1
00:00:01,534 --> 00:00:03,204
WINSTON:
Man, this is gonna be fun! Oh!
COACH: Ah, come on!

2
00:00:03,237 --> 00:00:04,637
Get it close
to the light.

3
00:00:04,671 --> 00:00:06,240
Okay, just because
you invented Sky Knife

4
00:00:06,274 --> 00:00:08,308
doesn't mean you can
tell me how to throw.

5
00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:10,077
Hurry up, man.
You can do this.

6
00:00:10,111 --> 00:00:11,644
One, two, three.

7
00:00:11,679 --> 00:00:12,512
ALL:
Sky Knife!

8
00:00:12,545 --> 00:00:13,846
(cheering)

9
00:00:13,881 --> 00:00:15,048
Yeah!

10
00:00:15,083 --> 00:00:16,384
What's up?

11
00:00:16,417 --> 00:00:17,585
Oh, hey. What's up?
Nothing, just a...

12
00:00:17,617 --> 00:00:18,885
Hey, uh, straight-up
chillin'.

13
00:00:18,919 --> 00:00:20,754
(indistinct chatter)
JESS:
You guys,

14
00:00:20,788 --> 00:00:22,222
it's a really long story,
but I think

15
00:00:22,256 --> 00:00:24,091
I saw an eagle.
I was shopping

16
00:00:24,125 --> 00:00:25,193
for books
on Western...

17
00:00:25,225 --> 00:00:26,559
Oh, my God!
(all exclaim)

18
00:00:26,594 --> 00:00:27,995
Oh!
Oh!

19
00:00:28,027 --> 00:00:29,530
Oh, God, what
the hell?

20
00:00:29,562 --> 00:00:30,931
You were in the drop zone.

21
00:00:30,963 --> 00:00:32,700
Good save, Nick.
You were
a hero!

22
00:00:32,732 --> 00:00:34,000
Hey, hey...
Good save.

23
00:00:34,033 --> 00:00:35,902
We were playing Sky Knife.
You mad?

24
00:00:35,936 --> 00:00:36,869
No.

25
00:00:36,904 --> 00:00:38,106
No. I...
I think

26
00:00:38,139 --> 00:00:39,539
it's been a great game
this week.

27
00:00:39,573 --> 00:00:41,241
I'm amazed at how great it is.

28
00:00:41,274 --> 00:00:43,210
Uh! Awesome! I thought you were
gonna be mad. All right.

29
00:00:43,243 --> 00:00:45,912
I'm gonna go get the bad-ass
knives from Schmidt's house.

30
00:00:45,945 --> 00:00:47,548
Cool.
Get 'em, girl.

31
00:00:49,216 --> 00:00:51,451
Um, guys, we have a problem.

32
00:00:51,484 --> 00:00:52,853
I know, but Abby's
gonna fix it.

33
00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:54,121
She's going to get
the cooler knives.

34
00:00:54,155 --> 00:00:55,956
The problem is Abby.

35
00:00:55,988 --> 00:00:57,790
She's been here one week

36
00:00:57,825 --> 00:01:00,393
and has already created chaos
everywhere.

37
00:01:00,427 --> 00:01:02,563
I don't know if anybody noticed,

38
00:01:02,596 --> 00:01:04,132
but she destroyed
my sunflower painting

39
00:01:04,165 --> 00:01:06,233
with a picture of a penis.
The iguana's cool.

40
00:01:06,266 --> 00:01:07,968
I like the iguana.
Who doesn't
love an iguana?

41
00:01:08,001 --> 00:01:10,103
With the glasses?
Yeah, man.
Yeah. I like its tail.

42
00:01:11,438 --> 00:01:12,972
Oh, my God, you guys,
it's Terry.

43
00:01:13,006 --> 00:01:14,875
The bastard found me.
He wants his stuff.

44
00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:16,977
Who's Terry?! What's his stuff?!
Cocaine drugs?!

45
00:01:17,010 --> 00:01:18,412
Worse.

46
00:01:18,445 --> 00:01:19,780
You guys got to hide.

47
00:01:19,813 --> 00:01:21,481
Oh, my God, I knew
this was gonna happen.

48
00:01:21,515 --> 00:01:24,084
Everybody in your
earthquake spots now!
Jess!

49
00:01:24,117 --> 00:01:25,552
(laughter)

50
00:01:25,585 --> 00:01:26,954
She's messing with you.

51
00:01:26,986 --> 00:01:29,323
(laughter)

52
00:01:29,356 --> 00:01:30,823
Yeah, I know.

53
00:01:30,858 --> 00:01:33,060
We are messing with you.

54
00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:34,895
No.
I don't
think you were involved.

55
00:01:34,927 --> 00:01:36,296
Don't taunt you, dude.
You guys were all
afraid of Terry.

56
00:01:36,329 --> 00:01:38,632
Us Day sisters
up to our old pranks.

57
00:01:38,665 --> 00:01:40,501
You're not part of it.
(in high-pitched voice):
Yes, I am!

58
00:01:40,533 --> 00:01:43,236
You got messed with.
You got messed with, not me.

59
00:01:43,271 --> 00:01:45,805
You're doing that voice
when you get messed with.
No, I'm not.

60
00:01:45,838 --> 00:01:47,674
You guys, this is so fun.
I want to live here.

61
00:01:47,707 --> 00:01:49,509
(fake laughing):
Ah, ha, ha!

62
00:01:49,543 --> 00:01:52,246
That was funny, 'cause
we're messing with you again.

63
00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:54,081
No. I'm serious.
That one was real.

64
00:01:54,114 --> 00:01:55,615
I think I should live here.

65
00:01:55,649 --> 00:01:57,350
I hate this game.

66
00:01:57,384 --> 00:01:59,253
(all exclaiming)

67
00:01:59,287 --> 00:02:02,423
* Hey, girl

68
00:02:02,456 --> 00:02:04,192
* What you doing?

69
00:02:04,224 --> 00:02:07,460
* Hey, girl

70
00:02:07,495 --> 00:02:10,163
* Where you going?

71
00:02:10,198 --> 00:02:12,865
* Who's that girl?
* Who's that girl? *

72
00:02:12,900 --> 00:02:14,301
* Who's that girl?

73
00:02:14,335 --> 00:02:15,436
* Who's that girl? *

74
00:02:15,468 --> 00:02:18,338
* It's Jess.

75
00:02:24,211 --> 00:02:27,014
You looking up
how to eat a bagel?
(laughs)

76
00:02:27,046 --> 00:02:30,217
No. I'm, uh, seeing if I passed
the LAPD entrance exam.

