1 00:00:01,262 --> 00:00:04,264 [dance music playing] 2 00:00:04,352 --> 00:00:06,092 Cece! 3 00:00:08,095 --> 00:00:10,140 Beep-beep. 4 00:00:10,227 --> 00:00:13,055 [arguing] 5 00:00:13,143 --> 00:00:14,753 Beep-beep. 6 00:00:14,839 --> 00:00:16,493 I'm sorry. Excuse me. 7 00:00:16,580 --> 00:00:19,670 These traffic patterns are really... 8 00:00:19,757 --> 00:00:22,065 counterintuitive! 9 00:00:22,152 --> 00:00:24,198 Really... 10 00:00:24,285 --> 00:00:27,940 catch-as-catch-can as far as footpaths go over here! 11 00:00:30,160 --> 00:00:31,727 Cece! 12 00:00:32,728 --> 00:00:33,728 I got your text. 13 00:00:33,816 --> 00:00:34,817 Are you ready to go home? 14 00:00:34,904 --> 00:00:36,470 [groans] Thank you for coming. 15 00:00:36,557 --> 00:00:38,734 Jess, he was making out with another girl. 16 00:00:38,820 --> 00:00:41,997 You... get away from here. 17 00:00:42,085 --> 00:00:43,521 Okay, who are you, Miss Pajama, okay? 18 00:00:43,607 --> 00:00:45,131 You're blocking my booth. Get out of here! 19 00:00:45,219 --> 00:00:46,262 Don't talk to her like that, okay? 20 00:00:46,350 --> 00:00:47,046 That is my best friend! 21 00:00:49,439 --> 00:00:50,310 [laughs]Oh, Cece... 22 00:00:50,398 --> 00:00:52,661 You ripped my deep V! 23 00:00:52,747 --> 00:00:54,445 This is my favorite deep V! 24 00:00:54,531 --> 00:00:57,534 It's just a deeper V. 25 00:00:57,621 --> 00:00:59,232 Thanks for picking me up, Jess. 26 00:00:59,320 --> 00:01:01,670 I really felt that Gavin was different. 27 00:01:01,756 --> 00:01:03,889 Didn't you feel like he was different? 28 00:01:03,975 --> 00:01:05,500 Yeah. 29 00:01:05,587 --> 00:01:07,805 I mean, he seemed like a really nice... 30 00:01:07,893 --> 00:01:09,504 European DJ with a face tattoo. 31 00:01:09,590 --> 00:01:10,679 [men whistling, car horn honking] 32 00:01:10,766 --> 00:01:12,332 Whoo! Hey, guys. 33 00:01:12,420 --> 00:01:14,421 I think-- Jess, I think these guys are into you. 34 00:01:14,509 --> 00:01:16,337 We should, we should just go back, right? 35 00:01:16,424 --> 00:01:17,512 We should totally head back. 36 00:01:17,599 --> 00:01:19,730 Where am I taking you? 37 00:01:19,817 --> 00:01:21,906 Well, can't go home 38 00:01:21,993 --> 00:01:24,039 because Gavin's, like, staying at my place. 39 00:01:24,126 --> 00:01:25,823 You've known him for three weeks. 40 00:01:25,911 --> 00:01:28,349 Can I just crash with you for a couple days? Please? 41 00:01:28,436 --> 00:01:30,394 I don't know. It's Friday night. 42 00:01:30,480 --> 00:01:32,656 The guys probably have big plans. 43 00:01:32,743 --> 00:01:34,572 [video game music playing] 44 00:01:41,884 --> 00:01:43,450 Friday night, gentlemen. 45 00:01:43,537 --> 00:01:45,888 It's on.What happened to you? 46 00:01:45,974 --> 00:01:47,585 It's on and poppin' up in here, you feel? 47 00:01:47,671 --> 00:01:49,021 What happened to you? What? 48 00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:50,501 You didn't used to be like this, Schmidt. 49 00:01:50,587 --> 00:01:51,502 What are you talking about? 50 00:01:51,588 --> 00:01:52,503 You've gotten so much worse. 51 00:01:52,590 --> 00:01:53,722 It's on and poppin'! 52 00:01:53,808 --> 00:01:54,939 ♪ Who's that girl? ♪ 53 00:01:55,027 --> 00:01:56,289 ♪ Who's that girl?♪ 54 00:01:56,377 --> 00:01:57,855 ♪ Who's that girl? ♪ 55 00:01:57,942 --> 00:01:59,248 ♪ Who's that girl?♪♪ It's Jess. ♪ 56 00:02:00,468 --> 00:02:02,513 Yes. I told you I'd come through. 57 00:02:02,599 --> 00:02:04,385 Okay, Benjamin just invited us to a very cool party. 58 00:02:04,471 --> 00:02:06,387 I just got off three back-to-back shifts at the bar. 59 00:02:06,474 --> 00:02:07,736 I just want to sit here 60 00:02:07,823 --> 00:02:09,563 all weekend in silence playing this game, 61 00:02:09,651 --> 00:02:12,044 then I want to go in my room and do weird stuff on my computer. 62 00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:13,306 Are you even wearing underwear? 63 00:02:13,394 --> 00:02:14,872 What is between you and that chair? 64 00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:16,614 Just a little bit of sunshine. 65 00:02:16,700 --> 00:02:18,573 [chuckles]: All right, take off that kimono, please. 66 00:02:18,659 --> 00:02:20,270 It's my leisure wear, Winston. 67 00:02:20,356 --> 00:02:22,402 Look, I worked 80 hours this week. 68 00:02:22,490 --> 00:02:24,405 I just want to come home, put on my 'mono 69 00:02:24,491 --> 00:02:26,014 and just hang loose, man. 70 00:02:26,102 --> 00:02:27,581 Okay? If you had a job, you'd understand. 