1 00:00:02,603 --> 00:00:04,038 (sighs) 2 00:00:04,072 --> 00:00:06,340 Why are you putting spoons in the laundry hamper? 3 00:00:06,374 --> 00:00:07,841 I'm hiding our nice stuff. 4 00:00:07,875 --> 00:00:09,877 See, my cousin Bobby and Carol are coming in town, 5 00:00:09,910 --> 00:00:11,745 and they're gonna ask me for money, so I'm... 6 00:00:11,779 --> 00:00:13,381 I'm trying my hardest to look poor. 7 00:00:13,414 --> 00:00:14,382 You are poor. 8 00:00:14,415 --> 00:00:15,649 Technically, yes, but I'm also 9 00:00:15,683 --> 00:00:18,018 the richest Miller in the history of our family. 10 00:00:18,052 --> 00:00:20,521 I mean, I own part of a bar, I have a savings account. 11 00:00:20,554 --> 00:00:23,057 I don't fully understand how to use it, but I do have it. 12 00:00:23,091 --> 00:00:24,425 Nick, you're doing great; you really been 13 00:00:24,458 --> 00:00:25,659 stepping it up lately. Calm down. 14 00:00:25,693 --> 00:00:27,228 Thanks. The other day... 15 00:00:27,261 --> 00:00:29,363 The other day, I was at a restaurant, and they asked 16 00:00:29,397 --> 00:00:31,165 if I wanted avocado, and... and I said, "Yeah." 17 00:00:31,199 --> 00:00:33,334 And they said, "It's extra," and I go, "Shh. 18 00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:36,036 I know it's extra, but... but I want it." 19 00:00:36,804 --> 00:00:38,172 Uh, Winston, you ready to go? 20 00:00:38,206 --> 00:00:39,340 Born ready! 21 00:00:39,373 --> 00:00:41,442 You know, believe it or not, you guys, 22 00:00:41,475 --> 00:00:43,711 I have never been wedding dress shopping before, 23 00:00:43,744 --> 00:00:45,613 so I didn't really know what to pack. 24 00:00:45,646 --> 00:00:48,015 Are those whistles? Yeah. These are whistles. 25 00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:50,918 Oh, I even got a pocket fan so I can blow wind in your face, 26 00:00:50,951 --> 00:00:52,420 and your hair could be all like this. 27 00:00:52,453 --> 00:00:53,787 Pocket fan. 28 00:00:53,821 --> 00:00:55,556 Cece, I'm begging you, just cancel the appointment 29 00:00:55,589 --> 00:00:57,291 and reschedule it for when Jess comes back. 30 00:00:57,325 --> 00:00:59,227 There is a six-month waiting list. 31 00:00:59,260 --> 00:01:01,729 Do you not want us to get married in June? 32 00:01:01,762 --> 00:01:03,131 Oh, no, I want to get married in August, 33 00:01:03,164 --> 00:01:04,698 so I can walk down the aisle covered in flies. 34 00:01:04,732 --> 00:01:06,200 You're so concerned about these flies. 35 00:01:06,234 --> 00:01:08,369 Please, go to the appointment. Look, relax. 36 00:01:08,402 --> 00:01:10,037 All right? Nick is the best man, 37 00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:12,072 Jess is the maid of honor, and myself personally, 38 00:01:12,106 --> 00:01:13,607 this is where I cut loose. 39 00:01:13,641 --> 00:01:15,543 This is where you unleash the beast, all right? 40 00:01:15,576 --> 00:01:18,078 Speaking of which, uh, Cece, did you bring your strapless bra, 41 00:01:18,112 --> 00:01:20,581 or should I get the booby tape? Booby tape. 42 00:01:20,614 --> 00:01:22,049 CECE: Uh, no, Winston, this is just a ride. 43 00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:23,417 It is just a ride, okay? 44 00:01:23,451 --> 00:01:25,419 Hey, guys, C-Cece, my cousins are almost coming! 45 00:01:25,453 --> 00:01:27,255 Cece, hide your jewelry! Winston, hide your jewelry! 46 00:01:27,288 --> 00:01:28,489 All the jewelry! 47 00:01:28,522 --> 00:01:30,391 Nick, this is insane. 48 00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:32,260 Just tell your family that you can't give them any money. 49 00:01:32,293 --> 00:01:33,394 Set some boundaries. 50 00:01:33,427 --> 00:01:35,663 You're right. 51 00:01:35,696 --> 00:01:37,398 Time for me to put my foot down. 52 00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:38,832 Put it down. I'm gonna say no. 53 00:01:38,866 --> 00:01:40,100 Yes. I'm gonna set boundaries. 54 00:01:40,134 --> 00:01:41,635 No money for them. 55 00:01:41,669 --> 00:01:43,604 (knocking) 56 00:01:43,637 --> 00:01:45,506 Hey! Hey! Hey! 57 00:01:45,539 --> 00:01:47,175 Hey, how you doing? I thought I smelled fish! 58 00:01:47,208 --> 00:01:48,842 (chuckles): Oh, yeah, you smelled fish. Look at you, huh? 59 00:01:48,876 --> 00:01:50,077 Yeah. Yeah. What, are you working out now, huh? 60 00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:52,079 Yeah. Tough guy. Ow! 61 00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:54,282 You doing yoga? You doing yoga, huh? 62 00:01:54,315 --> 00:01:56,450 Yeah, I do... I've done, yeah. I don't do yoga. 63 00:01:56,484 --> 00:01:57,451 BOBBY: Oh! Look at this. 64 00:01:57,485 --> 00:01:59,287 Exposed brick, dude? Really? Oh, come on. 65 00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:00,754 Yeah. Yeah, I didn't build this. 66 00:02:00,788 --> 00:02:02,590 You don't want to throw some carpet down over the hardwood? 67 00:02:02,623 --> 00:02:03,957 Yeah, what's wrong with wallpaper? 68 00:02:03,991 --> 00:02:05,426 I love wallpaper. I'd use... Don't forget about 69 00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:07,428 who you are, man. Look, he's getting weird. Yeah. 70 00:02:07,461 --> 00:02:09,129 (bad Boston accent): Welcome to Los Angeles. Maybe we take a... 71 00:02:09,163 --> 00:02:11,265 a-a-a, you know, a "cah" 72 00:02:11,299 --> 00:02:13,133 down to the "hahbah" and check out The "Mahtian" 73 00:02:13,167 --> 00:02:16,003 on the big... on the big screen with Matt Damon in "Mahs." 74 00:02:17,305 --> 00:02:19,373 Whose "cah" we taking? 75 00:02:19,407 --> 00:02:20,641 (whispers): Stop, Schmidt. 76 00:02:20,674 --> 00:02:22,476 * 77 00:02:24,845 --> 00:02:26,714 Hey, we got you a little gift, yeah? 78 00:02:26,747 --> 00:02:28,148 You didn't have to do that. Yeah. 79 00:02:28,182 --> 00:02:29,450 Oh, I left it outside in the hall. 80 00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:30,651 Well, go get it, you moron. 81 00:02:30,684 --> 00:02:31,952 BOBBY: You're a moron, you moron. 82 00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:33,687 I'm not the one who left it in the hallway. 