77
00:02:30,251 --> 00:02:32,719
Results go up in 30 seconds.

78
00:02:32,752 --> 00:02:34,487
If you pass,
you get to be a cop?

79
00:02:34,521 --> 00:02:36,524
No, I get to go to the
police academy, you know?

80
00:02:36,557 --> 00:02:38,859
I hope I get a dog partner.

81
00:02:38,891 --> 00:02:40,461
Yeah.
Oh, you are pretty calm

82
00:02:40,493 --> 00:02:42,028
for someone who's about
to get life-changing news.

83
00:02:42,062 --> 00:02:43,896
You must be really cool
under pressure.

84
00:02:43,930 --> 00:02:46,165
No! I'm a huge choker.

85
00:02:46,199 --> 00:02:48,034
Huge! (laughs)

86
00:02:48,067 --> 00:02:50,002
Girl, I ain't had a job
in over three months.

87
00:02:50,037 --> 00:02:52,406
So, this is...
that moment, I guess,

88
00:02:52,439 --> 00:02:56,576
when you find out if
you're really a failure or not.

89
00:02:56,610 --> 00:02:59,045
Check it.
Excitement's killing me!

90
00:02:59,079 --> 00:03:01,514
Man, would you look
at the... time?

91
00:03:01,549 --> 00:03:04,050
Man. Girl, I got
an obligation

92
00:03:04,084 --> 00:03:08,021
at a sandwich meeting...
to... to go to.

93
00:03:10,623 --> 00:03:14,061
Yes...

94
00:03:14,093 --> 00:03:17,830
NICK (in dramatic voice):
Well, you see, loyalty has
a price, Mr. President.

95
00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:19,400
Give me the hot dogs!

96
00:03:19,432 --> 00:03:21,568
Put the damn hot dogs
in the bag,

97
00:03:21,602 --> 00:03:23,937
you son of a bitch,
and I won't...

98
00:03:23,971 --> 00:03:27,341
Oh, my God. What are we gonna
do? She can't move in to...

99
00:03:27,375 --> 00:03:28,776
Take that off.

100
00:03:28,808 --> 00:03:31,245
I hope those are clean.
Enough.

101
00:03:31,278 --> 00:03:32,746
I don't want to be involved

102
00:03:32,780 --> 00:03:34,114
with your weird thing
with your sister.

103
00:03:34,146 --> 00:03:36,516
It's not a weird thing
with my sister.

104
00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:37,918
She is crazy.

105
00:03:37,950 --> 00:03:39,752
No.
She's wanted in Canada.

106
00:03:39,787 --> 00:03:43,223
Canada. No one's wanted
in Canada.

107
00:03:43,257 --> 00:03:45,526
Hey, uh, you guys want to
hang out, like, right now?

108
00:03:45,558 --> 00:03:48,795
Maybe go up to Alhambra, try
on a whole mess of jeans?

109
00:03:48,829 --> 00:03:50,298
Don't you find out about
that cop test today?

110
00:03:50,331 --> 00:03:53,133
Oh, you know... Oh, yeah. No.

111
00:03:53,165 --> 00:03:55,102
Look, man, the Alhambra
thing, though--

112
00:03:55,134 --> 00:03:56,804
it's getting a lot of momentum,
you know?

113
00:03:56,836 --> 00:03:58,572
So I think I'm gonna go ahead
and do that

114
00:03:58,605 --> 00:04:00,941
'cause when you... you know,
when you do that, so...

115
00:04:00,973 --> 00:04:02,310
Okay, I'm gonna guarantee you

116
00:04:02,342 --> 00:04:04,444
that Abby is responsible
for that.

117
00:04:04,478 --> 00:04:05,778
WINSTON:
Yeah, she got to me.

118
00:04:05,812 --> 00:04:07,247
If you don't want
Abby to live here,

119
00:04:07,281 --> 00:04:08,481
Jessica, why don't
you just tell her?

120
00:04:08,515 --> 00:04:10,250
Nick, you can't just

121
00:04:10,283 --> 00:04:12,218
tell Abby to do something,
'cause she'll do the opposite.

122
00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:14,455
So I'm gonna have to go find
a place for her to live

123
00:04:14,487 --> 00:04:16,389
and make her think
it's her idea.

124
00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:18,125
She can't find out
what I'm up to.

125
00:04:18,158 --> 00:04:20,728
Do you think you can keep her
busy and lie to her all day?

126
00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:23,630
Jess, I come from a family
of con artists and liars.

127
00:04:23,663 --> 00:04:26,934
And the one thing I learned
is, you can't lie to a liar.

128
00:04:26,966 --> 00:04:28,668
It don't fly.

129
00:04:28,701 --> 00:04:30,137
Yeah, you shouldn't be involved.

130
00:04:30,170 --> 00:04:32,105
No, I shouldn't.

131
00:04:32,139 --> 00:04:33,574
Wait a second.

132
00:04:33,606 --> 00:04:35,942
Are you doing
reverse psychology?

133
00:04:35,975 --> 00:04:39,980
Yeah, it is reverse psychology.
That is reverse psychology,
so you just reversed it,

134
00:04:40,012 --> 00:04:42,783
so now it's reverse, reverse,
which is just psychology.

135
00:04:42,816 --> 00:04:44,985
Hmm, which one is it?

136
00:04:45,018 --> 00:04:46,454
You outfoxed me. I'm in.

137
00:04:46,487 --> 00:04:48,187
I'm gonna do it.

138
00:04:48,221 --> 00:04:52,793
So, our time is up, but, um,
I don't have any more clients,

139
00:04:52,826 --> 00:04:54,194
so, uh...
Oh.

140
00:04:54,226 --> 00:04:55,928
You brought it
with that less set, ma.

141
00:04:55,963 --> 00:04:58,031
I got to tell you. I mean,
what can't that butt do?

142
00:04:58,064 --> 00:05:00,800
You shaped it,
so you get dibs.
Mmm.

143
00:05:00,834 --> 00:05:02,168
Dibs.

144
00:05:02,201 --> 00:05:03,803
(laughter)

145
00:05:03,836 --> 00:05:06,273
Can I get dibs? Because
both y'all butts look great.

146
00:05:06,305 --> 00:05:08,541
I mean, I can't tell
who's in first place.

147
00:05:08,576 --> 00:05:10,778
Hey, uh, Coach, you know
how you're always

148
00:05:10,810 --> 00:05:12,278
getting on me
about my pizza baby?

149
00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:14,146
Yeah.
Well, today is the day

150
00:05:14,180 --> 00:05:15,516
that I get rid of it.

151
00:05:15,548 --> 00:05:18,185
I am here to train.
Save it, dude.

152
00:05:18,218 --> 00:05:20,788
You're avoiding your test
results. Nick texted me.

153
00:05:20,821 --> 00:05:22,355
Guess you can't outrun a text.

154
00:05:22,389 --> 00:05:24,692
Nope.
Well, with the right
amount of training...

155
00:05:24,725 --> 00:05:27,127
All right, listen to me.
Um, I need you to leave.

156
00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:28,194
I'm with a client.

157
00:05:28,228 --> 00:05:29,730
A beautiful one.

158
00:05:29,762 --> 00:05:31,298
I'm trying to, you know...

159
00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:32,865
Mm.
(whistles)

160
00:05:32,899 --> 00:05:35,067
You're trying
to whistle.

161
00:05:35,101 --> 00:05:37,036
No, no, no, no, no, I'm
trying to have sex with her.

162
00:05:37,069 --> 00:05:39,139
Oh! Sex.

163
00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:42,643
But I did book you for
the entire afternoon, though.

164
00:05:42,675 --> 00:05:44,310
(groans)

165
00:05:44,343 --> 00:05:45,579
Why would you do that?
But...

166
00:05:45,612 --> 00:05:47,014
if you guys are doing
a little thing,

167
00:05:47,047 --> 00:05:48,415
then I could easily just...
Leave and check

168
00:05:48,449 --> 00:05:49,750
your test scores?
...do a tandem session.

169
00:05:49,783 --> 00:05:51,183
Oh, fun.
Right?

170
00:05:51,218 --> 00:05:52,586
Coach, you should show him

171
00:05:52,620 --> 00:05:54,086
that ground stretch
you did on me earlier.

172
00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:56,889
It was opening me
up really nicely.

173
00:05:56,923 --> 00:05:58,324
Yes, please. (laughs)

174
00:05:58,358 --> 00:05:59,927
I don't wanna.

175
00:05:59,959 --> 00:06:01,495
(grunts)

176
00:06:01,528 --> 00:06:03,029
Oh.

177
00:06:05,632 --> 00:06:07,367
(sighs)

178
00:06:07,401 --> 00:06:08,735
(Winston grunts)

179
00:06:08,769 --> 00:06:09,702
This is amazing.

180
00:06:09,737 --> 00:06:11,004
Oh!

181
00:06:11,038 --> 00:06:13,540
I'm taking a little trip here,
Coach.

182
00:06:13,574 --> 00:06:14,942
You know where I'm going.

183
00:06:14,975 --> 00:06:16,610
Why do I keep looking down?

184
00:06:16,644 --> 00:06:17,911
I don't know.

185
00:06:17,944 --> 00:06:20,180
This museum

186
00:06:20,213 --> 00:06:23,216
is my favorite place
in Los Angeles.

187
00:06:23,250 --> 00:06:25,018
Um...
come on, Nick.

188
00:06:25,052 --> 00:06:27,220
Jess is making you
babysit me, right?

189
00:06:27,254 --> 00:06:28,689
Babysit you?

190
00:06:28,721 --> 00:06:30,189
(laughing):
What?

191
00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:31,559
Like you're
a little baby?

192
00:06:31,591 --> 00:06:33,961
No.

193
00:06:33,994 --> 00:06:35,596
That's how you want
to play this?
Well, I'm not "playing" it.

194
00:06:35,629 --> 00:06:37,965
Oh.
Hey, hey, hey.
What are you doing?

195
00:06:37,997 --> 00:06:39,600
I just want to touch it.
Don't touch it.

196
00:06:39,632 --> 00:06:40,634
I just need
to touch it.
But it's not for touching.

197
00:06:40,668 --> 00:06:41,802
(inhales)
Hey, hey!

198
00:06:41,834 --> 00:06:42,970
What? Can I not
jump on it?

199
00:06:43,002 --> 00:06:44,204
Abby.
That's not
allowed?

200
00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:45,872
Abby!
Maybe I
shouldn't

201
00:06:45,906 --> 00:06:47,139
climb all over
the car.

202
00:06:47,173 --> 00:06:48,776
You need to get
off of that car.

203
00:06:48,808 --> 00:06:51,043
Why don't you tell me
what it is Jess is up to?

204
00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:52,646
Ma'am, ma'am, ma'am, ma'am,

205
00:06:52,680 --> 00:06:54,380
you're scratching the hood!

206
00:06:54,413 --> 00:06:55,983
Tell me what
I want to know.

207
00:06:56,016 --> 00:06:57,718
Get off there right now.
There's nothing
to tell!

208
00:06:57,750 --> 00:06:59,151
Tell me what
I want to know.
There's
nothing to tell!

209
00:06:59,185 --> 00:07:00,987
Tell me what
she's doing!
Get her off!

210
00:07:01,021 --> 00:07:02,790
If I tell you, will you
get off the car?
Yes.

211
00:07:02,822 --> 00:07:03,824
You promise?
Yes.

212
00:07:03,857 --> 00:07:05,225
She's looking
for a safe

213
00:07:05,257 --> 00:07:06,259
apartment for you
'cause she doesn't

214
00:07:06,293 --> 00:07:07,528
want you to
live with us!

215
00:07:09,762 --> 00:07:11,398
Now, would you please
get off the car?

216
00:07:11,430 --> 00:07:14,401
Do you guys
serve drinks here?

217
00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:18,105
(sighs)
Why don't they give us Tasers?

218
00:07:23,175 --> 00:07:25,345
Wow. I mean, this place
is beautiful. It makes

219
00:07:25,377 --> 00:07:28,415
the other nine places we've seen
today just kind of fade away.

220
00:07:28,447 --> 00:07:30,651
Yeah, um, tell me
about the neighborhood.

221
00:07:30,684 --> 00:07:32,586
Is there a lot
of nightlife?

222
00:07:32,620 --> 00:07:34,954
Well, this part of town
is pretty quiet.

223
00:07:34,987 --> 00:07:37,257
Unless you count church bells.
Which you should.

224
00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:39,358
We have nine
within hearing distance.

225
00:07:39,391 --> 00:07:41,360
What about the other tenants?
Are there single men

226
00:07:41,394 --> 00:07:45,132
between 18 and 65?
Actually, make that 16 and 72.

227
00:07:45,165 --> 00:07:46,699
Most of the other tenants are

228
00:07:46,733 --> 00:07:49,502
middle-aged gay veterans
like myself.

229
00:07:49,536 --> 00:07:52,305
Oh.
(quietly): Jackpot.

