J'accuse, Parikh!
Cette soupe est trop chaude.
You just said, "I accuse you," and, "The soup is too hot"?
Indeed, it is.
I told you you could see your wedding dress
when I'm finished with it.
Hey.
Hey, hey, guys, she's writing something.
NICK: Okay. CECE: Okay.
NICK: All right, that's something.
SCHMIDT: Hey, what's going on?
Yeah, but that was two months ago,
and I need it by tomorrow night,
because I have to decide on my hair, on my jewelry...
Honey, honey, I am almost done with it.
So you got rid of the mirrors?
(chuckles): Definitely.
The battery pack? Oh, yeah.
The little weird jacket that makes me look like
I'm in a street gang from the future?
All that crap's gone.
I'll have it to you by tomorrow night.
It's a guarantee.
Okay. (chuckles)
(Cece sighs)
I'm screwed.
*
WINSTON: I can't believe
I got to spend a whole day
without noodling you like this.
If anyone finds out we're together,
they're not gonna let us be partners.
So...
before we figure out what this is...
...just be normal, okay?
No kissing, no touching,
no doing that
sex bark you do. (whines)
I said not to do it. (whines twice)
(laughs)
And also no doing that song
you made up about squeezing me tight.
* Gonna squeeze you tight
* So wrong it's right (laughs)
* Gonna fly the kite...
Sorry, I know that's your thing.
I did not know she was here.
I did.
We have a situation.
I want to ask Reagan to the wedding,
so I-I sent her a text to say,
"Hey, how's your spring looking?"
That was an hour ago. No response.
Mm.
Dead. Maybe she's dead. Yeah.
Maybe-maybe she doesn't miss me.
Or maybe she forgot me.
How could she forget me after I gave her my body?
I thought you guys didn't have sex.
Uh, outercourse. It counts.
Cece, I need you to send Reagan a text,
and if she responds, then we'll know
that she's at least alive and ignoring me.
No, I'm not getting involved.
(chuckles)
(whispering): Cece...
...send the text.
That was terrifying.
Wow, that voice is giving me gooseflesh.
Mm, okay, fine, I'll do it.
(whispering): Thank you very much.
You're welcome?
It's so easy; she's like a puppet.
CECE: I can hear you.
You know that, right? Yeah.
Just say thank you.
Thank you.
Get some sleep, kid.
SCHMIDT: You know what, Jess...
Is this the dress?
This can't be the...
You told Cece it was almost done.
I know! I choked under the pressure.
I spent all last night trying to crack it. Nothing.
I can't make you beautiful unless you let me in!
(screaming)
I've never procrastinated like this.
Well, what a fun, low-stakes time to try new things.
I'm freaking out.
I've been working on this for months.
It's just... it has to be perfect.
This dress is gonna be in every
single picture, and people will say,
"Cece, why do you look so bad?"
Also, "Who is that murdered woman in the background?"
And the answer to both will be: Jess.
This is true. I see this happening
exactly how you described it.
(screams)
Okay, could not sleep last night!
I'm too excited about the dress!
I'm ahead of schedule.
I'll have it to you this afternoon.
This afternoon? Bye!
Oh, my God! (laughs)
Ah! Why did I say that?
There was no reason for me to say that.
I can't work like this. You have to get her out of here.
I can't take my idea walks.
Your idea walks? How did you become
such an important part of my life?
When I craft, I like to get out of my space, bop around.
I use movement and scenery
to tickle the old idea box,
but I can't do that now, 'cause every ten minutes,
Cece comes in here, like,
"Hey, Jessica, that dress
is gonna be gangbusters, Polka Dots."
That's a really good Cece.
Also a passable Sinatra.
Jess, what if I told you
that there was a place...
where you could work in peace.
Um...
Schmidt, this is the men's room at your office.
Oh, no, this is my wedding workshop.
See, I'm the only guy in the building.