83 00:02:33,721 --> 00:02:35,323 Why didn't you bring it in if you saw it? 84 00:02:35,356 --> 00:02:36,824 CAROL: Because I didn't see it until now. 85 00:02:36,857 --> 00:02:38,226 Yeah, 'cause you're a maniac, and you're controlling me 86 00:02:38,259 --> 00:02:39,227 all the time. Oh, my God, 87 00:02:39,260 --> 00:02:40,228 I love you so much! 88 00:02:40,261 --> 00:02:41,462 I love you, too, Peaches. 89 00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:42,730 You're the best! (sighs) 90 00:02:42,763 --> 00:02:44,965 Regular Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan, these two. 91 00:02:44,998 --> 00:02:46,734 This is how it starts. There's three stages 92 00:02:46,767 --> 00:02:48,469 to a Miller asking for money: okay, it's compliments, 93 00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:50,471 it's ply with food, and then it's go in for the kill. 94 00:02:50,504 --> 00:02:51,739 SCHMIDT: Be strong. I'm trying to be strong. 95 00:02:51,772 --> 00:02:52,740 CAROL: Seems like there's 96 00:02:52,773 --> 00:02:55,008 a space theme. You guys like space? 97 00:02:55,042 --> 00:02:56,310 Outer space? Yes. 98 00:02:56,344 --> 00:02:58,312 Yeah. Ah, you didn't have to do this. 99 00:02:58,346 --> 00:02:59,580 I got it at the airport. Yeah. Hey. 100 00:02:59,613 --> 00:03:00,914 SCHMIDT: There it is. It's popcorn. 101 00:03:00,948 --> 00:03:03,317 Oh! Yeah. Comes all fancy-like in its own trash can. 102 00:03:03,351 --> 00:03:04,585 That's too much. That's too nice. 103 00:03:04,618 --> 00:03:05,986 No, come on. I love this kind of popcorn. 104 00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:07,187 You're totally hooked up, brother. 105 00:03:07,221 --> 00:03:08,656 'Cause you can mix and match. 106 00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:09,990 That's right. Easy. Nick's not hungry. 107 00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:11,592 Oh, that's right. Is he your life coach? 108 00:03:11,625 --> 00:03:14,328 Thank you for the offer, but... Nick, eat the popcorn. 109 00:03:14,362 --> 00:03:16,163 He just ate. I just ate. Just one piece. 110 00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:18,165 Nick, it's popcorn. Do it. Do it. I don't want it. 111 00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:19,600 It's good for you. It's corn! 112 00:03:19,633 --> 00:03:21,669 You're trying to give me popcorn so that I give you money! 113 00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:23,437 It's not gonna happen! I'm not giving you money! 114 00:03:23,471 --> 00:03:24,572 I'm setting boundaries! 115 00:03:24,605 --> 00:03:27,908 Oh, Nicky, we don't want your money. 116 00:03:27,941 --> 00:03:30,177 You don't? No! 117 00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:32,212 No, no. 118 00:03:34,548 --> 00:03:36,016 We want your sperm. 119 00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:37,951 What? 120 00:03:37,985 --> 00:03:39,287 Yeah, we're trying to start a family, 121 00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:40,454 and Bob's army's down. 122 00:03:40,488 --> 00:03:42,856 I need your troops to storm my beaches. 123 00:03:42,890 --> 00:03:45,293 S-So no money? 124 00:03:45,326 --> 00:03:47,060 No. Just sperm? 125 00:03:47,094 --> 00:03:48,929 Yep. Don't tell anybody, all right? 126 00:03:48,962 --> 00:03:51,465 Guys, this is excellent. I got a lot of that. 127 00:03:51,499 --> 00:03:52,966 If I had a dollar for every sperm, 128 00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:54,535 my room would be covered in dollar bills. 129 00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:56,069 Nick, a word, please. A word. CAROL: Right? Right? 130 00:03:56,103 --> 00:03:57,037 NICK: Yeah. Yeah. A word. 131 00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:58,071 Yeah. Thanks for the popcorn, too. 132 00:03:58,105 --> 00:03:59,072 One minute. 133 00:03:59,106 --> 00:04:01,208 What's that guy, like, his manager? 134 00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:03,544 Doesn't quite feel like the one, 135 00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:05,212 and it doesn't really feel like it's me. 136 00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:06,980 Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, it is you. 137 00:04:07,014 --> 00:04:08,882 It is beautiful. 138 00:04:08,916 --> 00:04:10,384 It has an attachment for a leash. 139 00:04:10,418 --> 00:04:11,218 No judgments. 140 00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:12,953 Wink, wink, right? (laughs) 141 00:04:12,986 --> 00:04:14,722 But it does. 142 00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:17,057 Do you mind if I just take one minute to think about it? 143 00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:19,059 Pass. 144 00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:22,129 Pass. Pass. Pass. 145 00:04:22,162 --> 00:04:23,664 CECE: Winston, I just 146 00:04:23,697 --> 00:04:25,433 asked you to drop me off. 147 00:04:25,466 --> 00:04:27,100 Sir, what is your role here? I am her friend. 148 00:04:27,134 --> 00:04:31,271 My job is to protect her, so, please, cut the caca, 149 00:04:31,305 --> 00:04:33,574 and bring us some dresses with an A-line cut. 150 00:04:33,607 --> 00:04:35,576 I may or may not have done an extensive amount 151 00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:37,578 of research on wedding dresses. 152 00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:39,447 I never thought that I would say this, 153 00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:41,415 but I am really glad that you're here. 154 00:04:41,449 --> 00:04:43,083 So you're gonna take his word over my word? 155 00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:44,251 (whistle blows) 156 00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:46,587 (laughs, whoops) 157 00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:48,789 * I'm wearing a new dress, new hair... * 158 00:04:48,822 --> 00:04:50,257 Show me some clavicle! 159 00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:53,026 * Brand-new ideas as a matter of fact * 160 00:04:53,060 --> 00:04:55,295 More legs. * I've changed... 161 00:04:55,329 --> 00:04:56,296 I love it. I hate it. 162 00:04:56,330 --> 00:04:57,264 I love it. 163 00:04:57,297 --> 00:04:58,298 I hate it. It's perfect. 164 00:04:58,332 --> 00:04:59,467 It's imperfect. 