1 00:00:02,785 --> 00:00:05,482 Hey, Nick?[whispers]: Shh, I'm reading. 2 00:00:05,527 --> 00:00:07,876 Can you just give me a second?What do you want this time?! 3 00:00:07,919 --> 00:00:09,444 So, I'm-I'm pitching on the sponge account today. 4 00:00:09,487 --> 00:00:10,967 It's kind of a... it's kind of a big deal. 5 00:00:11,010 --> 00:00:12,272 I'm just wondering why 6 00:00:12,316 --> 00:00:14,188 my idea notebook is covered in crimson stains. 7 00:00:14,230 --> 00:00:15,493 Oh, that's a fair question. 8 00:00:15,537 --> 00:00:17,146 It's either sloppy Joes, or it's blood. 9 00:00:19,106 --> 00:00:20,236 [groans] 10 00:00:22,760 --> 00:00:24,285 You unbelievable pig person! 11 00:00:24,327 --> 00:00:27,504 You giant, fat pig person! You sloth. 12 00:00:27,548 --> 00:00:29,550 You should be living in a tree in Costa Rica, you know that? 13 00:00:29,594 --> 00:00:31,640 Hi, guys. Um, have either of you seen the French press? 14 00:00:31,682 --> 00:00:33,293 The French press is in cupboard 64B. 15 00:00:33,337 --> 00:00:34,773 Did you not consult your item map? 16 00:00:34,817 --> 00:00:36,993 Oh, no, I looked there. The tagine's in 64B. 17 00:00:37,036 --> 00:00:39,561 What is the tagine doing in 64 frickin' B?! 18 00:00:39,603 --> 00:00:41,301 I used the French press. 19 00:00:41,344 --> 00:00:42,954 Everybody chill out. So it's in here somewhere. 20 00:00:42,999 --> 00:00:44,869 Nick, you know you're not allowed to use the French press. 21 00:00:44,914 --> 00:00:46,481 I use it to get the pulp out of my juice. 22 00:00:46,524 --> 00:00:47,960 So just give me one second, I'll find it. 23 00:00:48,003 --> 00:00:49,527 [chuckles]: Hold on. Oh, yeah. 24 00:00:49,570 --> 00:00:51,789 I wasn't looking for it, but I found my pulp bowl. 25 00:00:51,834 --> 00:00:53,966 That is a crystal candy bowl filled with orange goop. 26 00:00:54,009 --> 00:00:56,012 I don't need to sit here and take this! 27 00:00:56,055 --> 00:00:57,274 I'm going to my study. 28 00:00:57,317 --> 00:00:59,450 You are gonna get back here and clean your room, mister! 29 00:00:59,493 --> 00:01:01,103 JESS: Guys, I still need the French press. 30 00:01:01,148 --> 00:01:02,713 Winston, I need my study corner! 31 00:01:02,758 --> 00:01:05,281 No, not after last time. 32 00:01:09,807 --> 00:01:12,332 Hey, Winnie! You know there's an Albany in California?[yells] 33 00:01:12,376 --> 00:01:16,250 [chuckles]: Well, hello, Winston Bishop. 34 00:01:16,293 --> 00:01:19,948 I towel-burned my unders.Well, I just prairie-dogged thanks to you guys. 35 00:01:19,992 --> 00:01:22,603 Stop fighting! Now the bathroom stinks for no reason. 36 00:01:22,646 --> 00:01:24,909 You happy, Schmidt? You just scared Coach's poop! 37 00:01:24,954 --> 00:01:27,912 No, I'm not happy. I'm poor, and I'm living in a filthy thimble. 38 00:01:27,956 --> 00:01:30,001 I've gone from riches to rags. It's reverse Annie. 39 00:01:30,045 --> 00:01:32,743 Oh, spoiler alert. Now you just ruined Annie. 40 00:01:32,787 --> 00:01:35,573 [men arguing] 41 00:01:35,616 --> 00:01:36,792 JESS: Guys, chill out! 42 00:01:36,835 --> 00:01:38,750 Schmidt, your people have been selling sponges 43 00:01:38,793 --> 00:01:41,013 since the days of Abraham. You got this. 44 00:01:41,057 --> 00:01:43,972 Nick, the pulp bowl is real gross. Tighten up. 45 00:01:44,015 --> 00:01:47,194 Most importantly, my dad is coming with his new girlfriend, 46 00:01:47,236 --> 00:01:49,064 and I need the French press. 47 00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:50,979 Oh, 64B.The tagine is in 64B. 48 00:01:51,022 --> 00:01:52,111 64B is occupied! 49 00:01:53,548 --> 00:01:56,027 Uh, he said the tagine is in 64B. 50 00:01:56,072 --> 00:01:58,378 It stinks in there! What did you do?! 51 00:01:58,421 --> 00:01:59,509 You kill an animal?! 52 00:01:59,554 --> 00:02:01,599 ♪ Who's that girl? 53 00:02:01,643 --> 00:02:05,125 ♪ Who's that girl?♪♪ It's Jess. 54 00:02:09,998 --> 00:02:11,217 How long before you unleash holy hell 55 00:02:11,260 --> 00:02:13,002 on your dad's new girlfriend? 56 00:02:13,044 --> 00:02:15,308 I want to make sure I got a good seat and plenty of snacks. 57 00:02:15,352 --> 00:02:17,572 Okay, Cecilia, look, I know I've been a little bit hard 58 00:02:17,615 --> 00:02:19,050 on my dad's girlfriends in the past... 59 00:02:19,094 --> 00:02:21,793 I know you stole my dad's credit card, Margot. 60 00:02:21,836 --> 00:02:24,099 Hit the damn road. 61 00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:25,100 I don't have a car. 62 00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:26,711 [whispers]: Find one. 63 00:02:27,799 --> 00:02:29,365 I was the one who had to pick up the pieces 64 00:02:29,409 --> 00:02:30,411 when his heart got broken. 65 00:02:30,454 --> 00:02:32,413 Besides, to hear my dad talk, 66 00:02:32,456 --> 00:02:35,284 it sounds like he has really found someone who... 67 00:02:35,329 --> 00:02:36,807 is good for him. 68 00:02:36,852 --> 00:02:37,808 Ha! 69 00:02:37,853 --> 00:02:40,334 And you believe that? 70 00:02:40,377 --> 00:02:42,466 Your dad has terrible taste in women. 