71 00:02:29,758 --> 00:02:30,627 R-Really? Wow. 72 00:02:30,715 --> 00:02:32,586 It just got real in here. 73 00:02:32,674 --> 00:02:34,240 Okay, you're not gonna take the kimono off? 74 00:02:34,328 --> 00:02:36,111 Fine. Then I'm not wearing any pants. 75 00:02:36,199 --> 00:02:38,200 Boom! Bam! 76 00:02:38,288 --> 00:02:39,680 Mm-hmm. Everybody want to just walk around 77 00:02:39,768 --> 00:02:41,335 this house wearing all kinds of stupid stuff, 78 00:02:41,421 --> 00:02:43,640 then guess what I'm gonna do, Schmidt. 79 00:02:43,728 --> 00:02:46,514 I'm wearing a napkin on my face. 80 00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:48,515 Bam! How you like that? 81 00:02:48,603 --> 00:02:49,734 That doesn't even make any sense, Winston. 82 00:02:49,820 --> 00:02:51,692 It makes perfect sense. 83 00:02:51,780 --> 00:02:53,128 Totally different than me wearing my kimono. 84 00:02:53,216 --> 00:02:54,783 You are laughing in the face of 85 00:02:54,870 --> 00:02:56,479 thousands of years of samurai culture, 86 00:02:56,567 --> 00:02:57,829 and it's an affront, Winston, it's an affront. 87 00:02:57,915 --> 00:02:59,439 Look at me now, huh? This is the vibe 88 00:02:59,526 --> 00:03:01,485 we have in the house now because of you. 89 00:03:01,572 --> 00:03:02,877 You want to walk around here looking silly. 90 00:03:02,965 --> 00:03:04,618 This is handcrafted! In China. 91 00:03:04,705 --> 00:03:06,447 [grumbles] 92 00:03:08,449 --> 00:03:10,493 Schmidt, I think you should take the kimono off. 93 00:03:14,062 --> 00:03:16,891 Um, Cece, can you not do your usual thing? 94 00:03:16,978 --> 00:03:18,372 These are really good guys. 95 00:03:18,459 --> 00:03:19,546 Best behavior. 96 00:03:19,634 --> 00:03:20,938 Sure. 97 00:03:21,026 --> 00:03:22,680 [men arguing]Hey, guys, I brought... 98 00:03:22,766 --> 00:03:24,204 You brought this on yourself! 99 00:03:25,335 --> 00:03:28,295 What you doing? 100 00:03:28,382 --> 00:03:29,774 Oh, you know, we're just chillin'. 101 00:03:29,860 --> 00:03:31,211 Just chillin'. 102 00:03:31,298 --> 00:03:32,254 Just doing this. 103 00:03:32,341 --> 00:03:33,561 You know, Friday night. 104 00:03:33,647 --> 00:03:35,215 I'm gonna use the ladies'. 105 00:03:35,301 --> 00:03:36,216 What's up, Cecelia? 106 00:03:36,302 --> 00:03:37,651 Where's the tequila? 107 00:03:39,914 --> 00:03:42,743 [Cece laughs] Guys. 108 00:03:42,831 --> 00:03:44,397 [sighs] Okay. 109 00:03:44,485 --> 00:03:46,486 I would normally never bring her here, 110 00:03:46,574 --> 00:03:48,531 but Cece's really vulnerable right now, 111 00:03:48,618 --> 00:03:51,099 and when she's drunk, she has no boundaries. 112 00:03:51,187 --> 00:03:53,319 So she's really grabby, really physical, 113 00:03:53,406 --> 00:03:55,235 she's really loose with her body. 114 00:03:55,322 --> 00:03:58,628 So I just want to apologize in advance for anything 115 00:03:58,716 --> 00:04:00,456 that she might do. 116 00:04:00,544 --> 00:04:02,024 That's good to know.Yeah, thanks for telling us. 117 00:04:02,110 --> 00:04:03,286 Thank you, guys. 118 00:04:03,372 --> 00:04:04,330 You're the best. 119 00:04:08,900 --> 00:04:11,251 [dance music playing loudly] 120 00:04:13,340 --> 00:04:15,167 This is the opposite of being alone! 121 00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:19,040 This is the opposite of what I wanted this weekend. 122 00:04:19,127 --> 00:04:22,305 Wow, how'd this happen? 123 00:04:22,391 --> 00:04:24,002 Okay, I'm not a part of this, Schmidt. 124 00:04:24,088 --> 00:04:25,439 I'm not a part of this. 125 00:04:25,526 --> 00:04:27,091 Hi, Cece. 126 00:04:27,178 --> 00:04:29,442 I'm gonna make you a bed on the couch, okay? 127 00:04:29,529 --> 00:04:30,487 So You're gonna have to stop dancing okay, 128 00:04:30,574 --> 00:04:32,228 so you can go to sleep. 129 00:04:32,314 --> 00:04:34,970 [deep voice]: You know, Cece, I think you should dance if you want to. 130 00:04:35,057 --> 00:04:36,276 Why are you talking like that? 131 00:04:36,362 --> 00:04:37,973 Like what? I'm just hanging out. 132 00:04:38,060 --> 00:04:39,800 You get up.Really? Him? 133 00:04:39,887 --> 00:04:41,411 But I'm doing this. 134 00:04:43,543 --> 00:04:44,980 Come on, get up!No, I don't dance. 135 00:04:45,067 --> 00:04:46,197 I'm from the town in Footloose. 136 00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:47,677 He doesn't want to dance, Cece. 137 00:04:47,764 --> 00:04:49,375 I don't wanna dance. I'm really good. 138 00:04:49,463 --> 00:04:51,028 Schmidt dances-- Whoa! What the... 139 00:04:51,115 --> 00:04:54,206 All right, you know what, I'm gonna go to bed. Good night. 