Well, except of course for Brian,
but, you know, I pay Brian eight dollars a day
to do his poops at the big box store across the street.
That seems high. When do you do the work that you get paid for?
Rarely, and it's a problem, but, you know,
we couldn't afford a planner, so here we are.
Please,
have a seat at the Think Sink.
Oh.
Hmm.
Don't mind if I do.
(laughs)
I like its energy.
I will create a dress today.
If you need anything, just let me know.
Also, there's a fridge stocked
with sparkling water in stall three.
Jess.
Dang, girl, you ugly.
Come on, mouse, how about we don't
do this today.
Bishop. Hmm?
Your fingers really that weak?
How do you button your pants in the morning?
(laughter)
Honestly, sir,
with, uh, great difficulty.
(laughter)
(Aly chuckles)
You guys should see Bishop load his gun.
It's like watching
a toddler eat peas.
(laughter)
Fellas,
come on, this is the LAPD, right?
We can't bring this city together
if we're tearing each other apart.
God, you're nice.
You're so nice, Daniels.
Thanks, buddy.
Everybody smells fantastic, by the way.
Thank you. That's really nice. Thanks, Daniels.
Very nice; he i very nice.
(knocking)
You wanted to see me, Kim? Schmidt.
Why did you copy me on all these e-mails
you sent planning your wedding?
What?
Oh. (clears throat)
Darn it.
Sorry about that.
Um, Kim is actually also the name
of our chef's new assistant.
To your florist: "Beaming over the peony centerpieces.
No chance I'll get work done today."
To your DJ:
"Fat Wet Beats..."
FWB.
"...what about a swing theme for cocktail hour?
I'll spend the day brainstorming tracks. Out."
I'm no longer with Fat Wet Beats.
We had a few conversations,
and he was being a straight-up ho.
Is this what you've been doing
instead of the regional brand report?
It was due three days ago.
That. Yes.
Of course, I'm gonna have that to you in...
Why are you sm... why you smiling at me like that?
I'm imagining what it would be like to fire you.
The same feeling
I had when we unplugged
my mother-in-law.
Beep, beep, beep...
Is that legal in California?
You've been warned.
If I catch you doing anything at all
related to your wedding, you are out.
Jess, Jess, you got to get out of here.
J-Jess.
Oh, dear Lord.
So Aly said that she wanted to keep things normal at work...
Okay. ...but then
she ripped me in front of everyone, dude.
Isn't ripping you what Aly does?
Yes, but we're a couple now, man.
I'm flummoxed. What should I do?
Should I say something?
No, don't communicate.
It's not gonna get you anywhere.
What you got to do is you got to follow her lead.
Got to play the game,
like I'm doing with Reagan. I'm play-- Hey, Cece?
Mm? Uh, did Reagan text you back yet?
In the past three minutes? No.
Son of a bi-- Okay, you know what? Plan B.
I'm texting her from my burner.
Hmm? Why do you have a burner phone?
That's an insane question, dude.
(laughs)
That's not an answer.
A burner is crazy. Look, if Reagan
had her phone, she would have texted me back.
She's probably on a plane or in a spa or...
(phone blips)
Well, she just responded. What?!
I said, "What are you doing for dinner?"
and she just texted back, "Who dis?"
So I'm gonna text, "Who you think dis is?"
(laughs)
So now we play the waiting game.
(phone blips)
"Karen"?
She thinks I'm Karen.
Oh, yeah, I can be Karen.
And Karen's gonna get some answers.
You know, as a cop, I find this to be very disturbing.
But as a friend... (chuckles)
man, this is straight-up delicious.
Mmm!
(slurping)
Oh!
(Winston laughs)
Sit much, dummy?
(laughs): Look at her.
(laughing) Thank you.
She's so stupid.
What? What the hell was that?
Just being normal. (laughs)
That was not normal. I'm sorry, okay?
I don't know how to act around you.
I can't kiss you.
I can't prank you. (sighs)
I can't keep this bottled up.
