1
00:00:02,567 --> 00:00:03,960
That's so cute!♪ Bum, bum, bum!

2
00:00:04,003 --> 00:00:05,048
Birthday Eve Cocktail.

3
00:00:05,091 --> 00:00:08,224
Oh, my God. You're my favorite
bartender. Thank you!

4
00:00:10,140 --> 00:00:13,099
[hoarsely]:
Oh, my God. What is that?

5
00:00:13,143 --> 00:00:15,057
Oh, no, is it not good?
I'm still learning
how to make drinks.

6
00:00:15,102 --> 00:00:17,974
I'm better at shots.
Want a birthday shot?Oh, yeah.

7
00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:20,149
I think I'm good.

8
00:00:20,193 --> 00:00:21,760
So, any special birthday plans?

9
00:00:21,803 --> 00:00:24,327
No, she's just gonna go
to the movies alone, as usual.

10
00:00:24,371 --> 00:00:26,329
No, I'm not, actually.
Uh, this year...

11
00:00:26,373 --> 00:00:29,245
Nick asked me
to spend the day with him.

12
00:00:29,289 --> 00:00:30,899
That's so sweet. I mean,
what are you gonna do?Oh!

13
00:00:30,943 --> 00:00:32,075
Something special?

14
00:00:32,118 --> 00:00:33,990
Maybe. You know,
whatever Nick wants to do.

15
00:00:34,033 --> 00:00:35,557
I'm not really
a birthday person.

16
00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:39,213
Please.I do have a lot
of expectations for people.

17
00:00:39,256 --> 00:00:41,301
Happy birthday.[chuckling]:
Oh, my God.

18
00:00:41,344 --> 00:00:43,347
[chuckles]

19
00:00:43,390 --> 00:00:45,348
[sighs happily]

20
00:00:45,393 --> 00:00:47,350
"Made in China"?!

21
00:00:47,395 --> 00:00:49,527
Are you taking me to China?!

22
00:00:50,832 --> 00:00:52,704
And that's why, a long time ago,

23
00:00:52,747 --> 00:00:55,793
I decided that I would spend
my birthday alone at the movies.

24
00:00:55,838 --> 00:00:58,014
It's just... safer, you know?

25
00:00:58,057 --> 00:01:01,191
No getting your hopes up,
no getting let down.

26
00:01:01,234 --> 00:01:02,801
Well, I know how you feel
about movies.

27
00:01:02,844 --> 00:01:05,760
I mean, my parents took me
to see Witness

28
00:01:05,804 --> 00:01:07,370
and then they never came back.

29
00:01:07,415 --> 00:01:09,373
What?I can really quote
that movie though.

30
00:01:09,417 --> 00:01:12,072
[imitating Eli Lapp]:
"Be careful out
among them English."

31
00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:14,378
But enough about me!

32
00:01:14,421 --> 00:01:16,162
I am talking your ear off, lady,

33
00:01:16,206 --> 00:01:17,293
and it's your birthday.

34
00:01:17,337 --> 00:01:19,165
This year's gonna be different.

35
00:01:19,209 --> 00:01:21,298
Maybe Nick has something big
planned, maybe not.

36
00:01:21,341 --> 00:01:23,126
I'm gonna be chill.

37
00:01:23,170 --> 00:01:24,605
No expectations.

38
00:01:24,649 --> 00:01:26,608
Low maintenance. No maintenance.

39
00:01:26,650 --> 00:01:28,043
I'm just gonna be
one of those...

40
00:01:28,087 --> 00:01:29,611
cool girlfriends,
like in the movies.

41
00:01:29,653 --> 00:01:31,742
She just, like, has bed head
and she wears,

42
00:01:31,787 --> 00:01:34,397
like, men's shirts and
she's just like, "Yeah, cool.

43
00:01:34,442 --> 00:01:37,052
"I'll wear, like, men's shirts
and, like, sneakers and stuff.

44
00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:39,055
And, like, I don't care
about how I look."

45
00:01:40,578 --> 00:01:42,972
Hey. Hey.

46
00:01:43,015 --> 00:01:45,801
She has no idea
about the party.

47
00:01:45,843 --> 00:01:48,063
[cheering, laughing]

48
00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:49,847
Uh, Winston's
STD-free.

49
00:01:49,891 --> 00:01:52,634
[cheering]

50
00:01:52,676 --> 00:01:55,201
Whew! It was
a close call. Yeah.[chuckling]: Yeah.

51
00:01:55,245 --> 00:01:57,204
Yeah. Yeah.

52
00:01:57,246 --> 00:01:59,640
Close call, y'all.
[chuckles]

53
00:01:59,683 --> 00:02:01,816
♪ Who's that girl?

54
00:02:01,859 --> 00:02:04,340
♪ Who's that girl?♪♪ It's Jess.

55
00:02:06,864 --> 00:02:08,866
[groans]
[whistles]

56
00:02:08,911 --> 00:02:09,998
Do you guys
know how hard it's been

57
00:02:10,042 --> 00:02:12,087
for me to keep this party
a secret?

58
00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:14,437
Nick, it's been an inspiration,
and that's why we're

59
00:02:14,481 --> 00:02:16,091
gonna help you cross
that finish line, okay?

60
00:02:16,135 --> 00:02:17,266
This is our Rudy.

61
00:02:17,311 --> 00:02:18,442
Very condescending
but thank you.

62
00:02:18,485 --> 00:02:20,356
Right on.All right, team check-in.

63
00:02:20,401 --> 00:02:21,879
Coach, where we at
with decorations?

64
00:02:21,924 --> 00:02:23,317
I forgot.Wait, what?

65
00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:25,622
Psych! I'm the
best at stuff.

66
00:02:25,667 --> 00:02:29,104
I don't forget stuff.
First place!

67
00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:31,020
Wait. Why are you
first place?

68
00:02:31,062 --> 00:02:32,674
I dominated
on cake patrol.

69
00:02:32,716 --> 00:02:34,240
And thank you
for getting that cake.

70
00:02:34,283 --> 00:02:35,459
You don't have to add
the "patrol."

71
00:02:35,502 --> 00:02:37,199
Decorations beats cake.

72
00:02:37,243 --> 00:02:40,115
Uh, no. Cake definitely
beats decorations.

