna do. 399 00:13:54,703 --> 00:13:57,053 -Oh, dear God. -Okay. 400 00:13:59,621 --> 00:14:03,190 -Please state your name, sir. -[whispers]: So... 401 00:14:03,233 --> 00:14:05,453 I'm Winston Bottoms. 402 00:14:05,496 --> 00:14:08,064 Uh, Winston I Was Wearing Bottoms. 403 00:14:08,108 --> 00:14:09,674 Damn it. S-I'm sorry to curse. 404 00:14:09,718 --> 00:14:11,938 I didn't mean-- uh, that's... I know my name. 405 00:14:11,981 --> 00:14:13,635 Let's just get that-- let the record show that. 406 00:14:13,678 --> 00:14:14,854 When you do your thing. 407 00:14:14,897 --> 00:14:16,638 And um... 408 00:14:16,681 --> 00:14:20,294 I'm Detective Bottoms. 409 00:14:20,337 --> 00:14:22,078 Are you okay, sir? 410 00:14:22,122 --> 00:14:24,080 Ha. I'm-I'm... yes, sir, I'm sorry, um... 411 00:14:24,124 --> 00:14:26,561 My lower half has got the sweats. 412 00:14:26,604 --> 00:14:29,651 I'd like to put in a request for a wet wipe. 413 00:14:29,694 --> 00:14:30,913 Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, 414 00:14:30,957 --> 00:14:33,220 if anyone has a wet wipe, I will gladly 415 00:14:33,263 --> 00:14:37,093 receive said wet wipe and clean off my lower half. 416 00:14:37,137 --> 00:14:39,661 Your Honor, may I request a recess? 417 00:14:39,704 --> 00:14:41,968 Come on, Miller, churn out the magic. 418 00:14:42,011 --> 00:14:44,187 Come on. Let's get started. Let's go. 419 00:14:44,231 --> 00:14:48,017 "Nick Miller grew up in Chicago. 420 00:14:48,061 --> 00:14:52,456 "He came from a family. He hated Winston. 421 00:14:52,500 --> 00:14:55,111 "Winston was really annoying. 422 00:14:55,155 --> 00:14:57,679 In a lot of ways, Winston is still annoying, but..." 423 00:14:57,722 --> 00:15:00,247 It's supposed to be about me! 424 00:15:00,290 --> 00:15:02,945 Stupid Winston, it's sup... [sighs] 425 00:15:02,989 --> 00:15:05,948 I'm screwed, I only have six pages. What time is it? 426 00:15:05,992 --> 00:15:08,168 Mmm... 3:01. 427 00:15:08,211 --> 00:15:10,387 3:01. I'm screwed. 428 00:15:10,431 --> 00:15:11,475 [groans] 429 00:15:11,519 --> 00:15:13,695 [laughing] 430 00:15:13,738 --> 00:15:15,044 It was you. 431 00:15:15,088 --> 00:15:17,264 Craigslist, bitch! [laughs] 432 00:15:17,307 --> 00:15:19,962 It was always you. 433 00:15:22,356 --> 00:15:25,968 Wow, Stuart really nailed the face-drawing portion. 434 00:15:26,012 --> 00:15:29,058 He included eyelashes and expressive eyebrows. 435 00:15:29,102 --> 00:15:31,495 Must you narrate? The whole point 436 00:15:31,539 --> 00:15:34,934 of the audio-enhanced plexiglass is that I can hear on my own. 437 00:15:34,977 --> 00:15:37,110 Oh, boy, it's circle-cutting time. 438 00:15:37,153 --> 00:15:39,547 Miss Carly is handing the scissors to Ruth. 439 00:15:39,590 --> 00:15:41,462 Ruth is taking the scissors. 440 00:15:41,505 --> 00:15:42,942 Ruth is starting to use the scissors. 441 00:15:42,985 --> 00:15:44,726 SCHMIDT: Don't tell me what she's doing. 442 00:15:44,769 --> 00:15:46,510 Actually, you know what? tell me. Never tell me. 443 00:15:46,554 --> 00:15:48,512 Forget it, this is a disaster, we should go. 444 00:15:48,556 --> 00:15:50,427 Ruth S. 445 00:15:52,168 --> 00:15:53,126 Your circle is perfect. 446 00:15:53,169 --> 00:15:54,779 -I knew it. -I want to buy her things. 447 00:15:54,823 --> 00:15:56,738 I want to buy her lots and lots of things. 448 00:15:56,781 --> 00:15:59,741 Suck it, Benjamin! Your bouche just got amused. 449 00:15:59,784 --> 00:16:02,352 RUTH: But what if it's not a circle, Miss Carly? 450 00:16:02,396 --> 00:16:05,138 -No! -RUTH: What if it's a moon, 451 00:16:05,181 --> 00:16:06,922 and it's sad 'cause it's daytime? 