Winnie needs an outlet.
I know, I know, we're incredibly sexual people.
That's right. But if we try...
we can keep our hands off of each other.
(quiet laugh)
There is that hand I was looking for.
Good job, Officer.
Yeah.
Hey, Daniels.
Hey. DANIELS: Hey, guys.
TGI Thursday, am I right?
Okay.
As you were.
(sighs)
That was close.
He saw us.
Ooh, uh, P-Penelope.
Have you seen a girl wandering around?
Um, look-looks like a drawing of a best friend
that an eight-year-old would make.
Jess. Oh, Schmidt.
What? Do you think this neckline is too risque?
No secret, your girls got bombs.
She does, and normally, there's nothing I'd rather talk about,
but Kim is on a rampage
and I forgot about this fakakta report that's due.
If she finds you here helping with the wedding...
KIM: Schmidt!
Ha, ho...
You walk on cat feet, you do.
Who is this?
Who's who?
This woman between us.
There's no one else I could be talking about.
There's so many women in this office.
Who is this woman between us
sitting on the couch, Schmidt?
I'm so lost.
Her. Now I see her.
Hi.
Jess is...
She's the new temp.
I'm Jess, the new temp.
Good, I need someone.
Come with me. Up, let's go.
Looks like you make your own jewelry.
I'm gonna tell you right now, I don't want to hear about it.
(whispering): She's mean.
Temp! Come!
(mouthing)
Jess, this is a disaster.
We need to get you out of here
before Kim actually puts my balls in the jar on her desk
labeled: "For Schmidt's Balls."
We need an excuse so airtight
that she'll have to let you leave.
I got it.
My mother is in grave danger.
No, she's not.
Pick up my kids.
All right, hurry up, you almost people!
(children shouting) Oh, oh, oh, oh!
Little girl, come back!
Come back!
Sorry, I'm gonna need a minute.
I'm gonna need a minute!
(car horns honking)
I don't even know these kids!
Hey, Jess, so, you know,
just-just give me something to hold onto.
Just tell me about the dress.
(children screaming)
Are you with kids right now?
(children shouting) No, no.
(grunting)
Did you just rip that book in half?
What are you, The Hulk?
Um, yeah, you want to know
something about the dress.
Right, okay, um...
It's white.
I love it, I love it.
Oh, my God, I cannot wait for tonight.
Tonight, yup.
Okay.
(chuckles) Bye.
Ah! Stop!
Um... have you guys ever seen where your mommy works?
What do we do?
There's no way he didn't see us making out.
Okay, first of all,
you need to stop freaking out, okay?
You are panicking right now,
and you're causing a scene.
But, listen, Daniels is the nicest guy in the world.
I'm sure if we explain to him
our situation, he'll be cool.
All right. Let's go.
Okay.
Hey, buddy.
Hey, guys.
(groans) I'm so sorry that I walked in on you before,
but, uh, you know, if I can be honest...
I'm super excited.
I think you guys make a great couple.
Really? Yeah.
Thank you. Wow.
Man, that, uh, that means a lot.
Okay, cool.
So I take it this, you know, stays between us?
Oh, absolutely. Come on.
Are you kidding me? Yeah, yeah.
Oh, my gosh.
Yeah, just give me $5,000, and, uh, we're good.
What?
But you were so nice.
Oh, I am, very nice, yeah.
But I'm also a guy with a huge gambling problem, you know?
Mostly on the ponies, but last night, I lost 60 large
on a big game of "I Spy."
(chuckles)
Just didn't see that tree.
What are you gonna do?
(laughs)
Yeah.
You know this is blackmail... and you're a police officer.
Oh... I am a disaster.
So here's the thing: Should I...
do we have a deal or do I go to the sergeant?
How do we want to...?
Hey, hey, no, no, no, no, no, no. Wow.
You don't own us.
You know what...
everybody, Bishop and I are...
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Are you sure about this?
Yes.
