1
00:00:02,480 --> 00:00:03,915
Just come, Nick. Why not?

2
00:00:03,960 --> 00:00:06,179
Angie and I are not
romantic weekend types.

3
00:00:06,222 --> 00:00:08,704
Sounds like you need
some fresh air in a cabin

4
00:00:08,746 --> 00:00:10,487
[blows raspberry]You're dating a stripper.

5
00:00:10,532 --> 00:00:12,054
I'm dating a tall,
handsome doctor.

6
00:00:12,099 --> 00:00:14,275
We're both kind
of living the dream.

7
00:00:14,317 --> 00:00:15,275
We're not "dating."

8
00:00:15,319 --> 00:00:16,233
What Angie and I have together

9
00:00:16,277 --> 00:00:18,147
is pure anarchy

10
00:00:18,192 --> 00:00:20,062
in like, a sexy, cool way.

11
00:00:20,106 --> 00:00:22,065
Oh, yeah?Look at what she did
while I was sleeping.

12
00:00:22,109 --> 00:00:23,414
Look at how cool that is.

13
00:00:23,457 --> 00:00:25,199
She doodled on your armpit?

14
00:00:25,242 --> 00:00:27,157
It's not a doodle, it's a tat.Of poodle hair?

15
00:00:27,201 --> 00:00:28,724
It's not poodle hair.
It's like the, uh...

16
00:00:28,766 --> 00:00:31,204
Anyway, no to the cabin.

17
00:00:31,248 --> 00:00:33,293
All right.And why do you want us to come

18
00:00:33,337 --> 00:00:34,773
on your romantic weekend anyhow?

19
00:00:34,817 --> 00:00:36,296
I thought it was just supposed
to be you and the doctor.

20
00:00:36,340 --> 00:00:38,081
Okay, I'm a little nervous.

21
00:00:38,125 --> 00:00:39,213
I just need backup.

22
00:00:39,256 --> 00:00:40,430
I want this weekend to be fun

23
00:00:40,475 --> 00:00:42,780
and perfect

24
00:00:42,825 --> 00:00:45,523
and lovely, and I want him
to look at me at the end and go,

25
00:00:45,567 --> 00:00:48,091
"Jess, that was the best weekend
I ever had."

26
00:00:48,134 --> 00:00:50,137
I'm glad you're keeping
your expectations at
a reasonable level.

27
00:00:50,179 --> 00:00:51,789
Come on, it'll be fun.

28
00:00:51,834 --> 00:00:53,226
Roast marshmallows,
Yeah.

29
00:00:53,270 --> 00:00:55,271
make a fire,
Oh, yeah.

30
00:00:55,316 --> 00:00:56,143
and sleep on a bear rug.

31
00:00:56,185 --> 00:00:58,274
You in?
Ooh, no.

32
00:00:58,319 --> 00:00:59,798
Jess, I'm sorry.
We're not going

33
00:00:59,841 --> 00:01:01,103
this weekend.All right.

34
00:01:01,148 --> 00:01:02,149
But it's free.

35
00:01:02,192 --> 00:01:03,280
You say free?
Yep.

36
00:01:03,323 --> 00:01:04,585
Yeah, we're 100% in.

37
00:01:04,629 --> 00:01:06,108
I'll go pack now.
Okay.

38
00:01:06,153 --> 00:01:08,155
♪ Who's that girl?

39
00:01:08,198 --> 00:01:10,287
♪ Who's that girl?♪♪ It's Jess.

40
00:01:13,246 --> 00:01:14,290
[whistles]

41
00:01:16,162 --> 00:01:17,947
Oh, wait, wait, wait,
keep this in mind, right?

42
00:01:17,989 --> 00:01:19,688
Now, I have a spatula in
my hand the entire time,

43
00:01:19,730 --> 00:01:22,125
and I'm looking her directly
in the eye, and I say,

44
00:01:22,168 --> 00:01:23,299
"You're damn right
I want some cake."

45
00:01:23,343 --> 00:01:25,171
[laughter]Kind of weird.

46
00:01:25,215 --> 00:01:26,825
Hey, what's up?
Guys, this is Schmidt.

47
00:01:26,868 --> 00:01:27,825
SCHMIDT:
Hey.

48
00:01:27,870 --> 00:01:29,045
Ready to go?

49
00:01:29,088 --> 00:01:30,307
Yeah, no, let's do it.

50
00:01:30,350 --> 00:01:31,307
It's nice meeting you all.

51
00:01:31,352 --> 00:01:33,484
Hey, uh, Winston,

52
00:01:33,527 --> 00:01:35,311
who are those guys?

53
00:01:35,355 --> 00:01:36,921
I don't know, I just met them
on the way to the bathroom.

54
00:01:36,966 --> 00:01:38,314
But you were so light
and charming.

55
00:01:38,359 --> 00:01:39,316
You were like Pixar Winston.

56
00:01:39,359 --> 00:01:40,838
Yeah, we were
just chilling, man,

57
00:01:40,883 --> 00:01:42,319
just having a conversation.

58
00:01:42,362 --> 00:01:43,319
We can stay, if you want.

59
00:01:43,364 --> 00:01:44,146
No, Schmidt,
I don't want to stay.

60
00:01:44,191 --> 00:01:45,627
I want to eat.

61
00:01:45,670 --> 00:01:47,628
Come on, man.

62
00:01:50,326 --> 00:01:52,329
White Nick, brown Cece.

63
00:01:52,372 --> 00:01:54,853
I'd like to have
a frank discussion about race.

64
00:01:54,896 --> 00:01:56,551
[groans]Do you think that we're

65
00:01:56,593 --> 00:01:58,640
allowing Winston
to be his blackest self?

66
00:01:58,682 --> 00:02:00,989
I'm not gonna do this.Okay, make sure Jess
gets these, okay?

67
00:02:01,033 --> 00:02:02,034
Guys, please, I'm being serious.

68
00:02:02,078 --> 00:02:03,209
Okay, Schmidty,

69
00:02:03,253 --> 00:02:04,558
I know that you're
being serious,

70
00:02:04,602 --> 00:02:08,170
but look, Winston has been black
his entire life.

71
00:02:08,215 --> 00:02:09,824
I think he knows how
to handle it.

72
00:02:09,867 --> 00:02:11,305
We were out
the other night for drinks,

73
00:02:11,348 --> 00:02:15,308
and well, he encountered
some members of his own,

74
00:02:15,352 --> 00:02:17,223
and you should have seen
the way that he lit up.

75
00:02:17,266 --> 00:02:20,182
I mean, he was like
a glow stick.

76
00:02:20,227 --> 00:02:22,271
This is terrible.Whatever you were gonna
do, please do not.

77
00:02:22,316 --> 00:02:23,968
Just don't do it.I want to create

78
00:02:24,013 --> 00:02:26,233
an environment within this loft
where Winston feels free,

79
00:02:26,276 --> 00:02:28,235
where the gates are open.
Let's let Winston

80
00:02:28,277 --> 00:02:30,627
turn on his-his black switch

81
00:02:30,671 --> 00:02:32,848
and let his black light shine.

