1
00:00:02,306 --> 00:00:04,394
Ooh, the female reproductive
system.
Kind of looks
like the Chicago Bulls symbol.

2
00:00:04,439 --> 00:00:07,267
It does.Now, this is the only part
that matters.

3
00:00:07,310 --> 00:00:09,269
The money train. Sure.Hey, I call it my nine-to-five.

4
00:00:09,313 --> 00:00:11,663
'Cause it's my job to work it.
You know what I'm saying?

5
00:00:11,707 --> 00:00:13,403
[laughter]

6
00:00:13,448 --> 00:00:15,319
The large intestine,
you degenerates.

7
00:00:15,362 --> 00:00:17,103
What?

8
00:00:17,146 --> 00:00:18,278
Let me see that.I told Jess

9
00:00:18,321 --> 00:00:20,193
that I don't want
to teach health.

10
00:00:20,236 --> 00:00:22,326
I'm not good at it.
Such a hassle.

11
00:00:22,370 --> 00:00:26,112
Studying, planning, giving
weak kids good grades. No.

12
00:00:26,155 --> 00:00:28,897
I heard that. There are good
things, too. Like you get

13
00:00:28,940 --> 00:00:32,249
to come with me to a
dope two-day teaching
conference in Palmdale.

14
00:00:32,292 --> 00:00:35,078
I want to stay and hang out
with the guys at Guys' Night.What's Guys' Night?

15
00:00:35,121 --> 00:00:37,124
Oh, yeah, we're celebrating
you being gone. No offense.

16
00:00:37,167 --> 00:00:38,081
Guys' Night!Guys' Night!

17
00:00:38,125 --> 00:00:40,301
Guys' Night!Guys' Night!

18
00:00:40,344 --> 00:00:41,911
The conference is gonna be
really fun. We just have

19
00:00:41,954 --> 00:00:44,521
to work from,
like, 9:00 to 7:00.

20
00:00:44,566 --> 00:00:46,698
And then after that
it's a par-tay.

21
00:00:46,741 --> 00:00:49,310
Until 10:00, when quiet hours
are strictly enforced.

22
00:00:49,353 --> 00:00:51,659
But before then we rage.
For three hours.

23
00:00:51,703 --> 00:00:54,662
Actually, two because there's
the half an hour of setup time

24
00:00:54,706 --> 00:00:57,100
and the half an hour of cleanup
time because we have to actually

25
00:00:57,143 --> 00:00:59,362
be in bed at 10:00.

26
00:00:59,406 --> 00:01:00,756
CECE:
Ooh!

27
00:01:00,798 --> 00:01:02,278
Are you kidding me?

28
00:01:02,323 --> 00:01:04,673
Ryan is going?

29
00:01:04,715 --> 00:01:07,457
Ryan-Ryan? The guy you
have a crazy crush on?

30
00:01:07,501 --> 00:01:09,460
I had a crush on him.
Principal Foster

31
00:01:09,504 --> 00:01:13,115
says that administrators can't
date teachers. It's forbidden.

32
00:01:13,159 --> 00:01:14,944
That makes it so much hotter.

33
00:01:14,986 --> 00:01:17,251
It makes it crazy hotter.
But, look,

34
00:01:17,293 --> 00:01:18,903
it's not just
about Principal Foster.

35
00:01:18,948 --> 00:01:20,254
This is
about how I worked

36
00:01:20,296 --> 00:01:21,819
really hard to get
to Vice Principal,

37
00:01:21,864 --> 00:01:24,561
and I'm not gonna let
some British guy get in my way.

38
00:01:24,605 --> 00:01:26,390
Some redcoat bastard.

39
00:01:26,433 --> 00:01:27,521
That's why
I keep all

40
00:01:27,564 --> 00:01:30,350
of our interactions
strictly professional.

41
00:01:30,394 --> 00:01:32,134
Hey. How was
your weekend?

42
00:01:32,179 --> 00:01:34,572
That's personal.

43
00:01:34,615 --> 00:01:37,227
I can't risk learning
any personal details about him.

44
00:01:37,271 --> 00:01:40,143
What if he taught
his dyslexic sister how to read?

45
00:01:40,186 --> 00:01:42,537
I can't know that.
I'll go crazy with lust.

46
00:01:42,579 --> 00:01:44,843
My pants will turn to ash.And so exactly

47
00:01:44,887 --> 00:01:47,281
how do you plan
to avoid this man

48
00:01:47,323 --> 00:01:49,370
that you are trapped
in the same hotel with?

49
00:01:49,412 --> 00:01:51,807
There are, like, a thousand
porns that start that way.

50
00:01:51,849 --> 00:01:53,373
Yeah, but no porns
have teachers.

51
00:01:53,417 --> 00:01:54,418
Every porn has a teacher.

52
00:01:54,462 --> 00:01:56,158
Well, I'm not worried, okay?

53
00:01:56,203 --> 00:01:58,292
'Cause I'll probably
never even see him.

54
00:01:58,335 --> 00:02:00,510
Jess?

55
00:02:00,555 --> 00:02:02,469
Can you believe we're
right next to each other?

56
00:02:13,437 --> 00:02:14,960
Hey, you guys want sangria?NICK:
It's Guys' Night!

57
00:02:15,003 --> 00:02:18,181
Only beer!Yeah, what is
this, Spain?

58
00:02:18,224 --> 00:02:20,009
Great sangria burn, man.

59
00:02:20,051 --> 00:02:21,358
Really?
Never let
your guard down!

60
00:02:21,401 --> 00:02:23,447
Aah!
Oh, takedown!

61
00:02:23,490 --> 00:02:24,840
Never let your guard down.

62
00:02:24,883 --> 00:02:26,276
Well played.All right, first up,

63
00:02:26,319 --> 00:02:27,885
we eat meat.

64
00:02:27,930 --> 00:02:28,757
How much meat?!

65
00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:30,105
Then we take a fart nap.

66
00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:31,454
Not for me. Pass.All right, guys,

67
00:02:31,498 --> 00:02:33,456
it's Guys' Night.
Let's think.
Okay.

68
00:02:33,501 --> 00:02:37,591
Anything else we can't
do when Jess is here.

69
00:02:37,634 --> 00:02:38,984
Wow.

70
00:02:39,027 --> 00:02:41,247
Look at that stretching.I don't want to...

71
00:02:41,290 --> 00:02:45,468
make this sound too creepy,
but I want to own those girls.

72
00:02:45,513 --> 00:02:46,644
I wouldn't touch
them. They'd want

73
00:02:46,687 --> 00:02:48,603
for nothing. But I would know
they were there.

