1 00:00:06,136 --> 00:00:08,051 Oh, man. 2 00:00:17,146 --> 00:00:19,323 Fantastico. 3 00:00:25,155 --> 00:00:27,722 Are you checking my pulse? 4 00:00:27,765 --> 00:00:29,289 You were very still. 5 00:00:29,332 --> 00:00:31,553 [both laugh] 6 00:00:31,596 --> 00:00:34,164 Well, that was really fun. 7 00:00:34,207 --> 00:00:35,731 [both laugh] 8 00:00:35,774 --> 00:00:38,298 I don't know what to say here. 9 00:00:38,341 --> 00:00:41,128 Um... I got an idea. Stay right here, okay? 10 00:00:41,170 --> 00:00:43,130 Okay. Let me do something. 11 00:00:43,173 --> 00:00:45,088 Stay right here. Okay. 12 00:00:46,350 --> 00:00:48,134 [door opens, closes] 13 00:01:05,325 --> 00:01:07,370 We need some dessert. 14 00:01:11,506 --> 00:01:13,420 That's too much. 15 00:01:15,335 --> 00:01:16,989 Nah, definitely not doing that. 16 00:01:21,168 --> 00:01:22,472 Bob! 17 00:01:22,516 --> 00:01:25,606 You. It's... you. 18 00:01:25,650 --> 00:01:28,305 Nick. Right. Nick. How could I forget that? 19 00:01:28,349 --> 00:01:29,524 Sorry to interrupt you. 20 00:01:29,567 --> 00:01:31,700 Wilson let me in. 21 00:01:31,742 --> 00:01:33,135 [chuckles] Well, what are you doing with that? 22 00:01:33,180 --> 00:01:35,182 That, uh, looks like lady food. 23 00:01:35,224 --> 00:01:37,052 This is for Wilson. 24 00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:39,055 Yeah, Wilson, here's your grapefruit, 25 00:01:39,098 --> 00:01:40,969 pie and eggs, just like you like. 26 00:01:41,013 --> 00:01:43,233 Is it because it's my birthday? 27 00:01:43,277 --> 00:01:45,016 It's your birthday? 28 00:01:45,061 --> 00:01:46,932 That's why I made it, 'cause it's your birthday. 29 00:01:46,975 --> 00:01:49,195 I know you're lying, and I'm hurt, 30 00:01:49,239 --> 00:01:50,587 but I'm gonna eat this anyway. 31 00:01:50,632 --> 00:01:53,373 See you later, Wilson. 32 00:01:53,417 --> 00:01:55,158 What are you doing here, Bob? The wedding! 33 00:01:55,201 --> 00:01:57,725 I wouldn't miss Cece's wedding. Where's Jess? 34 00:01:57,769 --> 00:02:00,206 Hey, Nick, what's our la...? 35 00:02:00,250 --> 00:02:02,209 Look who I bumped into-- your dad! 36 00:02:02,251 --> 00:02:04,385 Dad! [mouthing] Your dad is here today, Jess! 37 00:02:04,427 --> 00:02:07,039 ♪ Who's that girl? ♪ Who's that girl?♪ 38 00:02:07,082 --> 00:02:08,258 ♪ It's Jess. 39 00:02:11,217 --> 00:02:12,175 [whistles] 40 00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:15,046 [sighs] 41 00:02:15,091 --> 00:02:16,223 [both laugh] 42 00:02:16,265 --> 00:02:18,354 Well? 43 00:02:18,399 --> 00:02:20,531 Are the reviews in? 44 00:02:20,574 --> 00:02:21,228 The reviews for what? 45 00:02:21,271 --> 00:02:22,402 My new body. 46 00:02:22,445 --> 00:02:23,968 How it moves. 47 00:02:24,013 --> 00:02:25,406 Its pitch, its yaw. 48 00:02:25,449 --> 00:02:27,625 My perfectly sculpted pubic topiary. 49 00:02:27,669 --> 00:02:29,974 I liked how your body moved 50 00:02:30,019 --> 00:02:32,368 before you knew what to do with it. 51 00:02:32,413 --> 00:02:35,067 [upbeat reggae music playing] 52 00:02:37,418 --> 00:02:39,246 Want to dance? Yeah, right. 53 00:02:39,288 --> 00:02:42,204 Fat kid wants to dance at the cool college party. 54 00:02:42,248 --> 00:02:43,859 Nice joke, stranger.Come on. 55 00:02:43,901 --> 00:02:47,210 If they make fun of you, I'll punch them in the penis. 56 00:02:47,253 --> 00:02:49,299 ♪ 57 00:02:56,479 --> 00:02:57,480 [grunting] 58 00:02:59,656 --> 00:03:02,485 You never cared about what people thought. 59 00:03:02,530 --> 00:03:04,270 I mean, even last night, with the window open 60 00:03:04,313 --> 00:03:05,836 and the wolf howls. 61 00:03:05,881 --> 00:03:07,709 MAN [through wall]: It was very uncomfortable. 62 00:03:07,752 --> 00:03:11,277 Stop threatening to move, Bernie, and just move! 63 00:03:11,320 --> 00:03:13,670 I love that about you. 64 00:03:13,715 --> 00:03:16,674 I'm gonna go to work. Do you want to have lunch later? 65 00:03:20,461 --> 00:03:22,245 It's still impressive, 66 00:03:22,288 --> 00:03:24,159 but did you lose weight down...? 67 00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:25,421 It's slightly smaller. 68 00:03:25,466 --> 00:03:27,424 Doctors-- no explanation. 69 00:03:27,467 --> 00:03:28,382 BERNIE: That's not normal. 70 00:03:28,425 --> 00:03:29,687 Shut up, Bernie! 