1
00:00:02,702 --> 00:00:04,171
JESS:
Hey, look who it is.

2
00:00:04,205 --> 00:00:06,240
It's Schmidt.
And, um...

3
00:00:06,274 --> 00:00:07,674
This is Barb.
Barb is leaving.

4
00:00:07,708 --> 00:00:08,875
Oh, Barb. Like the elephant.

5
00:00:08,909 --> 00:00:11,144
That's Babar, you dum-dum.

6
00:00:11,179 --> 00:00:14,147
Barbara.
A little potassium pick-me-up?

7
00:00:14,182 --> 00:00:15,249
Since I know
sleeping wasn't

8
00:00:15,282 --> 00:00:16,884
the main activity of the night.

9
00:00:16,917 --> 00:00:19,320
Thin walls. Just kidding.
They're very thick.

10
00:00:19,353 --> 00:00:21,588
You're just so loud!
(chuckles)

11
00:00:21,621 --> 00:00:24,324
You have a lot
of roommates.
So many of 'em. That's great.

12
00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:25,693
Bye, Barb.
Bye, Barb.

13
00:00:25,725 --> 00:00:26,926
Bye, Schmidt.
(door shuts)

14
00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:28,762
That was the third piece
of nanny

15
00:00:28,795 --> 00:00:30,998
this week, am I right?
Sure is.

16
00:00:31,030 --> 00:00:33,100
Little shop talk from someone
who's also out there

17
00:00:33,134 --> 00:00:35,536
trying to crush butt herself.

18
00:00:35,569 --> 00:00:36,869
Um, where
are you meeting all

19
00:00:36,904 --> 00:00:39,573
these eligible singles,
these, uh, elly-sings?

20
00:00:39,606 --> 00:00:41,109
Dice.
Hmm?

21
00:00:41,142 --> 00:00:43,243
It's kind of like Tinder.
Dice and Tinder.

22
00:00:43,277 --> 00:00:44,712
I've been to those bars.
They're downtown, right?

23
00:00:44,744 --> 00:00:46,780
(groans)
Dice is a dating app.

24
00:00:46,814 --> 00:00:48,548
Dating app.
It's not for you.

25
00:00:48,582 --> 00:00:50,750
What? Schmidty.

26
00:00:50,783 --> 00:00:52,853
Come on.
I've Internet dated before.

27
00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:56,090
You send an e-mail, you
get excited, you wait,
you get an e-mail back.

28
00:00:56,124 --> 00:00:58,558
You are just describing
e-mailing.
Come on.

29
00:00:58,591 --> 00:01:01,094
You're gonna get eaten alive
on Dice. Do you want to see...
Come on, now.

30
00:01:01,128 --> 00:01:03,764
Do you want to see...
This is Dice. Come here.

31
00:01:03,796 --> 00:01:05,733
It's all about split-second
decisions, okay?

32
00:01:05,766 --> 00:01:07,268
You see a picture,
you swipe down for yes,

33
00:01:07,301 --> 00:01:08,769
you swipe up for no.
JESS: You're so fast.

34
00:01:08,801 --> 00:01:09,903
Instinct.
That's what it's about.

35
00:01:09,936 --> 00:01:11,739
Which you don't have.

36
00:01:11,772 --> 00:01:15,143
Now, I'm gonna go do
a deep-ass mouthwash.

37
00:01:15,176 --> 00:01:17,144
Don't go on Dice, Jess.

38
00:01:17,177 --> 00:01:18,679
I won't.

39
00:01:21,248 --> 00:01:24,451
Okay, now.

40
00:01:24,484 --> 00:01:26,819
New account.

41
00:01:26,853 --> 00:01:30,257
I am... darn tootin' fun.

42
00:01:30,290 --> 00:01:32,259
DTF.

43
00:01:32,293 --> 00:01:34,927
Seeks same.

44
00:01:34,962 --> 00:01:37,397
I'm Dicing.

45
00:01:37,430 --> 00:01:39,633
* Who's that girl?

46
00:01:39,667 --> 00:01:42,034
* Who's that girl? *
* It's Jess.

47
00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:48,176
WINSTON:
You know, I'm really enjoying
the police academy,

48
00:01:48,209 --> 00:01:50,144
but, believe it
or not,

49
00:01:50,177 --> 00:01:52,313
I am not clicking socially
with the other cadets.

50
00:01:52,346 --> 00:01:53,447
What? Weird.
Oh, my God.

51
00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:55,283
No.
That's crazy.

52
00:01:55,316 --> 00:01:57,185
That is super shocking news.
I can't wrap my
head around that.

53
00:01:57,218 --> 00:01:59,085
That just doesn't add up.
Everyone's got
a nickname but me.

54
00:01:59,118 --> 00:02:01,921
Yo, Swoops! What up, Gunner?
(chuckles)

55
00:02:01,954 --> 00:02:03,990
Hey, Winston Bishop.

56
00:02:04,024 --> 00:02:05,325
Why don't you just go ask them

57
00:02:05,358 --> 00:02:06,793
if you can hang out
with them sometime?

58
00:02:06,826 --> 00:02:08,195
I mean, what's the worst
that could happen?

59
00:02:08,228 --> 00:02:10,631
Just invite myself?
Now, that's just rude.

60
00:02:10,663 --> 00:02:13,467
Winnie the Bish
wasn't raised to be rude.

61
00:02:13,501 --> 00:02:16,103
Now, save my seat.
I got to go make a caca.

62
00:02:16,135 --> 00:02:18,705
I can't believe we're
gonna live with a cop.

63
00:02:18,739 --> 00:02:21,509
I mean, can we still do illegal
things? Like, I don't know,

64
00:02:21,542 --> 00:02:23,211
what if I want to get
stoned or something?

65
00:02:23,243 --> 00:02:24,545
I've actually never
gotten stoned before.

66
00:02:24,578 --> 00:02:26,546
You've never been stoned?
What?

67
00:02:26,579 --> 00:02:27,881
Should I do it before
he becomes a cop?

68
00:02:27,914 --> 00:02:29,317
We could do this.
Really?

69
00:02:29,349 --> 00:02:31,185
We're adults. We can
smoke a little weed.

70
00:02:31,218 --> 00:02:32,786
I think we should do it.
It's been a while.

71
00:02:32,819 --> 00:02:34,222
I pick up stuff
really quick.

72
00:02:34,254 --> 00:02:36,223
You can't just pick up
pot and be good at it.

73
00:02:36,257 --> 00:02:39,058
Like everything else in
life, it takes practice.
Yeah, if pot

74
00:02:39,091 --> 00:02:41,127
were a piano, Nick would be
a nine-year-old Chinese girl.

75
00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:43,331
Daddy's here to take
care of you. I'm gonna
guide you through it.

76
00:02:43,364 --> 00:02:45,132
I'll be your
spiritual guru.

77
00:02:45,164 --> 00:02:46,800
And Mommy's got nothing
to do this afternoon,

78
00:02:46,834 --> 00:02:48,201
so I'm gonna bake
some damn brownies

79
00:02:48,235 --> 00:02:49,469
so we can all freak out.

80
00:02:49,502 --> 00:02:51,905
Let's do it.
We're getting stoned?

81
00:02:51,938 --> 00:02:54,074
This is like watching a meeting
of idiot 12-year-olds.

82
00:02:54,106 --> 00:02:56,210
The hell is that?
What is that noise?
(ringtone playing)

83
00:02:56,243 --> 00:02:57,677
Your cellular technology.

84
00:02:57,711 --> 00:03:01,080
I haven't gotten
a non-text message in two years.

85
00:03:01,114 --> 00:03:02,716
Jess?

86
00:03:02,750 --> 00:03:05,718
Hey, uh... so, I Diced

87
00:03:05,752 --> 00:03:08,389
and it was great. Um,

88
00:03:08,421 --> 00:03:11,558
but could I
get a ride?

89
00:03:11,592 --> 00:03:14,127
You sure you don't want
to hop on for a second?

90
00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:20,067
Do you have a dog,
or is this all you?

91
00:03:20,099 --> 00:03:21,669
Which would you prefer?

92
00:03:21,701 --> 00:03:23,403
(barks)

93
00:03:24,972 --> 00:03:27,707
Schmidt, will you at least
just talk to me, please?

94
00:03:29,409 --> 00:03:31,044
He looked nice in his picture.

95
00:03:32,413 --> 00:03:34,114
The frame cut off the bottom
of his beard,

96
00:03:34,146 --> 00:03:36,216
so how was I to know it was
braided into a beardy tail?

97
00:03:36,250 --> 00:03:38,385
Mmm.
He asked me

98
00:03:38,418 --> 00:03:40,219
to the food court
near his house.

99
00:03:40,253 --> 00:03:42,522
I thought that was
down-to-earth, and I liked that.

100
00:03:42,555 --> 00:03:43,956
He didn't bring
any money,

101
00:03:43,990 --> 00:03:46,126
so we had to go back
to his apartment.

102
00:03:46,158 --> 00:03:49,629
And also he wanted to show me
some of his old baby clothes.

103
00:03:49,663 --> 00:03:51,564
(groans)

104
00:03:52,832 --> 00:03:54,567
Maybe I'm not ready for Dice.

105
00:03:54,602 --> 00:03:56,537
Will you just
help me, please?

106
00:03:56,569 --> 00:03:58,906
I want to get back out there.
I have to...

107
00:03:58,938 --> 00:04:00,873
I need to get
back out there.

108
00:04:00,907 --> 00:04:01,908
And I know I'm gullible.

109
00:04:01,942 --> 00:04:03,210
'Cause people tell me that,

110
00:04:03,242 --> 00:04:05,145
and I have no reason not
to believe them.

111
00:04:06,479 --> 00:04:08,481
Teach me to Dice.

112
00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:15,423
Is that a yes?
(mutters)

113
00:04:15,455 --> 00:04:17,223
Schmidt?

114
00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:19,259
What's happening?

115
00:04:21,961 --> 00:04:23,463
Ah! What the hell?

116
00:04:23,497 --> 00:04:25,932
I will teach you Dice.

117
00:04:34,542 --> 00:04:36,843
Welcome and...

118
00:04:36,877 --> 00:04:38,478
good morning.

119
00:04:38,512 --> 00:04:40,781
It's weird here in the morning.
It is very sad.

120
00:04:40,814 --> 00:04:42,449
Now, over the next
1,000 minutes,

121
00:04:42,483 --> 00:04:44,351
your notions of dating
will be challenged.

122
00:04:44,384 --> 00:04:46,519
Jess, just listen. No notes.
I'm sorry.

123
00:04:46,553 --> 00:04:49,490
You put notebooks and pens
on the table, so I thought...
I totally get it.

124
00:04:49,523 --> 00:04:51,625
Look, Jess, you're nervous.
Would you like some water?

125
00:04:51,658 --> 00:04:53,026
Oh, thank you.
Of course.

126
00:04:53,060 --> 00:04:55,095
That's really nice of...
Never show weakness.

127
00:04:55,127 --> 00:04:58,499
Write that down.
Now, you're on Dice

128
00:04:58,531 --> 00:05:00,367
and this hunk shows up.

129
00:05:00,401 --> 00:05:02,836
Hubba hubba, Mama in trubba.

130
00:05:02,870 --> 00:05:03,704
Don't ever do that again.

131
00:05:03,737 --> 00:05:05,105
Okay.
So you find

132
00:05:05,137 --> 00:05:06,774
this man.
He looks like a Hemsworth,

133
00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:08,007
if you will.

134
00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:09,942
He swipes down,
you swipe down,

135
00:05:09,976 --> 00:05:12,946
you guys set a date. I show up.

136
00:05:12,980 --> 00:05:14,781
Hey, how you doing?
I'm Jack Steele.

137
00:05:14,814 --> 00:05:16,483
Hi, Jack.
(buzzing)

138
00:05:16,516 --> 00:05:19,519
Wrong.
Is that our Taboo buzzer?

139
00:05:19,552 --> 00:05:21,355
Not important. Why did I buzz?
Do you think
you could

140
00:05:21,389 --> 00:05:23,055
just return it to the box
when you're done with it?

141
00:05:23,089 --> 00:05:25,625
The reason I buzzed is because
I look nothing like this person.

142
00:05:25,658 --> 00:05:27,394
Look at this. There's
a sun-kissed sweetie.

143
00:05:27,427 --> 00:05:29,129
I am a rugged Semitic prince.

144
00:05:29,161 --> 00:05:31,331
I thought we were role-playing.
Role-playing?

145
00:05:31,365 --> 00:05:32,800
What about this feels
like a game to you?

146
00:05:32,832 --> 00:05:35,668
(buzzing)
(phone chimes)

147
00:05:35,702 --> 00:05:38,038
Ooh, I got a Dice match.

148
00:05:38,071 --> 00:05:39,038
Jacob.

149
00:05:39,072 --> 00:05:41,475
He has dreamy eyes.

150
00:05:41,509 --> 00:05:43,143
Them's joint-bank-account eyes.
Okay,

151
00:05:43,175 --> 00:05:45,045
if you're saying things like
"dreamy eyes" to my face,

152
00:05:45,077 --> 00:05:47,848
we have more work to do
than the Kings of Leon.

153
00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:50,651
Good band, but it feels
like they are stuck in
one place musically.

154
00:05:50,683 --> 00:05:51,985
Well, I have a good feeling
about this guy.

155
00:05:52,019 --> 00:05:52,886
Okay.
I'm gonna
ask him out.

156
00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:54,187
Hey.

157
00:05:54,221 --> 00:05:55,689
You're not ready yet.

158
00:05:57,457 --> 00:05:59,860
I'm s...
I'm sorry about your phone.

159
00:05:59,893 --> 00:06:01,495
I'm sure you have
the protection plan.

160
00:06:01,528 --> 00:06:02,995
I do have the...
(buzzing)

161
00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:05,665
Never get the protection plan!

162
00:06:05,699 --> 00:06:07,600
NICK:
The oceans are very wild.

163
00:06:07,634 --> 00:06:10,237
No man or piece
of scientific technology

164
00:06:10,269 --> 00:06:12,572
has ever been to the bottom
of the ocean.

165
00:06:12,605 --> 00:06:14,742
Titanic did.
Uh, Titan sunk
down there,

166
00:06:14,774 --> 00:06:16,175
but that's not
to the bottom.

167
00:06:16,209 --> 00:06:17,911
No, the man who
made Titanic did.

168
00:06:17,944 --> 00:06:20,346
I don't know
what Manhoo is, but...

169
00:06:20,379 --> 00:06:21,915
You guys seem a lot higher
than me.

170
00:06:21,949 --> 00:06:24,250
Well, it hits everybody
at different times, Hoss.

171
00:06:24,283 --> 00:06:26,019
(door opens)
But it's coming for you.

172
00:06:26,052 --> 00:06:27,855
My people!
(chuckles)

173
00:06:27,887 --> 00:06:30,089
Time to rally, everybody.
We are going to a party.

174
00:06:30,122 --> 00:06:32,526
I took Cece's advice
and decided to invite myself

175
00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:34,694
to hang out
with some of the other guys,

176
00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:36,863
and I think
y'all should roll with.

177
00:06:36,896 --> 00:06:38,466
Make me look cooler.

178
00:06:38,499 --> 00:06:41,233
I'll totally go to a
party on your butt.

179
00:06:41,268 --> 00:06:42,069
What?

180
00:06:42,101 --> 00:06:44,071
(laughing)
No. No.

181
00:06:44,103 --> 00:06:46,639
Now, that is a humorous image.

182
00:06:46,673 --> 00:06:49,776
What?

183
00:06:49,810 --> 00:06:51,879
But, seriously, you have to go.
Oh, no, no, no, no.

184
00:06:51,911 --> 00:06:53,312
Know-know what? We're gonna go.

185
00:06:53,346 --> 00:06:54,413
We're gonna go.

186
00:06:54,447 --> 00:06:56,249
Okay.
We're gonna go.

187
00:06:56,283 --> 00:06:58,250
We're gonna go. We're gonna go.

188
00:06:58,284 --> 00:06:59,752
You're gonna go?
Hey, we're gonna go.

189
00:06:59,786 --> 00:07:01,254
We're gonna go.

190
00:07:01,288 --> 00:07:02,790
We're gonna go.
Right on, right on.

191
00:07:02,822 --> 00:07:04,591
Well, then we'll go.

192
00:07:04,625 --> 00:07:06,093
(chuckling):
Yeah.

193
00:07:06,125 --> 00:07:07,461
You guys are way too messed up
to be going.

194
00:07:07,495 --> 00:07:09,730
You're not an expert. I am.

195
00:07:09,762 --> 00:07:11,064
Nobody knows we're stoned.

196
00:07:11,098 --> 00:07:12,432
If we didn't go,
then they would know.

197
00:07:12,466 --> 00:07:13,634
You're saying that be...

198
00:07:13,666 --> 00:07:15,235
if we don't go to the party,

199
00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:16,603
they're gonna think
that we're high.

200
00:07:16,637 --> 00:07:18,771
Oh, the guy
who's never done weed.

201
00:07:18,805 --> 00:07:20,641
That's not the proper term.
It's "smoked weed."

202
00:07:20,673 --> 00:07:22,309
You don't "do weed."
That's a test.

203
00:07:22,341 --> 00:07:24,011
You said it.
Listen to me,

204
00:07:24,043 --> 00:07:26,646
first order of business,
we eat their food.

205
00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:30,082
Okay.
Then you look at the pool.
"Aw, what a great pool.

206
00:07:30,117 --> 00:07:34,021
I wish... I wish
I could dive for rings."

207
00:07:34,053 --> 00:07:37,591
Because if you were stoned,
you wouldn't dive for rings.

208
00:07:37,625 --> 00:07:40,894
Um, I was just thinking
of this impression.

209
00:07:42,495 --> 00:07:43,797
Who am I doing?

210
00:07:46,533 --> 00:07:48,367
Who am I doing?
Al Pacino?

211
00:07:48,401 --> 00:07:51,471
Maybe. So, then,

212
00:07:51,504 --> 00:07:53,807
you get home,
you eat some pizza...

213
00:07:53,841 --> 00:07:56,343
Trust me. I just thought
of every single possibility

214
00:07:56,375 --> 00:07:59,045
of what could happen at that
party, and none of them are bad.

215
00:07:59,079 --> 00:08:01,213
Ooh. Wow.

216
00:08:01,247 --> 00:08:04,785
This is a big party.
I'm talking wall-to-wall cops.

217
00:08:04,817 --> 00:08:06,653
Man.

218
00:08:10,923 --> 00:08:12,860
Oh, I did not
think this through.

219
00:08:12,893 --> 00:08:15,394
(giggling)

220
00:08:15,427 --> 00:08:18,966
It just hit me.

221
00:08:18,999 --> 00:08:20,367
Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey,

222
00:08:20,399 --> 00:08:21,968
hey, hey, hey, hey.
Be cool.

223
00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:24,370
And that is why-- no matter
how tricked out it is--

224
00:08:24,403 --> 00:08:26,038
you never get into a van.

225
00:08:26,072 --> 00:08:28,408
"No van."
Okay. Moving on.

226
00:08:28,440 --> 00:08:29,643
Classic warning signs.

227
00:08:29,677 --> 00:08:31,011
Now, last night, the crazy man

228
00:08:31,043 --> 00:08:32,980
said he needed to meet you
near his house.

229
00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:34,648
What he was really saying was,

230
00:08:34,682 --> 00:08:36,383
"I expect tonight
to end in sex."

231
00:08:36,415 --> 00:08:39,152
Or maybe he doesn't like
to be far from his pets.

232
00:08:39,186 --> 00:08:41,321
Never date a man with pets.
The only acceptable pet

233
00:08:41,354 --> 00:08:44,758
for a man to have is a
saltwater fish. Okay, what now?

234
00:08:44,792 --> 00:08:46,559
Okay, first test.
Now, I'm gonna say something,

235
00:08:46,594 --> 00:08:49,196
and you tell me
what's really being said.

236
00:08:49,229 --> 00:08:51,664
Oh, you know, I'm just staying
in a hotel right now.

237
00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:53,200
"I like to travel."

238
00:08:53,232 --> 00:08:55,568
(buzzing)
Homeless. Pervert.

239
00:08:55,602 --> 00:08:58,739
Oh, my God, my mom is just
the most amazing woman.

240
00:08:58,772 --> 00:09:00,173
Oh. "I love my mother."

241
00:09:00,206 --> 00:09:01,441
(buzzing)

242
00:09:01,474 --> 00:09:04,043
Virgin. And somehow
also a pervert.

243
00:09:04,076 --> 00:09:06,679
I kind of prefer
public transportation.

244
00:09:06,714 --> 00:09:08,215
Oh. Earth-conscious.

245
00:09:08,248 --> 00:09:10,116
(buzzing)
Multiple DUIs.

246
00:09:10,149 --> 00:09:11,217
(buzzing)

247
00:09:11,250 --> 00:09:13,052
Pervert.

248
00:09:13,086 --> 00:09:14,553
Okay, time for the next phase.

249
00:09:14,587 --> 00:09:15,923
Next phase?
Jess?

250
00:09:15,956 --> 00:09:18,859
Hi. I'm Malcolm. From Dice?
Oh...

251
00:09:18,892 --> 00:09:20,460
Oh.

252
00:09:20,493 --> 00:09:22,461
Hi.
Hey.

253
00:09:22,495 --> 00:09:24,297
She'll be with you
in just a minute.

254
00:09:24,331 --> 00:09:26,099
Okay.

255
00:09:26,133 --> 00:09:28,201
You set me up on a date?
I'm wearing my

256
00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:30,403
lounge-around underwear.
I set you up on ten dates.

257
00:09:30,437 --> 00:09:32,072
What?
Ten years of experience
in one day.

258
00:09:32,105 --> 00:09:33,240
Expert by midnight.

259
00:09:33,273 --> 00:09:34,741
The Dice Diez.

260
00:09:34,774 --> 00:09:36,109
"Diez" is Spanish for ten.

261
00:09:36,143 --> 00:09:38,110
Are you insane, Schmidt?
I'm not ready.

262
00:09:38,144 --> 00:09:40,480
That's like taking a musical
from rehearsals

263
00:09:40,513 --> 00:09:42,883
straight to Broadway.
You got to workshop it first...

264
00:09:42,915 --> 00:09:44,317
If you are
for one second suggesting

265
00:09:44,350 --> 00:09:45,786
that I don't know
how to open a musical...

266
00:09:45,818 --> 00:09:47,788
How dare you? I'm trying
to help you out here.

267
00:09:47,821 --> 00:09:50,090
Now, of course you're
not ready, Jess.

268
00:09:50,123 --> 00:09:52,558
That's why I set up ten dates.

269
00:09:52,591 --> 00:09:54,326
Now, you can do this. Come on.

270
00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:56,562
All right.

271
00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:57,563
So...

272
00:09:57,596 --> 00:09:58,831
So.
Date talk.

273
00:09:58,865 --> 00:10:00,801
Okay.
(chuckles) What do you do?

274
00:10:00,833 --> 00:10:03,336
Um, well, I don't have a job,
currently, right now,

275
00:10:03,370 --> 00:10:05,673
in the traditional
"nine to five" sense,

276
00:10:05,706 --> 00:10:08,240
but, uh, I got a lot cooking.

277
00:10:08,274 --> 00:10:11,778
I "grow" "raisins."

278
00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:16,515
I'm sorry, Malcolm, um,

279
00:10:16,548 --> 00:10:18,551
I'm gonna have to...

280
00:10:19,552 --> 00:10:20,687
(whispering):
Get out of there.

281
00:10:20,721 --> 00:10:22,690
...let you finish that story.

282
00:10:22,722 --> 00:10:25,826
Oh, okay. I grow
two types of raisins.

283
00:10:25,859 --> 00:10:27,594
There's the Leopold raisin,

284
00:10:27,626 --> 00:10:29,261
which is from Austria.
Mm-hmm.

285
00:10:29,296 --> 00:10:30,764
And then there's
the Zwiebel raisin,

286
00:10:30,798 --> 00:10:32,499
which is also from Austria.

287
00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:37,537
But I think the main thing

288
00:10:37,570 --> 00:10:38,938
that got me
through my time in prison

289
00:10:38,971 --> 00:10:40,206
was the realization

290
00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:41,875
that a "raisin" can be anything.

291
00:10:41,908 --> 00:10:43,309
We got to go!

292
00:10:43,342 --> 00:10:45,044
(in Southern accent):
Ma called. The bees are back.

293
00:10:45,077 --> 00:10:46,379
Ma called. The bees are back.

294
00:10:46,413 --> 00:10:48,048
Oh, okay. Um...

295
00:10:48,081 --> 00:10:49,883
Should I just...
Should I wait for you?

296
00:10:49,917 --> 00:10:51,951
You know that was
a bad date, right?

297
00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:54,053
I know, but I just felt
so trapped.

298
00:10:54,086 --> 00:10:56,623
Just do what I did, make up
an excuse and then leave.

299
00:10:56,655 --> 00:10:58,792
Just-just say as little
as you need to, okay?

300
00:10:58,826 --> 00:10:59,860
Make it your own.

301
00:10:59,893 --> 00:11:00,961
You ready?
Yeah.

302
00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:02,195
You can do this.
Okay.

303
00:11:02,229 --> 00:11:03,629
You have so much hair.
What?

304
00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:04,663
Where did all that
hair come from?

305
00:11:04,697 --> 00:11:05,732
You're like a lioness.

306
00:11:05,765 --> 00:11:07,366
So, did you know you could put

307
00:11:07,399 --> 00:11:09,535
a whole live chicken
in your mouth and eat it

308
00:11:09,568 --> 00:11:12,504
without plucking it
or preparing it at all?

309
00:11:14,041 --> 00:11:15,508
(whispering):
Keep it simple.

310
00:11:15,542 --> 00:11:16,643
Uh, let's keep it simple.

311
00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:17,811
You're a nice guy,

312
00:11:17,845 --> 00:11:19,312
and that's a neat outfit.

313
00:11:19,346 --> 00:11:21,181
Are you a chef?
Are you a beatnik?

314
00:11:21,213 --> 00:11:22,249
Are... Do you work on...

315
00:11:22,282 --> 00:11:23,682
on a submarine?
Shh.

316
00:11:23,716 --> 00:11:24,817
No! No!

317
00:11:24,851 --> 00:11:25,985
Oh.
Stand down,

318
00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:27,220
sir!
We found your son.

319
00:11:27,254 --> 00:11:28,321
He's alive.

320
00:11:28,355 --> 00:11:30,157
They found my son; he's alive.

321
00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:32,524
I'm sorry.
It was nice meeting you.

322
00:11:32,558 --> 00:11:34,027
WINSTON:
All right, now, remember,

323
00:11:34,061 --> 00:11:35,162
y'all are my dogs, okay?

324
00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:36,363
So just stay by my side

325
00:11:36,395 --> 00:11:37,764
and make me look cool.

326
00:11:37,798 --> 00:11:40,500
If I tell a joke,
dogs got to bark.

327
00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:43,036
(laughs) I want to see those
tails wagging out there, okay?

328
00:11:43,070 --> 00:11:44,871
Oh, okay, look.

329
00:11:44,904 --> 00:11:46,206
Look, there's Dugan.
There's Dugan.

330
00:11:46,239 --> 00:11:49,076
That's the guy I was
telling you about. Come on.

331
00:11:49,109 --> 00:11:51,110
Over there is better.

332
00:11:51,144 --> 00:11:52,211
All right.

333
00:11:52,245 --> 00:11:54,346
What?
Whatever the hell that means.

334
00:11:54,380 --> 00:11:56,415
Is there a cop
in the house? (laughs)

335
00:11:56,448 --> 00:11:59,052
I feel really calm.
Really relaxed.

336
00:11:59,086 --> 00:12:01,120
Oh, look, a hummingbird.
What the hell
are you talking about?

337
00:12:01,153 --> 00:12:03,023
There's no such thing
as a hummingbird.

338
00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:04,624
Birds don't hum.

339
00:12:04,657 --> 00:12:05,793
They sing.

340
00:12:05,826 --> 00:12:07,427
They basically
invented singing.

341
00:12:07,460 --> 00:12:09,129
You're so high
right now, man.

342
00:12:09,162 --> 00:12:11,431
You're so high, I couldn't
possibly even bring you back.

343
00:12:11,464 --> 00:12:13,533
Actually, dude,
I feel really good.

344
00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:15,101
Hey, hey, hey, hey,
when you walk,

345
00:12:15,134 --> 00:12:16,602
you look like an insane person.

346
00:12:16,635 --> 00:12:20,206
Okay? And your voice sounds
so stoned and crazy.

347
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:21,607
Say something.

348
00:12:21,640 --> 00:12:23,143
Hello, Nick.

349
00:12:23,176 --> 00:12:25,077
(laughs)

350
00:12:25,111 --> 00:12:27,147
That took you, like, 20 minutes.

351
00:12:27,179 --> 00:12:29,115
"Hello, Nick."

352
00:12:29,149 --> 00:12:31,650
And now I'm a model
and a bartender.

353
00:12:31,683 --> 00:12:33,286
But I...

354
00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:35,654
I'm not sure what's next.
I feel a little lost.

355
00:12:35,687 --> 00:12:37,924
I'm not exactly sure
what I'm doing with my life.

356
00:12:39,091 --> 00:12:40,159
I'm so sorry.

357
00:12:40,192 --> 00:12:41,427
What was your question again?

358
00:12:41,461 --> 00:12:43,096
I didn't ask you anything.

359
00:12:43,129 --> 00:12:45,597
You just walked up
and started talking.

360
00:12:45,631 --> 00:12:47,134
So, man, I'm in the locker room,

361
00:12:47,167 --> 00:12:48,802
and I see a spider,
and I'm like,

362
00:12:48,836 --> 00:12:50,102
"I hope this is Charlotte's Web

363
00:12:50,136 --> 00:12:51,337
and you're nice."

364
00:12:54,374 --> 00:12:55,842
You haven't seen
Charlotte's Web?

365
00:12:55,875 --> 00:12:57,443
Charlotte's Web,
the, uh, cartoon.

366
00:12:57,476 --> 00:13:00,179
The tale about the spider who
was super chill and super cool.

367
00:13:00,212 --> 00:13:02,115
Then, well, series of events,
she ended up dying.

368
00:13:02,149 --> 00:13:03,515
So that was sad.

369
00:13:03,549 --> 00:13:05,684
That was sad, but spoiler alert,
if you haven't seen it.

370
00:13:05,717 --> 00:13:07,019
I'm sure you...
You haven't seen it.

371
00:13:07,053 --> 00:13:10,657
Where are my dogs?

372
00:13:10,690 --> 00:13:13,025
I took the liberty of writing
down some exit lines,

373
00:13:13,059 --> 00:13:15,427
because obviously, you can't
come up with any on your own.

374
00:13:15,461 --> 00:13:17,197
Here, take a look at those.

375
00:13:17,230 --> 00:13:18,865
I've got hockey practice?

376
00:13:18,899 --> 00:13:21,033
Sure.
My boss is trying to contact me

377
00:13:21,067 --> 00:13:23,269
about a project
that could save the company.

378
00:13:23,302 --> 00:13:24,203
Mm-hmm.
Schmidt,

379
00:13:24,236 --> 00:13:25,538
these are such
obvious rejections.

380
00:13:25,572 --> 00:13:26,874
I don't want to hurt
their feelings.

381
00:13:26,907 --> 00:13:27,941
Hurt their feel...

382
00:13:27,975 --> 00:13:29,375
Do you just walk around all day

383
00:13:29,408 --> 00:13:30,610
thinking about other
people's feelings?

384
00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:31,778
Yeah. Don't you?

385
00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:33,279
No.

386
00:13:33,312 --> 00:13:34,447
How do you get anything done?

387
00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:36,448
It's hard.
Okay, Jess,

388
00:13:36,482 --> 00:13:38,784
how can I put this?

389
00:13:38,817 --> 00:13:41,120
You're the prize here.

390
00:13:41,153 --> 00:13:43,155
Okay?

391
00:13:43,190 --> 00:13:45,457
You are the last piece of pie,
and all of these guys

392
00:13:45,491 --> 00:13:46,860
are the fat kids
in the cafeteria,

393
00:13:46,894 --> 00:13:49,296
and I can say that because
I used to be fat as a truck.

394
00:13:49,328 --> 00:13:50,998
You really think
I'm the last piece of pie?

395
00:13:51,030 --> 00:13:53,232
Damn right you're
the last piece of pie.

396
00:13:53,265 --> 00:13:55,134
You're the best
girl on Dice, Jess.

397
00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:57,470
And who cares what
these guys are feeling?

398
00:13:57,504 --> 00:13:59,338
You know, what do you feel?

399
00:13:59,371 --> 00:14:01,474
Jess, what do you want?

400
00:14:01,508 --> 00:14:02,542
I'm the pie.

401
00:14:02,575 --> 00:14:04,177
You're the pie.
I'm the pie.

402
00:14:04,211 --> 00:14:05,577
Say it again.
I'm the pie.

403
00:14:05,611 --> 00:14:07,080
Say it again.
I'm the pie.

404
00:14:07,114 --> 00:14:08,815
There you go.

405
00:14:08,847 --> 00:14:09,950
Who are you?

406
00:14:10,951 --> 00:14:12,485
Never really thought about that.

407
00:14:12,519 --> 00:14:13,586
Mmm.

408
00:14:13,620 --> 00:14:15,154
I'm not gay,

409
00:14:15,187 --> 00:14:18,524
but I would go crazy
on Michael Strahan.

410
00:14:18,557 --> 00:14:23,062
A prominent U.S. senator
is trying to contact me.

411
00:14:25,097 --> 00:14:27,667
You know, I just think
Meryl Streep is a dumb bitch.

412
00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:30,269
An important document
has gone missing.

413
00:14:30,302 --> 00:14:32,304
I need to find it.

414
00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:34,673
I've been getting
into a lot

415
00:14:34,706 --> 00:14:36,109
of fist fights lately.

416
00:14:36,143 --> 00:14:37,244
Like, a lot.

417
00:14:37,277 --> 00:14:38,544
More than usual.

418
00:14:38,577 --> 00:14:39,879
But, you know,

419
00:14:39,913 --> 00:14:41,713
I'm kind of enjoying them now.

420
00:14:41,748 --> 00:14:43,917
I have an acquaintance
who's in jeopardy.

421
00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:49,855
Jess?

422
00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:52,225
Nope, not Jess.

423
00:14:53,225 --> 00:14:55,394
Velcro shoes, pervert.

424
00:14:56,263 --> 00:14:58,264
I didn't even see those.

425
00:14:59,665 --> 00:15:02,269
I would love for you to share...

426
00:15:02,302 --> 00:15:04,571
share...

427
00:15:04,604 --> 00:15:06,974
what you think
I should do with my life.

428
00:15:09,442 --> 00:15:11,610
Am I boring you now?

429
00:15:11,644 --> 00:15:13,645
Officer,
can I read you your rights?

430
00:15:15,014 --> 00:15:18,118
You have the right
to remain hugged.

431
00:15:18,150 --> 00:15:19,451
(laughter)

432
00:15:19,485 --> 00:15:21,153
Oh, no, Coach!

433
00:15:21,187 --> 00:15:22,788
And you have the right
to remain sweet.

434
00:15:22,822 --> 00:15:23,990
(laughter)

435
00:15:24,024 --> 00:15:25,958
Run! Diversion!

436
00:15:25,993 --> 00:15:28,128
Run! Run! Now! Now!
Uh, du...? Whoa. Hold on!

437
00:15:28,161 --> 00:15:30,297
What's with your friends,
Winston Bishop?

438
00:15:30,330 --> 00:15:33,299
They kicked over the grill,
and then they ran that way.

439
00:15:33,332 --> 00:15:34,701
Yeah... I know.

440
00:15:35,868 --> 00:15:38,004
Wow. Last date.

441
00:15:38,038 --> 00:15:39,772
It's a big moment.

442
00:15:39,806 --> 00:15:42,841
Oh, my God, is that
who I think it is?

443
00:15:42,875 --> 00:15:45,077
I give you
Dreamy Eyes Jacob.

444
00:15:45,111 --> 00:15:46,846
Happy Dice
birthday, Jess.

445
00:15:46,879 --> 00:15:49,182
You're ready for this.
Now, go get him.

446
00:15:49,216 --> 00:15:51,584
Thank you, sir.

447
00:15:51,618 --> 00:15:53,019
JESS:
Wait a minute.

448
00:15:53,052 --> 00:15:55,187
Are you from Portland?
The Jolly Cow Creamery.

449
00:15:55,221 --> 00:15:57,157
Yeah, I used to work there
summers in high school.

450
00:15:57,190 --> 00:15:59,426
No way. I'm from Portland, too.
Are you serious?

451
00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:01,427
Yes. I used to go there
all the time in high school.

452
00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:02,928
Oh, my God.
That's so funny.

453
00:16:02,961 --> 00:16:04,730
(laughter)

454
00:16:06,566 --> 00:16:08,335
Yeah, I hope
you like this place.

455
00:16:08,368 --> 00:16:10,236
I live, like,
right across the street, so...

456
00:16:12,739 --> 00:16:15,107
Oh. (clears throat)
I get it.

457
00:16:15,142 --> 00:16:17,543
You asked me here
because

458
00:16:17,576 --> 00:16:19,846
you want me to go home
with you.
Wait. What?

459
00:16:19,879 --> 00:16:21,514
No. Um, you know what?
I got to go.

460
00:16:21,548 --> 00:16:23,049
I have hockey practice.

461
00:16:23,082 --> 00:16:24,951
I'm center wing,
so they really need me.
I... Wow.

462
00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:27,320
Okay, I just live
across the street.

463
00:16:27,354 --> 00:16:30,789
I'm not some weirdo trying to
lure you back to my apartment.

464
00:16:30,822 --> 00:16:32,625
I thought we were kind
of hitting it off.

465
00:16:32,658 --> 00:16:34,961
Guess you just make
a snap decision,

466
00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:36,663
and then that's it, so...

467
00:16:36,696 --> 00:16:38,965
All right, well,
have a good practice.

468
00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:43,503
And by the way, there's
no center wing in hockey.

469
00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:48,807
The Dice Diez!

470
00:16:48,841 --> 00:16:49,908
You did it!

471
00:16:50,942 --> 00:16:52,644
This thing is on!

472
00:16:52,678 --> 00:16:54,313
How do you open it?

473
00:16:54,346 --> 00:16:56,982
Oh, wow. This isn't
even champagne.

474
00:16:57,015 --> 00:16:59,152
Look, it's a super
fancy salad dressing.

475
00:16:59,186 --> 00:17:00,620
That is delightful.

476
00:17:05,924 --> 00:17:08,694
We are celebrating-- me and you.
Jess, you can have whatever

477
00:17:08,728 --> 00:17:10,863
you want on the menu.
They got pizza, gelato,

478
00:17:10,896 --> 00:17:12,664
tikka masala.

479
00:17:12,699 --> 00:17:14,666
A raw bar. This place
is doing too much.

480
00:17:14,701 --> 00:17:17,036
They can't be doing all this
right. What's wrong with you?

481
00:17:17,069 --> 00:17:18,570
I just don't understand how

482
00:17:18,605 --> 00:17:20,873
what we did today
is gonna help me find love.

483
00:17:20,906 --> 00:17:22,541
Love?

484
00:17:22,575 --> 00:17:23,910
Well, why would you want
to fall in love?

485
00:17:23,942 --> 00:17:25,711
Why else would I go on dates?

486
00:17:25,744 --> 00:17:28,414
The point of dating is just
to keep on dating,

487
00:17:28,448 --> 00:17:30,349
and then never stop.

488
00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:32,419
It's like burning fossil fuels
or seeing a therapist.

489
00:17:32,451 --> 00:17:34,721
No. Schmidt, the whole point

490
00:17:34,753 --> 00:17:38,357
of going on dates is to fall
in love and have a relationship.

491
00:17:38,391 --> 00:17:41,059
Like, don't you ever worry
that you're missing out?

492
00:17:41,094 --> 00:17:44,230
I mean, you're plowing
through all these girls,

493
00:17:44,263 --> 00:17:48,067
and some of 'em might be great,
but you'll never know.

494
00:17:48,101 --> 00:17:50,502
Do you want to go
through life that way?

495
00:17:51,804 --> 00:17:53,972
Yeah.

496
00:17:54,006 --> 00:17:56,643
I don't.

497
00:18:02,515 --> 00:18:04,983
Oh, hey, yeah.
I'll take the, um...

498
00:18:05,017 --> 00:18:06,952
the rock shrimp meatballs.

499
00:18:06,986 --> 00:18:08,820
What is this place?

500
00:18:08,855 --> 00:18:10,423
(shushing)

501
00:18:10,457 --> 00:18:13,125
I think
my life is going nowhere.

502
00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:14,626
Oh.
Mmm.

503
00:18:14,661 --> 00:18:16,796
No, Cece. It's
wonderful here.

504
00:18:16,828 --> 00:18:18,131
Do you like to learn?

505
00:18:18,164 --> 00:18:19,598
I do.

506
00:18:19,632 --> 00:18:21,134
I see you going back to school.

507
00:18:21,167 --> 00:18:24,270
I see it, too.
Yes, yes.

508
00:18:24,304 --> 00:18:26,306
I don't see it.
Yes.

509
00:18:26,338 --> 00:18:28,807
She's a bartender.
How is she gonna pay for it?

510
00:18:28,840 --> 00:18:32,077
(Cece and Coach hum
"Pomp and Circumstance")
She's not very good at it.

511
00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:34,181
(all humming
"Pomp and Circumstance")

512
00:18:34,213 --> 00:18:36,215
(beatboxing)

513
00:18:38,518 --> 00:18:39,419
On the floor!
Shut up!

514
00:18:39,451 --> 00:18:43,355
(yelling, overlapping chatter)

515
00:18:43,390 --> 00:18:45,192
(shouting and yelling)
CECE: Get the dog!

516
00:18:45,224 --> 00:18:47,993
Get down on the ground!
Yeah, and stay down!
No!

517
00:18:48,027 --> 00:18:49,862
(indistinct,
overlapping chatter)
CECE: I'm a student!

518
00:18:49,895 --> 00:18:51,698
Both of you, butts up.
I'm trying.

519
00:18:51,730 --> 00:18:53,031
I'm trying.

520
00:18:53,065 --> 00:18:57,369
(laughter)

521
00:18:57,403 --> 00:18:59,005
See, I see you guys were high,

522
00:18:59,038 --> 00:19:02,040
so I got these guys
to come and mess with you.

523
00:19:02,074 --> 00:19:04,109
(laughter)

524
00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:05,711
Let's go, man.

525
00:19:05,744 --> 00:19:07,946
Let's never do drugs again.

526
00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:10,115
That was a lot
of fun... Toilet.

527
00:19:10,148 --> 00:19:12,384
"Toilet." Is that...
is that my nickname?

528
00:19:12,419 --> 00:19:13,986
DUGAN:
Yeah, 'cause living
with these guys,

529
00:19:14,019 --> 00:19:16,955
you got to put up
with a lot of crap.
Lot of crap. (laughs)

530
00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:17,957
DUGAN:
Let's get a beer.

531
00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:21,560
Thank you very much.

532
00:19:21,594 --> 00:19:23,563
Flush, flush, what's the rush?

533
00:19:23,596 --> 00:19:24,896
Toilet's coming!

534
00:19:24,931 --> 00:19:26,398
You guys want
to go back in?

535
00:19:26,432 --> 00:19:28,000
Yeah.
Yeah.

536
00:19:29,035 --> 00:19:31,238
Thanks for coming back.
Sure.

537
00:19:31,270 --> 00:19:33,472
Look, I'm...
I'm really sorry.

538
00:19:33,506 --> 00:19:35,842
Um, I was... I don't
know where to begin.

539
00:19:35,875 --> 00:19:38,009
Uh, my roommate
taught me all of these

540
00:19:38,044 --> 00:19:40,011
phony excuses to
get out of dates.

541
00:19:40,046 --> 00:19:43,316
Wow.
Anyway, that
is not me.

542
00:19:43,349 --> 00:19:45,352
Okay.
So...

543
00:19:45,384 --> 00:19:47,487
will you give me another
chance to get to know you?

544
00:19:47,519 --> 00:19:48,988
Yeah.

545
00:19:49,020 --> 00:19:50,423
Let's go back in
and get a drink.

546
00:19:50,457 --> 00:19:51,923
Yes. Great.

547
00:19:51,958 --> 00:19:55,561
Hey, uh, you know, we can just
make that last date disappear.

548
00:19:55,595 --> 00:19:58,798
Like... this coin.

549
00:20:04,604 --> 00:20:06,272
(laughing):
Oh.

550
00:20:06,306 --> 00:20:08,039
You're a magician.

551
00:20:08,074 --> 00:20:09,709
No. Ugh. No.

552
00:20:09,741 --> 00:20:11,711
I'm a comedy magician.

553
00:20:11,743 --> 00:20:14,247
Even better.

554
00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:16,249
And, like a lot
of people in comedy,

555
00:20:16,282 --> 00:20:19,551
I have a little problem
with, uh... nose candy.

556
00:20:19,586 --> 00:20:21,421
Uh-oh.

557
00:20:23,990 --> 00:20:25,692
Can't have this.
It's my last one.

558
00:20:25,724 --> 00:20:26,726
(laughing):
No...

559
00:20:26,759 --> 00:20:27,727
I'm kidding. Take it.

560
00:20:27,759 --> 00:20:28,894
I don't want it.
Please take it.

561
00:20:28,928 --> 00:20:29,895
No, you take it.

562
00:20:29,929 --> 00:20:31,663
Okay. Let's go in.

563
00:20:33,599 --> 00:20:35,468
(quietly):
Schmidt?

564
00:20:35,501 --> 00:20:38,371
I totally didn't think I'd
ever hear from you again.

565
00:20:38,404 --> 00:20:40,640
Well, you know,
I just figured,

566
00:20:40,673 --> 00:20:42,409
why not see
if there's something here?

567
00:20:42,442 --> 00:20:44,611
You know, let's hang out,
get to know each other.

568
00:20:44,644 --> 00:20:46,578
There's a coffee place
down the street.

569
00:20:46,613 --> 00:20:50,148
Maybe we could go...
grab a cup of joe.

570
00:20:51,284 --> 00:20:53,286
I don't think you
understand Dice.

571
00:20:54,653 --> 00:20:56,122
Okay.

572
00:20:56,154 --> 00:20:58,124
(door closes)

573
00:20:58,156 --> 00:21:00,092
SCHMIDT:
Jessica!

574
00:21:01,327 --> 00:21:03,430
I'm late to officiate
a giant's wedding,

575
00:21:03,462 --> 00:21:04,763
and these are stuck.

576
00:21:04,797 --> 00:21:06,164
(Jacob giggles)

577
00:21:08,500 --> 00:21:09,969
Now the rings are free,

578
00:21:10,001 --> 00:21:12,270
but the groom
is imprisoned forever.

579
00:21:13,472 --> 00:21:15,474
I know how he feels.
You know what they say.

580
00:21:15,508 --> 00:21:17,977
You got to crack
a few eggs to, uh...

581
00:21:18,009 --> 00:21:19,679
make an Amish.

582
00:21:20,946 --> 00:21:22,181
It's an egg.

583
00:21:22,213 --> 00:21:23,915
It's an Amish person.

584
00:21:23,950 --> 00:21:26,184
My uncle is on fire.

585
00:21:26,218 --> 00:21:28,654
So, you've seen a rabbit
pulled out of a hat,

586
00:21:28,688 --> 00:21:32,392
but have you ever seen
a hat pulled out of a rabbit?

587
00:21:33,559 --> 00:21:34,826
No, no!

588
00:21:34,861 --> 00:21:36,796
Oh, my...
Okay, this date is over.

589
00:21:36,828 --> 00:21:40,366
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org