1 00:00:02,835 --> 00:00:05,373 You taking up tennis? No, it's an electric flyswatter. 2 00:00:05,405 --> 00:00:06,873 I want to see it work. Well, we need a fly. 3 00:00:06,907 --> 00:00:08,742 I've been waiting all morning. 4 00:00:08,775 --> 00:00:10,910 Did you honestly just kill one? 5 00:00:10,944 --> 00:00:13,214 Hey, what's going on, guys? Ooh! Ah! 6 00:00:13,246 --> 00:00:14,981 Walk with dignity, you giant toddler. Come on, 7 00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:17,585 Schmidt, you got to get this stuff out of here, man. 8 00:00:17,617 --> 00:00:19,387 Yeah, well, I can't afford storage. All my money's tied up 9 00:00:19,420 --> 00:00:21,588 in the storefront I leased for Jess' sister. 10 00:00:21,621 --> 00:00:24,557 So why don't you put your junk in the storefront, Schmidt? 11 00:00:24,591 --> 00:00:26,094 You really want me to put an Ian Schrager rug 12 00:00:26,126 --> 00:00:27,995 in a room without climate control? 13 00:00:28,027 --> 00:00:29,329 What? Oh, 14 00:00:29,362 --> 00:00:30,664 he was the guy in Star Wars. 15 00:00:30,698 --> 00:00:32,500 Medium talent. 16 00:00:32,533 --> 00:00:34,402 Hey, guys. Morning. Hey, Jess. Hey. 17 00:00:34,435 --> 00:00:37,338 Come on, Coach! Let's hustle! 18 00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:40,140 I got Coach a job at the school, and it's his first day. 19 00:00:41,109 --> 00:00:42,375 I don't like kids, 20 00:00:42,409 --> 00:00:43,610 I don't like teaching, 21 00:00:43,643 --> 00:00:45,246 I just like paychecks. 22 00:00:45,279 --> 00:00:46,847 JESS: Well, I think you're gonna love it. 23 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,582 I don't think I'm gonna love it. 24 00:00:50,250 --> 00:00:54,588 Run! Do not stop running or I will eat your faces and bodies! 25 00:00:54,621 --> 00:00:57,890 Keep running or I will murder your family! 26 00:00:58,792 --> 00:01:00,960 (quietly): I love this job. 27 00:01:00,993 --> 00:01:02,729 You're pissing me off! This one. 28 00:01:02,762 --> 00:01:04,632 This one. I got my eye on you. 29 00:01:04,665 --> 00:01:06,599 * Who's that girl? 30 00:01:06,634 --> 00:01:09,269 * Who's that girl? * * It's Jess. 31 00:01:13,641 --> 00:01:16,409 Thanks for helping me move my stuff, you guys. * Lots of 32 00:01:16,444 --> 00:01:18,912 * Hairy boxes God, I've fallen. 33 00:01:18,945 --> 00:01:21,281 Almost below you now, Nick. 34 00:01:21,314 --> 00:01:24,218 Fellow passengers, stuck in the caboose of life. 35 00:01:24,251 --> 00:01:26,319 You think I'm in the caboose of life? 36 00:01:26,353 --> 00:01:27,888 You love it in the caboose, not me. 37 00:01:27,920 --> 00:01:30,158 It hurts. It's actually quite jarring. 38 00:01:30,191 --> 00:01:32,225 * Loves it in the caboose 39 00:01:32,259 --> 00:01:34,093 I don't love it in the caboose. * Yes, he does. 40 00:01:34,128 --> 00:01:35,896 Uh, hi. Are you guys open? 41 00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:37,397 Oh, this actually... It's not a store. 42 00:01:37,430 --> 00:01:38,799 MAN: Oh. That's too bad. 43 00:01:38,831 --> 00:01:40,567 I really like that lamp. You like... 44 00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:42,603 you like the lamp? I'm sorry. You know what, it just... 45 00:01:42,635 --> 00:01:44,771 it's just that... it doesn't... it doesn't feel like a store yet 46 00:01:44,805 --> 00:01:47,007 is what I meant to say. Piano player is a nice touch. 47 00:01:47,039 --> 00:01:49,310 Aw, thank you very much. He's lovely, isn't he? 48 00:01:49,343 --> 00:01:50,944 Pl-please look around. Feel free. 49 00:01:50,978 --> 00:01:53,447 The lamp is 100% full price. 50 00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:55,983 Uh, pretty much everything's 100% full price. NICK: What you're doing 51 00:01:56,015 --> 00:01:58,686 is illegal. You can't say this is a store. 52 00:01:58,718 --> 00:02:00,287 SCHMIDT: I'm not taking advice from you-- you pronounce 53 00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:01,355 the "G" in "lasagna." 54 00:02:01,388 --> 00:02:03,356 Lasag-na. (loud crash) 55 00:02:03,391 --> 00:02:05,459 (man moans) 56 00:02:05,492 --> 00:02:08,628 Oh, my God. I think my arm's broken. 57 00:02:08,662 --> 00:02:11,632 I'm gonna sue the crap out of you. 58 00:02:11,664 --> 00:02:12,832 (plays discordant chords) 59 00:02:12,865 --> 00:02:15,102 Winston! Quiet. 60 00:02:15,134 --> 00:02:17,271 So, I have Jamal Chambers in my fourth period, 61 00:02:17,305 --> 00:02:19,372 and he cannot stop talking about how fun 62 00:02:19,407 --> 00:02:22,610 and enthusiastic his new volleyball coach was. 63 00:02:22,643 --> 00:02:24,177 You were right. I love this job. 64 00:02:24,211 --> 00:02:25,878 I knew it. I knew you'd love it. 65 00:02:25,913 --> 00:02:27,881 Hey. I was looking for you. 66 00:02:27,914 --> 00:02:30,550 You weren't in my car. Internet's down. 67 00:02:30,584 --> 00:02:32,453 Okay, um, well, I rebooted the router. 68 00:02:32,485 --> 00:02:34,722 You're actually on the wrong IP address, so... 69 00:02:34,754 --> 00:02:35,823 There you go. 70 00:02:35,855 --> 00:02:37,490 Ooh. You know 71 00:02:37,525 --> 00:02:39,992 I can see everything that you search for, right? 