1
00:00:01,768 --> 00:00:04,205
Guys, we're going
on a cruise

2
00:00:04,238 --> 00:00:05,639
and you guys are
coming with us.

3
00:00:05,673 --> 00:00:07,307
And none of you
have a choice.
(laughs)

4
00:00:07,341 --> 00:00:08,875
A cruise?
If I wanted to watch

5
00:00:08,909 --> 00:00:10,077
a heavy-set guy in sandals
eating with his hands,

6
00:00:10,111 --> 00:00:11,345
I would've
just posted up

7
00:00:11,378 --> 00:00:12,679
and watched Nick
in the kitchen.

8
00:00:12,712 --> 00:00:13,680
When we were together,

9
00:00:13,714 --> 00:00:14,881
we booked a cruise.

10
00:00:14,914 --> 00:00:16,350
We tried to get
our money back,

11
00:00:16,384 --> 00:00:17,684
but it's...

12
00:00:17,718 --> 00:00:18,919
BOTH:
Nonrefundable.

13
00:00:18,952 --> 00:00:20,221
Yeah.
(laughs)

14
00:00:20,254 --> 00:00:22,021
They made that
very clear.

15
00:00:22,056 --> 00:00:23,324
Seemed like a safe
bet at the time.

16
00:00:23,356 --> 00:00:25,525
I don't want a refund
on my cruises

17
00:00:25,559 --> 00:00:28,428
and I don't want
a refund on you.

18
00:00:28,461 --> 00:00:29,829
We're never
gonna die!

19
00:00:29,862 --> 00:00:31,931
NICK:
Yeah!
Y'all nasty.

20
00:00:31,964 --> 00:00:34,167
Ah-ha-ha,
yeah!

21
00:00:34,201 --> 00:00:35,402
Where you
going?

22
00:00:35,435 --> 00:00:37,237
Yes!
What are you
doing now?

23
00:00:37,271 --> 00:00:38,539
Oh, there she
goes... (laughs)

24
00:00:38,572 --> 00:00:40,740
Turns out, I do
want a refund...

25
00:00:40,774 --> 00:00:42,042
on you.

26
00:00:42,076 --> 00:00:43,676
Give me my
money back!

27
00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:45,512
JESS:
Anyway, they

28
00:00:45,545 --> 00:00:47,680
let us downgrade
our "lovers' suite"

29
00:00:47,715 --> 00:00:48,881
to include four
more people.

30
00:00:48,915 --> 00:00:50,350
And that's
you guys.

31
00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:51,719
I have some concerns
about going on a cruise

32
00:00:51,752 --> 00:00:53,686
with two people
that just broke up.

33
00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:54,688
Absolutely. Me, too.
Yeah, I have the exact
same concern as Winnie.

34
00:00:54,722 --> 00:00:55,889
Like, I don't want to go.

35
00:00:55,923 --> 00:00:57,390
I have strong qualms as well.

36
00:00:57,424 --> 00:00:58,292
He got qualms.

37
00:00:58,326 --> 00:00:59,527
Put those qualms away.

38
00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:01,060
Yeah.
It's gonna be
fine, okay?

39
00:01:01,094 --> 00:01:02,630
Totally.
We are killing this
breakup, honestly.

40
00:01:02,662 --> 00:01:04,031
But we're gonna be on a ship

41
00:01:04,063 --> 00:01:05,733
in the middle of the ocean
with no escape.

42
00:01:05,766 --> 00:01:07,067
What if you guys
get in a big fight

43
00:01:07,100 --> 00:01:08,602
and we're stuck
out there with you?

44
00:01:08,635 --> 00:01:10,638
It'll be like a floating,
all-you-can-eat prison.

45
00:01:10,670 --> 00:01:12,105
I promise you

46
00:01:12,140 --> 00:01:13,740
no weirdness.

47
00:01:13,774 --> 00:01:14,974
Guess that's
an excuse

48
00:01:15,007 --> 00:01:16,210
to go out and
buy a new bikini.

49
00:01:16,243 --> 00:01:17,978
Which could
be good.
I'm in.

50
00:01:18,010 --> 00:01:19,912
Full steam ahead!
We have two on board!

51
00:01:19,947 --> 00:01:21,814
Nope!

52
00:01:21,849 --> 00:01:24,284
Let's not do, uh,
nautical puns, please.

53
00:01:24,317 --> 00:01:25,718
If we're gonna do nautical puns,
we shouldn't...

54
00:01:25,753 --> 00:01:26,920
we shouldn't go.

55
00:01:26,954 --> 00:01:28,289
That's fair,
and I won't.

56
00:01:28,322 --> 00:01:29,890
I'm in, too.

57
00:01:29,923 --> 00:01:31,224
Uh, I have an idea.
Just throwing this out there.

58
00:01:31,259 --> 00:01:32,460
What if

59
00:01:32,492 --> 00:01:33,793
we do the cruise

60
00:01:33,826 --> 00:01:35,263
on the ground?

61
00:01:35,295 --> 00:01:36,996
Like, on land.
That's silly.

62
00:01:37,030 --> 00:01:38,566
What, are you scared of boats
or something?

63
00:01:38,598 --> 00:01:40,234
Afraid... me,
afraid of boats?
You're afraid

64
00:01:40,268 --> 00:01:41,569
of boats, dude.
CECE:
Ha! He's scared of boats?

65
00:01:41,602 --> 00:01:42,802
(laughs)
Hold on, hold on.

66
00:01:42,835 --> 00:01:44,604
Oh, my God, you're
scared of boats.

67
00:01:44,638 --> 00:01:46,006
Dude! Is it the boats
or the water?
Can you swim?

68
00:01:46,039 --> 00:01:47,575
Yeah.
You feel
safe now?

69
00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:48,741
I'm not...
I don't need
to be safe, man.

70
00:01:48,776 --> 00:01:49,942
I'm brave!

71
00:01:49,977 --> 00:01:51,179
I take dumps
standing up!

72
00:01:51,212 --> 00:01:52,979
I'm a man!

73
00:01:54,014 --> 00:01:56,183
* Who's that girl?

74
00:01:56,216 --> 00:02:00,052
* Who's that girl? *
* It's Jess.

75
00:02:04,057 --> 00:02:05,159
Schmidt, do you got
any fisherman's pants

76
00:02:05,192 --> 00:02:07,194
I can
borrow...?

77
00:02:07,227 --> 00:02:08,528
What's that?

78
00:02:08,562 --> 00:02:10,997
It's a class ring
for Cece.

79
00:02:11,031 --> 00:02:13,800
She got her GED
and I've been
tutoring her, so...

80
00:02:13,834 --> 00:02:16,569
I had this made.

81
00:02:17,704 --> 00:02:19,340
What?
Shame, shame,

82
00:02:19,372 --> 00:02:20,774
I know your name...

83
00:02:20,807 --> 00:02:22,009
Please don't

84
00:02:22,042 --> 00:02:23,610
"shame, shame" me, Winston.

85
00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:25,545
(singsongy):
You're still in
love with her.