230
00:07:52,338 --> 00:07:54,975
And if the demons come calling,
there's an emergency room

231
00:07:55,007 --> 00:07:56,509
right across the street.

232
00:07:56,543 --> 00:07:57,778
You had me at "gay veterans."

233
00:07:57,810 --> 00:07:59,779
And then again
at "emergency room."

234
00:07:59,812 --> 00:08:01,781
And before that at "church."

235
00:08:01,814 --> 00:08:05,519
I wish I could just travel back
in time and tell 19-year-old me

236
00:08:05,552 --> 00:08:07,387
to move into a
place like this.

237
00:08:07,420 --> 00:08:10,356
Maybe I would've settled down.
Met a, you know, nice guy.

238
00:08:10,389 --> 00:08:13,860
Nothing flashy. Works in a bank,
makes a great veggie lasagna.

239
00:08:13,894 --> 00:08:15,896
Okay, not now, Cece.
No, don't stop her.

240
00:08:15,928 --> 00:08:18,230
Who is this guy?

241
00:08:18,264 --> 00:08:19,632
(laughs)
Right?

242
00:08:19,667 --> 00:08:20,867
(sighs)

243
00:08:20,901 --> 00:08:22,870
Bet you are a mean dancer.

244
00:08:22,903 --> 00:08:24,904
Come on. Live a little.

245
00:08:24,937 --> 00:08:26,372
You were right to call me.

246
00:08:26,406 --> 00:08:28,307
Nobody deals with crazy
girls better than I do.

247
00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:30,343
Crazy girls are kind
of my Hurt Locker.

248
00:08:30,377 --> 00:08:32,044
You know what I mean, Nick?
Okay. Yeah.

249
00:08:32,078 --> 00:08:34,881
Some-some men, they can
just walk away. Not me.

250
00:08:34,914 --> 00:08:36,482
I just keep coming back.
Okay,

251
00:08:36,515 --> 00:08:38,485
are you gonna help me get her
off the car?
Mmm.

252
00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:40,754
You know what this is,
Nick? This is nonsense.
What? Exactly.

253
00:08:40,788 --> 00:08:43,090
And how do we deal
with nonsense?

254
00:08:43,123 --> 00:08:46,225
No, no. We just don't stand
for it is what we do.

255
00:08:46,259 --> 00:08:47,595
Security is
on the way.

256
00:08:47,628 --> 00:08:50,429
Come on, you old
bird. Get up here.

257
00:08:50,462 --> 00:08:52,065
I can't afford it.

258
00:08:52,099 --> 00:08:54,735
I'm already
the staff troublemaker.

259
00:08:54,768 --> 00:08:57,470
Can you make it happen?
I'm thinking.

260
00:08:59,306 --> 00:09:03,043
Where are you at right... Like,
is it kind of game... Yeah.

261
00:09:03,076 --> 00:09:05,712
Just shh.

262
00:09:07,147 --> 00:09:09,081
I got it.
You do?

263
00:09:09,115 --> 00:09:12,152
Yeah. No nonsense.

264
00:09:13,385 --> 00:09:15,355
Hey, Abby, look at me.

265
00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:17,190
Let's go get a taco.

266
00:09:17,224 --> 00:09:18,759
Okay.

267
00:09:18,792 --> 00:09:19,860
You got to be kidding.
There you go.
Thank you.

268
00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:21,561
There you go. Perfect.

269
00:09:21,595 --> 00:09:22,796
Hey, you're not gonna
tell Jess

270
00:09:22,830 --> 00:09:24,230
I told you
about the apartment, right?

271
00:09:24,264 --> 00:09:26,767
Hmm, I don't know.
Maybe. We'll see.

272
00:09:26,799 --> 00:09:29,201
It'd be cool if you... 'Cause...
Why don't you straighten
things up with the museum?

273
00:09:29,235 --> 00:09:31,938
Thank you. I appreciate that.
It's only ten dollars!

274
00:09:31,971 --> 00:09:34,206
That's not gonna...
It's ten dollars!

275
00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:36,442
You snakes.

276
00:09:36,475 --> 00:09:37,878
COACH:
Follow through.

277
00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:39,046
Yeah, all right.

278
00:09:39,078 --> 00:09:40,379
Or else that creepy
guy at the bar

279
00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:41,715
isn't gonna take his
hand off your thigh.

280
00:09:41,749 --> 00:09:42,950
Hands off my thigh, dude!

281
00:09:42,982 --> 00:09:44,283
(grunts, groans)

282
00:09:44,317 --> 00:09:46,953
Off my thigh, dude.

283
00:09:46,986 --> 00:09:48,855
(groans)

284
00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:51,323
What are you doing, dude?

285
00:09:51,357 --> 00:09:52,826
Stop stalling. Check your score.

286
00:09:52,860 --> 00:09:54,662
I'm not stalling.
(groans)

287
00:09:54,695 --> 00:09:56,395
I'm gonna have Anders
work my core

288
00:09:56,428 --> 00:09:58,498
and maybe just go get some juice
with him.

289
00:09:58,530 --> 00:10:01,400
No, um. No, I-I
want juice. I'm...
Hey, I bought your time.

290
00:10:01,433 --> 00:10:02,735
I do whatever I want with it.

291
00:10:02,769 --> 00:10:04,303
(groans)
Go check your score!

292
00:10:04,336 --> 00:10:06,105
Hey, what are you doing?

293
00:10:06,139 --> 00:10:07,674
No. Wait, what are
you doing, dude?!
I'm checking it myself!

294
00:10:07,707 --> 00:10:09,976
No! Come on, man!

295
00:10:10,009 --> 00:10:11,778
I said no, dude.

296
00:10:11,812 --> 00:10:14,981
No.
W...

297
00:10:15,014 --> 00:10:16,615
What?

298
00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:19,351
You failed.

299
00:10:20,220 --> 00:10:22,254
(chuckles)

300
00:10:22,288 --> 00:10:24,256
I didn't even...

301
00:10:24,291 --> 00:10:28,260
You know, it's not even a...

302
00:10:28,294 --> 00:10:31,130
Yeah, it's not a
big deal, so...

303
00:10:31,163 --> 00:10:33,432
You know, so...

304
00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:36,302
You should probably put
a passcode on your phone, dude.

305
00:10:39,706 --> 00:10:41,107
Hey, Schmidt!

306
00:10:41,140 --> 00:10:43,009
Hey, Schmidt.
Have you seen Abby?

307
00:10:43,043 --> 00:10:44,845
Huh?
(sultry piano music playing)

308
00:10:44,878 --> 00:10:47,547
What... are you...
what are you doing?

309
00:10:47,580 --> 00:10:50,149
I'm melting chocolate.

310
00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:54,221
Abby and I are having sex.

311
00:10:54,254 --> 00:10:56,423
(whispers):
What happened
to no nonsense, Schmidt?

312
00:10:57,825 --> 00:11:00,827
I've really changed my tune
on nonsense, Nick.

313
00:11:00,860 --> 00:11:02,028
You know,
for the life of me,

314
00:11:02,062 --> 00:11:03,363
I could not
understand the grasp

315
00:11:03,395 --> 00:11:04,998
that Jess had on you,

316
00:11:05,032 --> 00:11:06,866
but if she came from the same
gene pool as this one...

317
00:11:06,899 --> 00:11:08,368
(chuckles)
kudos, my friend.

318
00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:10,302
Even if it's
a tenth of what

319
00:11:10,336 --> 00:11:12,740
I just experienced. Even if it's
a DeVito/Schwarzenegger split

320
00:11:12,773 --> 00:11:14,006
from Twins.

321
00:11:14,041 --> 00:11:15,508
You calling Jess the DeVito?

322
00:11:15,542 --> 00:11:17,977
What?
Abby, I was supposed
to be watching you.

323
00:11:18,010 --> 00:11:20,312
Go ahead.
Don't do... don't play tricks
with my words.

324
00:11:20,346 --> 00:11:22,750
Jess is gonna kill me.
She's gonna say my name
in that short, clipped way

325
00:11:22,783 --> 00:11:24,717
where she doesn't add the "K."
What?

326
00:11:24,751 --> 00:11:26,686
When she's mad,
she just says "Nic."

327
00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:29,688
Do you really think that the "K"
adds to the sound of your name?

328
00:11:29,722 --> 00:11:31,357
Yes.
How do you usually say
your name?

329
00:11:31,390 --> 00:11:32,759
Nick.
Say it without the "K."

330
00:11:32,793 --> 00:11:34,594
Nic.
It's the same thing.

331
00:11:34,626 --> 00:11:36,163
Stop distracting me!

332
00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:37,496
Nick, you're so worried
about disappointing Jess.

333
00:11:37,529 --> 00:11:38,932
Relax, man.

334
00:11:38,966 --> 00:11:41,701
(ding)
Okay, you got
to get out of here.

335
00:11:45,238 --> 00:11:46,874
(grunts)
(moans)

336
00:11:47,606 --> 00:11:48,674
(grunts)
(giggles)

337
00:11:48,707 --> 00:11:50,878
Oh...

338
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:56,950
I choked.

339
00:11:56,984 --> 00:12:00,052
I choked, man. I'm 31.
I have nothing figured out.

340
00:12:00,086 --> 00:12:01,855
Can I not find a job?

341
00:12:01,889 --> 00:12:04,256
I mean,
I feel like I'm losing it.
Dude,

342
00:12:04,291 --> 00:12:05,759
they're hiring here.

343
00:12:05,793 --> 00:12:07,527
You know I can't work here, man.

344
00:12:07,559 --> 00:12:08,528
They never have any cookies.

345
00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:09,562
It's all the better, man!

346
00:12:09,596 --> 00:12:10,529
There's no pressure.

347
00:12:10,562 --> 00:12:12,099
You get this job and then

348
00:12:12,131 --> 00:12:13,432
when you're ready, you
try the cop thing again.

349
00:12:13,466 --> 00:12:15,134
Okay.

350
00:12:15,168 --> 00:12:17,037
See?
Yeah.

351
00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:18,638
But now I'm sitting
here thinking

352
00:12:18,671 --> 00:12:19,873
about how badly I need this job.

353
00:12:19,907 --> 00:12:21,740
Stop!
I need this job real bad...

354
00:12:21,774 --> 00:12:23,076
Excuse me, um, could we get

355
00:12:23,110 --> 00:12:24,411
a job application
over here, please?

356
00:12:24,443 --> 00:12:25,913
In a way, I have a lot more

357
00:12:25,946 --> 00:12:27,213
riding on this job

358
00:12:27,246 --> 00:12:28,581
than I do the cop thing.

359
00:12:28,615 --> 00:12:30,918
God, I'd love to work here!

360
00:12:32,418 --> 00:12:33,986
JESS:
I got the apartment!

361
00:12:34,020 --> 00:12:36,389
The place is great.
The only thing I'm

362
00:12:36,423 --> 00:12:38,290
a little worried about is there
is a Russian grocery store

363
00:12:38,325 --> 00:12:40,427
down the block and Abby has
a little bit of a weird thing

364
00:12:40,460 --> 00:12:41,995
with ethnic white people.

365
00:12:42,028 --> 00:12:44,563
But I think she could
really thrive there!

366
00:12:44,596 --> 00:12:45,966
Where is she?

367
00:12:45,999 --> 00:12:47,600
Where's who?
Abby.

368
00:12:47,634 --> 00:12:49,568
Ab...? Oh, she's sleeping.

369
00:12:49,601 --> 00:12:50,636
By herself.

370
00:12:50,669 --> 00:12:53,005
Which is called "napping."

371
00:12:53,039 --> 00:12:55,274
Okay, I'm gonna start secretly
packing up some of her stuff.

372
00:12:55,307 --> 00:12:56,976
Do you think you can
keep distracting her?

373
00:12:57,009 --> 00:12:58,912
Yes, yeah, you know, just...
Good.

374
00:12:58,946 --> 00:13:00,246
how do we distract her?

375
00:13:00,279 --> 00:13:02,414
How do you distract
a woman like that?

376
00:13:02,448 --> 00:13:03,783
Probably a guy.

377
00:13:03,817 --> 00:13:04,851
(laughs): Right?

378
00:13:04,884 --> 00:13:06,253
Who can we set her up with?

379
00:13:06,285 --> 00:13:08,754
Well, well, well,
who do we have?

380
00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:10,490
Coach.
(laughs): No.

381
00:13:10,523 --> 00:13:12,292
Winston...

382
00:13:12,325 --> 00:13:13,625
That's actually
kind of a good idea...

383
00:13:13,659 --> 00:13:14,961
No!

384
00:13:14,995 --> 00:13:17,697
Schmidt!
That's a terrible idea.

385
00:13:17,730 --> 00:13:20,100
But in the same sense...

386
00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:21,600
Abby will wreck Schmidt!

387
00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:24,004
Well, then luckily, the...
So, here's the plan.

388
00:13:24,037 --> 00:13:25,172
We're gonna have a nice
dinner, we're gonna

389
00:13:25,205 --> 00:13:26,706
get her buzzed but not drunk.