72 00:02:40,026 --> 00:02:43,030 I'm a biology teacher. It's all research. 73 00:02:43,062 --> 00:02:46,165 Fixing computers and stuff now? I'm just taking on a little extra responsibility 74 00:02:46,199 --> 00:02:48,868 around here, just getting stuff done that needs doing. 75 00:02:50,771 --> 00:02:53,173 Graffiti's wrong, kids. Don't do it. 76 00:02:53,206 --> 00:02:54,741 I love corn on the cob, too, 77 00:02:54,775 --> 00:02:56,843 but I'm not gonna paint it all over the walls. 78 00:02:56,877 --> 00:02:59,312 I'm just hoping, you know, in a few years 79 00:02:59,347 --> 00:03:00,913 I'll have enough experience that Dr. Foster 80 00:03:00,948 --> 00:03:03,817 will consider me for vice principal. 81 00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:05,385 Why don't you just ask him for it? You can't 82 00:03:05,419 --> 00:03:07,587 just ask for a promotion. You know. 83 00:03:07,621 --> 00:03:11,491 You have to earn the promotion with years of good work. 84 00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:12,825 (laughing) 85 00:03:12,860 --> 00:03:15,094 What's funny? 86 00:03:15,127 --> 00:03:18,399 Uh, how's that working out for you, Jess? 87 00:03:21,634 --> 00:03:23,570 Do you see this volleyball? 88 00:03:23,603 --> 00:03:26,240 It won't get over the net just because you want it to 89 00:03:26,274 --> 00:03:28,376 and you hope someone will notice that you want it to. 90 00:03:28,408 --> 00:03:30,877 Okay. I'm gonna ask you one more time: 91 00:03:30,911 --> 00:03:35,582 what... do you... want? 92 00:03:35,615 --> 00:03:37,216 Um, I want to be vice principal. 93 00:03:37,251 --> 00:03:38,618 All right. Then spike that ball, Jess. 94 00:03:38,651 --> 00:03:41,555 Oh, that's not... Okay, um... 95 00:03:41,588 --> 00:03:43,524 You got to spike! You got to spike! Is that really... Yeah. Okay. 96 00:03:43,557 --> 00:03:45,393 No, wait. I'm not very good... I've just never Spike it! 97 00:03:45,425 --> 00:03:47,561 really been good with athlete balls. Spike it! Spike it! 98 00:03:47,594 --> 00:03:50,097 What do you want?! Spike the ball I want to be vice principal. 99 00:03:50,129 --> 00:03:53,866 and tell me what you want! I want to be the vice principal! 100 00:03:53,901 --> 00:03:56,036 Yeah! Yeah! 101 00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:57,737 Oh! Oh... Oh! 102 00:03:57,771 --> 00:03:59,606 Oh... 103 00:03:59,639 --> 00:04:01,040 I will not laugh. 104 00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:03,043 An outrage! Been all over 105 00:04:03,075 --> 00:04:04,944 and I can't afford anybody. Unbelievable. 106 00:04:04,978 --> 00:04:06,747 Access to premium legal counsel should be 107 00:04:06,780 --> 00:04:09,417 every Jew's birthright. And the jury will see 108 00:04:09,449 --> 00:04:11,384 that there is no justice for the Hebrew man. 109 00:04:11,419 --> 00:04:13,920 Not in these so-called United States. 110 00:04:13,954 --> 00:04:17,089 What is that that you're doing? I can't get enough of this legal drama. 111 00:04:17,124 --> 00:04:19,326 Check this out. Favorite author, Grisham. 112 00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:20,793 Favorite TV show, Judging Amy. 113 00:04:20,827 --> 00:04:23,764 Favorite color, courtroom brown. 114 00:04:23,797 --> 00:04:26,399 Courtroom Brown. Damn, I wish that was my nickname. 115 00:04:26,434 --> 00:04:28,601 Did you just think of that? 'Cause it was perfect, man. Courtroom Brown. 116 00:04:28,636 --> 00:04:30,571 Dude, you're a born Courtroom Brown. 117 00:04:30,603 --> 00:04:32,740 That's me. When you say "Courtroom Brown," I respond. 118 00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:34,307 Hey, Winston. 119 00:04:34,341 --> 00:04:35,608 Hey, Courtroom Brown. Yes? 120 00:04:35,643 --> 00:04:37,110 (whoops, laughing) 121 00:04:37,144 --> 00:04:39,480 Kill 'em, Courtroom! That's awesome! 122 00:04:39,512 --> 00:04:40,913 What am I supposed to do in this situation, 123 00:04:40,947 --> 00:04:42,783 represent myself like some nut job? 124 00:04:42,816 --> 00:04:44,250 Nick could be your lawyer. 125 00:04:44,283 --> 00:04:46,353 This Nick? Vivica A. Dropout? 126 00:04:46,387 --> 00:04:47,788 First of all, I don't want to be involved, 127 00:04:47,821 --> 00:04:49,956 but thank you, Courtroom Brown. 128 00:04:49,990 --> 00:04:51,759 And second of all, I passed the bar, which means 129 00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:54,026 I can practice in the state of California. Oh, 130 00:04:54,060 --> 00:04:56,430 Nick, you would be the worst in the whole entire world. 131 00:04:56,463 --> 00:04:57,665 No offense. I love you, dawg. 132 00:04:57,697 --> 00:04:59,600 I could be your lawyer easy. 133 00:04:59,632 --> 00:05:02,502 You don't forget how to be a lawyer. It's like riding a bike. 134 00:05:03,571 --> 00:05:06,639 They've changed these! 135 00:05:06,673 --> 00:05:08,175 Fine. I forgot how to ride a bike. 136 00:05:08,208 --> 00:05:10,310 But I'm not gonna forget how to be a lawyer. 