1
00:00:02,603 --> 00:00:04,172
REPORTER: A record heat wave
is melting Los Angeles,

2
00:00:04,205 --> 00:00:07,041
sparking chaos in stores
across the Southland.

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00:00:07,075 --> 00:00:08,576
Riot police have been summoned
to several locations...
Oh, damn.

4
00:00:08,609 --> 00:00:10,010
This heat is untenable.

5
00:00:10,044 --> 00:00:12,080
It's like a Jewfro
apocalypse in here.

6
00:00:12,113 --> 00:00:14,415
I look like a '70s
divorce attorney.

7
00:00:14,448 --> 00:00:16,717
NICK:
So we don't have A/C.

8
00:00:18,519 --> 00:00:20,088
You guys are going
to love this.

9
00:00:20,121 --> 00:00:22,356
I invented something
even better.

10
00:00:22,390 --> 00:00:24,758
It's called the Ranch System.

11
00:00:24,792 --> 00:00:26,427
The Ranch System for Cooling.

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This is one of my
best inventions.

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Reagan's going to freak
out when she sees it.

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00:00:29,897 --> 00:00:32,733
Check it out. We've got
a combination of cool winds,

15
00:00:32,766 --> 00:00:34,735
a-a cool, chilly pond,

16
00:00:34,768 --> 00:00:36,104
you wear white jeans
'cause they don't absorb heat--

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00:00:36,137 --> 00:00:38,406
that's actually science,
I did research.

18
00:00:38,439 --> 00:00:41,275
You know, science aside, man,
you working those jeans.
Oh, thanks for saying that, man.

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00:00:41,309 --> 00:00:42,410
I was insecure
about the way they looked.

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You killing it, man.

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Hey, guys.
How are you doing?

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00:00:44,912 --> 00:00:46,880
Well, everything here
looks normal.

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00:00:46,914 --> 00:00:48,382
Welcome to The Ranch.

24
00:00:48,416 --> 00:00:49,383
I don't know what that means.

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00:00:49,417 --> 00:00:50,618
Have a seat.

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REAGAN:
Why would I do that?

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NICK: It'll cool you
right off. You'll love it.

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Ooh. Is that chair
supposed to be wet?

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It is.
I...

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00:00:56,824 --> 00:00:58,126
Okay.

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00:00:59,460 --> 00:01:02,763
And away we... cool!

32
00:01:02,796 --> 00:01:04,598
(laughing):
Check it out!

33
00:01:04,632 --> 00:01:05,799
Feels like somebody is learning

34
00:01:05,833 --> 00:01:07,235
to whistle
very close to my face.

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That's right, it does.

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She said it feels like

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someone's whistling
close to her face!

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I never thought
of that.

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It's another plus.

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No.

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00:01:14,442 --> 00:01:15,643
No, it's not.

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00:01:15,676 --> 00:01:16,910
But I have a better idea.

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Why don't we
all cool off...

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with the brand-new air
conditioner that I bought?

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Son of a...
Yes!
What?
What?

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A/C!
Oh...

47
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damn.
CECE:
Oh, it was so hot.

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Oh, yeah, this is wet.
CECE: Having A/C.

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That's sweat from my bottom.

50
00:01:31,359 --> 00:01:33,161
*

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00:01:35,196 --> 00:01:36,930
SCHMIDT:
This is amazing.

52
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Thank you, Reagan.
Finally, we can stop living

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00:01:38,666 --> 00:01:40,168
like people in
a beer commercial

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00:01:40,201 --> 00:01:42,670
before the beer shows up.
How did you pull this off?

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00:01:42,703 --> 00:01:44,838
It's not a big deal. That whole
riot thing's really overblown.

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Get the hell back!
(screams)

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00:01:47,541 --> 00:01:49,977
I will be putting the A/C in my
room and everyone is welcome.

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No, thank you. We're good.

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I speak for all of us.

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REAGAN: Okay.

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Well, we are
observing gym rules,

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so make sure you wipe down

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anything you plan to sit on.

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Whatever.

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More breeze for us.

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I'm gonna grab
some old underpants

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00:02:03,524 --> 00:02:05,025
and I'll put a pair

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00:02:05,058 --> 00:02:06,527
in the freezer for each of you.

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Trust me,
I'm wearing

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00:02:07,995 --> 00:02:09,197
frozen underwear right now,

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and I feel amazing.
(crackling)

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So, I'm in good shape.

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Cece?
Mmm.

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00:02:15,203 --> 00:02:17,205
I think maybe you should go...
go hang out by the A/C.

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Cece's got a big audition today
to be a reporter.

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00:02:19,673 --> 00:02:21,709
She's been taking
broadcasting classes.

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Any way you slice it,

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that cafeteria pizza
is a great deal.

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You know, in fact,

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I'm getting a little
hungry myself.

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How about you, Carl?

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I thought
the next thing

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I was supposed
to talk about

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was the rain.

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00:02:36,190 --> 00:02:37,391
It is, Carl.

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I was just having
a little banter.

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Oh.

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Um...

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I... uh, I had
a sandwich

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so... I'm full.

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The audition's just for

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00:02:48,702 --> 00:02:50,037
gas station TV, okay?

93
00:02:50,070 --> 00:02:51,405
Nobody watches it.

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WINSTON: Don't you
dare downplay it.

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I adore gas station
television,

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I mean, myself,
personally.

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It is the intersection
between information

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and also gas.

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That's right.
Cece, today it's gas,

100
00:03:01,415 --> 00:03:02,716
tomorrow, it's local news--

101
00:03:02,750 --> 00:03:04,585
the next thing you know,
you're reporting

102
00:03:04,618 --> 00:03:05,919
diabetes statistics

103
00:03:05,953 --> 00:03:07,355
as we all watch B-roll

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of fat people walking
across the street.

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I just, I don't...

106
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I-I don't think
I'm gonna go to the audition.

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00:03:11,959 --> 00:03:13,093
'Cause it's...

108
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it's just so hot.

