1 00:00:02,480 --> 00:00:03,829 JESS: I love these parties. 2 00:00:03,915 --> 00:00:06,658 I feel like I'm an ambassador, or a spy, 3 00:00:06,745 --> 00:00:08,486 or, like, a really high-class prostitute. 4 00:00:08,573 --> 00:00:10,445 Well, Jess, it's a political fundraiser. 5 00:00:10,532 --> 00:00:12,012 Who's to say you can't be all three? 6 00:00:12,099 --> 00:00:14,884 Hey, this is... really good. 7 00:00:14,971 --> 00:00:16,972 I mean, I gotta tell you, I'm really, um... 8 00:00:17,059 --> 00:00:18,539 Happy. Happy. 9 00:00:18,626 --> 00:00:21,368 It's like the complete opposite of my marriage. 10 00:00:21,455 --> 00:00:22,934 I'll give you the opposite of your marriage. 11 00:00:23,022 --> 00:00:25,068 What? Sorry, I just... 12 00:00:25,155 --> 00:00:26,896 I've never heard you talk about your ex-wife, 13 00:00:26,983 --> 00:00:28,332 and I got really nervous and... 14 00:00:28,419 --> 00:00:30,681 I tried to flirt information out of you. 15 00:00:30,768 --> 00:00:32,292 Aw... So... 16 00:00:32,380 --> 00:00:34,076 I haven't been home in a week, 17 00:00:34,164 --> 00:00:35,512 and, um... 18 00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:39,082 underneath my dress, I'm wearing... 19 00:00:39,168 --> 00:00:41,170 a pair of your boxer briefs 20 00:00:41,258 --> 00:00:42,868 that I borrowed 21 00:00:42,954 --> 00:00:44,609 slash-stole 22 00:00:44,695 --> 00:00:48,570 slash-I'm not giving them back. 23 00:00:48,656 --> 00:00:50,920 Come on. Let's go. Go to my house right now. 24 00:00:51,006 --> 00:00:53,009 Well, I have to go to my home for a bit. 25 00:00:53,095 --> 00:00:54,445 No, no, come on. 26 00:00:54,531 --> 00:00:56,055 Come on. Stay with me. 27 00:00:56,143 --> 00:00:58,448 No, I'm worried about the guys. 28 00:00:58,536 --> 00:01:01,625 They must really be missing me and wondering where I am. 29 00:01:01,713 --> 00:01:03,932 Hey! Sacrifice, sacrifice, 30 00:01:04,019 --> 00:01:05,456 Lava! Touched the lava!...sacrifice... 31 00:01:05,543 --> 00:01:07,763 Touched the lava!Ow, ow! Touched the lava, dude! 32 00:01:07,849 --> 00:01:10,025 ♪ Who's that girl? ♪ 33 00:01:10,112 --> 00:01:12,159 ♪ Who's that girl?♪♪ It's Jess. ♪ 34 00:01:14,813 --> 00:01:15,858 [whistles quietly] 35 00:01:18,730 --> 00:01:19,905 MAN [on radio]: ...I mean, statistically, it would be better 36 00:01:19,992 --> 00:01:21,689 if he wasn't even playing, all right? 37 00:01:21,777 --> 00:01:23,647 You're listening to the radio and writing with a pen? 38 00:01:23,734 --> 00:01:25,128 What decade are we in? 39 00:01:25,215 --> 00:01:26,737 NICK: I cannot listen to that guy. 40 00:01:26,825 --> 00:01:28,609 Come on. Joe Napoli's the worst, man. 41 00:01:28,697 --> 00:01:31,265 What? Man, that is blasphemous. 42 00:01:31,352 --> 00:01:33,004 He's the king of sports radio, man. 43 00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:35,224 I've got an interview with him today, okay? 44 00:01:35,311 --> 00:01:36,531 He's hiring a new research assistant. 45 00:01:36,617 --> 00:01:38,097 Hence... the research. 46 00:01:38,185 --> 00:01:40,838 My old basketball coach set it up. 47 00:01:40,926 --> 00:01:42,362 You know, I'm just trying to figure out 48 00:01:42,450 --> 00:01:44,060 how to break it to Elvin.You gotta cut ties with that kid. 49 00:01:44,146 --> 00:01:45,104 He freaks me out. 50 00:01:45,192 --> 00:01:46,628 He never blinks. 51 00:01:46,715 --> 00:01:48,281 He's like a tiny little owl in a shirt. 52 00:01:48,368 --> 00:01:50,587 Hey, guys! 53 00:01:50,674 --> 00:01:52,590 Hey. Hello. JESS: I have so much to tell you. 54 00:01:52,676 --> 00:01:54,853 I spent the whole week with rich people. 55 00:01:54,939 --> 00:01:56,593 I finally tried port. 56 00:01:56,680 --> 00:01:59,640 Were you gone last week? Is that why it was so quiet? 57 00:01:59,728 --> 00:02:02,209 I feel like I haven't seen you guys in so long. 58 00:02:02,296 --> 00:02:03,948 You all look so handsome, so grown-up. 59 00:02:04,036 --> 00:02:05,125 Thank you. Hey, Nick. 60 00:02:05,212 --> 00:02:06,168 I finally notice the one-eighth Cherokee. 61 00:02:06,256 --> 00:02:07,909 Winston... 62 00:02:07,996 --> 00:02:09,389 that's almost a mustache. 63 00:02:09,477 --> 00:02:12,262 Yeah. It's creepy and thin, just like I like it. 64 00:02:12,348 --> 00:02:13,394 How was your sexcation with Russell? 65 00:02:13,480 --> 00:02:15,438 I did have a lot of sex. Thank you. 66 00:02:15,526 --> 00:02:17,180 What'd you guys do without me? Hit me up with a headline! 67 00:02:17,266 --> 00:02:19,443 Nothing.We played True American. 68 00:02:19,530 --> 00:02:22,751 What?! You played True American without me?Yes, ma'am. 69 00:02:22,837 --> 00:02:25,100 [cell phone ringing]Oh, sorry. It's Cece. 70 00:02:25,187 --> 00:02:27,669 Hey, you! CECE: Tell me everything. How's it going? 71 00:02:27,756 --> 00:02:29,104 Where are you? CECE: With Schmidt. 72 00:02:29,192 --> 00:02:30,540 Where are you? 73 00:02:30,627 --> 00:02:31,933 Right here. 74 00:02:32,021 --> 00:02:33,283 Wow. 75 00:02:33,370 --> 00:02:34,937 I am not used to this yet. 76 00:02:35,024 --> 00:02:36,634 I'm surprised this one's still standing. 77 00:02:36,721 --> 00:02:38,723 We burned through a lot of ideas last night. 