137 00:05:10,343 --> 00:05:13,279 I guess I have no choice. You can be my lawyer, Nick. 138 00:05:13,312 --> 00:05:14,882 I won't do it. I value What? 139 00:05:14,915 --> 00:05:16,216 myself too great for that. 140 00:05:16,249 --> 00:05:17,785 If you want me to be your lawyer, 141 00:05:17,817 --> 00:05:20,052 if you want to win this case, you must start 142 00:05:20,086 --> 00:05:21,622 with the word "please." 143 00:05:21,654 --> 00:05:24,156 And I'll need a symbolic five-dollar retainer. 144 00:05:24,190 --> 00:05:25,492 Four dollars. 145 00:05:25,526 --> 00:05:27,461 Skin it. Let's do it. Hooah. 146 00:05:27,495 --> 00:05:30,463 Dr. Foster, I am young, I'm energetic 147 00:05:30,497 --> 00:05:33,901 and I think it's about time you take advantage of me! 148 00:05:33,933 --> 00:05:37,137 Well, this is... a little awkward. 149 00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:40,408 I'm, uh... I'm exclusively into Asian women. 150 00:05:40,441 --> 00:05:42,375 It's really a Kristi Yamaguchi thing. 151 00:05:42,409 --> 00:05:44,911 After Lillehammer... I really meant professionally-- 152 00:05:44,944 --> 00:05:47,213 I want you to take advantage of me like that. Oh. I'm sorry. 153 00:05:47,247 --> 00:05:49,149 It's a professional thing. Okay. Sorry. 154 00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:50,651 I want to be vice principal. 155 00:05:50,683 --> 00:05:53,586 Frank retired, you need someone. I deserve it. 156 00:05:53,620 --> 00:05:55,755 I bust my ass for this school. 157 00:05:55,788 --> 00:05:57,925 You've got it. The job is yours. 158 00:05:57,957 --> 00:05:59,893 It is? Oh, my God, are you kidding? 159 00:05:59,927 --> 00:06:02,362 I thought I was gonna have to force somebody into it. 160 00:06:02,396 --> 00:06:03,997 This is so much easier. 161 00:06:04,031 --> 00:06:05,165 Really? Go ahead. 162 00:06:05,197 --> 00:06:09,036 Be vice principal. (chuckles) 163 00:06:09,069 --> 00:06:10,937 I can't believe this. In fact, I think 164 00:06:10,971 --> 00:06:12,406 you should start right now. 165 00:06:12,439 --> 00:06:14,807 You will not be sorry, sir. 166 00:06:16,143 --> 00:06:17,110 Did you? 167 00:06:17,144 --> 00:06:19,211 I got the job! Yeah! Oh! 168 00:06:19,245 --> 00:06:20,947 I spiked the ball. Time to celebrate. 169 00:06:20,980 --> 00:06:22,214 No! No! I'm not doing that! 170 00:06:22,249 --> 00:06:24,117 No! We got to celebrate! Celebrate! 171 00:06:24,151 --> 00:06:26,454 No! Let me pour it on your face and your clothes and your hair! 172 00:06:30,057 --> 00:06:32,091 Yeah. Uh... looks standard. 173 00:06:32,125 --> 00:06:33,627 Yeah. 174 00:06:33,661 --> 00:06:36,096 You're definitely being sued. 175 00:06:36,129 --> 00:06:38,365 Uh, your deposition is tomorrow. 176 00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:39,966 What-what do we do now? Do we prep for the plaintiff? 177 00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:41,367 I don't like prepping. It makes me feel nervous. 178 00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:43,136 I feel boxed in. And I'm very quick 179 00:06:43,170 --> 00:06:46,238 on my, uh... Sure. 180 00:06:46,273 --> 00:06:48,442 Did you just forget the word "feet"? 181 00:06:48,475 --> 00:06:50,610 Feet. Yeah. Nick, you should really prep. 182 00:06:50,644 --> 00:06:52,946 Fair enough. Winston, you're my plaintiff. 183 00:06:52,980 --> 00:06:54,882 Done deal. Okay. (chuckles) 184 00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:57,817 (clears throat) Hi, my name is Tim Baker. 185 00:06:57,850 --> 00:07:01,454 I live at 522 Dugan Court Terrace. 186 00:07:01,488 --> 00:07:04,423 Okay, Mr. Baker, how long have you been a chef? 187 00:07:04,458 --> 00:07:05,658 I don't have to answer that. 188 00:07:05,692 --> 00:07:07,293 You actually do though, Winston. 189 00:07:07,927 --> 00:07:09,428 Doesn't he? 190 00:07:10,497 --> 00:07:12,466 You ask... Why you asking me, man? 191 00:07:12,500 --> 00:07:14,434 No, I'm not. I'm... Yeah. No, I know. You're the lawyer. 192 00:07:14,468 --> 00:07:16,336 You have to answer. (stammers) How long you been a chef? 193 00:07:16,369 --> 00:07:18,071 I already answered that during background. 194 00:07:18,105 --> 00:07:20,339 What in the hell? You did background without me? 195 00:07:20,372 --> 00:07:22,341 Why wasn't I invited for background? 196 00:07:22,375 --> 00:07:24,276 You have to answer it! How long you been a chef?! 197 00:07:24,310 --> 00:07:25,512 You're fired! 198 00:07:27,346 --> 00:07:31,018 Give me another chance. 199 00:07:31,050 --> 00:07:33,653 No! 200 00:07:33,687 --> 00:07:36,490 Okay, here's something. Get on a plane with me. 201 00:07:36,524 --> 00:07:38,959 While you think about it, put this on my card. 202 00:07:38,992 --> 00:07:41,661 (whispers): It's the black one. 203 00:07:43,497 --> 00:07:45,298 (whistles) 204 00:07:45,331 --> 00:07:46,933 Wow. That just happened. 205 00:07:46,966 --> 00:07:49,269 You think maybe we should take his card 206 00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:50,704 and buy him a new shirt? 207 00:07:50,737 --> 00:07:52,305 (laughs) I'm scared he'd want 208 00:07:52,338 --> 00:07:54,141 to change it in front of us. 209 00:07:55,042 --> 00:07:55,942 I'm Cece. 210 00:07:55,975 --> 00:07:57,343 Hi, Cece. I'm Buster. 211 00:07:57,377 --> 00:07:59,045 I really hope that's a nickname. 