452 00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:09,229 What a colossal crap of the bed. 453 00:16:09,272 --> 00:16:11,883 Ruth S, wonderful imagination. 454 00:16:11,927 --> 00:16:14,277 You just earned three tadpoles. 455 00:16:14,321 --> 00:16:16,105 -Three tadpoles! -Three frigging tadpoles! 456 00:16:16,149 --> 00:16:18,107 Everyone, right here. 457 00:16:18,151 --> 00:16:20,196 You know what got her those three t-poles? 458 00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:21,458 Hippie-dippy mishegas. 459 00:16:21,502 --> 00:16:23,025 JESS: Well, she couldn't cut 460 00:16:23,069 --> 00:16:24,113 a perfect circle without your 461 00:16:24,157 --> 00:16:26,463 cold-blooded demand for excellence. 462 00:16:26,507 --> 00:16:30,076 Is it possible that after all of this time fighting, 463 00:16:30,119 --> 00:16:33,122 that, together, we're the perfect parent? 464 00:16:33,166 --> 00:16:36,343 -I mean, look, you're sweet. -You're salty. 465 00:16:36,386 --> 00:16:38,606 Excuse me, she lived inside of me, ya jerks. 466 00:16:38,649 --> 00:16:41,043 No. No, Stuart! 467 00:16:41,087 --> 00:16:42,827 Oh... 468 00:16:42,871 --> 00:16:44,264 That's an oval! 469 00:16:44,307 --> 00:16:45,482 Oh, well, looky over there. 470 00:16:46,614 --> 00:16:49,356 What is this? Huh? 471 00:16:49,399 --> 00:16:51,053 I don't love you anymore! 472 00:16:51,097 --> 00:16:52,620 Oval's for losers. 473 00:16:52,663 --> 00:16:54,839 RUTH: Hey. Your name is Denise now. 474 00:16:54,883 --> 00:16:57,799 What? No, it's not, Schmidt's kid. 475 00:16:57,842 --> 00:16:59,757 Piccolo! Piccolo! 476 00:16:59,801 --> 00:17:01,585 Piccolo! Piccolo! 477 00:17:01,629 --> 00:17:04,066 All right, I heard you. 478 00:17:04,110 --> 00:17:06,286 Too much pressure. He's a kid, Denise. 479 00:17:06,329 --> 00:17:08,810 -Oh boy. -Why is she calling everybody Denise? 480 00:17:08,853 --> 00:17:11,030 The whole system is corrupt. Meow! 481 00:17:11,073 --> 00:17:12,422 [kids all shouting] 482 00:17:14,468 --> 00:17:16,296 [all shouting, laughing] 483 00:17:25,435 --> 00:17:28,438 They jammed the damn door shut with a piccolo. 484 00:17:30,310 --> 00:17:31,441 Meow! 485 00:17:34,836 --> 00:17:38,187 ♪ 486 00:17:40,059 --> 00:17:41,190 [girl screams] 487 00:17:41,234 --> 00:17:42,278 [all gasping] 488 00:17:42,322 --> 00:17:44,628 [screaming] 489 00:17:44,672 --> 00:17:46,761 ♪ 490 00:17:52,288 --> 00:17:54,682 [shouting, cheering] 491 00:17:57,467 --> 00:17:58,468 [all gasp] 492 00:17:58,512 --> 00:18:01,776 Schmidt-Stain! Help me! 493 00:18:05,345 --> 00:18:06,520 Oh, God. 494 00:18:09,131 --> 00:18:10,350 Losing confidence? 495 00:18:10,393 --> 00:18:11,699 Nick, what are you doing here, man? 496 00:18:11,742 --> 00:18:14,093 I came to thank you. I got punched in the face, 497 00:18:14,136 --> 00:18:16,138 and I gotta say, it set me free. 498 00:18:16,182 --> 00:18:18,445 Check it out, man. 20 pages. 499 00:18:18,488 --> 00:18:21,143 And they're all good. Some of them are good. 500 00:18:21,187 --> 00:18:23,102 Five pages are good. 501 00:18:23,145 --> 00:18:25,278 -I really like the title. -I'm proud of you, man. 502 00:18:25,321 --> 00:18:26,279 I couldn't have done it without you. 503 00:18:26,322 --> 00:18:27,628 -Aw, stop. -Honestly. 504 00:18:27,671 --> 00:18:30,326 You push me, man, you always have. 505 00:18:30,370 --> 00:18:33,242 I don't know who I would've been if I hadn't've met you. 506 00:18:33,286 --> 00:18:36,463 -Chicago, man. -Chicago. 507 00:18:36,506 --> 00:18:37,855 Tough love, man. Chicago. 