73
00:02:40,159 --> 00:02:43,031
COACH: Oh, really? Let's do
a word association game, okay?Yeah. I'm in, I'm in.

74
00:02:43,074 --> 00:02:45,599
Birthday.Decorations.
Wait, what'd I say?

75
00:02:45,643 --> 00:02:47,602
Okay, Schmidt, are you ready
to transport all electronics

76
00:02:47,645 --> 00:02:49,299
to the party venue?

77
00:02:49,343 --> 00:02:51,474
By "electronics," you mean
this itty-bitty flash drive

78
00:02:51,519 --> 00:02:54,348
that I can fit in my pocket
and that is light as air?

79
00:02:54,390 --> 00:02:55,610
I need a verbal confirmation.

80
00:02:55,652 --> 00:02:57,699
You insult me. Yes.

81
00:02:57,741 --> 00:02:59,614
Cece, you ready to cover
my shift tomorrow with Mike?

82
00:02:59,656 --> 00:03:01,268
Born ready. Yes.

83
00:03:01,311 --> 00:03:03,617
Oh. You're giving your Saturday
to Cece?

84
00:03:03,661 --> 00:03:06,837
That's cool.
That's really wonderful.

85
00:03:06,882 --> 00:03:09,100
Can you tell
I'm being sarcastic?

86
00:03:09,145 --> 00:03:10,668
Absolutely.
Yeah,
it's pretty clear.
I'm ready.

87
00:03:10,711 --> 00:03:12,103
You set fire to soda water.

88
00:03:12,147 --> 00:03:13,235
Who does that?

89
00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:14,497
How do you even possibly
do that?

90
00:03:14,542 --> 00:03:16,108
It's not a flammable thing.

91
00:03:16,151 --> 00:03:18,067
It's not even...
Are you a witch?

92
00:03:18,110 --> 00:03:19,241
Mike...

93
00:03:19,286 --> 00:03:21,853
MIKE: I hate all of you
hipsters so much...

94
00:03:21,896 --> 00:03:23,289
Okay, and I'm gonna be
on Jess Watch.

95
00:03:23,332 --> 00:03:24,943
I'm gonna make sure
she doesn't see anything

96
00:03:24,986 --> 00:03:26,640
that will ruin the surprise
of this party

97
00:03:26,683 --> 00:03:29,383
that has taken everything
from me,

98
00:03:29,425 --> 00:03:31,688
emotionally and physically
and financially.

99
00:03:31,733 --> 00:03:32,689
So what do you have
planned for the day?

100
00:03:32,734 --> 00:03:35,344
[laughing]:
A big surprise party.

101
00:03:35,389 --> 00:03:36,867
Next.

102
00:03:36,912 --> 00:03:38,521
Right, but before then.

103
00:03:38,566 --> 00:03:42,743
The party's at 7:00. What do you
have planned b-before that?

104
00:03:42,787 --> 00:03:45,180
Wait...Nick, you need a plan, okay?

105
00:03:45,224 --> 00:03:48,531
I don't care what Jess says.
She's going to expect something.

106
00:03:48,575 --> 00:03:50,707
I have to plan a birthday
before the birthday?

107
00:03:50,752 --> 00:03:52,361
The whole day
is the birthday.This is a very big deal.

108
00:03:52,406 --> 00:03:54,538
This is your first birthday
together as a couple.

109
00:03:54,581 --> 00:03:57,540
All right, you know what?
It's gonna be okay.

110
00:03:57,585 --> 00:04:01,197
It's her birthday. That girl's
gonna want to sleep in.

111
00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:03,764
My day is not starting
till noon.

112
00:04:03,807 --> 00:04:05,592
[beeping]

113
00:04:07,769 --> 00:04:10,554
This is the time
I was born.

114
00:04:10,598 --> 00:04:13,383
I'm wide awake.

115
00:04:13,426 --> 00:04:17,430
[whispers]:
It's my birthday.

116
00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:23,000
[whispered arguing]

117
00:04:23,045 --> 00:04:24,786
My day started earlier
than I thought.

118
00:04:24,829 --> 00:04:27,483
I got to slow down breakfast.

119
00:04:27,528 --> 00:04:30,225
What's going on with you guys?Nick, first of all, blessings.

120
00:04:30,269 --> 00:04:32,446
Um, second of all,
there may have been

121
00:04:32,488 --> 00:04:34,185
a possible mix-up
with the cake.

122
00:04:34,230 --> 00:04:35,317
Possibly.

123
00:04:35,362 --> 00:04:38,146
"See You in Hell, Boomer"?
Oh, my God!

124
00:04:38,189 --> 00:04:40,584
What part of you thought
this was Jess's cake?

125
00:04:40,627 --> 00:04:42,369
I thought it was an inside joke.

126
00:04:42,411 --> 00:04:44,370
I'll do the cake.No, I am the cake patrol.

127
00:04:44,413 --> 00:04:46,154
Both of you do the cake.

128
00:04:46,197 --> 00:04:47,548
I'm considering
this problem solved.

129
00:04:47,591 --> 00:04:49,593
Hey, speaking of problems,
do you want me to go check up

130
00:04:49,637 --> 00:04:51,377
on Cece at the bar today?I don't think that's necessary.

131
00:04:51,420 --> 00:04:54,031
All right, I'll do it.
But you owe me one, bro.

132
00:04:54,076 --> 00:04:56,338
I need to make
a 90-minute omelet.

133
00:04:57,862 --> 00:05:01,038
I love my birthday breakfast.

134
00:05:01,083 --> 00:05:02,389
I can't believe you were gonna
make this all yourself.

135
00:05:02,432 --> 00:05:04,216
It would've taken you hours.

136
00:05:04,259 --> 00:05:06,175
I know. And with your help,
it took six minutes.

137
00:05:06,218 --> 00:05:07,829
I know. I'm so fast.

138
00:05:07,872 --> 00:05:10,048
What do you say
we go into my bedroom

139
00:05:10,091 --> 00:05:12,223
and, uh, slow things down?

140
00:05:12,268 --> 00:05:14,052
Ooh.
[chuckles]

141
00:05:14,096 --> 00:05:15,836
Wow.

142
00:05:15,879 --> 00:05:18,404
That's the fastest
it's ever taken.