212 00:07:59,079 --> 00:08:00,279 No, it's not a nickname. 213 00:08:00,312 --> 00:08:01,281 It's your real name? 214 00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:02,649 I was bullied pretty bad. 215 00:08:02,682 --> 00:08:03,783 Hi, Buster. 216 00:08:03,817 --> 00:08:05,685 All right, hold on. I've got 217 00:08:05,718 --> 00:08:07,487 quite an eye for young boys. Oh, God. 218 00:08:07,521 --> 00:08:09,523 That's right, I said it; it's not a typo. 219 00:08:09,557 --> 00:08:10,824 Let's see some I.D. 220 00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:12,860 God, you're handsome. 221 00:08:12,893 --> 00:08:14,494 CECE: I'm sorry. 222 00:08:14,528 --> 00:08:15,795 Wyoming! 223 00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:16,797 Look at that. Mm-hmm. 224 00:08:16,829 --> 00:08:18,130 Wyoming. So you're one 225 00:08:18,165 --> 00:08:20,733 of the three people from Wyoming. Yeah. 226 00:08:20,768 --> 00:08:24,637 Cowboy state, big sky country, home of the Liberty Bell. 227 00:08:24,672 --> 00:08:26,973 Bull... snatch. 228 00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:28,542 MIKE: That's an awful accent. 229 00:08:28,576 --> 00:08:29,742 What is your real accent? 230 00:08:29,776 --> 00:08:31,211 Are you Australian or from Heaven? 231 00:08:31,244 --> 00:08:33,046 How old are you, for real? 232 00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:34,748 Just leave him alone. Don't bull-snatch a bull-snatcher. 233 00:08:34,782 --> 00:08:37,250 Leave him alone. You're over 21, right? 234 00:08:38,350 --> 00:08:39,318 I'm not. 235 00:08:39,351 --> 00:08:41,388 Um... I'm 20. 236 00:08:41,421 --> 00:08:43,990 MIKE: Get out of here, you delicious bastard. 237 00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:46,259 Can I get my I.D. back? No, of course not, you can't. 238 00:08:46,293 --> 00:08:48,562 It'd be against the law, you... wonderful creature. 239 00:08:48,596 --> 00:08:50,029 Nice to meet you, Cece. 240 00:08:50,062 --> 00:08:52,099 Good God, you look nice. 241 00:08:52,131 --> 00:08:54,334 Nothing irks me like underage drinking. 242 00:08:54,366 --> 00:08:56,669 It's stupid, it's dangerous, it's irresponsible. 243 00:08:56,703 --> 00:09:00,573 God, I want to have sex with that kid so bad, it's freaking me out! 244 00:09:00,607 --> 00:09:02,142 (sighs): Oh... I'm real tingly. 245 00:09:03,475 --> 00:09:05,913 JESS: We have talk about the budget. 246 00:09:05,946 --> 00:09:08,014 There's a problem with the budget? But it's due Monday. 247 00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:10,049 Yeah. Do we have too much money? 248 00:09:10,082 --> 00:09:11,951 No. We need to fire people. 249 00:09:11,985 --> 00:09:15,589 What? And when I say "we," I mean you. 250 00:09:15,623 --> 00:09:17,356 Start with the most recent hires. 251 00:09:17,389 --> 00:09:20,393 Well, we have, um... Janet from the history department. 252 00:09:20,427 --> 00:09:22,361 (exhales) Human garbage. 253 00:09:22,394 --> 00:09:23,697 Okay. 254 00:09:23,730 --> 00:09:24,898 Ernie, uh... 255 00:09:24,932 --> 00:09:25,865 Ah, yeah. 256 00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:27,067 No. That's Coach. 257 00:09:27,100 --> 00:09:28,534 No. No. No. 258 00:09:28,567 --> 00:09:30,638 No, he's very good at his job. Last one in, 259 00:09:30,671 --> 00:09:33,240 first one out-- you know how this works. 260 00:09:33,273 --> 00:09:35,408 That's just wrong. This is the job, Ms. Day. 261 00:09:35,442 --> 00:09:38,278 He's my friend. I can't. No. I'm not doing it. I'm not firing Coach. 262 00:09:38,311 --> 00:09:40,047 This is the job, Ms. Day. 263 00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:42,414 Do you want it or not? 264 00:09:46,253 --> 00:09:47,453 I'm what? 265 00:09:47,486 --> 00:09:48,655 We had to do budget cuts, 266 00:09:48,688 --> 00:09:50,389 and we have to let two people go, 267 00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:52,926 and you're my friend, and I couldn't stop it. 268 00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:54,161 I'm so sorry. 269 00:09:56,129 --> 00:09:58,365 (sighs) 270 00:09:59,265 --> 00:10:00,801 We all pitched in. 271 00:10:00,833 --> 00:10:02,601 Thanks, guys, 272 00:10:02,635 --> 00:10:06,105 I'm not coach anymore. I'm just Coach. 273 00:10:06,139 --> 00:10:08,942 What? What? 274 00:10:11,778 --> 00:10:14,147 (Coach crying) 275 00:10:14,181 --> 00:10:16,349 (groaning) 276 00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:20,788 (Coach humming sadly) 277 00:10:25,993 --> 00:10:27,293 Morning, Winston. 278 00:10:30,697 --> 00:10:32,599 Are you not talking to me? 279 00:10:32,631 --> 00:10:34,934 Look, I had 280 00:10:34,967 --> 00:10:36,937 to fire Coach for my job. 281 00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:38,638 I didn't want to. 282 00:10:38,672 --> 00:10:41,140 Don't squint at me. 283 00:10:41,173 --> 00:10:43,043 Don't do that. 284 00:10:43,076 --> 00:10:45,712 I did it for my job. It wasn't my choice. 285 00:10:45,745 --> 00:10:48,315 Hey, Nick, what's up, man? What's up, Winnie? 286 00:10:48,347 --> 00:10:50,549 Hey, Nick. Hey. 287 00:10:50,582 --> 00:10:52,720 Can we talk for a second? Can I talk to you? 288 00:10:52,753 --> 00:10:55,154 Schmidt fired me, and now I'll never get to use 289 00:10:55,187 --> 00:10:57,456 this briefcase I just bought, and it was $19! 290 00:10:57,490 --> 00:10:59,292 I think my thing is a little bit more... Do you think 291 00:10:59,326 --> 00:11:01,227 I'm sexier when I hold it or when it's down? 292 00:11:01,260 --> 00:11:03,495 'Cause I think it's kind of sexier when I hold it, like this. 293 00:11:03,529 --> 00:11:06,633 Not really. Do I look like a man of power? 294 00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:08,201 Imagine this-- it's, like, a rainy day, 295 00:11:08,235 --> 00:11:09,970 I'm on the streets of New York, 296 00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:13,405 (whistles) Hey! Stop that cab! 297 00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:16,243 I'm a businessman. I'm late to an important meeting. 298 00:11:16,275 --> 00:11:19,178 I honestly feel like I would've been so good at this. You don't 299 00:11:19,211 --> 00:11:21,148 want to be a lawyer-- why do you care whether 300 00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:22,548 Schmidt fired you or not? I spent 301 00:11:22,581 --> 00:11:24,216 all those years at law school 302 00:11:24,250 --> 00:11:25,852 with those preppy dicks... 303 00:11:25,885 --> 00:11:28,587 and I never got to prove them wrong, Jess. Okay, 304 00:11:28,620 --> 00:11:29,889 go after what you want. 305 00:11:29,923 --> 00:11:31,591 Just make sure that 306 00:11:31,624 --> 00:11:33,159 what you want... 307 00:11:33,192 --> 00:11:36,395 doesn't make you a cog on the wheel 308 00:11:36,428 --> 00:11:39,365 of a larger, flawed system. Stop it. 309 00:11:39,399 --> 00:11:40,868 Shut your mouth. 310 00:11:40,900 --> 00:11:42,501 'Cause what you're saying is beautiful. 311 00:11:42,534 --> 00:11:45,105 I'm gonna go put on my power suit. 312 00:11:45,138 --> 00:11:46,774 High and loud, girl. Whoo! 313 00:11:46,807 --> 00:11:47,941 Um... 314 00:11:47,975 --> 00:11:49,009 good talk, Nick. 315 00:11:49,042 --> 00:11:50,543 With this thing, I feel so sexy, 316 00:11:50,576 --> 00:11:52,044 (chuckles): it's disgusting. 317 00:11:52,078 --> 00:11:53,780 I think you misunderstood... Whoo! 318 00:11:56,884 --> 00:11:58,951 Your representation running late? Uh, no. 319 00:11:58,985 --> 00:12:01,855 Actually, I'll be representing myself today. Sorry we're late. 320 00:12:01,889 --> 00:12:04,124 What? This building is a total mess. 321 00:12:04,157 --> 00:12:06,359 Nick Miller of, uh, Cooper, Bishop and Furguson. 322 00:12:06,393 --> 00:12:09,729 As you know, my boss and senior partner, Mr. Winston Furguson. 323 00:12:09,763 --> 00:12:10,964 WINSTON: Gentlemen, pleased to be with you. Please, please 324 00:12:10,998 --> 00:12:12,899 don't get up, don't get up. 325 00:12:12,932 --> 00:12:14,100 WINSTON: I-I insist. 326 00:12:14,134 --> 00:12:16,903 Madam Secretary. 327 00:12:16,937 --> 00:12:18,806 What are you doing here? I'm representing you. 328 00:12:18,838 --> 00:12:20,539 Everything all right? I'm a bit caught off guard. 329 00:12:20,572 --> 00:12:21,908 I wasn't expecting these two 330 00:12:21,942 --> 00:12:23,442 very real lawyers to show up today. 331 00:12:23,475 --> 00:12:25,245 Well, we wanted to let you know that 332 00:12:25,278 --> 00:12:27,614 the entire firm is standing behind you. Besides, 333 00:12:27,647 --> 00:12:29,917 whether I sit in my office or in here... 334 00:12:29,950 --> 00:12:32,418 it's all billable-- am I right, gentlemen? (laughs) 335 00:12:32,451 --> 00:12:33,953 (laughter) 336 00:12:33,986 --> 00:12:36,990 Shall we get into this, or just take our pants off? 337 00:12:37,024 --> 00:12:38,524 (Nick laughs briefly) 338 00:12:39,793 --> 00:12:41,394 (slapping) (quietly): Ask him a question. 339 00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:43,495 Let me... let me do my thing. Do your thing. 340 00:12:43,529 --> 00:12:44,898 (clears throat) Mr. Baker. 341 00:12:44,932 --> 00:12:46,265 Yes? 342 00:12:49,168 --> 00:12:51,403 What's your home address? 343 00:12:51,437 --> 00:12:53,306 522 Dugan Court Terrace. 344 00:12:53,340 --> 00:12:54,506 Okay. 345 00:12:54,540 --> 00:12:56,509 (clears throat softly) 346 00:12:56,543 --> 00:12:58,912 Uh, no... no further questions. 347 00:12:58,946 --> 00:13:00,679 What? 348 00:13:00,712 --> 00:13:02,349 (clears throat) 349 00:13:02,381 --> 00:13:03,817 Keep going. Ow! 350 00:13:03,850 --> 00:13:05,485 SCHMIDT: Just keep going. What are you... 351 00:13:05,518 --> 00:13:07,354 Don't hit me. What are you hitting me for? 352 00:13:07,386 --> 00:13:09,688 Is everything all right? Sure it is. The meter's running. 353 00:13:09,721 --> 00:13:11,390 (laughter) 354 00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:15,761 Even though you don't work at Coolidge anymore, 355 00:13:15,794 --> 00:13:18,264 you'll still be Coach Coach to those kids. 356 00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:19,631 It's Coach Coach. 357 00:13:19,666 --> 00:13:21,100 Yeah, Coach Coach. 358 00:13:21,134 --> 00:13:22,870 Coach Coach. Coach Coa... 359 00:13:22,903 --> 00:13:24,370 Coach Coach. I'm sorry. 360 00:13:24,403 --> 00:13:25,938 (sighs) It's all good, Jess. 361 00:13:25,972 --> 00:13:28,274 You did what you had to do. 362 00:13:28,307 --> 00:13:30,210 I'm proud of you for that, okay? 363 00:13:30,243 --> 00:13:33,346 Yeah. I hope I'm the first of many you fire. 364 00:13:33,379 --> 00:13:34,847 That really means a lot to me. 365 00:13:34,881 --> 00:13:37,017 (laugh) I am gonna miss those kids, though. 366 00:13:37,049 --> 00:13:38,885 Yeah. That's what I'm gonna miss. 367 00:13:38,918 --> 00:13:40,653 Those little... those little bastards. 368 00:13:40,687 --> 00:13:42,154 Little Ronnie. 369 00:13:42,188 --> 00:13:44,390 Ronnie's so clumsy and slow. 370 00:13:44,423 --> 00:13:46,459 Yeah. Thomas. 371 00:13:46,493 --> 00:13:49,729 I mean, he's strong, but that boy is a classic middle child. 372 00:13:49,761 --> 00:13:53,033 He's just looking for love, up, back and sideways. 373 00:13:53,066 --> 00:13:54,301 (wry laugh) 374 00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:57,070 (voice breaks): And Maurice. 375 00:13:57,104 --> 00:13:58,971 (quiet sob) He always 376 00:13:59,005 --> 00:14:01,041 makes a mess whenever he eats a Popsicle. 377 00:14:01,073 --> 00:14:02,375 It's, like, dude, 378 00:14:02,408 --> 00:14:04,043 stop sucking your Popsicle like that, man. 379 00:14:04,076 --> 00:14:06,078 You're never gonna get a girlfriend like that. 380 00:14:06,113 --> 00:14:07,580 (sobbing) 381 00:14:07,614 --> 00:14:08,815 (quietly): And then there's Hunter. 382 00:14:08,847 --> 00:14:10,082 God... 383 00:14:10,116 --> 00:14:13,186 Fat... cross-eyed... 384 00:14:13,220 --> 00:14:14,821 clod-hopping Hunter. 385 00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:17,224 Hunter is the sweetest little idiot 386 00:14:17,256 --> 00:14:18,857 there ever was. (sobbing) 387 00:14:18,892 --> 00:14:21,094 He's so sweet! 388 00:14:21,128 --> 00:14:22,828 He's so sweet! 389 00:14:22,861 --> 00:14:25,231 (loud crying): Ahh... 390 00:14:25,264 --> 00:14:26,265 (sniffles) 391 00:14:26,298 --> 00:14:27,900 (slurring): Screw this! 392 00:14:27,934 --> 00:14:30,903 Because... you told me... 393 00:14:30,937 --> 00:14:34,341 to go after what I wanted, and this is not what I wanted. 394 00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:36,709 Let's go! We're gonna get you to that game! 395 00:14:36,743 --> 00:14:38,044 It's okay. They're playing Pasadena. 396 00:14:38,077 --> 00:14:40,379 They don't stand a chance. 397 00:14:40,413 --> 00:14:41,880 Pasadena has a bunch of bitch-ass tricks. 398 00:14:41,914 --> 00:14:43,283 Weren't raised right. 399 00:14:43,316 --> 00:14:46,418 Hey, what do you want? 400 00:14:46,452 --> 00:14:48,754 I don't know. I want to be there. 401 00:14:48,788 --> 00:14:52,259 So, spike that ball! 402 00:14:52,292 --> 00:14:55,794 That was not a ball. That was beer. 403 00:14:55,827 --> 00:14:57,764 I know. I feel really bad about it. 404 00:14:57,797 --> 00:14:59,599 You know what? Don't feel bad! Let's go! 405 00:14:59,631 --> 00:15:01,567 Let's go! You got me all fired up! 406 00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:03,336 I think you're gonna have to drive. 407 00:15:06,472 --> 00:15:08,075 Mr. Miller: "Were you or were you not 408 00:15:08,107 --> 00:15:09,642 wearing oversized shoes in the store?" 409 00:15:09,676 --> 00:15:12,312 Mr. Baker: "I was not. I told you that." 410 00:15:12,345 --> 00:15:14,947 Mr. Miller: "But are you sure?" Mr. Schmidt: "Shut up, Nick." 411 00:15:14,981 --> 00:15:16,984 Mr. Miller: "Let me do this. Ow. Stop it." 412 00:15:17,017 --> 00:15:19,451 Mr. Schmidt: "Stop what? You're hitting yourself." 413 00:15:19,485 --> 00:15:21,488 Mr. Miller: "You're a child." 414 00:15:21,520 --> 00:15:24,057 Mr. Schmidt: "A child would be a better lawyer." 415 00:15:24,091 --> 00:15:26,592 Mr. Furguson: "Children are our future." 416 00:15:26,625 --> 00:15:28,327 Mr. Berklan: "So true." 417 00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:29,928 Mr. Miller: "I need to regroup. 418 00:15:29,962 --> 00:15:31,431 "I'm gonna stall a little bit. Watch this. 419 00:15:31,463 --> 00:15:33,899 Could the lady typer read that back?" 420 00:15:33,932 --> 00:15:35,335 All right, all right, we've had enough. 421 00:15:35,368 --> 00:15:37,236 My client is graciously willing 422 00:15:37,269 --> 00:15:39,338 to settle for $20,000. 423 00:15:39,371 --> 00:15:41,673 As an actual real attorney, 424 00:15:41,707 --> 00:15:43,076 I highly suggest you take the deal. 425 00:15:43,110 --> 00:15:45,845 Great. We'll do... Not a chance. 426 00:15:45,878 --> 00:15:46,913 There's not a chance. 427 00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:47,947 Sidebar. Come on, Schmidt. 428 00:15:47,980 --> 00:15:49,349 Hurry up. Just... 429 00:15:50,383 --> 00:15:52,519 You are not taking that settlement. 430 00:15:52,552 --> 00:15:53,986 Well, Nick, at least if it's $20,000, 431 00:15:54,020 --> 00:15:55,922 I can get out of that hole some day. 432 00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:58,625 I've got a plan. You just have to give me a chance. 