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00:03:14,428 --> 00:03:16,630
You know?

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00:03:17,631 --> 00:03:18,932
Okay.

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00:03:18,966 --> 00:03:20,601
Um...

112
00:03:20,634 --> 00:03:22,069
Yeah, I mean,
that's-that's cool.

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Just... Look, I love you
no matter what.

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Go cool off.

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All right.
All right.

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Can I talk to you
for a second?

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What the hell was
all that coddling?

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Whoa.
What are you,
a big-bosomed grandma?

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Tough love!
Make her go!

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Don't tell me what to do!

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I'm her fiancé,

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not some schnook off the street

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eating a peanut butter cookie.

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It's my job to give her
love and support.

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That's how I get her
to go to the audition.

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As a cop, do you think I would
get anyone to do anything

127
00:03:47,328 --> 00:03:48,762
if I were being
kind and supportive?

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Hell no!

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00:03:50,431 --> 00:03:52,300
Look, I have recently
found my cop voice

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and I'll tell you this:
it is very effective.

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Is that what you've been
practicing in the bathroom?

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(loud):
Everybody stop!

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Make a left turn!

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(high, wavering):
You have the right
to remain silent! You...

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00:04:02,510 --> 00:04:03,977
(elegant):
Freeze! Nah.

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00:04:04,011 --> 00:04:05,479
(over-enunciating):
Three hundred

137
00:04:05,513 --> 00:04:08,316
and three thousand
thelonious thistles...

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00:04:08,349 --> 00:04:09,583
(climbing vocal scale):
* Handcuffs, handcuffs,
handcuffs *

139
00:04:09,617 --> 00:04:11,319
* Handcuffs, handcuffs,
handcuffs, handcuffs. *

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00:04:11,352 --> 00:04:13,487
(deep): Freeze!
(normal): Ooh, ooh.

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00:04:13,521 --> 00:04:15,423
(à la Arnold Schwarzenegger):
Down on the ground,

142
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fugitive of the law.

143
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* Handcuffs, handcuffs,
handcuffs, handcuffs *

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* Handcuffs, handcuffs.

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Those were just my warmups.

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My point is this, man.

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You can't hug and kiss Cece
into doing anything.

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Your mind would melt if you knew

149
00:04:26,300 --> 00:04:27,835
what I've hugged
and kissed Cece into doing.

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00:04:27,868 --> 00:04:29,202
Stay out of it, Winston.

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00:04:32,340 --> 00:04:34,642
(chuckles):
My guys.

152
00:04:34,675 --> 00:04:36,176
Hey, who needs
Reagan's A/C, right?

153
00:04:36,209 --> 00:04:38,011
Here.

154
00:04:38,045 --> 00:04:40,481
Put some of my old underwear
on your face. It feels great.

155
00:04:40,514 --> 00:04:41,782
Oh, Nick...

156
00:04:41,815 --> 00:04:43,183
you're gonna make a great dad.

157
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I'll see you later.

158
00:04:44,885 --> 00:04:46,153
Okay.

159
00:04:46,186 --> 00:04:47,521
Hey! Who needs him, huh?

160
00:04:47,555 --> 00:04:49,122
Yeah.
We got each other.

161
00:04:49,156 --> 00:04:50,190
Yeah.
We've been
through worse.

162
00:04:50,223 --> 00:04:51,191
Chicago!
Chicago!

163
00:04:51,224 --> 00:04:52,493
(chuckles)

164
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City of soup, you know?

165
00:04:53,861 --> 00:04:54,862
Yes, sir.

166
00:04:54,895 --> 00:04:56,163
So I'm gonna go
take a shower.

167
00:04:56,196 --> 00:04:57,465
I'll be back
in a hot minute.

168
00:04:57,498 --> 00:05:00,233
Or, as we say
on a day like today...

169
00:05:02,235 --> 00:05:04,705
...a minute.
(laughs) That's great, man.

170
00:05:04,738 --> 00:05:06,840
That's chill, that's chill.
That's great. Thanks for
taking my back today.

171
00:05:06,874 --> 00:05:08,208
I'll see you
in a sec.
All right, all right.

172
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You and me, all day.
You and me.
Uh-huh. Yeah, yeah.

173
00:05:11,912 --> 00:05:14,214
Look who it is!
What happened?

174
00:05:14,247 --> 00:05:17,050
The A/C fall over
and squish Winston's cat?

175
00:05:17,084 --> 00:05:19,152
Oh, my God, please don't tell me
that happened. I would die.

176
00:05:19,186 --> 00:05:20,654
I just came out here to tell you

177
00:05:20,688 --> 00:05:21,889
that it's actually
really nice in there.

178
00:05:21,922 --> 00:05:23,056
It's really nice right here,

179
00:05:23,090 --> 00:05:24,392
with my underpants on my face.

180
00:05:24,425 --> 00:05:26,059
I think maybe
you should stop pouting

181
00:05:26,093 --> 00:05:28,696
because I didn't like
whatever this is.

182
00:05:28,729 --> 00:05:31,231
Wait, what?

183
00:05:31,264 --> 00:05:33,901
Why would I care if you,
specifically, didn't like it?

184
00:05:33,934 --> 00:05:36,570
Nick.

185
00:05:36,604 --> 00:05:38,338
Reagan.

186
00:05:38,372 --> 00:05:40,040
Nick, come on.

187
00:05:40,073 --> 00:05:41,409
You want to go there?

188
00:05:41,442 --> 00:05:43,110
I want to go where?

189
00:05:45,112 --> 00:05:47,681
What are you talking about?

190
00:05:47,715 --> 00:05:49,249
You wanted to impress me

191
00:05:49,282 --> 00:05:51,118
because you have a crush on me.

192
00:05:52,786 --> 00:05:54,354
(laughs)

193
00:05:54,388 --> 00:05:56,424
It's nice to get a good laugh
in this heat.

194
00:05:56,457 --> 00:05:58,091
(laughing)

195
00:05:58,125 --> 00:05:59,560
I need a laugh.

