1 00:00:01,768 --> 00:00:03,471 (phone chimes) Oh. 2 00:00:03,504 --> 00:00:05,538 It's Coach. Coach, our old roommate? 3 00:00:05,573 --> 00:00:06,974 WINSTON: Oh, yeah? He wants to hang out tonight. 4 00:00:07,006 --> 00:00:08,509 What? Shut up! He just texted me. 5 00:00:08,541 --> 00:00:11,144 Oh, man, you better give Power of Attorney to a loved one, 6 00:00:11,179 --> 00:00:12,512 'cause it's about to get crazy. 7 00:00:12,545 --> 00:00:15,048 When Coach has the dice, every roll's a seven. 8 00:00:15,083 --> 00:00:17,016 * Here I am 9 00:00:17,050 --> 00:00:20,588 * Rock you like a hurricane... 10 00:00:20,620 --> 00:00:22,356 Nick, trumpet solo. 11 00:00:22,390 --> 00:00:23,856 Yeah! 12 00:00:23,890 --> 00:00:26,227 MAN: You're ruining my wedding. * Here I am... 13 00:00:26,260 --> 00:00:28,262 You know, I bet this means he broke up with Malia. 14 00:00:28,295 --> 00:00:29,530 I mean, that's his thing. 15 00:00:29,562 --> 00:00:30,864 He finds a girl, he just disappears. 16 00:00:30,897 --> 00:00:33,167 Holy crap in a hat! Schmidt! 17 00:00:33,201 --> 00:00:34,268 How long have you been out there? 18 00:00:34,301 --> 00:00:35,268 Oh, relax. Just bringing my chimes 19 00:00:35,302 --> 00:00:37,003 over to the new loft. 20 00:00:37,036 --> 00:00:39,939 Damn it, Schmidt! You're here all the time taking our stuff. 21 00:00:39,972 --> 00:00:42,109 You decided to move out, so get new stuff. 22 00:00:42,143 --> 00:00:44,844 Oh, I'm sorry that I'm more into material possessions than you. (phone chimes) 23 00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:47,180 Schmidt, you stole my toothpaste while I was using it. 24 00:00:47,215 --> 00:00:48,348 That's vindictive. 25 00:00:48,381 --> 00:00:49,616 That's who took the toothpaste? Yeah. 26 00:00:49,649 --> 00:00:51,685 Uh-oh, you better watch out, break of, break of dawn, 27 00:00:51,719 --> 00:00:54,054 because I'm about to party all up in you! 28 00:00:54,088 --> 00:00:55,456 Coach texted you, too? Yeah, man. 29 00:00:55,488 --> 00:00:57,091 Well, I guess he doesn't realize you're a dill weed 30 00:00:57,125 --> 00:00:58,292 who doesn't live here anymore. 31 00:00:58,326 --> 00:00:59,792 Well, I guess he doesn't realize 32 00:00:59,826 --> 00:01:01,362 that you're a dill weed who... 33 00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:02,762 who still lives here. 34 00:01:02,795 --> 00:01:05,432 Remember when you got those chimes, and there was that girl? 35 00:01:05,465 --> 00:01:07,067 Yeah. 36 00:01:07,100 --> 00:01:08,201 What's happening? 37 00:01:08,236 --> 00:01:09,403 I don't know. I don't get it. 38 00:01:09,436 --> 00:01:11,070 I had so much sex on patio furniture. 39 00:01:11,105 --> 00:01:12,239 A lot of fun. The best. 40 00:01:12,272 --> 00:01:14,242 I'm still mad at you. I'm mad at you, man! 41 00:01:15,942 --> 00:01:18,111 I need everyone to shut up 42 00:01:18,146 --> 00:01:21,581 and answer one... simple... question! 43 00:01:22,349 --> 00:01:25,453 You sons a bitches ready to party? 44 00:01:25,486 --> 00:01:27,221 Yeah! Yeah! Yeah. Yeah. 45 00:01:27,254 --> 00:01:28,822 * Who's that girl? 46 00:01:28,855 --> 00:01:30,123 * Who's that girl? * 47 00:01:30,158 --> 00:01:31,492 * Who's that girl? 48 00:01:31,525 --> 00:01:33,760 * Who's that girl? * * It's Jess. 49 00:01:33,793 --> 00:01:35,962 Good to have you back, old man. 50 00:01:35,996 --> 00:01:37,897 So, what, uh, you and Malia broke up? 51 00:01:37,930 --> 00:01:41,134 Oh, yeah. She got real fat on me, so I was, like, "Ew. Bye." 52 00:01:41,168 --> 00:01:43,603 I guess her gain is our gain! 53 00:01:43,637 --> 00:01:44,771 (laughs) Who are you? 54 00:01:45,938 --> 00:01:47,007 Hey, come... come on, man. 55 00:01:47,039 --> 00:01:48,075 But it's me, Jess. Come... It's Jess. 56 00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:49,576 Ah, yeah, no. 57 00:01:49,609 --> 00:01:50,978 We lived together for, like, two weeks. 58 00:01:51,010 --> 00:01:52,313 We shared some pretty big moments. 59 00:01:52,346 --> 00:01:53,914 Yes! We got Bin Laden! 60 00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:56,082 SEAL Team 6, bitches! Yeah! 61 00:01:56,115 --> 00:01:57,585 BOTH: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! 62 00:01:57,617 --> 00:02:00,787 Huh. I thought I was alone for that. 63 00:02:00,820 --> 00:02:02,088 You weren't. Anyway, 64 00:02:02,121 --> 00:02:05,358 I'm single, and me and my boys are gonna get crazy tonight! 65 00:02:05,393 --> 00:02:06,426 Huh? 66 00:02:06,459 --> 00:02:09,128 You know what I'm talking about, Shrimp Forks. 67 00:02:09,163 --> 00:02:10,198 SCHMIDT: Oh, man. NICK: Oh, no. 68 00:02:10,230 --> 00:02:11,764 What's Shrimp Forks? 69 00:02:11,799 --> 00:02:14,335 It's a name I gave Winston when we played hoops. 70 00:02:14,367 --> 00:02:15,635 The ball used to always slip 71 00:02:15,669 --> 00:02:17,037 through his little, small girly hands. 72 00:02:17,069 --> 00:02:18,938 Winston Bishop, point guard... 73 00:02:18,972 --> 00:02:20,174 (muttering, grunts) 74 00:02:20,207 --> 00:02:22,776 Winston Bishop, point guard, R... 75 00:02:22,810 --> 00:02:23,776 Point guard, R... 76 00:02:23,811 --> 00:02:26,614 He couldn't palm an apple. Old Shrimp Forks. 77 00:02:26,646 --> 00:02:28,816 So, I'm thinking strip club tonight? 78 00:02:28,848 --> 00:02:30,016 Hmm? JESS: Oh, fun, fun! 79 00:02:30,050 --> 00:02:31,718 Fun! Fun! Fun! 80 00:02:31,752 --> 00:02:34,487 Uh, Nick, can I talk to you in the other room alone for a sec? 81 00:02:34,521 --> 00:02:38,125 Should I close the door, or do you want to just do it quietly? 