74
00:02:48,646 --> 00:02:50,647
Stretching. For me.I want

75
00:02:50,692 --> 00:02:52,475
to French braid that girl hair.

76
00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:54,216
I want to French braid
that hair so good.

77
00:02:54,260 --> 00:02:56,349
The third hottest one
just waved at me.

78
00:02:56,393 --> 00:02:57,350
Hello! Ah!

79
00:02:57,394 --> 00:02:58,264
Ooh!
Oh, no.

80
00:02:58,307 --> 00:02:59,308
Oh!
No!

81
00:02:59,353 --> 00:03:00,615
No, no, no!
Oh...

82
00:03:00,657 --> 00:03:02,007
Jess is gonna kill you.Shoot!
She's not gonna kill me.

83
00:03:02,050 --> 00:03:03,486
I'm just gonna, I'm
gonna, I'm gonna have

84
00:03:03,531 --> 00:03:04,444
it cleaned, I'll
have it cleaned.

85
00:03:04,487 --> 00:03:06,490
Schmidt, red wine sets.Shut up, Winston! It sets.

86
00:03:06,533 --> 00:03:08,230
Why don't you
just wash it?Why don't I just what?

87
00:03:08,275 --> 00:03:09,492
Wash it.

88
00:03:09,537 --> 00:03:11,146
Just wash the blanket.

89
00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:13,889
Unless you can't.

90
00:03:13,931 --> 00:03:15,804
Come on, man.
Get out of here.

91
00:03:15,847 --> 00:03:17,240
I've known you
for a lot of years

92
00:03:17,283 --> 00:03:18,372
and I've never seen you
do laundry.

93
00:03:18,414 --> 00:03:19,590
Never seen me do laundry...
Get out of town.

94
00:03:19,634 --> 00:03:21,461
Wait, wait.
Is that true?

95
00:03:21,504 --> 00:03:22,288
Come on, you guys,
this is so...

96
00:03:22,331 --> 00:03:23,289
Really, this is silly.

97
00:03:23,332 --> 00:03:24,639
Then do it.

98
00:03:24,681 --> 00:03:25,943
Right now.

99
00:03:25,987 --> 00:03:27,250
We'll watch.

100
00:03:27,294 --> 00:03:29,730
Doing the
laundry...

101
00:03:30,731 --> 00:03:32,560
It's no
problemo.

102
00:03:33,430 --> 00:03:34,909
Little bit
of this.

103
00:03:41,350 --> 00:03:43,310
What in the
world...?

104
00:03:43,353 --> 00:03:44,441
Straining the soap.

105
00:03:46,790 --> 00:03:48,444
Get that
in there.

106
00:03:48,489 --> 00:03:51,448
Back in there.

107
00:03:51,491 --> 00:03:52,971
Um, okay.

108
00:03:55,496 --> 00:03:57,324
And...

109
00:03:58,716 --> 00:04:00,979
That's it.
Laundry.

110
00:04:01,022 --> 00:04:02,502
Can't...
Oh, so silly.

111
00:04:02,545 --> 00:04:03,503
Forgot to put
the quarters in.

112
00:04:03,546 --> 00:04:04,983
That's right, the quarters.

113
00:04:11,381 --> 00:04:13,426
Schmidt...All right!
I don't know how to do laundry!

114
00:04:13,469 --> 00:04:14,514
I knew it!Forget it.

115
00:04:14,557 --> 00:04:15,993
Finally!
That is
insane!

116
00:04:16,038 --> 00:04:17,560
Hope you're happy.

117
00:04:17,605 --> 00:04:19,302
Nerd. Nerd.

118
00:04:19,346 --> 00:04:20,521
Dud.

119
00:04:20,564 --> 00:04:22,870
Lady nerd.
Goofus.

120
00:04:22,913 --> 00:04:25,351
Virgin...Hey, Coach, I need
you to be my buffer!

121
00:04:25,394 --> 00:04:27,440
Okay, but Nick can never
find out about this.

122
00:04:27,483 --> 00:04:28,877
Wait, what?
Hmm?

123
00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:30,704
What?
What are you
talking about?

124
00:04:30,747 --> 00:04:32,358
What are you
talking about?

125
00:04:32,401 --> 00:04:34,577
I need you to be my buffer
between Ryan and me.

126
00:04:34,622 --> 00:04:35,492
He's so sexy.

127
00:04:35,536 --> 00:04:36,579
Really?
Yeah.

128
00:04:36,624 --> 00:04:37,581
That guy?

129
00:04:37,625 --> 00:04:38,887
Beautiful.
Did you make that?

130
00:04:38,930 --> 00:04:40,367
Looks like a Boys
Department mannequin.

131
00:04:40,409 --> 00:04:41,889
Yeah.

132
00:04:41,932 --> 00:04:44,326
Hey, Jess, can I, um...Nope.

133
00:04:44,370 --> 00:04:45,372
No time for chatting.

134
00:04:45,415 --> 00:04:46,764
We have to sit down.

135
00:04:47,504 --> 00:04:49,331
You can't
sit there.

136
00:04:49,375 --> 00:04:50,768
Coach likes to sit
in the middle.

137
00:04:50,812 --> 00:04:52,204
Mm-hmm.

138
00:04:52,247 --> 00:04:54,511
I sit bitch
or I don't sit at all.

139
00:04:54,555 --> 00:04:56,687
[whispering]: You're weird.[whispering]:
You're weird.

140
00:04:56,730 --> 00:04:58,254
COACH: You're a weirdo.You're weird.

141
00:04:58,298 --> 00:04:59,776
You're weird.
You're weird.

142
00:05:02,432 --> 00:05:03,999
Shh.

143
00:05:04,041 --> 00:05:06,523
I am education guru
Brenda Brown.

144
00:05:06,567 --> 00:05:08,786
COACH:
Oh, no. Who is this?
She looks like

145
00:05:08,829 --> 00:05:10,918
one of those ladies who talks
you into having a baby in a tub.

146
00:05:10,961 --> 00:05:12,355
You. The talker.

147
00:05:12,399 --> 00:05:14,487
Mmm...Stand up.

148
00:05:17,228 --> 00:05:19,797
Talk to us.There were other people talking,

149
00:05:19,841 --> 00:05:21,581
I just want to
let you know that.Why are you a teacher?

150
00:05:21,625 --> 00:05:22,843
Uh, 'cause my...

151
00:05:22,887 --> 00:05:24,627
my roommate made me.

152
00:05:24,672 --> 00:05:26,716
Hmm.

153
00:05:26,761 --> 00:05:28,023
What?

154
00:05:28,065 --> 00:05:29,240
I'm worried about you.

155
00:05:29,285 --> 00:05:30,591
You're a worry.