71 00:03:29,730 --> 00:03:31,298 Shut up, Bernie! 72 00:03:32,429 --> 00:03:33,951 [quietly]: He can never 73 00:03:33,996 --> 00:03:35,519 find out about this, because he will kill you. 74 00:03:35,562 --> 00:03:38,043 When I was ten, he caught me kissing Glenn Ely. 75 00:03:38,086 --> 00:03:41,264 He got some guys from the club to put the fear of God in him. 76 00:03:41,307 --> 00:03:44,311 [screaming] 77 00:03:46,442 --> 00:03:48,750 Help! 78 00:03:48,793 --> 00:03:50,490 So, let me deal with him. 79 00:03:50,533 --> 00:03:51,969 BOB: Smile! 80 00:03:52,014 --> 00:03:53,929 I got to get some new flash cubes. 81 00:03:53,972 --> 00:03:56,278 [quietly]: Dude, keep your mouth shut. 82 00:03:56,323 --> 00:03:57,497 Okay? Great, fantastic. 83 00:03:57,540 --> 00:03:58,847 Hey, Dad? BOB: Yeah? 84 00:03:58,889 --> 00:04:00,762 Why don't we take a walk?[phone ringing] 85 00:04:00,805 --> 00:04:03,417 Oh, it's Peg. Peg. 86 00:04:03,460 --> 00:04:05,288 Hi, Jess. Guess what? I'm at a new school, 87 00:04:05,331 --> 00:04:06,681 and there's an opening for a new teacher, 88 00:04:06,723 --> 00:04:09,161 and you'd be perfect. Can you come in today? 89 00:04:09,205 --> 00:04:10,467 Yeah, I would love to. 90 00:04:10,510 --> 00:04:11,947 I just-- um, my dad's in town, so... 91 00:04:11,990 --> 00:04:14,341 I'm kind of out on a limb here. 92 00:04:14,384 --> 00:04:15,950 I really talked you up to the principal. 93 00:04:15,993 --> 00:04:16,951 Guess what. Spoiler alert. 94 00:04:16,995 --> 00:04:18,345 He's porking me. 95 00:04:19,346 --> 00:04:20,476 Can you be here in 30 minutes? 96 00:04:20,521 --> 00:04:22,435 Okay, I'll figure it out. 97 00:04:22,478 --> 00:04:24,437 Amy! Put those back in your shirt, both of them. 98 00:04:24,480 --> 00:04:26,483 Oh, my God. 99 00:04:26,526 --> 00:04:28,398 I have the chance to teach kids again. 100 00:04:28,442 --> 00:04:29,747 You got to go. 101 00:04:29,790 --> 00:04:32,314 Oh... Dad, you should come with me. 102 00:04:32,358 --> 00:04:33,750 Yes, you should go with your daughter! 103 00:04:33,795 --> 00:04:36,100 What am I gonna do, sit in your car and get mugged? 104 00:04:36,144 --> 00:04:38,016 I mean, I didn't gay my way out of Vietnam 105 00:04:38,060 --> 00:04:39,452 just to be killed by some punk. 106 00:04:39,495 --> 00:04:41,497 No, no. No, I'll stay with him. 107 00:04:41,542 --> 00:04:43,500 Oh, no, no, that, uh, that doesn't work.That's a bad idea. 108 00:04:43,543 --> 00:04:45,459 That's-- I've-I've got stuff I got to do, so... 109 00:04:45,502 --> 00:04:47,504 Stuff? Yeah. 110 00:04:47,548 --> 00:04:48,504 You don't have any stuff. Name one stuff. 111 00:04:48,548 --> 00:04:51,420 [quietly]: Documents. 112 00:04:51,465 --> 00:04:52,422 Documents? 113 00:04:52,466 --> 00:04:54,380 Yeah, I got documents. 114 00:04:54,423 --> 00:04:55,468 Okay, I get it. 115 00:04:55,512 --> 00:04:56,512 You know, I'm always alone, 116 00:04:56,557 --> 00:04:59,386 so, I'll just, uh... be alone. 117 00:04:59,428 --> 00:05:00,690 [whispering]: Do not fall for it. 118 00:05:00,735 --> 00:05:01,997 I am falling for it.Do not fall for it. 119 00:05:02,040 --> 00:05:03,432 I am falling for it right this second. 120 00:05:03,476 --> 00:05:04,346 I'm feeling bad. [loud]: I'll stay! 121 00:05:04,391 --> 00:05:05,521 BOB: That's terrific. 122 00:05:05,565 --> 00:05:06,740 [laughter] 123 00:05:06,783 --> 00:05:08,481 Jess... Jess. 124 00:05:08,524 --> 00:05:10,396 Hi! Yay, tomorrow's your big day! Hooray! 125 00:05:10,439 --> 00:05:12,137 Listen, I'm gonna be a little bit 126 00:05:12,180 --> 00:05:13,704 later than I thought I would be, 127 00:05:13,747 --> 00:05:15,009 but it's gonna be worth it, because last night... 128 00:05:15,052 --> 00:05:16,403 Just hang on. 129 00:05:16,446 --> 00:05:17,838 I can't hear you. I can't hear you. 130 00:05:17,882 --> 00:05:19,971 Guys, it's too loud in here, okay?! 131 00:05:20,014 --> 00:05:21,538 Uncle Shishir! 132 00:05:21,581 --> 00:05:23,018 [laughter] 133 00:05:23,060 --> 00:05:24,846 He had one scene with Salman Khan in Dabangg 2, 134 00:05:24,889 --> 00:05:26,848 and all of the sudden he thinks he's Amitabh Bachchan 135 00:05:26,891 --> 00:05:27,848 in Jhoom Barabar Jhoom. 136 00:05:27,891 --> 00:05:29,545 I could just tell you later. 