1 00:00:01,349 --> 00:00:02,827 Nick, go out ten yards, cut left. 2 00:00:02,915 --> 00:00:04,177 Winston, go long, post right. 3 00:00:04,264 --> 00:00:06,440 Jess, go down, out towards the parking lot. 4 00:00:06,527 --> 00:00:08,182 Get in the car. We'll meet you back at the loft. 5 00:00:08,269 --> 00:00:10,792 Oh, very funny. You're a comedian, Schmidt. 6 00:00:14,013 --> 00:00:14,839 Hike! 7 00:00:18,105 --> 00:00:20,062 Schmidt! Come on! 8 00:00:20,149 --> 00:00:22,152 [groaning] 9 00:00:22,239 --> 00:00:23,762 Oh! WINSTON: Did you see that? 10 00:00:23,849 --> 00:00:27,591 Are you okay?Yes, I'm oka-- [groaning] 11 00:00:27,678 --> 00:00:29,289 [continues groaning] 12 00:00:29,376 --> 00:00:30,899 JESS: Nick... Nick, I'm so sorry.[groans] Oh, my God! 13 00:00:30,986 --> 00:00:32,161 This is real! 14 00:00:32,249 --> 00:00:34,338 Probably your lateral sizer.Shut up! 15 00:00:34,424 --> 00:00:37,079 Can you just...Okay, let's go. [screams] 16 00:00:37,167 --> 00:00:39,648 Rotator cuff? JESS: Can I...? 17 00:00:39,734 --> 00:00:40,996 What do you need?Nothing from you. 18 00:00:41,084 --> 00:00:42,432 Please go far from me right now. 19 00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:44,000 I can taste my spine. 20 00:00:44,087 --> 00:00:46,133 Three or four down there-- vertebrae. 21 00:00:46,219 --> 00:00:47,786 Why is no one helping me? 22 00:00:47,872 --> 00:00:50,353 Not you! Not you! 23 00:00:50,441 --> 00:00:53,444 ♪ Hey, girl ♪ 24 00:00:53,530 --> 00:00:56,490 ♪ What you doing? ♪ 25 00:00:56,578 --> 00:00:58,579 ♪ Hey, girl ♪ 26 00:00:58,667 --> 00:01:01,582 ♪ Where you going? ♪ 27 00:01:01,670 --> 00:01:03,975 ♪ Who's that girl? ♪♪ Who's that girl?♪ 28 00:01:04,063 --> 00:01:05,587 ♪ Who's that girl? ♪ 29 00:01:05,674 --> 00:01:07,763 ♪ Who's that girl?♪♪ It's Jess. ♪ 30 00:01:09,894 --> 00:01:11,680 [sighing, whistling] 31 00:01:12,942 --> 00:01:16,031 [groaning]Are you sure you're okay? 32 00:01:16,118 --> 00:01:17,251 You're walking like a Disney witch. 33 00:01:17,337 --> 00:01:18,730 Let me drive you to your doctor. 34 00:01:18,817 --> 00:01:19,948 I don't have a doctor. 35 00:01:20,036 --> 00:01:21,298 I don't have insurance. 36 00:01:21,385 --> 00:01:22,908 Nick, you need to see a doctor, 37 00:01:22,995 --> 00:01:25,215 if only to make sure that your junk is clean. 38 00:01:25,301 --> 00:01:27,521 I don't go to doctors.JESS: I'll take you to my friend Sadie. 39 00:01:27,609 --> 00:01:29,218 She'll just look at you-- she won't charge you. 40 00:01:29,305 --> 00:01:30,873 Okay, I don't go to doctors! 41 00:01:30,960 --> 00:01:32,483 Are you sure you're okay driving? 42 00:01:32,569 --> 00:01:34,354 Yes, I'm fine. I've never been better. 43 00:01:34,442 --> 00:01:35,485 I'm great. 44 00:01:35,573 --> 00:01:37,487 Thank you.[engine starting] 45 00:01:37,575 --> 00:01:39,837 I'm feeling better already. 46 00:01:39,924 --> 00:01:41,144 See you guys back at the loft. 47 00:01:41,230 --> 00:01:42,579 [crashing]Oh, my God! 48 00:01:42,667 --> 00:01:44,887 Oh! 49 00:01:44,973 --> 00:01:46,540 What did you just...?!NICK: I'm okay. 50 00:01:46,628 --> 00:01:48,716 I'm okay. Don't worry.WINSTON: Oh! What did you do? 51 00:01:48,804 --> 00:01:50,674 [groaning]You hit my car! 52 00:01:50,762 --> 00:01:52,024 I'm okay.[Winston groans] 53 00:01:52,111 --> 00:01:53,677 Oh, Winston, relax. 54 00:01:53,765 --> 00:01:55,331 Okay? Relax. 55 00:01:55,418 --> 00:01:56,942 That's all I did. I did this. 56 00:01:57,028 --> 00:01:58,727 The rest was already there. 57 00:01:58,813 --> 00:02:00,641 Actually, I think I undid a dent there. 58 00:02:00,728 --> 00:02:02,121 I'm taking you to see my friend. Get in my car. 59 00:02:02,209 --> 00:02:04,385 No... Jess, no. Oh! Now! 60 00:02:04,471 --> 00:02:06,387 So she's fitting us in between patients. 61 00:02:12,522 --> 00:02:13,263 [Nick groans] 62 00:02:17,701 --> 00:02:19,050 Jess? 63 00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:21,228 Is Sadie a gynecologist? 64 00:02:21,314 --> 00:02:23,317 No, she's an OB/GYN.[groans] 65 00:02:23,403 --> 00:02:25,145 I'm going to go.It's a different thing. 66 00:02:25,231 --> 00:02:26,146 I'm going to get out of here, actually, I think. 67 00:02:26,233 --> 00:02:27,189 Yeah? I don't think you are. 68 00:02:27,276 --> 00:02:31,193 [groaning] 69 00:02:31,281 --> 00:02:34,110 Nick, she's a wizard with a speculum. 70 00:02:34,197 --> 00:02:36,634 Nick!I don't have a vagina. 71 00:02:36,721 --> 00:02:37,983 You can take mine. [chuckles] 72 00:02:38,069 --> 00:02:39,637 [laughs] I heard that, sister. 73 00:02:39,723 --> 00:02:41,725 True dat.[Nick groaning] 74 00:02:41,812 --> 00:02:43,250 Okay, you know what, Nick? 75 00:02:43,336 --> 00:02:45,164 I'm sorry that my only doctor friend 76 00:02:45,252 --> 00:02:47,036 is a gynecologist, 77 00:02:47,122 --> 00:02:48,558 but you're broke, so you're 78 00:02:48,646 --> 00:02:50,257 going to have to shut your mouth, 79 00:02:50,343 --> 00:02:51,823 and you're going to tag the things 80 00:02:51,909 --> 00:02:53,737 that you want in this Luckymagazine. 81 00:02:53,824 --> 00:02:55,566 We're gonna have to put this baby to bed. No. 82 00:02:55,652 --> 00:02:56,959 No, no, no, Sherman, look, uh, 83 00:02:57,045 --> 00:02:58,481 I don't think you understand, man. 84 00:02:58,569 --> 00:03:00,092 This car's been with me through everything, 85 00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:02,093 so... if you could just fix it. 86 00:03:02,181 --> 00:03:05,228 This is not really officially a car anymore. 87 00:03:05,314 --> 00:03:07,229 You didn't even buy the thing-- it was given to you 88 00:03:07,317 --> 00:03:08,449 as an illegal recruitment gift from 89 00:03:08,536 --> 00:03:09,927 a college you didn't even go to. 90 00:03:10,014 --> 00:03:11,451 Things happened in this car.Like what? 91 00:03:11,538 --> 00:03:13,627 Desert Storm?Oh, things happened. 92 00:03:13,715 --> 00:03:15,629 Is this your car? 93 00:03:15,717 --> 00:03:17,109 Yeah. 94 00:03:18,633 --> 00:03:19,981 Cool. 95 00:03:20,068 --> 00:03:22,114 Anytime. 96 00:03:22,201 --> 00:03:23,724 It's time for you to buy a new car, man. 97 00:03:23,812 --> 00:03:25,509 You buy a new car!I bought a new car. 98 00:03:25,596 --> 00:03:27,685 It's what you borrow every morning when this one 99 00:03:27,771 --> 00:03:29,383 makes the weird sound. 100 00:03:29,469 --> 00:03:33,038 [imitates squealing, moaning engine] 101 00:03:33,125 --> 00:03:34,649 That's not a good sound.Just give me the keys. 102 00:03:34,735 --> 00:03:36,259 You shouldn't call them keys. 103 00:03:36,346 --> 00:03:37,521 It's a paper clip that you start the car with. 104 00:03:39,001 --> 00:03:41,264 [engine squealing and moaning] 105 00:03:41,350 --> 00:03:43,570 SCHMIDT: See? That was the noise I was telling you about. 106 00:03:43,658 --> 00:03:46,225 WINSTON: Shut up. 107 00:03:46,312 --> 00:03:48,009 You know you don't have to sit like that. 108 00:03:48,097 --> 00:03:50,403 It's the only way that it feels okay, Jess. 109 00:03:50,490 --> 00:03:52,100 Jess! JESS: Sadie. 110 00:03:52,187 --> 00:03:54,625 Hey. Hey. How are you? 111 00:03:54,711 --> 00:03:56,235 SADIE: Good. How are you? Good to see you again, Nick. 112 00:03:56,323 --> 00:03:58,062 [straining]: Hey. Hi. 113 00:03:58,150 --> 00:04:00,151 We were playing football, and I tackled him. 114 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:02,329 Oh. Well, that's not exactly how I saw it. 115 00:04:02,415 --> 00:04:04,418 Oh, I'm surprised you got hurt. You're such a big boy. 116 00:04:04,504 --> 00:04:05,896 Jess tackled a girl 117 00:04:05,984 --> 00:04:07,550 I was dating once.Oh, yeah. 118 00:04:07,638 --> 00:04:08,986 She tried to steal my overalls. 119 00:04:09,074 --> 00:04:10,989 Okay, so... does that hurt? 120 00:04:11,075 --> 00:04:12,338 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yes, yes!All right. 121 00:04:12,425 --> 00:04:13,556 Does that hurt?[groaning loudly] 122 00:04:13,644 --> 00:04:14,906 All right. He can flip over. 123 00:04:14,992 --> 00:04:16,821 Okay. [sighs] 124 00:04:16,908 --> 00:04:18,213 Okay. 125 00:04:18,300 --> 00:04:20,564 So... listen. 126 00:04:20,651 --> 00:04:23,915 This is not an official examination, 127 00:04:24,002 --> 00:04:25,394 and I am not officially telling you 128 00:04:25,481 --> 00:04:26,961 that you bruised your spine, 129 00:04:27,048 --> 00:04:28,180 and I am not officially 130 00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:29,747 giving you these pills 131 00:04:29,834 --> 00:04:31,879 to manage the pain.Okay. 132 00:04:33,490 --> 00:04:35,752 Okay. So... 133 00:04:35,840 --> 00:04:36,971 Please don't take those pills. 134 00:04:37,058 --> 00:04:38,713 Take the pills.Don't take those pills. 135 00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:40,322 JESS: Take the pills.SADIE: Nobody prescribed them. 136 00:04:40,409 --> 00:04:42,106 Why would you take them?Take them. Take them. 137 00:04:42,194 --> 00:04:43,151 No. That's bad.That's a code. Take them. 138 00:04:43,238 --> 00:04:44,370 JESS: That means do it. 139 00:04:44,457 --> 00:04:46,590 Don't do that. No... 140 00:04:46,677 --> 00:04:48,418 Those are designed for severe menstrual cramps, 141 00:04:48,504 --> 00:04:50,942 so they should cure your baby backache. 