196
00:05:59,593 --> 00:06:01,261
It's too hot not to laugh.

197
00:06:01,294 --> 00:06:02,530
Lord knows it!

198
00:06:02,563 --> 00:06:04,432
You do.
(laughing)

199
00:06:04,465 --> 00:06:06,767
I don't have a crush on you.

200
00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:08,268
You're very conceited.

201
00:06:08,301 --> 00:06:10,203
And I don't mean to burst
your bubble here, missy,

202
00:06:10,237 --> 00:06:13,206
but I am not out here

203
00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:16,444
because of my
"so-called crush on you,

204
00:06:16,477 --> 00:06:17,878
"based on my actions

205
00:06:17,911 --> 00:06:19,780
that led you to believe
I have a crush on you."

206
00:06:19,813 --> 00:06:20,948
I am out here

207
00:06:20,981 --> 00:06:22,616
because I have never been

208
00:06:22,650 --> 00:06:25,285
more comfortable
in my entire life.

209
00:06:25,318 --> 00:06:27,254
Okay, you know what?
Just go get!

210
00:06:27,287 --> 00:06:29,256
Winston and I
don't need you, sister.

211
00:06:29,289 --> 00:06:30,724
REAGAN:
Oh, you mean Winston,
like, this Winston?

212
00:06:30,758 --> 00:06:33,326
What do you mean, like this...

213
00:06:35,429 --> 00:06:36,464
Oh, Winston.

214
00:06:36,497 --> 00:06:38,632
I'm really sorry.

215
00:06:38,666 --> 00:06:40,568
It's fine, it's fine.
Who needs you?

216
00:06:40,601 --> 00:06:42,235
'Cause the hottest part
of the day is already over.

217
00:06:42,269 --> 00:06:43,303
It's 9:30 in the morning.

218
00:06:43,336 --> 00:06:44,438
Then tell me this:

219
00:06:44,472 --> 00:06:45,839
why did I just eat lunch?

220
00:06:47,140 --> 00:06:48,341
Why did I just eat lunch?

221
00:06:52,913 --> 00:06:54,314
(chuckling):
Another guy just
collapsed out there.

222
00:06:54,347 --> 00:06:55,749
Oh!

223
00:06:55,783 --> 00:06:58,218
But the Good Samaritan
to the rescue!

224
00:06:58,251 --> 00:07:01,321
(thudding)
Oh, damn.
Good Samaritan just collapsed.

225
00:07:01,354 --> 00:07:03,090
Oh!

226
00:07:03,123 --> 00:07:06,560
And UPS guy to the rescue!

227
00:07:06,594 --> 00:07:09,329
(thudding)
And the UPS guy just collapsed.

228
00:07:09,362 --> 00:07:13,400
Ah, lady stealing packages...

229
00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:15,503
Ah...

230
00:07:15,536 --> 00:07:18,005
(thudding)
Oh! And the lady just collapsed.

231
00:07:18,038 --> 00:07:20,674
Whoo. You know, I'm actually
kind of getting chilly in here.

232
00:07:20,708 --> 00:07:22,175
Look, guys.

233
00:07:22,209 --> 00:07:23,911
I got this box of Jess's
weird old ski clothes.

234
00:07:23,944 --> 00:07:25,546
Oh!
Ooh...

235
00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,015
Hello, 1989.

236
00:07:28,048 --> 00:07:29,082
WINSTON:
Check me out,

237
00:07:29,116 --> 00:07:30,150
I'm Picabo Street.

238
00:07:30,183 --> 00:07:31,451
You know who
that is, right?

239
00:07:31,485 --> 00:07:32,686
I don't know
who that is.

240
00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:34,121
Real après-ski vibe.

241
00:07:34,154 --> 00:07:35,923
I feel like
I'm in Gstaad.

242
00:07:35,956 --> 00:07:37,124
Gstaad's all about après-ski.

243
00:07:37,157 --> 00:07:38,458
Well, it's nice
in the summer, too.

244
00:07:38,492 --> 00:07:39,292
Oh, have you been?

245
00:07:39,326 --> 00:07:40,293
Have you?

246
00:07:40,327 --> 00:07:41,629
Have you?

247
00:07:41,662 --> 00:07:43,263
Have you been,
is the real question.

248
00:07:43,296 --> 00:07:45,666
Have-have you been to Gstaad?

249
00:07:45,699 --> 00:07:46,934
Wh... I...
What does it matter?
Just tell the truth.

250
00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:48,468
Have you been there?
Have you been there?

251
00:07:48,502 --> 00:07:49,870
I'm sorry, have you?
No, I haven't been there.

252
00:07:49,903 --> 00:07:51,605
Well... (laughs)
Should I be
ashamed of that,

253
00:07:51,639 --> 00:07:53,040
or can we all
just tell the truth

254
00:07:53,073 --> 00:07:54,875
about whether
we've been to... "Shtaad."

255
00:07:54,908 --> 00:07:56,810
Please. It's "Gstaad."

256
00:07:56,844 --> 00:07:58,111
Shaad.
Shtaad.

257
00:07:58,145 --> 00:07:59,680
No one in this room
has been to Gstaad.

258
00:07:59,713 --> 00:08:01,515
Yeah, one more fan.

259
00:08:01,549 --> 00:08:02,950
Just a little closer.

260
00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:04,718
Okay, that'll do it.

261
00:08:04,752 --> 00:08:06,554
You guys are suckers in
there! This is great!

262
00:08:06,587 --> 00:08:08,321
Should we be
worried about him?

263
00:08:08,355 --> 00:08:10,323
Worried about Nick? Oh, no,
this is just what he does.

264
00:08:10,357 --> 00:08:12,159
Okay, but being exposed
to the heat for that long

265
00:08:12,192 --> 00:08:13,561
is actually super-dangerous,

266
00:08:13,594 --> 00:08:16,396
so... maybe I should go
reason with him.

267
00:08:16,429 --> 00:08:17,531
(others laughing)

268
00:08:17,565 --> 00:08:19,499
"Reason."

