1
00:00:01,871 --> 00:00:03,045
Nick, where do you even
buy sheets like this?

2
00:00:03,089 --> 00:00:04,134
They're the thread count
of a paper towel.

3
00:00:04,177 --> 00:00:05,613
Okay, I don't
know what to do.

4
00:00:05,657 --> 00:00:06,831
I thought these
sheets were good.

5
00:00:06,876 --> 00:00:08,051
You said these
sheets were fine.

6
00:00:08,095 --> 00:00:09,051
WINSTON:
They're fine. Relax.

7
00:00:09,096 --> 00:00:10,705
He's freaking out.

8
00:00:10,749 --> 00:00:12,054
You know,
Amelia's coming in town...

9
00:00:12,099 --> 00:00:12,881
Which one of your depressing

10
00:00:12,925 --> 00:00:13,839
ex-girlfriends is Amelia?

11
00:00:13,882 --> 00:00:15,275
Freshman year.

12
00:00:15,319 --> 00:00:16,841
♪ You stopped
in my room ♪

13
00:00:16,885 --> 00:00:19,931
♪ For no reason

14
00:00:19,975 --> 00:00:22,457
♪ I was pretty cool
to say "Come in" ♪

15
00:00:22,500 --> 00:00:23,849
[chuckles]

16
00:00:23,893 --> 00:00:25,850
♪ You're sitting
on my bed ♪

17
00:00:25,894 --> 00:00:28,071
♪ I feel like
there's vibing ♪

18
00:00:28,114 --> 00:00:30,073
♪ What do I do?

19
00:00:30,117 --> 00:00:31,900
♪ The sexual tension
is crazy. ♪

20
00:00:31,943 --> 00:00:33,511
I never told
her how I felt.

21
00:00:33,554 --> 00:00:35,078
And she's here for a
couple days on work.

22
00:00:35,121 --> 00:00:36,079
This is my chance.

23
00:00:36,122 --> 00:00:37,427
I even got
a new shirt.

24
00:00:38,689 --> 00:00:40,387
That's a cool shirt;
I like that shirt.

25
00:00:40,430 --> 00:00:41,737
Yeah, look cool, man.

26
00:00:41,780 --> 00:00:44,695
You making fun of
my shirt, Schmidt?

27
00:00:44,740 --> 00:00:46,088
Oh, my God!

28
00:00:46,133 --> 00:00:47,872
Jess, please stop
working at the haunted house.

29
00:00:47,917 --> 00:00:49,439
JESS: It's just
through the weekend.

30
00:00:49,484 --> 00:00:50,875
You all get free tickets,
you know.

31
00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:51,920
Oh, no, I'm not going.

32
00:00:51,963 --> 00:00:53,009
I don't do haunted houses.

33
00:00:53,052 --> 00:00:54,837
What? You scared?Uh, well,

34
00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:56,664
little kids are scared.
I just don't like it.

35
00:00:56,707 --> 00:00:58,057
I got it. You look like
a zombie Woody Allen.

36
00:00:58,100 --> 00:00:59,232
NICK: Yeah.[imitating Woody Allen]:
These brains

37
00:00:59,276 --> 00:01:00,189
are terrible.

38
00:01:00,234 --> 00:01:02,104
And such-such small portions.

39
00:01:02,149 --> 00:01:03,671
[imitating Woody Allen]:
On Christmas, I like to eat

40
00:01:03,715 --> 00:01:04,890
Chinese people's brains.

41
00:01:04,933 --> 00:01:06,456
They're the only ones
that are open.

42
00:01:06,501 --> 00:01:10,548
[imitating Woody Allen]:
Zombie Cristina Barcelona.

43
00:01:10,591 --> 00:01:11,941
Yeah, I have nothing
to add to this.

44
00:01:11,983 --> 00:01:14,117
I'm gonna be home
late tonight, you guys.

45
00:01:14,161 --> 00:01:16,466
Uh, so don't wait up, 'cause
I'm going over to Sam's house

46
00:01:16,510 --> 00:01:18,033
to mix his batter.

47
00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:18,948
Oh, yeah.

48
00:01:18,990 --> 00:01:20,906
Not in that costume.

49
00:01:20,950 --> 00:01:22,864
NICK: I don't know.
The costume kind of
works for me.

50
00:01:22,908 --> 00:01:25,085
Kind of a sexy,
undead driver's ed teacher.

51
00:01:25,128 --> 00:01:26,433
It's my sweet spot.

52
00:01:26,477 --> 00:01:28,131
Sam doesn't care
what I look like.

53
00:01:28,174 --> 00:01:29,218
'Cause I'm not his girlfriend.

54
00:01:29,263 --> 00:01:30,960
And I'm gonna
kick him to the curb

55
00:01:31,003 --> 00:01:32,918
once I've used his body
like a moisturizer sample.

56
00:01:32,962 --> 00:01:34,658
Hey-yo!

57
00:01:34,703 --> 00:01:35,965
[imitating Woody Allen]:
I couldn't afford my therapist,

58
00:01:36,008 --> 00:01:37,966
so I ate his brains.

59
00:01:38,009 --> 00:01:39,751
Marx brothers.

60
00:01:39,795 --> 00:01:41,057
Hear, hear.

61
00:01:41,100 --> 00:01:42,537
That's the one.Good stuff.

62
00:01:42,579 --> 00:01:44,539
♪ Who's that girl?

63
00:01:44,581 --> 00:01:46,975
♪ Who's that girl?♪♪ It's Jess.

64
00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:53,938
Hi.

65
00:01:53,983 --> 00:01:54,765
Hi.

66
00:01:54,810 --> 00:01:55,984
How you doing?
Good.

67
00:01:56,027 --> 00:01:58,030
Oh, oh.

68
00:01:59,162 --> 00:01:59,814
Oh.

69
00:01:59,858 --> 00:02:01,164
[laughs]

70
00:02:01,207 --> 00:02:03,034
Um, here's your wallet.

71
00:02:03,078 --> 00:02:04,340
Oh, thank you.

72
00:02:04,385 --> 00:02:06,168
You must have dropped it
on our most recent trip

73
00:02:06,212 --> 00:02:07,561
to No Pants City.

74
00:02:07,605 --> 00:02:08,693
[laughs]
Just so you know,

75
00:02:08,736 --> 00:02:09,737
I didn't look in it.

76
00:02:09,781 --> 00:02:10,694
'Cause I don't care

77
00:02:10,739 --> 00:02:12,132
and I respect your privacy.

78
00:02:12,175 --> 00:02:13,480
Then how'd you
know it was

79
00:02:13,524 --> 00:02:15,091
my wallet?Well played, Sam Sweeny--

80
00:02:15,134 --> 00:02:16,788
born in Boston, six-four.

