1 00:00:02,218 --> 00:00:05,743 [knocking] 2 00:00:05,831 --> 00:00:07,049 Are you ready to run? 3 00:00:07,136 --> 00:00:09,009 I have my playlist all ready. 4 00:00:09,096 --> 00:00:11,707 Actually, it's Diane Keaton's autobiography, 5 00:00:11,794 --> 00:00:13,230 and she just filmed First Wives Club, 6 00:00:13,317 --> 00:00:15,319 and it's getting me pumped! 7 00:00:15,406 --> 00:00:17,103 I totally forgot we were going to run today. 8 00:00:17,190 --> 00:00:18,931 I e-mailed you, like, three times. 9 00:00:19,018 --> 00:00:20,193 Maybe you typed "gmoil" again. 10 00:00:20,280 --> 00:00:21,672 No more excuses-- we have to train. 11 00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:22,760 We signed up for this charity run 12 00:00:22,847 --> 00:00:24,285 and now we have to do it. 13 00:00:24,371 --> 00:00:25,850 Why can't we just donate the money? 14 00:00:25,937 --> 00:00:28,289 Why do we have to run the six miles first? 15 00:00:28,376 --> 00:00:30,073 That's a good point, but, no, you're gonna go... 16 00:00:30,160 --> 00:00:31,248 Oh, no, Jess, look, I can't go. 17 00:00:31,335 --> 00:00:33,337 I am super hungover right now. 18 00:00:33,423 --> 00:00:34,990 Plus, Masha had a bit of a crisis. 19 00:00:35,078 --> 00:00:37,298 She accidentally ate a cookie. 20 00:00:37,384 --> 00:00:38,734 What?Because she fell on it. 21 00:00:38,820 --> 00:00:39,865 I am devastated. 22 00:00:39,951 --> 00:00:41,866 She is devastated. 23 00:00:41,954 --> 00:00:43,564 Well, why don't you come running with us? 24 00:00:43,652 --> 00:00:45,305 No, she definitely can't.You can run off that cookie. 25 00:00:45,393 --> 00:00:46,871 It's great.You know what? We will 26 00:00:46,959 --> 00:00:48,831 do it tomorrow, I promise.It's more money for charity. 27 00:00:48,917 --> 00:00:50,484 It'll be so fun. 28 00:00:51,573 --> 00:00:52,790 [gasps] 29 00:00:52,878 --> 00:00:54,445 I mean, that was a close one. 30 00:00:54,531 --> 00:00:55,619 Good thing I'm a quiet breather. 31 00:00:55,707 --> 00:00:57,317 I learned that as a kid 32 00:00:57,405 --> 00:00:58,667 playing "Who passed out?" with my mom. 33 00:00:58,753 --> 00:00:59,710 [chuckles] 34 00:00:59,798 --> 00:01:01,148 My mom always won. 35 00:01:01,234 --> 00:01:04,019 Jew in the couch, Jew in the couch. 36 00:01:04,106 --> 00:01:05,500 [giggles] 37 00:01:05,587 --> 00:01:07,545 Nadia, American manners. 38 00:01:07,632 --> 00:01:08,676 Sorry. 39 00:01:08,763 --> 00:01:11,331 Jew-Jew person in couch. 40 00:01:12,637 --> 00:01:14,596 She's not wrong. 41 00:01:14,682 --> 00:01:17,468 ♪ Who's that girl? ♪♪ Who's that girl?♪ 42 00:01:17,555 --> 00:01:19,079 ♪ Who's that girl? ♪ 43 00:01:19,165 --> 00:01:20,557 ♪ Who's that girl?♪♪ It's Jess. ♪ 44 00:01:22,212 --> 00:01:23,170 [door opens] 45 00:01:23,257 --> 00:01:25,085 WOMAN: Okay, bye, Nick. 46 00:01:25,171 --> 00:01:27,521 So you'll call me? 47 00:01:27,609 --> 00:01:29,914 Um, yeah, yeah, I'll definitely... 48 00:01:30,001 --> 00:01:30,960 [coughing] 49 00:01:31,046 --> 00:01:32,134 Are you, are you okay? 50 00:01:32,222 --> 00:01:33,135 I'm gonna call you. 51 00:01:33,222 --> 00:01:35,311 [coughing] Um, okay. 52 00:01:35,399 --> 00:01:37,097 Do you hike? Do you hike? 53 00:01:37,183 --> 00:01:38,228 [coughing] 54 00:01:38,314 --> 00:01:40,490 Okay, I... This was fun. 55 00:01:40,578 --> 00:01:43,058 Okay, I'll call you tonight to make sure you're okay? 56 00:01:43,146 --> 00:01:44,060 Please. 57 00:01:44,146 --> 00:01:46,192 [coughing] 58 00:01:48,847 --> 00:01:50,805 That was ridiculous. 59 00:01:50,893 --> 00:01:52,155 I can't do this, Winston. 60 00:01:52,241 --> 00:01:53,460 I don't know how to sleep 61 00:01:53,548 --> 00:01:55,158 with 21-year-old girls, 62 00:01:55,245 --> 00:01:56,507 and for the last couple weeks, that's all 63 00:01:56,593 --> 00:01:57,855 I've been doing. 64 00:01:57,942 --> 00:01:59,335 What's going on with you? Are you okay? 65 00:01:59,423 --> 00:02:00,772 I saw something a few days ago. 66 00:02:00,858 --> 00:02:02,686 Now, I've been sworn to secrecy, 67 00:02:02,774 --> 00:02:05,341 but it is just too big.You know I can't keep a secret, 68 00:02:05,429 --> 00:02:07,649 I can't lie, Winston. You saw me with that girl.Don't leave me like this. 69 00:02:07,736 --> 00:02:08,911 Even thinking about keeping a secret 70 00:02:08,997 --> 00:02:11,652 turns my back into a Slip 'n Slide. 71 00:02:11,740 --> 00:02:13,524 Come on, man, you got to help me out, okay? I'm dying. 72 00:02:13,610 --> 00:02:15,526 I don't want to know.Hey, hey, hey, come on, come on... 73 00:02:15,612 --> 00:02:17,572 I'm dying! I'm dying, man!I don't want to know. 74 00:02:17,658 --> 00:02:18,963 I don't want to know! 75 00:02:19,050 --> 00:02:20,966 Cece and Schmidt are sleeping together! 76 00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:27,625 Ew. 77 00:02:27,711 --> 00:02:29,365 [groans] 78 00:02:33,021 --> 00:02:34,979 It's happening 79 00:02:35,067 --> 00:02:36,546 under our roof. No. 80 00:02:36,634 --> 00:02:37,156 Yes. No. 81 00:02:37,243 --> 00:02:38,245 Yes! 82 00:02:38,331 --> 00:02:39,593 This makes me hate things. 83 00:02:39,680 --> 00:02:41,856 I know, man. It's like up is down. 84 00:02:41,944 --> 00:02:43,510 Up is the new down, man. 85 00:02:43,598 --> 00:02:46,209 Now my back is sweating. 86 00:02:46,295 --> 00:02:47,384 All right, who knows? 87 00:02:47,471 --> 00:02:48,384 Everybody but Jess. 88 00:02:49,256 --> 00:02:50,170 Hey. 89 00:02:50,257 --> 00:02:51,692 Hey, Jess. 90 00:02:51,780 --> 00:02:53,128 We're just hanging out in the hallway. 91 00:02:53,216 --> 00:02:54,435 What's going on? Nothing's going on. 92 00:02:54,521 --> 00:02:55,697 Yeah, actually, I'm really annoyed. 93 00:02:55,783 --> 00:02:57,264 Cece bailed on me again. We were supposed 94 00:02:57,350 --> 00:02:58,526 to train for that race this weekend. 95 00:02:58,612 --> 00:03:01,137 That is so Cece. 96 00:03:01,223 --> 00:03:02,877 I know... I mean, 97 00:03:02,965 --> 00:03:06,010 and the weird thing is that she said she was hungover, 98 00:03:06,098 --> 00:03:08,449 but last night she said she didn't want to go out. 99 00:03:10,014 --> 00:03:11,626 Maybe she had a guy over. 100 00:03:11,712 --> 00:03:13,584 Not like that-- I didn't say anything. 101 00:03:13,670 --> 00:03:15,586 If you think about what I said, I didn't say anything. 102 00:03:15,673 --> 00:03:17,326 You have a secret. 103 00:03:17,413 --> 00:03:18,980 You have a secret.No, you have a secret. 104 00:03:19,068 --> 00:03:20,503 Turn around.You turn around. 105 00:03:20,591 --> 00:03:21,591 Let me see your back.Please don't. 106 00:03:21,679 --> 00:03:23,812 Just be cool about...Ew, gross. 107 00:03:23,899 --> 00:03:26,554 J'accuse,Miller, j'accuse. 108 00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:27,510 You fold like a lawn chair. 109 00:03:27,598 --> 00:03:29,860 Fold, fold. 110 00:03:29,948 --> 00:03:31,602 [mumbling rapidly]Yes, you-- fold, fold, fold, fold, fold, fold. 111 00:03:31,688 --> 00:03:32,908 Winston told me Cece and Schmidt are sleeping together! 112 00:03:32,995 --> 00:03:33,908 Come on, man! What?! 113 00:03:33,996 --> 00:03:36,954 Oh, my God. 114 00:03:37,042 --> 00:03:38,348 They know, Schmidt. 115 00:03:38,435 --> 00:03:39,522 Sweatback? 116 00:03:39,610 --> 00:03:41,481 You told Sweatback? Come on, Winston. 117 00:03:41,569 --> 00:03:43,614 Jess. God. 118 00:03:43,700 --> 00:03:47,966 I am so sorry that you had to hear about this like this. 119 00:03:48,052 --> 00:03:50,272 But, I mean, can we just take a moment to celebrate me? 120 00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:51,752 Schmidtty really did it this time. 121 00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:53,233 I mean, I'm having Indian every night. 122 00:03:53,319 --> 00:03:55,103 No, no! Whoa, whoa! 123 00:03:55,191 --> 00:03:56,323 [Jess screaming] 124 00:04:00,195 --> 00:04:02,459 Jess, I'm really sorry you found out this way, 125 00:04:02,545 --> 00:04:03,764 okay, but trust me, it wasn't 126 00:04:03,852 --> 00:04:06,201 some big conspiracy. 127 00:04:06,288 --> 00:04:08,073 It was just something that happened and then it got out of control, 128 00:04:08,159 --> 00:04:09,683 sort of like poison oak 129 00:04:09,771 --> 00:04:11,251 and I just couldn't stop scratching it. 130 00:04:11,337 --> 00:04:12,425 Cece started it. 131 00:04:12,513 --> 00:04:14,906 That's... 132 00:04:14,992 --> 00:04:16,778 I did, I started it. 133 00:04:16,865 --> 00:04:19,432 Why, Cece? Are you trying to get back at your parents? 134 00:04:19,519 --> 00:04:20,476 When did it start? 135 00:04:20,564 --> 00:04:22,043 Jess, I want to emphasize 136 00:04:22,130 --> 00:04:23,653 that we are not dating. 137 00:04:23,740 --> 00:04:24,872 I can't stress that enough. 138 00:04:24,959 --> 00:04:26,309 This is just sex. 139 00:04:26,396 --> 00:04:27,658 Mm-hmm, when did it start? 140 00:04:27,745 --> 00:04:31,966 1:03 a.m., February 15, 141 00:04:32,053 --> 00:04:35,884 right on schedule. 142 00:04:35,971 --> 00:04:37,146 Two months ago. 143 00:04:37,233 --> 00:04:38,887 Two months? 144 00:04:38,973 --> 00:04:40,802 Two moons have passed since you started doing it? 145 00:04:40,889 --> 00:04:42,151 Why do you start talking like a Native American 146 00:04:42,237 --> 00:04:43,194 when you get angry? 147 00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:44,545 Two moons have passed! 148 00:04:44,632 --> 00:04:46,197 Just a quick sidebar. 149 00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:47,808 Uh, we've done it in every room of the apartment. 150 00:04:47,896 --> 00:04:49,375 Ugh, even my room? 151 00:04:49,463 --> 00:04:51,028 Just the one time.Oh, God. 152 00:04:51,115 --> 00:04:52,639 [grunts]How long have you known? 153 00:04:52,726 --> 00:04:53,858 A few days. 154 00:04:53,944 --> 00:04:55,468 You didn't tell me either?Jess, 155 00:04:55,555 --> 00:04:57,600 just as a reminder, I told you seconds after I found out. 156 00:04:57,687 --> 00:05:00,300 Because you're weak, Nick, weak. 157 00:05:00,387 --> 00:05:02,170 Okay, I agree. Just chill out. Stop yelling. 158 00:05:02,257 --> 00:05:04,391 Jess, I want to tell you everything. 159 00:05:04,478 --> 00:05:05,608 What do you want to know? 160 00:05:05,696 --> 00:05:07,175 I don't know, Cece. How would I know 161 00:05:07,262 --> 00:05:08,132 if you're telling the truth? 162 00:05:08,220 --> 00:05:09,047 SCHMIDT: Come on, Jess. 163 00:05:09,134 --> 00:05:09,918 Are you seriously mad? 164 00:05:10,004 --> 00:05:11,440 [scoffs] 165 00:05:11,528 --> 00:05:14,617 No, no, I'm not. 166 00:05:14,704 --> 00:05:16,446 I'm really glad you two are having fun. 167 00:05:18,404 --> 00:05:21,276 How cool is that? 168 00:05:22,451 --> 00:05:24,932 For what it's worth 169 00:05:25,019 --> 00:05:27,108 I think what I did was really brave. 