140 00:04:54,293 --> 00:04:56,557 What just happened? That's really not great under here. 141 00:04:56,644 --> 00:04:57,992 You have to love hair. 142 00:04:58,079 --> 00:05:00,081 I think it's time for bed. 143 00:05:00,168 --> 00:05:01,083 You can use my bed; I'll sleep on the couch. 144 00:05:01,170 --> 00:05:02,519 Over here. Over here, Cece. 145 00:05:02,605 --> 00:05:03,737 Oh. 146 00:05:03,824 --> 00:05:05,435 Over here. Over here. 147 00:05:05,521 --> 00:05:07,307 Are you sheepdogging her? 148 00:05:07,394 --> 00:05:08,220 Over here, over here. 149 00:05:08,307 --> 00:05:09,221 Over here, over here. 150 00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:10,004 Not here. Here we go. 151 00:05:11,353 --> 00:05:13,137 [sighs] 152 00:05:13,225 --> 00:05:14,923 Good night, Cece. 153 00:05:15,009 --> 00:05:16,663 [music stops] 154 00:05:16,750 --> 00:05:18,100 Yes! Yes. 155 00:05:18,187 --> 00:05:19,971 She is sleeping on my sheets right now. 156 00:05:20,057 --> 00:05:21,755 Not yours, bro. Mine. 157 00:05:22,887 --> 00:05:24,411 Parkour! 158 00:05:28,370 --> 00:05:29,459 You know what? I think I might 159 00:05:29,545 --> 00:05:30,329 actually have a chance with her. 160 00:05:30,417 --> 00:05:32,331 I just have to be 161 00:05:32,418 --> 00:05:33,507 cooler than that guy. 162 00:05:33,593 --> 00:05:35,117 Parkour! 163 00:05:35,204 --> 00:05:36,639 A wise man once foretold of a magical night 164 00:05:36,726 --> 00:05:38,206 where I would engage in nonsexual foreplay 165 00:05:38,293 --> 00:05:39,990 with a model, my friends. 166 00:05:40,077 --> 00:05:42,994 And tonight is that night.Don't say it's that night. 167 00:05:43,081 --> 00:05:44,343 No, not a chance. Never gonna happen. 168 00:05:44,430 --> 00:05:45,779 You're not a closer. 169 00:05:45,867 --> 00:05:47,084 Oh, I'm a closer. I'm gonna close 170 00:05:47,172 --> 00:05:48,783 this conversation right now, my brother. 171 00:05:48,870 --> 00:05:50,653 Watch this. Boom, bam, closed. 172 00:05:50,740 --> 00:05:52,481 Parkour! 173 00:05:52,569 --> 00:05:54,136 Short track speed skating. 174 00:05:54,223 --> 00:05:56,137 Apolo Ohno. 175 00:06:00,620 --> 00:06:01,925 Well, at least this tires him out, right? 176 00:06:02,012 --> 00:06:02,971 Yeah. 177 00:06:06,583 --> 00:06:08,019 Look, she's great. You're gonna love her. 178 00:06:08,105 --> 00:06:09,369 Do you want some eggs? 179 00:06:09,456 --> 00:06:10,586 No, I've got my own breakfast. 180 00:06:10,673 --> 00:06:11,805 I don't need you to... 181 00:06:11,893 --> 00:06:12,850 What? I don't know. 182 00:06:12,937 --> 00:06:13,850 Take care of me. 183 00:06:13,937 --> 00:06:16,288 Just stop being so nice. 184 00:06:16,375 --> 00:06:18,072 Your mother's being so nice. 185 00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:20,944 Slam on my mother. 186 00:06:21,031 --> 00:06:21,946 Your mother's gonna 187 00:06:22,033 --> 00:06:22,990 slam on your mother. 188 00:06:28,518 --> 00:06:29,737 [screams] 189 00:06:29,824 --> 00:06:31,521 And 4,000. 190 00:06:31,608 --> 00:06:33,000 Yeah. 191 00:06:33,088 --> 00:06:34,915 Oh, my God. 192 00:06:35,002 --> 00:06:36,699 Wilkommen. 193 00:06:36,786 --> 00:06:38,223 You're covered in oil? 194 00:06:38,310 --> 00:06:39,485 What, oil? No. 195 00:06:39,572 --> 00:06:42,358 This is just, uh... 196 00:06:42,444 --> 00:06:45,187 You okay? 197 00:06:45,274 --> 00:06:46,709 Schmidt. 198 00:06:46,797 --> 00:06:48,798 Hey, are you okay? 199 00:06:48,886 --> 00:06:50,800 Whoa. Whoa. 200 00:06:50,887 --> 00:06:52,237 I just blacked out for a second. 201 00:06:52,324 --> 00:06:53,848 Anything weird happen? 202 00:06:53,935 --> 00:06:56,372 Okay, I need some water, so can you move? 203 00:06:56,459 --> 00:06:57,851 Yeah, that's not gonna happen, honey. 204 00:06:57,939 --> 00:06:59,723 Just, you know, slide me like a curtain, okay? 205 00:06:59,810 --> 00:07:02,072 [groans] 206 00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:04,161 There you go. I'm good. I'm good. 207 00:07:04,249 --> 00:07:05,468 Sweet. 208 00:07:05,555 --> 00:07:07,687 Hey, can you get me a coff... 209 00:07:09,166 --> 00:07:11,430 [shower running] 210 00:07:19,612 --> 00:07:21,048 What's going on, guys? I was... 211 00:07:21,136 --> 00:07:24,095 Hey. Oh, you're all in here. 212 00:07:24,182 --> 00:07:25,531 Um, does the water get any hotter than this? 213 00:07:25,619 --> 00:07:28,098 Uh, do you want me-- 214 00:07:28,185 --> 00:07:31,059 uh, I mean, I-I could give you, if... 215 00:07:31,146 --> 00:07:32,146 NICK: I could-- I'm good at fixing-- 216 00:07:32,233 --> 00:07:33,843 I can fix it, also. 217 00:07:33,930 --> 00:07:35,454 Actually, you know what, 218 00:07:35,542 --> 00:07:37,238 I'll just figure it out myself. 