269
00:08:19,533 --> 00:08:22,570
Please excuse our immediate
but correct response.

270
00:08:22,603 --> 00:08:24,237
(Nick grunts)

271
00:08:24,271 --> 00:08:25,472
(grunts)

272
00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:27,007
Oh, hey, hey.

273
00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:29,009
Please just come into my room?
It's right there.

274
00:08:29,042 --> 00:08:30,644
It's not even hot in reality.

275
00:08:30,678 --> 00:08:32,512
You're obviously suffering
from heat exhaustion.

276
00:08:32,546 --> 00:08:34,748
It's like a crisp
Vermont November.

277
00:08:34,782 --> 00:08:36,984
Apple cider,
football weather.

278
00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:38,586
Don't jump in a pile of leaves.

279
00:08:38,619 --> 00:08:40,520
(chuckling): There might be
a dead dog in there.

280
00:08:40,554 --> 00:08:42,155
You're slurring your speech.

281
00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:43,824
Soon you're gonna get dizzy,
you're gonna get cramps.

282
00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:45,826
Why do you care so much, Reagan?

283
00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:48,028
Because you look like
a dying man on a hospital show.

284
00:08:48,061 --> 00:08:50,798
Oh, I know why.

285
00:08:51,899 --> 00:08:53,767
Because you have a crush on me.

286
00:08:53,801 --> 00:08:56,203
No.
(laughs)
Yeah.

287
00:08:56,236 --> 00:08:57,605
That's... that...

288
00:08:57,638 --> 00:08:59,339
I... You're...
you're a human being

289
00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:02,009
and I'm worried about...
You have a crush on me.

290
00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:04,444
No.
That's why you're always
thinking about me...

291
00:09:04,477 --> 00:09:05,779
That has nothing
to do with that.

292
00:09:05,813 --> 00:09:07,180
...giving me my medicals,

293
00:09:07,214 --> 00:09:09,349
checking on me,
giving me my medicals...

294
00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:11,218
You said that twice.
You are hallucinating.

295
00:09:11,251 --> 00:09:14,187
No, Reagan, I'm
"ha-truth-inating."

296
00:09:14,221 --> 00:09:15,789
Okay, you know what, I'm
gonna have to smoke you out.

297
00:09:15,823 --> 00:09:17,390
Ooh-hoo! Smoke me out?

298
00:09:23,831 --> 00:09:25,699
Turn 'em all on, great.

299
00:09:25,733 --> 00:09:28,001
I love it hot.

300
00:09:30,838 --> 00:09:32,072
NICK:
Great, turn 'em up.

301
00:09:32,105 --> 00:09:34,074
I got the sticks
if you got the melons.

302
00:09:34,107 --> 00:09:35,375
Marsh-melons.

303
00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:36,877
Marshmallows.

304
00:09:36,910 --> 00:09:38,111
Sorry.

305
00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:40,814
*

306
00:09:40,848 --> 00:09:42,249
(imitates whooshing)

307
00:09:42,282 --> 00:09:43,984
(laughing):
Hey, Deborah.

308
00:09:44,017 --> 00:09:46,586
Hey, Cece, now that...
now that we're...
What?

309
00:09:46,620 --> 00:09:48,588
Now that we're in the cool,
have you rethought the audition?

310
00:09:48,622 --> 00:09:49,990
Maybe you'll go now?

311
00:09:50,023 --> 00:09:51,725
I mean, either way I
love you, I just...

312
00:09:51,759 --> 00:09:53,560
Um, no.
No, okay.

313
00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:55,028
Mm-mm.
Okay, I still
love you though.

314
00:09:56,930 --> 00:09:58,498
(whispering):
You leave me with no choice.

315
00:09:58,531 --> 00:09:59,499
(whispering):
What are you doing?

316
00:09:59,532 --> 00:10:01,168
Ma'am! I'm gonna ask
that you please

317
00:10:01,201 --> 00:10:04,171
remove your headphones now!
What?

318
00:10:04,204 --> 00:10:06,073
Do you know why I asked you
to remove your headphones?

319
00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:07,240
Why are you talking so loud?

320
00:10:07,274 --> 00:10:08,909
Do you have a cranberry
stuck in your ear again?

321
00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:10,778
Winston found
his cop voice.
Oh...

322
00:10:10,811 --> 00:10:13,446
Ma'am! Why are you
avoiding an audition

323
00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:15,348
when you know damn well
it's important to you?

324
00:10:15,382 --> 00:10:17,851
Don't do this.
Get back in your vehicle,
immediately!

325
00:10:17,885 --> 00:10:19,787
Ma'am, please answer
the question.

326
00:10:19,820 --> 00:10:21,521
Why are you avoiding
an audition?

327
00:10:21,554 --> 00:10:24,524
And do not say that you are not,
because I know that you are,

328
00:10:24,557 --> 00:10:25,959
so tell me why!

329
00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:29,562
Why?! Why?!

330
00:10:30,397 --> 00:10:32,132
Why?!

331
00:10:32,165 --> 00:10:33,533
Now, damn it, speak!

332
00:10:33,566 --> 00:10:34,534
What if I'm not good enough?

333
00:10:34,567 --> 00:10:35,535
It's my dream job,

334
00:10:35,568 --> 00:10:36,636
and what if I can't do it, okay?

335
00:10:36,670 --> 00:10:38,538
What?

336
00:10:38,571 --> 00:10:40,140
Cece, you're the
most talented...

337
00:10:40,173 --> 00:10:41,474
Sir, stand down!

338
00:10:41,508 --> 00:10:43,376
Winston, you
stand down.

339
00:10:43,410 --> 00:10:45,212
Go play softball against
the fire department

340
00:10:45,245 --> 00:10:47,815
or whatever it is you do.
That's not till Wednesday.

341
00:10:47,848 --> 00:10:49,049
Honey, I was terrified.
Don't worry... don't...

342
00:10:49,082 --> 00:10:50,383
My hands are shaking.
Block that out.