143
00:05:18,447 --> 00:05:20,754
I know. You just look
very pretty.

144
00:05:20,798 --> 00:05:22,495
[chuckles]

145
00:05:22,538 --> 00:05:24,367
So, you want to take
a long nap?

146
00:05:24,411 --> 00:05:26,803
Oh. Um...

147
00:05:26,848 --> 00:05:29,285
If that's what you
have planned, then, yes,

148
00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:30,634
let's take a long nap.

149
00:05:30,677 --> 00:05:34,334
Perfect. Maybe for,
like, six, seven hours?

150
00:05:35,465 --> 00:05:36,596
Hmm...

151
00:05:36,639 --> 00:05:38,512
It's just
such a nice day outside...

152
00:05:38,555 --> 00:05:40,514
Yeah. Um, so let's take, uh...

153
00:05:40,557 --> 00:05:43,081
let's take this party outside.

154
00:05:43,125 --> 00:05:46,084
Sure.Next up on the agenda is...

155
00:05:46,127 --> 00:05:47,389
it's lunch.

156
00:05:47,433 --> 00:05:49,086
It's 8:30 in the morning.

157
00:05:49,130 --> 00:05:51,350
Oh, my God, it's so early.

158
00:05:55,442 --> 00:05:57,007
What are you doing here,
Schmidt?

159
00:05:57,052 --> 00:05:58,836
Nick thought
you might need some help.

160
00:05:58,879 --> 00:06:00,315
Yeah, well, I don't, okay?

161
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:01,665
So... you can go.

162
00:06:01,709 --> 00:06:03,014
Maybe I'll just stay
for a little bit.

163
00:06:03,057 --> 00:06:04,668
Double-tap some Insta-G's.

164
00:06:04,711 --> 00:06:07,235
Okay.

165
00:06:07,278 --> 00:06:08,802
Oh, hey, Mike.

166
00:06:08,846 --> 00:06:10,848
I cleaned the glasses.

167
00:06:10,891 --> 00:06:13,547
Oh, wow, a bunch of broken
glass in the ice tub.

168
00:06:13,589 --> 00:06:15,896
That'll be fun for me
to clean up.I'm sorry. Um...

169
00:06:15,939 --> 00:06:17,463
I'm not gonna cover
for you like Nick does, okay?

170
00:06:17,507 --> 00:06:19,682
I promise you that.
And don't make eyes at me

171
00:06:19,726 --> 00:06:21,858
because it's not gonna work
because I'm super gay.

172
00:06:21,903 --> 00:06:23,120
When I look at you,
I just see...

173
00:06:23,165 --> 00:06:24,819
You know, it's fine,

174
00:06:24,862 --> 00:06:26,254
but it's bumpy, it's creepy.

175
00:06:26,298 --> 00:06:28,125
Eh.

176
00:06:28,170 --> 00:06:29,519
Doesn't do anything.
It's like...

177
00:06:29,562 --> 00:06:31,042
looking at this, it's like a...

178
00:06:31,086 --> 00:06:33,480
it's-it's-it's-it's-it's...
it's not o...

179
00:06:33,523 --> 00:06:35,656
it's not a good...
it's not good.

180
00:06:35,699 --> 00:06:39,572
Okay.This, all this,
everything you got, eh.

181
00:06:39,615 --> 00:06:42,444
Three out of... six.

182
00:06:44,098 --> 00:06:46,536
Damn shame
about that cake, Winston.

183
00:06:46,579 --> 00:06:49,713
Looks like someone dominated
their party task.

184
00:06:49,757 --> 00:06:51,672
"Coach, where are
all the kazoos?"

185
00:06:51,715 --> 00:06:53,935
All over your face.

186
00:06:53,978 --> 00:06:55,718
I'll pick those up.

187
00:06:55,762 --> 00:06:58,112
Or maybe in my spare time...

188
00:06:58,156 --> 00:06:59,896
I'll make a cake.

189
00:06:59,941 --> 00:07:02,290
[buzzing]

190
00:07:02,334 --> 00:07:04,511
Just back off, Coach.[phone rings]

191
00:07:04,553 --> 00:07:05,903
What's up, Nick?

192
00:07:05,947 --> 00:07:07,252
How's the cake situation?COACH: Cake's good.

193
00:07:07,295 --> 00:07:08,689
Can I just see the
phone? Can I see

194
00:07:08,731 --> 00:07:09,603
the phone really
quick? Got it.
Dude, get...

195
00:07:09,646 --> 00:07:11,081
Hey. Cake's good, man.
I'm on top of it.

196
00:07:11,125 --> 00:07:12,867
So, how's your plan
working out?

197
00:07:12,910 --> 00:07:14,911
Okay, I have no plan.
I'm just winging it, okay?

198
00:07:14,956 --> 00:07:16,740
I panicked
and took her to a drugstore.

199
00:07:16,783 --> 00:07:18,612
She's getting
a free diabetes test.

200
00:07:18,654 --> 00:07:20,177
I don't know where to take her.
Is it safe to bring her home?

201
00:07:20,221 --> 00:07:23,180
Hey.Oh! The birthday girl!

202
00:07:23,225 --> 00:07:25,749
I got the test.
My blood sugar is normal.

203
00:07:25,793 --> 00:07:27,620
Already? You did that...
all that already?

204
00:07:27,663 --> 00:07:30,536
Yeah.Birthday girl gets...
all your favorite...

205
00:07:30,579 --> 00:07:32,755
Next activity.

206
00:07:32,800 --> 00:07:34,409
I see what you're
trying to do here, man.

207
00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:35,367
You're trying to show me up.

208
00:07:35,411 --> 00:07:37,413
What are you talking
about, Bish?

209
00:07:37,456 --> 00:07:39,153
I'm referring to basketball.

210
00:07:39,197 --> 00:07:41,764
When we used to play back in the
day, no matter how open I was,

211
00:07:41,808 --> 00:07:43,766
you never passed me the ball,
you never let me shoot.

212
00:07:43,810 --> 00:07:45,552
You just couldn't
stand to let me shine.

213
00:07:45,595 --> 00:07:48,771
Your nostrils are flaring
so much right now,

214
00:07:48,816 --> 00:07:50,992
it's distracting.