82 00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:39,293 We're not having sex, Nick. 83 00:02:39,326 --> 00:02:40,527 No, I know that. 84 00:02:40,561 --> 00:02:42,128 You wanted to come here and talk. Yeah. 85 00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:44,397 A strip club on a Tuesday night? 86 00:02:44,432 --> 00:02:46,500 No, I know, I know, but this is just what we always used to do. 87 00:02:46,533 --> 00:02:48,134 I don't want to be one of those girls, 88 00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:50,237 but I feel kind of uncomfortable about it. 89 00:02:50,271 --> 00:02:52,406 I totally get it. Let's go, Nick. 90 00:02:52,439 --> 00:02:54,140 These dollar bills aren't gonna stick themselves in a thong. 91 00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:55,742 I'm coming, my man. 92 00:02:55,776 --> 00:02:57,009 Right on. 93 00:02:57,043 --> 00:02:58,878 I might... I might be coming, my man. 94 00:02:58,912 --> 00:03:00,848 Oh, I get it. You're whipped. 95 00:03:00,881 --> 00:03:03,484 No, I'm not. I know you had to check in with your girlfriend. 96 00:03:03,516 --> 00:03:05,718 We haven't even discussed the girlfriend-boyfriend thing. 97 00:03:05,752 --> 00:03:07,020 Oh, cool, man. Let's go. 98 00:03:07,054 --> 00:03:09,188 (chuckles) (gasps) What? 99 00:03:09,956 --> 00:03:11,191 (scoffs) 100 00:03:11,224 --> 00:03:12,560 What a... 101 00:03:12,592 --> 00:03:14,861 I'm sorry, what did I just hear? What I... 102 00:03:14,895 --> 00:03:16,195 All I said was we haven't had 103 00:03:16,229 --> 00:03:18,064 the girlfriend-boyfriend discussion, which we haven't. 104 00:03:18,098 --> 00:03:19,165 You don't think you're my boyfriend? 105 00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:20,867 No, I never said that. 106 00:03:20,901 --> 00:03:22,034 I'm just talking terminology. 107 00:03:22,068 --> 00:03:23,503 We've never had the terminology. 108 00:03:23,537 --> 00:03:24,538 We've never had the terminology. What? 109 00:03:24,572 --> 00:03:26,373 We've never used the terminology. 110 00:03:26,407 --> 00:03:27,875 It's funny you act like you're my boyfriend, 111 00:03:27,908 --> 00:03:29,109 you have all the privileges of being my boyfriend. 112 00:03:29,141 --> 00:03:30,510 I enjoy them. 113 00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:31,611 Would like me to revoke those privileges? 114 00:03:31,645 --> 00:03:34,014 No, you're twisting my words. 115 00:03:34,046 --> 00:03:35,182 What I'm saying, Jess, 116 00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:37,050 is we've never had the boyfriend-girlfriend, 117 00:03:37,084 --> 00:03:39,353 seeing other people conversation. 118 00:03:39,387 --> 00:03:41,954 We haven't had the seeing other people conversation? 119 00:03:41,989 --> 00:03:43,723 You're seeing other people? 120 00:03:43,757 --> 00:03:44,858 No, I'm not. Are you? 121 00:03:44,891 --> 00:03:46,593 No. Jess, I'm just... 122 00:03:46,627 --> 00:03:49,530 We haven't had the conversation is all, 123 00:03:49,562 --> 00:03:50,764 and it's a conversation 124 00:03:50,798 --> 00:03:53,634 that I, personally, would love to have. 125 00:03:53,667 --> 00:03:55,302 Uh, dude, let's go; it's gonna close. 126 00:03:55,336 --> 00:03:56,870 Geez, is she not letting you go? 127 00:03:56,903 --> 00:04:00,073 I'm just telling her what kind of cake to bake me, son. 128 00:04:00,106 --> 00:04:01,542 Oh! 129 00:04:01,574 --> 00:04:02,710 Damn! 130 00:04:02,742 --> 00:04:04,812 That's right. All right. 131 00:04:06,112 --> 00:04:07,381 What are you doing?! 132 00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:09,081 I don't know. What are you doing?! 133 00:04:09,115 --> 00:04:10,651 Jess, it's when Coach is here, 134 00:04:10,683 --> 00:04:12,719 I just... No. 135 00:04:12,752 --> 00:04:13,986 Nick! 136 00:04:14,021 --> 00:04:16,757 I'm really sorry. Guess what, Nick? 137 00:04:16,790 --> 00:04:18,492 I'm going out tonight 138 00:04:18,526 --> 00:04:20,226 because we haven't had the boyfriend-girlfriend talk, 139 00:04:20,259 --> 00:04:22,463 and we haven't had the seeing other people talk, 140 00:04:22,495 --> 00:04:25,598 and I'm gonna bake a cake, a pineapple upside down cake. 141 00:04:25,632 --> 00:04:27,935 In terms of the metaphor, I'm really... Okay. Don't! 142 00:04:27,968 --> 00:04:29,069 Go to the strip club, Nick. 143 00:04:29,101 --> 00:04:30,437 Knock yourself out. 144 00:04:30,471 --> 00:04:32,840 Oh, don't wait up, Jebecca. 145 00:04:32,872 --> 00:04:33,906 Yeah, it's Jess. 146 00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:35,007 Right on. 147 00:04:37,877 --> 00:04:39,646 Men suck. 148 00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:41,514 Nick isn't even a man. Mm-mm. 149 00:04:41,548 --> 00:04:43,451 He's like some man-boy, 150 00:04:43,483 --> 00:04:45,353 man-child hybrid. 151 00:04:45,386 --> 00:04:46,620 The other day, I had to tell him 152 00:04:46,653 --> 00:04:48,656 not to pull a dog's tail. 153 00:04:48,689 --> 00:04:50,591 I shouldn't have to do that. 154 00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:52,192 If a guy wants to play games, Jess, 155 00:04:52,225 --> 00:04:54,194 you got to play them right back. 156 00:04:54,226 --> 00:04:55,762 Right, good. Yeah. 157 00:04:55,795 --> 00:04:57,297 What does that mean? 158 00:04:57,331 --> 00:04:59,766 I'd make him jealous. Yeah, right, yeah. 159 00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:01,502 And there are a lot of guys out there 160 00:05:01,535 --> 00:05:02,935 that want to hook up with you. 161 00:05:02,970 --> 00:05:04,271 There is this one guy, Artie, 162 00:05:04,303 --> 00:05:06,206 from the coffee shop who asked me out. 163 00:05:06,238 --> 00:05:07,675 Oh, actually, you have my number. 164 00:05:07,708 --> 00:05:10,310 So give me a call; maybe we can go out sometime. 165 00:05:10,343 --> 00:05:12,480 Shut your face! 166 00:05:12,512 --> 00:05:14,848 You should maybe give this guy, Artie, a call and see... 167 00:05:14,882 --> 00:05:16,149 No, that's too real. 168 00:05:16,182 --> 00:05:17,518 That's just way too real. 169 00:05:17,550 --> 00:05:19,319 Then why do you have his number in your phone? 170 00:05:19,353 --> 00:05:21,053 I just like looking at it; it's not weird. 171 00:05:21,088 --> 00:05:23,223 No. But it has, like... 172 00:05:23,255 --> 00:05:25,625 a lot of fours in it. 173 00:05:25,658 --> 00:05:27,827 You know, you know what I mean? 174 00:05:27,860 --> 00:05:29,730 No, I don't. 175 00:05:30,598 --> 00:05:32,966 (music playing) ANNOUNCER: Lacey! 176 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:35,802 Oh, which one of y'all want a lap dance, 177 00:05:35,836 --> 00:05:36,836 because WB 178 00:05:36,870 --> 00:05:38,137 just hit the ATM. 179 00:05:38,170 --> 00:05:40,340 Oh, hold up. Mm-hmm. 180 00:05:40,374 --> 00:05:41,908 Shrimp Forks, why'd you get so much Bunny Money? 181 00:05:41,942 --> 00:05:42,975 What is Bunny Money? 182 00:05:43,009 --> 00:05:43,911 That is Bunny Money. 183 00:05:43,944 --> 00:05:46,747 That's not real money; look at the bill. 184 00:05:46,779 --> 00:05:48,816 President Rabbit with two big ass jugs. 185 00:05:48,848 --> 00:05:50,718 Damn, man. 186 00:05:50,750 --> 00:05:53,487 It's fine; as long as you didn't take out too much, you're okay. 187 00:05:53,521 --> 00:05:55,423 Hey, Schmidt, I took out $2,000. 188 00:05:55,456 --> 00:05:56,723 (laughter) 189 00:05:56,757 --> 00:05:59,259 You keep making mistakes, Winston. 190 00:05:59,292 --> 00:06:00,994 Oh, isn't this great, guys? 191 00:06:01,028 --> 00:06:02,161 Awesome. Yeah, man, the best. 192 00:06:02,194 --> 00:06:03,697 And it's gonna keep getting better, 193 00:06:03,730 --> 00:06:06,233 because we're not leaving here until the sun comes up. 194 00:06:06,266 --> 00:06:07,166 Whew. 195 00:06:07,199 --> 00:06:08,435 Hey, yo, brick top! 196 00:06:08,468 --> 00:06:10,336 We about to get it popping. 197 00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:11,838 Whistle while you twerk! 198 00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:12,673 (whooping) 199 00:06:12,706 --> 00:06:14,007 That man has so much confidence. 200 00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:15,408 It's amazing. 201 00:06:15,442 --> 00:06:16,677 Until the morning? I can't do this, Schmidt. 202 00:06:16,709 --> 00:06:17,778 I'm so tired. I'm having anxiety here. 203 00:06:17,810 --> 00:06:19,747 I have an 8:00 a.m. presentation; that means 204 00:06:19,779 --> 00:06:21,714 I have to get there at 7:45 to lower everyone's chairs. 205 00:06:21,749 --> 00:06:23,550 Jess hasn't texted me back. I'm starting to freak out. 206 00:06:23,584 --> 00:06:24,685 Here's what I think we should do. 207 00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:26,353 I think you should be the one to just kind of tell him 208 00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:27,754 that we want to leave and that maybe 209 00:06:27,788 --> 00:06:28,788 you want to leave and then we'll all go together. 210 00:06:28,822 --> 00:06:30,891 Why do I have to be the heavy? 211 00:06:30,923 --> 00:06:31,858 All right, fellas! 212 00:06:31,891 --> 00:06:33,694 (laughter) All right, he's back! 213 00:06:33,726 --> 00:06:35,295 So I got dancers for each of us, 214 00:06:35,327 --> 00:06:37,898 plus one floater to play the zone. 215 00:06:37,930 --> 00:06:39,231 Oh, defense! 216 00:06:39,266 --> 00:06:42,034 Yeah! Here's a crazy idea. 217 00:06:42,069 --> 00:06:44,370 Shoot, man. What if we got out of here, 218 00:06:44,403 --> 00:06:46,740 went back to the loft and just hung out? 219 00:06:46,774 --> 00:06:49,209 You're going through a big breakup; let's talk it out, man. 220 00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:50,209 Yeah, yeah, let's just, um, 221 00:06:50,242 --> 00:06:51,812 go home and talk feelings. 222 00:06:51,845 --> 00:06:52,646 No. Mm-mm. 223 00:06:52,680 --> 00:06:54,981 I was with Malia, now I'm not. 224 00:06:55,014 --> 00:06:56,550 There, we talked about it. 225 00:06:56,584 --> 00:06:58,050 Oh, look at the time. 226 00:06:58,084 --> 00:06:59,218 It's butt o'clock. 227 00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:00,620 You whipped. Shut up, Schmidt. 228 00:07:00,653 --> 00:07:01,889 You whipped, straight-up whipped. You whipped. 229 00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:02,923 I'm not whipped. 230 00:07:02,956 --> 00:07:04,290 Whipped like cream cheese. Yeah, you are. 231 00:07:04,324 --> 00:07:05,959 Whipped like cream cheese. Whipped! 232 00:07:05,992 --> 00:07:08,495 So, Cece, I'm thinking of firing off this text to Nick: 233 00:07:08,528 --> 00:07:10,129 "Loving single life." 234 00:07:10,163 --> 00:07:13,065 Should I add a "whoo-hoo" or is that too bitchy? 235 00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:14,901 Look who I called. 236 00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:16,937 Hey, Jess. 237 00:07:17,971 --> 00:07:20,273 Shut your face. 238 00:07:20,307 --> 00:07:21,942 What? 239 00:07:25,144 --> 00:07:27,581 Oh, looks like you could use a new drink. Oh. 240 00:07:27,615 --> 00:07:30,149 (sniffs) Barkeep, can I please get a Shirley Temple 241 00:07:30,182 --> 00:07:34,086 with a finger of coconut rum and a lemon squeeze? 242 00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:36,624 I call it a Temple Grandin because it makes friendly 243 00:07:36,656 --> 00:07:37,990 and compassionate. 244 00:07:38,024 --> 00:07:40,827 (Cece and Artie chuckle) (laughing): I have a boyfriend. 245 00:07:40,860 --> 00:07:42,362 No, she... no, she doesn't. 246 00:07:42,394 --> 00:07:43,764 Yeah, I do. She do. 247 00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:45,432 No. Obviously, this is a bad time, 248 00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:47,600 and, uh, you're involved. 249 00:07:47,634 --> 00:07:48,636 In some shape or other. 250 00:07:48,668 --> 00:07:49,937 No, no, no. She's free as a bird. 251 00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:51,204 (quietly): Cece. All right, 252 00:07:51,237 --> 00:07:52,471 well, he's a very lucky man. 253 00:07:52,505 --> 00:07:54,040 I hope he realizes that. 254 00:07:54,074 --> 00:07:56,108 Oh, don't move. 255 00:07:56,143 --> 00:07:58,110 You've got an eyelash. 256 00:07:58,144 --> 00:07:59,846 There we go. Make a wish. 257 00:07:59,879 --> 00:08:01,949 I'm afraid to. (chuckles) 258 00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:04,050 All right, take care. 259 00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:06,218 Big mistake. 260 00:08:06,252 --> 00:08:07,855 I shook his hand. I had my fun. 261 00:08:07,887 --> 00:08:10,322 Do you think that Nick is in the strip club right now 262 00:08:10,356 --> 00:08:12,324 shaking hands? No. 263 00:08:12,358 --> 00:08:14,326 Because he is a man. 264 00:08:14,360 --> 00:08:15,495 You can't trust them, Jess. 265 00:08:15,528 --> 00:08:17,730 Okay? The moment you let your guard down, 266 00:08:17,764 --> 00:08:20,199 they just walk all over you. 267 00:08:20,233 --> 00:08:22,870 Tonight is the night to beat them at their own game. 268 00:08:24,904 --> 00:08:26,338 Hey, Artie! 269 00:08:26,372 --> 00:08:28,675 Bet you can't lift me! 270 00:08:28,709 --> 00:08:30,677 (music playing, men whooping) 271 00:08:30,711 --> 00:08:32,980 Uh, all sales of Bunny Money are final. 272 00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:36,415 How am I supposed to spend $2,000 on dancers? 273 00:08:36,448 --> 00:08:37,884 Oh, no. Our dancers don't take it. 274 00:08:37,918 --> 00:08:41,053 What? However, uh, Bunny Money is redeemable at the bar, 275 00:08:41,087 --> 00:08:44,323 our gift shop and our sister club in Fort Myers, Florida. 276 00:08:44,356 --> 00:08:45,893 What?! 277 00:08:45,926 --> 00:08:47,059 Body shot. 278 00:08:47,094 --> 00:08:48,928 (Nick chuckles) 279 00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:51,731 You taste delicious, do you know that? 280 00:08:51,764 --> 00:08:52,832 What is that? An aftertaste? 281 00:08:52,865 --> 00:08:54,601 Probably baby formula. Oh... 282 00:08:54,634 --> 00:08:55,602 NICK: Tuesday nights! 283 00:08:55,635 --> 00:08:57,605 Girl, you are a pistol. 284 00:08:57,638 --> 00:08:59,338 (chuckles) I'll tell you what, 285 00:08:59,371 --> 00:09:01,741 how 'bout you and me go back 286 00:09:01,774 --> 00:09:04,211 and I dance on you this time? 287 00:09:04,244 --> 00:09:05,913 (laughter) 288 00:09:05,946 --> 00:09:08,447 Oh, man. 289 00:09:08,480 --> 00:09:09,783 Tuesdays nights. 290 00:09:09,817 --> 00:09:11,619 You know, for a chub, you're a terrible heavy. 291 00:09:11,652 --> 00:09:14,553 Let's just get Coach really drunk until he passes out. 292 00:09:14,587 --> 00:09:16,355 Then we take him home. Shot contest. 293 00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:18,457 Shot contest. Like in Raiders of the Lost Ark, Schmidt. 294 00:09:18,490 --> 00:09:21,794 I'm not ripping a page from that pro-Nazi film. It isn't pro-Nazi. 295 00:09:21,828 --> 00:09:23,797 Of course it is. It might as well be an SS propaganda movie. 296 00:09:23,831 --> 00:09:26,399 No, everybody in a Nazi uniform literally dies. 297 00:09:26,432 --> 00:09:27,868 Yeah, the... When she puts the hand 298 00:09:27,900 --> 00:09:29,903 into the, uh... The heart. 299 00:09:29,937 --> 00:09:32,905 No, not... Well, that happens, too. Nazis. 300 00:09:32,940 --> 00:09:34,707 I don't think that makes you a Nazi. 301 00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:36,543 They ate the monkey brains, and there was all the bugs. 302 00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:38,211 Nazi, Nazi. 303 00:09:38,245 --> 00:09:39,546 Nick's at a strip club, 304 00:09:39,578 --> 00:09:40,648 but he's just being a normal guy 305 00:09:40,681 --> 00:09:41,881 in his 20s that wants 306 00:09:41,914 --> 00:09:43,817 to hang out with other guys in their 20s. 307 00:09:43,850 --> 00:09:45,918 They're all in their 30s. 308 00:09:45,952 --> 00:09:47,220 Hmm. Yeah. 309 00:09:47,254 --> 00:09:48,554 Enough about Nick. 310 00:09:48,587 --> 00:09:49,889 What do you do 311 00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:51,725 when you're not making coffee at the coffee shop? 312 00:09:51,759 --> 00:09:54,394 Well, actually, I own the coffee shop. What? 313 00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:56,096 It's not as glamorous as you may think. 314 00:09:56,129 --> 00:09:57,163 It's a lot of spreadsheets 315 00:09:57,197 --> 00:09:59,832 and jetting off to Brazil at a moment's notice. 316 00:09:59,866 --> 00:10:01,835 Nick's never been to Brazil. 317 00:10:01,869 --> 00:10:03,070 Maybe you should step away. 318 00:10:03,102 --> 00:10:06,840 You know, call Nick up and hash things out. 319 00:10:06,874 --> 00:10:08,140 Hmm-mm, can't call Nick 'cause then he'll know 320 00:10:08,174 --> 00:10:09,142 I'm thinking about him. 321 00:10:09,176 --> 00:10:11,077 Ah. And then he wins. 322 00:10:11,110 --> 00:10:12,479 Maybe you both win. 323 00:10:12,511 --> 00:10:13,846 Say Brazil again. 324 00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:14,981 Brazil. 325 00:10:15,014 --> 00:10:16,349 (chuckles) 326 00:10:17,616 --> 00:10:19,318 Say "rubber baby buggy bumpers." 327 00:10:19,351 --> 00:10:21,120 Rubber baby buggy bumpers. 328 00:10:21,153 --> 00:10:22,755 Oh, my God! 329 00:10:22,789 --> 00:10:24,924 SCHMIDT: Shot contest isn't working. 330 00:10:24,957 --> 00:10:26,426 It's only making him stronger. 331 00:10:26,458 --> 00:10:28,861 (phone rings) It's Jess. 332 00:10:28,895 --> 00:10:31,831 Hey, Jess, I'm so glad you called! 333 00:10:31,865 --> 00:10:33,767 Nick, can I talk to you for a second? 334 00:10:33,801 --> 00:10:36,503 Oh, is that, uh, Notorious N.A.G.? 335 00:10:36,536 --> 00:10:38,270 Hey! Is that Naggie Gyllenhaal? 336 00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:42,609 Hey, I don't need your help checking my woman. 337 00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:44,311 You're checking your woman? 338 00:10:44,344 --> 00:10:45,846 Wait, how did you hear that? 339 00:10:45,879 --> 00:10:48,315 You were covering the listening part, dummy. 340 00:10:48,347 --> 00:10:49,481 Yeah, but they look the same. 341 00:10:49,515 --> 00:10:50,850 I'm too drunk. 342 00:10:50,884 --> 00:10:53,120 Well, I'm way drunk, too, and I'm with a man. 343 00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:54,855 What? 344 00:10:54,888 --> 00:10:57,456 He owns a business, and he goes to Brazil. 345 00:10:57,490 --> 00:10:58,792 Nick? Nick? 346 00:10:58,826 --> 00:11:00,293 Oh, it's a coin flip. 347 00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:01,494 Hello? 348 00:11:01,528 --> 00:11:03,163 (scoffs) He's so immature. 349 00:11:03,196 --> 00:11:05,197 Jess! 350 00:11:05,231 --> 00:11:06,633 Jess, I got it. 351 00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:08,000 ARTIE: Hey, I think you guys have had enough. 352 00:11:08,034 --> 00:11:09,635 Why don't you let me give you a ride home? 353 00:11:09,668 --> 00:11:10,870 Wait, you weren't drinking? 354 00:11:10,903 --> 00:11:12,072 Oh, no, no, no, I don't drink. 355 00:11:12,105 --> 00:11:14,006 I got to get a jump on the morning. 356 00:11:14,041 --> 00:11:15,307 Well, you really have it together. 357 00:11:15,341 --> 00:11:17,878 I bet you can use a phone, too. 358 00:11:17,911 --> 00:11:20,580 Your bar for having it together is set pretty low. 359 00:11:20,613 --> 00:11:22,850 I don't think this is such a good idea. 360 00:11:22,883 --> 00:11:24,250 We can just grab a cab home. 361 00:11:24,283 --> 00:11:25,852 Cece, this was your idea. 362 00:11:25,885 --> 00:11:27,988 Artie, can we take your jet? 363 00:11:28,020 --> 00:11:30,557 Oh, it's just one coffee shop. 364 00:11:30,590 --> 00:11:31,958 Wouldn't you like to know? 365 00:11:33,025 --> 00:11:35,729 ANNOUNCER: All right, guys, give it up for Candy! 366 00:11:35,763 --> 00:11:37,063 Is that lobster gray? 367 00:11:37,096 --> 00:11:38,164 Most expensive thing on the menu. 368 00:11:38,197 --> 00:11:40,267 I got to go. 369 00:11:40,299 --> 00:11:41,134 What? 370 00:11:41,168 --> 00:11:42,836 Jess is drinking and talking to some guy. 371 00:11:42,870 --> 00:11:44,004 Forget her, dude. 372 00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:45,572 Relationships are prisons. 373 00:11:45,605 --> 00:11:47,774 How often do we get to hang out like this? 374 00:11:47,807 --> 00:11:49,076 I haven't seen you in two years. 375 00:11:49,109 --> 00:11:51,278 Strippers and booze forever. 376 00:11:51,311 --> 00:11:52,178 Hear, hear. There it is. 377 00:11:52,211 --> 00:11:53,379 No, stop, no, no. 378 00:11:53,413 --> 00:11:56,415 Relationships are not prisons, 379 00:11:56,448 --> 00:11:57,750 and Jess is amazing. 380 00:11:57,784 --> 00:12:00,287 She's sexy 381 00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:01,855 and sweet, 382 00:12:01,889 --> 00:12:03,923 and I can't lose her. 383 00:12:03,956 --> 00:12:06,692 So I'm going home to see her. 384 00:12:06,725 --> 00:12:09,830 (sobbing) 385 00:12:11,663 --> 00:12:12,765 Why are you crying? 386 00:12:12,799 --> 00:12:14,100 We can see each other tomorrow. 387 00:12:14,134 --> 00:12:16,269 I didn't break up with Malia, all right? 388 00:12:17,504 --> 00:12:18,905 She broke up with me. 389 00:12:18,938 --> 00:12:20,740 Why didn't you say anything, man? 390 00:12:20,774 --> 00:12:23,009 'Cause I was embarrassed, Winston. 391 00:12:24,144 --> 00:12:25,077 I lost her. 392 00:12:25,111 --> 00:12:26,379 I was just trying to fill a void 393 00:12:26,413 --> 00:12:27,746 with all these naked chicks. 394 00:12:27,780 --> 00:12:29,381 I don't want to be here. 395 00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:30,817 I want to be in love. 396 00:12:30,850 --> 00:12:32,384 Oh, Coach, 397 00:12:32,418 --> 00:12:33,485 this is so pathetic. 398 00:12:33,519 --> 00:12:34,553 Now she's dating 399 00:12:34,586 --> 00:12:36,222 some dude named Derrique. 400 00:12:36,255 --> 00:12:38,926 Or Derek. 401 00:12:38,959 --> 00:12:41,394 Coach, you need to go home, and I need to go home, too. 402 00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:42,729 You're right, man. 403 00:12:42,761 --> 00:12:44,831 You have to fight for your relationships. 404 00:12:44,865 --> 00:12:46,298 Freaking Derrique. Let's go. 405 00:12:46,332 --> 00:12:48,301 Mm-mmm, guys, guys, you cannot leave. 406 00:12:48,335 --> 00:12:50,403 Dude, I was just crying. I want to get out of here. 407 00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:52,072 It's embarrassing; he cried in a strip club. 408 00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:54,006 All these dudes saw me cry; dude, I want to leave. 409 00:12:54,040 --> 00:12:56,743 Man, I got Bunny Money coming out of my pockets. 410 00:12:56,775 --> 00:13:00,113 Wait a minute, this ain't the way home. 411 00:13:00,147 --> 00:13:02,115 Yeah, we're just gonna make a quick stop. 412 00:13:02,149 --> 00:13:05,684 We're gonna kick Malia's boyfriend's ass. 413 00:13:05,717 --> 00:13:07,855 NICK: Wait, this is a police station? 414 00:13:07,888 --> 00:13:08,855 Uh-huh, that's where he works. 415 00:13:08,889 --> 00:13:11,258 You want to drunk fight a cop? 416 00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:13,659 He stole my girlfriend. 417 00:13:13,692 --> 00:13:14,995 Did you hear the joke about the two black guys 418 00:13:15,028 --> 00:13:16,996 and two white guys who walked into a police station? 419 00:13:17,029 --> 00:13:20,267 The two white guys came out. I'm with Winston. 420 00:13:20,299 --> 00:13:21,268 Winston? Mm-hmm? 421 00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:22,769 I got two of these, 422 00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:24,471 and you got one more of those. 423 00:13:24,504 --> 00:13:25,672 Put that away. Coach! 424 00:13:25,705 --> 00:13:27,106 SCHMIDT: Coach, let's do it. 425 00:13:27,139 --> 00:13:28,107 Coach, no! Let's get raucous. 426 00:13:28,140 --> 00:13:29,475 I'm ready. We're not ready! 427 00:13:32,745 --> 00:13:34,647 SCHMIDT: He is pure life force. NICK: He's a lunatic, man. 428 00:13:34,681 --> 00:13:35,648 I got to get out of here. 429 00:13:35,682 --> 00:13:36,850 I want to go, too; I got a work thing. 430 00:13:36,884 --> 00:13:39,119 Well, I got a girl thing, dude. Work trumps girls. 431 00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:40,787 Girls are replaceable; jobs are forever. 432 00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:42,889 I bet I get left with the fare. I just bet... 433 00:13:42,923 --> 00:13:44,624 Hey, driver, let me just ask you something. 434 00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:46,125 Do you like strippers? 435 00:13:46,158 --> 00:13:49,028 Do you also like the deal of a lifetime? 436 00:13:49,062 --> 00:13:50,397 I wanted to leave first. 437 00:13:50,429 --> 00:13:51,965 I've been saying that the whole night, 438 00:13:51,999 --> 00:13:53,799 and none of you guys can stop me. 439 00:13:53,832 --> 00:13:55,903 You think that you can... you can... 440 00:13:55,936 --> 00:13:59,405 beat me in a physical altercation of fisticuffs? 441 00:13:59,438 --> 00:14:01,140 I will beat you in a way 442 00:14:01,173 --> 00:14:04,076 that you've never been beaten before. 443 00:14:05,511 --> 00:14:07,047 Ooh. 444 00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:07,880 Damn it! 445 00:14:07,914 --> 00:14:09,149 You got hit in the face, son. 446 00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:10,850 Hit me again. 447 00:14:10,884 --> 00:14:12,519 'Cause I swear 448 00:14:12,552 --> 00:14:13,753 you'll be... I'll be... 449 00:14:13,785 --> 00:14:15,889 Loosen up your neck so I can put you 450 00:14:15,923 --> 00:14:18,057 into the headlock of a lifetime. 451 00:14:18,091 --> 00:14:19,893 Guys, it's escalating, look! 452 00:14:19,927 --> 00:14:21,995 I'm a cop, pew, pew, pew. 453 00:14:22,028 --> 00:14:24,163 No, no, no, no, no. 454 00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:26,066 JESS: Thanks for the ride, Artie. 455 00:14:26,099 --> 00:14:27,866 Bathroom's down the hall. 456 00:14:27,900 --> 00:14:28,902 It's the one with the urinals. 457 00:14:28,936 --> 00:14:30,503 I do live with men. 458 00:14:30,537 --> 00:14:32,538 Nay, boys. 459 00:14:32,572 --> 00:14:35,174 (chuckles) 460 00:14:35,207 --> 00:14:37,509 Look, if he can pee in Brazil, 461 00:14:37,543 --> 00:14:38,946 he can pee at my house. 462 00:14:38,979 --> 00:14:40,346 Do you actually like this guy? What? 463 00:14:40,379 --> 00:14:42,514 No, no. 464 00:14:42,548 --> 00:14:43,615 Nick couldn't 465 00:14:43,649 --> 00:14:44,918 call me his girlfriend, 466 00:14:44,951 --> 00:14:46,753 and that hurt. 467 00:14:46,786 --> 00:14:49,956 Now I want to hurt him back with some long, 468 00:14:49,990 --> 00:14:53,092 hot conversation. 469 00:14:53,125 --> 00:14:54,860 That's what you really want to do? Yes. 470 00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:56,196 Men suck, remember? 471 00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:57,864 I'm sorry about saying that, 472 00:14:57,897 --> 00:14:59,798 because I put that on you, all right? 473 00:14:59,831 --> 00:15:00,933 That's because I'm going through something 474 00:15:00,967 --> 00:15:02,970 right now with Schmidt. 475 00:15:03,003 --> 00:15:04,703 You have Nick. 476 00:15:04,736 --> 00:15:05,871 Nick's a child 477 00:15:05,904 --> 00:15:07,874 who drinks on Tuesdays. 478 00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:09,775 You're drinking on a Tuesday and you are a teacher. 479 00:15:09,808 --> 00:15:11,778 Those kids are watching a movie tomorrow. 480 00:15:11,811 --> 00:15:14,047 Look, Nick doesn't have a life plan. 481 00:15:14,081 --> 00:15:15,914 He doesn't have a day plan. 482 00:15:15,948 --> 00:15:17,884 I once found a note he wrote to himself 483 00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:19,818 that said "Put on pants" 484 00:15:19,851 --> 00:15:22,054 followed by a question mark. 485 00:15:22,088 --> 00:15:24,923 That means it read, "Put on pants?" 486 00:15:24,957 --> 00:15:27,894 Also, he throws pizza at seagulls, 487 00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:30,663 which I guess is kind of nice 488 00:15:30,697 --> 00:15:32,298 because he's trying to feed them. 489 00:15:32,331 --> 00:15:33,100 (chuckles) 490 00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:36,003 And he's a really, 491 00:15:36,036 --> 00:15:37,937 really great kisser. 492 00:15:37,971 --> 00:15:40,673 You have something really good. 493 00:15:40,706 --> 00:15:42,575 (chuckles) 494 00:15:42,609 --> 00:15:46,745 Just go get Artie and tell him to leave, all right? 495 00:15:46,778 --> 00:15:48,981 Can you just get Derek?! Hey! Hey! 496 00:15:49,015 --> 00:15:50,082 SCHMIDT: He's gonna get the whole precinct! 497 00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:51,918 This is a high-income area. 498 00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:53,086 They're very bored in there. 499 00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:54,421 Got to get sober, got to get... 500 00:15:54,453 --> 00:15:57,289 Oh, my goodness, the jacket smells like gasoline. 501 00:15:57,323 --> 00:15:59,125 Guys, come on. 502 00:15:59,158 --> 00:16:01,594 Come on, man, we're too old for this. 503 00:16:01,628 --> 00:16:02,629 We're too old 504 00:16:02,662 --> 00:16:04,831 for this whole night. What? 505 00:16:04,864 --> 00:16:05,798 Life changes. 506 00:16:05,831 --> 00:16:06,932 You got to grow up. 507 00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:09,936 I did; I'm in a relationship, and I'm happy. 508 00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:12,804 Schmidt moved out of the loft, and he's happy. 509 00:16:12,839 --> 00:16:13,940 I'm miserable! 510 00:16:13,972 --> 00:16:15,841 It's your fault. What are you talking about? 511 00:16:15,875 --> 00:16:17,543 I'm in a vacancy room! 512 00:16:17,576 --> 00:16:18,811 A room of vacancy! Empty nest! 513 00:16:18,845 --> 00:16:20,312 By choice! By choice! 514 00:16:20,346 --> 00:16:22,115 Let me tell you something, when I'm done with you, 515 00:16:22,149 --> 00:16:23,383 your face is gonna look all melted 516 00:16:23,416 --> 00:16:24,984 like the president at the end of Raiders. 517 00:16:25,018 --> 00:16:26,452 He wasn't a president! You saw a different movie 518 00:16:26,485 --> 00:16:29,056 than everybody else in the world! I'll kill you! 519 00:16:29,088 --> 00:16:30,557 He wasn't a president. WINSTON: Guys, guys! 520 00:16:30,590 --> 00:16:31,990 Kick you in the butt! 521 00:16:32,024 --> 00:16:33,293 Don't! You touched my penis! Hey, hey! 522 00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:34,793 Don't touch my penis! 523 00:16:34,826 --> 00:16:35,961 Stop! Stop it! 524 00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:37,397 You just touched my penis! Hey! Hey! 525 00:16:37,429 --> 00:16:39,298 You touched my... 526 00:16:39,331 --> 00:16:40,633 (groans) 527 00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:41,834 You guys, grow up! 528 00:16:41,868 --> 00:16:43,802 You grow up. Grow up! Coach? 529 00:16:43,836 --> 00:16:45,804 What are you doing here? 530 00:16:45,837 --> 00:16:47,573 (scoffs) 531 00:16:47,606 --> 00:16:48,640 Is this about Malia? 532 00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:52,078 Yeah, it's about Malia. 533 00:16:55,115 --> 00:16:58,284 Take care of her, man. 534 00:16:59,586 --> 00:17:01,087 Yeah, I will. 535 00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:03,490 I'm a cop, 536 00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:04,923 not some drunk loser. 537 00:17:04,957 --> 00:17:08,260 Get out of here. 538 00:17:12,398 --> 00:17:14,134 Should we grow up tomorrow night? 539 00:17:15,867 --> 00:17:17,170 Yeah. 540 00:17:17,203 --> 00:17:18,605 SCHMIDT: Muscle time! 541 00:17:18,637 --> 00:17:19,705 Get on the ground! Muscle time! 542 00:17:19,739 --> 00:17:21,773 I'm a cop! Back up! 543 00:17:21,807 --> 00:17:23,675 I got a badge and a gun! Arrest me, dude! 544 00:17:23,710 --> 00:17:25,010 (indistinct shouting) 545 00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:26,846 He's got backup! Go! Go! 546 00:17:26,878 --> 00:17:28,181 Go! Go! Go! 547 00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:30,116 NICK: Serpentine! 548 00:17:30,150 --> 00:17:32,085 Serpentine! 549 00:17:32,118 --> 00:17:34,320 (yelling, panting) 550 00:17:38,224 --> 00:17:40,393 Artie, I have to hit the hay. 551 00:17:43,930 --> 00:17:46,133 Oh, dear! Don't worry. 552 00:17:46,165 --> 00:17:48,401 I'm gonna make you coffee in the morning. 553 00:17:55,342 --> 00:17:57,144 It's been a really great evening, 554 00:17:57,176 --> 00:17:58,278 what a treat it's been, 555 00:17:58,310 --> 00:17:59,878 but I think somewhere along the way, 556 00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:01,114 some signals got crossed. 557 00:18:01,147 --> 00:18:03,715 Signals could not have been any clearer. 558 00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:05,218 (chuckles) Come on in. 559 00:18:05,251 --> 00:18:07,420 The water's warm. 560 00:18:09,321 --> 00:18:10,656 Are you splashing me? 561 00:18:10,690 --> 00:18:11,891 I'm fixing to mix you up. 562 00:18:11,923 --> 00:18:13,559 Seriously? 563 00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:15,428 Oh, men are such dicks. 564 00:18:19,999 --> 00:18:21,067 (elevator bell dings, whooping) 565 00:18:21,099 --> 00:18:22,335 All right, guys, second wind. 566 00:18:22,368 --> 00:18:24,903 You got an old TV? Let's throw it off the roof. 567 00:18:24,936 --> 00:18:27,406 Come on, you're crashing with me. 568 00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:30,609 And you, go talk to your girlfriend. 569 00:18:30,643 --> 00:18:31,911 Thanks. 570 00:18:31,943 --> 00:18:34,146 Hey, it was a fun night. 571 00:18:34,181 --> 00:18:35,914 All right, guys. 572 00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:37,016 Let's go, Shrimp Forks. 573 00:18:37,048 --> 00:18:39,318 Coach, Shrimp Forks? 574 00:18:39,352 --> 00:18:40,853 Come on, man, that makes no sense. 575 00:18:40,886 --> 00:18:42,755 I played professional basketball. 576 00:18:42,788 --> 00:18:44,089 You got to stop calling me that. 577 00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:45,791 I'm sorry, man. 578 00:18:46,292 --> 00:18:47,926 Hop along, Bunny Money. 579 00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:49,429 Better than Shrimp Forks. 580 00:18:49,461 --> 00:18:51,163 I'll take that. Fantastic. 581 00:18:51,198 --> 00:18:53,132 It only cost you $2,000. 582 00:18:53,165 --> 00:18:54,601 It did, didn't it? 583 00:18:54,634 --> 00:18:56,769 The Brazilians have the same word 584 00:18:56,802 --> 00:18:58,136 for making love to one woman 585 00:18:58,171 --> 00:19:00,807 as they do for making love to two. 586 00:19:00,839 --> 00:19:04,711 Mah-gaa-leesh. 587 00:19:05,545 --> 00:19:07,380 Take off your tops and say it with me. 588 00:19:07,413 --> 00:19:08,047 Jess! 589 00:19:08,079 --> 00:19:09,548 Oh, my God, that's Nick! 590 00:19:09,582 --> 00:19:12,151 Okay, okay, you-you just get him dressed. 591 00:19:12,184 --> 00:19:13,353 I will stall Nick. 592 00:19:13,385 --> 00:19:14,854 I am really good at this kind of thing. 593 00:19:14,886 --> 00:19:16,623 Oh, my God. 594 00:19:16,655 --> 00:19:17,757 Nick, hey, great. 595 00:19:17,789 --> 00:19:19,459 I've been wanting to talk to you about this side table. 596 00:19:19,491 --> 00:19:21,126 What kind of wood is it made out of? 597 00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:22,161 Jess, I failed! 598 00:19:22,194 --> 00:19:23,563 Jess. (gasps) 599 00:19:24,763 --> 00:19:26,798 Welcome, brother. 600 00:19:26,833 --> 00:19:28,634 JESS: Oh, my God. 601 00:19:28,667 --> 00:19:30,737 Nick, I can't imagine what you must be thinking right now. 602 00:19:30,769 --> 00:19:32,137 Actually, I can. 603 00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:33,306 This is your worst nightmare. 604 00:19:33,339 --> 00:19:34,874 There's a very good-looking man in my bed, 605 00:19:34,906 --> 00:19:35,974 and he's naked, 606 00:19:36,008 --> 00:19:38,009 and I'm flushed, and I'm flustered. 607 00:19:38,044 --> 00:19:40,480 I might as well just spray paint "Jay Cutler sucks" on the wall 608 00:19:40,512 --> 00:19:42,714 and just round out the whole image, right? 609 00:19:42,749 --> 00:19:45,417 But, Nick, nothing happened, 610 00:19:45,451 --> 00:19:47,886 and nothing was ever going to happen, 611 00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:50,990 and you have to believe me, please. 612 00:19:51,022 --> 00:19:54,894 Say you believe me, please. 613 00:19:57,896 --> 00:20:00,532 I believe you. 614 00:20:04,737 --> 00:20:07,339 Do you have any questions? 615 00:20:07,374 --> 00:20:09,509 Do you want me to have questions? 616 00:20:09,541 --> 00:20:11,210 Well... 617 00:20:11,243 --> 00:20:13,380 Hey, Artie? 618 00:20:13,413 --> 00:20:14,747 (cracking knuckles) I'm gonna need you 619 00:20:14,780 --> 00:20:17,384 to get out of my girlfriend's bed, man. 620 00:20:18,884 --> 00:20:20,185 Well, uh, (clears throat) 621 00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:22,855 I'm naked and-and in bed, 622 00:20:22,888 --> 00:20:24,123 and you're fully clothed 623 00:20:24,155 --> 00:20:25,357 and standing, 624 00:20:25,392 --> 00:20:26,526 so I mean, I hardly think 625 00:20:26,558 --> 00:20:27,626 this would be a fair fight. 626 00:20:27,660 --> 00:20:30,462 Well, I'd like it to be a fair fight. 627 00:20:31,730 --> 00:20:33,098 Thank God for snaps. 628 00:20:33,132 --> 00:20:34,933 Men are so weird. 629 00:20:34,967 --> 00:20:36,568 I must warn you, 630 00:20:36,603 --> 00:20:39,939 while spending time in Brazil... 631 00:20:39,971 --> 00:20:41,106 Let get situated first All right. 632 00:20:41,140 --> 00:20:42,875 before we get into this thing. 633 00:20:42,909 --> 00:20:44,676 Oh, my God! 634 00:20:45,912 --> 00:20:47,046 Bye-bye. Don't die, big guy. 635 00:20:47,078 --> 00:20:48,213 (chuckling) 636 00:20:48,247 --> 00:20:50,282 Hey. Hey. 637 00:20:50,317 --> 00:20:52,151 You called me your girlfriend. 638 00:20:52,183 --> 00:20:53,986 Did I? I don't remember. 639 00:20:54,019 --> 00:20:55,422 (elevator bell dings) 640 00:20:58,089 --> 00:20:59,392 Where's Winston with the food? 641 00:20:59,425 --> 00:21:01,428 (groaning) Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. 642 00:21:01,461 --> 00:21:02,828 It was crazy at the V-Rab. 643 00:21:02,862 --> 00:21:04,396 Bachelor party season. 644 00:21:04,431 --> 00:21:06,432 I got a deep-dish gyrator, no mushrooms. That's me. 645 00:21:06,465 --> 00:21:07,900 Don't call it V-Rab. 646 00:21:07,933 --> 00:21:09,902 (laughter) Please. 647 00:21:09,935 --> 00:21:11,770 I got the main stage fish tacos. 648 00:21:11,804 --> 00:21:13,905 No regrets. Great order. 649 00:21:13,940 --> 00:21:15,074 Pour some sugar on meatballs? 650 00:21:15,106 --> 00:21:16,742 Oh, that's me. Thank you. 651 00:21:16,776 --> 00:21:17,644 Let's see, and I got 652 00:21:17,676 --> 00:21:20,413 the short stack ass-clap pancakes. 653 00:21:20,446 --> 00:21:22,449 Flapjacks! You want to switch? 654 00:21:22,481 --> 00:21:24,182 Schmidt, you want a taco? 655 00:21:24,215 --> 00:21:25,518 No, I'm gonna take one of Winston's. 656 00:21:25,551 --> 00:21:26,986 Take it if you want it, dude. I was just thinking 657 00:21:27,019 --> 00:21:29,922 maybe-maybe you guys could chip in a little bit. Right on, right on. 658 00:21:29,955 --> 00:21:32,023 'Cause it was expensive. You want one of Winston's tacos? 659 00:21:32,057 --> 00:21:33,759 I'll take 50 cents on the dollar, 660 00:21:33,792 --> 00:21:39,499 I really would. I really would. Please? 661 00:21:39,531 --> 00:21:41,534 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org