343
00:10:50,417 --> 00:10:52,019
I'm freaking out. Yeah.
Block that
out.

344
00:10:52,052 --> 00:10:53,153
SCHMIDT: Okay,
let's plan a trip.

345
00:10:53,186 --> 00:10:54,187
Something to
look forward to.

346
00:10:54,221 --> 00:10:55,188
Yeah, that'd
be great.

347
00:10:55,222 --> 00:10:56,189
Mother freckles.

348
00:10:56,223 --> 00:10:59,226
Winston's wild.

349
00:10:59,259 --> 00:11:00,460
CECE:
God, that was so scary.

350
00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:03,196
It was so terrible.

351
00:11:03,230 --> 00:11:04,231
It's okay.

352
00:11:05,232 --> 00:11:07,234
(grunting)

353
00:11:09,402 --> 00:11:11,171
Can you just admit
that it's hot in here?

354
00:11:11,204 --> 00:11:13,874
There's no way that you
are not hot. I'm hot.

355
00:11:13,907 --> 00:11:15,843
Why are you so worried
about old Nicky pots and pans?

356
00:11:15,876 --> 00:11:17,344
I don't have a crush on you.

357
00:11:17,377 --> 00:11:18,712
You have a crush on me,
it's obvious.

358
00:11:18,746 --> 00:11:20,547
Why would I have a crush on you?

359
00:11:20,580 --> 00:11:23,016
You are the most stubborn,
annoying, frustrating person

360
00:11:23,050 --> 00:11:24,684
I have ever met
in my entire life.

361
00:11:24,718 --> 00:11:26,686
Why don't you tell that
to the judge in your pants?

362
00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:28,288
Verdict's in. You're guilty.

363
00:11:29,556 --> 00:11:31,191
Where are you going?!

364
00:11:31,224 --> 00:11:32,592
I'm shutting down your ranch.

365
00:11:32,625 --> 00:11:35,863
Leave my ranch
out of it!

366
00:11:35,896 --> 00:11:38,598
Well, then I'm gonna
do this, you idiot.

367
00:11:38,631 --> 00:11:39,900
Whoa.

368
00:11:39,933 --> 00:11:41,034
No, don't.

369
00:11:41,068 --> 00:11:42,569
Leave it alone.
REAGAN: Stop.

370
00:11:43,436 --> 00:11:45,739
REAGAN:
No, you don't...

371
00:11:45,773 --> 00:11:48,041
(beeping)
(beeping)

372
00:11:48,075 --> 00:11:49,376
What is going on?!
Damn! Damn!

373
00:11:49,409 --> 00:11:50,778
Reagan, please, let...

374
00:12:01,889 --> 00:12:04,357
Look, she's the one...
Wh... No, you're the one.

375
00:12:04,391 --> 00:12:06,259
SCHMIDT:
Now, get down to the basement
and fix our power.

376
00:12:06,293 --> 00:12:08,061
But the basement?
There are so many rats.

377
00:12:08,095 --> 00:12:09,729
She'll probably try
to make out with me.

378
00:12:09,763 --> 00:12:11,064
Please, I would rather
make out with a rat.

379
00:12:11,098 --> 00:12:12,232
Gross. Did you hear
what she just said?

380
00:12:12,265 --> 00:12:13,934
Stop! Go to the basement

381
00:12:13,967 --> 00:12:16,703
and stay there
until the power is fixed!
Yes, sir.

382
00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:18,839
(bell dinging)

383
00:12:20,340 --> 00:12:22,309
Now, I have accidentally
pressed all of the buttons,

384
00:12:22,342 --> 00:12:24,144
but you will stay
on the elevator

385
00:12:24,177 --> 00:12:26,113
until you get to the basement!

386
00:12:26,146 --> 00:12:28,581
And when you get to
that basement... Aw, damn...

387
00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:34,621
How is it even
hotter down here?

388
00:12:34,654 --> 00:12:36,056
Because the heat
stays low, you dummy.

389
00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:37,457
It's bad enough
that we're down here,

390
00:12:37,490 --> 00:12:38,792
I can't explain
science to you.

391
00:12:38,826 --> 00:12:40,260
I hope that the
Chicago Cubs

392
00:12:40,293 --> 00:12:42,262
win the World Series
while you're in a coma.

393
00:12:42,295 --> 00:12:45,632
That's one of the meanest things
anybody has ever said to me.

394
00:12:45,665 --> 00:12:47,835
We are visitors,
let's act like it.

395
00:12:50,871 --> 00:12:53,273
Hello, rats?

396
00:12:53,306 --> 00:12:55,442
Hello?! (grunts)

397
00:12:55,475 --> 00:12:57,477
I come to hurt ya.

398
00:12:59,479 --> 00:13:02,816
Okay, for those who
have not been scared off,

399
00:13:02,850 --> 00:13:04,784
I actually come in peace.

400
00:13:04,818 --> 00:13:06,954
My name is Nick.

401
00:13:06,987 --> 00:13:08,956
I've been down here a lot.
(high-pitched):
Hello, Nicholas.

402
00:13:08,989 --> 00:13:10,323
I'm Jeremiah.

403
00:13:10,357 --> 00:13:11,791
Sorry.
Why would you...?

404
00:13:11,825 --> 00:13:14,494
It's funny.
Very clever.

405
00:13:14,527 --> 00:13:15,495
You got really scared.

406
00:13:15,528 --> 00:13:16,964
I'm not so scared,

407
00:13:16,997 --> 00:13:18,465
but don't ever do that again.

408
00:13:18,498 --> 00:13:20,633
It's also a very good rat voice.

409
00:13:20,667 --> 00:13:22,535
Thank you
But it is a terrible rat name.

410
00:13:22,569 --> 00:13:25,338
Jeremiah? That would never
be the name of a rat.

411
00:13:25,372 --> 00:13:27,340
It's name is, like, Sushi.

412
00:13:27,374 --> 00:13:28,675
Or "Ma-cushi."

413
00:13:29,542 --> 00:13:30,978
Now, follow me.