71 00:02:42,509 --> 00:02:44,206 That's why I love him so much. 72 00:02:44,251 --> 00:02:46,817 Remember the one who pretended to be a paraplegic? 73 00:02:46,861 --> 00:02:48,384 Get up! 74 00:02:48,429 --> 00:02:50,387 I can't! 75 00:02:50,430 --> 00:02:53,259 Oh, whatever. 76 00:02:53,302 --> 00:02:54,348 That's the last one I met, and I'm lucky 77 00:02:54,390 --> 00:02:55,652 he's letting me meet this one. 78 00:02:55,697 --> 00:02:57,480 So, what? You're just gonna be nice to her? 79 00:02:57,525 --> 00:02:59,353 No fireworks? No show? 80 00:02:59,396 --> 00:03:01,397 I'm gonna be nice to her no matter who she is. 81 00:03:01,442 --> 00:03:02,616 Then what the hell am I doing here? 82 00:03:02,659 --> 00:03:04,270 [knocking]Oh. 83 00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:08,275 Hey, sweetie. Hi. Hi.Hi, Daddy. 84 00:03:08,318 --> 00:03:10,233 Gee, I'm sorry we're late, 85 00:03:10,276 --> 00:03:12,582 you know, but we saw Seal at the airport. 86 00:03:12,627 --> 00:03:15,673 We talked to him for 20 minutes, got his autograph. 87 00:03:15,717 --> 00:03:17,457 Wasn't him. No. 88 00:03:17,501 --> 00:03:19,241 Anyway, this is Ashley. 89 00:03:19,286 --> 00:03:20,417 Hi. 90 00:03:23,420 --> 00:03:27,641 I think, um, we went to high school... together. 91 00:03:27,685 --> 00:03:29,164 You went to high school together! 92 00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:30,252 We went to high school together! 93 00:03:30,296 --> 00:03:33,387 Julie Berkman's older sister Ashley? 94 00:03:33,430 --> 00:03:35,389 That's me.[Cece laughs] 95 00:03:35,432 --> 00:03:37,651 Is this fun or what? [laughs] 96 00:03:41,133 --> 00:03:42,526 [whispering]: Oh, my God! 97 00:03:42,569 --> 00:03:45,659 [whispering]: Your dad is dating Trashley Berkman? 98 00:03:45,703 --> 00:03:46,877 Didn't she...? 99 00:03:46,921 --> 00:03:48,706 Yes. She sexually intercoursed 100 00:03:48,750 --> 00:03:50,707 my high school boyfriend George Jiang underneath the bleachers. 101 00:03:50,752 --> 00:03:53,623 While you were sitting...Yes! While I was sitting on those bleachers. 102 00:03:53,668 --> 00:03:55,322 Have you ever seen sex from above, Cece? 103 00:03:55,365 --> 00:03:58,412 It's horrible. That's why God thinks it's a sin. 104 00:03:58,454 --> 00:04:01,502 Also, Trashley gave him giardia in his belly ring. 105 00:04:01,544 --> 00:04:04,983 Giardia is a river disease. She had river mouth. 106 00:04:05,026 --> 00:04:06,854 Wasn't George Jiang, like, six-11? 107 00:04:06,897 --> 00:04:09,509 Yeah. They called him George Jiang the Giardia Giant, 108 00:04:09,552 --> 00:04:11,425 and I never got to hold him in my arms. 109 00:04:11,467 --> 00:04:14,341 What are you gonna do?! 110 00:04:14,384 --> 00:04:16,430 Uh... 111 00:04:16,473 --> 00:04:18,300 Uh... nothing. 112 00:04:18,345 --> 00:04:20,216 I'm gonna be sweet and kind and supportive. 113 00:04:20,259 --> 00:04:22,348 Look, peop-peop... people change. 114 00:04:22,391 --> 00:04:24,959 People change. It's been 15 years. 115 00:04:25,002 --> 00:04:27,353 She had sex with our DARE officer! No way. 116 00:04:27,396 --> 00:04:30,356 There were rumors flying around about every damn one. 117 00:04:30,399 --> 00:04:31,661 [chuckles] 118 00:04:31,706 --> 00:04:33,141 You remember the rumor about me? 119 00:04:33,185 --> 00:04:35,449 Oh, that you shaved your chin? What? 120 00:04:35,492 --> 00:04:37,189 Was that was the rumor about me? 121 00:04:37,233 --> 00:04:39,495 That was the rumor.No. It was... 122 00:04:39,540 --> 00:04:42,324 definitely sexier than that. 123 00:04:42,369 --> 00:04:43,673 Thank you guys for coming. It's really helpful that you're here. 124 00:04:43,718 --> 00:04:46,547 I'm trying to get my boss to give me the new account. 125 00:04:46,590 --> 00:04:47,591 I just have to figure out 126 00:04:47,634 --> 00:04:49,375 how to sell sponges to men. 127 00:04:49,418 --> 00:04:50,420 What do I have? 128 00:04:50,463 --> 00:04:52,552 I have a blood-stained idea notebook 129 00:04:52,596 --> 00:04:54,598 filled with terrible ideas. 130 00:04:54,641 --> 00:04:56,470 I don't know what to do, you guys. Damn it! 131 00:04:56,512 --> 00:04:58,122 "Spongey make wipey." I like that. 132 00:04:58,167 --> 00:05:00,038 Okay, please. I don't have a lot of time. 133 00:05:00,081 --> 00:05:02,475 This is what we're gonna do. I'm gonna say the word "sponge", 134 00:05:02,519 --> 00:05:05,173 and you guys are gonna say the first word that pops 135 00:05:05,216 --> 00:05:07,218 into your head, okay? Ready, one, two, three. Sponge. 136 00:05:07,262 --> 00:05:08,916 Sponge! That was mine.Yellow. Sponge. 137 00:05:08,959 --> 00:05:09,961 Okay, let's just try this. 138 00:05:10,004 --> 00:05:11,353 We're gonna try this one more time. 139 00:05:11,398 --> 00:05:12,834 Okay? Just clear your head, okay? 140 00:05:12,877 --> 00:05:14,269 So I'm gonna say the word, and you're gonna say 141 00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:15,358 the first word that pops in your head. 142 00:05:15,401 --> 00:05:16,838 Okay, it might be "sponge." Don't say "sponge." 143 00:05:16,880 --> 00:05:18,012 Sponge! Sponge. 144 00:05:18,055 --> 00:05:20,057 Damn it! Focus! 145 00:05:20,101 --> 00:05:21,625 I'm sorry. Okay, let's just try it again. 