82
00:02:34,066 --> 00:02:35,807
JESS:
This is perfect.

83
00:02:35,850 --> 00:02:37,853
Yes, it is a weekend
in the woods.

84
00:02:37,896 --> 00:02:39,593
I'm just glad that we get
to spend some time together.

85
00:02:39,637 --> 00:02:40,724
Yeah.

86
00:02:42,423 --> 00:02:44,381
Hey.

87
00:02:44,425 --> 00:02:45,338
Yeah!

88
00:02:45,382 --> 00:02:46,905
Oh, look, it's Jackie O.

89
00:02:46,949 --> 00:02:48,906
Me? All right, thanks.Yeah, you.

90
00:02:48,950 --> 00:02:51,344
Sorry we're late. I had to stop
and buy this bitch-ass a helmet.

91
00:02:51,388 --> 00:02:53,216
because he wouldn't
stop being a bitch-ass.

92
00:02:53,259 --> 00:02:54,913
The helmet we got
at a rest stop,

93
00:02:54,956 --> 00:02:56,349
the shades are mine.

94
00:02:56,393 --> 00:02:57,350
[laughter]Yeah.

95
00:02:57,394 --> 00:02:59,614
Free cabin! Whoo!

96
00:02:59,656 --> 00:03:01,223
It's actually
my boss's cabin.

97
00:03:01,268 --> 00:03:04,139
That's great! Whoo!Yeah! USA, USA!

98
00:03:05,881 --> 00:03:08,361
Indian food, dinner? You down?

99
00:03:08,405 --> 00:03:09,841
I thought maybe
we'd eat at a place

100
00:03:09,884 --> 00:03:11,581
where you wanted to eat
at tonight, Winston.

101
00:03:11,626 --> 00:03:14,455
As a strong black man.

102
00:03:14,497 --> 00:03:15,847
What?
What are you talking about?

103
00:03:15,890 --> 00:03:17,413
Hey, man, I get it.

104
00:03:17,457 --> 00:03:19,024
There are just some nights
where I'm dying

105
00:03:19,068 --> 00:03:20,461
for my zadie's egg salad,

106
00:03:20,503 --> 00:03:23,246
pastrami piled a mile high,

107
00:03:23,289 --> 00:03:25,335
some matzo, kreplach...

108
00:03:25,378 --> 00:03:27,163
Let's eat some soul food.

109
00:03:27,206 --> 00:03:28,817
Schmidt, I want Indian,
southern Indian.

110
00:03:28,860 --> 00:03:30,210
Also, I got you something.

111
00:03:36,998 --> 00:03:39,262
Jah rastafari.Take this damn
thing off my head.

112
00:03:39,305 --> 00:03:41,742
Okay, I'm sorry.
You're right.

113
00:03:41,786 --> 00:03:43,439
Forget the hat.
Just, I made a mistake.

114
00:03:43,484 --> 00:03:44,441
I just...

115
00:03:44,485 --> 00:03:45,703
[sighs]

116
00:03:45,747 --> 00:03:47,401
Winston, tonight is about you.

117
00:03:47,444 --> 00:03:49,881
I want to be the black friend
that you never had.

118
00:03:49,925 --> 00:03:51,448
I have black friends, Schmidt.

119
00:03:51,491 --> 00:03:52,319
I want you to feel supported.

120
00:03:52,361 --> 00:03:54,320
I want you to be able
to do

121
00:03:54,364 --> 00:03:56,235
the things that you don't feel
like I understand.

122
00:03:59,021 --> 00:04:01,066
Okay. So that means
you're gonna do

123
00:04:01,110 --> 00:04:03,895
whatever I say?
I mean,
as long as it's gangster.

124
00:04:03,938 --> 00:04:05,941
Or not. It doesn't have
to be gangster.Well, Schmidt,

125
00:04:05,984 --> 00:04:08,073
I want to say thank you
for allowing me to be me

126
00:04:08,116 --> 00:04:09,292
and I look forward to sharing

127
00:04:09,336 --> 00:04:10,510
my people's culture
with you tonight.

128
00:04:12,774 --> 00:04:15,298
I've never played
sexy Boggle before.

129
00:04:15,342 --> 00:04:18,997
I'm gonna get into that later.

130
00:04:19,040 --> 00:04:20,084
Ow-ooh!

131
00:04:20,129 --> 00:04:22,173
Oops. Okay.

132
00:04:22,218 --> 00:04:23,480
Hey, guys.

133
00:04:23,524 --> 00:04:26,177
Sorry, we were just unpacking.

134
00:04:26,221 --> 00:04:28,398
We could hear very clearly.
Very clearly.

135
00:04:28,442 --> 00:04:29,747
Hey, you got
a high-pitched scream, man.

136
00:04:29,790 --> 00:04:31,401
Yeah, I do.

137
00:04:31,444 --> 00:04:33,447
So, you guys, we are
playing best of 35,

138
00:04:33,490 --> 00:04:35,579
um, 'cause I thought you guys

139
00:04:35,622 --> 00:04:36,927
were gonna hang out with us.

140
00:04:36,971 --> 00:04:38,887
Oh.
SAM:
Oh, Angie,

141
00:04:38,930 --> 00:04:40,409
this is my boss's cabin.

142
00:04:40,454 --> 00:04:41,454
[yelling]

143
00:04:41,497 --> 00:04:43,151
Oh! This is it!

144
00:04:43,194 --> 00:04:45,153
Where were these
when we were having sex?

145
00:04:45,197 --> 00:04:47,417
That's how I feel. What?

146
00:04:47,461 --> 00:04:48,548
Let's go shoot things.Yeah.

147
00:04:48,591 --> 00:04:50,463
Okay.Not scared.

148
00:04:50,507 --> 00:04:53,553
Just be careful, please.Good, yep.

149
00:04:53,596 --> 00:04:54,555
[outside, yelling happily][muffled]: Yeah!

150
00:04:54,598 --> 00:04:56,252
All right, well...
[clears throat]

151
00:04:56,295 --> 00:04:58,341
That's all right.
Sam,
are you having fun?

152
00:04:58,384 --> 00:05:00,560
'Cause I really, really
want you to have fun.

153
00:05:00,603 --> 00:05:02,432
Course I am.
I'm here with you.
Good.

154
00:05:02,475 --> 00:05:03,389
You know?
Okay, good.

155
00:05:03,432 --> 00:05:04,478
[gunshot]Drink hot cocoa.

156
00:05:04,521 --> 00:05:05,435
It's not much fun

157
00:05:05,478 --> 00:05:06,523
without someone firing back.

158
00:05:06,567 --> 00:05:09,439
You're amazing!

159
00:05:09,483 --> 00:05:11,353
ANGIE:
Wow!