219 00:07:37,326 --> 00:07:38,762 But do you guys have any actual soap? 220 00:07:38,848 --> 00:07:40,547 Because all I can find in here is body gelato. 221 00:07:40,634 --> 00:07:42,244 That would be Schmidt's.SCHMIDT: Body gelato's mine. 222 00:07:42,331 --> 00:07:43,898 If you could just-- Don't use it all. 223 00:07:43,985 --> 00:07:45,247 I'll just not touch it. Okay. 224 00:07:45,334 --> 00:07:47,641 Hey. Why are you guys all in here? 225 00:07:47,728 --> 00:07:48,641 I'm brushing my teeth! 226 00:07:48,728 --> 00:07:50,207 D-Doing the thing. 227 00:07:50,295 --> 00:07:51,906 She hogging the shower? Cece, come on. Hurry up. 228 00:07:51,992 --> 00:07:53,341 CECE: Sorry, I just-- I can't find 229 00:07:53,428 --> 00:07:54,691 any bigger towels for some reason. 230 00:07:59,435 --> 00:08:00,915 You have a really beautiful body, Cece. 231 00:08:01,002 --> 00:08:02,132 I really appreciate that about you. 232 00:08:02,220 --> 00:08:03,526 Okay, come on. 233 00:08:03,612 --> 00:08:05,093 I made you breakfast.You did? 234 00:08:05,180 --> 00:08:06,137 Yeah. 235 00:08:06,223 --> 00:08:07,574 Sorry. I just... 236 00:08:12,274 --> 00:08:13,579 Disappointed with all of you. 237 00:08:13,666 --> 00:08:15,233 Especially you.It was a bad moment. 238 00:08:15,319 --> 00:08:16,670 I thought you were better than that. 239 00:08:16,757 --> 00:08:19,106 I know. I am sometimes. 240 00:08:19,194 --> 00:08:20,629 Did you see that cleavage? 241 00:08:20,716 --> 00:08:22,413 I just want to get my arm stuck down there. 242 00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:24,154 127 Hoursstyle. 243 00:08:24,242 --> 00:08:26,548 And then, and then... 244 00:08:26,636 --> 00:08:28,158 Just cut it for days. I don't care. 245 00:08:28,245 --> 00:08:29,682 I'll cut through the bone, the nerve. 246 00:08:29,769 --> 00:08:30,684 [makes snapping sound] 247 00:08:30,771 --> 00:08:31,901 Schmidt! 248 00:08:31,988 --> 00:08:33,250 You weren't upset 'cause 249 00:08:33,337 --> 00:08:34,338 I was dancing with Nick, right? 250 00:08:34,426 --> 00:08:35,818 No, of course not. 251 00:08:35,905 --> 00:08:37,604 'Cause I think he's really into you. 252 00:08:37,691 --> 00:08:38,995 Nick?! 253 00:08:39,082 --> 00:08:40,823 No, no. Come on, Jess. 254 00:08:40,911 --> 00:08:42,216 This is classic Eduardo. 255 00:08:44,740 --> 00:08:46,525 You want this to go to Cece, right? 256 00:08:46,613 --> 00:08:47,657 [heavy accent]: "Jess." 257 00:08:47,744 --> 00:08:49,441 Okay, I'll give it to Cece. 258 00:08:49,528 --> 00:08:51,879 No. Jess! 259 00:08:51,966 --> 00:08:53,315 You don't want me to give it to Cece? 260 00:08:53,402 --> 00:08:55,796 Sí, sí...uh, for you. 261 00:08:55,883 --> 00:08:57,493 For me? 262 00:08:57,580 --> 00:08:59,147 To give to Cece. 263 00:08:59,234 --> 00:09:00,844 [groans] 264 00:09:00,931 --> 00:09:02,019 We're just friends. 265 00:09:02,105 --> 00:09:03,759 You can't be friends with these guys. 266 00:09:03,846 --> 00:09:05,674 You don't think that every single one of them 267 00:09:05,761 --> 00:09:07,067 has thought about sleeping with you? 268 00:09:07,154 --> 00:09:08,417 No, you just think everyone wants 269 00:09:08,504 --> 00:09:09,940 to sleep with everyone all the time. 270 00:09:10,027 --> 00:09:11,551 They do. That's why I think that. 271 00:09:11,638 --> 00:09:13,335 Don't you hear how he says your name? 272 00:09:13,422 --> 00:09:14,596 "Jess." 273 00:09:14,683 --> 00:09:16,076 He's from Chicago. 274 00:09:16,163 --> 00:09:18,166 That's how people from Chicago say "Jess." 275 00:09:18,253 --> 00:09:19,645 [Chicago accent]: Like "Bears" and "milk" 276 00:09:19,732 --> 00:09:21,168 and "Let's go visit the Sears Tower." 277 00:09:21,255 --> 00:09:22,212 [knocking] 278 00:09:22,299 --> 00:09:24,128 Hey, Jess. 279 00:09:24,215 --> 00:09:24,999 I'm going to the drugstore. 280 00:09:25,086 --> 00:09:26,043 Need anything? Yes. 281 00:09:26,129 --> 00:09:28,088 Jess, you should go with him, 282 00:09:28,176 --> 00:09:30,264 'cause then you can get that thing that you really need. 283 00:09:31,482 --> 00:09:32,788 Oh, I wonder what that is. 284 00:09:32,875 --> 00:09:34,485 She'll be right out. 285 00:09:34,573 --> 00:09:36,706 Just... 286 00:09:36,793 --> 00:09:38,969 No. No! 287 00:09:39,056 --> 00:09:41,057 No, you are not coming in here and ruining all this. 288 00:09:41,144 --> 00:09:42,364 I'm happy, 289 00:09:42,451 --> 00:09:43,844 I like these guys, and I think 290 00:09:43,931 --> 00:09:45,366 they're actually starting to like me, too. 291 00:09:45,453 --> 00:09:46,976 Who did you tell me was your perfect man? 292 00:09:47,063 --> 00:09:48,849 Walter Matthau in Grumpy Old Men. 293 00:09:48,936 --> 00:09:50,633 And I could be girl Jack Lemmon. 294 00:09:50,720 --> 00:09:51,981 He's a total Matthau! 295 00:09:52,068 --> 00:09:53,679 I'm telling you, he gets you. 296 00:09:53,767 --> 00:09:54,898 And did you see his feet? 297 00:09:54,985 --> 00:09:56,421 A guy's feet point at what they want. 298 00:09:56,508 --> 00:09:57,596 His feet were pointing right at you. 299 00:09:57,683 --> 00:09:59,033 Why wouldn't his feet point at me? 300 00:09:59,120 --> 00:10:00,643 Otherwise, he's standing like a duck. 301 00:10:00,730 --> 00:10:01,948 Just come on. Go. Get out there. 302 00:10:02,035 --> 00:10:02,950 NICK: Hey, you ready? 303 00:10:03,037 --> 00:10:04,125 Come on! 304 00:10:04,211 --> 00:10:05,342 Be there in a sec, bro! 305 00:10:05,429 --> 00:10:06,388 You just call me "bro"? 306 00:10:07,606 --> 00:10:09,477 Yeah. 307 00:10:09,565 --> 00:10:12,089 Well, how long is she staying? 308 00:10:12,176 --> 00:10:14,048 Oh, not long. 309 00:10:14,134 --> 00:10:16,005 I know she can be tough to deal with. 310 00:10:16,092 --> 00:10:17,442 Sometimes she just calls me up 311 00:10:17,528 --> 00:10:19,052 and she's like, "Bitch, I love you." 312 00:10:19,139 --> 00:10:20,445 And then she just hangs up. 313 00:10:20,532 --> 00:10:21,533 No other information. 314 00:10:21,620 --> 00:10:22,708 Weird. 315 00:10:25,581 --> 00:10:28,105 But I don't know, I kind of like it when she calls me "bitch." 316 00:10:28,192 --> 00:10:29,759 It makes me feel like Janis Joplin. 317 00:10:29,846 --> 00:10:32,240 NICK: Fine, but does she have to stay with us? 318 00:10:33,370 --> 00:10:35,198 What? I'm sorry. 319 00:10:35,286 --> 00:10:36,852 What-What did you say? 320 00:10:36,940 --> 00:10:38,462 I'm saying stop trying to take care of everyone. 321 00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:40,769 Oh, my God. What? 322 00:10:40,856 --> 00:10:42,466 What? Nothing. What? What? 323 00:10:42,553 --> 00:10:45,034 What? 324 00:10:45,121 --> 00:10:46,210 What are you doing? 325 00:10:49,518 --> 00:10:50,736 I know she's your best friend, 326 00:10:50,823 --> 00:10:52,433 but I-I didn't mean to insult you. 327 00:10:52,520 --> 00:10:53,696 Just, you don't have to take care of her... 328 00:10:53,783 --> 00:10:55,480 Okay. 329 00:10:55,567 --> 00:10:57,787 Yes. 330 00:10:57,874 --> 00:10:59,222 What are you doing?What are you doing? 331 00:10:59,309 --> 00:11:00,442 I'm sorry, I'm just checking-- 332 00:11:00,528 --> 00:11:01,572 I just want to make sure... 333 00:11:01,660 --> 00:11:02,705 If I insulted you, I'm sorry. 334 00:11:02,792 --> 00:11:03,879 But what are you doing right now? 335 00:11:03,966 --> 00:11:04,924 Everything's in its place. 336 00:11:05,011 --> 00:11:06,447 What does that mean?Okay. 337 00:11:06,534 --> 00:11:08,101 I'm just walking like a friend. 338 00:11:08,188 --> 00:11:09,972 Okay, you know what, forget this. 339 00:11:10,059 --> 00:11:11,758 Let's get out of here. Last on the list-- 340 00:11:11,845 --> 00:11:12,759 toilet paper. 341 00:11:12,846 --> 00:11:15,283 Um, I don't use it. 342 00:11:15,370 --> 00:11:17,371 You don't use toilet paper? 343 00:11:19,852 --> 00:11:21,592 I mean... That's not what I meant. 344 00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:24,161 That's what your mother meant. 345 00:11:24,248 --> 00:11:25,902 What, did my mother call? What did she say? 346 00:11:25,989 --> 00:11:28,034 No, Jess, I was... Jess, 347 00:11:28,121 --> 00:11:30,124 I was joking. 348 00:11:32,604 --> 00:11:34,911 [whistles] 349 00:11:34,998 --> 00:11:36,696 Look at her. 350 00:11:36,783 --> 00:11:39,524 Go for it, man. You know, go do your thing. 351 00:11:39,610 --> 00:11:41,831 I don't like the roof, man. There's a cat up here. 352 00:11:41,918 --> 00:11:44,006 It's crazy. It was raised by birds. 353 00:11:44,094 --> 00:11:46,226 You mean to tell me you're going to let a cat 354 00:11:46,313 --> 00:11:48,054 stop you from all that?It's a bird-cat, man. 355 00:11:48,142 --> 00:11:49,577 It's very dangerous. Look it up. Double rabies. 356 00:11:49,664 --> 00:11:51,493 Right. You can't close. 357 00:11:54,931 --> 00:11:57,977 You just said the magic words, son. 358 00:11:58,065 --> 00:11:59,543 Baby, baby, don't cry. 359 00:11:59,630 --> 00:12:01,371 Look, I get it. 360 00:12:01,458 --> 00:12:03,809 I was the best lover you ever had. 361 00:12:03,897 --> 00:12:07,422 Yeah. A 90-minute session's pretty standard for me. 362 00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:12,078 It was god what? 363 00:12:12,166 --> 00:12:13,820 Oh, it was godlike. 