414
00:13:31,011 --> 00:13:33,813
I want to leave
one set of footprints.

415
00:13:33,847 --> 00:13:36,149
That is a perfect plan,
but I'm not going to do that.

416
00:13:36,183 --> 00:13:38,185
*

417
00:13:41,388 --> 00:13:43,356
Oh, hello, old friend.

418
00:13:43,390 --> 00:13:45,525
Funny seeing you here.

419
00:13:46,526 --> 00:13:47,895
Tick-tock.

420
00:13:47,928 --> 00:13:49,429
Almost audition time.

421
00:13:50,530 --> 00:13:51,899
Hey, Cece.
Huh?

422
00:13:51,932 --> 00:13:53,733
You know that thing
you said before

423
00:13:53,766 --> 00:13:55,735
about you not being
talented enough?

424
00:13:55,768 --> 00:13:57,170
You didn't mean that, right?

425
00:13:57,204 --> 00:13:58,571
(laughing):
Yeah, I did.

426
00:13:58,605 --> 00:14:00,173
Newscasters
are amazing.

427
00:14:00,207 --> 00:14:01,174
But so are you.

428
00:14:01,208 --> 00:14:03,176
Come on,
Schmidt, okay?

429
00:14:03,210 --> 00:14:05,045
I'm a bartender
and a model.

430
00:14:10,918 --> 00:14:12,852
(Southern accent):
Ma'am, I'm gonna need you
to step out of the vehicle.

431
00:14:12,886 --> 00:14:15,355
(quietly): Yes, do it, baby.
"Vehicle"? What vehicle?

432
00:14:15,388 --> 00:14:17,224
The metaphorical vehicle
that is holding you back.

433
00:14:17,257 --> 00:14:19,259
Oh.
Don't explain yourself.
Just go with it.

434
00:14:19,292 --> 00:14:21,761
You are a brilliant,
amazing woman,

435
00:14:21,794 --> 00:14:24,531
who is capable of anything.
Okay, maybe drop
the Southern accent.

436
00:14:24,564 --> 00:14:26,566
(New York accent):
What, you got mozzarell
in your ears?

437
00:14:26,599 --> 00:14:28,768
You're, uh, get out
of your own way, lady, huh?

438
00:14:28,801 --> 00:14:30,870
Uh, tr-try, Law & Order...
uh, Hargitay.

439
00:14:30,904 --> 00:14:33,240
I've got a past
and it affects my job.

440
00:14:33,273 --> 00:14:35,542
And my relationships--
I can't really do a Mariska.

441
00:14:35,575 --> 00:14:38,545
What is happening here?
Cece, I know the audition
is scary for you.

442
00:14:38,578 --> 00:14:42,082
I would not be doing my job
as the man who loves you

443
00:14:42,115 --> 00:14:43,783
if I let you
walk away from this.

444
00:14:43,816 --> 00:14:46,119
Don't blow it, Cece!

445
00:14:46,153 --> 00:14:48,989
You are not walking away
from this opportunity!

446
00:14:50,823 --> 00:14:52,792
Okay...
I'm gonna need
less talking out of you

447
00:14:52,825 --> 00:14:54,461
and more action, damn it!

448
00:14:56,763 --> 00:14:58,765
(quietly):
Wow.

449
00:15:01,134 --> 00:15:02,936
Wait, no, Cece,
I'm sorry.

450
00:15:02,970 --> 00:15:04,404
Did I take it too far?
(door opens)

451
00:15:04,437 --> 00:15:06,773
I took it too far, didn't I?
Oh, God.

452
00:15:06,806 --> 00:15:07,975
It's fine.

453
00:15:08,008 --> 00:15:10,443
I have been down this road
many a-times.

454
00:15:10,477 --> 00:15:13,080
She's gonna come walking
back through that door

455
00:15:13,113 --> 00:15:15,115
in three, two...

456
00:15:15,148 --> 00:15:17,184
(chuckles)

457
00:15:21,788 --> 00:15:24,657
Look, Schmidt,
not for nothing,

458
00:15:24,691 --> 00:15:28,295
man, you got so many good
characters inside of you.

459
00:15:28,328 --> 00:15:31,598
(chuckles):
Oh, my gosh.

460
00:15:31,631 --> 00:15:33,933
Did you already bind the 120s?
Yeah, this should do it.

461
00:15:33,967 --> 00:15:36,769
Do what? (scoffs)
Cook you like barbecue chicken?

462
00:15:36,803 --> 00:15:39,106
I traced it back. It's fine.
I wouldn't do that
if I were you.

463
00:15:39,139 --> 00:15:41,108
It's not safe.
Can you admit
that I might actually

464
00:15:41,141 --> 00:15:42,342
be right about something
for once?

465
00:15:42,375 --> 00:15:44,144
It's your own funeral;
you win.
Great.

466
00:15:44,177 --> 00:15:45,645
Don't do it!
Nick!

467
00:15:45,678 --> 00:15:46,946
Fine, let's just say
you are right.

468
00:15:46,980 --> 00:15:48,615
Then at least
let me do it, okay?

469
00:15:48,648 --> 00:15:50,950
You don't have to do that.

470
00:15:50,984 --> 00:15:53,286
I want to do it.

471
00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:57,124
I mean, I don't, like, want
to do it, obviously, but...

472
00:15:57,157 --> 00:15:58,791
(stammers)
What if I'm wrong?

473
00:15:58,825 --> 00:16:00,827
If you think this is right,
it's probably right.

474
00:16:00,860 --> 00:16:03,463
You've been, you've been right
about a lot of stuff today.

475
00:16:03,496 --> 00:16:05,698
Like what?
What else was I right about?

476
00:16:05,732 --> 00:16:07,467
Just a lot of stuff. I don't
want to talk about what

477
00:16:07,500 --> 00:16:09,302
you were actually right about
at this moment. Okay, ready?

478
00:16:09,336 --> 00:16:11,138
Uh...
If I get burned up

479
00:16:11,171 --> 00:16:12,805
and die this way,
it would be

480
00:16:12,839 --> 00:16:14,174
such an embarrassing
way to go.