142 00:04:51,028 --> 00:04:52,379 JESS [chuckling]: "Baby backache." 143 00:04:53,596 --> 00:04:55,425 Wait. Stop. 144 00:04:55,512 --> 00:04:57,297 Hey, take another sip of water. 145 00:05:03,519 --> 00:05:05,086 Yeah, um...JESS: What? What's wrong? 146 00:05:05,173 --> 00:05:06,783 No, it's your thyroid. I noticed something 147 00:05:06,870 --> 00:05:08,742 while you were swallowing. Do you mind if I...? 148 00:05:08,829 --> 00:05:10,048 I mean, I don't know what choice I have. 149 00:05:10,134 --> 00:05:12,223 JESS: Do it, Nick!Okay, Jess. Stop. 150 00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:13,747 Yeah, he has a growth. 151 00:05:14,923 --> 00:05:16,315 Oh, my God. 152 00:05:16,403 --> 00:05:17,882 A growth.Oh, no. I-- 153 00:05:17,968 --> 00:05:20,014 Everything works. I can swallow.Oh, my God. 154 00:05:20,101 --> 00:05:21,321 Everything's fine. I know what you're talking about. 155 00:05:21,408 --> 00:05:23,410 You knew about this?Yes. 156 00:05:23,497 --> 00:05:25,454 So you've had it checked out?No, no, I didn't... 157 00:05:25,542 --> 00:05:27,326 I don't have that stuff checked out. I'm fine. 158 00:05:27,413 --> 00:05:28,632 I can set up an ultrasound tomorrow morning, 159 00:05:28,718 --> 00:05:30,112 first thing-- I've got a friend. 160 00:05:30,199 --> 00:05:31,418 I can't really afford an ultrasound, but... 161 00:05:31,504 --> 00:05:32,896 You're going to have to, so... 162 00:05:32,983 --> 00:05:34,463 JESS: Yeah. 163 00:05:34,550 --> 00:05:35,334 SADIE: All right. So I'll set that up? 164 00:05:35,422 --> 00:05:37,206 Absolutely. Okay. Right. 165 00:05:37,293 --> 00:05:40,077 Make sure he goes, Jess. 166 00:05:40,165 --> 00:05:42,036 Don't look at me like that, Jess.It's probably nothing. 167 00:05:42,124 --> 00:05:43,343 Yeah, it's nothing. 168 00:05:44,995 --> 00:05:46,824 Oh, God. 169 00:05:48,521 --> 00:05:50,262 Put the baby's head at the bottom. 170 00:05:59,533 --> 00:06:01,752 I'm not going to go tomorrow. 171 00:06:01,838 --> 00:06:03,232 I'm really not, because I don't want 172 00:06:03,319 --> 00:06:04,754 to get an ultrasound. 173 00:06:04,841 --> 00:06:06,190 I just don't have time. 174 00:06:06,278 --> 00:06:08,454 No, I've got some writing I got to do. 175 00:06:08,541 --> 00:06:10,935 The truth is, with working out, I've got some people to see, 176 00:06:11,021 --> 00:06:12,372 so I just can't make it. 177 00:06:12,459 --> 00:06:14,199 I lost a stamp. 178 00:06:14,286 --> 00:06:15,766 It sounds worse than it is, 179 00:06:15,853 --> 00:06:17,158 but it's a somewhat expensive stamp 180 00:06:17,245 --> 00:06:18,942 and I had planned on looking for it. 181 00:06:19,029 --> 00:06:21,163 One of the reasons I moved to Los Angeles 182 00:06:21,250 --> 00:06:23,730 was to get closer to whales, so I can record them. 183 00:06:23,817 --> 00:06:25,341 I haven't gotten around to it 184 00:06:25,427 --> 00:06:27,038 because where we live is actually east. 185 00:06:27,125 --> 00:06:28,387 It's way farther from the ocean than I expected. 186 00:06:28,475 --> 00:06:29,824 I appreciate your concern. 187 00:06:29,911 --> 00:06:32,173 It is really sweet. It's nice. 188 00:06:32,261 --> 00:06:34,742 But this machine's still kicking, you know? 189 00:06:34,829 --> 00:06:36,091 You're going. 190 00:06:36,177 --> 00:06:37,439 And I know you're scared, 191 00:06:37,526 --> 00:06:38,745 but you know what my mom 192 00:06:38,832 --> 00:06:40,095 used to do when I got scared? 193 00:06:40,182 --> 00:06:41,966 A Daffy Duck impression. 194 00:06:42,052 --> 00:06:43,228 Please don't do what you're about to do. 195 00:06:43,314 --> 00:06:45,795 [imitating Daffy's lisp]: Hey, Nicholas. 196 00:06:45,882 --> 00:06:47,101 I'm sorry you have a lump in your throat. 197 00:06:47,189 --> 00:06:49,321 That's despicable! 198 00:06:50,713 --> 00:06:52,367 Sorry. Too much? 199 00:06:54,762 --> 00:06:56,240 Okay. 200 00:06:56,327 --> 00:06:58,461 I got to go to work.I'll come with you. 201 00:06:58,548 --> 00:06:59,723 Oh, absolutely not. 202 00:06:59,810 --> 00:07:01,550 I'll just sit by the bar. No way. 203 00:07:01,637 --> 00:07:03,423 [lively conversation, laughter] 204 00:07:07,252 --> 00:07:09,951 You told them, Jess? Really, it's not a big deal. 205 00:07:10,038 --> 00:07:11,343 Don't tell them.We're just hanging out. 206 00:07:13,562 --> 00:07:14,608 With my best friend. 207 00:07:14,694 --> 00:07:16,348 Come on, Schmidt. What are you do...? 208 00:07:16,435 --> 00:07:18,742 [sputters] 209 00:07:18,829 --> 00:07:21,004 You just Fredo-kiss me? What's your problem? 210 00:07:21,091 --> 00:07:22,702 Go sit down. 211 00:07:22,790 --> 00:07:23,790 You're going to beat this, man. 212 00:07:23,877 --> 00:07:25,096 I don't have anything. 213 00:07:25,182 --> 00:07:26,880 What is going on with you guys? 214 00:07:26,968 --> 00:07:27,882 Thanks for telling them. 215 00:07:31,625 --> 00:07:33,322 I take those, too-- 216 00:07:33,408 --> 00:07:35,192 when I got a heavy flow. 217 00:07:35,279 --> 00:07:36,499 Good to know. 218 00:07:36,586 --> 00:07:38,370 Hey. Hey. 219 00:07:38,457 --> 00:07:40,110 So I heard. 220 00:07:40,197 --> 00:07:41,764 Of course you did. 221 00:07:41,851 --> 00:07:44,332 Can I get a vodka soda? [chuckles] 222 00:07:44,420 --> 00:07:46,117 Thank you. You being normal... 223 00:07:46,204 --> 00:07:48,163 Vodka soda. Okay. 224 00:07:48,250 --> 00:07:50,425 It's because he refuses to wear a Bluetooth. You know that. 225 00:07:50,512 --> 00:07:52,341 I gave him one for his birthday, too, 226 00:07:52,427 --> 00:07:54,125 but he just laughed in my face. 227 00:07:54,211 --> 00:07:55,909 Gave it back to me for Hanukkah. 228 00:07:55,997 --> 00:07:57,302 Well, according to this Web site, 229 00:07:57,389 --> 00:08:00,480 it could be a colloid nodule. 230 00:08:00,567 --> 00:08:03,439 But that's most common in golden retrievers. 231 00:08:03,526 --> 00:08:05,048 I thought my lifestyle choices would rub off on him. 232 00:08:05,136 --> 00:08:06,920 I tried to set a good example. 233 00:08:07,007 --> 00:08:08,399 Treat your body like a temple. 234 00:08:08,487 --> 00:08:10,314 Treat your body like a temple. 235 00:08:10,401 --> 00:08:12,055 But he treats his like a dump. 236 00:08:12,143 --> 00:08:13,274 Like a dump! 237 00:08:13,362 --> 00:08:15,319 Let me see this. 238 00:08:15,406 --> 00:08:16,713 Oh, my God. 239 00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:17,932 NICK: Hey, hey. 240 00:08:18,019 --> 00:08:19,324 My friends. 241 00:08:19,411 --> 00:08:20,586 Can I just say 242 00:08:20,673 --> 00:08:23,415 that these pills are amazing? 243 00:08:23,502 --> 00:08:25,461 I feel, like, really warm in my uterus. 244 00:08:25,548 --> 00:08:26,983 Oh! I feel good. 245 00:08:27,071 --> 00:08:29,639 Feel real good. 246 00:08:29,725 --> 00:08:30,987 What's with the long faces? 247 00:08:31,074 --> 00:08:32,686 Schmidt? 248 00:08:32,773 --> 00:08:34,730 Just looking at you and your beautiful soul. 249 00:08:34,817 --> 00:08:36,777 Big, strong Nick. 250 00:08:36,864 --> 00:08:38,518 He's a champ.SCHMIDT: I wish I could trade 251 00:08:38,605 --> 00:08:39,953 places with you, 'cause you know what, Nick? 252 00:08:40,040 --> 00:08:41,650 I would do it in a second. 253 00:08:43,173 --> 00:08:44,610 But I'm also glad that I can't. 254 00:08:44,697 --> 00:08:47,004 Okay, what is going on with you three? 255 00:08:47,091 --> 00:08:48,875 [crying]: Oh, God. Jess? 256 00:08:48,962 --> 00:08:51,095 Oh, God.Hey, are you okay? 257 00:08:51,182 --> 00:08:52,488 You're gonna freak him out. You're gonna freak him out. 258 00:08:52,575 --> 00:08:54,097 You're freaking everybody out.Why are you crying? 259 00:08:54,184 --> 00:08:55,796 Schmidt, are you crying?You're not helping. 260 00:08:55,883 --> 00:08:57,971 'Cause you're making me cry with your emotion. 261 00:08:58,058 --> 00:08:59,408 [Winston sobbing] 262 00:08:59,495 --> 00:09:01,409 Really, Winston? You? 263 00:09:01,496 --> 00:09:02,716 It's just that I love you so much, man. 264 00:09:02,802 --> 00:09:04,326 Stop it. Enough. 265 00:09:04,413 --> 00:09:07,154 Hey, I'm fine. Just stop it. 266 00:09:07,241 --> 00:09:08,634 How do you know you're fine, Nick? 267 00:09:13,116 --> 00:09:15,903 Is that... would that be where... in my neck? 268 00:09:19,994 --> 00:09:21,081 Hmm. 269 00:09:21,168 --> 00:09:23,345 [taps piano key] 270 00:09:23,432 --> 00:09:24,825 I'm not going to lie. Mm-hmm. 271 00:09:24,912 --> 00:09:26,870 I think the pills are on top of me a little bit. 272 00:09:26,956 --> 00:09:28,916 I think you're right. 273 00:09:29,003 --> 00:09:31,091 It's so sad. 274 00:09:31,178 --> 00:09:32,441 Yeah, it's really sad your friend's getting 275 00:09:32,528 --> 00:09:33,921 an ultrasound tomorrow. 276 00:09:34,008 --> 00:09:37,227 It's just so hard. 277 00:09:37,315 --> 00:09:39,490 [softly murmurs] 278 00:09:39,578 --> 00:09:41,841 Are you using your best friend's medical crisis 279 00:09:41,928 --> 00:09:43,582 to feel my boobs with your face? 280 00:09:43,669 --> 00:09:44,713 Why isn't the whole world 281 00:09:44,801 --> 00:09:46,802 making love all at the same time? 282 00:09:46,889 --> 00:09:48,717 How many... 283 00:09:48,804 --> 00:09:51,373 ears does Daniel Boone have? 284 00:09:51,460 --> 00:09:53,504 He's got a... a right ear, 285 00:09:53,592 --> 00:09:56,246 a left ear and a... front ear. 286 00:09:56,334 --> 00:09:57,379 "Frontier." Get it? 287 00:09:57,466 --> 00:09:59,554 [both chuckling] 288 00:09:59,642 --> 00:10:02,166 You don't get to speak at my funeral. 289 00:10:02,253 --> 00:10:04,472 What? For sure. 290 00:10:04,559 --> 00:10:07,128 100%. What? Why? 291 00:10:07,215 --> 00:10:09,609 Because of that joke.Yeah, but... 292 00:10:09,696 --> 00:10:11,349 Jess, you don't want to talk at a funeral. 293 00:10:11,436 --> 00:10:12,611 I've tried that once. 294 00:10:12,698 --> 00:10:14,744 What kind of dummy 295 00:10:14,831 --> 00:10:17,965 fixes a washing machine using a knife? 296 00:10:18,052 --> 00:10:20,489 This kind of dummy! 297 00:10:20,576 --> 00:10:22,099 It did not go well. 298 00:10:22,186 --> 00:10:24,231 I don't want you talking at my funeral! 299 00:10:24,318 --> 00:10:26,321 Okay. You can go to my funeral, 300 00:10:26,408 --> 00:10:27,713 but you can't talk. 301 00:10:27,801 --> 00:10:29,846 Why? My funeral is my time to shine. 302 00:10:29,932 --> 00:10:31,804 I want the girls to think, 303 00:10:31,892 --> 00:10:33,544 "I wish I brought Nick Miller to orgasm." 304 00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:35,155 And I want the guys to think, 305 00:10:35,243 --> 00:10:36,722 "I wish I bought him more stuff." 306 00:10:36,809 --> 00:10:38,245 And I don't want Daffy Duck voices 307 00:10:38,332 --> 00:10:40,073 and feeling sticks. 308 00:10:40,161 --> 00:10:41,902 You don't... you don't know how to be real. 309 00:10:43,773 --> 00:10:46,994 I can't have you trying to cheer people up. 310 00:10:47,081 --> 00:10:48,778 I know how to be real. 311 00:10:52,563 --> 00:10:55,697 Question: Am I wearing a hat? 312 00:10:55,784 --> 00:10:57,394 SCHMIDT: Nick Miller. 313 00:10:57,481 --> 00:10:58,745 Almost a lawyer. 314 00:10:58,831 --> 00:11:00,355 [playing piano] 315 00:11:02,182 --> 00:11:05,054 ♪ This is a sad song... ♪ 316 00:11:05,142 --> 00:11:06,013 Oh. 317 00:11:06,100 --> 00:11:07,927 Mm. 318 00:11:08,014 --> 00:11:11,322 ♪ This is the saddest song in the world ♪ 319 00:11:11,408 --> 00:11:12,759 Yes, it is. 320 00:11:12,846 --> 00:11:14,063 NICK: Mm.WINSTON: Ever. 321 00:11:14,150 --> 00:11:15,804 ♪ This is the saddest... ♪ 322 00:11:15,892 --> 00:11:17,110 You just keep singing, man. 323 00:11:17,197 --> 00:11:18,547 Okay. 324 00:11:18,634 --> 00:11:20,548 ♪ This is a sad song ♪ 325 00:11:20,635 --> 00:11:22,158 ♪ Hey, hey ♪ 326 00:11:22,245 --> 00:11:24,552 ♪ Mm-hmm ♪ 327 00:11:24,639 --> 00:11:26,642 ♪ Saddest song in the world ♪ 328 00:11:26,729 --> 00:11:28,296 Got a nice voice, man. 329 00:11:28,383 --> 00:11:30,384 It is so weird being sober right now. 330 00:11:30,471 --> 00:11:31,602 Can I get some weird rapping? 331 00:11:33,039 --> 00:11:34,302 ♪ Nick Miller, Nick Miller ♪ 332 00:11:34,389 --> 00:11:35,825 ♪ From the streets of Chicago ♪ 333 00:11:35,912 --> 00:11:37,522 ♪ 'Cause players play like they do ♪ 334 00:11:37,609 --> 00:11:38,349 ♪ Like they did ♪ 335 00:11:38,436 --> 00:11:40,090 ♪ Mm-hmm ♪ 336 00:11:40,177 --> 00:11:42,222 ♪ Sad song ♪ 337 00:11:42,309 --> 00:11:44,312 ♪ 'Cause the ballers ball and the-- in the hood ♪ 338 00:11:44,399 --> 00:11:45,966 ♪ 'Cause he's Chi-town hustle ♪ 339 00:11:46,052 --> 00:11:47,576 ♪ In the world ♪That sounds great. 340 00:11:47,663 --> 00:11:48,924 ♪ 'Cause the people of the-- of Chicago ♪ 341 00:11:49,011 --> 00:11:51,144 ♪ Represent him, 'cause the players ♪ 342 00:11:51,231 --> 00:11:52,494 ♪ Don't play and the player's in the city ♪ 343 00:11:52,581 --> 00:11:54,061 ♪ Nick Miller, Nick Miller's ♪ 344 00:11:54,148 --> 00:11:55,758 ♪ A stone-cold killer ♪ 345 00:11:55,845 --> 00:11:57,716 ♪ Huh! Sing it, you know, you feel ♪ 346 00:11:57,803 --> 00:11:58,934 ♪ Likes the taste of vanilla ♪ 347 00:11:59,022 --> 00:12:00,240 ♪ Nick Miller, Nick Miller ♪ 348 00:12:00,327 --> 00:12:01,154 ♪ He's the illest of the ill ♪ 349 00:12:01,241 --> 00:12:02,460 Cece's rapping! 350 00:12:02,547 --> 00:12:03,678 ♪ He pours 100 drinks ♪ 351 00:12:03,765 --> 00:12:04,635 ♪ And none have ever spilled ♪ 352 00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:05,985 ♪ Plus he's super-high ♪ 353 00:12:06,072 --> 00:12:07,160 ♪ On a bunch of pain pills ♪ 354 00:12:07,248 --> 00:12:08,336 ♪ His favorite movie is ♪ 355 00:12:08,423 --> 00:12:09,466 ♪ The Big Chill♪ 356 00:12:09,553 --> 00:12:10,686 ♪ He's got a hairy chest ♪ 357 00:12:10,773 --> 00:12:11,556 ♪ 'Cause he eats a balanced meal ♪ 358 00:12:11,643 --> 00:12:12,644 ♪ Hey, hey ♪ 359 00:12:12,731 --> 00:12:14,124 Kickin' mad flavor in his ear. 360 00:12:14,211 --> 00:12:15,691 ♪ Sad song ♪ 361 00:12:15,778 --> 00:12:18,172 ♪ Huh, huh ♪ 362 00:12:18,259 --> 00:12:20,260 ♪ 'Cause the ice in my glass represents ♪ 363 00:12:20,347 --> 00:12:22,524 ♪ The tears from my eyes, I love you, dawg ♪ 364 00:12:22,610 --> 00:12:25,788 ♪ This is a sad song ♪ 365 00:12:25,875 --> 00:12:28,442 ♪ Nick Miller, Nick Miller, yo, streets of Chicago ♪ 366 00:12:28,529 --> 00:12:31,402 ♪ Rough and tumble, one love, you my heart ♪ 367 00:12:31,489 --> 00:12:32,360 JESS: ♪ Nick Miller, Nick Miller ♪ 368 00:12:32,447 --> 00:12:34,623 ♪ Never does anything. ♪ 369 00:12:34,710 --> 00:12:36,885 [pounds keys] 370 00:12:36,972 --> 00:12:38,626 What? 371 00:12:38,713 --> 00:12:40,323 You want me to get real 372 00:12:40,411 --> 00:12:41,934 and stop being all cutesy and whatever, fine. 373 00:12:42,022 --> 00:12:43,806 Let's get real. 374 00:12:43,893 --> 00:12:44,633 You don't do anything. 375 00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:45,807 Mm. 376 00:12:45,894 --> 00:12:46,982 What did you want to do? 377 00:12:47,070 --> 00:12:48,288 I mean, isn't there something 378 00:12:48,375 --> 00:12:49,506 you wanted to accomplish? 379 00:12:49,594 --> 00:12:51,379 Hey, I've done things. 380 00:12:51,466 --> 00:12:52,815 I wrote half a book about zombies. 381 00:12:52,902 --> 00:12:54,990 Okay, just tell me. 382 00:12:55,077 --> 00:12:56,775 If you could do anything, 383 00:12:56,863 --> 00:12:58,690 what would you do? 384 00:12:58,778 --> 00:13:02,216 You know, I'm the guy who... I can't just 385 00:13:02,302 --> 00:13:03,913 jump into something if I don't know what's gonna happen. 386 00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:05,436 I never have been that guy. 387 00:13:05,523 --> 00:13:07,307 Like, I'm the-- 388 00:13:07,394 --> 00:13:09,614 I'm the guy that, if I don't know 389 00:13:09,701 --> 00:13:11,094 what's gonna happen, I don't do something. 390 00:13:11,181 --> 00:13:13,356 Ever. I don't care how bad I want to do it. 391 00:13:13,443 --> 00:13:15,054 I don't do it. 392 00:13:15,142 --> 00:13:16,883 Like, if everybody were to go out into the ocean 393 00:13:16,970 --> 00:13:18,841 and jumped in the water, 394 00:13:18,927 --> 00:13:21,104 well, I'm the guy on the beach guarding the wallets. 395 00:13:23,062 --> 00:13:26,066 All right. 396 00:13:29,634 --> 00:13:30,940 All right, Nick. All right. 397 00:13:31,027 --> 00:13:32,462 Get out there. Yeah. 398 00:13:32,549 --> 00:13:34,116 I'll hold your wallet.I don't have a wallet. 399 00:13:34,203 --> 00:13:35,989 All right, well, that's fine. 400 00:13:36,076 --> 00:13:37,903 I have a sandwich bag with my license and money in it. 401 00:13:37,990 --> 00:13:39,427 Okay, I'll hold your sandwich bag. 402 00:13:39,514 --> 00:13:40,775 Get out there, go. 403 00:13:40,863 --> 00:13:41,821 It's a little cold. 404 00:13:41,908 --> 00:13:43,038 [chuckles] 405 00:13:43,125 --> 00:13:45,128 Just in terms of running into the water, 406 00:13:45,215 --> 00:13:46,826 it's a tad on the cold side. 407 00:13:54,311 --> 00:13:56,182 Well, you know what, 408 00:13:56,269 --> 00:13:59,316 just... it's just... 409 00:13:59,403 --> 00:14:01,448 [laughs] 410 00:14:01,535 --> 00:14:03,320 [laughs] 411 00:14:03,407 --> 00:14:04,451 [yelling] 412 00:14:06,846 --> 00:14:07,976 We all taking our shoes off? 413 00:14:08,063 --> 00:14:08,890 What's going on? 414 00:14:08,977 --> 00:14:10,457 I'm a little drunk, 415 00:14:10,544 --> 00:14:12,764 and I can't be too sure, but I think 416 00:14:12,851 --> 00:14:14,635 you're finally about to see your best friend's penis. 417 00:14:14,722 --> 00:14:15,767 [Nick yelling] 418 00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:17,639 Nick-- he's gonna sh-- 419 00:14:17,725 --> 00:14:19,206 he's gonna show his penis to the ocean and not me? 420 00:14:19,293 --> 00:14:20,947 Nick, wait! 421 00:14:23,123 --> 00:14:26,212 [laughs] 422 00:14:26,299 --> 00:14:28,868 I'm alive! 423 00:14:28,955 --> 00:14:30,782 I... am... alive! 424 00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:31,870 [chuckling] 425 00:14:36,309 --> 00:14:37,832 I'm alive! 426 00:14:39,269 --> 00:14:41,663 [yelling] 427 00:14:43,970 --> 00:14:46,841 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 428 00:14:46,928 --> 00:14:48,625 This is stupid! 429 00:14:48,712 --> 00:14:51,238 No, it's cold! 430 00:14:51,325 --> 00:14:53,240 My testicles are in my abdomen! 431 00:14:53,326 --> 00:14:55,459 [shouting] 432 00:14:56,982 --> 00:14:57,984 Oh, my God! 433 00:14:58,071 --> 00:14:59,115 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 434 00:14:59,201 --> 00:15:01,029 That is so cold! That is so cold! 435 00:15:01,116 --> 00:15:02,770 Words cannot describe how cold that is!Oh, oh, okay. 436 00:15:02,857 --> 00:15:03,815 Nick, are you okay? 437 00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:06,166 No, I'm not okay, Jess! 438 00:15:06,253 --> 00:15:07,514 I'm not okay! 439 00:15:07,601 --> 00:15:09,472 All right, I woke up today 440 00:15:09,559 --> 00:15:12,085 and I wanted to play a friendly game of touch football, 441 00:15:12,172 --> 00:15:14,956 then I hurt my back, and I went to your gynecologist, 442 00:15:15,043 --> 00:15:16,610 and now I might have cancer! 443 00:15:16,697 --> 00:15:18,351 So, no, Jess! 444 00:15:18,438 --> 00:15:20,267 I'm not okay! 445 00:15:25,359 --> 00:15:27,796 [sighs] 446 00:15:27,883 --> 00:15:29,363 SCHMIDT: I don't think this is the right time 447 00:15:29,450 --> 00:15:32,975 to bring this up, you guys, but... 448 00:15:33,062 --> 00:15:35,150 does anyone else think Nick could stand to lose 449 00:15:35,238 --> 00:15:36,283 five to seven pounds? 450 00:15:36,370 --> 00:15:37,197 [sighs] 451 00:15:53,168 --> 00:15:55,302 You know what I'm thinking about, Ceec? 452 00:15:55,389 --> 00:15:58,260 What, Schmidt? 453 00:15:58,347 --> 00:16:02,091 That when you stand up, 454 00:16:02,177 --> 00:16:04,005 there's gonna be, like, a perfect imprint 455 00:16:04,092 --> 00:16:05,789 of your butt in the sand. 456 00:16:05,876 --> 00:16:07,356 That is what you're thinking about right now 457 00:16:07,443 --> 00:16:09,359 with your best friend down the beach 458 00:16:09,446 --> 00:16:11,317 going through what he's going through?I know, I know. 459 00:16:11,404 --> 00:16:12,580 Then why would you say that? 460 00:16:12,667 --> 00:16:14,015 I don't know why I would say that. 461 00:16:14,102 --> 00:16:15,538 Why would anyone say that? 462 00:16:15,625 --> 00:16:17,846 I've never gone through anything like this. 463 00:16:17,932 --> 00:16:19,369 Yeah, well, I have. 464 00:16:19,456 --> 00:16:21,719 What happened? 465 00:16:21,806 --> 00:16:23,894 My dad died when I was 12. 466 00:16:25,679 --> 00:16:27,595 That's, um... 467 00:16:27,682 --> 00:16:30,076 The only way to get through it is to get through it. 468 00:16:35,341 --> 00:16:37,256 You know, I had a cat that died... 469 00:16:37,344 --> 00:16:38,822 Don't compare my dad to your cat. 470 00:16:38,909 --> 00:16:40,216 It was a big cat. 471 00:16:40,302 --> 00:16:41,609 I mean, human size. 472 00:16:41,696 --> 00:16:43,697 [chuckles] 473 00:16:43,784 --> 00:16:46,614 Hey. 474 00:16:46,701 --> 00:16:48,049 Oh, hey. 475 00:16:48,136 --> 00:16:49,746 Is this seat taken? 476 00:16:49,834 --> 00:16:51,706 [chuckles]: Oh, please. 477 00:16:51,793 --> 00:16:53,969 Here, will you help me up? 478 00:16:54,056 --> 00:16:55,927 [grunts] 479 00:16:59,322 --> 00:17:00,845 I know that you're right. 480 00:17:00,932 --> 00:17:03,022 You're right, I have to start doing things. 481 00:17:03,109 --> 00:17:04,980 I can't just... 482 00:17:07,113 --> 00:17:08,288 ...you know. 483 00:17:10,246 --> 00:17:13,031 Jess... 484 00:17:13,118 --> 00:17:14,555 I like you a lot. 485 00:17:14,642 --> 00:17:16,035 I really do. 486 00:17:16,122 --> 00:17:17,471 I'm glad you're around. 487 00:17:23,738 --> 00:17:26,653 I'm not gonna remember any of this in the morning, am I? 488 00:17:26,740 --> 00:17:28,655 Most certainly not. 489 00:17:28,742 --> 00:17:29,613 Oh, no. 490 00:17:29,700 --> 00:17:30,657 [laughs] 491 00:17:30,744 --> 00:17:32,834 Yes... yeah. 492 00:17:32,921 --> 00:17:34,617 [laughs] 493 00:17:34,704 --> 00:17:36,229 Yeah, we should go home. 494 00:17:36,316 --> 00:17:37,664 Yes. 495 00:17:37,751 --> 00:17:39,666 Let's go home. 496 00:17:52,896 --> 00:17:55,596 Hey. We gotta wake up. 497 00:17:55,682 --> 00:17:56,770 It's morning. 498 00:17:56,857 --> 00:17:58,076 What? 499 00:17:59,512 --> 00:18:01,123 Hey, Schmidty! 