86
00:02:25,579 --> 00:02:27,146
I am not still in love
with her, okay?

87
00:02:27,181 --> 00:02:28,882
You're alone on
a boat with Cece,

88
00:02:28,915 --> 00:02:30,050
romantic
cruise,

89
00:02:30,082 --> 00:02:31,884
and you give
her jewelry.

90
00:02:31,919 --> 00:02:34,054
Then what?
I tell her that
I'm still in love with her

91
00:02:34,086 --> 00:02:35,355
and that I want her back,
and then

92
00:02:35,389 --> 00:02:36,389
we have sex
until the boat sinks.

93
00:02:36,424 --> 00:02:37,724
I knew it,
I knew it!

94
00:02:37,758 --> 00:02:38,725
To the bottom of the ocean.

95
00:02:38,759 --> 00:02:39,992
To the bottom of the ocean.

96
00:02:40,026 --> 00:02:41,662
Oh, man...
The sand and
the mackerel

97
00:02:41,694 --> 00:02:42,695
and the chum and whatever
the hell else is down there.

98
00:02:42,729 --> 00:02:43,864
And crabs.
Not the crabs.

99
00:02:43,896 --> 00:02:45,533
Yeah.
Don't tell anyone.

100
00:02:47,367 --> 00:02:48,901
I'm serious, Winston.
Do not tell anyone.

101
00:02:49,736 --> 00:02:51,070
What are you doing?

102
00:02:54,542 --> 00:02:56,043
You are so weird.

103
00:02:56,075 --> 00:02:58,978
Can you ever just leave the room
like a normal person?

104
00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:00,647
ALL (chanting):
Cruise! Cruise! Cruise! Cruise!

105
00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:03,217
Cruise! Cruise! Yeah!

106
00:03:04,784 --> 00:03:07,054
COACH:
A little tight.

107
00:03:07,086 --> 00:03:08,722
With the amount of stuff
we're gonna be doing,

108
00:03:08,756 --> 00:03:10,223
we're barely gonna
be in the room.

109
00:03:10,258 --> 00:03:11,558
(chanting):
Cruise! Cruise!

110
00:03:11,592 --> 00:03:14,328
BOTH:
Cruise! Cruise. Cruise...

111
00:03:14,361 --> 00:03:16,864
Welcome aboard the Wave Dancer,

112
00:03:16,896 --> 00:03:19,233
your home for
the next five days.

113
00:03:19,266 --> 00:03:21,602
I am your captain, Jan Nortis,

114
00:03:21,634 --> 00:03:25,204
and I invite you to dance
on the waves with me.

115
00:03:25,239 --> 00:03:27,775
(cheering)
Cruise! Cruise!

116
00:03:27,807 --> 00:03:29,443
(chanting):
Cruise! Cruise! Cruise! Cru...

117
00:03:29,477 --> 00:03:31,078
I'm gonna get drunk!

118
00:03:31,110 --> 00:03:32,280
Sorry.

119
00:03:32,312 --> 00:03:34,882
Enthusiasm!
I like these people.

120
00:03:34,914 --> 00:03:36,584
Friendship is
the most crucial ingredient

121
00:03:36,616 --> 00:03:38,451
to any sea adventure.

122
00:03:38,485 --> 00:03:41,254
Second only to buoyancy.

123
00:03:42,456 --> 00:03:44,591
Because a ship has to float.

124
00:03:44,625 --> 00:03:46,058
Ah!
Oh, okay.

125
00:03:46,093 --> 00:03:47,461
(laughing)

126
00:03:47,495 --> 00:03:49,028
I didn't know where
you was going with it.

127
00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:50,197
NICK:
We love you, Captain! Whoo-hoo!

128
00:03:50,229 --> 00:03:51,564
Everybody, my
name is Doug.

129
00:03:51,598 --> 00:03:52,633
Hi, Doug.
Hi, Doug.

130
00:03:52,665 --> 00:03:54,301
Hey, Doug.
I'm Winston.

131
00:03:54,335 --> 00:03:56,270
Does anyone know what to do
in case of an emergency?

132
00:03:56,969 --> 00:03:58,406
Uh-oh.

133
00:03:58,438 --> 00:04:00,473
It looks like
we're all in the same boat.

134
00:04:00,508 --> 00:04:01,875
(laughing politely)
Excuse me.

135
00:04:01,908 --> 00:04:03,576
If we could just
continue on

136
00:04:03,610 --> 00:04:05,211
without any more
nautical puns,
that'd be great.

137
00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:06,879
Feels like that's just the
lowest form of humor.

138
00:04:06,913 --> 00:04:09,216
Looks like I found a Grumpy Gus!

139
00:04:09,248 --> 00:04:10,617
I'm sorry, a what?
DOUG:
Boo!

140
00:04:10,651 --> 00:04:12,620
ALL: Boo...
DOUG:
Boo and hiss!
Boo.

141
00:04:12,652 --> 00:04:15,556
Folks, if you see Gus
frowning around,

142
00:04:15,588 --> 00:04:17,425
brighten up his day
by giving him a tickle.

143
00:04:17,457 --> 00:04:18,826
A what?
Tickle.

144
00:04:18,858 --> 00:04:20,327
Quit it!
Enough!
Tickle.
Tickles...

145
00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:21,795
I don't like to be
tickled, you guys.

146
00:04:21,829 --> 00:04:22,995
Tickle, tickle...
All right!
Enough!

147
00:04:23,029 --> 00:04:24,964
We have fun!
(chuckles)

148
00:04:24,997 --> 00:04:26,300
But the ocean does not.

149
00:04:26,334 --> 00:04:27,500
What?

150
00:04:27,535 --> 00:04:28,769
Listen to what I have to say

151
00:04:28,802 --> 00:04:30,069
if you don't want to die.

152
00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:31,738
Don't worry,
Coach.

153
00:04:31,771 --> 00:04:33,105
Everyone who works
on a cruise ship
is a performer.

154
00:04:33,139 --> 00:04:34,475
They're just
doing a show.
So what?

155
00:04:34,507 --> 00:04:35,975
What are you
talking to me about it for?

156
00:04:36,009 --> 00:04:37,577
I'm not scared.
I just thought
you should know.

157
00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:39,178
You're definitely scared.
Sure.
I'm not scared, dude.

158
00:04:39,211 --> 00:04:40,480
What are you
talking about?
Yeah, no, of course.

159
00:04:40,514 --> 00:04:41,915
I'm not scared.
You'll live.
It's okay.

160
00:04:41,949 --> 00:04:43,016
Okay, now I need
a volunteer to help me

161
00:04:43,050 --> 00:04:43,951
with some emergency procedures.

162
00:04:43,983 --> 00:04:45,485
I'll do it.
I don't care.

163
00:04:45,519 --> 00:04:46,620
'Cause I'm
not scared.

164
00:04:46,653 --> 00:04:48,322
I'll volunteer my ass off.