156
00:05:30,634 --> 00:05:32,461
Wor... why, why are you
worried about me?

157
00:05:32,505 --> 00:05:34,942
Teaching is an awesome

158
00:05:34,985 --> 00:05:36,552
responsibility.

159
00:05:36,596 --> 00:05:38,598
You are not prepared for it.
Sit down.

160
00:05:39,643 --> 00:05:41,165
Okay.

161
00:05:41,209 --> 00:05:43,168
Today, we will learn

162
00:05:43,211 --> 00:05:44,387
about our fellow educators,

163
00:05:44,430 --> 00:05:46,084
their hopes, their dreams,

164
00:05:46,127 --> 00:05:47,956
their bitter
regrets.

165
00:05:47,999 --> 00:05:51,002
The things they wish they'd said
to their birth mother...

166
00:05:51,872 --> 00:05:53,439
So, partner up.

167
00:05:53,483 --> 00:05:54,963
Will you be
my partner?

168
00:05:55,005 --> 00:05:56,617
Mmm, sorry,
I'm with Coach.

169
00:05:56,659 --> 00:05:57,834
No, I can't do it.

170
00:05:57,879 --> 00:05:59,446
I'm going to the bar.What?

171
00:05:59,488 --> 00:06:01,098
Buffer out. Buffer out.No, buffer in.

172
00:06:01,142 --> 00:06:03,187
Buffer in. Buffer in.Buffer out.

173
00:06:03,232 --> 00:06:04,406
Everything okay here?

174
00:06:04,451 --> 00:06:05,800
Yeah, sorry.

175
00:06:05,843 --> 00:06:07,235
My, um... my partner just left.

176
00:06:07,278 --> 00:06:10,413
Or... did your partner
just arrive?

177
00:06:10,456 --> 00:06:12,197
Oh. Um...
No...

178
00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:14,112
Wicked.
BRENDA:
Everyone!

179
00:06:14,156 --> 00:06:17,420
Look at your partner,
really look.

180
00:06:17,463 --> 00:06:20,117
Take his or her hand and say,

181
00:06:20,161 --> 00:06:21,423
"I'm excited!"

182
00:06:21,468 --> 00:06:23,687
I'm excited.
Oh, crap.

183
00:06:27,473 --> 00:06:29,345
[knocking at door]

184
00:06:30,519 --> 00:06:31,826
We just came
to say we're sorry.

185
00:06:31,869 --> 00:06:34,437
Guess you think
I'm pretty dim, huh?

186
00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:36,047
A man who can't do laundry.

187
00:06:36,091 --> 00:06:37,613
You weren't born
this way, were you?

188
00:06:38,920 --> 00:06:40,834
Born not knowing
how to do laundry?

189
00:06:40,877 --> 00:06:42,531
Like everyone else?

190
00:06:42,576 --> 00:06:45,100
Yes, Winston, I was.
It wasn't till after birth

191
00:06:45,143 --> 00:06:47,276
that the trouble really began.Here we go.

192
00:06:47,319 --> 00:06:49,451
SCHMIDT:
Nana wouldn't let me
in the laundry room.

193
00:06:49,495 --> 00:06:51,454
I think it's because my hands

194
00:06:51,497 --> 00:06:52,846
were always covered in butter.

195
00:06:52,889 --> 00:06:55,457
And so I went to college
unable to do laundry.

196
00:06:55,502 --> 00:06:57,807
I'm making jean shorts!I'm doing laundry!

197
00:06:57,851 --> 00:06:59,941
Big night for both of us!Yeah, it is.

198
00:06:59,983 --> 00:07:01,725
As I pulled out
my maternity corduroys,

199
00:07:01,769 --> 00:07:04,685
I spied a six-pack
of Pi-Phis.

200
00:07:04,728 --> 00:07:06,817
I need... um...

201
00:07:06,860 --> 00:07:08,165
I need them loose to keep...

202
00:07:08,209 --> 00:07:09,689
to keep my sperm count up.

203
00:07:09,733 --> 00:07:11,125
You know how it is!

204
00:07:11,168 --> 00:07:13,606
Eventually, the window of time
when it was acceptable

205
00:07:13,649 --> 00:07:16,130
to learn something
so basic had closed.

206
00:07:16,173 --> 00:07:17,827
I was an adult.

207
00:07:17,872 --> 00:07:18,742
It was too late.

208
00:07:18,786 --> 00:07:20,701
Well, I understand.

209
00:07:20,744 --> 00:07:22,745
You know, I've never
told anyone this,

210
00:07:22,790 --> 00:07:24,139
but, um...

211
00:07:24,182 --> 00:07:25,661
I don't know how
to read a ruler.

212
00:07:25,706 --> 00:07:27,533
I don't, I mean,
how do you start?

213
00:07:27,576 --> 00:07:29,579
At the edge or
the first tick?

214
00:07:29,622 --> 00:07:31,189
It's confusing to me.Are you serious?

215
00:07:31,233 --> 00:07:32,668
Do you know how to count?It always gets on top of me,

216
00:07:32,713 --> 00:07:35,584
and I can't...'Cause then you should know
how to use a ruler, you idiot!

217
00:07:35,629 --> 00:07:37,064
I'm an idiot? You can't even
wash your own underwear,

218
00:07:37,108 --> 00:07:38,108
you dumbass.

219
00:07:38,153 --> 00:07:40,110
Hey! They're both super easy!

220
00:07:40,154 --> 00:07:41,939
We're talking about
laundry and a ruler!

221
00:07:41,983 --> 00:07:44,768
I'm gonna teach
you guys right now!

222
00:07:44,812 --> 00:07:45,769
Let's go.

223
00:07:45,812 --> 00:07:47,553
Each of you holds
a stack of cards

224
00:07:47,596 --> 00:07:49,206
with questions
for your partners.

225
00:07:49,250 --> 00:07:52,558
You must uncover the answers.
Begin.

226
00:07:52,601 --> 00:07:54,211
What gets you out of bed
in the morning?

227
00:07:54,255 --> 00:07:55,518
Let me guess.

228
00:07:55,562 --> 00:07:57,564
Your mother,
who you live with, says,

229
00:07:57,606 --> 00:07:59,653
"Ryan, your crumpets
are getting cold."

230
00:07:59,696 --> 00:08:01,742
The thought that
any ordinary day could be

231
00:08:01,785 --> 00:08:03,961
the day I look back on
when I'm much older

232
00:08:04,004 --> 00:08:05,353
as being the best day
of my life.

233
00:08:05,396 --> 00:08:06,528
You?

234
00:08:06,572 --> 00:08:09,663
Same.

235
00:08:09,706 --> 00:08:10,750
Don't look away.

236
00:08:10,793 --> 00:08:12,187
Embrace the intimacy...I'm good.

237
00:08:12,230 --> 00:08:14,928
Embrace the intimacy.Okay.

238
00:08:14,971 --> 00:08:16,670
You know, I think there's
an art to a picnic basket.

239
00:08:16,713 --> 00:08:19,367
Apricot jam would never go
with a sesame cracker.

240
00:08:19,411 --> 00:08:21,151
Of course it wouldn't,
it would go withYeah, it'd go with

241
00:08:21,196 --> 00:08:23,764
BOTH:
a flaky baguette.

242
00:08:23,807 --> 00:08:25,678
Duck, duck. Okay, now
step forward, step forward,

243
00:08:25,721 --> 00:08:28,202
another step forward; okay, go
to your right, go to your right.

244
00:08:28,245 --> 00:08:29,247
Do you scrapbook?

245
00:08:29,290 --> 00:08:31,423
On rainy days.

246
00:08:31,466 --> 00:08:33,163
Step forward, go to your left;
left, left.

247
00:08:33,207 --> 00:08:34,209
Big step, that's it, big step;
now come

248
00:08:34,251 --> 00:08:35,688
to me, another big step;
come to me.

249
00:08:35,731 --> 00:08:37,211
Do you own yarn?

250
00:08:37,254 --> 00:08:38,255
Spools of it.

251
00:08:38,299 --> 00:08:42,826
I craft so much.

252
00:08:42,870 --> 00:08:44,610
It's a left, and again come
to me, come to me.

253
00:08:44,653 --> 00:08:46,003
Yes.
Come to me.

254
00:08:46,047 --> 00:08:48,048
Oh! [shouts]
Oh!

255
00:08:50,659 --> 00:08:52,836
It's okay, I've got you.

256
00:08:52,879 --> 00:08:53,967
We have a new record.

257
00:08:55,970 --> 00:08:57,014
He's amazing.

258
00:08:57,057 --> 00:08:58,668
I think he might be an angel

259
00:08:58,711 --> 00:09:00,061
sent down to Earth
like Denzel Washington

260
00:09:00,104 --> 00:09:01,235
in The Preacher's Wife.

261
00:09:01,278 --> 00:09:02,932
Oh, honey, okay, what can I do?

262
00:09:02,976 --> 00:09:03,977
In your purse,

263
00:09:04,020 --> 00:09:06,850
you will find a white envelope.

264
00:09:06,894 --> 00:09:08,634
Okay, you, you wrote
a letter to yourself,

265
00:09:08,677 --> 00:09:09,809
and stuck it in my purse?

266
00:09:09,852 --> 00:09:11,506
Read it, I need to hear it.

267
00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:12,725
"Dear Jess,

268
00:09:12,769 --> 00:09:14,162
"If you are reading this,

269
00:09:14,205 --> 00:09:15,859
"it's because you're
being an idiot

270
00:09:15,903 --> 00:09:17,991
"and developing feelings
for your employee,

271
00:09:18,034 --> 00:09:21,822
you ballet-flat-wearing
piece of Oregon trash."

272
00:09:21,865 --> 00:09:22,952
You are so right.

273
00:09:22,996 --> 00:09:24,475
You are so right.

274
00:09:24,519 --> 00:09:26,000
"To have intercourse
with the first man

275
00:09:26,043 --> 00:09:27,827
"hired under your reign

276
00:09:27,870 --> 00:09:29,960
would be an insult
to yourself and also..."

277
00:09:30,004 --> 00:09:31,395
This part's in caps.

278
00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:33,442
"...all women everywhere."All women everywhere.

279
00:09:33,485 --> 00:09:36,009
"Did you learn nothing
from the movie Elizabeth,

280
00:09:36,052 --> 00:09:38,054
you stupid little bitch?"

281
00:09:38,099 --> 00:09:40,841
No one respects a queen
who sleeps with her subjects.

282
00:09:40,884 --> 00:09:42,538
I will paint my face white.

283
00:09:42,581 --> 00:09:43,756
No man may have me.

284
00:09:43,799 --> 00:09:44,758
Thank you, Cece.

285
00:09:44,801 --> 00:09:45,672
You're welcome?

286
00:09:45,715 --> 00:09:49,023
Teaching is such
a pain in the ass.

287
00:09:49,066 --> 00:09:50,677
Isn't it?

288
00:09:50,720 --> 00:09:51,807
I'll tell you what,

289
00:09:51,851 --> 00:09:53,679
I wouldn't give it up
for anything.

290
00:09:53,722 --> 00:09:55,551
You get to really impact
those kids' lives.

291
00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:58,772
I'm not gonna impact them,
I'm just teaching health.

292
00:09:58,815 --> 00:09:59,903
"Just health"?

293
00:09:59,947 --> 00:10:01,644
Hey, Carol.
Hey, Ned.

294
00:10:01,687 --> 00:10:03,514
Oh, it's Carol.Oh, hey, Carol.

295
00:10:03,558 --> 00:10:05,125
Health is the most
important subject.

296
00:10:05,168 --> 00:10:07,171
Screw up, and they
"just" get pregnant.

297
00:10:08,129 --> 00:10:09,259
What's your safe
sex lesson plan?

298
00:10:09,303 --> 00:10:10,870
I don't know!

299
00:10:10,913 --> 00:10:13,307
Uh, lie to them
and say condoms feel good?

300
00:10:13,350 --> 00:10:15,352
Uh, maybe tell them
about my buddy

301
00:10:15,397 --> 00:10:17,051
who's got bumps on his thing?

302
00:10:17,094 --> 00:10:18,661
Maybe bring up
Magic Johnson.

303
00:10:18,705 --> 00:10:20,140
Maybe bring up
Kobe Bryant.

304
00:10:20,183 --> 00:10:22,011
You're my best friend
in the whole world,

305
00:10:22,056 --> 00:10:24,493
but I'm really worried
about you.

306
00:10:29,585 --> 00:10:31,282
You think the line is
a suggestion?

307
00:10:31,326 --> 00:10:33,544
I don't know what it is...It isn't!

308
00:10:35,111 --> 00:10:36,809
Do it again.
It's too hard!

309
00:10:36,852 --> 00:10:37,898
Do it again!

310
00:10:37,941 --> 00:10:39,508
Okay, so you start
with the first tick.

311
00:10:39,551 --> 00:10:41,336
Oh...

312
00:10:41,379 --> 00:10:42,859
That's it, really.

313
00:10:42,903 --> 00:10:44,381
Stop!

314
00:10:45,818 --> 00:10:46,732
That was at the line!

315
00:10:46,775 --> 00:10:48,081
That was perfect.

316
00:10:48,125 --> 00:10:49,561
Now do it
ten more times.

317
00:10:49,605 --> 00:10:52,042
So in the beginning,
you never mind the edge.

318
00:10:52,086 --> 00:10:53,740
Yeah.Man.

319
00:10:53,783 --> 00:10:55,959
You got to hold on
to it.

320
00:10:56,003 --> 00:10:58,745
What about bleach?Let's walk before
we can run, huh, pal?

321
00:10:58,788 --> 00:11:01,703
Hey, Winston,
he's asking about bleach!

322
00:11:01,748 --> 00:11:03,923
[laughs]
Man, that is way too soon.

323
00:11:03,966 --> 00:11:06,360
Warm-warm, warm-cold...You got this,
don't get flustered!

324
00:11:06,403 --> 00:11:08,580
Cold-cold, hot-cold, hot-hot?
It's hot-hot!

325
00:11:08,624 --> 00:11:10,756
It's always warm-cold.Well, what's "permanent press"?

326
00:11:10,799 --> 00:11:12,583
Fake button, nobody uses it.Yeah, don't press that one.

327
00:11:12,628 --> 00:11:14,847
[buzzing]The machine is buzzing,
you didn't close it!

328
00:11:14,890 --> 00:11:16,110
What?! Yeah, I closed it!

329
00:11:16,153 --> 00:11:17,414
Who you gonna believe,
me or the machine?!

330
00:11:17,458 --> 00:11:18,416
I'm gonna believe the machine!

331
00:11:18,460 --> 00:11:19,721
[grunts]

332
00:11:19,765 --> 00:11:21,768
This is bull!

333
00:11:21,811 --> 00:11:23,725
[buzzing stops]

334
00:11:23,769 --> 00:11:24,945
Damn it, you!

335
00:11:25,772 --> 00:11:27,730
We're so close.

336
00:11:27,774 --> 00:11:29,340
Take ten and relax.

337
00:11:29,384 --> 00:11:30,777
Nine-inch bottle.

338
00:11:30,820 --> 00:11:32,386
Rappers be lying.

339
00:11:32,429 --> 00:11:33,822
You told me to
relax, so...

340
00:11:33,866 --> 00:11:35,346
Self-pleasure is the only thing
that relaxes me.

341
00:11:35,389 --> 00:11:37,130
Ugh. Seriously, Schmidt?That is crass.

342
00:11:37,173 --> 00:11:40,830
I don't want to hear it,
I don't want to hear it.

343
00:11:40,874 --> 00:11:42,004
So stupid.

344
00:11:43,224 --> 00:11:45,966
Hey, you did it!

345
00:11:46,009 --> 00:11:46,966
You did it!

346
00:11:47,009 --> 00:11:47,880
Yes!

347
00:11:47,923 --> 00:11:49,838
Yes... yeah!
[whoops]
All right!

348
00:11:49,883 --> 00:11:51,318
That's what I'm talking about!

349
00:11:51,361 --> 00:11:53,234
Guys' Night!

350
00:11:53,974 --> 00:11:55,758
Hey.
Oh, hey.

351
00:11:55,802 --> 00:11:58,629
I saved you a seat.
Oh! No.

352
00:11:58,673 --> 00:12:02,982
I've been offered a seat
at the higher-ups' table.

353
00:12:03,025 --> 00:12:05,681
The tastemakers.

354
00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:08,639
You're not invited.
Oh, I see.
You're back to avoiding me.

355
00:12:08,683 --> 00:12:10,860
I'm not av... I don't know
what you're talking about.

356
00:12:10,903 --> 00:12:12,557
Yes, you do. You've been
avoiding me for weeks at school.

357
00:12:12,600 --> 00:12:13,863
That's why I
was so happy

358
00:12:13,907 --> 00:12:15,604
that we were finally
getting a chance to,

359
00:12:15,647 --> 00:12:17,692
I don't know, maybe get
to know each other.What, is this summer camp?

360
00:12:17,736 --> 00:12:20,390
We don't need to get
to know each other.What's your problem with me?

361
00:12:20,434 --> 00:12:22,653
Did I do something
to offend you?
Why do... I...
I don't have a problem.

362
00:12:22,697 --> 00:12:24,831
You have a problem with me.[mimicking]:
I don't have a problem with you.

363
00:12:24,874 --> 00:12:26,441
Yes, you do, you have a problem.Do youhave a problem?

364
00:12:26,484 --> 00:12:27,702
No, I don't have a problem.Great, then we both

365
00:12:27,746 --> 00:12:29,836
don't have a problem.We have a problem.

366
00:12:29,879 --> 00:12:32,273
COACH:
Hey, Jess!

367
00:12:32,316 --> 00:12:34,841
Buffer on the roof!

368
00:12:34,884 --> 00:12:35,798
[laughs]

369
00:12:35,841 --> 00:12:37,191
I'm freaking out.

370
00:12:37,234 --> 00:12:39,671
Freakin', freakin' out.

371
00:12:39,715 --> 00:12:40,976
Freak, freak, freak.[dog barks]

372
00:12:41,020 --> 00:12:43,937
Is that a baby?
I feel like I hear a baby.

373
00:12:46,895 --> 00:12:48,724
All right, gentlemen--
bar crawl.

374
00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:50,725
Man, look at this,
I know how to do laundry!

375
00:12:50,769 --> 00:12:52,683
I feel like a new man.Good, good, good.

376
00:12:52,727 --> 00:12:54,511
There is no way for me
to express my joy.

377
00:12:54,556 --> 00:12:56,818
Except by telling you
the width of my smile.

378
00:12:56,863 --> 00:12:57,907
[giggles]

379
00:12:57,951 --> 00:12:59,648
[chuckles]

380
00:12:59,691 --> 00:13:01,389
I can't read it,
somebody else read it.

381
00:13:01,432 --> 00:13:03,913
No, I want to do it,
I want to do it, hold on.

382
00:13:03,956 --> 00:13:06,089
But I can't see,
let me turn it... uh...

383
00:13:06,133 --> 00:13:07,917
You know what? To Nick.

384
00:13:07,961 --> 00:13:09,527
What can't you do?

385
00:13:09,571 --> 00:13:11,268
A lot, you know,
I can't say "Frebuary."

386
00:13:11,312 --> 00:13:13,052
[laughs]
No one can!

387
00:13:13,096 --> 00:13:14,880
Frebuar...
Febuar-ar...

388
00:13:14,923 --> 00:13:16,926
Feb.. I... [babbles]
Whatever.

389
00:13:16,970 --> 00:13:18,448
Feb... February.Yeah, it's February.

390
00:13:18,493 --> 00:13:20,277
I can't say the alphabet
unless I'm singing the song.

391
00:13:20,321 --> 00:13:22,105
And I never learned how to love.

392
00:13:22,149 --> 00:13:24,063
But enough about me...
Guys' Night!

393
00:13:24,106 --> 00:13:24,977
Let's go, gentlemen.

394
00:13:25,020 --> 00:13:26,326
WINSTON:
Man, that is...
that is heavy.

395
00:13:26,370 --> 00:13:28,894
Hey, Nick, that's
something we should talk about.

396
00:13:28,937 --> 00:13:30,287
I mean, what are we gonna do,

397
00:13:30,331 --> 00:13:32,288
sit around all night
and talk about love?

398
00:13:32,332 --> 00:13:34,509
[laughs]

399
00:13:34,552 --> 00:13:38,687
WINSTON AND SCHMIDT:
♪ I want to know what love is

400
00:13:40,341 --> 00:13:44,258
♪ I want you to show me

401
00:13:44,301 --> 00:13:46,346
♪ Ooh...

402
00:13:46,389 --> 00:13:49,524
♪ I want to know what love is

403
00:13:49,567 --> 00:13:50,786
♪ Oh...

404
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:52,744
♪ And I want you
to sh... ♪

405
00:13:52,788 --> 00:13:55,442
FOREIGNER:
♪ I know you can show me Sad song.

406
00:13:55,485 --> 00:13:56,879
Hey, buddy.

407
00:13:56,923 --> 00:13:57,749
Hey!

408
00:13:57,793 --> 00:13:59,099
JESS:
What's happening?

409
00:13:59,142 --> 00:14:01,100
I freaked out about the
whole teaching health thing,

410
00:14:01,144 --> 00:14:04,712
and then I went and I-I
got drunk with Ned...

411
00:14:04,755 --> 00:14:06,105
Neddy!

412
00:14:06,149 --> 00:14:07,019
And then I bet

413
00:14:07,062 --> 00:14:08,586
everybody in the bar

414
00:14:08,629 --> 00:14:10,500
that I could do a backflip
off the roof,

415
00:14:10,544 --> 00:14:12,721
and that's what I came to do.

416
00:14:12,764 --> 00:14:14,027
So...

417
00:14:14,070 --> 00:14:15,679
Hey, look, hey,
hey, hey, hey, hey.

418
00:14:15,724 --> 00:14:17,812
Uh, I...
I totally understand
how you're feeling.

419
00:14:17,856 --> 00:14:19,162
Yeah? Does, uh, teaching

420
00:14:19,206 --> 00:14:20,684
scare the crap out of you, Jess?

421
00:14:20,729 --> 00:14:22,164
Well, it is my life's calling,

422
00:14:22,208 --> 00:14:23,514
so, no.
Exactly.

423
00:14:23,557 --> 00:14:26,299
You don't get it.I do.

424
00:14:26,342 --> 00:14:28,692
What's up, player?
It's the British dude.

425
00:14:28,736 --> 00:14:31,130
This is my first time teaching,
and I'm scared, too.

426
00:14:31,173 --> 00:14:33,176
It's a terribly important job.Yeah, but health

427
00:14:33,220 --> 00:14:34,307
is the most...[all gasping]

428
00:14:34,350 --> 00:14:35,395
I'm good.

429
00:14:35,438 --> 00:14:37,136
Health is the most important

430
00:14:37,179 --> 00:14:38,615
subject on Earth.

431
00:14:38,659 --> 00:14:39,922
Yes, it is
important.

432
00:14:39,966 --> 00:14:41,489
'Cause you know kids,

433
00:14:41,532 --> 00:14:43,099
they're always wanting to have
sex with each other.

434
00:14:43,143 --> 00:14:44,971
They don't know that it
just feels good for a second

435
00:14:45,014 --> 00:14:46,058
and then you're sad.

436
00:14:46,101 --> 00:14:48,191
And that's why we
need someone great,

437
00:14:48,235 --> 00:14:50,498
someone strong,
who the kids trust.

438
00:14:50,540 --> 00:14:51,759
Okay.

439
00:14:51,802 --> 00:14:53,153
Someone who can yell at them

440
00:14:53,196 --> 00:14:54,197
about chlamydia.

441
00:14:54,240 --> 00:14:56,547
That does... that sounds like...

442
00:14:56,591 --> 00:14:58,027
like something Coach would do.

443
00:14:58,071 --> 00:15:00,333
You can teach.I can teach, guys!

444
00:15:00,376 --> 00:15:01,725
That's mostly what I
was trying to tell you.

445
00:15:01,769 --> 00:15:03,990
No one needs to worry
about me anymore!

446
00:15:04,033 --> 00:15:06,993
No![all screaming]

447
00:15:07,035 --> 00:15:08,645
Oh, my God.
I'll get him.

448
00:15:08,690 --> 00:15:10,518
No.
Yes.

449
00:15:10,561 --> 00:15:12,128
Don't do anything heroic
right now. Oh!

450
00:15:12,172 --> 00:15:15,130
[all gasp, exclaim]

451
00:15:22,051 --> 00:15:23,966
[gasping for air]

452
00:15:24,009 --> 00:15:27,013
[cheering]

453
00:15:27,056 --> 00:15:30,145
This guy's
amazing.

454
00:15:32,148 --> 00:15:34,889
NICK, WINSTON AND SCHMIDT:
♪ Hello

455
00:15:34,933 --> 00:15:39,241
♪ Is it me you're looking for?

456
00:15:39,286 --> 00:15:41,678
♪ I can see it in your...

457
00:15:41,722 --> 00:15:43,419
I want to be the someone

458
00:15:43,463 --> 00:15:45,552
that somebody is looking for.

459
00:15:45,596 --> 00:15:47,990
♪ In your smile... But what do I have to offer?

460
00:15:48,033 --> 00:15:49,817
Do not talk about
yourself like that.

461
00:15:49,860 --> 00:15:51,341
Come on, guys, what do
I bring to the table?

462
00:15:51,384 --> 00:15:52,428
That's easy, man.

463
00:15:52,472 --> 00:15:53,604
You're the cute one.

464
00:15:53,648 --> 00:15:54,778
What?
SCHMIDT:
That's right.

465
00:15:54,822 --> 00:15:56,085
Look, I'm the smart one,

466
00:15:56,129 --> 00:15:57,390
Winston's the silly one,

467
00:15:57,433 --> 00:15:59,567
Coach is the sports one,
and you're the cute one.

468
00:15:59,610 --> 00:16:01,047
Well, if I were so cute,

469
00:16:01,090 --> 00:16:02,264
then how come I can't find
anyone to love?