508 00:18:37,899 --> 00:18:39,292 -Let's go see the Bean. -What? 509 00:18:39,335 --> 00:18:41,120 I-I don't know. I don't know why I said that. 510 00:18:41,163 --> 00:18:43,122 -Winston, I came here to punch you. -Okay. 511 00:18:43,165 --> 00:18:45,602 Punch you with my truth fist in your guilt nuts. 512 00:18:45,646 --> 00:18:48,127 Okay? And I'm gonna punch your nuts hard. 513 00:18:48,170 --> 00:18:49,737 -Okay. -How long you been working this case? 514 00:18:49,780 --> 00:18:51,478 Long time, man. Months. 515 00:18:51,521 --> 00:18:54,307 -And does anybody know it better than you? -Nobody. 516 00:18:54,350 --> 00:18:57,353 Then why don't you have the confidence to take the stand? 517 00:18:57,397 --> 00:18:58,485 The problem is, is you still see yourself 518 00:18:58,528 --> 00:19:01,009 as that 10-year-old boy 519 00:19:01,052 --> 00:19:04,273 who fainted the first time you went rollerblading. 520 00:19:04,317 --> 00:19:05,622 You rolled right into Lake Michigan. 521 00:19:05,666 --> 00:19:06,971 That did wake me up. 522 00:19:07,015 --> 00:19:08,364 But you're not that kid. 523 00:19:08,408 --> 00:19:09,757 You're a detective now. 524 00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:11,933 Married to the love of your life. 525 00:19:11,976 --> 00:19:14,718 You have a child on the way. 526 00:19:14,762 --> 00:19:16,285 Unburden yourself, Winston. 527 00:19:16,329 --> 00:19:18,548 Now, I'm going to ask you one last time. 528 00:19:18,592 --> 00:19:20,768 Did you or did you not masturbate? 529 00:19:20,811 --> 00:19:23,640 I. Did. Not. 530 00:19:23,684 --> 00:19:25,686 -Damn it, Detective. -I didn't. 531 00:19:25,729 --> 00:19:28,341 Detective? 532 00:19:28,384 --> 00:19:31,953 Did you have intent to pleasure yourself? 533 00:19:31,996 --> 00:19:32,954 I did. 534 00:19:32,997 --> 00:19:34,999 ♪ 535 00:19:43,225 --> 00:19:45,575 [audio slowed]: Niiiick! 536 00:19:47,011 --> 00:19:48,709 I did have the intent, man. 537 00:19:48,752 --> 00:19:50,972 But you know how it is when you're a hot-blooded 538 00:19:51,015 --> 00:19:52,452 Chicago teenager, man. 539 00:19:52,495 --> 00:19:53,975 -Oh, yeah. -[exhales] 540 00:19:54,018 --> 00:19:55,368 But it's over now. 541 00:19:55,411 --> 00:19:56,717 Wow. Man, I feel better. 542 00:19:56,760 --> 00:19:58,893 -Of course you do. -I feel a lot better. 543 00:19:58,936 --> 00:19:59,981 Get in here, man. Chicago. 544 00:20:00,024 --> 00:20:01,939 -Chicago. -Chicago. 545 00:20:01,983 --> 00:20:06,161 Detective, recess is over. We're ready for you now. 546 00:20:06,205 --> 00:20:08,424 I wanted to pleasure myself, 547 00:20:08,468 --> 00:20:10,426 and this man helped me get there. 548 00:20:10,470 --> 00:20:12,950 -Aw, you did it on your own. -Oh, no, you helped me. 549 00:20:12,994 --> 00:20:14,604 -No, you did it on your own. -[laughs] 550 00:20:14,648 --> 00:20:15,997 Okay, I did it on my own. 551 00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:17,912 -Chicago. -Chicago. 552 00:20:20,044 --> 00:20:23,265 I really hope the paramedics got that piccolo 553 00:20:23,309 --> 00:20:25,180 -out of Miss Carly. -Oh, I doubt it. 554 00:20:25,224 --> 00:20:27,574 The doctor at the hospital said that 555 00:20:27,617 --> 00:20:30,838 Benjamin will have a permanent smile. 556 00:20:30,881 --> 00:20:32,579 Like the Joker. 557 00:20:32,622 --> 00:20:33,797 You guys, I'm so sorry. This is my fault. 558 00:20:33,841 --> 00:20:35,190 I'm just not cut out for this 559 00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:36,409 dog-eat-dog private school world. 