137 00:05:29,589 --> 00:05:32,723 I am exhausted, and I still have to go pick up my wedding sari, 138 00:05:32,766 --> 00:05:34,595 and I still have to get my hands henna'd. 139 00:05:34,637 --> 00:05:36,509 Okay, look, so send everybody to their hotels. 140 00:05:36,552 --> 00:05:38,555 I'll have Winston pick up your sari, 141 00:05:38,598 --> 00:05:40,730 and then after you're done having your hands tattooed, 142 00:05:40,774 --> 00:05:41,644 take a nap. 143 00:05:41,689 --> 00:05:43,254 Now hand the phone to Shishir. 144 00:05:43,298 --> 00:05:44,605 Uncle. 145 00:05:44,648 --> 00:05:46,519 Jess. 146 00:05:46,562 --> 00:05:48,608 Shishir, you son of a bitch. 147 00:05:48,651 --> 00:05:50,218 You little son of a bitch. 148 00:05:50,262 --> 00:05:51,437 It is not your day! 149 00:05:53,918 --> 00:05:56,007 Hey, Winston.What's up? 150 00:05:56,050 --> 00:05:57,792 Anything you want to wish me?Look, Winston, 151 00:05:57,834 --> 00:05:59,576 I need you to pick up Cece's wedding sari 152 00:05:59,620 --> 00:06:01,577 and take it to her house. 153 00:06:01,622 --> 00:06:03,579 You want me to take it to her house? 154 00:06:03,624 --> 00:06:04,581 Yeah. Just go pick it up. 155 00:06:04,625 --> 00:06:06,583 Ah, wedding sari, 156 00:06:06,627 --> 00:06:07,757 for the celebration of the wedding. 157 00:06:07,802 --> 00:06:08,759 Yes, nothing else. 158 00:06:08,802 --> 00:06:10,326 Yeah, I don't know 159 00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:11,588 what you're doing, but just do it, okay? 160 00:06:11,632 --> 00:06:13,634 Um, I have to go. 161 00:06:13,677 --> 00:06:15,026 It's happening! 162 00:06:15,069 --> 00:06:16,550 [grunts] 163 00:06:16,593 --> 00:06:18,639 Peg, hi. Thank you so much for the interview. 164 00:06:18,682 --> 00:06:20,771 Sorry I'm late.Uh, no interview. 165 00:06:20,814 --> 00:06:23,207 You're getting right in the soup; you're subbing. 166 00:06:23,252 --> 00:06:25,427 I need Al to see you in action. What? Subbing? 167 00:06:25,471 --> 00:06:27,603 It's a really busy day; I don't think I could sub... 168 00:06:27,648 --> 00:06:28,649 Oh, yes you can....right now. 169 00:06:28,692 --> 00:06:30,476 What? No.This is your chance. 170 00:06:30,519 --> 00:06:32,043 Oh, my... 171 00:06:32,086 --> 00:06:33,697 [kids clamoring] 172 00:06:33,740 --> 00:06:35,742 Ah, stop! You have to stop! 173 00:06:41,531 --> 00:06:42,531 [kids clamoring] 174 00:06:42,576 --> 00:06:43,793 Hey, guys. All right. 175 00:06:43,838 --> 00:06:45,882 Okay, listen! 176 00:06:47,362 --> 00:06:49,582 Or don't! 177 00:06:49,625 --> 00:06:52,499 But the hell if I'm not gonna teach! 178 00:06:52,542 --> 00:06:54,848 I'm gonna bring the words of Mark Twain alive 179 00:06:54,891 --> 00:06:59,461 with only the human voice. 180 00:06:59,505 --> 00:07:00,637 What about you? You got a girl? 181 00:07:00,680 --> 00:07:02,464 No. No, no, no, no, no.No, really? 182 00:07:02,509 --> 00:07:03,814 No, no, no, no. No girls for me. 183 00:07:03,858 --> 00:07:05,033 Seriously? A good- looking guy like you? No. 184 00:07:05,076 --> 00:07:06,382 It'd seem like women would just flock to you. 185 00:07:06,425 --> 00:07:07,644 No, no, it's not like that.With that gruffy... 186 00:07:07,687 --> 00:07:09,124 Let's talk about you and girls!...with the stubble... 187 00:07:09,166 --> 00:07:10,733 I don't want to talk about this....and a young guy. 188 00:07:10,778 --> 00:07:12,475 This isn't something we should talk about, Bob, trust me! 189 00:07:12,519 --> 00:07:14,521 Okay, gee whiz, I'm sorry. 190 00:07:14,564 --> 00:07:16,523 Just freakin' back off. 191 00:07:16,565 --> 00:07:18,175 I'm sorry I brought it up. 192 00:07:22,528 --> 00:07:24,661 All right. 193 00:07:24,704 --> 00:07:26,446 What? 194 00:07:29,187 --> 00:07:31,668 What? 195 00:07:31,711 --> 00:07:33,670 There's a girl. 196 00:07:33,713 --> 00:07:35,716 There is, see? I told you. I knew-- There's always a girl. 197 00:07:35,759 --> 00:07:37,500 Yes. There-- you're right.Come on, what's she like? 198 00:07:37,543 --> 00:07:38,848 She's, uh, not quirky. 199 00:07:38,893 --> 00:07:39,850 No? 200 00:07:39,894 --> 00:07:41,199 She's got no bangs. 201 00:07:41,242 --> 00:07:42,199 No bangs. 202 00:07:42,244 --> 00:07:43,201 Uh, tall and fat. 203 00:07:43,245 --> 00:07:44,201 Really? Yeah. 204 00:07:44,245 --> 00:07:45,159 Really ugly eyes. 205 00:07:45,202 --> 00:07:46,422 Small, tiny little beady eyes. 206 00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:47,379 Yeah. Yeah. 207 00:07:47,423 --> 00:07:49,512 Her name is, uh, Yolanda Winston. 208 00:07:49,555 --> 00:07:50,730 Yolanda Winston. 209 00:07:54,125 --> 00:07:56,692 Just wallpaper! I have fancy athletic shoe wallpaper. 210 00:07:56,737 --> 00:07:59,653 Elizabeth, what are you doing here? 211 00:07:59,696 --> 00:08:01,915 I got here early, so I wanted to come up. 212 00:08:01,959 --> 00:08:04,745 That shirt is, uh... 12 years old. 213 00:08:04,788 --> 00:08:06,180 It's the shirt I met you in. 214 00:08:06,223 --> 00:08:07,704 Oh, yeah, I remember that. 215 00:08:07,747 --> 00:08:08,923 Y2 Kitty Kat. 216 00:08:08,966 --> 00:08:10,576 As relevant today as it was then. 217 00:08:10,620 --> 00:08:12,579 Schmidt, do you have a moment? 218 00:08:12,622 --> 00:08:13,709 I have unlimited moments. 219 00:08:13,754 --> 00:08:15,930 I was reviewing the numbers... 220 00:08:15,973 --> 00:08:17,757 [quietly]: Custodial keeps sending us 221 00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:19,889 these spooky Eastern European girls. 222 00:08:19,934 --> 00:08:21,718 You want to see spooky? Call me spooky again. 223 00:08:21,762 --> 00:08:23,720 I'll spook the ass fat right out of your lips. 224 00:08:23,764 --> 00:08:24,981 Do you know her? 225 00:08:25,026 --> 00:08:27,375 Mm... no... 226 00:08:27,418 --> 00:08:28,942 No?I... 227 00:08:28,985 --> 00:08:31,598 I feel like I'm trap... I'm being trapped, am I not? 228 00:08:31,641 --> 00:08:35,210 Then I'll do you a favor and set you free. 229 00:08:35,253 --> 00:08:38,038 Idiot. 230 00:08:38,081 --> 00:08:41,129 Wait, don't leave. Elizabeth! 231 00:08:41,172 --> 00:08:42,956 I don't know why I just did that! I knew you couldn't change back! 232 00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:44,393 But why are you wearing that shirt?! 233 00:08:44,436 --> 00:08:45,960 I'm not gonna let you make me 234 00:08:46,003 --> 00:08:47,961 feel bad about myself! I love this shirt! 235 00:08:48,004 --> 00:08:49,789 Y2 Kitty Kat? 236 00:08:49,832 --> 00:08:51,182 I don't need this. 237 00:08:51,225 --> 00:08:52,966 I was fine before you showed up. 238 00:08:53,009 --> 00:08:56,753 In fact, I said no to a date tonight to be with you! 239 00:08:56,797 --> 00:08:59,408 I'm gonna text him "Yes." 240 00:08:59,451 --> 00:09:01,192 And guess what. 241 00:09:01,235 --> 00:09:02,716 I don't care what you think. 242 00:09:02,759 --> 00:09:04,804 See ya, Schmidt. 243 00:09:04,847 --> 00:09:07,721 Without validation, the parking rates are absurd. 244 00:09:09,635 --> 00:09:12,595 [kids clamoring] 245 00:09:12,639 --> 00:09:15,466 Jamie, enough with the globes. We get it. You're angry. 246 00:09:15,510 --> 00:09:16,990 [school bell ringing] 247 00:09:17,033 --> 00:09:18,818 Okay, that's lunch. Be back in an hour. 248 00:09:23,083 --> 00:09:24,172 Jess! [gasps] 249 00:09:24,215 --> 00:09:26,173 I'm Dr. Foster. Oh. 250 00:09:26,216 --> 00:09:30,961 Peg has gone on and on and on and on and on about you. 251 00:09:31,004 --> 00:09:32,005 So nice to meet you. 252 00:09:32,048 --> 00:09:33,876 I'm just running out for lunch... 253 00:09:33,921 --> 00:09:35,662 Uh! No, no, need. 254 00:09:35,705 --> 00:09:36,793 No need.During the lunch that I... 255 00:09:36,836 --> 00:09:38,794 But you don't need to go out for lunch. 256 00:09:38,838 --> 00:09:40,536 We can have lunch here. 257 00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:43,974 My secretary is bringing food. 258 00:09:44,018 --> 00:09:48,849 So we'll have a chitchat, tête-à-tête, 259 00:09:48,892 --> 00:09:53,461 exchange-ideas kind of lunch. 260 00:09:53,504 --> 00:09:57,205 To see how you'll fit in to the Coolidge culture. 261 00:09:57,248 --> 00:09:59,816 Um, well, long story short, I really would love this job, 262 00:09:59,860 --> 00:10:00,817 I love teaching kids... 263 00:10:00,860 --> 00:10:03,298 Ha! Now, what if 264 00:10:03,341 --> 00:10:05,517 you weren't referring to children... 265 00:10:05,561 --> 00:10:07,868 Uh-huh? 266 00:10:07,910 --> 00:10:09,652 ...but to baby goats? 267 00:10:09,696 --> 00:10:10,826 Huh. 268 00:10:10,870 --> 00:10:12,873 That's an interesting question. 269 00:10:12,916 --> 00:10:14,875 Well, we used to have 270 00:10:14,918 --> 00:10:17,659 a school goat named Melvin. 271 00:10:17,703 --> 00:10:18,661 Uh... 272 00:10:18,705 --> 00:10:19,836 He hanged himself, 273 00:10:19,879 --> 00:10:21,446 tragically, on the swing set. 274 00:10:21,490 --> 00:10:22,664 [groans] 275 00:10:22,708 --> 00:10:26,538 So... we bought another goat. 276 00:10:26,581 --> 00:10:30,106 Also named Melvin. 277 00:10:30,846 --> 00:10:32,283 Surprise! 278 00:10:32,326 --> 00:10:35,068 [chuckles] 279 00:10:35,111 --> 00:10:37,071 Yeah, you can come out now! 280 00:10:37,114 --> 00:10:38,681 I see some-some food over here. 281 00:10:38,725 --> 00:10:40,073 Where my cake at? 282 00:10:40,116 --> 00:10:41,815 Hey, where my cake at?! 283 00:10:41,857 --> 00:10:43,773 [yawns]I can hear you giggling, 284 00:10:43,817 --> 00:10:45,383 I can see the... 285 00:10:45,427 --> 00:10:47,734 Where's my sari?Something on your face. 286 00:10:47,777 --> 00:10:49,038 What's that, like, a wedding tattoo? 287 00:10:49,082 --> 00:10:50,911 What do you mean there's something on my face? 288 00:10:52,782 --> 00:10:55,959 [screaming] 289 00:10:56,003 --> 00:10:57,744 Wait-wait a minute. Hold-hold on, hold on. 290 00:10:57,787 --> 00:10:58,745 What are you doing? 291 00:10:58,788 --> 00:11:01,269 Lettuce, tomato, lettuce, 292 00:11:01,312 --> 00:11:03,793 meat-meat-meat-meat-meat- meat-meat-meat-meat, 293 00:11:03,836 --> 00:11:04,837 cheese, lettuce. 294 00:11:04,880 --> 00:11:05,839 You're a sandwich genius. 295 00:11:05,881 --> 00:11:07,100 Is there anything 296 00:11:07,144 --> 00:11:09,058 you don't know everything about? 297 00:11:09,102 --> 00:11:11,495 Try me. All right, I will try you. 298 00:11:11,539 --> 00:11:13,933 I've got a question about Yolanda Winston. 299 00:11:13,976 --> 00:11:16,370 Sure. Well, we've only slept together once, 300 00:11:16,413 --> 00:11:18,764 but, Bob, I don't know what she wants. 301 00:11:18,807 --> 00:11:20,854 Well, the first thing you got to figure out 302 00:11:20,897 --> 00:11:22,072 is what do you want. 303 00:11:22,115 --> 00:11:23,943 Well, I don't know how you get a podcast, 304 00:11:23,986 --> 00:11:25,075 but you should look into it. 305 00:11:25,119 --> 00:11:27,903 [phone ringing]Bob here. 306 00:11:27,947 --> 00:11:29,297 Hey, Dad, new plan. I'm headed over to Cece's. 307 00:11:29,340 --> 00:11:30,907 How's it going over there? 308 00:11:30,951 --> 00:11:31,865 Great. We're making sandwiches, 309 00:11:31,908 --> 00:11:33,735 we're talking about girls. 310 00:11:33,779 --> 00:11:35,782 Interesting. Could you hand the phone to Nick? 311 00:11:35,825 --> 00:11:37,086 Jess. Yeah, she wants to talk to you. 312 00:11:37,130 --> 00:11:38,523 Oh, cool. Jess! 313 00:11:38,567 --> 00:11:39,915 What is going on over there, Nick?! 314 00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:41,438 Hanging out with my boy Bobby D. 315 00:11:41,482 --> 00:11:42,875 Bobby D! I love that! 316 00:11:42,918 --> 00:11:44,312 Talking about girls?! 317 00:11:44,355 --> 00:11:46,009 That's the one thing you should not be talking about! 318 00:11:46,052 --> 00:11:47,619 You are freaking out about noth... 319 00:11:47,663 --> 00:11:48,794 Hey, you know what? 320 00:11:48,837 --> 00:11:50,100 I don't like what's happening here. 321 00:11:50,144 --> 00:11:51,100 I am coming home. 322 00:11:51,144 --> 00:11:53,581 [tires screech, horns blaring] 323 00:11:53,625 --> 00:11:55,235 Just relax. I think he really likes me. 324 00:11:55,278 --> 00:11:56,889 Oh, it's Cece. I have to take this. 325 00:11:56,932 --> 00:11:57,803 Cece, hi. 326 00:11:57,846 --> 00:11:59,370 [Cece screaming] 327 00:11:59,413 --> 00:12:00,414 What's going on? 328 00:12:00,457 --> 00:12:01,937 I fell asleep on my hand! 329 00:12:01,981 --> 00:12:04,245 [tires screech] 330 00:12:06,855 --> 00:12:08,162 [screams]: Oh! 331 00:12:08,205 --> 00:12:10,554 It's not as bad as I thought. 332 00:12:10,599 --> 00:12:11,817 [groans] 333 00:12:11,860 --> 00:12:13,123 I'm getting married tomorrow, 334 00:12:13,167 --> 00:12:14,864 and I look like Mike Tyson! 335 00:12:14,908 --> 00:12:16,909 Okay, nothing a little cotton balls and olive oil can't fix. 336 00:12:16,952 --> 00:12:20,000 In a few minutes, we are gonna laugh about this. We will laugh. 337 00:12:20,043 --> 00:12:21,043 Okay. 338 00:12:22,741 --> 00:12:24,918 This is funny later. Okay. 339 00:12:24,961 --> 00:12:26,788 Uh-huh. Oh, see? 340 00:12:26,832 --> 00:12:27,921 It's coming right off. 341 00:12:27,963 --> 00:12:29,009 [chuckles] 342 00:12:34,448 --> 00:12:35,624 Um... 343 00:12:35,667 --> 00:12:37,234 [clears throat] 344 00:12:39,019 --> 00:12:40,759 All gone? 345 00:12:43,500 --> 00:12:45,807 Burkas isn't you guys, is it? 346 00:12:47,461 --> 00:12:50,378 This girl really means a lot to me, Bob. 347 00:12:50,421 --> 00:12:52,989 And I just don't want to screw it up. 348 00:12:53,033 --> 00:12:53,990 Why would you screw it up? 349 00:12:54,033 --> 00:12:55,904 I don't want to make excuses, 350 00:12:55,948 --> 00:12:59,604 but my dad was kind of a... a piece of... 351 00:12:59,648 --> 00:13:02,825 You know, truth be told, Bob, I'm afraid I'm a lot like him. 352 00:13:02,869 --> 00:13:05,219 The mere fact that you just said that means 353 00:13:05,261 --> 00:13:07,090 that you're nothing like your old man. 354 00:13:07,134 --> 00:13:10,745 Any girl would be lucky to have a guy like you. 355 00:13:10,789 --> 00:13:12,052 You mean that? 356 00:13:12,095 --> 00:13:13,139 Yes, I do. 357 00:13:15,054 --> 00:13:16,707 Think I'm gonna say something 358 00:13:16,751 --> 00:13:19,275 that might make you real happy. 359 00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:22,975 That little girl I was talking about, Yolanda? 360 00:13:23,019 --> 00:13:25,847 Her name isn't Yolanda. 361 00:13:25,892 --> 00:13:28,110 It's Jess. 362 00:13:28,154 --> 00:13:30,721 She's your daughter. 363 00:13:30,765 --> 00:13:32,855 I'll kill you![shrieking] 364 00:13:32,899 --> 00:13:34,943 You're dead! You're dead! 365 00:13:39,253 --> 00:13:41,341 Hi, you-you tattooed my friend this morning for her wedding. 366 00:13:41,384 --> 00:13:44,126 Is there a quick way of getting it off? 367 00:13:44,171 --> 00:13:46,042 Uh-huh. Okay! 368 00:13:46,086 --> 00:13:47,434 Um, wonderful. 369 00:13:47,477 --> 00:13:49,001 Thank you so much, Dipti. 370 00:13:49,044 --> 00:13:50,480 That's awesome. Thanks. 371 00:13:50,524 --> 00:13:52,221 It's not coming off.Nope, it's not. 372 00:13:52,265 --> 00:13:53,484 Absolutely not. 373 00:13:53,528 --> 00:13:55,355 Okay, look, um, Cece, 374 00:13:55,399 --> 00:13:57,009 I think maybe you should call Shivrang. 375 00:13:57,052 --> 00:13:59,229 I don't want him to see me like this, Jess! 376 00:13:59,273 --> 00:14:00,708 Like, what have you done?! 377 00:14:00,751 --> 00:14:02,928 I done? You're the dummy who fell asleep on your hands! 378 00:14:02,971 --> 00:14:05,888 I'm so sorry. That shouldn't have come out of my mouth. 379 00:14:05,932 --> 00:14:08,107 That was really uncool. I've just had a crazy 24 hours, 380 00:14:08,150 --> 00:14:10,719 and... I slept with Nick last night. 381 00:14:10,761 --> 00:14:12,373 You slept with Nick?I don't know. I think it might 382 00:14:12,416 --> 00:14:14,288 be the start of something, like, really amazing. 383 00:14:14,331 --> 00:14:16,332 Mm-hmm, sure.I don't want to get my hopes up, but it could be something. 384 00:14:16,376 --> 00:14:17,943 It could not be something.Sure. Makes sense. 385 00:14:17,986 --> 00:14:20,293 I don't know.I have a full beard! 386 00:14:20,336 --> 00:14:21,599 [groaning]: No. 387 00:14:21,643 --> 00:14:23,036 Oh, no, no. 388 00:14:23,078 --> 00:14:24,994 I'm not scared of you, dude. 389 00:14:25,038 --> 00:14:26,125 What are you doing with that? 390 00:14:26,168 --> 00:14:27,996 Put that down; I'm not gonna hurt you. 391 00:14:38,051 --> 00:14:39,095 JESS: Okay. 392 00:14:39,139 --> 00:14:40,705 Okay, conversation's over. 393 00:14:40,749 --> 00:14:43,099 Nick, hands up, back away. What is this? 394 00:14:43,143 --> 00:14:44,709 Dad, you're coming with me now. 395 00:14:44,753 --> 00:14:45,927 You want to get rid of me? 396 00:14:45,971 --> 00:14:47,364 So you two can do it again? 397 00:14:47,408 --> 00:14:49,758 What?! You told him?! 398 00:14:49,801 --> 00:14:51,586 God, I knew you would blurt it out. 399 00:14:51,629 --> 00:14:53,630 Shows how much you know; I didn't blurt it out. 400 00:14:53,674 --> 00:14:55,024 I told him on purpose. 401 00:14:55,067 --> 00:14:55,981 Why would you do that?! 402 00:14:56,024 --> 00:14:57,200 What is wrong with you?! 403 00:14:57,244 --> 00:14:59,201 I wanted him to like me-- in fact, I want 404 00:14:59,245 --> 00:15:00,812 all fathers to like me. 405 00:15:00,855 --> 00:15:02,292 I wonder what that's about. 406 00:15:02,336 --> 00:15:03,946 W-What, do you owe money on the rent? 407 00:15:03,990 --> 00:15:05,120 I mean, what-what is going on here? 408 00:15:05,164 --> 00:15:06,948 Dad, I don't know what's going on. 409 00:15:06,993 --> 00:15:08,820 We haven't had a chance to talk it out yet. 410 00:15:08,864 --> 00:15:09,951 Well, when did this happen?Last night. 411 00:15:09,995 --> 00:15:11,605 Nick!Why am I telling you this? 412 00:15:11,649 --> 00:15:13,216 Jess, why are you picking him? 413 00:15:13,259 --> 00:15:15,174 He's a lazy, drunken cable thief. 414 00:15:15,217 --> 00:15:16,524 Wh-What's wrong with Wilson? 415 00:15:16,567 --> 00:15:17,786 Dad, there's nothing wrong with Nick. 416 00:15:17,828 --> 00:15:18,787 You don't even know him. 417 00:15:18,830 --> 00:15:20,092 I do know him. 418 00:15:20,135 --> 00:15:21,658 I know him. 419 00:15:21,702 --> 00:15:24,619 When I was young, I was confused, I was lost, 420 00:15:24,662 --> 00:15:26,011 I had no plan. 421 00:15:26,054 --> 00:15:28,666 But I went ahead and got married anyway. 422 00:15:28,710 --> 00:15:30,754 And if I had figured things out before I got married, 423 00:15:30,798 --> 00:15:32,278 I might still be with your mother. 424 00:15:33,366 --> 00:15:35,325 So I do know you. 425 00:15:35,369 --> 00:15:36,979 You're not your father. 426 00:15:37,023 --> 00:15:38,501 You're me. 427 00:15:40,025 --> 00:15:43,202 And I'm not good enough for my little girl. 428 00:15:45,073 --> 00:15:46,989 Yeah, I got my own damn cake, 429 00:15:47,033 --> 00:15:48,381 and you can't have none! 430 00:15:50,384 --> 00:15:52,038 I got to... 431 00:15:52,081 --> 00:15:54,562 Nick, wait, Nick...No, I really... 432 00:15:54,605 --> 00:15:55,562 Damn it, Dad![door closes] 433 00:15:55,605 --> 00:15:57,303 You know I'm right. 434 00:16:00,089 --> 00:16:01,134 [cell phone chimes] 435 00:16:01,177 --> 00:16:02,657 Oh, I have to go. 436 00:16:02,700 --> 00:16:04,745 I have to go back to school now. 437 00:16:10,273 --> 00:16:12,014 You sure you want to be eating so much cake 438 00:16:12,057 --> 00:16:13,188 with a body like that? 439 00:16:21,414 --> 00:16:24,025 [school bell ringing, kids clamoring] 440 00:16:24,070 --> 00:16:25,375 Guys? 441 00:16:25,418 --> 00:16:27,289 Guys? 442 00:16:30,293 --> 00:16:32,207 I've had a bad day! 443 00:16:32,251 --> 00:16:33,253 [clamoring stops] 444 00:16:33,296 --> 00:16:35,211 Sit down! 445 00:16:35,254 --> 00:16:37,865 All of you! 446 00:16:37,908 --> 00:16:39,215 What is with everyone today? 447 00:16:39,259 --> 00:16:41,303 Everything started so good. 448 00:16:42,523 --> 00:16:45,047 Boy. 449 00:16:45,091 --> 00:16:46,091 My roommate. 450 00:16:46,134 --> 00:16:47,397 [chuckles] 451 00:16:47,441 --> 00:16:49,442 It was good, I'm not gonna lie. 452 00:16:49,485 --> 00:16:50,922 It was very good. 453 00:16:50,966 --> 00:16:53,273 But I can't date my dad. 454 00:16:57,581 --> 00:17:01,280 Look... life's messy. 455 00:17:01,323 --> 00:17:04,240 It kicks you in the ass. 456 00:17:04,284 --> 00:17:07,634 That's right, I said "ass." 457 00:17:07,678 --> 00:17:09,506 But it does, it kicks you in the ass. 458 00:17:09,549 --> 00:17:11,942 And, um... 459 00:17:11,987 --> 00:17:15,250 the messy parts are the... 460 00:17:15,295 --> 00:17:17,513 best parts. 461 00:17:25,173 --> 00:17:26,784 Thank you, Miguel. 462 00:17:26,827 --> 00:17:29,221 The gesture is very sweet. 463 00:17:29,265 --> 00:17:31,093 These are very bad for you. 464 00:17:31,136 --> 00:17:32,094 I've got a car. 465 00:17:32,137 --> 00:17:34,269 I could take you to the movies. 466 00:17:34,314 --> 00:17:35,531 [chuckles]: No, you don't... 467 00:17:35,576 --> 00:17:36,619 You do? 468 00:17:40,711 --> 00:17:42,365 Jess called you? 469 00:17:42,409 --> 00:17:44,279 Yeah, she said you needed me. 470 00:17:44,324 --> 00:17:46,281 She also told me to watch out for the girl 471 00:17:46,326 --> 00:17:48,153 who looked like Mandy Patinkin. 472 00:17:48,197 --> 00:17:50,329 We can't get married like this. 473 00:17:50,373 --> 00:17:52,244 Hey, look, if this is our biggest problem, 474 00:17:52,288 --> 00:17:54,115 I'll take it. 475 00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:56,336 I'll make a call and fix it. 476 00:17:56,378 --> 00:17:58,119 [Italian music playing] 477 00:18:02,167 --> 00:18:04,344 Now that your mom's dead, 478 00:18:04,386 --> 00:18:06,563 do you do all the landlording yourself? 479 00:18:06,606 --> 00:18:07,651 [chuckles] 480 00:18:10,175 --> 00:18:11,567 Uh-huh. 481 00:18:17,008 --> 00:18:18,575 You want to dance? 482 00:18:20,403 --> 00:18:22,839 I'm wearing the shirt that you got me. 483 00:18:24,798 --> 00:18:27,888 Did you think I threw it away? 484 00:18:30,108 --> 00:18:31,326 Frogetaboutit. 485 00:18:31,371 --> 00:18:32,849 Go home, Schmidt. 486 00:18:32,894 --> 00:18:34,416 I don't want to go home, Elizabeth. 487 00:18:34,461 --> 00:18:35,375 [music fades] 488 00:18:35,417 --> 00:18:37,072 Look, I want to be with you. 489 00:18:37,115 --> 00:18:39,204 And I-I don't care who knows it. 490 00:18:42,424 --> 00:18:43,425 Hey, Geppetto. 491 00:18:43,470 --> 00:18:45,515 Make with the "oom pah pah." 492 00:18:45,558 --> 00:18:47,343 [Italian music playing] 493 00:19:07,450 --> 00:19:09,451 [air blowing] 494 00:19:15,675 --> 00:19:18,113 We have a pump that can blow that thing up 495 00:19:18,156 --> 00:19:20,420 in, like, two seconds. 496 00:19:20,462 --> 00:19:23,553 I prefer to do this the old-fashioned way. 497 00:19:23,596 --> 00:19:27,426 I know that's not the way things are done around here. 498 00:19:27,470 --> 00:19:29,255 So long as I'm in town, 499 00:19:29,298 --> 00:19:32,779 I am going to sleep between you and him. 500 00:19:32,823 --> 00:19:35,434 Dad, you don't have to worry about me. 501 00:19:35,478 --> 00:19:37,611 I know you think this is gonna be a mess, 502 00:19:37,653 --> 00:19:39,394 but it's my mess. 503 00:19:39,439 --> 00:19:42,268 Jess, I'm your father. 504 00:19:43,355 --> 00:19:46,619 I'll always worry about you. 505 00:19:46,663 --> 00:19:48,056 [blowing] 506 00:19:49,449 --> 00:19:51,190 ♪ 507 00:19:54,323 --> 00:19:55,454 [phone chimes] 508 00:20:03,114 --> 00:20:06,596 ♪ What do you say 509 00:20:06,640 --> 00:20:10,338 ♪ Is this the time 510 00:20:10,383 --> 00:20:13,385 ♪ For one more try 511 00:20:13,429 --> 00:20:16,519 ♪ At a happy life... 512 00:20:18,868 --> 00:20:22,481 This was the breakfast I was gonna give you this morning. 513 00:20:22,525 --> 00:20:24,527 ♪ Is this unwise 514 00:20:26,442 --> 00:20:28,443 ♪ To think my fears... 515 00:20:28,488 --> 00:20:31,446 Hey, um... 516 00:20:31,490 --> 00:20:33,449 I hope my dad didn't get in your head. 517 00:20:33,492 --> 00:20:35,277 No. 518 00:20:35,320 --> 00:20:37,147 Uh, no, uh... 519 00:20:37,192 --> 00:20:39,499 Oh, look who took the romance spot. 520 00:20:39,541 --> 00:20:41,761 We were just gonna match up constellations with 521 00:20:41,805 --> 00:20:43,415 the mole patterns on my back. 522 00:20:43,459 --> 00:20:46,201 Then we're gonna get drunk and try to find people doing it. 523 00:20:46,244 --> 00:20:47,288 [chuckles]: Yeah. 524 00:20:47,333 --> 00:20:49,509 First come, first serve. Scram. 525 00:20:49,551 --> 00:20:50,901 Oh, is that how it is now? 526 00:20:50,944 --> 00:20:53,469 You just own the roof? 527 00:20:53,512 --> 00:20:55,123 Hey, what's everybody do...? 528 00:20:55,165 --> 00:20:57,733 You guys remembered? 529 00:20:57,778 --> 00:20:59,345 [chuckles]: Oh, my good... 530 00:20:59,387 --> 00:21:01,172 This whole time, I thought you guys forgot. 531 00:21:01,215 --> 00:21:03,173 Is that a golden telescope? 532 00:21:03,218 --> 00:21:06,568 You know how much I love to explore space and time, man! 533 00:21:06,613 --> 00:21:08,179 Thank you! 534 00:21:08,222 --> 00:21:09,484 Happy birthday!I love you. 535 00:21:09,528 --> 00:21:12,227 Happy birthday.Hey, happy birthday! 536 00:21:12,270 --> 00:21:13,923 It's the birthday boy. 537 00:21:13,968 --> 00:21:15,448 Come here, I'm gonna set it up for you. 538 00:21:15,490 --> 00:21:16,665 Why can't I have the telescope? 539 00:21:16,710 --> 00:21:18,232 SCHMIDT: But it's my telescope. 540 00:21:18,277 --> 00:21:21,236 WINSTON: Thought it was for me. 541 00:21:28,548 --> 00:21:30,201 Get in, get into it, man.Yay, the birthday boy! 542 00:21:30,244 --> 00:21:31,159 Get into it.Get in there, birthday boy! 543 00:21:31,201 --> 00:21:32,508 Happy birthday, Winston.