165 00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:01,301 * Know where I'm going 166 00:05:01,335 --> 00:05:03,671 * And I know what to do 167 00:05:03,704 --> 00:05:05,439 * I've tidied up my point of view... * 168 00:05:05,473 --> 00:05:07,040 Am I crazy to want a hat? 169 00:05:07,074 --> 00:05:09,677 * I got a new attitude... 170 00:05:09,710 --> 00:05:11,144 Forget the hat. Forget the hat. 171 00:05:11,178 --> 00:05:13,381 * I'm in control, my worries are few... * 172 00:05:13,414 --> 00:05:14,682 No! 173 00:05:14,715 --> 00:05:16,016 * 'Cause I got love 174 00:05:16,049 --> 00:05:18,285 * Like I never knew 175 00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:20,721 * Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh 176 00:05:20,754 --> 00:05:22,322 * I got a new attitude. 177 00:05:22,356 --> 00:05:24,324 (whistle blows) 178 00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:29,129 That's the one! 179 00:05:29,162 --> 00:05:30,898 That's the one! We got dibs! 180 00:05:30,931 --> 00:05:33,300 NICK: Schmidt, this is great. They just want my sperm. 181 00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:34,802 What about setting boundaries? 182 00:05:34,835 --> 00:05:37,304 They're not just reaching into your wallet this time, Nick. 183 00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:39,272 They're reaching into your skin wallet. 184 00:05:40,441 --> 00:05:42,242 That's your scrotum. I got it. 185 00:05:42,275 --> 00:05:43,644 I'm sorry, but I'm gonna have to veto this. 186 00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:45,513 Yeah, well, you have no standing to veto. 187 00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:46,814 It's my sperm. 188 00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:48,982 You're my best friend in the whole entire world. 189 00:05:49,016 --> 00:05:50,651 We've been through a lot together, 190 00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:53,987 so I just do feel like... 191 00:05:54,021 --> 00:05:57,190 your sperm are partly my sperm. 192 00:05:58,426 --> 00:06:00,160 Mi leche es su leche. 193 00:06:00,193 --> 00:06:01,662 No! No! 194 00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:03,497 Nick, you've been doing so well lately. 195 00:06:03,531 --> 00:06:05,198 Thank you. Right on track with the plan. 196 00:06:05,232 --> 00:06:07,234 My... What plan? What are you talking about? 197 00:06:09,236 --> 00:06:13,541 I-I may have your entire life planned out on my computer. 198 00:06:13,574 --> 00:06:15,008 I made a spreadsheet and everything. 199 00:06:15,042 --> 00:06:16,243 I worked on it this morning. 200 00:06:16,276 --> 00:06:17,344 You-You've got to be kidding me. 201 00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:18,846 I don't... It's not... 202 00:06:18,879 --> 00:06:20,914 "Nick's Life Plan"? 203 00:06:20,948 --> 00:06:22,349 What is that?! 204 00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:24,284 I'm just trying to keep you on track, Nick. 205 00:06:24,317 --> 00:06:26,620 Look, we've always done everything together, 206 00:06:26,654 --> 00:06:28,522 and I'm just worried that we're gonna drift apart. 207 00:06:28,556 --> 00:06:30,458 You know, I'm gonna get married and have kids, 208 00:06:30,491 --> 00:06:32,693 and you're gonna be wandering around the grocery store, 209 00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:35,028 holding a bottle of Scotch and an ear of corn. 210 00:06:35,062 --> 00:06:36,296 Okay, you know what? 211 00:06:36,329 --> 00:06:38,799 You know what I have to say to you, Schmidt? Boundaries. 212 00:06:38,832 --> 00:06:40,200 You know, you and me. 213 00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:41,669 Boundaries. 214 00:06:43,771 --> 00:06:46,039 All right, let's do this. 215 00:06:46,073 --> 00:06:48,141 We're having a baby! Yes. Yeah. 216 00:06:48,175 --> 00:06:49,409 CAROL: Oh, my God, my boobs are 217 00:06:49,443 --> 00:06:50,611 gonna get huge! (laughs) Unbelievable! 218 00:06:50,644 --> 00:06:52,279 They're gonna be like, "Get out of my way. 219 00:06:52,312 --> 00:06:53,714 Here come my boobs." 220 00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:56,850 BOBBY and CAROL: Yankees suck! Yankees suck! Yankees suck! 221 00:07:01,589 --> 00:07:02,623 This really means a lot to me, man. 222 00:07:02,656 --> 00:07:03,657 I'm sorry I couldn't do it myself. 223 00:07:03,691 --> 00:07:04,725 Yeah, you know what I think it was? 224 00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:06,159 One time, I got stung in the penis 225 00:07:06,193 --> 00:07:08,428 five different times by five different bees 226 00:07:08,462 --> 00:07:09,897 five days in a row. 227 00:07:09,930 --> 00:07:11,599 What were you doing 228 00:07:11,632 --> 00:07:16,003 that your naked penis was exposed to bumblebees? 229 00:07:16,036 --> 00:07:17,270 Why is he here? 230 00:07:17,304 --> 00:07:18,839 You know, even though I don't approve of this, 231 00:07:18,872 --> 00:07:20,841 I would never, ever leave you in your time of need. 232 00:07:20,874 --> 00:07:22,242 Schmidt, I don't want you here. 233 00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:23,611 I told him I didn't want him here. 234 00:07:23,644 --> 00:07:25,112 I can't be any more clear on that. 235 00:07:26,113 --> 00:07:28,315 I botched it! 236 00:07:28,348 --> 00:07:29,850 Botched it good! Three strikes, and you're out! 237 00:07:29,883 --> 00:07:31,852 How do you botch it? 238 00:07:31,885 --> 00:07:33,086 You do not have my blessing. 239 00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:34,154 I don't need your blessing. 240 00:07:34,187 --> 00:07:35,523 I don't want it. I don't care. 241 00:07:35,556 --> 00:07:36,757 I don't even want you here. 242 00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:38,125 NURSE: Mr. Miller, we're ready for you. 243 00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:40,260 Thank you so much. 244 00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:41,529 Here I go. 245 00:07:41,562 --> 00:07:42,763 Nicky, give 'em hell, huh? Yeah. 246 00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:44,131 Get me a winner. All right? You got it. 247 00:07:44,164 --> 00:07:45,833 CAROL: All right. All right. Go get 'em, Nicky. 248 00:07:45,866 --> 00:07:48,101 We believe in you. Come on, make a smart one. 249 00:07:48,135 --> 00:07:50,137 Here we go! BOBBY: Yeah! 250 00:07:55,408 --> 00:07:57,344 Hey, Schmidt, can I have a... So you do need my blessing! 251 00:07:57,377 --> 00:07:59,312 I don't need you! Just please come back in here with me. 252 00:07:59,346 --> 00:08:00,480 Thank you. 253 00:08:00,514 --> 00:08:03,350 Never seen two guys so close like that, you know. 254 00:08:03,383 --> 00:08:04,852 My dad and his... 255 00:08:04,885 --> 00:08:07,387 and his friend Joe were close like that. 256 00:08:07,420 --> 00:08:08,956 Oh, yeah? Mm-hmm. 257 00:08:08,989 --> 00:08:10,290 Well, you got in my head. 258 00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:11,892 You got in my head. 259 00:08:11,925 --> 00:08:13,727 Why'd you have to tell me about the plan, Schmidt? 260 00:08:13,761 --> 00:08:15,395 Now I need to know what happens. 261 00:08:15,428 --> 00:08:17,965 Why am I not supposed to have a baby this way? 262 00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:21,301 As I saw it, your first child was to be born 263 00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:24,137 between you and a small Italian woman. 264 00:08:24,171 --> 00:08:26,139 Like a Maria? 265 00:08:26,173 --> 00:08:27,207 Yes, like a Maria. Okay. 266 00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:28,576 She makes meatballs and soup, 267 00:08:28,609 --> 00:08:29,810 and does laundry in a wooden bucket. 268 00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:31,912 Yeah, she does. You guys have a child. 269 00:08:31,945 --> 00:08:33,480 It's a boy. I'm incredibly involved. 270 00:08:33,513 --> 00:08:35,983 I give him the other half of a walkie-talkie just in case 271 00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:37,651 he ever has a question in the middle of the night. 272 00:08:37,685 --> 00:08:38,986 (imitates static) Yes, I'm here. 273 00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:40,821 He hides his broccoli in a planter during dinner. 274 00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:42,990 I wink. I look the other way. 275 00:08:43,023 --> 00:08:44,324 You mean e-broccoli. What? 276 00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:45,993 'Cause it's the future. 277 00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:48,161 How far in the future are you planning on having a child? 278 00:08:48,195 --> 00:08:49,496 Well, if we're talking about me meeting a woman, 279 00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:50,931 falling in love and having a kid? 280 00:08:50,964 --> 00:08:53,333 A very, very, very, very long time. 281 00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:54,602 So many "verys." 282 00:08:54,635 --> 00:08:55,836 And let's face the facts. 283 00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:58,071 My love life is a disaster. 284 00:08:58,105 --> 00:09:00,774 Schmidt, this might be my only chance of having a kid. 285 00:09:00,808 --> 00:09:02,676 Don't say that. I'm saying it. 286 00:09:02,710 --> 00:09:04,511 And if I can't have a kid with a woman, 287 00:09:04,544 --> 00:09:06,013 then maybe I'll have one with my cousin. 288 00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:08,515 Horrifying wording 289 00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:11,585 for what actually is, well, a beautiful sentiment. 290 00:09:11,619 --> 00:09:13,621 I-I want to do this. 291 00:09:13,654 --> 00:09:15,623 I want to experience this. 292 00:09:15,656 --> 00:09:17,758 You know, and I know I won't be able to raise him, 293 00:09:17,791 --> 00:09:21,094 and... and that's disappointing, but... 294 00:09:21,128 --> 00:09:23,864 I'll still see the little guy at parties and such. 295 00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:25,699 Say hi. He'll say hi. 296 00:09:25,733 --> 00:09:28,201 Give him some fireworks to pop off, or... 297 00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:29,770 or e-fireworks. 298 00:09:29,803 --> 00:09:31,204 Man, I'm just... 299 00:09:31,238 --> 00:09:33,206 I'm getting excited just thinking about this. 300 00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:34,775 Look, it's not how I originally planned it, 301 00:09:34,808 --> 00:09:36,877 but it's still another Nick Miller in the world, 302 00:09:36,910 --> 00:09:39,446 and I'll take that any way I can get it. 303 00:09:39,479 --> 00:09:40,881 You have my blessing. 304 00:09:40,914 --> 00:09:42,149 Well, it's embarrassing to admit, but... 305 00:09:42,182 --> 00:09:43,651 thanks, man, I kind of needed it. 306 00:09:43,684 --> 00:09:45,218 Yeah, absolutely. 307 00:09:45,252 --> 00:09:46,553 (laughs) 308 00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:49,089 You should get out of here, man. I'm gonna go masturbate. 309 00:09:49,122 --> 00:09:50,057 Okay. 310 00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:52,059 (groaning) We... 311 00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:54,895 really got after it there. 312 00:09:54,928 --> 00:09:56,730 I am so happy I could help. 313 00:09:56,764 --> 00:09:58,331 Like, I don't want to be... 314 00:09:58,365 --> 00:10:00,500 greedy about it, 'cause I know I've already put on 315 00:10:00,533 --> 00:10:03,303 the most perfect dress once today, and I should wait... 316 00:10:03,336 --> 00:10:05,505 You thinking what I'm thinking? I really want to put it on again. 317 00:10:05,538 --> 00:10:06,907 You should put it on again. I know! 318 00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:08,141 Okay, I'm going to go try it on. 319 00:10:08,175 --> 00:10:09,176 Okay, try it on again. Okay. 320 00:10:09,209 --> 00:10:10,610 CECE: Oh, no! 321 00:10:10,644 --> 00:10:13,346 Oh, no. 322 00:10:13,380 --> 00:10:15,749 What did we do? 323 00:10:15,783 --> 00:10:16,950 What is this? 324 00:10:16,984 --> 00:10:18,185 Oh, my God! 325 00:10:18,218 --> 00:10:19,586 How drunk were we? 326 00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:20,754 No. No. Okay. 327 00:10:20,788 --> 00:10:22,189 You know what, no, no, no, no. 328 00:10:22,222 --> 00:10:24,524 This is, you know what, this is, this is good. 329 00:10:24,557 --> 00:10:26,026 Everything's all right. 330 00:10:26,059 --> 00:10:27,494 I mean, look, you got mirrors. 331 00:10:27,527 --> 00:10:28,862 You know, no one's ever done that before. 332 00:10:28,896 --> 00:10:30,430 I like it, you know. I like the... 333 00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:32,632 Again, I can't talk enough about the mirrors. 334 00:10:32,666 --> 00:10:34,802 Why is there a spot for batteries? 335 00:10:34,835 --> 00:10:36,870 So the glass can light up. 336 00:10:36,904 --> 00:10:38,638 We were really excited about that feature. 337 00:10:40,373 --> 00:10:42,776 Yeah. You look like a prostitute for wizards. 338 00:10:42,810 --> 00:10:44,845 I look like a bullfighter in space. 339 00:10:44,878 --> 00:10:47,014 I cannot get married in this dress. 340 00:10:47,047 --> 00:10:48,381 Okay, so what do you need me to do? 341 00:10:48,415 --> 00:10:50,884 Nothing. I don't need your help. 342 00:10:50,918 --> 00:10:52,552 Okay. 'Cause I'm just... 343 00:10:52,585 --> 00:10:54,487 I'm gonna do it by myself. 344 00:10:58,058 --> 00:10:59,960 Well... 345 00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:01,294 Yeah, well, no, I... You washed? 346 00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:02,562 Yeah, of course I washed. 347 00:11:02,595 --> 00:11:04,297 Hey, why the... 348 00:11:04,331 --> 00:11:05,733 why the long faces? 349 00:11:05,766 --> 00:11:07,367 Shouldn't we be celebrating here, guys? 350 00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:10,503 Listen, we, uh, we talked to the doctor and, uh, 351 00:11:10,537 --> 00:11:12,740 turns out we can't afford the procedure. 352 00:11:12,773 --> 00:11:14,808 Are you kidding me? 353 00:11:14,842 --> 00:11:17,044 So I just masturbated for nothing? 354 00:11:17,077 --> 00:11:18,011 SCHMIDT: You-you guys flew 355 00:11:18,045 --> 00:11:19,312 across the country. 356 00:11:19,346 --> 00:11:20,881 You didn't think about any of this beforehand? 357 00:11:20,914 --> 00:11:22,515 We did little to no research. 358 00:11:22,549 --> 00:11:23,650 But we still want to have 359 00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:25,518 a family, you know. Yeah. 360 00:11:25,552 --> 00:11:28,055 We already fell in love with the little bastard. 361 00:11:28,088 --> 00:11:29,656 Anyway, there is one other option 362 00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:30,924 we could explore. 363 00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:33,660 What is it? Anything. 364 00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:35,062 Nick... 365 00:11:35,095 --> 00:11:37,497 I want you to have sex with my wife. 366 00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:39,432 What? CAROL: Yeah, we don't just 367 00:11:39,466 --> 00:11:41,168 need your reindeer, we need Santa. 368 00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:43,170 SCHMIDT: What? What? Yeah, come down the chimney. 369 00:11:43,203 --> 00:11:44,571 Feet first. White Christmas. 370 00:11:44,604 --> 00:11:46,106 Bring a sackful of gifts. 371 00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:52,612 This is nuts. I can't do this. 372 00:11:52,645 --> 00:11:54,547 This might be your only chance to have a kid. 373 00:11:54,581 --> 00:11:56,216 Yeah, but then I have to have sex with my cousin. 374 00:11:56,249 --> 00:11:57,550 I don't want to have... I don't want to have sex with my cousin. 375 00:11:57,584 --> 00:11:58,952 It's not your cousin. It's your cousin's wife. 376 00:11:58,986 --> 00:12:01,521 That's like letting a dog drink water out of your mouth. 377 00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:03,356 You know, it's not great, but it's legal. 378 00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:05,025 The point I'm trying to make is, 379 00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:07,260 is I think I'd like another Nick Miller in the world. 380 00:12:07,294 --> 00:12:09,029 All right. Can you imagine? 381 00:12:09,062 --> 00:12:10,197 (chuckles) 382 00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:12,766 Come on, man, what do you say? 383 00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:15,068 (sighs) 384 00:12:15,102 --> 00:12:16,303 SCHMIDT: I think the best thing 385 00:12:16,336 --> 00:12:17,871 to do here is to just look at this 386 00:12:17,905 --> 00:12:19,372 like a medical procedure. 387 00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:21,708 Why is this guy in this conversation here? 388 00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:23,443 Bobby, it's a losing battle. Just move past it. 389 00:12:23,476 --> 00:12:25,779 And, Carol, look, I don't want this to feel, 390 00:12:25,813 --> 00:12:27,047 I-I don't know, romantic. 391 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:28,982 I don't want you getting confused. 392 00:12:29,016 --> 00:12:30,818 There's a zero percent chance of that happening. Yeah. 393 00:12:30,851 --> 00:12:32,219 If you're suggesting that I can't be romantic, 394 00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:33,720 then you're out of your mind. 395 00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:34,721 SCHMIDT: Yeah, excuse me, 396 00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:36,056 Nick is very romantic, okay? 397 00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:37,991 He does romantic things for me all the time. 398 00:12:38,025 --> 00:12:39,960 Schmidt, what are you talking about? 399 00:12:39,993 --> 00:12:41,661 Just the other week, you were very romantic to me. 400 00:12:41,694 --> 00:12:44,231 When I fell down in the parking lot and you picked me up? 401 00:12:44,264 --> 00:12:46,333 (talking indistinctly) 402 00:12:46,366 --> 00:12:48,768 (grunts) Get up, dude! 403 00:12:48,802 --> 00:12:50,237 How was that romantic?! 404 00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:51,905 It was beautiful and it was kind. 405 00:12:51,939 --> 00:12:53,573 You know, romance doesn't always have to be sexual, 406 00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:55,575 you idiot. You're the idiot! 407 00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:56,844 Don't. Don't. 408 00:12:56,877 --> 00:12:58,912 Honestly, you want to do this right now? 409 00:12:58,946 --> 00:13:00,981 Give me one shot at that big head, 410 00:13:01,014 --> 00:13:03,250 I'm gonna knock you out. (chuckles) 411 00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:05,485 Dominated you physically. Admit it. Yeah, defense. 412 00:13:05,518 --> 00:13:08,155 Can we put something over the windows? 413 00:13:08,188 --> 00:13:10,690 I want it to be pitch black in here, so I can't see... 414 00:13:10,723 --> 00:13:12,960 I don't like the way you look at my body when you say that, Carol. 415 00:13:12,993 --> 00:13:14,127 Well... SCHMIDT: Okay, we got to keep it positive. 416 00:13:14,161 --> 00:13:15,996 I agree. I think what Nick is trying to say 417 00:13:16,029 --> 00:13:18,031 Uh-huh. is that he'd like to be completely naked. 418 00:13:18,065 --> 00:13:20,934 Where are you getting this from?! Objection, Your Honor! Strongly! 419 00:13:20,968 --> 00:13:22,702 'Cause I will be wearing clothes! 420 00:13:22,735 --> 00:13:24,171 Overruled. Yeah. Overruled. 421 00:13:24,204 --> 00:13:25,973 Yeah, stand down. But I'll-I'll tell ya, 422 00:13:26,006 --> 00:13:28,775 I'm not wearing a condom! End of discussion. 423 00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:30,277 (laughs) 424 00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:32,279 Guys... 425 00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:34,381 such a clearly great joke. 426 00:13:34,414 --> 00:13:35,615 Because obviously I can't wear, 427 00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:37,550 you know... Oh. 428 00:13:37,584 --> 00:13:39,619 We got to loosen the vibe a little. 429 00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:41,454 Can we do something about this smell? Oh, yeah. 430 00:13:41,488 --> 00:13:42,555 (sniffs) It is a little rank, yeah. 431 00:13:42,589 --> 00:13:43,723 There is an odor. Yeah. 432 00:13:43,756 --> 00:13:44,892 Well, I lost a glass of milk. 433 00:13:44,925 --> 00:13:46,459 You lost a glass of milk? Was it full? 434 00:13:46,493 --> 00:13:47,627 Yeah, it was to the top. 435 00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:48,795 I could barely carry it. 436 00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:50,063 Oh, that's outrageous! 437 00:13:50,097 --> 00:13:51,798 Oh, God. Now, if you don't mind, 438 00:13:51,831 --> 00:13:54,201 I'd just like to bring things down for a second here. 439 00:13:54,234 --> 00:13:56,469 Bob, Carol, um, I originally bought this for Nick, 440 00:13:56,503 --> 00:13:59,739 but since he may never have someone to give it to, 441 00:13:59,772 --> 00:14:02,142 I'd like for you guys to have it. 442 00:14:02,175 --> 00:14:03,410 Mm-mm. No, dude, no. 443 00:14:03,443 --> 00:14:05,145 We're Pats fan. We hate the Bears. 444 00:14:05,178 --> 00:14:07,080 You don't like the onesie? Pats are number onesie. 445 00:14:07,114 --> 00:14:08,648 Where did we land on me being in the room? 446 00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:10,150 Get out, Schmidt! Get the hell out of here! 447 00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:12,319 Look, I-I know that you have a "no return" policy, 448 00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:14,154 but you have to take this dress back, okay? 449 00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:16,156 I look like a rich person in The Hunger Games. 450 00:14:16,189 --> 00:14:17,590 Yeah, I know. (chuckles) 451 00:14:17,624 --> 00:14:19,359 I was gonna stop you from buying it, 452 00:14:19,392 --> 00:14:21,194 but I didn't, so we're done here. 453 00:14:22,229 --> 00:14:25,098 Wrong! 454 00:14:25,132 --> 00:14:26,833 See, you may be done with her, but you're not 455 00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:28,668 done with the law. 456 00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:30,837 Winston Bishop, LAPD. 457 00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:32,339 You're a cop? The guy who was spinning around 458 00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:34,507 singing Patti LaBelle songs yesterday? 459 00:14:34,541 --> 00:14:36,843 (high-pitched): * I tidied up my point of view * 460 00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:39,279 * I got a new attitude. 461 00:14:39,312 --> 00:14:42,282 And you must be the one who was serving champagne 462 00:14:42,315 --> 00:14:44,217 without a liquor license. 463 00:14:44,251 --> 00:14:45,552 We don't charge for it. 464 00:14:45,585 --> 00:14:47,054 It's legal. 465 00:14:50,991 --> 00:14:53,593 Uh, not if it's being served to a-a minor. 466 00:14:53,626 --> 00:14:54,694 Oh. 467 00:14:54,727 --> 00:14:56,229 Yeah. Oh, that's right. 468 00:14:56,263 --> 00:14:59,232 I'm 17 years old. I'm a kid. 469 00:14:59,266 --> 00:15:01,034 You're a 17-year-old police officer? 470 00:15:01,068 --> 00:15:02,202 I'm a cop prodigy. 471 00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:03,971 You see, my school is the streets. 472 00:15:04,004 --> 00:15:06,373 But my other school is school. 473 00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:08,141 'Cause-'cause I go to school. 474 00:15:08,175 --> 00:15:10,210 Like a school-school, for learning. 475 00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:11,044 You are so stupid. 476 00:15:11,078 --> 00:15:12,379 No return policy 477 00:15:12,412 --> 00:15:13,613 is more important than the love 478 00:15:13,646 --> 00:15:16,283 that brings us here today, so... 479 00:15:16,316 --> 00:15:19,486 This means a lot to her, so please help her out. 480 00:15:22,822 --> 00:15:24,657 Well, that didn't work. 481 00:15:24,691 --> 00:15:27,727 Look, Cece, I'm-I'm no good at this. 482 00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:29,729 I'm no help. I'm just gonna... 483 00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:31,731 I'm just gonna take a backseat to the wedding. 484 00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:33,000 No. Look... 485 00:15:33,033 --> 00:15:35,735 what you did in there made me realize how much 486 00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:38,938 you... really care about me. 487 00:15:42,609 --> 00:15:45,512 I know that you're already one of Schmidt's groomsmen, 488 00:15:45,545 --> 00:15:50,083 um, but I was hoping you would maybe also consider 489 00:15:50,117 --> 00:15:52,652 being one of my bridesmaids. 490 00:15:52,685 --> 00:15:56,589 You want me to be a bridesmaid? 491 00:15:56,623 --> 00:15:58,091 If you don't want to, I... 492 00:15:58,125 --> 00:16:00,093 Do you know who you're talking to? Yes? 493 00:16:00,127 --> 00:16:01,761 You're talking to Winnie the Bish! Yeah. 494 00:16:01,794 --> 00:16:03,830 I would love to be your bridesmaid! 495 00:16:03,863 --> 00:16:05,198 Yes? Yes! 496 00:16:05,232 --> 00:16:06,599 Yes? Yes! 497 00:16:06,633 --> 00:16:07,700 Oh... Girl, you are 498 00:16:07,734 --> 00:16:09,769 under arrest for taking my breath away! 499 00:16:09,802 --> 00:16:10,937 (laughs) 500 00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:12,839 What's with this parachute top? 501 00:16:12,872 --> 00:16:14,341 It's good for movement, hard to stain. 502 00:16:14,374 --> 00:16:15,942 I thought it was appropriate. 503 00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:17,877 Okay. I don't know what you think 504 00:16:17,910 --> 00:16:20,447 we're about to do, but I'm keeping this very simple. 505 00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:22,882 I want to keep it simple. Uh-huh. Great. 506 00:16:22,915 --> 00:16:24,984 Should we... should we just make love now, then? 507 00:16:25,018 --> 00:16:26,319 "Make love"? 508 00:16:26,353 --> 00:16:28,455 What, are we riding horses around on a beach topless? 509 00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:29,822 No, thank you. 510 00:16:29,856 --> 00:16:31,724 Just tip me over and pour me out! 511 00:16:31,758 --> 00:16:33,960 Tip you over and pour you out? 512 00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:36,896 Yeah. It's that children's rhyme that's also very sexual. 513 00:16:36,929 --> 00:16:38,865 It is not sexual at all. 514 00:16:38,898 --> 00:16:40,467 It is in this case. 515 00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:41,801 Carol, I'm g... I'm gonna need you 516 00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:43,370 to be a little bit nicer to me, please. 517 00:16:43,403 --> 00:16:45,138 Oh, my God, are you serious? I can't p... 518 00:16:45,172 --> 00:16:47,574 Listen, I can't perform sexually if I don't feel 519 00:16:47,607 --> 00:16:50,043 a-at least a little desired. 520 00:16:50,077 --> 00:16:52,045 Okay. Could you give me any sort of a compliment? Anything. 521 00:16:52,079 --> 00:16:54,247 We'll go and then we'll just... That will get me started. 522 00:16:54,281 --> 00:16:56,316 I'll say something nice about you then and we can get into it. 523 00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:58,251 (groans) 524 00:16:58,285 --> 00:16:59,819 Just one compliment. 525 00:16:59,852 --> 00:17:01,854 Nothing on the front. Can you turn around? 526 00:17:03,190 --> 00:17:04,424 No. Keep turning. 527 00:17:04,457 --> 00:17:05,758 No. 528 00:17:05,792 --> 00:17:07,227 Stop. Ah! 529 00:17:07,260 --> 00:17:08,895 Okay, I won't... Okay. Please. 530 00:17:08,928 --> 00:17:10,163 Um... 531 00:17:10,197 --> 00:17:11,831 First thing that pops in your head. 532 00:17:11,864 --> 00:17:13,433 (sighs) 533 00:17:13,466 --> 00:17:16,503 Oh, Nicky, you're such a sexy boy. 534 00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:17,704 (groans) 535 00:17:17,737 --> 00:17:20,006 It felt crazy coming out of my mouth. Right? 536 00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:21,174 Just some... just something simple. Oh, my God. 537 00:17:21,208 --> 00:17:23,042 Just take your pants off and get in bed. 538 00:17:23,076 --> 00:17:24,211 Okay, yeah. All right! 539 00:17:24,244 --> 00:17:26,213 Okay? (breathing deeply) 540 00:17:27,447 --> 00:17:29,882 Come on! 541 00:17:31,751 --> 00:17:33,753 (sportscast playing over TV) 542 00:17:35,755 --> 00:17:38,391 Any plans to go to the beach while you're in Los Angeles? 543 00:17:38,425 --> 00:17:40,393 CAROL: Bob! He's freaking out! 544 00:17:40,427 --> 00:17:42,729 Oh. Nick? 545 00:17:42,762 --> 00:17:44,631 I'm not freaking out. I'm fine. Just my heart's beating really fast. 546 00:17:44,664 --> 00:17:46,299 I feel a bit dizzy. CAROL: Are you freaking kidding me? 547 00:17:46,333 --> 00:17:47,600 Just need one sec. This is ridiculous! 548 00:17:47,634 --> 00:17:49,136 All I did was take my shoes off. 549 00:17:49,169 --> 00:17:50,370 Stand up and deliver! What happened? What happened? 550 00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:51,971 Is it over? Did you like it? No! Look at him. 551 00:17:52,004 --> 00:17:53,973 I just need one minute. I just need one minute. 552 00:17:54,006 --> 00:17:56,042 Everything's cool! Deal's on. I just need one minute. 553 00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:57,877 Get ahold of yourself, man! Hey, I'm ovulating 554 00:17:57,910 --> 00:18:00,247 for two more hours. I need to get plowed! 555 00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:01,381 You're dressed like you're gonna run a marathon! 556 00:18:01,414 --> 00:18:02,482 Take off your windbreaker! 557 00:18:02,515 --> 00:18:03,983 Schmidt, tell them to stop yelling at me! 558 00:18:04,016 --> 00:18:05,985 No! You compose yourself and you make a miracle, 559 00:18:06,018 --> 00:18:08,821 or I will squeeze one out of you like a bottle of mustard! 560 00:18:08,855 --> 00:18:10,390 What?! Take your pants off! 561 00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:11,624 There's not even a belt or a button! 562 00:18:11,658 --> 00:18:12,959 Just pull 'em down! 563 00:18:12,992 --> 00:18:15,262 Yeah, let's go with the miracle already! Come on, man! 564 00:18:15,295 --> 00:18:17,430 (all shouting) No! Stop! Stop! 565 00:18:17,464 --> 00:18:18,898 Just take your pants off! Five minutes, and it's done. 566 00:18:18,931 --> 00:18:20,433 I don't like this! I don't like this! 567 00:18:20,467 --> 00:18:22,101 Take your pants off! Do it! Do it, Nick! 568 00:18:22,135 --> 00:18:23,069 Come on, man! Do it! 569 00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:24,571 Take it out and do it! 570 00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:26,139 Boundaries! I said I need boundaries! 571 00:18:26,173 --> 00:18:27,407 Get out of my way! 572 00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:28,675 I need boundaries! 573 00:18:28,708 --> 00:18:30,510 Unbelievable. 574 00:18:30,543 --> 00:18:31,678 Wow. So typical. 575 00:18:31,711 --> 00:18:33,813 (sighs) 576 00:18:33,846 --> 00:18:35,748 Oh, look at that. 577 00:18:35,782 --> 00:18:37,317 There's the glass of milk. 578 00:18:37,350 --> 00:18:39,319 Really is filled to the brim. It's like an infinity pool. 579 00:18:39,352 --> 00:18:41,388 Wow, how the hell did he carry that thing? 580 00:18:46,058 --> 00:18:47,126 NICK: Bobby, I'm sorry. I feel terrible. 581 00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:48,761 No, no, no, no. It was a bad call. 582 00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:50,963 Yeah, I guess it's weird to have sex with your cousin's wife. 583 00:18:50,997 --> 00:18:53,200 No. I... 584 00:18:53,233 --> 00:18:54,801 I just can't stomach my kid 585 00:18:54,834 --> 00:18:56,203 coming from a Bears fan, that's all. 586 00:18:56,236 --> 00:18:57,770 There's nothing wrong with being a Bears fan. 587 00:18:57,804 --> 00:18:59,272 That's all I'm gonna say to that. There kind of is. 588 00:18:59,306 --> 00:19:01,208 No, it's weird to have sex with your cousin's wife. 589 00:19:01,241 --> 00:19:02,775 That's what's weird. We're gonna ask Cousin Terry. 590 00:19:02,809 --> 00:19:04,344 He's got no arm past his elbow, 591 00:19:04,377 --> 00:19:06,446 but it was an accident; it's not genetic. 592 00:19:06,479 --> 00:19:07,847 It's a good call. He's very good-looking. 593 00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:10,550 Uh, excuse me. So we're not having a baby? 594 00:19:10,583 --> 00:19:11,684 Well, this is... 595 00:19:11,718 --> 00:19:13,119 this is just great. 596 00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:14,187 If you can't tell, 597 00:19:14,221 --> 00:19:17,457 I am being sarcastic. 598 00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:19,959 What's with that guy? 599 00:19:19,992 --> 00:19:22,462 (sighs) He was really fat as a kid. 600 00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:24,297 Now I get it. Ah, that makes sense. 601 00:19:24,331 --> 00:19:25,398 Yeah. 602 00:19:28,201 --> 00:19:30,870 We need to have a talk about today. 603 00:19:30,903 --> 00:19:32,972 I know. Boundaries. No. 604 00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:34,874 It's... 605 00:19:34,907 --> 00:19:37,009 I want you to have something. 606 00:19:46,686 --> 00:19:48,255 What's this for? 607 00:19:48,288 --> 00:19:50,257 I want you to save that and give it back to me 608 00:19:50,290 --> 00:19:51,724 when I have my own kid. 609 00:19:51,758 --> 00:19:54,727 What do you mean, you're gonna have your own kid? 610 00:19:54,761 --> 00:19:56,829 When I have my own kid. Don't make a big deal of it. 611 00:19:56,863 --> 00:19:59,232 I just... I don't... I don't hate your plan. 612 00:19:59,266 --> 00:20:00,433 I kind of like it. 613 00:20:00,467 --> 00:20:01,934 Things have been going pretty good 614 00:20:01,968 --> 00:20:04,937 for me lately, and I-I would like to meet my own Maria. 615 00:20:04,971 --> 00:20:06,339 With-a the meatballs. 616 00:20:06,373 --> 00:20:07,607 With-a the red sauce. 617 00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:09,376 (laughs): With-a the red sauce. 618 00:20:09,409 --> 00:20:11,177 I want to see that plan you got for me. 619 00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:12,379 Well, come on, man. 620 00:20:12,412 --> 00:20:14,013 It's a rough draft, but you should check it out. 621 00:20:14,046 --> 00:20:15,448 What do we got here, chief? 622 00:20:15,482 --> 00:20:17,750 "Nick has a boy. He calls him Gio." 623 00:20:17,784 --> 00:20:21,754 We die on the same day in 2098? 624 00:20:21,788 --> 00:20:23,590 You murder me and then kill yourself. 625 00:20:23,623 --> 00:20:25,958 There's not a chance I make it to 2098. 626 00:20:25,992 --> 00:20:27,193 Not a chance. 627 00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:29,896 I don't want to see the 2050s. 628 00:20:29,929 --> 00:20:32,031 Oddly enough, you won't. 629 00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:36,636 See? I freeze you from 2050 to 2064. 630 00:20:36,669 --> 00:20:39,038 That's why you're the genius. That's why you're the genius. 631 00:20:39,071 --> 00:20:40,039 Thank you. (chuckles) 632 00:20:40,072 --> 00:20:42,041 Can you see her? Jess? 633 00:20:42,074 --> 00:20:43,643 Hey. Hey, guys. I pulled some strings. 634 00:20:43,676 --> 00:20:45,211 I got her a note that says we're here. 635 00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:47,314 You are amazing. I don't know why every wedding 636 00:20:47,347 --> 00:20:48,715 doesn't have a bridesman. 637 00:20:48,748 --> 00:20:50,717 Ooh, I'm-a get so naked at that bachelorette party! 638 00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:52,151 That's one reason. 639 00:20:52,184 --> 00:20:53,219 (all cheering) 640 00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:54,887 CECE and NICK: Jess! 641 00:20:54,921 --> 00:20:56,756 Okay, Nick, the bag, the bag, the bag, the bag. Okay. Okay. 642 00:20:56,789 --> 00:20:58,224 I got it, I got it. I got the bag. What do you mean, the bag? 643 00:20:58,257 --> 00:20:59,826 Oh, come on! Just one peek! No! 644 00:20:59,859 --> 00:21:01,394 No, no, no, no, no, no. 645 00:21:01,428 --> 00:21:02,729 Okay. We good? 646 00:21:02,762 --> 00:21:04,230 Yeah, we're good. Okay. 647 00:21:04,263 --> 00:21:06,165 (exhales) 648 00:21:06,198 --> 00:21:08,401 Hey. Hey, hey, guys. She's writing something. 649 00:21:08,435 --> 00:21:11,170 Wait for it. Oh... 650 00:21:11,203 --> 00:21:13,740 What? What's happening? Don't worry. Nothing. 651 00:21:13,773 --> 00:21:15,442 I think she's writing something else. 652 00:21:15,475 --> 00:21:17,577 Okay. All right. That's something. 653 00:21:17,610 --> 00:21:18,978 What's going on?! Nice. 654 00:21:19,011 --> 00:21:20,913 NICK: We miss you, too! CECE: Aw, we miss you, too! 655 00:21:20,947 --> 00:21:22,749 All right, I can't take it anymore! CECE: No! 656 00:21:22,782 --> 00:21:24,517 No, no, no. No, no, no. No, Jess can fix it. 657 00:21:24,551 --> 00:21:25,818 Jess can fix it. Schmidt? Schmidt? 658 00:21:25,852 --> 00:21:27,420 CECE: Just... No, no. 659 00:21:27,454 --> 00:21:29,288 Cover up. It's not gonna look like this. 660 00:21:29,322 --> 00:21:30,857 I got him. I got him. 661 00:21:30,890 --> 00:21:33,493 You got him? Okay. Winston, I got him. It's fine. 662 00:21:33,526 --> 00:21:36,028 See? Everything's fine! This isn't romantic? 663 00:21:36,062 --> 00:21:38,030 NICK: Come back soon! WINSTON: I love you! 664 00:21:38,064 --> 00:21:41,000 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH