1
00:00:05,570 --> 00:00:08,182
Ooh-hoo-hoo, yeah.
I like those boobies.

2
00:00:08,224 --> 00:00:12,185
Sweet little '70s boobies.
Bra burning, feminist boobies.

3
00:00:12,228 --> 00:00:14,101
[laughter]Bouncin' around like
they ain't go no sense.

4
00:00:14,144 --> 00:00:17,539
You like 1970s cans?
See, not me-- I'm a 1950s guy.

5
00:00:17,582 --> 00:00:19,062
Aah...Post-Korean War,

6
00:00:19,106 --> 00:00:21,064
pre-Vietnam War.

7
00:00:21,108 --> 00:00:23,283
My nana has those.Okay.

8
00:00:23,327 --> 00:00:24,327
Check it out.

9
00:00:25,329 --> 00:00:26,329
Holy cow.

10
00:00:26,373 --> 00:00:27,984
Wow.Almost too big.

11
00:00:28,027 --> 00:00:29,550
Way too big.Those are intimidating, right?

12
00:00:29,594 --> 00:00:31,204
Too small. Gotta be able
to palm a basketball,

13
00:00:31,248 --> 00:00:33,554
if you want to slam
or jam or dunk it.

14
00:00:33,597 --> 00:00:34,947
See, they're too
straight for me, you know?

15
00:00:34,990 --> 00:00:36,210
I like 'em going in two
different directions.

16
00:00:36,253 --> 00:00:37,298
Like-like Cookie Monster.

17
00:00:37,341 --> 00:00:38,994
Oh, yeah, like his eyes.

18
00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:41,128
Ooh. Now, see, my boobs
got to go "ooh!"

19
00:00:41,170 --> 00:00:42,216
[all chuckling]Yeah.

20
00:00:42,259 --> 00:00:44,652
Oh, my God.

21
00:00:44,695 --> 00:00:47,134
You guys are ruling women out
based on their breast size?

22
00:00:47,176 --> 00:00:50,223
It's the least important
part of a woman's body.

23
00:00:50,267 --> 00:00:52,878
Unless you're a baby.
Are you guys babies?

24
00:00:52,921 --> 00:00:54,792
We're not babies.I'd like to think that...

25
00:00:54,837 --> 00:00:58,753
that you guys see value
in women's bodies other than

26
00:00:58,796 --> 00:01:01,451
just the way they look.Come on, Jess, you're
really gonna tell me

27
00:01:01,496 --> 00:01:03,715
that you don't care
what a guy looks like?Well...

28
00:01:03,759 --> 00:01:06,456
I'll notice an attractive man.

29
00:01:06,501 --> 00:01:08,719
I can go to the butcher
and pick out a nice rump.

30
00:01:08,763 --> 00:01:10,156
But I'm not gonna
rule out a guy

31
00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:12,768
based on how he looks--
that's shallow.

32
00:01:12,811 --> 00:01:14,161
That's crazy.
Yeah, right.That explains...

33
00:01:14,204 --> 00:01:15,900
so much.What?

34
00:01:15,944 --> 00:01:18,382
Okay, if you saw me in the bar
and I was a stranger,

35
00:01:18,426 --> 00:01:20,515
would you rule me out
based on my breast size?

36
00:01:20,557 --> 00:01:22,256
Absolutely not.
Your breasts are perfect.

37
00:01:22,299 --> 00:01:24,344
Now, if I saw your wonky knee?
[chuckles]

38
00:01:24,388 --> 00:01:26,216
That's a whole 'nother ballgame.What w...

39
00:01:26,260 --> 00:01:27,478
Wonky knee?You have a wonky knee?

40
00:01:27,521 --> 00:01:28,609
You think I have a wonky knee?

41
00:01:28,652 --> 00:01:30,611
The left knee's perfect.

42
00:01:30,655 --> 00:01:32,396
Uh, but the right one's
got some stuff.

43
00:01:32,439 --> 00:01:33,484
Why?Well, stuff.

44
00:01:33,527 --> 00:01:35,269
Um... Oh, why do you think

45
00:01:35,311 --> 00:01:37,052
I always let you take your
own pants off before sex?

46
00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:39,837
Because you're the laziest
person I've ever met.

47
00:01:39,882 --> 00:01:41,536
Wonky knee, huh?
[chuckles]

48
00:01:41,579 --> 00:01:43,493
Like Big Bird?

49
00:01:43,537 --> 00:01:46,280
[sighs] I have
a Sesame Streetproblem.

50
00:01:46,323 --> 00:01:49,283
This is what's wrong
with men in this country.

51
00:01:49,325 --> 00:01:50,805
You all sit around all day

52
00:01:50,848 --> 00:01:52,415
and you read
your porno magazines.

53
00:01:52,460 --> 00:01:53,938
What's a porno magazine?And you think that

54
00:01:53,983 --> 00:01:56,289
that's what women are
supposed to look like.

55
00:01:56,332 --> 00:01:58,378
Well, I have news for you, okay?

56
00:01:58,421 --> 00:01:59,858
Real women are wonky.

57
00:01:59,902 --> 00:02:01,424
Perhaps.
But, like climate change,

58
00:02:01,468 --> 00:02:02,730
we pretend they don't exist.

59
00:02:02,774 --> 00:02:04,733
[snickering, laughing]

60
00:02:04,775 --> 00:02:06,299
Right?

61
00:02:06,343 --> 00:02:07,388
Do you guys all just think

62
00:02:07,430 --> 00:02:08,431
you're so perfect?

63
00:02:08,475 --> 00:02:10,564
Yeah.Pretty close.
Ah, please.

64
00:02:10,608 --> 00:02:12,653
I mean, you're an eight,
you're an eight and a half.

65
00:02:12,697 --> 00:02:15,091
Everybody knows
I'm a sweet, sweet six.Winston,

66
00:02:15,134 --> 00:02:16,745
for the last time:
stop rating us.

67
00:02:16,788 --> 00:02:19,312
Jess, I know I'm not perfect,
but if you're asking me

68
00:02:19,355 --> 00:02:21,183
if I judge, you know, women
based off their breasts,

69
00:02:21,228 --> 00:02:22,663
then the answer is yes.

70
00:02:22,706 --> 00:02:26,407
Everybody knows that boobs are a
direct indicator of personality.

71
00:02:26,449 --> 00:02:27,538
All right...
What are you guys doing?

72
00:02:27,581 --> 00:02:29,323
Yeah, how you walking
on this thing?

73
00:02:29,365 --> 00:02:30,759
That knee is not
architecturally sound.

74
00:02:30,801 --> 00:02:33,195
COACH: I don't trust it.Man, if you had
a jacket on

75
00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:34,414
with a bunch of
yellow feathers,

76
00:02:34,457 --> 00:02:36,677
I'd be done!

77
00:02:36,721 --> 00:02:40,334
I've had enough.
This is... insulting.

78
00:02:41,377 --> 00:02:42,858
Ugh. I'm so sorry,

79
00:02:42,901 --> 00:02:44,251
I know I don't know you,

80
00:02:44,293 --> 00:02:46,340
I know this is your
booth, but, uh,

81
00:02:46,383 --> 00:02:48,341
my friends are really
pissing me off.

82
00:02:48,384 --> 00:02:50,300
I'm just gonna
sit here for like...

83
00:02:51,519 --> 00:02:53,302
five minutes.

84
00:02:54,304 --> 00:02:56,218
Or maybe ten.

85
00:02:56,263 --> 00:02:58,395
15 to 20 at the most.
Probably an hour.

86
00:02:58,438 --> 00:03:01,485
They're super annoying to me.

87
00:03:01,528 --> 00:03:02,573
[chuckles]:
Okay.

88
00:03:02,616 --> 00:03:05,054
[laughs]Why are you mad at your friends?

89
00:03:05,097 --> 00:03:07,229
They're so shallow.
They're like...

90
00:03:07,274 --> 00:03:09,623
They say that they have
a boob shape preference,

91
00:03:09,667 --> 00:03:12,496
but when the chips are down,
they'll take anything.

92
00:03:12,539 --> 00:03:14,716
So would it be bad

93
00:03:14,759 --> 00:03:17,675
if I told you that
I think you're hot?

94
00:03:17,718 --> 00:03:19,286
Shut your gross, beautiful face.

95
00:03:19,329 --> 00:03:21,157
No, I'd love it. Thank you.

96
00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:23,724
Hi. I'm Matt.I'm Jessica.

97
00:03:23,768 --> 00:03:24,812
Pleasure to meet you.

98
00:03:24,855 --> 00:03:26,683
Mm.Hey, you, uh,

99
00:03:26,728 --> 00:03:29,948
you want to maybe...
go out some time?

100
00:03:29,991 --> 00:03:31,167
Yes, I do. Yes.

101
00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:33,168
Should I put my number

102
00:03:33,212 --> 00:03:35,170
in your phone or...Yeah, that's... that works.

103
00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:37,304
Great.Works for me.
But, you know,

104
00:03:37,347 --> 00:03:39,175
while-while we're on the subject
of stupid physical stuff,

105
00:03:39,218 --> 00:03:41,481
you know, I should probably
tell you before we go out,

106
00:03:41,525 --> 00:03:42,483
uh...Mm-hmm?

107
00:03:42,526 --> 00:03:45,268
I have a micropenis.

108
00:03:45,312 --> 00:03:47,444
Cool. What?

109
00:03:47,487 --> 00:03:48,836
It's a medical condition--

110
00:03:48,879 --> 00:03:51,752
it means I'm unusually small.

111
00:03:53,537 --> 00:03:55,626
Technically, "micro."

112
00:03:55,670 --> 00:03:57,975
Well...

113
00:03:58,020 --> 00:04:01,632
lucky for you...

114
00:04:01,675 --> 00:04:04,330
my eyes are bigger
than my stomach.

115
00:04:04,373 --> 00:04:07,420
I don't know...
what that means.

116
00:04:07,463 --> 00:04:09,466
But I'm free tomorrow night.

117
00:04:09,509 --> 00:04:11,728
♪ Who's that girl?

118
00:04:11,772 --> 00:04:13,775
♪ Who's that girl?♪♪ It's Jess.

119
00:04:19,346 --> 00:04:20,521
COACH: It's an actual
medical condition.

120
00:04:20,564 --> 00:04:22,218
Here's a Web page all about it.

121
00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:24,437
I don't know what
I'm looking at. Where is the...

122
00:04:24,480 --> 00:04:26,961
It's right there.
I think. Yeah.

123
00:04:27,004 --> 00:04:28,485
No.

124
00:04:34,490 --> 00:04:35,927
It's like a single tent in a...

125
00:04:35,971 --> 00:04:38,973
a vast, dark forest.

126
00:04:42,586 --> 00:04:43,761
It's like the letter "I"
floating around

127
00:04:43,805 --> 00:04:45,459
in a bowl of alphabet soup.

128
00:04:45,502 --> 00:04:49,026
Oh, that's awesome--
an anteater's being born.

129
00:04:49,071 --> 00:04:51,377
Winston,
it's a micropenis, bro.

130
00:04:51,420 --> 00:04:54,423
That's a grown man?

131
00:04:54,468 --> 00:04:56,817
Oh, my goodness.

132
00:04:56,860 --> 00:04:58,036
Oh, my God.

133
00:04:58,079 --> 00:05:01,387
Come on, guys, stop it.

134
00:05:01,430 --> 00:05:04,041
This is exactly what
I'm talking about.Are you honestly

135
00:05:04,086 --> 00:05:07,350
going on a date with somebody
who has one of these?

136
00:05:07,394 --> 00:05:10,178
Yes, I am, 'cause I don't care
what a guy's body looks like.

137
00:05:10,221 --> 00:05:11,353
You know what revs me up?

138
00:05:11,398 --> 00:05:13,834
A fertile mind
and a gentle spirit.

139
00:05:13,877 --> 00:05:16,576
A nice, smart guy...How do you know

140
00:05:16,620 --> 00:05:18,492
he's nice? You barely know him.

141
00:05:18,535 --> 00:05:19,754
Man made it through
middle school with that

142
00:05:19,797 --> 00:05:21,408
ghoulish raisin.
He's a hero.

143
00:05:21,451 --> 00:05:23,410
I bet you're not gonna
last a week with this guy.

144
00:05:23,452 --> 00:05:24,932
I bet I last at least a month.

145
00:05:24,975 --> 00:05:27,500
You want to put some money down?Oh, absolutely.

146
00:05:27,543 --> 00:05:28,632
500 bucks.All right.

147
00:05:28,675 --> 00:05:30,417
WINSTON: Wow.Great.

148
00:05:30,459 --> 00:05:31,983
Wow.
You said yeah?

149
00:05:32,026 --> 00:05:34,507
If I date him a month, then you
will donate 500 bucks

150
00:05:34,550 --> 00:05:37,946
to the National Organization for
Women's Love Your Body campaign.

151
00:05:37,988 --> 00:05:39,382
And if you win,

152
00:05:39,425 --> 00:05:41,384
I will get you a subscription

153
00:05:41,427 --> 00:05:42,951
to the porn site
of your choosing.

154
00:05:42,994 --> 00:05:43,995
Really?Yeah.

155
00:05:44,038 --> 00:05:45,649
[speaking quietly]

156
00:05:45,692 --> 00:05:46,649
WINSTON:
Nubile Nubian Butts.

157
00:05:46,694 --> 00:05:48,521
We know, dude.Shut up, Winston.

158
00:05:48,564 --> 00:05:49,870
We're gonna
go with Ass Chat.

159
00:05:49,913 --> 00:05:51,524
Ass Chat? Come on,
what is that-- two butts

160
00:05:51,567 --> 00:05:53,613
talking to each other?It's not butts

161
00:05:53,656 --> 00:05:55,658
talking to each other.No, it's all
a lot categories.

162
00:05:55,702 --> 00:05:57,617
I'd like you
to realize, someday,

163
00:05:57,661 --> 00:05:59,968
that a nice,
sweet guy who just

164
00:06:00,011 --> 00:06:02,057
happens to have a lil' squeaker

165
00:06:02,100 --> 00:06:03,187
is just as attractive

166
00:06:03,232 --> 00:06:04,451
as a guy with a blue-ribbon hog

167
00:06:04,494 --> 00:06:06,060
that's ready for market.

168
00:06:06,103 --> 00:06:07,627
Honey, if you have a
blue-ribbon hog, you don't

169
00:06:07,670 --> 00:06:09,803
take it to the market, you
breed that pig. [laughs]

170
00:06:09,846 --> 00:06:11,848
'Cause what's he gonna do
at the market?JESS: Shut up, Nick.

171
00:06:11,893 --> 00:06:13,415
You know what I mean?Winston, honestly...

172
00:06:13,459 --> 00:06:15,069
I'm sure the National
Organization of Women

173
00:06:15,112 --> 00:06:16,766
will look forward
to your donation.

174
00:06:16,810 --> 00:06:18,682
Hey, boys, why don't
you push Heavy up?

175
00:06:18,725 --> 00:06:20,117
Get 'em, Heavy.

176
00:06:21,598 --> 00:06:22,903
We got us a bet.

177
00:06:22,947 --> 00:06:24,644
So then I was like,
screw it, Grandma,

178
00:06:24,687 --> 00:06:26,821
I'm gonna become
a street artist, yo.

179
00:06:26,863 --> 00:06:28,649
I mean, most people
see a wall and they just

180
00:06:28,692 --> 00:06:29,867
see a wall.

181
00:06:29,911 --> 00:06:32,000
I look at a wall
and I see, like...

182
00:06:32,043 --> 00:06:35,002
a goat in a backpack.

183
00:06:35,045 --> 00:06:37,571
Right.Like, a ninja handing out
cheeseburgers.

184
00:06:37,613 --> 00:06:39,920
Whoa.A chill alien, you know?

185
00:06:39,963 --> 00:06:41,617
Well, who doesn't see
a chill alien?

186
00:06:41,661 --> 00:06:43,490
That's my question.Lot of people.

187
00:06:43,533 --> 00:06:45,579
Lot of people. It's sad.

188
00:06:45,622 --> 00:06:46,449
You have any tattoos?

189
00:06:46,492 --> 00:06:47,494
No.

190
00:06:47,536 --> 00:06:48,581
I got seven.

191
00:06:48,625 --> 00:06:50,584
Oh, good.Check it.

192
00:06:50,627 --> 00:06:51,627
Okay.Custom font.

193
00:06:51,672 --> 00:06:53,586
I invented that font.Mm-hmm.

194
00:06:53,629 --> 00:06:55,588
Star.

195
00:06:58,591 --> 00:07:01,595
I have a question-- do you know
of a Web site called "Ass Chat"

196
00:07:01,637 --> 00:07:04,466
and do you know if it's
socially conscious?

197
00:07:04,511 --> 00:07:06,730
Just based off the name,
I'd say, probably, yeah.

198
00:07:11,430 --> 00:07:13,214
[various indistinct
conversations in background]

199
00:07:14,781 --> 00:07:17,697
Hey! Okay, so you guys are kind
of bringing the bar vibe down,

200
00:07:17,740 --> 00:07:19,742
and I need tips, so...

201
00:07:19,786 --> 00:07:21,701
pretend that
you're having fun

202
00:07:21,745 --> 00:07:23,399
or pay for me to go to college.You know,

203
00:07:23,442 --> 00:07:25,836
if I could give that poor man
some of my penis, I would.

204
00:07:25,879 --> 00:07:28,838
But, obviously, you don't pull
a bumper off a Ferrari.

205
00:07:28,882 --> 00:07:30,667
It did go fast,
I'll give it that.

206
00:07:30,711 --> 00:07:33,540
You know, when I look at
that picture, I think to myself,

207
00:07:33,582 --> 00:07:36,499
"Is there a God?
And if-if there is,

208
00:07:36,543 --> 00:07:38,413
did he run out of clay?"WINSTON:
I just put

209
00:07:38,457 --> 00:07:39,937
five dollars in the jukebox.

210
00:07:39,980 --> 00:07:43,071
We got a Paula Cole rock block
coming our way.

211
00:07:43,113 --> 00:07:44,201
I'm just so thankful, you know?

212
00:07:44,245 --> 00:07:45,682
Here we are,
beautiful as all heck.

213
00:07:45,725 --> 00:07:47,683
Normal to above-normal
endowments.

214
00:07:47,728 --> 00:07:49,730
That's right.It's like why were
we given so much

215
00:07:49,773 --> 00:07:51,644
while others were
given so little?

216
00:07:51,687 --> 00:07:53,995
I don't understand.SCHMIDT: You know,
I look at you and I see

217
00:07:54,038 --> 00:07:55,909
a stunning physical specimen.

218
00:07:55,952 --> 00:07:58,521
It's like you were created
in a la... in a lab.

219
00:07:58,564 --> 00:08:00,000
Full of gay scientists.

220
00:08:00,043 --> 00:08:01,567
COACH:
You have a perfect
body, my friend.

221
00:08:01,610 --> 00:08:02,742
You're like the only

222
00:08:02,786 --> 00:08:05,572
Jewish Greek god...
[throaty "H"]: Hercules.

223
00:08:05,615 --> 00:08:06,877
Thanks, buddy.You're cute as a button, bro.

224
00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:08,531
Appreciate that.You're swoll, my friend.

225
00:08:08,574 --> 00:08:09,531
No, look, I work at it.You're super swoll.

226
00:08:09,576 --> 00:08:10,880
No, it's something
I work at.

227
00:08:10,925 --> 00:08:12,579
No, I mean that, though.It doesn't happen overnight.

228
00:08:12,622 --> 00:08:14,536
It's something that I put
the work in, just like you do.You look good, dude.

229
00:08:14,581 --> 00:08:16,538
SCHMIDT: We're blessed,
the two of us.

230
00:08:16,582 --> 00:08:17,800
COACH:
Beyond blessed.Just... I feel like

231
00:08:17,845 --> 00:08:19,454
we should be doing more

232
00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:20,978
to share our beauty
with the world.

233
00:08:21,021 --> 00:08:23,024
Right?
It's frustrating.

234
00:08:23,067 --> 00:08:25,026
It's fru...
it's frustrating.So frustrating.

235
00:08:25,069 --> 00:08:26,026
Let me ask you something, guys,

236
00:08:26,069 --> 00:08:27,680
have you ever considered
modeling?

237
00:08:27,723 --> 00:08:28,595
Now, that would be
a great way

238
00:08:28,637 --> 00:08:30,684
to share your beauty
with the world.

239
00:08:30,726 --> 00:08:32,033
That's crazy.What? Winston,

240
00:08:32,076 --> 00:08:33,556
we're grown men
with real jobs.

241
00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:35,993
Modeling is a real job
and, trust me,

242
00:08:36,037 --> 00:08:39,082
neither one of you could do it.SCHMIDT:
What? Give me a break, Cece.

243
00:08:40,475 --> 00:08:41,476
I could model in my sleep.

244
00:08:41,520 --> 00:08:42,696
Modeling is exactly

245
00:08:42,739 --> 00:08:44,044
what these two
should be doing.

246
00:08:44,087 --> 00:08:47,482
I bet they would take
some amazing pictures.

247
00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:50,834
A drunk baby with a phone
in its mouth couldn't take
a bad picture of you two.

248
00:08:50,878 --> 00:08:52,836
Oh, well... I mean...

249
00:08:52,879 --> 00:08:54,097
I mean, I mean.

250
00:08:55,796 --> 00:08:56,753
Nick.

251
00:08:56,797 --> 00:08:58,058
Yeah.
Nick, um,

252
00:08:58,101 --> 00:09:00,844
uh, I need out of the bet.

253
00:09:00,888 --> 00:09:03,586
Yeah. No, seriously,
'cause, um, he's coming
out of the bathroom soon,

254
00:09:03,629 --> 00:09:06,283
and, um, he's actually...
He's the worst.

255
00:09:06,327 --> 00:09:10,201
So the date's not going well.I know what you're thinking.
It's not 'cause of the thing.

256
00:09:10,245 --> 00:09:12,639
First of all, he's a street
artist; second of all,Mmm!

257
00:09:12,682 --> 00:09:15,729
he called a Scotch
on the rocks a Sko Ro.Ooh, that hurts.

258
00:09:15,772 --> 00:09:16,860
I can't date him for a month--
like, I can't even spend

259
00:09:16,903 --> 00:09:18,644
like, five minutes with him.

260
00:09:18,687 --> 00:09:20,864
Right. I get it.So you have to let me
out of the bet, please.

261
00:09:20,908 --> 00:09:22,865
You're saying a lot of words,
but all I'm hearing is,

262
00:09:22,909 --> 00:09:24,606
"He's too small."

263
00:09:24,650 --> 00:09:26,609
No. It's not because of that.
He has a...

264
00:09:26,653 --> 00:09:29,698
he has a tattoo
that just says "Warrior Poet."

265
00:09:29,743 --> 00:09:31,091
Sounds to me like you're being
pretty shallow, Jess.

266
00:09:31,134 --> 00:09:33,659
No. He tipped the waiter with
a sketch of a hip-hop mouse.

267
00:09:33,702 --> 00:09:35,749
He did? That's incredible.Yes!

268
00:09:35,792 --> 00:09:37,097
What's up, man? Do you mindWhat's up, my man?

269
00:09:37,140 --> 00:09:38,751
if I graffiti your bathroom?

270
00:09:38,794 --> 00:09:39,883
I want to paint a skylight

271
00:09:39,927 --> 00:09:42,015
on the floor
that looks into hell.

272
00:09:42,058 --> 00:09:44,539
Oh... no, that's okay.
I'd prefer if you didn't.

273
00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:46,323
MATT:
Are you sure? Okay.I'm positive. Yeah.

274
00:09:46,368 --> 00:09:47,673
He's wearing skinny jeans.

275
00:09:47,716 --> 00:09:49,806
They fit him like sweatpants.

276
00:09:49,850 --> 00:09:52,461
Thinking of asking this lovely
lady on a second date?

277
00:09:52,504 --> 00:09:54,549
No diggity, no doubt.[whoops]

278
00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:56,552
We can go speaker shopping,
drink some Sko Ros,

279
00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:58,293
if that's where the rhythm
takes us...

280
00:09:58,336 --> 00:09:59,336
Mm.

281
00:09:59,380 --> 00:10:00,903
Um, unfortunately, I will be

282
00:10:00,947 --> 00:10:02,688
out of town for the next month.

283
00:10:02,731 --> 00:10:06,126
Oh, for trues?Yeah, for trues.

284
00:10:06,169 --> 00:10:10,913
Hello. This drink is for you,
from those gentlemen over there.

285
00:10:11,827 --> 00:10:13,568
You're the man.

286
00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:15,091
Skol!

287
00:10:15,135 --> 00:10:17,138
Do you know those bros?Nope.

288
00:10:17,181 --> 00:10:19,269
Anyway, I'm gonna be out
of town for a month,

289
00:10:19,313 --> 00:10:22,708
but, uh, we can go
out on another date,
perhaps when I'm back.

290
00:10:22,751 --> 00:10:25,058
Technically, our, um,
one-month anniversary.

291
00:10:25,101 --> 00:10:27,061
Jess, you're not going away for
a month. She keeps forgetting

292
00:10:27,104 --> 00:10:28,932
that that got canceled.
You're available.

293
00:10:28,975 --> 00:10:30,803
No, but you keep forgetting
it was rescheduled.

294
00:10:30,846 --> 00:10:32,543
You weren't on the e-mail.

295
00:10:32,587 --> 00:10:35,068
Okay. That doesn't sound
for trues.For true.

296
00:10:35,111 --> 00:10:37,679
You're not really going
out of town, are you?

297
00:10:37,724 --> 00:10:41,030
Oh, gosh. Uh, Matt...
[sighs]

298
00:10:41,075 --> 00:10:44,251
If I'm being honest,
I don't think we should
go on a second date.

299
00:10:44,294 --> 00:10:46,820
I get it.
Yeah.

300
00:10:46,863 --> 00:10:49,082
It's because of my micropenis.No!

301
00:10:49,125 --> 00:10:50,911
I looked it up
and I-I actually feel

302
00:10:50,953 --> 00:10:53,826
like I could make that work.
Um...

303
00:10:53,870 --> 00:10:55,350
No, it's...

304
00:10:55,393 --> 00:10:57,394
Don't take this the
wrong way, but...

305
00:10:57,438 --> 00:11:00,876
it's actually your personality
and everything about you.

306
00:11:00,921 --> 00:11:02,618
You think I'm a douche bag.

307
00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:05,186
You said that you thought
street art was the closest thing

308
00:11:05,229 --> 00:11:07,841
to an education
homeless people would ever get.

309
00:11:07,884 --> 00:11:11,582
Okay.And I when I asked you,
"Is that a joke?" you said...

310
00:11:11,626 --> 00:11:14,977
Your mom is a joke.Yeah. You said,
"Your mom is a joke."

311
00:11:15,022 --> 00:11:17,850
Right? That's kind of
a douchey response.

312
00:11:17,894 --> 00:11:20,722
I'm really sorry.

313
00:11:20,767 --> 00:11:23,725
I mean, I've been made fun of
my entire life--

314
00:11:23,769 --> 00:11:25,902
in school, in locker rooms--

315
00:11:25,946 --> 00:11:29,340
so, yeah, I can be
a douche bag sometimes.

316
00:11:29,384 --> 00:11:31,734
But I'm this way...

317
00:11:31,778 --> 00:11:34,868
because of my micropenis.

318
00:11:43,267 --> 00:11:44,572
Later.

319
00:11:50,230 --> 00:11:53,015
Radiant.
You don't even needYes, yes.

320
00:11:53,059 --> 00:11:57,019
this bounce board. You're making
your own light, man.No doubt, no doubt.

321
00:11:57,063 --> 00:11:59,153
Winston, you getting this?Oh, hell, yeah, dude.
I'm getting all of this.

322
00:11:59,196 --> 00:12:01,154
Flawless.Yeah, there you go.
All right.

323
00:12:01,197 --> 00:12:03,984
Now give me some stuff like it's
the first day of school, right?

324
00:12:04,027 --> 00:12:06,812
Okay.That's right, and you got your
backpack on. Yeah, there you go.

325
00:12:06,855 --> 00:12:08,683
But you packed your own lunch.
But what you don't know

326
00:12:08,727 --> 00:12:10,206
is when you were making it,
you got some mustard
on your forehead.

327
00:12:10,250 --> 00:12:12,818
That's right.

328
00:12:12,861 --> 00:12:14,254
Now you're playing Pictionary,
okay?

329
00:12:14,298 --> 00:12:16,212
Now you're playing Pictionary,
and what do you...

330
00:12:16,256 --> 00:12:18,346
Ooh, now I got...
now I got my little card.
What am I gonna draw?

331
00:12:18,389 --> 00:12:20,913
What am I gonna draw?
You get sardines.

332
00:12:20,956 --> 00:12:23,611
They don't smell good.
How do I draw a smell?

333
00:12:23,654 --> 00:12:26,048
How do I draw a smell?
What does that look like?

334
00:12:26,092 --> 00:12:28,659
That's modeling. That's right.

335
00:12:28,703 --> 00:12:31,053
Wow, this is great.Hey, give me five.
I got to protein-load.

336
00:12:31,097 --> 00:12:33,753
SCHMIDT:
What do you say we split that
last packet of Power Goo.

337
00:12:35,231 --> 00:12:37,931
I cannot believe that
this actually worked.

338
00:12:37,974 --> 00:12:40,802
Oh, man...No, that's a lie-- I would've
been surprised if it didn't.

339
00:12:40,846 --> 00:12:42,804
A classic Cece-Winston
mess-around.

340
00:12:42,849 --> 00:12:44,850
That's not a thing.All right.

341
00:12:44,894 --> 00:12:47,244
So, guys, I was looking
at the shots here,

342
00:12:47,288 --> 00:12:49,638
and they're really incredible.

343
00:12:49,681 --> 00:12:50,943
I think I could call

344
00:12:50,986 --> 00:12:52,423
my modeling agent,
if you want.

345
00:12:52,466 --> 00:12:54,207
I know this... we're-we're,
like, just doing this for fun

346
00:12:54,250 --> 00:12:56,210
and everything, but part of me
wants that to happen

347
00:12:56,253 --> 00:12:58,168
more than anything else
in the whole wide world.

348
00:12:58,211 --> 00:13:02,085
Ugh! No, but my agent probably
would only want one of you,

349
00:13:02,129 --> 00:13:04,434
and you guys are a team,
so I shouldn't call.

350
00:13:04,479 --> 00:13:05,827
Hold on. [chuckles]You don't want
to be rude to the man.

351
00:13:05,871 --> 00:13:07,307
No, no, no, no, no.
We don't want to see you guys

352
00:13:07,350 --> 00:13:08,961
pitted against each other.Mm-mm.

353
00:13:09,004 --> 00:13:10,092
P-Pitted against each other?Pit...? What are you
talking about?

354
00:13:10,136 --> 00:13:11,051
I think, you know...

355
00:13:11,094 --> 00:13:12,399
I'm more runway. He's more...

356
00:13:12,442 --> 00:13:13,705
Yeah, I feel like
I'm more catalog, high fashion.

357
00:13:13,749 --> 00:13:14,836
...catalog, back of the mag.

358
00:13:14,880 --> 00:13:16,533
You're t... you're too big
for high fashion.

359
00:13:16,577 --> 00:13:19,407
Also, my agent really loves
piggyback shots, so...

360
00:13:19,450 --> 00:13:21,104
We should piggyback.We'll piggyback right now.

361
00:13:21,148 --> 00:13:22,496
Oh.
Yeah.

362
00:13:22,539 --> 00:13:24,629
Let me get on, man.You get on me.

363
00:13:24,673 --> 00:13:26,980
I didn't know
you guys had it in you.I want to be on the bottom.

364
00:13:27,023 --> 00:13:29,982
Let me be on the bottom.Yeah, yeah,
you're a little piggy.

365
00:13:30,025 --> 00:13:31,027
Bottom's my game, dude.No, me...

366
00:13:31,071 --> 00:13:33,202
You went to the market.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

367
00:13:33,246 --> 00:13:35,902
Little piggy went to the market.
[laughs]Just let me... [groans]

368
00:13:35,945 --> 00:13:37,990
Damn it. No.Oh, yeah.

369
00:13:38,033 --> 00:13:39,121
It's like shooting
candy into a baby.

370
00:13:39,165 --> 00:13:41,124
Mm...

371
00:13:41,168 --> 00:13:43,125
That's it. That's it.Yeah, give me that.
Give me that!

372
00:13:43,169 --> 00:13:44,953
I could... I could...
I can totally dig this.

373
00:13:50,917 --> 00:13:52,918
Hey, Jess.
Hey.

374
00:13:52,961 --> 00:13:55,269
I know you're bummed
and so I hate to do this,

375
00:13:55,312 --> 00:13:59,011
but I want to look at porn
and you owe me a year's worth.

376
00:13:59,054 --> 00:14:01,057
Yeah, okay. You know what?

377
00:14:01,100 --> 00:14:02,580
You earned this porn.

378
00:14:02,624 --> 00:14:04,365
And the VIP pass.

379
00:14:04,408 --> 00:14:07,019
And the "Kitty Room
Live Cam Experience."

380
00:14:07,062 --> 00:14:08,325
Do you really need all of this?

381
00:14:08,369 --> 00:14:09,979
Just click the boxes.

382
00:14:10,023 --> 00:14:12,111
Matt was right. I am shallow.

383
00:14:12,154 --> 00:14:14,809
It's like I jumped
to a conclusion about him,

384
00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:16,725
but I didn't have
the whole story.

385
00:14:16,768 --> 00:14:18,945
I thought I was better
than you guys.
Mm...

386
00:14:18,988 --> 00:14:21,033
But I'm just a superficial
size queen.
COACH:
Hey, guys?

387
00:14:21,076 --> 00:14:23,384
Can you tell Schmidt that
my portfolio is way better than

388
00:14:23,427 --> 00:14:25,298
his portfolio?
Look at that: I'm better wet,

389
00:14:25,341 --> 00:14:28,302
I'm better dry, my sexy baby is
way more believable than his.

390
00:14:28,345 --> 00:14:32,393
Watch, look-- Mama change baby
'cause baby made a dirty...

391
00:14:32,436 --> 00:14:34,047
SCHMIDT:
Okay, mine is
way more sexy.

392
00:14:34,090 --> 00:14:35,177
There are people
lining up in the streets

393
00:14:35,221 --> 00:14:36,571
to have sex
with my baby.
Liar!

394
00:14:36,614 --> 00:14:38,399
I don't like this.

395
00:14:38,442 --> 00:14:40,575
You can't use that photo,
unless you're planning on posing

396
00:14:40,618 --> 00:14:41,967
for the Tiny Nipples
of America Foundation.

397
00:14:42,010 --> 00:14:42,969
SCHMIDT:
Yeah, you're one to talk,

398
00:14:43,011 --> 00:14:44,404
Little Miss Princess Waist!

399
00:14:44,447 --> 00:14:46,058
Hey, I'm a 26!
That's normal!

400
00:14:46,101 --> 00:14:47,102
Yeah, in Asia.Who's talking to you,

401
00:14:47,147 --> 00:14:49,062
Depression-era garbage man?

402
00:14:49,105 --> 00:14:50,976
I've been holding
that in for two years.

403
00:14:51,019 --> 00:14:53,936
I said one thing.
Guys, stop
attacking each other!

404
00:14:53,980 --> 00:14:55,937
Come on.
He's making fun of you

405
00:14:55,981 --> 00:14:57,940
'cause he feels sensitive
about his geisha waist.

406
00:14:57,984 --> 00:14:59,375
And you're putting him down

407
00:14:59,419 --> 00:15:01,073
'cause you've got those
cute little kitten teats.

408
00:15:01,116 --> 00:15:02,857
Everybody has something.

409
00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:06,166
She's right, you know.
She's right.

410
00:15:06,208 --> 00:15:09,081
Look, I grew up fat, and
I have scars that you can't see.

411
00:15:09,125 --> 00:15:11,214
And I'm not talking
about the stretch marks

412
00:15:11,258 --> 00:15:13,086
that I had removed
by laser beams.

413
00:15:13,129 --> 00:15:14,086
Mm.

414
00:15:14,129 --> 00:15:15,870
No matter how many miles I run,

415
00:15:15,914 --> 00:15:18,047
I'll never outrun that feeling.

416
00:15:19,482 --> 00:15:21,876
Damn, son.

417
00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:23,879
I didn't even know
it was like that.

418
00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:25,880
It'll always be
like that, my man.

419
00:15:25,924 --> 00:15:27,970
Still better than
having a micropenis.

420
00:15:28,014 --> 00:15:29,667
So much better.
Yeah.

421
00:15:29,711 --> 00:15:32,105
It's true.Guys! We're all covered
in micropenises.

422
00:15:32,148 --> 00:15:34,193
No, I'm not.COACH: Come again?

423
00:15:34,236 --> 00:15:36,413
No, thank you. I don't
want to be covered in anything.No, it's not true.

424
00:15:36,456 --> 00:15:39,241
Yes! Yes! No!
We all have flaws!

425
00:15:39,286 --> 00:15:41,244
We're all freaks!

426
00:15:41,288 --> 00:15:43,115
All of us.

427
00:15:45,030 --> 00:15:46,902
We have to support each other!

428
00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:48,033
I knew it!

429
00:15:48,076 --> 00:15:49,470
I am better than you guys.

430
00:15:49,513 --> 00:15:51,167
Thank you for helping me
realize that.

431
00:15:51,211 --> 00:15:52,995
I know why
I was superficial.

432
00:15:53,038 --> 00:15:54,865
It's because I was scared.

433
00:15:54,909 --> 00:15:56,476
Of my micro...

434
00:15:56,519 --> 00:15:58,434
No. No!

435
00:15:58,479 --> 00:16:01,090
Of mine.

436
00:16:01,134 --> 00:16:03,135
What?!

437
00:16:03,178 --> 00:16:07,139
I'm saying that we should all
celebrate our flaws! Together!

438
00:16:07,182 --> 00:16:09,142
I'm saying that...

439
00:16:09,184 --> 00:16:11,274
The one day I wear jeans.

440
00:16:11,317 --> 00:16:13,275
[groans]

441
00:16:13,320 --> 00:16:16,192
I'm saying, look.
We're exactly the same.

442
00:16:16,235 --> 00:16:18,499
I'm sorry, what-what
am I looking at?

443
00:16:18,542 --> 00:16:21,153
This monstrosity
the doctors call a knee

444
00:16:21,197 --> 00:16:23,417
that I didn't know was a problem
till, like, three days ago.

445
00:16:23,460 --> 00:16:25,158
What the hell is this?!

446
00:16:27,551 --> 00:16:29,466
You have a girlfriend?

447
00:16:29,509 --> 00:16:30,640
He did!

448
00:16:32,251 --> 00:16:33,644
Whoa, whoa...
how can... no, no, no!

449
00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:36,951
MATT:
How dare you!

450
00:16:36,995 --> 00:16:39,172
That's War Question Mark!

451
00:16:39,215 --> 00:16:41,260
How dare
you do that to me!

452
00:16:41,303 --> 00:16:42,870
Think I should go.

453
00:16:42,913 --> 00:16:44,873
You owe me $12,000![door slams]

454
00:16:48,355 --> 00:16:51,139
Wait, wait...
Jess, I can explain.

455
00:16:51,183 --> 00:16:53,186
Okay, why are you not running
after your girlfriend right now?

456
00:16:53,229 --> 00:16:55,187
Aah, if I'm being
totally honest,

457
00:16:55,230 --> 00:16:57,058
she was getting a little fat.

458
00:16:57,102 --> 00:16:58,755
No, she was... That's crazy!

459
00:16:58,799 --> 00:17:02,195
I wouldn't behave like this
if someone, just once...

460
00:17:02,238 --> 00:17:05,936
[voice breaking]:
just once, took the time
to get to know...

461
00:17:05,980 --> 00:17:07,548
You're not even crying!
You are unbelievable!

462
00:17:07,590 --> 00:17:09,419
Is anything about you real?

463
00:17:09,462 --> 00:17:11,334
Anything? Do you even have
a micropenis,

464
00:17:11,377 --> 00:17:12,988
or is that...?

465
00:17:16,991 --> 00:17:20,951
It... it... looks like a...

466
00:17:20,996 --> 00:17:24,868
little tiny...

467
00:17:24,913 --> 00:17:26,087
pigeon's egg.

468
00:17:26,132 --> 00:17:28,002
Don't you want
to hatch the bird?

469
00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:31,223
No, I definitely,
definitely do not.

470
00:17:31,267 --> 00:17:33,703
You're... you're a
very complicated person.

471
00:17:33,748 --> 00:17:35,489
Um...

472
00:17:35,531 --> 00:17:36,794
but I'm glad I met you.

473
00:17:36,837 --> 00:17:38,796
Sort of.

474
00:17:38,839 --> 00:17:42,017
I mean, I don't know why,
but... I kind of am.

475
00:17:42,060 --> 00:17:44,324
Anyway, take care of
that little rug-rat.

476
00:17:44,366 --> 00:17:46,500
He needs you.

477
00:17:53,201 --> 00:17:54,247
Hey, man.
Oh, hey.
I'm just, uh...

478
00:17:54,289 --> 00:17:56,770
It's all right.

479
00:17:56,814 --> 00:17:59,121
I'm just, I'm just looking over
some of the pics from today.

480
00:17:59,164 --> 00:18:00,730
I don't know which one
to send to the agent.

481
00:18:00,775 --> 00:18:02,384
I've narrowed it down to 60.

482
00:18:02,429 --> 00:18:04,386
I can take a look at 'em.Yeah, okay.

483
00:18:04,431 --> 00:18:06,998
Just tell me what you think
about a couple of these.

484
00:18:07,041 --> 00:18:09,305
I just, I don't know what's
what at this point.
Mm-hmm.

485
00:18:09,348 --> 00:18:11,394
This "Hot Guy
with a Kidnapped Son..."Wow.

486
00:18:11,438 --> 00:18:13,353
He really looks like
he's never gonna find his son.

487
00:18:13,395 --> 00:18:15,702
"Classical Guitarist
Loses a Shoe."

488
00:18:15,746 --> 00:18:17,356
That guy's never
gonna find his shoe.

489
00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:18,792
I don't know.
This is "Cuddles With Tigers."

490
00:18:18,836 --> 00:18:19,794
Oh-ho.

491
00:18:19,836 --> 00:18:21,273
It's good.

492
00:18:21,317 --> 00:18:23,363
This is
"How Did I Get Up Here?"

493
00:18:23,405 --> 00:18:25,191
What do you think
about this one?

494
00:18:25,233 --> 00:18:26,496
"Kiss the Cook."
See, I like "Kiss the Cook."

495
00:18:26,539 --> 00:18:28,803
It's catalog.His lips are popping.

496
00:18:28,846 --> 00:18:30,065
There's an accessibility with
this one that I feel like...

497
00:18:30,108 --> 00:18:33,634
Schmidt, relax.
I'm bowing out.

498
00:18:33,676 --> 00:18:35,635
I want you to have this.Come on. What?!

499
00:18:35,679 --> 00:18:37,202
Why are you doing that, Coach?

500
00:18:37,246 --> 00:18:38,855
Because you obviously
need this more than I do.

501
00:18:38,900 --> 00:18:41,423
When you look in the mirror,
you see a fat kid.

502
00:18:41,468 --> 00:18:43,644
I don't.
I don't know how that feels.

503
00:18:43,686 --> 00:18:46,385
I do. It's my micro-p, yo.

504
00:18:46,429 --> 00:18:48,300
If there's anything
that could finally help you

505
00:18:48,344 --> 00:18:50,390
get over your body image issues,
it's modeling.

506
00:18:50,432 --> 00:18:51,868
That's for sure.
Yeah.

507
00:18:51,913 --> 00:18:53,219
'Cause you're not
a fat kid anymore, man.

508
00:18:53,261 --> 00:18:55,525
You are a model.

509
00:18:55,568 --> 00:18:58,223
Now, say it.
I don't know.

510
00:18:58,267 --> 00:19:01,314
Say, "I'm a model."I'm a model.

511
00:19:01,356 --> 00:19:03,184
Say it louder.It doesn't feel real.

512
00:19:03,229 --> 00:19:05,317
I need to hear you say it,
or else I'm not gonna
believe it, man.

513
00:19:05,361 --> 00:19:07,667
I'm just saying, it's hard...
I'm a model.

514
00:19:07,711 --> 00:19:08,885
That's better.
Hold on.

515
00:19:08,930 --> 00:19:10,365
I'm a model.Good.

516
00:19:10,410 --> 00:19:11,801
I'm a male model...You are a male model.

517
00:19:11,846 --> 00:19:13,413
I'm a male model!What is happening?

518
00:19:13,455 --> 00:19:15,196
What did we do?
I don't know.

519
00:19:15,240 --> 00:19:16,198
[whoops, laughs]

520
00:19:16,241 --> 00:19:18,200
Thanks, Coach.

521
00:19:18,243 --> 00:19:19,201
Mm.

522
00:19:19,244 --> 00:19:20,636
Now, go journal.

523
00:19:20,681 --> 00:19:22,161
I'm gonna go journal.Right on, man.

524
00:19:24,380 --> 00:19:25,903
Mm.
COACH:
Um...

525
00:19:25,946 --> 00:19:27,644
what's going on with you two?

526
00:19:27,688 --> 00:19:29,471
Hey.
What?! Nothing.

527
00:19:29,516 --> 00:19:30,691
Man, we just being
mega-cool over here.
Mm-hmm.

528
00:19:30,733 --> 00:19:33,301
What is going on, guys?!

529
00:19:33,346 --> 00:19:35,130
Wait. Hold...

530
00:19:35,173 --> 00:19:37,132
hold on.

531
00:19:37,175 --> 00:19:40,266
Was all this a classic
Cece and Winston mess-around?!

532
00:19:40,308 --> 00:19:42,484
No!
Yes. Yeah.

533
00:19:42,528 --> 00:19:43,834
Do not acknowledge
that is a thing.
It's not a thing.

534
00:19:43,877 --> 00:19:45,270
Now, look, okay, look,

535
00:19:45,314 --> 00:19:46,794
we got a little carried away,
but how were we

536
00:19:46,836 --> 00:19:48,490
supposed to know he was gonna
get emotionally invested?

537
00:19:48,535 --> 00:19:50,363
This will destroy him.
You know that, right?

538
00:19:51,319 --> 00:19:53,496
You two got to make him a model.

539
00:19:53,539 --> 00:19:55,150
I did not mean to
hurt Schmidt, okay?

540
00:19:55,193 --> 00:19:56,368
But I can't make
him into a model!

541
00:19:56,412 --> 00:19:58,371
Not in modern-day America.

542
00:19:58,413 --> 00:19:59,501
In 1970s Israel...
Mm-hmm.

543
00:19:59,546 --> 00:20:01,461
maybe.

544
00:20:01,503 --> 00:20:02,679
Get... it... done.

545
00:20:02,722 --> 00:20:04,246
I hate when Schmidt cries.

546
00:20:04,289 --> 00:20:07,380
Sounds like a ghost
singing "Hey Ya!"

547
00:20:07,423 --> 00:20:10,338
♪ Hey ya

548
00:20:10,383 --> 00:20:14,256
♪ Hey ya, oh, oh-oh

549
00:20:14,299 --> 00:20:16,171
♪ I want to be your daddy...

550
00:20:16,214 --> 00:20:17,432
Fix it!

551
00:20:19,305 --> 00:20:22,351
It's glorious, isn't it?

552
00:20:24,353 --> 00:20:25,441
How did this happen?

553
00:20:25,484 --> 00:20:27,442
Are there just no
laws in Koreatown?

554
00:20:27,487 --> 00:20:29,053
Uh, well, uh,

555
00:20:29,096 --> 00:20:31,664
Cece's agent saw Schmidt's
portfolio and loved it.

556
00:20:31,708 --> 00:20:33,449
Yeah, yeah, he, uh...
He fast-tracked it.

557
00:20:33,492 --> 00:20:35,407
That-That's an industry term.

558
00:20:35,451 --> 00:20:36,757
So, what am I selling here
anyway?

559
00:20:36,799 --> 00:20:38,411
Oh, uh, you know,

560
00:20:38,453 --> 00:20:39,977
uh, Korean-Jewish
interrelations.

561
00:20:40,020 --> 00:20:42,197
All right.

562
00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:43,763
I wanted to tell you that, um,

563
00:20:43,807 --> 00:20:46,506
the bank canceled my credit
card after I ordered you porn.

564
00:20:46,548 --> 00:20:48,376
That's okay, I wanted
to cancel it anyway.

565
00:20:48,421 --> 00:20:50,204
You paying for it kind of
killed it for me.
Yeah.

566
00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:52,294
Just made me sad
for everybody involved.

567
00:20:52,337 --> 00:20:54,513
I wanted to give
those girls a hug and say,

568
00:20:54,557 --> 00:20:56,864
"Wipe your face,
go back to school, honey."

569
00:20:56,906 --> 00:20:58,299
COACH:
So, guys,

570
00:20:58,344 --> 00:20:59,736
when does Schmidt
get paid for this?

571
00:20:59,779 --> 00:21:01,433
Well...

572
00:21:01,477 --> 00:21:02,565
the agency is pretty tapped

573
00:21:02,608 --> 00:21:05,351
Uh-huh.after spending $1,887

574
00:21:05,394 --> 00:21:06,787
on this billboard.

575
00:21:06,829 --> 00:21:08,441
Well, why don't
the Jew-Koreans pay for it?

576
00:21:08,483 --> 00:21:09,571
Well,
it's an international thing.

577
00:21:09,615 --> 00:21:12,140
See? So, there's fees.COACH:
Yeah, but you said

578
00:21:12,182 --> 00:21:14,534
he would get a check for $500.

579
00:21:14,576 --> 00:21:15,709
Yes!

580
00:21:15,751 --> 00:21:17,318
Congrats, bro.

581
00:21:17,363 --> 00:21:20,583
You deserve that $500.

582
00:21:20,626 --> 00:21:22,454
Let's head out.I think I'm gonna stay here

583
00:21:22,498 --> 00:21:23,933
for a little bit,
take this all in.

584
00:21:23,978 --> 00:21:25,021
All right.

585
00:21:25,066 --> 00:21:26,372
Tell me more about
this Internet porn.

586
00:21:26,414 --> 00:21:27,981
Is there anything
I would like?

587
00:21:28,025 --> 00:21:29,026
Like something with a story,
you know? Really?

588
00:21:29,069 --> 00:21:30,375
I don't think
you'd like it.

589
00:21:30,419 --> 00:21:31,594
Nothing about Victorian England
or anything like that?

590
00:21:31,637 --> 00:21:32,942
Oh, there's some stuff; I don't
think you would like it.

591
00:21:32,987 --> 00:21:34,554
SCHMIDT:
Millionaire!

592
00:21:34,596 --> 00:21:36,947
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org