390
00:13:26,739 --> 00:13:29,109
And then we're gonna
casually and naturally

391
00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:30,543
bring up the apartment

392
00:13:30,576 --> 00:13:32,711
so she thinks it's her idea.

393
00:13:32,745 --> 00:13:34,547
And I can do that, okay?
Okay, good.

394
00:13:34,581 --> 00:13:37,049
I'm glad.
I'll act cool, natural.

395
00:13:37,084 --> 00:13:38,118
Casual.

396
00:13:38,150 --> 00:13:39,451
Au naturel.

397
00:13:39,485 --> 00:13:41,388
Au casual.
You know what?

398
00:13:41,421 --> 00:13:43,322
Maybe I should write
you some lines, pal.

399
00:13:43,355 --> 00:13:44,456
Yeah, I'd really
appreciate that 'cause...

400
00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:46,158
Maybe not a lot of words.

401
00:13:46,192 --> 00:13:48,495
Uh, so tell me,

402
00:13:48,528 --> 00:13:50,562
what are your three
weakest qualities?

403
00:13:50,596 --> 00:13:52,831
(chuckles)
See...

404
00:13:52,865 --> 00:13:54,033
(whispering):
Just say "perfectionist."

405
00:13:54,067 --> 00:13:55,668
Perfectionist.
Yeah.

406
00:13:57,236 --> 00:14:00,106
And the other two... um...

407
00:14:00,941 --> 00:14:02,509
(laughs)

408
00:14:02,542 --> 00:14:03,943
(sputtering)

409
00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:05,745
I'm overheating, right?

410
00:14:05,778 --> 00:14:07,179
I'm overheating, okay?

411
00:14:07,214 --> 00:14:08,881
So here's
what we're gonna do now--

412
00:14:08,916 --> 00:14:11,183
I'm just gonna shoot
from the hip, little rapid fire,

413
00:14:11,217 --> 00:14:13,986
give you some fun facts
you might not know about me.

414
00:14:14,020 --> 00:14:15,221
I hate standing up,

415
00:14:15,254 --> 00:14:16,222
I'm bad with numbers,

416
00:14:16,255 --> 00:14:17,657
and...

417
00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:19,826
I just honestly,
from the bottom of my heart,

418
00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:23,163
don't think women should be
allowed to handle money.

419
00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:25,365
Just, that's for real.

420
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:29,903
Let's just move on
to the salary.

421
00:14:29,937 --> 00:14:32,838
And you didn't even fill out
the back of the application.

422
00:14:32,871 --> 00:14:34,807
There's a back?

423
00:14:35,942 --> 00:14:37,443
There is a back
to the application?

424
00:14:37,476 --> 00:14:39,078
Coach.
What?

425
00:14:39,111 --> 00:14:42,381
The LAPD exam--
maybe it had a back.

426
00:14:42,414 --> 00:14:45,384
You didn't check to
see if it had a back?

427
00:14:45,418 --> 00:14:46,686
We got to go
to the precinct.

428
00:14:46,719 --> 00:14:48,721
I didn't choke;
I'm just careless.

429
00:14:48,754 --> 00:14:53,192
And that is my biggest
weakness, you bitch.

430
00:14:53,225 --> 00:14:55,294
I'm so sorry, dude.
I'm so sorry, dude.
Yeah, that was bad.

431
00:14:55,327 --> 00:14:57,063
Man, I didn't even mean that.
All right, get out of here.

432
00:14:57,096 --> 00:14:59,599
Get out of here.
Dawg, I didn't mean that
at all, man.

433
00:14:59,631 --> 00:15:02,034
To our newest resident.

434
00:15:02,068 --> 00:15:03,370
The City of Angels

435
00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:05,304
has sprouted
another pair of wings.

436
00:15:05,337 --> 00:15:09,408
It's a majestic city,
drenched in sunshine,

437
00:15:09,442 --> 00:15:10,809
that is actually
just a collection

438
00:15:10,842 --> 00:15:13,712
of 75 different
neighborhoods.

439
00:15:13,745 --> 00:15:15,581
Wow, I had no idea.

440
00:15:15,615 --> 00:15:17,716
Please continue to tell me more.

441
00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:19,818
You want more?
Who wants to
rediscover couscous?

442
00:15:19,851 --> 00:15:22,422
Hey, what the hell are you
doing here, Schmidt?
ABBY:
I invited him.

443
00:15:22,455 --> 00:15:24,724
I live here, too, right?
Yeah, but...

444
00:15:24,756 --> 00:15:26,558
It's okay, Abby can
make her own decisions,

445
00:15:26,592 --> 00:15:28,128
no matter what
they might lead to.

446
00:15:28,161 --> 00:15:30,663
Thank you.
Now, somebody
call the pound

447
00:15:30,697 --> 00:15:32,331
'cause my stomach
is growling.

448
00:15:34,834 --> 00:15:36,802
I said my stomach
is growling.

449
00:15:36,836 --> 00:15:39,438
Sp... okay, uh,
speaking of dinner,

450
00:15:39,471 --> 00:15:40,940
there are a lot
of great options

451
00:15:40,974 --> 00:15:42,609
in North Hollywood.

452
00:15:42,642 --> 00:15:43,942
It's a real hot spot

453
00:15:43,976 --> 00:15:45,312
full of young, hip people

454
00:15:45,345 --> 00:15:46,913
who will be the leaders
of tomorrow.

455
00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:49,816
More wine?
Great.

456
00:15:49,849 --> 00:15:53,253
If I were moving to L.A. now,
I'd say yes-ho to NoHo.

457
00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:54,787
NICK:
Hey, hey,
what are you doing?

458
00:15:54,821 --> 00:15:56,788
Oh, my.

459
00:15:56,822 --> 00:15:58,290
Stop touching him, Abby.

460
00:15:58,325 --> 00:15:59,993
I'm sorry, what'd you say?

461
00:16:00,027 --> 00:16:01,827
Touch him more?
Do not touch him.

462
00:16:01,860 --> 00:16:04,864
What are you...?
Do not do this
right now.

463
00:16:04,897 --> 00:16:06,365
(whispering):
How about that?

464
00:16:07,567 --> 00:16:09,535
As luck would have
it, I actually know

465
00:16:09,568 --> 00:16:10,769
of a place
in North Hollywood

466
00:16:10,802 --> 00:16:14,106
with great tile work.

467
00:16:14,140 --> 00:16:16,109
(pouring wine)

468
00:16:16,143 --> 00:16:18,778
I said, "Great tile work."

469
00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:20,746
Oh, for the first 12 months.