165
00:04:48,355 --> 00:04:50,990
(laughs)

166
00:04:51,024 --> 00:04:53,494
I ain't afraid of you!
(laughs)

167
00:04:54,894 --> 00:04:56,497
Let's say
it's 3:00 a.m.
3:00 a.m.

168
00:04:56,529 --> 00:04:58,665
There's alarms
going off...
What?

169
00:04:58,699 --> 00:05:00,600
...freezing seawater
up to your ankles.

170
00:05:00,634 --> 00:05:02,435
Adults are screaming,
babies are crying!

171
00:05:02,470 --> 00:05:04,103
Go, go, go, go, go!
You're up on deck!

172
00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:05,706
There's an Italian guy
strapping chains together!

173
00:05:05,738 --> 00:05:07,375
You don't know
what's going on!
I know!

174
00:05:07,408 --> 00:05:09,309
What do you do?
I don't know!
What do I do?

175
00:05:09,343 --> 00:05:10,843
What do you do?
What do you do?
I-I get, I get
in the boat?

176
00:05:10,877 --> 00:05:12,012
You get in
the boat!
I get in the boat!

177
00:05:12,045 --> 00:05:13,045
You're getting
in the boat!

178
00:05:13,079 --> 00:05:14,615
I get in the boat!
Wrong!

179
00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:15,949
Wrong! No! The first
thing you do is you
What?

180
00:05:15,983 --> 00:05:17,216
make sure your
life preserver

181
00:05:17,250 --> 00:05:18,886
is strapped
on correctly.

182
00:05:18,918 --> 00:05:20,553
No, no, screw that, man!
I'm gettin' in the boat!

183
00:05:20,588 --> 00:05:22,154
Get out of my way!

184
00:05:22,189 --> 00:05:23,322
I'm getting in the boat!
Where you
going, Coach?

185
00:05:23,356 --> 00:05:24,858
He's paddling
to Heaven,

186
00:05:24,891 --> 00:05:26,394
'cause he's
already dead.
Don't say that!

187
00:05:26,427 --> 00:05:28,461
Spread your wings,
little angel.

188
00:05:28,495 --> 00:05:30,497
Douglas...
that's a little too much.
Oh, my God! Stroke! Stroke!

189
00:05:30,531 --> 00:05:32,331
Ah, there's two of these!
Okay...
All righty.

190
00:05:32,365 --> 00:05:34,000
How do you do
two of these?
Okay...

191
00:05:34,033 --> 00:05:36,704
You're safe.
You're okay.
Stroke! Stroke! (gasps)

192
00:05:36,737 --> 00:05:38,137
You're okay!

193
00:05:38,170 --> 00:05:39,372
You're okay,
you're okay,
you're okay.

194
00:05:39,406 --> 00:05:42,074
(gasping, sobbing)
Shh.

195
00:05:42,108 --> 00:05:46,012
* Amazing grace

196
00:05:46,045 --> 00:05:47,213
I'm not afraid
of boats.

197
00:05:47,247 --> 00:05:48,516
* How sweet

198
00:05:48,548 --> 00:05:49,882
No one's afraid.
(sobs)

199
00:05:49,917 --> 00:05:51,918
* The sound...

200
00:05:51,951 --> 00:05:53,553
Okay, I'm good.
I'm good, I'm good.
You okay?

201
00:05:53,586 --> 00:05:55,723
(screaming)

202
00:05:56,956 --> 00:05:58,191
Thank you.

203
00:05:58,225 --> 00:06:00,192
Thank you all for
coming to the...

204
00:06:00,226 --> 00:06:01,862
to the seminar.

205
00:06:01,894 --> 00:06:04,297
Remember to sign up for the
volleyball tournament.

206
00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:09,336
Hey, Coach?
You okay, buddy?
You okay, pal?

207
00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:11,004
Nah, you guys, I'm fine.
I'm just gonna...

208
00:06:11,038 --> 00:06:13,005
I'm gonna hang out in the room
for a little bit, okay?

209
00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:15,274
See you later.
Later.

210
00:06:15,307 --> 00:06:17,343
Cruise! Cruise. Cruise...

211
00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:18,778
What should we do first?

212
00:06:18,812 --> 00:06:20,548
Cheer up, Grumpy Gus!
All right!

213
00:06:20,581 --> 00:06:22,048
Cut your
fingernails, man!
Ha ha!

214
00:06:22,081 --> 00:06:23,050
Nice!
With this tickling.

215
00:06:23,082 --> 00:06:24,451
(laughs)

216
00:06:24,485 --> 00:06:25,853
Hey, hey, hey, guys.
The captain's coming.

217
00:06:25,886 --> 00:06:27,521
NICK:
It's the captain.

218
00:06:27,555 --> 00:06:28,788
WINSTON:
What's up, Captain?

219
00:06:28,822 --> 00:06:29,956
NORTIS:
Hello, again.

220
00:06:29,990 --> 00:06:31,591
I'm Captain
Jan Nortis,

221
00:06:31,625 --> 00:06:33,393
as I previously
stated.

222
00:06:33,427 --> 00:06:34,961
I would just like
to say that I am

223
00:06:34,995 --> 00:06:36,564
a fan of your enthusiasm.

224
00:06:36,596 --> 00:06:38,598
Oh, no,
no, no,

225
00:06:38,632 --> 00:06:39,932
no, no.
Please don't do that.

226
00:06:39,966 --> 00:06:41,067
Sorry.

227
00:06:41,100 --> 00:06:42,369
I may be a captain,

228
00:06:42,401 --> 00:06:43,903
but first and foremost,

229
00:06:43,937 --> 00:06:45,338
I am a woman.

230
00:06:46,305 --> 00:06:47,139
Absolutely.

231
00:06:49,976 --> 00:06:51,411
Come on!

232
00:06:51,444 --> 00:06:52,913
Did anyone just see

233
00:06:52,946 --> 00:06:55,615
that she was flirting
like crazy with Nick?

234
00:06:55,649 --> 00:06:57,117
That was, like,
the most shameless

235
00:06:57,149 --> 00:06:58,485
flirting I've ever seen.

236
00:06:58,519 --> 00:07:00,153
"Keep it in your pants"

237
00:07:00,187 --> 00:07:02,088
is all I have to say
to Captain Jan Nortis.

238
00:07:02,122 --> 00:07:03,423
You're being really weird.
You're being weird.

239
00:07:03,456 --> 00:07:04,791
Super weird right now.
Here we go.

240
00:07:04,824 --> 00:07:05,759
This is starting
now already.

241
00:07:05,793 --> 00:07:06,927
I am not being weird.

242
00:07:06,959 --> 00:07:08,127
You're creating an awkward

243
00:07:08,161 --> 00:07:08,961
situation for no reason.

244
00:07:08,995 --> 00:07:10,329
Don't do this, Jess.

245
00:07:10,362 --> 00:07:12,833
If this ship moves
as fast as that captain,

246
00:07:12,865 --> 00:07:14,601
we'll be in Ensenada by 6:00.

247
00:07:14,634 --> 00:07:16,670
Well, she was
flirting with you.

248
00:07:16,704 --> 00:07:17,904
Which I'm okay with,

249
00:07:17,937 --> 00:07:19,507
because she is
a handsome woman.

250
00:07:19,540 --> 00:07:22,009
Jess, stop.
You're being weird.

251
00:07:22,042 --> 00:07:23,442
No, I'm not being weird.

252
00:07:23,476 --> 00:07:25,312
I'm not being weird!

253
00:07:25,345 --> 00:07:27,180
I am, I am being weird.

254
00:07:27,213 --> 00:07:28,749
Okay, focus up
for a second.

255
00:07:28,781 --> 00:07:30,483
Okay, they say this is
an all-inclusive trip,

256
00:07:30,518 --> 00:07:31,951
but you know
what that means.

257
00:07:31,985 --> 00:07:33,687
But from their eyes,
you have a couple of drinks,

258
00:07:33,721 --> 00:07:35,822
and then you're done.
And then what have
you paid for?

259
00:07:35,855 --> 00:07:37,124
We're smarter
than that, okay?

260
00:07:37,156 --> 00:07:38,358
We are.
We're gonna take
every class,

261
00:07:38,391 --> 00:07:39,692
we're gonna do
every activity.

262
00:07:39,726 --> 00:07:40,528
We're gonna get
our money's worth.

263
00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:42,161
Okay.
Got it?
Yeah.

264
00:07:42,194 --> 00:07:43,797
Uh, Jessica Day and Nick Miller.

265
00:07:43,831 --> 00:07:46,132
All right, Day-Miller party.

266
00:07:46,165 --> 00:07:50,002
Here is your itinerary
for the Grand Romance package.

267
00:07:50,036 --> 00:07:51,805
No! No!

268
00:07:51,838 --> 00:07:55,141
Yeah, we're looking for
something more like PG-13.

269
00:07:55,175 --> 00:07:56,644
What do you have?

270
00:07:56,677 --> 00:07:58,678
Do you have, like,
a friendship package or...?

271
00:07:58,711 --> 00:07:59,980
What package would
you recommend

272
00:08:00,012 --> 00:08:01,447
for two brothers
looking for trouble?

273
00:08:01,480 --> 00:08:03,382
The Grand Romance package
is nonrefundable.

274
00:08:03,415 --> 00:08:05,786
Well, we're not doing that,
so we're good.

275
00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:08,788
Are you sure? This includes over
$600 of activities and...

276
00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:10,824
We're gonna do it.
We're not doing it.

277
00:08:10,858 --> 00:08:12,192
$600?

278
00:08:12,225 --> 00:08:13,661
That is 600 one-dollar bills.

279
00:08:13,694 --> 00:08:15,495
That's the only way
I can imagine it.

280
00:08:15,528 --> 00:08:17,463
We can do this.
Okay. Yeah.

281
00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:20,300
We're gonna get
our money's worth.
We are the best ex-couple

282
00:08:20,332 --> 00:08:22,401
in the whole world.
Yeah, we are.

283
00:08:22,435 --> 00:08:24,004
Yes. Okay?

284
00:08:24,036 --> 00:08:25,471
You guys are exes?

285
00:08:25,504 --> 00:08:27,173
Yeah, you're not
gonna want to do this.

286
00:08:27,206 --> 00:08:28,942
We're doing it.
Give us the folder.

287
00:08:39,351 --> 00:08:40,553
(sighs)

288
00:08:40,587 --> 00:08:42,088
I just wanted to say...
Grumpy Gus!

289
00:08:42,121 --> 00:08:43,423
No! No! No!

290
00:08:43,456 --> 00:08:46,726
Grumpy Gus.
Sweet mother
of sea dragon!

291
00:08:46,759 --> 00:08:48,327
What? What happened?

292
00:08:48,360 --> 00:08:52,032
I just witnessed
a dolphin

293
00:08:52,065 --> 00:08:54,701
being cut straight
in half by our keel.

294
00:08:54,735 --> 00:08:56,168
It's a ghastly sight.

295
00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:57,403
What?

296
00:08:57,437 --> 00:08:59,105
That's horrible!

297
00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:00,340
Terrible.

298
00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:01,674
It's a shame
about the dolphin, man.

299
00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:02,942
Really is.

300
00:09:02,975 --> 00:09:03,910
What?!

301
00:09:03,943 --> 00:09:06,746
As your bodies
become one,

302
00:09:06,779 --> 00:09:08,081
follow your breath

303
00:09:08,115 --> 00:09:11,418
through your spine
to the soles of your feet

304
00:09:11,451 --> 00:09:13,186
and into your genitals.

305
00:09:13,220 --> 00:09:14,721
What?

306
00:09:14,754 --> 00:09:15,522
(laughs)

307
00:09:15,554 --> 00:09:17,124
Into my genitals?

308
00:09:17,157 --> 00:09:19,225
Yeah. (laughs)

309
00:09:19,259 --> 00:09:20,760
Breathe into your genitals...

310
00:09:20,793 --> 00:09:22,394
I'm not breathing
into my genitals, lady.

311
00:09:22,428 --> 00:09:23,897
All right, lovers,
let's get sexy.

312
00:09:23,931 --> 00:09:25,932
Give me your sexiest
pose right here.

313
00:09:25,966 --> 00:09:27,900
This is it. This is it.
Sexiest pose.

314
00:09:27,934 --> 00:09:29,802
That's not... it's not romantic
in any way.

315
00:09:29,836 --> 00:09:32,404
Think about the first
time you kissed.
How was it?

316
00:09:32,438 --> 00:09:33,505
If you can move in.

317
00:09:34,607 --> 00:09:35,408
Come back in.

318
00:09:35,442 --> 00:09:37,576
Come back in.

319
00:09:37,610 --> 00:09:40,748
Wow, I've never done a couples
massage on exes before.

320
00:09:40,780 --> 00:09:43,049
In case you're wondering
what that scar on his back is,

321
00:09:43,082 --> 00:09:45,384
it's from falling on a fence
when he was six.

322
00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:47,620
I was legally dead
for ten minutes.

323
00:09:47,654 --> 00:09:49,789
We're going to make
all the towel animals

324
00:09:49,822 --> 00:09:52,058
you guys find in your rooms
every single night!

325
00:09:52,091 --> 00:09:54,126
We made laundry.
Nice.

326
00:09:54,161 --> 00:09:55,895
* We're always happy

327
00:09:55,928 --> 00:09:59,732
* Life's for living,
yeah, that's our philosophy... *

328
00:09:59,767 --> 00:10:01,668
We're just totally different
people.

329
00:10:01,701 --> 00:10:03,470
Yeah, we just don't belong
together.

330
00:10:03,503 --> 00:10:06,072
(both laugh)

331
00:10:06,105 --> 00:10:07,774
You're really
bumming me out.

332
00:10:07,807 --> 00:10:10,177
Hey, Jess, is this doing
weird stuff to your eyes?

333
00:10:10,210 --> 00:10:11,510
Definitely.