78 00:02:38,810 --> 00:02:41,030 That's really great.We went deep into the stables... 79 00:02:41,116 --> 00:02:42,987 Yeah. Cool.NICK and WINSTON: Ugh. 80 00:02:43,074 --> 00:02:44,425 I don't know. It's like we're living 81 00:02:44,512 --> 00:02:45,990 in a romantic comedy montage. 82 00:02:46,078 --> 00:02:49,603 Like, we, like, throw our heads back when we laugh, 83 00:02:49,691 --> 00:02:51,258 and I, like, try on floppy hats for him. 84 00:02:51,344 --> 00:02:52,997 It's pretty perfect. 85 00:02:53,085 --> 00:02:55,262 It's like the first act of a TV movie 86 00:02:55,348 --> 00:02:58,134 until I find out that he has a wife and kids in another state. 87 00:02:58,221 --> 00:03:01,050 Yeah, but nothing's perfect, right? 88 00:03:01,137 --> 00:03:04,444 You're kind of doing everything on his terms, 89 00:03:04,532 --> 00:03:07,969 living in his beautiful, fancy house... 90 00:03:08,056 --> 00:03:09,537 I'm not really living there. 91 00:03:09,623 --> 00:03:11,538 Has he ever spent a night here? 92 00:03:11,626 --> 00:03:13,018 Hey, guys. 93 00:03:13,104 --> 00:03:14,802 So, listen, um... 94 00:03:14,889 --> 00:03:16,108 Russell's gonna come and stay this weekend. 95 00:03:16,195 --> 00:03:17,893 [groans]I was just wondering 96 00:03:17,979 --> 00:03:19,110 if you guys could be cool? 97 00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:21,200 Yeah. 98 00:03:21,288 --> 00:03:23,899 Sure. JESS: Okay, uh... 99 00:03:23,985 --> 00:03:26,597 Actually, I don't trust what "cool" means to all of you, 100 00:03:26,683 --> 00:03:28,947 so how about we just say "be normal"? 101 00:03:29,033 --> 00:03:30,906 Big R. Schmidt. 102 00:03:30,992 --> 00:03:32,123 Your shoe's untied. 103 00:03:32,211 --> 00:03:33,300 Oh. 104 00:03:35,605 --> 00:03:36,954 What are you doing?Label check, man. 105 00:03:37,042 --> 00:03:38,000 What are you doing?Label check. 106 00:03:38,086 --> 00:03:38,348 What are you doing?Just calm down. 107 00:03:38,435 --> 00:03:40,698 [sighs] 108 00:03:42,612 --> 00:03:44,311 Did... 109 00:03:46,008 --> 00:03:48,314 [chuckles] 110 00:03:51,579 --> 00:03:53,319 I got it. [flushes] 111 00:03:53,406 --> 00:03:54,930 Russell! Whoa! 112 00:03:55,016 --> 00:03:57,019 Oh, man, you scared me. 113 00:03:57,105 --> 00:03:57,759 You scared of black people? 114 00:03:57,846 --> 00:03:59,325 No. 115 00:03:59,413 --> 00:04:01,718 It's 2012, baby. I'm... 116 00:04:01,806 --> 00:04:03,286 Yeah, of course. Done deal.Easy. Of course. 117 00:04:03,372 --> 00:04:05,026 Quick question. 118 00:04:05,114 --> 00:04:06,768 Russell's such a visionary, would it be okay 119 00:04:06,854 --> 00:04:09,552 if I took him through my Idea Notebook? 120 00:04:09,639 --> 00:04:12,207 Nope, not at all.Maybe I won't take him through the whole notebook... 121 00:04:12,294 --> 00:04:14,818 Or how about none of it?...but I have one that I'm really excited about 122 00:04:14,906 --> 00:04:17,300 called Real Apps, that I know Russell would be interested in. 123 00:04:17,387 --> 00:04:19,259 No.Nick, Real Apps is my idea. 124 00:04:19,346 --> 00:04:21,129 Real Apps is not your idea. 125 00:04:21,216 --> 00:04:22,957 SCHMIDT: Yeah, sure, you might have birthed the idea, 126 00:04:23,045 --> 00:04:24,959 but I midwifed it, and I midwifed the crap out of it. 127 00:04:25,047 --> 00:04:26,266 Guys.It was a messy birth. 128 00:04:26,353 --> 00:04:27,396 NICK: You just thought of the name! 129 00:04:27,483 --> 00:04:29,050 The name is everything. 130 00:04:29,137 --> 00:04:30,444 The name is the name of the game. 131 00:04:30,531 --> 00:04:32,793 The game is... is the name. The game isthe name. 132 00:04:32,880 --> 00:04:34,665 The product is the game. Guys! 133 00:04:34,752 --> 00:04:38,233 I know you can do this. 134 00:04:38,321 --> 00:04:40,062 You sure you don't want to swing? 135 00:04:40,149 --> 00:04:41,759 Nah. Pushing's where the action is. 136 00:04:41,846 --> 00:04:43,456 [chuckles] 137 00:04:43,543 --> 00:04:46,329 Elvin, listen, buddy. I think we should talk. 138 00:04:46,415 --> 00:04:47,896 You know I'm not going to be here forever, right? 139 00:04:47,983 --> 00:04:50,463 I know about death, Winston. 140 00:04:50,550 --> 00:04:52,987 I know there's no farm where dogs and grandpas go. 141 00:04:53,074 --> 00:04:55,860 What? No. It's just that I'm an adult. 142 00:04:55,947 --> 00:04:58,209 It's time for me to get an adult job with adult people. 143 00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:00,735 You understand, right? 144 00:05:00,822 --> 00:05:02,997 Maybe we should get to work on your resume 145 00:05:03,084 --> 00:05:04,346 because yours is terrible. 146 00:05:04,434 --> 00:05:06,435 It's 2012, Winston. 147 00:05:06,523 --> 00:05:09,439 Typing is not a special skill. 148 00:05:12,268 --> 00:05:14,749 And you're familiar with the show? Yes, I am. I've been listening for years. 149 00:05:14,836 --> 00:05:17,968 What do you think of Mr. Napoli?He's actually like an idol of mine. 150 00:05:18,055 --> 00:05:19,100 Be honest, jackass! 151 00:05:21,886 --> 00:05:23,845 Would you consider yourself an undercover cop? Huh? 152 00:05:23,932 --> 00:05:25,976 Seriously. Are you a cop? You have to tell me. No! 153 00:05:26,064 --> 00:05:27,935 How far can you drag an unconscious man? 154 00:05:28,023 --> 00:05:30,242 I don't know. I never really tried to...Hello, Mr. Napoli. 155 00:05:30,329 --> 00:05:31,983 If you're as bad an assistant as you were a point guard, 156 00:05:32,069 --> 00:05:33,550 I'll eat you. 157 00:05:33,637 --> 00:05:35,769 You know, I know you, Winston Bishop, okay? 158 00:05:35,856 --> 00:05:37,901 Sub-par collegiate career, went to Latvia, 159 00:05:37,988 --> 00:05:41,471 9% from the European-slash- Women's 3-point line? 160 00:05:41,557 --> 00:05:42,863 Okay, just...Now you wind up in my lap. 161 00:05:42,951 --> 00:05:44,822 Well, I'm the luckiest girl in school. 162 00:05:44,908 --> 00:05:47,824 Hey, come on in, big guy. I want you to meet our new assistant, Winston Bishop. 163 00:05:47,911 --> 00:05:50,480 Hey, first of all, I've not agreed to do it... 164 00:05:50,567 --> 00:05:52,439 Welcome to the team, Winston. 165 00:05:52,526 --> 00:05:53,918 Hope Joe hasn't been too tough on you. 166 00:05:55,963 --> 00:05:57,139 I'm in. I'll do it. 167 00:05:58,226 --> 00:05:59,228 Um... 168 00:05:59,314 --> 00:06:00,403 So nice to meet you, 169 00:06:00,490 --> 00:06:02,927 Mr. Kareem Abdul Jabbar. 170 00:06:03,014 --> 00:06:04,059 Can I sit on your shoulders? 171 00:06:04,146 --> 00:06:05,365 Sure! Really? 172 00:06:05,451 --> 00:06:07,802 No. Oh. 173 00:06:07,889 --> 00:06:10,326 You've made a wonderful decision. 174 00:06:10,413 --> 00:06:11,893 I'm sure you're going to learn a lot. 175 00:06:11,980 --> 00:06:13,459 Kareem Abdul Jabbar. 176 00:06:13,547 --> 00:06:16,158 NAPOLI: Yeah, well, welcome aboard. You can start today. 177 00:06:16,245 --> 00:06:18,202 I want to Kareem about a segment on his show. 178 00:06:18,290 --> 00:06:20,379 I want to talk to you about the jackets. 179 00:06:20,466 --> 00:06:21,815 You said we were going to get show jackets! 180 00:06:28,865 --> 00:06:30,564 Russell, hey. 181 00:06:30,651 --> 00:06:32,826 I could show you around. I could show you our world. 182 00:06:32,913 --> 00:06:35,002 Way up here, it's crystal-clear. 183 00:06:35,090 --> 00:06:37,221 Nick, you're doing Aladdin.Again? 184 00:06:37,308 --> 00:06:39,877 Do you like cheeses, Russell?What? That's... 185 00:06:39,963 --> 00:06:41,966 Nick, come on.It's for Russell. 186 00:06:46,797 --> 00:06:48,016 So you really just call these "ethnic noodles"? 187 00:06:48,103 --> 00:06:49,408 No, actually, I don't know. 188 00:06:49,495 --> 00:06:51,105 The only English writing on the box is, 189 00:06:51,192 --> 00:06:55,023 "Find water. Grow hot. Family celebrate plus." 190 00:06:55,110 --> 00:06:56,459 That guy. 191 00:06:56,545 --> 00:06:57,721 Nick, stop staring. 192 00:06:57,807 --> 00:06:59,680 I'm not... what? 193 00:06:59,766 --> 00:07:01,333 Schmidt's being really weird, too. 194 00:07:03,552 --> 00:07:07,077 So I told you and Jess to go get some sushi at Asakune, 195 00:07:07,165 --> 00:07:09,516 but I hear you hara-kiri'd that one. 196 00:07:09,603 --> 00:07:12,213 Well, I know the chef at Namuda. Oh, oh. Namuda? 197 00:07:12,300 --> 00:07:14,911 Maybe "My First Sushi." 198 00:07:14,999 --> 00:07:17,872 Baby wants a tempura California roll. 199 00:07:17,959 --> 00:07:19,786 Little Russell wants... 200 00:07:19,874 --> 00:07:22,528 Little Wussell wants an avocwado roll! 201 00:07:22,615 --> 00:07:25,531 JESS: Schmidt...! Nick, don't eat his noodles. 202 00:07:25,619 --> 00:07:27,795 Yeah, but we're bowl brothers, now.No, you're not. 203 00:07:27,882 --> 00:07:30,187 Tighten up, guys.WINSTON: I'm gonna kill him. 204 00:07:30,274 --> 00:07:33,800 I'm gonna punch him in his rich, old white dude face. 205 00:07:33,887 --> 00:07:35,367 Not you. 206 00:07:35,454 --> 00:07:36,891 Joe Napoli. 207 00:07:36,978 --> 00:07:39,153 So I guess you didn't get the job? 208 00:07:39,240 --> 00:07:41,896 No, I gotthe job. And that's the problem. 209 00:07:41,983 --> 00:07:45,552 I want six shakes in my fridge at all times, ready to go. 210 00:07:45,639 --> 00:07:47,249 And I want it Beyoncé-colored. 211 00:07:47,336 --> 00:07:49,033 Not darker, not lighter. 212 00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:51,427 Beyoncé! 213 00:07:52,949 --> 00:07:55,387 Clean your damn desk! 214 00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:56,737 [whispering]: Don't let him see you cry. 215 00:07:58,956 --> 00:08:00,391 See, I want to kill him. 216 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:02,524 Russ, I was wondering if later, if you had a minute, 217 00:08:02,612 --> 00:08:04,266 if you wouldn't mind taking a look at my Idea Notebook. 218 00:08:04,353 --> 00:08:07,529 Um... Hold that thought.I will hold it. 219 00:08:07,617 --> 00:08:09,271 Hold that thought 'cause he doesn't want to hear it, Nick. 220 00:08:09,358 --> 00:08:10,750 Those ideas were 51% mine. 221 00:08:10,838 --> 00:08:12,709 [garbage disposal rumbles, whines] 222 00:08:12,795 --> 00:08:15,319 I got it, I got it! Russell, move, my man. 223 00:08:15,406 --> 00:08:16,800 What'd I do? 224 00:08:16,887 --> 00:08:18,410 No, you did nothing, my man. Don't blame yourself. 