470
00:16:02,308 --> 00:16:04,224
'Cause you're
aiming too low.

471
00:16:04,267 --> 00:16:06,835
Nick, my man, you don't
find diamonds underground.

472
00:16:06,878 --> 00:16:09,272
That's exactly where
you find diamonds, Winston.

473
00:16:09,316 --> 00:16:10,707
Let's...
can we not...

474
00:16:10,751 --> 00:16:13,058
This is not
about gems, okay?

475
00:16:13,101 --> 00:16:15,148
This is about Nick
valuing himself

476
00:16:15,191 --> 00:16:17,019
enough to aim
for the top.

477
00:16:17,062 --> 00:16:19,586
Now, I-I've been to the top
of the mountain, with Cece,

478
00:16:19,629 --> 00:16:21,283
and it was glorious
up there.

479
00:16:21,327 --> 00:16:23,243
And you know, one of these
days-- could be tomorrow--

480
00:16:23,286 --> 00:16:24,852
I'm gonna be
a millionaire.

481
00:16:25,635 --> 00:16:27,072
If I don't have Cece,

482
00:16:27,115 --> 00:16:28,422
then what doI have?

483
00:16:28,465 --> 00:16:30,379
You got a million dollars.

484
00:16:30,423 --> 00:16:32,687
If I'm being honest,
you guys, uh...

485
00:16:32,730 --> 00:16:34,210
I'm worried about being a cop.

486
00:16:34,254 --> 00:16:36,038
Sure.
WINSTON:
You know, what if
I see something

487
00:16:36,081 --> 00:16:37,952
really bad and then it...

488
00:16:37,996 --> 00:16:39,085
it changes me?

489
00:16:39,128 --> 00:16:41,390
You know, it makes me
lose my faith

490
00:16:41,434 --> 00:16:43,001
and then I become really bad?

491
00:16:45,307 --> 00:16:47,092
You guys really think
I'm the cute one?

492
00:16:47,135 --> 00:16:48,658
You know
what's not cute?

493
00:16:48,702 --> 00:16:50,269
Pretending that you don't
know that you are.

494
00:16:50,312 --> 00:16:51,445
Schmidt, this sangria

495
00:16:51,488 --> 00:16:52,620
is just delicious.

496
00:16:52,663 --> 00:16:53,403
Thanks, man.

497
00:16:53,447 --> 00:16:54,751
I'm jealous of that

498
00:16:54,796 --> 00:16:56,057
little orange in there.

499
00:16:56,101 --> 00:16:57,058
It gets to just drink

500
00:16:57,102 --> 00:16:58,625
all the sangria it wants.

501
00:16:58,668 --> 00:17:00,279
Yeah. I'm
probably gonna...

502
00:17:00,322 --> 00:17:03,673
I'm gonna eat the orange, too.

503
00:17:03,717 --> 00:17:06,112
Guys' Night.Guys' Night!

504
00:17:06,154 --> 00:17:07,068
[blowing]

505
00:17:07,113 --> 00:17:08,069
[whistles]

506
00:17:08,114 --> 00:17:09,462
[whistles]

507
00:17:09,506 --> 00:17:11,203
It's like instant
world music.

508
00:17:11,247 --> 00:17:12,682
[tones harmonizing]

509
00:17:12,727 --> 00:17:14,945
[laughing]

510
00:17:14,990 --> 00:17:16,773
Wait, shh.
Why "shh"?

511
00:17:16,817 --> 00:17:18,211
I think he's finally...

512
00:17:18,253 --> 00:17:20,299
[Coach snores]

513
00:17:20,343 --> 00:17:21,692
...asleep.
Asleep.

514
00:17:21,736 --> 00:17:24,433
[giggles]

515
00:17:24,478 --> 00:17:25,260
Cheers.

516
00:17:25,305 --> 00:17:27,133
Chin-chin.

517
00:17:27,175 --> 00:17:28,786
Um...

518
00:17:28,829 --> 00:17:30,135
Hey...

519
00:17:30,179 --> 00:17:32,311
I'm sorry.

520
00:17:32,355 --> 00:17:34,749
I was a little bit
of a jerk to you earlier.

521
00:17:34,791 --> 00:17:36,097
No, it's fine.

522
00:17:36,142 --> 00:17:37,751
I'm used to jerks.

523
00:17:37,795 --> 00:17:39,362
I used to work in finance.

524
00:17:39,405 --> 00:17:40,971
Oh! Finance!

525
00:17:41,016 --> 00:17:42,234
Mm-hmm.
Really?

526
00:17:42,278 --> 00:17:43,278
Why did you leave?

527
00:17:46,020 --> 00:17:47,587
I know this sounds silly,
but I realized

528
00:17:47,631 --> 00:17:50,025
that the only time
I'd been really happy in my life

529
00:17:50,068 --> 00:17:52,593
was teaching my little sister
how to read.

530
00:17:52,635 --> 00:17:54,898
She suffers from
crippling dyslexia.

531
00:17:54,942 --> 00:17:56,336
Oh, God!
What?

532
00:17:56,378 --> 00:17:58,555
You're just...
so perfect.

533
00:17:58,598 --> 00:17:59,903
Well, it's more common
than you might think.

534
00:17:59,948 --> 00:18:01,776
No, you're like the
most perfect person

535
00:18:01,818 --> 00:18:03,385
I've ever met.
And it's like

536
00:18:03,430 --> 00:18:04,778
you're an angel
who's been

537
00:18:04,821 --> 00:18:06,346
sent down to the
Earth, like...

538
00:18:06,388 --> 00:18:08,173
have you ever seen the movie
The Preacher's Wife?

539
00:18:08,217 --> 00:18:11,786
Anyway, I just have this
big, stupid crush on you.

540
00:18:16,007 --> 00:18:18,705
I...

541
00:18:18,749 --> 00:18:20,795
didn't say that.

542
00:18:20,837 --> 00:18:22,404
No, it's fine. It's-it's... no.Shouldn't have
said... No.

543
00:18:22,449 --> 00:18:23,405
I shouldn't
have said that.

544
00:18:23,450 --> 00:18:25,233
I'm sorry,
um...I need a bucket.

545
00:18:25,278 --> 00:18:26,626
Now!

546
00:18:26,670 --> 00:18:27,801
Um, you
should go.I need a bucket!

547
00:18:27,845 --> 00:18:28,846
[gags]
Just go.

548
00:18:28,890 --> 00:18:29,846
No, let me help, please.
Let me help.

549
00:18:29,891 --> 00:18:31,284
No, just go,
just go, just go.

550
00:18:31,326 --> 00:18:33,373
COACH:
Ugh, gettin' the mouth sweats.

551
00:18:33,415 --> 00:18:35,069
Oh, I need
a bucket!
Just go.

552
00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:36,984
Just go. Just go.Okay.

553
00:18:37,028 --> 00:18:39,814
Why is there ice in here?

554
00:18:39,856 --> 00:18:41,771
More room...
[sighs]

555
00:18:41,816 --> 00:18:43,034
...for what's
about to happen.

556
00:18:43,077 --> 00:18:46,690
Oh, God.
Oh, my God!

557
00:18:50,085 --> 00:18:52,434
When I get home
I'm hitting the books.

558
00:18:52,479 --> 00:18:53,348
I am going to crush health.

559
00:18:53,393 --> 00:18:55,612
Yeah, you are.
Yeah.

560
00:18:55,655 --> 00:18:56,961
Ned!

561
00:18:57,005 --> 00:18:58,397
Let me get his contact
before we leave.

562
00:18:58,441 --> 00:19:00,748
What?
Ned!
I need details, bro!

563
00:19:00,790 --> 00:19:03,316
Hey, man. Am I gonna
get your e-mail?

564
00:19:03,358 --> 00:19:05,099
What's gonna
happen here?
Yeah, let's do
it, let's do it.

565
00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:06,666
Let's do it,
let's do it.
Yeah.

566
00:19:06,710 --> 00:19:09,451
It's therealned8
@guhmail.com.

567
00:19:09,496 --> 00:19:10,887
At guhmail...
you mean Gmail?

568
00:19:10,932 --> 00:19:12,586
Oh, is that
how you say it?

569
00:19:13,717 --> 00:19:15,632
Um...
[chuckles]

570
00:19:16,285 --> 00:19:17,416
Good morning.

571
00:19:17,460 --> 00:19:18,766
Good morning.

572
00:19:18,808 --> 00:19:21,247
Can I, um... talk
to you about last night?

573
00:19:21,289 --> 00:19:23,249
No, I want to talk
to you about last night,

574
00:19:23,291 --> 00:19:25,424
because I said some things, um,

575
00:19:25,468 --> 00:19:28,905
that don't reflect how
I really feel about you.

576
00:19:28,950 --> 00:19:30,256
Um...

577
00:19:30,298 --> 00:19:31,865
so I'd really appreciate it

578
00:19:31,909 --> 00:19:34,259
if you could strike them
from the record.

579
00:19:35,347 --> 00:19:37,262
It was the conference talking,
not me.

580
00:19:37,306 --> 00:19:39,439
Consider them struck.

581
00:19:39,481 --> 00:19:41,135
Thank you.

582
00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:43,224
Enjoy your
Thanksgiving vacation.

583
00:19:43,269 --> 00:19:44,922
It's, uh, an American holiday

584
00:19:44,965 --> 00:19:47,142
where we celebrate
the fact that we...

585
00:19:47,185 --> 00:19:50,231
didn't know how to farm
by ourselves.

586
00:19:50,276 --> 00:19:52,494
Are you curious to know

587
00:19:52,538 --> 00:19:54,279
how I really feel about you?

588
00:19:54,323 --> 00:19:55,846
No.
Because if you were

589
00:19:55,890 --> 00:19:58,240
interested,
I'd tell you that

590
00:19:58,284 --> 00:19:59,633
I won't enjoy my Thanksgiving

591
00:19:59,675 --> 00:20:01,461
because I won't get
to see you every day.

592
00:20:01,503 --> 00:20:04,507
I think you're
beautiful

593
00:20:04,550 --> 00:20:05,813
and totally insane,

594
00:20:05,855 --> 00:20:07,292
and when I'm at work,

595
00:20:07,336 --> 00:20:08,250
I can't focus,

596
00:20:08,294 --> 00:20:09,424
because I can't get you

597
00:20:09,469 --> 00:20:10,644
out of my head.

598
00:20:18,346 --> 00:20:19,521
COACH:
Hey.

599
00:20:19,566 --> 00:20:21,741
Hey, uh, you guys
want to stop

600
00:20:21,785 --> 00:20:23,395
on the way home and
get some pancakes?

601
00:20:23,439 --> 00:20:25,528
Hey, what do you call
them in England?

602
00:20:25,571 --> 00:20:26,268
Roundy-yums.

603
00:20:26,311 --> 00:20:28,314
Really?
No.

604
00:20:28,356 --> 00:20:30,316
See you after the holidays.

605
00:20:33,536 --> 00:20:34,884
Oh, boy.

606
00:20:34,929 --> 00:20:36,757
You didn't see anything!

607
00:20:40,413 --> 00:20:42,632
Where'd your lipstick go?

608
00:20:42,675 --> 00:20:44,373
Hit 'em! Hit 'em!
From
the back.

609
00:20:44,416 --> 00:20:45,461
Hit 'em!
Ugh!

610
00:20:45,505 --> 00:20:47,723
It smells terrible in here!

611
00:20:47,768 --> 00:20:49,856
How many beers
did you guys drink?

612
00:20:49,900 --> 00:20:51,858
So much.
Beer, beer!Lots of beer.

613
00:20:51,902 --> 00:20:53,163
Just a lot
of beer.

614
00:20:53,208 --> 00:20:54,339
That's how
beer smells.
So many beers.

615
00:20:54,383 --> 00:20:55,384
[sniffs]

616
00:20:55,427 --> 00:20:56,516
Smells like sangria.

617
00:20:56,558 --> 00:20:57,646
SCHMIDT:
That must be the perfume

618
00:20:57,691 --> 00:20:59,387
from all the ladies
we hooked up with. Yeah.

619
00:20:59,432 --> 00:21:00,519
Mm-hmm.
They were all
Spaniards.

620
00:21:00,563 --> 00:21:01,738
WINSTON:
Mine was named

621
00:21:01,781 --> 00:21:03,305
Señorita Lucinda
Madrid.

622
00:21:03,348 --> 00:21:04,349
Say, how was the conference?

623
00:21:04,393 --> 00:21:06,134
It was just... a stupid...

624
00:21:06,176 --> 00:21:07,482
conference...

625
00:21:10,790 --> 00:21:12,444
So she finally
hooked up with Ryan.

626
00:21:12,488 --> 00:21:15,185
He put his teeth
behind her teeth.

627
00:21:15,230 --> 00:21:17,753
Aah!

628
00:21:19,494 --> 00:21:20,974
[sighs]

629
00:21:21,018 --> 00:21:24,631
Oh, my God, oh, my God,
oh, my God, oh, my God...

630
00:21:35,858 --> 00:21:38,731
What the hell did you guys
do to my blanket?!

631
00:21:38,775 --> 00:21:41,734
Captioned by
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