334
00:10:11,543 --> 00:10:13,780
Give me five, man!
Leaving me hanging!

335
00:10:13,813 --> 00:10:16,750
(laughs) You know what?
You were right.

336
00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:18,284
This isn't weird at all.

337
00:10:18,317 --> 00:10:20,253
No, it isn't.

338
00:10:20,287 --> 00:10:21,688
Are they out of rosé?

339
00:10:21,721 --> 00:10:23,956
You know what?

340
00:10:23,990 --> 00:10:26,025
This is an old
bartending trick, Jess.

341
00:10:26,058 --> 00:10:28,595
Put your glass out.
You go like this...

342
00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:29,763
No way.

343
00:10:29,797 --> 00:10:31,163
Look at that.
You got some rosé.

344
00:10:31,197 --> 00:10:32,264
You're a genius.

345
00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:33,365
I think I'm
smarter at sea.

346
00:10:33,399 --> 00:10:34,567
(both laugh)

347
00:10:38,871 --> 00:10:40,139
You look,

348
00:10:40,173 --> 00:10:42,509
you look like you belong here.

349
00:10:42,542 --> 00:10:44,010
What's that, on a ship?

350
00:10:45,044 --> 00:10:46,846
Yeah, you, too.

351
00:10:51,350 --> 00:10:52,720
(both laugh)

352
00:10:58,091 --> 00:11:00,293
Oh, yo! Yo!

353
00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:03,864
Yo-yo-yo! Yo, pal.

354
00:11:03,897 --> 00:11:05,398
Yo.

355
00:11:05,432 --> 00:11:07,200
Well, that was
a mistake.

356
00:11:07,234 --> 00:11:08,467
Yes, it was!

357
00:11:08,500 --> 00:11:09,836
That was not
on purpose.

358
00:11:09,870 --> 00:11:11,370
My fault, too. Yep.
Yeah, it was...

359
00:11:11,403 --> 00:11:13,240
We can't do the
Grand Romance package anymore.

360
00:11:13,273 --> 00:11:14,975
I agree. We should... No.
It's too much.
It's too intense.

361
00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:16,844
They whip you into
this sexual frenzy.
I know.

362
00:11:16,876 --> 00:11:18,879
It's weird.
I just feel like...

363
00:11:18,912 --> 00:11:20,547
Yeah, 'cause everything's fine.
You know, I feel like
a cruise tonight.

364
00:11:20,580 --> 00:11:21,849
It's not, like,
a really big deal.
I feel like...

365
00:11:21,881 --> 00:11:23,082
We're good.
Everything's good.

366
00:11:23,115 --> 00:11:23,917
Yeah, no problem,
no problem.

367
00:11:23,951 --> 00:11:24,616
All right,
bye, dude.
Bye.

368
00:11:28,520 --> 00:11:31,323
Jess, I've been looking
all over for you.

369
00:11:31,357 --> 00:11:33,659
I was hoping that
as a group, we could
do a little

370
00:11:33,692 --> 00:11:36,663
night fishing... that I already
put a deposit down on,

371
00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:37,931
so we're going.

372
00:11:37,965 --> 00:11:39,767
And if we don't
catch anything,

373
00:11:39,799 --> 00:11:42,501
they'll let us shoot a machine
gun directly into the water.

374
00:11:42,534 --> 00:11:44,370
That is international waters
for you, baby.

375
00:11:44,403 --> 00:11:46,774
I would really love nothing more
than to go out there and shoot

376
00:11:46,807 --> 00:11:48,707
a bunch of fish in the face
with you,

377
00:11:48,741 --> 00:11:51,177
but I think that's more
of a Nick thing.

378
00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:53,513
And yesterday, we decided
it would be better for everyone

379
00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:56,383
if we just spent the rest
of the time apart.

380
00:11:56,415 --> 00:11:57,584
What?

381
00:11:57,616 --> 00:11:58,851
I'm really sorry. I wanted this

382
00:11:58,885 --> 00:12:01,120
to be a great vacation
for you guys.

383
00:12:01,153 --> 00:12:02,455
But look, we split up the ship:

384
00:12:02,489 --> 00:12:04,557
I took starboard,
he took the other one.

385
00:12:04,591 --> 00:12:07,527
I got the starboard and she got
the other side.

386
00:12:07,559 --> 00:12:08,796
What are you doing, man?

387
00:12:08,828 --> 00:12:10,529
You're hanging out
by an exhaust vent.

388
00:12:10,562 --> 00:12:12,298
It keeps the left side
of my face warm

389
00:12:12,331 --> 00:12:13,700
and it sounds like the ocean.

390
00:12:13,732 --> 00:12:15,735
More than the ocean sounds
like the ocean?

391
00:12:15,769 --> 00:12:18,370
Come on, Nick. You guys can't be
separate the whole trip.

392
00:12:18,404 --> 00:12:20,539
The trip just made it clear.
The breakup's too hard.

393
00:12:20,572 --> 00:12:22,475
I don't think we can be
friends for a while.

394
00:12:22,509 --> 00:12:25,812
What? You're not gonna be
friends with Jess?

395
00:12:25,846 --> 00:12:28,548
And even you guys said it.
It's just too weird.

396
00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:30,951
Nick, man, that's like the
president and the vice president

397
00:12:30,984 --> 00:12:32,085
not being best friends.

398
00:12:32,119 --> 00:12:33,552
They're not best friends.

399
00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:35,154
Come on. Everybody knows
they're best friends.

400
00:12:35,187 --> 00:12:36,255
They work together,
but they're not best friends.

401
00:12:36,288 --> 00:12:37,389
Dude, they're the president

402
00:12:37,423 --> 00:12:38,892
and the vice president.
Okay.

403
00:12:38,926 --> 00:12:40,460
I mean, is this something
you're okay with?

404
00:12:40,493 --> 00:12:42,461
No, I'm not okay,
but what am I gonna do?

405
00:12:42,495 --> 00:12:44,898
Well... I mean, look, man,

406
00:12:44,932 --> 00:12:47,067
we all have to be together
on this trip.

407
00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:48,634
That's why we came here.

408
00:12:48,668 --> 00:12:49,836
Nick,

409
00:12:49,870 --> 00:12:52,471
there's gotta be
something I can do.

410
00:12:52,504 --> 00:12:53,740
Yeah, you know what you can do?

411
00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:54,942
Yeah, anything, come on.

412
00:12:54,975 --> 00:12:56,342
You can cash in
my skee ball tickets

413
00:12:56,375 --> 00:12:57,509
on the other side of the boat.

414
00:12:57,543 --> 00:12:59,578
Get me one of those toy spiders

415
00:12:59,611 --> 00:13:01,148
that I was talking
to you about before.

416
00:13:01,181 --> 00:13:02,481
And if they're out...
All right, man, all right.

417
00:13:02,514 --> 00:13:04,884
...then grab me
a bunch of erasers?

418
00:13:06,219 --> 00:13:07,821
The opportunity has not
presented itself

419
00:13:07,855 --> 00:13:11,158
as I'd hoped it would,
so I'm creating it now.