364 00:12:13,907 --> 00:12:15,255 That's very sweet of you to say. 365 00:12:15,342 --> 00:12:18,128 [phone ringing] 366 00:12:18,215 --> 00:12:19,739 WINSTON: My bad. 367 00:12:19,826 --> 00:12:21,349 Pocket-dialed you. 368 00:12:21,436 --> 00:12:25,048 I got dropped calls, then Winston calls. It's crazy. 369 00:12:25,134 --> 00:12:28,225 Uh, the roof, you know what I mean? 370 00:12:29,705 --> 00:12:31,663 Hey, look, if he's ever bothering you... 371 00:12:31,750 --> 00:12:34,014 You both are.Cool, that's cool. 372 00:12:34,100 --> 00:12:35,754 [cat meowing] 373 00:12:39,409 --> 00:12:41,803 NICK: Okay, what's going on with you, Jess? 374 00:12:41,890 --> 00:12:43,587 Why do you have to do that?Do what? 375 00:12:43,674 --> 00:12:45,634 Why do you have to say my name like that? "Jess." 376 00:12:45,721 --> 00:12:48,505 And why do you have to wear old man clothes all the time? 377 00:12:48,592 --> 00:12:50,899 I don't wear old man clothes. You don't like the way I dress? 378 00:12:50,986 --> 00:12:51,988 No, I just... 379 00:12:52,075 --> 00:12:53,467 Did I do something to you? 380 00:12:53,554 --> 00:12:55,774 No, I just need air. 381 00:12:55,861 --> 00:12:57,514 Rose for the lady?No. 382 00:12:57,601 --> 00:13:00,431 Okay, I'll buy you one. Or two-- they come as two?No, no. 383 00:13:00,518 --> 00:13:01,605 I'll buy two. Great. Thank you.No, no. 384 00:13:01,692 --> 00:13:02,869 Wait, what do you mean no? Here, take some roses. 385 00:13:02,956 --> 00:13:04,913 Want 'em? It's two dollars, it's not a big deal. 386 00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:07,350 I want them to go, no.They're nice roses... Hey, what are you doing?! 387 00:13:07,437 --> 00:13:08,657 Where are you going? 388 00:13:08,744 --> 00:13:10,311 Jess, it was a joke. 389 00:13:10,398 --> 00:13:13,530 What are you doing? Get back in the car. 390 00:13:13,618 --> 00:13:15,490 Where are you going? 391 00:13:19,014 --> 00:13:21,451 That's not the way home. 392 00:13:26,456 --> 00:13:28,110 Just working on Saturday. 393 00:13:28,197 --> 00:13:30,461 Pulling in them ducats. It's crazy. 394 00:13:30,548 --> 00:13:32,201 It's like golden handcuffs, you know what I mean? 395 00:13:32,288 --> 00:13:33,682 It's like, on one hand I'm 396 00:13:33,769 --> 00:13:35,552 killing myself, and on the other hand, 397 00:13:35,639 --> 00:13:37,033 I'm making all this baller dough. 398 00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:38,426 Ow! 399 00:13:38,513 --> 00:13:40,471 Sunburn. 400 00:13:40,557 --> 00:13:43,038 I told you to take that oil off. 401 00:13:43,125 --> 00:13:44,605 It's cool, man. It's just a little color. 402 00:13:44,692 --> 00:13:47,913 In a couple days I'll be brown just like you, Cece. 403 00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:49,915 Because-- because your culture is... 404 00:13:50,003 --> 00:13:51,047 What is my culture? 405 00:13:51,134 --> 00:13:54,702 It's, um... You're... Fff... 406 00:13:54,789 --> 00:13:57,313 Um... Jjj... Jaflan... 407 00:13:57,400 --> 00:13:59,360 Jafanese? 408 00:13:59,447 --> 00:14:01,230 Uh, Sa-Saudi... 409 00:14:01,317 --> 00:14:02,101 Saudiboo... 410 00:14:02,188 --> 00:14:03,754 Um... 411 00:14:03,842 --> 00:14:05,932 Monga... 412 00:14:06,019 --> 00:14:07,759 My parents were born in India. 413 00:14:07,846 --> 00:14:09,456 India-- totally. Love India. 414 00:14:09,543 --> 00:14:11,024 He really does. 415 00:14:11,110 --> 00:14:12,938 Hey, Schmidt, why don't you tell her about 416 00:14:13,025 --> 00:14:14,635 all the things you love about India. 417 00:14:17,246 --> 00:14:20,250 Uh, sure. I love, you know, uh, I love Slumdog. 418 00:14:20,336 --> 00:14:22,338 I love naan, 419 00:14:22,426 --> 00:14:24,298 uh, pepper, Ben Kingsley, 420 00:14:24,384 --> 00:14:25,951 the stories of Rudyard Kipling. 421 00:14:26,038 --> 00:14:28,171 I have respect for cows, of course. 422 00:14:28,258 --> 00:14:32,044 I love, uh, the Taj Mahal, Deepak Chopra, 423 00:14:32,131 --> 00:14:34,177 anyone named Patel. 424 00:14:34,264 --> 00:14:36,178 I love monsoons. 425 00:14:36,265 --> 00:14:38,181 I love... I love cobras and baskets, 426 00:14:38,268 --> 00:14:40,313 Naveen Andrews. 427 00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:43,794 I love mango chutney, uh, really, any type of chutney. 428 00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:45,144 Teepees...Hey, Schmidt, take a lap. Refresh. 429 00:14:45,231 --> 00:14:46,885 Yep. 430 00:14:48,322 --> 00:14:50,585 That was pretty good.I know. 431 00:14:50,672 --> 00:14:52,282 You're working a little too hard, though. 432 00:14:52,369 --> 00:14:53,674 Watch this. Schmidt! 433 00:14:53,761 --> 00:14:56,068 Yo.Go up to the roof. 434 00:14:56,155 --> 00:14:58,331 Yeah, I'm going to go up to the roof. 435 00:14:58,418 --> 00:15:01,335 I'll be there in ten minutes.Cool. See you in, like, ten. 436 00:15:01,422 --> 00:15:03,379 That was absolutely...Make me a sandwich. 437 00:15:03,466 --> 00:15:04,599 Sandwich. 438 00:15:06,253 --> 00:15:08,864 I walked home. 439 00:15:08,951 --> 00:15:11,301 I got out of the car and I walked home. 440 00:15:11,388 --> 00:15:12,736 Why, what happened? 441 00:15:12,823 --> 00:15:15,783 His feet were pointed directly at me the whole time. 442 00:15:15,870 --> 00:15:17,524 - Okay. - Did I do this? Am I dressing 443 00:15:17,611 --> 00:15:20,309 too provocatively? Do I need to get thicker pajamas? 444 00:15:20,397 --> 00:15:22,355 Maybe it's my posture. I have really sexy posture. 445 00:15:22,442 --> 00:15:23,966 Don't worry about it. 446 00:15:24,052 --> 00:15:25,533 I will talk to him for you. 447 00:15:25,620 --> 00:15:27,708 No, you won't. That would be the worst, 448 00:15:27,796 --> 00:15:28,536 most life-ruining thing you could possibly... 449 00:15:28,623 --> 00:15:30,494 Hi, Nick.Seriously, Jess, 450 00:15:30,581 --> 00:15:32,669 what the hell happened? I've been driving around 451 00:15:32,756 --> 00:15:34,280 for the last hour looking for you. 452 00:15:34,368 --> 00:15:36,586 Everything is okay, and we were hoping to get 453 00:15:36,673 --> 00:15:38,371 everything out...BOTH: ...on the table. 454 00:15:38,459 --> 00:15:40,417 The table which is not a table, it doesn't exist. 455 00:15:40,504 --> 00:15:41,722 Don't worry about the table. 456 00:15:41,809 --> 00:15:43,245 We were in the middle of traffic 457 00:15:43,332 --> 00:15:44,725 and you just got out and ran away. 458 00:15:44,812 --> 00:15:46,162 I was hot. 459 00:15:46,249 --> 00:15:47,990 You were so hot that you 460 00:15:48,076 --> 00:15:50,731 had to jump out of my car and run? 461 00:15:50,818 --> 00:15:51,907 Why are you standing like that? 462 00:15:51,994 --> 00:15:53,212 This is how I stand. 463 00:15:53,299 --> 00:15:54,518 I've never seen you stand like that. 464 00:15:54,605 --> 00:15:56,389 I was really worried 465 00:15:56,476 --> 00:15:57,739 something had happened to you, okay? 466 00:15:57,826 --> 00:15:59,783 And you can't just walk around this neighborhood 467 00:15:59,870 --> 00:16:03,440 with bags full of toilet paper, that you don't even use. 468 00:16:03,527 --> 00:16:06,791 What? I told him I don't use toilet paper. 469 00:16:06,878 --> 00:16:09,924 Okay, do you hear what he is saying to you?Yes, I hear what he's saying. 470 00:16:10,011 --> 00:16:13,058 He's trying to tell you he cares about you. No, he doesn't care about me. 471 00:16:13,145 --> 00:16:14,798 So I'm going to make this happen for you. 472 00:16:14,885 --> 00:16:17,019 He cares about me as a friend.This is so on, Jess. 473 00:16:17,105 --> 00:16:19,065 No, it is not. No, on it is not. 474 00:16:19,152 --> 00:16:20,936 I'm trying to help you...No. 475 00:16:21,023 --> 00:16:22,677 No.Okay, my face is my job. 476 00:16:22,764 --> 00:16:24,418 My face is my job. 477 00:16:24,504 --> 00:16:25,461 Okay... 478 00:16:25,548 --> 00:16:27,289 [yelling] 479 00:16:27,376 --> 00:16:29,596 No! No! 480 00:16:29,683 --> 00:16:31,686 My earring.Okay. 481 00:16:31,773 --> 00:16:32,860 It is stuck in your hair. 482 00:16:32,947 --> 00:16:35,558 Can you get it out? No. 483 00:16:35,645 --> 00:16:37,561 Okay, we'll do it on the floor. We can do it on the floor.Ow... 484 00:16:37,648 --> 00:16:39,172 We're going to get it on the floor, don't worry.Okay. 485 00:16:39,259 --> 00:16:41,173 Ow. It'll be okay. All right, here we go. 486 00:16:41,260 --> 00:16:43,740 What is wrong with you? I'm trying to help you.No, what is wrong with you? 487 00:16:43,827 --> 00:16:44,960 No. I don't need your help. 488 00:16:45,047 --> 00:16:46,440 You don't know-- Nick and I are friends. 489 00:16:46,527 --> 00:16:49,138 You don't know, 'cause you don't have guy friends at all. 490 00:16:49,225 --> 00:16:50,922 You just hang out with jerks like Gavin. 491 00:16:51,009 --> 00:16:53,273 Oh, I'm sorry-- DJ Diabeat It. 492 00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:56,318 He has diabetes.Oh, he does? Boo-hoo. 493 00:16:56,405 --> 00:16:59,626 I'm sorry. Is it really bad? I feel really bad. 494 00:16:59,713 --> 00:17:01,280 He's fine. He takes medication. 495 00:17:01,368 --> 00:17:03,586 Why do you just come in and you take over? 496 00:17:03,673 --> 00:17:06,676 It's like you're playing mind games with people. 