560 00:20:36,452 --> 00:20:38,237 You should have never asked me for help. 561 00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:39,847 -No, honey, it's okay. -It was mostly your fault. 562 00:20:39,890 --> 00:20:41,414 You guys made such a cool kid. 563 00:20:41,457 --> 00:20:43,242 I mean, she's crazy and she's strong, 564 00:20:43,285 --> 00:20:46,070 and she's going to be exactly who she wants to be 565 00:20:46,114 --> 00:20:47,942 no matter what any of us say. 566 00:20:49,509 --> 00:20:51,685 Ruth gonna do what Ruth gonna do. 567 00:20:51,728 --> 00:20:53,861 Maybe we just need to get out of her way. 568 00:20:53,904 --> 00:20:55,254 Ruth, honey. 569 00:20:55,297 --> 00:20:57,386 What school do you want to go to? 570 00:20:59,606 --> 00:21:02,522 Ugh. That boy is grooming Ruth like a cat. 571 00:21:02,565 --> 00:21:04,611 -[laughing] -CECE: She looks so happy. 572 00:21:04,654 --> 00:21:07,091 -RUTH: Again! -Chicken! Hey, you. Yeah. Chicken. 573 00:21:07,135 --> 00:21:10,834 -You and me are gonna be friends. -[clucking] 574 00:21:10,878 --> 00:21:12,662 -CECE: Oh. Well, hey. -JESS: You came! 575 00:21:12,706 --> 00:21:15,404 [laughs] Yeah, we wanted to see Ruth's new school. 576 00:21:16,666 --> 00:21:18,494 It's dingy. 577 00:21:18,538 --> 00:21:21,584 Daddy, come drink from the garden hose. 578 00:21:21,628 --> 00:21:22,455 [gags] 579 00:21:24,283 --> 00:21:26,067 Okay, guys, 580 00:21:26,110 --> 00:21:28,243 if I'm gonna put my mouth on a dirty rubber tube, 581 00:21:28,287 --> 00:21:30,767 so are all of you-- let's go. 582 00:21:30,811 --> 00:21:33,161 -I don't wanna do that. I don't wanna do that. -Come on. 583 00:21:33,204 --> 00:21:34,554 -RUTH: Drink, Daddy, drink. -Hello, Mr. Triangles. 584 00:21:34,597 --> 00:21:35,903 SCHMIDT: Well, ma'am, let me get in there. 585 00:21:35,946 --> 00:21:37,470 NICK: All right! Get the germs. 586 00:21:37,513 --> 00:21:39,210 SCHMIDT: Here I go. 587 00:21:39,254 --> 00:21:40,560 NICK: Drink it. 588 00:21:40,603 --> 00:21:41,691 -Drink it, Schmidty. -SCHMIDT: Here I go. 589 00:21:41,735 --> 00:21:43,432 Here I go. 590 00:21:43,476 --> 00:21:44,390 NICK: Yeah! 591 00:21:44,433 --> 00:21:45,478 CECE: There you go. 592 00:21:45,521 --> 00:21:47,523 [laughter] 593 00:21:48,524 --> 00:21:50,047 [Schmidt gags, spits] 594 00:21:50,091 --> 00:21:51,135 -SCHMIDT: Yuck! -[rooster crows] 595 00:21:51,179 --> 00:21:53,137 Triangle water is chicken water! 596 00:21:53,181 --> 00:21:54,487 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH 597 00:21:56,619 --> 00:21:58,621 Now that you're done hanging with New Girl, 598 00:21:58,665 --> 00:22:00,362 here are a few more shows to check out from Fox. 599 00:22:02,625 --> 00:22:04,975 Who's ready for a Fox Sunday Survey? 600 00:22:05,019 --> 00:22:06,499 -Okay. -Okay. 601 00:22:06,542 --> 00:22:07,978 Okay, I guess. 602 00:22:08,022 --> 00:22:09,632 -ANNOUNCER: Okay. -Let's do it! 603 00:22:09,676 --> 00:22:11,895 -Are you in love withBob's Burgers? -Yes. 604 00:22:11,939 --> 00:22:13,462 -The Simpsons? -Yeah. 605 00:22:13,506 --> 00:22:14,637 -Ghosted? -Yes! 606 00:22:14,681 --> 00:22:15,682 -Family Guy? -Yes. 607 00:22:15,725 --> 00:22:17,510 -The Last Man on Earth? -Yes! 608 00:22:17,553 --> 00:22:18,641 Potatoes?Yes. 609 00:22:18,685 --> 00:22:19,555 Butter?Yes. 610 00:22:19,599 --> 00:22:20,513 Cream?Yes. 611 00:22:20,556 --> 00:22:21,601 Lamb?Yes. 612 00:22:21,644 --> 00:22:22,950 Chicken broth?Yes. 613 00:22:22,993 --> 00:22:25,387 Don't miss the funniest night on television. 614 00:22:25,431 --> 00:22:26,780 Lightsaber?Not on the menu. 615 00:22:26,823 --> 00:22:28,390 No way!Oh, no! 616 00:22:28,434 --> 00:22:30,436 See it all first, Sundays on Fox.