225 00:08:21,718 --> 00:08:23,153 Yah! It just fights back a little bit, Russ. 226 00:08:23,240 --> 00:08:24,504 [clattering] 227 00:08:24,591 --> 00:08:26,896 Anchor me! Anchor me! 228 00:08:26,983 --> 00:08:28,595 It's choking me!Come on. Go, go, go! 229 00:08:28,682 --> 00:08:31,685 Come on! [grunting] 230 00:08:31,771 --> 00:08:34,251 Anchor me. Don't grope me.Jess, get in there! 231 00:08:34,338 --> 00:08:35,863 Jess! 232 00:08:35,950 --> 00:08:36,864 NICK: One more big one! 233 00:08:36,951 --> 00:08:38,386 [groans] 234 00:08:38,474 --> 00:08:41,432 [garbage disposal stops]Oh, my God. Sorry. 235 00:08:41,520 --> 00:08:43,260 RUSSELL: You guys, 236 00:08:43,347 --> 00:08:45,394 my contractor knows a really great plumber.Please. 237 00:08:45,480 --> 00:08:48,135 I know the best plumbers in the business.White guy knows a plumber. 238 00:08:48,222 --> 00:08:50,355 Sorry. Plumbing's, like, a really sensitive topic around here. 239 00:08:50,442 --> 00:08:51,442 I-I didn't know. 240 00:08:51,530 --> 00:08:53,315 I mean, who would? [chuckles] 241 00:08:53,402 --> 00:08:55,447 Um... 242 00:08:55,534 --> 00:08:57,493 hey... 243 00:08:57,580 --> 00:08:59,668 who wants to play True American? 244 00:08:59,755 --> 00:09:01,541 I'm in.That sounds like a great idea. 245 00:09:01,628 --> 00:09:02,976 JESS: So it's 50% 246 00:09:03,063 --> 00:09:05,587 drinking game, 50% life-size Candyland. 247 00:09:05,674 --> 00:09:06,850 Well, it's more like 75 drinking, 248 00:09:06,937 --> 00:09:08,938 20 Candyland, and by the way, 249 00:09:09,025 --> 00:09:11,375 the floor is molten lava.It's actually 90% drinking, 250 00:09:11,462 --> 00:09:13,988 and it's got a loose Candyland-like structure to it. 251 00:09:14,075 --> 00:09:15,684 JESS: Well, with steaks.Hey, guys, we doing teams? 252 00:09:15,772 --> 00:09:17,644 Yeah.Ready? 253 00:09:17,730 --> 00:09:19,994 One, two, three, go. 254 00:09:20,081 --> 00:09:23,126 SCHMIDT: Two, two, four.WINSTON: Wow, I'm with Russell. Perfect. 255 00:09:23,213 --> 00:09:25,520 What? You don't want to be on my team?Well, I just copied you. 256 00:09:25,607 --> 00:09:27,392 You haven't given me any information yet.Oh, okay. 257 00:09:27,479 --> 00:09:28,480 So it starts off there are 258 00:09:28,567 --> 00:09:29,917 four zones. An alternate zone 259 00:09:30,004 --> 00:09:31,178 is a crazy zone. 260 00:09:31,265 --> 00:09:32,528 And there's a trail of chairs. 261 00:09:32,615 --> 00:09:34,008 But the floor is lava. 262 00:09:34,095 --> 00:09:35,182 These are the pawns. They're the soldiers 263 00:09:35,269 --> 00:09:36,270 of the secret order. 264 00:09:36,357 --> 00:09:37,924 This is the king of the castle. 265 00:09:38,011 --> 00:09:39,317 And remember, everything you hear in True American 266 00:09:39,403 --> 00:09:41,581 is a lie, knock on wood. 267 00:09:41,668 --> 00:09:42,842 And it starts with a shotgun tip-off, 268 00:09:42,929 --> 00:09:45,409 okay?Oh, thatI can do. 269 00:09:45,496 --> 00:09:47,195 Shotgun, for sure. 270 00:09:47,282 --> 00:09:48,674 Oh, yeah! 271 00:09:48,761 --> 00:09:49,719 All right! Yeah![laughing] 272 00:09:49,806 --> 00:09:51,591 Yeah! Yes! 273 00:09:51,677 --> 00:09:53,722 Yeah, there's no going back now. 274 00:09:53,809 --> 00:09:55,463 One, two, three, four, JFK! 275 00:09:55,551 --> 00:09:57,248 FDR! Up, up, up! FDR! 276 00:09:57,335 --> 00:10:01,251 [shouting] 277 00:10:01,339 --> 00:10:03,037 Russell, you're in the lava, man. 278 00:10:03,124 --> 00:10:04,821 I don't understand.Abe Lincoln, George Washington. 279 00:10:04,908 --> 00:10:06,214 OTHERS: Cherry tree! 280 00:10:06,301 --> 00:10:07,910 [person whistles] 281 00:10:07,998 --> 00:10:09,216 All right, Americans, 282 00:10:09,303 --> 00:10:10,566 you ready? Let's do the count. 283 00:10:10,653 --> 00:10:12,916 ALL: One, two, three. 284 00:10:15,831 --> 00:10:17,572 That's me! 285 00:10:17,659 --> 00:10:19,096 [others cheering] 286 00:10:19,182 --> 00:10:21,924 Okay, remember: the ground is lava. 287 00:10:22,011 --> 00:10:24,711 OTHERS [chanting]: Russell! Russell! 288 00:10:24,798 --> 00:10:28,105 Don't touch the lava.[cheering] 289 00:10:28,192 --> 00:10:29,411 [laughs] NICK: Big R! 290 00:10:29,498 --> 00:10:31,934 JESS: Only thing we have to fear 291 00:10:32,022 --> 00:10:32,980 ALL: is fear itself! 292 00:10:33,067 --> 00:10:35,198 Drink! Drink! 293 00:10:35,286 --> 00:10:38,419 [shouts unintelligibly] 294 00:10:38,506 --> 00:10:39,812 [others shout unintelligibly] 295 00:10:39,899 --> 00:10:41,292 [laughing] 296 00:10:41,379 --> 00:10:43,206 Jimmy Carter... atop... 297 00:10:43,293 --> 00:10:45,644 Grover Cleveland. 298 00:10:45,731 --> 00:10:46,820 What now? 299 00:10:46,907 --> 00:10:48,125 More beer.More beer. 300 00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:51,432 I got to get to the castle! 301 00:10:51,519 --> 00:10:53,043 Go, Nick, go!Russell, you're kind of 302 00:10:53,129 --> 00:10:54,130 ripped up, huh? 303 00:10:54,217 --> 00:10:55,915 Well, I used to work summers 304 00:10:56,003 --> 00:10:58,570 in a lumber camp near Banff, and I still split my own wood. 305 00:10:58,658 --> 00:10:59,919 JFK! FDR! 306 00:11:03,923 --> 00:11:05,099 You're pretty good at this, old-timer. 307 00:11:05,186 --> 00:11:06,970 Ooh, ooh, Cece, 308 00:11:07,057 --> 00:11:08,537 this is the best game of True American ever. 309 00:11:08,624 --> 00:11:09,711 I'm this close to winning. 310 00:11:09,798 --> 00:11:11,582 I'm gonna go get in your bed. 311 00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:12,628 Damn. 312 00:11:12,715 --> 00:11:14,020 Yeah, I'm out. 313 00:11:14,107 --> 00:11:14,934 Schmidt, no! 314 00:11:15,022 --> 00:11:18,503 No!Does it mean we win? 315 00:11:18,590 --> 00:11:20,027 Yes, we win! Whoo! [laughs] 316 00:11:20,114 --> 00:11:21,462 [cheering] 317 00:11:23,986 --> 00:11:26,336 BOTH: USA! USA! 318 00:11:26,423 --> 00:11:27,687 Oh, a little bit. Ah! 319 00:11:27,774 --> 00:11:29,775 USA! USA! 320 00:11:31,472 --> 00:11:33,039 RUSSELL: I'm trashed. 321 00:11:33,126 --> 00:11:34,649 I'm in a trash bag right now. 322 00:11:34,736 --> 00:11:36,652 It's true. I think we should 323 00:11:36,739 --> 00:11:37,697 call it a night. 324 00:11:37,783 --> 00:11:38,914 No, no, hang on. 325 00:11:39,001 --> 00:11:40,961 I was, I was saying something. 326 00:11:41,048 --> 00:11:42,658 What you was saying to me. I remember. 327 00:11:42,745 --> 00:11:44,572 Hey, guys, guys? I'm really sorry. 328 00:11:44,659 --> 00:11:45,661 I'm on a water break. 329 00:11:45,748 --> 00:11:46,793 It's over here. 330 00:11:46,879 --> 00:11:48,316 Oh, man, you were 331 00:11:48,403 --> 00:11:50,057 giving me advice on my boss because 332 00:11:50,144 --> 00:11:53,799 you are also a rich white man. And that's okay. 333 00:11:53,886 --> 00:11:54,844 Hell, yeah, I am! 334 00:11:54,931 --> 00:11:56,192 [laughing] 335 00:11:56,279 --> 00:11:58,413 Hey, I love ya.Russell, we have a big day 336 00:11:58,500 --> 00:12:00,589 planned tomorrow, so maybe we should... 337 00:12:00,676 --> 00:12:01,721 Shh-shh, hang on a sec. 338 00:12:01,807 --> 00:12:03,157 Let me straighten you out. 339 00:12:03,244 --> 00:12:04,505 Here's what you do. 340 00:12:04,592 --> 00:12:06,682 Your boss is power-playing you. 341 00:12:06,769 --> 00:12:09,336 So you need to power-play him back. 342 00:12:09,423 --> 00:12:10,990 Yes. How do I do that? 343 00:12:11,077 --> 00:12:14,211 Dip your boys in his shake. 344 00:12:14,298 --> 00:12:15,517 What?! [laughs] What? 345 00:12:15,604 --> 00:12:16,735 That's all you gotta do. 346 00:12:16,822 --> 00:12:17,736 Your testicles, dip 'em in, 347 00:12:17,823 --> 00:12:19,086 wring em out, dip it again 348 00:12:19,173 --> 00:12:20,522 and give him his shake. That's how you do it. 349 00:12:20,609 --> 00:12:21,566 That's a terrible idea. 350 00:12:21,653 --> 00:12:23,220 Jess, no, no. Shh. 351 00:12:23,307 --> 00:12:24,568 Hang on. It's like a guy thing. 352 00:12:24,655 --> 00:12:26,048 Territory. Jess, you don't know. 353 00:12:26,135 --> 00:12:27,398 It's a guy thing, you know? 354 00:12:27,485 --> 00:12:28,965 Jess doesn't get it. It's a territory... 355 00:12:29,052 --> 00:12:30,750 Stop copying Russell.I'm not copying him. I love him. 356 00:12:30,836 --> 00:12:32,447 Classic is a classic, you know what I mean? 357 00:12:32,533 --> 00:12:34,448 Just get in there, dunk your nuggets in his shake! 358 00:12:34,536 --> 00:12:35,667 That's what I'm talking about. 359 00:12:35,754 --> 00:12:37,321 Well, we all learned a lot. 360 00:12:37,408 --> 00:12:39,149 You know what would make this night really great? 361 00:12:39,235 --> 00:12:40,672 Sleep. Idea Notebook. 362 00:12:40,759 --> 00:12:42,239 Yeah? 363 00:12:42,326 --> 00:12:45,764 Have you ever wanted to take a ride on a magic idea? 364 00:12:45,851 --> 00:12:46,895 Well, strap on, Russell. 365 00:12:46,982 --> 00:12:48,462 Russell, let's go to sleep. 366 00:12:48,549 --> 00:12:49,985 I'll be in in a second. 367 00:12:50,072 --> 00:12:52,206 I want to hear your idea. 368 00:12:52,293 --> 00:12:53,773 Take one more of these, 369 00:12:53,860 --> 00:12:55,470 and then this idea's gonna be even better. 370 00:12:55,557 --> 00:12:56,863 Okay.Down the hatch! 371 00:12:58,515 --> 00:12:59,648 [all groan] 372 00:12:59,735 --> 00:13:01,128 Let's have a little bit more of that. 373 00:13:06,089 --> 00:13:08,744 I'm mad at him, and I've never been mad at him before. 374 00:13:08,831 --> 00:13:11,094 Oh, Jess! 375 00:13:11,181 --> 00:13:13,488 This room is not a place of comforting, okay? 376 00:13:13,575 --> 00:13:14,923 This is Darwin's jungle, 377 00:13:15,010 --> 00:13:16,533 where open-minded people do 378 00:13:16,620 --> 00:13:18,231 weird things to each other. 379 00:13:18,318 --> 00:13:19,581 Go away. 380 00:13:21,495 --> 00:13:22,713 Yeah. 381 00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:24,412 I can't fight with him. 382 00:13:24,499 --> 00:13:26,109 That's our thing. We don't fight. 383 00:13:26,196 --> 00:13:28,328 He used to fight all the time with his ex-wife. 384 00:13:28,416 --> 00:13:29,938 I think he likes that we're peaceful. 385 00:13:30,025 --> 00:13:32,201 Fighting's good. It's healthy. 386 00:13:32,288 --> 00:13:34,029 It's how you know it's working. 387 00:13:34,116 --> 00:13:37,337 You know, Jess, what Cece and I like to do 388 00:13:37,424 --> 00:13:39,687 is we like to fight with our bodies. 389 00:13:39,774 --> 00:13:41,821 It's like very intense game of Capture the Flag. 390 00:13:41,908 --> 00:13:43,431 I won't make you guess what the flag is. 391 00:13:44,735 --> 00:13:45,999 As my financial business partner, 392 00:13:46,086 --> 00:13:47,956 I appreciate you taking the time. 393 00:13:48,043 --> 00:13:49,871 All right, Russell said we need a prototype. 394 00:13:49,959 --> 00:13:53,441 So, Mr. Schmidt, I now present you "Real Apps." 395 00:13:53,528 --> 00:13:55,703 The phone obviously goes back here where the phone goes, 396 00:13:55,790 --> 00:13:57,357 and then these are all the apps. 397 00:13:57,445 --> 00:13:59,054 You've got a Zippo. You've got a fork. 398 00:13:59,142 --> 00:14:00,056 You've got a spoon. 399 00:14:00,143 --> 00:14:01,535 That's a corn holder. 400 00:14:01,623 --> 00:14:03,711 It's also a gentleman's shiv. 401 00:14:03,798 --> 00:14:06,802 Nick, it's a prototype of a prototype at best. 402 00:14:06,889 --> 00:14:08,803 No. Don't be mean about it. Let me see it. Come on. Let me see it. 403 00:14:08,890 --> 00:14:11,458 You got a bottle opener, yeah.Come on. Look at this. 404 00:14:11,546 --> 00:14:13,504 There's no brushed steel, no nickel. 405 00:14:13,591 --> 00:14:15,288 I mean, it's got none of the baller metals. 406 00:14:15,375 --> 00:14:17,159 I mean, come on, man. 407 00:14:17,246 --> 00:14:19,509 I'm not gonna get Winkelvossed because of your sloppiness. 408 00:14:19,596 --> 00:14:21,860 What do you mean, "I"? Real Apps is my idea. 409 00:14:21,947 --> 00:14:23,427 You just came up with the name! 410 00:14:23,514 --> 00:14:25,602 Yeah, and the name is the game, friendo. 411 00:14:25,690 --> 00:14:26,908 Mm-mm. Yes, it is, man. 412 00:14:26,995 --> 00:14:28,692 No, it isn't. No, it isn't, man. 413 00:14:28,779 --> 00:14:30,346 Would you line up around the corner 414 00:14:30,433 --> 00:14:32,219 if they called the iPhone a "slippery germ brick"? 415 00:14:32,306 --> 00:14:33,394 Yeah, actually, I might. 416 00:14:33,480 --> 00:14:34,961 That's why they call it basketball 417 00:14:35,048 --> 00:14:36,091 and not "peach basket catch-it-up." 418 00:14:36,178 --> 00:14:38,225 You just came up with that? 419 00:14:38,312 --> 00:14:40,879 Hey, hey, we're back here on theJoe Napoli Show, and let me 420 00:14:40,966 --> 00:14:43,317 introduce you to a new member of the Joe Napoli Showfamily, 421 00:14:43,403 --> 00:14:45,536 and that is Winston Bishop, who is our new assistant. 422 00:14:45,623 --> 00:14:47,059 I'll tell you what-- he's sharp as a tack. 423 00:14:47,147 --> 00:14:48,408 Ladies, there's no ring on his finger, 424 00:14:48,495 --> 00:14:49,626 and, Winston, why don't you tell us 425 00:14:49,713 --> 00:14:50,628 just a little bit about yourself? 426 00:14:50,715 --> 00:14:51,890 [goofy voice]: Hey, thanks, a lot, Joe. 427 00:14:51,977 --> 00:14:53,413 I really want to tell you about myself. 428 00:14:53,500 --> 00:14:55,024 You know, I been on the job two days, 429 00:14:55,110 --> 00:14:56,677 and I don't know how to make no milk shake. 430 00:14:56,764 --> 00:14:58,941 Oh, and I played two years of mediocre Division I basketball.Wow. 431 00:14:59,028 --> 00:15:00,812 And why was that? 432 00:15:00,899 --> 00:15:02,336 Well, because I really didn't know how to play basketball. 433 00:15:02,423 --> 00:15:03,815 I got recruited for a girls' volleyball team. 434 00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:06,034 All right, there he is. That's Winston Bishop. 435 00:15:06,121 --> 00:15:08,037 And we'll see you again probably never. 436 00:15:08,124 --> 00:15:09,255 All right, turning now to the NBA picture, 437 00:15:09,342 --> 00:15:10,518 it looks like the West... 438 00:15:12,215 --> 00:15:13,476 These are hangover eggs. 439 00:15:13,563 --> 00:15:15,087 See, they'll either stop you 440 00:15:15,174 --> 00:15:16,740 from throwing up the rest of the day 441 00:15:16,827 --> 00:15:18,134 or you'll just throw it up really fast. 442 00:15:18,221 --> 00:15:19,352 It's high-risk, high-reward. 443 00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:21,224 Oh, maybe I should just go back to bed. 444 00:15:21,311 --> 00:15:23,052 I have a really nice day planned for us. 445 00:15:23,139 --> 00:15:24,662 We're gonna go apple picking... 446 00:15:24,749 --> 00:15:27,751 I don't... I don't pick apples. 447 00:15:27,838 --> 00:15:29,667 That... that's... that's not gonna happen. 448 00:15:29,754 --> 00:15:31,365 Are you serious? 449 00:15:31,451 --> 00:15:35,063 Because it's picking and it's apple... 450 00:15:35,150 --> 00:15:36,065 You're serious? 451 00:15:36,152 --> 00:15:37,326 That literally sounds like hell. 452 00:15:37,413 --> 00:15:39,286 Okay. 453 00:15:39,373 --> 00:15:40,243 Are we in a fight? 454 00:15:40,330 --> 00:15:41,201 We're not fighting. 455 00:15:41,288 --> 00:15:42,331 This feels like a fight, Jess. 456 00:15:42,418 --> 00:15:43,768 This is not a fight! 457 00:15:46,336 --> 00:15:48,076 Russell, my man, it seems these days 458 00:15:48,163 --> 00:15:50,471 there's an app for everything. 459 00:15:50,557 --> 00:15:51,514 Doesn't it, though? 460 00:15:51,601 --> 00:15:53,386 Yeah, but there isn't. 461 00:15:53,474 --> 00:15:55,562 Let's say I'm out and about, you know, 462 00:15:55,649 --> 00:15:58,696 being mobile, and I want to cut a bagel, 463 00:15:58,783 --> 00:15:59,783 cobble a shoe. 464 00:15:59,870 --> 00:16:01,221 Haberdash on the fly. 465 00:16:01,307 --> 00:16:02,482 Is there an app for that? 466 00:16:02,570 --> 00:16:03,135 No.Is there? 467 00:16:03,222 --> 00:16:04,224 Until now. 468 00:16:04,311 --> 00:16:05,659 Right. 469 00:16:05,746 --> 00:16:07,356 We now present to you... 470 00:16:07,443 --> 00:16:09,793 Real Apps!Real Apps! 471 00:16:09,880 --> 00:16:10,533 The prototype. 472 00:16:10,620 --> 00:16:12,971 Hmm, hmm, hmm. 473 00:16:13,058 --> 00:16:13,972 Relapse? 474 00:16:14,059 --> 00:16:15,451 Real Apps. 475 00:16:15,538 --> 00:16:16,626 Real Apps. 476 00:16:16,713 --> 00:16:17,759 Relapse? 477 00:16:19,890 --> 00:16:21,806 Relapse?! 478 00:16:21,893 --> 00:16:23,068 Would you calm...? 479 00:16:23,155 --> 00:16:24,678 You called my baby "relapse"?! 480 00:16:24,765 --> 00:16:26,724 No, I didn't call it anything. Just calm down! 481 00:16:26,811 --> 00:16:27,899 I gave you 51% of this for Relapse?Russell. Russell. Enough. 482 00:16:27,986 --> 00:16:30,119 Hold it in your hands, my man. 483 00:16:30,206 --> 00:16:33,383 We're in the middle of something, guys. JESS: No, no, no. 484 00:16:33,470 --> 00:16:34,731 We're great. We're fine. Show it to him, Schmidt.SCHMIDT: It's all right here. 485 00:16:34,818 --> 00:16:36,778 Let me show it to you.NICK: Yeah, but you have to... 486 00:16:36,865 --> 00:16:37,605 I want to... Russell.You're going the wrong way. 487 00:16:37,692 --> 00:16:40,563 Aah! Oh! Oh, oh, no! 488 00:16:40,650 --> 00:16:41,870 Oh, my God, Russell, are you okay?NICK: No, no, no. 489 00:16:41,956 --> 00:16:43,131 I've been stabbed! 490 00:16:43,219 --> 00:16:44,654 It wasn't ready. 491 00:16:44,741 --> 00:16:46,091 It wasn't ready.You called it Relapse, idiot! 492 00:16:46,178 --> 00:16:47,048 Where are the Band-Aids? 493 00:16:47,135 --> 00:16:48,094 No Band-Aids!JESS: What?! 494 00:16:48,181 --> 00:16:50,052 Ow! [panting] 495 00:16:50,139 --> 00:16:51,488 I'll get you a takeout napkin with some Scotch tape. 496 00:16:51,575 --> 00:16:52,446 Searing pain! 497 00:16:52,533 --> 00:16:53,707 So sorry. 498 00:16:53,794 --> 00:16:56,188 Here. Oh, sorry. [groans] Ow! Ow! Jess. 499 00:16:56,275 --> 00:16:57,494 Jess, do you know what? You just taped a napkin to my hand. 500 00:16:57,581 --> 00:16:58,581 You know what? I'm gonna go. 501 00:16:58,668 --> 00:16:59,669 I need to be home right now. 502 00:16:59,756 --> 00:17:00,715 Is that a problem? 503 00:17:00,802 --> 00:17:02,412 No. 504 00:17:02,499 --> 00:17:03,979 I'm fine. 505 00:17:04,066 --> 00:17:05,501 It's great. 506 00:17:05,588 --> 00:17:07,634 We're great. 507 00:17:07,721 --> 00:17:09,244 Yeah. 508 00:17:10,594 --> 00:17:12,030 [mumbles] 509 00:17:12,117 --> 00:17:13,857 I'm s... Just nicked him. 510 00:17:15,295 --> 00:17:17,339 [door closes][yells] 511 00:17:17,426 --> 00:17:19,690 Get it all out. 512 00:17:19,777 --> 00:17:21,039 I have an idea for your Idea book! 513 00:17:21,126 --> 00:17:22,388 Replace the Band-Aids! 514 00:17:22,476 --> 00:17:23,912 Very fair. 515 00:17:23,999 --> 00:17:25,173 It's so sticky! 516 00:17:25,260 --> 00:17:26,132 Oh, I have an app for that. 517 00:17:30,919 --> 00:17:32,268 ELVIN: What are you doing here? 518 00:17:32,355 --> 00:17:34,182 Why aren't you at your new job? 519 00:17:34,269 --> 00:17:35,531 I'm quitting. 520 00:17:35,618 --> 00:17:37,272 You're quitting your dream job? 521 00:17:37,359 --> 00:17:38,665 Well, I mean, there's good news. 522 00:17:38,752 --> 00:17:40,189 I want to keep being your nanny. 523 00:17:40,276 --> 00:17:41,407 That's what I've come to tell your mom. 524 00:17:41,494 --> 00:17:44,063 I can't let you do that. 525 00:17:44,150 --> 00:17:45,977 Mom? Mom? 526 00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:47,369 Winston just asked me if he can smoke weed. 527 00:17:47,457 --> 00:17:49,372 What?! What?! 528 00:17:49,459 --> 00:17:51,113 No, see... He said when we go to the park, 529 00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:52,288 he wanted to do it. 530 00:17:52,375 --> 00:17:53,333 And I get to hold it 531 00:17:53,420 --> 00:17:54,115 because 532 00:17:54,202 --> 00:17:56,204 I'm a minor. 533 00:17:56,291 --> 00:17:58,119 Where is your imagination taking you? No! 534 00:17:58,207 --> 00:17:59,121 You said that in front of my kid?! Gina... 535 00:17:59,208 --> 00:18:00,644 Are you serious?! 536 00:18:00,730 --> 00:18:02,732 Are you completely insane?! 537 00:18:02,819 --> 00:18:04,170 Gina, you know me, okay? 538 00:18:04,257 --> 00:18:05,519 I'm wearing a tie and everything. 539 00:18:05,605 --> 00:18:06,911 You're never, ever gonna nanny again. 540 00:18:06,998 --> 00:18:09,522 I will destroy you on the nanny boards. 541 00:18:09,609 --> 00:18:11,525 You can count on that. Come on, Elvin. Just... 542 00:18:11,612 --> 00:18:13,656 Let me explain. Let me... Elvin, Elvin, Elvin, hey, now. 543 00:18:13,743 --> 00:18:14,788 Elvin, let's get away. Get away from the hippie. 544 00:18:14,875 --> 00:18:17,965 Come on. 545 00:18:18,053 --> 00:18:20,708 Bye, Winston. 546 00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:24,406 Bye, Elvin. 547 00:18:24,493 --> 00:18:26,278 GINA: No, no, don't talk to him. 548 00:18:26,365 --> 00:18:29,064 It's 4:20. Don't you have to be somewhere? 549 00:18:30,457 --> 00:18:32,111 Oh, no. 550 00:18:32,198 --> 00:18:33,721 The shakes. 551 00:18:33,807 --> 00:18:35,461 Six... Where are you, number six? 552 00:18:35,548 --> 00:18:37,333 NAPOLI: Hey, Bishop, I thought you left early. 553 00:18:37,420 --> 00:18:38,769 Assumed you weren't coming back. 554 00:18:38,855 --> 00:18:40,336 There was something wrong with the shakes, 555 00:18:40,423 --> 00:18:42,208 so I went in and just 556 00:18:42,295 --> 00:18:45,863 threw them out because there's something wrong with 'em. 557 00:18:45,950 --> 00:18:47,822 Speaking of which, I should probably go ahead and throw 558 00:18:47,909 --> 00:18:49,258 that one out. What did you do to the shakes? 559 00:18:49,345 --> 00:18:52,131 They've been compromised. 560 00:18:52,218 --> 00:18:55,351 What... did... you... do? 561 00:18:55,438 --> 00:18:57,570 Look, I really, really want this job, Mr. Napoli, and 562 00:18:57,657 --> 00:19:00,269 I know you're going to fire me if I tell you what I did, 563 00:19:00,355 --> 00:19:02,053 but I would love a future here, 564 00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:04,011 and I don't want that to be jeopardized 565 00:19:04,098 --> 00:19:06,710 by a moment of... poor judgment. 566 00:19:09,844 --> 00:19:12,412 I put my beansin your shakes. 567 00:19:12,499 --> 00:19:14,282 Yeah, and I... 568 00:19:14,369 --> 00:19:16,807 I shook it around a little bit like this. 569 00:19:16,894 --> 00:19:20,159 In there? You stuck 'em down in there, huh? 570 00:19:20,246 --> 00:19:21,550 I did. 571 00:19:21,637 --> 00:19:25,119 [laughing] 572 00:19:25,207 --> 00:19:27,296 [laughing] 573 00:19:27,383 --> 00:19:28,644 Oh, man! 574 00:19:28,731 --> 00:19:30,472 [laughing] 575 00:19:30,559 --> 00:19:32,432 [laughs weakly] 576 00:19:32,519 --> 00:19:33,911 You know what we're gonna do? 577 00:19:33,998 --> 00:19:35,434 We're gonna do that to Kareem. 578 00:19:35,521 --> 00:19:37,393 [chuckles] 579 00:19:47,010 --> 00:19:48,838 Hi. 580 00:19:48,925 --> 00:19:50,231 Hi. 581 00:19:50,318 --> 00:19:52,451 I have something to say to you. 582 00:19:52,538 --> 00:19:54,366 You don't have to apologize.Well, I'm not here to apologize. 583 00:19:54,453 --> 00:19:56,717 I'm here to fight with you, and I don't care 584 00:19:56,804 --> 00:19:58,674 if you want to fight or not.All right, let's fight. 585 00:19:58,761 --> 00:20:00,676 Well, I was prepared to have a perfectly nice weekend with you, 586 00:20:00,763 --> 00:20:02,809 and you just give up, and you come home. 587 00:20:02,896 --> 00:20:05,377 Because I was bleeding from my hand. I had to go to the ER. 588 00:20:05,464 --> 00:20:07,815 I had to get a stitch.Ooh, stitches. 589 00:20:07,902 --> 00:20:10,034 I'm too fancy for a Band-Aid. 590 00:20:10,121 --> 00:20:13,690 I'm actually... I'm actually really sorry about that. 591 00:20:13,777 --> 00:20:15,518 Jess, I haven't played a drinking game in ten years. 592 00:20:15,605 --> 00:20:17,259 The only reason I did is 'cause you asked me to. 593 00:20:17,346 --> 00:20:19,260 If I want to have a drink, 594 00:20:19,347 --> 00:20:21,523 I don't really have to play a game while I'm doing it. 595 00:20:21,611 --> 00:20:23,482 Well, that's my world. Garbage disposals don't work. 596 00:20:23,569 --> 00:20:25,659 Elevators don't pass inspection. 597 00:20:25,746 --> 00:20:27,748 Wait. I didn't know about the elevator.Yeah, it was, like, 598 00:20:27,835 --> 00:20:30,532 the cables were really thin. We signed a waiver. 599 00:20:30,619 --> 00:20:32,404 They took 100 bucks off our rent.That's really not safe! 600 00:20:32,491 --> 00:20:34,842 Well, that's where I live, and those are my friends. 601 00:20:34,929 --> 00:20:37,105 And that wasn't even the first stabbing this month. 602 00:20:37,192 --> 00:20:40,630 And Russell, my life is just as important as your life. 603 00:20:40,717 --> 00:20:42,719 And if you want to get with me, 604 00:20:42,806 --> 00:20:44,286 you're gonna have to get with my friends, 605 00:20:44,373 --> 00:20:45,721 and that is a Spice Girls song. 606 00:20:45,808 --> 00:20:47,507 [chuckling] 607 00:20:47,594 --> 00:20:49,160 [laughing] 608 00:20:50,291 --> 00:20:53,817 We just had a fight. 609 00:20:53,903 --> 00:20:56,906 I won.You did not win. 610 00:20:56,993 --> 00:20:58,386 Hey, tell you what. Let's just go back 611 00:20:58,473 --> 00:20:59,779 to your loft and try again. 612 00:20:59,866 --> 00:21:01,041 Let's just hang out. 613 00:21:01,128 --> 00:21:02,478 Oh. Now? 614 00:21:02,565 --> 00:21:05,307 I mean... I just got here. 615 00:21:05,394 --> 00:21:06,961 Maybe later. 616 00:21:07,048 --> 00:21:08,701 [laughs] 617 00:21:08,788 --> 00:21:11,530 Okay, that sounds like a plan. 618 00:21:11,617 --> 00:21:13,750 Those boxers you borrowed-- I'm gonna need them back. 619 00:21:13,836 --> 00:21:16,404 They're my lucky underpants. Lucky underpants? 620 00:21:16,491 --> 00:21:19,582 And what are the values of the Olympic games? 621 00:21:19,669 --> 00:21:22,803 Openness, exchange. 622 00:21:22,890 --> 00:21:26,675 The first victims of an authoritarian security regime. 623 00:21:26,762 --> 00:21:29,375 I'm Kareem Abdul Jabbar, and that's The View from Up Here.