1
00:00:01,958 --> 00:00:04,743
Hey, Mr. Belvedere, there's two
guys outside with a giant box,

2
00:00:04,786 --> 00:00:07,224
written all over it.
and it's got "happy birthday"

3
00:00:07,267 --> 00:00:08,051
There it is.

4
00:00:08,095 --> 00:00:09,660
Hey, guys.

5
00:00:09,705 --> 00:00:11,401
Wow.Pay up, gentlemen.
She's sitting on the couch.

6
00:00:11,445 --> 00:00:12,534
Yeah, right,
you won.

7
00:00:12,577 --> 00:00:13,795
She's in the uniform.
Mm-hmm.

8
00:00:13,839 --> 00:00:15,711
TGIFmarathon tonight.

9
00:00:15,753 --> 00:00:17,321
What?
BOTH:
I can't take this anymore.

10
00:00:17,364 --> 00:00:19,018
What is happening?

11
00:00:19,062 --> 00:00:20,498
I've actually been
working on something.

12
00:00:20,542 --> 00:00:21,498
A résumé, maybe?

13
00:00:21,542 --> 00:00:23,109
[chuckles]

14
00:00:24,763 --> 00:00:28,027
[à la Steve Urkel]:
Did I do that?

15
00:00:29,986 --> 00:00:31,769
I'm sorry. Did you just say
you were working on that?

16
00:00:31,814 --> 00:00:32,728
It's Urkel!

17
00:00:32,771 --> 00:00:33,859
Urkel?

18
00:00:33,902 --> 00:00:35,121
JESS [chuckling]:
Urkel.

19
00:00:35,164 --> 00:00:36,819
Urkel, Jess?

20
00:00:36,862 --> 00:00:38,951
It's funny.Okay, look,

21
00:00:38,994 --> 00:00:41,170
it is perfectly fine
to watch TV all day.

22
00:00:41,215 --> 00:00:42,954
No, it is not.No, it's not.

23
00:00:42,999 --> 00:00:44,435
But Urkel?!
Come on.

24
00:00:44,478 --> 00:00:46,567
Not even in my darkest
moments did I do Urkel.

25
00:00:46,610 --> 00:00:48,612
Guys, that's crazy.
This is objectively hilarious.

26
00:00:48,656 --> 00:00:51,877
I can do any character
from an '80s sitcom. Quiz me.No.

27
00:00:51,920 --> 00:00:55,793
Oh, Alf, don't eat the cat!

28
00:00:57,186 --> 00:00:59,841
Get out of the city,
Cousin Larry Appleton.

29
00:01:01,060 --> 00:01:02,670
I'm Frasier Crane.No!

30
00:01:02,713 --> 00:01:06,022
Jess, the men in suits here,
the professionals,

31
00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:07,022
would like to know
what the plan is.

32
00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:08,198
I'm a professional,
too, pal.

33
00:01:08,242 --> 00:01:09,894
You're not. Please,
you work in a bar.

34
00:01:09,938 --> 00:01:11,375
It's a whole different thing.
I respect you. Just, please.

35
00:01:11,418 --> 00:01:14,378
I don't know
what the plan is, Schmidt,

36
00:01:14,421 --> 00:01:17,120
but I love working
at the Casserole Shanty.

37
00:01:17,164 --> 00:01:20,036
Today I got a locker,
and in 18 months,

38
00:01:20,079 --> 00:01:21,906
I'm gonna roll into
some sweet dental coverage.

39
00:01:21,950 --> 00:01:23,953
So, yeah, my job
pretty much rules.

40
00:01:25,171 --> 00:01:27,129
Low on bean! Low on bean!

41
00:01:27,174 --> 00:01:30,132
I repeat: I'm low on bean!

42
00:01:30,176 --> 00:01:32,091
I'm good on bean!

43
00:01:32,134 --> 00:01:34,137
Would you like to know what
I did at my job all day today?

44
00:01:34,180 --> 00:01:35,965
Don't say
"crushed it."
I'm gonna go
with "crushed it."

45
00:01:36,008 --> 00:01:38,271
Funny enough, uh, I crushed it.

46
00:01:38,314 --> 00:01:40,883
I crushed it all day today,
and then I crushed it some more.

47
00:01:40,926 --> 00:01:42,753
And then it asked me
what I was doing,

48
00:01:42,798 --> 00:01:44,626
and I told it
that I was crushing it.

49
00:01:44,668 --> 00:01:47,150
That's what I do
on a daily basis, Jess.

50
00:01:47,194 --> 00:01:49,631
You used to inspire me.

51
00:01:49,674 --> 00:01:51,240
I mean, not specifically--

52
00:01:51,284 --> 00:01:53,242
because I find teaching
to be icky-- but, you know,

53
00:01:53,287 --> 00:01:55,158
in a vague kind of
"Look at that go-getter in a...

54
00:01:55,201 --> 00:01:57,116
in a brightly colored sweater"
kind of way.

55
00:01:57,159 --> 00:01:59,640
What happened to the inspiring,
visor-less Jess?

56
00:01:59,683 --> 00:02:00,903
[knocking]

57
00:02:00,945 --> 00:02:01,947
Hey, maybe that's her.

58
00:02:03,340 --> 00:02:06,734
Hey, we just moved in
across the hall.

59
00:02:06,778 --> 00:02:08,170
I'm Chaz.

60
00:02:08,215 --> 00:02:10,913
This is Fife,
Sutton and Brorie.

61
00:02:10,955 --> 00:02:12,087
What's up? Schmidt.

62
00:02:15,352 --> 00:02:17,353
Any-turds, just wanted
to give you a heads up

63
00:02:17,397 --> 00:02:19,443
that we're having some
people over to hang tonight

64
00:02:19,486 --> 00:02:22,316
and it might get
a little loud.I like where your head is at.

65
00:02:22,359 --> 00:02:24,013
We're gonna be there
with bells on.

66
00:02:24,056 --> 00:02:26,407
Dolla-dolla bells, y'all.

67
00:02:27,842 --> 00:02:29,453
[snickers]

68
00:02:29,497 --> 00:02:31,847
Well, it's just going to be
a bunch of young people.

69
00:02:33,413 --> 00:02:34,371
So...

70
00:02:34,414 --> 00:02:36,156
Hi. I live here, too.

71
00:02:36,199 --> 00:02:38,158
What are you names?
Schmidt!