433 00:16:00,027 --> 00:16:01,427 Can you believe in me? 434 00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:03,696 (sighs) All right, I believe in you. Deal. 435 00:16:03,730 --> 00:16:05,697 Deal. What's the plan? 436 00:16:05,731 --> 00:16:07,700 Oh, I'm not telling you. You're gonna get too mad. Let's go. 437 00:16:07,734 --> 00:16:10,169 Nick, I take it back! I don't... I don't believe in you! 438 00:16:11,870 --> 00:16:13,539 Here. 439 00:16:16,375 --> 00:16:17,677 How long is this game? 440 00:16:17,710 --> 00:16:19,846 Go get 'em, Coach. 441 00:16:19,879 --> 00:16:23,182 All right, listen up, you no-talent, 442 00:16:23,216 --> 00:16:24,884 idiot babies! 443 00:16:24,917 --> 00:16:27,453 Give me that. Give me that. Give me that. Give me that. 444 00:16:27,486 --> 00:16:28,821 Oh, thank God. 445 00:16:28,855 --> 00:16:30,389 Bring it in. 446 00:16:30,423 --> 00:16:31,724 Come on. 447 00:16:31,758 --> 00:16:33,960 All right, now, 448 00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:35,995 who is gonna win this match?! 449 00:16:36,028 --> 00:16:37,397 ALL: Coolidge! 450 00:16:37,429 --> 00:16:38,398 Who's number one? 451 00:16:38,431 --> 00:16:40,067 ALL: Coolidge! 452 00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:41,134 Let me hear it! Who are we? 453 00:16:41,168 --> 00:16:42,802 ALL: Coolidge! Rakim! 454 00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:44,571 Really, Rakim? Like I just walked you 455 00:16:44,604 --> 00:16:46,972 right up to it, and you're gonna... We're gonna talk. 456 00:16:47,005 --> 00:16:49,308 Coolidge! Too late, man. It's too late. 457 00:16:49,341 --> 00:16:51,510 All right, guys, get out there and make me proud! 458 00:16:51,543 --> 00:16:53,480 (whistle blows) 459 00:16:53,513 --> 00:16:55,182 Ms. Day? What? 460 00:16:55,215 --> 00:16:57,884 What is going on? I thought you fired Coach. 461 00:16:57,917 --> 00:17:00,552 Look, Coach loves the kids, and the kids love him. 462 00:17:00,586 --> 00:17:02,754 I want this job, but I'm not going to do it your way. 463 00:17:02,788 --> 00:17:05,258 I'm not going to let our best people go. 464 00:17:05,291 --> 00:17:08,894 You were the one who told me, we have no money. 465 00:17:08,928 --> 00:17:11,198 Yeah, but we can make it up in other ways, we can be creative. 466 00:17:11,230 --> 00:17:13,165 We can rent out the multipurpose room 467 00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:15,102 after school to local clubs. 468 00:17:15,134 --> 00:17:16,903 And where will the orchestra practice? 469 00:17:16,935 --> 00:17:19,038 Did you ever consider that, Ms. Day? 470 00:17:19,071 --> 00:17:23,109 Or were you too busy buying a ladies bike? What? 471 00:17:23,143 --> 00:17:24,111 They can use the library. 472 00:17:24,144 --> 00:17:25,778 No one goes in there anyway. 473 00:17:25,811 --> 00:17:27,213 Yeah, let's burn the books! 474 00:17:27,247 --> 00:17:29,949 Except for The Da Vinci Code. 475 00:17:29,981 --> 00:17:32,919 Well, that took a weird turn, but... 476 00:17:32,951 --> 00:17:35,221 Thank you, Susan. That-that's so nice. 477 00:17:35,255 --> 00:17:37,223 What a great solution. 478 00:17:37,257 --> 00:17:39,358 Come on! Let's do it! (exhales) 479 00:17:39,392 --> 00:17:42,261 Oh! Hunter, you animal! 480 00:17:42,295 --> 00:17:44,564 (excited chattering) 481 00:17:44,596 --> 00:17:47,099 (laughs) Yeah! Hit the robot. 482 00:17:47,134 --> 00:17:48,800 Uh, uh, yeah, hit it. 483 00:17:48,835 --> 00:17:53,306 I guess we can figure out some way to keep him here. 484 00:17:53,339 --> 00:17:55,575 God, you frost my cookies. 485 00:17:55,607 --> 00:17:57,277 Thank you. 486 00:17:57,309 --> 00:17:58,711 Way! Uh! 487 00:17:58,744 --> 00:18:00,146 Wait, what am I... Get... get back out there. 488 00:18:00,180 --> 00:18:02,048 We got... We still have a game to play. 489 00:18:02,080 --> 00:18:02,882 Hey, Coach, guess what? 490 00:18:02,914 --> 00:18:04,483 Ball! Oh. Oh. 491 00:18:04,517 --> 00:18:05,884 It's okay. 492 00:18:05,917 --> 00:18:08,054 Don't laugh, guys. (laughs) 493 00:18:08,086 --> 00:18:11,423 Did you see that hit her face? I'm okay. I'm gonna sit down. 494 00:18:11,458 --> 00:18:13,292 (sighs) 495 00:18:13,326 --> 00:18:15,228 (sighs) So, are you gonna sit, or...? 496 00:18:15,261 --> 00:18:16,628 No, I'm gonna stand. 497 00:18:16,663 --> 00:18:18,230 'Cause isn't that what we are doing? 498 00:18:18,265 --> 00:18:19,731 Standing... for the little guy? 499 00:18:19,766 --> 00:18:20,833 (quietly): What is the plan? 500 00:18:20,866 --> 00:18:22,835 Injustice! 501 00:18:22,868 --> 00:18:24,103 I will not stand for it. 502 00:18:24,136 --> 00:18:25,904 That is why I will sit right now. 503 00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:27,906 I will sit down 504 00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:30,009 in this chair... (groans) 505 00:18:30,041 --> 00:18:31,478 (clattering) 506 00:18:31,510 --> 00:18:34,814 You're negligent! Aah! 507 00:18:34,846 --> 00:18:39,352 Get off me! My neck! My neck! 508 00:18:39,385 --> 00:18:41,854 Seriously? The fall-down on the chair bit? 509 00:18:41,887 --> 00:18:43,490 Is this your first case? Yes, it is. 510 00:18:43,522 --> 00:18:46,625 And that is why I'll file petition on petition. 