170 00:05:28,805 --> 00:05:30,024 Oh. 171 00:05:30,112 --> 00:05:31,069 Get off of me. 172 00:05:31,156 --> 00:05:33,115 Yeah. 173 00:05:37,511 --> 00:05:38,598 Hey, have you guys seen a scarf? 174 00:05:38,685 --> 00:05:39,947 Holly said she left it out here. 175 00:05:40,034 --> 00:05:41,471 HOLLY: It's my favorite scarf 176 00:05:41,557 --> 00:05:43,211 because it's a circle, so you never have to think 177 00:05:43,298 --> 00:05:45,475 about which end goes on the right or the left. 178 00:05:45,562 --> 00:05:47,172 My therapist gave it to me. 179 00:05:47,259 --> 00:05:48,870 She's Asian, but she's the nicest. 180 00:05:48,956 --> 00:05:52,307 [phone ringing] 181 00:05:52,394 --> 00:05:53,308 Who is that? 182 00:05:53,396 --> 00:05:54,831 Nobody, just... 183 00:05:54,918 --> 00:05:57,225 Who was that? 184 00:05:57,312 --> 00:05:58,966 Was it that stuck-up bitch 185 00:05:59,053 --> 00:06:00,447 from last night with the fake hand? 186 00:06:00,533 --> 00:06:02,187 Whoa. NICK: No, it was no one. 187 00:06:02,274 --> 00:06:04,146 It was just... it was just beep-beep-beep. 188 00:06:04,233 --> 00:06:05,189 Was... 189 00:06:05,276 --> 00:06:07,017 I'm so old. 190 00:06:07,105 --> 00:06:09,106 I don't even know how to use a cell phone. 191 00:06:09,194 --> 00:06:10,194 Come on. Let's go clubbing. 192 00:06:10,281 --> 00:06:11,240 You want to go clubbing? 193 00:06:11,326 --> 00:06:12,588 HOLLY: Show me the phone. 194 00:06:12,675 --> 00:06:13,981 Let's go back to when we were having fun. 195 00:06:14,069 --> 00:06:15,723 Let me see the phone.No, just chill out. 196 00:06:15,810 --> 00:06:17,507 Let me see your phone. No! 197 00:06:18,812 --> 00:06:20,031 Smooth. 198 00:06:22,293 --> 00:06:23,252 I'll call you. 199 00:06:23,338 --> 00:06:24,600 Nick, are you kid...? 200 00:06:24,687 --> 00:06:25,906 What, you keep the ringer on? 201 00:06:25,994 --> 00:06:27,778 Amateur move, man. 202 00:06:27,865 --> 00:06:29,475 Yeah, I'm just in over my head. 203 00:06:29,562 --> 00:06:32,521 Schmidt, I hate asking you this, but how do you do this? 204 00:06:32,608 --> 00:06:34,218 Oh, glory be, are you asking for my help? 205 00:06:34,305 --> 00:06:35,829 Oh, I-I'm flattered. 206 00:06:35,917 --> 00:06:37,658 Pull up, pull up, Nick. Yank back on that yoke. 207 00:06:37,745 --> 00:06:39,963 We have to face the reality of the situation. 208 00:06:40,050 --> 00:06:42,836 Schmidt has been having consensual sex with Cece 209 00:06:42,923 --> 00:06:44,752 and lying about it. 210 00:06:44,838 --> 00:06:45,927 He's better 211 00:06:46,014 --> 00:06:47,362 than us at this, Winston, 212 00:06:47,449 --> 00:06:49,365 and I hate it as much as you do, 213 00:06:49,451 --> 00:06:50,322 and, Schmidt, I hate saying this, 214 00:06:50,409 --> 00:06:51,540 but I might... 215 00:06:53,237 --> 00:06:54,238 I might respect you. 216 00:06:54,326 --> 00:06:55,850 Thank you for saying that. 217 00:06:55,937 --> 00:06:57,591 You've come a long way, man. 218 00:06:57,677 --> 00:06:58,983 Since my 20s, I've had 219 00:06:59,069 --> 00:07:00,680 a string of lesser paramours 220 00:07:00,767 --> 00:07:01,942 which, like weathered 221 00:07:02,029 --> 00:07:05,206 stone steps, have led me to the Hindu temple, 222 00:07:05,293 --> 00:07:07,774 a.k.a. Cece, because she's Indian. 223 00:07:07,862 --> 00:07:10,254 [both moaning] 224 00:07:10,341 --> 00:07:12,300 You don't have to be so gentle with me. 225 00:07:12,387 --> 00:07:13,781 [both grunting] 226 00:07:13,867 --> 00:07:15,086 All right, oh, that's how I like it, baby. 227 00:07:15,173 --> 00:07:17,262 All right. 228 00:07:17,348 --> 00:07:22,050 Sex, man. It's the real stuff. 229 00:07:22,137 --> 00:07:23,834 I don't know that I should help you. 230 00:07:23,920 --> 00:07:25,401 You're not a player. 231 00:07:25,487 --> 00:07:26,923 You're a clingy serial monogamist 232 00:07:27,011 --> 00:07:30,624 with-- well, with a terrible metabolism. 233 00:07:30,711 --> 00:07:33,670 Schmidt, I need you... 234 00:07:35,105 --> 00:07:37,281 ...to teach me to be a douchebag. 235 00:07:37,369 --> 00:07:39,110 Let's get to work.What's happening in the world? 236 00:07:40,807 --> 00:07:43,245 Hey, babe. 237 00:07:43,331 --> 00:07:44,680 Oh, hey, Cece. 238 00:07:44,768 --> 00:07:46,029 Doing some stretches? 239 00:07:46,117 --> 00:07:46,987 Good guess, model. 240 00:07:47,074 --> 00:07:48,163 No, just limbering up 241 00:07:48,250 --> 00:07:49,250 in case I want to have sex 242 00:07:49,338 --> 00:07:51,382 with one of your roommates. 243 00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:52,514 Do you want some company? 244 00:07:52,601 --> 00:07:54,298 What? 245 00:07:54,386 --> 00:07:56,562 Do you want some company?I'm sorry. I can't hear you. 246 00:07:56,649 --> 00:07:57,911 Diane Keaton is talking 247 00:07:57,999 --> 00:08:00,305 about her rich life full of loyal friends. 248 00:08:00,391 --> 00:08:01,742 Oh, Jess, 249 00:08:01,829 --> 00:08:02,829 I hate when we fight. 250 00:08:02,916 --> 00:08:04,396 I get so stressed out. 251 00:08:04,483 --> 00:08:05,875 I mean, my eye twitches back. 252 00:08:05,963 --> 00:08:07,529 I'm eating bread, all right? 