72
00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:41,030
♪ Who's that girl? ♪ Who's that girl?♪

73
00:02:41,073 --> 00:02:42,162
♪ It's Jess.

74
00:02:43,945 --> 00:02:45,252
So, when he said,

75
00:02:45,295 --> 00:02:47,602
"It's just going to be a
bunch of young people,"

76
00:02:47,645 --> 00:02:49,211
well, he must have
meant, "You,"

77
00:02:49,256 --> 00:02:51,997
meaning me, fellow
young person,

78
00:02:52,040 --> 00:02:53,216
"You'll feel
right at home.

79
00:02:53,259 --> 00:02:56,175
And you two walking
corpses, stay away."

80
00:02:56,218 --> 00:02:58,002
You're six months younger
than me, Schmidt.

81
00:02:58,046 --> 00:03:00,004
You're a corpse
for sure.
Behold.

82
00:03:00,049 --> 00:03:04,227
This actuarial table
stops at age 99.

83
00:03:04,270 --> 00:03:06,098
But if you track my
current trajectory,

84
00:03:06,141 --> 00:03:09,100
I'm clearly gonna live till
I'm 123 years old, so...

85
00:03:09,145 --> 00:03:11,234
[robot voice]:
hello, robot sex.

86
00:03:11,277 --> 00:03:12,539
Is this accurate?

87
00:03:12,582 --> 00:03:15,237
No, no, no, Winston,
I spend $49.95 a month

88
00:03:15,282 --> 00:03:17,197
on a subscription
to an inaccurate

89
00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:18,763
real-time actuarial service.

90
00:03:18,806 --> 00:03:21,112
Then I think I may have died
four years ago.

91
00:03:21,157 --> 00:03:22,853
Oh, yeah?
That sucks.

92
00:03:22,897 --> 00:03:26,683
"African-American male,
life expectancy: 67 years"?

93
00:03:26,728 --> 00:03:28,120
Sounds about right.

94
00:03:28,163 --> 00:03:29,818
"Minus one year if you
frequently question

95
00:03:29,860 --> 00:03:31,298
your career choice."
Check.

96
00:03:31,341 --> 00:03:33,256
"Minus one year
if your chosen field offers

97
00:03:33,300 --> 00:03:34,257
few opportunities
for advancement."

98
00:03:34,300 --> 00:03:35,475
Check and double check.

99
00:03:35,519 --> 00:03:37,913
NICK:
I like getting older.

100
00:03:37,956 --> 00:03:40,175
I feel like I'm finally aging
into my personality.

101
00:03:43,484 --> 00:03:45,615
Keep this crap out of my yard!

102
00:03:45,659 --> 00:03:47,227
[ice cream truck music playing]

103
00:03:47,270 --> 00:03:50,141
And turn that nonsense down!

104
00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:54,015
They never did get
that Frisbee back.

105
00:03:54,058 --> 00:03:56,278
I used that Frisbee
as a dish. [chuckles]JESS: Seriously?

106
00:03:56,323 --> 00:03:59,281
I used it for pistachios
in my room.SCHMIDT: Not only am I the

107
00:03:59,325 --> 00:04:02,284
youngest person in this loft,
I'm also the most successful.

108
00:04:02,329 --> 00:04:05,245
Oh! Shut up, Schmidt.Are you honestly measuring
yourself like a little boy?

109
00:04:05,288 --> 00:04:07,115
I'm sorry that you're not
growing anymore like me.

110
00:04:07,158 --> 00:04:08,682
And apparently,
I'm gonna be growing forever.

111
00:04:08,725 --> 00:04:11,075
I'm like a Jewish Peter Pan.
Petya Pan.

112
00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:14,036
Peiter Pan. Pesach Pan.

113
00:04:14,079 --> 00:04:15,733
Why don't you take it down
a notch before this old man

114
00:04:15,776 --> 00:04:17,822
takes you outside and
makes you pick a switch?

115
00:04:17,865 --> 00:04:20,129
I'm like Snow Leopard.
You guys are like DOS.And as your elder,

116
00:04:20,172 --> 00:04:22,305
can I give you a little advice,
Schmidt? Can we talk for a sec?Sure.

117
00:04:22,348 --> 00:04:24,045
Yes, yes.'Cause you've kind of
gotten under my skin

118
00:04:24,088 --> 00:04:25,089
a little bit.Shoot, Gran Torino.

119
00:04:33,011 --> 00:04:35,057
I'm gonna die so soon.

120
00:04:35,100 --> 00:04:37,319
Do you think that the
neighbors will want, like,

121
00:04:37,363 --> 00:04:39,103
four individual casseroles

122
00:04:39,148 --> 00:04:40,497
or, like, one large
party-size casserole?

123
00:04:40,540 --> 00:04:42,194
Yes, Jess,
that's exactly

124
00:04:42,237 --> 00:04:44,632
what hip, trendy millennials
want to eat: casserole.

125
00:04:44,675 --> 00:04:47,808
Now come on, guys,
just tighten up, all right?

126
00:04:47,851 --> 00:04:50,158
Think young.
What the hell is that smell?It's Old Spice.

127
00:04:50,201 --> 00:04:52,334
I'm smelling Old Spice?Yeah, and yes,

128
00:04:52,379 --> 00:04:54,771
it has "Old" in the title,
and yes, it's all over my body.

129
00:04:54,816 --> 00:04:56,600
Okay, well, take it off.I'm wearing the Spice.
The Spice is cool.

130
00:04:56,644 --> 00:04:58,122
It's not even a real
spice, man. Take it off.

131
00:04:58,167 --> 00:04:59,560
The Spice is coming back!
Everybody knows it!

132
00:04:59,603 --> 00:05:00,908
The guy on the horse!

133
00:05:00,951 --> 00:05:02,213
You can wear any spice.
Don't wear Old Spice!

134
00:05:02,257 --> 00:05:03,519
Classic cologne fight.

135
00:05:03,564 --> 00:05:05,391
[overlapping shouting]

136
00:05:05,435 --> 00:05:07,262
JESS:
Guys!
Shh!

137
00:05:08,264 --> 00:05:10,004
Hi.

138
00:05:10,048 --> 00:05:12,355
Zander and Raj
went to Pate's thing,

139
00:05:12,399 --> 00:05:14,617
so tonight's been notched down
to a "chill hang."

140
00:05:14,661 --> 00:05:16,358
Cool.

141
00:05:16,403 --> 00:05:17,490
I'll just put these...Oh.