420
00:13:11,191 --> 00:13:14,293
When I say,
"May our progeny bathe

421
00:13:14,326 --> 00:13:16,129
in the infinite glow,"
that's your cue.

422
00:13:16,163 --> 00:13:17,529
Now, what...
what did I just say?

423
00:13:17,563 --> 00:13:19,765
You repeat it so I know
that you know the cue.

424
00:13:19,798 --> 00:13:22,302
May our pro... What?

425
00:13:22,335 --> 00:13:24,604
What's wrong with you?
Unbelievable.

426
00:13:24,636 --> 00:13:26,505
I don't know
what you're saying.

427
00:13:26,538 --> 00:13:28,140
I'll just say,
"Go," okay?

428
00:13:28,174 --> 00:13:30,309
When I say, "Go,"
you start to play.

429
00:13:30,342 --> 00:13:33,013
And before she sees, just get
behind... get behind the vent.

430
00:13:33,046 --> 00:13:34,346
Get behind the vent.

431
00:13:38,418 --> 00:13:41,020
(clears throat)

432
00:13:41,053 --> 00:13:42,489
Cece...

433
00:13:42,522 --> 00:13:43,990
Hmm? Hey.

434
00:13:44,024 --> 00:13:47,059
Um, your hair
in the moonlight...

435
00:13:47,094 --> 00:13:48,794
it looks so shiny.
You know,

436
00:13:48,827 --> 00:13:51,298
I'm trying to get a signal
so I can talk to Buster,

437
00:13:51,331 --> 00:13:53,332
but it's just
impossible out here.

438
00:13:53,365 --> 00:13:54,533
In the moonlight, your eyes,

439
00:13:54,567 --> 00:13:56,135
they sparkle like,
like fish eyes.

440
00:13:56,168 --> 00:13:58,971
I got one. Now, like, what,
do I have to hold it

441
00:13:59,005 --> 00:14:00,807
at this angle
the whole time?

442
00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:03,743
Why is it so important for you
to get in touch with Buster?

443
00:14:03,775 --> 00:14:08,681
(sighs) Look, you know better
than anyone

444
00:14:08,715 --> 00:14:11,418
that I don't have the best
of luck with relationships.

445
00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:17,590
And I know you think
he's young for me.

446
00:14:17,624 --> 00:14:19,893
I don't.

447
00:14:22,261 --> 00:14:25,065
I just want you to be happy.

448
00:14:27,234 --> 00:14:29,269
Thank you.

449
00:14:30,570 --> 00:14:32,172
WINSTON:
Guys, guys!

450
00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:33,572
You got to come
with me right now.

451
00:14:33,605 --> 00:14:34,942
Be warned, though.

452
00:14:34,975 --> 00:14:37,043
There is a weird guy
with a violin

453
00:14:37,076 --> 00:14:39,278
hiding behind this vent.
A what?

454
00:14:39,312 --> 00:14:42,115
Dude! (groans)

455
00:14:42,149 --> 00:14:43,816
What's going on?
Come on... Right.

456
00:14:48,321 --> 00:14:51,290
I will... I will knock you out
where you stand, sir.

457
00:14:51,323 --> 00:14:54,293
Get back there.

458
00:14:56,129 --> 00:14:58,398
They're gonna take a break
from being friends for a while?

459
00:14:58,431 --> 00:14:59,865
What does that even mean?
Guys, this is on us.

460
00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:01,268
We're the ones who
put the pressure

461
00:15:01,301 --> 00:15:02,769
on them to not be weird.

462
00:15:02,802 --> 00:15:04,437
I know. What were we thinking?

463
00:15:04,471 --> 00:15:06,373
Of course they're gonna
be weird. They just broke up.

464
00:15:06,405 --> 00:15:08,240
Hey, that's on y'all. I-I have
nothing to do with that.

465
00:15:08,274 --> 00:15:09,475
I've just been
chilling in the room.

466
00:15:09,509 --> 00:15:10,809
Hanging out, singing songs.

467
00:15:10,842 --> 00:15:13,212
* You are safe in the room

468
00:15:13,245 --> 00:15:16,082
* You are safe,
you will live... *

469
00:15:16,115 --> 00:15:17,384
I've been trying
to get them to talk

470
00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:18,750
to each other all morning, okay?

471
00:15:18,784 --> 00:15:19,818
(humming)

472
00:15:19,851 --> 00:15:21,254
I passed up
on breakfast pizza

473
00:15:21,288 --> 00:15:22,288
and singles bingo.

474
00:15:22,322 --> 00:15:23,556
And those bingo chicks?

475
00:15:23,590 --> 00:15:25,625
Oh, they put out. Bingo!

476
00:15:25,658 --> 00:15:27,326
They're not gonna listen to us.

477
00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:28,894
(quietly):
Don't-don't ever do that again.

478
00:15:28,927 --> 00:15:30,330
The bingo thing?
That's what they...

479
00:15:30,363 --> 00:15:31,798
It's funny, that's
what they say when I...

480
00:15:31,831 --> 00:15:33,633
You know who they will
listen to, though?

481
00:15:33,665 --> 00:15:34,834
A doctor. The president!
The ca...

482
00:15:34,866 --> 00:15:36,068
What were you...

483
00:15:36,102 --> 00:15:37,303
what were you gonna say?
The captain.

484
00:15:37,336 --> 00:15:38,671
The captain.

485
00:15:38,705 --> 00:15:41,640
(over P.A.):
Attention, this is your captain.

486
00:15:41,673 --> 00:15:42,942
Would Nick Miller
and Jessica Day

487
00:15:42,975 --> 00:15:45,011
please return
to their stateroom

488
00:15:45,044 --> 00:15:47,846
for a non-life-threatening
but necessary

489
00:15:47,879 --> 00:15:50,116
official maritime reason.

490
00:15:50,149 --> 00:15:51,783
This is not an emergency.

491
00:15:51,817 --> 00:15:53,720
It is definitely not.

492
00:15:54,553 --> 00:15:55,621
Hey!

493
00:15:55,654 --> 00:15:56,755
Did you hear the captain?
Yes!

494
00:15:56,788 --> 00:15:59,525
Go, go, go!
(all clamoring)

495
00:15:59,558 --> 00:16:01,461
Everybody inside!
This is not a drill!

496
00:16:01,494 --> 00:16:03,230
Okay!

497
00:16:06,365 --> 00:16:08,000
Okay, the door is locked.

498
00:16:08,034 --> 00:16:10,202
The "do not disturb" sign
has been employed.

499
00:16:10,236 --> 00:16:11,971
We are not leaving here

500
00:16:12,004 --> 00:16:13,840
until you guys
are friends again.

501
00:16:13,873 --> 00:16:16,308
We just wanted to spend
our vacation alone.

502
00:16:16,342 --> 00:16:19,111
Yes.
On separate strange
parts of this ship.

503
00:16:19,145 --> 00:16:21,313
Yeah, it's...
I really wanted to see
how the ship worked.

