1 00:00:01,958 --> 00:00:03,698 Well, nothing brightens up a rainy day 2 00:00:03,742 --> 00:00:05,179 like a Scotch tasting, guys. 3 00:00:05,222 --> 00:00:07,310 It's not raining today. It hasn't rained in months. 4 00:00:07,355 --> 00:00:09,096 Shh, don't ruin the moment.There's actually 5 00:00:09,138 --> 00:00:11,619 a huge forest fire. Dude, you should turn on the news. 6 00:00:11,663 --> 00:00:14,884 This is a 15-year-old French oak reserve. 7 00:00:14,926 --> 00:00:18,105 Mm! A note of cedar, vanilla, tobacky. 8 00:00:18,147 --> 00:00:19,323 Boozy. 9 00:00:19,367 --> 00:00:21,760 Hunting, fishing, shooting, 10 00:00:21,803 --> 00:00:24,458 fatherhood, bonding... 11 00:00:24,501 --> 00:00:26,112 sadness. 12 00:00:26,155 --> 00:00:27,635 Please don't leave me. 13 00:00:27,678 --> 00:00:29,289 Cheers, guys. Put 'er there Schmidty. Cheers. 14 00:00:29,332 --> 00:00:30,551 Cheers. 15 00:00:30,594 --> 00:00:32,945 To a nice quiet evening.Tranquil. 16 00:00:32,988 --> 00:00:35,686 This moment is so chill and absent of drama, 17 00:00:35,731 --> 00:00:37,253 I want to call it "Tim Duncan." 18 00:00:37,298 --> 00:00:39,299 I have 21 minutes to make a life-changing decision 19 00:00:39,343 --> 00:00:41,344 and you beautiful sons-a-bitches are gonna help me! 20 00:00:41,389 --> 00:00:43,781 NICK: Whoa.Yeah! 21 00:00:43,826 --> 00:00:46,088 That is $45 worth of Scotch right there. 22 00:00:46,133 --> 00:00:49,179 It tastes disgusting. I don't like it. 23 00:00:49,222 --> 00:00:52,182 ♪ Who's that girl? ♪ Who's that girl?♪ 24 00:00:52,225 --> 00:00:53,923 ♪ It's Jess. 25 00:00:57,621 --> 00:01:00,668 So, obviously, Nick has told you about how I've been volunteering 26 00:01:00,712 --> 00:01:03,280 at the Children's Museum, and really hitting it off 27 00:01:03,323 --> 00:01:04,760 with the head curator, Candace, right? 28 00:01:04,802 --> 00:01:06,370 In my way, I have. 29 00:01:06,414 --> 00:01:07,588 I've never heard that.Hasn't said a word. Thank God. 30 00:01:07,632 --> 00:01:09,025 Come on. 31 00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:10,591 Guys, give me one second. 32 00:01:10,635 --> 00:01:12,549 I gotta go play a round of "Car Keys Monty" 33 00:01:12,593 --> 00:01:14,769 with Kevin-97 or he'll try to drive home. 34 00:01:14,813 --> 00:01:16,728 So, anyway, about a month ago, 35 00:01:16,771 --> 00:01:18,513 Candace calls me and tells me 36 00:01:18,555 --> 00:01:20,384 there might be a full-time fund-raising position 37 00:01:20,427 --> 00:01:22,951 opening up and I'd be perfect for it.There we go, 38 00:01:22,995 --> 00:01:25,040 look for the keys, look for the keys, look for the keys. 39 00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:26,608 And she keeps pushing me for an answer, 40 00:01:26,650 --> 00:01:28,131 and I keep putting her off. 41 00:01:28,174 --> 00:01:29,480 I say , "Thank you very much. I'm very flattered, 42 00:01:29,524 --> 00:01:31,352 but I already have a job. Me teacher." 43 00:01:31,394 --> 00:01:33,962 That's a grammar joke. You get it. 44 00:01:34,006 --> 00:01:36,400 Look at the jukebox for a sec. 45 00:01:36,444 --> 00:01:38,750 When I think of teachers, I think of two things: Jessica Day 46 00:01:38,793 --> 00:01:40,360 and pornography where the characters are teachers. 47 00:01:40,403 --> 00:01:42,406 Well, of course I've always wanted to be a teacher, 48 00:01:42,450 --> 00:01:44,234 but my school's a disaster. 49 00:01:44,277 --> 00:01:46,192 Justice Brandeis believed that... 50 00:01:46,235 --> 00:01:47,323 Ms. Day? 51 00:01:47,367 --> 00:01:50,066 Education's Principal Foster, everybody! 52 00:01:50,109 --> 00:01:52,329 Thank you so much. 53 00:01:52,372 --> 00:01:55,418 Ms. Day, we have hit a construction hiccup 54 00:01:55,462 --> 00:01:57,290 in our renovation, so...Okay. 55 00:01:57,334 --> 00:01:59,640 everybody's gonna have to be sharing 56 00:01:59,683 --> 00:02:01,512 classroom space. What? 57 00:02:01,555 --> 00:02:06,081 Hey, do you have a freezer or should I flush these frogs? 58 00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:08,344 My check comes either way. 59 00:02:08,389 --> 00:02:12,436 Oh, come on. Foster's sticking us with the math kids 60 00:02:12,479 --> 00:02:14,742 that use letters instead of numbers? 61 00:02:14,786 --> 00:02:16,265 Do you mean algebra? 62 00:02:16,310 --> 00:02:17,832 I guess. Anyway, 63 00:02:17,876 --> 00:02:20,792 it's gonna be a couple of crazy months, huh? 64 00:02:20,836 --> 00:02:22,228 I'm sorry? Months? 65 00:02:22,271 --> 00:02:25,014 Right. Years if the bond issue fails. 66 00:02:25,056 --> 00:02:26,449 Which it might, 67 00:02:26,493 --> 00:02:28,277 since voters are trending anti-future. 68 00:02:28,322 --> 00:02:30,671 Anti-future? Who's anti-future? 69 00:02:30,715 --> 00:02:32,848 I don't know. The Amish? 70 00:02:32,890 --> 00:02:34,328 The dying? 71 00:02:34,371 --> 00:02:36,634 Television industry, print media, 72 00:02:36,677 --> 00:02:39,550 record industry, railroad industry, 73 00:02:39,593 --> 00:02:43,074 karaoke machine owners. You got this? 74 00:02:43,118 --> 00:02:46,078 I'm gonna go not smoke pot. 75 00:02:46,122 --> 00:02:49,430 So my phone rings...Oh, we telling phone stories? Nice. 76 00:02:49,473 --> 00:02:50,212 No, I'm talking about work. 77 00:02:50,257 --> 00:02:51,605 So your phone rings. 