511 00:18:46,659 --> 00:18:48,295 You're gonna wake up in the morning to paperwork. 512 00:18:48,327 --> 00:18:51,663 You're gonna go to bed at night to paperwork. 513 00:18:52,565 --> 00:18:54,032 So how about this, gentlemen? 514 00:18:54,066 --> 00:18:58,003 You pay the $20,000 settlement to your client yourself, 515 00:18:58,037 --> 00:19:00,707 and you'll never see our faces again. 516 00:19:00,740 --> 00:19:02,107 What do you call a lunatic 517 00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:05,678 who's only got one case and no hobbies? 518 00:19:05,711 --> 00:19:07,713 Your worst nightmare. 519 00:19:07,747 --> 00:19:10,549 Let's go, guys. 520 00:19:11,651 --> 00:19:14,221 Listen, Bill, 521 00:19:14,253 --> 00:19:15,988 if you ever want to play with the big boys, 522 00:19:16,021 --> 00:19:19,392 you'll give me a ring, won't you? 523 00:19:19,425 --> 00:19:21,827 (sighs) 524 00:19:21,861 --> 00:19:24,163 This is a baseball card. 525 00:19:24,196 --> 00:19:26,566 Yeah. 526 00:19:26,598 --> 00:19:27,866 NICK: All right! 527 00:19:27,900 --> 00:19:29,501 All right. You did it. I did it. 528 00:19:29,536 --> 00:19:31,002 SCHMIDT: Salud. Cheers! 529 00:19:32,338 --> 00:19:34,406 Oh! Oh! SCHMIDT: Another round of shots. 530 00:19:34,441 --> 00:19:36,409 On the house! You don't get to say that, Winnie. 531 00:19:36,442 --> 00:19:37,576 You know that, right? Okay. 532 00:19:37,609 --> 00:19:39,412 Oh, I knew you'd come back for me. 533 00:19:39,445 --> 00:19:42,582 So what do you want to do now? You want to just drive? 534 00:19:42,615 --> 00:19:44,217 Oh, no. Mike! 535 00:19:44,250 --> 00:19:45,751 What? Ple... I got it. 536 00:19:45,785 --> 00:19:47,086 Thank you. 537 00:19:47,118 --> 00:19:48,988 Hey, what you doing here? 538 00:19:49,020 --> 00:19:50,656 I just wanted to come and say... Mm-hmm. 539 00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:51,923 First things first. 540 00:19:51,958 --> 00:19:53,826 The legal drinking age in Australia is 18. 541 00:19:53,859 --> 00:19:55,927 Second, you're really beautiful. 542 00:19:55,961 --> 00:19:57,396 Like, you're really beautiful. 543 00:19:57,430 --> 00:19:59,499 Like, I want to take you out some time. 544 00:19:59,531 --> 00:20:02,234 But because I'm 20 and already at a bit of a disadvantage, 545 00:20:02,269 --> 00:20:04,270 I thought I'd come and do some uncharacteristic 546 00:20:04,304 --> 00:20:06,071 self-promotion to help the cause? 547 00:20:06,105 --> 00:20:07,507 Okay. And let you know that, 548 00:20:07,539 --> 00:20:09,276 well, I just opened my own business. 549 00:20:09,308 --> 00:20:11,377 I build boats. 550 00:20:11,411 --> 00:20:13,445 Uh, wooden boats with my hands. 551 00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:16,383 Mm-hmm. Um, old ladies love me. 552 00:20:16,415 --> 00:20:17,717 They call me sensitive. 553 00:20:17,750 --> 00:20:19,085 And I'm a really good cook. 554 00:20:19,117 --> 00:20:21,086 But I know three dishes, 555 00:20:21,119 --> 00:20:24,523 and two of those dishes are the same thing. (laughs) 556 00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:26,726 Yeah, that's about it, so, what do you think? 557 00:20:26,759 --> 00:20:28,193 Do you want to get a drink? 558 00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:29,895 Like a soft drink with you? 559 00:20:29,929 --> 00:20:31,730 Soft drink, a walk. Can you have a coffee? 560 00:20:31,763 --> 00:20:33,400 Yeah, I love coffee. Mm-hmm. 561 00:20:33,432 --> 00:20:35,801 It's one of the three meals that I know how I make. 562 00:20:37,269 --> 00:20:39,605 All right. 563 00:20:39,638 --> 00:20:41,374 Oh, do it! Well, done, sir! 564 00:20:41,407 --> 00:20:42,875 Oh! Oh, yeah. 565 00:20:42,909 --> 00:20:44,310 Or you know what? We could 566 00:20:44,344 --> 00:20:46,045 actually... we could probably just go now. 567 00:20:46,077 --> 00:20:48,213 I'd like to comb your hair, you hunk. 568 00:20:48,247 --> 00:20:49,648 I don't know who they are. They just come in here, 569 00:20:49,682 --> 00:20:51,217 and they drink, and make a lot of noise 570 00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:52,652 and talk about things they don't know about! 571 00:20:52,684 --> 00:20:54,554 Hey, Mike, I'm gonna take a break. Um... 572 00:20:54,586 --> 00:20:55,954 I don't know when I'll be back. I'll just meet you out front. 573 00:20:57,189 --> 00:20:58,325 Stop what you're doing. 574 00:20:58,357 --> 00:21:00,792 There's a lawyer here to make... 575 00:21:00,826 --> 00:21:02,228 (whispers): Jessica? 576 00:21:02,260 --> 00:21:04,431 Jessica, I won the case. 577 00:21:05,832 --> 00:21:10,269 If you woke up right now, we could be making love. 578 00:21:10,303 --> 00:21:12,003 Jessica? 579 00:21:12,038 --> 00:21:14,807 Power couple. 580 00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:20,278 * Oh, I miss the comfort of this house * 581 00:21:20,313 --> 00:21:21,847 (sighs) 582 00:21:21,881 --> 00:21:24,384 * Where we are, where we are * 583 00:21:26,285 --> 00:21:35,795 * Where we are, where we are. * 584 00:21:35,827 --> 00:21:38,998 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org