481
00:16:14,207 --> 00:16:16,143
But what would be
nice about it is

482
00:16:16,176 --> 00:16:17,177
that I would technically
have been right.

483
00:16:17,210 --> 00:16:18,845
Here we go.

484
00:16:18,878 --> 00:16:20,480
Heroes don't wear capes.

485
00:16:20,513 --> 00:16:22,315
No, no, no...

486
00:16:22,349 --> 00:16:24,351
(whirring)

487
00:16:25,852 --> 00:16:27,887
Those sons of bitches did it.

488
00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:30,323
(chuckling)

489
00:16:30,357 --> 00:16:31,991
Hey, great!

490
00:16:32,025 --> 00:16:34,727
Really good.

491
00:16:34,761 --> 00:16:36,763
That was really great.

492
00:16:43,870 --> 00:16:45,705
(whispers):
What are you looking at?

493
00:16:45,738 --> 00:16:47,540
Huge... rat.

494
00:16:55,115 --> 00:16:57,684
(squeaking)
(screaming)

495
00:16:57,717 --> 00:16:59,552
(screaming)
No! No! No!

496
00:16:59,586 --> 00:17:01,554
This is my nightmare!

497
00:17:05,892 --> 00:17:08,528
(people shouting indistinctly)

498
00:17:08,561 --> 00:17:11,398
It's time.

499
00:17:15,902 --> 00:17:17,404
(groans)

500
00:17:17,437 --> 00:17:19,772
(grunting)

501
00:17:19,806 --> 00:17:21,408
How did I...?

502
00:17:21,441 --> 00:17:23,576
Did you carry me out
like a firefighter?

503
00:17:23,610 --> 00:17:25,445
No, you woke up right away.

504
00:17:25,478 --> 00:17:26,913
And then you were like,
"Ooh, I need some fresh air."

505
00:17:26,946 --> 00:17:28,548
So we came outside,
I bought you a muffin

506
00:17:28,581 --> 00:17:29,749
and then you passed out again.

507
00:17:29,782 --> 00:17:31,751
Oh, yeah, I remember
that muffin.

508
00:17:31,784 --> 00:17:33,220
I feel like you had
a pretty bad shock,

509
00:17:33,253 --> 00:17:35,522
so let's ask
a few questions.

510
00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:37,457
What day of the week is it?

511
00:17:37,490 --> 00:17:39,626
That's not something
I typically know.

512
00:17:39,659 --> 00:17:41,761
I would guess Monday.

513
00:17:41,794 --> 00:17:42,929
Okay.

514
00:17:42,962 --> 00:17:44,297
Blackout.

515
00:17:44,331 --> 00:17:45,932
ATM's are down.

516
00:17:45,965 --> 00:17:47,800
Cash is king

517
00:17:47,834 --> 00:17:49,869
and batteries is queen.

518
00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:52,505
What? Stop being
so whimsical, Winston.

519
00:17:54,006 --> 00:17:55,975
Cece still hasn't
called me back.

520
00:17:56,008 --> 00:17:57,444
(sighs)

521
00:17:57,477 --> 00:17:58,978
I think I pushed her
too far.

522
00:17:59,011 --> 00:18:01,548
No, Schmidt,
you did the right thing, man.

523
00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:03,082
Look, people get mad
at police officers

524
00:18:03,116 --> 00:18:05,485
because we tell them
what they don't want to hear.

525
00:18:05,518 --> 00:18:07,287
Yet, everyone loves

526
00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:09,122
police officer...
(horns honking)

527
00:18:09,156 --> 00:18:10,823
(deep voice):
Hey, it's a blackout,

528
00:18:10,857 --> 00:18:11,924
not the Rapture!

529
00:18:11,958 --> 00:18:12,925
You yield!

530
00:18:12,959 --> 00:18:14,161
All right!

531
00:18:14,194 --> 00:18:15,762
(people shouting)
Hey, hey, hey, sir, sir!

532
00:18:15,795 --> 00:18:17,330
Keep it moving! Keep it moving!
Keep it moving!

533
00:18:17,364 --> 00:18:19,098
Come on,
right this way, ma'am.

534
00:18:19,132 --> 00:18:21,067
Right this way, ma'am.
Right this way, ma'am.

535
00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:23,236
Right that way, ma'am.
Sir, go, go, go!

536
00:18:23,270 --> 00:18:24,271
We ain't got all day!

537
00:18:24,304 --> 00:18:25,472
WINSTON:
Sir!

538
00:18:25,505 --> 00:18:27,640
Cece.
Right this way, ma'am.
Right that way, ma'am.

539
00:18:27,674 --> 00:18:29,142
Thank God you're here.

540
00:18:29,176 --> 00:18:31,278
Look... I'm-I'm sorry.

541
00:18:31,311 --> 00:18:32,845
Yeah, well, you should be.
You really pissed me off.

542
00:18:32,879 --> 00:18:35,348
I wrote something rude
on your car.

543
00:18:35,382 --> 00:18:36,749
It was that stupid cop voice.

544
00:18:36,783 --> 00:18:37,950
I shouldn't have
pushed you that hard.

545
00:18:37,984 --> 00:18:39,252
No, you should've.

546
00:18:39,286 --> 00:18:40,853
'Cause you were right.

547
00:18:40,887 --> 00:18:43,590
I was chickening out.

548
00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:45,925
So I went.
You did?

549
00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:47,627
Mm-hmm.
Well, that's amazing.
How did it go?

550
00:18:47,660 --> 00:18:49,362
Real bad. Yeah.
It went real bad?

551
00:18:49,396 --> 00:18:51,030
Okay, well, you know what?
about it, baby, I'm sure...

552
00:18:51,063 --> 00:18:53,032
No, no, no, no.
They just didn't...

553
00:18:53,065 --> 00:18:54,667
It was, it was
legitimately terrible

554
00:18:54,701 --> 00:18:58,471
but not because
I'm not talented.