253 00:08:07,617 --> 00:08:09,619 Just let me come on this run with you. 254 00:08:09,706 --> 00:08:10,793 No! 255 00:08:10,880 --> 00:08:11,838 Seriously, Jess, 256 00:08:11,925 --> 00:08:13,492 it was just one secret. 257 00:08:13,579 --> 00:08:15,233 Everybody has got secrets. 258 00:08:15,319 --> 00:08:16,451 Good afternoon. 259 00:08:16,538 --> 00:08:19,194 Uh, my name is Mr. Schmidt. M-R... 260 00:08:19,281 --> 00:08:20,891 Not even a real chalkboard. 261 00:08:20,978 --> 00:08:23,372 First of all, Nick, congrats. 262 00:08:23,459 --> 00:08:25,026 Thank you.You're meeting a lot of young women, 263 00:08:25,112 --> 00:08:27,028 and for whatever reason, they seem to, 264 00:08:27,115 --> 00:08:28,420 you know, find you appealing. 265 00:08:28,507 --> 00:08:29,639 In the restaurant of life, 266 00:08:29,725 --> 00:08:32,076 you have selected the tasting menu. 267 00:08:32,163 --> 00:08:33,556 Okay, I changed my mind. I don't want to do this anymore. 268 00:08:33,643 --> 00:08:35,210 Nick, you're terrible at lying, 269 00:08:35,297 --> 00:08:37,428 so what we want to do is, we want to focus on 270 00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:39,475 S.S.V. 271 00:08:39,562 --> 00:08:40,736 I cannot believe you slept with Cece. 272 00:08:40,823 --> 00:08:42,652 Short, simple... Vagina. 273 00:08:42,739 --> 00:08:44,567 Vague. It's actually... it's actually vague. 274 00:08:44,653 --> 00:08:46,917 Let's apply it. I'm one of these young girls that's coming in here. 275 00:08:47,004 --> 00:08:49,398 I want to party. I'm in college. Let's do this.I'm in. 276 00:08:49,485 --> 00:08:50,268 Hey, what happened to your phone? 277 00:08:50,355 --> 00:08:52,096 Jesus took it. 278 00:08:52,182 --> 00:08:53,620 A Jesus hawk on a speedboat. 279 00:08:53,706 --> 00:08:54,620 The environment. 280 00:08:54,707 --> 00:08:56,317 Bears, family, magic. 281 00:08:56,404 --> 00:08:57,798 Mm-hmm. 282 00:08:57,884 --> 00:08:59,321 I need your help, Schmidt. Yeah. 283 00:09:00,756 --> 00:09:01,975 I'm the girl, and the whole objective 284 00:09:02,062 --> 00:09:03,280 is to get me out of the front door 285 00:09:03,368 --> 00:09:05,674 as fast as you possibly can. 286 00:09:05,761 --> 00:09:06,850 Let's do this. 287 00:09:06,937 --> 00:09:08,591 Ready? Yeah. 288 00:09:08,677 --> 00:09:10,158 What's your name?My name is Janine, all right? 289 00:09:10,245 --> 00:09:11,681 God. 290 00:09:11,768 --> 00:09:14,118 [sighs] 291 00:09:14,205 --> 00:09:15,903 Don't make that sound.Good morning, Nick. 292 00:09:15,990 --> 00:09:17,338 You really gave it to me good last night. 293 00:09:17,426 --> 00:09:18,774 You gave me the full business, yeah. 294 00:09:18,861 --> 00:09:21,125 This is really weird, Schmidt. 295 00:09:21,211 --> 00:09:23,126 It's one of the weirder things we've done, right? 296 00:09:23,213 --> 00:09:24,868 What you thinking, brown eyes? Want to grab some brunch? 297 00:09:24,955 --> 00:09:26,783 Sure, Janine, that sounds fun. 298 00:09:26,870 --> 00:09:28,741 God-- no, you don't want to grab brunch.[stammering] 299 00:09:28,828 --> 00:09:29,960 Okay. Come on, damn it, Nick. 300 00:09:30,047 --> 00:09:31,178 I'm all turned around. Focus. 301 00:09:31,265 --> 00:09:32,179 I just had sex with Janine. 302 00:09:32,267 --> 00:09:33,181 I have feelings for her. 303 00:09:33,268 --> 00:09:34,748 Yeah, so you're done. 304 00:09:34,835 --> 00:09:36,488 Oh, I just sleep with her and then kick her out 305 00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:38,186 like she's a piece of meat? 306 00:09:38,273 --> 00:09:40,100 This is the problem.All right, ask me again, Schmidt. 307 00:09:40,187 --> 00:09:42,494 Okay, cowboy, want to saddle up and go again? 308 00:09:42,581 --> 00:09:44,495 No, sweetie, I can't.Good-- why can't you? 309 00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:45,846 I got things to do. I got plans. You have work. 310 00:09:45,932 --> 00:09:47,499 Plans can be canceled. 311 00:09:47,586 --> 00:09:48,761 JESS: I don't want to live in a house of lies. 312 00:09:48,849 --> 00:09:50,807 I can't do it anymore. 313 00:09:50,894 --> 00:09:53,157 Is this happening, too? 314 00:09:53,244 --> 00:09:54,418 No, this is not happening.No, this is not happening. 315 00:09:54,505 --> 00:09:56,290 This isn't what it looks like. 316 00:09:56,378 --> 00:09:59,076 Okay, look, fine, from now on, we are going to be open 317 00:09:59,163 --> 00:10:00,556 and honest in this loft, 318 00:10:00,643 --> 00:10:01,687 and that means that I have some secrets 319 00:10:01,774 --> 00:10:03,514 I want to get off my chest. 320 00:10:03,602 --> 00:10:05,168 I'd rather not hear those.Nobody wants to hear these. 321 00:10:05,255 --> 00:10:07,083 Schmidt, a couple months ago I found Nick 322 00:10:07,171 --> 00:10:09,652 using your chenille throw as a napkin. 323 00:10:09,739 --> 00:10:12,089 That is a microfiber blend from Pakistan, you heathen. 324 00:10:12,176 --> 00:10:14,264 Stop quoting the catalog like a weirdo.Each heirloom-quality... 325 00:10:14,351 --> 00:10:15,745 Good, this is healthy. Air it out. 326 00:10:15,831 --> 00:10:17,572 All right, one more. 327 00:10:17,659 --> 00:10:19,530 Schmidt said that Winston is in danger 328 00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:20,923 of becoming a nanny for life. 329 00:10:21,010 --> 00:10:23,057 He said you were going "full Poppins." 