504
00:16:21,347 --> 00:16:23,049
I think it's interesting.
And I really wanted to see

505
00:16:23,082 --> 00:16:24,317
how the other side
of the ship worked.

506
00:16:24,350 --> 00:16:25,618
Yeah.
It's interesting.

507
00:16:25,652 --> 00:16:26,985
We should've never
asked you guys

508
00:16:27,019 --> 00:16:28,388
not to be weird around us.
Mm-hmm.

509
00:16:28,421 --> 00:16:29,855
We-we want you to
be weird around us.

510
00:16:29,889 --> 00:16:30,990
Yeah.
Just let us in.

511
00:16:31,024 --> 00:16:32,158
Open your cellar doors,

512
00:16:32,192 --> 00:16:34,626
and let us taste your jams.

513
00:16:34,661 --> 00:16:37,297
You want to "taste our jams"?
Again, you have lost me.

514
00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:39,131
Listen to yourself
for once in your life.

515
00:16:39,165 --> 00:16:40,567
JESS: It's my jam
and you can't have it.

516
00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:42,134
First of all, that's my

517
00:16:42,168 --> 00:16:43,536
ex-girlfriend's jam, dude.
I put a ban on jam.

518
00:16:43,570 --> 00:16:46,038
Okay, you know what?
All of us are weird.

519
00:16:46,072 --> 00:16:47,639
But we're all still friends.

520
00:16:47,673 --> 00:16:48,908
So, let's talk about it.

521
00:16:48,941 --> 00:16:50,076
I'll go first.

522
00:16:50,110 --> 00:16:51,577
I've made out

523
00:16:51,610 --> 00:16:53,245
with half of the guys
in this room.

524
00:16:53,279 --> 00:16:55,048
Okay. That's a start.
All right.

525
00:16:55,081 --> 00:16:56,182
That's a start.

526
00:16:56,216 --> 00:16:57,817
And I have had nightmares

527
00:16:57,850 --> 00:17:00,653
about making out with the other
two guys in this room.

528
00:17:00,687 --> 00:17:02,188
So, yourself?
And me.

529
00:17:02,221 --> 00:17:04,156
Nick and Winston.
CECE: Okay. Okay.

530
00:17:04,191 --> 00:17:05,224
It's good for you
to finally admit that.

531
00:17:05,258 --> 00:17:06,558
I respect that.

532
00:17:06,593 --> 00:17:07,527
Yeah, thanks for sharing.

533
00:17:07,559 --> 00:17:09,028
Um, it really bums me out

534
00:17:09,061 --> 00:17:11,163
that I'll never know
the infinite joy

535
00:17:11,198 --> 00:17:14,866
of what it feels like to
carry a child inside of me.

536
00:17:14,901 --> 00:17:16,568
Wow.
Okay, Coach!

537
00:17:16,603 --> 00:17:17,936
That's honesty.

538
00:17:17,970 --> 00:17:19,571
That's real honest.
That's how it's done.

539
00:17:19,605 --> 00:17:21,074
Okay, um...

540
00:17:21,107 --> 00:17:22,108
Here we go, up we go.

541
00:17:22,142 --> 00:17:23,375
I feel like it is

542
00:17:23,410 --> 00:17:24,911
really weird that...

543
00:17:24,943 --> 00:17:27,779
I live with my ex-boyfriend.

544
00:17:27,814 --> 00:17:29,582
See? There you go!
Nice!

545
00:17:29,615 --> 00:17:31,451
Just turn on the tap.
You know, let it out.
Really nice.

546
00:17:31,483 --> 00:17:34,287
That was cool that
you admitted that.

547
00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:36,756
I feel weird about living
with my ex-girlfriend.

548
00:17:36,788 --> 00:17:39,057
Yeah.
You know, I think it's
a landmine for trouble.

549
00:17:39,092 --> 00:17:40,926
What's gonna happen when
other hunks come around?

550
00:17:40,960 --> 00:17:43,363
What's gonna happen when you
bring some ho-bag in the house?

551
00:17:43,395 --> 00:17:45,198
Exactly! Like, that... it's
scary stuff, and I feel like

552
00:17:45,231 --> 00:17:46,932
when a breakup happens,
you mostly get away.

553
00:17:46,965 --> 00:17:49,067
'Cause I'm gonna beat her ass.

554
00:17:49,102 --> 00:17:50,936
What if she's bigger than you?

555
00:17:50,970 --> 00:17:52,805
She probably will be.

556
00:17:52,838 --> 00:17:54,641
(laughs): Oh, snap!
That was good.

557
00:17:54,673 --> 00:17:55,875
(all laughing)
Good for you!

558
00:17:55,907 --> 00:17:57,376
Yeah!
I saw that, man.

559
00:17:57,410 --> 00:17:59,077
That's how it all starts.
This is how it starts.

560
00:17:59,112 --> 00:18:00,712
Good.
That's good, man,
that's really good.
Yeah.

561
00:18:00,747 --> 00:18:01,980
Well, it's nice to
talk to you about this.

562
00:18:02,013 --> 00:18:03,782
Yeah, it was
really weird when you...

563
00:18:03,816 --> 00:18:05,152
tried to kiss me last night,
(groans)

564
00:18:05,184 --> 00:18:06,553
and you licked my ear.

565
00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:08,221
What?!
What?!
You guys kissed last night?

566
00:18:08,255 --> 00:18:09,922
This is so confusing!
What?!

567
00:18:09,955 --> 00:18:11,324
It was just a lapse.
We were drunk.

568
00:18:11,357 --> 00:18:12,558
You guys are getting
back together?

569
00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:13,559
We're not getting back together.

570
00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:14,926
You're confusing everybody!

571
00:18:14,961 --> 00:18:16,163
No, it was the Grand
Romance package.

572
00:18:16,195 --> 00:18:17,663
My God!

573
00:18:17,696 --> 00:18:19,432
They were, like,
folding these towels.

574
00:18:19,465 --> 00:18:21,433
It was so sexy.
You try folding towels

575
00:18:21,468 --> 00:18:23,102
like that and see
if you don't get turned on.

576
00:18:23,135 --> 00:18:25,137
Yeah, because they fold
the towels like vaginas.

577
00:18:25,172 --> 00:18:26,739
They're swans, dude.

578
00:18:26,772 --> 00:18:28,141
And the yoga instructor
was, like, breathing

579
00:18:28,174 --> 00:18:30,309
into our genitals,
and, like...

580
00:18:30,343 --> 00:18:31,443
It opened everyone up.

581
00:18:31,478 --> 00:18:32,578
(clicks tongue)
Yeah.

582
00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:34,012
In a real true way.

583
00:18:34,046 --> 00:18:35,013
Absolutely.

584
00:18:35,047 --> 00:18:36,015
This thing was ready to talk

585
00:18:36,048 --> 00:18:37,115
to that thing again.

586
00:18:37,150 --> 00:18:38,817
Emotionally and sexually.
Yeah.

587
00:18:38,851 --> 00:18:40,752
What?!
What?!
What's wrong with you, man?

588
00:18:40,787 --> 00:18:42,454
Are you crazy?
SCHMIDT: Just pick one-- either

589
00:18:42,489 --> 00:18:44,089
you're together or you're not!
(all clamoring)

590
00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:45,657
WINSTON:
Gonna punch you
in the face, bro!

591
00:18:45,692 --> 00:18:47,160
Things are really weird.

592
00:18:47,193 --> 00:18:48,228
Agreed.

593
00:18:49,195 --> 00:18:51,698
But I'm okay with it.

594
00:18:51,730 --> 00:18:54,366
Me, too.
Hey, there.

595
00:18:54,401 --> 00:18:56,935
Aw! What?
All right, okay.

596
00:18:56,969 --> 00:18:58,605
Good enough, good start.
Wonderful.

597
00:18:58,637 --> 00:19:00,307
Thank you for doing this
weird intervention thing.

598
00:19:00,339 --> 00:19:02,107
This was pretty great.
Yeah, it worked out.

599
00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:03,509
I think everybody's good now.

600
00:19:03,542 --> 00:19:04,876
Let's go eat our
weight in fake crab.

601
00:19:04,911 --> 00:19:06,179
There you go.
Absolutely.
There we go.

602
00:19:06,212 --> 00:19:08,214
Great idea.
I'm gonna get drunk.

603
00:19:08,248 --> 00:19:10,016
WINSTON:
I gotta get psyched up.

604
00:19:10,048 --> 00:19:11,550
Gotta get psyched up.

605
00:19:11,584 --> 00:19:13,486
The door's stuck.
Is that part of your thing?

606
00:19:13,519 --> 00:19:15,887
No.
Well, call security.

607
00:19:15,922 --> 00:19:18,124
I got rid of the room phone.
I-I thought it was gonna be
Got rid of the phone?

608
00:19:18,156 --> 00:19:19,625
more intense than
this, I-I'm sorry!
You murdered us!

609
00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:21,126
Open up! Open up!
What? No.

610
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:22,328
Watch out.
You know what?

611
00:19:22,362 --> 00:19:23,962
It's just,
it's usually the handle.

612
00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:25,632
Just, like, get the handle...
I'll do it, I'll do it!

613
00:19:25,664 --> 00:19:26,898
I got it.
All right, move. I got it.

614
00:19:26,932 --> 00:19:28,166
Guys, guys, guys!
Okay, here we go.

615
00:19:28,201 --> 00:19:29,701
Calm down.

616
00:19:29,736 --> 00:19:32,572
How long could it take
for someone to hear us?

617
00:19:37,344 --> 00:19:40,212
Oh.
(flies buzzing)

618
00:19:42,048 --> 00:19:45,017
We did bad things to the tub.

619
00:19:45,050 --> 00:19:47,253
(speaks in Spanish)

620
00:19:47,287 --> 00:19:48,654
I got the sugars.

621
00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:51,057
I'm the sugar man.
(laughs)

622
00:19:51,089 --> 00:19:53,492
Silence!
I have the talking soap!

623
00:19:53,526 --> 00:19:55,161
(crying)
Oh!

624
00:19:55,193 --> 00:19:57,297
I'm the queen
of Wednesday!

625
00:19:59,266 --> 00:20:01,867
It's so nice to have
a family portrait.

626
00:20:01,901 --> 00:20:03,201
We should shower less.

627
00:20:03,236 --> 00:20:05,404
I think we look really great.

628
00:20:05,438 --> 00:20:07,205
I'm really glad we framed this.

629
00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:08,674
I mean, what a proud moment.

630
00:20:08,708 --> 00:20:10,876
It is cool being
in the paper, though.

631
00:20:10,910 --> 00:20:13,011
(laughs)
Part of me died on that boat.

632
00:20:13,045 --> 00:20:15,882
(laughs): Oh.
I will never be the same again.

633
00:20:15,914 --> 00:20:17,384
All right, man. Take a nap.

634
00:20:17,416 --> 00:20:18,518
Sleep it off, man.

635
00:20:18,550 --> 00:20:20,051
I'm sorry.

636
00:20:20,086 --> 00:20:21,053
Is Cece checking out Schmidt?

637
00:20:21,086 --> 00:20:22,788
What?!

638
00:20:22,821 --> 00:20:23,923
Let me see that.

639
00:20:23,955 --> 00:20:25,625
Huh?

640
00:20:25,657 --> 00:20:26,893
(laughs)

641
00:20:26,925 --> 00:20:29,228
What are you
talking about, Winston?

642
00:20:29,261 --> 00:20:30,396
WINSTON (singsongy):
Shame, shame,

643
00:20:30,430 --> 00:20:32,964
I know your name.

644
00:20:32,999 --> 00:20:36,469
You do not know
my name, Winston.

645
00:20:36,502 --> 00:20:38,637
WINSTON: Cece got a boyfriend
who used to be Betty!

646
00:20:38,671 --> 00:20:41,039
CECE: Yeah, you
better run, bitch.

647
00:20:41,073 --> 00:20:42,741
WINSTON:
Ow! Ow! Ow!

648
00:20:42,775 --> 00:20:44,611
That's my mustache!

649
00:20:44,644 --> 00:20:46,645
(sighs)

650
00:20:46,679 --> 00:20:48,280
You know, I've been
thinking a lot

651
00:20:48,315 --> 00:20:50,249
about your sleeping
arrangements and...
Weird.

652
00:20:50,282 --> 00:20:52,618
I might have an idea
on how to make things

653
00:20:52,652 --> 00:20:55,054
a little bit less weird.

654
00:20:55,086 --> 00:20:56,489
Really? What is it?

655
00:20:56,522 --> 00:20:57,957
Two words.

656
00:20:57,990 --> 00:20:59,625
Bunk beds.
No. (laughs)

657
00:20:59,659 --> 00:21:01,428
No, I'm not putting bunk
beds in my room, Schmidt.

658
00:21:01,461 --> 00:21:03,095
Not in your room. In my room.

659
00:21:03,128 --> 00:21:05,597
It'll be just
like college, my man.

660
00:21:05,632 --> 00:21:07,232
Only with way more sex.

661
00:21:07,266 --> 00:21:08,968
What?
That came out wrong.

662
00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:11,337
I'm not bunking
with you, Schmidt.

663
00:21:11,371 --> 00:21:12,771
(laughs)

664
00:21:12,805 --> 00:21:14,973
Yeah, he is.

665
00:21:15,007 --> 00:21:16,174
Yeah, he is.

666
00:21:16,208 --> 00:21:18,310
Yeah, he is.

667
00:21:18,345 --> 00:21:20,112
There's gonna be
a lot of rules,

668
00:21:20,145 --> 00:21:22,648
and I'm gonna make most of them.
You can make them all, man!

669
00:21:22,682 --> 00:21:24,584
Except for the ones that I make!
(both laugh)

670
00:21:24,616 --> 00:21:27,354
SCHMIDT:
First one in gets dibs!

671
00:21:31,289 --> 00:21:35,961
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org