500 00:18:01,210 --> 00:18:02,342 [whistles] 501 00:18:02,429 --> 00:18:03,820 Wake up, wake up! Everybody, up! 502 00:18:03,907 --> 00:18:04,909 I got that ultrasound thing. 503 00:18:04,996 --> 00:18:06,911 We're late. 504 00:18:12,439 --> 00:18:14,354 What? 505 00:18:20,837 --> 00:18:22,188 Oh... 506 00:18:31,761 --> 00:18:33,721 Hey, Winston. 507 00:18:33,807 --> 00:18:34,895 We're late, man. 508 00:18:36,767 --> 00:18:38,247 SCHMIDT: Ah, fresh air. 509 00:18:38,334 --> 00:18:39,727 Back to the fume chamber. 510 00:18:39,814 --> 00:18:42,250 NICK: Couldn't even sell it for metal. 511 00:18:42,337 --> 00:18:43,599 Hope you didn't get sand in my car. 512 00:18:43,686 --> 00:18:45,079 SCHMIDT: Yeah, that's this car's problem: 513 00:18:45,166 --> 00:18:47,517 too much sand. 514 00:18:47,604 --> 00:18:49,692 Oh, my God, there's soot coming in from the floor. 515 00:18:53,261 --> 00:18:54,959 [clears throat] 516 00:18:56,047 --> 00:18:57,353 [yawns] 517 00:18:57,440 --> 00:18:59,355 Hi. Uh, my name is Nick Miller. 518 00:18:59,442 --> 00:19:02,009 I-I have a 9:00 a.m. today. 519 00:19:02,096 --> 00:19:04,055 Fill these out. I'm gonna need a copy 520 00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:06,013 of your health insurance.Oh. 521 00:19:06,101 --> 00:19:08,669 I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be paying with cash, actually. 522 00:19:08,756 --> 00:19:11,759 It's a mixture of, uh, paper money and change. 523 00:19:11,846 --> 00:19:13,804 I do have a check that's postdated. 524 00:19:13,891 --> 00:19:16,980 There's a 60/40 shot that's gonna clear. 525 00:19:17,067 --> 00:19:18,940 I hope that's good. 526 00:19:21,986 --> 00:19:23,378 Jess, will you-- 527 00:19:23,465 --> 00:19:25,381 Do I have to do this now? 528 00:19:32,213 --> 00:19:35,260 How long does it take to tell if someone has cancer? 529 00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:40,830 Guys.Hey. 530 00:19:40,917 --> 00:19:42,920 I'm okay. I'm fine. 531 00:19:43,007 --> 00:19:43,790 I'm fine. It's nothing. 532 00:19:43,877 --> 00:19:45,183 Yeah. 533 00:19:45,270 --> 00:19:46,009 What was it? What did they say it was? 534 00:19:46,096 --> 00:19:47,316 I don't know. 535 00:19:47,403 --> 00:19:48,838 I didn't hear anything after they said, 536 00:19:48,925 --> 00:19:50,971 "You don't have cancer." I blanked out. I think it's, 537 00:19:51,058 --> 00:19:53,278 like, a cyst or something. 538 00:19:53,365 --> 00:19:54,888 Ugh. 539 00:19:54,976 --> 00:19:56,194 Stop Fredo-kissing me, Schmidt. 540 00:19:58,240 --> 00:20:00,547 All right, so what do I owe you? 541 00:20:00,634 --> 00:20:01,721 Let's figure this out. 542 00:20:01,808 --> 00:20:02,896 I've got, uh... 543 00:20:02,983 --> 00:20:04,637 It's already taken care of. 544 00:20:04,724 --> 00:20:07,030 What do you mean it's already taken care of? 545 00:20:07,117 --> 00:20:08,555 Oh, we split it. 546 00:20:12,950 --> 00:20:14,212 All right, well, I'll pay you guys back. 547 00:20:14,299 --> 00:20:15,518 I just... 548 00:20:15,605 --> 00:20:17,085 And can you please get a wallet? 549 00:20:17,172 --> 00:20:18,128 I do have a wallet. 550 00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:20,653 A wallet. 551 00:20:20,740 --> 00:20:23,221 I have tons of wallet chains that you can borrow. 552 00:20:30,794 --> 00:20:34,624 ♪ Deep inside the ever-spinning... ♪ 553 00:20:34,711 --> 00:20:36,017 Hey, Jess? 554 00:20:36,104 --> 00:20:37,105 Hmm? 555 00:20:37,192 --> 00:20:38,192 What happened last night? 556 00:20:38,279 --> 00:20:39,933 Nothing. 557 00:20:40,020 --> 00:20:41,413 [ignition sputtering] 558 00:20:41,500 --> 00:20:43,328 [chuckles softly] 559 00:20:43,415 --> 00:20:45,895 Come on, come on, come on, come on... 560 00:20:45,982 --> 00:20:47,768 [sputtering stops] 561 00:20:47,855 --> 00:20:49,464 NICK: Let it go, bud.Wait, wait, wait, wait. 562 00:20:49,551 --> 00:20:50,683 Just got to give it a second. You got to give it just--Bye. 563 00:20:50,770 --> 00:20:51,945 SCHMIDT: It's cruel at this point. 564 00:20:52,032 --> 00:20:53,512 The car's dead, bud. 565 00:20:53,599 --> 00:20:57,343 [ignition continues sputtering] 566 00:20:58,647 --> 00:21:02,521 ♪ I'll take care of you ♪ 567 00:21:04,740 --> 00:21:09,268 ♪ If you ask me to ♪ 568 00:21:11,748 --> 00:21:19,016 ♪ In a year or two... ♪ 569 00:21:19,103 --> 00:21:20,974 ♪ Oh... ♪ 570 00:21:31,942 --> 00:21:32,900 Don't walk so damn fast. 571 00:21:32,987 --> 00:21:34,423 I'm coming. 572 00:21:34,509 --> 00:21:35,945 Can't a man say good-bye to his car?