330 00:10:23,144 --> 00:10:24,493 Okay, Winston, I can see 331 00:10:24,580 --> 00:10:25,798 anger in your eyes. 332 00:10:25,885 --> 00:10:27,017 Schmidt said he thinks about you sometimes 333 00:10:27,104 --> 00:10:28,018 when he's making love to himself. 334 00:10:28,105 --> 00:10:29,541 What?One time. 335 00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:30,803 What?! 336 00:10:30,890 --> 00:10:32,326 I thought about bangs 337 00:10:32,413 --> 00:10:34,459 and your face just appeared beneath them. 338 00:10:34,546 --> 00:10:35,938 Okay, by the way, 339 00:10:36,025 --> 00:10:37,375 like I'm the only one. 340 00:10:37,461 --> 00:10:39,639 Nick told me it happened to him, 341 00:10:39,725 --> 00:10:41,379 like, like, a bunch of times.Winston, 342 00:10:41,466 --> 00:10:43,120 you told me the first week you got back from Latvia, 343 00:10:43,206 --> 00:10:45,296 you had a sex dream about Jess, and she had raccoon hands. 344 00:10:45,383 --> 00:10:47,168 Dreams do not count.You've all thought about me 345 00:10:47,254 --> 00:10:49,692 while self-completing?Yeah. Yeah. 346 00:10:49,778 --> 00:10:51,693 Look, Jess, 347 00:10:51,780 --> 00:10:52,695 it's not that big a deal. 348 00:10:52,782 --> 00:10:54,087 Really, it's, 349 00:10:54,174 --> 00:10:55,524 it's the sincerest form of flattery. 350 00:10:55,610 --> 00:10:57,525 We're going back to keeping secrets. 351 00:10:57,613 --> 00:10:59,701 When I walk through this door and into my room, 352 00:10:59,788 --> 00:11:00,921 this conversation never happened. 353 00:11:02,096 --> 00:11:05,403 Oh, my God! 354 00:11:05,490 --> 00:11:07,971 So, what did the raccoon hands look like? 355 00:11:08,057 --> 00:11:11,061 Oh, man, they were digging through the garbage. 356 00:11:11,148 --> 00:11:12,759 [Jess screams] 357 00:11:17,414 --> 00:11:19,808 [yawning] 358 00:11:19,895 --> 00:11:22,028 [sighs] 359 00:11:22,115 --> 00:11:24,030 [sniffles] Oh, my God! 360 00:11:24,118 --> 00:11:26,336 Do not drink my almond milk 361 00:11:26,423 --> 00:11:29,775 when you spent the whole night drinking Schmidt. 362 00:11:29,863 --> 00:11:31,341 Jess, why are you dressed like a Mexican wrestler? 363 00:11:31,428 --> 00:11:33,169 Because Cece, 364 00:11:33,256 --> 00:11:34,911 I don't want to live in a world with secrets. 365 00:11:34,998 --> 00:11:36,696 And that means that I now know 366 00:11:36,783 --> 00:11:38,349 my three roommates have all thought about me 367 00:11:38,436 --> 00:11:39,873 while self-completing. 368 00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:41,525 So, I'm gonna wear my winter clothes 369 00:11:41,613 --> 00:11:42,831 until I can deal with that fact. 370 00:11:42,918 --> 00:11:44,006 But it's better than not knowing. 371 00:11:44,094 --> 00:11:46,530 Is it really better?Yeah, it is. 372 00:11:46,618 --> 00:11:47,880 Jess, I don't want to fight with you anymore, okay? 373 00:11:47,967 --> 00:11:50,404 I said I was sorry. 374 00:11:50,491 --> 00:11:52,145 We tell each other everything. We always have. 375 00:11:52,232 --> 00:11:53,712 I've never not told you something. 376 00:11:53,799 --> 00:11:56,105 That's what second base means? 377 00:11:56,192 --> 00:11:58,369 Then I'm not a virgin anymore. 378 00:12:00,240 --> 00:12:02,243 Is it weird that he wants me 379 00:12:02,330 --> 00:12:03,722 to talk in a deep voice and call myself Kevin? 380 00:12:04,854 --> 00:12:08,727 I had a dream that I killed you. 381 00:12:08,815 --> 00:12:11,426 Youtell meeverything, all right? 382 00:12:11,513 --> 00:12:14,254 I stopped telling you everything because every time I did, 383 00:12:14,341 --> 00:12:17,605 you got so judgmental and critical. What?! 384 00:12:17,692 --> 00:12:19,563 I had to give it a try, Jess. 385 00:12:19,650 --> 00:12:22,044 I mean, that was the same hand that was inside Elmo. 386 00:12:22,131 --> 00:12:23,654 Cece. 387 00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:26,005 Okay, yeah, you got me. 388 00:12:26,092 --> 00:12:27,702 You don't have secrets, Jess, 389 00:12:27,789 --> 00:12:29,486 because you never do anything stupid. 390 00:12:29,573 --> 00:12:31,924 Look at me! With guys. 391 00:12:32,011 --> 00:12:34,187 So, living with Spencer for six years was not a mistake? 392 00:12:34,274 --> 00:12:35,667 Cece, I'm not judging you. 393 00:12:35,754 --> 00:12:38,278 It's just... Schmidt? 394 00:12:38,365 --> 00:12:39,846 Judging. See what that is? 395 00:12:39,932 --> 00:12:41,934 No. I'm not judging until now. 396 00:12:42,022 --> 00:12:43,631 Don't look at me! 397 00:12:43,719 --> 00:12:45,111 Oh, Jess, would you please! 398 00:12:45,198 --> 00:12:47,678 A winter hat is not gonna make us stop thinking 399 00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:49,551 about you from time to time when we delight ourselves. 400 00:12:49,638 --> 00:12:51,161 Oh, no! 401 00:12:51,248 --> 00:12:52,727 Hey, could you guys keep it down? I have a lady visitor. 402 00:12:53,554 --> 00:12:54,250 Hi, Nick. 403 00:12:54,337 --> 00:12:55,904 Oh, I get it. 404 00:12:55,991 --> 00:12:57,558 It's actually kind of a fantasy of mine. 405 00:12:57,645 --> 00:12:59,342 Can you say the following words out loud? 406 00:12:59,429 --> 00:13:00,909 "The ice roads are too dangerous! 407 00:13:00,996 --> 00:13:02,432 You're gonna have to turn back, Chief." 408 00:13:02,519 --> 00:13:04,653 [knocking] I'm not saying that. 409 00:13:04,740 --> 00:13:06,307 NICK: Okay. 410 00:13:06,394 --> 00:13:08,134 I want my scarf. 411 00:13:08,221 --> 00:13:10,267 It is 62 degrees out, and I am freezing. 412 00:13:10,354 --> 00:13:13,139 No. I had work. I-I have plans. I... 413 00:13:13,226 --> 00:13:15,272 Get in there! Come on! Can I just pay you for the scarf? 414 00:13:15,359 --> 00:13:18,754 Fine. $25. 415 00:13:18,841 --> 00:13:20,451 25...! No, I'll just help you look for it. 416 00:13:20,538 --> 00:13:24,325 LENA: Nick, where'd you go? 417 00:13:24,412 --> 00:13:26,283 Are you kidding me?No, no, no. It's a bear. 418 00:13:26,370 --> 00:13:27,763 There's a magic bear in there! That's all it is 419 00:13:27,850 --> 00:13:28,720 is a magic bear. Just stop. Just... 420 00:13:28,807 --> 00:13:30,200 Hey, Nick.Who is this? 421 00:13:30,287 --> 00:13:31,941 Can I have this circle scarf? 422 00:13:32,028 --> 00:13:33,638 It's my scarf. 423 00:13:33,725 --> 00:13:36,163 No. 424 00:13:36,250 --> 00:13:39,165 HOLLY: It's my scarf! It's mine! [gasps] 425 00:13:39,253 --> 00:13:40,863 It's mine! It's mine! 426 00:13:40,950 --> 00:13:42,647 Nick, I just want you to know 427 00:13:42,734 --> 00:13:44,432 that I am not judging you right now. 428 00:13:44,519 --> 00:13:45,825 Oh, yeah. Right, sure. 429 00:13:45,912 --> 00:13:47,260 Ladies, let's not do this. 430 00:13:47,347 --> 00:13:49,176 At least not with our shirts on. 431 00:13:49,263 --> 00:13:50,611 Do you know how many things I haven't told you? 432 00:13:50,698 --> 00:13:52,265 No, I don't, because, apparently, 433 00:13:52,352 --> 00:13:53,962 I don't know you at all. 434 00:13:54,049 --> 00:13:55,878 Are you running a 10K tomorrow? 435 00:13:55,965 --> 00:13:57,879 Who knows? Are you even against MS anymore? Beats me! 436 00:13:57,966 --> 00:13:59,447 NICK: Ow! Ow! Ow! 437 00:13:59,533 --> 00:14:00,403 They've stopped hitting each other, 438 00:14:00,490 --> 00:14:02,057 and they're just hitting me! 439 00:14:02,144 --> 00:14:03,754 All right, you want to go? This New Year's, 440 00:14:03,842 --> 00:14:05,105 I wasn't at my parents' house. 441 00:14:05,192 --> 00:14:06,932 I was down in St. Barths 442 00:14:07,019 --> 00:14:09,283 with a guy who might be an arms dealer. 443 00:14:09,370 --> 00:14:11,327 And my feet aren't whiter than yours. 444 00:14:11,414 --> 00:14:14,418 I just told you that to make you feel better. 445 00:14:14,504 --> 00:14:16,899 And when we were ten years old, 446 00:14:16,985 --> 00:14:18,813 I went to the movie My Girl 447 00:14:18,900 --> 00:14:22,034 with Jessica P before I saw it with you! 448 00:14:22,121 --> 00:14:23,863 NICK: Ow! Ow! Ow! 449 00:14:23,950 --> 00:14:25,995 And... I own a motorcycle. 450 00:14:26,081 --> 00:14:27,692 Jessica P?! 451 00:14:27,778 --> 00:14:29,825 Jessica freaking P? 452 00:14:29,912 --> 00:14:32,697 Oh, my God, are you crying under there now?! No! No! 453 00:14:32,783 --> 00:14:34,394 I think you are. No, I am not. 454 00:14:34,481 --> 00:14:35,744 [Holly and Lena yelling]All right, everybody stop! 455 00:14:35,831 --> 00:14:37,658 Wherever you are 456 00:14:37,745 --> 00:14:39,703 right now, just sit down! 457 00:14:39,790 --> 00:14:42,403 Okay, now, Saturday 458 00:14:42,490 --> 00:14:43,664 is a day for sleeping, 459 00:14:43,751 --> 00:14:44,796 and damn it, you will not 460 00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:45,884 take that away from me! 461 00:14:45,971 --> 00:14:47,798 You-- give her her scarf back. 462 00:14:47,886 --> 00:14:50,366 Finders keepers is not a thing. 463 00:14:50,453 --> 00:14:51,673 You-- get out of my house! 464 00:14:51,759 --> 00:14:52,586 Who are you? 465 00:14:52,673 --> 00:14:54,588 Who am I? 466 00:14:54,676 --> 00:14:58,201 Who am I? Well, I am Theodore K. Mullins. 467 00:14:58,288 --> 00:15:00,551 And Nick is my lover on the down low. 468 00:15:00,638 --> 00:15:03,293 Tell her, Nick. Tell her how it really 469 00:15:03,379 --> 00:15:06,078 goes down in apartment 4D. 470 00:15:06,166 --> 00:15:08,168 Oh, great Negro spiritual, 471 00:15:08,254 --> 00:15:10,386 please come down and loose these chains 472 00:15:10,474 --> 00:15:11,779 on this woman! 473 00:15:11,866 --> 00:15:13,476 Flesh on flesh. 474 00:15:13,563 --> 00:15:14,434 When the lights are off, 475 00:15:14,522 --> 00:15:15,566 we are all the same. 476 00:15:15,653 --> 00:15:16,784 Not true. 477 00:15:16,871 --> 00:15:18,743 Dear lord, help me, Father! 478 00:15:20,701 --> 00:15:21,702 Get out of my house. 479 00:15:21,789 --> 00:15:23,052 Get out 480 00:15:23,139 --> 00:15:24,313 of my house! 481 00:15:24,400 --> 00:15:25,620 Yeah. I'm out. I'm leaving. 482 00:15:25,706 --> 00:15:27,143 Hey, can you give me a ride? 483 00:15:27,230 --> 00:15:28,666 Get out.I'm gonna stop and get a manicure. 484 00:15:28,753 --> 00:15:30,364 Do you want to...? Okay. Yeah. 485 00:15:30,451 --> 00:15:32,235 You told Harpo to beat me? 486 00:15:32,322 --> 00:15:33,584 Bye, guys. 487 00:15:33,671 --> 00:15:35,063 You want them over me? 488 00:15:35,150 --> 00:15:37,110 Over me?! You... 489 00:15:37,197 --> 00:15:40,025 You're sweating so much, it looks like rain, and you... 490 00:15:40,113 --> 00:15:42,028 You, you're peaking, man. 491 00:15:42,115 --> 00:15:43,551 You're at the prime of your life. That's actually... 492 00:15:43,638 --> 00:15:47,120 Cece, get rid of the motorcycle! And Jess, don't act like 493 00:15:47,206 --> 00:15:48,990 you haven't thought about us, too, when you're going solo. 494 00:15:49,077 --> 00:15:51,601 Okay? I don't work a 9:00- to-5:00. I'm here all day. 495 00:15:51,688 --> 00:15:52,864 I can hear you! 496 00:15:52,951 --> 00:15:54,388 Now, go away, 497 00:15:54,475 --> 00:15:56,912 because I'm... having cereal. 498 00:16:11,491 --> 00:16:13,320 Runners, take their marks. 499 00:16:13,407 --> 00:16:14,451 ♪ Around with them ♪ 500 00:16:14,538 --> 00:16:16,626 [cheering] 501 00:16:16,713 --> 00:16:18,933 ♪ I don't want to walk around with them ♪ 502 00:16:19,020 --> 00:16:20,892 ♪ 'Cause I don't want to walk around with them ♪ 503 00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:22,720 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh♪ 504 00:16:22,807 --> 00:16:24,331 ♪ I don't want to walk around with them ♪ 505 00:16:24,418 --> 00:16:26,158 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh♪[yelps] 506 00:16:26,245 --> 00:16:28,378 ♪ I don't want to walk around with them... ♪ 507 00:16:28,465 --> 00:16:29,900 [cheering and whooping] 508 00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:31,729 Why do all female runners look 509 00:16:31,816 --> 00:16:33,470 like old German women when they run? 510 00:16:33,557 --> 00:16:35,645 SCHMIDT: Oh, boy, look at her glisten! 511 00:16:35,732 --> 00:16:37,344 Oh, Cece. 512 00:16:37,431 --> 00:16:39,519 That sports bra is doing God's work right now. 513 00:16:39,606 --> 00:16:42,783 Two months. I can't stop. I got to beat Jess. 514 00:16:42,870 --> 00:16:44,873 What are you...? What is wrong with you, sir? 515 00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:46,221 That is Cece's water! 516 00:16:46,308 --> 00:16:47,831 You animal! 517 00:16:47,918 --> 00:16:48,832 This thing with our girls has gotten out of control. 518 00:16:48,919 --> 00:16:50,399 Our girls? 519 00:16:50,486 --> 00:16:51,966 Yeah, it makes me really sad 520 00:16:52,053 --> 00:16:53,881 to see them fighting over me like this. 521 00:16:53,969 --> 00:16:55,448 Then why are you smiling? 522 00:16:55,536 --> 00:16:57,711 [panting]: Have you guys... seen... Cece? 523 00:16:57,798 --> 00:16:59,105 Yeah, she's way down there. 524 00:16:59,192 --> 00:17:00,802 Hasn't even broken a sweat. 525 00:17:00,889 --> 00:17:03,326 Jess, okay. Jess, arms up. 526 00:17:03,413 --> 00:17:05,588 Arms up. I need you long and loose like sea grass. 527 00:17:05,675 --> 00:17:08,288 Moving. Move...[grunts] 528 00:17:08,375 --> 00:17:10,333 [Winston and Nick groan]Oh, my God, why?! I'm sorry. 529 00:17:10,420 --> 00:17:11,769 I'm just mad at you. 530 00:17:11,855 --> 00:17:14,294 My adrenaline is going. 531 00:17:14,381 --> 00:17:16,035 [panting] 532 00:17:16,122 --> 00:17:18,298 Did you make that? 533 00:17:18,384 --> 00:17:21,344 What? And Cece let you wear it? 534 00:17:21,431 --> 00:17:22,650 What? She thought it was funny. 535 00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:27,785 Cece! Cece? 536 00:17:27,872 --> 00:17:29,526 Cece! What's that about, man? 537 00:17:29,613 --> 00:17:31,875 I mean, I think the shirt's pretty funny, no? 538 00:17:31,962 --> 00:17:33,748 Not funny at all.Puns are creepy, 539 00:17:33,835 --> 00:17:35,444 and they freak me out, and you know that.I like it. 540 00:17:35,531 --> 00:17:36,924 WOMEN: Nick! Oh, no, no, no. 541 00:17:37,011 --> 00:17:38,099 I hooked up with both those girls last week. 542 00:17:38,186 --> 00:17:40,102 I didn't know they knew 543 00:17:40,189 --> 00:17:42,583 each other. I thought they just lived in the same apartment. 544 00:17:42,670 --> 00:17:45,106 Why didn't you call me?Why didn't you tell me you hooked up with my roommate? 545 00:17:45,193 --> 00:17:48,327 I don't... 546 00:17:48,414 --> 00:17:50,852 Willow, I didn't call you 547 00:17:50,939 --> 00:17:53,159 because I had a family emergency. 548 00:17:53,246 --> 00:17:54,595 Is everything okay? 549 00:17:54,682 --> 00:17:56,465 Yes, it is. 550 00:17:56,552 --> 00:17:58,642 And Megan, I didn't tell you about Willow because 551 00:17:58,729 --> 00:18:00,949 the moment we had was so beautiful and intense, 552 00:18:01,036 --> 00:18:02,516 that for a second I thought 553 00:18:02,603 --> 00:18:04,431 we were the only people on the planet. 554 00:18:04,518 --> 00:18:07,520 Oh. Okay. 555 00:18:07,607 --> 00:18:09,131 Well, we'll see you later. 556 00:18:09,218 --> 00:18:10,740 Bye. NICK: Bye, guys. 557 00:18:10,827 --> 00:18:12,265 It worked. 558 00:18:12,352 --> 00:18:14,396 Where did that come from? 559 00:18:14,483 --> 00:18:16,747 I don't know. I'm trembling, but it worked. 560 00:18:16,834 --> 00:18:19,794 That was so good my pants just got tight, Nick. 561 00:18:19,881 --> 00:18:22,144 Oh, God, now I hate me as much as I've always hated you.Skin. 562 00:18:22,230 --> 00:18:24,493 See, I have to do this now.No, you don't. Don't do it. 563 00:18:24,580 --> 00:18:26,017 Yes, I do. Skin. All you have to do is just not do it. 564 00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:27,236 I have to. No, because it works. 565 00:18:33,067 --> 00:18:36,723 JESS: Cece? Cece, I can't... breathe. 566 00:18:36,810 --> 00:18:40,554 Cece, I know why you didn't tell me about Schmidt-- because 567 00:18:40,641 --> 00:18:42,032 you like him! 568 00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:43,164 What?! 569 00:18:43,251 --> 00:18:44,601 The shirt, Cece. 570 00:18:44,688 --> 00:18:47,125 You thought the shirt he made was funny. 571 00:18:47,212 --> 00:18:49,779 You obviously like him. 572 00:18:49,866 --> 00:18:52,869 It's the only explanation for thinking that's funny. 573 00:18:52,957 --> 00:18:55,176 Oh, my God, I think you're right. 574 00:18:55,263 --> 00:18:56,743 And you didn't want to tell me 575 00:18:56,830 --> 00:18:58,310 'cause you knew that I would know. 576 00:18:58,397 --> 00:19:00,095 And you weren't ready to admit it to yourself. 577 00:19:00,182 --> 00:19:01,836 [panting] 578 00:19:01,923 --> 00:19:03,490 Okay, can we just say that I didn't tell you 579 00:19:03,576 --> 00:19:05,273 because I'm a total bitch? 580 00:19:05,361 --> 00:19:07,929 'Cause I'm way more comfortable with that. 581 00:19:08,016 --> 00:19:10,800 [softly]: Oh, maybe I like Schmidt. 582 00:19:10,887 --> 00:19:13,934 You... You can't tell anyone. 583 00:19:14,021 --> 00:19:16,633 Yeah. That's like a secret only I know. 584 00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:18,113 Heads up. 585 00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:19,461 I'm-I'm peeing. 586 00:19:19,548 --> 00:19:21,115 Oh, my God. 587 00:19:21,202 --> 00:19:23,509 Okay, come on. We got to finish. 588 00:19:23,596 --> 00:19:25,555 [sobbing]: Oh! No! 589 00:19:25,642 --> 00:19:26,948 Oh, come on, man.Come on, dude! 590 00:19:27,035 --> 00:19:29,167 [all chattering] 591 00:19:29,255 --> 00:19:31,734 Hey, here they come. Here they come. 592 00:19:31,821 --> 00:19:33,867 Come on, guys! Let's go! 593 00:19:33,954 --> 00:19:35,391 Come on, ladies!Be strong! 594 00:19:35,478 --> 00:19:36,784 Come on!Come on, ladies! 595 00:19:36,871 --> 00:19:38,351 Come on, guys.All right, let's go! 596 00:19:38,438 --> 00:19:39,961 Come on... Come on... 597 00:19:40,048 --> 00:19:42,442 Finish strong! NICK: Good job, guys. 598 00:19:42,528 --> 00:19:44,095 [grunting] 599 00:19:44,182 --> 00:19:45,575 NICK: Winner! Oh, man. 600 00:19:45,662 --> 00:19:47,010 Thanks for waiting, man. 601 00:19:47,097 --> 00:19:48,577 Hey, thanks for the ten bucks. 602 00:19:48,664 --> 00:19:50,798 JESS: Guess what, you guys. 603 00:19:50,884 --> 00:19:52,582 My shoes are filled with blood!NICK: Oh, God. 604 00:19:52,669 --> 00:19:54,714 I think it's time to go home. A little help. Come on. 605 00:19:54,801 --> 00:19:56,455 All right, Cece, I got her, I got her. 606 00:19:56,542 --> 00:19:57,892 All right.Okay, Jess, here we go. 607 00:19:57,979 --> 00:19:59,327 Okay, Schmidt, grab her feet. 608 00:19:59,414 --> 00:20:01,200 All right, there we go. Lead us away. 609 00:20:01,287 --> 00:20:02,679 Good job, Jess. 610 00:20:02,766 --> 00:20:04,289 [Jess laughs]Real proud of you. 611 00:20:04,376 --> 00:20:05,421 What are you doing to that basil, Cece? 612 00:20:05,508 --> 00:20:07,162 You trying to make it confess? 613 00:20:07,249 --> 00:20:10,209 Easy with the knife, Robespierre. 614 00:20:10,296 --> 00:20:11,862 I will cut off your weaker fingers, Schmidt, 615 00:20:11,949 --> 00:20:13,777 and I'm gonna start with your pinky. 616 00:20:13,864 --> 00:20:15,605 You guys are adorable. 617 00:20:15,692 --> 00:20:17,215 We are not adorable. 618 00:20:17,303 --> 00:20:19,000 Okay? We are just two people having 619 00:20:19,086 --> 00:20:21,175 casual, successful sex. 620 00:20:21,262 --> 00:20:22,568 My bad. 621 00:20:22,655 --> 00:20:24,483 [whispers]: Please. 622 00:20:24,570 --> 00:20:26,963 All right. I can't stand this heat. 623 00:20:27,050 --> 00:20:28,791 I gonna get out of the kitchen. 624 00:20:30,924 --> 00:20:32,448 Ow. Ow. 625 00:20:32,535 --> 00:20:34,232 You should really stretch, Jess. 626 00:20:34,319 --> 00:20:36,278 Ow. 627 00:20:36,365 --> 00:20:38,672 You know, Jess thinking that we're a cute couple is... 628 00:20:38,759 --> 00:20:41,282 I don't... It's kind of a turnoff. 629 00:20:41,369 --> 00:20:43,807 How do we explain to her that this is just... it's just sex? 630 00:20:43,894 --> 00:20:45,287 Mm-hmm. 631 00:20:45,374 --> 00:20:48,115 What is that? 632 00:20:48,202 --> 00:20:50,291 [ mumbles]That is shoddy workmanship is what that is. 633 00:20:50,378 --> 00:20:51,815 I'm taking you off prep. 634 00:20:51,902 --> 00:20:53,469 Go clean the garbanzo beans. 635 00:20:53,556 --> 00:20:55,340 I'm taking my knife.Be careful with that knife. 636 00:20:55,427 --> 00:20:56,906 It's from Japan. 637 00:20:58,996 --> 00:21:03,173 Why? Why, Cece? 638 00:21:03,261 --> 00:21:04,480 Why am I sleeping with Schmidt? 639 00:21:04,567 --> 00:21:06,089 Is it a pity thing? 640 00:21:06,176 --> 00:21:08,788 Is he sick? 641 00:21:08,875 --> 00:21:10,747 Are you working for the government? 642 00:21:10,834 --> 00:21:12,575 Damn it, he's holding you against your will, isn't he? 643 00:21:12,662 --> 00:21:14,534 If he is holding you against your will, blink twice. 644 00:21:16,057 --> 00:21:20,147 [blowing] Blink twice. 645 00:21:20,234 --> 00:21:22,150 Are you tired of being turned on? 646 00:21:22,237 --> 00:21:24,934 Hmm? You have a mole fetish? 647 00:21:29,809 --> 00:21:31,507 Is it huge? 648 00:21:31,594 --> 00:21:33,769 [clears throat] I'm sorry. Let me rephrase that. 649 00:21:33,856 --> 00:21:35,990 Is it huge?