215
00:07:51,034 --> 00:07:52,776
I'm done letting you
run the court.

216
00:07:52,819 --> 00:07:54,560
I'm building my own court.

217
00:07:54,603 --> 00:07:58,781
And it's gonna be bigger
and yummier than yours.

218
00:07:58,826 --> 00:08:00,783
Are you challenging me
to a bake-off, Bish?

219
00:08:00,827 --> 00:08:03,526
Yes, I am challenging
you to a bake-off.

220
00:08:03,569 --> 00:08:06,137
Okay. Well, then, I'll...
do the countdown.

221
00:08:06,180 --> 00:08:08,791
You know what? I'll do
the countdown then.

222
00:08:08,836 --> 00:08:10,925
The countdown begins

223
00:08:10,968 --> 00:08:12,795
when this timer goes off.

224
00:08:12,839 --> 00:08:15,363
[timer ticking]

225
00:08:15,406 --> 00:08:16,538
[sighs]

226
00:08:18,454 --> 00:08:20,803
You set the timer
for 20 minutes.

227
00:08:20,848 --> 00:08:23,807
[winding, ticking]

228
00:08:23,850 --> 00:08:27,028
I'm gonna make a cake so moist,

229
00:08:27,071 --> 00:08:29,987
girls are gonna be, like,
"Ew. Why do you say moist?

230
00:08:30,031 --> 00:08:31,814
I hate that word."

231
00:08:31,858 --> 00:08:33,990
I'm gonna be, like,
"Just taste the cake."

232
00:08:34,034 --> 00:08:36,254
And they're gonna be, like,
"Damn, it's moist!"

233
00:08:36,298 --> 00:08:37,604
[inhales deeply]

234
00:08:37,647 --> 00:08:38,561
And...

235
00:08:38,605 --> 00:08:40,258
[dings]
Bake!
Okay, bake!

236
00:08:40,302 --> 00:08:41,346
I said it first.I said it first.

237
00:08:41,389 --> 00:08:42,433
I said it first.I said it first.

238
00:08:42,477 --> 00:08:45,263
A customer ordered
an old-fashioned,

239
00:08:45,307 --> 00:08:48,962
and she got gin in a mug
with a peanut in it.

240
00:08:49,005 --> 00:08:51,618
I'll fix it.
Make me an
old-fashioned right now,

241
00:08:51,661 --> 00:08:52,793
or I'm gonna call the manager.

242
00:08:52,836 --> 00:08:54,663
And I want to
talk to him anyway,

243
00:08:54,707 --> 00:08:55,838
because he's just gorgeous.

244
00:08:55,883 --> 00:08:58,841
I want to be a barnacle
on his ship.

245
00:08:58,885 --> 00:09:00,844
Just hanging on by my mouth,

246
00:09:00,888 --> 00:09:03,673
getting all the nutrients
I need.

247
00:09:03,716 --> 00:09:05,456
Okay, an old-fashioned, an
old-fashioned, an old-fashioned.

248
00:09:05,500 --> 00:09:07,458
If it's old-fashioned,
it probably has
something like...

249
00:09:07,503 --> 00:09:09,504
absinthe...Oh, the old-fashioned.

250
00:09:09,548 --> 00:09:12,464
One of my favorite drinks;
a classic cocktail.

251
00:09:13,856 --> 00:09:16,903
[sighs]
Just a half ounce
of simple syrup.

252
00:09:19,688 --> 00:09:23,258
Splash of water,
two dashes of bitters.

253
00:09:23,301 --> 00:09:24,780
Mix that up
with some ice.

254
00:09:24,825 --> 00:09:28,219
And then, you know
my personal favorite.

255
00:09:28,263 --> 00:09:30,438
You know, and just,
far be it from me,

256
00:09:30,481 --> 00:09:31,788
but the bourbon whiskey.

257
00:09:31,831 --> 00:09:34,008
Bourbon.
Two ounces of
bourbon whiskey.

258
00:09:34,051 --> 00:09:36,532
No. Hmm.

259
00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:38,838
It's not the
Scotch whiskey.
It's...

260
00:09:38,881 --> 00:09:40,100
No, it's certainly
not the vermouth.

261
00:09:40,144 --> 00:09:41,537
Vermouth would be insane.

262
00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:42,885
Yes, the bourbon whiskey.

263
00:09:42,929 --> 00:09:45,585
My favorite.
Wonderful.

264
00:09:46,716 --> 00:09:49,110
Look at that.
Old-fashioned.

265
00:09:49,153 --> 00:09:52,895
Hmm. Old-fashioned?

266
00:09:52,940 --> 00:09:56,072
Oh, my stars and garters,
you made a drink.

267
00:09:56,116 --> 00:09:58,597
Holy crud.

268
00:10:00,294 --> 00:10:02,297
[phone rings]

269
00:10:02,340 --> 00:10:04,778
Yes, Nick!

270
00:10:04,821 --> 00:10:06,562
I have the electronics!

271
00:10:06,605 --> 00:10:08,259
Do you know any, like,
time-consuming

272
00:10:08,302 --> 00:10:10,653
and free activities
in Griffith Park?

273
00:10:10,697 --> 00:10:13,090
Gross! Suicide?

274
00:10:13,134 --> 00:10:14,788
Schmidt, please.
I need some a...

275
00:10:14,831 --> 00:10:18,095
Well, just figure
it out, dude!

276
00:10:18,139 --> 00:10:20,576
Oh, it's my mom.
Okay, um,

277
00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:22,099
found the biggest rock
I could carry.

278
00:10:22,143 --> 00:10:24,144
[laughs]
It was this one. Um...

279
00:10:24,187 --> 00:10:25,754
It's heavy.

280
00:10:25,798 --> 00:10:27,278
It's huge. Yeah, heavy.Oh, my God. Um...

281
00:10:27,322 --> 00:10:28,932
what are we doing here?

282
00:10:28,975 --> 00:10:32,587
It's not that I'm not
having fun, 'cause I am.

283
00:10:32,631 --> 00:10:35,155
It's okay if you didn't plan
anything for my birthday.

284
00:10:35,198 --> 00:10:36,940
Are you kidding?!Really, Nick.

285
00:10:36,984 --> 00:10:38,332
Not only did I
plan something,

286
00:10:38,375 --> 00:10:40,378
but my plan's about
to blow your mind.

287
00:10:40,422 --> 00:10:42,859
Honestly.
You need to trust
me a little bit.

288
00:10:42,903 --> 00:10:45,687
'Cause everything is about
to be made very clear

289
00:10:45,731 --> 00:10:47,734
very soon.
Oh, my God!

290
00:10:47,777 --> 00:10:49,865
What?
Nick!

291
00:10:51,650 --> 00:10:53,129
You're the best.
[laughing]:
I'm amazing.

292
00:10:53,173 --> 00:10:54,957
I'm so surprised! I'mso surprised.

293
00:10:55,001 --> 00:10:57,177
This is amazing!
It's amazing!

294
00:10:57,221 --> 00:10:59,788
This is amazing! Yay!Oh, son of a bitch!

295
00:10:59,832 --> 00:11:00,964
Oh!
Don't touch anything!

296
00:11:01,008 --> 00:11:03,400
It'll ruin the surprise!
Yeah.Yay!

297
00:11:03,445 --> 00:11:04,967
[laughing]:
Yes.
Yeah...!

298
00:11:05,011 --> 00:11:07,187
Yay!
Hey, Jess,
let's get out of here

299
00:11:07,230 --> 00:11:08,928
before anything ruins
this perfect moment.Ooh!

300
00:11:08,971 --> 00:11:11,322
I wouldn't t... Wait because
we've got a whole, uh, ceremony.

301
00:11:11,365 --> 00:11:12,889
No!

302
00:11:12,932 --> 00:11:15,979
That lady took my birthday!

303
00:11:16,023 --> 00:11:18,721
What is happening?

304
00:11:26,206 --> 00:11:28,164
Jess! Look, look,
I'm sorry, Jess.No, no, no, Nick,

305
00:11:28,208 --> 00:11:30,732
I just... I don't know why
I get so crazy about birthdays.

306
00:11:30,777 --> 00:11:33,388
You know, it's crazy,
'cause you had a very

307
00:11:33,431 --> 00:11:34,780
fun day put together

308
00:11:34,823 --> 00:11:37,000
of eggs and sex and...

309
00:11:37,043 --> 00:11:39,654
[voice breaking]:
and a really long uphill walk.

310
00:11:39,698 --> 00:11:42,004
And, um... look, um,

311
00:11:42,048 --> 00:11:44,181
that's amazing for you,
you know?

312
00:11:44,225 --> 00:11:45,661
For me?

313
00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:47,619
You're not a guy
who plans things.

314
00:11:48,924 --> 00:11:51,014
Maybe I am.Look... [laughs]

315
00:11:51,057 --> 00:11:53,015
every day, you show me,
in your own way,

316
00:11:53,059 --> 00:11:54,888
how you care about me.

317
00:11:54,931 --> 00:11:57,019
Like when you pick up
rubber bands on the sidewalk.

318
00:11:57,063 --> 00:11:59,587
For your ponytail.I could not
be more fine.

319
00:11:59,630 --> 00:12:02,460
I'm super chill.

320
00:12:02,504 --> 00:12:04,461
I'm just gonna go home
for a second.

321
00:12:04,505 --> 00:12:05,985
Bye.
Jess, let's keep... Jess!

322
00:12:06,028 --> 00:12:08,292
[crying]:
Don't follow me.

323
00:12:09,859 --> 00:12:12,470
Sure you know how to tap a keg?How hard could it be?

324
00:12:12,514 --> 00:12:14,777
It's beer, for crying out loud.
It's the drink of idiots.

325
00:12:14,821 --> 00:12:17,388
Wait. Nick told me
something about...Cece, look, I got... I got it.

326
00:12:17,432 --> 00:12:19,826
Ooh, there's a knob back here.I got it in.

327
00:12:19,869 --> 00:12:22,044
He told me if I turn this,
I should be able to...What are you doing?

328
00:12:22,088 --> 00:12:24,700
Oh! Oh, my God!Oh, no!
Turn it off!

329
00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:26,267
Oh, sorry!
It's just...
Turn it off!

330
00:12:26,309 --> 00:12:28,791
Oh.

331
00:12:28,835 --> 00:12:30,966
You butt hole.

332
00:12:31,010 --> 00:12:33,490
You can't do anything
right, can you?

333
00:12:33,534 --> 00:12:35,798
[softly]:
I'm so sorry.

334
00:12:40,846 --> 00:12:42,673
He's right, though.

335
00:12:42,717 --> 00:12:44,067
I can't do anything.

336
00:12:44,110 --> 00:12:45,677
No skills.

337
00:12:45,721 --> 00:12:46,808
Never told you this,

338
00:12:46,852 --> 00:12:48,855
but I didn't even graduate
high school.

339
00:12:48,898 --> 00:12:51,422
A lot of people
never graduated high school.

340
00:12:51,466 --> 00:12:53,860
Okay-- Einstein, Bill Gates,

341
00:12:53,903 --> 00:12:56,036
Anne Frank.

342
00:12:56,078 --> 00:12:58,081
I'm gonna take back
that last one.

343
00:12:58,125 --> 00:12:59,952
Why did I think
that I could bartend?

344
00:12:59,995 --> 00:13:02,650
Because you can.

345
00:13:02,693 --> 00:13:05,000
You are strong, and
you are confident.

346
00:13:05,044 --> 00:13:06,873
Those are skills. Use them.

347
00:13:06,916 --> 00:13:09,048
And be a little bit
meaner to the people here.

348
00:13:09,091 --> 00:13:11,878
It should be easy for you.
Just pretend that they're me.

349
00:13:11,921 --> 00:13:13,052
[laughs]

350
00:13:13,096 --> 00:13:14,880
You're right. That is easy.

351
00:13:14,923 --> 00:13:16,707
And pull your shirt down
a little bit.

352
00:13:16,751 --> 00:13:17,884
This isn't a monastery.

353
00:13:17,927 --> 00:13:19,101
Do not push your luck with me.

354
00:13:19,145 --> 00:13:21,538
I'll look away.
Thank you.

355
00:13:21,582 --> 00:13:23,541
You're wearing
paper towels. Behind!

356
00:13:23,585 --> 00:13:25,107
No it's
an environmental-friendly,

357
00:13:25,152 --> 00:13:26,543
recyclable apron.

358
00:13:26,587 --> 00:13:29,111
Behind! Behind!
Okay, real...
really? Okay.

359
00:13:29,155 --> 00:13:30,331
Okay.
Behind.

360
00:13:30,374 --> 00:13:31,679
Behind! Behind!
Behind.

361
00:13:31,722 --> 00:13:33,115
Whoa! Behind!

362
00:13:33,159 --> 00:13:35,118
Behind! Behind!
Behind you!
Behind!

363
00:13:35,162 --> 00:13:36,859
[laughs]
Oh, so you...
Behind!

364
00:13:36,903 --> 00:13:38,469
Behind!
Whoa!

365
00:13:38,513 --> 00:13:39,993
Behind. In front.

366
00:13:40,036 --> 00:13:42,081
Behind. What's this?
[mutters]

367
00:13:42,125 --> 00:13:45,999
[sighs]

368
00:13:46,042 --> 00:13:47,303
[Jess crying]
It's Jess!

369
00:13:47,347 --> 00:13:48,697
Oh, my God.
I mean,
it's Jess! Hey!

370
00:13:48,740 --> 00:13:50,264
What's up, girl? What you...

371
00:13:50,307 --> 00:13:51,787
doing home?
[crying]:
I'm great. I'm great.

372
00:13:51,831 --> 00:13:53,571
[whispering]:
Hide the cake.
Hide the...

373
00:13:53,615 --> 00:13:55,008
I'm great.
Behind.

374
00:13:55,051 --> 00:13:56,139
[whispering]

375
00:13:56,182 --> 00:13:57,749
COACH:
How's your day going?

376
00:13:57,793 --> 00:13:58,924
WINSTON:
Going good?
[sobbing]

377
00:13:58,967 --> 00:14:02,144
You're crying?
Oh.

378
00:14:02,188 --> 00:14:04,147
[crying continues]I'm taking...

379
00:14:04,191 --> 00:14:05,582
Um...
I got mine off first.

380
00:14:05,626 --> 00:14:07,106
No, you didn't.Rest up over here.

381
00:14:07,149 --> 00:14:09,109
What a day, guys.

382
00:14:09,152 --> 00:14:10,761
COACH:
Really long, huh?Yeah.

383
00:14:10,806 --> 00:14:11,980
Bet you had a
long day, huh?

384
00:14:12,024 --> 00:14:13,113
I'm really fine.

385
00:14:13,155 --> 00:14:15,028
I had a real day, you know.

386
00:14:15,071 --> 00:14:16,681
[Coach grunting with effort]

387
00:14:16,725 --> 00:14:18,726
I'm disappointed in Nick.

388
00:14:18,769 --> 00:14:20,903
Yeah, you got to let that out,
you know, 'cause...But I'm disappointed

389
00:14:20,947 --> 00:14:23,818
in myself because I'm
disappointed in Nick, you know.

390
00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:25,038
Oh, I feel you.
Yeah,
you're right.

391
00:14:25,081 --> 00:14:26,517
Yeah, that's messed up.

392
00:14:26,561 --> 00:14:28,955
Yeah, let it out.
Let it out.I'm getting up.

393
00:14:28,998 --> 00:14:30,173
Oh...!
No, no, no...
Jess...

394
00:14:30,216 --> 00:14:33,828
Hey. Look at me.
Look at me. Look at me.

395
00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:35,918
Want you to close your
eyes, breathe deep,

396
00:14:35,961 --> 00:14:38,834
and go to the most
magical place on earth--

397
00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:40,400
your imagination.

398
00:14:40,443 --> 00:14:42,620
Have you guys been baking?

399
00:14:42,663 --> 00:14:44,187
Ah, nah.
Bakery downtown exploded.

400
00:14:44,230 --> 00:14:45,971
Don't look into it.
It's not on the Internet.

401
00:14:46,014 --> 00:14:47,102
Yeah. She is here.

402
00:14:47,147 --> 00:14:50,192
What happened?

403
00:14:50,236 --> 00:14:53,022
She doesn't think I can do
anything or plan anything,

404
00:14:53,066 --> 00:14:55,024
and it feels like crap.

405
00:14:55,067 --> 00:14:56,198
Maybe she's right.

406
00:14:56,243 --> 00:14:57,984
Why did I think
I could pull this off?

407
00:14:58,027 --> 00:15:00,159
I'm pretty sure
I'm having a heart attack.

408
00:15:00,202 --> 00:15:01,769
And I haven't arranged

409
00:15:01,812 --> 00:15:04,206
for anybody
to clear my Internet history.

410
00:15:04,250 --> 00:15:05,860
I wasn't building a bomb!

411
00:15:05,904 --> 00:15:07,644
I was just curious.

412
00:15:07,688 --> 00:15:09,995
Nick, you got a whole team of
friends pulling for you, okay?

413
00:15:10,038 --> 00:15:12,215
Just get yourself home.
You can still pull this off.

414
00:15:13,650 --> 00:15:14,783
Hey, Mike.

415
00:15:14,826 --> 00:15:16,784
What?So I cleaned out the beer trap,

416
00:15:16,827 --> 00:15:18,351
I polished all these
wine glasses,

417
00:15:18,394 --> 00:15:20,222
and I turned that
penis graffiti in the bathroom

418
00:15:20,267 --> 00:15:22,008
into a whimsical hat.

419
00:15:22,051 --> 00:15:25,446
Now my friend and I
have to go to a party.

420
00:15:25,489 --> 00:15:27,796
All right, Schmidt,
let's go.

421
00:15:27,838 --> 00:15:29,363
You called me your friend.

422
00:15:29,405 --> 00:15:30,668
Did I?

423
00:15:30,711 --> 00:15:32,105
And now, look,

424
00:15:32,148 --> 00:15:34,236
no matter what we see in here,
I just want you to know that

425
00:15:34,280 --> 00:15:36,109
it's been an honor
working with you.

426
00:15:36,152 --> 00:15:38,153
You, too, man.

427
00:15:44,508 --> 00:15:45,813
Oh...

428
00:15:45,856 --> 00:15:48,163
[soft chuckling]Wow, look at that.

429
00:15:50,210 --> 00:15:52,125
[oven door closes]

430
00:15:52,168 --> 00:15:53,081
Oh, my God.

431
00:15:54,865 --> 00:15:56,868
Oh, man. [chuckles]

432
00:15:56,912 --> 00:15:58,217
Our, uh...

433
00:15:58,260 --> 00:16:00,176
cakes merged.

434
00:16:00,220 --> 00:16:01,917
Looks as if they have.Yeah.

435
00:16:03,745 --> 00:16:06,922
[clucks tongue]Well...

436
00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:08,183
Hey!Aah!

437
00:16:08,227 --> 00:16:09,229
Ah.Ah. [chuckles]

438
00:16:09,272 --> 00:16:10,447
Team check-in. Where we at?

439
00:16:10,490 --> 00:16:12,623
Our cake became
double cake.

440
00:16:12,667 --> 00:16:13,711
Yeah. Two cakes.

441
00:16:13,754 --> 00:16:15,712
Yeah. [short laugh]

442
00:16:15,756 --> 00:16:17,149
Two cakes
became one?

443
00:16:17,192 --> 00:16:18,019
Two cakes, yeah.Yeah, yeah.

444
00:16:18,063 --> 00:16:19,500
Fantastic, I'll go get Jess.

445
00:16:19,543 --> 00:16:20,022
Cool.Nice.

446
00:16:20,066 --> 00:16:22,197
Hey, Jess.

447
00:16:23,330 --> 00:16:24,940
Hey, guys!

448
00:16:27,115 --> 00:16:28,682
What's up, man?

449
00:16:28,725 --> 00:16:30,032
She's at the movies.

450
00:16:30,076 --> 00:16:32,077
This might
actually work.

451
00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:33,730
At the what...?Come on!

452
00:16:37,212 --> 00:16:38,953
More, more.

453
00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:40,259
More.

454
00:16:40,302 --> 00:16:41,303
Uh...

455
00:16:41,347 --> 00:16:42,523
and, okay.

456
00:16:42,566 --> 00:16:43,871
I think we're good.

457
00:16:43,914 --> 00:16:45,221
Same to the second one.

458
00:16:47,571 --> 00:16:49,225
♪

459
00:16:51,139 --> 00:16:52,489
[music distorts and stops]

460
00:16:52,533 --> 00:16:54,709
Hey, Jess, it's, uh, Nick.

461
00:16:54,751 --> 00:16:56,754
You obviously knew that.

462
00:16:56,798 --> 00:16:59,669
Um, I know this is where you
always go on your birthday

463
00:16:59,713 --> 00:17:01,106
to be by yourself,

464
00:17:01,149 --> 00:17:03,979
but I thought this year you
might want a little company.

465
00:17:04,022 --> 00:17:05,327
Mind if I sit?

466
00:17:05,372 --> 00:17:06,547
[laughs]

467
00:17:06,589 --> 00:17:07,590
Look under the seat.

468
00:17:09,810 --> 00:17:12,161
Now please read
the card, I'll wait.

469
00:17:12,204 --> 00:17:14,771
How did you know
I was gonna be sitting here?I put one under every seat,

470
00:17:14,816 --> 00:17:16,773
but you got to go fast,
'cause of the timing. Okay.

471
00:17:16,817 --> 00:17:18,993
"My name is Jess,
I like to wear tights.

472
00:17:19,038 --> 00:17:21,561
It's dark in this room,
so let's turn on the lights."

473
00:17:21,605 --> 00:17:24,130
ALL: Surprise![blowing kazoos]

474
00:17:24,173 --> 00:17:25,347
Whoo!

475
00:17:25,392 --> 00:17:28,307
That's enough.
Timing, guys, timing. Down.

476
00:17:28,351 --> 00:17:30,353
[cheering, noisemakers stop][laughs]

477
00:17:32,528 --> 00:17:34,356
[chuckling]

478
00:17:34,401 --> 00:17:36,142
[dramatic music plays]WINSTON: In the beginning,
there was nothing,

479
00:17:36,184 --> 00:17:37,708
and then there was light
and dark

480
00:17:37,751 --> 00:17:39,101
and oceans and birds
and stuff...

481
00:17:39,144 --> 00:17:41,582
and then there was Jess!

482
00:17:41,625 --> 00:17:44,411
Nick? This was
the plan all along?

483
00:17:47,195 --> 00:17:48,588
[music changes to a softer tune]

484
00:17:48,632 --> 00:17:50,373
What do Ithink of
when I think of Jess?

485
00:17:50,416 --> 00:17:53,246
When I think of Jess.
Okay...

486
00:17:53,288 --> 00:17:55,161
When I think about Jess...

487
00:17:55,203 --> 00:17:58,337
I think of how sweet she is
and how smart she is.

488
00:17:58,381 --> 00:18:01,818
...uh, is glasses
and the hair thing.

489
00:18:01,863 --> 00:18:04,257
...think of dance parties
and sleepovers...

490
00:18:04,299 --> 00:18:06,388
Jess does not like
being tackled.

491
00:18:06,432 --> 00:18:09,261
The eyes, two eyes.

492
00:18:09,305 --> 00:18:11,263
Happy birthday, Ms. Day.

493
00:18:11,307 --> 00:18:15,397
Your youthful exuberance...

494
00:18:15,442 --> 00:18:17,138
exhausts me.

495
00:18:17,182 --> 00:18:19,576
May it fade
with each passing year.

496
00:18:19,619 --> 00:18:21,056
Well, she made me try papayas.

497
00:18:21,099 --> 00:18:22,362
That was cool.

498
00:18:22,404 --> 00:18:24,058
They're super soft inside.

499
00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:26,409
Jess is the upstairs lady.

500
00:18:26,452 --> 00:18:28,193
There is a... there is a ma...

501
00:18:28,237 --> 00:18:30,282
I feel like I'm not
doing this right.

502
00:18:30,326 --> 00:18:31,153
[laughing]

503
00:18:31,196 --> 00:18:33,589
You make mistakes.

504
00:18:33,634 --> 00:18:36,593
Happy birthday
to my best work friend.

505
00:18:36,636 --> 00:18:38,421
Tina, if you see this,
I'm sorry.