497 00:17:06,763 --> 00:17:09,375 Don't put this on me, Jess. Okay, I'm trying to help you. You never make a move... 498 00:17:09,462 --> 00:17:11,595 Well, I don't need your help. 499 00:17:11,682 --> 00:17:13,641 I like moving slow. I like being weird and taking my time. 500 00:17:13,728 --> 00:17:15,034 I'm not like you. 501 00:17:15,121 --> 00:17:16,817 I don't just jump in the potato sack 502 00:17:16,904 --> 00:17:20,082 with the first potato that I meet with diabetes. 503 00:17:20,169 --> 00:17:22,953 Okay, what did you just say?You heard me, bitch. 504 00:17:25,260 --> 00:17:27,088 [both laughing] 505 00:17:27,175 --> 00:17:29,134 [Schmidt screaming]Oh, oh... 506 00:17:29,221 --> 00:17:30,919 What is that? Oh, no. 507 00:17:31,006 --> 00:17:33,138 What, what did you do? What did you do?Oh, no, no, no, no. 508 00:17:43,758 --> 00:17:46,326 [meows] 509 00:17:46,413 --> 00:17:49,241 Hey, Schmidt. How you doing? 510 00:17:49,328 --> 00:17:52,375 Can I sit with you on your cooler here? 511 00:17:52,461 --> 00:17:54,334 Yeah. Just chillin', hanging with the cat. 512 00:17:54,421 --> 00:17:56,075 Holla. 513 00:17:56,162 --> 00:17:59,338 I'm sorry that Cece did this to you. 514 00:17:59,425 --> 00:18:02,167 That's okay. I'm used to it. 515 00:18:02,255 --> 00:18:04,865 I guess I'll just always be the fat kid with the big dreams. 516 00:18:04,952 --> 00:18:06,388 It's not you. 517 00:18:06,476 --> 00:18:08,434 I love Cece, but she's not ready for you. 518 00:18:08,521 --> 00:18:10,785 You're a good guy, 519 00:18:10,872 --> 00:18:13,830 you know, if you ignore everything that you do on purpose, 520 00:18:13,917 --> 00:18:16,529 and concentrate on all of the things that you do by accident. 521 00:18:16,616 --> 00:18:18,575 Thank you. 522 00:18:20,010 --> 00:18:21,577 She'd eat you up. 523 00:18:23,753 --> 00:18:25,669 You really think she'd eat me up? 524 00:18:25,756 --> 00:18:27,061 Yeah. 525 00:18:27,148 --> 00:18:28,672 Like buffet style? 526 00:18:28,759 --> 00:18:30,500 You know, all you can eat? 527 00:18:30,586 --> 00:18:32,414 'Cause I got that prime rib, yo. 528 00:18:32,501 --> 00:18:34,677 Carving station, 529 00:18:34,765 --> 00:18:36,897 plates are warm, sneeze guard, 530 00:18:36,984 --> 00:18:38,987 kids eat for free. I mean, except for the... 531 00:18:39,074 --> 00:18:41,684 Except for the last... 532 00:18:41,771 --> 00:18:44,035 All right, let's go. Let's go, Schmidt, okay? 533 00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:45,124 Okay. 534 00:18:49,998 --> 00:18:52,608 Hey, Cece. Um... 535 00:18:52,695 --> 00:18:57,440 Look, I get it. This isn't going to happen. 536 00:18:57,527 --> 00:18:59,876 But the couch is super uncomfortable, 537 00:18:59,963 --> 00:19:02,531 my sunburn's starting to blister, 538 00:19:02,618 --> 00:19:05,056 and I just want to sleep in my own bed. 539 00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:06,362 Okay. 540 00:19:15,414 --> 00:19:17,155 [swamp sounds] 541 00:19:22,813 --> 00:19:26,251 I'm sorry for everything. 542 00:19:28,471 --> 00:19:30,820 I can be a jerk sometimes. 543 00:19:38,654 --> 00:19:40,614 I hate sleeping alone. 544 00:19:41,832 --> 00:19:43,921 Me, too. 545 00:19:44,008 --> 00:19:45,618 Sweet. 546 00:19:48,448 --> 00:19:51,580 Sch-weet... 547 00:19:51,667 --> 00:19:52,494 Better when you don't talk. 548 00:19:52,582 --> 00:19:54,453 Yeah. 549 00:20:03,157 --> 00:20:04,637 If you tell anyone we held hands, 550 00:20:04,724 --> 00:20:06,769 I have two people in my phone that will kill you. 551 00:20:06,856 --> 00:20:08,903 Literally. 552 00:20:24,134 --> 00:20:26,311 Hmm... Oh. 553 00:20:42,109 --> 00:20:46,114 Hey. [laughing] 554 00:20:46,201 --> 00:20:50,552 I'm sorry I acted so weird today. Weird! 555 00:20:50,640 --> 00:20:52,032 It's okay. 556 00:20:54,470 --> 00:20:58,518 [brushing teeth] 557 00:21:04,219 --> 00:21:07,048 [phone ringing] 558 00:21:07,134 --> 00:21:09,571 Yo.SCHMIDT: I did it, man. 559 00:21:09,659 --> 00:21:11,095 I'm holding her hand right now. She's in my bed 560 00:21:11,182 --> 00:21:12,488 and she's asleep. 561 00:21:12,575 --> 00:21:15,403 Wait, so you're in... you're in the room right now? 562 00:21:15,490 --> 00:21:18,580 What is wrong with you? Hang up the phone. 563 00:21:18,667 --> 00:21:20,278 I did it. I closed. 564 00:21:20,365 --> 00:21:22,454 We could have this conversation at anytime. 565 00:21:22,541 --> 00:21:25,587 Shh. Please, shh. 566 00:21:25,674 --> 00:21:27,328 Okay, we're good. 567 00:21:27,415 --> 00:21:29,156 And just so we're clear, when I say "closing," 568 00:21:29,243 --> 00:21:30,419 this is not what I'm talking about. 569 00:21:30,506 --> 00:21:32,202 You need to define your terms. 570 00:21:32,290 --> 00:21:35,990 Because what I'm doing right now feels an awful lot like closing.