470
00:16:21,413 --> 00:16:23,049
(Jess laughs)

471
00:16:23,082 --> 00:16:25,118
I think what you really
mean to say is

472
00:16:25,152 --> 00:16:27,153
there's an introductory offer

473
00:16:27,187 --> 00:16:29,288
for cable television.
That's it, yeah...

474
00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:30,389
Cable's a scam, I tell ya.

475
00:16:30,423 --> 00:16:31,758
Sa...! Satellite.

476
00:16:32,924 --> 00:16:34,394
What happened to
no nonsense, Schmidt?

477
00:16:34,427 --> 00:16:35,961
Satellite's where it's at.

478
00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:37,663
(whispering): Nonsense has
the hands of an angel.

479
00:16:37,697 --> 00:16:39,165
Okay, what's going on here?

480
00:16:39,198 --> 00:16:40,799
(chuckles)

481
00:16:40,832 --> 00:16:43,403
I told Abby about the apartment,
and now she's...

482
00:16:43,436 --> 00:16:46,239
giving Schmidt a sp...
a special.

483
00:16:48,540 --> 00:16:49,808
Don't look at me.

484
00:16:49,841 --> 00:16:51,077
Just look away.

485
00:16:51,110 --> 00:16:54,246
Look away, look...
or look right at me.

486
00:16:58,618 --> 00:17:01,053
So this was going on
the whole time?
Yes.

487
00:17:01,087 --> 00:17:03,022
And the hands are
just the half of it.

488
00:17:03,056 --> 00:17:04,223
I mean, there's
been banging

489
00:17:04,257 --> 00:17:05,491
and poking
and scratching

490
00:17:05,525 --> 00:17:07,394
and hanging
and teasing...

491
00:17:07,426 --> 00:17:08,595
such teasing.

492
00:17:08,627 --> 00:17:09,929
I mean, really
excruciating,

493
00:17:09,961 --> 00:17:11,163
life-giving teasing.

494
00:17:11,198 --> 00:17:12,432
Shut up, Schmidt!

495
00:17:12,464 --> 00:17:13,700
She was
talking to me.

496
00:17:13,732 --> 00:17:15,102
This has been
a whole day of lying

497
00:17:15,134 --> 00:17:16,702
and I can't take it.

498
00:17:16,736 --> 00:17:18,738
First I had to lie to Abby,
and so I spilled the beans

499
00:17:18,770 --> 00:17:20,440
about the apartment.
I'm sorry.

500
00:17:20,472 --> 00:17:21,773
And then I had
to lie about Abby

501
00:17:21,807 --> 00:17:23,509
and Schmidt
and the boning.

502
00:17:23,542 --> 00:17:25,377
And then the manipulating

503
00:17:25,412 --> 00:17:26,878
and the out-manipulating...

504
00:17:26,913 --> 00:17:28,115
That's lying!

505
00:17:28,147 --> 00:17:29,749
If you guys
were just honest

506
00:17:29,781 --> 00:17:31,617
with each other
for one second,

507
00:17:31,651 --> 00:17:33,752
none of this would
have happened.

508
00:17:33,786 --> 00:17:35,622
Okay. All right. Abby...

509
00:17:35,654 --> 00:17:37,957
I'm really sorry
I tried to trick you,

510
00:17:37,990 --> 00:17:39,925
but I just want
what's best for you.

511
00:17:39,959 --> 00:17:42,362
One of us has to!
You know, that
is your problem.

512
00:17:42,394 --> 00:17:44,697
You think you're better
than people and you
always try to fix them.

513
00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:46,465
No, I don't!
Yes, you do.

514
00:17:46,499 --> 00:17:48,034
You've done it your
whole life. It's annoying.

515
00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:49,536
You know what? Yes.

516
00:17:49,568 --> 00:17:52,204
Yes. I would
like to fix you.

517
00:17:52,239 --> 00:17:53,240
No...

518
00:17:53,272 --> 00:17:54,807
I would love
to fix you!

519
00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:56,075
But I'm done
trying.

520
00:17:56,108 --> 00:17:57,710
Because you're
not changing.

521
00:17:57,743 --> 00:17:59,645
And you don't think or care

522
00:17:59,679 --> 00:18:02,714
about other people at all,
and I do.

523
00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:05,152
And that's why I don't want you
living in this loft.

524
00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:07,253
(scoffs)

525
00:18:07,287 --> 00:18:08,587
That's honest.

526
00:18:09,422 --> 00:18:10,957
You're a garbage person

527
00:18:10,990 --> 00:18:13,125
and you should live in
a Dumpster with rotten snails.

528
00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:14,826
Hey! Nick!

529
00:18:14,861 --> 00:18:16,796
Too far!
Yeah, way over
the line, buddy.

530
00:18:16,828 --> 00:18:17,963
Yeah, but I thought
we were just piling it...

531
00:18:17,997 --> 00:18:19,165
That's my sister, dude.

532
00:18:19,199 --> 00:18:20,267
I didn't mean that, yeah.

533
00:18:20,299 --> 00:18:22,335
Sorry.
ABBY:
Well...

534
00:18:22,368 --> 00:18:24,103
lucky for you,

535
00:18:24,136 --> 00:18:25,337
I'm moving out.

536
00:18:25,372 --> 00:18:27,839
Oh, thank God, Abby.
Oh, my God.

537
00:18:27,874 --> 00:18:29,476
You're really gonna
like this place.

538
00:18:29,509 --> 00:18:31,978
It's so nice...
I'm moving in
with Schmidt.

539
00:18:32,010 --> 00:18:33,813
What... what's that, now?
You're moving in with who?

540
00:18:33,846 --> 00:18:35,414
Seriously?
We would have sex
all the time.

541
00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:36,949
(chuckles) Dinner was
lovely, you guys.

542
00:18:36,982 --> 00:18:38,718
Thank you so much.
Bye.

543
00:18:40,019 --> 00:18:41,621
What?
SCHMIDT:
Ooh. Hey, uh, Jess?

544
00:18:41,653 --> 00:18:42,954
Can I borrow your glasses?

545
00:18:42,989 --> 00:18:44,290
We're gonna role-play
as you guys.

546
00:18:44,324 --> 00:18:46,259
Ew. No.

547
00:18:46,292 --> 00:18:47,759
You don't understand.

548
00:18:47,794 --> 00:18:49,195
She's not gonna be you;
I'm gonna be you.

549
00:18:49,229 --> 00:18:50,797
Ugh! Get out, Schmidt!
Get out of here!

550
00:18:50,829 --> 00:18:52,332
Okay...

551
00:18:53,566 --> 00:18:55,434
Oh, God!

552
00:18:55,468 --> 00:18:57,470
WINSTON:
What's up, my man?

553
00:18:57,503 --> 00:18:58,637
I took the test last week--

554
00:18:58,671 --> 00:19:00,339
or should I say,
I took the

555
00:19:00,373 --> 00:19:01,874
front part of the
test last week--

556
00:19:01,907 --> 00:19:03,476
and, sir, I am here

557
00:19:03,509 --> 00:19:04,977
to finish what
I started.

558
00:19:05,010 --> 00:19:06,445
What?

559
00:19:06,479 --> 00:19:07,680
What he's
trying to say is,

560
00:19:07,713 --> 00:19:08,847
he took the
entrance exam,

561
00:19:08,881 --> 00:19:10,349
but he forgot
to do the back half.

562
00:19:10,383 --> 00:19:12,184
Well, the test is
administered on a computer.

563
00:19:12,219 --> 00:19:13,653
There is no back.

564
00:19:14,721 --> 00:19:17,022
(sighs)

565
00:19:17,056 --> 00:19:19,025
You took the test
on a computer?

566
00:19:19,057 --> 00:19:21,327
I choked. I am a failure.
I am a loser.

567
00:19:21,361 --> 00:19:23,061
I am never gonna
amount to anything.

568
00:19:23,095 --> 00:19:24,297
I'm never gonna shoot somebody.

569
00:19:24,330 --> 00:19:26,298
Dude... have
some dignity,

570
00:19:26,333 --> 00:19:27,666
all right?

571
00:19:27,700 --> 00:19:29,201
Thank you for your time, sir.

572
00:19:29,236 --> 00:19:30,803
COACH:
Winston.

573
00:19:30,836 --> 00:19:32,038
Winston!

574
00:19:32,070 --> 00:19:33,339
Yo!

575
00:19:33,373 --> 00:19:34,374
Winston!

576
00:19:34,406 --> 00:19:37,108
Dude, you failed, man.

577
00:19:38,109 --> 00:19:40,646
You fail hard!
At everything!

578
00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:43,650
Dude, this pep
talk sucks.
I'm not finished.

579
00:19:43,682 --> 00:19:45,551
Like, seriously, it's like
the Winston of pep talks.

580
00:19:45,585 --> 00:19:46,986
Look at me.

581
00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:48,421
You can do this,
Winston.

582
00:19:48,454 --> 00:19:51,324
Because now there's
nothing to be afraid of.

583
00:19:51,357 --> 00:19:53,692
You hit rock bottom, man.

584
00:19:53,726 --> 00:19:55,595
This is the worst
it's gonna get.

585
00:20:00,767 --> 00:20:05,203
Sir, it has been my
dream to become a cop.

586
00:20:05,238 --> 00:20:06,939
And no one's gonna
stand in my way...

587
00:20:06,972 --> 00:20:08,240
not you, not him...

588
00:20:08,275 --> 00:20:10,009
Hey, I was helping.

589
00:20:10,041 --> 00:20:11,577
...and definitely not myself.

590
00:20:11,611 --> 00:20:13,746
I would like
to retake this test.

591
00:20:13,779 --> 00:20:16,782
Well, there's one
at 7:30 tomorrow.

592
00:20:16,816 --> 00:20:18,617
Man, what about my last score
makes you think

593
00:20:18,651 --> 00:20:20,752
I'm ready to take this test
again in 12 hours?

594
00:20:20,787 --> 00:20:22,454
COACH:
He'll be there.

595
00:20:22,489 --> 00:20:23,990
Yeah, I'll be there.
Yeah.

596
00:20:25,156 --> 00:20:26,425
Thank you for messing
everything up

597
00:20:26,459 --> 00:20:28,260
and being such
a terrible liar.

598
00:20:28,295 --> 00:20:29,296
Uh, you are
very welcome.

599
00:20:29,328 --> 00:20:30,596
I think I
really needed

600
00:20:30,630 --> 00:20:31,963
to say that stuff
to my sister.

601
00:20:31,998 --> 00:20:34,401
She's gonna
wreck Schmidt.
Oof...

602
00:20:34,433 --> 00:20:36,435
He has no idea.

603
00:20:36,469 --> 00:20:38,570
I'm sorry my
family's so crazy.

604
00:20:38,605 --> 00:20:40,038
Crazy?

605
00:20:40,072 --> 00:20:41,708
Your family's not crazy.
My family's crazy.

606
00:20:41,740 --> 00:20:43,910
My father used to
trade horse semen.

607
00:20:43,942 --> 00:20:44,943
I've got an uncle

608
00:20:44,977 --> 00:20:46,913
whose God-given name
is Shifty.

609
00:20:46,945 --> 00:20:48,315
(laughing)

610
00:20:48,347 --> 00:20:51,250
Well, thank goodness...

611
00:20:51,284 --> 00:20:52,652
we're the sane ones.

612
00:20:52,684 --> 00:20:53,885
(chuckles)

613
00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:55,221
So...

614
00:20:55,253 --> 00:20:58,490
Okay, now, remember:
up, and...
Uh-huh.

615
00:20:59,025 --> 00:21:01,259
(screams)

616
00:21:01,294 --> 00:21:02,694
(elevator bell dings)

617
00:21:03,863 --> 00:21:05,131
Hello, Abby.

618
00:21:05,163 --> 00:21:06,999
Hey. S'up?

619
00:21:07,032 --> 00:21:08,934
Have you thought about
what you're gonna do

620
00:21:08,968 --> 00:21:10,670
if they pair you
with a dirty cop?

621
00:21:12,038 --> 00:21:15,141
Well, then, I would just
go to Internal Affairs.

622
00:21:15,173 --> 00:21:16,409
Well, that's a good way
to get killed.

623
00:21:16,442 --> 00:21:18,411
Then at least I
would die a hero.

624
00:21:18,444 --> 00:21:20,112
Hmm, no, you won't.

625
00:21:20,145 --> 00:21:21,980
They'll put you in panties
and then they'll plant you

626
00:21:22,013 --> 00:21:23,182
next to a dead prostitute.

627
00:21:23,214 --> 00:21:25,284
That's a poor lady.

628
00:21:25,317 --> 00:21:27,086
It'd be a dude.

629
00:21:27,118 --> 00:21:29,121
(elevator bell dings)
But it's awesome!

630
00:21:29,154 --> 00:21:31,624
Good luck on the exam!

631
00:21:33,660 --> 00:21:35,961
They got dude prostitutes?

632
00:21:35,994 --> 00:21:38,798
Nuh-uh.

633
00:21:38,830 --> 00:21:41,701
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