142
00:05:17,533 --> 00:05:19,536
Thanks for having us.

143
00:05:21,276 --> 00:05:22,930
No, can't do this.

144
00:05:22,973 --> 00:05:24,454
SCHMIDT:
What is up?Have fun, kids.

145
00:05:24,497 --> 00:05:26,543
Party hip-hop.
What's going on, kids?

146
00:05:26,586 --> 00:05:27,762
Let's party.

147
00:05:27,805 --> 00:05:30,154
What are you guys doing,
huh? What is that?

148
00:05:30,199 --> 00:05:32,069
Is that Top Gun?
Oh, look at that.

149
00:05:32,113 --> 00:05:33,985
Look at Anthony Eds,
the "Goose" man.

150
00:05:34,028 --> 00:05:36,423
Unbelievable that he dies
in a few scenes.

151
00:05:36,466 --> 00:05:37,379
Goose dies?

152
00:05:37,423 --> 00:05:39,207
Not cool, man.

153
00:05:39,250 --> 00:05:41,209
No, it's... Look, nobody
does an onscreen death

154
00:05:41,252 --> 00:05:42,603
like Anthony Eds.

155
00:05:42,646 --> 00:05:44,430
He's like the Hilary Swank
of bald men.

156
00:05:46,302 --> 00:05:47,608
He's like the
Hilary Swank of bald...

157
00:05:47,651 --> 00:05:48,870
Hold everything.

158
00:05:48,913 --> 00:05:50,567
Is that Cass Shant?

159
00:05:50,610 --> 00:05:53,396
Casserole Shanty?
That's where I work.

160
00:05:53,439 --> 00:05:55,485
Your chicken-broccoli
totally fuels my night bikes.

161
00:05:55,528 --> 00:05:57,312
I'm very happy to help.

162
00:05:57,356 --> 00:06:00,620
Some of my friends
don't appreciate it.
FIFE:
No.

163
00:06:00,663 --> 00:06:02,404
You're just figuring
it out, just like us.

164
00:06:02,449 --> 00:06:04,406
Yeah.Yeah.

165
00:06:04,451 --> 00:06:05,755
I amfiguring it out.

166
00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:07,322
Thank you, Brorie. I am.

167
00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:09,846
I'm just figuring it out,
and that's okay.

168
00:06:09,891 --> 00:06:11,762
What do you guys do?

169
00:06:11,805 --> 00:06:13,067
I work at home.I'm a DJ.
Well...

170
00:06:13,110 --> 00:06:14,286
Was I unclear
about my night bikes?

171
00:06:14,329 --> 00:06:16,418
I work for a
single-national corporation

172
00:06:16,463 --> 00:06:18,595
called Associated Strategies.

173
00:06:18,639 --> 00:06:19,596
Moo...

174
00:06:19,639 --> 00:06:20,641
[laughs]

175
00:06:20,684 --> 00:06:21,771
Oh, moo...
I know. Yeah.

176
00:06:21,815 --> 00:06:23,338
Totally, Fife.
I get that.

177
00:06:24,471 --> 00:06:26,473
Moo...

178
00:06:26,516 --> 00:06:29,605
Moo...!
[laughs]

179
00:06:31,042 --> 00:06:32,303
Right? That's a thing, right?

180
00:06:32,348 --> 00:06:33,435
Yeah? Moo?

181
00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:34,872
Schmidt, you don't know...

182
00:06:36,744 --> 00:06:38,528
Jess.

183
00:06:39,747 --> 00:06:43,271
[à la Steve Urkel]:
Did I do that?

184
00:06:43,314 --> 00:06:46,362
[all laughing]

185
00:06:47,536 --> 00:06:48,625
FIFE: How did you
just come up with that?

186
00:06:48,668 --> 00:06:49,757
Where did you get that?

187
00:06:49,800 --> 00:06:50,887
It just came to me.

188
00:06:50,932 --> 00:06:52,542
Where did that come from?

189
00:06:52,586 --> 00:06:53,543
I just thought of it.

190
00:06:53,586 --> 00:06:56,415
That's how she
casseroles!

191
00:06:56,459 --> 00:06:57,894
What?

192
00:07:04,336 --> 00:07:06,468
Hey, Nana, Pop-Pop.

193
00:07:06,512 --> 00:07:07,904
You missed an unreal
hang last night.

194
00:07:07,949 --> 00:07:10,298
Unreal with a capital "uh."

195
00:07:10,341 --> 00:07:12,127
WINSTON:
Really?

196
00:07:12,170 --> 00:07:13,694
Those kids with
the found furniture

197
00:07:13,737 --> 00:07:15,521
and no TV
because it's cool?

198
00:07:15,564 --> 00:07:17,305
It's a different
world over there.

199
00:07:17,348 --> 00:07:20,221
A world where it's okay to only
have a part-time job.

200
00:07:20,264 --> 00:07:23,399
A world where it's okay
that I'm still finding myself.

201
00:07:23,442 --> 00:07:26,401
A world where I have not one,
but two catchphrases.

202
00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:29,012
$500.
[gasps]

203
00:07:29,057 --> 00:07:31,189
[à la Stephanie Tanner]:
How rude!

204
00:07:31,233 --> 00:07:33,365
[all laugh]

205
00:07:33,408 --> 00:07:34,540
How rude!

206
00:07:34,584 --> 00:07:35,976
Just take it!

207
00:07:36,019 --> 00:07:37,500
They think I
made those up.

208
00:07:37,543 --> 00:07:39,937
There's just one tiny hitch.

209
00:07:39,980 --> 00:07:43,375
It's very awkward, and I
don't know how to say it...

210
00:07:43,418 --> 00:07:44,420
They hate Schmidt.

211
00:07:44,463 --> 00:07:46,726
So much.
How did you know?

212
00:07:46,769 --> 00:07:49,338
If I had a dollar for everybody
I couldn't hang out with

213
00:07:49,380 --> 00:07:51,427
because they hated Schmidt,
I'd be rich.

214
00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:55,257
Like, fill my gas tank
all the way up rich.

215
00:07:55,300 --> 00:07:56,562
He was all over the map.

216
00:07:56,605 --> 00:07:58,826
He spent 20 minutes
talking about aioli.

217
00:07:58,869 --> 00:08:00,523
Don't worry about it.
I'm on it.

218
00:08:00,567 --> 00:08:02,132
What do you mean,
you're on it?

219
00:08:02,177 --> 00:08:04,178
You're gonna prank him,
aren't you? I-I knew it!

220
00:08:04,221 --> 00:08:05,572
I knew it!
You're gonna prank him.

221
00:08:05,615 --> 00:08:07,704
Hey, can I help you?
I'm really good with pranks.

222
00:08:07,747 --> 00:08:09,271
You may not help
with the pranks.

223
00:08:09,314 --> 00:08:10,925
Why not, man? I'm the best
with the pranks, man.

224
00:08:10,968 --> 00:08:14,057
They call me "Prank Sinatra."No, you call you
Prank Sinatra.

225
00:08:14,101 --> 00:08:15,581
Oh, come... 'Cause I am.Winston, you're
the worst

226
00:08:15,625 --> 00:08:16,930
at pranks in the whole world.

227
00:08:16,973 --> 00:08:18,367
No, I'm not.Yes, you are!

228
00:08:18,410 --> 00:08:20,586
You either go way too small...

229
00:08:20,629 --> 00:08:22,457
[whispering]:
Hey.

230
00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:25,678
Let's pour a little
juice near her shoe.

231
00:08:25,721 --> 00:08:27,507
...or you go way too big.

232
00:08:27,550 --> 00:08:32,599
Hey, let's hit her in
the throat with a ski.

233
00:08:32,642 --> 00:08:34,470
You don't have
a pranking sweet spot.

234
00:08:35,905 --> 00:08:36,690
Speaking of...

235
00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:40,519
Are you limping?

236
00:08:40,562 --> 00:08:42,086
My hip is achy.

237
00:08:42,129 --> 00:08:44,480
I wonder if it's your shoes.
Did you try different shoes?

238
00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:45,873
I try on four different
pairs of shoes

239
00:08:45,915 --> 00:08:47,831
with every outfit,
rain or shine. You know that.

240
00:08:47,875 --> 00:08:49,092
What did you do?

241
00:08:49,136 --> 00:08:51,052
Well, he could try on
100 different pairs.

242
00:08:51,095 --> 00:08:52,706
It's not going to matter.

243
00:08:52,749 --> 00:08:54,794
The left heel is an eighth
of an inch shorter

244
00:08:54,837 --> 00:08:55,926
on every single pair.

245
00:08:55,970 --> 00:08:58,145
[both laugh]

246
00:08:58,188 --> 00:08:59,886
This is so crazy, Nick.

247
00:08:59,929 --> 00:09:01,802
Oh, my God, you know
what we should do?

248
00:09:01,845 --> 00:09:03,586
We should take those shavings,

249
00:09:03,629 --> 00:09:06,240
and then sprinkle them
by his car.

250
00:09:06,283 --> 00:09:07,721
Let me just get this clear.

251
00:09:07,764 --> 00:09:10,461
Take the little
bit of dustYeah, 'cause...

252
00:09:10,505 --> 00:09:13,769
and go outside and put it
near his car?
Yes.

253
00:09:13,813 --> 00:09:15,466
That's not a prank.Yes, it is.

254
00:09:15,510 --> 00:09:16,686
That's just kind of littering.

255
00:09:16,730 --> 00:09:18,557
His whole ride to work,Okay, you're done.

256
00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:19,820
he'd be thinking, like, "What?"

257
00:09:19,863 --> 00:09:21,561
So we're pranking him

258
00:09:21,604 --> 00:09:23,692
so he thinks
while we're not around, "What?"

259
00:09:23,736 --> 00:09:25,129
It's too small.

260
00:09:25,173 --> 00:09:27,523
You've got to go bigger
than that.

261
00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:28,654
Well, anyway,

262
00:09:28,697 --> 00:09:31,091
I got to fill this
up with pee.
Ew! Why?

263
00:09:31,134 --> 00:09:32,832
So I can pour it all over
Schmidt's bed

264
00:09:32,875 --> 00:09:34,182
and make him think
he's incontinent.

265
00:09:34,225 --> 00:09:35,269
That's disgusting, Nick.

266
00:09:35,312 --> 00:09:38,186
Hey, sometimes up close,
art is ugly.

267
00:09:38,229 --> 00:09:40,491
I got an idea.

268
00:09:40,536 --> 00:09:43,669
Instead of urine, we use acid.

269
00:09:43,712 --> 00:09:45,715
[laughing]:
And put it on his face!

270
00:09:45,759 --> 00:09:47,760
All right?

271
00:09:50,024 --> 00:09:51,938
Jess, do these pants
seem long to you?

272
00:09:51,981 --> 00:09:54,768
Nick picked them up from
the dry cleaner for me today,

273
00:09:54,811 --> 00:09:56,812
and I don't know,
I swear they seem longer.

274
00:09:56,856 --> 00:09:58,815
I think your pants look fine.

275
00:09:58,859 --> 00:10:00,600
Okay, Jess, tonight,
you're obviously gonna want

276
00:10:00,643 --> 00:10:01,644
to follow my lead.

277
00:10:01,687 --> 00:10:03,427
I don't know how
to tell you this...

278
00:10:03,471 --> 00:10:05,865
Actually, I do:
Um, they hate you.

279
00:10:05,908 --> 00:10:07,432
That's crazy.

280
00:10:07,475 --> 00:10:10,260
It iscrazy...
how much they hate you.

281
00:10:10,304 --> 00:10:12,567
Watch. Every time
you say something,

282
00:10:12,611 --> 00:10:14,482
they're gonna change
the subject immediately.

283
00:10:14,525 --> 00:10:15,918
That's how you tell
if people hate you.

284
00:10:15,962 --> 00:10:17,833
I'm pretty sure I know how
to crush it with the kids.

285
00:10:17,878 --> 00:10:19,749
[indistinct chatter
and laughter]

286
00:10:19,793 --> 00:10:21,403
SCHMIDT:
Watch this.

287
00:10:21,446 --> 00:10:22,490
Hey, guys.

288
00:10:22,533 --> 00:10:24,014
SCHMIDT:
What up, yo?

289
00:10:24,057 --> 00:10:25,885
Throw your damn hands up.
We hanging out tonight?

290
00:10:25,928 --> 00:10:28,018
Jess, I love your hair.

291
00:10:28,062 --> 00:10:29,759
It is so good today.
Yeah!

292
00:10:29,802 --> 00:10:31,369
Thank you!

293
00:10:31,413 --> 00:10:33,023
Flowy.
Yes.
Really curly.

294
00:10:33,067 --> 00:10:34,850
What do you guys think
about the length

295
00:10:34,894 --> 00:10:37,245
of my sideburns? It's new.
Daring or gauche?

296
00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:40,943
I got my plane ticket
home for Easter.

297
00:10:40,988 --> 00:10:42,684
Thank you
for reminding me, Jess.

298
00:10:42,729 --> 00:10:43,990
Yeah. No, of course.

299
00:10:44,033 --> 00:10:45,687
I've got, like, a
little calendar thing.

300
00:10:45,731 --> 00:10:47,777
You know, I've got
a great, um...

301
00:10:47,821 --> 00:10:52,086
I've got a great
plane ticket guy that you...

302
00:10:52,129 --> 00:10:53,653
We're having another
hang tonight, Jess.

303
00:10:53,696 --> 00:10:55,828
Got some chokes, hula hoops,
sitar. You should come over.

304
00:10:55,871 --> 00:10:57,657
Yeah!Yeah, no, like,
that's the best idea.

305
00:10:57,700 --> 00:10:58,875
Totally.

306
00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:08,668
[panting quietly]

307
00:11:08,711 --> 00:11:11,061
[quietly]:
You, too, Schmidt.

308
00:11:11,105 --> 00:11:12,672
[exhales]

309
00:11:15,065 --> 00:11:16,500
♪

310
00:11:16,544 --> 00:11:19,113
Oh, hey, I got to...
I got to take this.

311
00:11:20,941 --> 00:11:23,465
Ferguson? Is that you?

312
00:11:23,508 --> 00:11:25,727
[exhales]
Yeah, t-tonight?

313
00:11:25,772 --> 00:11:28,034
Well, I mean...

314
00:11:28,077 --> 00:11:28,904
I made plans with...

315
00:11:28,948 --> 00:11:30,690
[sighs]
Well, look,

316
00:11:30,732 --> 00:11:33,082
if that's the comptroller's
time line, then...

317
00:11:33,126 --> 00:11:34,868
that's the comptroller's
time line.

318
00:11:34,911 --> 00:11:36,259
Well, hell, yes,

319
00:11:36,303 --> 00:11:38,697
send a car!

320
00:11:38,740 --> 00:11:41,091
Jess, do you want to
hula-hoop with me

321
00:11:41,134 --> 00:11:42,527
all night-slash-forever?

322
00:11:42,571 --> 00:11:45,052
[chatter, laughter]

323
00:11:45,095 --> 00:11:47,532
Oh, gosh.

324
00:11:47,576 --> 00:11:49,490
They hate me.

325
00:11:55,539 --> 00:11:57,586
Man, I've never seen you work
this hard at anything, ever.

326
00:11:57,629 --> 00:11:58,892
That's because I care so much.

327
00:11:58,934 --> 00:12:01,633
I set an alarm
for 5:00 a.m.

328
00:12:01,677 --> 00:12:03,374
so I could switch Schmidt's
fiber pills with placebos.

329
00:12:03,418 --> 00:12:04,985
Damn it, I want
to care about something

330
00:12:05,028 --> 00:12:07,639
as much as you care
about ruining Schmidt's life.

331
00:12:07,682 --> 00:12:10,163
NICK: And where have you
been all night, young lady?

332
00:12:10,206 --> 00:12:12,383
Jumping around to
your hippity-hop?

333
00:12:12,427 --> 00:12:15,735
Taking your drug pills
and smoking your hash stick?

334
00:12:15,778 --> 00:12:18,128
I'm actually asking-- I'm not
doing a thing right here.

335
00:12:18,172 --> 00:12:20,043
Those guys are so much fun.

336
00:12:20,086 --> 00:12:21,957
Now, if you'll excuse
me, I've been up

337
00:12:22,001 --> 00:12:26,832
for 48 hours, so I'm gonna just
sleep off an ass-ton of quinoa.

338
00:12:26,875 --> 00:12:29,052
No, there's no time for sleep!
Guys, here's what we got to do.

339
00:12:29,096 --> 00:12:30,923
We got to find the passion
that we have in life,

340
00:12:30,966 --> 00:12:32,403
and we got to hold on to it.

341
00:12:32,447 --> 00:12:34,144
You're so right.Just like--

342
00:12:34,187 --> 00:12:35,450
I can't believe
I'm saying this--

343
00:12:35,493 --> 00:12:37,017
just like Nick Miller.

344
00:12:37,059 --> 00:12:38,408
Why, look at that.

345
00:12:38,452 --> 00:12:39,628
I've never been an
inspiration before.

346
00:12:39,671 --> 00:12:40,846
I don't like it.

347
00:12:40,889 --> 00:12:41,803
It's too much responsibility.

348
00:12:41,847 --> 00:12:43,763
Ooh, ay-ay-ay.

349
00:12:43,806 --> 00:12:45,938
I am cons-to-the-pizzo.

350
00:12:45,981 --> 00:12:46,940
Hmm?

351
00:12:46,982 --> 00:12:48,418
Constipated.

352
00:12:48,462 --> 00:12:50,682
I'm constipated.

353
00:12:50,725 --> 00:12:52,466
Surprising.

354
00:12:52,509 --> 00:12:55,164
Here, sit down,
relax, watch some TV.

355
00:12:55,209 --> 00:12:57,080
What's the chair
doing over here?

356
00:12:57,124 --> 00:12:58,995
Just moved it.

357
00:12:59,038 --> 00:13:02,302
[sighing]:
Oh... gosh.

358
00:13:03,826 --> 00:13:05,653
[TV audio playing quietly]

359
00:13:05,697 --> 00:13:07,047
Turn it down, man!
Turn it down!

360
00:13:07,090 --> 00:13:08,831
Turn it... What?It's too loud!

361
00:13:08,875 --> 00:13:11,225
Schmidt, you're blasting
the TV, you maniac!

362
00:13:11,268 --> 00:13:12,835
You can hear that?

363
00:13:12,879 --> 00:13:15,054
It's blasting, Schmidt!
Jess is trying to sleep!

364
00:13:15,097 --> 00:13:17,884
You can hear this?Uh, yes.

365
00:13:17,927 --> 00:13:19,232
Well, you know what,
you were right.

366
00:13:19,275 --> 00:13:21,235
They hate me, and I
know why they hate me, too.

367
00:13:21,278 --> 00:13:23,889
It's because I'm old, and
they're the future of humanity,

368
00:13:23,932 --> 00:13:26,066
a pan-ethnic,
pan-sexual hive mind,

369
00:13:26,109 --> 00:13:28,894
and they want nothing
to do with me.

370
00:13:28,937 --> 00:13:30,025
They're not thatgreat, Schmidt.

371
00:13:30,070 --> 00:13:31,245
Last night,
Chaz and Sutton

372
00:13:31,288 --> 00:13:33,159
got in a fight.A lovers' quarrel?

373
00:13:33,202 --> 00:13:34,813
Sutton and Chaz
are not a couple.

374
00:13:34,856 --> 00:13:36,816
Chaz is with Fife;
Brorie's with, uh...

375
00:13:36,859 --> 00:13:39,034
the other broad.
Actually,

376
00:13:39,078 --> 00:13:40,907
Brorie, Sutton and Fife
are in a triad,

377
00:13:40,950 --> 00:13:42,125
and Chaz is a floater.

378
00:13:42,168 --> 00:13:44,301
They're poly-amorous?
Damn it!

379
00:13:44,345 --> 00:13:45,955
[sighs]
Jess, you've got to help me

380
00:13:45,999 --> 00:13:49,306
help them forget how old I am.[laughs] You're not old.

381
00:13:49,350 --> 00:13:50,917
Then how do you explain this?Use your legs, buddy.

382
00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:54,049
Let me show you something.Gonna hurt your back.

383
00:13:56,356 --> 00:13:59,750
Look at this--
I'm freaking shrinking!

384
00:13:59,794 --> 00:14:01,666
I took a photo of the wall,
shrunk it down,

385
00:14:01,710 --> 00:14:03,277
made a copy
at an architect's office.

386
00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:04,931
From there,
it was just your basic

387
00:14:04,974 --> 00:14:06,541
spackle-and-silkscreen job.

388
00:14:06,583 --> 00:14:08,716
I don't care, but... yay.

389
00:14:08,759 --> 00:14:10,893
It's a weird life,
but it's where I'm at right now.

390
00:14:10,937 --> 00:14:12,154
Okay.

391
00:14:14,288 --> 00:14:16,202
[groans]

392
00:14:16,245 --> 00:14:18,552
[sighs]
Jess... this is
the hardest thing

393
00:14:18,596 --> 00:14:20,120
I've ever had to say.

394
00:14:21,120 --> 00:14:22,644
Please help me be cool.

395
00:14:25,038 --> 00:14:26,995
Say that one more time.

396
00:14:27,039 --> 00:14:29,999
Oh. Visor-wearing Jess,

397
00:14:30,043 --> 00:14:32,261
will you please help me be cool?

398
00:14:32,306 --> 00:14:35,091
♪

399
00:14:37,136 --> 00:14:38,312
Okay, listen up,

400
00:14:38,355 --> 00:14:39,922
I got 3.5 years to live.

401
00:14:39,966 --> 00:14:41,402
I can't be an
assistant anymore.

402
00:14:41,445 --> 00:14:43,360
I don't want to die.
I want to work.

403
00:14:43,403 --> 00:14:44,840
Honestly, I want to work here.

404
00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:46,841
But I got to
follow my passion,

405
00:14:46,885 --> 00:14:49,845
much like a running back
would want

406
00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:53,240
when given the ball,
and in the game of life,

407
00:14:53,283 --> 00:14:54,980
this job is the pigskin.

408
00:14:55,024 --> 00:14:57,200
And damn it,
I'm in the red zone!

409
00:14:58,461 --> 00:15:02,379
And in summation, I feel...

410
00:15:02,423 --> 00:15:05,730
very good about
what I just said.

411
00:15:05,774 --> 00:15:07,950
Hopefully, you do, too.

412
00:15:10,386 --> 00:15:12,041
♪

413
00:15:12,085 --> 00:15:14,043
[door opens]

414
00:15:14,086 --> 00:15:16,871
Who wants to start
an arcade fire?

415
00:15:18,307 --> 00:15:19,961
Schmidt.

416
00:15:20,005 --> 00:15:22,138
What?What are you doing?
This is not

417
00:15:22,182 --> 00:15:23,573
the outfit we
talked about.

418
00:15:23,618 --> 00:15:25,706
What? Rock and roll.You way overshot it.

419
00:15:25,750 --> 00:15:28,057
Look at that.
I'm being ironic.

420
00:15:28,100 --> 00:15:29,928
That's not ironic;
that's just a bad pun.

421
00:15:29,971 --> 00:15:31,191
And what are
you doing here?

422
00:15:31,234 --> 00:15:33,192
Your arms are hot,
but your neck is cold?

423
00:15:33,235 --> 00:15:34,672
SCHMIDT:
Hey, look at me.

424
00:15:34,716 --> 00:15:36,196
If you guys keep
a tight core,

425
00:15:36,239 --> 00:15:39,677
you can... your burpees
can look like this, too.

426
00:15:39,721 --> 00:15:41,114
When's the Olympics?
Right, guys?

427
00:15:41,157 --> 00:15:42,245
I'm gonna set
a PR tonight.

428
00:15:42,288 --> 00:15:43,942
Well, you know,
he's not... he's not...

429
00:15:43,985 --> 00:15:45,726
Parkour.

430
00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:50,123
Oh!
Oh!

431
00:15:50,165 --> 00:15:51,601
You got beer on her, man.

432
00:15:51,645 --> 00:15:54,256
[quietly]:
Did I do that?

433
00:15:54,301 --> 00:15:55,736
Don't worry, my mom
can throw that dress in

434
00:15:55,779 --> 00:15:58,000
with my laundry
next time she's here.

435
00:15:58,043 --> 00:16:00,046
[laughing]: Sorry.
Your mom does your laundry?

436
00:16:00,089 --> 00:16:01,961
Washer-dryer kind of
freaks me out, you know?

437
00:16:02,004 --> 00:16:04,224
It's just, like, eh...

438
00:16:04,267 --> 00:16:05,702
washa-washa-washa,

439
00:16:05,746 --> 00:16:07,966
guh-guh, guh-guh,
uh-guh-guh-guh.On the nose.

440
00:16:08,009 --> 00:16:09,010
Okay, you know what?
It's fine.

441
00:16:09,054 --> 00:16:10,011
I'll-I'll wash it myself.

442
00:16:10,056 --> 00:16:12,144
All right.
Thank you, though.

443
00:16:12,187 --> 00:16:14,234
SUTTON:
She's so iconoclastic
and modern.

444
00:16:14,277 --> 00:16:15,931
And she even got
our dishwasher to work.

445
00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:17,498
I remember.JESS: You know,

446
00:16:17,541 --> 00:16:19,629
I mean, I just...
it wasn't that big a deal.

447
00:16:19,673 --> 00:16:22,371
It was just... I just...
I just turned it on.

448
00:16:22,416 --> 00:16:24,418
There was a button
that said "on."

449
00:16:24,461 --> 00:16:26,898
It's weird how the dishwasher
just lives under the counter.

450
00:16:26,942 --> 00:16:28,725
How come there's
no dish-dryer?

451
00:16:28,769 --> 00:16:30,466
FIFE:
Or un-washer.

452
00:16:30,510 --> 00:16:33,253
Oh, my God, you guys, are
wethe dish un-washers?

453
00:16:33,296 --> 00:16:34,994
CHAZ:
Why don't we just
move to Prague?

454
00:16:35,037 --> 00:16:37,125
I need to focus
on my art.

455
00:16:37,169 --> 00:16:39,259
You can totally focus
on your art in Prague.

456
00:16:39,302 --> 00:16:41,129
CHAZ: If we move
to Prague, should I

457
00:16:41,173 --> 00:16:43,001
paint my nails
black again?

458
00:16:43,044 --> 00:16:44,873
Hey, you guys, um...

459
00:16:44,915 --> 00:16:47,354
I can't hang out
with you anymore.

460
00:16:47,397 --> 00:16:49,095
Why not?
Because...

461
00:16:49,138 --> 00:16:51,270
our entire relationship's
built on a lie.

462
00:16:51,313 --> 00:16:52,446
Jess, what are you
talking about?

463
00:16:52,489 --> 00:16:54,534
I did not make up...

464
00:16:54,577 --> 00:16:57,364
"Did I do that?"Jess, please don't...

465
00:16:57,407 --> 00:16:59,192
I have to
introduce you to a...Don't do it.

466
00:16:59,235 --> 00:17:01,976
little, adorable
African-American nerd.

467
00:17:02,020 --> 00:17:04,066
Don't press the
button. Don't...

468
00:17:04,109 --> 00:17:05,153
[electronic tones play]

469
00:17:05,198 --> 00:17:07,026
SCHMIDT:
Jess, why would you

470
00:17:07,068 --> 00:17:08,069
do this to us?

471
00:17:08,114 --> 00:17:10,333
Who's "Steve Urclee"?

472
00:17:15,598 --> 00:17:17,557
Jess, what the
hell was that?

473
00:17:17,601 --> 00:17:19,038
You were supposed to
teach me how to be cool.

474
00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:20,951
You did a terrible job.
Look what I'm wearing.

475
00:17:20,996 --> 00:17:22,563
You didn't listen
to anything I said!

476
00:17:22,605 --> 00:17:24,217
I told you to stop
trying so hard.

477
00:17:24,259 --> 00:17:26,219
I will never stop trying.

478
00:17:26,261 --> 00:17:28,002
I don't care if I have
to do a billion burpees.

479
00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:30,135
That is how you crush--
you never give up.

480
00:17:30,179 --> 00:17:32,789
That is the difference
between me and you, Jess.

481
00:17:32,834 --> 00:17:34,575
[sighs]

482
00:17:34,617 --> 00:17:36,837
Is that what you think?
You think I just gave up?

483
00:17:36,881 --> 00:17:38,796
Well...I was fired, Schmidt.

484
00:17:38,839 --> 00:17:41,277
Do you think I wanted
to stop teaching?

485
00:17:41,320 --> 00:17:43,061
That's why I liked hanging
out with those kids--

486
00:17:43,105 --> 00:17:44,627
'cause they weren't
judging me all the time

487
00:17:44,672 --> 00:17:46,500
for not crushingit.

488
00:17:46,542 --> 00:17:48,109
Okay...Do you think that
I want to work

489
00:17:48,153 --> 00:17:49,894
at the Casserole Shanty?

490
00:17:49,938 --> 00:17:52,635
Do you know what the people
I work with call it?

491
00:17:52,680 --> 00:17:55,422
The Ass-erole Shanty.

492
00:17:55,464 --> 00:17:57,902
[both laugh softly]

493
00:18:00,122 --> 00:18:01,210
Just don't stop teaching.

494
00:18:02,342 --> 00:18:04,299
I mean, there's
got to be something.

495
00:18:04,344 --> 00:18:07,303
I don't know,
driver's ed, CPR...
God...

496
00:18:07,346 --> 00:18:09,392
A smile class.

497
00:18:09,435 --> 00:18:11,176
My life sucks so
much right now.

498
00:18:11,220 --> 00:18:13,569
But at least I'm not 23.

499
00:18:13,614 --> 00:18:15,181
At least I own
a trash can.

500
00:18:15,223 --> 00:18:18,314
At least I can
legally rent a car.

501
00:18:18,357 --> 00:18:21,535
At least I don't live in
a loft with three other...

502
00:18:21,577 --> 00:18:23,102
But you live with us.

503
00:18:23,144 --> 00:18:24,929
But I live you with guys.[knocking]

504
00:18:26,887 --> 00:18:28,367
Jess?

505
00:18:29,673 --> 00:18:30,544
We don't care

506
00:18:30,586 --> 00:18:31,719
if you stole
your catchphrase

507
00:18:31,761 --> 00:18:33,547
from some low-budget
Web series.

508
00:18:33,589 --> 00:18:36,115
We still want
to hang out.

509
00:18:36,157 --> 00:18:38,421
[coughing loudly, spits]

510
00:18:38,464 --> 00:18:39,943
[sniffs, clears throat]

511
00:18:39,988 --> 00:18:42,947
Don't trust
your government, kids.

512
00:18:42,990 --> 00:18:44,862
Oh, my God, it's the
old man from the stairs.

513
00:18:44,905 --> 00:18:46,167
I thought he died.

514
00:18:46,211 --> 00:18:48,692
Let's get out of here
before his robe opens.

515
00:18:48,736 --> 00:18:52,305
He's gonna get his old on you!
Get out while you can!Hey, hey, Charles,

516
00:18:52,347 --> 00:18:53,871
the decrepit thing
that just walked by,

517
00:18:53,914 --> 00:18:55,046
now, thatis old, okay?

518
00:18:55,089 --> 00:18:56,482
And you can hate
him for being old,

519
00:18:56,526 --> 00:18:57,701
but you cannot hate me.

520
00:18:57,744 --> 00:18:59,528
We don't hate you for being old.

521
00:18:59,573 --> 00:19:02,183
We hate you 'cause you're
a viciously unbearable ass-head.

522
00:19:02,228 --> 00:19:04,708
Seriously?

523
00:19:04,751 --> 00:19:07,580
[sighs] That's...
Come here, that's...

524
00:19:07,624 --> 00:19:09,538
Get off! Ass-head!

525
00:19:09,583 --> 00:19:12,499
Ass-head! Yeah!

526
00:19:12,541 --> 00:19:14,282
I'm not gonna drink it all.Guys,

527
00:19:14,326 --> 00:19:16,023
I... am an ass-head.

528
00:19:16,067 --> 00:19:17,590
They don't hate me
because I'm old.

529
00:19:17,634 --> 00:19:19,114
They hate me
because of my personality.

530
00:19:19,157 --> 00:19:20,984
I can totally change
my personality.

531
00:19:21,028 --> 00:19:24,771
Congratulations, Schmidt,
that is... that's weird news.

532
00:19:24,815 --> 00:19:26,425
WINSTON:
Ladies and gentlemen,

533
00:19:26,469 --> 00:19:28,602
you are looking
at a brand-new man.

534
00:19:28,644 --> 00:19:30,125
A man who has proved

535
00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:32,432
so capable of talking
about so little

536
00:19:32,474 --> 00:19:34,041
for so long...

537
00:19:34,085 --> 00:19:36,958
is now the producer
of his very own

538
00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:39,002
sports talk show.

539
00:19:39,047 --> 00:19:40,440
No way!
What?!

540
00:19:40,482 --> 00:19:41,788
That's right.
That's right.

541
00:19:41,832 --> 00:19:43,747
Yeah, baby!It's halftime in America!

542
00:19:43,790 --> 00:19:45,227
Man, that's
amazing![laughing]

543
00:19:45,270 --> 00:19:46,445
Thank you, thank you,
thank you.

544
00:19:46,489 --> 00:19:50,450
2:35 to 5:35 a.m.

545
00:19:50,492 --> 00:19:52,451
Boom! Prime time
for truckers!

546
00:19:52,494 --> 00:19:54,453
[imitates truck horn blowing]

547
00:19:54,497 --> 00:19:56,542
That's awesome.
He's got something.
Yes.

548
00:19:56,586 --> 00:19:58,674
In other news,
I just spent three days

549
00:19:58,719 --> 00:20:01,068
trying to impress people
who don't own bed frames.

550
00:20:01,112 --> 00:20:02,592
Well, if it makes
you feel any better,

551
00:20:02,635 --> 00:20:04,246
I spent the
last three days

552
00:20:04,289 --> 00:20:05,769
pouring urine on a
grown man's sheets.

553
00:20:05,813 --> 00:20:07,815
Can you imagine how much
we would get done

554
00:20:07,857 --> 00:20:09,598
if we just focused
our energy

555
00:20:09,643 --> 00:20:11,818
onto something
a little bit more worthwhile?

556
00:20:11,862 --> 00:20:13,777
Not to mention the
money we would save.
I know.

557
00:20:13,820 --> 00:20:15,692
Wait, what money?

558
00:20:15,736 --> 00:20:17,825
I mean, I've been running
the numbers on this,

559
00:20:17,867 --> 00:20:19,608
but, you know,
I think I spent...

560
00:20:19,653 --> 00:20:22,046
you know,
$1,200 to $1,300.

561
00:20:22,089 --> 00:20:23,787
What?!On these pranks, yeah.

562
00:20:23,830 --> 00:20:25,701
What?!
And I was under-
budget, so...

563
00:20:25,746 --> 00:20:26,963
Under-budget?

564
00:20:27,008 --> 00:20:28,704
What, you think fake
contact lenses are free?

565
00:20:28,749 --> 00:20:30,097
They are not, sister.Nick, you don't

566
00:20:30,141 --> 00:20:31,359
have that
kind of money.

567
00:20:31,403 --> 00:20:32,404
I know I don't.

568
00:20:32,448 --> 00:20:33,840
Where are you gonna
get that from?

569
00:20:33,884 --> 00:20:35,233
Doesn't matter.
I had to prank Schmidt.

570
00:20:35,277 --> 00:20:36,496
[laughing]:
And I did.

571
00:20:38,148 --> 00:20:40,194
[exhales]
Holy crap.

572
00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:42,588
I need a real job.Yeah, you do.

573
00:20:44,025 --> 00:20:45,505
Don't you ever prank me!

574
00:20:45,548 --> 00:20:47,897
Of course. You got it.

575
00:20:47,942 --> 00:20:49,726
You'll never see it coming.

576
00:20:51,118 --> 00:20:52,337
This is like
the end of a horror movie.

577
00:20:52,381 --> 00:20:54,296
Or the beginning
of a pranking movie.

578
00:20:54,339 --> 00:20:55,297
There are no pranking movies.

579
00:20:55,340 --> 00:20:58,473
Yet. Get out of here.

580
00:20:58,518 --> 00:21:03,566
[whispers]:
You'll never see it coming.

581
00:21:03,609 --> 00:21:05,654
This prescription is blurry.

582
00:21:05,699 --> 00:21:07,308
Hi, Schmidt.

583
00:21:07,353 --> 00:21:09,746
Is that you in tailored,
grown-up clothing?

584
00:21:09,789 --> 00:21:11,487
Yeah. Mama's gonna
ride this blazer

585
00:21:11,530 --> 00:21:13,923
all the way
to a tutoring job.Thank goodness.

586
00:21:13,968 --> 00:21:15,709
I almost thought I was gonna
have to loan you money.

587
00:21:15,751 --> 00:21:18,885
Well, I said tutoring job,
not venture capitalist.

588
00:21:18,929 --> 00:21:20,800
Proud of you
nonetheless.
Thanks.

589
00:21:20,844 --> 00:21:23,717
[sighs quietly]

590
00:21:24,718 --> 00:21:26,459
What the hell?

591
00:21:26,501 --> 00:21:29,288
Okay. All right, Nick,
very funny.

592
00:21:29,330 --> 00:21:31,159
Quite the prankster you are.

593
00:21:31,201 --> 00:21:32,987
Ha!

594
00:21:33,029 --> 00:21:34,944
I'm gonna hit your ass
with a ski!

595
00:21:34,989 --> 00:21:37,773
Winston?
Get some.