Yeah, I've never been more sure of anything.
Hey, everyone, Bishop and I are dating.
All right?
That's right.
We are rubbing butts and we don't care who knows it.
So...
you two are hooking up.
Yes, but... Yeah...
...first of all, it's, like, so new...
I get it.
Winston is hot as hell.
Some days, I'd like to
drawer this badge and hold him like a baby.
(chokes)
What?
(deep growl)
Anyway, you can't be partners while you're dating.
I'll, uh, split you
and assign one of you to our floater.
WINSTON: What? Daniels?!
No, that guy tried to blackmail us.
That jelly bean? (laughs)
Nice try.
(laughs)
Bishop, uh,
can I take a picture of you eating a popsicle?
What?
No.
Just do it.
JESS: Hey, hey, come back here!
(girl squealing) Be careful, that has pins in it.
Jess, what the hell are you doing in here?
Well, I couldn't stop working, but...
Help me get this dress. Uh, hey stop that!
Little girl! Come here.
Little girl.
You get over here. Jess, yank it off her.
Stay still, come on.
Yank it off her! Wait, stop moving.
(girl laughing) Take this dress off, young lady.
Hi, Mom.
I'm fired, aren't I?
(boy whoops, glass breaks)
Oh, my God, I can't believe we got fired.
You never had a job here.
I'm so sorry, Schmidt.
It's not your fault.
Entirely.
I knew if I took my eye
off the ball, these estrogen zombies
would suck out my soul,
but, boy, did I love working here.
I loved every one of these
malnourished, high-strung sociopaths.
Do you think you let the wedding planning get on top of you?
How am I supposed to marry the most perfect woman in the world
if I can't give her the most perfect wedding?
How am I supposed to give Cece
a dress that's not as perfect as she is?
You can't fire Schmidt.
You-- Give him his job back.
That's not going to happen.
Are you sure you want to say that to the person
who saw your schedule?
Who would a married woman be meeting
at a hotel tonight?
My father. Oh!
(laughs) Well, that sounds nice.
Who the hell are you?
I'm Jess. I'm Schmidt's friend
and I'm not a temp.
I teach at Banyon Canyon.
Banyon Canyon?
I tried to get my kids in there,
but there's been some resistance.
They're biters.
Hard to get in Banyon Canyon.
Don't know what it's worth to have a friend on the inside.
Cece! Will you help me?
I hear you walking.
(sighs)
Oh, um, what am I looking at here, man?
This is rock bottom.
I spent $200 on burner phones
and Reagan still hasn't responded to my original text.
Why don't you just text her as yourself?
You don't think it's too late?
Only one way to find out.
All right.
What do I have to lose at this point?
I don't have any more money.
Hey, Reagan, it's Nick Miller.
Uh, we lived in the loft together just...
we connected and we...
Get to the point.
Not gonna send any of that.
Mm-hmm.
Hey, Reagan.
I'm gonna keep that.
Reagan, it's Nick.
Would you go to Cece and Schmidt's wedding with me?
I would love to see you.
Send. Great!
Now you'll know, one way or the other.
(phone blips)
She just wrote back. She already wrote back.
I-I-I can't swipe because
my thumb is a little sweaty. Will you swipe for me?
Yes, yes, yes, yes, okay, okay, okay.
Just read it. Just read it. Okay, okay, okay.
"Um, hey, Nick, you idiot.
I know it's you texting me from these numbers."
I can't disagree. She gets me.
Um, "I'd love to come to the wedding..."
Yes! Okay, good.
Great!
"...but I can't because I have to work.
I miss you."
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, no, that... but, yeah.
It mean, it means that she's thinking about you, so that's...
that's good.
Most "derfinitely."
I'm sorry.
No, why sorry? This is a success.
"Derfinitely, derfinitely, derfinitely."
I'm sorry, Nick; I am.
Turn "fiddy cent" into a dollar.
Are you about to cry now?
Me? No.