81
00:02:16,831 --> 00:02:18,354
I didn't know
you worked in the E.R.

82
00:02:18,399 --> 00:02:19,616
until I got here, though.

83
00:02:19,661 --> 00:02:20,923
Yeah, pediatrics.

84
00:02:20,966 --> 00:02:22,751
You're a doctor for children.

85
00:02:22,794 --> 00:02:24,187
It's, you know,
mostly paperwork.

86
00:02:24,230 --> 00:02:25,971
That why you have
so many cute cards on the wall?

87
00:02:26,014 --> 00:02:28,103
"Dear Dr. Sam..."

88
00:02:28,147 --> 00:02:29,931
They call you Dr. Sam?

89
00:02:29,974 --> 00:02:31,151
"Thank you
for making me better.

90
00:02:31,193 --> 00:02:34,197
I love you,
and so does my bunny."

91
00:02:34,240 --> 00:02:35,590
Nice kid, but she
can't draw for crap.

92
00:02:35,633 --> 00:02:37,026
I mean, she just
traced Bugs Bunny.

93
00:02:37,069 --> 00:02:39,201
I didn't know you were a,
like, caring person.

94
00:02:39,246 --> 00:02:41,161
Same guy.
Same guy.

95
00:02:41,204 --> 00:02:42,423
I'm the same guy
that did you

96
00:02:42,466 --> 00:02:43,859
in that falafel
restaurant, you remember?

97
00:02:43,901 --> 00:02:45,338
And a dirty
one, at that.
Mm-hmm.

98
00:02:45,382 --> 00:02:47,602
Please don't do this.Dr. Sam.

99
00:02:47,645 --> 00:02:49,516
Don't start thinking
I'm some amazing guy.

100
00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:52,997
This is why I don't
tell girls what I do.

101
00:02:53,042 --> 00:02:54,739
This doesn't change the way
I feel about you.

102
00:02:54,783 --> 00:02:56,524
I feel nothing.
This is purely physical.

103
00:02:56,567 --> 00:02:57,829
Dr. Sam!

104
00:02:57,872 --> 00:03:00,049
Oh, Ben!
What's up?

105
00:03:00,092 --> 00:03:00,831
Fish tails?

106
00:03:02,269 --> 00:03:04,052
I, uh...

107
00:03:04,096 --> 00:03:06,055
How could I say no, buddy?

108
00:03:06,098 --> 00:03:08,752
[goofy voice]:
Fish tail! Fish tail!

109
00:03:08,796 --> 00:03:10,146
Up top!

110
00:03:10,189 --> 00:03:11,060
[laughs]

111
00:03:11,103 --> 00:03:13,062
This makes me feel nothing.

112
00:03:13,104 --> 00:03:14,759
I feel nothing.

113
00:03:14,802 --> 00:03:16,021
SCHMIDT:
I haven't worn these in years.

114
00:03:16,064 --> 00:03:17,240
Here you go.

115
00:03:17,283 --> 00:03:18,198
Wow, Schmidt.

116
00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:19,634
You've got so many boots.

117
00:03:19,676 --> 00:03:21,243
You know who doesn't
have a lot of boots?

118
00:03:21,288 --> 00:03:22,853
Guys who aren't getting
laid on the reg.

119
00:03:22,897 --> 00:03:25,030
Ooh, trust me, I know.
Shelby and I agreed
Mm-hmm.

120
00:03:25,074 --> 00:03:27,206
that we're gonna dress sexy
this Halloween, so...

121
00:03:27,250 --> 00:03:29,338
hopefully that'll make us want
to have sex with each other.

122
00:03:29,383 --> 00:03:32,211
You know, at night,
I can actually feel gusts

123
00:03:32,254 --> 00:03:34,257
of frigid air coming
from beneath your door.

124
00:03:34,300 --> 00:03:36,040
I get it, Schmidt.
We're in a rut.

125
00:03:36,085 --> 00:03:37,259
Without sex, she's not
your girlfriend, okay?

126
00:03:37,304 --> 00:03:39,262
She's a friend that
you buy meals for.

127
00:03:39,305 --> 00:03:40,872
Winston, I get it, man.

128
00:03:40,915 --> 00:03:42,046
You're... you're
scared to end it.

129
00:03:42,091 --> 00:03:43,265
You're just
like Cece.

130
00:03:43,310 --> 00:03:45,268
Cece's scared to
end it with Robby,

131
00:03:45,312 --> 00:03:47,356
because clearly she's
still nuts about me.

132
00:03:47,401 --> 00:03:49,054
Robby's nice.
Good guy, man.

133
00:03:49,098 --> 00:03:50,360
He always has gum.

134
00:03:50,403 --> 00:03:52,144
"Oh, Robby-- he's
such a nice guy."

135
00:03:52,187 --> 00:03:53,668
I'll show you
nice guy. Boom.

136
00:03:53,711 --> 00:03:55,060
Punch him
in his face.

137
00:03:55,103 --> 00:03:56,278
Yeah, put you in a
guillotine choke hold.

138
00:03:56,323 --> 00:03:58,237
And then Robby's
like, "Oh, my God!

139
00:03:58,281 --> 00:03:59,890
"I can't believe this.
Young Abraham Lincoln

140
00:03:59,935 --> 00:04:01,588
is choking me out
in his guillotine."

141
00:04:01,632 --> 00:04:03,895
You're going as young
Abe Lincoln for Halloween?

142
00:04:03,938 --> 00:04:06,070
Statistically speaking,
every American

143
00:04:06,115 --> 00:04:08,204
thinks about Abraham Lincoln
at least once a day.

144
00:04:08,247 --> 00:04:09,597
And Cece's
American, so...

145
00:04:09,639 --> 00:04:11,075
Thank you for
that information, Schmidt.

146
00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:12,252
Yeah.

147
00:04:12,294 --> 00:04:13,600
What's up, Robby?

148
00:04:13,644 --> 00:04:16,125
What's up, Robby,
you stupid idiot?

149
00:04:16,168 --> 00:04:17,692
You had an alter
ego, remember?

150
00:04:17,735 --> 00:04:18,910
Yeah.

151
00:04:18,954 --> 00:04:20,216
The guy who'd
been in a coma

152
00:04:20,259 --> 00:04:23,088
who woke up thinking
he had invented pie.

153
00:04:23,132 --> 00:04:25,307
Oh, I got a great new idea
for a dessert!

154
00:04:25,351 --> 00:04:27,266
Wait a second,
what year is it?