506
00:18:38,464 --> 00:18:40,292
I just feel like
we drifted apart

507
00:18:40,336 --> 00:18:42,208
after Jeremy's cocaine thing.

508
00:18:42,250 --> 00:18:44,297
[whispers]: It was awkward.

509
00:18:44,339 --> 00:18:47,299
"When the stirrups of life
start to feel like the speculum

510
00:18:47,343 --> 00:18:48,952
of old age..." Nick,
I'm not reading this.

511
00:18:48,997 --> 00:18:50,432
This is terrible.

512
00:18:50,477 --> 00:18:51,433
Happy birthday, Jess.

513
00:18:51,478 --> 00:18:53,306
Your boyfriend
is sweet and simple

514
00:18:53,348 --> 00:18:55,307
and will not get out
of my waiting room.

515
00:18:56,134 --> 00:18:57,440
I saw a squirrel once.

516
00:18:57,483 --> 00:18:58,441
It looked like Jess.

517
00:18:58,484 --> 00:19:00,442
Then it attacked my sister,

518
00:19:00,487 --> 00:19:02,663
so I had to beat it
with a stick,

519
00:19:02,705 --> 00:19:05,448
and then it didn't
look like Jess anymore.

520
00:19:05,491 --> 00:19:07,232
Happy birthday.
It's Bearclaw.

521
00:19:07,276 --> 00:19:09,278
♪ Birthday

522
00:19:09,321 --> 00:19:10,932
♪ Winston is about
to do some... ♪

523
00:19:13,500 --> 00:19:16,241
He said a bunch, but it was
really weird and racist.

524
00:19:16,285 --> 00:19:18,287
ALL: Happy birthday, Ms. Day.

525
00:19:18,330 --> 00:19:20,028
Yay!

526
00:19:20,070 --> 00:19:22,248
JOAN:
What I remember

527
00:19:22,290 --> 00:19:23,814
most of all is the pain.

528
00:19:23,857 --> 00:19:26,903
Honestly, it was 36 hours--

529
00:19:26,948 --> 00:19:29,864
more than that--
of just searing, ripping,

530
00:19:29,906 --> 00:19:30,646
and then...

531
00:19:31,692 --> 00:19:33,259
[imitates baby wailing]

532
00:19:33,301 --> 00:19:35,304
[laughs]

533
00:19:35,347 --> 00:19:38,220
Out you came,
the most beautiful,

534
00:19:38,263 --> 00:19:41,701
beautifullittle baby
I ever saw in my life.

535
00:19:41,744 --> 00:19:43,137
And I forgot all the pain.

536
00:19:43,182 --> 00:19:45,052
When you were born, I got a deli
sandwich

537
00:19:45,096 --> 00:19:46,707
at the hospital cafeteria.

538
00:19:46,750 --> 00:19:49,926
And then there was a baby.

539
00:19:49,971 --> 00:19:53,365
Happy birthday to my oldest
and my best friend.

540
00:19:53,409 --> 00:19:54,671
Happy birthday, Ms. Day.

541
00:19:54,714 --> 00:19:55,628
Happy birthday.

542
00:19:55,672 --> 00:19:56,846
Birthday.

543
00:19:56,891 --> 00:19:58,066
Happy birthday, Jess.

544
00:19:58,108 --> 00:19:59,285
Happy birthday, Jess.

545
00:19:59,327 --> 00:20:01,503
Happy birthday...
from Bearclaw.

546
00:20:01,548 --> 00:20:03,506
I love you.
Happy birthday.

547
00:20:03,549 --> 00:20:05,508
Happy, happy birthday.

548
00:20:05,551 --> 00:20:07,944
ALL:
You have a cool boyfriend.

549
00:20:07,989 --> 00:20:10,296
This is the coin
I had in my pocket

550
00:20:10,338 --> 00:20:11,339
the first night we kissed.

551
00:20:12,340 --> 00:20:13,733
And I always have it.

552
00:20:13,777 --> 00:20:15,387
Happy birthday, Jess.

553
00:20:15,431 --> 00:20:20,393
♪ Happy birthday to you

554
00:20:20,435 --> 00:20:21,523
Cha, cha, cha.

555
00:20:21,567 --> 00:20:26,528
♪ Happy birthday to you

556
00:20:26,573 --> 00:20:27,529
♪ Ooh, ooh

557
00:20:27,574 --> 00:20:30,750
♪ Happy birthday, dear Jess...

558
00:20:30,794 --> 00:20:32,665
Um... hmm,

559
00:20:32,709 --> 00:20:34,711
where'd... Where'd she...?

560
00:20:35,798 --> 00:20:36,886
Where'd...?

561
00:20:36,931 --> 00:20:37,974
[exhales]

562
00:20:39,802 --> 00:20:41,413
Hey, Jess, I'm so sorry.

563
00:20:41,457 --> 00:20:44,199
That was cheesy, embarrassing.

564
00:20:44,242 --> 00:20:45,940
I didn't have
great talent to work with.

565
00:20:45,982 --> 00:20:47,462
Winston was terrible.

566
00:20:53,382 --> 00:20:55,557
[sniffles]

567
00:20:55,602 --> 00:20:58,473
It's the nicest thing
anyone's ever done for me.

568
00:21:02,608 --> 00:21:04,045
And I'm sorry.

569
00:21:07,395 --> 00:21:10,311
[music starts up]Shh, shh. It's starting.

570
00:21:13,750 --> 00:21:15,577
[alarm chirps, explosion]

571
00:21:15,622 --> 00:21:18,364
Happy birthday, Jess.

572
00:21:18,406 --> 00:21:21,976
That was so stupid, dude.Oh, what is
wrong with you?

573
00:21:22,019 --> 00:21:23,019
Ashamed of yourself.

574
00:21:23,064 --> 00:21:25,458
Come on, Schmidt.Quit it.

575
00:21:31,420 --> 00:21:32,595
Boo.SCHMIDT: No!

576
00:21:32,638 --> 00:21:34,292
[laughing]

577
00:21:36,295 --> 00:21:37,470
SCHMIDT:
What the hell, man?

578
00:21:37,512 --> 00:21:39,210
This is an important
vehicle for me!

579
00:21:39,253 --> 00:21:41,647
Captioned by
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access.wgbh.org