146 00:05:21,668 --> 00:05:23,757 Give me a shot. Give me a shot. Give me a shot. 147 00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:25,367 I'm gonna say "sponge" one more time, first word 148 00:05:25,411 --> 00:05:26,848 that pops into your head. Ready? One, two, three, sponge. 149 00:05:26,891 --> 00:05:28,632 Sponge. Aah! 150 00:05:28,675 --> 00:05:29,502 Winston! 151 00:05:29,545 --> 00:05:30,981 Sorry. So much pressure, man. 152 00:05:31,026 --> 00:05:32,941 Okay, you know what? Let's move on to Coach. 153 00:05:32,983 --> 00:05:35,204 Coach, here we go. You're the man of the group. 154 00:05:35,247 --> 00:05:36,987 You should be good at this. We're selling sponges to men. 155 00:05:37,031 --> 00:05:38,641 Ready, one, two, three, sponge. 156 00:05:38,685 --> 00:05:40,644 Sponge.Why would you say that? 157 00:05:40,687 --> 00:05:41,949 Okay, okay, okay.Okay, come on, come on. 158 00:05:41,992 --> 00:05:43,298 One more time. Yeah, yeah.Yeah, sponge. 159 00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:44,952 Cake. What? 160 00:05:44,995 --> 00:05:45,779 Cake. 161 00:05:45,822 --> 00:05:47,433 Sponge cake.No! 162 00:05:47,476 --> 00:05:49,261 We all know that men are idiots. 163 00:05:49,305 --> 00:05:51,742 How long have you been in my office? 164 00:05:51,786 --> 00:05:56,312 But what we don't know is how much they love to clean. 165 00:05:56,355 --> 00:05:57,574 You're wasting my time, Schmidt. Go. 166 00:05:57,617 --> 00:05:59,446 Come on, Gina, you have to give me this account. 167 00:05:59,488 --> 00:06:00,795 They want to market sponges to men. 168 00:06:00,838 --> 00:06:02,012 I'm the only man in the office. 169 00:06:02,057 --> 00:06:04,538 Oh, speaking of. Sherri, you got the sponge account! 170 00:06:04,581 --> 00:06:07,454 Touchdown! Yeah. 171 00:06:07,497 --> 00:06:08,411 Just hear me out here. 172 00:06:08,454 --> 00:06:10,064 The reason why men don't talk 173 00:06:10,108 --> 00:06:11,632 about how much they love to clean is 174 00:06:11,675 --> 00:06:13,459 because they're afraid to admit it. 175 00:06:13,502 --> 00:06:14,548 Give me a chance here. 176 00:06:14,591 --> 00:06:16,985 Be the one to put Schmidt on the map. 177 00:06:17,028 --> 00:06:18,987 Let's blast America right in the face 178 00:06:19,029 --> 00:06:20,771 with a little bit of Schmidt. Oh! 179 00:06:20,814 --> 00:06:22,425 God in heaven! Fine! 180 00:06:22,468 --> 00:06:24,079 Put together a focus group, okay? 181 00:06:24,122 --> 00:06:25,559 I will do that. This is exciting. 182 00:06:25,601 --> 00:06:26,776 All right. Maybe next week 183 00:06:26,821 --> 00:06:28,430 we'll start it?No. Today, 3:00. 184 00:06:28,475 --> 00:06:30,346 Today... today at 3:00? 185 00:06:30,389 --> 00:06:31,564 Today at 3:00? Mm-hmm. 186 00:06:31,608 --> 00:06:33,435 3:00 today-- that sounds great. 187 00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:34,784 I love that idea. 188 00:06:34,829 --> 00:06:37,048 Mm-hmm, you just... you just earned a special thank you 189 00:06:37,091 --> 00:06:38,572 in my autobiography. 190 00:06:38,615 --> 00:06:41,661 Working title: Punting the Sweet Fantastic. 191 00:06:41,704 --> 00:06:43,793 I feel like you kind of have to do something 192 00:06:43,838 --> 00:06:45,317 to write a book about yourself. 193 00:06:47,668 --> 00:06:49,060 Sports! 194 00:06:49,103 --> 00:06:50,322 [screams] 195 00:06:53,586 --> 00:06:55,110 Oh, it's just so great to see you guys again. 196 00:06:55,153 --> 00:06:56,459 Will you please remind me? 197 00:06:56,502 --> 00:06:59,505 Were you there my first senior year or my second? 198 00:06:59,548 --> 00:07:01,637 I was not good at high school. 199 00:07:01,682 --> 00:07:03,074 [Bob and Ashley laugh] 200 00:07:03,117 --> 00:07:04,466 Oh, the early 2000s. 201 00:07:04,511 --> 00:07:05,641 God, I did so much E. 202 00:07:05,685 --> 00:07:09,341 Just doing E, watching that show Ed. 203 00:07:09,384 --> 00:07:11,952 I would love to know how you two lovers met. 204 00:07:11,995 --> 00:07:13,737 Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah, sure. 205 00:07:13,781 --> 00:07:15,478 Okay, so I was listening 206 00:07:15,521 --> 00:07:17,915 to him sing with his band, The Co-Pays.Yeah, well... 207 00:07:17,959 --> 00:07:21,266 I didn't know you were in a band, Dad.Yeah, just-just me 208 00:07:21,310 --> 00:07:22,615 and a few other pharmacists. 209 00:07:22,658 --> 00:07:24,531 You know, we do alt rock covers. 210 00:07:24,574 --> 00:07:27,490 Oh, man, when he started singing "She's So High"... 211 00:07:27,533 --> 00:07:32,930 ♪ She's so high... 212 00:07:32,973 --> 00:07:35,976 Stop. Because I'm gonna fall in love again. 213 00:07:36,019 --> 00:07:39,240 Okay, go, I want to.♪ She's so high... 214 00:07:40,634 --> 00:07:41,548 ASHLEY [sighs]: Oh. 215 00:07:41,591 --> 00:07:43,505 Oh, man. 216 00:07:43,550 --> 00:07:45,725 That was it. I was done. 217 00:07:45,769 --> 00:07:47,641 Ashley, have you kept in touch with our DARE officer? 218 00:07:47,683 --> 00:07:48,946 Oh! Cece. 219 00:07:48,990 --> 00:07:50,992 Oh. Okay, I-I get it. 220 00:07:51,034 --> 00:07:52,776 You guys heard about that rumor 221 00:07:52,819 --> 00:07:54,648 that I had sex with the DARE officer? 222 00:07:54,691 --> 00:07:56,649 No! Only a crazy person... 223 00:07:56,692 --> 00:07:58,216 That rumor was true. 224 00:07:58,259 --> 00:07:59,566 [stammers] 225 00:07:59,608 --> 00:08:01,392 Crazy fun person. 226 00:08:01,437 --> 00:08:02,524 Oh, yeah, that guy. 227 00:08:02,569 --> 00:08:03,961 Wow, I did not just say no. 228 00:08:04,004 --> 00:08:05,572 I said yes.Oh, yeah. 229 00:08:05,615 --> 00:08:08,923 I just said, "Yes, yes, yes."Oh, she said yes a lot. 230 00:08:08,966 --> 00:08:11,577 [laughs]She's had sex with hundreds of guys. 231 00:08:11,620 --> 00:08:13,536 Yeah.You know, we spent some time trying 232 00:08:13,579 --> 00:08:15,406 to total them all up.It was fun. 233 00:08:15,451 --> 00:08:17,800 Killed a whole Saturday. Yeah.We couldn't even get through the list. 234 00:08:17,845 --> 00:08:19,542 We got to the "Ls."[laughs] 235 00:08:19,586 --> 00:08:21,805 But that was in the past. 236 00:08:21,848 --> 00:08:24,677 And then I was diagnosed with a sex addiction. 237 00:08:24,721 --> 00:08:26,026 Oh, great. Thankfully, 238 00:08:26,069 --> 00:08:27,810 I attended rehab. 239 00:08:27,855 --> 00:08:30,161 Which... did not take the first time. 240 00:08:30,204 --> 00:08:31,814 Or the second. 241 00:08:31,858 --> 00:08:32,686 Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. 242 00:08:32,729 --> 00:08:34,426 But third time's the charm. 243 00:08:34,470 --> 00:08:35,775 For a lot of people. Not for me. 244 00:08:35,818 --> 00:08:37,559 For me, it took four. Four times. 245 00:08:37,604 --> 00:08:39,909 Well, Bobby, we should get ready to go to the beach. 246 00:08:39,953 --> 00:08:41,782 Okay. Yeah. 247 00:08:41,825 --> 00:08:43,479 Thank you so much for this delicious brunch, Jess. 248 00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:45,046 It was wonderful. 249 00:08:45,088 --> 00:08:47,134 I ate so much, I'm gonna have to bang nine guys 250 00:08:47,177 --> 00:08:48,265 just to work it off. [laughs] 251 00:08:48,309 --> 00:08:49,963 Oh, my goodness.[Bob laughs] 252 00:08:50,006 --> 00:08:51,442 I'm kidding. I did do that once, 253 00:08:51,486 --> 00:08:52,793 but I'm not gonna do it this time. 254 00:08:52,836 --> 00:08:54,707 It's all in the past for me. 255 00:08:54,750 --> 00:08:55,751 Isn't she great? 256 00:08:55,796 --> 00:08:57,493 I just love her. 257 00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:58,841 She makes me laugh so much. 258 00:08:58,885 --> 00:09:00,669 [groaning] 259 00:09:00,714 --> 00:09:02,585 What? What-what, are you humming? 260 00:09:02,629 --> 00:09:06,240 Mm... Dad, just so we have this conversation... 261 00:09:06,283 --> 00:09:08,634 No, no, Jess.She seems like the type of girl who might hurt you. 262 00:09:08,677 --> 00:09:10,985 Jessica...I've seen you get hurt by a lot less. 263 00:09:11,028 --> 00:09:12,639 Please, don't-don't go there. 264 00:09:12,682 --> 00:09:15,859 No matter what you say, you're not gonna change my mind. 265 00:09:15,903 --> 00:09:19,427 I'm in love with her, and I'm gonna marry her. 266 00:09:22,125 --> 00:09:24,302 Gonna... get a new mom, Jess. 267 00:09:25,302 --> 00:09:30,047 BOB: ♪ She's so high... 268 00:09:30,091 --> 00:09:33,442 Hey, are you okay? Because I am not sure if you heard that, 269 00:09:33,485 --> 00:09:35,312 but there is going to be a wedding. 270 00:09:35,356 --> 00:09:37,663 Oh... 271 00:09:37,706 --> 00:09:41,537 there will be no wedding. 272 00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:44,192 And it begins. 273 00:09:44,235 --> 00:09:46,759 Why are we meeting in a parking garage? 274 00:09:46,802 --> 00:09:48,500 Because what we are doing is unsavory 275 00:09:48,543 --> 00:09:50,110 and we're hiding from God.And you also... 276 00:09:50,153 --> 00:09:51,677 you promised Winston and everybody pizza, so... 277 00:09:51,721 --> 00:09:52,852 Yeah, you definitely did. 278 00:09:52,895 --> 00:09:54,985 Yes, there'll be pizza. Just do one thing for me first. 279 00:09:55,028 --> 00:09:56,508 Here, memorize these. 280 00:09:56,552 --> 00:09:59,076 That's yours. That's yours. 281 00:09:59,120 --> 00:10:02,688 "I love sponges because they connect my heart to my hand." 282 00:10:02,731 --> 00:10:04,472 Look, I had to scramble, you guys. 283 00:10:04,515 --> 00:10:06,866 I told my bosses how much men love to clean. 284 00:10:06,909 --> 00:10:08,302 What are talking about?Only you. 285 00:10:08,346 --> 00:10:09,826 Yeah, only... Yeah. I know! 286 00:10:09,870 --> 00:10:12,133 Why do you think I'm rigging this focus group? 287 00:10:12,176 --> 00:10:14,918 "Sponges make me feel more exhilarated 288 00:10:14,961 --> 00:10:16,919 "than any home run or touchdown 289 00:10:16,963 --> 00:10:18,008 ever could." 290 00:10:18,052 --> 00:10:19,443 This is ridiculous, man. 291 00:10:19,488 --> 00:10:21,446 I'm out! 292 00:10:21,490 --> 00:10:23,144 I can buy my own pizza. 293 00:10:23,187 --> 00:10:25,754 Can somebody please loan me $15? 294 00:10:25,798 --> 00:10:27,451 And maybe like 20, 25, depending on toppings, 295 00:10:27,495 --> 00:10:28,889 'cause I'd love to get a bunch of ham. 296 00:10:28,932 --> 00:10:30,542 Ham.What about the tip, dude? What about tip? 297 00:10:30,586 --> 00:10:31,804 I don't give tips. It's for delivery. 298 00:10:31,847 --> 00:10:32,936 You don't tip delivery people, ever. 299 00:10:32,980 --> 00:10:34,241 You definitely tip delivery people, but... 300 00:10:34,284 --> 00:10:35,721 Guys. Guys. 301 00:10:35,764 --> 00:10:38,332 I get sponges, this solves all our problems. Okay? 302 00:10:38,375 --> 00:10:40,116 I make more money, Nick gets his room back, 303 00:10:40,161 --> 00:10:41,727 I get my life back on track. 304 00:10:41,770 --> 00:10:43,686 Punting the Sweet Fantastic. 305 00:10:43,730 --> 00:10:45,861 For the last time, Schmidt, that doesn't mean anything! 306 00:10:45,905 --> 00:10:47,341 Fine. But I'm gonna need one hour 307 00:10:47,384 --> 00:10:48,951 in a quiet room to get into character. 308 00:10:48,995 --> 00:10:50,258 No.Right on. 309 00:10:50,301 --> 00:10:53,477 After long and thoughtful and careful consideration, 310 00:10:53,522 --> 00:10:54,697 Winston is in. 311 00:10:54,740 --> 00:10:57,874 Okay. Assuming pizza is still on the table. 312 00:11:03,009 --> 00:11:04,576 Say "pizza" one more time, Winston. 313 00:11:04,620 --> 00:11:05,751 No, just don't.Just don't. 314 00:11:05,794 --> 00:11:06,970 No, we just never talked about 315 00:11:07,014 --> 00:11:08,798 when we're gonna...Don't. 316 00:11:08,841 --> 00:11:10,799 Just don't bring it up. He's getting really mad. 317 00:11:10,844 --> 00:11:12,322 Like, delivery of...Say "pizza." Say "pizza" one more time. 318 00:11:12,366 --> 00:11:13,846 Don't say it again.Say "pizza" again. 319 00:11:13,889 --> 00:11:15,196 Pizza. Say "pizza" one more time, 320 00:11:15,239 --> 00:11:16,763 I'm gonna k-kill you!I just thought 321 00:11:16,806 --> 00:11:18,721 maybe we'd talk about toppings, perhaps, or something. 322 00:11:18,764 --> 00:11:21,418 Okay. 323 00:11:21,462 --> 00:11:22,899 Not a mirror. 324 00:11:22,942 --> 00:11:24,639 Not a mirror, you idiot. 325 00:11:24,683 --> 00:11:25,946 Not a mirror. 326 00:11:25,989 --> 00:11:30,298 Sponges make me feel exhilarated more than any... 327 00:11:30,341 --> 00:11:32,952 Did you just say "sponges make me feel exhilarated"? 328 00:11:32,995 --> 00:11:34,955 [chuckles]: No, no. I-I.. 329 00:11:34,998 --> 00:11:36,565 What do you think of sponges? 330 00:11:36,607 --> 00:11:38,914 They're stupid.That's how I feel. [laughs] 331 00:11:38,959 --> 00:11:41,438 I mean, who cares?Ex... That's exactly how I feel. 332 00:11:41,482 --> 00:11:43,092 What do you think of this whole place? 333 00:11:43,136 --> 00:11:44,746 I'd rather not be here. 334 00:11:44,790 --> 00:11:46,618 "Be here" is what I was about to say. 335 00:11:46,662 --> 00:11:48,620 I'm Nick. I'm Brittany. 336 00:11:48,663 --> 00:11:50,665 Oh, my God, we have so much in common. 337 00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:51,580 Okay. 338 00:11:51,623 --> 00:11:53,147 My dad can't marry her. 339 00:11:53,190 --> 00:11:55,192 He gets hurt in relationships with normal women. 340 00:11:55,235 --> 00:11:57,759 Yeah. He can't handle a recovering sex addict. 341 00:11:57,803 --> 00:11:59,761 No.What if she relapses? 342 00:11:59,806 --> 00:12:02,155 It would crush him. It would crush his heart. 343 00:12:02,198 --> 00:12:04,418 I can't let this happen. I have to protect him. 344 00:12:04,461 --> 00:12:07,769 So what are you gonna do?I could write him a letter about my feelings. 345 00:12:07,813 --> 00:12:10,817 We... Yeah, but her phone is in her purse, 346 00:12:10,860 --> 00:12:13,514 and we could check her phone for dirt on her. 347 00:12:16,082 --> 00:12:17,692 But he hates letters. 348 00:12:17,736 --> 00:12:19,695 He always gets so frustrated opening the envelope. 349 00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:22,784 You know you want to check her phone. You know you want to. 350 00:12:22,828 --> 00:12:24,787 Cece, we're adults; we're gonna handle this like adults. 351 00:12:24,831 --> 00:12:25,875 We're not snooping. 352 00:12:25,918 --> 00:12:26,832 You're right, you're right. 353 00:12:26,875 --> 00:12:28,138 That is... that's a huge violation 354 00:12:28,182 --> 00:12:29,792 of privacy; you can't do that. 355 00:12:29,836 --> 00:12:31,924 Put that... What does it say? 356 00:12:31,967 --> 00:12:33,187 It's bad. 357 00:12:33,230 --> 00:12:35,275 Mm. Give that to me. 358 00:12:35,318 --> 00:12:36,668 [gasps] 359 00:12:36,711 --> 00:12:38,888 Dad, she's cheating on you! 360 00:12:38,932 --> 00:12:40,149 What? 361 00:12:40,193 --> 00:12:41,282 Yeah, just ask Jim. 362 00:12:41,325 --> 00:12:43,370 At 10:40, Jim heard she was in town. 363 00:12:43,413 --> 00:12:45,894 At 11:52, 364 00:12:45,938 --> 00:12:48,505 Jim had his hands down his pants. 365 00:12:48,549 --> 00:12:49,942 And at 11:53... 366 00:12:49,985 --> 00:12:51,682 Cumin? 367 00:12:51,726 --> 00:12:53,729 What, is he cooking cumin? 368 00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:55,034 [clears throat] 369 00:12:55,077 --> 00:12:56,253 Oh, my God. 370 00:12:56,297 --> 00:12:58,865 My dad is the best guy in the world, and you better 371 00:12:58,908 --> 00:13:01,432 hit the damn road, unless you want to say hello to 372 00:13:01,475 --> 00:13:03,826 my old friends Crabtree and Evelyn. 373 00:13:03,870 --> 00:13:06,785 That's my work phone. I'm a sex therapist. 374 00:13:08,004 --> 00:13:09,091 Jim is my client. 375 00:13:09,135 --> 00:13:11,225 Your... your client? 376 00:13:11,268 --> 00:13:13,662 Client! Client. 377 00:13:13,705 --> 00:13:14,967 Client. Client. 378 00:13:15,010 --> 00:13:18,100 Am I supposed to say "client" now? 379 00:13:18,144 --> 00:13:20,147 I'm gonna go. This was clearly a mistake. 380 00:13:21,017 --> 00:13:22,062 No. 381 00:13:22,105 --> 00:13:23,105 And for the record, 382 00:13:23,149 --> 00:13:24,977 George Jiang gave megiardia. 383 00:13:25,020 --> 00:13:27,023 I saved you from a hideous river disease. 384 00:13:27,067 --> 00:13:29,460 Thank you. 385 00:13:33,115 --> 00:13:35,030 Damn it. She won't answer any of my calls. 386 00:13:35,075 --> 00:13:36,859 I left ten voice mails. 387 00:13:36,903 --> 00:13:39,861 Two of them, I'm screaming. Three, I'm crying. 388 00:13:39,905 --> 00:13:42,517 One is a long silent one. Nothing! 389 00:13:42,559 --> 00:13:44,692 And it's all your fault-- both of you guys. 390 00:13:44,735 --> 00:13:46,086 But mostly you. 391 00:13:46,129 --> 00:13:47,216 Look, Dad, I'm so sorry. 392 00:13:47,260 --> 00:13:49,088 Is there anything I can do... 393 00:13:49,131 --> 00:13:50,960 There's nothing more that you can do. 394 00:13:51,004 --> 00:13:53,528 I-I knew this was a mistake bringing her here. 395 00:13:53,571 --> 00:13:55,659 Wait, Dad. 396 00:13:55,703 --> 00:13:57,488 [door slams] 397 00:14:00,100 --> 00:14:01,535 SCHMIDT: So, uh, why don't you tell me 398 00:14:01,578 --> 00:14:03,320 what you think about that sponge there, Coach. 399 00:14:03,364 --> 00:14:05,539 I mean... [clears throat] Ernie. 400 00:14:05,582 --> 00:14:07,323 I don't know why I would call you Coach. 401 00:14:07,368 --> 00:14:08,759 Okay. 402 00:14:08,803 --> 00:14:10,283 Um... [clears throat] 403 00:14:10,326 --> 00:14:11,894 Well, I love sponges 404 00:14:11,937 --> 00:14:14,157 because they connect my heart to my hand. 405 00:14:14,201 --> 00:14:16,768 Wow, thank you so much for that.I wish my buddies could see me now. 406 00:14:16,812 --> 00:14:18,945 What?They'd be all like, "Hey, man, 407 00:14:18,988 --> 00:14:20,903 let me get a hit of that squishy whip." 408 00:14:20,947 --> 00:14:24,167 Right on. Way to, uh, add your own take. 409 00:14:24,211 --> 00:14:26,125 Uh, to-to your... to your own take. 410 00:14:26,168 --> 00:14:28,041 WINSTON: You know, I-I have something I'd like to add. 411 00:14:28,083 --> 00:14:29,389 Please.Um, I like cleaning. 412 00:14:29,432 --> 00:14:30,826 You like cleaning.It is the only thing 413 00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:33,741 I can control in a world filled with chaos. 414 00:14:33,784 --> 00:14:35,134 Thank you.May I add, 415 00:14:35,177 --> 00:14:40,139 I am Thor, and this is my hammer, Mjoölnir. 416 00:14:40,182 --> 00:14:42,184 M... Melnir. Mjoölnir. 417 00:14:42,229 --> 00:14:45,057 Okay, wonderful detail. Thank you so much for that. 418 00:14:45,100 --> 00:14:46,928 Uh, how about you down there, Mayor of the Corner? 419 00:14:46,972 --> 00:14:48,365 [chuckles] 420 00:14:48,408 --> 00:14:50,019 [pounds table] Nick.What? 421 00:14:50,062 --> 00:14:52,065 How does cleaning make you feel? 422 00:14:52,107 --> 00:14:53,849 Uh, like I-I'm cleaning. Move on to somebody else, please. 423 00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:56,068 [quietly]: Read the cards that I gave you. Remember the cards? 424 00:14:56,111 --> 00:14:57,504 Not now.[pounds table] Read your cards! 425 00:14:57,548 --> 00:14:59,811 You want to know what I think about your sponges?! 426 00:14:59,855 --> 00:15:01,073 [imitates farting] 427 00:15:01,116 --> 00:15:02,770 [laughs] 428 00:15:02,813 --> 00:15:04,163 [laughs] 429 00:15:04,206 --> 00:15:05,730 Well, this is clearly rigged. 430 00:15:05,774 --> 00:15:06,948 My office. 431 00:15:06,993 --> 00:15:08,515 Now, Schmidt. 432 00:15:08,558 --> 00:15:09,995 Schmidt... 433 00:15:12,128 --> 00:15:13,956 Schmidt, I'm sorry.[door closes] 434 00:15:16,176 --> 00:15:17,567 Dad. 435 00:15:17,611 --> 00:15:19,395 Thanks for waiting. 436 00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:22,225 I wasn't waiting. I just can't get this damn thing started. 437 00:15:22,269 --> 00:15:24,052 You're just pressing buttons. 438 00:15:24,096 --> 00:15:27,013 This was supposed to be a big weekend for me and Ashley. 439 00:15:27,056 --> 00:15:28,144 I had everything planned. 440 00:15:28,187 --> 00:15:32,235 I-I even wrote new lyrics to our-our song. 441 00:15:32,278 --> 00:15:37,893 [high-pitched]: ♪ Ashley, marry me... 442 00:15:41,504 --> 00:15:42,898 [engine starts] 443 00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:44,986 Y-You didn't have to do that, you know. 444 00:15:45,030 --> 00:15:46,119 I can take care of myself. 445 00:15:46,162 --> 00:15:48,250 Can you? 446 00:15:48,294 --> 00:15:49,774 Dad, if I hadn't 447 00:15:49,817 --> 00:15:52,038 protected you after you and Mom's divorce, 448 00:15:52,081 --> 00:15:54,475 you would've ended up with Nancy Zimmerman. 449 00:15:54,518 --> 00:15:56,780 Oh, Nancy Zimmerman.She was bad news, Dad. 450 00:15:56,825 --> 00:15:58,653 Ooh, v-very bad. You don't know the half of it. 451 00:15:58,696 --> 00:16:01,047 That woman made me try cocaine in 2005. 452 00:16:01,090 --> 00:16:01,830 What, Dad?! 453 00:16:01,873 --> 00:16:03,352 Booger sugar? Yes. 454 00:16:03,397 --> 00:16:05,051 Nicaraguan yazz. 455 00:16:05,094 --> 00:16:07,226 Are you kidding me?It was a very expensive evening. 456 00:16:07,269 --> 00:16:10,056 I wound up buying his and her Jet Skis. 457 00:16:10,099 --> 00:16:13,232 The point is I'm still standing, 458 00:16:13,275 --> 00:16:16,278 and I can take care of myself. 459 00:16:16,322 --> 00:16:20,066 Yes, I might get hurt, but that'll be my problem. 460 00:16:20,109 --> 00:16:22,503 You don't need to do it anymore, Jess. 461 00:16:22,546 --> 00:16:25,201 I should be taking care of you. 462 00:16:26,768 --> 00:16:30,640 Ashley is different from any woman I've ever dated. 463 00:16:30,684 --> 00:16:33,427 She-she makes every day better. 464 00:16:33,470 --> 00:16:37,431 I-I want to spend the rest of my life with her. 465 00:16:37,474 --> 00:16:41,086 Aw, Dad, that's so sweet. 466 00:16:41,129 --> 00:16:42,043 [car alarm chirps]Hey! 467 00:16:42,087 --> 00:16:43,219 Hey, th... Ashley! 468 00:16:43,263 --> 00:16:44,828 JESS: What did she do? 469 00:16:44,873 --> 00:16:47,092 She went out and found a guy? 470 00:16:47,135 --> 00:16:48,224 She's gonna relapse. Um... 471 00:16:48,268 --> 00:16:50,269 Oh, we have to turn her off.Ashley... 472 00:16:50,312 --> 00:16:52,533 Let's turn on NPR and blare it. Oh... 473 00:16:56,971 --> 00:16:58,278 Ashley, wait. Wait a minute. Please. 474 00:16:58,321 --> 00:16:59,713 Please don't do this. Please. 475 00:16:59,756 --> 00:17:01,062 JESS: Ashley, if you're gonna relapse, 476 00:17:01,106 --> 00:17:02,238 relapse with my dad. 477 00:17:02,282 --> 00:17:04,674 I'm not relapsing. 478 00:17:04,719 --> 00:17:06,763 This is Roy. He's my L.A. sponsor. 479 00:17:06,807 --> 00:17:08,505 BOB: This is Roy? Oh! 480 00:17:08,548 --> 00:17:11,073 You know, I-I always wanted to meet you. Hi. 481 00:17:11,116 --> 00:17:13,336 Jess, he's not a strange man. 482 00:17:13,380 --> 00:17:15,337 He's a sex addict. 483 00:17:15,382 --> 00:17:18,079 Former sex addict. Uh, current chocoholic. 484 00:17:18,124 --> 00:17:20,517 I'd be in trouble if you were black. 485 00:17:20,560 --> 00:17:22,301 Thank you? 486 00:17:22,345 --> 00:17:25,173 Ashley, look, I screwed up. 487 00:17:25,218 --> 00:17:27,349 I have to let my dad make mistakes. 488 00:17:27,394 --> 00:17:28,221 Oh, I'm a mistake? 489 00:17:28,263 --> 00:17:29,439 No, you are not a mistake. 490 00:17:29,482 --> 00:17:30,788 That came out wrong. 491 00:17:30,832 --> 00:17:32,573 I'm sorry, Bob. 492 00:17:32,615 --> 00:17:35,228 I never meant to come between you and your daughter. 493 00:17:35,270 --> 00:17:36,445 I love you so damn much. 494 00:17:36,490 --> 00:17:39,449 You're my big, round, bald, 495 00:17:39,492 --> 00:17:41,103 fuzzy Weeble-Wobble. 496 00:17:41,146 --> 00:17:44,279 But I just... I just need a little space. 497 00:17:49,502 --> 00:17:51,243 It's not over, Dad. 498 00:17:51,287 --> 00:17:52,461 Get the ring. 499 00:17:52,506 --> 00:17:53,723 I'm sorry, Schmidt. 500 00:17:53,768 --> 00:17:55,203 What can I say? 501 00:17:55,248 --> 00:17:56,944 You're just not really built to play with the big girls. 502 00:17:56,988 --> 00:17:58,772 Don't fire him!Oh, God. 503 00:17:58,816 --> 00:18:01,297 What the... Why?Give him the account. 504 00:18:01,340 --> 00:18:04,257 He's a hard worker, and he's a neat freak. 505 00:18:04,299 --> 00:18:07,390 How do I know that? 'Cause I share a room with him. 506 00:18:07,433 --> 00:18:08,521 You two share a room? 507 00:18:08,565 --> 00:18:10,000 And you should see his side. 508 00:18:10,045 --> 00:18:13,353 It is so clean. It looks like the inside of a Japanese subway. 509 00:18:13,395 --> 00:18:15,833 Speaking of sharing a bedroom, Brittany's coming over tonight. 510 00:18:15,876 --> 00:18:19,271 Uh, so I'm gonna need ten to 15 minutes of privacy for... 511 00:18:19,315 --> 00:18:21,186 I don't need 15 minutes. That's excessive. 512 00:18:21,230 --> 00:18:22,275 Give me five to ten. 513 00:18:22,317 --> 00:18:24,798 That feels braggy. Give me three to five, 514 00:18:24,842 --> 00:18:26,844 but no less than three 'cause that's rude to girls. 515 00:18:26,887 --> 00:18:28,759 Do you really think that she's gonna have sex with you 516 00:18:28,803 --> 00:18:31,153 in that pulp-covered filth bunker?I'll throw a tarp down. 517 00:18:31,196 --> 00:18:32,372 Oh, God. SCHMIDT: What if she's turned off 518 00:18:32,414 --> 00:18:35,201 by the mess? What if she's turned off by... 519 00:18:37,202 --> 00:18:39,422 What if she's turned off by the mess? 520 00:18:39,465 --> 00:18:41,294 Hey, Gina, why don't you hear me out here for a second. 521 00:18:41,336 --> 00:18:43,034 That's all right.If Nick cleans his room 522 00:18:43,077 --> 00:18:44,775 before Brittany comes over, he might get laid. 523 00:18:44,818 --> 00:18:47,430 I don't know. It seems like a lot of work. 524 00:18:47,473 --> 00:18:49,171 Not with the right tool. 525 00:18:49,214 --> 00:18:50,825 We open up on a modern man 526 00:18:50,867 --> 00:18:52,566 with a nose that only America could love. 527 00:18:52,608 --> 00:18:53,522 This might seem obvious, 528 00:18:53,567 --> 00:18:55,221 but what side does the dirty stuff go on? 529 00:18:55,263 --> 00:18:56,352 He doesn't know a lot, 530 00:18:56,395 --> 00:18:58,528 but he's about to discover the ultimate wingman. 531 00:18:58,572 --> 00:18:59,789 NICK: I bet this side is 532 00:18:59,834 --> 00:19:01,182 really good for tough areas. 533 00:19:01,227 --> 00:19:02,750 The Man Sponge. 534 00:19:02,792 --> 00:19:04,882 Because the dirtiest thing in your room... 535 00:19:04,925 --> 00:19:06,536 Probably be her. [chuckles] 536 00:19:06,579 --> 00:19:08,233 Yay. We're doing a pitch. 537 00:19:08,277 --> 00:19:09,625 Yeah.[chuckles] 538 00:19:09,670 --> 00:19:13,542 I... can't believe I'm saying this, 539 00:19:13,586 --> 00:19:15,022 but I like it. 540 00:19:15,066 --> 00:19:16,763 All right, you get the sponge account, Schmidt. 541 00:19:16,807 --> 00:19:18,243 Sponges. We got sponges. 542 00:19:18,287 --> 00:19:20,246 We got sponges. We got sponges.We got sponges. 543 00:19:20,288 --> 00:19:22,029 JESS: Wait! 544 00:19:22,073 --> 00:19:24,815 Ashley! My dad loves you! 545 00:19:24,858 --> 00:19:25,772 No matter what! Wait! 546 00:19:25,816 --> 00:19:28,123 ♪ Ashley... 547 00:19:28,166 --> 00:19:30,125 On your right! Left side! On your right. On your left. 548 00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:30,820 [Jess whimpering] 549 00:19:30,865 --> 00:19:32,605 On your right! Left! 550 00:19:32,648 --> 00:19:34,085 Right! Bread and butter. 551 00:19:34,128 --> 00:19:35,434 On your left. On your right. 552 00:19:35,478 --> 00:19:36,435 [Jess continues whimpering] 553 00:19:36,479 --> 00:19:37,436 Oh, my God! 554 00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:39,568 Left side!Left side! 555 00:19:39,613 --> 00:19:41,657 ♪ Ashl... On your right! 556 00:19:41,701 --> 00:19:43,094 BOB: Jess! 557 00:19:43,137 --> 00:19:45,314 Jess, baby, baby, are you okay?Oh. 558 00:19:45,357 --> 00:19:48,230 You... Here, come on, come on. Let's get you to a hospital.Yeah. Yes. 559 00:19:48,273 --> 00:19:49,926 Oh, my God! Is she okay? I don't know. 560 00:19:49,971 --> 00:19:50,927 I mean, are you okay? 561 00:19:50,971 --> 00:19:52,669 You need to do it now, Dad, 562 00:19:52,712 --> 00:19:55,193 before we get flattened by a parade. Come on. 563 00:19:58,719 --> 00:20:01,329 Ashley... will you marry me? 564 00:20:01,374 --> 00:20:04,376 And be the stepmom to a very crazy 565 00:20:04,420 --> 00:20:07,380 but-but very lovable woman? 566 00:20:07,423 --> 00:20:09,817 [chuckles]: Yes. 567 00:20:09,859 --> 00:20:13,429 Yes. Yes! 568 00:20:13,472 --> 00:20:14,691 Oh, yes! 569 00:20:14,734 --> 00:20:17,519 Jess, you're my little girl now. 570 00:20:17,564 --> 00:20:18,868 Oh, Jess. 571 00:20:18,913 --> 00:20:20,827 You go to your room. [laughs]: I'm just kidding. 572 00:20:20,871 --> 00:20:24,222 I'm kidding. But you should go to a-a hospital. 573 00:20:25,310 --> 00:20:28,488 Here's to attending a wedding with everyone from high school 574 00:20:28,530 --> 00:20:30,316 and my dad's side of the family. 575 00:20:30,358 --> 00:20:32,056 It's gonna be great. It's like going to prom 576 00:20:32,099 --> 00:20:33,536 with all my dad's friends.NICK: Hear, hear! 577 00:20:33,579 --> 00:20:34,493 [cheering] 578 00:20:34,537 --> 00:20:36,409 Oh. Oh. 579 00:20:36,451 --> 00:20:37,626 No, no, no, no. Don't worry, don't worry. 580 00:20:37,671 --> 00:20:39,280 I got it. I got it. I'll just clean it. 581 00:20:39,325 --> 00:20:40,542 COACH: Dude, there's a sponge 582 00:20:40,586 --> 00:20:42,284 in your hand.SCHMIDT: No, let him go. 583 00:20:42,327 --> 00:20:44,329 He's my inspiration. You know, living with him 584 00:20:44,373 --> 00:20:47,681 in that slovenly hellhole has been a secret blessing. 585 00:20:47,723 --> 00:20:48,637 It's made me stronger. 586 00:20:48,682 --> 00:20:49,769 Without ash to rise from, 587 00:20:49,813 --> 00:20:51,945 the phoenix would just be a bird getting up. 588 00:20:51,989 --> 00:20:53,861 I am a phoenix, and I will rise. 589 00:20:53,903 --> 00:20:55,950 He usually says that speech before sex. 590 00:20:55,992 --> 00:20:57,865 By 2015, I will have my own room. 591 00:20:57,907 --> 00:21:00,127 And by 2016... 592 00:21:02,347 --> 00:21:03,566 COACH: What is he looking at?I don't know. 593 00:21:03,609 --> 00:21:06,002 ...I will be a millionaire.[all groaning] 594 00:21:06,047 --> 00:21:08,570 [piano playing gentle music] 595 00:21:19,930 --> 00:21:21,366 [gasps] 596 00:21:21,410 --> 00:21:23,759 Spongey make wipey. 597 00:21:23,804 --> 00:21:25,935 ANNOUNCER: The Man Sponge. 598 00:21:25,980 --> 00:21:28,503 Because the dirtiest thing in your room... 599 00:21:28,548 --> 00:21:31,550 Should be me. 600 00:21:31,594 --> 00:21:33,465 Sponge. Sponge. Sponge. Sponge. Sponge.Sponge. Sponge. Sponge. 601 00:21:33,509 --> 00:21:36,207 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org