160
00:05:11,398 --> 00:05:12,615
That is not safe.

161
00:05:12,660 --> 00:05:15,619
[gunfire continues]That is really reckless.

162
00:05:15,663 --> 00:05:19,057
You want to shoot guns,
don't you?

163
00:05:19,100 --> 00:05:20,624
[gunfire continues]

164
00:05:20,668 --> 00:05:22,451
Go on.

165
00:05:22,495 --> 00:05:24,540
Guys, guys!
Save a bullet!

166
00:05:27,848 --> 00:05:30,024
Could be a little bit closer.

167
00:05:33,463 --> 00:05:35,290
Got to be kidding me.

168
00:05:35,334 --> 00:05:36,466
How do you keep missing?

169
00:05:36,509 --> 00:05:38,555
Come on!

170
00:05:38,598 --> 00:05:39,555
Hey, guys.Hey.

171
00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:41,557
Hey.No gun safety for us, right?

172
00:05:41,601 --> 00:05:43,473
Want to shoot?No, no, no, do not

173
00:05:43,516 --> 00:05:45,432
give her a gun. She cannot
handle having a gun, trust me.

174
00:05:45,475 --> 00:05:48,521
All right, you know what,
yeah, give me the boom stick.

175
00:05:48,564 --> 00:05:50,305
The what?It's not called a boom stick.
It's a rifle. So...

176
00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:51,567
What? Give me the rifle.

177
00:05:51,612 --> 00:05:52,569
Oh, right.

178
00:05:53,875 --> 00:05:56,529
Whoa, yeah, you know what?

179
00:05:56,572 --> 00:05:58,269
I feel powerful.

180
00:05:58,314 --> 00:05:59,576
Whoa! Come on now!

181
00:05:59,620 --> 00:06:00,663
Come on! Hey!

182
00:06:00,708 --> 00:06:01,795
Okay, all right.

183
00:06:01,838 --> 00:06:03,406
Nobody better piss me off.Hey! Jess!

184
00:06:03,449 --> 00:06:04,581
Hey!Jess, thanks.

185
00:06:04,625 --> 00:06:05,800
NICK:
Are you nuts?

186
00:06:05,843 --> 00:06:07,454
ANGIE:
Here, all right,
see that can?
Yep.

187
00:06:07,497 --> 00:06:08,759
All right.But I need like, a back story.

188
00:06:08,802 --> 00:06:10,761
Like, why am I mad at the can?

189
00:06:10,805 --> 00:06:13,547
That can is your
ex-boyfriend, and, uh,

190
00:06:13,589 --> 00:06:16,637
he did not
respect your space

191
00:06:16,680 --> 00:06:19,596
and, um, thought that
your arts and crafts

192
00:06:19,639 --> 00:06:21,423
What?
section of your
house was ridiculous.

193
00:06:21,468 --> 00:06:23,033
And, right, done? Enough?Yeah. No. Yeah.

194
00:06:23,077 --> 00:06:25,819
Yeah.Let me just square
your hips right there.

195
00:06:25,862 --> 00:06:27,603
All right,

196
00:06:27,648 --> 00:06:28,562
center your... there you go.

197
00:06:28,605 --> 00:06:30,346
Now let me just move your hair.

198
00:06:30,389 --> 00:06:32,653
It's so pretty, really curly.Thanks.

199
00:06:32,696 --> 00:06:34,088
Fantasy
and nightmare colliding.

200
00:06:34,132 --> 00:06:35,612
Take a deep breath.

201
00:06:39,485 --> 00:06:41,661
Congrats.

202
00:06:41,704 --> 00:06:42,576
We have no power.

203
00:06:42,619 --> 00:06:43,663
Uh...

204
00:06:43,706 --> 00:06:45,317
I'm just gonna...

205
00:06:45,360 --> 00:06:46,884
Whoa! Jess, that's it.
Let go of the rifle.

206
00:06:46,927 --> 00:06:48,495
I mean it; you're done.
You're done.

207
00:06:52,281 --> 00:06:53,456
SAM:
Jess, I'm having a great time.

208
00:06:53,500 --> 00:06:55,066
Oh, yeah, I'm so mad
at you right now.

209
00:06:55,110 --> 00:06:57,154
Guys, I think that this
just turned into an adventure.

210
00:06:57,199 --> 00:06:58,591
Look what I found
in the owner's closet.

211
00:06:58,634 --> 00:06:59,593
Yes!

212
00:06:59,636 --> 00:07:00,855
Thank you so much.

213
00:07:00,898 --> 00:07:02,247
You rule.
This is good stuff.

214
00:07:02,290 --> 00:07:04,293
See, making the best
of the night. Sweaters.

215
00:07:04,336 --> 00:07:05,903
A little mothy.

216
00:07:05,947 --> 00:07:08,252
Look what else I found
in the owner's closet.
What?

217
00:07:08,297 --> 00:07:10,386
Crème de menthe, guys.

218
00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:11,648
Oh, get in here, girl.

219
00:07:11,692 --> 00:07:12,475
Oh, body warmth.

220
00:07:12,519 --> 00:07:14,259
Take a pull.

221
00:07:14,302 --> 00:07:15,956
Ooh, yeah, pass her over.

222
00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:17,480
Ooh, that's...Yeah.

223
00:07:17,524 --> 00:07:19,134
That is not
crème de menthe.

224
00:07:19,177 --> 00:07:21,483
That is, uh, the green fairy
right there.

225
00:07:21,528 --> 00:07:22,485
It's absinthe.

226
00:07:22,528 --> 00:07:23,660
Yeah, it's absinthe.

227
00:07:23,704 --> 00:07:24,487
Absinthe?

228
00:07:24,531 --> 00:07:25,661
Absinthe...Nice.

229
00:07:25,706 --> 00:07:27,533
has killed so many

230
00:07:27,576 --> 00:07:29,274
of our most famous painters.

231
00:07:29,317 --> 00:07:30,492
Last time I tried absinthe,

232
00:07:30,536 --> 00:07:32,189
I tried to put my car
in my pocket.

233
00:07:32,233 --> 00:07:33,887
ANGIE:
Come on.

234
00:07:33,930 --> 00:07:35,889
Let's get crazy.

235
00:07:35,932 --> 00:07:37,326
SAM:
Come on, babe.

236
00:07:37,369 --> 00:07:38,500
[squeals]

237
00:07:38,545 --> 00:07:40,677
Yeah.

238
00:07:40,721 --> 00:07:41,721
Okay, yeah, yeah.

239
00:07:41,764 --> 00:07:42,678
Yeah.
Yeah.

240
00:07:42,723 --> 00:07:45,290
Perfect weekend!

241
00:07:45,334 --> 00:07:46,509
[yelling]

242
00:07:46,552 --> 00:07:47,728
No, no!
No!

243
00:07:47,771 --> 00:07:49,685
Whoa, too much.

244
00:07:49,730 --> 00:07:50,557
Oh, guys.

245
00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:52,776
I don't feel anything.

246
00:07:52,819 --> 00:07:54,125
SCHMIDT:
Well, those were just the best

247
00:07:54,168 --> 00:07:55,778
ribs that I've ever had.

248
00:07:55,822 --> 00:07:58,173
Ooh, you ain't lying, child.

249
00:07:58,216 --> 00:07:59,740
Thanks for dinner, Schmidt.

250
00:07:59,783 --> 00:08:00,915
You know,
I really appreciate it, man.

251
00:08:00,958 --> 00:08:02,742
I do feel supported.So what's next?

252
00:08:02,786 --> 00:08:04,134
There is this one thing
that I miss.

253
00:08:04,178 --> 00:08:05,658
I probably shouldn't say, man.

254
00:08:05,701 --> 00:08:06,790
I can't.
No, come on.

255
00:08:06,834 --> 00:08:08,096
It's us, man.

256
00:08:08,139 --> 00:08:09,576
[sighs]

257
00:08:09,619 --> 00:08:12,927
Schmidt, I could really go
for some crack.

258
00:08:12,970 --> 00:08:14,624
What?

259
00:08:15,625 --> 00:08:16,582
Crack cocaine?

260
00:08:16,625 --> 00:08:18,540
I remember when I was a kid,

261
00:08:18,584 --> 00:08:20,108
me, my mom,

262
00:08:20,151 --> 00:08:22,023
and her mom, and well, her mom,

263
00:08:22,065 --> 00:08:24,721
and then her mom,
and then of course her mom,

264
00:08:24,764 --> 00:08:26,201
and then my little cousin,
Peanut,

265
00:08:26,244 --> 00:08:28,725
they'd all rush back
to that flaming trash can

266
00:08:28,769 --> 00:08:30,771
where we'd sit around
and harmonize

267
00:08:30,814 --> 00:08:32,729
and just... ♪ shoo-op.

268
00:08:32,773 --> 00:08:33,774
One of those
nights I remember,

269
00:08:33,817 --> 00:08:35,471
well, we ran out of crack.

270
00:08:35,514 --> 00:08:37,472
I'd grab my scarf,
and I would run on down

271
00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:38,822
to the liquor store
where the thugs hang out,

272
00:08:38,865 --> 00:08:41,782
and I would try to get
a good deal on some crack.

273
00:08:41,825 --> 00:08:44,567
Whoo! They never would give me
a good price, man,

274
00:08:44,610 --> 00:08:47,482
but, uh,
I tell you what,

275
00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:50,572
there's nothing like the...
the feel of a fire,

276
00:08:50,616 --> 00:08:52,793
a fresh-baked cookie,

277
00:08:52,836 --> 00:08:56,971
and that sweet, sweet taste
of crack in your lungs.

278
00:08:59,015 --> 00:09:00,626
Okay.

279
00:09:00,669 --> 00:09:02,062
Okay, Winston, yeah.

280
00:09:02,105 --> 00:09:04,586
Sure, I mean, if...

281
00:09:04,630 --> 00:09:08,504
If that is something
that you want to do...

282
00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:09,940
See, I knew you were
gonna judge me.

283
00:09:09,984 --> 00:09:10,941
I knew it.

284
00:09:10,985 --> 00:09:12,682
No, Winston.

285
00:09:12,725 --> 00:09:14,857
I knew you were gonna judge me
and just...

286
00:09:14,902 --> 00:09:17,600
Winston, listen to me.

287
00:09:17,644 --> 00:09:19,080
Look...

288
00:09:19,123 --> 00:09:20,951
if crack cocaine
is what you want,

289
00:09:20,995 --> 00:09:23,605
then crack cocaine is what
we are going to get.

290
00:09:23,649 --> 00:09:25,826
[muffled laughing]How do we do this?

291
00:09:25,869 --> 00:09:27,783
Here's what we do, Schmidt.
We go to the projects, okay?

292
00:09:27,827 --> 00:09:29,480
We knock on some doors.

293
00:09:29,524 --> 00:09:30,787
I'll wait in the car
and take lookout

294
00:09:30,831 --> 00:09:32,528
while you do all the legwork.

295
00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:34,616
Because as you say, you are
in much better shape than I am.

296
00:09:34,661 --> 00:09:36,400
You do have
the body of a Smurf.

297
00:09:36,445 --> 00:09:37,837
We could... We could just
get frozen yogurt.

298
00:09:37,880 --> 00:09:39,621
It's not a big deal.

299
00:09:39,665 --> 00:09:40,797
Schmidt ain't about
no frozen yogurt.

300
00:09:40,841 --> 00:09:43,712
I want to go score
some crack cocaine.

301
00:09:43,756 --> 00:09:44,626
Really?

302
00:09:44,671 --> 00:09:46,280
We're gonna do this.

303
00:09:55,769 --> 00:09:57,857
Look at them.This is a cabin, guys.

304
00:09:57,900 --> 00:09:59,860
Getting wasted on a couple
of shots of absinthe.

305
00:09:59,903 --> 00:10:01,208
Word games, word games,

306
00:10:01,251 --> 00:10:02,863
word games, word games,
word games.

307
00:10:02,905 --> 00:10:04,341
Doctor! Know what I saying...

308
00:10:04,385 --> 00:10:07,693
[Jess squeaking]

309
00:10:07,736 --> 00:10:09,652
I don't think I feel it.

310
00:10:09,696 --> 00:10:10,870
I can't believe
I'm the sober one.

311
00:10:10,913 --> 00:10:13,874
That's actually never
happened in my life.

312
00:10:13,917 --> 00:10:15,527
[goofy accent]:
Who wants to play Charades?

313
00:10:15,571 --> 00:10:17,138
[muttering]
JESS: Me.

314
00:10:17,181 --> 00:10:18,748
One syllable,
one syllable.

315
00:10:18,792 --> 00:10:20,445
[raspy laughter]Movie.

316
00:10:20,489 --> 00:10:21,663
Gattaca.

317
00:10:21,707 --> 00:10:23,753
Oh, I want to be them.

318
00:10:23,797 --> 00:10:25,275
I have to run
upstairs for a sec.

319
00:10:25,320 --> 00:10:27,669
I have it on good authority
my bed has disappeared.

320
00:10:27,713 --> 00:10:29,932
I need to go check it out.

321
00:10:31,760 --> 00:10:33,850
I got to head up there
and take care of that.

322
00:10:33,894 --> 00:10:36,461
Oh, you-you're gonna
go upstairs?

323
00:10:36,504 --> 00:10:38,768
Yeah, yeah.
Now?

324
00:10:38,812 --> 00:10:39,769
Yeah.

325
00:10:39,812 --> 00:10:41,815
Oh, ho-ho-ho, yeah.

326
00:10:41,857 --> 00:10:43,730
Okay.

327
00:10:43,773 --> 00:10:44,904
Have fun.

328
00:10:44,947 --> 00:10:45,818
I will, I guess.

329
00:10:45,861 --> 00:10:46,950
[sighs]

330
00:10:46,994 --> 00:10:49,778
[chuckles]

331
00:10:49,822 --> 00:10:52,086
Up.

332
00:10:53,303 --> 00:10:54,870
Doesn't sound good.

333
00:10:54,914 --> 00:10:56,743
[coughing]
Oh, Jess.

334
00:10:56,786 --> 00:10:58,831
That sounded terrible.The absinthe

335
00:10:58,875 --> 00:11:00,572
has found a new host.

336
00:11:00,615 --> 00:11:01,878
The toilet.

337
00:11:01,922 --> 00:11:02,879
[groans]:
Oh...

338
00:11:02,923 --> 00:11:05,186
I like Angie.

339
00:11:05,229 --> 00:11:07,491
She's cool.
It's kind of like

340
00:11:07,535 --> 00:11:09,798
riding a poorly maintained
carnival ride.

341
00:11:09,842 --> 00:11:11,539
I'm glad you get it.

342
00:11:11,582 --> 00:11:13,019
I think she
really likes you.

343
00:11:14,803 --> 00:11:16,893
All right.

344
00:11:16,937 --> 00:11:18,721
Jeth... I'm not...
I'm-I'm with Jeth.

345
00:11:18,764 --> 00:11:19,940
What?
ANGIE:
Hey, Nick,

346
00:11:19,982 --> 00:11:21,636
look, we switched.

347
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:23,769
SAM [muttering]:
And look... middle
of the night...

348
00:11:27,774 --> 00:11:29,600
What is the big deal?

349
00:11:29,644 --> 00:11:32,952
I... why else did we all
go to a cabin together?

350
00:11:32,995 --> 00:11:34,345
To hike?
[scoffs]

351
00:11:34,389 --> 00:11:36,739
Guys, I'm still
really feeling it.

352
00:11:36,783 --> 00:11:38,610
I just can't believe
you'd do that to Nick.

353
00:11:38,653 --> 00:11:40,090
She didn't do
anything to me.

354
00:11:40,134 --> 00:11:41,091
We have an open
relationship.

355
00:11:41,134 --> 00:11:42,309
She can do whatever

356
00:11:42,352 --> 00:11:43,441
she wants.
I don't care.

357
00:11:43,485 --> 00:11:44,965
Enough. I'm tired of you

358
00:11:45,008 --> 00:11:46,879
acting like this cool guy

359
00:11:46,923 --> 00:11:48,881
with an "open relationship."

360
00:11:48,924 --> 00:11:50,317
That is not you.

361
00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:51,971
Yes, it is, Jess.

362
00:11:52,014 --> 00:11:53,974
Why won't you just
let me be me? This is me!

363
00:11:54,017 --> 00:11:55,975
I'm sorry.
I just don't believe you.

364
00:11:56,019 --> 00:11:57,106
You're not this guy.

365
00:11:57,150 --> 00:11:59,022
No, no, no, I'm not
feeling good...

366
00:11:59,066 --> 00:12:01,197
At least we don't pretend
to be this perfect couple.

367
00:12:01,241 --> 00:12:03,897
I do not pretend
to be a perfect couple.

368
00:12:03,940 --> 00:12:05,115
The only reason that we're here

369
00:12:05,158 --> 00:12:06,551
is 'cause you
asked us to come,

370
00:12:06,595 --> 00:12:07,596
'cause you didn't want

371
00:12:07,639 --> 00:12:09,250
to be alone with Dr. Sam.

372
00:12:09,293 --> 00:12:10,947
'Cause then you'd
have to be real with him.

373
00:12:10,990 --> 00:12:12,818
Jess? Is that true?

374
00:12:12,861 --> 00:12:14,951
Yes, but no...
it's out of context.

375
00:12:14,995 --> 00:12:16,212
It's out of context, Nick.

376
00:12:16,256 --> 00:12:18,562
You think you know
everything about me.

377
00:12:18,606 --> 00:12:20,870
I'm a rock and roll guy.You are the guy

378
00:12:20,913 --> 00:12:22,828
who asks me to light
matches for you

379
00:12:22,871 --> 00:12:25,004
'cause you're afraid your
fingers are gonna get too hot.

380
00:12:25,048 --> 00:12:27,006
I did that one time.Multiple times.

381
00:12:27,049 --> 00:12:28,835
I was on the back of
a motorcycle earlier,

382
00:12:28,878 --> 00:12:30,575
and I wasn't even that scared.

383
00:12:30,619 --> 00:12:32,054
You don't think I'm crazy?No.

384
00:12:32,099 --> 00:12:34,491
Would a sane
man do this?

385
00:12:34,536 --> 00:12:36,364
[gasps]
Oh!

386
00:12:36,407 --> 00:12:39,192
Oh![clapping]

387
00:12:39,235 --> 00:12:40,802
Whoa, whoa,
whoa, hold on.

388
00:12:40,846 --> 00:12:42,370
You're doing it.
You're doing a lot of it.

389
00:12:42,413 --> 00:12:43,850
You need to just pace
it a little bit...

390
00:12:43,893 --> 00:12:45,067
Oh, whoa,
that...

391
00:12:45,111 --> 00:12:46,504
you're really
doing it.

392
00:12:46,548 --> 00:12:47,854
[retches]
Whoa!

393
00:12:47,897 --> 00:12:49,725
[sighs]

394
00:12:53,947 --> 00:12:55,991
Well?

395
00:12:56,036 --> 00:12:59,038
I suppose we could just
get out and ask any of
these street youths.

396
00:12:59,081 --> 00:13:00,039
WINSTON: I'll let you get
out the car first.

397
00:13:00,082 --> 00:13:01,128
Go ahead, do your thing, man.

398
00:13:01,171 --> 00:13:02,519
I don't want to ask
the wrong person

399
00:13:02,563 --> 00:13:03,870
and end up with
some sub-par crack.

400
00:13:03,913 --> 00:13:05,393
I want the fresh
crack, you know?

401
00:13:05,436 --> 00:13:07,961
Not some crack that's been
laying around all day.

402
00:13:08,004 --> 00:13:11,225
Ooh... I'm really
starting to schvitz.

403
00:13:11,268 --> 00:13:12,835
We don't have to do this.
Man, we could just

404
00:13:12,879 --> 00:13:14,270
turn this car around,
forget this ever happened,

405
00:13:14,315 --> 00:13:15,969
and get you some
frozen yogurt.

406
00:13:16,011 --> 00:13:18,014
I will not let you deny
who you are any longer.

407
00:13:18,057 --> 00:13:18,798
Not on my watch.

408
00:13:20,059 --> 00:13:21,669
Schmidt...
Hey, psst!

409
00:13:21,712 --> 00:13:23,846
Schmidt, no.
Yes. Skee-you!

410
00:13:23,889 --> 00:13:25,543
Skee-you!
Schmidt!

411
00:13:25,586 --> 00:13:26,849
You, dude.

412
00:13:26,893 --> 00:13:27,980
Don't call that man
to this car.

413
00:13:28,024 --> 00:13:28,937
Hi, how are you this evening?

414
00:13:28,981 --> 00:13:30,940
What do you
guys need?

415
00:13:30,984 --> 00:13:32,028
It's cool,
just get in the car, man.

416
00:13:32,072 --> 00:13:33,855
What cool?Yeah, we're cool.

417
00:13:33,899 --> 00:13:35,726
Schmidt, you did not invite
this guy in this car.

418
00:13:35,770 --> 00:13:37,467
He could be crazy,
could have a gun.

419
00:13:37,511 --> 00:13:39,078
That's a racist thing to
say, Winston, that he...Stop it, Schmidt...

420
00:13:39,121 --> 00:13:40,688
Just assuming that
this man has a pistol.

421
00:13:40,731 --> 00:13:41,864
Hi, sir.

422
00:13:41,908 --> 00:13:43,125
How are you
this evening?

423
00:13:43,169 --> 00:13:46,869
Um, the two of us
are very interested

424
00:13:46,913 --> 00:13:48,087
in purchasing
some crack cocaine.

425
00:13:48,130 --> 00:13:49,350
You guys cops?

426
00:13:49,393 --> 00:13:51,091
What?Okay, let me out.

427
00:13:51,134 --> 00:13:52,570
Schmidt, Schmidt...
I was just messing
with you, man.

428
00:13:52,614 --> 00:13:53,919
Okay? I was just
trying to see

429
00:13:53,962 --> 00:13:55,442
how far your stupid white
guilt would take you.

430
00:13:55,485 --> 00:13:57,096
Have you ever
done crack?

431
00:13:57,139 --> 00:13:58,967
Hell, no, I've never
done crack, man.

432
00:13:59,011 --> 00:14:00,274
Why do you think I've done
crack? Because I'm black?

433
00:14:00,317 --> 00:14:01,448
I thought you'd done crack
'cause you told me

434
00:14:01,491 --> 00:14:02,754
the whole story
about you doing crack.

435
00:14:02,798 --> 00:14:03,929
I thought you guys just
needed directions, okay?

436
00:14:03,972 --> 00:14:05,539
Let me out!Okay, sir.

437
00:14:05,582 --> 00:14:07,149
Just calm down,
all right?
Oh, please, man.

438
00:14:07,193 --> 00:14:09,326
Be cool.Fine, okay, look, you want it?
You want it? Look!

439
00:14:09,370 --> 00:14:10,370
Whoa! No!
Oh my God, no!

440
00:14:10,413 --> 00:14:11,589
Look, my wallet.No! No!

441
00:14:11,633 --> 00:14:12,894
Take my wallet!Here's my wallet, okay?

442
00:14:12,938 --> 00:14:14,244
Shoot the white dude!Just let me out...

443
00:14:14,288 --> 00:14:15,679
Shoot him!
No, don't
shoot me!

444
00:14:15,724 --> 00:14:17,508
Shoot him, man!But that's...

445
00:14:17,552 --> 00:14:19,119
That's your
wallet.That's yourwallet.

446
00:14:19,162 --> 00:14:21,250
Are you not
robbing us?You're not robbing me?

447
00:14:21,294 --> 00:14:23,078
I don't want to
rob you, man.I thought you were gonna...

448
00:14:23,123 --> 00:14:24,558
I totally misread
the situation.

449
00:14:24,601 --> 00:14:26,081
I thought you
was robbing me.Oh, no, man.

450
00:14:26,125 --> 00:14:27,735
Oh, hey, man,
I'm Schmidt.Robert, man.

451
00:14:27,778 --> 00:14:28,955
Robert.Nice to meet you.
Pleasure, man.

452
00:14:28,998 --> 00:14:31,043
Robert, man, hey, man,
nice to meet you, man.

453
00:14:31,086 --> 00:14:32,697
What a nice smile he has.All right, guys.
I'm just...

454
00:14:32,740 --> 00:14:34,917
Okay. Here, I'll...
they're the child locks.

455
00:14:34,961 --> 00:14:36,178
I don't even have kids, but...You guys have
a great night, okay?

456
00:14:36,222 --> 00:14:37,963
You, too, man.Be safe.
Take care, Robert.

457
00:14:38,006 --> 00:14:40,096
Take it easy, man.You guys have a good
night, man, all right.

458
00:14:40,139 --> 00:14:41,270
That was insane.

459
00:14:41,315 --> 00:14:42,793
I was terrified.
That... oh,
my goodness.

460
00:14:42,837 --> 00:14:45,144
I judged...[screaming]

461
00:14:45,187 --> 00:14:46,972
God, Robert!
Robert...

462
00:14:47,015 --> 00:14:48,061
I just...
the wallet?

463
00:14:48,104 --> 00:14:49,975
Oh, your wallet...
oh, your wallet.

464
00:14:50,019 --> 00:14:51,542
Just give him
the wallet.I'm really sorry.

465
00:14:51,586 --> 00:14:53,109
Yeah, it's
kind of...No, yeah, I get it.

466
00:14:53,153 --> 00:14:54,283
I'd want my wallet back, too.

467
00:14:54,327 --> 00:14:55,590
Thank you.All right.
Thanks, Robert.

468
00:14:55,633 --> 00:14:56,938
I wouldn't thank him.Whoa, man.

469
00:14:56,982 --> 00:14:58,941
What a hilarious
misunderstanding.

470
00:14:58,985 --> 00:15:00,986
Schmidt, drive
the damn car.No, you're right.

471
00:15:01,029 --> 00:15:02,205
[owl hooting]

472
00:15:20,005 --> 00:15:21,442
You know, I feel
so much better

473
00:15:21,485 --> 00:15:23,705
after throwing up
into the fire.

474
00:15:26,273 --> 00:15:28,014
Uh, Sam, can you pass the bread?

475
00:15:28,057 --> 00:15:30,972
Oh, sure thing.No, I'll pass
the bread, Angie.

476
00:15:31,017 --> 00:15:33,366
Just keep your hands to yourself
and let the bread come to you.

477
00:15:39,721 --> 00:15:42,201
Why do you keep
taking my bread?Oh, I'm sorry.

478
00:15:42,245 --> 00:15:44,159
I thought you and the bread
had an open relationship.

479
00:15:44,203 --> 00:15:46,857
I said I was sorry.
I thought this was an agreement.

480
00:15:46,902 --> 00:15:48,990
I thought we were all cool
with this. I don't...

481
00:15:49,034 --> 00:15:50,993
Absinthe!

482
00:15:51,037 --> 00:15:53,212
Fun dinner.
Fun dinner.

483
00:15:53,255 --> 00:15:55,692
I always have fun at the cabin.

484
00:15:55,736 --> 00:15:57,259
You guys want to
pick my brain?

485
00:15:57,303 --> 00:15:59,131
You guys want to know
what I'm thinking about?

486
00:15:59,174 --> 00:16:01,003
I like dogs more than cats.

487
00:16:01,047 --> 00:16:02,657
I like chipmunks
more than squirrels.

488
00:16:04,179 --> 00:16:06,225
I believe in UFOs.

489
00:16:06,269 --> 00:16:08,053
I once had a bass teacher,

490
00:16:08,096 --> 00:16:10,011
when I was younger,
who did the standing bass.

491
00:16:10,056 --> 00:16:12,667
And he had a very weird smell,
and I still think about it.

492
00:16:12,710 --> 00:16:15,017
His name was Mr. Hilton.

493
00:16:15,061 --> 00:16:17,453
I don't like the fact that
you tried to kiss Sam.

494
00:16:17,498 --> 00:16:18,889
[sighs]

495
00:16:18,933 --> 00:16:21,544
Because I have feelings
for you, Angie.

496
00:16:23,243 --> 00:16:26,811
I'm... I had no idea, I'm sorry.

497
00:16:26,855 --> 00:16:29,075
I know.
We said it was open, but...

498
00:16:30,293 --> 00:16:32,077
I'm proud of you
for saying that.

499
00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:34,210
Dr. Sam?

500
00:16:34,254 --> 00:16:36,255
If you were a hat,
you'd be a top hat.

501
00:16:36,298 --> 00:16:37,605
[snorts]

502
00:16:37,648 --> 00:16:40,129
But like a really
big Monopoly one.

503
00:16:40,173 --> 00:16:43,437
And I say that
of the deepest compliments.

504
00:16:43,480 --> 00:16:45,091
Appreciate it.

505
00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:50,182
Winston, I'm sorry.
I was just trying to help.

506
00:16:50,225 --> 00:16:51,226
What, help me realize
that I'm black?

507
00:16:51,270 --> 00:16:52,227
Schmidt, believe it
or not, man,

508
00:16:52,272 --> 00:16:54,056
I've known that
for a while now.

509
00:16:54,100 --> 00:16:55,927
I just feel bad you're forced
to live here with Jess and Nick.

510
00:16:55,971 --> 00:16:58,059
Oh, wow.
I mean, they're
honky as hell.

511
00:16:58,104 --> 00:17:00,192
And look at our people.
Look what we've given
to this country.

512
00:17:00,235 --> 00:17:01,846
Jazz...

513
00:17:01,889 --> 00:17:03,456
The management of
jazz musicians.

514
00:17:03,500 --> 00:17:06,199
But, look, Schmidt,
being black means

515
00:17:06,241 --> 00:17:07,765
whatever I want it to mean.

516
00:17:07,808 --> 00:17:09,115
You know, the fact
of the matter is

517
00:17:09,157 --> 00:17:11,116
I live in a loft
with three people

518
00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:12,553
who happen to be white.

519
00:17:12,596 --> 00:17:13,989
But believe you me,

520
00:17:14,032 --> 00:17:15,076
there is so much more

521
00:17:15,121 --> 00:17:16,338
that I find annoying about you

522
00:17:16,383 --> 00:17:18,906
that I haven't even
gotten to race.

523
00:17:18,950 --> 00:17:20,647
Now, I'm gonna get
some frozen yogurt.

524
00:17:20,691 --> 00:17:22,084
Would you like anything?

525
00:17:22,127 --> 00:17:23,564
Yeah.

526
00:17:23,606 --> 00:17:26,000
I'll have
a vanilla chocolate swirl.

527
00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:27,915
No.
What, no...

528
00:17:27,959 --> 00:17:31,136
No. I'll have
strawberry with jimmies.

529
00:17:31,180 --> 00:17:32,963
Did you get that?

530
00:17:34,314 --> 00:17:36,097
Hey.

531
00:17:36,142 --> 00:17:37,490
How you doing?

532
00:17:37,534 --> 00:17:39,318
[exhales]

533
00:17:39,362 --> 00:17:41,103
Much better.

534
00:17:41,146 --> 00:17:44,237
That alcohol got on top of me.

535
00:17:44,279 --> 00:17:46,152
Oh...
I'm a little
embarrassed by that.

536
00:17:46,194 --> 00:17:48,240
I'm sorry about Sam.

537
00:17:48,284 --> 00:17:50,329
I... I thought it was cool.

538
00:17:50,373 --> 00:17:53,115
Right.
And I try to ruin
things as soon as

539
00:17:53,159 --> 00:17:54,289
they get good.

540
00:17:54,334 --> 00:17:55,943
I'm working on it.

541
00:17:55,987 --> 00:17:58,816
Believe it or not,
I'm working on stuff, too.

542
00:17:58,859 --> 00:18:01,557
You know, I just wish I was
working on less stuff.

543
00:18:01,602 --> 00:18:03,604
You know, I've been arrested
three times.

544
00:18:03,646 --> 00:18:04,996
Four times.

545
00:18:05,039 --> 00:18:06,346
Four to five times.

546
00:18:06,388 --> 00:18:08,217
I have tattoos

547
00:18:08,260 --> 00:18:10,000
of bands that I don't
even like anymore.

548
00:18:10,045 --> 00:18:11,351
By the way,
you've been really cool

549
00:18:11,394 --> 00:18:12,526
about the "Jamiroquai"
tattoo on my butt.

550
00:18:12,568 --> 00:18:14,919
I'm not asking you to change.

551
00:18:14,962 --> 00:18:18,183
Just how about meet me
in the middle a little bit?

552
00:18:18,227 --> 00:18:20,621
What do you want me to do?
Go to brunch?

553
00:18:20,663 --> 00:18:22,188
Are we supposed to,
like, read articles

554
00:18:22,230 --> 00:18:23,405
and then talk
about them together?

555
00:18:23,450 --> 00:18:24,493
Okay, I'm never

556
00:18:24,538 --> 00:18:25,756
going to be that kind of girl.

557
00:18:25,799 --> 00:18:27,758
I just want to do
something normal.

558
00:18:27,801 --> 00:18:28,977
How about not

559
00:18:29,019 --> 00:18:31,371
drawing pubes on my armpit

560
00:18:31,413 --> 00:18:32,720
while I'm sleeping?

561
00:18:32,762 --> 00:18:33,721
[giggles]
You think
you could

562
00:18:33,763 --> 00:18:35,026
do something like that?

563
00:18:35,069 --> 00:18:37,637
Yeah. Yeah.

564
00:18:37,681 --> 00:18:39,204
'Cause I would really like

565
00:18:39,248 --> 00:18:41,381
to keep this going.

566
00:18:41,423 --> 00:18:44,297
Want to move your
twin bed over here?

567
00:18:44,339 --> 00:18:46,385
Sexy, sexy, sexy.

568
00:18:46,429 --> 00:18:47,647
[laughs]

569
00:18:47,691 --> 00:18:49,258
Bird! Bird! Bird!

570
00:18:49,301 --> 00:18:50,390
Bird!
Oh.

571
00:18:50,432 --> 00:18:51,781
Help! Help!Oh, my God.

572
00:18:51,826 --> 00:18:53,174
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah!

573
00:18:53,219 --> 00:18:54,741
No big, I got it!
I'm on it.

574
00:18:54,785 --> 00:18:57,179
Just a...
it was a painting.

575
00:18:57,222 --> 00:19:00,008
That's not really how
I wanted the weekend to go.

576
00:19:00,050 --> 00:19:01,749
I thought the worst
thing that could happen

577
00:19:01,791 --> 00:19:04,359
was someone wouldn't like
the cheese I brought.

578
00:19:05,273 --> 00:19:07,319
I wanted it to be perfect.

579
00:19:07,363 --> 00:19:10,105
Jess, when Nick said
that you invited them

580
00:19:10,148 --> 00:19:11,411
because you were nervous...

581
00:19:11,453 --> 00:19:14,195
No, don't worry about that.Jess,

582
00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:16,328
we're not perfect.

583
00:19:16,372 --> 00:19:18,287
Like the first time
we slept together,

584
00:19:18,330 --> 00:19:20,201
like, I didn't even
know your real name.

585
00:19:20,246 --> 00:19:21,595
Kind of a pretty sassy detail.

586
00:19:21,637 --> 00:19:25,032
Can we just concentrate
on the fact that, like,

587
00:19:25,076 --> 00:19:28,253
I was tripping pretty
hard on absinthe

588
00:19:28,297 --> 00:19:29,255
and I said, "No"?

589
00:19:29,298 --> 00:19:31,082
To a stripper?

590
00:19:31,125 --> 00:19:33,214
I mean, a stripper was
like rubbing my leg...

591
00:19:33,259 --> 00:19:34,781
That's weirdly...

592
00:19:34,825 --> 00:19:37,436
the most romantic thing
I've ever heard.

593
00:19:38,438 --> 00:19:39,526
[laughs]

594
00:19:43,442 --> 00:19:46,141
[birds chirping]

595
00:19:57,500 --> 00:20:00,415
Got it.
I left a
Post-it note

596
00:20:00,460 --> 00:20:01,721
on the transformer
that said "Broken."

597
00:20:01,765 --> 00:20:03,506
SAM: Is there any way that
we could make it look

598
00:20:03,549 --> 00:20:05,421
like it was raccoon bites?A few announcements.

599
00:20:05,464 --> 00:20:06,465
Uh...

600
00:20:06,509 --> 00:20:08,903
Angie left. Me.

601
00:20:08,945 --> 00:20:11,471
What?
She took the
motorcycle,

602
00:20:11,513 --> 00:20:13,255
and, uh, a few of my belongings,

603
00:20:13,298 --> 00:20:14,691
but I'm still wearing
my underwear,

604
00:20:14,734 --> 00:20:16,301
so she comes up short-handed
in that treasure hunt.

605
00:20:16,345 --> 00:20:17,651
Seriously?Oh, I'm so
sorry, Nick.

606
00:20:17,693 --> 00:20:18,913
I'm sorry, man.

607
00:20:18,955 --> 00:20:20,306
It's fine; I'm a grown man.

608
00:20:20,348 --> 00:20:21,436
I will need a ride home.

609
00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:22,612
Yeah.
Obviously.

610
00:20:22,655 --> 00:20:24,396
I would love to pitch
in with gas,

611
00:20:24,440 --> 00:20:26,268
but I don't have any money,
so I could pay in "Nick Bucks,"

612
00:20:26,311 --> 00:20:27,313
fully redeemable

613
00:20:27,355 --> 00:20:29,489
for smiles

614
00:20:29,531 --> 00:20:31,272
and any one item from my bureau.

615
00:20:31,317 --> 00:20:32,317
We'll hold you to that.

616
00:20:32,361 --> 00:20:33,492
Thank you, Doctor.

617
00:20:33,536 --> 00:20:36,496
[whimpers]
Don't, I-I'm good.

618
00:20:36,538 --> 00:20:38,279
I know you don't
want to be hugged.I don't want to be hugged.

619
00:20:38,324 --> 00:20:39,759
And I respect
that. So...Okay. 'Cause I'm fine.

620
00:20:39,802 --> 00:20:41,282
Jess, no,
I'm good, I'm good.

621
00:20:41,326 --> 00:20:43,328
I promise you,
I'm good.
Just...

622
00:20:43,372 --> 00:20:44,677
Actually, this is
very weird for you.

623
00:20:44,721 --> 00:20:46,375
I'm not hugging you.I know.

624
00:20:46,419 --> 00:20:49,290
I'm sorry.
I promise you
I'm okay.

625
00:20:49,335 --> 00:20:51,162
Stop making this a thing,
because I'm not sad.

626
00:20:51,205 --> 00:20:53,425
This is for the best.Yeah. [grunts]

627
00:20:53,469 --> 00:20:55,340
I'm fine.
She didn't
deserve you.

628
00:20:56,558 --> 00:20:58,299
Whatever that means.

629
00:20:58,344 --> 00:20:59,779
Thank you.
SAM:
Okay, almost there.

630
00:20:59,823 --> 00:21:01,477
Hey, let's go!
All right.

631
00:21:01,520 --> 00:21:03,348
Hey, the potato salad's

632
00:21:03,392 --> 00:21:04,523
accidentally
in the garbage.

633
00:21:04,567 --> 00:21:06,002
Look at that.

634
00:21:06,047 --> 00:21:08,309
You guys mind if I eat
this in the back seat?

635
00:21:08,354 --> 00:21:10,355
You can eat salad
in my back seat anytime.

636
00:21:12,401 --> 00:21:14,359
Didn't mean that to be sexual.

637
00:21:14,403 --> 00:21:15,925
[chuckles]
SAM:
All right, guys.

638
00:21:15,970 --> 00:21:17,363
It's a little bit gamey.

639
00:21:17,405 --> 00:21:18,972
Okay.

640
00:21:19,016 --> 00:21:20,365
I'll get the garbage, here.

641
00:21:20,409 --> 00:21:22,192
Hold on, hold on.

642
00:21:22,237 --> 00:21:23,542
The absinthe.

643
00:21:23,586 --> 00:21:25,326
You almost threw that
out by accident.

644
00:21:25,371 --> 00:21:26,675
Wow.

645
00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:28,590
SAM: We're ready.
You all ready?

646
00:21:28,634 --> 00:21:30,462
Yep, I'll be right
with you guys.

647
00:21:32,942 --> 00:21:34,554
That was a mistake! Whoo!

648
00:21:34,596 --> 00:21:38,596
I am gonna poop weird tonight!
Yeah!... Oh that was a mistake.