555
00:18:58,505 --> 00:19:00,307
I went to the bar first

556
00:19:00,340 --> 00:19:02,175
so I was wasted
and wearing shorts,

557
00:19:02,209 --> 00:19:04,977
which I won't do next time.

558
00:19:05,011 --> 00:19:06,346
(both laugh)

559
00:19:06,379 --> 00:19:07,947
Thank you for pushing me.

560
00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:09,316
We need to do that
kind of thing for each other.

561
00:19:09,349 --> 00:19:10,950
Yes, please.

562
00:19:10,983 --> 00:19:12,952
I agree, unless,

563
00:19:12,985 --> 00:19:15,154
of course, it's about me using
face wash all over my body.

564
00:19:15,188 --> 00:19:18,024
Ah, this again, really?
I don't care that
it's expensive.

565
00:19:18,057 --> 00:19:20,727
I know that you don't care.
I'm just gonna keep on doing it.

566
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:22,695
(music playing)
Oh, ice cream truck! Oh!

567
00:19:22,729 --> 00:19:23,963
Right this way!

568
00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:25,332
Here we go, sir.
Here we go, sir.

569
00:19:25,365 --> 00:19:26,999
Here we go, sir.
All right, stop!

570
00:19:27,033 --> 00:19:29,836
(music playing)

571
00:19:29,869 --> 00:19:31,738
Ice cream, man, open up.

572
00:19:31,771 --> 00:19:33,506
Where the ice cream at?

573
00:19:33,540 --> 00:19:35,542
Can I buy you
some ice cream?

574
00:19:35,575 --> 00:19:37,977
First, uh, I just want
to revisit that little moment

575
00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:39,312
in the basement
where you were like,

576
00:19:39,346 --> 00:19:41,681
"Hey, Reagan, you've been right
about a lot of stuff today."

577
00:19:41,714 --> 00:19:44,150
Really?
I just want you
to specifically tell me what

578
00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:45,752
You are out of control.
I've been right about.

579
00:19:45,785 --> 00:19:47,587
You're a grown man.
I just think you should be

580
00:19:47,620 --> 00:19:49,055
able to say it.
(laughs)
You dick.

581
00:19:52,292 --> 00:19:54,093
I have a crush on you.

582
00:19:54,126 --> 00:19:55,495
Hmm.

583
00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:56,829
There it is.

584
00:19:56,863 --> 00:19:57,897
I have a crush on you.

585
00:19:57,930 --> 00:19:59,098
Isn't that better?

586
00:19:59,131 --> 00:20:00,667
Now we can just
put it behind us,

587
00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:03,436
move on,
don't have to be weird.

588
00:20:03,470 --> 00:20:06,105
No, I, obviously, I-I know it's
not gonna be a problem, Reagan.

589
00:20:06,138 --> 00:20:07,707
I don't have any illusion

590
00:20:07,740 --> 00:20:09,409
that you're gonna go
for a guy like me.

591
00:20:09,442 --> 00:20:11,110
I am a total mess.
I understand that.

592
00:20:11,143 --> 00:20:13,546
I mean, you're-you're
beautiful,

593
00:20:13,580 --> 00:20:14,947
and-and you're smart,

594
00:20:14,981 --> 00:20:17,250
and you're-you're mean,

595
00:20:17,284 --> 00:20:18,785
but in a hot way.

596
00:20:18,818 --> 00:20:21,521
And-and you have the-the
mind of a electrician,

597
00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:24,724
which is so confusingly hot,
because that is not, like,

598
00:20:24,757 --> 00:20:25,958
a sexy...

599
00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:29,429
* We could both be stars

600
00:20:29,462 --> 00:20:31,130
* Yeah, who knows?

601
00:20:31,163 --> 00:20:33,232
* We could fall apart

602
00:20:33,266 --> 00:20:35,335
* Yeah, who knows?

603
00:20:37,103 --> 00:20:39,606
* Who knows?

604
00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:43,109
*

605
00:20:43,142 --> 00:20:44,944
* All the things
that we wanna be *

606
00:20:44,977 --> 00:20:46,979
Excuse me,
is your name Stephanie?

607
00:20:47,013 --> 00:20:49,482
I'm supposed to be
meeting somebody here.

608
00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:53,486
It's Nick.

609
00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:56,656
So, n Stephanie.

610
00:20:56,689 --> 00:20:59,225
Hey, yo, Nick, you coming, man?

611
00:20:59,258 --> 00:21:01,628
* All that we do is,
ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh *

612
00:21:01,661 --> 00:21:02,962
Great.

613
00:21:02,995 --> 00:21:04,497
* Follow the world
as it goes... *

614
00:21:04,531 --> 00:21:06,466
What is this, a frozen banana,
Winston?

615
00:21:06,499 --> 00:21:08,335
Okay.

616
00:21:08,368 --> 00:21:09,802
While you're gassing up,

617
00:21:09,836 --> 00:21:12,772
let's look at the stock merkins.

618
00:21:12,805 --> 00:21:14,674
Marts... Nope!

619
00:21:14,707 --> 00:21:16,609
Is this...
is this here?

620
00:21:16,643 --> 00:21:18,911
Or is it more here?
Your frame?

621
00:21:18,945 --> 00:21:20,780
Because I don't want
to just be like,

622
00:21:20,813 --> 00:21:22,982
you know,
a head that's like...

623
00:21:23,015 --> 00:21:24,984
Scientists have discovered

624
00:21:25,017 --> 00:21:27,820
a new kind of butter.

625
00:21:27,854 --> 00:21:30,457
Fly in the Amazon.

626
00:21:30,490 --> 00:21:32,291
What the crap
does that mean?

627
00:21:32,325 --> 00:21:34,293
I'm so sorry.
Sorry, sorry, sorry.

628
00:21:34,327 --> 00:21:35,862
You don't...

629
00:21:35,895 --> 00:21:38,865
Is this...? I don't know
who I borrowed this from.

630
00:21:38,898 --> 00:21:41,033
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH