1
00:00:02,262 --> 00:00:05,309
But you're using
birth control, right?

2
00:00:05,395 --> 00:00:07,528
Yeah, of course.

3
00:00:07,615 --> 00:00:10,096
It's just that Schmidt
gets so athletic

4
00:00:10,183 --> 00:00:11,836
that birth control
becomes like one

5
00:00:11,923 --> 00:00:14,971
of those plastic barbecue
covers in a hurricane.

6
00:00:16,451 --> 00:00:17,929
I didn't want
to know that.

7
00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:19,193
Okay,

8
00:00:19,280 --> 00:00:20,759
the pregnancy test
doesn't work

9
00:00:20,846 --> 00:00:22,760
until after six days,

10
00:00:22,847 --> 00:00:24,632
so just get through
the weekend

11
00:00:24,719 --> 00:00:26,809
and don't tell Schmidt
until you're sure.

12
00:00:26,896 --> 00:00:28,724
Yeah, no, of course not,
of course.

13
00:00:28,811 --> 00:00:31,987
It's just...

14
00:00:32,075 --> 00:00:34,207
I can't stop thinking

15
00:00:34,295 --> 00:00:37,298
about what a Schmidt baby
would be like.

16
00:00:37,384 --> 00:00:41,692
Just, I mean,
I, I don't know.

17
00:00:41,780 --> 00:00:45,045
Would it just want
to nurse 24 hours a day?

18
00:00:45,131 --> 00:00:47,655
Probably.

19
00:00:47,743 --> 00:00:49,658
We could make it, like,
a douche baby jar.

20
00:00:49,744 --> 00:00:52,008
[chuckles]

21
00:00:52,094 --> 00:00:53,095
[gasps]

22
00:00:53,182 --> 00:00:55,619
Oh, my God.

23
00:00:55,707 --> 00:00:57,100
SCHMIDT:
Ladies, ladies,

24
00:00:57,186 --> 00:00:57,883
what is all the
screaming about?

25
00:00:57,969 --> 00:00:59,493
Oh, my-- Jess,

26
00:00:59,581 --> 00:01:01,234
have you finally agreed
to be our third?

27
00:01:01,322 --> 00:01:02,758
Because, you know,
we've discussed this.

28
00:01:02,844 --> 00:01:04,019
We have never talked
about that, Schmidt.

29
00:01:04,106 --> 00:01:05,108
What? Schmidt, this
is not the time.

30
00:01:05,194 --> 00:01:07,109
Schmidt, we were
just thinking

31
00:01:07,197 --> 00:01:08,807
about what you might
have been like as a baby.

32
00:01:08,894 --> 00:01:11,722
Oh, I was the bomb
diggity as a baby.

33
00:01:11,810 --> 00:01:13,289
I mean, I was, I was,
like, break-dancing

34
00:01:13,376 --> 00:01:14,335
at eight months old.

35
00:01:21,298 --> 00:01:23,212
They say that I needed
a magnum size diaper.

36
00:01:23,299 --> 00:01:25,694
Oh, my God.
Get out.
Seriously?

37
00:01:25,781 --> 00:01:28,436
♪ Who's that girl? ♪♪ Who's that girl?♪

38
00:01:28,522 --> 00:01:30,001
♪ Who's that girl? ♪

39
00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:31,525
♪ Who's that girl?♪♪ It's Jess. ♪

40
00:01:33,962 --> 00:01:34,877
All right, what's with the suit?

41
00:01:34,963 --> 00:01:35,878
And if you say swing dancing,

42
00:01:35,965 --> 00:01:37,271
I'm gonna slap your face.

43
00:01:37,358 --> 00:01:39,533
Well, my boss is going
to be on TV today--

44
00:01:39,621 --> 00:01:42,188
Michael Strahan's new talk
show On the Strahan Narrow.

45
00:01:42,276 --> 00:01:43,364
Great show.
He's got
too many DUIs

46
00:01:43,450 --> 00:01:46,061
to drive himself, so I guess
I got to take him.

47
00:01:46,149 --> 00:01:47,063
JESS:
Sit in my room, Schmidt.

48
00:01:47,150 --> 00:01:48,108
Cece's resting.

49
00:01:48,194 --> 00:01:51,371
Hey, guys, um, listen up.

50
00:01:51,459 --> 00:01:54,896
Uh, Sarah is going to be here in
a few minutes, so best behavior.

51
00:01:54,984 --> 00:01:56,724
Who's Sarah?Russell's daughter,

52
00:01:56,811 --> 00:01:58,552
so no F-bombs,
P-bombs.

53
00:01:58,640 --> 00:02:02,121
Actually, no "B" through "S"
bombs, no bombs,

54
00:02:02,209 --> 00:02:04,385
and no bringing home
college girls, Berlusconi.

55
00:02:04,471 --> 00:02:05,385
[chuckles]
Hey,
that's not fair.

56
00:02:05,472 --> 00:02:06,995
The girl I've been
hanging out with

57
00:02:07,082 --> 00:02:09,651
is totally mature
and interesting.

58
00:02:09,737 --> 00:02:10,782
Please put on some pants.

59
00:02:10,868 --> 00:02:12,871
Everything you say sounds
really creepy

60
00:02:12,957 --> 00:02:15,091
when you're not
wearing pants.Your hair looks nice.

61
00:02:15,177 --> 00:02:17,788
BOTH: Ugh.Mmm, this coffee is smoldering.

62
00:02:17,876 --> 00:02:19,225
So creepy.

63
00:02:19,312 --> 00:02:20,356
So what's
with the babysitting?

64
00:02:20,443 --> 00:02:21,618
I think he's
actually testing me.

65
00:02:21,705 --> 00:02:23,360
I think he's seeing
if I can be a mom.

66
00:02:23,447 --> 00:02:25,145
Are you nervous?It's nothing I can't handle.

67
00:02:25,231 --> 00:02:26,711
I'm halfway there--
I'm already her teacher,

68
00:02:26,798 --> 00:02:28,103
so...

69
00:02:28,191 --> 00:02:29,278
[phone chirps]Oh, she's here.

70
00:02:29,365 --> 00:02:32,890
Um, Nick, uh,
put on some pants

71
00:02:32,978 --> 00:02:34,893
or at least
some really high socks.

72
00:02:34,979 --> 00:02:36,329
High socks it is.

73
00:02:36,417 --> 00:02:37,722
Hi, Ms. Day.

74
00:02:37,808 --> 00:02:38,896
Hi, Sarah.

75
00:02:38,984 --> 00:02:40,115
I can be here
in under five minutes

76
00:02:40,203 --> 00:02:41,465
if I need to be.

77
00:02:41,551 --> 00:02:43,118
[sighs]

78
00:02:43,206 --> 00:02:44,902
Honestly I wouldn't
have agreed to this,

79
00:02:44,990 --> 00:02:46,340
except my husband
is out of town,

80
00:02:46,426 --> 00:02:48,603
and you're Sarah's
favorite teacher

81
00:02:48,689 --> 00:02:50,953
and my husband's
favorite teacher.

82
00:02:51,039 --> 00:02:52,650
[chuckles]

83
00:02:52,736 --> 00:02:55,043
Um, hey, um, I hope
this doesn't sound rude,

84
00:02:55,131 --> 00:02:58,352
but, um, you keep saying
"husband"

85
00:02:58,438 --> 00:03:00,223
and I just want to make sure
you and Russell--

86
00:03:00,310 --> 00:03:01,572
you're not still married?

87
00:03:01,658 --> 00:03:03,705
[laughing]:
Oh... no, no.

88
00:03:03,792 --> 00:03:06,576
[both laughing]

89
00:03:06,663 --> 00:03:08,056
'Cause I just, like, wanted
to make sure there wasn't

90
00:03:08,144 --> 00:03:09,406
some very important piece
of information

91
00:03:09,492 --> 00:03:11,191
that I totally missed.

92
00:03:11,277 --> 00:03:14,193
No, I mean, but he'll
always be my husband,

93
00:03:14,281 --> 00:03:15,586
if you know what I mean.

94
00:03:15,673 --> 00:03:17,457
Yeah.

95
00:03:17,545 --> 00:03:20,199
Actually, could you explain
what you mean very clearly?

96
00:03:20,287 --> 00:03:22,288
Cece's acting
really weird.

97
00:03:22,376 --> 00:03:24,159
Do you think she's
getting tired of me?

98
00:03:24,247 --> 00:03:27,598
I mean, look, it's been,
like, months of non-stop sex.

99
00:03:27,685 --> 00:03:30,165
I mean, what can I do
if she doesn't let me
hit the fifth chakra?

100
00:03:30,252 --> 00:03:32,995
I'm not listening to you.I'm just, I'm
just saying, look,

101
00:03:33,081 --> 00:03:34,997
do you think she wants
something more than sex?[phone ringing]

102
00:03:35,084 --> 00:03:37,086
Do you think she's
finally becoming a girl?

103
00:03:37,173 --> 00:03:38,652
'Cause I can't
handle that, man.

104
00:03:38,740 --> 00:03:39,522
Hey, boss.What are you doing?

105
00:03:39,610 --> 00:03:41,002
Hmm?
Look...

106
00:03:41,090 --> 00:03:43,179
W-W-Wait, n-n-no,
yesterday you said noon,

107
00:03:43,265 --> 00:03:45,007
but it's only 10:30.Do you think that I've
become too dependent

108
00:03:45,093 --> 00:03:46,921
on a hot lava massage?
Hmm?

109
00:03:47,009 --> 00:03:49,140
I'm gonna be there in
just a second.What about costumes?

110
00:03:49,228 --> 00:03:51,274
I got to go, bye.Do you think I made
her dress up too much?

111
00:03:51,360 --> 00:03:52,492
Look, man, I'm not going
to sit here

112
00:03:52,579 --> 00:03:53,972
and bond with you
about this, all right?

113
00:03:54,058 --> 00:03:57,062
I got to go babysit
my boss.

114
00:03:57,149 --> 00:03:58,802
JESS: Hey, Schmidt, you gonna stay for dinner?

115
00:03:58,889 --> 00:04:00,240
We're going to borrow
your pasta maker.

116
00:04:00,326 --> 00:04:01,544
Oh, that's great,
are you gonna teach Sarah

117
00:04:01,632 --> 00:04:03,807
your recipe
for overcooked mush?

118
00:04:03,895 --> 00:04:05,506
JESS:
Ha, ha, no, I'm teaching
her about Italy.

119
00:04:05,592 --> 00:04:06,681
NICK:
I'm coming
with a date--

120
00:04:06,768 --> 00:04:08,159
Chloe.Uh, no, you're not.

121
00:04:08,247 --> 00:04:10,379
You are not bringing
any of those girls around Sarah.

122
00:04:10,467 --> 00:04:11,294
Hey, you must be Sarah.

123
00:04:11,381 --> 00:04:12,903
And you guys
are wrong

124
00:04:12,990 --> 00:04:15,950
about Chloe. Okay, Chloe
is smart and she's mature

125
00:04:16,038 --> 00:04:19,389
and she knows about art
and famous artists like Banksy

126
00:04:19,475 --> 00:04:20,999
and the guy who did
the Obama poster

127
00:04:21,086 --> 00:04:22,523
and, you know, like,
Chalk Outline Guy.

128
00:04:24,394 --> 00:04:26,048
That's stupid.

129
00:04:26,134 --> 00:04:27,048
Your eyes

130
00:04:27,136 --> 00:04:28,355
are so brown.

131
00:04:28,442 --> 00:04:30,139
They look like poop.

132
00:04:30,225 --> 00:04:32,358
Be honest with me--
do my eyes look like poo?

133
00:04:32,446 --> 00:04:34,185
There's a bit of
a, a poopy-ish hue.

134
00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:35,622
Old poo eyes.[Sarah laughs]

135
00:04:35,709 --> 00:04:37,538
[sighs]

136
00:04:42,933 --> 00:04:43,935
Oh, hey.

137
00:04:44,021 --> 00:04:46,242
I like your house.

138
00:04:46,329 --> 00:04:47,329
It's not my house!

139
00:04:47,417 --> 00:04:48,156
Go, go!
What?

140
00:04:48,244 --> 00:04:49,505
[speaking Cambodian]

141
00:04:49,593 --> 00:04:51,202
Go![tires screeching]

142
00:04:51,290 --> 00:04:53,771
[yelling in Cambodian]

143
00:04:53,858 --> 00:04:55,773
What's going on?
What are you
talking about, man?

144
00:04:55,860 --> 00:04:58,471
I'm sweating spicy ban hoaw,
wearing a Cambodian
woman's shoes.

145
00:04:58,558 --> 00:05:00,865
What do you think is going on?I don't know, I'm just
trying to give you

146
00:05:00,951 --> 00:05:03,519
an opportunity to lie to me,
Joe, just trying to be polite.

147
00:05:03,607 --> 00:05:06,435
Actually, the ancient Egyptians
made pasta

148
00:05:06,523 --> 00:05:09,612
by flattening the dough
with their feet.

149
00:05:09,699 --> 00:05:10,961
Cool, huh?

150
00:05:11,048 --> 00:05:13,661
Sarah?

151
00:05:18,274 --> 00:05:20,754
Hey.
[chuckles]

152
00:05:20,841 --> 00:05:22,843
Why do you have so many bras?

153
00:05:22,930 --> 00:05:24,192
You're a teacher.

154
00:05:24,279 --> 00:05:25,802
Teachers need
bras, too.

155
00:05:25,889 --> 00:05:28,718
You know, like, all
that erasing and stuff.

156
00:05:28,805 --> 00:05:30,199
It's like...

157
00:05:30,286 --> 00:05:32,375
That's an after-
school bra.

158
00:05:32,461 --> 00:05:35,290
Can I get out
of doing homework

159
00:05:35,377 --> 00:05:36,596
because you're dating
my dad?

160
00:05:36,683 --> 00:05:37,814
No.

161
00:05:37,901 --> 00:05:40,600
Um, hey, I know
having your teacher

162
00:05:40,687 --> 00:05:44,387
dating your dad
is weird, um, but

163
00:05:44,473 --> 00:05:48,043
I just want you to know that,
um, you can ask me anything.

164
00:05:48,129 --> 00:05:49,697
Really?

165
00:05:49,783 --> 00:05:51,480
Yeah, anything.

166
00:05:51,567 --> 00:05:52,786
Are you in love
with my dad?

167
00:05:52,874 --> 00:05:54,396
Hmm... oh...

168
00:05:54,483 --> 00:05:56,834
Do you and my dad
ever dry-lump?

169
00:05:56,920 --> 00:05:59,358
G-- uh...

170
00:05:59,446 --> 00:06:01,577
Is sexting cool?What? No, it's not cool.

171
00:06:01,665 --> 00:06:03,711
Have you done a 99?

172
00:06:03,798 --> 00:06:05,408
I think that's a tax form.

173
00:06:05,495 --> 00:06:08,019
Have you ever given
anyone plow jobs?

174
00:06:08,105 --> 00:06:09,411
I don't know.

175
00:06:09,499 --> 00:06:11,805
How do you make love
to a person animal-style?

176
00:06:11,893 --> 00:06:14,721
Do you want to learn
how to play bridge?

177
00:06:19,074 --> 00:06:20,249
SCHMIDT:
I've been doing
some thinking, and

178
00:06:20,336 --> 00:06:22,120
I think it's time

179
00:06:22,206 --> 00:06:24,165
that I take you
on a real date.

180
00:06:24,252 --> 00:06:26,516
You're asking me
out on a date?

181
00:06:26,603 --> 00:06:27,648
Yeah, it'll be
our first real date.

182
00:06:27,735 --> 00:06:29,562
Now, Italy on Ice
is a celebration

183
00:06:29,649 --> 00:06:31,434
of all things Italian

184
00:06:31,521 --> 00:06:32,696
featuring
ice dancing's

185
00:06:32,783 --> 00:06:35,437
biggest and brightest
Italian stars.

186
00:06:35,524 --> 00:06:37,658
Drea de Matteo
is scheduled to appear,

187
00:06:37,745 --> 00:06:39,399
but, you know, they're not
liable if she doesn't.

188
00:06:39,485 --> 00:06:40,965
I can't go right now.

189
00:06:41,052 --> 00:06:43,533
It's a really bad time, okay?

190
00:06:43,620 --> 00:06:46,274
I'm sorry,
just take someone else.

191
00:06:46,362 --> 00:06:48,495
You mean, like another girl?

192
00:06:48,581 --> 00:06:51,540
Yeah, Schmidt,
that's what this is.

193
00:06:51,627 --> 00:06:53,064
That's the deal.

194
00:06:53,151 --> 00:06:55,197
Just take someone
else, okay?

195
00:06:55,283 --> 00:06:56,590
All right, yeah, sure,
yeah, I'll just--

196
00:06:56,677 --> 00:06:58,418
I'll ask somebody else,
I'll just-- yeah,

197
00:06:58,504 --> 00:07:00,245
totally, and with
these VIP tickets

198
00:07:00,331 --> 00:07:02,509
I got... poppacorno.

199
00:07:02,596 --> 00:07:04,423
What?
Poppacorno.

200
00:07:04,511 --> 00:07:05,860
Poppacorno.

201
00:07:05,947 --> 00:07:07,252
It's "popcorn"
in Italian.

202
00:07:09,036 --> 00:07:11,518
I don't think you should be
rushing into these things.

203
00:07:11,605 --> 00:07:13,519
You need to look
for a partner who is...

204
00:07:13,606 --> 00:07:15,826
Ew, you said "partner."

205
00:07:15,913 --> 00:07:17,000
I know, that sucked.

206
00:07:17,088 --> 00:07:18,567
I'm sorry.

207
00:07:18,654 --> 00:07:22,658
Look, as your friend Jess,
not Ms. Day,

208
00:07:22,745 --> 00:07:25,749
just choose someone
who makes you laugh.

209
00:07:25,836 --> 00:07:29,317
Like Nick?Yeah, I mean-- wait, what?

210
00:07:29,404 --> 00:07:31,581
Oh, my God, oh, my God,
I love Nick so, so, so much.

211
00:07:31,668 --> 00:07:32,843
He's so hot.

212
00:07:32,930 --> 00:07:33,843
That Nick?
I want to rub

213
00:07:33,930 --> 00:07:37,413
my face on his face.

214
00:07:37,500 --> 00:07:39,415
[moans]

215
00:07:40,937 --> 00:07:42,636
Just to be clear,
I am dialing

216
00:07:42,723 --> 00:07:44,725
another woman to go see
Italy on Ice right now.

217
00:07:44,812 --> 00:07:45,682
CECE:
That's fine, do it.

218
00:07:45,769 --> 00:07:47,204
Hey, guys, not now.

219
00:07:47,292 --> 00:07:49,380
Oh, it's ringing.
Don't care.

220
00:07:49,468 --> 00:07:51,340
This room cannot take
any more hormones.

221
00:07:51,427 --> 00:07:52,949
I love the juxtaposition
of high-brow literary

222
00:07:53,036 --> 00:07:55,125
with low-brow
youth culture.

223
00:07:55,213 --> 00:07:56,779
It's almost too much
juxtaposition for me.

224
00:07:56,867 --> 00:07:58,521
You know what I mean?

225
00:07:58,608 --> 00:08:00,697
It's, like, right up
to the line of juxtaposition,

226
00:08:00,783 --> 00:08:02,524
but I think
I'm gonna let it slide.[ringtone playing]

227
00:08:02,612 --> 00:08:04,788
Hey, I got to-- yes.

228
00:08:04,875 --> 00:08:05,963
You've got Nick.

229
00:08:06,050 --> 00:08:08,704
Hey, Nick-ole.

230
00:08:08,791 --> 00:08:10,228
What it be, girl?What's going on, Schmidt?

231
00:08:10,314 --> 00:08:11,228
What you got
going on, ma?

232
00:08:11,315 --> 00:08:13,622
It's the freakin' weekend.

233
00:08:13,709 --> 00:08:16,060
Did you just call me "girl"?Are you wearing
something sexy?

234
00:08:16,146 --> 00:08:18,627
Just, you know, button-down
and jeans like always.

235
00:08:18,714 --> 00:08:20,935
Oh, you got jeans on,
baby, are they tight?

236
00:08:21,021 --> 00:08:22,197
Hmm, they're a little loose;
I buy 'em big.

237
00:08:22,283 --> 00:08:24,634
Oh, them jeans
sound sexy.

238
00:08:24,721 --> 00:08:26,940
Everything all right?
You want to hang
out more, Schmidt?

239
00:08:27,028 --> 00:08:28,899
You taking care of that
tushy-- taking care
of that tushy for me?

240
00:08:28,985 --> 00:08:29,899
I'm not doing, like,

241
00:08:29,987 --> 00:08:31,293
squats or anything.

242
00:08:31,379 --> 00:08:32,423
I'm trying to eat
less doughnuts.

243
00:08:32,511 --> 00:08:33,469
You still
keeping it tight?

244
00:08:34,817 --> 00:08:36,080
You're an idiot.

245
00:08:36,167 --> 00:08:38,299
What?

246
00:08:38,386 --> 00:08:39,692
I thought this is
what you wanted.

247
00:08:39,779 --> 00:08:41,302
JESS:
This is a really
good example

248
00:08:41,389 --> 00:08:43,870
of people who should
not be making love.

249
00:08:43,957 --> 00:08:45,698
Have fun.Cece, are you okay?

250
00:08:45,786 --> 00:08:47,134
Damn it!

251
00:08:47,221 --> 00:08:48,528
SARAH: You don't
understand-- I love Nick

252
00:08:48,615 --> 00:08:49,919
so, so, so much.

253
00:08:50,006 --> 00:08:51,705
He's so hot, I'm
going to die.

254
00:08:51,792 --> 00:08:53,880
Sarah, Nick is
way too old for you.

255
00:08:53,967 --> 00:08:55,273
I live with him.

256
00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:56,971
He is dirty and weird.No, no, no, no...

257
00:08:57,057 --> 00:08:58,407
Sarah, not Nick's room.

258
00:08:58,494 --> 00:09:00,582
It's not well ventilated
in there.

259
00:09:00,669 --> 00:09:02,366
Let's see, we'll get
there a little early,

260
00:09:02,453 --> 00:09:04,065
maybe get you
in the shower,

261
00:09:04,152 --> 00:09:05,674
maybe a once-over with
some disinfectant.

262
00:09:05,761 --> 00:09:07,284
Hmm-- hey.

263
00:09:07,371 --> 00:09:08,721
Yard sale--
pull over.

264
00:09:08,808 --> 00:09:09,809
[chuckles]
No.

265
00:09:09,897 --> 00:09:11,812
Someone rich died,
I can smell it.

266
00:09:11,899 --> 00:09:14,509
Okay, look, Joe, I'm trying to
get you to the show on time.

267
00:09:14,596 --> 00:09:16,556
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
what are you doing?I'll push you out of the car,

268
00:09:16,643 --> 00:09:17,730
okay?
Whoa, whoa, whoa.

269
00:09:17,817 --> 00:09:19,994
Oh, yeah, yeah,
baby, yard sale, yeah.

270
00:09:20,081 --> 00:09:21,298
Oh, I feel so alive.

271
00:09:21,385 --> 00:09:22,474
Aah, I got a charley horse.

272
00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:23,475
Oh, God.

273
00:09:24,825 --> 00:09:26,477
Hey, Sarah.

274
00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:28,001
Can you come out of Nick's room?

275
00:09:28,088 --> 00:09:29,873
I'm going to roll
in his dirty clothes.

276
00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:32,222
Jess, Schmidt asked me out.Oh.

277
00:09:32,309 --> 00:09:34,182
Like, he came over
and he asked me out,

278
00:09:34,269 --> 00:09:35,312
and I really can't go

279
00:09:35,399 --> 00:09:36,445
on a date with him right now.Okay...

280
00:09:36,532 --> 00:09:38,403
[Cece and Sarah talking]

281
00:09:38,490 --> 00:09:40,057
Sarah!
I've had enough
of this little...

282
00:09:40,144 --> 00:09:41,363
Shh!
Listen to me,
listen to me,

283
00:09:41,450 --> 00:09:42,929
all right,
you little brat,

284
00:09:43,017 --> 00:09:44,758
you just need to be quiet
because I need my friend

285
00:09:44,845 --> 00:09:46,889
to focus on me right now!

286
00:09:46,976 --> 00:09:48,239
[whispering]:
What are you doing, Cece?

287
00:09:48,326 --> 00:09:49,719
You know how much
this means to me.

288
00:09:49,806 --> 00:09:51,024
Don't let your
dysfunction

289
00:09:51,111 --> 00:09:52,548
rub off on her.

290
00:09:52,634 --> 00:09:54,462
I am going to be
a terrible mother.

291
00:09:54,549 --> 00:09:56,116
No, no, no, shh.A terrible mom!

292
00:09:56,203 --> 00:09:57,509
I'm gonna be
just like my mother.

293
00:09:57,596 --> 00:09:58,902
You're gonna be
a great mom.

294
00:09:58,989 --> 00:10:00,076
You're gonna be a
fashionable mom.

295
00:10:00,163 --> 00:10:01,904
I can make this right, okay?

296
00:10:01,991 --> 00:10:02,905
Just...

297
00:10:02,993 --> 00:10:05,212
Sarah?

298
00:10:05,299 --> 00:10:06,431
Hey, Sarah.

299
00:10:06,518 --> 00:10:08,172
Um, look,

300
00:10:08,259 --> 00:10:11,740
you should definitely
not be having sex right now

301
00:10:11,827 --> 00:10:13,524
at this age,
but when you do,

302
00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:15,658
just make sure
you always use protection

303
00:10:15,745 --> 00:10:17,442
because,
even if he says it's tantric

304
00:10:17,528 --> 00:10:19,488
and you're Indian

305
00:10:19,575 --> 00:10:21,142
and you know better,

306
00:10:21,229 --> 00:10:22,664
you're just going to end up
pregnant anyways.

307
00:10:22,751 --> 00:10:23,927
SCHMIDT:
What?

308
00:10:26,668 --> 00:10:28,671
Cece, are you pregnant?

309
00:10:28,758 --> 00:10:29,672
SARAH:
Whoa!

310
00:10:29,759 --> 00:10:31,456
Sarah, Nick
has one tie.

311
00:10:31,543 --> 00:10:32,806
See if you
can find it.

312
00:10:32,893 --> 00:10:33,720
CECE:
No, okay,

313
00:10:33,807 --> 00:10:35,460
I don't know.

314
00:10:35,547 --> 00:10:37,331
We have to wait for the
test results, but I'm late.

315
00:10:39,334 --> 00:10:40,856
Oh, my...

316
00:10:40,943 --> 00:10:43,120
We made
a caramel miracle.

317
00:10:43,206 --> 00:10:47,211
[laughing]:
You pregnant, you pregnant.

318
00:10:47,298 --> 00:10:49,212
Oh, my God.

319
00:10:53,347 --> 00:10:55,176
You got Cece pregnant?We used protection. I don't
know how this happened.

320
00:10:55,263 --> 00:10:57,221
Think she did it on purpose?An Indian-Jewish baby--

321
00:10:57,307 --> 00:10:59,048
who wouldn't want that? Think
about the bone structure.

322
00:10:59,135 --> 00:11:00,311
Okay, I'm not ready to be
a godparent.

323
00:11:00,398 --> 00:11:01,703
Don't ask.

324
00:11:01,791 --> 00:11:03,488
No one's asking you.Phew, good.

325
00:11:03,575 --> 00:11:05,751
I'm not into being an uncle.You're not my brother!

326
00:11:05,839 --> 00:11:07,667
Okay, Schmidt, are you sure
you're okay about this?

327
00:11:07,754 --> 00:11:09,102
'Cause I'm freaking out
by the fact

328
00:11:09,190 --> 00:11:10,669
that you're notfreaking out!

329
00:11:10,756 --> 00:11:12,759
Yeah, I'm oddly calm
about the whole thing.

330
00:11:12,846 --> 00:11:16,326
Look, Nick, maybe this isn't
exactly in my five-year plan,

331
00:11:16,413 --> 00:11:17,937
but maybe this is fate.

332
00:11:18,024 --> 00:11:19,852
You know, maybe I
hit the jackpot.

333
00:11:19,940 --> 00:11:21,681
Maybe this is the
universe telling me

334
00:11:21,768 --> 00:11:24,118
that I'm never gonna find
a girl better than Cece.

335
00:11:24,205 --> 00:11:25,946
By, the way, I'm-I'm Schmidt.

336
00:11:26,033 --> 00:11:28,164
Chloe. Mazel tov on your news.

337
00:11:28,251 --> 00:11:29,863
Oh, my God, finally, Nicholas.

338
00:11:29,950 --> 00:11:32,386
You bring home
a nice girl.
Right?

339
00:11:39,001 --> 00:11:41,482
So... that was crazy

340
00:11:41,570 --> 00:11:43,224
what happened
with my friends, right?

341
00:11:43,311 --> 00:11:44,834
I liked it.

342
00:11:44,921 --> 00:11:46,400
Your life's like
Gossip Girl,

343
00:11:46,488 --> 00:11:48,229
only everyone is
old and poor.

344
00:11:48,316 --> 00:11:50,534
You know, there actually
was a show like that.

345
00:11:50,621 --> 00:11:52,407
It was called Golden Girls.

346
00:11:52,494 --> 00:11:56,279
I'm Betty White,
Schmidt's Rue McClanahan...

347
00:11:56,366 --> 00:11:57,716
Don't youthink Nick is hot?

348
00:11:57,803 --> 00:12:01,284
Nick? Um... yeah,

349
00:12:01,371 --> 00:12:05,636
in a rumpled, small-town
P.I. kind of way.

350
00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:06,942
What's he like in the morning?

351
00:12:07,029 --> 00:12:08,466
Do his eyes
get sleepy?

352
00:12:08,552 --> 00:12:09,816
Does he love stuff?

353
00:12:09,903 --> 00:12:12,166
I want to love what he loves.

354
00:12:12,253 --> 00:12:14,602
Do you think that we'll ever
do animal style?

355
00:12:14,690 --> 00:12:16,474
Four minutes!
We eat in four!

356
00:12:16,561 --> 00:12:19,216
I made you a mocktail.

357
00:12:20,783 --> 00:12:21,957
Cece, are you crying?

358
00:12:22,044 --> 00:12:23,743
No. No. [sniffles]

359
00:12:23,830 --> 00:12:26,005
No. I-I... I just...
I don't... I don't know.

360
00:12:26,092 --> 00:12:28,616
You're an amazing woman,

361
00:12:28,703 --> 00:12:32,794
and you're going to do and be
so many things in this life.

362
00:12:32,881 --> 00:12:34,841
Maybe you'll
be a mom,

363
00:12:34,927 --> 00:12:38,278
and maybe... maybe not.

364
00:12:38,365 --> 00:12:41,716
But I will support
you no matter what.

365
00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:46,808
Thank you.

366
00:12:46,895 --> 00:12:49,638
I also just want to give
you a quick heads up.

367
00:12:49,725 --> 00:12:51,945
I'm probably going to
be going on the internet

368
00:12:52,032 --> 00:12:54,033
before we have
sex again, because

369
00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:56,210
I-I just... I don't want to
impregnate the baby, you know?

370
00:12:56,297 --> 00:12:58,254
I mean, we could have

371
00:12:58,341 --> 00:13:00,909
a Russian nesting doll
situation on our hands.

372
00:13:06,524 --> 00:13:08,308
[loud munching,
fork scrapes plate]

373
00:13:08,395 --> 00:13:10,005
So, Sarah and I learned

374
00:13:10,092 --> 00:13:12,573
to use the pasta maker
today, which was cool.

375
00:13:12,660 --> 00:13:14,009
Are you and Nick making love?

376
00:13:14,096 --> 00:13:15,010
Hmm?
Who wants seconds?

377
00:13:15,097 --> 00:13:16,970
That's my question.

378
00:13:17,057 --> 00:13:18,798
Yeah, I would love seconds,
Jess. That'd be great.

379
00:13:18,884 --> 00:13:20,321
If you're a boy, I'm gonna...

380
00:13:20,408 --> 00:13:23,279
I'm gonna name you Mordecai,
or Abraham,

381
00:13:23,366 --> 00:13:27,197
Menachem Menandel,
Schmerson.

382
00:13:27,283 --> 00:13:31,375
Hey! I'm watching you.

383
00:13:31,461 --> 00:13:33,072
Well, time for dessert.

384
00:13:33,159 --> 00:13:35,205
No, please don't get up.
I will take care of it.

385
00:13:35,292 --> 00:13:37,511
Oh, thank you.
That's so thoughtful.

386
00:13:37,599 --> 00:13:39,253
See? Thoughtful and mature.

387
00:13:39,340 --> 00:13:41,821
In your face! Yes!

388
00:13:41,908 --> 00:13:44,953
Congratulations. You're dating
a girl with basic table manners.

389
00:13:45,040 --> 00:13:47,696
You win. Why don't you get
on her health care plan?

390
00:13:47,783 --> 00:13:49,524
[blowing raspberries]

391
00:13:49,610 --> 00:13:50,611
SCHMIDT:
I'm so excited

392
00:13:50,698 --> 00:13:53,005
to take this journey with you.

393
00:13:53,092 --> 00:13:55,703
I mean, your boobs are gonna be
unbelievably enormous.

394
00:13:55,790 --> 00:13:57,836
JESS:
Sarah,

395
00:13:57,923 --> 00:14:00,230
do you want to go help Chloe
with the dessert?
I hate her.

396
00:14:00,317 --> 00:14:01,623
Oh, come on,
you don't hate her.

397
00:14:01,710 --> 00:14:03,102
You don't know her
well enough to hate her.

398
00:14:03,190 --> 00:14:04,495
Yes, I do!
I know her.

399
00:14:04,581 --> 00:14:06,019
She used to ride
on my school bus.

400
00:14:06,105 --> 00:14:06,583
No, no, no, that's...

401
00:14:06,671 --> 00:14:07,846
What?

402
00:14:07,933 --> 00:14:10,326
Oh, my God, that's

403
00:14:10,413 --> 00:14:11,546
why you look
so familiar!

404
00:14:11,633 --> 00:14:12,981
You were that crazy

405
00:14:13,068 --> 00:14:14,461
little kindergartner
who had, like,

406
00:14:14,548 --> 00:14:16,028
the imaginary friends.
Oh.

407
00:14:16,115 --> 00:14:17,769
You're the skank
with the skank face.

408
00:14:17,856 --> 00:14:19,859
Sarah, I know you're trying
to look cool in front of you

409
00:14:19,946 --> 00:14:20,729
you know who...

410
00:14:20,816 --> 00:14:22,121
What?! You told him?!

411
00:14:22,208 --> 00:14:23,905
No! I did not tell him.You just told him!

412
00:14:23,993 --> 00:14:25,995
Oh, my God, Jess!

413
00:14:26,081 --> 00:14:27,822
[door slams, Jess sighs]

414
00:14:27,909 --> 00:14:29,389
What are you saying?

415
00:14:29,476 --> 00:14:31,043
When was the last time
you were on a school bus?

416
00:14:31,130 --> 00:14:32,480
Last year.

417
00:14:32,567 --> 00:14:34,394
How old are you?

418
00:14:34,481 --> 00:14:37,005
18.
[groaning]

419
00:14:37,092 --> 00:14:38,615
JESS:
Hey, you know what, Chloe?

420
00:14:38,702 --> 00:14:39,835
I actually think I subbed

421
00:14:39,922 --> 00:14:41,096
for your eighth grade
English class.

422
00:14:41,183 --> 00:14:43,273
That's right!
Hi, Miss Day!

423
00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:44,534
Hi.
[Nick groans]

424
00:14:48,104 --> 00:14:50,105
Well, it's a good thing I got
you an extra shirt, 'cause...

425
00:14:50,192 --> 00:14:52,020
[grunts]Whoa! Joe, Joe!

426
00:14:52,107 --> 00:14:53,717
Where you going?
Where you going? Wait.

427
00:14:53,804 --> 00:14:55,981
Where are you going?
Uh, sorry about this, man.

428
00:14:56,068 --> 00:14:58,679
Hey, don't make me chase you!
Do not make me chase you!

429
00:14:58,767 --> 00:15:00,638
Joe, come back.
[coughs]

430
00:15:00,725 --> 00:15:03,119
[thudding]
[grunts]

431
00:15:03,206 --> 00:15:05,033
Oh!
Are you okay?

432
00:15:05,120 --> 00:15:07,557
Leave me alone.

433
00:15:07,644 --> 00:15:09,125
So, come on,
man. What's up?

434
00:15:09,211 --> 00:15:12,475
Michael Strahan makes me feel
like an idiot.

435
00:15:12,562 --> 00:15:16,697
Okay? I mean, he thinks
he's better than me.

436
00:15:16,784 --> 00:15:17,786
He wins the Super Bowl,
and suddenly,

437
00:15:17,873 --> 00:15:19,308
he's the best at everything.

438
00:15:19,395 --> 00:15:21,224
What's he better
than you at? Huh?

439
00:15:21,311 --> 00:15:23,923
Marriage, probably. Money
management, I would say.

440
00:15:24,009 --> 00:15:25,750
Probably he's better
than you at that.
Well...

441
00:15:25,836 --> 00:15:26,750
He's not better than
you at yard sales.

442
00:15:26,837 --> 00:15:27,883
He's good at yard sales.

443
00:15:27,970 --> 00:15:29,144
Yeah, but he's not
better than you.

444
00:15:29,231 --> 00:15:30,451
So here's what
you're gonna do.

445
00:15:30,538 --> 00:15:31,755
You're gonna walk

446
00:15:31,842 --> 00:15:33,105
into that studio,
and you're gonna

447
00:15:33,192 --> 00:15:34,672
show him the Napoli
that I saw today.

448
00:15:34,759 --> 00:15:36,586
The one that I saw
grabbed seven copies

449
00:15:36,673 --> 00:15:38,414
of Speedon VHS
at a yard sale

450
00:15:38,501 --> 00:15:40,200
for a fraction of
the retail price.

451
00:15:40,287 --> 00:15:42,767
When's the last time
Strahan did that?

452
00:15:42,854 --> 00:15:44,769
Boom. You're not
gonna let him win.Yeah. You know, I'm gonna do it.

453
00:15:44,855 --> 00:15:46,206
I'm gonna do it.You're gonna do it?

454
00:15:46,293 --> 00:15:48,207
That guy's a b-hole.He's a b-hole!

455
00:15:48,294 --> 00:15:50,644
You know what?
If you were a woman,

456
00:15:50,731 --> 00:15:53,648
or even dressed as a woman,
man, we'd be unstoppable.

457
00:15:53,735 --> 00:15:55,605
Mm, mm.

458
00:15:55,692 --> 00:15:57,607
18 years old. She
was 18 years old.

459
00:15:57,695 --> 00:15:59,827
She doesn't even know
what Netscape is.

460
00:15:59,914 --> 00:16:03,004
Thinks of Ice Cube
as mainly an actor.

461
00:16:03,091 --> 00:16:05,442
This is a disaster!
Ouli's downstairs.

462
00:16:05,528 --> 00:16:07,356
She just called me.
She wants to be let up.

463
00:16:07,443 --> 00:16:09,097
Sarah's in my room, because
she fell in love with you

464
00:16:09,184 --> 00:16:10,794
for some unknown reason.

465
00:16:10,881 --> 00:16:12,667
I might as well call you
Bridge to Terabithia,

466
00:16:12,754 --> 00:16:14,102
because you make children cry.

467
00:16:14,190 --> 00:16:16,583
And you-- I might
as well call you

468
00:16:16,671 --> 00:16:18,019
Indian In the Cupboardbecause

469
00:16:18,106 --> 00:16:19,760
you put an Indian
in Ce... Never mind.

470
00:16:19,847 --> 00:16:22,241
I will not apologize
for my powerful sperm.

471
00:16:22,328 --> 00:16:23,851
Why are young girls in love
with me? I look like an old man.

472
00:16:23,938 --> 00:16:25,114
Shut up, both of you!

473
00:16:25,201 --> 00:16:26,375
We're gonna fix
this, 'cause

474
00:16:26,462 --> 00:16:28,029
I'm not losing Russell because

475
00:16:28,116 --> 00:16:31,554
you two have to make
and/or date babies.

476
00:16:31,642 --> 00:16:33,209
You-- go stall Ouli.

477
00:16:33,296 --> 00:16:34,818
Try not to get her pregnant.

478
00:16:34,905 --> 00:16:36,168
You-- come with me

479
00:16:36,255 --> 00:16:38,692
and get Sarah out
of my room. Now!

480
00:16:38,779 --> 00:16:40,476
I gonna go do Ouli.

481
00:16:40,563 --> 00:16:42,479
Yeah, I'm gonna
go do this. Yeah.
All right.

482
00:16:46,482 --> 00:16:48,006
Ouli?
Yeah.

483
00:16:48,094 --> 00:16:49,965
Oh, my God, it's-it's Schmidt.

484
00:16:50,052 --> 00:16:51,488
How are you?

485
00:16:51,575 --> 00:16:53,576
Oh, my God,
it's so good to see you.

486
00:16:53,663 --> 00:16:55,491
Great.

487
00:16:55,578 --> 00:16:57,102
Yeah. Havasu.

488
00:16:57,190 --> 00:16:59,365
'99. I was on the boat,
remember?

489
00:16:59,452 --> 00:17:01,149
No.

490
00:17:01,236 --> 00:17:02,499
We were just...
We were part... Yeah.I...

491
00:17:02,586 --> 00:17:04,413
Winter Olympics. Uh-huh.No.

492
00:17:04,500 --> 00:17:06,154
2006.

493
00:17:06,241 --> 00:17:07,895
Bobsled.

494
00:17:07,982 --> 00:17:09,593
Sarah, I know that you think

495
00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:11,595
you're in love with me
right now,

496
00:17:11,682 --> 00:17:14,336
but I promise you, you're going
to find someone better.

497
00:17:14,423 --> 00:17:17,078
SARAH:
No! No, I never will.

498
00:17:17,165 --> 00:17:18,776
I can be a bit of an anchor.

499
00:17:18,863 --> 00:17:20,212
I've been known
to drag women down.

500
00:17:20,299 --> 00:17:21,778
That is true.
[whispers]:
Save me.

501
00:17:21,865 --> 00:17:23,303
What? This is so
entertaining.

502
00:17:23,390 --> 00:17:24,520
Okay, Jess, honestly, help me.

503
00:17:24,607 --> 00:17:25,869
I don't know what to do.All right.

504
00:17:25,957 --> 00:17:28,089
Okay, just tell
her something about

505
00:17:28,176 --> 00:17:29,961
life or something.

506
00:17:30,048 --> 00:17:31,788
Hey, Sarah?

507
00:17:31,875 --> 00:17:34,401
Sarah, I haven't loved somebody
the way you love me

508
00:17:34,488 --> 00:17:39,753
in a very long time,
and I miss that feeling.

509
00:17:39,840 --> 00:17:42,712
The feeling you have is good.
It's just misplaced.

510
00:17:42,799 --> 00:17:46,194
It's better than being numb
your whole life.

511
00:17:46,281 --> 00:17:47,805
You end up doing such
weird things.

512
00:17:47,892 --> 00:17:50,155
You know what?
Just stay in there.

513
00:17:50,242 --> 00:17:51,679
It's not that great out here.

514
00:17:51,766 --> 00:17:53,028
Stay in there as long
as you can.

515
00:17:53,115 --> 00:17:54,508
He's kidding, Sarah.

516
00:17:54,595 --> 00:17:56,465
You should definitely,
definitely come out.

517
00:17:56,552 --> 00:17:58,555
Oh, my God.
The Melman funeral?

518
00:17:58,642 --> 00:18:00,991
No.
We were both
sitting next to...

519
00:18:01,079 --> 00:18:03,082
to Un... Un-Uncle Jack?

520
00:18:03,169 --> 00:18:05,084
Yeah, sure.
I don't know Uncle
Jack or Mel...

521
00:18:05,171 --> 00:18:09,174
Oh, my... I used to do
your hair in Tribeca.

522
00:18:09,261 --> 00:18:12,221
Sarah? Sarah,
please come out.Sarah, please.

523
00:18:12,307 --> 00:18:14,615
I can't come out.
I'm too embarrassed.

524
00:18:14,701 --> 00:18:16,269
In front of us?
We are literally

525
00:18:16,355 --> 00:18:18,705
the most embarrassing
people on the planet.

526
00:18:18,792 --> 00:18:21,056
Trust me.
Yeah, you don't have
to be embarrassed around us.

527
00:18:21,143 --> 00:18:23,318
Sometimes I talk louder
to blind people.

528
00:18:23,405 --> 00:18:26,539
I'm 30 years old, and I've peed
in every pool I've been into.

529
00:18:26,626 --> 00:18:29,542
Every single one.
Ew.

530
00:18:29,630 --> 00:18:33,067
I originally grew these bangs
'cause I hate my forehead.

531
00:18:33,154 --> 00:18:35,417
I still think it's funny
when I guy puts tennis balls

532
00:18:35,505 --> 00:18:36,941
under his shirt
and pretends it's boobs.

533
00:18:37,028 --> 00:18:38,377
[muffled laugh]

534
00:18:38,464 --> 00:18:39,552
They look like
little boobs.

535
00:18:39,640 --> 00:18:41,207
I know.

536
00:18:41,294 --> 00:18:42,859
Come on, Sarah!

537
00:18:42,947 --> 00:18:45,819
Look, I do so many
stupid things.

538
00:18:45,906 --> 00:18:47,299
You don't even know.

539
00:18:47,386 --> 00:18:49,432
I mean, like, falling
for your dad.

540
00:18:49,519 --> 00:18:53,784
That was... so crazy, and I
understand why you're confused.

541
00:18:53,871 --> 00:18:55,655
I'mconfused.

542
00:18:55,742 --> 00:18:58,310
SARAH:
I'm not confused. I'm stuck.

543
00:18:58,397 --> 00:19:00,877
What? Oh, my God.

544
00:19:00,964 --> 00:19:02,402
Oh.
I don't know
how to get them off.

545
00:19:02,489 --> 00:19:03,750
Okay. Oh, okay.
I'll get the front.

546
00:19:03,837 --> 00:19:06,231
I'll get the back.

547
00:19:06,318 --> 00:19:07,711
Hey, hey, guys,
she's coming.

548
00:19:07,798 --> 00:19:08,756
Ouli's coming.
I failed.

549
00:19:08,843 --> 00:19:09,844
I failed. I'm sorry. Uh...

550
00:19:09,931 --> 00:19:11,714
Hi, Ouli. Um...

551
00:19:11,801 --> 00:19:15,284
Who is the man taking the bras
off my daughter?

552
00:19:15,371 --> 00:19:17,807
There is a God!
I've got my period!

553
00:19:17,894 --> 00:19:19,896
It's so amazing!
Oh, my God.

554
00:19:19,983 --> 00:19:22,551
Mmm. I got my period.

555
00:19:22,638 --> 00:19:23,640
[Cece laughs]

556
00:19:23,727 --> 00:19:26,076
She got her period.So happy!

557
00:19:26,164 --> 00:19:27,426
Welcome to our home.
Would you like a drink?

558
00:19:31,996 --> 00:19:34,955
You have a beautiful daughter
and a beautiful ex-husband.

559
00:19:35,042 --> 00:19:37,262
I mean...

560
00:19:38,741 --> 00:19:40,266
Bye, Nick.

561
00:19:40,353 --> 00:19:41,832
I'm kind of
over you now.

562
00:19:41,919 --> 00:19:43,486
Okay.[Sarah sighs]

563
00:19:43,573 --> 00:19:45,052
Thank you.

564
00:19:45,140 --> 00:19:47,185
Thanks, Jess. I had
a really great time.

565
00:19:47,272 --> 00:19:50,666
Thanks, Sarah. Good-bye.

566
00:19:50,753 --> 00:19:52,669
[whispering]:
Your mom doesn't have
to know everything.

567
00:19:52,756 --> 00:19:55,628
Heard that. Let's go.
Okay.

568
00:19:55,715 --> 00:19:57,369
Thanks for
coming by.
Oh, sure.

569
00:19:57,457 --> 00:20:00,286
Bye, Sarah.
See you at school.
Bye.

570
00:20:00,373 --> 00:20:01,721
Bye, Ouli. You ruley.

571
00:20:01,808 --> 00:20:03,636
Bye, Jess. You're a mess.

572
00:20:06,291 --> 00:20:09,643
I'm not having kids...
till I'm 80.

573
00:20:11,862 --> 00:20:14,473
Now we can just go back
to the way things were.

574
00:20:16,998 --> 00:20:19,740
You can go on your date.

575
00:20:19,826 --> 00:20:23,656
Right. Nicole, mm-hmm.

576
00:20:25,180 --> 00:20:28,488
No more stupid mistakes, right?

577
00:20:28,575 --> 00:20:29,923
Right.

578
00:20:30,010 --> 00:20:32,491
[laughs]

579
00:20:32,578 --> 00:20:33,971
I'm gonna...
I'm gonna go.

580
00:20:34,057 --> 00:20:35,930
Go do your thing.
Yeah.

581
00:20:36,017 --> 00:20:37,539
Oh, wait. Oh, okay.

582
00:20:37,626 --> 00:20:38,759
Okay, Cece,
let's just...
Yeah.

583
00:20:38,846 --> 00:20:40,542
You know,
there's a marathon downtown,

584
00:20:40,630 --> 00:20:42,153
and I don't want you
to hit the traffic.
Okay.

585
00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:43,807
Okay. Thank you.So let's just,
head down.

586
00:20:43,894 --> 00:20:45,634
That's very thought
of you.
Don't hit the top.

587
00:20:45,721 --> 00:20:47,897
Okay.All right, you in, you in,
you in? Good, okay.

588
00:20:47,984 --> 00:20:50,509
Terrible car for a baby anyway.

589
00:20:50,596 --> 00:20:53,163
[sighs]

590
00:20:59,300 --> 00:21:01,520
[sighs]
Oh.

591
00:21:06,439 --> 00:21:09,355
I never knew Italy was so much
more than pizza, Schmidty.

592
00:21:09,442 --> 00:21:11,008
It's so much more.

593
00:21:11,095 --> 00:21:14,534
She's okay. You're awesome!

594
00:21:14,621 --> 00:21:16,797
The reenactment of Pompeii
really stays with you.

595
00:21:16,884 --> 00:21:19,190
What a move!

596
00:21:19,278 --> 00:21:21,845
Two shows a day. Two shows
a day! How do they do it?

597
00:21:21,932 --> 00:21:23,412
Hey, if you're play a gondolier,

598
00:21:23,499 --> 00:21:25,632
you better skate
like a gondolier.

599
00:21:25,719 --> 00:21:28,199
You know, Schmidty?
Here's this idea.

600
00:21:28,287 --> 00:21:30,506
We should buy skaters.

601
00:21:30,593 --> 00:21:33,116
Yeah![cheering]

602
00:21:33,203 --> 00:21:35,990
Do something weird, Mussolini.
We love you.