155
00:04:27,310 --> 00:04:30,269
[laughs]

156
00:04:30,312 --> 00:04:31,487
That's awesome
you liked that.

157
00:04:31,531 --> 00:04:33,098
Well I'm really glad
you're here.

158
00:04:33,141 --> 00:04:35,144
Welcome to Los Angeles.

159
00:04:35,187 --> 00:04:36,449
L.A., as the locals call it.

160
00:04:36,492 --> 00:04:38,233
This is the city
where many scenes

161
00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:40,715
from the film Beverly Hills Chihuahua
were shot.

162
00:04:40,757 --> 00:04:42,194
Yeah, it's pretty cool.Mm-hmm.

163
00:04:42,237 --> 00:04:43,283
I made you up a couch.

164
00:04:43,326 --> 00:04:45,197
Wow.
The double eye patch.

165
00:04:45,240 --> 00:04:47,329
You trying to
impress me?
Yes!

166
00:04:47,374 --> 00:04:48,548
Absolutely!

167
00:04:48,591 --> 00:04:50,507
You kidding?

168
00:05:02,997 --> 00:05:04,216
CECE:
A doctor?
Mm-hmm.

169
00:05:04,259 --> 00:05:05,740
I had him pegged for

170
00:05:05,783 --> 00:05:08,786
a part-time tennis pro or
an unemployed handsome guy.

171
00:05:08,829 --> 00:05:11,353
He cares about people for
a living; it's so much hotter.

172
00:05:11,398 --> 00:05:13,182
You're starting
to like him now.

173
00:05:13,225 --> 00:05:15,139
No, no, no,
we're just coworkers.

174
00:05:15,184 --> 00:05:16,315
On the night shift.

175
00:05:16,358 --> 00:05:17,185
These fit great, Jess.

176
00:05:17,228 --> 00:05:19,144
Really, thank you so much.

177
00:05:19,187 --> 00:05:21,668
It's like a childhood dream
come true for me.

178
00:05:21,711 --> 00:05:23,192
To be a Ninja Turtle.

179
00:05:23,235 --> 00:05:25,367
And to have a beautiful
girlfriend, of course.

180
00:05:25,411 --> 00:05:26,326
Uh-huh.
Thank you.

181
00:05:26,369 --> 00:05:28,023
What am I looking at here?

182
00:05:28,065 --> 00:05:29,197
Robby, man to man,

183
00:05:29,240 --> 00:05:30,721
you didn't want
to wear something,

184
00:05:30,764 --> 00:05:32,288
I don't know,
a little more form flattering?

185
00:05:32,331 --> 00:05:34,942
Maybe like a pile of towels,
the number eight?

186
00:05:34,985 --> 00:05:36,204
Schmidt.I know. But how could I not

187
00:05:36,247 --> 00:05:37,685
knock down
such low-hanging fruit?

188
00:05:37,728 --> 00:05:39,295
Speaking of low-hanging fruit,

189
00:05:39,338 --> 00:05:40,817
Jess, you didn't
want to let out

190
00:05:40,862 --> 00:05:41,992
the pants a little bit?No.

191
00:05:42,036 --> 00:05:43,168
Not even a touch?No.

192
00:05:43,211 --> 00:05:44,343
You want to look
at your work?

193
00:05:44,387 --> 00:05:45,300
Looks great.

194
00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:46,562
Not to an eight-year-old child.

195
00:05:46,606 --> 00:05:47,824
Who's just staring
right down the barrel.

196
00:05:47,869 --> 00:05:49,261
Enough.Are you guys coming to

197
00:05:49,305 --> 00:05:50,480
the Halloween
festivities tomorrow?

198
00:05:50,524 --> 00:05:52,394
Actually, we're...I think you should come.

199
00:05:52,439 --> 00:05:53,483
It's for charity.

200
00:05:53,526 --> 00:05:54,571
-You like charity, Robby, right?
-Yeah.

201
00:05:54,615 --> 00:05:56,572
Yeah, sure.
Like Cece dating you.

202
00:05:56,617 --> 00:05:58,269
[laughs]

203
00:05:58,314 --> 00:06:00,708
Awesome. Um...

204
00:06:00,750 --> 00:06:02,404
Why not?No. I mean,

205
00:06:02,449 --> 00:06:04,406
we have that thing...Don't worry about my friends.

206
00:06:04,451 --> 00:06:06,408
I would love
to hang out with your friends.

207
00:06:06,452 --> 00:06:08,237
I think we should do it, because
I want to wear this costume out.

208
00:06:08,279 --> 00:06:10,194
You know what I mean?
So I say yes.

209
00:06:10,238 --> 00:06:12,240
Just, uh, keep the pumpkins
away from me, okay?

210
00:06:12,283 --> 00:06:15,026
I kind of cut myself
last Halloween.

211
00:06:15,069 --> 00:06:16,418
I mean, not on a knife.

212
00:06:16,463 --> 00:06:20,423
I-I, you know,
I cut myself on the pumpkin.

213
00:06:20,466 --> 00:06:22,206
You should've
made a move in college.

214
00:06:22,250 --> 00:06:24,819
No, I didn't have
moves, Amelia.

215
00:06:24,862 --> 00:06:26,428
[laughs]
My moves were

216
00:06:26,473 --> 00:06:29,257
singing to you and trying
to give you back rubs and...

217
00:06:29,300 --> 00:06:32,216
I do remember you picking a lot
of eyelashes off my cheeks.

218
00:06:32,261 --> 00:06:34,262
Didn't you think it
was weird that I kept

219
00:06:34,305 --> 00:06:37,266
showing up at your door, telling
you I had a family tragedy?

220
00:06:37,308 --> 00:06:39,223
How many grandparents
did you think I had?

221
00:06:39,268 --> 00:06:40,269
[both laugh]

222
00:06:40,312 --> 00:06:42,576
I had a bad bag
of moves, lady.

223
00:06:42,619 --> 00:06:45,055
Well, they're not
bad anymore, Nick Miller.

224
00:06:52,281 --> 00:06:54,675
[groans]

225
00:06:54,718 --> 00:06:56,677
Ah, that's great.

226
00:06:56,720 --> 00:06:58,461
[groans]

227
00:06:58,504 --> 00:07:00,420
[both laugh]

228
00:07:00,463 --> 00:07:02,290
That is for real.

229
00:07:02,334 --> 00:07:03,639
There's more
where that came from.

230
00:07:03,684 --> 00:07:05,598
[both laugh]
Uh-oh.

231
00:07:12,910 --> 00:07:14,476
[groans]:
Oh, that's good stuff.

232
00:07:14,521 --> 00:07:15,521
That is good.

233
00:07:20,309 --> 00:07:21,440
[sighs]

234
00:07:21,483 --> 00:07:22,442
[whispering]:
Hey.

235
00:07:22,485 --> 00:07:23,442
[whispering]:
Sam's in there.

236
00:07:23,485 --> 00:07:24,399
Yeah, Amelia's in there.

237
00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:26,401
High five for sluts.
Yeah!

238
00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:27,882
[chuckles]
Hey.

239
00:07:27,925 --> 00:07:29,449
I think I might
like Sam.

240
00:07:29,492 --> 00:07:31,841
Jess, I thought the whole thing
was how you didn't like him.

241
00:07:31,886 --> 00:07:33,322
I know, but then...

242
00:07:33,365 --> 00:07:34,454
[groans]

243
00:07:34,497 --> 00:07:36,019
Hey.

244
00:07:36,064 --> 00:07:37,586
Hi. You must be
Amelia. I'm Jess.

245
00:07:37,630 --> 00:07:38,935
Nice to meet you.

246
00:07:38,980 --> 00:07:40,284
Nice to meet you.

247
00:07:40,329 --> 00:07:41,461
Nick's told me
a lot about you.

248
00:07:41,504 --> 00:07:42,286
Yes, I did.

249
00:07:42,331 --> 00:07:43,505
Yeah, it finally happened.

250
00:07:43,550 --> 00:07:45,465
It's crazy--
Nick and Amelia.

251
00:07:45,507 --> 00:07:47,161
Together.
Together, yeah.

252
00:07:47,204 --> 00:07:48,423
Together, yeah.
Together.

253
00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:49,512
Really? Right now?

254
00:07:49,555 --> 00:07:51,079
Okay.

255
00:07:51,122 --> 00:07:53,298
[giggles]

256
00:07:53,341 --> 00:07:55,300
Yeah, good.

257
00:07:55,343 --> 00:07:57,432
Okay.

258
00:07:58,564 --> 00:07:59,913
All right, call
me tonight?

259
00:07:59,956 --> 00:08:01,132
Actually, tonight's
the last night

260
00:08:01,175 --> 00:08:02,350
of this haunted house thing.

261
00:08:02,394 --> 00:08:03,307
Here's a crazy idea.

262
00:08:03,351 --> 00:08:04,439
What if you came?

263
00:08:04,483 --> 00:08:05,963
Well, I don't really do,

264
00:08:06,007 --> 00:08:07,834
uh, the, you know,
sort of costume thing.

265
00:08:07,877 --> 00:08:08,923
I'm gonna be dressed up.

266
00:08:08,966 --> 00:08:10,490
I think you should
dress up, too.

267
00:08:10,533 --> 00:08:12,143
'Cause it'd be cool.

268
00:08:12,187 --> 00:08:14,536
For me.

269
00:08:14,581 --> 00:08:17,408
Okay. I'll try to
make it, darling.

270
00:08:19,586 --> 00:08:21,151
[laughs]

271
00:08:21,196 --> 00:08:23,327
[laughs]

272
00:08:26,505 --> 00:08:27,942
Well, I wish I hadn't
have seen that.

273
00:08:27,985 --> 00:08:30,334
You wish you hadn't seen that?

274
00:08:30,379 --> 00:08:32,990
I wish I hadn't seen...Fair point.

275
00:08:33,033 --> 00:08:34,383
What if tonight's a test?

276
00:08:34,426 --> 00:08:36,558
If he shows up
wearing a costume,

277
00:08:36,602 --> 00:08:37,559
he likes me.

278
00:08:37,604 --> 00:08:39,082
Sound logic.I know.

279
00:08:39,126 --> 00:08:41,346
Jess, I-I...
Jess, I was kidding.

280
00:08:41,389 --> 00:08:42,522
How do the boots
feel, man?

281
00:08:42,565 --> 00:08:44,174
Feel fantastic, man.

282
00:08:44,219 --> 00:08:45,524
Well, there's more
where that came from.

283
00:08:45,567 --> 00:08:46,350
Got a lot of boots.

284
00:08:46,394 --> 00:08:47,961
Whoo, looky here!

285
00:08:48,004 --> 00:08:49,354
One of my brothers in blue.

286
00:08:49,398 --> 00:08:50,921
That gun looks real.
Let me see that for a second.

287
00:08:50,965 --> 00:08:52,575
LAPD! Stand down!
Stand down!

288
00:08:52,619 --> 00:08:54,097
I'm standing, I'm standing!
Look at that!

289
00:08:54,142 --> 00:08:56,404
[gasping]

290
00:08:56,447 --> 00:08:57,405
Butch it up,
Axel Foley.

291
00:08:57,448 --> 00:08:59,538
Shelby's coming.

292
00:09:05,544 --> 00:09:06,327
[chuckles]

293
00:09:06,370 --> 00:09:06,894
Hey.

294
00:09:06,937 --> 00:09:08,591
Hey. What, uh...

295
00:09:08,634 --> 00:09:10,158
What-what are you?

296
00:09:10,201 --> 00:09:13,943
I'm reigning
cats and dogs!

297
00:09:15,163 --> 00:09:16,380
Get it?

298
00:09:16,424 --> 00:09:18,208
Reigning...

299
00:09:18,253 --> 00:09:20,602
cats and dogs.

300
00:09:20,647 --> 00:09:23,519
Those stuffed animals
are gonna look good

301
00:09:23,562 --> 00:09:26,566
on the floor of my bedroom.

302
00:09:27,610 --> 00:09:28,567
Oh!

303
00:09:28,610 --> 00:09:30,221
What are you doing?!

304
00:09:30,264 --> 00:09:31,440
No, it's cool, it's cool.

305
00:09:31,482 --> 00:09:32,615
Hey, guys.Hey, Schmidt.

306
00:09:32,658 --> 00:09:33,528
Hey, Robby.

307
00:09:33,572 --> 00:09:34,529
Hey, look, I get it.

308
00:09:34,573 --> 00:09:35,530
Guy who shot John Lennon

309
00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:36,923
dressed as a Ninja Turtle.No.

310
00:09:36,966 --> 00:09:38,794
Cece, you're an angel,
as always.

311
00:09:38,838 --> 00:09:41,231
Get off my horse,
Schmidt.

312
00:09:41,275 --> 00:09:42,668
Hey, Lincoln, right?
That's awes...

313
00:09:42,711 --> 00:09:44,061
You know, I was just thinking
about Lincoln today.

314
00:09:44,105 --> 00:09:45,628
Yeah, Robby, we all were.

315
00:09:45,672 --> 00:09:46,976
This is kind of funny.

316
00:09:47,020 --> 00:09:48,370
The two of you together
on that horse,

317
00:09:48,413 --> 00:09:49,631
you kind of look like
a bride and a groom.

318
00:09:49,676 --> 00:09:51,460
I will throw you

319
00:09:51,503 --> 00:09:54,505
off of this horse with
my bare hands. I will.

320
00:09:54,549 --> 00:09:56,465
I'm gonna tell him
how I feel tonight.

321
00:09:56,508 --> 00:09:58,032
You are?
Think so.

322
00:09:58,075 --> 00:09:59,033
AMELIA:
Boo!

323
00:09:59,076 --> 00:10:00,600
[laughs]

324
00:10:00,643 --> 00:10:02,427
What'd you carve here?

325
00:10:02,471 --> 00:10:03,820
Oh, it's a secret.
I'm not done yet.

326
00:10:03,864 --> 00:10:06,039
[both laugh]

327
00:10:07,868 --> 00:10:09,433
What's wrong with me?

328
00:10:09,477 --> 00:10:11,261
I wanted this for
so long with her,

329
00:10:11,306 --> 00:10:12,741
and now...
it's just too much.

330
00:10:12,785 --> 00:10:14,657
You know?
Mm-hmm.

331
00:10:14,701 --> 00:10:16,658
You want to know why I
don't like haunted houses?

332
00:10:16,702 --> 00:10:19,443
Why?
Because they're just
like relationships.

333
00:10:19,488 --> 00:10:21,490
You walk in
all confident,

334
00:10:21,533 --> 00:10:24,014
and then once you get in,
it's not what you thought

335
00:10:24,057 --> 00:10:25,841
it was gonna be,
and it's scary.

336
00:10:25,885 --> 00:10:27,495
Nice, you've liked her
for a long time.

337
00:10:27,538 --> 00:10:29,629
Go in the "haunted house."

338
00:10:29,672 --> 00:10:30,890
I'm gonna go
in the "haunted house."

339
00:10:30,933 --> 00:10:33,067
Ta-da! That's me,

340
00:10:33,110 --> 00:10:34,807
that's you, and
that's our dog.

341
00:10:34,850 --> 00:10:36,025
[both laugh]

342
00:10:36,070 --> 00:10:38,288
I look so scared.

343
00:10:38,332 --> 00:10:39,463
Bride and groom?

344
00:10:39,508 --> 00:10:40,900
No!

345
00:10:40,943 --> 00:10:42,597
No, I'm here with
the Ninja Turtle!

346
00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:44,338
Bride and Ninja Turtle.

347
00:10:45,165 --> 00:10:46,557
I don't get it.

348
00:10:46,601 --> 00:10:47,690
I don't get
it, either.

349
00:10:47,734 --> 00:10:49,299
Like she lost a
bet or something.

350
00:10:49,344 --> 00:10:50,475
What is wrong with you?

351
00:10:50,519 --> 00:10:51,650
Seriously!

352
00:10:51,693 --> 00:10:52,607
It's okay, Cece.

353
00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:54,436
No, it's not okay!

354
00:10:54,479 --> 00:10:57,307
You need to go home
and change, Schmidt.

355
00:10:57,351 --> 00:11:00,094
I know you have more
costumes in your closet.

356
00:11:00,136 --> 00:11:03,313
Those costumes are for Purim.
Purim's in March.

357
00:11:03,357 --> 00:11:04,489
I don't care!
You're doing this intentionally

358
00:11:04,533 --> 00:11:05,881
just to mess with me!

359
00:11:05,926 --> 00:11:07,230
All right, calm down.

360
00:11:07,274 --> 00:11:08,493
Everybody just...
just calm down.

361
00:11:08,537 --> 00:11:10,017
All right, Schmidt?
Let's take a walk.

362
00:11:10,059 --> 00:11:11,888
Let's take a walk.

363
00:11:11,932 --> 00:11:14,325
Look, let's just cut
the crap, okay?

364
00:11:14,369 --> 00:11:15,892
I know you think I'm dumb,

365
00:11:15,936 --> 00:11:19,504
and you can hit on Cece
and make fun of me all day long,

366
00:11:19,548 --> 00:11:22,725
but I'm not going
anywhere, all right?

367
00:11:22,769 --> 00:11:24,509
You're a big guy,
you know that?

368
00:11:24,552 --> 00:11:26,250
Yeah.

369
00:11:26,293 --> 00:11:27,903
Luckily, I've got
a stone forehead.

370
00:11:27,947 --> 00:11:29,166
What?

371
00:11:29,210 --> 00:11:30,601
I'm sorry.

372
00:11:30,645 --> 00:11:32,125
No, it's cool, man.You just tried
to head-butt me.

373
00:11:32,168 --> 00:11:33,301
I had to stop you.No, yeah, yeah.

374
00:11:33,344 --> 00:11:34,693
I got you. I got you.It's all right.

375
00:11:35,606 --> 00:11:37,566
Damn it!Schmidt, you did it again.

376
00:11:37,609 --> 00:11:39,133
How do you see that
coming every time?

377
00:11:39,176 --> 00:11:40,743
You wind up. You make,
like, a little wind-up thing.

378
00:11:40,787 --> 00:11:42,222
I just...
Hit me right
in the forehead.

379
00:11:42,265 --> 00:11:43,528
Yeah, well, you tried to
head-butt me with your forehead.

380
00:11:43,572 --> 00:11:44,746
Yeah, I know I was
trying to head-butt you.

381
00:11:44,790 --> 00:11:46,356
Okay, listen.

382
00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:48,533
I think there's
two options here.

383
00:11:48,576 --> 00:11:50,710
We can either go the way
that things have been going

384
00:11:50,753 --> 00:11:52,711
and we're going to have
a big problem,

385
00:11:52,754 --> 00:11:57,106
or we can just knock this off
and let's be friends, okay?

386
00:11:57,150 --> 00:11:58,673
I'm sorry.Okay. I'm sorry, too.

387
00:11:58,717 --> 00:11:59,719
I'm sorry, too.
My bad.

388
00:11:59,761 --> 00:12:01,633
No, truce.
All right, truce.

389
00:12:02,808 --> 00:12:04,724
Will you stop trying
to head-butt me, man?

390
00:12:04,767 --> 00:12:05,768
I just...

391
00:12:05,812 --> 00:12:07,378
Look at this guy.

392
00:12:07,422 --> 00:12:08,727
Looking great.Oh, my God.

393
00:12:08,770 --> 00:12:10,730
What?
He came.

394
00:12:12,121 --> 00:12:13,557
He's not wearing
a costume.

395
00:12:13,601 --> 00:12:15,517
Yeah, but he came, so...

396
00:12:15,559 --> 00:12:17,388
SAM:
Hey.
Hey.

397
00:12:17,432 --> 00:12:19,739
Oh, I got to sneeze.

398
00:12:24,481 --> 00:12:25,614
I'm a clown for you.

399
00:12:25,657 --> 00:12:27,572
Just don't ask me
to wear this in bed.

400
00:12:27,615 --> 00:12:29,836
[chuckling]:
Okay.

401
00:12:33,621 --> 00:12:35,450
[Jess giggling]

402
00:12:39,235 --> 00:12:40,672
I think, when he
comes here tonight,

403
00:12:40,716 --> 00:12:42,804
I'm just going to be like,
"Sam, crazy idea--

404
00:12:42,849 --> 00:12:44,633
why don't we take this
to another level?"

405
00:12:44,676 --> 00:12:46,808
And pretend like I'm just
thinking of it, but I'm not...

406
00:12:46,852 --> 00:12:48,462
[screaming]

407
00:12:48,505 --> 00:12:50,769
[growling]

408
00:12:52,727 --> 00:12:54,424
[coughing]

409
00:12:54,469 --> 00:12:55,991
Can you hand me my coffee?Yeah.

410
00:12:56,036 --> 00:12:58,559
Zombie, just tell
him the truth.

411
00:12:58,602 --> 00:12:59,778
Mummy's right.
Take the big swing.

412
00:12:59,822 --> 00:13:01,649
It's okay to be vulnerable.

413
00:13:01,692 --> 00:13:03,433
[sighs]
You guys are right.

414
00:13:05,480 --> 00:13:06,610
Life as a doctor.

415
00:13:06,654 --> 00:13:08,004
Your phone must just be

416
00:13:08,048 --> 00:13:09,962
blowing up with
life-saving texts, huh?

417
00:13:10,005 --> 00:13:12,835
"Don't die on me, Danny Boy!
Use the paddles!"

418
00:13:12,879 --> 00:13:14,532
No, it's a girl.

419
00:13:15,881 --> 00:13:17,274
Oh, I thought Jess was working.

420
00:13:17,317 --> 00:13:18,623
It's another girl.
Just a weekend thing.

421
00:13:18,667 --> 00:13:21,451
Does Jess know
you're texting other girls?

422
00:13:21,495 --> 00:13:23,759
Yeah. We're, like,
totally honest with each other.

423
00:13:23,802 --> 00:13:24,803
You know?
I mean, she wants

424
00:13:24,846 --> 00:13:26,240
a relationship less than I do.

425
00:13:26,283 --> 00:13:27,457
It's actually awesome.

426
00:13:27,501 --> 00:13:28,850
[chuckling]:
Right.

427
00:13:28,894 --> 00:13:31,854
- And you're coming
over tonight, hmm?
- Oops.

428
00:13:31,898 --> 00:13:34,248
And she's going to talk to you.

429
00:13:34,290 --> 00:13:35,030
Ooh.

430
00:13:36,684 --> 00:13:39,253
P.A.: Welcome to the
land of..
NICK:
All right, man.

431
00:13:39,296 --> 00:13:41,690
You've got to be kidding me.

432
00:13:41,732 --> 00:13:43,386
P.A.: Scream if you must!

433
00:13:43,431 --> 00:13:44,649
Just do it, Nick.

434
00:13:44,692 --> 00:13:45,912
Don't be scared, Nick.

435
00:13:45,955 --> 00:13:47,956
You're a grown man.
This is a haunted house.

436
00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:49,697
Game time.

437
00:13:49,740 --> 00:13:52,482
I have no idea how they
deep-fry a turkey dinner,

438
00:13:52,527 --> 00:13:55,878
but I am so glad they do
because I love it.

439
00:13:55,922 --> 00:13:58,706
Do you love your legs? Because,
I'll tell you, diabetes doesn't.

440
00:13:58,750 --> 00:14:00,447
Where have you been?Oh, God, I'm sorry.

441
00:14:00,490 --> 00:14:02,275
I totally
lost track of time.

442
00:14:02,318 --> 00:14:04,059
We decided that we're
going to hang out more.

443
00:14:04,104 --> 00:14:05,888
But all of us are going
to hang out more.

444
00:14:05,932 --> 00:14:07,759
You know, 'cause I
remember you saying

445
00:14:07,802 --> 00:14:09,500
that you missed hanging out
with Schmidt, so...Oh, Robby.

446
00:14:09,543 --> 00:14:12,851
And you said that?Yeah, I... yeah, I...
I said it, but...

447
00:14:12,894 --> 00:14:14,504
No, because I want
to hang out with you, too.

448
00:14:14,548 --> 00:14:15,767
With Robby there?

449
00:14:15,811 --> 00:14:17,682
Yeah, with Robby there.

450
00:14:17,725 --> 00:14:19,553
Good.
Good.

451
00:14:19,596 --> 00:14:21,294
Oh, yeah,
good, good.Good.

452
00:14:21,337 --> 00:14:24,775
Lincoln, bringing the
nations back together again.

453
00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:27,822
NICK:
Jess!

454
00:14:27,866 --> 00:14:29,042
Jess, where are you?

455
00:14:29,085 --> 00:14:30,913
DISTORTED MALE VOICE:
Watch your step!

456
00:14:30,956 --> 00:14:32,740
[evil laughter]It's just a recording.

457
00:14:32,783 --> 00:14:34,524
Good, good. Fun.

458
00:14:34,568 --> 00:14:36,484
[hysterical laughter]

459
00:14:36,527 --> 00:14:39,095
Okay. It's not a race.
It's not a...

460
00:14:39,139 --> 00:14:40,923
[eerie giggling]

461
00:14:40,966 --> 00:14:42,229
[yells]

462
00:14:42,272 --> 00:14:44,796
[high-pitched screaming]

463
00:14:48,799 --> 00:14:51,368
[giggling]

464
00:14:55,981 --> 00:14:57,940
Welcome to the morgue,

465
00:14:57,984 --> 00:14:59,636
Officer and...

466
00:15:00,986 --> 00:15:02,945
Sorry. I have no idea what...

467
00:15:02,989 --> 00:15:04,554
that whole thing... I don't...

468
00:15:04,599 --> 00:15:06,948
I'm reigning cats and dogs.

469
00:15:06,993 --> 00:15:08,951
What?
"Reigning"
like a queen,

470
00:15:08,995 --> 00:15:11,735
but... but "raining"
like the weather.

471
00:15:11,779 --> 00:15:12,780
No.

472
00:15:12,823 --> 00:15:14,260
"It's raining
cats and dogs!"

473
00:15:14,303 --> 00:15:16,740
Right.
It's a joke.

474
00:15:16,784 --> 00:15:18,613
Not really.
What?

475
00:15:18,655 --> 00:15:20,962
Hmm? No, I'm saying, like, it's
not really... not really funny.

476
00:15:21,006 --> 00:15:23,530
It's hilarious.I thought you were
going to dress sexy.

477
00:15:23,573 --> 00:15:25,924
A sense of humor issexy.

478
00:15:25,967 --> 00:15:27,100
I don't want to date the
queen of Cats and Dogs.

479
00:15:27,143 --> 00:15:29,144
Reigning cats and dogs.Makes no sense.

480
00:15:29,188 --> 00:15:30,798
I don't see the queen of
England running around

481
00:15:30,841 --> 00:15:32,975
with a cape and British
people stapled to it.
What?

482
00:15:33,019 --> 00:15:34,846
When is the last time
you heard somebody say,

483
00:15:34,889 --> 00:15:36,196
"Man, you know what's sexy?

484
00:15:36,239 --> 00:15:37,849
A woman with stuffed
animals taped to her back."

485
00:15:37,893 --> 00:15:39,981
Look how good I look!
Look how stylish I look.

486
00:15:40,025 --> 00:15:42,811
That's not sexy. I feel like
I'm getting a speeding ticket.

487
00:15:42,854 --> 00:15:44,899
Ooh! Shelby, you made me so mad,
my mustache is coming off!

488
00:15:44,943 --> 00:15:48,120
Why do you have a mustache
glued on top of your mustache.

489
00:15:48,990 --> 00:15:50,818
Why aren't we having sex?

490
00:15:50,861 --> 00:15:53,429
[ghoulish moaning]

491
00:15:53,474 --> 00:15:55,692
Shut up, bitch.Sorry.

492
00:15:56,693 --> 00:15:59,000
Shelby, this is not working.

493
00:15:59,044 --> 00:16:00,784
It's just not.

494
00:16:00,828 --> 00:16:03,614
I know.

495
00:16:04,875 --> 00:16:05,789
Oh, I get it.

496
00:16:05,833 --> 00:16:07,966
Reigning cats and dogs.

497
00:16:08,009 --> 00:16:10,620
It's funny. It is.

498
00:16:13,841 --> 00:16:16,192
[whispering]:
Jess.

499
00:16:18,019 --> 00:16:20,980
Jessica Day, where are you?

500
00:16:21,023 --> 00:16:22,416
[shrieking]

501
00:16:22,458 --> 00:16:23,938
[grunting]

502
00:16:23,982 --> 00:16:25,897
No, no!

503
00:16:29,030 --> 00:16:31,033
[chuckling]

504
00:16:31,076 --> 00:16:33,817
Very effective.
Very scary.

505
00:16:33,861 --> 00:16:34,994
EERIE FEMALE VOICE:
Come in! Come in!

506
00:16:35,037 --> 00:16:36,647
This is fun.
This is entertaining.

507
00:16:36,691 --> 00:16:38,822
[screaming]

508
00:16:39,868 --> 00:16:42,697
Oh, no! Jess!

509
00:16:42,740 --> 00:16:44,046
No! No!

510
00:16:44,090 --> 00:16:46,004
Jess! No!No, I'm her friend.

511
00:16:46,048 --> 00:16:47,745
[whimpering]

512
00:16:49,095 --> 00:16:51,793
[groaning]

513
00:16:51,836 --> 00:16:53,447
NICK:
Somebody help me!

514
00:16:53,490 --> 00:16:55,361
This is my nightmare!

515
00:16:55,404 --> 00:16:57,928
[high-pitched screaming]

516
00:17:01,280 --> 00:17:03,283
I didn't punch a girl.
I punched a horrifying monster.

517
00:17:03,326 --> 00:17:04,893
You of all people should
know this, Frankenstein.

518
00:17:04,935 --> 00:17:06,373
You're the real
monster.

519
00:17:06,415 --> 00:17:08,069
Oh, give me a break.

520
00:17:08,114 --> 00:17:09,506
Jess, are you okay?

521
00:17:09,549 --> 00:17:10,898
Yeah. It's nothing.

522
00:17:10,942 --> 00:17:12,074
Nick just punched
me in the face.

523
00:17:12,117 --> 00:17:14,250
What?!
Oh, my God!
No, it was an acc...

524
00:17:14,294 --> 00:17:16,904
What is wrong with you?Jess, I'm sorry!

525
00:17:16,948 --> 00:17:19,907
All right.
Look away.

526
00:17:22,737 --> 00:17:24,478
All right, well, the
bruise is going to heal,

527
00:17:24,520 --> 00:17:26,871
but I don't know what to do
about the giant stitches.

528
00:17:26,914 --> 00:17:28,394
I mean, those are
going to scar.

529
00:17:28,438 --> 00:17:29,917
And you're looking
a little pale.

530
00:17:29,961 --> 00:17:31,310
What have you
been eating?

531
00:17:31,354 --> 00:17:33,138
Brains.

532
00:17:37,969 --> 00:17:38,883
Habit.

533
00:17:40,319 --> 00:17:42,973
I think we should go.

534
00:17:43,018 --> 00:17:45,890
Sam. Uh, wait.

535
00:17:45,933 --> 00:17:48,327
Um... um...

536
00:17:48,371 --> 00:17:50,894
uh, I... I like you.

537
00:17:50,939 --> 00:17:53,072
I like you, too, Jess.No, but, um...

538
00:17:53,115 --> 00:17:54,986
I care about you,

539
00:17:55,029 --> 00:17:59,861
and um, I want
to ask you out for real.

540
00:17:59,903 --> 00:18:04,125
So... will you go out with me?

541
00:18:06,998 --> 00:18:09,261
I can't.

542
00:18:12,394 --> 00:18:14,875
I told you...

543
00:18:14,919 --> 00:18:17,096
what I wanted,
and I wasn't lying.

544
00:18:18,705 --> 00:18:19,794
Yeah, um...

545
00:18:19,836 --> 00:18:20,924
I just thought maybe

546
00:18:20,969 --> 00:18:23,102
you were scared to say.I'm not.

547
00:18:23,144 --> 00:18:24,667
Not scared, you know.

548
00:18:24,711 --> 00:18:27,192
This is how I feel.

549
00:18:30,108 --> 00:18:31,848
Do you want me to go?

550
00:18:42,556 --> 00:18:44,949
Hey.
Hey.

551
00:18:44,992 --> 00:18:46,125
You punch a girl?

552
00:18:46,167 --> 00:18:48,561
Yes, I did.
Uh, I'm a coward.

553
00:18:48,605 --> 00:18:50,040
I'm scared of
haunted houses.

554
00:18:50,085 --> 00:18:51,955
And I'm scared of you--
I always have been.

555
00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:55,002
That's right. That is what
I've been trying to remember.

556
00:18:55,046 --> 00:18:56,177
I was like, "Nick is great.

557
00:18:56,221 --> 00:18:57,961
Why didn't I
realize it years ago?"

558
00:18:58,006 --> 00:19:01,791
And it's because you could not
tell me how you felt.

559
00:19:01,836 --> 00:19:03,010
So you always knew
I liked you?

560
00:19:03,054 --> 00:19:06,188
You drove me home
every Thanksgiving break.

561
00:19:06,231 --> 00:19:08,146
You lived in Chicago;
I lived in Florida.

562
00:19:08,190 --> 00:19:09,844
Well, I was trying
to avoid the tolls.

563
00:19:09,886 --> 00:19:11,411
[both chuckle]

564
00:19:13,413 --> 00:19:15,501
How do you feel about me now?

565
00:19:15,545 --> 00:19:17,155
[stammers]

566
00:19:17,199 --> 00:19:18,982
Great. Good.

567
00:19:19,027 --> 00:19:21,160
I can't believe
that after all this time,

568
00:19:21,202 --> 00:19:23,030
you still can't be
honest with me.

569
00:19:23,074 --> 00:19:25,032
I'm sorry, all right?
It's my fault.

570
00:19:25,076 --> 00:19:27,035
Okay, I fell in
love with you

571
00:19:27,077 --> 00:19:28,950
the first time I saw
you-- that's crazy.

572
00:19:28,992 --> 00:19:32,039
I didn't even know you.
It was just this idea of you.

573
00:19:32,083 --> 00:19:35,869
And then... it just
wasn't what I thought.

574
00:19:37,349 --> 00:19:40,614
And what's up with
the way you kiss?

575
00:19:40,656 --> 00:19:43,094
It's like reverse CPR.
It's like you're...

576
00:19:45,052 --> 00:19:46,228
Hey.

577
00:19:46,271 --> 00:19:48,011
I'm not an idea of a person.

578
00:19:48,056 --> 00:19:49,926
I'm an actual person.

579
00:19:54,888 --> 00:19:56,019
ROBBY: Okay.CECE: Ready? Uh-huh.

580
00:19:56,064 --> 00:19:57,195
BOTH:
One, two, three.

581
00:19:57,239 --> 00:20:00,894
[both grunt]

582
00:20:00,938 --> 00:20:02,026
All right, let's try it
one more time.

583
00:20:02,069 --> 00:20:03,288
Let's see if we
can hit the top.

584
00:20:03,332 --> 00:20:04,028
I think you guys deserve
the couples costumes.

585
00:20:04,071 --> 00:20:06,029
Bride and groom.

586
00:20:06,074 --> 00:20:08,207
Aw.How sweet of you.

587
00:20:08,250 --> 00:20:10,164
Thank you.
Take the hat.

588
00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:12,384
It's... that's, like,
the most important part.

589
00:20:12,428 --> 00:20:14,256
Very nice of you to
do that, Schmidt.
Hold this.

590
00:20:14,299 --> 00:20:16,432
Okay, I'm not... I don't need
to wear a second costume.

591
00:20:16,476 --> 00:20:18,173
This and the hat and the
blazer's enough, so that's...

592
00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:21,220
You need it, Robby.Where you going with
this here, buddy? I...

593
00:20:21,262 --> 00:20:23,439
You're not going to...
the pants, too?Oh, no, no, no, no.

594
00:20:23,482 --> 00:20:25,701
We're fine. We're good.It's important, man.
Need to wear the whole thing.

595
00:20:25,746 --> 00:20:27,835
Just... what are
you going to wear?

596
00:20:27,877 --> 00:20:29,315
Plan B was always

597
00:20:29,357 --> 00:20:31,055
Matthew McConaughey
in Magic Mike,so...

598
00:20:31,098 --> 00:20:33,101
Always got to have
a plan B, Robby.

599
00:20:38,279 --> 00:20:40,847
Thanks, man.

600
00:20:42,284 --> 00:20:44,416
Wow. I mean,
look at his thighs.

601
00:20:44,460 --> 00:20:46,244
They're like fleshy
tree trunks.

602
00:20:46,288 --> 00:20:47,507
Whoa.

603
00:20:47,549 --> 00:20:50,291
I mean, he just knows
how to work a crowd.

604
00:20:50,336 --> 00:20:51,815
I mean, his thighs

605
00:20:51,858 --> 00:20:54,122
are like, the size
of my head.

606
00:20:54,164 --> 00:20:56,211
WOMAN:
Reigning cats and dogs!SHELBY: Yeah!

607
00:20:56,255 --> 00:20:58,257
Coat of arms.[laughing]

608
00:20:58,299 --> 00:21:00,127
You are so awesome!

609
00:21:00,171 --> 00:21:03,479
You know, I may not
actually be Abraham Lincoln,

610
00:21:03,522 --> 00:21:05,699
but I witnessed
the emancipation

611
00:21:05,741 --> 00:21:07,830
of one black guy
tonight...

612
00:21:07,875 --> 00:21:10,311
from a terrible
relationship.

613
00:21:10,355 --> 00:21:12,531
Come on.

614
00:21:15,185 --> 00:21:17,231
I know I said you shouldn't
put yourself out there,

615
00:21:17,276 --> 00:21:18,842
but I'm glad you did.

616
00:21:18,885 --> 00:21:22,324
You should be with somebody
who's crazy about you, Jess.

617
00:21:22,367 --> 00:21:24,107
Thanks, Nick.

618
00:21:24,152 --> 00:21:26,414
That'd be really nice
if it wasn't coming

619
00:21:26,459 --> 00:21:29,156
from somebody who just
punched me in the face.

620
00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:30,941
Sorry about that.

621
00:21:30,984 --> 00:21:33,116
SCHMIDT:
All right, you ready?
Mm-hmm.

622
00:21:33,161 --> 00:21:34,117
Let's do it.

623
00:21:34,162 --> 00:21:36,730
All right.
Let's do it.

624
00:21:36,772 --> 00:21:38,122
Okay.

625
00:21:38,165 --> 00:21:41,299
Jess, let's make this right.All right.

626
00:21:45,215 --> 00:21:47,174
[laughs]

627
00:21:47,218 --> 00:21:48,698
I can't do this.

628
00:21:48,741 --> 00:21:52,920
I'm glad you're you,
'cause Jess Day could...

629
00:21:52,962 --> 00:21:54,964
Ow! Mother of...
Damn it!