You-you look like you're getting
a little emotional; are you good?
I'm not at all, actually.
Do you want some tissues or...
No. Can I have my phone, please?
Yeah. Do you mind leaving?
Not at all.
Thanks for the good advice.
(sighs, groans)
(Nick grunts, groans)
Here you go, sir. A little lemon, a little honey.
Be careful, it's hot now, okay?
So...
which one of us takes
the blackmailing gambling addict?
I'll take him.
Can't be worse than the job I had before this--
photographing those idiot babies.
Uncross your eyes, you idiot baby!
(crying)
Is that why you have all those pictures of crying babies
dressed as vegetables in your living room?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that was weird.
I tell you what-- uh, I'll partner with Daniels.
You would do that for me?
I'll take Daniels, yeah.
Thank you.
Of course, of course, but...
it does come at a price.
Ugh. I knew you were gonna...
* Gonna squeeze you tight
* Our love takes flight...
I just... I can't hear you.
* Gonna squeeze you tight
* Our love takes flight
* Sometimes it scares me
* Other times it doesn't
* Gonna squeeze you tight
* Our love takes flight
* Our love
* Takes...
* Flight.
(laughs)
SCHMIDT: Can't believe I lost
my job.
(grunts)
Here they come.
Banana cramps.
Okay, bananas are supposed to stop cramps.
Mm-mm. Babe, how many of those have you eaten?
This many.
Oh! (sighs) Cece,
what are we gonna do?
It's gonna be okay, all right?
You don't need to work in that cat box, anyway.
You deserve so much better.
Thank you.
Schmidt, I got your job back.
Oh, thank Jesus.
Let's just say some kids from Banyon Canyon
are gonna get bit.
Now, it's not exactly
your old job...
It doesn't matter. I'll take it.
Jess... thank you.
And, Cece, about your dress...
I should have told you before,
but, um...
But Jess...
says that it's, uh...
that it's gorgeous.
Oh. (laughs)
Oh! Great.
Yeah, and it just needs one final touch.
Okay. Thank you.
Thank you. Oh, you had me worried.
Whew! (laughs)
Why did you tell her that?
Well, because, look, I know how much
this dress means to her, and I...
I do think that together, we...
Dear Lord, I can't even
look at this thing anymore.
I keep forgetting how awful it is.
Please, take it off of the form.
At some point, we'll figure something out.
I'd say let's burn it,
but it looks completely inflammable.
Oh, my God.
(gasps)
Inside out... it's...
Cece! What's happening?
What are you talking about?
Get out! It's bad luck to see it.
It's bad luck to see it, move!
Bad luck to see-- What are you talking about?
Get out! See what?
What? What? Is it ready? (shouts)
Get-get out!
Hold up! No!
(gasps)
It's amazing!
Yeah, if we just, you know, take up the...
We just have to bunch it up a little bit
right here. Yeah.
(gasps)
It's perfect.
Jess...
Congratulations.
It's a dress.
We have a dress? We have a dre... We have a dress!
Everybody, we have a dress!
Man, what are you yelling about?
We have a dress.
Cece's dress! Come see!
Let's just go do it and then it'll be over, right?
Okay, let's do it, all right. Wow!
Not you. Not me. Not...
Not me. Okay.
WINSTON: Ooh! This is...
Whatever you do, don't let Nick touch it.
I'm sure he's got lasagna all under his fingernails.
CECE (muffled): How did you do this?
(Jess speaking indistinctly)
Can someone at least describe it to me?
WINSTON: In a word, "breathability."
Real funny, man.
(others conversing indistinctly)
WINSTON: Who knew you were a seamstress?
I guess, I guess I'll wait.
CECE (muffled): Oh, my God! Amazing!
Let me in! (pounding on door)
* And that's what's cool about our love *
(mouthing) * It's so fun and... dynamic
* Whenever we are together
BOTH: * Nothing sucks
* At all
* At all...
Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH