1 00:00:03,337 --> 00:00:05,373 What in the hell is around your neck? 2 00:00:05,405 --> 00:00:06,740 This? It's a crystal charm, man. 3 00:00:06,774 --> 00:00:08,476 Yeah, the guys at work gave it to me. 4 00:00:08,509 --> 00:00:10,644 Why? Technically, it's "hazing," 5 00:00:10,678 --> 00:00:12,212 but, uh, I secretly love it. 6 00:00:12,246 --> 00:00:14,247 That is the kind of crystal that should only rest 7 00:00:14,282 --> 00:00:16,184 between a set of old bosoms. 8 00:00:16,216 --> 00:00:17,718 (yawps) 9 00:00:17,751 --> 00:00:19,320 Did that sound just come from your body? (yawps) 10 00:00:19,353 --> 00:00:21,254 Hey! Ha! 11 00:00:21,289 --> 00:00:22,922 Whoa, how long you two been here? 12 00:00:22,955 --> 00:00:24,925 When was the last time you asked me that? Last Thursday. 13 00:00:24,957 --> 00:00:26,094 So, at least Thursday. 14 00:00:26,126 --> 00:00:28,161 What kind of lazy... (yawps) holes... 15 00:00:28,196 --> 00:00:30,597 Don't you know what (yawps)-ing day it is? 16 00:00:30,631 --> 00:00:32,600 For crying out l... (yawps) 17 00:00:32,633 --> 00:00:34,234 Glen, you should see a doctor. 18 00:00:34,268 --> 00:00:35,569 My name is Schmidt. 19 00:00:35,603 --> 00:00:38,206 I can't afford to miss work. 20 00:00:38,238 --> 00:00:40,707 I'm sorry, Glen, but I'm with Kai on this one. 21 00:00:40,740 --> 00:00:41,741 Thanks, Wilfred. 22 00:00:41,774 --> 00:00:43,377 You ain't good with names. 23 00:00:43,411 --> 00:00:44,545 Oh, honey, you're all turned around. 24 00:00:44,578 --> 00:00:46,179 No, you are. I think you are. 25 00:00:46,213 --> 00:00:48,015 (giggles) Stop. I think you are. I'm gonna get you... 26 00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:50,917 I've done some research. Oh, ooh, how about a head's up, man? 27 00:00:50,951 --> 00:00:52,953 Have I seen those glasses before? 28 00:00:52,985 --> 00:00:54,588 I feel like I want to remember them. 29 00:00:54,621 --> 00:00:56,223 I got these in seventh grade, and I love them. 30 00:00:56,256 --> 00:00:57,290 Stop asking questions. 31 00:00:57,325 --> 00:00:58,591 All right, check it. 32 00:00:58,625 --> 00:01:00,194 So nerd Coach went to the library, 33 00:01:00,228 --> 00:01:01,594 and some place that actually exists 34 00:01:01,628 --> 00:01:03,097 called the Hall of Documents. 35 00:01:03,131 --> 00:01:04,465 The downtown branch? Mm-hmm. 36 00:01:04,498 --> 00:01:06,066 How's Kathleen's eye? Oh, Kathleen's dead. 37 00:01:06,099 --> 00:01:07,567 What? Yeah. 38 00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:09,936 So, check it out, guys, this is all research. 39 00:01:09,969 --> 00:01:12,472 You two don't have to date in secret anymore at school. 40 00:01:12,506 --> 00:01:14,575 Yeah, it's all here in the Lipinski v. 41 00:01:14,608 --> 00:01:16,644 Platte County Unified School District. 42 00:01:16,676 --> 00:01:18,712 Precedence for days! 43 00:01:18,745 --> 00:01:21,013 Wow. Wow, you did this for us. No. 44 00:01:22,415 --> 00:01:23,584 I just want to pat it. 45 00:01:23,617 --> 00:01:25,953 I just want to, like, frickin' pat it. 46 00:01:25,986 --> 00:01:27,721 I want to nurse it. 47 00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:29,289 Yeah, I want to provide it 48 00:01:29,323 --> 00:01:31,292 with milk. Huh. 49 00:01:31,325 --> 00:01:32,960 I used to be the hot teacher. 50 00:01:32,992 --> 00:01:36,796 Now you know how I felt when you turned up. 51 00:01:36,829 --> 00:01:40,000 A miserable path awaits you. 52 00:01:40,033 --> 00:01:41,935 So you want us to come out, 53 00:01:41,968 --> 00:01:43,936 so that you can go back to hooking up 54 00:01:43,971 --> 00:01:45,139 with all the hot teachers? 55 00:01:45,173 --> 00:01:46,406 Very much so. 56 00:01:46,439 --> 00:01:47,841 But I'm thinking about you guys, too. 57 00:01:47,875 --> 00:01:49,310 I mean, wouldn't it be better 58 00:01:49,343 --> 00:01:51,278 if you didn't have to hide your relationship? 59 00:01:52,612 --> 00:01:55,149 Yeah, you know what? 60 00:01:55,182 --> 00:01:56,984 I think we should do this. 61 00:01:57,016 --> 00:01:58,752 I... we should do this, let's stop hiding. 62 00:01:58,786 --> 00:02:00,421 Yeah. 63 00:02:00,453 --> 00:02:02,121 But, Jess, will this make things tricky for your work 64 00:02:02,156 --> 00:02:03,656 and will it in turn make you distracted and preoccupied 65 00:02:03,691 --> 00:02:05,692 during our splishy-splashy? Ugh. 66 00:02:05,725 --> 00:02:07,694 No, no, of course not. I won't let it. 67 00:02:07,727 --> 00:02:08,961 Then let's do this. 68 00:02:08,996 --> 00:02:10,463 Yeah, let's. 69 00:02:10,497 --> 00:02:12,432 Yes! We are coming out! 70 00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:14,201 Cracking. I'm chuffed. 71 00:02:14,235 --> 00:02:16,036 Dude, I do not get you. 72 00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:24,877 I trust you, Miss Day. 73 00:02:24,912 --> 00:02:28,348 Mostly because I do not want to read this. 74 00:02:28,382 --> 00:02:30,318 That's great! (laughs) Well, 75 00:02:30,350 --> 00:02:32,485 Yay! I'm the easy one, dawg. 76 00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:35,723 Seriously, it's the teachers you need to worry about. 77 00:02:35,756 --> 00:02:37,057 Especially you. 78 00:02:37,090 --> 00:02:39,293 You tend to care what people think about you. 79 00:02:39,326 --> 00:02:42,496 (chuckles) That's like saying a penguin "tends" to be cute. 80 00:02:42,530 --> 00:02:44,397 It's all it does, bro. 81 00:02:44,432 --> 00:02:46,466 (chuckles) So, good luck 82 00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:48,836 when the teachers present their field trip proposals. 83 00:02:48,868 --> 00:02:52,171 If they catch a whiff of favoritism, 84 00:02:52,206 --> 00:02:55,808 they are going to tear you apart like... 85 00:02:55,843 --> 00:02:58,812 like a beautiful baguette, you know what I mean? 86 00:02:58,846 --> 00:03:00,813 When you-you're having dinner, 87 00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:03,817 and you just suddenly say, "Hey, forget the bread knife. 88 00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:06,687 Let's just rip into this with our bare hands." 89 00:03:06,719 --> 00:03:10,223 Ah, I love that. 90 00:03:10,258 --> 00:03:12,192 Hey, what'd they say? What do you got? 91 00:03:12,225 --> 00:03:14,927 You can tell me, I can take it. 92 00:03:14,961 --> 00:03:18,198 I-I don't know if I can take it if... 93 00:03:18,231 --> 00:03:20,199 If you died, I'd be lost. 94 00:03:20,234 --> 00:03:22,703 J-Just tell me, I'll be there for you, I'm big and strong. 95 00:03:22,735 --> 00:03:24,103 Is it cancer? What's your problem? 96 00:03:24,137 --> 00:03:25,906 Oh, Schmidty, you have cancer? 97 00:03:25,938 --> 00:03:27,341 I can't watch you go 98 00:03:27,375 --> 00:03:28,908 through cancer, buddy, you're not strong enough. 99 00:03:28,942 --> 00:03:29,943 What is wrong with you?! 100 00:03:29,977 --> 00:03:31,110 Your friend keeps forgetting 101 00:03:31,144 --> 00:03:32,346 his ulcer medication. 102 00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:33,713 Ulcer medication? 103 00:03:33,747 --> 00:03:35,248 He's lying, please. 104 00:03:35,283 --> 00:03:36,884 Take him home, make sure he does nothing all day. 105 00:03:36,917 --> 00:03:38,519 Look, I'm not doing nothing all day. 106 00:03:38,551 --> 00:03:40,721 Can't take days off wor... 107 00:03:40,753 --> 00:03:43,623 My firm is wooing red potatoes, and I want that account. 108 00:03:43,656 --> 00:03:45,692 Don't listen to that aggressive male nurse. 109 00:03:45,725 --> 00:03:48,228 Wearing the same shoes as an old Russian woman. 110 00:03:48,262 --> 00:03:50,397 It's not an ulcer, he's ly... (yawps) 111 00:03:50,430 --> 00:03:53,533 Yeah, that's your ulcer telling you to stop being a dick. 112 00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:55,368 (groans) 113 00:03:55,402 --> 00:03:57,037 Before we begin our presentations, 114 00:03:57,069 --> 00:04:01,408 in the spirit of full disclosure and transparency, 115 00:04:01,442 --> 00:04:03,242 I have something to tell you. 116 00:04:04,277 --> 00:04:07,046 Mr. Geauxinue and I are dating. 117 00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:08,716 No, n-n-n-no. (laughs) 118 00:04:08,748 --> 00:04:10,550 No, I just felt someone pass over my grave. Right. 119 00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:11,618 I don't see a ring. 120 00:04:11,651 --> 00:04:12,652 This is a total joke. 121 00:04:12,686 --> 00:04:14,054 Oh, you're joking. 122 00:04:14,086 --> 00:04:15,423 There's none scenarios that this is possible. 123 00:04:15,455 --> 00:04:17,290 COACH: Ladies, I know you're upset, 124 00:04:17,324 --> 00:04:18,891 but you know what I do when I'm upset? 125 00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:19,927 I hook up with me. 126 00:04:19,959 --> 00:04:21,728 But I want to assure you 127 00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:24,464 that this will not affect my judgment as vice principal. 128 00:04:24,497 --> 00:04:26,567 Let's hear those field trip proposals! 129 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:28,802 Where are we gonna take those kids, guys?! 130 00:04:28,836 --> 00:04:30,838 And you know what makes the water delicious? 131 00:04:30,870 --> 00:04:32,840 Taking the poop out. 132 00:04:32,872 --> 00:04:35,375 Hello, water treatment plant. 133 00:04:36,476 --> 00:04:39,012 Okay, we're off to a rocky start. 134 00:04:39,045 --> 00:04:40,447 They've got frickin' mini-golf. 135 00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:41,949 They've got frickin' Skee-Ball. 136 00:04:41,981 --> 00:04:44,016 They've got frickin' bumper boats. 137 00:04:44,050 --> 00:04:46,420 They've got frickin' go-carts. 138 00:04:46,454 --> 00:04:48,254 Is this you topless in the brochure? 139 00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:50,591 It is, thank you. 140 00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:53,192 Take a trip to historical Coach-town. 141 00:04:53,225 --> 00:04:56,163 Lunch will be provided. 142 00:04:56,196 --> 00:04:58,598 I don't eat yesterday's bread. 143 00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:00,434 Yes, you do. 144 00:05:00,468 --> 00:05:01,535 Is there a field trip in here somewhere? 145 00:05:01,569 --> 00:05:02,970 I want to take the children 146 00:05:03,002 --> 00:05:05,038 on an interactive nature "experience." 147 00:05:05,072 --> 00:05:06,607 Very hands-on. 148 00:05:06,639 --> 00:05:08,175 With, uh, 149 00:05:08,208 --> 00:05:09,509 "foll-ahge..." 150 00:05:09,543 --> 00:05:11,144 "foil-iag-ee..." 151 00:05:11,177 --> 00:05:13,447 Not bad. Um, I'd be a lot more into it 152 00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:15,382 if you could pronounce "foliage." 153 00:05:15,415 --> 00:05:16,983 I messed it up! 154 00:05:17,016 --> 00:05:18,485 I can't do anything! 155 00:05:18,519 --> 00:05:20,187 So I've arranged for our students to speak 156 00:05:20,220 --> 00:05:21,521 to astronauts at the space station, 157 00:05:21,555 --> 00:05:22,723 uh, via Russian translator. 158 00:05:22,755 --> 00:05:26,192 And, as an added surprise, 159 00:05:26,225 --> 00:05:27,961 actually get to operate the Mars rover. 160 00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:29,463 You see, this is 161 00:05:29,497 --> 00:05:33,100 "Mission to Mars: Field Trip to Another World." 162 00:05:35,403 --> 00:05:36,504 JESS: Okay, then. 163 00:05:36,536 --> 00:05:37,805 (toy engine revs) 164 00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:39,906 Well, you all had great presentations, 165 00:05:39,939 --> 00:05:42,975 but I'm sure no one can accuse me of favoritism 166 00:05:43,009 --> 00:05:44,478 when I choose Mr. G's proposal, 167 00:05:44,512 --> 00:05:47,680 which was so, so, so clearly the best one. 168 00:05:47,715 --> 00:05:49,582 (booing) RUTH: What does space have? 169 00:05:49,617 --> 00:05:51,418 You can't even walk on the ground. 170 00:05:51,451 --> 00:05:53,553 You obviously picked it because he's your frickin' boyfriend. 171 00:05:53,586 --> 00:05:55,355 Well... BIOLOGY TEACHER: I see how it is. 172 00:05:55,389 --> 00:05:57,891 My butt isn't cute enough. Should I call my ma 173 00:05:57,925 --> 00:06:00,661 and blame her for passing on her wide flat ass? 174 00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:03,062 (imitates dialing phone) 175 00:06:03,096 --> 00:06:05,232 Hello, Ma? 176 00:06:05,264 --> 00:06:07,834 I'm not calling about that. 177 00:06:07,867 --> 00:06:09,269 Just listen. 178 00:06:09,302 --> 00:06:12,238 I said, just listen. 179 00:06:12,271 --> 00:06:14,675 It's about my butt. 180 00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:16,043 Should I continue? 181 00:06:16,076 --> 00:06:17,343 I'm gonna say no. 182 00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:18,879 You won't frickin' get away with this. 183 00:06:18,911 --> 00:06:21,380 Eat glass and die, you tramp! 184 00:06:21,415 --> 00:06:23,250 Mrs. Raws! 185 00:06:27,654 --> 00:06:29,622 Hey, uh, you're not going to work. What are you talking...? 186 00:06:29,656 --> 00:06:31,559 You're not going to work. Yes, I'm going to work! 187 00:06:31,591 --> 00:06:33,593 Sit down! Sit down! 188 00:06:34,795 --> 00:06:36,196 Of course I'm going to work. 189 00:06:36,228 --> 00:06:37,598 Gina needs me. 190 00:06:37,630 --> 00:06:40,233 Besides, I like my stomach like I like my suits-- 191 00:06:40,266 --> 00:06:41,534 no lining. 192 00:06:41,569 --> 00:06:42,870 Here, take your bottoms off, 193 00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:44,872 put these sweatpants on. 194 00:06:44,904 --> 00:06:47,641 You take your bottoms off, sir! Why don't you take your slacks off, 195 00:06:47,675 --> 00:06:49,042 so I can put some sweatpants on? Now take your bottoms off. 196 00:06:49,076 --> 00:06:50,744 I'm not gonna sit around here all day 197 00:06:50,778 --> 00:06:52,745 like an off-duty ice cream truck driver! 198 00:06:52,779 --> 00:06:55,716 I confiscated three laptops, two tablets and an e-reader. 199 00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:58,485 Oh, and this satellite phone with a condom taped to it. 200 00:06:58,519 --> 00:06:59,653 My earthquake kit? 201 00:06:59,687 --> 00:07:01,053 Hey, look, for starters, Schmidt, 202 00:07:01,088 --> 00:07:02,389 you're sitting up way too straight. 203 00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:03,757 I feel like I'm sitting just fine. 204 00:07:03,790 --> 00:07:06,093 Take a deep breath. 205 00:07:06,125 --> 00:07:08,295 Inhale it all the way in. 206 00:07:08,327 --> 00:07:09,428 Now... 207 00:07:09,463 --> 00:07:10,630 (whispers): let it go. 208 00:07:10,663 --> 00:07:12,533 (exhales) 209 00:07:13,432 --> 00:07:15,235 Now let go. (exhales) 210 00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:16,470 Now let go. 211 00:07:16,504 --> 00:07:17,937 I... I am letting go. 212 00:07:17,971 --> 00:07:19,807 You're like a clenched fist, my man. Open up. 213 00:07:21,975 --> 00:07:24,177 You're in a 1920s boxing stance. 214 00:07:24,211 --> 00:07:25,778 This is a waste of time! You're not going to work! 215 00:07:25,812 --> 00:07:27,279 I have a hyperactive nephew! 216 00:07:27,314 --> 00:07:28,581 We have to swaddle him! 217 00:07:28,615 --> 00:07:29,949 Swaddle nothing! What? 218 00:07:29,983 --> 00:07:31,151 What are you doing?! Swaddle him! Get him! 219 00:07:31,184 --> 00:07:32,985 Got to get to work! 220 00:07:33,019 --> 00:07:36,524 Shh. Shh. 221 00:07:36,557 --> 00:07:38,358 Shh. You relaxed? 222 00:07:38,391 --> 00:07:40,494 Yeah. 223 00:07:40,528 --> 00:07:41,795 Okay, ready? 224 00:07:41,829 --> 00:07:42,963 You're gonna lay down. 225 00:07:42,995 --> 00:07:44,665 All right, just for a minute. 226 00:07:44,697 --> 00:07:46,834 * Good night, Schmidty. 227 00:07:46,867 --> 00:07:48,802 (sighs) 228 00:07:51,639 --> 00:07:53,473 (whispers): Now do me. Okay. 229 00:07:53,507 --> 00:07:54,841 (quiet chatter) 230 00:07:56,709 --> 00:07:57,944 Hey, what's up, girl? 231 00:07:57,978 --> 00:07:59,379 Hey, uh... 232 00:07:59,411 --> 00:08:01,380 remember when we used to do it and it was dope? 233 00:08:01,413 --> 00:08:03,817 Nah. Nah? What you talk...? 234 00:08:03,850 --> 00:08:06,286 You still like Ryan? Well... 235 00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:07,788 It's just the accent. That's the only thing you... 236 00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:09,221 You like the accent? I can do an accent. 237 00:08:09,255 --> 00:08:10,624 (Cockney accent): I can do an accent. 238 00:08:10,658 --> 00:08:12,259 You like when I do this accent, eh? 239 00:08:13,259 --> 00:08:14,694 You like when I do the accent? 240 00:08:14,728 --> 00:08:15,995 Not at all. 241 00:08:16,028 --> 00:08:18,064 My dad makes cheese. 242 00:08:18,098 --> 00:08:20,634 He just made me realize that I want guys 243 00:08:20,668 --> 00:08:22,636 who have, like, frickin' feelings and stuff. 244 00:08:22,670 --> 00:08:24,204 (normal voice): Yeah, well... 245 00:08:24,237 --> 00:08:26,606 But the boy looks like he was raised in a muffin. 246 00:08:27,439 --> 00:08:29,076 Oh. Hey. 247 00:08:29,108 --> 00:08:30,911 I've been holding office hours all year, 248 00:08:30,944 --> 00:08:33,212 and this is the first time anyone's taken me up on it. 249 00:08:33,245 --> 00:08:34,581 Ryan took you up on it, didn't he? 250 00:08:34,615 --> 00:08:36,316 (teachers gasp, laugh) 251 00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:38,518 This is gonna be fine 252 00:08:38,552 --> 00:08:40,821 and, um, I'm going to address 253 00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:43,322 all of your problems one by one. 254 00:08:43,355 --> 00:08:44,892 It just ain't right. Okay. 255 00:08:44,924 --> 00:08:46,594 "Ain't... right." 256 00:08:46,626 --> 00:08:47,860 Anything else? 257 00:08:47,894 --> 00:08:48,895 It's not okay. 258 00:08:48,928 --> 00:08:50,730 "Not... okay." 259 00:08:50,764 --> 00:08:51,999 What else? 260 00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:53,767 I'm not all right with it. 261 00:08:53,801 --> 00:08:56,202 And when you lent me that sweater last week, 262 00:08:56,235 --> 00:08:59,505 was I supposed to, like... Ruth! 263 00:08:59,538 --> 00:09:01,274 It's unscrupulous, Ms. Day. 264 00:09:01,307 --> 00:09:03,876 If you two are coming out, we are, too. 265 00:09:03,910 --> 00:09:06,078 Meet my boyfriend. 266 00:09:07,447 --> 00:09:11,083 So you like... teachers? 267 00:09:14,788 --> 00:09:16,088 I'd do whatever it takes 268 00:09:16,123 --> 00:09:18,325 to get my foliage trip off the ground. 269 00:09:19,826 --> 00:09:21,293 And now I know 270 00:09:21,327 --> 00:09:22,730 how things work around here. 271 00:09:22,763 --> 00:09:25,698 You're not even my type, just so you know. 272 00:09:25,732 --> 00:09:27,067 * Ba-da-da... 273 00:09:27,100 --> 00:09:28,235 Don't do that. 274 00:09:28,268 --> 00:09:29,602 I'd be way more into this 275 00:09:29,636 --> 00:09:31,038 if you had, like, a classic Latin build. 276 00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:32,905 Okay, stop. Stop! 277 00:09:32,940 --> 00:09:33,941 'Cause I'm a ginger? 278 00:09:33,974 --> 00:09:34,807 Just get out. 279 00:09:34,841 --> 00:09:37,409 (teachers murmuring) 280 00:09:37,443 --> 00:09:38,611 Ms. Day! 281 00:09:38,645 --> 00:09:41,413 (teachers clamoring) 282 00:09:42,750 --> 00:09:44,051 Okay! 283 00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:46,219 I changed my mind. 284 00:09:46,253 --> 00:09:47,955 We're gonna look at foliage. 285 00:09:47,988 --> 00:09:50,322 Now, will that make you people go back to your jobs? 286 00:09:50,356 --> 00:09:51,959 Yeah. (murmuring agreement) 287 00:09:51,991 --> 00:09:54,662 I won something. I won something. 288 00:09:54,695 --> 00:09:56,096 Hey. 289 00:09:56,129 --> 00:09:57,330 What's going on? 290 00:09:57,364 --> 00:09:58,999 Everybody was just so mad at me. 291 00:09:59,032 --> 00:10:00,734 I feel terrible. 292 00:10:00,768 --> 00:10:02,735 This is my fault. 293 00:10:02,769 --> 00:10:04,171 Jess, maybe I should look for another job. 294 00:10:04,203 --> 00:10:06,239 No! No! Absolutely not. 295 00:10:06,273 --> 00:10:07,841 No, look, I have everything under control. 296 00:10:07,875 --> 00:10:09,809 I am 100% confident 297 00:10:09,842 --> 00:10:11,278 that I'm making the right decision. 298 00:10:11,311 --> 00:10:12,745 WINSTON: You got girl troubles, get a crystal. 299 00:10:12,779 --> 00:10:14,914 Look, I'm telling you, Coach, 300 00:10:14,947 --> 00:10:16,850 women have been checking me out all day. 301 00:10:16,884 --> 00:10:19,019 From the gentleman across the bar. 302 00:10:19,052 --> 00:10:20,287 This is my favorite drink. 303 00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:21,520 How did he...? 304 00:10:21,553 --> 00:10:25,125 Something powerful told me it was. 305 00:10:26,693 --> 00:10:29,261 Now, they gave me this crystal to help me on the streets, 306 00:10:29,296 --> 00:10:30,629 but I'm starting to think 307 00:10:30,663 --> 00:10:33,165 it's gonna help me in the sheets. 308 00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:34,868 Winston, look at me. Mm-hmm. 309 00:10:34,902 --> 00:10:36,168 And I have never been more serious 310 00:10:36,202 --> 00:10:37,203 about anything in my life. 311 00:10:37,236 --> 00:10:39,306 Okay. Stop rhyming. 312 00:10:39,338 --> 00:10:40,173 All the timing? 313 00:10:40,206 --> 00:10:41,774 I don't need a crystal, 314 00:10:41,808 --> 00:10:43,442 I just need to be more frickin' sensitive, 315 00:10:43,475 --> 00:10:44,878 so stop trying to give me your crystal! 316 00:10:44,912 --> 00:10:47,213 Okay. I'm not supposed to be yelling. 317 00:10:47,246 --> 00:10:48,716 That's what I'm... 318 00:10:48,749 --> 00:10:49,982 I need to be working... I need to work on that. 319 00:10:50,017 --> 00:10:51,317 I'm telling you, man, 320 00:10:51,350 --> 00:10:53,452 this crystal gives you the courage 321 00:10:53,485 --> 00:10:56,188 to do the one thing that you're scared of the most. 322 00:10:56,222 --> 00:10:58,959 To me, it's country music line dancing. 323 00:10:58,991 --> 00:11:01,193 Well, that is terrifying. 324 00:11:01,227 --> 00:11:02,662 Don't do that. 325 00:11:04,731 --> 00:11:06,899 You guys seen Schmidt? 326 00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:09,369 What the hell? 327 00:11:09,402 --> 00:11:10,770 My word processor? 328 00:11:12,339 --> 00:11:14,307 You can't Kathy Bates me forever! 329 00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:16,009 My work needs me. Gina needs me. 330 00:11:16,043 --> 00:11:17,845 I'm sorry, but she's trying to kill you, 331 00:11:17,878 --> 00:11:19,578 and I'm trying everything in my power to stop her. 332 00:11:19,611 --> 00:11:21,447 No, you're trying to turn me into you. 333 00:11:23,216 --> 00:11:24,683 Aren't you bored, Nick? 334 00:11:24,717 --> 00:11:26,153 I've been doing nothing for exactly one day, 335 00:11:26,186 --> 00:11:27,386 and I already feel pathetic. 336 00:11:27,419 --> 00:11:29,322 The Nick that I met 337 00:11:29,355 --> 00:11:30,690 in college would not be happy living like this. 338 00:11:30,724 --> 00:11:31,859 You've changed. That's not true. 339 00:11:31,892 --> 00:11:33,826 I've always been lazy. 340 00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:35,995 Physically, yes. 341 00:11:36,028 --> 00:11:38,899 But mentally, you used to be like a da Vinci in tie-dye. 342 00:11:45,404 --> 00:11:46,572 (clears throat) 343 00:11:46,605 --> 00:11:48,441 Well, I'll be. 344 00:11:48,475 --> 00:11:50,442 Think differently. 345 00:11:50,476 --> 00:11:51,879 The beer teat! 346 00:11:51,912 --> 00:11:53,179 Awesome, bro. Ha! 347 00:11:53,212 --> 00:11:55,282 Party! 348 00:11:57,484 --> 00:11:58,618 Well, you changed, too. 349 00:11:58,650 --> 00:12:00,854 You used to live by your own rules. 350 00:12:00,888 --> 00:12:04,124 You were like a fat, Jewish Dennis Rodman. 351 00:12:04,157 --> 00:12:05,893 But look at you now. 352 00:12:05,926 --> 00:12:08,961 You're like the back of a horse in a two-person horse costume 353 00:12:08,995 --> 00:12:11,530 with Gina just farting in your face all day long. 354 00:12:11,563 --> 00:12:13,299 That actually happened. 355 00:12:19,172 --> 00:12:20,908 What?! 356 00:12:20,941 --> 00:12:23,043 Schmidt, tell me, what do you get for all your hard work? 357 00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:24,644 The sponge account. Oh, great! 358 00:12:24,677 --> 00:12:26,712 God willing, it'll get me red potatoes, too. 359 00:12:26,745 --> 00:12:29,081 Sexiest starch since jasmine rice. 360 00:12:29,115 --> 00:12:30,417 Great. 361 00:12:30,450 --> 00:12:32,952 I hope your work keeps making you walk around 362 00:12:32,985 --> 00:12:35,822 with your guts in a rusty old wagon. 363 00:12:38,325 --> 00:12:41,161 (computer begins playing '80s techno song) 364 00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:49,336 Oh, hey, Nick. You're up early. 365 00:12:49,369 --> 00:12:51,171 Before noon. 366 00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:53,841 Oh, wait, is this Sleepwalk Nick? 367 00:12:53,874 --> 00:12:55,942 Man, I love Sleepwalk Nick. 368 00:12:55,975 --> 00:12:58,245 He always pays back the money that Awake Nick borrows from me. 369 00:12:58,278 --> 00:12:59,645 Of course I'm up! I'm doing stuff. 370 00:12:59,678 --> 00:13:01,815 I do stuff. I clean. 371 00:13:01,849 --> 00:13:03,951 I'm cooking right now. I'm cooking breakfast. 372 00:13:03,984 --> 00:13:06,619 Sun's up, Miller's up. People say that. 373 00:13:06,653 --> 00:13:09,221 Huh. Oh, hey, Coach. 374 00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:11,258 You're dressed like Ryan. 375 00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:12,759 What? (laughs) 376 00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:14,594 No, you see, I-I... I've had these clothes 377 00:13:14,626 --> 00:13:16,528 for forever, I just don't wear them when you're around. 378 00:13:16,562 --> 00:13:18,664 You are dressed like Ryan! Are you around me all the time? No. 379 00:13:18,697 --> 00:13:21,467 Dressing up like someone else isn't going to work. 380 00:13:21,500 --> 00:13:23,769 Unlike this crystal. Shut up. 381 00:13:23,802 --> 00:13:25,938 And I am never taking this crystal off. 382 00:13:25,972 --> 00:13:27,941 Well, I mean, except if I'm making a tomato sauce 383 00:13:27,975 --> 00:13:30,844 and the crystal keeps dipping in the tomato sauce. 384 00:13:30,878 --> 00:13:32,946 Then I'll take it off, and that's just being practical. 385 00:13:32,980 --> 00:13:35,548 I don't know too much about crystal care, but, 386 00:13:35,581 --> 00:13:37,317 oh, I intend to find out. 387 00:13:37,350 --> 00:13:39,186 JESS: See? 388 00:13:39,219 --> 00:13:40,620 I made the right decision. 389 00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:42,121 Kids need to be in nature. 390 00:13:42,154 --> 00:13:44,557 Emily Kopnik saw a butterfly 391 00:13:44,591 --> 00:13:46,359 and she said, "Oh, my God, 392 00:13:46,393 --> 00:13:49,028 country lice can fly." Oh, cool. 393 00:13:49,062 --> 00:13:51,298 Well, I'm sensitive and I care about things like that. 394 00:13:51,331 --> 00:13:52,798 You like leaves, Eddie? 395 00:13:52,831 --> 00:13:53,665 No. 396 00:13:53,700 --> 00:13:54,902 Me, too, buddy. Me, too. 397 00:13:54,934 --> 00:13:57,169 So rake 'em 398 00:13:57,203 --> 00:14:00,307 into a observational mound-- or "a pile"-- 399 00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:02,208 and then we transfer the piles 400 00:14:02,241 --> 00:14:04,311 into one of these special research bags 401 00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:06,078 which you kids can take home. 402 00:14:06,113 --> 00:14:07,480 Hey. 403 00:14:07,514 --> 00:14:08,715 What's happening here? 404 00:14:08,748 --> 00:14:09,917 Here's another rake. 405 00:14:09,950 --> 00:14:11,350 You're not just having the kids, uh, 406 00:14:11,384 --> 00:14:13,019 rake the leaves and put them in a bag, 407 00:14:13,052 --> 00:14:14,421 are you? What now? 408 00:14:14,453 --> 00:14:15,923 I mean, uh, what else do you have planned? 409 00:14:15,956 --> 00:14:17,190 Oh, don't worry about it. 410 00:14:17,224 --> 00:14:19,025 I'm a biology professional. 411 00:14:21,528 --> 00:14:22,861 (groans) 412 00:14:22,895 --> 00:14:25,365 So, how's that phantom ulcer treating you? 413 00:14:25,398 --> 00:14:26,698 I sent you those Q4 reports... 414 00:14:26,732 --> 00:14:28,100 Horrible burning! 415 00:14:28,134 --> 00:14:29,735 Well, I'm glad you're back. 416 00:14:29,769 --> 00:14:31,738 See? Look how glad I am. 417 00:14:31,770 --> 00:14:33,173 Gina, let me run point on red potatoes. 418 00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:34,374 I've got three pitches 419 00:14:34,407 --> 00:14:35,707 already ready to rock. 420 00:14:35,741 --> 00:14:36,875 Here's a taste. 421 00:14:36,909 --> 00:14:38,445 That's the first one. 422 00:14:38,477 --> 00:14:39,778 That's the first pitch. "Here's a taste." 423 00:14:39,812 --> 00:14:41,548 It's just a picture of a red potato, 424 00:14:41,581 --> 00:14:43,283 and the tagline is: "Here's a... here's a taste." 425 00:14:43,316 --> 00:14:46,253 There's that New York sense of humor again, Schmidt. 426 00:14:46,286 --> 00:14:47,955 Come on, Gina. Give me a shot at red potatoes. 427 00:14:47,988 --> 00:14:49,422 No way, 'cause I need you. 428 00:14:49,456 --> 00:14:51,091 You're the best sort of 429 00:14:51,124 --> 00:14:52,960 mid-level employee I've ever had. 430 00:14:52,993 --> 00:14:55,195 You are the ass to my horse. 431 00:14:55,227 --> 00:14:56,863 And I'm gonna keep you right here, 432 00:14:56,895 --> 00:14:59,066 right by my side, where I can find you. 433 00:14:59,099 --> 00:15:00,267 Forever. 434 00:15:00,299 --> 00:15:01,533 Forever? 435 00:15:01,567 --> 00:15:02,634 Yeah, speaking of, 436 00:15:02,668 --> 00:15:04,537 might need you to suit up 437 00:15:04,571 --> 00:15:07,106 for my son's birthday this Saturday, so... 438 00:15:07,139 --> 00:15:09,109 What are these? Doesn't matter. 439 00:15:09,142 --> 00:15:11,244 Keep your phone on, okay? 440 00:15:11,278 --> 00:15:13,812 You know, sometimes I think about life, 441 00:15:13,846 --> 00:15:16,849 and it just makes me want to cry. 442 00:15:19,451 --> 00:15:21,221 Respond to my sharing, please. 443 00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:23,822 You're putting on a real creepy, murdery vibe today. 444 00:15:23,855 --> 00:15:25,924 Just FYI. I'm not trying to do that. I was... 445 00:15:25,958 --> 00:15:27,659 Just, like, going forward in your day, 446 00:15:27,693 --> 00:15:29,662 you should know that. Just trying to be, like, feeling... 447 00:15:29,696 --> 00:15:31,498 Hey, guys. Hi. 448 00:15:31,530 --> 00:15:32,798 What's going on? 449 00:15:32,831 --> 00:15:34,466 RUTH: I think they might just be doing 450 00:15:34,500 --> 00:15:36,003 frickin' yard work. KIDS: * I don't know 451 00:15:36,036 --> 00:15:37,437 * What I been told 452 00:15:37,470 --> 00:15:38,971 * I don't know what I been told... * 453 00:15:39,005 --> 00:15:40,307 COACH: Whoa. 454 00:15:40,340 --> 00:15:41,740 * Foster's butt is mighty old 455 00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:44,811 * Foster's butt is mighty old... * 456 00:15:44,844 --> 00:15:47,246 Oh, we are violating every child labor law. 457 00:15:47,279 --> 00:15:50,082 They're really good singers. 458 00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:52,485 Keep up the rhythm. Mama won't be happy 459 00:15:52,519 --> 00:15:53,952 till you clear the back forty. 460 00:15:53,986 --> 00:15:55,455 Biology teacher? 461 00:15:55,488 --> 00:15:57,490 Is this your house? 462 00:15:57,524 --> 00:15:59,491 Did you bring the kids here to work? 463 00:15:59,525 --> 00:16:01,594 First of all, my name is Lorenzo. 464 00:16:01,628 --> 00:16:02,961 Secondly, yes. 465 00:16:02,995 --> 00:16:05,164 But you're the one who picked my trip, 466 00:16:05,197 --> 00:16:06,765 so it's your fault. 467 00:16:06,798 --> 00:16:08,801 BOY: Can I have some water? 468 00:16:08,835 --> 00:16:11,337 Okay, guys, stop working. Don't listen to her. Keep working. 469 00:16:11,370 --> 00:16:13,940 You don't have to work. I'm the vice principal. Not technically at school, 470 00:16:13,972 --> 00:16:15,607 so keep working. Stop working! 471 00:16:15,642 --> 00:16:16,708 Keep working! 472 00:16:16,743 --> 00:16:18,345 (wasps buzzing) 473 00:16:18,378 --> 00:16:19,645 (screams) 474 00:16:20,547 --> 00:16:21,648 Oh! Oh! (gasping) 475 00:16:21,681 --> 00:16:23,649 Wasps! Everybody stay calm! 476 00:16:23,682 --> 00:16:26,318 Oh, my God. Oh, my God, they're getting in my eyes. 477 00:16:26,352 --> 00:16:27,986 Damn you bees! 478 00:16:28,020 --> 00:16:29,188 Ah! They got me! 479 00:16:29,221 --> 00:16:30,690 Ah, screw it. 480 00:16:30,722 --> 00:16:31,691 Here comes me. 481 00:16:31,724 --> 00:16:33,725 I sting, too, bees. 482 00:16:33,759 --> 00:16:35,894 Bees don't bother me. 483 00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:40,899 Seems like it was a great field trip. 484 00:16:40,932 --> 00:16:42,168 So sorry I missed it. 485 00:16:42,201 --> 00:16:43,836 I feel like a bunch of tiny people 486 00:16:43,870 --> 00:16:45,638 are holding tiny little lighters to my face. 487 00:16:45,672 --> 00:16:47,307 (groans loudly) 488 00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:49,209 Today was a complete and total disaster, 489 00:16:49,241 --> 00:16:50,909 from start to finish. 490 00:16:50,942 --> 00:16:54,181 I've never failed so hard at my job ever in my life. 491 00:16:54,213 --> 00:16:56,149 Everyone's so mad at me, but I was just trying 492 00:16:56,182 --> 00:16:57,750 to make them happy. Jess, you can't make everyone happy. 493 00:16:57,783 --> 00:16:59,152 COACH: You don't need them to like you. 494 00:16:59,186 --> 00:17:01,019 You just need them to listen to you. 495 00:17:01,053 --> 00:17:02,654 You're the boss. CECE: Yeah. 496 00:17:02,688 --> 00:17:04,891 I mean, if you were a man dating someone at work, 497 00:17:04,923 --> 00:17:06,558 do you think that you would be worried 498 00:17:06,593 --> 00:17:08,327 about what everyone else was thinking? 499 00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:09,561 COACH: You'd be, like, in the conference room, 500 00:17:09,596 --> 00:17:10,863 like, "Meeting adjourned. 501 00:17:10,896 --> 00:17:12,332 Except for you, Sheila." 502 00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:13,700 But that's not me. 503 00:17:13,732 --> 00:17:15,867 I care what people think. I always have. 504 00:17:15,902 --> 00:17:18,305 Then your only option is to go in and be yourself. 505 00:17:19,439 --> 00:17:20,606 Just got to own it. 506 00:17:21,773 --> 00:17:23,343 I think I'm a little scared. 507 00:17:23,375 --> 00:17:26,378 Well, that's very interesting. You see... 508 00:17:26,413 --> 00:17:28,615 Have you been here this whole time? The entire time. 509 00:17:28,647 --> 00:17:29,715 That is why 510 00:17:29,749 --> 00:17:32,684 God... made crystals. 511 00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:34,921 Why did he make that shirt? 512 00:17:40,992 --> 00:17:42,729 Hey. 513 00:17:42,761 --> 00:17:45,798 Hey, look, Nick, I got to talk to you. I got to talk to you. 514 00:17:45,832 --> 00:17:47,900 You go first. You go first. 515 00:17:47,933 --> 00:17:49,701 Okay, you know what? You were right, Nick. 516 00:17:49,736 --> 00:17:51,270 I am a corporate monkey. 517 00:17:51,304 --> 00:17:53,105 I don't want to be an old man 518 00:17:53,140 --> 00:17:56,075 looking back on a meager life of... 519 00:17:56,108 --> 00:17:58,444 selling red potatoes for the man. 520 00:17:58,478 --> 00:18:01,147 I don't want to be a lazy bum my whole life. 521 00:18:01,181 --> 00:18:05,084 I want to be the kind of bum that other bums look at 522 00:18:05,117 --> 00:18:07,920 and say, "What's that bum smiling about?" 523 00:18:07,953 --> 00:18:09,655 I get that. 524 00:18:09,689 --> 00:18:11,290 I just had an idea, Schmidt. 525 00:18:11,324 --> 00:18:13,393 I just had an idea, too, but I feel like it's stupid. 526 00:18:13,425 --> 00:18:15,728 Yeah, I feel like mine's stupid. Let's do it. I'm gonna... I'm just gonna... 527 00:18:15,761 --> 00:18:17,963 I'm gonna go to the kitchen. No, but I want to hear what you have to say. 528 00:18:17,997 --> 00:18:20,333 It's important to me-- 'cause maybe it's the same thing, 529 00:18:20,366 --> 00:18:22,501 maybe it's different. It might be the same thing, so maybe we should just say it. 530 00:18:22,535 --> 00:18:24,936 You want to do the classic on 11? Yeah, okay, great. 531 00:18:24,971 --> 00:18:27,839 BOTH: One, two, three, four, five, six, 532 00:18:27,874 --> 00:18:29,642 seven, eight, nine, ten, 11... 533 00:18:29,675 --> 00:18:31,611 Let's work together again! Let's work together again! 534 00:18:31,644 --> 00:18:33,779 Yes! I knew it! That was awesome! That was it, man. That was it. 535 00:18:33,813 --> 00:18:34,913 Back in business. 536 00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:36,516 (laughs): Yeah! 537 00:18:36,548 --> 00:18:37,650 Let's start jamming ideas. 538 00:18:37,683 --> 00:18:38,984 Turkey. 539 00:18:39,018 --> 00:18:41,354 Robot. Turkey robot. Just got it in one. 540 00:18:41,387 --> 00:18:43,122 All right, let's draw up a... I don't think we did. 541 00:18:43,155 --> 00:18:44,191 Okay. Ready? Black. 542 00:18:44,223 --> 00:18:45,592 Robot. Black robot. 543 00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:47,294 Ooh, that's even better, son. Boom. 544 00:18:47,326 --> 00:18:48,961 Way to push for number two. Let's... let's... 545 00:18:48,994 --> 00:18:50,497 Exactly... Black robot. 546 00:18:50,529 --> 00:18:52,131 The blackest robot in town. 547 00:18:52,164 --> 00:18:55,000 That robot's so black, it's the blackest. 548 00:18:55,034 --> 00:18:57,103 I feel like marketing's gonna be a nightmare on that one. Okay. 549 00:18:57,135 --> 00:18:58,438 I'm not good at marketing. I'm good at ideas. 550 00:18:58,471 --> 00:18:59,638 Let's stay away from robots. Okay. 551 00:18:59,672 --> 00:19:01,473 Yeah? All right. Okay. 552 00:19:01,508 --> 00:19:04,211 Robot robot. 553 00:19:05,912 --> 00:19:07,180 I said let's stay away from robots though, 554 00:19:07,213 --> 00:19:08,847 and you just said ro... Okay. 555 00:19:08,881 --> 00:19:10,849 Black turkey! Look, let's maybe pick it up later. 556 00:19:10,883 --> 00:19:12,951 Computers for babies. We are back! 557 00:19:12,984 --> 00:19:15,054 Hair that looks like a helmet. Or vice versa-- 558 00:19:15,086 --> 00:19:17,056 helmet that looks like a hair is actually pretty smart. 559 00:19:17,088 --> 00:19:18,357 Oh, I'm really hot right now. 560 00:19:18,391 --> 00:19:20,125 A water bottle with the top cut off. 561 00:19:20,159 --> 00:19:22,694 SCHMIDT: That's a cup! That is just a cup. Scratch it. 562 00:19:22,729 --> 00:19:25,030 Ladies. (gasping) 563 00:19:25,064 --> 00:19:27,400 Ooh... you got bee'd up, dude. Yeah. 564 00:19:27,433 --> 00:19:29,501 You look like a monster. Yeah. 565 00:19:29,536 --> 00:19:30,803 I'm not even joking. 566 00:19:30,836 --> 00:19:32,971 You look so ugly right now. So ugly. 567 00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:35,875 Look, I'm not some little sensitive British guy, okay? 568 00:19:35,907 --> 00:19:37,344 I am Coach. 569 00:19:37,376 --> 00:19:39,412 But right now, I am in so much pain 570 00:19:39,445 --> 00:19:41,413 that I am losing my mind. 571 00:19:41,448 --> 00:19:43,148 And I might never recover. 572 00:19:43,182 --> 00:19:45,984 So say hello to the new me, 573 00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:49,020 who's basically a street lunatic with a face made of fire! 574 00:19:49,922 --> 00:19:51,490 They sting you in your pants? 575 00:19:51,523 --> 00:19:54,493 Yeah, they... they stung my doodad. 576 00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:56,262 I'm gonna get you some lotion. 577 00:19:56,296 --> 00:19:59,566 Ow. BOTH: Ooh! 578 00:20:01,468 --> 00:20:04,202 JESS: Everyone, um, before we begin this meeting, 579 00:20:04,237 --> 00:20:08,106 I just want to say that... yes, Ryan is my boyfriend. 580 00:20:08,140 --> 00:20:10,175 And yes, I let it affect my job 581 00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:13,445 because I care what you think of me, and I always have. 582 00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:15,013 But here's what you should know: 583 00:20:15,047 --> 00:20:18,718 I love my job, and I love this man right here. 584 00:20:20,586 --> 00:20:22,121 Wow. 585 00:20:22,153 --> 00:20:24,590 I've been waiting for a moment to tell you that, 586 00:20:24,624 --> 00:20:26,593 and I guess... 587 00:20:26,625 --> 00:20:28,595 this is it. 588 00:20:28,627 --> 00:20:30,061 This is perfect. 589 00:20:30,096 --> 00:20:33,199 And, um, just for the record, I love you, too. 590 00:20:33,231 --> 00:20:36,568 This speech is wonderful, so please keep going. 591 00:20:36,603 --> 00:20:40,539 Oh, yeah. Um, and you can come to me with any problems 592 00:20:40,573 --> 00:20:42,208 or anything you want to ask me, 593 00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:45,644 but I'm gonna make some decisions that you don't like, 594 00:20:45,677 --> 00:20:49,080 and you're just gonna have to deal with it. 595 00:20:50,416 --> 00:20:53,885 So, uh, let's get back to work, okay? 596 00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:55,387 So is that the end of the meeting, then? 597 00:20:55,422 --> 00:20:58,391 Yep. Uh... yeah, I got a little carried away 598 00:20:58,424 --> 00:20:59,959 with the moment there. (laughs) 599 00:20:59,991 --> 00:21:02,127 (laughs) Anyway... 600 00:21:03,663 --> 00:21:04,997 Put it on. Are you serious? Yes. Put the crystal on. 601 00:21:05,030 --> 00:21:07,933 And... there we go. 602 00:21:07,967 --> 00:21:09,935 It's not gonna do anything. 603 00:21:09,969 --> 00:21:13,239 * Any man of mine 604 00:21:13,271 --> 00:21:16,275 * Better walk the line 605 00:21:16,308 --> 00:21:19,178 * Better show me a teasin', squeezin' * 606 00:21:19,211 --> 00:21:22,414 * Pleasin' kind of time 607 00:21:22,449 --> 00:21:25,585 * I need a man who knows 608 00:21:25,617 --> 00:21:28,820 * How the story goes 609 00:21:28,855 --> 00:21:31,523 * He's gotta be a heartbeatin', fine-treatin' * 610 00:21:31,557 --> 00:21:34,361 * Breathtakin', earthquakin' kind... * 611 00:21:34,394 --> 00:21:36,395 * Any man of mine. 612 00:21:38,230 --> 00:21:41,968 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org