78 00:02:51,649 --> 00:02:53,302 And it's Candace officially offering 79 00:02:53,347 --> 00:02:55,131 me the job! And I told her I'd think about it! 80 00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:58,046 Wow, you not being a school teacher? 81 00:02:58,090 --> 00:03:00,223 Well, you have found my flabbergast button, 82 00:03:00,266 --> 00:03:02,050 and guess what, you've pressed it. 83 00:03:02,093 --> 00:03:04,444 I'm flabbergasted as hell, too. 84 00:03:04,487 --> 00:03:05,924 Look, I've been a teacher my entire life, 85 00:03:05,967 --> 00:03:07,709 and I've always wanted to be a teacher, 86 00:03:07,752 --> 00:03:09,711 but maybe I should be doing something else. I don't know. 87 00:03:09,753 --> 00:03:12,103 How do you know when you're on the right path? 88 00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:14,846 [quietly]: It's crazy.[muttering] 89 00:03:14,889 --> 00:03:16,456 That wasn't a rhetorical question. 90 00:03:16,500 --> 00:03:18,328 Oh! Oh! 91 00:03:18,372 --> 00:03:19,895 What I like to do is just take a drive up PCH maybe. 92 00:03:19,937 --> 00:03:22,637 [overlapping talking]Willy Wonka once said... 93 00:03:22,680 --> 00:03:25,421 Guys, Candace is calling at 6:00 to find out my final answer! 94 00:03:25,466 --> 00:03:26,728 Whoa! What? 95 00:03:26,771 --> 00:03:28,425 I'm sorry you're in such a pickle. 96 00:03:28,468 --> 00:03:31,341 But I'm not sorry that I get to time something! 97 00:03:31,384 --> 00:03:32,908 19 minutes, people! 98 00:03:32,950 --> 00:03:36,302 All right.Just to be clear, 19 minutes until 6:00. 99 00:03:36,346 --> 00:03:37,694 I'm not sure this is helping. 100 00:03:37,739 --> 00:03:39,610 This brings a whole new level of tension 101 00:03:39,653 --> 00:03:40,959 to the whole situation.Yeah, because you're being timed now. 102 00:03:41,002 --> 00:03:42,308 You time a lot of stuff, Coach.46 seconds. 103 00:03:42,352 --> 00:03:43,570 This is a life-changing decision, that's it. 104 00:03:46,747 --> 00:03:49,533 17 minutes till 6:00. 17 minutes, Jess. 105 00:03:49,576 --> 00:03:51,622 Coach, do you always wear a stopwatch? Like always? 106 00:03:51,665 --> 00:03:52,927 You familiar with Rollergirl's relationship 107 00:03:52,971 --> 00:03:55,103 to her skates in Boogie Nights? 108 00:03:55,146 --> 00:03:55,973 Yes. 109 00:03:56,018 --> 00:03:57,540 Well, I'm not, 110 00:03:57,585 --> 00:03:59,413 because I don't watch movies, I time them. 111 00:03:59,456 --> 00:04:02,284 They're pornographers, but they're also a family. 112 00:04:02,329 --> 00:04:05,896 155:30 official running time, my round ass! 113 00:04:05,941 --> 00:04:07,943 Jess, choosing a career path is never easy, 114 00:04:07,985 --> 00:04:11,512 but what I found...[men jeer] 115 00:04:11,555 --> 00:04:13,514 Oh, my God.Shut up, dude! Come on. 116 00:04:13,556 --> 00:04:14,949 She's looking for career advice. 117 00:04:14,992 --> 00:04:17,343 Your job could be done by a vending machine. 118 00:04:17,387 --> 00:04:19,170 Guys, don't be mean. 119 00:04:19,214 --> 00:04:20,434 So Nick doesn't have a traditional career. I mean... 120 00:04:20,476 --> 00:04:23,305 Or is it the most traditional? 121 00:04:23,350 --> 00:04:25,569 Maybe I'm thinking about prostitution. 122 00:04:25,612 --> 00:04:27,178 Guys, as you all know, I am the expert 123 00:04:27,223 --> 00:04:28,442 at changing career paths. 124 00:04:28,485 --> 00:04:30,007 Is this something we're now bragging about? 125 00:04:30,052 --> 00:04:31,444 No, Schmidt, I'm referring to my decision 126 00:04:31,487 --> 00:04:33,011 to quit playing the game of basketball. 127 00:04:33,055 --> 00:04:35,884 Jess, I will tell you this, it was not easy. 128 00:04:35,927 --> 00:04:37,406 It all began back... 129 00:04:37,451 --> 00:04:38,930 JESS: Come on, Winston move it along. 130 00:04:38,973 --> 00:04:40,715 WINSTON: Okay, Jess, fine, 131 00:04:40,757 --> 00:04:44,108 but don't blame me if you get lost in the nooks and crannies 132 00:04:44,153 --> 00:04:48,766 of this crazy English muffin we call Winston's life. 133 00:04:48,810 --> 00:04:50,593 I was the ninth guy off the bench 134 00:04:50,637 --> 00:04:52,682 for the eighth-best team in Latvia. 135 00:04:52,726 --> 00:04:55,468 Winnie the Bish! Winnie the Bish! 136 00:04:55,512 --> 00:04:56,817 Winnie the Bish! 137 00:04:56,860 --> 00:04:58,906 Ha-ha! Thanks for coming to watch me play, guys. 138 00:04:58,949 --> 00:05:00,690 We didn't watch you play. We watched you sit. 139 00:05:00,735 --> 00:05:02,257 Which was still fun. 140 00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:04,041 You know, any chance to get to Latvia, right, guys? 141 00:05:04,086 --> 00:05:05,696 Yeah, I haven't played all year. 142 00:05:05,740 --> 00:05:08,437 They barely let me practice, but you know, like I always say, 143 00:05:08,481 --> 00:05:10,178 How about them Lats? 144 00:05:10,221 --> 00:05:11,833 JESS: So that's when you decided to change course. 145 00:05:11,875 --> 00:05:14,225 That makes sense. So my takeaway from that is... 146 00:05:14,269 --> 00:05:15,706 Still building to the decision. 147 00:05:15,750 --> 00:05:17,707 You are traded to Kraslava City. 148 00:05:17,752 --> 00:05:19,014 The Outdoor League? 149 00:05:19,057 --> 00:05:20,494 Man, they play on a hillside! 150 00:05:20,536 --> 00:05:24,062 I give you surprise tip: Uphill basket, better. 151 00:05:24,105 --> 00:05:25,846 JESS: Aha, and then you decided... 152 00:05:25,889 --> 00:05:27,543 WINSTON: Ah! 153 00:05:27,588 --> 00:05:28,632 I'm going fast! 154 00:05:28,675 --> 00:05:29,937 Whoa, whoa, whoa! 155 00:05:29,980 --> 00:05:31,374 [loud crash] 156 00:05:31,418 --> 00:05:33,375 You never play basketball again. 157 00:05:33,420 --> 00:05:36,423 Don't touch it. Stop it. 158 00:05:36,466 --> 00:05:38,425 And that'swhen I decided 159 00:05:38,468 --> 00:05:39,860 to stop playing the game of basketball. 160 00:05:39,903 --> 00:05:42,646 Jess, walk away the moment you stop loving it. 161 00:05:42,689 --> 00:05:44,387 I mean, that's what I did. 162 00:05:44,430 --> 00:05:45,954 That's the thing, you didn't walk away. 163 00:05:45,997 --> 00:05:48,651 You decided nothing. That story contains zero decisions. 164 00:05:48,696 --> 00:05:52,177 Look, I decided to stop playing the game of basketball 165 00:05:52,221 --> 00:05:55,093 when my doctor told me I had to stop. 166 00:05:56,704 --> 00:05:58,444 Okay, okay, all right, I... it was my decision... 167 00:05:58,487 --> 00:05:59,663 Mm-hmm. 168 00:05:59,706 --> 00:06:03,057 ...to start to play the game of basket... 169 00:06:03,100 --> 00:06:05,451 You were handed a basketball six seconds after you were born. 170 00:06:05,495 --> 00:06:07,975 Damn, do I even like basketball? 171 00:06:08,019 --> 00:06:09,499 I mean, goodness, 172 00:06:09,543 --> 00:06:11,545 have I ever made any decisions my whole life? 173 00:06:11,588 --> 00:06:14,112 Are we all just living inside the mind of a giant? 174 00:06:14,156 --> 00:06:16,593 All right, good job, buddy. Really good. Thanks. 175 00:06:16,637 --> 00:06:19,029 You know, if I may be so bold... 176 00:06:19,074 --> 00:06:20,466 Oh, please. Winston, have a seat. 177 00:06:20,509 --> 00:06:22,033 I was literally about to give advice. 178 00:06:22,076 --> 00:06:23,644 She already heard one cautionary tale tonight, 179 00:06:23,687 --> 00:06:24,687 she does not need to hear another. 180 00:06:24,731 --> 00:06:27,255 What she needs to hear is my story. 181 00:06:27,298 --> 00:06:31,302 A story of hard choices. A story of paths taken. 182 00:06:31,346 --> 00:06:34,610 A story that I like to call, "Kablamo McYeah, Bro!" 183 00:06:34,654 --> 00:06:36,874 Ah, you stupid... 184 00:06:36,918 --> 00:06:38,572 The title has nothing to do with the story, but you need a hook. 185 00:06:38,615 --> 00:06:40,574 It all began back... 186 00:06:40,617 --> 00:06:42,009 JESS: Come on, Schmidt! 187 00:06:42,052 --> 00:06:43,706 What? Only one story 188 00:06:43,750 --> 00:06:45,579 in the whole wide world can begin in a hospital? 189 00:06:45,622 --> 00:06:46,884 I volunteered a lot in college. 190 00:06:46,927 --> 00:06:50,670 But I shone brightest as a candy striper. 191 00:06:50,713 --> 00:06:52,019 Sick people wanted me. 192 00:06:52,062 --> 00:06:54,500 Dying people wanted to be me. 193 00:06:54,543 --> 00:06:56,327 I was the total candy-striping package. 194 00:06:56,372 --> 00:06:57,807 And yet I remained invisible 195 00:06:57,851 --> 00:06:59,680 to the one whose gaze I desired the most. 196 00:06:59,723 --> 00:07:01,463 NICK: Invisible? You were like 197 00:07:01,507 --> 00:07:03,596 a 300-pound wall of peppermint bark. 198 00:07:03,639 --> 00:07:05,336 SCHMIDT: Her badge said "RN" for registered nurse, 199 00:07:05,380 --> 00:07:07,730 but as far as I was concerned, it said "NILTH," 200 00:07:07,774 --> 00:07:09,733 "Nurse I'd Like To Hug." 201 00:07:09,776 --> 00:07:12,432 Not even the baggiest of scrubs could hide her splendid form. 202 00:07:15,696 --> 00:07:16,957 Where's a guy have to volunteer 203 00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:19,481 to get a girl like that, huh? 204 00:07:19,526 --> 00:07:20,526 I don't volunteer. 205 00:07:20,569 --> 00:07:21,745 I'm a man. 206 00:07:21,788 --> 00:07:24,531 I have a job in marketing. 207 00:07:24,574 --> 00:07:28,273 Obviously I was far too fat to work in marketing. 208 00:07:28,317 --> 00:07:30,492 So I got a job any dumb slob could do. 209 00:07:30,536 --> 00:07:32,930 Relax, man, it's your first day. 210 00:07:32,973 --> 00:07:35,542 For a Jewish giant, I had a surprising knack 211 00:07:35,584 --> 00:07:36,891 for selling Christmas trees. 212 00:07:36,933 --> 00:07:38,980 Not only did my wide center of gravity 213 00:07:39,023 --> 00:07:40,547 make me freakishly strong, 214 00:07:40,590 --> 00:07:42,766 but I could also sell like the wind. 215 00:07:42,810 --> 00:07:44,420 Because I understood one fundamental truth. 216 00:07:44,463 --> 00:07:46,987 When you're buying Christmas trees... 217 00:07:47,031 --> 00:07:49,076 you're really buying sex. 218 00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:50,512 Have you always been short? 219 00:07:50,557 --> 00:07:51,687 I've always been fat. 220 00:07:51,731 --> 00:07:54,125 But who cares how God made you? 221 00:07:54,168 --> 00:07:56,519 Don't let him put you in a skin box. 222 00:07:56,562 --> 00:07:58,346 At the end of the day, I'm just a fat guy 223 00:07:58,389 --> 00:08:00,435 standing here in front of a short guy telling him 224 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:03,656 that I think we found his tree. 225 00:08:03,699 --> 00:08:05,528 It wasn't long before I caught the attention of Old Man McCue, 226 00:08:05,572 --> 00:08:08,661 Christmas tree king of Syracuse, 227 00:08:08,704 --> 00:08:10,533 inventor of triple netting. 228 00:08:10,576 --> 00:08:12,970 [gasping] However... 229 00:08:13,014 --> 00:08:16,625 In the words of the late, great Sir Billy Joel... 230 00:08:16,670 --> 00:08:18,540 Billy Joel is definitely alive. 231 00:08:18,584 --> 00:08:20,369 And he's definitely not a knight. 232 00:08:20,411 --> 00:08:21,588 "The good, they do die young." 233 00:08:21,630 --> 00:08:23,153 ♪ As I walk through the valley 234 00:08:23,197 --> 00:08:24,591 ♪ Of the shadow of death 235 00:08:24,634 --> 00:08:25,983 ♪ I take a look at my life 236 00:08:26,026 --> 00:08:27,768 ♪ And realize there's nothin' left ♪ 237 00:08:27,810 --> 00:08:29,377 ♪ 'Cause I've been blastin' 238 00:08:29,420 --> 00:08:30,552 ♪ And laughin' so long 239 00:08:30,596 --> 00:08:32,163 ♪ That even my mama thinks 240 00:08:32,206 --> 00:08:33,860 ♪ That my mind is gone, but... 241 00:08:34,817 --> 00:08:36,471 When you're on your deathbed, 242 00:08:36,515 --> 00:08:39,475 when your life has been lived, 243 00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:41,432 you're never gonna say, 244 00:08:41,476 --> 00:08:44,349 "I wish I'd spent more time with my family." 245 00:08:44,393 --> 00:08:47,570 Because money 246 00:08:47,614 --> 00:08:50,138 and everything it buys, 247 00:08:50,181 --> 00:08:51,922 you can... 248 00:08:51,966 --> 00:08:53,489 take it 249 00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:55,621 with you... 250 00:08:55,664 --> 00:08:57,624 [heart monitor drones] 251 00:09:08,634 --> 00:09:11,158 JESS: Interesting, money. 252 00:09:11,201 --> 00:09:14,249 Actually the museum job pays more than the teaching job. 253 00:09:14,292 --> 00:09:15,990 Wait, the m... [stammers] 254 00:09:16,033 --> 00:09:17,730 Then what the hell are we talking about here, you guys? 255 00:09:17,774 --> 00:09:19,384 Done deal, case closed. 256 00:09:19,427 --> 00:09:21,168 Follow them ducats. 257 00:09:21,211 --> 00:09:22,474 It's not always about the money, Schmidt. 258 00:09:22,518 --> 00:09:23,736 Guys, look, it's almost 6:00. 259 00:09:23,779 --> 00:09:25,652 And Candace is insanely punctual. 260 00:09:25,695 --> 00:09:27,043 You know, one of the best 261 00:09:27,087 --> 00:09:29,655 career choices of the future-- 262 00:09:29,698 --> 00:09:31,482 driveways. 263 00:09:32,875 --> 00:09:35,269 You're welcome. 264 00:09:42,364 --> 00:09:44,408 Jess, the museum job pays more.All right... 265 00:09:44,452 --> 00:09:46,019 The decision has been made for you.No, no, no. 266 00:09:46,062 --> 00:09:47,412 You don't know the difference between more and less. 267 00:09:47,456 --> 00:09:49,500 Don't you?Yes, Schmidt. 268 00:09:49,544 --> 00:09:51,111 All of my decision's have been made for me. 269 00:09:51,154 --> 00:09:52,243 I'm only in sports radio because 270 00:09:52,287 --> 00:09:53,767 I played professional basketball. 271 00:09:53,809 --> 00:09:55,551 I played professional basketball 272 00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:57,683 because somebody put a ball in my crib as a baby. 273 00:09:57,726 --> 00:10:00,076 What if somebody gave Baby Winston a flower? 274 00:10:00,120 --> 00:10:01,470 Then what would I be? 275 00:10:01,513 --> 00:10:03,211 Beekeeper!Hummingbird farmer. 276 00:10:03,254 --> 00:10:04,647 Oh, does water shoot out of the flower? 277 00:10:04,691 --> 00:10:05,735 If so, you'd be a hilarious comedian. 278 00:10:05,778 --> 00:10:06,909 Wait, guys, this is 279 00:10:06,953 --> 00:10:09,565 classic after-6:00 topics. 280 00:10:09,609 --> 00:10:11,087 Look, I... There has to be more to this than money. 281 00:10:11,131 --> 00:10:12,654 I really want to care about what I do. 282 00:10:12,698 --> 00:10:14,744 Don't you ever miss getting your hands dirty 283 00:10:14,788 --> 00:10:17,006 and selling?I've moved up in the world. 284 00:10:17,051 --> 00:10:18,879 I'm not freezing and covered in sap. 285 00:10:18,922 --> 00:10:20,706 I'm making spreadsheets. 286 00:10:20,750 --> 00:10:22,056 It's like Old Man McCue used to say. 287 00:10:22,099 --> 00:10:24,493 The reward is in the destination. 288 00:10:24,536 --> 00:10:25,668 It's not in the journey. 289 00:10:25,711 --> 00:10:27,538 Was he wise or was he senile? 290 00:10:27,582 --> 00:10:30,542 Because he's mixed up a lot of really well-known sayings. 291 00:10:30,586 --> 00:10:32,587 Jess, you're gonna want to listen to me. 292 00:10:32,631 --> 00:10:34,894 Anyone else here named after their career? 293 00:10:34,937 --> 00:10:36,722 [chuckles] 294 00:10:36,765 --> 00:10:38,506 People call you Markety? 295 00:10:38,549 --> 00:10:40,116 [quietly]: Not yet. 296 00:10:40,161 --> 00:10:42,076 That's too bad 'cause that's awesome. 297 00:10:42,119 --> 00:10:44,164 No, no, no, no, no, no, no! 298 00:10:44,207 --> 00:10:45,731 Hands up, Ulvis! 299 00:10:45,774 --> 00:10:47,908 Ball screen, Vlad, come on! 300 00:10:47,951 --> 00:10:49,692 There we go, yes! 301 00:10:49,735 --> 00:10:52,129 Bishop, finger out of your nose, now! 302 00:10:52,173 --> 00:10:54,043 Ernie's a really good coach. 303 00:10:54,087 --> 00:10:56,524 Maybe we should call him Coach.We should probably call him... 304 00:10:56,567 --> 00:10:57,700 You do it first. 305 00:10:57,744 --> 00:10:59,615 Uh... Coach.Yeah. 306 00:10:59,658 --> 00:11:01,355 That's a great name! High five! 307 00:11:01,399 --> 00:11:02,312 Yeah! 308 00:11:02,356 --> 00:11:04,706 I think you see what I mean. 309 00:11:04,750 --> 00:11:05,751 No, I do... I really don't. 310 00:11:05,794 --> 00:11:06,796 My point is 311 00:11:06,840 --> 00:11:08,101 don't overthink it, Jess. 312 00:11:08,144 --> 00:11:10,495 The call's coming from inside the house. 313 00:11:10,538 --> 00:11:11,758 What? 314 00:11:11,801 --> 00:11:12,715 Be who you are. 315 00:11:12,759 --> 00:11:14,063 And do what you do. 316 00:11:14,107 --> 00:11:15,413 What if I don't know who I am? 317 00:11:15,456 --> 00:11:16,719 And you know, I'm capable of doing 318 00:11:16,763 --> 00:11:17,937 a lot of different things. 319 00:11:17,980 --> 00:11:19,113 Then you are on your own. 320 00:11:19,155 --> 00:11:20,331 Good stuff, Coach. 321 00:11:20,375 --> 00:11:21,592 Jess, would it help to think 322 00:11:21,636 --> 00:11:23,769 about your first day as a teacher? 323 00:11:23,812 --> 00:11:25,119 Like, I think about the first time I ever poured a drink... 324 00:11:25,162 --> 00:11:26,729 Boo, get off the stage!Aw, man. 325 00:11:26,773 --> 00:11:27,860 Nick!Dude, stop. 326 00:11:27,903 --> 00:11:28,817 No, that's interesting. 327 00:11:28,861 --> 00:11:30,820 The first day I ever taught. 328 00:11:30,864 --> 00:11:33,735 Portland Country Day. 329 00:11:33,779 --> 00:11:35,563 Five-team Pacific Northwest squash champions. 330 00:11:35,606 --> 00:11:38,653 Go, Rhododendrons! 331 00:11:38,697 --> 00:11:41,744 Now, if I was chalk, where would I be? 332 00:11:41,788 --> 00:11:43,789 If I werechalk, where would I be? 333 00:11:43,832 --> 00:11:45,966 Slip up like that in front of the kids, Day, 334 00:11:46,009 --> 00:11:47,445 and they'll eat you alive. 335 00:11:47,489 --> 00:11:49,709 [gasps] 336 00:11:51,014 --> 00:11:54,408 Eddie Pascucci kicked my ass because I'm new. 337 00:11:54,451 --> 00:11:55,889 Well, guess what? 338 00:11:55,932 --> 00:11:57,368 I'm new, too. 339 00:11:57,412 --> 00:11:59,326 I got lost trying to find 340 00:11:59,370 --> 00:12:00,763 the upper dining garden. 341 00:12:00,807 --> 00:12:02,024 Oh, that's over by the hedge maze 342 00:12:02,068 --> 00:12:03,852 and the stables. 343 00:12:03,897 --> 00:12:06,638 I haven't even met my horse yet. [laughs] 344 00:12:06,682 --> 00:12:08,205 Come on, let's get you cleaned up. 345 00:12:08,249 --> 00:12:10,773 All of these jackets have cash in the pockets. 346 00:12:10,817 --> 00:12:13,384 It's like a $50,000 lost and found. 347 00:12:13,427 --> 00:12:14,995 Here, try this one. 348 00:12:15,038 --> 00:12:16,648 Yup. 349 00:12:16,692 --> 00:12:18,041 You look great, Clifton. 350 00:12:18,085 --> 00:12:19,042 This doesn't fit! 351 00:12:19,086 --> 00:12:21,870 Eddie Pascucci beats up the unstylish! 352 00:12:21,914 --> 00:12:23,003 Yeah, that's right. 353 00:12:23,046 --> 00:12:24,831 We had an ethnic, gay bully. 354 00:12:26,745 --> 00:12:29,705 [cracks knuckles]He's gonna have to come through me first. 355 00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:30,793 Clifton Collins really just needed 356 00:12:30,836 --> 00:12:32,229 someone to believe in him. 357 00:12:32,273 --> 00:12:34,014 So I started tutoring him in math, 358 00:12:34,057 --> 00:12:36,711 and he became the best math student in school. 359 00:12:36,755 --> 00:12:38,278 So, let's look him up and see 360 00:12:38,322 --> 00:12:39,802 how happy and successful and amazing he's doing. 361 00:12:39,846 --> 00:12:41,020 Yeah!Because I think that'll 362 00:12:41,063 --> 00:12:42,065 really fire you up. 363 00:12:44,327 --> 00:12:46,982 All right, there's no trace of him. 364 00:12:47,027 --> 00:12:48,724 What?I'm really, I'm really good at this. 365 00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:50,290 Just...I'm good at it, let me see. 366 00:12:50,334 --> 00:12:51,945 You found him. He's right here.No, I didn't. 367 00:12:51,988 --> 00:12:53,903 Here's Clifton, wow.It's not a... 368 00:12:53,947 --> 00:12:55,077 Yeah, he's right there. That's Clifton.Oh, yeah. 369 00:12:55,121 --> 00:12:56,384 We're not the only ones looking for him. 370 00:12:56,427 --> 00:12:57,427 So's the FBI. 371 00:12:57,471 --> 00:12:58,602 What? 372 00:12:58,647 --> 00:12:59,865 Yeah, he's a criminal.No. 373 00:12:59,908 --> 00:13:01,519 Oh, my God. 374 00:13:01,562 --> 00:13:04,609 Clifton "Baby Madoff" Collins? 375 00:13:04,653 --> 00:13:05,653 Wanted for 53... 376 00:13:05,697 --> 00:13:06,610 [groans] 377 00:13:06,654 --> 00:13:09,004 ...counts of embezzlement. 378 00:13:09,048 --> 00:13:10,224 Sounds like the math took. 379 00:13:10,267 --> 00:13:12,182 [groans] Screw me. 380 00:13:12,225 --> 00:13:13,923 Like, I... 381 00:13:13,966 --> 00:13:16,664 Maybe I wasn't even reaching the kids at all. 382 00:13:20,495 --> 00:13:22,671 Okay, you know what? 383 00:13:22,713 --> 00:13:24,846 Miller up.Excuse me? 384 00:13:24,890 --> 00:13:27,110 That's just like "fill 'er up," but with "Miller." 385 00:13:27,153 --> 00:13:28,894 Don't.'Cause I'm about to fill you up. 386 00:13:28,937 --> 00:13:30,287 No, that's gross.With my stories. 387 00:13:30,331 --> 00:13:31,854 Oh, please don't.That's disgusting. 388 00:13:31,898 --> 00:13:33,334 What's disgusting about it? 389 00:13:33,376 --> 00:13:35,118 My first year of law school, 390 00:13:35,162 --> 00:13:37,076 I made an important discovery. 391 00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:39,034 MAN: Look left. Look right. 392 00:13:39,078 --> 00:13:40,907 Next year, one of you will be gone. 393 00:13:40,950 --> 00:13:43,169 What a cliché, huh? 394 00:13:44,084 --> 00:13:46,302 Oh, you wrote that down. 395 00:13:49,131 --> 00:13:51,264 You'll be gone. I'm not going anywhere. 396 00:13:51,307 --> 00:13:53,005 I'm gonna be fine. I'm gonna be right here. 397 00:13:53,048 --> 00:13:54,921 Take it easy, guy to my right. 398 00:13:54,963 --> 00:13:56,356 I discovered that I hated 399 00:13:56,399 --> 00:13:58,880 being around these people. 400 00:13:58,924 --> 00:14:00,927 But second year, I made another discovery. 401 00:14:00,970 --> 00:14:02,667 I hated being around myself. 402 00:14:02,711 --> 00:14:04,059 So my third year, 403 00:14:04,104 --> 00:14:06,062 I wanted to find a place where I belonged. 404 00:14:06,105 --> 00:14:07,759 Where I could look to my left 405 00:14:07,802 --> 00:14:09,109 or look to my right and like what I saw. 406 00:14:09,152 --> 00:14:10,674 SCHMIDT: Love you in that scarf. 407 00:14:10,719 --> 00:14:11,807 Why don't you wear scarves anymore? 408 00:14:11,850 --> 00:14:13,025 That place? 409 00:14:13,068 --> 00:14:14,027 Perhaps you guessed it: 410 00:14:14,070 --> 00:14:15,592 this very bar. 411 00:14:15,636 --> 00:14:17,029 WINSTON: Get out of town. 412 00:14:17,072 --> 00:14:18,552 What a twist. 413 00:14:18,596 --> 00:14:20,816 [music playing in background] 414 00:14:22,121 --> 00:14:23,340 JESS: How long has that guy been there? 415 00:14:23,384 --> 00:14:24,775 NICK: Kevin-97? 416 00:14:24,820 --> 00:14:25,908 Since 1997, Jess. 417 00:14:25,951 --> 00:14:27,301 Why else do you think we would call him... 418 00:14:27,344 --> 00:14:29,085 I don't know. Move it along, Miller. 419 00:14:29,129 --> 00:14:31,130 True, I wasn't loving law school, 420 00:14:31,173 --> 00:14:33,524 but my grades were fine and I even signed up 421 00:14:33,567 --> 00:14:35,177 for the California State Bar. 422 00:14:35,221 --> 00:14:37,745 And then, one day... 423 00:14:37,788 --> 00:14:39,616 Red over-served himself 424 00:14:39,661 --> 00:14:41,489 and everything changed. 425 00:14:41,532 --> 00:14:43,186 JESS: So you went behind the bar, 426 00:14:43,230 --> 00:14:45,014 quit law school, you became a bartender... 427 00:14:45,057 --> 00:14:46,711 There's more to it than that. 428 00:14:46,754 --> 00:14:48,975 Two minutes!Oh, my God. I honestly don't know what to do. 429 00:14:49,018 --> 00:14:50,105 I have so little time. 430 00:14:50,149 --> 00:14:51,106 Hey. 431 00:14:51,150 --> 00:14:52,629 JESS: Cece! 432 00:14:52,673 --> 00:14:54,110 Have you ever questioned your entire career? 433 00:14:54,153 --> 00:14:56,547 Duh, I'm a 31-year-old model. 434 00:14:56,591 --> 00:14:58,635 My last job was for a phone sex ad, 435 00:14:58,679 --> 00:14:59,942 and I was the one calling. 436 00:14:59,985 --> 00:15:01,812 Tell me what to do. And don't tell me 437 00:15:01,856 --> 00:15:03,379 to ask the guys, because I already tried that. 438 00:15:03,423 --> 00:15:04,816 And also, don't tell me 439 00:15:04,860 --> 00:15:06,296 to think about my first student, Clifton. 440 00:15:06,340 --> 00:15:07,210 Okay, no, wait. 441 00:15:07,254 --> 00:15:08,211 Your first student 442 00:15:08,254 --> 00:15:09,429 was not Clifton. 443 00:15:09,472 --> 00:15:11,866 [phone ringing] 444 00:15:15,130 --> 00:15:16,916 Lady, she's still got one minute. 445 00:15:19,614 --> 00:15:21,224 That was a butt dial from your mother. 446 00:15:21,268 --> 00:15:23,792 She is up to no good. 447 00:15:27,621 --> 00:15:30,015 Cece, bring it fast and bring it hard. You have 53 seconds. 448 00:15:32,495 --> 00:15:35,063 [sighs] 449 00:15:35,107 --> 00:15:36,022 You okay? 450 00:15:36,065 --> 00:15:37,893 Yes. 451 00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:39,241 No. 452 00:15:39,286 --> 00:15:40,200 I think I need glasses, 453 00:15:40,243 --> 00:15:41,201 unless crying makes 454 00:15:41,244 --> 00:15:42,375 your eyes not work. 455 00:15:42,418 --> 00:15:43,985 I can't read this, 456 00:15:44,029 --> 00:15:46,379 but even when I can, I don't understand it. 457 00:15:46,423 --> 00:15:47,990 Crying makes your eyes work better. 458 00:15:48,033 --> 00:15:49,687 After I finished Sophie's Choice, 459 00:15:49,730 --> 00:15:51,907 I could see in the dark for a week. 460 00:15:54,431 --> 00:15:56,606 Here's what I do when I lose mine. 461 00:15:59,480 --> 00:16:00,784 Ooh, this is interesting. 462 00:16:00,828 --> 00:16:02,048 Get in here. 463 00:16:02,091 --> 00:16:03,048 We'll learn it together. 464 00:16:03,091 --> 00:16:04,572 But everyone'll laugh at us. 465 00:16:04,615 --> 00:16:05,659 They can drive it or milk it 466 00:16:05,702 --> 00:16:06,922 as far as I'm concerned. 467 00:16:07,749 --> 00:16:09,184 I don't know what that means. 468 00:16:09,229 --> 00:16:10,839 I heard my dad say it. 469 00:16:15,061 --> 00:16:16,322 My dad just died. 470 00:16:18,106 --> 00:16:21,806 Well, if you want to come over and 471 00:16:21,850 --> 00:16:23,243 listen to mine say, "They can drive it 472 00:16:23,286 --> 00:16:25,158 or milk it..." you can. 473 00:16:25,201 --> 00:16:26,811 He's also got one 474 00:16:26,855 --> 00:16:29,030 about the turds at City Hall. 475 00:16:29,075 --> 00:16:30,859 Thanks. 476 00:16:34,471 --> 00:16:37,169 [both giggling] 477 00:16:38,649 --> 00:16:39,955 [giggles] 478 00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:41,303 I'm Cece. 479 00:16:41,347 --> 00:16:42,261 Jess. 480 00:16:42,304 --> 00:16:43,653 [both giggle] 481 00:16:43,697 --> 00:16:46,265 I was your first student. 482 00:16:46,308 --> 00:16:47,745 [phone ringing] 483 00:16:50,096 --> 00:16:52,446 Oh... 484 00:16:53,794 --> 00:16:55,317 Hey, Candace. 485 00:16:55,361 --> 00:16:57,145 Um, yeah. 486 00:16:57,190 --> 00:16:58,408 Actually... 487 00:16:58,451 --> 00:17:00,541 I'm not gonna take the job. 488 00:17:01,976 --> 00:17:03,196 Yeah, I'll see you Sunday. 489 00:17:03,239 --> 00:17:05,327 Okay. Bye. 490 00:17:05,372 --> 00:17:06,112 All right! Yeah! 491 00:17:06,154 --> 00:17:07,329 [whoops] Thanks, guys. 492 00:17:07,374 --> 00:17:08,679 WINSTON: Yes! 493 00:17:08,722 --> 00:17:10,942 Thanks, guys. Yeah.[laughs] 494 00:17:10,986 --> 00:17:13,249 You did it.Good stuff. 495 00:17:13,292 --> 00:17:16,122 Hey. She did it. 496 00:17:16,164 --> 00:17:18,079 You made the right call, Jess. What's wrong? 497 00:17:18,124 --> 00:17:18,993 I think you're right. 498 00:17:19,038 --> 00:17:20,082 I made the right decision. 499 00:17:22,388 --> 00:17:25,347 Look, I know it's hard... 500 00:17:25,392 --> 00:17:26,958 but the hard is what... 501 00:17:27,001 --> 00:17:28,351 makes it good. 502 00:17:28,394 --> 00:17:30,266 Um... Is that from 503 00:17:30,309 --> 00:17:32,094 A League of Their Own? A League of Their Own. 504 00:17:32,137 --> 00:17:34,356 Yes, of course. All my quotes are from sports movies. 505 00:17:34,401 --> 00:17:35,705 You guys don't know them and so they seem original. 506 00:17:35,750 --> 00:17:36,968 A League of Their Own 507 00:17:37,011 --> 00:17:38,273 is not a sports movie. 508 00:17:38,317 --> 00:17:39,231 It's a sports movie, first and foremost. 509 00:17:39,275 --> 00:17:41,103 It's about sisterhood. 510 00:17:41,146 --> 00:17:42,757 And the war. Yeah, absolutely. 511 00:17:42,799 --> 00:17:44,237 It's about a baseball team grinding it up. 512 00:17:44,279 --> 00:17:47,892 ♪ This used to be my playground... ♪ 513 00:17:47,935 --> 00:17:49,154 Coming right up. 514 00:17:49,198 --> 00:17:50,721 His sister really worries 515 00:17:50,765 --> 00:17:52,332 about his drinking, so what I do is 516 00:17:52,375 --> 00:17:53,681 I come in early 517 00:17:53,723 --> 00:17:55,769 and I soak a teabag until the water turns brown 518 00:17:55,813 --> 00:17:57,728 and looks like booze. 519 00:17:57,771 --> 00:17:59,208 I call it tea-water. 520 00:17:59,251 --> 00:18:02,037 So... tea. 521 00:18:02,080 --> 00:18:03,343 I will take 522 00:18:03,385 --> 00:18:05,474 a big old glass of booze-water. 523 00:18:05,519 --> 00:18:07,390 Got an antacid commercial tomorrow 524 00:18:07,433 --> 00:18:09,305 Oof.and I'm playing day-old curry. 525 00:18:09,348 --> 00:18:11,351 Or you can bartend. 526 00:18:11,394 --> 00:18:14,048 You can bartend till you're 90 years old. 527 00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:15,484 Why don't you fire this 528 00:18:15,528 --> 00:18:16,834 down to Kevin-97? 529 00:18:16,877 --> 00:18:19,228 [cracks knuckles, sighs] 530 00:18:21,535 --> 00:18:23,405 JESS: Oh, no. 531 00:18:24,667 --> 00:18:26,234 We're gonna work on that. 532 00:18:26,278 --> 00:18:27,192 Good morning, everybody. 533 00:18:27,236 --> 00:18:29,804 Welcome to Alge-Bio-Civics. 534 00:18:29,846 --> 00:18:31,153 Turn in your equations, 535 00:18:31,196 --> 00:18:32,807 and you will get a frog. 536 00:18:32,849 --> 00:18:34,242 Dissect carefully, 537 00:18:34,287 --> 00:18:35,288 because inside the frog 538 00:18:35,330 --> 00:18:37,289 is the name of the city council member 539 00:18:37,333 --> 00:18:38,769 who you will be e-mailing 540 00:18:38,813 --> 00:18:39,943 to restart construction. 541 00:18:39,988 --> 00:18:41,336 Ms. Day? Yes. 542 00:18:41,381 --> 00:18:43,383 I thought this was gonna be a disaster. 543 00:18:43,425 --> 00:18:45,166 But thanks to you, I can go 544 00:18:45,211 --> 00:18:47,386 upstairs to the big boys 545 00:18:47,430 --> 00:18:51,217 and tell them they can always depend... 546 00:18:51,259 --> 00:18:53,958 on Dr. Alan Foster. 547 00:18:54,001 --> 00:18:56,526 Yeah. 548 00:18:56,569 --> 00:18:57,961 Please take his job, 549 00:18:58,006 --> 00:18:59,268 I'm begging you. 550 00:18:59,311 --> 00:19:00,355 I'd do it myself, 551 00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:02,053 but I'd never pass the psych test. 552 00:19:02,096 --> 00:19:03,881 JESS: So I figure... 553 00:19:03,924 --> 00:19:05,404 if Foster can be a principal, 554 00:19:05,448 --> 00:19:07,189 then why can't I be a principal? 555 00:19:07,232 --> 00:19:08,843 That's great. I don't see why not. That's awesome. 556 00:19:08,885 --> 00:19:10,236 Thank you.Then you could take me 557 00:19:10,278 --> 00:19:12,019 to the principal's office and punish me 558 00:19:12,063 --> 00:19:14,326 for being tardy, and... You know we're right here, right? 559 00:19:14,369 --> 00:19:15,458 Just lift up my britches and... 560 00:19:15,501 --> 00:19:16,851 We'll talk about it later.Okay. 561 00:19:16,894 --> 00:19:18,113 Very nice.We'll do it in my office. 562 00:19:18,156 --> 00:19:19,201 After I fill up my juice box. 563 00:19:19,244 --> 00:19:20,636 [giggles] 564 00:19:20,681 --> 00:19:22,464 So, guys, just quit my job today. 565 00:19:22,509 --> 00:19:24,336 Whoa, big decision.Oh, man! What? 566 00:19:24,380 --> 00:19:25,555 I just finally said to myself, 567 00:19:25,598 --> 00:19:27,209 "It is time to make your own decisions." 568 00:19:27,252 --> 00:19:28,818 Right on. Yeah. 569 00:19:28,863 --> 00:19:29,777 If it doesn't work out, I'm sure they'd 570 00:19:29,819 --> 00:19:31,212 be happy to have you back. 571 00:19:31,257 --> 00:19:33,127 They would... they would not like to have me back. 572 00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:35,086 I burned a lot of bridges today.Mmm. 573 00:19:35,130 --> 00:19:36,653 Uh, stuff got weird. Stuff got... racial. 574 00:19:36,697 --> 00:19:38,438 What?I used a lot of swear words. 575 00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:40,134 Then I got sexual... 576 00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:42,442 Well, sounds like you need a drink. On the house. 577 00:19:42,484 --> 00:19:45,096 What can I get you?Ooh... Let me get a, let me get a... 578 00:19:45,140 --> 00:19:46,358 We have everything. What would you like to drink? 579 00:19:46,402 --> 00:19:48,098 But you know, I'll make the decision. 580 00:19:48,143 --> 00:19:49,362 Let me get... 581 00:19:49,404 --> 00:19:51,406 Double amaretto, extra cherries!Double amaretto, 582 00:19:51,451 --> 00:19:53,365 extra cherries! That's what I was gonna say. 583 00:19:53,409 --> 00:19:54,801 Nice. 584 00:19:54,845 --> 00:19:57,152 JESS: Oh, dear.SCHMIDT: Oh, my goodness! 585 00:19:57,195 --> 00:19:59,285 My first shift, you know? I'm still working on it. 586 00:19:59,327 --> 00:20:01,155 She's getting better.SCHMIDT: That was great. 587 00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:02,635 COACH: That was awesome.SCHMIDT: Yeah. A natural. 588 00:20:02,679 --> 00:20:04,159 ["Clavado En Un Bar" begins playing] 589 00:20:04,202 --> 00:20:06,465 Hey. Hey. 590 00:20:06,509 --> 00:20:08,423 Sorry I didn't let you finish your story. 591 00:20:12,471 --> 00:20:13,429 What's this? 592 00:20:13,472 --> 00:20:14,996 The end of my story. 593 00:20:17,477 --> 00:20:19,653 No way! 594 00:20:20,653 --> 00:20:22,481 You passed the bar exam? 595 00:20:22,525 --> 00:20:25,484 I wanted to prove to myself 596 00:20:25,528 --> 00:20:26,747 that I dropped out of law school 597 00:20:26,789 --> 00:20:28,269 because I wanted to be a bartender, 598 00:20:28,314 --> 00:20:30,490 not because I couldn't be a lawyer. 599 00:20:30,532 --> 00:20:32,448 This also says "spaghetti sandwich."That's just 'cause 600 00:20:32,491 --> 00:20:34,667 it's a great idea. When I have a great idea, I write it down. 601 00:20:34,711 --> 00:20:36,625 The point is... 602 00:20:36,670 --> 00:20:38,192 is I want this. 603 00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:39,499 You know, it makes me happy. 604 00:20:39,541 --> 00:20:41,544 Well, here. 605 00:20:41,587 --> 00:20:43,763 Now, can I get you a drink? 606 00:20:43,807 --> 00:20:46,332 Sure. Sure. 607 00:20:48,769 --> 00:20:51,380 ♪ Abre un poco el corazón♪ 608 00:20:51,423 --> 00:20:53,163 ♪ Deja amarte corazón♪Cheers. To unemployment. 609 00:20:53,208 --> 00:20:54,775 Absolutely.Exactly. 610 00:20:54,817 --> 00:20:59,910 ♪ Ven y sácame de este bar♪ 611 00:21:00,998 --> 00:21:03,435 ♪ Estoy clavado♪ 612 00:21:03,479 --> 00:21:06,221 ♪ Estoy herido♪ 613 00:21:08,483 --> 00:21:12,401 ♪ Estoy ahogado en un bar♪ 614 00:21:13,576 --> 00:21:15,448 ♪ Desesperado♪ 615 00:21:15,490 --> 00:21:17,101 ♪ En el olvido amor...♪ 616 00:21:17,144 --> 00:21:19,538 I see you're looking at a Douglas fir. 617 00:21:19,582 --> 00:21:21,323 It's a beautiful tree. 618 00:21:21,366 --> 00:21:22,932 We move a ton of these Dougie firs. Love them. 619 00:21:22,977 --> 00:21:24,369 But... 620 00:21:24,413 --> 00:21:26,588 I feel like you're ready for the spruce lifestyle. 621 00:21:26,633 --> 00:21:28,329 Let's spruce this up. 622 00:21:28,374 --> 00:21:29,983 Let me put you in a spruce today. 623 00:21:30,027 --> 00:21:31,463 What kind of ceilings you got at home? Vaulted? Cathedral? 624 00:21:31,507 --> 00:21:32,813 By the way, there's no wrong answer. 625 00:21:32,855 --> 00:21:34,249 You look like a confident man, you know that? 626 00:21:34,292 --> 00:21:36,903 You deserve a confident tree... 627 00:21:36,947 --> 00:21:40,951 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org